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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,298 --> 00:00:03,112 I'm doing a set tonight. 2 00:00:03,112 --> 00:00:03,965 You hanging out? 3 00:00:03,965 --> 00:00:04,965 Yeah, yeah. 4 00:00:04,965 --> 00:00:06,130 All right. 5 00:00:08,132 --> 00:00:11,032 [♪] 6 00:00:25,822 --> 00:00:27,422 [SMOKE ALARM BLARING] 7 00:00:43,422 --> 00:00:44,655 [RINGS] 8 00:00:46,622 --> 00:00:49,722 [RINGS] 9 00:00:49,755 --> 00:00:50,722 Hello? 10 00:00:50,755 --> 00:00:53,122 Hello? 11 00:00:53,155 --> 00:00:54,455 You're bad, huh? 12 00:00:54,489 --> 00:00:57,489 I'd like to see you come up here and say that to my face! 13 00:00:58,755 --> 00:01:00,000 [POUNDING] 14 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:00,755 [POUNDING] 15 00:01:11,089 --> 00:01:14,089 So what's the deal with politics? 16 00:01:14,122 --> 00:01:15,555 I don't get it. 17 00:01:15,589 --> 00:01:17,089 Am I right, people? 18 00:01:21,755 --> 00:01:23,822 [MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO] 19 00:01:28,003 --> 00:01:30,000 [SIGHS] 20 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:30,637 [SIGHS] 21 00:01:30,670 --> 00:01:31,870 I don't believe this. 22 00:01:37,037 --> 00:01:39,237 [♪] 23 00:01:41,503 --> 00:01:43,803 [♪] 24 00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:45,503 I read somewhere that this Brentano's 25 00:01:45,537 --> 00:01:47,637 is the place to meet girls in New York. 26 00:01:47,670 --> 00:01:49,003 First it was the health club, 27 00:01:49,037 --> 00:01:51,303 then the supermarket, now the bookstore. 28 00:01:51,337 --> 00:01:52,870 They could put it anywhere they want. 29 00:01:52,903 --> 00:01:54,570 No one's meeting anybody. 30 00:01:55,837 --> 00:01:58,503 Hey, Jerry, look at all of these pagodas, huh? 31 00:01:58,537 --> 00:01:59,703 I gotta get over to Hong Kong 32 00:01:59,737 --> 00:02:02,137 before it all goes back to China. 33 00:02:02,170 --> 00:02:04,137 You better hurry. 34 00:02:04,170 --> 00:02:05,870 I'm gonna hit the head. 35 00:02:05,903 --> 00:02:07,470 Oh, boy, look at this. 36 00:02:07,503 --> 00:02:09,470 Hong Kong's outlawed the ricksha. 37 00:02:09,503 --> 00:02:10,434 See, I always thought those would be perfect for New York. 38 00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:11,970 See, I always thought those would be perfect for New York. 39 00:02:12,003 --> 00:02:15,737 Yes. The city needs more slow-moving wicker vehicles. 40 00:02:22,870 --> 00:02:24,637 Hm, Elaine's been to Hong Kong. 41 00:02:24,670 --> 00:02:26,203 I should give her a call. 42 00:02:26,237 --> 00:02:28,170 She's at that annual Peterman party tonight. 43 00:02:28,203 --> 00:02:30,137 You know, the one she danced at last year. 44 00:02:30,170 --> 00:02:31,503 No, that wasn't dancing. 45 00:02:32,537 --> 00:02:34,037 Hey, there's Leo. 46 00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:35,303 Oh, who's Leo? 47 00:02:35,337 --> 00:02:36,303 Uncle Leo. 48 00:02:36,337 --> 00:02:38,703 Oh, yeah, right. Uncle Leo. 49 00:02:39,670 --> 00:02:40,434 Forgot his first name. 50 00:02:40,434 --> 00:02:40,803 Forgot his first name. 51 00:02:40,837 --> 00:02:42,237 Yeah. 52 00:02:44,670 --> 00:02:46,803 Did I just see that? 53 00:02:46,837 --> 00:02:48,137 Well, 54 00:02:48,170 --> 00:02:50,870 that ought to keep you busy for a couple of days, huh? 55 00:02:53,203 --> 00:02:55,170 [♪] 56 00:02:55,203 --> 00:02:56,670 So, Elaine, 57 00:02:56,703 --> 00:02:58,170 are you gonna dance this year? 58 00:02:59,170 --> 00:03:00,303 Maybe. 59 00:03:00,337 --> 00:03:02,370 All over your face. 60 00:03:05,670 --> 00:03:07,037 WOMAN: If you do dance, 61 00:03:07,070 --> 00:03:08,537 the cooks wanna know so they can be 62 00:03:08,570 --> 00:03:09,870 brought out of the kitchen. 63 00:03:09,903 --> 00:03:10,434 They missed it last year. 64 00:03:10,434 --> 00:03:11,570 They missed it last year. 65 00:03:13,903 --> 00:03:15,303 [TAPPING] 66 00:03:15,337 --> 00:03:17,303 My friends, a toast. 67 00:03:17,337 --> 00:03:21,037 As the woolly-haired Melanesians of Papua New Guinea once said: 68 00:03:21,070 --> 00:03:23,003 [CLICKING AND POPPING] 69 00:03:25,070 --> 00:03:27,637 [MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO] 70 00:03:27,670 --> 00:03:30,470 All right! Who's dancing? 71 00:03:30,503 --> 00:03:31,837 PETERMAN: No one. 72 00:03:31,870 --> 00:03:35,070 All right, I'll just have to get things started. 73 00:03:37,670 --> 00:03:39,403 ALL: Ooh! 74 00:03:41,403 --> 00:03:42,503 [ALL CLAMORING] 75 00:03:42,537 --> 00:03:44,170 [APPLAUSE] 76 00:03:45,237 --> 00:03:46,537 Hi. I'm Zach. 77 00:03:46,570 --> 00:03:47,537 Hi. 78 00:03:47,570 --> 00:03:49,003 I'm miserable. 79 00:03:49,037 --> 00:03:51,670 [LAUGHTER] 80 00:03:51,703 --> 00:03:53,570 [♪] 81 00:03:55,703 --> 00:03:58,170 ♪ Ba, ba Ba-da, ba-dum ♪ 82 00:03:58,203 --> 00:03:59,637 Excuse me, sir. 83 00:03:59,670 --> 00:04:01,670 What are you doing? 84 00:04:01,703 --> 00:04:02,837 I'm all set. 85 00:04:04,337 --> 00:04:06,537 Did you take that book with you into the bathroom? 86 00:04:10,203 --> 00:04:10,434 What do you want to hear? 87 00:04:10,434 --> 00:04:11,970 What do you want to hear? 88 00:04:12,003 --> 00:04:14,303 [♪] 89 00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:15,670 GEORGE: They made me buy it. 90 00:04:15,703 --> 00:04:17,703 A hundred bucks this thing cost me! 91 00:04:17,737 --> 00:04:19,303 How dare they? 92 00:04:19,337 --> 00:04:21,337 I got news for you, if it wasn't for the toilet, 93 00:04:21,370 --> 00:04:23,637 there would be no books. 94 00:04:23,670 --> 00:04:25,503 Yeah, I understand Gutenberg used to spend 95 00:04:25,537 --> 00:04:27,637 a fair amount of time in there. 96 00:04:27,670 --> 00:04:29,703 They're selling coffee, bran muffins, 97 00:04:29,737 --> 00:04:32,003 you're surrounded by reading material... 98 00:04:32,037 --> 00:04:33,670 It's entrapment! 99 00:04:35,003 --> 00:04:37,003 "French Impressionist Paintings"? 100 00:04:37,037 --> 00:04:40,003 I find the soothing pastoral images very conducive-- 101 00:04:40,037 --> 00:04:40,434 Thank you very much. 102 00:04:40,434 --> 00:04:42,837 Thank you very much. 103 00:04:42,870 --> 00:04:44,970 Well, I'm gonna go back there later and return it 104 00:04:45,003 --> 00:04:46,670 when there's different people working. 105 00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:48,003 You wanna catch a movie? 106 00:04:48,037 --> 00:04:50,137 I can't. I'm meeting Uncle Leo. 107 00:04:50,170 --> 00:04:52,370 I saw him shoplifting at the bookstore. 108 00:04:52,403 --> 00:04:54,670 All right, Leo. Stickin' it to the man. 109 00:04:59,170 --> 00:05:00,470 Sleeping in the car again? 110 00:05:00,503 --> 00:05:02,303 Cocktail flu. 111 00:05:02,337 --> 00:05:03,970 Oh, right. The big party. 112 00:05:04,003 --> 00:05:05,637 You, uh... 113 00:05:05,670 --> 00:05:07,337 didn't dance again, did you? 114 00:05:08,570 --> 00:05:10,137 No. 115 00:05:10,170 --> 00:05:10,434 I found a better way to humiliate myself. 116 00:05:10,434 --> 00:05:13,170 I found a better way to humiliate myself. 117 00:05:13,203 --> 00:05:14,337 [SIGHS] 118 00:05:14,370 --> 00:05:17,137 There was this guy, and we had a few too many. 119 00:05:17,170 --> 00:05:18,137 You went home with him? 120 00:05:18,170 --> 00:05:19,137 ELAINE: Worse. 121 00:05:19,170 --> 00:05:20,637 We made out at the table 122 00:05:20,670 --> 00:05:23,170 like our plane was going down. 123 00:05:25,003 --> 00:05:26,703 Oh, the drunken make-out. 124 00:05:26,737 --> 00:05:28,337 An office classic. 125 00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:30,803 Did you end up Xeroxing anything? 126 00:05:30,837 --> 00:05:32,803 Do you know how embarrassing this is 127 00:05:32,837 --> 00:05:34,670 to someone in my position? 128 00:05:34,703 --> 00:05:35,837 What is your position? 129 00:05:35,870 --> 00:05:38,637 I am an associate. 130 00:05:38,670 --> 00:05:39,970 Hey. Me too. 131 00:05:40,003 --> 00:05:40,434 Yeah, me too. 132 00:05:40,434 --> 00:05:41,670 Yeah, me too. 133 00:05:43,003 --> 00:05:45,670 Oh, God. Why did I do this? 134 00:05:45,703 --> 00:05:48,837 Now, I'm the office skank. 135 00:05:48,870 --> 00:05:51,537 Well, unless you tell everybody you're dating. 136 00:05:51,570 --> 00:05:52,703 ELAINE: Oh. 137 00:05:52,737 --> 00:05:54,203 Right. 138 00:05:54,237 --> 00:05:57,303 'Cause if we're dating, what everyone saw was just... 139 00:05:57,337 --> 00:06:00,870 a beautiful moment between two lovers. 140 00:06:00,903 --> 00:06:03,137 As opposed to a spirited bout 141 00:06:03,170 --> 00:06:05,370 of skanko-Roman wrestling. 142 00:06:06,537 --> 00:06:08,870 Oh, bravo. 143 00:06:08,903 --> 00:06:10,434 [♪] 144 00:06:10,434 --> 00:06:11,370 [♪] 145 00:06:11,403 --> 00:06:12,837 [DOOR OPENS] 146 00:06:14,203 --> 00:06:15,703 Oh, hey. 147 00:06:15,737 --> 00:06:18,970 Can I fix you fellas some drinks and sandwiches? 148 00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:20,470 No, no. We've already eaten. 149 00:06:20,503 --> 00:06:22,637 But you can clear some of this stuff out of the way. 150 00:06:22,670 --> 00:06:24,303 Jerry, check this out. 151 00:06:24,337 --> 00:06:26,837 Remember my idea about rickshas in New York? 152 00:06:26,870 --> 00:06:28,870 Well, we're gonna make it happen. 153 00:06:28,903 --> 00:06:30,703 No, you're not. 154 00:06:30,737 --> 00:06:33,870 Well, Newman, he knows a guy in the Hong Kong post office. 155 00:06:33,903 --> 00:06:35,637 No, he doesn't. 156 00:06:35,670 --> 00:06:37,537 He's shipping us a ricksha. It can't miss. 157 00:06:37,570 --> 00:06:39,503 Yes, it can. 158 00:06:39,537 --> 00:06:40,434 We'll start out with one, and then when it catches on, 159 00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:42,003 We'll start out with one, and then when it catches on, 160 00:06:42,037 --> 00:06:43,503 we're gonna have a whole fleet. 161 00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:45,203 It's the romance of the hansom cab 162 00:06:45,237 --> 00:06:47,970 without the guilt or dander of the equine. 163 00:06:48,003 --> 00:06:49,170 That's right. 164 00:06:49,203 --> 00:06:50,737 So who's gonna pull this thing? 165 00:06:54,337 --> 00:06:55,670 I just assumed that you would. 166 00:06:55,703 --> 00:06:57,537 Yeah, but I thought-- [GIBBERS] No. 167 00:06:59,037 --> 00:07:02,470 My, isn't this an awkward moment? 168 00:07:02,503 --> 00:07:04,370 Wait a minute. 169 00:07:04,403 --> 00:07:06,537 What about the homeless? 170 00:07:08,170 --> 00:07:10,170 Can't we worry about them later? 171 00:07:10,203 --> 00:07:10,434 To pull the ricksha. 172 00:07:10,434 --> 00:07:12,170 To pull the ricksha. 173 00:07:12,203 --> 00:07:14,970 They do have an intimate knowledge of the street. 174 00:07:15,003 --> 00:07:17,003 They're always walking around the city. 175 00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:19,237 Why not just strap something to them? 176 00:07:20,837 --> 00:07:24,703 Now, that's the first sensible idea I've heard all day. 177 00:07:24,737 --> 00:07:28,037 [♪] 178 00:07:28,070 --> 00:07:30,670 LEO: Jerry, hello! 179 00:07:30,703 --> 00:07:32,337 So, Leo, how's everything? 180 00:07:32,370 --> 00:07:33,470 You doing okay? 181 00:07:33,503 --> 00:07:35,503 I still have the ringing in the ears. 182 00:07:35,537 --> 00:07:36,803 It sounds like the phone. 183 00:07:36,837 --> 00:07:38,803 Yeah, yeah. But what about money? 184 00:07:38,837 --> 00:07:40,434 Are you strapped? Do you need a little? 185 00:07:40,434 --> 00:07:40,503 Are you strapped? Do you need a little? 186 00:07:40,537 --> 00:07:41,670 Are you kidding? 187 00:07:41,703 --> 00:07:43,970 I should be loaning you money! 188 00:07:44,003 --> 00:07:45,703 But I'm not. 189 00:07:47,003 --> 00:07:50,670 Leo, I saw you in Brentano's yesterday. 190 00:07:50,703 --> 00:07:52,003 Why didn't you say hello? 191 00:07:52,037 --> 00:07:54,470 Because you were too busy stealing a book. 192 00:07:54,503 --> 00:07:57,170 You still say hello. 193 00:07:58,203 --> 00:08:00,503 Leo, I saw you steal. 194 00:08:00,537 --> 00:08:03,537 Oh, they don't care. We all do it. 195 00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:04,870 Who? Criminals? 196 00:08:04,903 --> 00:08:07,137 Senior citizens. 197 00:08:07,170 --> 00:08:08,637 No big deal. 198 00:08:08,670 --> 00:08:10,137 You could get arrested. 199 00:08:10,170 --> 00:08:10,434 Arrested? Come on! 200 00:08:10,434 --> 00:08:12,970 Arrested? Come on! 201 00:08:13,003 --> 00:08:14,803 I'm an old man. I'm confused. 202 00:08:14,837 --> 00:08:16,870 I thought I paid for it. 203 00:08:16,903 --> 00:08:19,137 What's my name? Could you take me home? 204 00:08:19,170 --> 00:08:20,970 Leo. 205 00:08:21,003 --> 00:08:23,837 All right, all right, Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes. 206 00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:25,037 You made your point. 207 00:08:25,070 --> 00:08:26,137 Thank you. 208 00:08:26,170 --> 00:08:28,670 Will somebody answer that damn phone? 209 00:08:30,003 --> 00:08:32,137 [♪] 210 00:08:32,170 --> 00:08:34,137 Of course Zach and I have been dating. 211 00:08:34,170 --> 00:08:36,337 What did you think, I was the office skank? 212 00:08:36,370 --> 00:08:37,503 Well... 213 00:08:37,537 --> 00:08:38,537 Well? 214 00:08:38,570 --> 00:08:40,003 We've been dating for 3 months, 215 00:08:40,037 --> 00:08:40,434 between you and me 216 00:08:40,434 --> 00:08:41,370 between you and me 217 00:08:41,403 --> 00:08:43,137 and anyone else you want to tell. 218 00:08:43,170 --> 00:08:44,337 Ha-ha. 219 00:08:46,003 --> 00:08:48,203 Oh, man. Ugh! 220 00:08:49,870 --> 00:08:50,970 Isn't that Zach? 221 00:08:51,003 --> 00:08:52,137 Yeah. 222 00:08:52,170 --> 00:08:53,537 Aren't you upset? 223 00:08:54,337 --> 00:08:56,037 Yes! 224 00:08:56,070 --> 00:08:57,503 Oh, man! 225 00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:58,570 [WAILING] 226 00:09:01,737 --> 00:09:03,037 All right, listen up. 227 00:09:03,070 --> 00:09:05,203 Now, you three have been handpicked 228 00:09:05,237 --> 00:09:08,303 out of possibly dozens who applied. 229 00:09:08,337 --> 00:09:10,434 Now, what we're looking for are motivated, hard-working, 230 00:09:10,434 --> 00:09:11,703 Now, what we're looking for are motivated, hard-working, 231 00:09:11,737 --> 00:09:12,970 homeless, uh, gentlemen, 232 00:09:13,003 --> 00:09:16,303 like yourselves, to pull rickshas. 233 00:09:16,337 --> 00:09:17,803 Now, I don't care where you're from, 234 00:09:17,837 --> 00:09:20,170 or how you got here, or what happened to your homes. 235 00:09:20,203 --> 00:09:22,970 But you will have to be physically fit. 236 00:09:23,003 --> 00:09:24,470 [CLINKS] 237 00:09:24,503 --> 00:09:26,003 The government! 238 00:09:26,037 --> 00:09:27,537 Because to pull rickshas 239 00:09:27,570 --> 00:09:29,837 requires more than just strong legs. 240 00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:32,670 You're also gonna need a well-toned upper body. 241 00:09:34,703 --> 00:09:36,370 Or a shirt. 242 00:09:36,403 --> 00:09:37,870 Right. Who's first? 243 00:09:41,370 --> 00:09:42,337 Name, please. 244 00:09:42,370 --> 00:09:44,337 Rusty. Rusty. 245 00:09:44,370 --> 00:09:46,170 You know, I once knew a horse named Rusty. 246 00:09:46,203 --> 00:09:47,870 No offense. 247 00:09:47,903 --> 00:09:49,970 All right now. Take it down the end of the block, 248 00:09:50,003 --> 00:09:51,970 make a controlled turn, and bring 'er back. 249 00:09:52,003 --> 00:09:53,137 Let's see what you've got. 250 00:09:53,170 --> 00:09:54,703 Okay, ready and go! 251 00:09:54,737 --> 00:09:56,037 Giddyup. 252 00:09:56,070 --> 00:09:57,503 Good form. 253 00:09:57,537 --> 00:09:58,970 All right, pace yourself. 254 00:09:59,003 --> 00:10:02,037 You're gonna have to do this all day for very little money. 255 00:10:02,070 --> 00:10:03,503 KRAMER: Hey, what's he doing? 256 00:10:03,537 --> 00:10:05,170 I think he's stealing our ricksha! 257 00:10:07,503 --> 00:10:09,970 Well, then, he's out. 258 00:10:10,003 --> 00:10:10,434 I'll take the job. 259 00:10:10,434 --> 00:10:11,337 I'll take the job. 260 00:10:11,370 --> 00:10:13,170 Potato salad! 261 00:10:15,837 --> 00:10:18,003 [♪] 262 00:10:18,037 --> 00:10:20,003 Yes, I, uh-- I need to return this book. 263 00:10:20,037 --> 00:10:22,003 [BEEP, BUZZER] 264 00:10:22,324 --> 00:10:24,157 I'm sorry. We can't take this book back. 265 00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:25,157 Why not? 266 00:10:25,190 --> 00:10:26,424 It's been flagged. 267 00:10:26,457 --> 00:10:27,790 Flagged? 268 00:10:27,824 --> 00:10:29,290 It's been in the bathroom. 269 00:10:30,824 --> 00:10:32,424 It says that on the computer? 270 00:10:32,457 --> 00:10:33,657 Please take it home. 271 00:10:33,690 --> 00:10:35,524 We don't want it near the other books. 272 00:10:36,957 --> 00:10:38,924 Well, you just lost a lot of business. 273 00:10:38,957 --> 00:10:40,434 Because I love to read! 274 00:10:40,434 --> 00:10:41,690 Because I love to read! 275 00:10:46,457 --> 00:10:48,024 Oh, I don't believe this. 276 00:10:50,957 --> 00:10:52,924 Excuse me, I wonder if you could do me a favor? 277 00:10:52,957 --> 00:10:54,924 My uncle's having a problem with shoplifting. 278 00:10:54,957 --> 00:10:56,590 Mm-hm. Where's your uncle? 279 00:10:56,624 --> 00:10:58,924 He's over there in the overcoat. 280 00:10:58,957 --> 00:11:00,824 If you could just kind of put a scare into him, 281 00:11:00,857 --> 00:11:02,290 you know, set him straight. 282 00:11:02,324 --> 00:11:04,590 We have a 51-50 in paperbacks. 283 00:11:04,624 --> 00:11:06,657 All units respond. 284 00:11:06,690 --> 00:11:08,457 MAN [OVER RADIO]: Roger, 10-4. 285 00:11:08,490 --> 00:11:10,434 51-50. That-- That's just a scare, right? 286 00:11:10,434 --> 00:11:10,990 51-50. That-- That's just a scare, right? 287 00:11:11,024 --> 00:11:12,990 I'm gonna have to ask you to stand out of the way 288 00:11:13,024 --> 00:11:15,157 and let us handle this. 289 00:11:15,190 --> 00:11:17,257 Swarm! Swarm! 290 00:11:17,290 --> 00:11:18,290 What? 291 00:11:19,790 --> 00:11:21,924 I'm an old man! I'm confused! 292 00:11:21,957 --> 00:11:23,090 You're under arrest. 293 00:11:23,124 --> 00:11:24,824 I just wanted you to scare him. 294 00:11:24,857 --> 00:11:26,990 Jerry, you ratted me out! 295 00:11:27,024 --> 00:11:29,090 Hello? 296 00:11:29,124 --> 00:11:30,824 Hello. 297 00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:33,290 [♪] 298 00:11:34,936 --> 00:11:36,236 [♪] 299 00:11:36,270 --> 00:11:38,170 JERRY: Mom, I didn't rat out Uncle Leo. 300 00:11:38,203 --> 00:11:41,203 I just wanted the guard to scare him straight. 301 00:11:41,236 --> 00:11:43,503 Jerry, he won't last a day in prison. 302 00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,003 Prison? 303 00:11:45,036 --> 00:11:46,870 I'm sure it's just a fine. 304 00:11:46,903 --> 00:11:48,170 He's got priors. 305 00:11:48,203 --> 00:11:50,836 Prior convictions? Leo? 306 00:11:50,870 --> 00:11:53,536 It was a crime of passion. Leave it alone. 307 00:11:54,203 --> 00:11:55,536 Besides, 308 00:11:55,570 --> 00:11:57,836 it's not stealing if it's something you need. 309 00:11:57,870 --> 00:11:58,903 What does that mean? 310 00:11:58,936 --> 00:12:00,870 Nobody pays for everything. 311 00:12:00,903 --> 00:12:02,736 You're stealing too? 312 00:12:02,770 --> 00:12:04,194 JERRY: What are you stealing? 313 00:12:04,194 --> 00:12:04,236 JERRY: What are you stealing? 314 00:12:04,270 --> 00:12:05,370 Nothing. 315 00:12:05,403 --> 00:12:06,870 Uh, batteries. 316 00:12:06,903 --> 00:12:09,036 Well, they wear out so quick. 317 00:12:09,070 --> 00:12:10,670 Mom, you too? 318 00:12:10,703 --> 00:12:14,536 Sometimes your father forgets, so I have to steal them. 319 00:12:15,570 --> 00:12:17,870 All right, I'll talk to you later. 320 00:12:19,736 --> 00:12:21,703 Well, the ricksha's gone. 321 00:12:21,736 --> 00:12:23,370 We strapped it to a homeless guy and he-- 322 00:12:23,403 --> 00:12:24,370 [HIGH-PITCHED BUZZ] 323 00:12:24,403 --> 00:12:26,870 He bolted. 324 00:12:26,903 --> 00:12:28,903 Well, you know, 85 percent of all 325 00:12:28,936 --> 00:12:32,370 homeless ricksha businesses fail within the first three months. 326 00:12:32,403 --> 00:12:34,194 I tell you, we should have got some collateral from him. 327 00:12:34,194 --> 00:12:34,836 I tell you, we should have got some collateral from him. 328 00:12:34,870 --> 00:12:37,003 Like his bag of cans or his... 329 00:12:37,036 --> 00:12:40,370 other bag of cans. 330 00:12:40,403 --> 00:12:42,036 We gotta find that ricksha. 331 00:12:42,070 --> 00:12:43,736 You check the sewers and dumpsters. 332 00:12:43,770 --> 00:12:46,403 I'll hit the soup kitchens, bakeries and smorgasbords. 333 00:12:47,903 --> 00:12:49,670 To the idiot-mobile. 334 00:12:49,703 --> 00:12:52,403 [♪] 335 00:12:52,436 --> 00:12:54,836 So even though you're not really going out with this guy, 336 00:12:54,870 --> 00:12:56,203 he's cheating on you. 337 00:12:56,236 --> 00:12:57,336 That is correct. 338 00:12:57,370 --> 00:12:59,736 But here's the beauty part. 339 00:12:59,770 --> 00:13:03,670 Now, I stand up for myself by telling everybody 340 00:13:03,703 --> 00:13:04,194 I'm dumping his sorry ass, 341 00:13:04,194 --> 00:13:05,503 I'm dumping his sorry ass, 342 00:13:05,536 --> 00:13:08,170 and I'm the...office... 343 00:13:08,203 --> 00:13:09,170 Tina Turner? 344 00:13:09,203 --> 00:13:10,370 All right. 345 00:13:12,070 --> 00:13:15,336 Well, I've been to every Brentano's. 346 00:13:15,370 --> 00:13:19,503 This thing is flagged in every database in town. 347 00:13:19,536 --> 00:13:23,170 Is it so horrible to have to keep a book? 348 00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:25,670 I don't understand what the big deal is. 349 00:13:25,703 --> 00:13:27,370 They let you try on pants. 350 00:13:27,403 --> 00:13:29,036 Not underpants. 351 00:13:30,370 --> 00:13:32,036 Hey, that's your Uncle Leo. 352 00:13:32,070 --> 00:13:34,036 Uncle Leo. Hello! 353 00:13:34,070 --> 00:13:34,194 Jerry. 354 00:13:34,194 --> 00:13:35,070 Jerry. 355 00:13:35,103 --> 00:13:36,503 Uncle Leo... 356 00:13:36,536 --> 00:13:39,336 I'm sorry. I didn't know about your... 357 00:13:39,370 --> 00:13:40,836 past. 358 00:13:40,870 --> 00:13:42,870 You mean my crime of passion? 359 00:13:44,070 --> 00:13:46,536 If anyone betrays me, I never forget. 360 00:13:47,370 --> 00:13:48,836 Uncle Leo, wait! 361 00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:50,036 Hello! 362 00:13:52,070 --> 00:13:55,703 French impressionism. Ohh, I love this! 363 00:13:55,736 --> 00:13:58,036 Now, what is the problem with this book? 364 00:13:58,070 --> 00:14:00,236 Nothing. 365 00:14:00,270 --> 00:14:01,570 How much do you want for it? 366 00:14:01,603 --> 00:14:04,194 You know, I could let it go for, uh, say, 125. 367 00:14:04,194 --> 00:14:05,336 You know, I could let it go for, uh, say, 125. 368 00:14:05,370 --> 00:14:06,670 Leo's furious. 369 00:14:06,703 --> 00:14:09,536 What is that doing on the table? 370 00:14:10,736 --> 00:14:12,570 Jerry, simmer down. 371 00:14:12,603 --> 00:14:16,170 I'm not eating anything in the vicinity of that book. 372 00:14:16,203 --> 00:14:18,003 What is wrong with this book? 373 00:14:18,036 --> 00:14:19,003 Simmer! 374 00:14:19,036 --> 00:14:21,570 That book has been on a wild ride. 375 00:14:21,603 --> 00:14:23,236 George took it into the bathroom at-- 376 00:14:23,270 --> 00:14:24,570 All right! 377 00:14:24,603 --> 00:14:26,570 Everyone clear! 378 00:14:26,603 --> 00:14:28,503 Biohazard! Coming through! 379 00:14:28,536 --> 00:14:29,570 Clear! 380 00:14:29,603 --> 00:14:30,870 Clear! 381 00:14:33,203 --> 00:14:34,194 May I ask, 382 00:14:34,194 --> 00:14:35,870 May I ask, 383 00:14:35,903 --> 00:14:38,070 what do you read in the bathroom? 384 00:14:38,103 --> 00:14:40,236 I don't read in the bathroom. 385 00:14:40,270 --> 00:14:44,170 Well, aren't you something? 386 00:14:44,203 --> 00:14:46,836 [♪] 387 00:14:46,870 --> 00:14:48,536 PETERMAN: Elaine, do you have a moment? 388 00:14:48,570 --> 00:14:50,536 It's about your lover. 389 00:14:50,570 --> 00:14:51,870 Oh, yes. 390 00:14:51,903 --> 00:14:54,336 I know all about his little performance 391 00:14:54,370 --> 00:14:55,736 in the break room. 392 00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:57,003 Elaine, 393 00:14:57,036 --> 00:14:59,170 who among us hasn't snuck into the break room 394 00:14:59,203 --> 00:15:02,236 to nibble on a love newton? 395 00:15:02,270 --> 00:15:04,194 Love newton? 396 00:15:04,194 --> 00:15:04,736 Love newton? 397 00:15:04,770 --> 00:15:08,236 I'm afraid the problem with Zach is more serious. 398 00:15:08,270 --> 00:15:10,036 He's back on the horse, Elaine. 399 00:15:10,070 --> 00:15:11,403 Smack. 400 00:15:11,436 --> 00:15:12,703 White palace. 401 00:15:12,736 --> 00:15:15,670 The Chinaman's nightcap. 402 00:15:15,703 --> 00:15:16,836 An addict. 403 00:15:16,870 --> 00:15:19,670 Well, it just keeps getting better. 404 00:15:19,703 --> 00:15:22,536 And in a tiny way, I almost feel responsible. 405 00:15:22,570 --> 00:15:24,370 I'm the one who sent him to Thailand 406 00:15:24,403 --> 00:15:26,403 in search of low-cost whistles. 407 00:15:26,436 --> 00:15:29,336 Filled his head with pseudo-erotic tales 408 00:15:29,370 --> 00:15:31,836 of my own opium excursions. 409 00:15:31,870 --> 00:15:33,336 Plus I gave him some phone numbers 410 00:15:33,370 --> 00:15:34,194 of places he could score near the hotel. 411 00:15:34,194 --> 00:15:36,370 of places he could score near the hotel. 412 00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:39,170 Look, uh, Mr. Peterman, the fact is, 413 00:15:39,203 --> 00:15:42,070 is that I was planning on breaking up with Zach anyway. 414 00:15:42,103 --> 00:15:43,870 He was cheating on me. 415 00:15:43,903 --> 00:15:46,370 Damn it, Elaine, that wasn't Zach. 416 00:15:46,403 --> 00:15:48,203 That was the yam-yam. 417 00:15:49,570 --> 00:15:52,736 Now, he is going cold turkey, and you will be at his side. 418 00:15:52,770 --> 00:15:55,170 Oh. Well, you know, I-- I had planned to-- 419 00:15:55,203 --> 00:15:57,003 No buts, Elaine, 420 00:15:57,036 --> 00:15:59,370 or I will strip you of your associate status. 421 00:16:00,536 --> 00:16:02,536 Uh, P.S., 422 00:16:02,570 --> 00:16:04,194 the first 24 hours are the worst. 423 00:16:04,194 --> 00:16:05,003 the first 24 hours are the worst. 424 00:16:05,036 --> 00:16:07,503 Better bring a poncho. 425 00:16:07,536 --> 00:16:10,036 [♪] 426 00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:12,870 HELEN: It was a crime of passion. 427 00:16:12,903 --> 00:16:16,036 UNCLE LEO: If anyone betrays me, I never forget. 428 00:16:16,070 --> 00:16:18,736 HELEN: He won't last a day in prison. 429 00:16:18,770 --> 00:16:21,036 [♪] 430 00:16:27,870 --> 00:16:29,403 Jerry. 431 00:16:31,103 --> 00:16:32,236 Hello! 432 00:16:33,903 --> 00:16:34,194 Jerry. 433 00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:35,003 Jerry. 434 00:16:35,036 --> 00:16:36,836 Hello! 435 00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:37,836 Jerry! 436 00:16:37,870 --> 00:16:38,836 [PHONE RINGS] 437 00:16:38,870 --> 00:16:41,070 Answer the damn phone! 438 00:16:41,103 --> 00:16:42,170 [GASPS] 439 00:16:42,203 --> 00:16:44,203 [PHONE RINGS] 440 00:16:45,870 --> 00:16:46,836 Hello! 441 00:16:46,870 --> 00:16:48,170 Hey. It's me. 442 00:16:48,203 --> 00:16:49,203 Uncle Leo? 443 00:16:49,236 --> 00:16:51,036 Oh, that's nice. 444 00:16:51,070 --> 00:16:52,070 What are you up to? 445 00:16:52,103 --> 00:16:54,370 Nightmares. You? 446 00:16:54,403 --> 00:16:57,403 My fake boyfriend is going through real withdrawals. 447 00:16:57,436 --> 00:16:59,236 ZACH: I'm burning up! 448 00:16:59,270 --> 00:17:01,570 Eat your soup! 449 00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:03,070 You're not feeding him, are you? 450 00:17:03,103 --> 00:17:04,070 Why? 451 00:17:04,103 --> 00:17:04,194 [GAGS] 452 00:17:04,194 --> 00:17:05,336 [GAGS] 453 00:17:05,370 --> 00:17:07,870 I told you, away from the curtains. 454 00:17:07,903 --> 00:17:09,336 Away. 455 00:17:09,370 --> 00:17:10,403 Use your bucket. 456 00:17:10,436 --> 00:17:11,403 [RETCHES] 457 00:17:11,436 --> 00:17:12,703 There you go. That's it. 458 00:17:12,736 --> 00:17:14,236 You know what? I gotta go. 459 00:17:14,270 --> 00:17:16,036 [DIAL TONE] 460 00:17:20,936 --> 00:17:21,903 Hey, buddy. 461 00:17:21,936 --> 00:17:23,170 Oh! 462 00:17:23,203 --> 00:17:24,170 Kramer. 463 00:17:24,203 --> 00:17:25,170 I thought I heard you. 464 00:17:25,203 --> 00:17:26,403 Get out of here. 465 00:17:26,436 --> 00:17:28,070 Hey, Kramer, there you are. 466 00:17:28,103 --> 00:17:30,403 Will everybody please leave? 467 00:17:30,436 --> 00:17:32,203 I heard that a postman spotted a ricksha 468 00:17:32,236 --> 00:17:33,203 down in Battery Park. 469 00:17:33,236 --> 00:17:34,194 Our ricksha? It's entirely possible. 470 00:17:34,194 --> 00:17:35,036 Our ricksha? It's entirely possible. 471 00:17:35,070 --> 00:17:36,703 I want everyone out! 472 00:17:38,036 --> 00:17:39,503 Ok, let's talk in Jerry's kitchen. 473 00:17:39,536 --> 00:17:40,703 Ah. I'll make some cocoa. 474 00:17:43,203 --> 00:17:44,736 Good night...Jerry. 475 00:17:46,036 --> 00:17:48,570 Good night...Newman. 476 00:17:49,870 --> 00:17:51,903 [♪] 477 00:17:51,936 --> 00:17:53,003 NEWMAN: There it is. 478 00:17:53,036 --> 00:17:54,903 KRAMER: Rusty. 479 00:17:54,936 --> 00:17:56,403 Oh, there you are. 480 00:17:56,436 --> 00:17:57,703 Oh, do I get the job? 481 00:17:57,736 --> 00:17:59,736 Yeah, yeah. We'll get back to you. 482 00:17:59,770 --> 00:18:02,070 Come on, let's get this baby home. 483 00:18:04,536 --> 00:18:06,503 [GRUNTS] What? 484 00:18:06,536 --> 00:18:08,203 You know, when you think about it, 485 00:18:08,236 --> 00:18:11,236 it's kind of silly for us both to pull this thing 486 00:18:11,270 --> 00:18:13,036 all the way back uptown. 487 00:18:13,070 --> 00:18:16,570 I mean, after all, it is a conveyance. 488 00:18:16,603 --> 00:18:18,570 I guess, that's true. 489 00:18:18,603 --> 00:18:22,003 So which one of us is gonna pull? 490 00:18:22,036 --> 00:18:24,670 Well, there's only one way to settle this. 491 00:18:24,703 --> 00:18:26,370 One spot, two spot, zigzag, tear, 492 00:18:26,403 --> 00:18:28,236 pop-dye, penny got, tennyum, tear, 493 00:18:28,270 --> 00:18:30,003 harum-scarum, rip 'em, tear 'em, 494 00:18:30,036 --> 00:18:31,836 te, ta... 495 00:18:31,870 --> 00:18:33,403 toe. Yeah. 496 00:18:33,436 --> 00:18:34,194 Best two out of three. 497 00:18:34,194 --> 00:18:34,836 Best two out of three. 498 00:18:34,870 --> 00:18:35,903 One spot, two spot... 499 00:18:35,936 --> 00:18:37,036 [CAR HORNS HONKING] 500 00:18:37,070 --> 00:18:38,036 Hey, boy! 501 00:18:38,070 --> 00:18:39,503 Smooth it out up there! 502 00:18:39,536 --> 00:18:41,170 Too much jostling! 503 00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:43,670 [♪] 504 00:18:43,703 --> 00:18:46,236 So you wanna donate this to charity? 505 00:18:46,270 --> 00:18:49,170 Well, I assume there's some sort of write-off. 506 00:18:49,203 --> 00:18:50,336 What's the value of the book? 507 00:18:50,370 --> 00:18:53,170 A-about $200, Miss DeMooney. 508 00:18:53,203 --> 00:18:54,503 It's DeMornay. 509 00:18:54,536 --> 00:18:56,036 Rebecca DeMornay. 510 00:18:56,070 --> 00:18:57,370 Oh. 511 00:18:58,236 --> 00:19:00,503 Oh. Wait a second. 512 00:19:00,536 --> 00:19:02,736 This book has been in a bathroom. 513 00:19:02,770 --> 00:19:04,194 Wh-what are you talking about? 514 00:19:04,194 --> 00:19:05,170 Wh-what are you talking about? 515 00:19:05,203 --> 00:19:07,170 That's-- That's ridiculous. 516 00:19:07,203 --> 00:19:08,503 It's been flagged. 517 00:19:08,536 --> 00:19:09,703 I know. 518 00:19:09,736 --> 00:19:11,503 I used to work in a Brentano's. 519 00:19:11,536 --> 00:19:13,736 Mister, we're trying to help the homeless here. 520 00:19:13,770 --> 00:19:15,703 It's bad enough that we have some nut out there 521 00:19:15,736 --> 00:19:17,703 trying to strap 'em to a ricksha! 522 00:19:19,236 --> 00:19:20,336 All right, I-- 523 00:19:20,370 --> 00:19:21,870 I'll just take 50. 524 00:19:21,903 --> 00:19:23,003 D-do we have a deal? 525 00:19:23,036 --> 00:19:24,070 Yeah. 526 00:19:24,103 --> 00:19:25,670 And here it is. 527 00:19:25,703 --> 00:19:28,003 You get your toilet book out of here, 528 00:19:28,036 --> 00:19:29,670 and I won't jump over this counter 529 00:19:29,703 --> 00:19:31,836 and punch you in the brain. 530 00:19:31,870 --> 00:19:33,503 I could take it in merchandise. 531 00:19:33,536 --> 00:19:34,194 Here I come. 532 00:19:34,194 --> 00:19:35,170 Here I come. 533 00:19:35,203 --> 00:19:38,336 [♪] 534 00:19:38,370 --> 00:19:41,370 So this book will tell me how to get puke out of cashmere? 535 00:19:42,436 --> 00:19:43,836 Yeah. 536 00:19:43,870 --> 00:19:46,170 Great. 537 00:19:46,203 --> 00:19:47,203 So the worst is over? 538 00:19:47,236 --> 00:19:48,236 Yeah. 539 00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:50,403 Now I can break up with him. 540 00:19:50,436 --> 00:19:53,070 He's clean and I'm the office hero. 541 00:19:53,103 --> 00:19:55,736 Seems like you're better at fake relationships than real ones. 542 00:19:55,770 --> 00:19:56,736 Yeah. Huh. 543 00:19:56,770 --> 00:19:58,570 I even got an idea out of it. 544 00:19:58,603 --> 00:20:00,203 The detox poncho. 545 00:20:01,036 --> 00:20:01,936 See ya. 546 00:20:03,603 --> 00:20:04,194 I'd like to speak with the manager, please. 547 00:20:04,194 --> 00:20:06,170 I'd like to speak with the manager, please. 548 00:20:06,203 --> 00:20:09,203 Mind your pace, boy! Chop chop! 549 00:20:09,236 --> 00:20:12,903 I've hit the wall! I gotta take a break! 550 00:20:12,936 --> 00:20:16,170 Well, don't tarry. I'm behind schedule as it is. 551 00:20:16,203 --> 00:20:17,336 Yah! 552 00:20:17,370 --> 00:20:18,403 Boy? 553 00:20:18,436 --> 00:20:19,570 Boy! 554 00:20:19,603 --> 00:20:21,003 Kramer! 555 00:20:21,036 --> 00:20:22,170 Whoa! 556 00:20:22,203 --> 00:20:23,103 Wait! 557 00:20:24,370 --> 00:20:25,903 [SCREAMING] 558 00:20:27,736 --> 00:20:28,903 Well, 559 00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:31,870 this is the first day of the rest of my life. 560 00:20:31,903 --> 00:20:33,870 [SCREAMING] 561 00:20:33,903 --> 00:20:34,194 [SCREAMS] 562 00:20:34,194 --> 00:20:35,103 [SCREAMS] 563 00:20:47,436 --> 00:20:49,570 [♪] 564 00:20:51,703 --> 00:20:53,336 George, what are you doing here? 565 00:20:53,370 --> 00:20:55,570 I can't sell the book. 566 00:20:55,603 --> 00:20:57,003 It's been marked. 567 00:20:57,036 --> 00:20:58,236 It certainly has. 568 00:21:00,536 --> 00:21:02,403 So I'm going to steal another one, 569 00:21:02,436 --> 00:21:04,070 and then I'm going to return it. 570 00:21:04,103 --> 00:21:04,194 That way, everything is even. 571 00:21:04,194 --> 00:21:06,370 That way, everything is even. 572 00:21:06,403 --> 00:21:08,370 You defile one book, 573 00:21:08,403 --> 00:21:09,703 steal another, 574 00:21:09,736 --> 00:21:11,336 ask for your money back, 575 00:21:11,370 --> 00:21:13,203 and to you that's even. 576 00:21:14,370 --> 00:21:15,370 I'm going in. 577 00:21:16,770 --> 00:21:18,670 Did you want to speak to the manager? 578 00:21:18,703 --> 00:21:22,070 Yes. My uncle Leo was caught shoplifting here the other day. 579 00:21:22,103 --> 00:21:25,336 Yes. Uncle Leo. I remember him. 580 00:21:25,370 --> 00:21:28,336 I'm sorry. Our policy is we prosecute all shoplifters. 581 00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:30,170 Oh, come on. He's just a lonely old man. 582 00:21:30,203 --> 00:21:31,836 All old people steal. 583 00:21:31,870 --> 00:21:33,070 That's right. 584 00:21:33,103 --> 00:21:34,194 That's why we stopped carrying batteries. 585 00:21:34,194 --> 00:21:35,170 That's why we stopped carrying batteries. 586 00:21:35,203 --> 00:21:36,670 Look, I'll be honest with you, 587 00:21:36,703 --> 00:21:38,670 We've had a lot of trouble with theft lately, 588 00:21:38,703 --> 00:21:41,503 and my boss said I have to make an example of someone. 589 00:21:41,536 --> 00:21:42,503 So it could be anyone? 590 00:21:42,536 --> 00:21:44,003 Mm, I guess. 591 00:21:44,036 --> 00:21:45,936 As long as we catch him in the act. 592 00:21:49,318 --> 00:21:50,951 That guy! Swarm! 593 00:21:50,985 --> 00:21:52,485 JERRY: Swarm! 594 00:21:53,318 --> 00:21:55,451 No! Jerry! 595 00:21:55,485 --> 00:21:58,351 [♪] 596 00:22:01,013 --> 00:22:04,013 [♪] 38810

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