Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:04,837
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:08,140
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:11,710
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:14,713
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:18,217
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,219 --> 00:00:21,520
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,122
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:23,124 --> 00:00:24,456
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:30,095
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:35,302 --> 00:00:38,404
ANNOUNCER: We now return
to Rational Geographic.
11
00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:40,472
BRITISH NARRATOR:
Upon realizing a trip to Africa
12
00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:41,974
would be smelly and gross,
13
00:00:41,976 --> 00:00:44,209
our crew decided
to stay in the office.
14
00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:46,278
♪ ♪
15
00:00:50,317 --> 00:00:53,152
Aah! Mom, Dad!
A bat, a bat!
16
00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:55,020
Oh, my God,
there's a bat in the house.
17
00:00:55,022 --> 00:00:56,655
Okay, all-all right,
everybody just calm down,
18
00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:58,657
it might just be
Grandpa Munster.
19
00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:00,225
Somebody set him up
for a funny joke.
20
00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:01,727
Hey, Grandpa,
21
00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:04,363
how did you sleep last night?
22
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:06,198
Yeah, see, if it was him,
he would have said,
23
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,233
"Like I do every night:
upside down."
24
00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:10,002
(laughs)
25
00:01:10,004 --> 00:01:11,503
Okay. But, Peter,
26
00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:13,505
we can't have a bat
flying around the house.
27
00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:14,907
We got to do something.
28
00:01:14,909 --> 00:01:16,608
Don't worry, Lois.
I'll get rid of it.
29
00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:17,843
It'll be a piece of cake.
30
00:01:17,845 --> 00:01:19,778
Just like
my penis enhancement.
31
00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:22,247
I want it to hang
down to my knees.
32
00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:25,818
They moved up my knees.
33
00:01:29,390 --> 00:01:32,691
Everybody, I've come up with the
perfect plan to catch the bat.
34
00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:35,060
I bought this remote-
controlled toy helicopter,
35
00:01:35,062 --> 00:01:36,929
to which I have
attached this handgun.
36
00:01:36,931 --> 00:01:39,398
And I tell you, this thing
is not easy to fly.
37
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,366
Peter, that doesn't seem very...
Here goes.
38
00:01:41,368 --> 00:01:43,402
Now, I don't have anything
to control the trigger with,
39
00:01:43,404 --> 00:01:44,870
so I put it
on a timer.
40
00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:46,738
But I don't remember
how long I set it...
41
00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:48,774
Aah! We're all
gonna die!
42
00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:54,713
Okay, so, now the bat has a gun
and the knives I gave him.
43
00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:56,248
What? Why would you
give him knives?
44
00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:57,616
I didn't think
it would matter.
45
00:01:57,618 --> 00:02:00,219
I was counting on this
helicopter thing working.
46
00:02:04,058 --> 00:02:06,158
Peter? Wh-Where are you?
47
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:07,392
What's going on?
48
00:02:07,394 --> 00:02:09,561
PETER: In order to
understand the bat,
49
00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:12,498
we must first
understand the vampire.
50
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:15,067
So I watched Interviewwith the Vampire.
51
00:02:15,069 --> 00:02:17,069
Cast your gaze upon...
52
00:02:17,071 --> 00:02:18,737
Lestat.
53
00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:20,606
Peter, you're not a vampire.
54
00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:23,175
Oh? Then why am I
clad in velvet pants
55
00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:25,410
tucked into soft
leather boots?
56
00:02:25,412 --> 00:02:27,146
And why does my shirt billow so
57
00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:29,181
in the wind
of that rotating fan?
58
00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:30,749
Peter, what's really going on?
59
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:32,651
I'm just trying
to reinvent my look.
60
00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,620
A guy at work said
I dress like crap.
61
00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:37,289
Well, you show 'em
tomorrow, Peter.
62
00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:39,091
How'd it go?
63
00:02:39,093 --> 00:02:41,460
I was sent home early
and labeled a distraction.
64
00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:43,562
They're having a meeting
about me tomorrow.
65
00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:48,934
(alarm beeps)
66
00:02:50,137 --> 00:02:51,537
Wha... Wh-What's wrong?
67
00:02:51,539 --> 00:02:54,139
Ar-Are we taking a
terrible 7:00 a.m. flight?
68
00:02:54,141 --> 00:02:55,807
No, no. I realized
to catch a bat,
69
00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:58,343
I need to live like a bat.
So I got to be up at night.
70
00:02:58,345 --> 00:03:00,279
It's a nocturnal mission, Lois.
71
00:03:00,281 --> 00:03:02,214
Okay, but what
are you gonna do?
72
00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:03,448
Well, as everyone knows,
73
00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:05,884
bats watch a ton
of Cinemax softcore porn,
74
00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:08,620
so that seems like
the place to start.
75
00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:11,657
♪
♪
(woman giggling)
76
00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:13,025
Aha!
(squeaks)
77
00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:14,793
MAN: Welcome back
to CNBC's Moneyline.
78
00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:16,795
Oh, come on, man,
nobody's buying that.
79
00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:18,564
You expect me to
believe you own stocks?
80
00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:20,465
Bat Industries was up
two dollars a share today
81
00:03:20,467 --> 00:03:21,667
in heavy trading.
82
00:03:21,669 --> 00:03:22,868
Huh.
(squeaking)
83
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:25,237
Get back here! Damn it!
84
00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:27,072
Aah!
85
00:03:27,074 --> 00:03:28,307
(squeaking continuing)
86
00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:39,885
♪ ♪
87
00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:50,829
I got you now, Bat Damon.
88
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:52,764
I named you Bat Damon.
89
00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:55,033
Aw, now I want you to live.
90
00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:56,501
(squeaking)
91
00:03:56,503 --> 00:03:58,203
Aah! Aah! What is it?
92
00:03:58,205 --> 00:04:00,472
Aah!
Ow!
93
00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:05,077
You can beat me,
but I am who I am!
94
00:04:05,079 --> 00:04:07,346
Peter, what the hell
did you do to Stewie's hand?
95
00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:08,680
It could be broken.
96
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:10,215
I didn't mean to.
It's just,
97
00:04:10,217 --> 00:04:12,818
sometimes I don't think
before I act.
98
00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:15,621
Oh, hey, high-five.
99
00:04:15,623 --> 00:04:17,556
Hey, did you just
high-five that sign?
100
00:04:17,558 --> 00:04:18,757
Yeah.
101
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,359
You think differently.
102
00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:22,427
Get in.
103
00:04:25,566 --> 00:04:27,065
PETER:
His name was Derek.
104
00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:29,568
But he went by the Prophetwhen times were good,
105
00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:32,037
or the Law Giverwhen times were bad.
106
00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:34,873
I moved onto his prayer farmwith 45 other members
107
00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:38,310
of the Salvation Star Boys,who died in a mass suicide.
108
00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:40,646
But not me.'Cause I don't like root beer.
109
00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:42,581
And I only drink what I like.
110
00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:45,384
After it was all over,I called Lois to pick me up.
111
00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:46,952
She was mad.
112
00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:49,921
But she's what Derek callsan Oppressing Doubter.
113
00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:51,890
May the lightof Derek's Invincible Diamond
114
00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:53,959
shine through you.
115
00:04:57,665 --> 00:05:00,565
Oh, thank you so much for
coming in early, Dr. Hartman.
116
00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:01,767
Oh, no problem.
117
00:05:01,769 --> 00:05:03,402
Hell, I used
to work here.
What?
118
00:05:03,404 --> 00:05:05,671
Good news.
Stewie's hand looks fine.
119
00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:07,506
Oh, hey, high-five.
120
00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:09,074
Huh. As long as you're here,
121
00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:11,143
I see Stewie hasn't had
his vaccinations yet.
122
00:05:11,145 --> 00:05:12,244
Should we take care of that?
123
00:05:12,246 --> 00:05:13,845
Well, I suppose so.
124
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:16,148
Oh, but first, I'm required
to have you read this pamphlet
125
00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:18,317
about the risks
of vaccinations.
126
00:05:21,355 --> 00:05:23,922
God, you are aging
so rapidly.
127
00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:25,257
"Possible side effects:
128
00:05:25,259 --> 00:05:28,827
fever, severe allergic reaction,
muscle and joint pain"?
129
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,262
Wait, and this can't be right:
130
00:05:30,264 --> 00:05:33,131
they actually put
some of the disease in the shot?
131
00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:35,267
Hey, man, how many
questions your lady ask?
132
00:05:35,269 --> 00:05:36,601
Uh, like, a million?
133
00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:38,470
But I don't remember
having to read any of this
134
00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:40,839
when Chris and Meg
had their vaccinations.
135
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,607
Well, that was before
Internet chat rooms
136
00:05:42,609 --> 00:05:43,775
made everybody an expert.
137
00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:44,976
It's a better world now.
138
00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:47,479
I-I don't know about this,
Dr. Hartman.
139
00:05:47,481 --> 00:05:50,015
We might need a little bit
of time to think this over.
140
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,717
Yeah, 'cause we don't
want to make a big mistake.
141
00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:54,119
Like when I peed
next to the chatty guy.
142
00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:55,854
(alarm rings)
143
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:56,955
Hey, man, we should
get out of here;
144
00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:58,123
the building's on fire.
145
00:05:58,125 --> 00:05:59,558
Hey, pal, not now, I'm busy.
146
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:02,627
Anyway, I'll tell you
what's on fire: my urethra.
147
00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:04,529
That's the last time
I go to a water park,
148
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:05,630
I'll tell you that much.
149
00:06:05,632 --> 00:06:07,332
Well, that's
not completely true,
150
00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:09,534
'cause I have a Groupon,
and I'd hate to waste it.
151
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:10,802
Plus, the truth is,
the kids...
152
00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:12,804
Oh, my God...
153
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:15,640
I was the chatty guy.
154
00:06:20,347 --> 00:06:21,747
Hey, you guys,
is that my laptop?
155
00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:23,849
Yeah, sorry,
we were looking something up.
156
00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:25,684
We were going to
get Stewie vaccinated,
157
00:06:25,686 --> 00:06:28,754
but now, after our research,
we're definitely not.
158
00:06:28,756 --> 00:06:29,988
Ah, no, Lois,
don't tell me
159
00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:32,157
you fell for all that
anti-vaxxer crap.
160
00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:33,725
It's not crap, Brian.
161
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,727
There's a lot of evidence
to suggest there's a link
162
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:37,829
between vaccinations
and autism.
163
00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:40,665
Lois, all that so-called
evidence has been debunked.
164
00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:42,200
Listen to some
of these ingredients:
165
00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:46,204
"mercury, thimerosal,
aluminum, formaldehyde."
166
00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:48,340
Lois, deciding
not to vaccinate Stewie
167
00:06:48,342 --> 00:06:49,541
is something
that affects all of us.
168
00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:50,876
The only reason they work
169
00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:53,412
is that if a critical mass
of society gets immunized,
170
00:06:53,414 --> 00:06:54,780
then the diseases won't spread.
171
00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:56,615
Look, Brian,
I was skeptical, too,
172
00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:57,849
but then I did some research
173
00:06:57,851 --> 00:06:59,851
and I found
some very interesting things
174
00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:01,953
from the leader of the
anti-vaccination movement,
175
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:03,422
Jenny McCarthy.
176
00:07:08,362 --> 00:07:09,795
See? Proof.
177
00:07:09,797 --> 00:07:11,029
Hard to argue with that.
178
00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:12,097
And look at this one.
179
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:15,133
Glasses.
180
00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:16,635
Case closed.
181
00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:18,036
I can't believe you guys.
182
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:19,304
Don't you realize
you're contributing
183
00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:21,373
to a potential
public health disaster
184
00:07:21,375 --> 00:07:22,908
by not vaccinating
your child?
185
00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:25,477
That's exactly the point--
my child.
186
00:07:25,479 --> 00:07:26,878
He's my child,
187
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,214
and nothing matters
more than his well-being.
188
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:32,050
Oh, God, this is going to be
a Lois story, isn't it?
189
00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:34,419
Game of Thrones is on--
just a reminder.
190
00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:36,288
Yeah, we made
this mistake before.
191
00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:37,956
We got the other kids
vaccinated,
192
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,558
but Meg still got chicken pox.
193
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,126
Dad, this is acne.
194
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:42,661
Girl, you nasty.
195
00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:45,397
You realize the vast majority
of people think you're wrong.
196
00:07:45,399 --> 00:07:47,132
Well, maybe that's
the problem.
197
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,067
We just got to
change their minds.
198
00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:51,002
We're getting this town
to change its mind
199
00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:52,170
about vaccinations.
200
00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:53,405
Yeah. I'm with you.
201
00:07:53,407 --> 00:07:55,407
Just as soon as I finish
getting the word out
202
00:07:55,409 --> 00:07:57,409
about the one thing
more important.
203
00:07:57,411 --> 00:07:59,911
The brothers who made
The Matrix are ladies now!
204
00:07:59,913 --> 00:08:00,979
They're ladies!
205
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,314
Just one of 'em?
206
00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:04,082
That's the thing--
it's both of 'em!
207
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:05,283
What are the chances?
208
00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:06,751
What are the chances?!
209
00:08:06,753 --> 00:08:09,888
The brothers who made
The Matrix are ladies now!
210
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:17,596
All right, come on, Peter,
211
00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:20,432
I've got all the stuff
for our anti-vaccination rally.
212
00:08:20,434 --> 00:08:21,433
I don't believe this.
213
00:08:21,435 --> 00:08:22,434
It's bad enough you guys
214
00:08:22,436 --> 00:08:23,602
aren't vaccinating Stewie.
215
00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:24,769
Now you're trying
to convince other people
216
00:08:24,771 --> 00:08:26,271
to make the same
reckless choice?
217
00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:28,773
I'm also gonna pet
a bunch of dogs without asking.
218
00:08:28,775 --> 00:08:30,108
Don't do that.
We don't like that.
219
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:31,943
Then I'm gonna try
and look at their teeth.
220
00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:34,980
Brian, all we want is
for parents to have the choice.
221
00:08:34,982 --> 00:08:37,549
Because parents know
what's best for their kids.
222
00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:40,418
I hear Sansa finally
shows boob in this one.
223
00:08:42,456 --> 00:08:44,456
You do realize they're
putting your life in danger
224
00:08:44,458 --> 00:08:45,857
by not getting you immunized.
225
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:48,727
You could get measles, mumps,
rubella, whooping cough...
226
00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:50,028
Oh, my God,
are you serious?
227
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:52,397
Very serious.
Even the tiniest germ
228
00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:54,966
could make you very ill and,
left untreated, kill you.
229
00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:55,967
Really?
230
00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:56,968
I'd expect this kind of thing
231
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,670
from the fat man but not Lois.
232
00:08:58,672 --> 00:09:00,472
Although she did
act like a nutcase
233
00:09:00,474 --> 00:09:03,174
that time she went shopping
right before Thanksgiving.
234
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:04,910
Ready for Turkey Day?
235
00:09:04,912 --> 00:09:06,545
(chuckles) Clever.
236
00:09:06,547 --> 00:09:08,313
Don't eat too much turkey
tomorrow.
237
00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:10,482
(chuckles) Oh, I won't.
238
00:09:10,484 --> 00:09:13,151
Now, if only the meal would
cook itself, huh?
239
00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:17,489
(cackles loudly)
240
00:09:18,492 --> 00:09:19,758
(over P.A.):
Parents of Quahog
241
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,494
and weekend dads
playing three minutes of catch,
242
00:09:22,496 --> 00:09:24,996
do you know that
the number of childhood vaccines
243
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:27,065
has tripled
in the last generation?
244
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,366
And why is that?
245
00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:31,536
Because heartless corporations
make billions of dollars
246
00:09:31,538 --> 00:09:35,006
by foisting garbage
and poison upon our children.
247
00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:41,446
We demand that these vaccines
248
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:44,182
be tested by
independent researchers,
249
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:46,351
not by the companies
who make them.
250
00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:48,553
Excuse me, are you the lady
selling the bullhorn?
251
00:09:48,555 --> 00:09:49,888
What? No.
252
00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:52,023
I'm over here.
253
00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:53,925
(sighs) Damn it.
254
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,694
This doesn't
seem to be working.
255
00:09:55,696 --> 00:09:56,895
Well, obviously, Lois.
256
00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:58,029
You can't just go to a park
257
00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,864
and list a bunch
of boring facts.
258
00:09:59,866 --> 00:10:01,232
You got to spice things up.
259
00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:02,867
Like I did when
I was a lounge singer
260
00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:04,603
with uneven lyric density.
261
00:10:04,605 --> 00:10:08,039
This is a song I wrote
for my beautiful girlfriend.
262
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:09,140
Her name is...
263
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:11,076
♪ Kim ♪
264
00:10:11,078 --> 00:10:12,477
♪ I don't understand
why your father ♪
265
00:10:12,479 --> 00:10:13,745
♪ Has such problems with us ♪
266
00:10:13,747 --> 00:10:15,580
♪ Kim ♪
267
00:10:15,582 --> 00:10:16,915
♪ Mostly I think it's because ♪
268
00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:18,650
♪ I don't make my car payments
on time ♪
269
00:10:18,652 --> 00:10:20,151
♪ But also because
I was dating someone else ♪
270
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:21,152
♪ At the same time as ♪
271
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:22,754
♪ Kim ♪
272
00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:24,155
Two, three, four,
273
00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:25,657
(rapidly): five, six , seven,
eight, nine, ten, eleven.
274
00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:27,058
♪ Kim ♪
275
00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:28,760
♪ I love you ♪
276
00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:31,730
♪ But mostly I love that you
let me eat crackers in the bed ♪
277
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,399
♪ Kim! ♪
278
00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:36,001
Thank you!
279
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:37,736
(plays final note)
280
00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:46,411
(rhythmic tapping)
281
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:51,116
(rhythmic clinking)
282
00:10:51,118 --> 00:10:53,318
(rhythmic ice rattling)
283
00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:59,090
(claps)
Yeah, that's enough of that.
284
00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:00,158
What the hell?
285
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,993
Peter, is that you
on TV right now?
286
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:04,929
Oh, yeah, that's my
anti-vaccination PSA.
287
00:11:04,931 --> 00:11:06,498
Hi, I'm a medical guy,
288
00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:10,301
and I'm here to give you
the facts about vaccs.
289
00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:13,271
Fact: vaccinations cause autism,
290
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:15,306
paralysis, and even...
291
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:16,608
death, death, death, death,
death, death, death,
292
00:11:16,610 --> 00:11:18,109
death, death, death.
293
00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:21,312
Fact: "vaccinate"
rhymes with "masturbate."
294
00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:23,982
Would you let a doctor
do that to your kid?
295
00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:27,952
Fact: I still think Michelle
Williams is Carey Mulligan.
296
00:11:27,954 --> 00:11:29,621
Fact!
297
00:11:29,623 --> 00:11:32,490
Medical delivery
for badass karate doctor.
298
00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:34,826
Ah, yes, those must be
the bones and skulls.
299
00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:36,561
(bones clattering)
300
00:11:36,563 --> 00:11:39,464
I see no boob bones;
the victim was a man.
301
00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:40,565
Wow.
302
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:43,134
SINGER:
♪ Oh, yeah! ♪
303
00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:45,036
ANNOUNCER:
Say "no" to vaccines.
304
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,971
Paid for with Meg'scollege fund.
305
00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:55,313
What the hell is all this?
306
00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:57,348
I'm trying to protect myself
from all those diseases
307
00:11:57,350 --> 00:11:59,050
I'm not vaccinated against.
308
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:01,352
Speaking of which, do
you have any idea the germs
309
00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:03,555
you routinely
track into this house?
310
00:12:03,557 --> 00:12:05,657
From now on I'm going to
ask that you wear these shoes
311
00:12:05,659 --> 00:12:06,658
while indoors.
312
00:12:06,660 --> 00:12:07,726
Where'd you get those?
313
00:12:07,728 --> 00:12:08,927
Put 'em on and lick your lips!
314
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:10,762
Stewie, you might be
taking this too far.
315
00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:13,098
Proper hygiene depends
on everyone, Brian.
316
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:15,567
For instance, I've already
Saran-Wrapped Chris.
317
00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:18,169
(muffled):
I'm a gas station sandwich!
318
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:19,838
(dramatic music on TV)
319
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,440
We interrupt this program
with breaking news.
320
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:25,009
Childhood vaccination rates
in Quahog have dropped
321
00:12:25,011 --> 00:12:28,413
to an all-time low, fueled
by a recent media campaign
322
00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:30,548
led by local meddler
Peter Griffin,
323
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:33,952
shown here in the basket
of Henry Thomas' bicycle.
324
00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:35,854
That can't be real, right?
325
00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:39,057
Oh, I knew one of these
had to be my house.
326
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:40,425
Damn it, Peter, thanks to you,
327
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:42,927
nobody in this town is
vaccinating their kids anymore!
328
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:44,963
Do you even realize
the harm you've caused?
329
00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:46,297
Harm?
What are you talking about?
330
00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,032
I'm making the world
a better place.
331
00:12:48,034 --> 00:12:50,235
Like when I was
the Instagram police.
332
00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:52,303
(siren wails, then stops)
333
00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:54,038
Sorry, lady, got to crop
the chotch.
334
00:12:57,144 --> 00:13:00,378
I... will take this.
335
00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:02,046
And cutaway complete.
336
00:13:02,048 --> 00:13:03,548
(siren wails)
337
00:13:08,155 --> 00:13:11,589
Man, there is a lot of bad art
in these hallways.
338
00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:14,492
All right, Stewie,
see you after school.
339
00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:16,728
Wait a minute, where
are all the other kids?
340
00:13:16,730 --> 00:13:17,762
Haven't you heard?
341
00:13:17,764 --> 00:13:19,397
There's been an
outbreak of measles.
342
00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:21,666
It's all because everyone
stopped vaccinating their kids.
343
00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:23,234
Oh, my God!
344
00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:24,602
And it's not just our school.
345
00:13:24,604 --> 00:13:26,137
Kids all over town
are getting sick.
346
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:27,605
(air raid siren blares)
347
00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:28,973
OFFICIAL (over bullhorn):
Attention! Attention!
348
00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:30,708
What the hell?
349
00:13:32,078 --> 00:13:35,246
(crowd clamoring,
sirens wailing)
350
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:36,915
People of Quahog,
351
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:39,083
your town is under quarantine.
352
00:13:39,085 --> 00:13:43,087
Until further notice, no one
may enter or leave the city.
353
00:13:43,089 --> 00:13:46,024
Oh, that's the guy who bought
the bullhorn at the park.
354
00:13:46,026 --> 00:13:47,492
Oh, this is awful.
355
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:48,993
It's all our fault!
356
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,662
And look, Joe's arguing
with a state policeman
357
00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:52,263
over jurisdiction.
358
00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:54,299
Thanks, Swanson,
we'll take it from here.
359
00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:55,633
It's a state matter now.
360
00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:57,602
No way, this is my town.
361
00:13:57,604 --> 00:13:59,704
Thanks, guys, the feds
will take it from here.
362
00:13:59,706 --> 00:14:01,840
Oh, no, this is my state.
363
00:14:01,842 --> 00:14:03,975
Hi, I'm a crossing
guard who can walk,
364
00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:06,344
so I have jurisdiction
over all of you.
365
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:07,879
Must be serious.
366
00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:09,881
They brought in the big guns.
367
00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:18,356
You happy now, Lois?
368
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,158
Because of you,
there's a measles epidemic,
369
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:21,793
and the whole town
is quarantined.
370
00:14:21,795 --> 00:14:23,161
Speak for yourself, Brian.
371
00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:26,297
I, for one, am enjoying
the indoor family time.
372
00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:29,234
Who's up for another game
of hot-breath telephone?
373
00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:31,202
(loud, mumbled whisper)
374
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:32,904
We're all gonna die!
375
00:14:32,906 --> 00:14:35,039
Chris, you're supposed to
whisper that to the next person.
376
00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:36,541
Peter, Brian's right!
377
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,009
We were wrong about everything!
378
00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:40,845
We've got to get to the hospital
and get Stewie vaccinated!
379
00:14:40,847 --> 00:14:42,714
Eh, it might be a little
too late for that.
380
00:14:42,716 --> 00:14:45,617
I kind of destroyed
all the vaccines in town.
381
00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:10,942
All right, what else
did I have to do today?
382
00:15:10,944 --> 00:15:12,911
Ah, yes, overdose
in my apartment.
383
00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:14,512
I better get home.
384
00:15:14,514 --> 00:15:16,714
You destroyed all the vaccines?
385
00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:18,850
Yeah, but it's fine.
There's nothing to worry about.
386
00:15:18,852 --> 00:15:20,785
Is anyone else
feeling feverish, achy,
387
00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:22,453
and acutely sensitive to light?
388
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:23,855
Oh, my God, Peter.
389
00:15:23,857 --> 00:15:25,523
Y-You've got measles!
390
00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:28,026
Now, hold on, hold on,
before we all freak out,
391
00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:29,727
it might just
be full-body herpes.
392
00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:32,530
Wait, you guys, Dad might
not have been vaccinated.
393
00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:34,365
Didn't Grandma say
he was born in Mexico?
394
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:35,767
Nobody remembers that, Meg.
395
00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:37,769
We got to keep you away
from Stewie.
396
00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:38,870
You'll get him sick.
397
00:15:38,872 --> 00:15:40,705
Oh, my little guy's
gonna be fine.
398
00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:42,407
All he needs is a good,
old-fashioned game
399
00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:44,375
of hot-breath telephone.
400
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:45,643
(breathy whisper):
Measles.
401
00:15:45,645 --> 00:15:47,211
(yells) I've got to get
out of this house,
402
00:15:47,213 --> 00:15:49,747
or I'll be in worse shape
than John Goodman!
403
00:15:49,749 --> 00:15:51,249
I've got your EKG here.
404
00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:52,417
How does it look?
405
00:15:52,419 --> 00:15:54,585
Well, it spells out "Pancakes."
406
00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:56,988
Oh, okay, so same as last time.
407
00:15:56,990 --> 00:16:00,091
I'm recommending you go on
a strict diet immediately.
408
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:01,392
Nope.
409
00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:03,227
Horses that make it look
like I can walk,
410
00:16:03,229 --> 00:16:05,163
take me to Hollywood!
411
00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:15,940
All right,
I'm almost done packing.
412
00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:18,509
I've got it down to four bags
and a hatbox.
413
00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:19,844
I'm gonna need some help,
Rupert.
414
00:16:19,846 --> 00:16:20,945
Rupert?
415
00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:24,115
Ew , that's the tushie
thermometer.
416
00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:26,184
Dear God, you're burning up!
417
00:16:26,186 --> 00:16:27,485
I have to get out of here!
418
00:16:29,122 --> 00:16:30,521
I'm sorry, Rupert,
419
00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:32,690
but the situation here
has become unbearable.
420
00:16:32,692 --> 00:16:35,593
Like talking to someone
with adult braces.
421
00:16:35,595 --> 00:16:37,762
So, yeah, last weekend,
Sheila and I took the kids
422
00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:39,263
up to the lake, it was great.
423
00:16:39,265 --> 00:16:41,933
We had great weather,
fired up the barbecue,
424
00:16:41,935 --> 00:16:43,868
Sheila's parents came up
towards the end of the week...
425
00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:46,270
When are you gonna
get those off?!
426
00:16:50,877 --> 00:16:54,012
(weakly): Meg, you must
carry on my legacy.
427
00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:57,382
Promise me you'll crop
the chotches.
428
00:16:57,384 --> 00:16:58,816
Crop them, Meg!
429
00:16:58,818 --> 00:17:00,051
Crop them all!
430
00:17:00,053 --> 00:17:01,853
LOIS:
Peter, Stewie's gone!
431
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:03,388
I've looked everywhere!
432
00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:06,124
Oh, Lois, I feel
a little better.
433
00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:08,126
I think I could keep down
deviled eggs.
434
00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:09,127
Lois, what's wrong?
435
00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:10,528
I can't find Stewie.
436
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,296
He must've gotten
out of the house.
437
00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:14,966
God knows how far he's gone.
438
00:17:14,968 --> 00:17:17,802
Well, look, there's
a Family Circus dotted path.
439
00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:19,037
It'll lead us right to him.
440
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:25,143
BRIAN:
Ah, it's just Billy.
441
00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:26,677
He died of measles.
442
00:17:26,679 --> 00:17:30,148
And here comes Marmaduke
to lick up the vomit.
443
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:31,949
Lucky.
444
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:37,688
If I can just escape
this quarantine
445
00:17:37,690 --> 00:17:38,856
and make it to the next town,
446
00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:42,060
I'll be able to get
that vaccine I need.
447
00:17:42,062 --> 00:17:44,062
Stewie!
I'm you from the future!
448
00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:46,497
You've got to get the hell out
of town before you get sick!
449
00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:48,332
Yeah, I know.
That's what I'm doing.
450
00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:50,535
Okay, I'm really here
because I know you have glue.
451
00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:52,937
Give me the glue.
452
00:17:52,939 --> 00:17:56,107
(inhales deeply, then moans)
453
00:17:56,109 --> 00:17:57,341
Stewie, listen to me,
454
00:17:57,343 --> 00:18:00,244
never, ever do this
great thing I love.
455
00:18:08,354 --> 00:18:10,655
There's the bridge out of town!
456
00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:14,692
So we're all there at the Clam,
457
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:16,527
just kind of
making music together,
458
00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,696
and then Peter,
of course, had to join in
459
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:22,400
and clap his hands, and I said,
"Eh, that's enough of that."
460
00:18:22,402 --> 00:18:24,769
(chuckles)
Yeah, I kind of run the group.
461
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:28,272
I'll just have
to go around them.
462
00:18:36,049 --> 00:18:37,315
Good Lord.
463
00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:39,217
I hope my shoe doesn't fall
to make me realize
464
00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:40,551
how far the drop is.
465
00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:45,256
(splash in the distance)
466
00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:48,126
Oh , my orthotic was in there.
467
00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:49,894
(tires screech)
468
00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:51,329
Stewie?
469
00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:52,396
Where are you?
470
00:18:52,398 --> 00:18:54,265
Lois, what's going on?
471
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:56,234
That's one of
my sidekicks' wives.
472
00:18:56,236 --> 00:18:58,269
He says he's in charge
of the group, is that true?
473
00:18:58,271 --> 00:19:01,172
No, not in the slightest,
but, Joe, Stewie's gone missing.
474
00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:02,907
We can't find him anywhere.
475
00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:04,475
Lois, look!
476
00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:07,778
(grunting)
477
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:09,580
I don't know if he can
hold on much longer.
478
00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:10,581
We got to get him down.
479
00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:12,016
Stewie, hang on!
480
00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:13,251
Mommy's coming!
481
00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:15,186
(train whistle blows)
482
00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:19,991
Oh, no, upside-down train!
483
00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:21,159
(yells)
484
00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:23,494
Stewie!
Oh, no!
485
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:24,996
(continues yelling)
486
00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:30,101
Sean Penn?
487
00:19:30,103 --> 00:19:32,436
That's right, two-time
Oscar winner Sean Penn.
488
00:19:32,438 --> 00:19:33,771
What are you doing here?
489
00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:36,274
I'm bringing vaccines
into your quarantined town.
490
00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:38,876
Any time there's a public health
crisis in a third-world land,
491
00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:39,944
I'm there.
492
00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:41,779
Third world?
This is Rhode Island.
493
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:43,014
Oh, really?
494
00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:45,049
Have you seen some
of the delis on Federal Hill?
495
00:19:45,051 --> 00:19:46,717
Oh-ho-ho! Rhode Island slam!
496
00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:49,787
Ho-ho! I like you, Sean Penn.
497
00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:54,125
Oh, my God, you saved my baby!
498
00:19:54,127 --> 00:19:56,827
Thank you so mu-- Oh.
499
00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:58,729
Sean Penn.
500
00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:01,799
Y-You're the one who played
that homosexual.
Yeah.
501
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:04,001
All right, well,
I'll take my son now.
502
00:20:04,003 --> 00:20:06,470
I've brought enough vaccines
for your whole town.
503
00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:08,339
I hope you've realized
that vaccinations are not
504
00:20:08,341 --> 00:20:11,309
a freedom of choice issue,
they're a public health issue.
505
00:20:11,311 --> 00:20:14,712
Thanks to them, countless
serious diseases, mumps, polio,
506
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:17,682
smallpox, and rubella,
have been all but eradicated.
507
00:20:17,684 --> 00:20:19,684
Like clean water and
functional schools,
508
00:20:19,686 --> 00:20:22,186
vaccinations are a human right.
509
00:20:22,188 --> 00:20:25,656
Great, just what I needed, a
lecture from liberal Hollywood.
510
00:20:25,658 --> 00:20:29,760
This whole thing has been a
lecture from liberal Hollywood.
511
00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:35,866
Well, it's a relief that
everyone's been vaccinated
512
00:20:35,868 --> 00:20:37,401
and the quarantine
has been lifted.
513
00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:39,503
Well, I'm just happy
that Stewie is healthy,
514
00:20:39,505 --> 00:20:43,007
and only 150 people died, but
not anyone we knew personally.
515
00:20:43,009 --> 00:20:45,509
Yeah, I know I sure
learned something.
516
00:20:45,511 --> 00:20:46,677
(tapping on window)
517
00:20:46,679 --> 00:20:48,546
Hey, do you like apples?
518
00:20:48,548 --> 00:20:50,181
Yeah.
519
00:20:50,183 --> 00:20:51,515
Well, I got her number.
520
00:20:51,517 --> 00:20:52,850
How do you like them apples?
521
00:20:52,852 --> 00:20:54,452
Oh, Bat Damon!
522
00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:56,454
You got the best of me again!
38373
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
