All language subtitles for I.Hate.Suzie.S01E08_English

[Suzie]
Any home should feel safe...

and warm...

and supportive.

EBG. Everything is home.

[Rebecca]
OK, can you try the top and
bottom again, but even warmer?

Uh, yeah, sure.
It's just... Yeah.

[clears throat]

[clears throat]

Here, at EBG...

we don't just take
care of your phone.

Now we provide your
electricity, heating, and gas.

EBG. Everything is home.

Yeah. Have you got
any more warm?

Like, uh, like super warm?

Yeah. I mean,
I could try.

This is a bit like Toast
of London this, isn't it?

It's like what?

Toast.

What?

-Toast.
-Toast?

Toast. You--
Don't worry about it.

[Rebecca]
It's, it's like toast?

[Dave]
It's a television program.

I don't have time to watch
television anymore.

Oh. shit, I forgot
to call the school.

Can you just do
one while I'm--

Yeah.

OK, so...

I mean, am I really
not warm enough?

I feel like I'm,
like, porn panting.

Is-Is...

I mean, is she for real?

Like, I am widely
recognized for my warmth.

I mean, I have, I've won
National Television Awards

for my warmth.

-[Dave] You're sad.
-You know that. I'm sad?

There's a sadness
in your voice.

Oh. Sorry.

Imagine you're a god.

It's always the same.
The text is 'Buy this',

the subtext, 'And you're
never going to die'.

-OK?
-OK.

[Dave]
Do one like that
and we can go home.

-OK.
-Go.

OK.

Ready?

Any home should feel safe...

and warm...

and supportive.

EBG. Everything's home.

[Dave]
There you go. Good.

EBG.

Everything is home...

safe, warm, supportive.

-Good?
-Good.

[♪♪♪]

[Suzie]
When I was young,

I would run a voiceover
in my own head.

I dunno, maybe I'd watched
too many Wonder Years.

But it's comforting,
a voiceover.

Who's fucking
touched it then?

-Well, it wasn't me!
-So I've moved it, have I?

Telling a story
about yourself...

Being the main character.

The only way to stay sane

is to string all the shit
that happens in your life

together into a story
you can live with.

[woman, screaming]
Fucking hell!

[parents indistinctly arguing]

If you can talk about
yourself from the future,

you must've
processed it, survived.

Nothing can hurt you
with a voiceover.

And by imagining I was
the main character,

I became one.

Things did
start happening.

♪ I miss you more every day

I was special.

♪ Daylight

♪ It leads me-- [director]
OK, let's go again.

56, take 3.

♪ Falling...

[Suzie]
Everyone was looking at me.

[teenage Suzie singing]
♪ ...into my arms again

♪ I'll say this

♪ I miss you more

♪ My friend

[♪♪♪]

[Suzie]
The photos are in the papers.

Now I've finally
lost my mind.

They can legally print
me sucking a dick.

Maybe they're right.
Maybe I am insane.

Maybe I'm a monster.

[Cob]
Everything just comes
to you, doesn't it?

You want what you want
when you want it,

and if you don't get
exactly that thing,

that's it!

You lose your shit.

Oh, you're going to--are
you gonna film me, are you?

Open the door, mate!
Open the door!

Open the door! Ow!

Open the door!

[winces]

Oh, God...

Here's Naomi.

She's going to talk,

and totally ignore
all the shit

that happened
between us.

Hello.

Can you believe
they blurred the cock?

They pixellated his dick.

Dixellated.

That's so, it's like,

you think that's offensive?

[Suzie]
Here she goes.

[Naomi]
Fucking scandalous.
They love it!

They're saying legally
they can print it now

because you dragged it
into the public arena

with that video of you
shouting at that car.

I guess you want me to cancel
the hospital visit later?

With the kid?

What? No, no, no, no,
we-we can't do that.

-What if he dies?
-Well, he definitely
is gonna die, Suze.

That's the point.

Yeah, well,
join the club.

Sorry, I didn't, I didn't
I didn't mean that.

I'll cancel.

No, no, no,
don't cancel it

because I'll just,
I'll feel like a right cunt.

[Naomi]
I'll come with you.

Nay, do you-- Do you think
we should have a proper chat?

Yeah. I'm just
doing work stuff now.

Don't forget to pick up
painkillers, you're due on.

I know it sounds mental,

but last month
we were in sync,

so we're finally
fully merged.

Ah, OK.

[Naomi]
See you there, then.

OK.

Come in!

[Suzie]
My mom used to clean
for Naomi's dad.

Naomi's mom was dead.

Go on. Play!

And the house
was like a grave.

It was very white
and marble or fake marble.

[VACUUM WHIRRING]

She lived in a cul-de-sac
in Caversham,

but I was from Northcote.

And Caversham was where
people with two cars lived.

Anyway...

One time, my mom found all
these knickers in the bin

with blood on them.

And immediately
she was asking questions.

I can't say what it's like
to have your wife die,

but I don't think it'd
make you like that.

[Suzie]
Always thinking the worst.

Such a cold man.

Particularly about men.

What did you find then?

Private things.
This is a job for you.

[Suzie]
So I had a mission.

Do you ever get blood
in your knickers?

Why? Do you?

Yeah. That's what
a period is.

Naomi had been taking
her dead mom's tampons

from the cupboard
in the toilet.

But she didn't know
how to use them.

So was just putting
them in her knickers

like you would
a sanitary towel.

So there's blood
on her pants,

but she doesn't
want her dad to see,

so she throws them away
in the bin which is fine...

until, a few months in,
when she runs out of knickers.

[crowd cheering on TV]

She started coming
round all the time.

My mom preferred it

when there were lots
of people around.

I just want to ask you
a little question about--

OK, ask away!

Ask who I'm with and where
I'm going, what I'm doing--

Oh, for crying out loud.

And when everything
happened to me...

No, when I did
everything I did.

[teenage Suzie singing]
♪ ...say this

♪ I miss you more
Every day ♪

♪ Daylight...

[Suzie's father]That's my girl!
That's my girl!

♪ It leads me back your way

[Suzie]
Nay was there.

♪ Falling into my arms

[Suzie]
Part of it.

That's the one
we changed?

That's the one
we changed.

-Yeah.
-Are you happy?

-Uh, yeah, think so.
-It's all as discussed.

Yeah, happy,
happy, happy.

Right. Just,
just sign.

Let's make
you a star.

Here we go.

That's that one.

-Can I see?
-Hang on.

Fantastic.

[Suzie]
We were in sync.

♪ Did you get
What you wanted? ♪

♪ I hope you're
Happy now ♪

Naomi has a lot
of theories...

[Naomi]
They're short, and it is,

honestly, and I'm not
just saying this 'cause

I'm Middle Eastern.

It's extraordinary.

[Suzie]
She consumes theories

like I did food
in my twenties.

Binging on them all
and then me vomming them

back up to feel in control.

And it works.
For a while.

♪ Did I disappoint you?

-[Naomi] Oh, Jesus!
-What?

You know you actually
look too thin. You do.

Is there such a,
such a thing?

But it's-it's like, you're
not going to be pretty

-if you keep getting thin.
-OK.

I'm just saying,
I'm just saying.

Anyway, anyway, um...

I wanted to tell you
about, um, that guy,

'cause I wanted
to see him again.

-Tonight.
-Where are you in
your cycle right now?

Oh, my God. Fucking hell.No, seriously, where are you?

You don't actually
know where you are
in your menstrual cycle?

Naomi has this theory
that the best time

to make a decision
is when you've got PMT,

and she calls it
the Permanent Mega-Truth.

She says that PMT
is the only time

you see everything clearly.

Once a month,
the world is in focus,

and the shit you put up
with the rest of the time

reveals itself.

If you have to have
a difficult conversation,

have it just before
your period arrives,

before you lose
your bottle.

Before you're leaking
blood and apologies.

[Suzie and Naomi]
Say the Permanent Mega-Truth.

Don't miss your chance.

Not much time left.

I'm intensely PMT,
and considering that,

the last 24 hours
could've been worse...

Open the door!
Open the door!

Yeah, we don't
need to, um...

But the fella wants charges of
disorderly conduct vandalism.

But minor!

[officer]
So...

We'll clear it up
with a simple caution.

[female officer]Yeah, a caution is
just an official warning,

everyone goes on
with their lives.

But you do have to admit
guilt of the offense.

And then it's just
a quick swab. And prints.

Like they do
at the airport.
Some airports.

Just get your left
index finger and press.

And your thumb.

[Suzie]
I can't believe I'm getting
fucking prints taken,

and he got
his dick pixellated.

Great, just get a swab.

If you can just scrape
the left side of your cheek

and then the right
side of your cheek.

[Suzie]
I mean, I would
murder them all,

but now they have
my fingerprints.

Hi.

OK, don't worry,
it's gonna be fine.

He doesn't look...

Well, I mean,
he looks like you'd expect.

I can't believe
the police cautioned you.

But I'm furious about that.

[Suzie]
I hate people who say
they hate hospitals.

When something
happens to your kid,

you don't hate hospitals.

You beg them,
you worship them.

When Frank was born,

I thought something
had happened to him.

And everyone said,
no, it's fine, it's fine.

It's fine, you're paranoid.

And then they said
he wasn't reacting normally.

And I said, I know,
and then they told me.

It's nothing you did.

It didn't happen
during the birth.

It's a chromosomal
abnormality that no one,

no one could do
anything about.

It would have happened
at conception.

OK, um, right, OK.

We'll have an appointmentwith the audiologist?
Mm-hmm.

[Suzie]
And in the following months,

they talked about
how high risk

the implant procedure
was for him,

and that he wasn't
a good candidate.

And Cob kept saying
it's not that he's ill.

We should be
the ones to learn.

He was a happy little boy.

We should wait and see.

And so I listened.

...those have to be tested.

Nay, don't you think
we should talk about

what happened?

Uh, yeah, I do.
Let's brunch tomorrow.

It isn't the time
for our drama right now.

[Heather]
So have a nice time.

OK, look who's here!

-Good to see you.
-You, too.

[Suzie]
How are you doing?

Good to see you,
really good.

Nice to see you. Hi!

Come on in!

Alex has been so excited.
He's been waiting for you.

Oh, look!
Did you draw that?

-[Alex] Yeah.
-Are you serious?

-Yeah.
-No way!

-It's for you.
-You're an amazing artist.

Thank you. Yeah,
I've been drawing pictures.

I have a lot about you.

[Suzie]
Oh, my goodness me.

-You're an artist,
a proper artist!
-Thank you.

In fact, I've got, um...

I don't know
if you're into it.

Well, I know you're into,
but I don't know if you want

-one of these.
-Oh, I love it!

-Really?
-Yes, I really love it.

-Oh, look, you've got one
right there! The Mantis.
-Yeah.

Let's have a look.

Like, in a sort of
collector's item.

[Suzie]
Cob says I
do this kinda stuff to feel
better about myself.

That it's ego
masquerading as care.

Maybe. Maybe I am like that.

Maybe I do just want
to seem like a good person.

I'll have my coffee
in there.

But how is that
really different

from being
a good person?

I mean, ultimately?

He says I'm a bad mother
to my own kid

and an angel
to other people's.

Perfect.
Thank you so much.

-Wow.
-I love that.

No, Mom, of course
you're in it. Come on!

[Suzie] Have you got
any brothers or sisters?

Yeah, I have
an older brother.

-Have you?
-Yeah.

-What's his name?
-Jay.

Three, two, one.

[all]
Quo Vadis!

Amazing! Silly faces.

[nurse]
There we go.

OK, just hold still
and I'll just...

There you go.

Roger?

We buried him
in the ground.

Do you remember?

[Suzie]
Yeah.

Well, he's dead,
so he can't be angry now.

Yeah, probably.
You killed him.

Yeah, you did.

[whispers]Can you tell me the best,
the worst times were?

The best and worst times?
What? Of life?

The show?

Well, this is
a personal highlight.

Sweet.

Yeah, that's all right.

It says he's
one minute away.

[Naomi]
We're still on
for tomorrow, right?

I think I'm gonna walk.

Really?
Yeah, yeah.

I've got this app thing.

I'm alive. I'm alive.
This is my life.

I can do things. I'm OK.

My child is healthy.
Or at least not dying.

The boy I just left is dying.

I've wasted my life.

This boy has no life,
and I'm wasting mine.

I'm going to die
without a single idea

of who I actually am.

Oh, God, I'm going to die.
I'm gonna die. Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Now, now, the boy would
want me to have a life,

and he's not called the boy,
he's called Alex,

actually, Suzie.

Jesus Christ. I think.

Maybe it's just
a hormone imbalance

hitting a chord change.

But suddenly I know
exactly what to do.

♪ Yes it was childish
And you got aggressive ♪

♪ And I must admit that
I was a bit scared ♪

♪ But it gives me thrills
To wind you up ♪

♪ My fingertips are holding

♪ Onto the cracks
In our foundation ♪

I have to use this window
while I feel like this.

Before my period
to address this.

♪ And every time we fight...

[car horn blares]

Valerie is nice.

Valerie is the student
I suspect my husband

is having an affair with

after I started flirting
with her from his phone

a couple of weeks ago.

There's joy in her.

If he's going
to have an affair,

as he's bound to now,
I'd rather be part of it.

[toilet flushes]

[phone clatters on night table]

[clears throat]

So, what did you
wanna talk about?

What?

You texted me earlier.

Oh, um...

Listen, um...

-Weirdest thing happened today.
-Did it?

This student comes
into my office.

Um, she's this young,
bubbly, sort of,

normally quite friendly,
like I know her quite well.

She came to France
on this study trip.

And she starts like...

You're going to think
I'm making this up.

She sort of sits
on the edge of the desk,

and, and, and starts
touching her own leg

like in a bad movie.

And she takes off
her jacket, and, uh,

heh, she drops it on
the floor, like...

And so, obviously,
I'm thinking this is

some sort of dare,
so I'm aware, like, shit,

I was probably
being recorded.

So, I just sort of say,

"Oh, OK, I'm going
to open the door now.

I hope you're
feeling OK."

And then she gets
really upset and runs out.

He isn't having an affair.

I mean, hashtag MeToo, right?

What the fuck
is that about?

I'm just going to
get a drink. I need--

-What?
-I need a drink.

I need to have a drink,
I feel stressed.

Did you just listen
to any of what I just said?

I wonder if this is
what it feels like
to be going crazy.

Remember this afternoon.
It was clear.

Everyone does things
like this, this is normal,

this is OK.
Just say it.

[Cob clears throat]

Oh, I just broke
this bloody--

This floor is
stupidly hard.

You know, I was serious
about you talking to someone.

Maybe even asking
about medication.

I mean, I, I almost feel like
everything I've been taking

for the last year should
just be transferred over to you.

Yeah, I'm sorry you're
taking anti-depressants.

I just think--
I just think I'm...

I'm stressed about
all the school stuff.

You'll see tomorrow.

He should be
with kids like him, Suzie.

He's always sure he's right.

Yeah, I know.
You're right.

I just think that,
you know,

when he leaves
this special school,

the world's not gonna be
like that, you know.

The world's gonna be all
hearing people

and lip-reading
and I just, I don't know,

I just don't want that
to be abnormal for him.

You don't want him
to be abnormal.

He's not abnormal,
Suzie, he's deaf.

No. I don't want that
to be abnormal for him.

I hate the way
he talks to me.

OK.

Are you having an affair
with that Valerie girl?

What?

-No, what the fu--?
-Because you just,

you just went
away together,

and now you're saying
all this stuff about her

trying it on
with you and--

When did I even
call her Valerie?

-You said.
-No, I didn't.

Well, then, I think it's quite
weird that you didn't.

[scoffs]

You're crazy.

I must seem crazy.

I feel crazy. Am I crazy?

Don't fucking
call me crazy.

You attacked a car.
You are objectively crazy.

No, you know what,
let me put it this way,

you need to talk
to someone. OK?

You have no idea
who you are.

You have no idea who I am.

Yeah, I know.

Because I have to live being
whatever you need me to be

so you can feel
big and strong and OK.

You're right.

You need to face up
to what you've done, OK?

Not just to me,
but to Frank.

Yeah.

'Cause those photos
will never go away, OK?

His memory of his birthday
will never go away.

Mm-hmm.

You do--You know that,
don't you?

Yeah. I hate that
I've caused so much pain.

Of course you hate it,
of course you fucking hate it.

It makes you feel
bad about yourself.

And that's all you
care about, isn't it?

Maybe that is
all I care about.

Isn't it?
You feel guilty, OK?

We had this amazing thing,
and you pissed all over it

in front of
the whole fucking world.

It wasn't this amazing thing.
It wasn't.

No. No.[laughs incredulously]

You know, I think,
what if I'd just carried on?

You know, what if
those hadn't come out?

I just--I, I think
I-I probably wasn't happy.

Suzie, that is just a story
you are telling yourself

to excuse
all your shittiness.

You can see that,
can't you?

You can, you can
hear yourself?

I don't think that's true.

Yeah, I can see that.

That is not true.

Maybe, yeah.

No, it isn't.

Because the thing is,
you have to see yourself

as this good person,
but you're not.

Mmm, yeah.

You're fucking not.
I love you, but...

I don't know
what that means.

I love you.

I love you like a member
of my family that I hate.

I just think that maybe
I've been hiding, you know?

I just...

I think that maybe
I've spent so much time

living from other
people's perspectives

and I think that
has to stop.

You know,
I think, I think,

I don't wanna be
in a relationship with you.

But I worry
that will ruin your life,

and I worry that will
ruin Frank's life, too.

Mm-hmm.

Well, how kind of you.

How incredibly thoughtful
of you, Suzie.

[Cob]
So it's my fault, is it?

-Yes.
-No.

Hmm.

[Suzie]
Yeah.

No. No, no, no.
No, actually.

The truth is,
I don't love you, Cob.

But I think that's fair enough
considering what you're like.

So after...

Let me just get this straight,

after cheating on me

in front of the entire world,

and then losing
your shit publicly,

and then assaulting
our child,

you're leaving me!

You're fucking--
You're leaving me?!

Is that what
you're saying?

You're fucking
leaving me?

[Cob]Is that what you're
fucking saying?

No! No, no, no, no, no.

Yeah.

Oh, well done.

It's women who are there
for other women.

It's women
who are the great loves.

That's what love is.

-Hey!
-Hey.

Hey...

My God, such news!

Um, look, I'm-I'm sorry,
it goes without saying.

Yeah, it does,
doesn't it?

Yeah, but--Suze, it's good.

Listen, I'm pre-menstrual
so I have to talk to you now,

'cause, you know,
my whole theory.

Yes, I know
your whole theory.

[Naomi]
Um, yesterday
with the kid...

-What kid?
-In the hospital?

Oh, fuck, that kid! Sorry.

Sorry I thought you meant
your kid. Your unborn kid.

No. No, that's, that's it.
I, I don't actually want a kid.

I've realized I, I just
don't want any options

taken away from me,
that's different,

but I don't want a child.

I just don't want
to not have one. You know?

Really? OK. Well, no.

I mean, that's...
That's valid.

No, but...
I don't wanna
end up trapped.

[waitress] Hiya. Can Iget you anything at all?No offense.

Uh, yeah, can I have
a sparkling water, please?

I'm fine, thanks.

Um, I just...[clears throat]

I feel like my whole life,
I've just, I've seen everything

from other people's
points of view,

and I've never asked myself,
like, what do I want?

I've asked myself
what you wanted,

and I've responded to it.

But...

But that's,
that's not giving,

that's hiding.
You know?

Yeah.

I really, really don't want
to be an agent anymore.

I hate it.
I'm fucking terrible at it!

Oh, you're, you're not
terrible at it, but...

No, no. Look, I get it.

I appreciate that must've
taken some balls to say.

It's a nightmare for you,
I do get that.

No, it's-- Hang on a minute,
that's not what I'm saying.

I'm just saying,
I'm, I'm happy that you've,

you know,
come to this conclusion,

[Naomi]
It's the Permanent Mega-Truth.

Oh, right. Yeah.

I, I want to go to Iran
for a bit. Just 'cause I can.

Iran?!

-Yeah, Suze, Iran.
-Really?

Yeah, I wanna see where
my grandmother's buried.

OK, but no. You were
like me, from Reading.

But I'm not, am I?

[Suzie]
OK, great.

OK, well, you don't
have to say that.

Clearly, you don't mean it.

No, it's--I'm happy for you.

-Suzie.
-No, no, no!

OK, I'll be sup--
I'll be supportive.

I get it's not ideal,
but it's gonna be OK.

I know you better
than you know yourself.

OK, fuck off, Naomi.

I know you better
than I know myself.

And that's not right, is it?

So, um, I left Cob.

There's this smell in Iran

when water hits
the hot pavements.

I remember it when we used
to go before mom died.

Are you--
You know, what are you other--

What do your other clients
have to say about this?

I mean, you're going
to move to fucking Iran?

What will you
even wear?

They're fine with it.
They're really happy for me.

You're the only person
I didn't know how to tell.

I love you, Suze.

[Suzie]
The truth is,
adults are assholes.

[car horn blares][groans]

[car horn honks]

Yes, you!

All out for themselves.

You can love a man,
you can love a friend.

I'm off to Iran.

But I would push
every single one of them

under a bus for my kid.

That's what love is.

Hi. I'm Suzie,
Frank's mom.

You know,
my, um, Cob.

Oh, right, yes!
Sorry, I knew.

Uh, thanks!

[Suzie]
Hi.

No, thank you.

Well, Mommy can't.
But it's OK.

Yeah, just text me if you feel
sad or anything happens?

Yes?

Yes.

[sighs][alert sensor dings]

[groans]

[man talking
indistinctly over radio]

[Suzie over radio]
Any home should feel safe
and warm and supportive.

Here at EBG, we don't just
take care of your phone,

now we provide your
electricity, heating, and gas.

EBG. Everything's home.

Oh, my God.

Fuck.

[urinating into cup]

[Suzie]
Fuck! Fuck!

Hey, I'm just calling to say
I'm not collecting Frank,

he's staying over,

so can we just get
into it later? Just us?

[Cob]
Uh, no, we, we, we don't need
to get into it at all, Suze.

Just, while I've got you...

Um, I just want
you to know that

I will never
fucking forgive you

and I will make your life

a living hell from now on.

Forever. OK?

OK.

No one is coming
to rescue you.

♪ If I told a lie

♪ Or if I made you cry

♪ When I said good night

♪ I'm sorry

[man]
Excuse me?
Excuse me!

Uh, sorry, uh,
can I get a photo?

Uh, no.

-Oh!
-No, you can't.

It's all right.

We, we can do it
ourselves.

Don't worry about it,
it's fine.

-OK, so.
-Hurry up.

It's fine.

Oh, sorry!
No, no, no, I'll do it.

Come here, of course
I'll do it, sorry.

OK, thank you!

Sorry, I just,
I'm an idiot.

Well, I'm not an idiot.
I just misunderstood.

I dunno. Sorry. Just...

Uh, I'm, that's-that's lovely.

I'm just gonna take a f--[phone shutter clicking]

I'm just gonna take a few
so you get a good one.

There you go,
there's a few good,

good ones there, mate.

-Thanks very much.
-Thanks very much.

-What's your name?
-Janet.

-Thank you, Janet.
-Yeah.

-Good night.
-It was nice to meet you.

-Thanks.
-Have a good one. Bye.

Nice to meet you.
Oh, where are you off to?

Uh, we're, we're
just off home.

Yeah.

Hey, aren't you the, um...

Aren't, aren't you the,
the girl that sang that,

that song?

Yes! Yes, I am!

God, how did it go?
I had it! Um...

I'll, I'll...I'll?

♪ I'll say this

♪ I miss you more every day

♪ Daylight

♪ It leads me back your way

♪ Falling into my arms

♪ Again

♪ I'll say this

♪ I miss you more, my friend

[both chuckling]

-Amazing.
-Thank you.

-OK.
-See you, lady.
Bye! Goodnight.

-Uh, night.
-Night.

-Bye!
-Bye.

Can I come
home with you?

Not for...
Not for long.

I just, I just haven't
got anywhere to go,

and I'm, I just need
somewhere to be.

-Of course.
-Is that all right?

Yeah, yeah.
Come on,

we can get you
something to eat.

-Thank you.
-Or Wi-Fi, if that's useful?

I'd love some Wi-Fi.
Thank you.

Every home should feel safe
and warm and supportive.

Everywhere is home.

-[Suzie] Have you got a charger?
-Not on us.

[Suzie]
No, but you do...

[♪♪♪]