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1
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Got the world on a string
2
00:00:56,689 --> 00:00:59,522
Sittin'on a rainbow
3
00:00:59,592 --> 00:01:01,890
Got the stringaround my finger
4
00:01:01,961 --> 00:01:04,555
We ain't gonna make it, Pop.
We just ain't gonna make it.
5
00:01:04,631 --> 00:01:07,623
Look at these bills.
We ain't gonna make it.
6
00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:10,498
Don't say that. We faced the first
of the month before and we made it.
7
00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:14,199
Yeah, but there finally comes a time
when you know you ain't gonna make it.
8
00:01:14,274 --> 00:01:16,003
What do you keep
sayin' that for?
9
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:20,308
We got 30 bucks between us, and we
got bills here that total over $200.
10
00:01:23,450 --> 00:01:25,384
We ain't gonna make it.
11
00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:30,984
If only you and Bubba hadn't thrown away
that money at the racetrack.
12
00:01:31,057 --> 00:01:33,651
Bettin' on a horse
ain't throwing away money.
13
00:01:33,726 --> 00:01:36,320
- It's like making an investment.
- Is that so?
14
00:01:36,396 --> 00:01:39,923
Yes, that is so. It's like investing
in a piece of property.
15
00:01:39,999 --> 00:01:44,936
Only thing is, this piece of property
had a lot of lead in it.
16
00:01:45,004 --> 00:01:47,404
Then what do you suggest?
Because we ain't gonna make it.
17
00:01:47,474 --> 00:01:49,669
We gotta figure out
something.
18
00:01:49,742 --> 00:01:51,676
What do you think
we oughta do?
19
00:01:51,744 --> 00:01:55,737
Only thing I can figure out is to sell
the best thing we got in the junkyard.
20
00:01:55,815 --> 00:02:00,809
The best thing we got in the yard
is a bathtub with a ring around it.
21
00:02:00,887 --> 00:02:04,050
Well, let's pawn
the ring.
22
00:02:06,526 --> 00:02:09,222
That's right, make jokes.
But we in trouble. We in big trouble.
23
00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:11,923
We're in enough trouble
to get on welfare.
24
00:02:11,998 --> 00:02:14,057
Shut your mouth.
25
00:02:15,902 --> 00:02:18,268
Fred Sanford on relief?
Never.
26
00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:20,863
I might be broke,
but I got my pride.
27
00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:24,774
You want a bunch of white people prying
in your business, lookin' under the bed?
28
00:02:25,578 --> 00:02:27,512
What are you talking about?
29
00:02:27,580 --> 00:02:29,605
Well, that's what they do...
look under your bed...
30
00:02:29,682 --> 00:02:32,446
down your throat
and up your mattress.
31
00:02:34,254 --> 00:02:37,951
And while they're prowlin',
your stomach's growlin'.
32
00:02:38,024 --> 00:02:42,461
That's what the welfare thing is set up
for, for people in financial trouble.
33
00:02:42,529 --> 00:02:44,520
What do you think
we pay taxes for?
34
00:02:44,597 --> 00:02:48,192
We'd be taking advantage of something
that was set up for people like us.
35
00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:52,227
- What's that mean, "people like us"?
- Poor people, the have-nots.
36
00:02:52,305 --> 00:02:56,332
The have-nots? If the have-nots
could get something from the haves...
37
00:02:56,409 --> 00:02:59,435
Say the haves gave the have-nots
half of what they have.
38
00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:01,446
Then the haves
would still be the haves...
39
00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:03,846
but the have-nots
would be the have-somethings.
40
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:05,851
Would you stop it?
41
00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:08,479
What do you wanna do, go on welfare?
Is that what you wanna do?
42
00:03:08,555 --> 00:03:11,718
I don't wanna go on welfare. I'm just
trying to figure a way out of this.
43
00:03:11,791 --> 00:03:14,385
I'd rather do
what I did back in 1932.
44
00:03:14,460 --> 00:03:18,294
- Sell apples on the street corner.
- You want to sell apples?
45
00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:21,299
No. I can't sell apples
with my arthritis.
46
00:03:22,402 --> 00:03:25,371
Maybe I could sell
some grapes.
47
00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:29,273
- Maybe we could sell some blood.
- What?
48
00:03:29,342 --> 00:03:31,276
The hospitals pay you
for blood.
49
00:03:31,344 --> 00:03:33,642
They ain't gonna get
none of mine.
50
00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:37,342
My heart's having trouble pumping the
little blood I do have back and forth.
51
00:03:37,417 --> 00:03:39,385
This blood ain't for sale.
52
00:03:39,452 --> 00:03:42,319
It stays with
the original owner.
53
00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:47,689
Well, there they are.
The bill collectors have arrived.
54
00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:50,285
I don't feel that way.
You know what?
55
00:03:50,363 --> 00:03:53,799
My left hand is itching,
and that's a sure sign of money.
56
00:03:53,866 --> 00:03:57,700
- Aunt Esther.
- My left hand lied to me.
57
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:02,374
- Hello, Lamont.
- How you doing, Aunt Esther?
58
00:04:02,442 --> 00:04:04,376
Oh, I'm just fine...
59
00:04:04,444 --> 00:04:07,845
except for these broken-down knees
and this crick in my back...
60
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:12,180
spots in front of my eyes,
blood pressure rising.
61
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,413
Other than that,
I'm just fine.
62
00:04:14,487 --> 00:04:17,945
Esther, what do you tell people
when you're sick?
63
00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:26,688
- How are you, Fred?
- Well, I ain't half as dead as you.
64
00:04:28,801 --> 00:04:31,235
If I felt like you
and looked like you...
65
00:04:31,304 --> 00:04:34,603
I'd go down to Forest Lawn Cemetery
and hang around a while.
66
00:04:37,810 --> 00:04:41,007
- Would you like a cup of coffee?
- Thank you.
67
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:44,846
And squeeze out a few of them grounds.
We might have another cup left.
68
00:04:45,918 --> 00:04:47,943
Down and out again,
huh, Fred?
69
00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:51,149
You were a deadbeat
the day my sister married you...
70
00:04:51,224 --> 00:04:54,352
and you still
a deadbeat today.
71
00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:58,454
You know good and well the day
I married your sister I was loaded.
72
00:04:58,531 --> 00:05:02,763
You was loaded all right. You were
so drunk, you fell on the preacher.
73
00:05:04,537 --> 00:05:07,597
I had to get drunk
to look at your ugly family.
74
00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:15,013
Don't you talk
about my family.
75
00:05:15,081 --> 00:05:17,015
I'll talk about your family.
76
00:05:17,083 --> 00:05:20,246
For years, people goin' around saying,
"Black is beautiful. "
77
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:23,949
They took one look at your family
and say, "Hold everything!"
78
00:05:30,697 --> 00:05:35,031
Well, that's something you wouldn't
understand. We have inner beauty.
79
00:05:35,101 --> 00:05:38,002
- You have what?
- Inner beauty.
80
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:41,097
You better put your liver
where your face is.
81
00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:51,450
Fred Sanford,
you are crude and evil...
82
00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:53,610
and most of all
you're stupid!
83
00:05:54,687 --> 00:05:56,780
How'd you like one
across your lip?
84
00:05:58,224 --> 00:06:00,192
- Come on, try.
- Come on.
85
00:06:00,259 --> 00:06:01,851
- Come on, Stumpy!
- Stumpy?
86
00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:05,489
I'm tall enough to give you
three of these in your nose. Come on.
87
00:06:05,565 --> 00:06:07,590
- Oh, no, you won't.
- Yes, I will.
88
00:06:08,768 --> 00:06:10,702
Will you two stop it!
89
00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:13,261
- Would you two stop it!
- Tell her.
90
00:06:13,339 --> 00:06:16,308
I'm surprised at you.
You mean to tell me you'd hit a lady?
91
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:19,072
No, I wouldn't hit a lady,
but I'd hit her.
92
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:25,048
- Here's your coffee, Aunt Esther.
- Thank you, Lamont.
93
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:26,551
Behave yourself.
94
00:06:26,619 --> 00:06:29,144
Why you always come around here
and wanna pick a fight with me?
95
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:32,191
I didn't come around here
to pick no fight.
96
00:06:32,258 --> 00:06:35,716
- I came here to ask you a favor.
- What is it?
97
00:06:35,795 --> 00:06:39,287
I'd like to use your place
for our Sunday morning bible meeting.
98
00:06:39,365 --> 00:06:42,960
Who? You mean, you and all them
cackling sisters you always be with?
99
00:06:43,035 --> 00:06:46,198
Uh-uh. This a junkyard,
not a henhouse.
100
00:06:47,507 --> 00:06:51,136
All we planned to do
was to drink some tea...
101
00:06:51,210 --> 00:06:55,271
discuss a few chapters of Saint Paul,
eat some homemade cookies.
102
00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:57,782
The ladies were going
to contribute for refreshments.
103
00:06:57,850 --> 00:07:01,149
Why do your group want to meet
here in my junkyard?
104
00:07:01,220 --> 00:07:06,180
Well, number one, we try to bring
the Spirit to those who need it most.
105
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:07,920
Uh-huh.
106
00:07:07,994 --> 00:07:11,589
Number two, I felt it would be
a good idea for Lamont's sake.
107
00:07:11,664 --> 00:07:13,029
Keep going.
108
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:17,195
And number three, the places
we usually meet in are unavailable.
109
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:20,000
Bingo!
110
00:07:20,072 --> 00:07:23,769
- Well, do we get it or don't we?
- No, you don't get it.
111
00:07:23,843 --> 00:07:27,279
Why you think you can come over here
and I let you use my place?
112
00:07:27,346 --> 00:07:31,407
I was moved by the words
of the Good Book.
113
00:07:31,484 --> 00:07:34,476
"He that asketh, receiveth.
114
00:07:34,554 --> 00:07:38,217
And he that seeketh, findeth. "
That's Matthew.
115
00:07:39,425 --> 00:07:43,657
Well, you have asketh
and been turned downeth.
116
00:07:43,729 --> 00:07:47,028
Now findeth
someplace elseth.
117
00:07:47,099 --> 00:07:49,090
That's Fred.
118
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:52,671
All right, Fred.
119
00:07:52,738 --> 00:07:55,332
But I feel sorry
for Lamont.
120
00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:59,742
You raised him to be a backslider
just like yourself!
121
00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:02,645
Who you calling
a backslider, witch?
122
00:08:04,550 --> 00:08:09,180
I'm calling you a backslider
because you do not believe.
123
00:08:09,255 --> 00:08:14,158
I believe. I believe I'm gonna knock you
out of here 'cause you're ugly.
124
00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:19,961
And what's more, you're an evil-minded,
selfish old man!
125
00:08:20,032 --> 00:08:22,967
Listen, Esther, if you ain't out of here
by time I count to three...
126
00:08:23,035 --> 00:08:26,527
I'll put a lump on your head,
look like a wig on top of a natural...
127
00:08:26,606 --> 00:08:29,074
on top of a wig.
128
00:08:29,141 --> 00:08:32,201
And if you lay
one hand on me...
129
00:08:32,278 --> 00:08:37,580
I'll unscrew your arm from
your shoulder, and beat your brains out.
130
00:08:40,953 --> 00:08:43,820
You're a heathen,
that's what you are!
131
00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:46,415
A heathen!
132
00:08:46,492 --> 00:08:50,360
A no-good heathen!
And you're gonna pay for your sins...
133
00:08:50,429 --> 00:08:54,229
one of these days,
you miserable old buzzard!
134
00:08:57,603 --> 00:09:00,094
I'm sure glad she's gone.
135
00:09:00,172 --> 00:09:02,106
Thought she'd never leave.
136
00:09:02,174 --> 00:09:06,975
Listen, son, I think I've got
a solution for our problem.
137
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:09,606
I got it from
Madame Big Mouth.
138
00:09:09,682 --> 00:09:11,877
Would you mind telling me
what you're talking about?
139
00:09:11,951 --> 00:09:15,250
You know, she said something about her
sisters contributing for refreshments?
140
00:09:15,321 --> 00:09:17,255
- So?
- So, that's what we do.
141
00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:20,053
We invite a bunch of people,
charge admission on the door...
142
00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:23,789
and sell them some food and drinks, you
know, like the old Harlem rent parties.
143
00:09:23,863 --> 00:09:27,321
I thought you said you still had
your pride. Isn't that charity?
144
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,858
How's it charity? I'm giving something
for their money... food and drink.
145
00:09:30,937 --> 00:09:33,531
- I don't think much of the idea.
- You don't think much of it?
146
00:09:33,606 --> 00:09:36,734
I can think of something myself,
can't I? What do you think?
147
00:09:36,809 --> 00:09:40,245
First, where you gonna get the money
to buy this food and drinks to sell?
148
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:43,373
- Didn't you say we had $30 between us?
- Yeah.
149
00:09:43,449 --> 00:09:47,078
Do you know how much pigs feet, potato
salad and beer you can buy with $30?
150
00:09:48,688 --> 00:09:54,558
You can buy enough stuff to keep a whole
houseful of people belching the weekend.
151
00:09:54,627 --> 00:09:56,618
I don't like the idea
of having a party.
152
00:09:56,696 --> 00:09:59,722
Why not? We can make a lot of money
and have some fun doin' it.
153
00:09:59,799 --> 00:10:02,927
I'll act as the host. You know
what I mean? I'll greet the people.
154
00:10:03,002 --> 00:10:07,871
How's that song go?
No use of sitting alone in your room
155
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:11,341
- Come to the cabaret
- Forget it.
156
00:10:11,410 --> 00:10:15,176
- Life is a cabaret, old chum
- Forget it.
157
00:10:15,247 --> 00:10:18,876
Come to the caba...
Forget it?
158
00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:20,885
Well, what do you
want to do?
159
00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:23,012
I think we ought to ask for
an extension on all our bills.
160
00:10:23,089 --> 00:10:25,023
You know, the gas, electric, heat.
161
00:10:25,091 --> 00:10:28,117
If we can get an extension, if we
can get two weeks, we'll be all right.
162
00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:31,425
Well, listen, if we don't get it,
then can we have the party?
163
00:10:31,497 --> 00:10:33,431
We're not gonna need it
'cause we'll get the extension.
164
00:10:33,499 --> 00:10:36,195
- Sitting alone in your room
- Forget it.
165
00:10:36,268 --> 00:10:38,862
- Come to the cabaret
- Forget it.
166
00:10:38,938 --> 00:10:41,133
- Forget it!
- Come to the cabaret...
167
00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:44,404
Would you forget it?
168
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:47,002
Hello?
Oh, yes, it is.
169
00:10:47,079 --> 00:10:49,513
I was just about to call you
to ask for an extension.
170
00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:51,516
- Who is it?
- It's the phone company.
171
00:10:51,584 --> 00:10:53,518
They say if we don't pay the bill,
they're gonna cut it off.
172
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:56,714
Gimme that.
Hello?
173
00:10:56,789 --> 00:10:58,780
Yeah, this is Fred Sanford.
174
00:10:58,858 --> 00:11:01,588
Yeah, the phone is listed
in my name.
175
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:05,188
Listen, what makes you folks think you
can cut somebody's phone off...
176
00:11:05,264 --> 00:11:07,926
just because they're
a little behind in their bill?
177
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,867
I need my phone
for my place of business.
178
00:11:10,936 --> 00:11:14,633
Right. I wish one of you would come
over here and try to cut my phone off.
179
00:11:14,707 --> 00:11:16,937
I'll put my foot in your...
Hello?
180
00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:18,943
Hello?
181
00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:24,180
Hello? Hello?
182
00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:28,818
It's dead.
183
00:11:28,888 --> 00:11:31,118
That's just great.
Now what do we do?
184
00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:34,421
No use of sitting alonein your room
185
00:11:34,493 --> 00:11:38,657
Come to the cabaretCome to the cabaret
186
00:12:16,635 --> 00:12:20,401
Sorry, buddy.
Upstairs is off-limits to the guests.
187
00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:23,738
You see, upstairs is sleeping quarters
for the establishment.
188
00:12:23,809 --> 00:12:27,176
- I was just lookin' for the washroom.
- Didn't they tell you?
189
00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:30,374
We made arrangements with
the filling station on the corner.
190
00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:36,320
Excuse me. Say, brother,
would you take your foot off my couch?
191
00:12:36,388 --> 00:12:38,379
That's genuine vinyl.
192
00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:42,390
Hey, pal, good to see you.
Enjoy yourself.
193
00:12:42,461 --> 00:12:45,089
How are you, dear?
194
00:12:45,164 --> 00:12:47,792
Pardon me, friend.
Don't put your ashes on my rug.
195
00:12:47,867 --> 00:12:49,300
I'm sorry.
196
00:12:49,368 --> 00:12:52,462
Where do you people come from?
How you folks? Having fun?
197
00:12:52,538 --> 00:12:54,836
Good. Eat all you want.
Just leave some.
198
00:12:59,411 --> 00:13:02,574
- Well, how you feel, folks?
- What is that you're wearing?
199
00:13:02,648 --> 00:13:04,980
Tuxedo. How do I look?
200
00:13:05,050 --> 00:13:07,746
You look like a tall,
gray-haired penguin.
201
00:13:09,822 --> 00:13:13,553
I had this suit for 30 years.
Look at it. There ain't a hole in it.
202
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:17,528
There's no holes in it 'cause
the moths refuse to eat it.
203
00:13:17,596 --> 00:13:19,530
You don't even know nothin',
do you?
204
00:13:19,598 --> 00:13:22,795
I married your mother in this suit.
Ain't had it on since.
205
00:13:22,868 --> 00:13:26,326
Look there. Still got some rice
in the pocket.
206
00:13:26,405 --> 00:13:28,464
You sure
them ain't maggots?
207
00:13:30,009 --> 00:13:32,239
You're not gonna wear
that thing all night, are you?
208
00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:34,245
Yeah, I'm gonna wear it
all night.
209
00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:38,306
People used to say I looked like Edward
G. Robinson... you know, Little Caesar.
210
00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:42,286
Yeah, yeah. I'm runnin'
this place. It's my place.
211
00:13:42,354 --> 00:13:46,450
- Hi, Fred!
- Oh, darlin', you're just in time!
212
00:13:46,525 --> 00:13:49,392
Wow, you're lookin' good.
Gimme that cape.
213
00:13:53,032 --> 00:13:56,001
Yes, baby.
Yes, baby!
214
00:14:01,874 --> 00:14:06,538
Say, darlin', just go on out there
and mingle a little bit.
215
00:14:08,948 --> 00:14:10,916
What is that?
216
00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:16,453
What'd you think it is,
a water buffalo?
217
00:14:18,591 --> 00:14:21,025
That's Leslie Parker's niece.
She's our bunny.
218
00:14:21,093 --> 00:14:23,755
You know, like a bunny
at the Playboy Club.
219
00:14:23,829 --> 00:14:28,493
She looks more like a rabbit
from the Plowboy Club.
220
00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:32,370
You really are ridiculous!
221
00:14:34,573 --> 00:14:37,974
Hello, Fred?
Hello, Lamont.
222
00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:40,511
Hey, Bubba,
I'm Lamont and he's Fred.
223
00:14:40,579 --> 00:14:44,845
Great! Three of the nicest guys
you wanna meet.
224
00:14:44,917 --> 00:14:48,182
You like you already been to a party.
You're drunk.
225
00:14:48,254 --> 00:14:51,485
Yeah. I was celebrating
the election results.
226
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:55,891
I was celebratin'
McGovern gettin' elected.
227
00:14:55,961 --> 00:14:59,658
What's wrong with you?
Don't you know that Nixon got reelected?
228
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:03,828
Nixon! Now I'm really
gonna have to get drunk.
229
00:15:05,971 --> 00:15:09,236
Bubba, what you need is some food.
Why don't you get something to eat?
230
00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:12,402
No, thanks, Fred.
I'm driving.
231
00:15:14,146 --> 00:15:16,910
Come on in.
You're blocking the entrance.
232
00:15:16,982 --> 00:15:20,611
- You won't even have to pay admission.
- You gonna let me in for free?
233
00:15:20,686 --> 00:15:22,654
Of course.
You my best friend, ain't ya?
234
00:15:22,721 --> 00:15:25,815
Yeah, yeah.
You're my best friend too, Fred.
235
00:15:25,891 --> 00:15:29,383
- I've known you for 35 years...
- Don't start that.
236
00:15:29,461 --> 00:15:32,589
Hey, bunny girl!
Bunny girl!
237
00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:35,327
Help Bubba enjoy hisself.
238
00:15:36,502 --> 00:15:39,266
Good evening, gentlemen. Come right in.
Admission's one dollar.
239
00:15:39,338 --> 00:15:41,272
Get the money, Lamont.
240
00:15:44,843 --> 00:15:47,573
Uh, that's it.
Look around, fellas.
241
00:15:47,646 --> 00:15:49,671
Look around. Everything...
Everything's fine.
242
00:15:49,748 --> 00:15:51,773
Admission is one dollar...
243
00:15:51,850 --> 00:15:55,843
payable in one big soft one,
or a whole lot of little hard ones.
244
00:15:57,389 --> 00:16:00,415
What they tryin' to do, crash the party?
Where's my baseball bat?
245
00:16:00,492 --> 00:16:02,960
Wait a minute, Pop.
Don't start nothin' with those guys.
246
00:16:03,028 --> 00:16:05,292
- They look kind of big.
- I don't care how big they are.
247
00:16:05,364 --> 00:16:07,457
They're trying to crash the party?
Nobody crashes but me.
248
00:16:07,533 --> 00:16:10,366
And I think I'll start
with their skulls.
249
00:16:10,436 --> 00:16:12,370
Say, pardon me, gentlemen.
250
00:16:12,438 --> 00:16:15,202
Maybe you didn't hear me.
I said it's a dollar per head.
251
00:16:15,274 --> 00:16:19,472
Or would you rather me make that
one baseball bat per skull?
252
00:16:19,545 --> 00:16:22,378
- You in charge here? You the owner?
- Yeah.
253
00:16:22,448 --> 00:16:24,609
I'm also the owner
of a baseball bat.
254
00:16:24,683 --> 00:16:28,380
Can we go someplace where we can talk?
It's too noisy in here.
255
00:16:28,454 --> 00:16:31,321
Look, we've had our talk,
and the next noise you hear...
256
00:16:31,390 --> 00:16:35,986
will be the rat-a-tat-tat
of my baseball bat on your skull.
257
00:16:36,061 --> 00:16:38,222
How 'bout in here, huh?
Come on.
258
00:16:38,297 --> 00:16:40,765
Man, what you pushing on me for?
Don't be pushin'...
259
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:43,734
- Come over here.
- Look out. You messin' my suit up.
260
00:16:43,802 --> 00:16:45,963
All right, come on.
Come on! Sit down here.
261
00:16:46,038 --> 00:16:48,632
What is this?
What is wrong with you guys?
262
00:16:48,707 --> 00:16:52,643
If you're not out of here by the time
I count to three, you gonna be sorry.
263
00:16:52,711 --> 00:16:56,306
One, two, three.
264
00:16:56,382 --> 00:17:00,478
Uh, okay,
I'm gonna count to ten. One...
265
00:17:00,552 --> 00:17:02,543
- Sit down!
- You heard the man.
266
00:17:02,621 --> 00:17:05,385
- Sit down!
- Who are you guys? What do you want?
267
00:17:05,457 --> 00:17:08,255
We'll put it to you straight.
We want to be your partners.
268
00:17:08,327 --> 00:17:10,921
Ain't but two people in this
junk business... me and my son.
269
00:17:10,996 --> 00:17:14,261
We're not talkin' about junk business.
We're talkin' about the party business.
270
00:17:14,333 --> 00:17:17,359
Look. You got
a good thing going here.
271
00:17:17,436 --> 00:17:21,668
What we propose to you is that you use
the junk business in front as a dodge.
272
00:17:21,740 --> 00:17:24,265
You understand?
While the party is goin' on inside.
273
00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:26,971
We'll have drinking, gambling.
Fun! You understand?
274
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:29,378
- Fun!
- No, you fellows don't understand.
275
00:17:29,448 --> 00:17:31,712
This party's just for tonight.
We're trying to raise money.
276
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,718
I know.
But I say, why stop?
277
00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:36,152
Keep it going.
That way we make lots of money.
278
00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:38,382
- Keep it going?
- Yeah, continuously.
279
00:17:38,457 --> 00:17:41,290
24 hours a day,
with you as the host.
280
00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:44,625
I can't do that. I'm 65 years old.
That'll kill me.
281
00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:48,796
- Then we'll have to get another host.
- No, listen.
282
00:17:48,867 --> 00:17:50,960
Just forget about it.
I ain't interested.
283
00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:55,496
What are you fellas,
gangsters?
284
00:18:12,291 --> 00:18:14,759
Y'all happy gangsters,
ain't ya.
285
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:16,988
Now, here's the deal,
partner.
286
00:18:17,062 --> 00:18:20,190
We offer you our protection,
just to make sure nothin' bad happens.
287
00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:24,224
You can't open up no place here.
Not like that. You gotta have a license.
288
00:18:24,303 --> 00:18:27,500
A license?
Show him the license.
289
00:18:30,008 --> 00:18:32,476
You in business.
290
00:18:32,544 --> 00:18:35,035
Good.
291
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:38,777
I ain't never been in no trouble with
the law, and this sounds like trouble.
292
00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:43,015
Trouble? Why? Why? We take care
of everything. Your nose is clean.
293
00:18:43,088 --> 00:18:47,718
Yeah, my nose is clean, but the rest
of my body's gonna need a bath.
294
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:50,819
- What's goin' on in here?
- He'll explain it all to you.
295
00:18:50,896 --> 00:18:53,296
- Right, partner?
- What are you talking about, "partner"?
296
00:18:53,365 --> 00:18:55,458
We're going into
the party business together.
297
00:18:55,534 --> 00:18:58,367
You got a good thing going here,
but we're gonna make it even better.
298
00:18:58,437 --> 00:19:02,567
We don't want no partner, so you can
clear out of here right now because...
299
00:19:03,775 --> 00:19:06,437
Hello, partners.
300
00:19:06,512 --> 00:19:09,208
All right, we'll see you guys later.
Keep the party going.
301
00:19:09,281 --> 00:19:11,215
Come on.
302
00:19:11,283 --> 00:19:14,047
- Hey, Pop, who were those guys?
- They're gangsters.
303
00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:16,519
They want to turn this place into
a drinking and gambling joint.
304
00:19:16,588 --> 00:19:18,886
That's ridiculous.
We can't do that.
305
00:19:18,957 --> 00:19:22,984
I'm afraid we're
gonna have to, son. Remember?
306
00:19:23,061 --> 00:19:26,497
He made us an offer
we can't refuse.
307
00:19:32,804 --> 00:19:35,534
Man, I didn't get
no sleep at all last night.
308
00:19:35,607 --> 00:19:38,132
- Where have you been?
- I went out for a walk.
309
00:19:38,210 --> 00:19:41,737
What are we gonna do? They're turning
our place into the Sanford Hilton.
310
00:19:54,493 --> 00:19:56,427
Bubba,
what are you doing?
311
00:19:56,495 --> 00:19:58,759
I'm lookin' for
the bunny girl.
312
00:19:58,830 --> 00:20:02,027
Hey, bunny, bunny.
Come on, bunny.
313
00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:05,126
Where're you, bunny, bunny?
Come on, bunny, bunny.
314
00:20:07,606 --> 00:20:11,372
I hope he finds her so he
can stop drinking all that liquor.
315
00:20:13,011 --> 00:20:15,172
- Oh, no!
- What is it?
316
00:20:15,247 --> 00:20:17,511
Oh, come on, folks.
Please.
317
00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:20,943
I knew this party thing
wasn't gonna work out.
318
00:20:21,019 --> 00:20:23,010
You and your
moneymaking schemes.
319
00:20:23,088 --> 00:20:26,182
Listen, maybe if we stay in the kitchen,
they won't bother us.
320
00:20:26,258 --> 00:20:29,125
That's great, Pop.
We're gonna live, eat, sleep...
321
00:20:29,194 --> 00:20:31,822
in the kitchen
with no bathroom.
322
00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:33,489
Maybe I didn't tell you.
We made arrangements...
323
00:20:33,565 --> 00:20:35,931
with the filling station
on the corner.
324
00:20:36,001 --> 00:20:37,935
That's right,
keep making jokes.
325
00:20:38,003 --> 00:20:40,164
But we're in trouble...
big trouble.
326
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:44,099
Hey, Sanford!
327
00:20:44,176 --> 00:20:47,111
You back there?
Look at this.
328
00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:50,905
Sanford, you ain't
a very good host.
329
00:20:50,983 --> 00:20:53,110
Look at this party.
It's dying here.
330
00:20:53,185 --> 00:20:55,813
If you don't want to be in trouble,
you better get out of here.
331
00:20:55,887 --> 00:20:58,378
- This place is gonna be raided.
- What?
332
00:20:58,457 --> 00:21:01,051
That's right.
This place is gonna be raided.
333
00:21:01,126 --> 00:21:03,720
So if you don't want to be in it,
you better get on out of here now.
334
00:21:05,864 --> 00:21:08,628
You call the cops?
Is that what you did? Huh?
335
00:21:08,700 --> 00:21:11,362
Leave him alone.
You wouldn't hurt an old man.
336
00:21:11,436 --> 00:21:14,030
Fred Sanford!
What is this?
337
00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:17,507
- What's goin' on?
- Just what you see, Esther.
338
00:21:17,576 --> 00:21:20,739
Why, this place
is crawlin' with sin!
339
00:21:20,812 --> 00:21:22,803
Yeah, ain't it?
340
00:21:22,881 --> 00:21:25,975
We won't have our bible meeting here,
not long as this is going on.
341
00:21:26,051 --> 00:21:28,042
- Right, ladies?
- Amen!
342
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:31,180
- Who are they?
- These are Esther's Raiders.
343
00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:36,693
And we have a bible meeting
here this morning.
344
00:21:36,762 --> 00:21:38,923
Well, we got a party
goin' on here now.
345
00:21:38,997 --> 00:21:41,158
And the party is over!
Get out!
346
00:21:41,233 --> 00:21:44,031
- No, you can't throw us out.
- Oh, no?
347
00:21:44,102 --> 00:21:47,071
- No!
- Get out! Git, git, git!
348
00:22:01,753 --> 00:22:04,153
Wait a minute. I thought
you said you called the cops.
349
00:22:04,222 --> 00:22:06,213
I didn't call no cops.
350
00:22:06,291 --> 00:22:09,283
Esther's tough as any cop
and her mouth is bigger.
351
00:22:10,228 --> 00:22:12,162
- Well, it worked.
- Yeah.
352
00:22:12,230 --> 00:22:15,131
Come on, ladies.
We can have our bible meeting now.
353
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:16,633
Come on in.
354
00:22:18,036 --> 00:22:21,096
- Come on in, Fred.
- You don't want me in there.
355
00:22:21,173 --> 00:22:23,141
Oh, yes, we do.
Let's go.
356
00:22:23,208 --> 00:22:25,733
Esther, I ain't going
to no bible meeting. That's it.
357
00:22:25,811 --> 00:22:28,473
- That's what you think! Get in there!
- Wait a minute!
358
00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:38,854
Well, that's takes care of the gas,
electric and the phone company.
359
00:22:38,924 --> 00:22:40,983
And that clears us up
for the rest of the month.
360
00:22:41,059 --> 00:22:43,027
- How much you got left?
- Forty bucks.
361
00:22:43,095 --> 00:22:48,055
Perfect. $30 for the food we bought
and $10 to get the place cleaned up.
362
00:22:48,133 --> 00:22:51,762
Who's gonna charge us $10
for cleaning up this place?
363
00:22:51,837 --> 00:22:54,362
I am.
364
00:22:54,439 --> 00:22:58,341
- The door.
- You figured that out all by yourself?
365
00:22:58,410 --> 00:23:01,641
- Come on in!
- Come on in! The door's open.
366
00:23:01,713 --> 00:23:04,443
See, you didn't believe that that party
would work out, did you?
367
00:23:04,516 --> 00:23:07,110
You ought to listen to me more.
I raised you.
368
00:23:07,185 --> 00:23:09,745
- Good morning.
- Hello there, Aunt Esther.
369
00:23:09,821 --> 00:23:11,254
Good morning.
370
00:23:11,323 --> 00:23:13,917
Esther, what are you
doing here this early?
371
00:23:13,992 --> 00:23:16,756
Fred, my bible meeting friends...
372
00:23:16,828 --> 00:23:19,729
appreciated you letting us
use your place yesterday.
373
00:23:19,798 --> 00:23:21,732
Think nothing of it,
Esther.
374
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:25,759
I do unto others
as others has did unto me.
375
00:23:25,837 --> 00:23:28,806
And so I have a request.
376
00:23:28,874 --> 00:23:31,604
We would like to meet here
every Sunday morning.
377
00:23:31,676 --> 00:23:33,769
Oh, no. Uh-uh.
No, no, no.
378
00:23:33,845 --> 00:23:36,109
Nothin' doing.
You can't do that.
379
00:23:36,181 --> 00:23:38,206
Ain't no way.
380
00:23:38,283 --> 00:23:40,877
Listen, Fred, if you
don't let us have this place...
381
00:23:40,952 --> 00:23:43,420
I'll have those hoodlums
come back and take over again.
382
00:23:43,488 --> 00:23:45,683
- You wouldn't.
- Oh, wouldn't I?
383
00:23:45,757 --> 00:23:49,158
Just watch me. What will it be?
Us or those gangsters?
384
00:23:53,231 --> 00:23:57,759
What a friend we havein Jesus
385
00:23:57,836 --> 00:24:03,672
All of our sinsand griefs to bear
386
00:24:17,956 --> 00:24:22,017
Sanford and Son is recorded on tapebefore a live studio audience.
33221
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