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www.tvsubtitles.net
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l had glasses when l was 1 0.
3
00:00:04,804 --> 00:00:06,738
Anybody beat that?
Anybody got them younger?
4
00:00:07,073 --> 00:00:08,904
-Seven.
-Seven?
5
00:00:09,209 --> 00:00:10,801
Two?
6
00:00:14,681 --> 00:00:17,980
Anybody born with glasses?
Come out....
7
00:00:18,151 --> 00:00:20,642
Actually come out
of the birth canal and go:
8
00:00:20,820 --> 00:00:23,880
''That was a hell of a delivery,
l'll tell you that.
9
00:00:27,060 --> 00:00:29,324
Can l clean these?
10
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:32,127
Does anybody have one
of those little cloths?
11
00:00:32,298 --> 00:00:34,926
l was just born. They're a little....
12
00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:36,659
A little smudgy.''
13
00:00:43,276 --> 00:00:45,540
-Fantastic.
-l told you. How good is this?
14
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,145
-lt's good.
-How good?
15
00:00:47,313 --> 00:00:48,302
-Very good.
-l know.
16
00:00:48,481 --> 00:00:51,473
They put real blueberries in this.
What kind did you get?
17
00:00:51,651 --> 00:00:54,142
Coffee. They grind up
the coffee beans and put it in!
18
00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,618
Let me test-taste that.
19
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:04,788
-And it's nonfat.
-How could this not have any fat?
20
00:01:04,964 --> 00:01:06,693
-lt's too good.
-You wanna taste mine?
21
00:01:07,167 --> 00:01:09,260
-Oh, you wanna taste mine.
-No, l don't.
22
00:01:09,436 --> 00:01:12,701
lf you wanna taste mine, you don't
have to offer me some of yours.
23
00:01:13,039 --> 00:01:15,200
All right, let's just forget it.
24
00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:17,543
Kramer's gonna clean up
on this place.
25
00:01:17,710 --> 00:01:19,405
-What do you mean?
-He invested in it.
26
00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:21,979
-No kidding?
-We've been coming here every day.
27
00:01:22,148 --> 00:01:25,675
This is so f*****g good!
28
00:01:25,852 --> 00:01:27,444
Jerry!
29
00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:30,586
Oh, l'm sorry.
30
00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:33,255
-That's nice.
-All right.
31
00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:36,589
We should get going, but l'm gonna
get a little bit more, okay?
32
00:01:38,465 --> 00:01:41,332
-Oh, God, look who's here.
-Who is it?
33
00:01:41,501 --> 00:01:44,595
This guy from my old neighborhood,
Lloyd Braun.
34
00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:47,831
He's a big adviser to Mayor Dinkins.
He thinks he's so cool.
35
00:01:48,007 --> 00:01:49,065
Oh, really.
36
00:01:51,544 --> 00:01:53,512
Hey, George.
37
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,148
Hey, Lloyd!
38
00:01:56,749 --> 00:01:58,046
Hey!
39
00:01:58,218 --> 00:02:00,015
My friend Jerry.
40
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:03,020
So l hear you're living back home now,
or something?
41
00:02:05,391 --> 00:02:07,825
Yeah, there was a fire
in my apartment.
42
00:02:07,994 --> 00:02:09,791
A fire.
43
00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:13,163
There's a lot of major chicks
in this place, huh?
44
00:02:15,001 --> 00:02:16,992
Something wrong with your arm?
45
00:02:19,672 --> 00:02:21,765
Yeah, actually.
46
00:02:22,375 --> 00:02:26,812
l bumped my elbow on a desk
and injured something...
47
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,949
...and now it sort of
moves involuntarily.
48
00:02:31,618 --> 00:02:33,210
That's a bitch, huh?
49
00:02:33,586 --> 00:02:36,384
-So how are your parents doing?
-Oh, pretty good.
50
00:02:39,292 --> 00:02:42,921
-This place does some business, huh?
-Yeah, this is my first time here.
51
00:02:43,530 --> 00:02:45,555
Hey, she's a doll.
52
00:02:46,099 --> 00:02:47,327
Hi.
53
00:02:47,567 --> 00:02:50,195
-Hello.
-Elaine, this is Lloyd.
54
00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:52,201
-Hi.
-Hi. Very nice to meet you.
55
00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:53,805
Nice to meet you too.
56
00:02:56,409 --> 00:02:59,037
Boy, l'm really sorry
l gotta run now.
57
00:03:00,813 --> 00:03:03,304
-Well, take it easy, huh, George?
-Yeah, yeah.
58
00:03:03,483 --> 00:03:05,212
-Bye-bye.
-Bye.
59
00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:11,118
-Boy, he is really cute.
-He's a jerk.
60
00:03:11,291 --> 00:03:13,589
-He's gone, George.
-All right, all right.
61
00:03:17,797 --> 00:03:19,424
So there were a lot of people there?
62
00:03:19,599 --> 00:03:21,760
That yogurt place--
You're gonna make a fortune.
63
00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:24,733
-They're doing incredible business.
-l told you to go in on it.
64
00:03:24,904 --> 00:03:27,998
-How did you know?
-Well, l tasted it at the one downtown.
65
00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:30,142
lt's got a remarkable texture.
66
00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:32,107
You'd never know it was nonfat.
67
00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:37,376
-Yeah?
-Me.
68
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:41,046
Hey, l had the show of my life
last night.
69
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:44,122
-l ad-libbed, like, 1 0 new minutes.
-Yeah, but did you tape it?
70
00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:46,258
-Yeah.
-Right there. l got it.
71
00:03:46,426 --> 00:03:48,155
l did this thing on
the Ottoman Empire:
72
00:03:48,328 --> 00:03:51,661
What, was this a whole empire
based on putting your feet up?
73
00:03:52,332 --> 00:03:55,165
l'm telling you, l got a whole
new Tonight Show here.
74
00:03:57,437 --> 00:03:59,132
-Hi.
-Hey.
75
00:03:59,305 --> 00:04:01,068
What's the matter?
76
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,266
l was having lunch
and l bit down on the fork.
77
00:04:03,676 --> 00:04:06,076
lt's hard to believe
with so much biting experience...
78
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,544
...a person could still
make a mistake like that.
79
00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:12,548
-What?
-You're getting heavy.
80
00:04:14,187 --> 00:04:17,748
-What?
-You look like you put on 5...
81
00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:19,289
...1 0 pounds.
82
00:04:20,693 --> 00:04:22,490
-Kramer!
-l'll tell you something else...
83
00:04:22,662 --> 00:04:24,527
...you're looking
a little chunky yourself.
84
00:04:25,031 --> 00:04:26,055
-Me?
-Yeah.
85
00:04:26,232 --> 00:04:28,928
-No.
-Where's your bathroom scale?
86
00:04:34,173 --> 00:04:37,370
Oh, my God! l've gained 7 pounds!
87
00:04:37,710 --> 00:04:40,144
-l've gained 8!
-l told you.
88
00:04:40,313 --> 00:04:43,373
l thought l'd put on a couple, but
7 pounds, how did l gain 7 pounds?
89
00:04:43,549 --> 00:04:45,710
-How did l gain 8?
-l don't get it.
90
00:04:45,885 --> 00:04:48,979
l've been doing the same exercises.
l haven't been eating different.
91
00:04:49,155 --> 00:04:50,588
Me either.
92
00:04:50,757 --> 00:04:52,748
Wait a second.
Maybe it's that yogurt.
93
00:04:52,925 --> 00:04:56,622
-No, no. That's 1 00-percent nonfat.
-How else could this have happened?
94
00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:59,060
-Maybe it's the Oreos.
-l don't eat Oreos.
95
00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:02,133
You don't eat Oreos?
The way you break them open....
96
00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:05,365
You're practically having
sex with them.
97
00:05:05,538 --> 00:05:08,166
-What about me?
-You? You're getting old.
98
00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:13,278
-Maybe your yogurt isn't so nonfat.
-Oh, guess again, tubby.
99
00:05:15,014 --> 00:05:17,107
There's gotta be a way
we can find that out.
100
00:05:17,283 --> 00:05:19,376
There must be a kind of lab
that would do that.
101
00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:22,946
l've got it! l'll call
the Food and Drug Administration.
102
00:05:26,092 --> 00:05:27,855
Hey, l'll tell you what, chubs.
103
00:05:28,027 --> 00:05:32,726
lf that yogurt has fat in it, l will
put myself on an all-yogurt diet...
104
00:05:32,899 --> 00:05:35,595
-...for a week.
-Well, let's start the insanity.
105
00:05:37,470 --> 00:05:38,937
Giddyup.
106
00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:45,306
''Tommy Tune
is a very good dancer.''
107
00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,880
You ever see Tommy Tune dance?
108
00:05:55,321 --> 00:05:57,312
-No.
-l like tap-dancing.
109
00:05:57,490 --> 00:06:00,118
Tap-dancing. Anyone can tap-dance.
lt's those shoes.
110
00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:03,490
Are you kidding?
They practice for years, those people.
111
00:06:03,996 --> 00:06:05,588
What's for supper?
112
00:06:06,666 --> 00:06:08,566
Somebody's at the door.
113
00:06:08,735 --> 00:06:10,134
Tommy Tune is very tall.
114
00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:13,963
That helps. lt makes him lankier.
115
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:18,010
-Lloyd!
-Hello, Mrs. Costanza.
116
00:06:18,177 --> 00:06:20,611
Georgie, Lloyd Braun is here.
117
00:06:20,780 --> 00:06:23,772
-Hey, Lloyd!
-What are you doing here?
118
00:06:23,950 --> 00:06:27,215
Well, l was just visiting my mother,
so l thought l'd drop by, say hello.
119
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,813
Georgie, come here and say hello.
120
00:06:29,989 --> 00:06:32,685
How you doing? l hear you're
a big adviser for Dinkins now.
121
00:06:32,859 --> 00:06:37,296
-That's right. Hey, George.
-Hey, Lloyd. How's it going?
122
00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:39,693
l ran into George yesterday
in the city.
123
00:06:43,703 --> 00:06:46,035
What's the matter with you?
124
00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:48,404
So how's the arm?
125
00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:50,769
-Oh, it's good.
-What's the matter with your arm?
126
00:06:50,943 --> 00:06:53,343
-Nothing.
-Yeah, his arm moves like this.
127
00:06:53,513 --> 00:06:57,040
Your arm moves like this? l've never
seen your arm move like this.
128
00:06:57,216 --> 00:06:59,480
-Me either.
-Well, it comes and goes.
129
00:06:59,652 --> 00:07:00,983
lt's like some kind of...
130
00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:02,519
...a spasm.
131
00:07:03,589 --> 00:07:06,114
l asked Mr. Dinkins if he knew
any good orthopedists.
132
00:07:06,292 --> 00:07:10,285
He said he had the best. So l made
an appointment for you. Dr. Dekter.
133
00:07:10,463 --> 00:07:13,091
Mayor Dinkins got
an appointment for him?
134
00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:15,960
You mentioned George's name
to Mayor Dinkins?
135
00:07:16,335 --> 00:07:18,803
You discussed George
with the mayor of New York?
136
00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:23,908
Dinkins was talking about you.
He was discussing you!
137
00:07:24,410 --> 00:07:26,275
You know, Lloyd,
l've been to the doctor.
138
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:27,970
-There's nothing they can do.
-Hey!
139
00:07:28,147 --> 00:07:29,774
Mayor Dinkins set this up for you.
140
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:32,349
You know what kind of a doctor
he must be?
141
00:07:32,518 --> 00:07:34,645
All right. All right, l'll go.
142
00:07:35,354 --> 00:07:36,616
Well, that's great.
143
00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:40,156
And l'll be very interested
to hear the diagnosis.
144
00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:47,898
Okay, well, we're coming down.
All right. Okay.
145
00:07:48,067 --> 00:07:50,865
l got a place that can analyze it.
lt's in Brooklyn.
146
00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:53,232
-They said they could do it?
-Yeah. lt's 45 bucks.
147
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:56,739
All right, let's go to the yogurt store
and get a specimen.
148
00:07:59,545 --> 00:08:01,809
-Well, l hope you're satisfied.
-What?
149
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:05,109
Every word out of my son's
mouth now is f**k, f**k, f**k.
150
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,452
You know what he said to me
five minutes ago?
151
00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:12,317
''Where's my f*****g cupcake?''
152
00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:16,824
Gee, l'm really sorry.
153
00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:19,726
He wants to be like you
because you're a comedian.
154
00:08:19,899 --> 00:08:22,265
-Maybe you could talk to him.
-l'd be happy to.
155
00:08:22,468 --> 00:08:23,696
Thank you.
156
00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:27,101
Mary, we've been eating
a lot of your husband's yogurt...
157
00:08:27,273 --> 00:08:29,935
...at the yogurt place.
Does that have any fat in it?
158
00:08:30,109 --> 00:08:32,441
No f*****g way.
159
00:08:36,482 --> 00:08:41,283
-lt was very nice seeing you again.
-Oh, it was good seeing you.
160
00:08:42,922 --> 00:08:46,016
By the way, who was that gorgeous
woman l saw you with the other day?
161
00:08:47,827 --> 00:08:50,261
-Just a friend of mine.
-You must mean Elaine.
162
00:08:50,429 --> 00:08:52,863
-lsn't she adorable?
-She is, she is.
163
00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:55,626
How about giving me her number?
164
00:08:55,801 --> 00:08:58,099
You know, Lloyd,
l really don't have it.
165
00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:01,206
She works at Pendant Publishing.
166
00:09:01,607 --> 00:09:03,700
Elaine Benes.
167
00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:06,003
-Great. Thanks a lot.
-Yeah.
168
00:09:06,178 --> 00:09:08,305
-Bye-bye.
-Bye.
169
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:14,748
Oh, that Lloyd Braun,
he is something, isn't he?
170
00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:19,922
l wouldn't hear of it.
l said, ''Nice try, granny''...
171
00:09:20,092 --> 00:09:22,560
...and l sent her to the back
of the line.
172
00:09:29,035 --> 00:09:30,696
Hello, Newman.
173
00:09:32,171 --> 00:09:33,638
Hello, Jerry.
174
00:09:33,806 --> 00:09:37,333
Say, this yogurt is really something,
huh? And it's nonfat!
175
00:09:37,510 --> 00:09:41,913
l've been waiting for something like
this my whole life, and it's finally here!
176
00:09:44,216 --> 00:09:45,843
Hey, Seinfeld.
177
00:09:46,118 --> 00:09:49,212
l'd appreciate if you'd stop using
obscenities around my son, huh?
178
00:09:49,388 --> 00:09:51,686
lt was an accident.
l'm gonna talk to him.
179
00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:54,826
l'll have a small plain vanilla
in a cup to go.
180
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:58,029
-That's nonfat, right?
-That's right.
181
00:09:58,197 --> 00:09:59,289
l'm on a special diet.
182
00:09:59,465 --> 00:10:02,491
-The doctor said l can't have any fat.
-Yeah, well, there is no fat.
183
00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:05,262
Hey, another round of strawberry
for me and my friends!
184
00:10:09,875 --> 00:10:12,366
-Hurry, Jerry, hurry.
-How's it doing?
185
00:10:12,545 --> 00:10:13,603
Not so good.
186
00:10:13,779 --> 00:10:15,906
You can't have this tested now.
lt's melting.
187
00:10:16,082 --> 00:10:18,516
-So what?
-lt changes the molecules.
188
00:10:18,684 --> 00:10:20,515
You don't know
what you're talking about.
189
00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:24,122
Hey, fatso, l got a 90 in biology.
190
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,884
You call me fatso again,
you're gonna be walking back.
191
00:10:30,896 --> 00:10:33,763
Hi. l called earlier about
getting the yogurt tested?
192
00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:36,925
Oh, right.
Would you fill this out, please?
193
00:10:37,103 --> 00:10:39,936
-Does it matter if it's melted?
-No.
194
00:10:43,075 --> 00:10:45,475
-This is gonna take a couple of days.
-That's okay.
195
00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:47,811
Hello there.
196
00:10:49,448 --> 00:10:51,109
Hello.
197
00:10:52,018 --> 00:10:53,451
Test tubes.
198
00:10:53,619 --> 00:10:54,950
Cool.
199
00:10:55,287 --> 00:10:58,882
-What do you got there?
-This is Mr. Giuliani's blood.
200
00:10:59,058 --> 00:11:00,787
We're doing a cholesterol workup
on it.
201
00:11:01,694 --> 00:11:03,423
Okay, l'm done.
202
00:11:04,463 --> 00:11:08,627
-lt was really nice meeting you.
-Well, the pleasure's all mine.
203
00:11:12,538 --> 00:11:15,063
-You can't take that chemist out.
-Why not?
204
00:11:15,241 --> 00:11:17,835
Because she's like the jury.
She's gotta be sequestered.
205
00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:20,945
l'm not taking her out
just to influence the results.
206
00:11:21,113 --> 00:11:24,207
-l think the whole thing stinks.
-lt smells. Smells bad.
207
00:11:24,383 --> 00:11:25,907
-Smells really bad.
-That's enough.
208
00:11:26,085 --> 00:11:27,382
-What?
-With the smells.
209
00:11:30,556 --> 00:11:33,548
So he made an appointment for me
to see Dinkins' doctor.
210
00:11:33,726 --> 00:11:35,717
-He's just trying to humiliate me.
-Yeah.
211
00:11:35,895 --> 00:11:39,831
And l have to go. lf l don't go,
he'll know l'm lying.
212
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:44,035
What are you gonna do,
sit in the doctor's office doing this?
213
00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:46,569
He's gonna think
you're a mental patient.
214
00:11:47,673 --> 00:11:49,072
l don't care.
215
00:11:49,241 --> 00:11:51,402
Look, Lloyd doesn't know
what he's up against.
216
00:11:51,577 --> 00:11:53,568
This is nothing to me.
217
00:11:53,746 --> 00:11:55,941
My whole life is a lie.
218
00:11:57,983 --> 00:11:59,450
-Hey.
-Hey.
219
00:11:59,618 --> 00:12:01,176
So guess who called me.
220
00:12:01,353 --> 00:12:04,948
-Oh, don't tell me. Lloyd?
-We're going out tomorrow night.
221
00:12:05,124 --> 00:12:08,560
All right, look, he's gonna ask you
about my arm.
222
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,958
So just tell him l banged it
against a desk...
223
00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:13,325
...and it's been moving involuntarily
ever since.
224
00:12:13,499 --> 00:12:14,727
l can't say that.
225
00:12:15,434 --> 00:12:17,664
-Why not?
-What if l like him?
226
00:12:17,837 --> 00:12:21,000
-l'm gonna start out lying to this guy?
-So you're taking his side?
227
00:12:21,173 --> 00:12:22,936
No, but what if we get married?
228
00:12:23,109 --> 00:12:25,509
We'll always have that between us.
229
00:12:25,678 --> 00:12:27,942
Already you're marrying this guy?
230
00:12:28,114 --> 00:12:29,775
-You never know.
-Believe me...
231
00:12:29,949 --> 00:12:33,077
-...you're not gonna marry him.
-What if we become a couple?
232
00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:36,585
Every time we see you, you're gonna
be walking around going like this?
233
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,417
Even you can't keep that up.
234
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,422
Oh, l believe he can.
235
00:12:45,865 --> 00:12:47,230
-Hi.
-Hi.
236
00:12:47,399 --> 00:12:50,891
-You know Jerry.
-Of course. He's a funny f****r.
237
00:12:53,806 --> 00:12:55,068
See?
238
00:12:58,477 --> 00:13:01,935
Listen, Matthew, l want to explain
something to you.
239
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:07,147
Now, cursing is not something
that most comedians do.
240
00:13:08,554 --> 00:13:12,115
-You did it.
-That's true, but it was an accident.
241
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:15,021
l haven't done it since,
and l would never do it again.
242
00:13:15,394 --> 00:13:17,487
lf you continue cursing,
you'll never become...
243
00:13:17,663 --> 00:13:19,358
...a comedian like me
when you grow up.
244
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,695
Excuse me one second.
245
00:13:26,672 --> 00:13:30,005
You know, Lloyd advises Dinkins
on everything he does.
246
00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:33,509
-Yeah, yeah. Big adviser.
-He tells him what soap to use.
247
00:13:37,183 --> 00:13:40,016
What the f**k are you doing,
you little piece of s**t?!
248
00:13:49,228 --> 00:13:51,719
We don't want to disturb
the security guard.
249
00:13:51,897 --> 00:13:53,228
Where's the lights?
250
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:57,995
-How about this?
-Yeah.
251
00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,899
A Bunsen burner.
252
00:14:10,115 --> 00:14:12,413
You want a taste? lt's cappuccino.
253
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:18,818
lt's delicious.
254
00:14:19,091 --> 00:14:21,559
-l hear you.
-Nonfat?
255
00:14:21,727 --> 00:14:22,955
Well...
256
00:14:23,329 --> 00:14:24,728
...you tell me.
257
00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:27,190
ls the verdict in yet?
258
00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:29,829
No.
259
00:14:30,236 --> 00:14:31,567
Well...
260
00:14:31,737 --> 00:14:34,228
...this is in case there's a tie.
261
00:14:48,020 --> 00:14:50,784
As far as l know,
he bumped his arm into a door...
262
00:14:50,956 --> 00:14:53,083
...and it's kind of got...
263
00:14:53,259 --> 00:14:57,923
...this involuntary movement.
lt's some sort of a spasm.
264
00:14:59,598 --> 00:15:02,590
So, anyway, you're a big adviser
to Dinkins, huh?
265
00:15:02,768 --> 00:15:05,202
Yeah, yeah. lt's coming
right down the wire.
266
00:15:06,305 --> 00:15:08,500
Know what l would do
if l was running for mayor?
267
00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:10,665
One of my campaign themes
would be...
268
00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:14,540
...that everybody should wear
nametags to make the city friendlier.
269
00:15:14,713 --> 00:15:17,204
-Nametags, huh?
-Everybody would know everybody.
270
00:15:17,383 --> 00:15:19,613
lt would be like a small town.
271
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:23,013
-Maybe l'll mention that to him.
-Really?
272
00:15:25,357 --> 00:15:28,258
-You sure you don't want any yogurt?
-No, l'm watching my weight.
273
00:15:28,694 --> 00:15:31,686
-Oh, it's nonfat.
-Yeah, so they say.
274
00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:34,355
-Well, shall we go?
-Yeah, okay.
275
00:15:44,143 --> 00:15:46,441
Three days he hasn't called me,
and you know why?
276
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,807
Because he thinks l'm too fat.
277
00:15:48,981 --> 00:15:50,380
-He said that?
-No.
278
00:15:50,549 --> 00:15:53,416
But l saw the look on his face
when he put his arm around me.
279
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:57,882
Then we went to his apartment,
and l sat on one of his chairs...
280
00:15:58,057 --> 00:15:59,285
...and it broke.
281
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:04,327
And he says,
''Boy, you're a lot of woman.''
282
00:16:07,533 --> 00:16:10,195
Hey, so hear anything
on the yogurt?
283
00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:14,703
-No, but l expect to hear any time.
-Well, l wouldn't get your hopes up.
284
00:16:14,873 --> 00:16:17,535
-Why do you say that?
-No reason.
285
00:16:18,444 --> 00:16:20,344
Did you hear about that Dinkins?
286
00:16:20,546 --> 00:16:22,673
-What about him?
-You didn't hear?
287
00:16:22,848 --> 00:16:27,114
He's proposing a plan where everyone
in the city should wear nametags.
288
00:16:28,187 --> 00:16:29,984
-Nametags?
-So people can go around...
289
00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:31,588
...saying hello to one another.
290
00:16:31,757 --> 00:16:35,989
Oh, l see. So you go, ''Hey, you know
who l saw wilding today? Herb!''
291
00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:37,685
He's becoming a laughingstock!
292
00:16:37,863 --> 00:16:42,357
The Times has already stated it could
cost him the election. Nametags!
293
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:46,896
Hello?
294
00:16:47,573 --> 00:16:48,972
Yes.
295
00:16:50,142 --> 00:16:51,370
Yeah--
296
00:16:51,877 --> 00:16:53,367
Oh, really?
297
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:56,076
Okay. Thank you very much.
298
00:16:56,248 --> 00:16:58,614
Bye-bye. Well...
299
00:16:58,884 --> 00:17:01,079
...the yogurt verdict is in.
300
00:17:01,253 --> 00:17:02,982
Fat!
301
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:09,894
The next morning, l woke up...
302
00:17:11,497 --> 00:17:14,295
...and it was going like this.
303
00:17:14,933 --> 00:17:18,391
l can control it
if l really concentrate...
304
00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:20,231
...but otherwise--
305
00:17:22,441 --> 00:17:25,808
Yes, well, l'm going to have to be
perfectly honest with you.
306
00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:27,809
-Please, doctor.
-l've examined you...
307
00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:29,971
...l've looked at your x-rays...
308
00:17:30,149 --> 00:17:33,277
...and l find that there's absolutely
nothing wrong with you.
309
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:39,651
Really?
310
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,356
-Nothing?
-Nothing...
311
00:17:41,527 --> 00:17:43,791
...that would indicate
involuntary spasms.
312
00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:48,593
Well, it's kind of a mystery, isn't it?
313
00:17:49,101 --> 00:17:51,467
-No, not really.
-How so?
314
00:17:51,637 --> 00:17:54,231
May l suggest the possibility
that you're faking.
315
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:56,340
Faking?
316
00:17:56,975 --> 00:17:59,239
What makes you think
that l have time...
317
00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:01,879
...to see doctors take x-rays,
make appointments...
318
00:18:02,047 --> 00:18:04,174
...when there's absolutely nothing
wrong with me?
319
00:18:04,349 --> 00:18:06,647
What kind of a person
would do a thing like that?
320
00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:09,652
l don't know what kind of person
would do something like that.
321
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:12,154
Obviously a very sick person.
322
00:18:12,724 --> 00:18:14,055
A very immature person.
323
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:19,030
A person who has no regard for
wasting other people's valuable time.
324
00:18:19,364 --> 00:18:21,389
-Goodbye.
-Now see here, doctor--
325
00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:23,467
l said, goodbye.
326
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,331
Fine.
327
00:18:32,811 --> 00:18:35,109
Jerry, come on, look.
Let's go to that yogurt store.
328
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:38,841
l've been thinking about this. This
has gotta be a massive conspiracy.
329
00:18:39,017 --> 00:18:40,985
Who knows how deep it goes?
330
00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:44,282
Hey, look, wait a second.
Kramer, turn that up.
331
00:18:44,723 --> 00:18:47,283
Rudy Giuliani, who underwenta physical last week...
332
00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:49,552
...received somestartling news today...
333
00:18:49,728 --> 00:18:53,459
...when his cholesterol countturned out to be a whopping 37 5.
334
00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:57,535
What effect this will haveon the minds of the voters...
335
00:18:57,703 --> 00:18:58,931
...remains to be seen.
336
00:18:59,104 --> 00:19:01,470
In another development,Mayor Dinkins has fired...
337
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,768
...his top adviser, Lloyd Braun,who was believed responsible...
338
00:19:04,943 --> 00:19:06,467
...for the nametag fiasco.
339
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:08,510
We now take you toGiuliani headquarters...
340
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,171
...where Rudy Giuliani isabout to make a statement.
341
00:19:11,350 --> 00:19:14,319
It's hard to understand becauseI've done everything I normally do.
342
00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:17,717
I've been watching my diet verycarefully, I exercise regularly.
343
00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:21,553
My only indulgence, I guess, wouldbe that I eat a lot of frozen yogurt...
344
00:19:21,727 --> 00:19:22,989
...but it's nonfat.
345
00:19:23,362 --> 00:19:29,323
Nonfat yogurt? Oh, my God. They got
Giuliani, and he doesn't know it!
346
00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:32,561
-Now look what you've done.
-We've gotta do something.
347
00:19:32,738 --> 00:19:34,865
l'm calling Giuliani's headquarters.
348
00:19:36,341 --> 00:19:39,003
Nametags! Nametags!
349
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:42,272
What kind of an idiot thinks anybody
would be interested in that idea?
350
00:19:42,447 --> 00:19:46,076
l don't think it's so bad.
People should wear nametags.
351
00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:48,413
Everyone would be a lot friendlier.
352
00:19:48,587 --> 00:19:51,351
''Hello, Sam.''
''How you doing, Joe?''
353
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:56,256
Hey, your arm. lt moved again.
354
00:19:57,129 --> 00:19:58,562
l thought you said it went away.
355
00:19:58,897 --> 00:20:01,661
l banged it on the desk
in the doctor's office.
356
00:20:03,435 --> 00:20:04,663
Quiet!
357
00:20:04,970 --> 00:20:07,803
They're starting the press conference.
358
00:20:07,973 --> 00:20:11,067
My campaign staff receivedsome very disturbing information...
359
00:20:11,243 --> 00:20:15,304
...regarding the fat content in yogurtthat's being sold throughout the city.
360
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:19,746
I pledge to you now that if I'm electedmayor, as my first order of business...
361
00:20:19,918 --> 00:20:23,319
...I'll appoint a special task forceto investigate this matter.
362
00:20:23,488 --> 00:20:25,479
I promise you,my fellow New Yorkers...
363
00:20:25,657 --> 00:20:28,421
...that Mayor Giulianiwill do everything possible...
364
00:20:28,594 --> 00:20:32,462
...to cleanse the cityof this falsified nonfat yogurt.
365
00:20:33,532 --> 00:20:37,059
The old yogurt was so much better.
Oh, this is terrible.
366
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,397
-Oh, it stinks.
-Mine too.
367
00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:41,505
-l got one more day.
-l can't eat this.
368
00:20:41,673 --> 00:20:43,834
Hey, Jerry.
369
00:20:44,610 --> 00:20:47,443
Thanks a lot. l hope you're happy.
370
00:20:47,613 --> 00:20:51,208
-lt had fat in it. lt's not good for you.
-l don't care!
371
00:20:51,683 --> 00:20:54,174
lt was good! l was enjoying it.
372
00:20:54,353 --> 00:20:56,651
Had to interfere,
couldn't leave well enough alone.
373
00:20:56,822 --> 00:20:59,518
l will get even with you for this.
You can count on it.
374
00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:02,919
Hey, you guys, listen to this.
Listen to this.
375
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:06,189
''Apparently some blood spilled
into Mr. Giuliani's test tube...
376
00:21:06,365 --> 00:21:07,992
...causing his cholesterol count...
377
00:21:08,166 --> 00:21:11,397
...to be 1 50 points higher
than was initially reported.
378
00:21:11,570 --> 00:21:14,437
lronically, the mishap, by bringing
the nonfat-yogurt scandal...
379
00:21:14,606 --> 00:21:15,971
...to the public's attention...
380
00:21:16,141 --> 00:21:18,609
...probably clinched the election
for the Republican.
381
00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:21,439
lt was the one issue which seemed
to electrify the voters...
382
00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:24,207
...and swept Giuliani into office.''
383
00:21:24,549 --> 00:21:27,109
So in effect, the yogurt
won him the election.
384
00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:29,652
l wonder what actually happened
in that lab.
385
00:21:29,821 --> 00:21:31,982
Yeah. Me too.
386
00:21:33,492 --> 00:21:35,289
l can't eat this.
387
00:21:40,666 --> 00:21:44,102
Thanks for ruining my daddy's
business, you fat f**k.
388
00:21:55,614 --> 00:21:58,344
There's nothing more fun
than cursing when you're a kid.
389
00:21:58,517 --> 00:22:00,576
l mean, it's like getting
the keys to the car.
390
00:22:00,752 --> 00:22:03,482
You're doing something
you're not supposed to do.
391
00:22:03,655 --> 00:22:06,351
And there's nothing less fun
than when you're an adult...
392
00:22:06,525 --> 00:22:09,085
...and having to use
those wholesome curses:
393
00:22:09,728 --> 00:22:11,059
Fudge!
394
00:22:12,964 --> 00:22:14,727
Sugar!
395
00:22:15,233 --> 00:22:17,326
Consarnit!
396
00:22:17,969 --> 00:22:20,301
What the hell is ''consarnit'' anyway?
397
00:22:20,472 --> 00:22:22,531
You stub your toe
and say, ''Consarnit''...
398
00:22:22,708 --> 00:22:25,142
...you might as well say, ''Yippee!''
399
00:22:26,445 --> 00:22:29,346
lf you've been to a foreign country,
the first thing you learn...
400
00:22:29,514 --> 00:22:30,879
...are the curse words. Right?
401
00:22:31,049 --> 00:22:34,883
You travel halfway around the world to
experience some exotic civilization...
402
00:22:35,053 --> 00:22:38,147
...the first thing you ask is,
''How do they say 'doodie' here?''
32210
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