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www.tvsubtitles.net
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There's no way
that moving in with your parents...
3
00:00:06,339 --> 00:00:09,001
...is a sign that your life
is right on track.
4
00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:11,405
There's no way
that you could fake this even.
5
00:00:11,578 --> 00:00:14,376
''Things are great.
l met a terrific girl, l got a great job...
6
00:00:14,547 --> 00:00:16,913
...and if everything goes
according to plan...
7
00:00:17,083 --> 00:00:20,644
...l'm gonna be moving back in
with my parents soon.''
8
00:00:21,955 --> 00:00:24,082
lt's like getting busted
on a parole violation...
9
00:00:24,257 --> 00:00:26,122
...and thrown back
into the slammer.
10
00:00:26,292 --> 00:00:30,092
''ln the opinion of the board, you
need further rehabilitation, l'm afraid.''
11
00:00:30,997 --> 00:00:34,262
And you go back into that little room
of yours, you feel so huge.
12
00:00:34,434 --> 00:00:37,460
lt's like you could take your bed
and just crush it in your hands.
13
00:00:37,637 --> 00:00:39,798
You can hold your parents
between your fingers.
14
00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:42,533
''Why was l so afraid of you people
when l was growing up?''
15
00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:50,344
-l can't believe this.
-lt won't be for that long.
16
00:00:50,517 --> 00:00:53,350
How can l do this? How can l
move back in with those people?
17
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:55,715
Please, tell me.
They're insane, you know that.
18
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:58,050
Hey, my parents are
as crazy as your parents.
19
00:00:58,224 --> 00:01:00,158
How can you compare
your parents to mine?
20
00:01:00,326 --> 00:01:04,387
My father has never
thrown anything out ever.
21
00:01:05,532 --> 00:01:10,128
My father wears his sneakers
in the pool. Sneakers.
22
00:01:10,303 --> 00:01:14,239
My mother has never set foot
in a natural body of water.
23
00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:19,168
Listen carefully.
24
00:01:20,313 --> 00:01:22,577
My mother has never laughed.
25
00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:28,016
Ever. Not a giggle,
not a chuckle, not a tee-hee.
26
00:01:28,188 --> 00:01:30,748
Never went, ''Ha.''
27
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:33,085
-A smirk?
-Maybe.
28
00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:36,456
-And l'm moving back in there.
-l'll lend you the money for the rent.
29
00:01:36,629 --> 00:01:39,655
No, no, no. Borrowing money
from a friend is like having sex.
30
00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:41,824
lt just completely changes
the relationship.
31
00:01:44,003 --> 00:01:45,834
-Hey.
-Hey.
32
00:01:46,005 --> 00:01:47,438
All right, l'm ready.
33
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:51,270
l still don't understand. Why do you
want to move back with your parents?
34
00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:55,642
l don't want to. l'm out of money.
l got $ 7 1 4 in the bank.
35
00:01:55,815 --> 00:01:58,807
-Well, move in here.
-What's that?
36
00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:01,449
Why doesn't he just move in here?
37
00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:04,613
Yeah, l'll move in with him.
He doesn't let you use the toilet.
38
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:07,123
You can move in with me
if you want.
39
00:02:09,896 --> 00:02:11,727
Thank you. l....
40
00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:14,093
That might not work out.
41
00:02:16,169 --> 00:02:20,765
Careful. Careful with the suitcases.
We just painted.
42
00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:23,033
-Hello, Mrs. Costanza.
-Hello, Kramer.
43
00:02:23,209 --> 00:02:25,234
-Close the door.
-l gotta bring in more stuff.
44
00:02:25,411 --> 00:02:28,505
-More stuff? How much is there?
-There's more.
45
00:02:29,916 --> 00:02:32,407
-So how are you, Jerry?
-Fine, Mrs. Costanza.
46
00:02:32,585 --> 00:02:36,578
-Hey, l got a terrific joke for you.
-l'm not interested.
47
00:02:38,191 --> 00:02:39,954
No, no. lt's really funny.
48
00:02:40,126 --> 00:02:43,061
-There's these two guy--
-Tell it to the audience.
49
00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:46,590
Here, l made some
bologna sandwiches.
50
00:02:46,766 --> 00:02:48,791
Bologna? Nobody eats
bologna anymore.
51
00:02:48,968 --> 00:02:51,436
What are you talking about?
Have a sandwich.
52
00:02:51,604 --> 00:02:53,902
-No, thanks.
-Oh, stop it.
53
00:02:54,073 --> 00:02:56,940
-You don't want one, Kramer?
-No, thanks.
54
00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:59,442
l think you're all
a little touched in the head.
55
00:02:59,612 --> 00:03:02,513
You're so worried about your health?
You're young men.
56
00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:06,174
-l really don't eat it.
-What will l do with these sandwiches?
57
00:03:06,352 --> 00:03:09,446
Will you take them home, give them
to someone in your building?
58
00:03:11,057 --> 00:03:15,255
l don't feel comfortable handing out
bologna sandwiches in the building.
59
00:03:15,428 --> 00:03:19,091
-All right. That's it. Anything else?
-No, that's it.
60
00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:24,063
-l gotta go move the car.
-Well, l guess we'll be going.
61
00:03:24,837 --> 00:03:27,135
-What, you're going?
-Yeah.
62
00:03:29,475 --> 00:03:31,705
Well, what are you doing later?
63
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:34,278
Elaine and l are having dinner
with Kramer and his new girlfriend.
64
00:03:34,447 --> 00:03:36,472
-Really?
-Yeah. You can't believe this woman.
65
00:03:36,649 --> 00:03:39,243
She's one of these low-talkers.
You can't hear a word.
66
00:03:39,419 --> 00:03:42,081
You're always going,
''Excuse me? What was that?''
67
00:03:42,255 --> 00:03:44,246
-Maybe l'll meet you.
-No, George.
68
00:03:44,424 --> 00:03:47,723
We're going out to eat tonight
with your father.
69
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:51,328
Okay.
70
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,899
-l'll talk to you later.
-Yeah, take it easy.
71
00:04:06,279 --> 00:04:08,474
Oh, my God.
72
00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:15,845
-Yeah?
-l had this idea for a pizza place...
73
00:04:16,022 --> 00:04:18,650
-...where you make your own pie.
-Right.
74
00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:20,452
-You remember?
-That was a good one.
75
00:04:20,627 --> 00:04:22,151
Well....
76
00:04:26,132 --> 00:04:27,360
-What's that?
-Excuse me?
77
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:35,169
-Yeah? Yeah.
-Yeah. Yeah.
78
00:04:38,077 --> 00:04:40,602
You know that Leslie's
in the clothing business?
79
00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:42,042
She's a designer.
80
00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:45,912
She's come up with a new one that'll
be the big new look in men's fashions.
81
00:04:46,085 --> 00:04:48,747
lt's, like, a puffy shirt.
82
00:04:48,921 --> 00:04:51,583
Well, yeah, it's all puffy.
83
00:04:51,758 --> 00:04:53,123
Like the pirates used to wear.
84
00:04:54,193 --> 00:04:56,093
-Oh, a puffy shirt.
-Puffy.
85
00:04:56,262 --> 00:05:00,028
Yeah. See, l think people
wanna look like pirates.
86
00:05:00,199 --> 00:05:01,530
lt's the right time for it.
87
00:05:01,701 --> 00:05:05,535
To be all puffy
and devil-may-care, you know.
88
00:05:07,407 --> 00:05:08,669
Yeah.
89
00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:13,809
That's true.
90
00:05:16,215 --> 00:05:19,048
l'll be right back.
91
00:05:28,194 --> 00:05:30,389
Jerry's gonna be
on the Today show on Friday.
92
00:05:30,563 --> 00:05:34,226
-Yeah, that's right.
-Yep. He's promoting...
93
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:35,924
...a benefit for Goodwill.
94
00:05:36,102 --> 00:05:39,503
You know, they clothe the poor
and the homeless.
95
00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:41,537
-And the indigent.
-And the indigent, yeah.
96
00:05:41,708 --> 00:05:46,008
l do volunteer work for them. l set the
whole thing up and got Jerry to do it.
97
00:05:51,617 --> 00:05:53,312
-Sure. Yeah.
-Oh, yeah.
98
00:05:53,486 --> 00:05:55,181
Yeah. Yep.
99
00:05:59,392 --> 00:06:00,882
Yep.
100
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:03,560
Yep, yep.
101
00:06:05,798 --> 00:06:07,925
Maybe you should take
a civil-service test.
102
00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:12,367
-l'm not taking a civil-service test.
-Look at this, George.
103
00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:14,062
You ever seen a silver dollar?
104
00:06:15,007 --> 00:06:16,804
Yes, l've seen a silver dollar.
105
00:06:16,976 --> 00:06:18,967
Why don't you wanna take
a civil-service test?
106
00:06:19,145 --> 00:06:22,239
To do what? Work in the post office?
ls that what you want me to do?
107
00:06:22,415 --> 00:06:27,876
Would you believe when l was 1 8
l had a silver-dollar collection?
108
00:06:29,088 --> 00:06:31,784
l don't understand.
You get job security.
109
00:06:31,958 --> 00:06:35,155
-You get a paycheck every week.
-l'm a college graduate.
110
00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:36,727
You want me to be a mailman?
111
00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:40,093
You know, l couldn't bring myself
to spend one of these.
112
00:06:40,266 --> 00:06:42,700
l got some kind of a...
113
00:06:42,869 --> 00:06:44,268
...phobia.
114
00:06:47,306 --> 00:06:49,797
-So, what are you gonna do?
-l don't know.
115
00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:53,343
l do know that l have some kind
of a talent, something to offer.
116
00:06:53,513 --> 00:06:55,242
l just don't know what it is yet.
117
00:06:55,415 --> 00:07:00,751
l bet that collection would be worth
a lot of money today.
118
00:07:05,024 --> 00:07:07,185
Oh, my God.
119
00:07:09,629 --> 00:07:11,859
l don't like this waiter.
120
00:07:12,999 --> 00:07:14,864
Look at him.
121
00:07:15,201 --> 00:07:17,294
He sees us.
122
00:07:17,470 --> 00:07:19,665
Doesn't wanna come over.
123
00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:23,168
l need some air.
124
00:07:23,676 --> 00:07:27,874
-George, where you going?
-l got a lot of thinking to do.
125
00:07:31,417 --> 00:07:33,510
Oh, l'm sorry. l'm terribly sorry.
126
00:07:33,686 --> 00:07:35,916
Look what you've done.
You've spilled my bag.
127
00:07:36,088 --> 00:07:38,283
-Here, let me help you.
-No, no. lt's all right.
128
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,949
lt's just that l'm here
with my parents...
129
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:43,652
...and my mother wants me to take
a civil-service test...
130
00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:46,856
...and to tell you the truth,
l don't even think l'd pass it.
131
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:49,558
What?
132
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,868
-Your hands.
-What about them?
133
00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:59,206
They're quite exquisite.
134
00:08:00,012 --> 00:08:01,707
They are?
135
00:08:01,881 --> 00:08:04,213
Extraordinary.
136
00:08:04,383 --> 00:08:06,476
Have you ever done
any hand modeling?
137
00:08:07,119 --> 00:08:09,246
Hand modeling? No.
138
00:08:09,789 --> 00:08:11,780
Here's my card.
139
00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:13,550
Why don't you...
140
00:08:13,726 --> 00:08:15,717
...give me a call?
141
00:08:23,970 --> 00:08:25,198
l don't get it.
142
00:08:26,772 --> 00:08:28,000
Me neither.
143
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,540
-What is it?
-l don't know.
144
00:08:30,710 --> 00:08:33,338
-They're hands.
-This woman set me up for a job.
145
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:34,844
Well, what about my hands?
146
00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:37,744
l don't see how your hands
are any better than my hands.
147
00:08:37,917 --> 00:08:39,407
What, are you kidding?
148
00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:41,985
The knuckles
are all out of proportion.
149
00:08:42,154 --> 00:08:45,521
You got hair there. Where do you
get off comparing your hands to mine?
150
00:08:46,425 --> 00:08:48,689
This is a one-in-a-million hand.
151
00:08:49,395 --> 00:08:53,024
That's what comes from avoiding
manual labor your whole life.
152
00:08:55,601 --> 00:08:57,899
This is it.
lt's happened to me, Jerry.
153
00:08:58,070 --> 00:09:01,836
l was sitting in the restaurant,
the two nutjobs were talking.
154
00:09:02,008 --> 00:09:03,339
l couldn't take it anymore.
155
00:09:03,509 --> 00:09:06,034
l get up from the table,
and...l bop into this woman.
156
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:07,873
lt's just like in the movies.
157
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,281
-Hey.
-Hey.
158
00:09:10,783 --> 00:09:13,479
-Hey, George.
-Hey.
159
00:09:14,587 --> 00:09:17,385
-Are you crazy?! Are you crazy?!
-What? What?
160
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:21,755
-You could've damaged my hands!
-What? lt's just a toy.
161
00:09:21,928 --> 00:09:23,896
George has become a hand model.
162
00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:25,894
-A hand model?
-Yes.
163
00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:28,556
Really? Let me see your hands.
164
00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:31,726
You can look at them,
but do not touch them.
165
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,303
Let's see.
166
00:09:36,542 --> 00:09:38,976
Oh, those are nice.
167
00:09:39,145 --> 00:09:41,340
You know,
l never noticed this before.
168
00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:43,072
They're smooth.
169
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:44,739
Creamy.
170
00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:48,080
Delicate yet masculine.
171
00:09:49,288 --> 00:09:51,586
All right. l gotta get going.
172
00:09:53,659 --> 00:09:54,921
Oven mitts?
173
00:09:57,897 --> 00:09:59,956
lt's all l could find.
174
00:10:00,866 --> 00:10:04,029
-Would you mind getting the door?
-All right.
175
00:10:06,005 --> 00:10:07,996
-Thank you very much.
-Yep.
176
00:10:11,711 --> 00:10:13,611
You won't believe
what's up with Leslie.
177
00:10:13,779 --> 00:10:16,339
Since you agreed to wear
the puffy shirt on Today...
178
00:10:16,515 --> 00:10:20,144
...she's getting all these orders
from boutiques and department stores.
179
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,452
Since l what?
180
00:10:24,390 --> 00:10:27,655
-Agreed to wear the puffy shirt.
-What are you talking about?
181
00:10:28,227 --> 00:10:32,061
You said that you would agree to wear
the puffy shirt on the Today show.
182
00:10:43,542 --> 00:10:45,533
-This?
-Yeah.
183
00:10:46,746 --> 00:10:49,738
-l agreed to wear this?
-Yeah, yeah.
184
00:10:50,783 --> 00:10:52,011
Well, when did l do that?
185
00:10:52,251 --> 00:10:54,378
When we went to dinner
the other night.
186
00:10:54,553 --> 00:10:56,714
What, are you crazy?
187
00:10:57,189 --> 00:10:59,657
What were you talking about
when l went to the bathroom?
188
00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:02,157
l don't know.
l couldn't understand a word she said.
189
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:04,319
-l was just nodding.
-There you go.
190
00:11:05,131 --> 00:11:06,462
Where l go?
191
00:11:06,632 --> 00:11:09,362
You mean she was asking me
to wear this ridiculous shirt...
192
00:11:09,535 --> 00:11:13,062
-...on national TV, and l said yes?
-Yes, yes. You said it.
193
00:11:13,239 --> 00:11:16,003
l didn't know what she was
talking about. l couldn't hear her.
194
00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:21,010
-Well, she asked you.
-l can't wear this puffy shirt on TV.
195
00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:23,512
l mean, look at it. lt looks ridiculous.
196
00:11:24,016 --> 00:11:25,506
Well, you gotta wear it now.
197
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,243
All those stores are stocking it...
198
00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:29,854
...based on the condition
you'll wear this on the show.
199
00:11:30,022 --> 00:11:32,684
The factory in New Jersey
is already making them.
200
00:11:32,858 --> 00:11:35,292
They're making these?
201
00:11:35,461 --> 00:11:36,951
Yes, yes.
202
00:11:37,129 --> 00:11:39,222
This pirate trend
she's come up with, Jerry....
203
00:11:39,398 --> 00:11:41,298
This is gonna be
the new look for the '90s.
204
00:11:41,467 --> 00:11:43,298
You're gonna be the first pirate.
205
00:11:43,469 --> 00:11:45,903
But l don't wanna be a pirate.
206
00:11:50,843 --> 00:11:55,212
l knew it. l knew it. l always knew
you had beautiful hands.
207
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:56,609
l used to tell people--
208
00:11:56,782 --> 00:11:59,410
Frank, didn't l use to
talk about his hands?
209
00:11:59,585 --> 00:12:02,076
Who the hell did you ever
mention his hands to?
210
00:12:02,254 --> 00:12:04,119
l mentioned his hands
to plenty of people.
211
00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:05,655
You never mentioned them to me.
212
00:12:06,959 --> 00:12:09,359
Hand me an emery board.
213
00:12:10,930 --> 00:12:15,629
l always talk about your hands,
how they're so soft and milky white.
214
00:12:15,801 --> 00:12:19,794
-No, you never said milky white.
-l said milky white!
215
00:12:23,909 --> 00:12:25,809
Scissor.
216
00:12:27,613 --> 00:12:30,446
Don't hand them to me
with the point facing out!
217
00:12:30,616 --> 00:12:32,311
-l'm sorry.
-You're sorry?
218
00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:35,454
l'll try to be more careful.
219
00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:38,420
l hope so.
220
00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:43,925
Georgie--
221
00:12:45,631 --> 00:12:48,657
Georgie, would you like
some Jell-O?
222
00:12:48,834 --> 00:12:51,268
Why'd you put
the bananas in there?
223
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:54,964
-George likes the bananas!
-So let him have bananas on the side!
224
00:12:55,141 --> 00:12:59,737
All right, please. Please,
l cannot have this constant bickering.
225
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:04,375
Stress is very damaging
to the epidermis.
226
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,912
l have an important
photo session in the morning.
227
00:13:08,087 --> 00:13:10,214
My hands have got to be
in tiptop shape.
228
00:13:10,389 --> 00:13:13,847
So, please, keep the television down
and the conversation to a minimum.
229
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:18,160
But, Georgie,
what about the Jell-O?
230
00:13:19,231 --> 00:13:20,459
l'll take it in my room.
231
00:13:26,438 --> 00:13:28,303
Yeah, come in.
232
00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:30,465
Wanted to let you know
he's got five minutes.
233
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,372
Yep, yep.
234
00:13:34,246 --> 00:13:36,737
Jerry, five minutes.
235
00:13:45,224 --> 00:13:47,920
Now, that's a great-looking shirt.
236
00:13:48,093 --> 00:13:51,221
Aye, captain. Yeah.
237
00:13:51,397 --> 00:13:53,991
See, l'm glad l ironed it. lt's perfect.
238
00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:57,067
Look at it. lt's fantastic.
239
00:13:57,236 --> 00:14:00,000
Kramer, how am l gonna wear this?
l can't wear this.
240
00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:02,902
Hey, this looks better
than anything you own.
241
00:14:03,075 --> 00:14:07,671
ln two months' time, everybody's
gonna be wearing the pirate look.
242
00:14:10,950 --> 00:14:13,510
-Yeah.
-Hi, Kramer. l just saw Bryant Gumbel.
243
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:16,621
-He said he might help at the benefit.
-Great.
244
00:14:24,163 --> 00:14:27,655
-What is that?
-lt's the puffy shirt. Look at it, huh?
245
00:14:27,833 --> 00:14:29,767
What do you think?
ls it cool or what?
246
00:14:31,070 --> 00:14:34,233
-Why are you wearing this now?
-Why am l wearing it now?
247
00:14:34,406 --> 00:14:36,567
l'll tell you why l'm wearing it now.
248
00:14:36,742 --> 00:14:39,267
Because the low-talker
asked me to, that's why.
249
00:14:39,912 --> 00:14:44,144
And l said yes. Do you know why?
Because l couldn't hear her.
250
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:47,950
When did she--?
When did she ask you this?
251
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:50,213
At dinner,
when Kramer went to the bathroom.
252
00:14:50,389 --> 00:14:52,380
-l didn't hear anything.
-Of course not!
253
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:55,220
Nobody hears anything
when this woman speaks.
254
00:14:56,362 --> 00:14:58,057
Well, you can't wear that
on the show.
255
00:14:58,230 --> 00:14:59,788
-Elaine, you wanna stop it?
-What--?
256
00:15:00,766 --> 00:15:03,257
What? No, Jerry,
you are promoting a benefit...
257
00:15:03,435 --> 00:15:07,565
...to clothe homeless people.
258
00:15:09,208 --> 00:15:11,802
You can't come out
dressed like that.
259
00:15:11,977 --> 00:15:14,207
You're all puffed up.
260
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,412
You look like
the Count of Monte Cristo.
261
00:15:17,783 --> 00:15:20,308
l have to wear it.
The woman has orders for this shirt...
262
00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:22,477
-...based on me wearing it on TV.
-Yeah.
263
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:24,418
They're producing them
as we speak.
264
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:27,582
Yeah, but you're supposed to be
a compassionate person...
265
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,591
...that cares about poor people.
266
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:32,925
You look like you're gonna swing in
on a chandelier.
267
00:15:37,569 --> 00:15:39,901
Okay, let's go.
268
00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:42,497
ls that what you're wearing?
269
00:15:44,977 --> 00:15:47,172
l've never seen
hands like these before.
270
00:15:47,346 --> 00:15:49,871
They're so soft and milky white.
271
00:15:50,049 --> 00:15:52,540
You know whose hands
they remind me of?
272
00:15:52,718 --> 00:15:55,983
Ray McKigney.
273
00:15:56,155 --> 00:15:57,952
-Ray.
-He was it.
274
00:15:58,524 --> 00:15:59,752
Who was he?
275
00:15:59,925 --> 00:16:01,984
The most exquisite hands
you've ever seen.
276
00:16:02,161 --> 00:16:03,526
Oh, he had it all.
277
00:16:04,196 --> 00:16:05,629
What happened to him?
278
00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:13,897
Tragic story, l'm afraid.
279
00:16:14,073 --> 00:16:16,667
He could've had
any woman in the world...
280
00:16:16,842 --> 00:16:20,539
...but none could match the beauty
of his own hand.
281
00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:24,444
And that became his one true love.
282
00:16:29,288 --> 00:16:32,348
-You mean....
-Yes.
283
00:16:32,524 --> 00:16:36,620
He was not master of his domain.
284
00:16:40,299 --> 00:16:42,290
-But how...?
-The muscles...
285
00:16:42,468 --> 00:16:45,062
...became so strained
with overuse...
286
00:16:45,237 --> 00:16:48,400
...that eventually the hand locked
into a deformed position...
287
00:16:48,574 --> 00:16:50,542
...and he was left
with nothing but a claw.
288
00:16:52,444 --> 00:16:55,004
He traveled the world
seeking a cure.
289
00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:59,310
Acupuncturists, herbalists, swamis.
290
00:16:59,485 --> 00:17:00,747
Nothing helped.
291
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:05,185
Towards the end,
his hands became so frozen...
292
00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:07,291
...he was unable
to manipulate utensils...
293
00:17:07,459 --> 00:17:11,691
...and was dependent
on Cub Scouts to feed him.
294
00:17:11,997 --> 00:17:16,434
l hadn't seen another pair of hands
like Ray McKigney's until today.
295
00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:18,797
You are his successor.
296
00:17:18,971 --> 00:17:22,930
l only hope you have
a little more self-control.
297
00:17:27,346 --> 00:17:29,837
You don't have to worry about me.
298
00:17:30,249 --> 00:17:32,581
l won a contest.
299
00:17:38,457 --> 00:17:41,290
Okay, let's get to work.
300
00:17:44,696 --> 00:17:48,132
Back now, 7:46. On Tuesday
the 1 9th, here in New York...
301
00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:50,564
...there'll be a benefit
for Goodwill lndustries...
302
00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:53,864
...a used-clothing organization
that provides services to the needy.
303
00:17:54,039 --> 00:17:56,166
One of the performers
will be Jerry Seinfeld.
304
00:17:56,341 --> 00:17:58,673
-Jerry, good morning.
-Thank you, Bryant.
305
00:17:58,844 --> 00:18:02,712
Speaking of clothing, that is a very,
very unusual shirt you have on.
306
00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:05,413
Yeah.
307
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,247
You're all kind of--
Kind of puffed up.
308
00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:12,584
-Yeah, it's a puffy shirt.
-You look kind of like a pirate.
309
00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:15,724
Like a pirate.
310
00:18:15,894 --> 00:18:19,386
Anyway, you know, we're hoping
to raise enough money--
311
00:18:19,565 --> 00:18:23,296
Do you know--? You know-- Look,
l'm sorry, it is just a very unusual shirt.
312
00:18:23,469 --> 00:18:26,666
lt could be a whole new look for you.
You could put a patch over an eye.
313
00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:30,673
-You could be the pirate comedian.
-Yeah.
314
00:18:31,543 --> 00:18:34,808
-Will you wear the puffy shirt at the--?
-Look, it's not my shirt.
315
00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:37,005
-Whose shirt is it?
-What's the difference?
316
00:18:37,182 --> 00:18:38,547
l agreed to wear it.
317
00:18:38,717 --> 00:18:41,914
lt's a puffy shirt.
l feel ridiculous in it.
318
00:18:42,087 --> 00:18:45,682
l think it's the stupidest shirt l've ever
seen, to be perfectly honest with you.
319
00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:48,122
You bastard!
320
00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:51,357
-Did you hear that?
-That l heard.
321
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,434
All right, a little to the left.
322
00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:58,263
Little higher. Good, perfect.
323
00:18:58,437 --> 00:19:00,564
-Like that?
-Just like that. Hold it. Good.
324
00:19:00,739 --> 00:19:04,038
Okay, let me get one more.
One more. Good.
325
00:19:04,209 --> 00:19:06,109
That's it. You're done.
326
00:19:06,278 --> 00:19:08,007
-That's it?
-That's it.
327
00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:10,410
And here's your check.
328
00:19:10,582 --> 00:19:12,948
Thank you very much.
lt was an honor.
329
00:19:13,118 --> 00:19:14,779
Thank you.
330
00:19:18,957 --> 00:19:22,484
lt was great working with you.
Your hands are beautiful.
331
00:19:24,630 --> 00:19:27,064
Thank you very much.
332
00:19:27,232 --> 00:19:28,893
You know, l was wondering...
333
00:19:29,067 --> 00:19:32,434
...if you're not doing anything later,
maybe you'd like to get together.
334
00:19:44,783 --> 00:19:46,751
You ruined me!
You ruined my career!
335
00:19:46,919 --> 00:19:49,410
Oh, just keep your voice down,
everyone can hear you.
336
00:19:49,588 --> 00:19:50,987
Well, l don't give a damn!
337
00:19:51,156 --> 00:19:54,182
lf you talked this loud to begin with,
l wouldn't be in this costume.
338
00:19:54,793 --> 00:19:57,853
Hey, hey. You can't believe this.
Look at this check.
339
00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:00,555
They said l had the most
beautiful hands they ever saw...
340
00:20:00,732 --> 00:20:04,725
...except for this McKigney guy. This
girl gave me her number. l got it all.
341
00:20:04,903 --> 00:20:06,632
l'm busting. Jerry, l'm busting.
342
00:20:06,805 --> 00:20:09,000
l've never noticed your hands before,
let me see.
343
00:20:09,174 --> 00:20:11,039
All right.
344
00:20:12,411 --> 00:20:14,379
Yeah. Real nice.
345
00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:19,311
Nice shirt.
346
00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:24,517
What is this? ls this what
you wore on the show?
347
00:20:24,690 --> 00:20:27,818
-Yeah.
-Have you completely lost your mind?
348
00:20:27,993 --> 00:20:29,722
-Hey.
-Who's dressing you?
349
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:32,125
You look like a complete idiot.
350
00:20:32,297 --> 00:20:33,662
l wouldn't wipe my--
351
00:20:42,507 --> 00:20:44,941
-You ready?
-Yeah.
352
00:20:49,147 --> 00:20:50,978
Hot, hot.
353
00:20:51,850 --> 00:20:56,116
-l'm sorry.
-McKigney had a few good years.
354
00:20:56,655 --> 00:20:58,316
How do you forget
to turn off an iron?
355
00:20:58,490 --> 00:21:01,050
l was excited Jerry was putting on
the puffy shirt.
356
00:21:01,226 --> 00:21:03,717
My whole life is ruined
because of the puffy shirt.
357
00:21:03,895 --> 00:21:07,797
lt didn't do me any good either. That
benefit was the worst show l ever did.
358
00:21:07,966 --> 00:21:10,457
Some of those heckles
were really uncalled for.
359
00:21:10,636 --> 00:21:14,128
''Avast ye, matey''?
What the hell does that mean?
360
00:21:14,306 --> 00:21:16,103
''Twenty degrees
off the starboard side.
361
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:19,176
lt's a Spanish galleon.''
There's no comeback for that.
362
00:21:20,345 --> 00:21:22,836
Well, it got me fired
from the benefit committee.
363
00:21:23,015 --> 00:21:25,848
You know, all those stores
canceled out on her.
364
00:21:26,018 --> 00:21:27,508
She's finished.
365
00:21:27,686 --> 00:21:29,916
-We're finished.
-Really? What happened?
366
00:21:30,088 --> 00:21:34,422
l just can't be with someone
whose life is in complete disarray.
367
00:21:36,628 --> 00:21:40,428
-What happened to all the shirts?
-They gave them to Goodwill.
368
00:21:41,867 --> 00:21:44,700
Puffy shirt. Puffy shirt.
369
00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:52,269
Can you spare a little change
for an old buccaneer?
370
00:21:54,346 --> 00:21:57,213
You know, it's really not
a bad-looking shirt.
371
00:22:06,892 --> 00:22:11,693
Why do we always have to say,
''Excuse me''...
372
00:22:11,863 --> 00:22:13,797
...when we can't hear
what someone's saying?
373
00:22:13,965 --> 00:22:16,661
Why are we so guilty and so--?
''Excuse me.
374
00:22:16,835 --> 00:22:20,327
Pardon me. l'm sorry.''
Why can't, just once, l go:
375
00:22:20,505 --> 00:22:23,030
''Nope. Not loud enough''?
376
00:22:23,208 --> 00:22:25,199
Why can't l do that?
377
00:22:26,845 --> 00:22:29,939
Just once l would
like to have the guts...
378
00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:31,907
...you know, to make that judgment.
379
00:22:32,084 --> 00:22:35,349
Someone mumbles something,
and you go, ''Your fault.
380
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:39,012
l'm not sorry,
because it's your fault.''
30101
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