All language subtitles for The.Big.Bang.Theory.S09E22.1080p.BluRay.x264-SHORTBREHD.English

Oh, hey, if you guys are free
this weekend,

I won a night of wine tasting from work.

- That sounds fun.
- Mmm-hmm.

Like, how come scientists
don't win free stuff like sales people do?

'Cause we're not in it for the stuff.
(CHUCKLES) We're in it for the groupies.

Personally, I find the notion
of external rewards demeaning.

I pursue science
for the intrinsic joy of discovery.

But you always say
that you wanna win a Nobel Prize.

I also say, "Don't contradict me
in front of my friends,"

but that you don't remember.

All right. Well, let me know
if you guys wanna go.

I would love to.

I do enjoy the complexity
of an aged Pinot Noir.

I'm sure that would pair nicely
with your five nuggets of chicken.

Well, it sounds like a nice night.
We should go.

Wine again? Yeah, no, thank you.

I like my grapes the old-fashioned way,
in a juice box.

Well, I'm going.

You couldn't stop me
from getting a massage at the mall,

and you're not stopping me now.

I shouldn't have to see my girlfriend
get groped in public by another man.

And I shouldn't have to see

my boyfriend riding on a train
for children, around the mall.

The little choo-choo for toddlers?

And now you know why I needed the massage.

Well, we're out.

Bernie can't drink, 'cause she's pregnant.

And she's pregnant because we had sex,
and we had sex because, well... (CHUCKLES)

Come on.

It's okay, you should go.

- You sure?
- Of course.

Yeah, give her a break from...

Well, come on.

Well, Bernadette, looks like
Saturday night, it's you and me.

Me? How? Why?

Well, it makes perfect sense.

Look, because you're an expectant mother,
you can't drink alcohol, I don't like to.

You can't have sushi, and I don't like to.

You can't go in hot tubs.

I consider them
vats of sweaty-people soup.

Gee, Sheldon, I don't know.

Oh, come on. Well, roller coasters,
caffeine, runny eggs.

I've been avoiding these things
all my life.

And now, because you're pregnant,
you have to.

The difference is,
she's bringing life into the world,

and you sucked it out.

I guess we could give it a try.

Well, little lady,
you've heard of party hardy.

Get ready to party hardly.

I bet you'd like a drink right now.

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

Hey, you think it'd be okay
if I brought Claire to the wine tasting?

Sure, I'd like to meet her.

Oh, that's great. I've been wanting
her to meet you guys, too.

So, this seems
like the perfect opportunity.

But I won't be there.

Funny how that worked out.

Does this mean
Emily's not in the picture anymore?

No, I'm still dating her.

Okay, help me out.

How are you doing this?
Do they know about each other?

They know that we're not exclusive,
and we just don't ask too many questions.

You know what, it's like how I play
Warlords of Ka'a with you,

and Elder Sign with Frank and Alicia.

Who's Frank and Alicia?

You and I spend a lot of time together.
Can there be a little mystery between us?

Okay, everything's hooked up, we're ready.
(CHUCKLES)

I am going to record this for posterity.

All right, here goes nothing.

"Here goes nothing"?

This is the initial test
for our prototype.

- Can we give it a little more gravitas?
- Fine.

Preliminary trial

of the infinite persistence
gyroscopic navigational system,

phase one, commencing.

Uh... Maybe it's your voice.

I'm gonna see if I can get
James Earl Jones to do it in post.

(WHIRRING)

(CHUCKLES)

(EXCLAIMS SOFTLY)

Ah...

It's... It's beautiful.

Actually, it's making me dizzy.

Good, it's not just me. (CHUCKLES)

- CLAIRE: Hello.
- Hey, Claire.

- Hey, what's up?
- Hi, yeah, um, I was wondering

if you're free Saturday night. (CHUCKLES)

All my friends
are going to a wine tasting.

Sure.

I guess. If you don't think
meeting your friends is too big a step.

Why would it be too big a step?

I don't know,
I just don't want things to get weird.

Nothing to worry about.

People meet people all the time,
and it isn't weird.

I met Bon Jovi once,

which you'd think might be weird.
Turns out, total sweetheart.

Okay, but you and I
have been keeping things casual.

Will you introduce me as your friend
or as your girlfriend?

What if I like them
and they don't like me?

What if they like me
and I don't like them?

Boy, it wasn't this hard with Bon Jovi.

I said, "You rock!"
He said, "Thanks, man." And that was that.

(SCRATCHES AND SNIFFS)

- Hey, you ready to go?
- Hang on.

What are you doing?

Oh, I found a scratch-and-sniff book
about wine tasting.

It teaches
the different flavor notes to look for.

- You actually smell the wine?
- I mostly just smell my nasal spray.

- Are your sinuses acting up?
- Since my preschool got a bunny.

Hey, are you still hanging out
with Bernadette tonight?

Yes, and we're going to prove that
we don't need alcohol to enjoy ourselves.

Oh, good for you.

Or caffeine, tobacco, sushi, soft cheese,
processed meats and Jacuzzis,

which can all be harmful
to an unborn baby.

No honey-baked ham in a hot tub, got it.

No, and no bubble baths either.

They can increase the risk
of a urinary tract infection...

- Okay, have fun.
- Yeah.

Oh, and no swordfish, king mackerel,
shark or tilefish,

which are all high in mercury.

We're leaving now!

And no contact with guinea pigs
or hamsters or their droppings.

No cat litter boxes, no paint fumes...

Okay, we're leaving. Love you, bye!

Boy, do I love restrictions.

- (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
- Hey. (CHUCKLES) Where is everybody?

Oh, we're the first ones here.

Oh.

Cool.

Yeah. (CHUCKLES) Cool.

(SIGHS)

Now, I don't remember the last time
it was just you and me hanging out.

Oh, I do, it was three years ago.

Oh, yeah, then we said
we should do it more often.

(CHUCKLES) And... And then, here we are.

(SIGHS)

So, Sheldon and Bernadette
are hanging out.

I know. What are they gonna talk about?

(BOTH LAUGH)

I don't know.

I really don't know.

Hey.

- Oh, good!
- Oh, thank God!

You guys been here long?

- No, two minutes.
- But, yes.

Where's Claire?

Oh, she's meeting us here.

Hey guys, do me a favor, and don't ask
too many questions about the relationship.

We're just keeping it casual.

Oh, so, I shouldn't ask her how she feels
about being a member of your harem?

Yeah, I know you're teasing,
but watch out for karma.

Hey, Penny,
isn't that your old boyfriend, Zack?

Oh, yeah.

- Are you gonna say hi to him?
- Uh, I don't know.

Hey, while you decide,
who's better in bed?

Big, hot Zack or wheezy little Leonard?

Neener-neener.

- I brought sparkling cider.
- Oh...

The bubbles tickle my nose.

I'll just open this now, so it can get
nice and flat before we drink it.

So, what do you wanna do tonight?

Oh, I have quite the evening planned.

Yeah, our fetus-friendly
festival of fun begins,

with an in-depth look
at the world of model trains.

And then, we'll kick things up a notch,

and explore all the different ways
that you can make toast.

There's more than one?

- You've heard of French toast?
- Yeah.

- And cinnamon toast?
- Yeah.

- Melba toast?
- Yeah.

You get where I'm going here?

Yeah.

I'm getting an earthy note.

Yeah. There's definitely some oak.

Also, uh, cherries?

I smell nothing.

Really? Nothing?

It's just a whole lot of Afrin.

Penny?

Oh, Zack, hi. You guys remember Zack?

- Yeah. Hey, buddy.
- Hello.

Hey, did you two get married?

- Yeah. Mmm-hmm.
- We did.

To each other?

Yes.

Cool. 'Cause other than
when you broke up with him and dated me,

then broke up with me,
and then dated me one more time

before going back to him,

I was always rooting for you two.

Thanks.

So, how's the science world?
What're you guys up to?

We've actually been working on a prototype
for a navigation system we invented.

But we won't bore you with the details.

Are you kidding? I love science.

Einstein, Stephen Hawking,
Mike deGrasse Tyson.

Mike deGrasse Tyson?

Yeah, you know, the boxer who grew
a mustache and became a scientist.

So, what's your invention?

Well, we're using quantum vortices
to replace gyroscopes in guidance systems.

And what's neat is that they can
maintain angular momentum indefinitely.

Angular momentum.
I was wondering about that.

You could put it in a satellite
or a rocket, and it'll run forever.

Cool.

Could it be used
for missiles and war stuff?

Yeah, but we didn't create it for weapons.

And I doubt the military would be
interested in our little guidance system.

Is it better than the one they use now?

- A lot!
- Way better!

Huh.

You sure you guys are smart?

H-O gauge trains are 1:87th scale.

N gauge are 1:160th scale.

And that brings us to Z gauge at a

"You could easily swallow it,
don't ask how I know," 1:220.

I'm sorry, I have to ask.

When I was five,
I ingested a Z gauge locomotive.

I spent the next three days saying,

"I think I can pass it, I think
I can pass it, I think I can pass it."

What is it about trains
that you like so much?

(SIGHS) Interesting question.

When I was a child,
life was confusing and chaotic for me,

and trains represented order.

I could line them up,
categorize them, control them.

I guess you could say

that they gave me
a sense of calm in a world that didn't.

- That's lovely, Sheldon.
- Yeah.

Other than when they're
chugging through your bowels,

these things are magic.

I have to admit, I've been worried

about the military applications
since we started talking about this.

Me, too.

Why didn't you say something?

Same reason I don't talk about ass cancer,
it's not a pleasant topic.

Hey, you can't let this stop you.

Almost any scientific advancement
can be used for destructive purposes.

That's true.
Even Einstein's theory of relativity

was later applied
to the development of nuclear weapons.

E equals MC squared.

Yeah, "E" is energy, "M" for mass
and "C" for the speed of light.

(CLICKS TONGUE)

How do you know that?

Oh, Leonard mumbles it
when he wants sex to last longer.

Hey, Raj.

Hey, Claire. Good, you're here.

Guys, this is my friend, Claire.

We're casually dating, and there's no need
for any further questions about it.

- Would you like a glass of wine?
- I said no questions.

SHELDON: And last but not least,

this is one
that I like to call Star Wars Toast

because it has a light side
and a dark side.

All righty,
it's time for Dungeons and Dragons.

Dungeons and Dragons,
(SIGHS) that sounds about right.

You're going to enjoy this,
I designed it especially for you.

Okay, but just for a little bit.

Oh, I have a feeling that once you start,

you're not gonna want to,
or be allowed to, stop.

All right.

- Ready?
- You bet.

Your name is Bernatrix.

You are a warrior queen.
You're strong, beautiful, and tall.

Ooh, I like the idea of being tall.

I think you're gonna like a lot of things
I have in store.

For example, in this world,
only the men get pregnant.

So, your husband is home
trying not to pee when he laughs.

This is getting fun. What's next?

You're parched and weary from battle.

You stand in front of a tavern

that serves the coldest,
most delicious ale in all the realm.

Oh, I haven't had a drink in months.

What do you do?

I storm in, slam my sword down, and say,

"Barkeep, bring me
the strongest ale you have

"and serve it in the skull of a goblin!"

He wants to see ID.

So, Claire, we've heard
so many wonderful things about you.

Really? Like what?

Uh, mostly Penny's heard them.

Boy, you get some dirty looks over there
when you ask for ice.

Zack, this is my friend, Claire.

You're hot. You seeing anybody?

- She's seeing me.
- Why'd you say she's your friend?

We're just keeping it casual.

Why is he being casual with you?
You seem great.

I don't know. Ask him.

Why are you being casual with her?
She seems great.

Maybe we should take a step back.

Take a step back?
I'm not a young man anymore.

No, I mean re-evaluate what we're doing
with the guidance system.

But (SCOFFS) I got a baby on the way.
I gotta make some money.

What good is money gonna do if we
inadvertently bring about Armageddon?

Okay, let me stop you right there.

We absolutely know our invention
will not be used to destroy the world.

How?

Because no one from the future
has come back to kill us.

- (SIGHS) Very funny.
- You got something better?

- No, not really.
- Okay, then.

(TOILET FLUSHES)

How much wine did you drink?

Not a lot, I just couldn't start
until you walked away.

The Hell Prawn
lunges out of the hot spring.

(DICE CLATTERS)

You block it with your shield.
Do you attack?

Does it have eyes?

Yeah, three giant red ones,
and they never blink. It's unsettling.

I stab it in the middle eye.

(DICE CLATTERS)

Good choice! Critical hit!

Your sword goes through its eye,
into its tiny brain.

With its final dying gasp, it says,

(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
"You have reduced me to a pile of sushi.

"Enjoy me with this packet of soy sauce.

"It's low sodium. Ah..."

Okay, I guess I should eat the Hell Prawn.

Using your sword,
you prepare a beautiful sushi dinner.

You slip into the hot spring, and enjoy
the warm water on your aching joints.

As you happily close your eyes, you recall
the incredible evening you've had,

and notice that your (DICE CLATTERS)

feet and ankles
are smaller than they've ever been.

The end.

Oh. This night turned out to be
so much more fun than I thought.

Ooh, the fun doesn't stop.

You're still going home
with a goodie bag full of toast.

Thank you for this.

You know, ever since people found out
I'm having a baby,

I feel like I became
"Pregnant Bernadette."

It was nice
to take a little break tonight.

I can understand that.

From the moment
people realized I was a genius,

I've been "Sheldon the Genius."

Although I've never really
wanted a break from that,

so I suppose I don't understand.

Which is ironic 'cause, you know, genius.
(CHUCKLES)

- Well, thanks again.
- You're welcome.

And any time you need a break
from being "Bernadette the Pregnant,"

"Bernatrix the Warrior Queen"
is here waiting.

I might just take you up on that.

Well, now mind you, that offer's only good
until the third trimester.

I can't risk getting amniotic fluid
on my spot.

Hey, dude, you're killing me with Claire.

What're you talkin' about?

Oh, I mean, come on, look at you.

You're classically handsome,
you've got a swimmer's body.

Next to you, I look like me.

Oh, man, I didn't mean to do that.

But I do appreciate you recognizing
my swimmer's body.

Which, incidentally, I got from playing
Marco Polo at the YMCA.

Yeah, okay.

Just do me a favor, and stop
talking about how great Claire is.

Anything for you,
my little foreign friend.

So I gotta ask,
does Raj bring around other girls?

Uh, you know,
I'm not really around that much.

- Amy knows much more than I do.
- (SPUTTERS)

I don't think
you have anything to worry about.

Raj is a terrific guy, loyal to a fault.

Yeah, I mean, he still has an AOL address.

I see what you're sayin'.

She's not so great.

Don't listen to him.
He says crazy things all the time.

- Watch. Marco.
- Polo.

So, uh, what are you guys talking about?

Your friends were just telling me
about all the other girls you're dating.

Why would you do that?
I specifically asked you not to do that.

- We didn't.
- You just did.

Wow. Maybe none of you guys are smart.

- Morning.
- Morning.

Ugh. Too much wine.

Oh, I overdid it myself last night.
Hair of the dog.

Hey, did you ever think about

the military applications
for the guidance system?

Of course.

Does it bother you?

No. It did at first.

But then I talked it through
with Frank and Alicia,

and they really helped
put things into perspective.

Who are these people?

Leonard.

Friends are like toilet paper.

It's good to have extras under the sink.

English - SDH