All language subtitles for The.Big.Bang.Theory.S09E14.1080p.BluRay.x264-SHORTBREHD.English

Here's a fun postal fact.

You know, the inside of our mailbox
is under federal jurisdiction,

so if you broke my right thumb,

that's the Pasadena City Police, but if
you broke my left thumb, that's the FBI.

If I'm going to jail, I'm killing him,
not breaking his thumb.

Yeah.

Ooh, I got a letter from my Meemaw.
(SNIFFS) Mmm. Smell this.

(SNIFFS) What is that?

Roses, BENGAY and
Dr. Scholl's Foot Powder.

Ah, yup. Grandma by Calvin Klein.

You know, the last time
I got a handwritten letter

was from someone who told me
I park like a blind person.

LEONARD: That someone has a name.

SHELDON: Uh, thank you.

Oh, Meemaw got a new set of teeth.

Oh, but then she found her old ones.

Oh, so now the new ones
are just gonna be her church teeth.

Fun, like your Comic-Con Spock ears
and your around-the-house Spock ears.

PENNY: I park fine.

Oh, my goodness, she's coming to visit!

Oh, it'll be nice to finally meet her.

Oh, you are going to love her.

She is the kindest, sweetest woman
you'll ever meet.

Unless you're a gopher
digging up her vegetable garden.

In that case you can expect to have
your head bashed in with a shovel.

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

That's not her, that's not her,
that's not her,

that's not her, that's not her, that's
not her, that's not her, that's not her.

Really? The old Asian man
is not your Meemaw?

And that's not helpful.

I got her an iPhone for Christmas,
I'll see where she is.

Oh, that's nice, most people her age
don't embrace technology.

Oh, she doesn't even know she has it.

No, I had my sister slip it in her bag
so that I can track her like a sea turtle.

Same as when we lost you at the zoo.

For the hundredth time, I smelled
kettle corn and couldn't find the cart.

That still doesn't explain
how you ended up on a freeway divider.

Moon Pie!

(GASPS) Meemaw! I'm so happy to see you!

I'm so happy to see you, too! (CHUCKLES)

Oh, you got even smaller, I love it!

Meemaw, this is Leonard.
Leonard, this is my Meemaw.

Hi, so nice to finally meet you.
Let me take this for you, Meemaw.

Thank you.

Oh, no. Now, you call her Constance.
I call her Meemaw.

You have your own Meemaw. It's not
my fault she died when you were four.

Is that nice to say to your friend?

It isn't, Meemaw. Sorry, Leonard.

- Can you please live with us forever?
- (LAUGHING)

That's ridiculous,
if you had a super power

and spent your whole life
being told to suppress it,

when you finally decide to embrace
that power, why hide in isolation?

I'm sorry, and how much money
did your version of Frozen make?

I'm just saying, instead of Let It Go,

she should really sing Look At Me
Hiding in a Freezer Like a DOVEBAR.

She built an ice castle,
made a snow monster

and gave herself
a complete makeover in one day.

You know what I saw you do today?

Eat a block of cream cheese
straight from the foil

and lie about it to your wife.

Sorry for eavesdropping,

but did you know they actually had
the song Let It Go in place

before they finalized the story?

Yeah, that's true.
In fact, they liked the song so much

they retooled the whole script around it.

Which is probably why that movie sucks.

(CHUCKLES) Here we are talking
about Frozen and yet you got burned.

I'm so sorry,
but how can you not like that movie?

I just think it gets more credit
than it deserves.

- Ah, that's what I said an hour ago.
- Wow.

You've been talking
about Frozen for an hour?

You should've seen us after
The Good Dinosaur.

It was a classic western
set in the post-Jurassic period,

and it changed my life.

Are you comfortable?

Very. It's nice to rest
after 800 flights of stairs.

- You were so cute, huffin' and puffin'.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

(GASPS) There's Amy.
I just know you're gonna hit it off.

You both have the same fashion sense.

Hello! Come in and say hi to my Meemaw.

- Hi, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, too.

How was your trip?

Wonderful, and the pilot did
such a good job I gave him a butterscotch.

That's great. And look at you,
sitting in Sheldon's spot.

- You know, I don't even get to sit there.
- Yeah.

And you never will.

(EXCLAIMS)

Ask her to do the tissue thing,
do it, ask her.

- Can I have a tissue?
- Of course.

Isn't that the best?
She's like Grandma Spider-Man.

(CHUCKLES)

He's been saying that since he was little.
I still don't know what it means.

Well, you two sit down and get to
know each other. I'll get your room ready.

Oh, now don't you go looking through
my suitcase for presents.

- If I did would I find any?
- Maybe.

But you might also find
my brassieres and bloomers.

That's a risk I'm willing to take!

Well, this is so nice.
He is so excited to have you...

Okay, now let's you and me
get something straight.

He may think
that I came to bake him cookies,

but the real reason is to size you up.

(STAMMERS)

Size me up?

Sheldon's mother may be okay with you,
but I'm not so easy.

Well, I'm, I'm sure you'll like me
once you get to know me. (CHUCKLES)

Well, you better hope so.

A Texas Special cattle and calf car
train set with authentic horn and bell!

- Thank you, Meemaw!
- Oh, you're welcome, Moon Pie.

Amy, why don't you look excited?
You get to watch me play with this!

Huh, I see you're reading Saga.

Yeah, I hear it's pretty good.

It is. And not a lot of comics
have a woman with wings

breast-feeding a baby right on the cover.

I'll take your word for it.

You should, he's really looked.

I'm Raj, by the way. This is Howard.

- Hi.
- Claire.

I've never seen you here before, Claire.

It's my first time. I'm looking for
inspiration for this movie I'm writing.

You're a screenwriter?

Well, screenwriter/bartender/
a month away from living in my car.

(RAJ CHUCKLES)

Yeah, I get that.

I'm a scientist/party planner/
small dog enthusiast/

guy who probably
should've stopped at scientist.

You're really a scientist?

Well, astrophysicist.

That's perfect. Do you think I could
pick your brain for my movie sometime?

It's animated sci-fi for kids.

Sure, I love animated movies.

He does. And he has the Lilo and Stitch
collector plates to prove it.

Excuse me for wanting
a little magic in my life.

Here's my number.
Give me a call, we'll get together.

- Great.
- See ya.

Yeah, bye.

What are you doing? You have a girlfriend.

- So?
- So? How do you think she'd feel about you

helping a beautiful girl
with her screenplay?

I wouldn't say she's beautiful.

Really? You don't think she's attractive?

I do, I just wouldn't tell my girlfriend.

Constance, are you sure
I can't pour you some wine?

Oh, no wine for me.

Sheldon's bringing me my whiskey.

There you go, Meemaw.
I made it just how you like it,

a lot, in a glass.

Thank you, Moon Pie.

I'm curious, why do you
call Sheldon "Moon Pie"?

Because he's so nummy-nummy...

- She could just eat him up.
- She could just eat him up.

And I call her Meemaw because,

- well, just look at her.
- (LAUGHS)

It's interesting that Leonard and Penny
know about his nickname

and you don't.

Oh, well, now that I'm hearing it,
it does sound familiar.

How could it? I never told you
and you never bothered to ask.

Well, now I know.

So, Penny, I understand
you have a new job.

Yes, I'm a pharmaceutical sales rep.

Oh, it's so wonderful that you modern gals
can have it all.

A husband and a full-time career.

I have a relationship
and a full-time career, too.

That doesn't bode well.

Why not?
You just said it's okay for her to work.

Well, Leonard doesn't need
as much tending to as Sheldon does.

And as Moon Pie explained, (CHUCKLES)
Leonard's work is more of a hobby.

- That's my best friend.
- Yeah.

Look, I get that you're protective
of your grandson,

but he's an adult now, and maybe

I understand what he needs
better than you do.

I appreciate your honesty, dear.

- Thank you.
- And here's some more honesty.

I don't like you very much.

Well, maybe I don't like you either.

No, no, no. You have to like each other.

Well, we have a 4:30 reservation
at Applebee's.

I think I should leave.

Why? Other than you two fighting,
we're having such a good time.

The minute you left the room

your precious Meemaw
started giving me a really hard time.

You know, I don't need this.

Let her go. And under no circumstance
will you give her that engagement ring.

What ring?

Maybe we should give them some privacy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You go ahead, I'll catch up with you.

You have an engagement ring?

Yes.

Penny, did you know about this?

All right, let's go.

When did you get an engagement ring?

Well, my mother gave it to me

and I had been thinking about
giving it to you, but then we broke up.

Well, thank goodness for that.

Sheldon, will you please tell
your grandmother to stay out of this?

Oh, I don't think I could do that.

Sheldon, tell this girl that my ring
will never be on her finger.

Yeah, I'm gonna opt out of that one, too.

You know, who said
I even want to be engaged to him?

And if I do,
I don't need your hand-me-downs!

All right, look. Let's remain calm
and analyze this situation.

You know, I realize that you've only
known each other for less than a day,

but is it possible this crankiness is
because your cycles have synced?

You leave the room
and let the grown-ups talk. Now!

Don't speak to him like he's a child!

Thank you. Now I'm gonna go next door
and play with Leonard.

Okay, so you met this girl,
you exchanged numbers

and you're gonna meet up with her.

Just to help her with her screenplay.

Well, I guess that's not so bad.

You weren't there, he was really flirting.

Hey, it's not my fault if American women
project their fantasies

on foreigners with the kind of
magical voice that grants wishes.

I'm sure it was harmless.
People flirt, no big deal.

- Really? So it's okay if I flirt...
- Not you, I own your ass.

The real question is,
where are you with Emily?

Uh, it's hard to say, I think we're good.

But things like this make me wonder
if Emily's really the right person for me.

I mean, did you guys ever
have doubts about each other?

- No, never.
- Absolutely.

What?

Howie, you forget how much
of our early dates involved

you doing magic and me doing this.

Fine. I had reservations about you, too.

- No, you didn't.
- No, I didn't.

Well, it doesn't matter now,
'cause I love how things worked out.

Me, too. I think you're
even more beautiful than this rose.

Wow. You know,
the last time I saw my grandma,

the most exciting thing was watching
the ash of her cigarette get longer

and wondering if it was gonna
fall in her pudding.

Did it?

Yeah, right in there,
she ate it and everything.

- (KNOCK ON DOOR)
- SHELDON: Leonard and Penny?

Leonard and Penny?
Leonard and Penny?

Come in!

Hey, what happened? Is Amy gone?

No, they asked me to leave
so they could speak privately.

- Uh-oh.
- Yeah, I know, it was quite tense.

So here's the million-dollar question.

Who wants to pop over there
and get my trains?

All right, I've made up my mind.

I'm gonna do the right thing,
call this girl,

and let her know
that I'm in a relationship.

Okay, so far we've heard,
"Made up my mind, I'm dumping Emily."

"Made up my mind to date both of them
by pretending to be twin brothers."

And, "Made up my mind,
I'll ask for a threesome,

"and if they say no,
I'll play it off as a joke."

I'm calling her. And the threesome
didn't deserve the belly laugh it got.

You're right. It could totally happen.
(LAUGHING)

- CLAIRE: Hello?
- Hi.

Hi, yeah, it's Raj.
Rajesh, we met at the comic book store.

Hey, what's up?
Figure out what time you're free?

Actually, that's why I'm calling. I, um...

I just, I need to let you know
that I have a girlfriend.

Okay, good for you.

Well, no, no, I didn't want to mislead you
after you asked me out.

I didn't ask you out,
I just need help with my screenplay.

Wait, are you saying
that we didn't have a vibe?

Why do you care if we have a vibe?
You have a girlfriend.

Come on, I just told you
I have a girlfriend,

the least you can do is tell me
if we had a vibe.

- Sure, we had a vibe.
- I knew it! Okay, we did have a vibe.

This is exciting, what's my next move?

You still have a girlfriend.

Right. Good catch.

Anyway, so I'm sorry to waste your time,
and good luck with your screenplay.

Hang on. We're both adults,

we can still get together
without it meaning anything.

Not me. Ever since you admitted we had
a vibe I've been planning our wedding.

Look. It's just coffee.

I'll ask you some questions about science
and if you propose, I promise to say "no."

Okay. Well that hurts a little, but okay.
(CHUCKLES)

- Great, I'll text you.
- Bye!

All right. So, we're meeting for coffee,
like two adults.

Everybody's happy, easy-peasy.

Are you gonna tell Emily?

Yeah, of course, we have no secrets.

When are you gonna tell Emily?

He lied about the cream cheese,
he ate the whole thing, I saw him!

Look, I know you think I'm not right for
Sheldon, but trust me, I'm his best shot.

You have no idea how much I put up with.

I know more than you think I do.

Really? You know what it's like
to have date night ruined

because Google changed their font?

Young lady. If you think
I don't know what it's like

to live with a stubborn, egotistical man,
then you're wrong.

'Cause that was my husband.

Really?

(SIGHS) There were days I wanted
to fill his pockets with corn

and toss him in the pig pen.

Well, if you understand, then why are you
giving me such a hard time?

Because when you broke up with Sheldon
it hurt him deeply,

and I don't wanna see that happen again.

(DOOR OPENS)

Hi, sorry. Sheldon would like to say
something to you.

- SHELDON: No, I wouldn't.
- Just get in here.

- Hello.
- Go ahead.

Meemaw, I'm sorry, but...

I have to defend my girlfriend to you.

Oh, Sheldon, thank you.

Oh, great, now you're gonna get emotional.

I always looked up to you and Pop-Pop.

I know what a challenging man he could be,

but I saw you stand by him and
make him into a better person.

I did.

Well, that is exactly what I've been doing
the last five years

with this little work in progress.

He never disappoints, does he?

I think what Sheldon means to say,

is we've both grown together.
Isn't that right?

- Well...
- Say yes!

Yes.

Fine. If you feel so strongly,
I won't stand in your way.

Thank you.

So if he wanted to give me
that engagement ring,

we would have your blessing?

I suppose.

I just gave you my virginity,
woman, cool your jets!

Yeah, see, if you just change the story
to the destruction of a galaxy,

then a super massive
black hole could work.

(SCOFFS) This is great. Thank you so much.

I just gotta figure out a way

for everyone to die that
isn't too scary for children.

And that's how Mommy and Daddy met!

Hey, did you ever tell Emily about us?

I will!

English - SDH