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1
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:08,058
- Leonard, I've got terrible news.
- What's going on?
2
00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:11,645
Before I tell you,
perhaps I should soften the blow.
3
00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:15,190
Your face is pleasingly symmetrical.
4
00:00:17,476 --> 00:00:18,477
Just tell me.
5
00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:20,528
A Swedish team of physicists
6
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:23,611
is trying to scoop
our superfluid vortex experiment.
7
00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:25,651
That kinda stinks.
8
00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:27,285
"That kinda stinks"?
9
00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:30,698
Why aren't you more upset?
Did I soften the blow too much?
10
00:00:30,906 --> 00:00:34,285
Yeah, because this, here,
is more like a Picasso painting.
11
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:38,919
- What are we gonna do?
- Perform the experiment, immediately.
12
00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:41,466
Well, I'd love to,
but we need liquid helium,
13
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,426
and our shipment's on back order
for a month.
14
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,678
A month? Are you kidding me?
15
00:00:45,921 --> 00:00:48,140
That would've been a good time for you
to soften the blow.
16
00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:51,343
That shirt brings out
the blue in your eyes.
17
00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:53,804
Thank you, aren't you sweet.
18
00:00:55,472 --> 00:00:58,521
Let's go check to see if the university
has any helium in reserve.
19
00:00:58,809 --> 00:01:01,062
Did you know that
I almost didn't wear this shirt today?
20
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,858
Hey, Barry, we're in trouble.
We need liquid helium.
21
00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:07,651
Does the department have any we can use?
22
00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:08,944
Sorry, there's a shortage.
23
00:01:09,111 --> 00:01:11,739
And what we do have,
I need for my quantum excitation study.
24
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:13,786
But you won't need much for that.
25
00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:17,077
True. But if it's successful,
I'm having a party with balloons.
26
00:01:18,287 --> 00:01:21,507
Come on, Barry, there's a Swedish team
trying to run our experiment before us.
27
00:01:21,665 --> 00:01:22,791
Can you spare any?
28
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:24,501
Be honest.
29
00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:27,463
If the shoe was on the other foot,
would you do this for me?
30
00:01:27,838 --> 00:01:29,090
- Yes.
- Not a chance.
31
00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:33,352
- What are you doing?
- He said, "Be honest," so I was honest.
32
00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:35,603
Didn't your mother tell you?
It's the best policy.
33
00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:38,815
- So, what do you say?
- Hell, no.
34
00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:43,065
He could have softened the blow.
35
00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:47,278
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
36
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,257
Why do you need Kripke?
37
00:02:12,424 --> 00:02:14,222
Can't you just go to
Party City for helium?
38
00:02:15,177 --> 00:02:17,350
We'd have to go to every Party City
in California.
39
00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:19,352
Sounds like you on Cinco de Mayo.
40
00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:25,772
Hey, people were still talking about
that party on Siete de Mayo.
41
00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:29,692
Leonard, if that Swedish team beats us,
42
00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:32,327
I will never be able to enjoy anything
from their country again.
43
00:02:33,236 --> 00:02:34,362
Which is a shame,
44
00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:38,204
because Swedish meatballs are my favorite
toothpick-delivered meatball.
45
00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:40,418
If you need liquid helium so bad,
46
00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:44,252
I know a guy who can get you some
if you don't ask too many questions.
47
00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:45,586
- Who is he?
- Where does he work?
48
00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:48,343
- How does he get the helium?
- How many questions is too many questions?
49
00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:52,256
- Maybe he's not for you.
- Four questions. The answer's four.
50
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,894
Hey, you know who went on a date
the other night? Stuart.
51
00:02:58,220 --> 00:02:59,938
- Oh, good for him.
- I thought so too.
52
00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:03,434
So is she, like, homeless
or framing him for a crime?
53
00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:07,605
He's using some kinda dating app
on his phone.
54
00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:09,773
Oh, which one?
Maybe we can get Amy to try it.
55
00:03:10,107 --> 00:03:13,111
I don't know.
Stuart, can you come in here?
56
00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:15,286
He tried to explain it to me.
57
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:18,745
It shows you pictures of people nearby,
you swipe them around,
58
00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:20,246
it looks kinda like a game.
59
00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:23,291
Oh! And if you lose the game,
you have to go out with Stuart.
60
00:03:23,954 --> 00:03:24,955
(CHUCKLES)
61
00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:29,126
- What's up?
- Can you show us that dating app?
62
00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:30,756
Oh, yeah, sure.
63
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,468
This thing has changed my life.
64
00:03:33,839 --> 00:03:35,841
- Wow! So, how many girls have you met?
- Two.
65
00:03:38,135 --> 00:03:41,480
I probably don't need to mention there is
an entire number between that and zero.
66
00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:43,690
Well, so, how does it work?
67
00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:47,519
Uh, well it shows me all the single women,
68
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:50,151
in a five-mile radius,
who are using the app.
69
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,566
If I like the way they look,
I hit thumbs up.
70
00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,033
If I don't, thumbs down.
71
00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:56,327
Oh! What would make you give a girl
a thumbs down?
72
00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:58,830
First time it happens,
I will let you know.
73
00:04:03,452 --> 00:04:05,875
Oh, hey, I just heard back
from the liquid helium guy.
74
00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:07,330
Oh! What's he say?
75
00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:09,875
He's got what we need,
and can meet us tonight.
76
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:11,547
Really?
77
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,588
You know I don't like buying things
at night.
78
00:04:16,131 --> 00:04:18,099
January 7th, 2009.
79
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,680
I went to the Ralphs at 11:30 p.m.
80
00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:21,937
To pick up Cracklin' Oat Bran
for the morning, and what did I see?
81
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:24,939
- The man restocking the cereal shelves.
- That's right. And what did he do?
82
00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:27,768
He handed you the box directly
and called you "Stretch."
83
00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:32,572
(SHUDDERS)
It's like it was yesterday.
84
00:04:34,483 --> 00:04:36,906
- Do you want liquid helium or not?
- Of course, I do!
85
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,862
I don't want that
Swedish team scooping us.
86
00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:40,656
Well, then, I'm gonna tell him we're in.
87
00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:43,037
Leonard, wait. This is highly unethical.
88
00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:45,539
Oh! We're just bending the rules a little.
89
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:48,125
We have grant money to do the experiment,
90
00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:50,378
so we're gonna spend it
on the helium we need.
91
00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:54,215
It's not like when Doctor Goldfarb claimed
he bought an electron microscope,
92
00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:57,552
but he was really just keeping a
Russian girl in an apartment in Van Nuys.
93
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,810
Was she helping him with his research?
94
00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:06,765
Sure.
95
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:09,605
So, we doing this?
96
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:13,360
- But where does he get the helium?
- Remember? Don't ask too many questions.
97
00:05:13,522 --> 00:05:15,570
But this is violating university code.
98
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:17,074
A little, but...
99
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:19,410
(SIGHS) If I may quote Einstein,
100
00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:24,079
"The pursuit of science calls us
to ignore the rules set by man."
101
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:26,326
Huh.
102
00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:28,920
All right, do it. Tell him we're in.
103
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:32,666
Done.
104
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:36,211
I can't find that quote on the Internet.
Did you make that up?
105
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:42,677
Before I answer, may I just say,
your skin has never looked better.
106
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:48,140
Aren't you just made of sugar?
107
00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:53,319
I'm not sure, how I feel about this.
108
00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:55,067
Oh, come on.
Just let him put the app on your phone.
109
00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:56,857
Yeah, Stuart got two dates with it.
110
00:05:57,274 --> 00:06:00,027
One of which would've ended in sex,
had she not said no.
111
00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:04,990
- Okay, all set.
- Okay, let me see. (CLEARS THROAT)
112
00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:08,786
Nope.
113
00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:10,211
Oh! He's cute.
114
00:06:10,745 --> 00:06:13,669
Doesn't a teardrop tattoo mean
he murdered someone?
115
00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:17,503
And he's sad about it.
116
00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:20,134
- Hey.
- Hello.
117
00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:21,298
- Hey.
- Hey.
118
00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:24,183
- I thought you were gonna be out late.
- If you wanted me to stay out later,
119
00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:26,219
you should've given me
more spending money.
120
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,222
What are you guys up to?
121
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,641
We put Amy on a dating app
and we're seeing what's out there.
122
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,393
Oh, fun, let me see.
123
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,770
Uh, no.
124
00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:37,989
No. Definitely not.
125
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:39,816
What was wrong with that guy?
126
00:06:40,025 --> 00:06:42,369
Uh, he's Indian.
We've already got one of those.
127
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:47,286
Ooh! We should find a nice Latino,
really round us out.
128
00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:49,705
I wanna try.
129
00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:51,495
Uh, excuse me, can I have my phone back?
130
00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:54,039
Yeah, hang on. I'm trying to find you
the next great love of your life.
131
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,715
The man who will father your children.
132
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,135
Okay, yes or no
on white guy with dreadlocks.
133
00:06:58,293 --> 00:06:59,385
(ALL CLAMORING)
134
00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:10,271
(SIGHS) That must be him.
135
00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:14,400
Of course, a nondescript white panel van.
136
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,520
You may be familiar with it
from the sentence,
137
00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:19,860
"Their bodies were found
in a nondescript white panel van."
138
00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:24,990
(DOORS CLOSING)
139
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:28,991
- Hey.
- What's up?
140
00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:32,877
- Uh, I'm Leonard. This is my friend...
- I'm Skippy. Skippy Cavanaugh.
141
00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:37,753
- Great. You got the cash?
- Uh, yeah. Right here.
142
00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:39,259
Wait, no, hold on, hold on.
143
00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:42,720
How do we know that you're not gonna
take the money and drive away?
144
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:44,973
What are you doing, Skippy?
145
00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:49,185
Exactly what 1970s television crime dramas
have taught us.
146
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,893
You give us the helium first.
147
00:07:52,347 --> 00:07:55,066
Oh, how do I know you're not gonna
drive away without paying me?
148
00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:58,942
Guess I'm not the only one who watched
'70s television crime dramas.
149
00:08:00,397 --> 00:08:03,116
Look, you can trust us,
we're respected scientists.
150
00:08:03,525 --> 00:08:04,572
Well, he is.
151
00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:08,246
I'm a wedding planner
who can't find love himself.
152
00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:12,534
It's ironic, but the point is...
153
00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:14,919
We can't trust you,
154
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,714
you're a sketchy character
in a parking garage.
155
00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:20,588
Yeah, Well, from my perspective,
that's how you two appear to me.
156
00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:23,295
Well, I never thought of it like that.
157
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:26,639
Boy, frame of reference
will just sneak up on you, won't it?
158
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,518
My friend does make a decent point
about the money.
159
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:32,930
I don't feel comfortable
just handing it over up front.
160
00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:35,315
Uh-uh-uh, no money, no helium.
161
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:38,235
Seems we're at a, uh, stalemate.
162
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:39,937
Not technically.
163
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:42,735
In chess,
a stalemate refers to a situation
164
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:44,361
in which there are no remaining moves.
165
00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:46,280
You have plenty of moves available.
166
00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:48,452
You could beat us up
and steal the money...
167
00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:51,038
You could kill us...
168
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:55,285
Really, you're only limited
by your imagination.
169
00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:58,705
Huh.
170
00:08:58,872 --> 00:08:59,873
All these years,
171
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,384
I've been using "stalemate"
when I really mean "impasse."
172
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,335
I feel foolish.
173
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:09,182
Eh, I don't think it matters
174
00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:11,968
if this is a stalemate or an impasse
or a Mexican standoff.
175
00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:13,478
What are we gonna do here?
176
00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:15,434
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
How could it be a Mexican standoff?
177
00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:17,599
Everybody knows
you need three sides for that.
178
00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:19,100
Not necessarily.
179
00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:22,901
Uh, many argue,
the essence of a Mexican standoff is that
180
00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:26,074
no one can walk away from the conflict
without incurring harm.
181
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,068
Hmm. I don't follow.
182
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:30,653
Let me give you an example.
183
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:34,999
Earlier today,
I decoded the headers on your email,
184
00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:37,160
and I know that your name
is Kenneth Fitzgerald.
185
00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:39,996
Now, from that, I figured out
where you live and where you work.
186
00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:43,713
Now, to make this a Mexican standoff,
I would say something like,
187
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:47,304
"You give us the helium,
or I'll turn you in to the authorities."
188
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,762
- Is that a threat?
- Yeah, exactly. See, you're getting it.
189
00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:55,262
Yeah, well, I know where you work,
all right? And if you mess with me,
190
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:58,056
I'll report you, then,
I'll pound your asses into the ground.
191
00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:00,642
Perfect! Now, we really are
in a Mexican standoff.
192
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:06,857
Is this one of those times where
I've won the battle but lost the war?
193
00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:10,113
Afraid so, Skippy.
194
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,538
I told you,
we shouldn't go shopping at night.
195
00:10:19,702 --> 00:10:23,047
All right, let's all just calm down.
Nobody wants to report anybody.
196
00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:24,378
Nah, I don't like this. I'm out.
197
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:26,710
No, no, no. Wait, don't go.
Just let me explain.
198
00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:30,133
We're physicists,
and we're trying to prove a hypothesis
199
00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,178
that we've been working on,
for over a year.
200
00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:34,475
Really? What's the hypothesis?
201
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:39,815
Space-time can be interpreted as the
surface of an N-dimensional superfluid.
202
00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:42,226
Hmm. Could be. Could be, go on.
203
00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:47,230
Okay, okay.
But now, there's this Swedish team,
204
00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:50,191
that read our paper and they're trying to
beat us to our own discovery.
205
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,152
We really need this helium.
206
00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:55,698
And I'm sorry I lied about being
a wedding planner who can't find love.
207
00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:58,412
Although I am currently single,
if you know anybody.
208
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,166
Here's the money. Can we do this?
209
00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:04,501
Okay.
210
00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:08,046
It's a shame about those scientists
ripping you off.
211
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:11,596
I expected a higher ethical standard
from our friends in Sweden.
212
00:11:14,299 --> 00:11:17,098
It's actually pretty common in our field.
Not much you can do about it.
213
00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:20,180
Well, for the right amount of money,
if you know where they live,
214
00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:21,814
there's, uh, plenty we could do about it.
215
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:25,234
Do you hear that, Leonard?
There's plenty we could do about it.
216
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,317
Do you have a card?
217
00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:34,657
Okay, here we go, now everyone can see.
218
00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:37,447
All right. (CLEARS THROAT)
Where do we stand on cross-eyed Mike?
219
00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:42,785
You know
he won't be looking at other girls.
220
00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:44,120
(ALL CHUCKLING)
221
00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:48,250
Unless they are sitting on
the end of his nose.
222
00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:49,926
(ALL LAUGHING)
223
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:53,092
Okay, okay, okay, thumbs down. Next.
224
00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:57,597
Ooh! Check out his tiny teeth,
he looks like a man-dolphin.
225
00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:01,354
Well, if he's good in bed,
she can throw him a fish.
226
00:12:01,638 --> 00:12:02,855
(LAUGHING CONTINUES)
227
00:12:03,681 --> 00:12:06,480
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
I love you, Amy. (IMITATES DOLPHIN)
228
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:14,659
Okay, I'm starting to feel guilty.
Aren't we being a little mean?
229
00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:17,905
That's a fair point.
230
00:12:18,529 --> 00:12:20,748
We wouldn't make fun of someone like this
to their face.
231
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:23,618
Look, it's Stuart.
232
00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:29,131
You may wanna leave the room.
233
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,473
SHELDON: Right this way, Uncle Harvey.
234
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:45,474
- Will you stop with that already?
- I am trying not to attract attention.
235
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:49,565
And tipping his hat to the cleaning lady
didn't do that?
236
00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:52,530
She said buenas noches.
What was he supposed to do?
237
00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:55,324
Let's just start the experiment.
238
00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:58,244
Leonard, we should probably have our
stories straight in case we get caught.
239
00:12:58,403 --> 00:12:59,495
We're not getting caught.
240
00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:01,198
Well, you can't be sure of that.
241
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,541
What if the helium dealer rats us out?
242
00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:05,618
What if Kripke asks where we got it?
243
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:08,038
What if the university checks
my family tree and finds out,
244
00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:09,751
I don't have an Uncle Harvey?
245
00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:14,006
The dealer doesn't care,
Kripke has no authority over us,
246
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:17,305
and you being related to
a metal container, would explain a lot.
247
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:20,012
Help me hook this up.
248
00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:23,052
- Uh-oh.
- What?
249
00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:25,059
- Well, did you see this sticker?
- What is it?
250
00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:26,564
It's partially torn off,
251
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:30,102
but the segment that remains reads,
"Property of" and the letter "U".
252
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,358
It's probably USC or UCLA.
253
00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:34,818
Yeah, but what if it's
"Property of U.S. Government"?
254
00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:37,658
There's a national helium reserve in
Amarillo, Texas.
255
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:41,037
If this was stolen from there,
we're accessories to a federal crime.
256
00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:44,245
Let's not jump to conclusions.
A lot of things start with U.
257
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:49,709
That's true. There's the U.S. Air Force,
U.S. Department of Defense, U.S. Navy.
258
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:51,380
U and I are going to jail.
259
00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:54,713
Listen, we can do the experiment
as planned
260
00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:56,423
and beat the Swedish team to the punch,
261
00:13:56,586 --> 00:14:00,341
or we can kiss our dreams goodbye because
we were too afraid to break a few rules.
262
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:06,019
Ma'am.
263
00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:11,104
Okay. Does everyone remember the rules?
264
00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:15,147
If he's shirtless, one sip.
Posing with a pet, two sips.
265
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:18,449
Pet and shirtless,
chug like it's your job.
266
00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:21,486
And pull.
267
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:27,955
I have that same underwear.
268
00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:31,044
Chug.
269
00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:32,789
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
270
00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:34,715
Mm. Amy, you're getting a text.
271
00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:36,251
Oh, um, give me that.
272
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:37,759
(RAJ READING)
273
00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:39,800
No, no, no. Stop reading that.
274
00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:41,130
- Who's Dave?
- I...
275
00:14:41,339 --> 00:14:42,966
You went on a date last night?
Are you seeing someone?
276
00:14:43,174 --> 00:14:44,596
No, it-it's not like that.
277
00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:45,802
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
278
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:48,054
- "And I'd love to take you out again"?
- (AMY SIGHS)
279
00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:50,523
- Amy, that's crazy.
- Oh, my God.
280
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,517
Okay, it's like that.
281
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:57,150
Thank you for coming back.
282
00:14:57,605 --> 00:14:58,822
Yeah, well, normally, I wouldn't.
283
00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:00,733
But my daughter's having a sleepover,
284
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,369
and there's only so much screaming
and Katy Perry a man can take.
285
00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:07,831
Anyway, if you could
just give us our money back,
286
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,992
you can have your helium
and we'll be on our way.
287
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,916
Yeah, well,
is there something wrong with it?
288
00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:14,126
No, nothing. We just changed our mind.
289
00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:17,838
He has glasses and I'm a know-it-all,
we are not built for prison.
290
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:22,096
Yeah, I hear you.
Well, you're good guys, so I'll, uh...
291
00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:24,716
- I'll take the helium off your hands.
- Thank you.
292
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,894
But you ain't getting your money back.
293
00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:32,398
You're taking advantage of us?
We clarified nomenclature together.
294
00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:37,020
Look, I enjoy semantic digressions
as much as the next guy,
295
00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:38,859
but, uh, this is business.
296
00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:44,869
You know what? It's fine, keep the money.
We just wanna be done with this.
297
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:48,706
No problem, but I am gonna have to
charge you a small helium restocking fee.
298
00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:52,626
- Well, I don't understand.
- He wants more money.
299
00:15:54,036 --> 00:15:56,880
Well it better not be more than $1,000,
that's all I've got on me.
300
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,339
That's exactly how much it is.
301
00:16:03,045 --> 00:16:04,888
Finally, something breaks our way.
302
00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:12,188
I can't believe you're seeing someone
and we don't even know about it.
303
00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:13,890
Yeah, why wouldn't you tell us?
304
00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:17,523
Because it's new and weird
and I'm just trying to figure it all out.
305
00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:20,776
And I knew if I told you guys
I had been out with a few people,
306
00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:23,236
- that you'd get way too excited about it...
- A few?
307
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:24,735
- What?
- Amy.
308
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:29,118
So, are we allowed to ask how it's going?
309
00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:32,500
It's going fine. It's mostly just been
meeting people for coffee.
310
00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:33,914
Wha?
311
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:37,876
I thought we were all... Never mind.
312
00:16:40,208 --> 00:16:42,757
I-I thought you weren't ready
to start seeing people?
313
00:16:43,044 --> 00:16:45,012
Well, I don't have much experience dating,
314
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:48,141
so I decided it would be good for me to,
you know, get out there a little.
315
00:16:48,966 --> 00:16:50,013
Well, good for you.
316
00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:51,894
Thank you.
317
00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:53,808
And how many guys have you gone out with?
318
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:55,682
- Please be less than two.
- Three.
319
00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:56,933
Damn it.
320
00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:02,442
Well, the Swedes might beat us,
321
00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:05,949
but at least we won't get
gang-noogied in prison.
322
00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:11,364
Is Ernest Goes to Jail
the only prison movie you've seen?
323
00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,617
It scared me straight, Leonard.
324
00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:16,702
(KNOCK ON THE DOOR)
325
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:21,834
Hey, I've been thinking,
I was being petty. You can have my helium.
326
00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:25,128
Thank you, Barry.
327
00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:27,968
But you have to add my name to your paper.
328
00:17:29,173 --> 00:17:30,390
That's preposterous.
329
00:17:30,925 --> 00:17:32,927
I don't know, seems fair,
you can't do it without me.
330
00:17:34,512 --> 00:17:36,480
- Can you give us a minute?
- Take your time.
331
00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:39,142
I'll walk out backwards
for a dramatic effect.
332
00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:50,487
I don't like being extorted like this.
Especially by him of all people.
333
00:17:50,695 --> 00:17:52,914
Me neither,
but what other choice do we have?
334
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,992
I promise this is the last time.
335
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,759
It says right here on Wikipedia.
336
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:09,339
"A Mexican standoff is a confrontation
between at least three parties."
337
00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:11,804
(SCOFFS) How can you trust Wikipedia
338
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:14,643
if they use "between"
to refer to three parties?
339
00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:18,522
They should've used "among," right?
340
00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:24,650
Or "amongst,"
if they were feeling whimsically archaic.
341
00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:28,737
Enough with the chitchat. Are we gonna
watch Ernest Goes To Jail or not?
342
00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:31,114
Absolutely.
343
00:18:31,319 --> 00:18:34,323
But don't be surprised if this movie
sets you on the straight and narrow.
344
00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:37,162
I am open to change.
345
00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:07,772
English - SDH
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