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1
00:00:02,089 --> 00:00:03,841
It seems the way they
design the car alarms...
2
00:00:05,329 --> 00:00:09,117
...is so that the car will behave as if it
was a nervous, hysterical person.
3
00:00:09,289 --> 00:00:13,282
Anyone goes near it,
anyone disturbs it, it's:
4
00:00:13,449 --> 00:00:16,282
Lights flashing on and off,
acting all crazy.
5
00:00:16,449 --> 00:00:19,043
Not everyone wants to draw
that much attention to themselves.
6
00:00:19,209 --> 00:00:21,803
Wouldn't it be nice to have
a car alarm that was more subtle?
7
00:00:21,969 --> 00:00:24,961
Maybe just, you know, somebody
tries to break in, and it goes:
8
00:00:30,249 --> 00:00:31,967
"Excuse me?"
9
00:00:32,409 --> 00:00:35,082
I would like a car alarm like that.
10
00:00:40,929 --> 00:00:42,442
Do you believe this?
11
00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:44,167
Car was parked right out front.
12
00:00:44,329 --> 00:00:47,082
- Was the alarm on?
- I don't know. I guess it was on.
13
00:00:47,249 --> 00:00:51,242
I don't know my alarm sound.
I'm not tuned into it like it's my son.
14
00:00:51,689 --> 00:00:54,408
I don't understand. How do
these thieves start the car?
15
00:00:54,569 --> 00:00:57,720
- They cross the wires or something.
- Cross the wires?
16
00:00:57,889 --> 00:01:00,039
I can't even make a pot of spaghetti.
17
00:01:00,209 --> 00:01:02,404
- Hey.
- They stole my car.
18
00:01:02,569 --> 00:01:04,639
- Who did?
- They did.
19
00:01:04,809 --> 00:01:06,606
Was it more than just one?
20
00:01:06,769 --> 00:01:08,248
What should I do?
Call the police?
21
00:01:08,809 --> 00:01:10,959
What are they gonna do?
22
00:01:11,569 --> 00:01:15,118
You know, I'd better call the car-phone
company, cancel my service.
23
00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:17,800
Maybe you should
call your car phone.
24
00:01:17,969 --> 00:01:19,880
Yeah.
25
00:01:20,049 --> 00:01:22,165
He's probably driving it right now.
26
00:01:22,329 --> 00:01:25,207
Wait a minute. Call the car phone.
See what happens.
27
00:01:25,369 --> 00:01:27,087
- Are you serious?
- Yeah, go ahead. Call.
28
00:01:27,249 --> 00:01:30,002
I don't even know if I
remember the number.
29
00:01:31,009 --> 00:01:33,284
What do I say if he picks up?
30
00:01:33,449 --> 00:01:35,201
- Helo.
- Hello.
31
00:01:35,369 --> 00:01:40,523
- Is this 555-8383?
- I have no idea.
32
00:01:40,689 --> 00:01:42,839
- Can I ask you a question?
- Sure.
33
00:01:43,089 --> 00:01:46,206
- Did you steal my car?
- Yes, I did.
34
00:01:48,129 --> 00:01:50,085
- You did?
- I did.
35
00:01:50,249 --> 00:01:53,924
- But that's my car.
- I didn't know it was yours.
36
00:01:54,089 --> 00:01:57,684
- What are you gonna do with it?
- I don't know. Drive around.
37
00:01:57,849 --> 00:02:01,239
- Then can I have it back?
- No, I'm gonna k eep it.
38
00:02:01,409 --> 00:02:04,446
Let me talk to him.
Give it, give it, give it.
39
00:02:06,489 --> 00:02:08,366
- Hello.
- Yeah, who's this?
40
00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:09,962
- Kramer.
- Helo, Kramer.
41
00:02:10,129 --> 00:02:13,838
Listen, there's a pair of gloves
in the glove compartment.
42
00:02:14,009 --> 00:02:15,408
Wait, hold it.
43
00:02:17,129 --> 00:02:19,040
- Brown ones?
- Yeah.
44
00:02:19,209 --> 00:02:21,882
Could you mail those to me?
Or bring them by my building.
45
00:02:22,049 --> 00:02:25,280
- It's 129 West 81 st Street.
-129... Okay.
46
00:02:25,449 --> 00:02:29,078
All right, thanks a lot.
Here's Jerry.
47
00:02:31,929 --> 00:02:33,362
Gloves.
48
00:02:33,529 --> 00:02:35,281
- Hello.
- Jerry.
49
00:02:36,089 --> 00:02:40,526
Yeah. Let me ask you a question.
How do you cross those wires?
50
00:02:40,689 --> 00:02:42,725
I didn't cross any wires.
The k eys were in it.
51
00:02:42,889 --> 00:02:47,724
Sid left the keys in the car.
All right, I gotta go. Drive carefully.
52
00:02:48,129 --> 00:02:52,088
Hey, Jerry, when's the last time you
had a tune-up? Because I can't find-
53
00:02:52,249 --> 00:02:55,002
- Sid left the keys in the car.
- Who's Sid?
54
00:02:55,169 --> 00:02:57,364
Guy in the neighbourhood.
He parks cars on the block.
55
00:02:57,529 --> 00:02:59,724
- What do you mean?
- He moves them from side to side...
56
00:02:59,889 --> 00:03:02,278
- ... so you don't get a ticket.
- You pay him for that?
57
00:03:02,529 --> 00:03:05,327
- Yeah. Like 50 bucks a month.
- How many people does he do it for?
58
00:03:05,489 --> 00:03:08,925
- The whole block, 40, 50 cars.
- He only works three hours a day.
59
00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:13,002
He makes a fortune. He's been
doing that for years, right, Jerry?
60
00:03:13,489 --> 00:03:14,763
Could anybody do that?
61
00:03:14,929 --> 00:03:18,080
- Hey, Sid. What happened?
- I'm sorry, Jerry.
62
00:03:18,249 --> 00:03:19,841
Maybe I'm too old for this stuff.
63
00:03:20,009 --> 00:03:21,647
You left the keys in the car?
64
00:03:21,809 --> 00:03:24,323
Well, they're making that
Woody Allen movie on the block...
65
00:03:24,489 --> 00:03:27,242
...and all those people
and trucks everywhere...
66
00:03:27,409 --> 00:03:29,604
...and when I saw him,
I must've been distracted.
67
00:03:29,769 --> 00:03:31,839
- You know I'm in that movie.
- You're what?
68
00:03:32,009 --> 00:03:34,125
- Yeah, I'm an extra.
- How'd you get that?
69
00:03:34,289 --> 00:03:37,565
Well, I was just watching them film
yesterday, and some guy asked me.
70
00:03:37,729 --> 00:03:41,005
- Right out of the clear blue sky?
- Clear blue sky.
71
00:03:41,169 --> 00:03:44,127
- Why didn't they ask me?
- I got a quality.
72
00:03:44,289 --> 00:03:49,158
- Hey, Jerry, you got insurance, right?
- Yeah, but no car. I'll have to rent one.
73
00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:51,843
I'm going to visit my sister
in Virginia next Wednesday...
74
00:03:52,009 --> 00:03:53,761
...for a week, so I can't park it.
75
00:03:53,929 --> 00:03:55,567
- This Wednesday?
- No, next Wednesday.
76
00:03:55,729 --> 00:03:56,923
Week after this Wednesday.
77
00:03:57,089 --> 00:04:00,320
But the Wednesday two days
from now is the next Wednesday.
78
00:04:01,129 --> 00:04:03,643
If I meant this Wednesday,
I would've said this Wednesday.
79
00:04:03,809 --> 00:04:06,482
It's the week after this Wednesday.
80
00:04:08,369 --> 00:04:10,758
Sid, who's gonna move the cars
while you're away?
81
00:04:10,929 --> 00:04:13,397
Whoever wants to move them.
What do I care who moves them?
82
00:04:13,569 --> 00:04:15,161
They can move themselves
if they want.
83
00:04:15,329 --> 00:04:17,445
Maybe I could move them
until you get back.
84
00:04:17,609 --> 00:04:21,284
What's a young man like you want
to move cars for? You don't work?
85
00:04:21,449 --> 00:04:23,405
I'm in a transition phase right now.
86
00:04:23,689 --> 00:04:26,442
Well, if you want to move the cars,
move the cars.
87
00:04:26,609 --> 00:04:30,124
- Just don't forget to take the keys out.
- All right.
88
00:04:32,849 --> 00:04:36,524
Hello. Yeah, the defroster's
the one on the bottom.
89
00:04:36,689 --> 00:04:38,919
Just slide it all the way over.
90
00:04:39,809 --> 00:04:41,003
You're welcome.
91
00:04:41,169 --> 00:04:43,888
I'm in awe of his intellect.
When he talks, it sounds like...
92
00:04:44,049 --> 00:04:47,644
- ... he's reading from one of his novels.
- Owen March. I never heard of him.
93
00:04:47,969 --> 00:04:51,279
- Well, he's not a baseball player.
- Yeah, that's true.
94
00:04:51,449 --> 00:04:55,328
- It sounds like it's going pretty good.
- Yeah. Well, there is one little problem.
95
00:04:55,489 --> 00:04:57,923
- What's that?
- He's 66 years old.
96
00:04:58,089 --> 00:05:00,523
Next, please.
97
00:05:00,689 --> 00:05:02,441
Go. Go. She-
98
00:05:02,609 --> 00:05:04,122
Go. Come on.
99
00:05:04,289 --> 00:05:05,768
Can I help you? Name, please.
100
00:05:05,929 --> 00:05:11,322
Seinfeld. I made a reservation
for a midsize, and she's a small.
101
00:05:12,329 --> 00:05:15,002
- I'm kidding around, of course.
- Yes.
102
00:05:15,169 --> 00:05:16,761
Okay, let's see here.
103
00:05:16,929 --> 00:05:21,127
- Sixty-six years old?
- Yeah, well, he's in perfect health.
104
00:05:21,289 --> 00:05:23,962
He works out. He's vibrant.
You'd really like him.
105
00:05:24,129 --> 00:05:28,042
Why do people always say that? I hate
everybody. Why would I like him?
106
00:05:28,209 --> 00:05:30,518
Could you go out
with a 66-year-old woman?
107
00:05:30,689 --> 00:05:34,568
Well, I'll tell you, she would
have to be really vibrant.
108
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:38,478
So vibrant she'd be spinning.
109
00:05:39,969 --> 00:05:42,358
I'm sorry. We have no midsize
available at the moment.
110
00:05:42,529 --> 00:05:44,645
I made a reservation.
Do you have my reservation?
111
00:05:44,809 --> 00:05:47,562
Yes, we do.
Unfortunately, we ran out of cars.
112
00:05:48,049 --> 00:05:50,768
But the reservation
keeps the car here.
113
00:05:50,929 --> 00:05:53,045
That's why you have
the reservation.
114
00:05:53,209 --> 00:05:56,918
- I know why we have reservations.
- I don't think you do.
115
00:06:00,249 --> 00:06:02,922
If you did, I'd have a car.
116
00:06:03,089 --> 00:06:04,966
See, you know how to take
the reservation.
117
00:06:05,129 --> 00:06:08,485
You just don't know how to hold
the reservation.
118
00:06:08,649 --> 00:06:13,404
And that's really the most important
part of the reservation, the holding.
119
00:06:13,569 --> 00:06:17,084
Anybody can just take them.
120
00:06:17,369 --> 00:06:20,042
Let me speak with my supervisor.
121
00:06:20,209 --> 00:06:22,564
Well, here we go.
122
00:06:22,729 --> 00:06:24,640
The supervisor.
123
00:06:24,809 --> 00:06:26,561
- Know what she's saying over there?
- What?
124
00:06:26,729 --> 00:06:29,607
"Hey, Marge, see those two people?
They think I'm talking to you.
125
00:06:29,769 --> 00:06:33,045
So you pretend like you're talking
to me. Okay, now you start talking."
126
00:06:33,209 --> 00:06:36,519
"You mean like this? So it looks like I'm
saying something, but I'm not."
127
00:06:36,689 --> 00:06:38,884
"Say something else,
and they won't yell at me...
128
00:06:39,049 --> 00:06:41,324
...because they thought
I was checking with you."
129
00:06:41,489 --> 00:06:43,878
"Okay, I think that's enough.
See you later."
130
00:06:44,049 --> 00:06:46,688
I'm sorry. My supervisor says
there's nothing we can do.
131
00:06:47,129 --> 00:06:49,962
Yeah, it looked like you were in
a real conversation over there.
132
00:06:50,289 --> 00:06:52,564
Well, we do have a compact
if you would like that.
133
00:06:52,729 --> 00:06:54,606
- Fine.
- All right.
134
00:06:54,769 --> 00:06:58,318
Well, we have a blue Ford Escort
for you, Mr. Seinfeld.
135
00:06:58,489 --> 00:07:00,957
- Would you like insurance?
- Yeah, give me the insurance...
136
00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:04,121
...because I am gonna beat
the hell out of this thing.
137
00:07:07,769 --> 00:07:10,442
Please fill this out.
138
00:07:11,009 --> 00:07:13,159
Do you think
I'm making a big mistake?
139
00:07:13,329 --> 00:07:15,718
If you enjoy being with him,
that's what's important.
140
00:07:15,889 --> 00:07:20,041
I love being with him.
I mean, I like being with him.
141
00:07:20,209 --> 00:07:22,848
It's okay being with him.
142
00:07:23,969 --> 00:07:27,086
- I just don't enjoy being with him.
- Well, that's what important.
143
00:07:27,249 --> 00:07:29,285
I'm meeting him for lunch
at Chadway's.
144
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:32,759
Do I have to break up face to face,
or can I just do it over the phone?
145
00:07:32,929 --> 00:07:34,920
- How many times have you been out?
- Seven.
146
00:07:35,289 --> 00:07:36,961
Face to face.
147
00:07:37,129 --> 00:07:39,006
Seven dates is
a face-to-face breakup?
148
00:07:39,169 --> 00:07:42,047
If it was six, I could've let you go.
149
00:07:42,929 --> 00:07:46,126
But seven, I'm afraid,
is over the limit.
150
00:07:46,289 --> 00:07:49,281
Unless, of course, there was no sex.
151
00:07:54,089 --> 00:07:56,478
How's the pasta over there?
152
00:07:59,089 --> 00:08:00,727
What is going on out there?
153
00:08:00,889 --> 00:08:03,084
I need a bucket of water.
I got a car overheating.
154
00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:04,682
I got an alarm that won't go off.
155
00:08:04,849 --> 00:08:06,999
I'm pressing one.
I'm pressing two. Nothing.
156
00:08:07,169 --> 00:08:09,160
What do I do? Help me. Help me.
157
00:08:17,009 --> 00:08:18,761
They were supposed to do
my scene today.
158
00:08:18,929 --> 00:08:20,282
- Today?
- Yeah.
159
00:08:20,449 --> 00:08:23,998
They said they wanted me to walk down
the block carrying this bag of groceries.
160
00:08:24,169 --> 00:08:28,162
So I start to walk, and I trip.
And the grocery bag goes flying...
161
00:08:28,329 --> 00:08:31,366
- ... and Woody starts laughing.
- He was laughing?
162
00:08:31,529 --> 00:08:34,680
Oh, yeah. He was drinking something.
It started to come out of his nose.
163
00:08:34,849 --> 00:08:37,317
- So then what?
- Well, I got a line in the movie!
164
00:08:37,489 --> 00:08:39,684
- Get out!
- That's great.
165
00:08:41,849 --> 00:08:43,567
You got a line
in a Woody Allen movie?
166
00:08:44,049 --> 00:08:47,644
- Pretty good, huh?
- You're in the movie?
167
00:08:48,329 --> 00:08:51,241
- Is he in the scene?
- Yeah, it's me and him.
168
00:08:51,409 --> 00:08:53,286
I might have a new career
on my hands, huh?
169
00:08:53,449 --> 00:08:56,441
You mean "a career."
170
00:08:58,489 --> 00:09:01,003
- So was Mia Farrow there?
- I didn't see him.
171
00:09:03,569 --> 00:09:06,561
- What's your line?
- Well, okay, I'm there with Woody...
172
00:09:06,729 --> 00:09:10,119
...you know. I'm at this bar,
and, you know, it's Woody Allen.
173
00:09:10,289 --> 00:09:12,598
- Did I mention that?
- We got it. We got it.
174
00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:15,761
And I'm sitting there with Woody,
and I turn to him and I go:
175
00:09:15,929 --> 00:09:19,080
Boy, these pretzels
are making me thirsty.
176
00:09:20,689 --> 00:09:24,967
- Is that how you're gonna say it?
- No, no. I'm working on it.
177
00:09:25,609 --> 00:09:26,962
Do it like this.
178
00:09:27,129 --> 00:09:30,758
- These pretzels are making me thirsty.
- No.
179
00:09:30,929 --> 00:09:35,923
- These pretzels are making me thirsty.
- No, no. See, that's no good.
180
00:09:36,089 --> 00:09:38,284
You don't know how to act.
181
00:09:38,449 --> 00:09:40,405
These pretzels...
182
00:09:41,329 --> 00:09:43,047
...are making me thirsty!
183
00:09:46,609 --> 00:09:49,806
- That was no good?
- I didn't say anything.
184
00:09:49,969 --> 00:09:52,278
All right, I'm gonna go
break up with Owen.
185
00:09:52,449 --> 00:09:56,362
What was wrong with that?
I had a different interpretation.
186
00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:58,645
Do you know anything
about this pretzel guy?
187
00:09:58,809 --> 00:10:00,640
Maybe he's been in the bar
a long time...
188
00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:03,721
...and he's really depressed because
he has no job, and no woman...
189
00:10:03,889 --> 00:10:05,641
...and he's parking cars for a living!
190
00:10:05,809 --> 00:10:09,119
All right! All right!
Shut up! Shut up!
191
00:10:09,289 --> 00:10:14,443
I hear you! I'm coming down!
These pretzels are making me thirsty!
192
00:10:15,729 --> 00:10:17,447
Yeah!
193
00:10:22,809 --> 00:10:24,162
Oh, my God.
194
00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:26,841
Call an ambulance.
195
00:10:27,009 --> 00:10:29,318
Boy, he took it hard.
196
00:10:31,569 --> 00:10:33,321
We were walking down the block...
197
00:10:33,489 --> 00:10:36,287
...I was about to break up with him,
then he started to twitch.
198
00:10:36,449 --> 00:10:39,885
Yes, I need an ambulance at 129
West 81 st Street, Apartment 5A.
199
00:10:40,049 --> 00:10:42,119
- Tell them to hurry. Hurry!
- It's an ambulance.
200
00:10:44,449 --> 00:10:47,043
I don't know, but he's unconscious.
201
00:10:47,409 --> 00:10:50,048
These pretzels
are making me thirsty.
202
00:10:52,049 --> 00:10:53,926
These pretzels
are making me thirsty.
203
00:10:54,089 --> 00:10:55,920
- Kramer.
- What happened here?
204
00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:58,557
I don't know. What should we do?
We called an ambulance.
205
00:10:58,729 --> 00:11:01,323
- Anyone know first aid?
- Do something with the extremities.
206
00:11:01,489 --> 00:11:03,241
- What extremities?
- What's an extremity?
207
00:11:03,409 --> 00:11:05,240
You raise the feet,
get blood to the head.
208
00:11:05,409 --> 00:11:07,320
You raise the head,
get blood to the feet.
209
00:11:07,489 --> 00:11:09,957
Okay, what about a cold compress?
They always do that.
210
00:11:10,129 --> 00:11:11,767
- I don't have a washcloth.
- Use a paper towel.
211
00:11:11,929 --> 00:11:14,568
- You can't put that on his head.
- What about a big sponge?
212
00:11:14,729 --> 00:11:16,640
- How you gonna hold it on there?
- Use a belt.
213
00:11:16,809 --> 00:11:20,199
No, no, no. That'll-
It'll drip all over him.
214
00:11:20,369 --> 00:11:22,564
- Should we walk him around?
- I've seen them do that.
215
00:11:22,729 --> 00:11:25,163
- That's for a drug overdose.
- Maybe that's what he's got.
216
00:11:25,329 --> 00:11:27,843
No, I just had lunch with him.
He didn't leave the table.
217
00:11:28,009 --> 00:11:30,728
Well, he could've dropped acid
when you weren't looking.
218
00:11:31,729 --> 00:11:33,560
He is not a drug addict.
219
00:11:33,729 --> 00:11:36,482
Maybe he's diabetic. He might
just need a cookie or something.
220
00:11:36,649 --> 00:11:38,958
- A cookie!
- Can you give him a cookie?
221
00:11:39,129 --> 00:11:42,201
- How's he gonna chew it?
- Move his teeth. Worked for my uncle.
222
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,963
The sugar revived him.
223
00:11:47,209 --> 00:11:49,325
Careful, you're getting crumbs
all over him.
224
00:11:49,649 --> 00:11:52,368
I've got him chewing, but I don't
think he's gonna swallow.
225
00:11:52,529 --> 00:11:55,521
Let's put a few cookies in a
blender and he could drink it.
226
00:11:55,689 --> 00:11:58,283
- Cookies don't liquefy.
- They do. You can liquefy a cookie.
227
00:11:58,449 --> 00:12:00,838
- I'll get the blender.
- I don't have a blender.
228
00:12:01,009 --> 00:12:03,443
- You've got a blender.
- I'd know if I had a blender.
229
00:12:03,609 --> 00:12:06,282
Where is the ambulance?!
230
00:12:13,449 --> 00:12:16,361
Hello, yes. I called for an ambulance
like 35 minutes ago.
231
00:12:16,529 --> 00:12:18,406
I can't believe
what's going on out here.
232
00:12:18,569 --> 00:12:21,561
This is an emergency.
What's taking so long?
233
00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:23,640
Wait a second.
Maybe that's them.
234
00:12:23,809 --> 00:12:25,083
- Hello.
- Paramedics.
235
00:12:25,249 --> 00:12:27,888
Come on up. Okay, they're here.
236
00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:32,558
He seems to be breathing.
237
00:12:34,769 --> 00:12:37,647
You know, I've got to tell you,
he's a pretty good-looking guy.
238
00:12:37,809 --> 00:12:39,003
I know.
239
00:12:39,169 --> 00:12:41,763
Those eyebrows could use a trimming.
You ever mention that?
240
00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:43,681
Almost.
241
00:12:43,849 --> 00:12:46,283
I mean, because, come on,
they're running wild there.
242
00:12:46,889 --> 00:12:49,642
- It's not an easy thing to bring up.
- Yeah, that's true.
243
00:12:49,809 --> 00:12:51,959
You should see his bathrobe, man.
It's all silk.
244
00:12:52,129 --> 00:12:54,802
Yeah. Does he wear slippers.
I bet he wears slippers.
245
00:12:54,969 --> 00:12:58,279
- He does. How'd you know that?
- I could tell.
246
00:13:00,049 --> 00:13:01,767
What happened?
What took you so long?
247
00:13:01,929 --> 00:13:03,965
We got here 20 minutes ago,
but we couldn't move.
248
00:13:04,129 --> 00:13:06,927
The intersection is gridlocked.
I've never seen anything like it.
249
00:13:07,089 --> 00:13:10,445
Finally we make the turn, and this guy
who was triple-parking cars...
250
00:13:10,609 --> 00:13:14,124
- ... slammed into us with a blue Escort.
- Blue Escort?
251
00:13:14,289 --> 00:13:16,519
- That's my rent-a-car!
- Oh, man.
252
00:13:16,689 --> 00:13:17,804
What happened to the car?
253
00:13:17,969 --> 00:13:21,200
I'm sorry. You don't know
what's going on out there!
254
00:13:21,369 --> 00:13:22,358
Who's he?
255
00:13:22,529 --> 00:13:24,087
- This guy I'm seeing.
- What happened?
256
00:13:24,249 --> 00:13:28,037
- We don't know.
- Who put cookies in his mouth?
257
00:13:28,209 --> 00:13:31,087
- Cookies?
- You're not supposed to do that.
258
00:13:31,249 --> 00:13:33,888
- So how'd you hit the car?
- I was moving it across the street.
259
00:13:34,049 --> 00:13:36,961
I looked up and I saw Woody Allen.
I got all distracted.
260
00:13:37,129 --> 00:13:40,565
- It's not even my car. It's a rental.
- What are you doing out there?
261
00:13:40,729 --> 00:13:42,845
You're holding up the production
of the movie.
262
00:13:43,009 --> 00:13:45,125
We can't shoot, and Woody,
he's really mad at you.
263
00:13:45,289 --> 00:13:47,564
Woody mentioned me?
What did he say?
264
00:13:47,729 --> 00:13:51,199
He said, "Who's the moron who's got
the street all screwed up?"
265
00:13:51,649 --> 00:13:53,287
Should I apologize to Woody?
266
00:13:54,569 --> 00:13:55,968
All right, I'll tell you what.
267
00:13:56,129 --> 00:13:59,280
Next time I talk to him,
maybe I'll bring it up.
268
00:13:59,729 --> 00:14:01,720
I'll feel him out.
269
00:14:02,289 --> 00:14:05,964
What do you think first aid was like
hundreds of years ago?
270
00:14:06,129 --> 00:14:07,960
I mean, they had no medicine,
no drugs...
271
00:14:08,129 --> 00:14:11,678
...no technology, no equipment.
Basically, they were there first.
272
00:14:11,849 --> 00:14:14,647
That was it. That was the whole
first aid. They sit with you.
273
00:14:14,809 --> 00:14:16,800
That's all they could do.
"Can you help me?"
274
00:14:16,969 --> 00:14:20,006
"No, we can't help you,
but we were the first ones here.
275
00:14:20,169 --> 00:14:23,320
Did you see our truck?
'First aid. ' That's our motto.
276
00:14:23,489 --> 00:14:25,047
We show up before anybody."
277
00:14:25,209 --> 00:14:27,086
You didn't say you didn't
know how to drive.
278
00:14:27,249 --> 00:14:30,241
- Should've mentioned that.
- Well, I know how to drive.
279
00:14:30,409 --> 00:14:32,206
Then how did all those cars
get damaged?
280
00:14:32,369 --> 00:14:35,645
Why are people calling me up,
screaming on the phone?
281
00:14:35,809 --> 00:14:38,607
- Most of them cancelled out on me.
- Can I get anybody anything?
282
00:14:38,769 --> 00:14:40,646
Moving cars from one side
to the other...
283
00:14:40,809 --> 00:14:43,881
...don't take no more sense
than putting on a pair of pants.
284
00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:48,008
My question to you is:
Who's putting your pants on?
285
00:14:48,249 --> 00:14:51,207
- I put my pants on, Sid.
- I don't believe you.
286
00:14:51,369 --> 00:14:53,439
You can put your pants on,
you can move cars.
287
00:14:53,609 --> 00:14:56,521
I don't want to get into a big
dispute about the pants.
288
00:14:56,689 --> 00:14:58,805
Who's gonna send money to my
sister in Virginia?
289
00:14:58,969 --> 00:15:00,766
Her little boy
needs surgery on his foot.
290
00:15:01,129 --> 00:15:05,407
He'll be walking around with a limp,
because you can't park a few cars.
291
00:15:05,809 --> 00:15:07,322
Maybe I could call my father.
292
00:15:08,369 --> 00:15:12,282
- Hey, you seen the paper yet?
- Interestingly enough, no...
293
00:15:12,449 --> 00:15:15,361
...inasmuch as it is my paper.
294
00:15:15,529 --> 00:15:17,008
There's an article on that writer.
295
00:15:17,169 --> 00:15:20,559
"Owen March, prominent author and
essayist, suffered a stroke yesterday...
296
00:15:20,729 --> 00:15:23,243
...in the Upper West Side
apartment of a friend."
297
00:15:23,409 --> 00:15:25,798
That's the guy that was here.
You're the friend.
298
00:15:26,129 --> 00:15:30,361
Thanks."The extent of the damage
would've been far less severe...
299
00:15:30,529 --> 00:15:33,487
...had paramedics been able
to reach him sooner."
300
00:15:34,849 --> 00:15:37,409
- Oh, Lord.
- "The commotion also delayed...
301
00:15:37,569 --> 00:15:40,686
...production of a Woody Allen movie
that was shooting up the block.
302
00:15:41,129 --> 00:15:43,279
A spokeswoman
for the legendary filmmaker...
303
00:15:43,449 --> 00:15:45,804
...said that Mr. Allen
was extremely agitated...
304
00:15:45,969 --> 00:15:50,440
...and wondered if his days of shooting
movies in New York were over."
305
00:15:50,649 --> 00:15:51,968
Five seconds.
306
00:15:52,129 --> 00:15:55,724
Jerry, I was five seconds away
from breaking up with him.
307
00:15:55,889 --> 00:16:00,440
Five seconds! The next words out
of my mouth were, "Owen, it's over."
308
00:16:00,609 --> 00:16:03,965
- Can he communicate?
- Yeah. Well, he nods.
309
00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:05,721
And I think he understands me.
310
00:16:05,889 --> 00:16:07,959
He seems to enjoy it
when I read to him.
311
00:16:09,609 --> 00:16:11,725
All right, she's free.
312
00:16:14,009 --> 00:16:16,364
Hi, I called before.
My car got smashed.
313
00:16:16,529 --> 00:16:19,202
So listen. What should I do?
If I break up with him now...
314
00:16:19,369 --> 00:16:23,567
...it'll look like I'm abandoning him.
I'll be ostracized from the community.
315
00:16:23,729 --> 00:16:25,799
What community?
There's a community?
316
00:16:25,969 --> 00:16:27,288
Of course there's a community.
317
00:16:27,449 --> 00:16:30,088
All these years, I'm living in
a community, I had no idea.
318
00:16:30,249 --> 00:16:34,925
Sir, the estimate on the damage
to your car is $2866.
319
00:16:35,089 --> 00:16:38,081
- I got the insurance and everything-
- Yes, now, in your report...
320
00:16:38,249 --> 00:16:40,922
...you said you weren't the driver
at the time of the accident.
321
00:16:41,089 --> 00:16:42,681
Somebody else was driving it.
322
00:16:42,849 --> 00:16:46,762
All right, well, sir, you're only covered
for when you're driving the car.
323
00:16:46,929 --> 00:16:49,159
What's that?
324
00:16:49,329 --> 00:16:52,685
- You're not covered for other drivers.
- Other drivers?
325
00:16:52,849 --> 00:16:55,727
Your whole business is based
on other drivers. It's a rented car.
326
00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:58,198
That's who's driving it.
Other drivers.
327
00:16:58,369 --> 00:17:00,200
Doesn't my credit card cover me?
328
00:17:00,369 --> 00:17:02,883
- Not that particular one.
- I got a hundred cards.
329
00:17:03,049 --> 00:17:05,643
Here, here. Pick a card.
Take any card you want.
330
00:17:05,809 --> 00:17:07,401
Go ahead. Whichever one.
I don't care.
331
00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:11,528
- If you had read the rental agreement-
- Did you see the size of that document?
332
00:17:11,689 --> 00:17:14,328
It's like the Declaration of
Independence. Who's gonna read that?
333
00:17:14,489 --> 00:17:18,038
Mr. Seinfeld, as it stands right now,
you are not covered for that damage...
334
00:17:18,209 --> 00:17:22,521
...and there is absolutely nothing
that can be done about that.
335
00:17:23,329 --> 00:17:26,560
These pretzels
are making me thirsty.
336
00:17:34,089 --> 00:17:36,398
It's good, isn't it?
337
00:17:36,969 --> 00:17:39,005
Yankee bean.
338
00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:42,164
Why Yankee bean, huh?
339
00:17:42,329 --> 00:17:45,446
Don't they have beans
in the South?
340
00:17:45,609 --> 00:17:48,646
I mean, if you order Yankee bean
in the South, are they offended?
341
00:17:52,129 --> 00:17:55,519
Yank ee bean. Yank ee bean.
342
00:17:56,129 --> 00:18:02,045
I lik e my Yank ee bean.
343
00:18:10,649 --> 00:18:12,207
Owen...
344
00:18:17,329 --> 00:18:19,923
...I think we have to talk.
345
00:18:20,089 --> 00:18:23,081
I mean, I have to talk.
346
00:18:23,409 --> 00:18:28,529
It would be nice if we could,
but, you know, whatever.
347
00:18:31,249 --> 00:18:35,925
Don't get me wrong.
I like coming here and feeding you...
348
00:18:36,089 --> 00:18:39,559
...and cleaning a little,
and paying your bills.
349
00:18:39,729 --> 00:18:42,960
I mean, that's good stuff.
Good stuff.
350
00:18:45,009 --> 00:18:49,446
I have a wonderful time when
I'm with you. Wonderful!
351
00:18:50,449 --> 00:18:53,725
But at this point in my life,
I'm not really sure...
352
00:18:53,889 --> 00:18:58,405
...that I'm ready to make
a commitment to one person.
353
00:18:58,569 --> 00:19:01,766
I'm just not really sure that we
have enough in common.
354
00:19:01,929 --> 00:19:04,568
I mean, for example:
355
00:19:04,729 --> 00:19:07,880
I like running in the park...
356
00:19:08,049 --> 00:19:09,482
...bicycling...
357
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:14,200
...roller-skating,
tennis and skiing...
358
00:19:14,369 --> 00:19:16,678
And, well...
359
00:19:16,849 --> 00:19:19,886
I'm gonna be brutally honest
with you now.
360
00:19:20,169 --> 00:19:23,844
It's a bitch to get here.
It's two subways.
361
00:19:24,009 --> 00:19:27,081
I have to transfer at 42nd Street
to take the double-R.
362
00:19:28,769 --> 00:19:32,398
Anyway, I mean, this doesn't
mean we can't be friends.
363
00:19:34,729 --> 00:19:37,641
These pretzels
are making me thirsty.
364
00:19:43,089 --> 00:19:45,159
Can you die from an odour?
365
00:19:45,889 --> 00:19:48,881
I mean, if you were locked in
a vomitorium for two weeks...
366
00:19:49,049 --> 00:19:53,167
- ... could you die from the odour?
- An overdose of odour. Good question.
367
00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:55,804
Do I smell?
368
00:19:56,969 --> 00:20:00,359
No, no, no. I was just down
at the 42nd Street subway today.
369
00:20:00,529 --> 00:20:02,884
It is disgusting.
370
00:20:03,049 --> 00:20:05,802
Guess who I bumped into? Owen.
371
00:20:05,969 --> 00:20:08,847
- He's all right?
- Yeah, he's almost fully recovered.
372
00:20:09,009 --> 00:20:11,728
Told me he
was just using me for sex.
373
00:20:13,969 --> 00:20:15,197
- Let me get that.
- I got it.
374
00:20:15,369 --> 00:20:17,644
- Please.
- Let me. I smashed your car.
375
00:20:17,809 --> 00:20:19,367
It cost you over $2000.
376
00:20:19,529 --> 00:20:22,441
Yeah, a cup of coffee
should cover it.
377
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:27,006
- Oh, man.
- What are you doing here?
378
00:20:27,169 --> 00:20:28,363
I got fired from the movie.
379
00:20:28,529 --> 00:20:30,121
- Get out of here. What?
- What?
380
00:20:30,289 --> 00:20:32,803
Well, you know, they were
going to shoot it today.
381
00:20:32,969 --> 00:20:36,279
We rehearsed it twice,
and then Woody yells, "Action."
382
00:20:36,449 --> 00:20:37,802
I turn to him and I say:
383
00:20:37,969 --> 00:20:39,880
"These pretzels are making
me thirsty."
384
00:20:40,049 --> 00:20:42,324
- Right.
- Then I took a swig of beer...
385
00:20:42,489 --> 00:20:46,118
...and I slammed the glass down
on the bar, and it shattered.
386
00:20:47,529 --> 00:20:51,317
Well, one of the pieces
must've hit Woody...
387
00:20:51,969 --> 00:20:54,085
...and he started crying.
388
00:20:54,249 --> 00:20:57,366
And he yells out, "I'm bleeding,"
and he runs off.
389
00:20:57,529 --> 00:21:01,681
Anyway, this woman, she came up
to me, and she says, "You're fired."
390
00:21:02,129 --> 00:21:04,120
Boy, I really nailed that scene.
391
00:21:09,329 --> 00:21:10,842
Oh, wait a-
392
00:21:11,889 --> 00:21:15,040
Oh, for crying out loud.
393
00:21:23,529 --> 00:21:25,918
The best part of a relationship
is when you're sick.
394
00:21:26,249 --> 00:21:28,843
The best part of being sick
is when you're in a relationship.
395
00:21:29,009 --> 00:21:30,920
But if I got married,
you know those vows...
396
00:21:31,089 --> 00:21:33,319
...for richer or for poorer,
for better or for worse.
397
00:21:33,489 --> 00:21:36,208
All I need is the sickness.
That is the most important one.
398
00:21:36,369 --> 00:21:40,362
"Do you take this man in sickness?"
399
00:21:40,529 --> 00:21:42,121
That's the time
I need somebody there.
400
00:21:42,289 --> 00:21:44,325
The rest of the time,
go out, have a ball.
401
00:21:44,489 --> 00:21:47,447
But if I get the sniffles,
you better be there.
402
00:22:00,289 --> 00:22:02,280
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