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1
00:00:02,708 --> 00:00:05,083
Remind me how we got roped
into giving away the blood
2
00:00:05,083 --> 00:00:06,958
that's keeping us alive?
3
00:00:06,958 --> 00:00:09,000
Wendy signed us all up
when we were hungry.
4
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:10,792
She knew we weren't
paying attention.
5
00:00:10,792 --> 00:00:12,833
I swear she used the words
"drag queen bingo,"
6
00:00:12,833 --> 00:00:14,333
or I never would have agreed.
7
00:00:14,333 --> 00:00:17,083
What if I walk out of here
and get hit by a bus
8
00:00:17,083 --> 00:00:19,333
and don't have enough blood
in my body to save me?
9
00:00:19,333 --> 00:00:21,208
Then they'll wheel you
right back in here
10
00:00:21,208 --> 00:00:22,792
and fill you
full of mine.
11
00:00:22,792 --> 00:00:24,833
I would not take
that offer.
12
00:00:25,792 --> 00:00:27,708
I just hate needles.
13
00:00:27,708 --> 00:00:30,500
Except for Botox,
which actually helps people.
14
00:00:30,500 --> 00:00:32,083
You're gonna
be fine.
15
00:00:32,083 --> 00:00:33,667
I give blood
every six months.
16
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:35,333
It's nothing to
be scared of.
17
00:00:35,333 --> 00:00:38,083
Wow. Some of these questions
are pretty personal.
18
00:00:38,083 --> 00:00:41,042
"Have you had unprotected sex
with someone you do not know..."
19
00:00:41,042 --> 00:00:43,667
Yay, I'm out!
"...in the last
three months?"
20
00:00:43,667 --> 00:00:46,375
Damn it, I'm back in.
21
00:00:46,375 --> 00:00:49,542
We should be proud that we're
sober and we can do this.
22
00:00:49,542 --> 00:00:51,625
There was a time when none
of us could've given blood
23
00:00:51,625 --> 00:00:53,667
because of our
lifestyles.
24
00:00:53,667 --> 00:00:57,125
So let's be grateful
and generous of spirit.
25
00:00:57,125 --> 00:00:58,958
Crap-a-doodle.
26
00:00:58,958 --> 00:01:00,542
What's the matter?
Is it number eight?
27
00:01:00,542 --> 00:01:02,458
"Have you taken
money for sex?"
28
00:01:02,458 --> 00:01:05,875
I started blood thinners.
I can't donate.
29
00:01:05,875 --> 00:01:08,125
Wait. Do you have 'em
in your purse? Give me one.
30
00:01:08,125 --> 00:01:11,042
I wish I was
sick in the hospital
31
00:01:11,042 --> 00:01:12,708
and someone was
bringing me
32
00:01:12,708 --> 00:01:15,000
a Valentine's bear with
a heart on his tummy.
33
00:01:16,250 --> 00:01:17,542
I'm not interested
unless that bear
34
00:01:17,542 --> 00:01:19,333
is carrying jewelry.
35
00:01:19,333 --> 00:01:21,667
Adam and I never make a big
deal out of Valentine's Day.
36
00:01:21,667 --> 00:01:23,500
Usually, by the time he
gets home from the bar,
37
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:25,833
I've already eaten my edible
underwear and gone to sleep.
38
00:01:25,833 --> 00:01:27,333
I have a date with
chicken fajitas
39
00:01:27,333 --> 00:01:29,375
and Bridget
Jones's Diary.
40
00:01:29,375 --> 00:01:32,542
Well, Gary and I have
a sexy Skype planned.
41
00:01:32,542 --> 00:01:34,542
Tammy, I may
need your help
42
00:01:34,542 --> 00:01:37,417
getting off my compression
socks beforehand.
43
00:01:37,417 --> 00:01:40,125
Great. I have a date
with chicken fajitas,
44
00:01:40,125 --> 00:01:42,375
Bridget Jones's Diary and
Marjorie's compression socks.
45
00:01:44,708 --> 00:01:46,125
There's Wendy.
46
00:01:48,125 --> 00:01:50,292
Wendy's kissing a man.
47
00:01:50,292 --> 00:01:51,958
Wendy's kissing a man!
48
00:01:51,958 --> 00:01:53,625
I'm gonna faint
before I give blood.
49
00:02:17,625 --> 00:02:20,250
I'm sorry I can't pet you, Gus.
50
00:02:20,250 --> 00:02:23,000
I gave blood.
51
00:02:24,375 --> 00:02:27,792
You know, it can't always be
about you, you know.
52
00:02:28,792 --> 00:02:32,375
Hey.
53
00:02:32,375 --> 00:02:33,625
You all right?
54
00:02:33,625 --> 00:02:36,458
I spent all morning
saving lives.
55
00:02:36,458 --> 00:02:38,333
I thought
you were just giving blood.
56
00:02:38,333 --> 00:02:40,542
Not just any blood.
57
00:02:40,542 --> 00:02:44,167
AB negative, the rarest of all.
58
00:02:44,167 --> 00:02:47,333
The nurse called it
the "champagne of blood."
59
00:02:49,542 --> 00:02:51,292
Juice me.
60
00:02:51,292 --> 00:02:54,667
Do you think you'll have
your strength back by Sunday?
61
00:02:54,667 --> 00:02:58,667
No. You're not still trying
to get me to church, are you?
62
00:02:58,667 --> 00:03:00,500
I can't drink
the wine,
63
00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:03,625
and those crackers they
serve with it are terrible.
64
00:03:03,625 --> 00:03:05,750
Sunday is
Valentine's Day,
65
00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:08,500
and I'm taking you out
for a romantic dinner.
66
00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:11,625
Not chicken wings
in your office at the bar?
67
00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:15,625
Nope. Michelin star restaurant,
six-course tasting menu.
68
00:03:15,625 --> 00:03:18,500
Wear your highest heels
'cause I'm sitting down anyway.
69
00:03:18,500 --> 00:03:21,542
My God,
our first Valentine's date.
70
00:03:22,625 --> 00:03:25,208
If I wasn't so weak,
I'd kiss you.
71
00:03:26,208 --> 00:03:27,917
I'll come to you.
72
00:03:27,917 --> 00:03:30,208
I'll do my best
to muster a pucker.
73
00:03:33,083 --> 00:03:35,458
Orange juice and Oreos.
74
00:03:35,458 --> 00:03:37,125
Just had a flashback
to preschool.
75
00:03:37,125 --> 00:03:39,708
Not what you want
when you're kissing your wife.
76
00:03:41,667 --> 00:03:44,292
You know, Bonnie, it's
been more than 24 hours,
77
00:03:44,292 --> 00:03:45,625
so you can take
that off now.
78
00:03:45,625 --> 00:03:47,208
Is that still there
79
00:03:47,208 --> 00:03:50,458
from when I gave my very rare
blood to save lives?
80
00:03:50,458 --> 00:03:53,625
You're surprised? She wore her
"I Voted" sticker for a month.
81
00:03:53,625 --> 00:03:55,833
I was excited. It was my first
time voting under my real name.
82
00:03:58,208 --> 00:04:00,000
Wendy's here.
83
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,167
This is gonna be
fun. Hey, girl!
84
00:04:02,167 --> 00:04:04,542
What's new? What's going on?
85
00:04:04,542 --> 00:04:07,125
I just got my hair cut.
86
00:04:07,125 --> 00:04:08,875
Well, not really cut,
just a trim. They call it...
87
00:04:08,875 --> 00:04:11,333
No one cares.
Who's the guy?
88
00:04:11,333 --> 00:04:12,792
What guy?
89
00:04:12,792 --> 00:04:14,833
The doctor you were
playing doctor with.
90
00:04:14,833 --> 00:04:16,667
When we came to
give blood...
91
00:04:16,667 --> 00:04:18,125
We saw you
sucking face with him.
92
00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:19,625
Why have you been
holding out on us?
93
00:04:19,625 --> 00:04:21,125
Yeah.
94
00:04:21,125 --> 00:04:23,000
We've been kind of
seeing each other.
95
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:25,625
Yesterday, you went on and on
about the lint in your dryer,
96
00:04:25,625 --> 00:04:27,500
but nothing about
Dr. Hot Lips?
97
00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:30,958
It's new, and I was afraid
you guys would tease me.
98
00:04:30,958 --> 00:04:32,708
Wendy, we would never.
99
00:04:32,708 --> 00:04:35,292
Has he taken your temperature
yet? And if so, how?
100
00:04:35,292 --> 00:04:37,250
Can he prescribe
satisfaction?
101
00:04:38,583 --> 00:04:40,042
Does he recommend
you stay horizontal
102
00:04:40,042 --> 00:04:41,542
with plenty of fluids?
103
00:04:41,542 --> 00:04:43,083
All right.
104
00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:45,667
All right, everybody
just leave Wendy alone.
105
00:04:45,667 --> 00:04:47,167
She's probably tired
106
00:04:47,167 --> 00:04:48,625
from all the booster
shots he's giving her.
107
00:04:50,375 --> 00:04:51,792
It's fun when you play.
108
00:04:53,958 --> 00:04:55,625
All right, tease all you want.
109
00:04:55,625 --> 00:04:57,333
Armand and I are happy.
110
00:04:57,333 --> 00:04:59,500
Armand?
111
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:01,875
Is his last name
"Douché"?
112
00:05:03,250 --> 00:05:05,667
My God.
What?
113
00:05:05,667 --> 00:05:08,458
Gary just broke
up with me.
114
00:05:08,458 --> 00:05:09,875
In a text?
115
00:05:09,875 --> 00:05:11,792
What did he say?
116
00:05:12,792 --> 00:05:14,500
I'm sorry.
I need a minute.
117
00:05:17,167 --> 00:05:18,500
Poor Marjorie.
118
00:05:18,500 --> 00:05:19,750
Do you think
this is some sort
119
00:05:19,750 --> 00:05:21,625
of cosmic
rebalancing?
120
00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:23,333
Like Wendy got a boyfriend
so Marjorie had to lose hers?
121
00:05:23,333 --> 00:05:25,875
It's the only
plausible explanation.
122
00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:29,292
Damn it!
123
00:05:29,292 --> 00:05:31,083
What happened?
124
00:05:31,083 --> 00:05:34,125
I was looking at my phone,
and I fell,
125
00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:36,292
like the stupid old woman I am.
126
00:05:36,292 --> 00:05:39,208
I really hurt my wrist.
127
00:05:39,208 --> 00:05:41,500
We should
get you to the ER.
128
00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:44,583
Which in Wendy's case
is the Erection Room.
129
00:05:44,583 --> 00:05:46,417
No? I guess
we're done.
130
00:05:46,417 --> 00:05:47,792
Go.
131
00:05:50,667 --> 00:05:53,792
Is it weird that I feel like
Teen People really gets me?
132
00:05:53,792 --> 00:05:55,625
No. You've got a
youthful spirit
133
00:05:55,625 --> 00:05:57,667
and a giant crush
on Harry Styles.
134
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,917
Huge news.
135
00:06:00,917 --> 00:06:02,000
Is Marjorie all right?
136
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:03,500
No idea.
137
00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:05,125
I did a little sleuthing,
and I found out
138
00:06:05,125 --> 00:06:06,458
that Wendy's boyfriend
is a cardiologist.
139
00:06:06,458 --> 00:06:07,958
So I called my girlfriend Jenna,
140
00:06:07,958 --> 00:06:09,250
whose husband is also
a cardiologist,
141
00:06:09,250 --> 00:06:11,042
to see if she had
the scoop on him.
142
00:06:11,042 --> 00:06:14,000
Ooh, good work. I bet he's a
model train guy or has a ferret.
143
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:16,708
Thank you, but hold your ticket.
144
00:06:16,708 --> 00:06:18,708
He's married.
What?!
145
00:06:18,708 --> 00:06:20,250
I know.
I couldn't believe it, either.
146
00:06:20,250 --> 00:06:21,750
Do you think she knows?
147
00:06:21,750 --> 00:06:22,875
Wendy would never
date a married man.
148
00:06:22,875 --> 00:06:24,792
We have to tell her.
Do we?
149
00:06:24,792 --> 00:06:27,250
Last week, she cried
when the bistro ran out of soup.
150
00:06:27,250 --> 00:06:29,458
Of course we do. She's our
friend, and we care about her.
151
00:06:29,458 --> 00:06:31,042
But it's gonna
break her heart.
152
00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:32,667
If we don't tell her,
six months from now,
153
00:06:32,667 --> 00:06:34,417
she's gonna be
in Palm Springs with him,
154
00:06:34,417 --> 00:06:36,625
and his wife's gonna find out
and set her car on fire.
155
00:06:36,625 --> 00:06:38,375
Who would do that?
156
00:06:38,375 --> 00:06:40,667
I always forget you weren't
around for those stories.
157
00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:43,042
I never actually set
anybody's car on fire.
158
00:06:43,042 --> 00:06:45,167
It's harder than you think.
159
00:06:45,167 --> 00:06:47,292
All right, well,
so who's gonna tell her?
160
00:06:47,292 --> 00:06:48,792
Not me.
I've made her cry enough.
161
00:06:48,792 --> 00:06:50,292
I got the scoop.
I've done my part.
162
00:06:50,292 --> 00:06:51,667
Well, I don't want
to do it.
163
00:06:51,667 --> 00:06:53,333
I just got her over
being scared of me.
164
00:06:53,333 --> 00:06:54,708
So we're in agreement.
If Marjorie doesn't die
165
00:06:54,708 --> 00:06:56,042
from wrist-related
complications,
166
00:06:56,042 --> 00:06:57,250
we'll make her
tell Wendy.
167
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,542
Good plan.
168
00:06:58,542 --> 00:07:00,000
Here she comes. Shh.
169
00:07:00,958 --> 00:07:02,625
Does my face look like
it knows too much?
170
00:07:02,625 --> 00:07:04,500
No, never.
171
00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:06,958
Hey, guys.
Hey.
Hey.
172
00:07:06,958 --> 00:07:08,375
There she is.
173
00:07:09,375 --> 00:07:12,125
Marjorie's gonna be fine.
It's just a slight fracture.
174
00:07:12,125 --> 00:07:14,458
She's getting a cast,
and then we can take her home.
175
00:07:14,458 --> 00:07:15,667
Great.
Super.
176
00:07:15,667 --> 00:07:17,958
So she's not gonna die.
177
00:07:21,958 --> 00:07:25,125
You know, you all didn't
have to come home with me.
178
00:07:25,125 --> 00:07:26,833
Well, I live here
so I was coming anyway.
179
00:07:26,833 --> 00:07:30,125
We just want
to make sure you're okay.
180
00:07:30,125 --> 00:07:31,625
I'm fine.
181
00:07:31,625 --> 00:07:33,458
Doctor said my wrist will heal.
182
00:07:33,458 --> 00:07:35,000
Yeah, but you also
just got dumped
183
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:37,125
in a text
right before Valentine's Day.
184
00:07:37,125 --> 00:07:39,292
Thank you for reminding me.
185
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:42,208
We're all here because we love
you, and we just want to help.
186
00:07:42,208 --> 00:07:43,625
Can I get you a pillow?
187
00:07:43,625 --> 00:07:45,542
If I need a pillow,
I'll get one.
188
00:07:45,542 --> 00:07:48,125
Look around. It's like a
Pier 1 exploded in here.
189
00:07:48,125 --> 00:07:50,292
All right, no pillow.
190
00:07:50,292 --> 00:07:52,542
Do you want to talk about
what happened with Gary?
191
00:07:52,542 --> 00:07:54,208
No.
192
00:07:54,208 --> 00:07:56,458
Are you gonna
call him?
No.
193
00:07:56,458 --> 00:07:59,500
Well, I say good riddance.
We never liked him anyway.
194
00:07:59,500 --> 00:08:00,792
Jill!
What?
195
00:08:00,792 --> 00:08:01,958
Who didn't like him?
196
00:08:01,958 --> 00:08:03,417
All of us.
Jill!
197
00:08:03,417 --> 00:08:05,542
What? I'm just
telling her the truth.
198
00:08:05,542 --> 00:08:07,542
And as someone who's recently
been dumped herself,
199
00:08:07,542 --> 00:08:08,917
I know
what you're going through,
200
00:08:08,917 --> 00:08:10,375
and I just want to say,
men suck.
201
00:08:11,667 --> 00:08:14,167
But Gary especially.
202
00:08:14,167 --> 00:08:15,625
Not all men suck.
203
00:08:15,625 --> 00:08:18,042
Adam's great,
80%, 85% of the time.
204
00:08:19,042 --> 00:08:20,792
And I've got
a great guy, too.
205
00:08:25,708 --> 00:08:27,167
What?
206
00:08:27,167 --> 00:08:28,750
Well, if we'd gotten
some alone time
207
00:08:28,750 --> 00:08:30,292
with Marjorie, she'd tell you.
208
00:08:30,292 --> 00:08:31,417
Tell her what?
209
00:08:32,708 --> 00:08:34,292
Okay, I'll jump
in front of the bullet.
210
00:08:34,292 --> 00:08:35,833
Armand's married.
211
00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:40,000
I'm sorry.
This must be devastating.
212
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,375
I know
he's married.
213
00:08:41,375 --> 00:08:43,042
You do?
Yeah.
214
00:08:43,042 --> 00:08:45,500
Really?
It's not ideal,
but I'm okay with it.
215
00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:47,125
But you never break the rules.
216
00:08:47,125 --> 00:08:49,000
You won't even smuggle popcorn
into a movie,
217
00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:50,625
and I know
'cause I've asked you to.
218
00:08:50,625 --> 00:08:52,917
My purse was filled
with cheeseburgers.
219
00:08:53,958 --> 00:08:56,375
Wait a minute. Your
boyfriend is married?
220
00:08:56,375 --> 00:08:58,292
I know you're old and injured,
but try to keep up.
221
00:08:59,958 --> 00:09:01,625
How are you okay with this?
222
00:09:01,625 --> 00:09:04,750
You don't understand.
We had an instant connection.
223
00:09:04,750 --> 00:09:06,958
I've never been with someone
who's this into me.
224
00:09:06,958 --> 00:09:09,625
Yeah, well, I bet he was
into his wife at one point, too.
225
00:09:11,125 --> 00:09:14,292
Honey, he'll say he'll leave
her, but he's never going to.
226
00:09:14,292 --> 00:09:17,833
It's okay. I'm fine with
things the way they are.
227
00:09:18,875 --> 00:09:21,375
All right, since you didn't
have to break the news,
228
00:09:21,375 --> 00:09:23,500
you can jump right into your
lecture about how wrong this is.
229
00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:25,625
Do you want a glass of water,
cup of tea, or can you just go?
230
00:09:25,625 --> 00:09:27,792
No lecture.
231
00:09:27,792 --> 00:09:29,375
Great. Straight to yelling.
232
00:09:29,375 --> 00:09:32,292
We can do anything
we want in sobriety
233
00:09:32,292 --> 00:09:36,125
as long as we're willing
to accept the consequences.
234
00:09:36,125 --> 00:09:38,125
Obviously,
Marjorie is delirious.
235
00:09:38,125 --> 00:09:41,542
I'm jumping in.
Somebody make me some tea.
236
00:09:41,542 --> 00:09:43,458
I have dated my share
of married men--
237
00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:45,083
back when I was drinking,
not proud--
238
00:09:45,083 --> 00:09:47,083
and yes,
the secrecy was exciting,
239
00:09:47,083 --> 00:09:49,292
and the thrill of that guy
getting something from me
240
00:09:49,292 --> 00:09:51,667
that he couldn't get from
his wife made me feel special.
241
00:09:54,042 --> 00:09:55,542
But here's
what I didn't understand,
242
00:09:57,208 --> 00:09:59,625
That guy's wife is a real person
with feelings,
243
00:09:59,625 --> 00:10:01,417
and she probably
suspects something.
244
00:10:01,417 --> 00:10:03,125
So don't think
you're not hurting someone,
245
00:10:03,125 --> 00:10:04,500
because you are.
246
00:10:05,458 --> 00:10:07,875
You know what I think?
247
00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:10,542
I'm happy
and you can't stand it.
248
00:10:17,667 --> 00:10:19,500
Do you still want the tea?
249
00:10:27,958 --> 00:10:29,708
This is beautiful.
Yeah.
250
00:10:29,708 --> 00:10:31,750
Does it count as
one of those six courses?
251
00:10:31,750 --> 00:10:33,542
'Cause I may want
to pace myself.
252
00:10:33,542 --> 00:10:35,625
That is called
an amuse-bouche.
253
00:10:35,625 --> 00:10:37,208
I did not know that.
254
00:10:37,208 --> 00:10:38,708
I was told while you
were in the bathroom,
255
00:10:38,708 --> 00:10:40,167
after I said, "I hope
the next course
256
00:10:40,167 --> 00:10:41,750
comes on a
bigger plate."
257
00:10:41,750 --> 00:10:44,792
Well, it looks delicious.
Should I take a picture?
258
00:10:44,792 --> 00:10:46,792
No. I don't want to be
one of those people.
259
00:10:46,792 --> 00:10:47,917
Yes, I do.
260
00:10:48,875 --> 00:10:50,208
You look gorgeous.
261
00:10:51,458 --> 00:10:53,417
I'm the luckiest
man in the room.
262
00:10:53,417 --> 00:10:55,750
I got a look at the crowd
on the way to the bathroom,
263
00:10:55,750 --> 00:10:56,917
and yes, you are.
264
00:10:57,917 --> 00:11:01,042
I bought you a little
Valentine's Day gift.
265
00:11:01,042 --> 00:11:03,750
God, how much sex
do you want tonight?
266
00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:06,125
W-We may have to push
till tomorrow morning,
267
00:11:06,125 --> 00:11:08,875
after six courses and
this bouche situation.
268
00:11:13,250 --> 00:11:15,042
Hey, you two.
269
00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:16,625
Jill, what are you
doing here?
270
00:11:16,625 --> 00:11:18,542
Just picking up.
I paid for this months ago
271
00:11:18,542 --> 00:11:20,375
when I thought I would
still have a boyfriend,
272
00:11:20,375 --> 00:11:22,958
but at least I get to eat in
my sweats, so that's a win.
273
00:11:22,958 --> 00:11:25,208
Well, enjoy
your Valentine's.
274
00:11:25,208 --> 00:11:27,292
Jill?
Yeah.
275
00:11:27,292 --> 00:11:28,750
Would you like
to join us?
276
00:11:28,750 --> 00:11:30,708
No. This is a
couples-only zone.
277
00:11:30,708 --> 00:11:31,917
No, come on, sit down.
278
00:11:31,917 --> 00:11:32,958
Really?
279
00:11:32,958 --> 00:11:34,208
Absolutely.
280
00:11:35,208 --> 00:11:38,750
Okay. I'll go
ask for a chair.
281
00:11:38,750 --> 00:11:40,625
You are so wonderful.
282
00:11:40,625 --> 00:11:42,458
Later, I'm gonna
do something to you
283
00:11:42,458 --> 00:11:44,208
that's only legal
in Thailand.
284
00:11:46,667 --> 00:11:49,208
Okay, I know this isn't
the night you had planned,
285
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:50,667
but I worked really hard
on these fajitas,
286
00:11:50,667 --> 00:11:52,208
and I think
you're gonna like 'em.
287
00:11:52,208 --> 00:11:53,500
I'm not hungry.
288
00:11:53,500 --> 00:11:54,875
Well, they're there
if you want 'em.
289
00:11:54,875 --> 00:11:56,208
I won't.
290
00:11:56,208 --> 00:11:57,583
Then they're just there.
291
00:11:57,583 --> 00:11:59,167
I was gonna watch
Bridget Jones's Diary.
292
00:11:59,167 --> 00:12:00,917
Is that okay with you?
293
00:12:00,917 --> 00:12:03,708
A story about a woman
who can't keep her man? Why not?
294
00:12:03,708 --> 00:12:05,292
I also have RoboCop.
295
00:12:05,292 --> 00:12:07,000
Impossible to see
your current situation in that,
296
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,458
unless there's something
about Gary you haven't told us.
297
00:12:09,458 --> 00:12:12,083
I don't care.
298
00:12:12,083 --> 00:12:14,500
I know this is
hard for you,
299
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:16,917
but you still have so much
to be grateful for.
300
00:12:16,917 --> 00:12:21,375
Like what? I'm old, I'm alone,
my bones snap like dry twigs,
301
00:12:21,375 --> 00:12:23,500
and I get to spend
the next two weeks
302
00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:25,792
taking a shower
with a plastic bag on my arm.
303
00:12:25,792 --> 00:12:28,583
Is there anything I can do
to make you feel better?
304
00:12:28,583 --> 00:12:32,417
Go back in time and tell me
not to dump Wayne for Gary.
305
00:12:32,417 --> 00:12:34,083
I would if I could.
306
00:12:34,083 --> 00:12:36,542
Then I'd go further back in time
and invent the zipper.
307
00:12:36,542 --> 00:12:38,292
Though I don't know
when that was invented.
308
00:12:38,292 --> 00:12:39,958
It'd be pretty embarrassing
if I show up and say,
309
00:12:39,958 --> 00:12:41,583
"Hey, look what I invented!"
310
00:12:41,583 --> 00:12:44,375
Then the real zipper guy
is like, "Nice job, loser."
311
00:12:44,375 --> 00:12:47,083
Can you eat your fajitas
in your bedroom?
Yes, I can.
312
00:12:50,042 --> 00:12:51,542
Wendy, right?
313
00:12:51,542 --> 00:12:53,458
I know. A married man?
314
00:12:53,458 --> 00:12:55,042
I can't stop
thinking about it.
315
00:12:55,042 --> 00:12:56,917
I finally got her
to stop thinking about it,
316
00:12:56,917 --> 00:12:58,458
so can we change the subject?
317
00:12:58,458 --> 00:13:01,042
I'm even willing to go back
to panty liners.
318
00:13:02,750 --> 00:13:05,458
This was set to be
my worst Valentine's Day ever,
319
00:13:05,458 --> 00:13:07,375
and I'm having fun.
320
00:13:07,375 --> 00:13:10,250
I'd say my worst was
waking up in a Colombian jail.
321
00:13:10,250 --> 00:13:11,667
Not sure how I got there.
322
00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:13,208
Something to do with
selling illegal eels.
323
00:13:14,792 --> 00:13:16,458
I was gonna tell
a harrowing story
324
00:13:16,458 --> 00:13:18,125
about a flat tire in Fresno,
325
00:13:18,125 --> 00:13:20,208
but I forgot
who I was having dinner with.
326
00:13:20,208 --> 00:13:23,042
It's hard to unseat the champ.
327
00:13:23,042 --> 00:13:24,833
Well, the truth is,
328
00:13:24,833 --> 00:13:27,625
all my Valentine's Days
were the worst before I met you.
329
00:13:27,625 --> 00:13:29,083
Aw.
330
00:13:29,083 --> 00:13:31,417
I love you.
Can I open my present now?
331
00:13:31,417 --> 00:13:33,333
There's a present?
Go, go, go!
332
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,542
Wait. No, no. Don't
open it till I'm off.
333
00:13:36,542 --> 00:13:37,958
Hey, Tammy.
334
00:13:37,958 --> 00:13:39,375
Marjorie's gone down
a rabbit hole,
335
00:13:39,375 --> 00:13:40,875
and I don't know what to do.
336
00:13:40,875 --> 00:13:42,333
She's sitting in the dark
337
00:13:42,333 --> 00:13:44,125
muttering about
giving her cats away
338
00:13:44,125 --> 00:13:45,833
to younger people.
339
00:13:46,792 --> 00:13:49,083
No.
What's going on?
340
00:13:49,083 --> 00:13:52,167
Marjorie's gone to a bad place,
and Tammy don't know what to do.
341
00:13:52,167 --> 00:13:53,667
Who are you talking to?
342
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:55,375
Bonnie.
I'm out with her and Adam.
343
00:13:55,375 --> 00:13:57,750
Why are you...?
Never mind. Let me talk to her.
344
00:14:00,667 --> 00:14:02,125
Hey, Tam.
345
00:14:08,250 --> 00:14:09,958
Two more for dinner?
346
00:14:14,208 --> 00:14:16,750
I heard about
the whole Gary text thing.
347
00:14:16,750 --> 00:14:18,875
That's just messed up.
I'm sorry.
348
00:14:18,875 --> 00:14:20,042
Thank you.
349
00:14:20,042 --> 00:14:21,250
He didn't like
him, either.
350
00:14:21,250 --> 00:14:23,875
Did everyone
hate Gary?
351
00:14:23,875 --> 00:14:27,292
Hate's a strong word,
but it's the right word.
352
00:14:27,292 --> 00:14:29,417
Why didn't anybody tell me?
353
00:14:29,417 --> 00:14:31,125
Well, you seemed
so happy.
354
00:14:31,125 --> 00:14:33,375
And we didn't want to
rain on your sex parade.
355
00:14:33,375 --> 00:14:36,208
Well, he was the grand
marshal of the sex parade.
356
00:14:37,667 --> 00:14:39,125
But if I'm
completely honest,
357
00:14:39,125 --> 00:14:40,958
I sometimes
found him challenging.
358
00:14:40,958 --> 00:14:43,542
He could be
a bit opinionated.
And a little overbearing.
359
00:14:43,542 --> 00:14:46,042
Kind of a know-it-all.
He was a dick.
360
00:14:46,042 --> 00:14:48,750
Don't say "dick"
in a swanky restaurant.
361
00:14:49,708 --> 00:14:52,917
I don't know about women,
but guys have a rule
362
00:14:52,917 --> 00:14:55,125
that you don't bash the ex
until you're sure
363
00:14:55,125 --> 00:14:57,375
that they're not
getting back together.
364
00:14:57,375 --> 00:14:59,708
Like the other person's dead,
preferably cremated
365
00:14:59,708 --> 00:15:01,458
and you've looked
inside the urn.
366
00:15:03,958 --> 00:15:07,375
He broke up with me by text, so,
in the words of Taylor Swift,
367
00:15:07,375 --> 00:15:09,500
"We are never, ever,
ever getting back together."
368
00:15:11,333 --> 00:15:14,042
Well, for what it's worth,
I think you can do a lot better.
369
00:15:14,042 --> 00:15:15,708
Well, thank you.
370
00:15:15,708 --> 00:15:18,042
And I'm starting
to feel a little better, too.
371
00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:20,917
Maybe all I needed was
a night out with my gals.
372
00:15:20,917 --> 00:15:22,125
Aw, you hear that?
You're one of the gals.
373
00:15:22,125 --> 00:15:23,792
I'm honored.
374
00:15:23,792 --> 00:15:25,958
Though, I think the people
in this restaurant think
375
00:15:25,958 --> 00:15:27,958
I'm some sort
of cult leader.
376
00:15:29,875 --> 00:15:32,250
You know the one thing
that's missing?
377
00:15:32,250 --> 00:15:34,875
Ketchup? I think they're
pretending they don't have any.
378
00:15:34,875 --> 00:15:37,208
Wendy. If I'm gonna have
a romantic Valentine's dinner
379
00:15:37,208 --> 00:15:39,583
with all my girlfriends,
she should be here.
380
00:15:39,583 --> 00:15:42,333
Excuse me. We're gonna
need another chair.
381
00:15:42,333 --> 00:15:44,042
And I get that
you "don't have ketchup,"
382
00:15:44,042 --> 00:15:47,167
but do you have ranch
or barbecue sauce or mustard?
383
00:15:47,167 --> 00:15:49,583
Just looking for
a little dip here, sir.
384
00:15:52,458 --> 00:15:53,958
I'm glad you called.
385
00:15:53,958 --> 00:15:55,542
Having a boyfriend
who's with his wife
386
00:15:55,542 --> 00:15:57,375
on Valentine's Day is rough.
387
00:15:57,375 --> 00:15:59,625
Even though I violently disagree
with your choices,
388
00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:01,583
I'm violently happy you're here.
389
00:16:03,792 --> 00:16:07,250
One for you.
390
00:16:07,250 --> 00:16:08,542
Aw.
391
00:16:08,542 --> 00:16:09,708
One for you.
392
00:16:09,708 --> 00:16:11,333
One for you.
393
00:16:12,333 --> 00:16:13,708
And two for you.
394
00:16:13,708 --> 00:16:15,583
I'm no dummy.
395
00:16:17,250 --> 00:16:18,583
You know, you see this happen
in restaurants,
396
00:16:18,583 --> 00:16:20,167
and it's the hokiest thing ever,
397
00:16:20,167 --> 00:16:22,125
and then it happens to you,
and it's so nice.
398
00:16:22,125 --> 00:16:23,708
You're a classy son of a bitch.
399
00:16:23,708 --> 00:16:25,792
Swanky. I forgot.
400
00:16:25,792 --> 00:16:28,375
Should we give
this another shot?
401
00:16:28,375 --> 00:16:29,875
Ooh, tiny box alert.
402
00:16:33,208 --> 00:16:35,667
Adam.
403
00:16:35,667 --> 00:16:37,167
It's beautiful.
404
00:16:37,167 --> 00:16:38,833
Let me see!
405
00:16:38,833 --> 00:16:40,625
That's
a nice weight.
406
00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:42,542
Adam, so elegant.
407
00:16:42,542 --> 00:16:44,125
Really pretty.
408
00:16:44,125 --> 00:16:45,792
There's an inscription.
409
00:16:45,792 --> 00:16:47,417
Yeah. Look, it says...
410
00:16:47,417 --> 00:16:48,917
Ooh, probably
Bonnie should read it.
411
00:16:51,583 --> 00:16:54,917
"No, sorry, no Linda here."
412
00:16:54,917 --> 00:16:56,875
What does that mean?
413
00:16:56,875 --> 00:16:58,708
Those are the first words
you ever said to me.
414
00:16:58,708 --> 00:17:00,333
When I called the wrong number
415
00:17:00,333 --> 00:17:01,708
that ended up
being the right number.
416
00:17:04,292 --> 00:17:05,750
You're amazing.
417
00:17:08,375 --> 00:17:10,542
I would like to propose a toast.
418
00:17:10,542 --> 00:17:12,583
To Adam Janikowski,
419
00:17:12,583 --> 00:17:15,208
who has made our friend happier
than she has ever been,
420
00:17:15,208 --> 00:17:17,167
and he also puts up
with all of us,
421
00:17:17,167 --> 00:17:19,208
which is something
even we have trouble doing.
422
00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:22,917
I knew when I married Bonnie
423
00:17:22,917 --> 00:17:24,750
that I was also marrying
all of you.
424
00:17:24,750 --> 00:17:26,292
And I'm good
with that.
425
00:17:26,292 --> 00:17:27,625
I love you guys.
426
00:17:28,875 --> 00:17:30,333
Pay attention, ladies.
427
00:17:30,333 --> 00:17:32,583
Don't settle for
anything less than this.
428
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:35,708
Wendy, don't you even
look at him.
429
00:17:49,583 --> 00:17:50,500
Well, somebody's got
their sparkle back.
430
00:17:52,250 --> 00:17:55,292
Well, I stopped at the
farmer's market on the way here,
431
00:17:55,292 --> 00:17:58,875
and I got talking
to the cantaloupe man.
432
00:17:58,875 --> 00:18:01,375
Long story short, we're
having coffee next Wednesday.
433
00:18:01,375 --> 00:18:03,167
Thank God.
434
00:18:03,167 --> 00:18:04,875
I can put all the sharp
knives back in the kitchen.
435
00:18:04,875 --> 00:18:07,417
The good news is
maybe it'll work out,
436
00:18:07,417 --> 00:18:09,583
but the better news is,
even if it doesn't,
437
00:18:09,583 --> 00:18:12,250
it's given me hope
that I've still got game.
438
00:18:12,250 --> 00:18:13,583
The best news is
we can make jokes
439
00:18:13,583 --> 00:18:15,250
about him squeezing
your melons.
440
00:18:16,875 --> 00:18:19,208
I want
a cantaloupe man.
441
00:18:19,208 --> 00:18:22,625
I really need to start
doing my own shopping.
442
00:18:22,625 --> 00:18:25,375
No. I'd rather
be alone forever.
443
00:18:26,375 --> 00:18:29,083
It's 'cause those were the
first words I ever said to him.
444
00:18:29,083 --> 00:18:32,417
It was a wrong number.
Pretty magical story.
445
00:18:32,417 --> 00:18:34,125
Hey, Bonnie, can I talk
to you for a second?
446
00:18:34,125 --> 00:18:35,667
Yeah.
447
00:18:35,667 --> 00:18:37,875
Later, I'll show you
pictures of our dinner.
448
00:18:37,875 --> 00:18:40,458
My phone put them into a little
video with sentimental music.
449
00:18:40,458 --> 00:18:42,083
It's actually very moving.
450
00:18:43,708 --> 00:18:45,583
What's up?
451
00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:47,958
I just want to let you know
that Armand and I broke up.
452
00:18:48,958 --> 00:18:51,708
I'm sorry, but I do think
you made the right choice.
453
00:18:51,708 --> 00:18:54,208
It wasn't my choice.
It was his.
454
00:18:58,208 --> 00:19:00,167
But can we say
it was mine?
455
00:19:00,167 --> 00:19:02,167
That's what I heard.
33756