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1
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,742
May those days May your days May your days
2
00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:50,438
Felix, come back here!
3
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:54,675
You don't deserve to be the father of my child!
4
00:02:54,742 --> 00:02:58,111
Come back here
with that Santa Claus suit!
5
00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:05,353
You jerk!
You ruined our tree!
6
00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:07,488
That tree was
absolutely symmetrical!
7
00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:09,990
It took us two hours to find it!
It was perfect!
8
00:03:10,057 --> 00:03:11,959
Nothing's perfect,
you cretins!
9
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,127
Stop yelling.
You're gonna send her into labor.
10
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:17,798
She's going into labor now! She is not!
She's only seven months pregnant!
11
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:20,801
All right, stop it!
It's Christmas!
12
00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:24,838
It was an accident. Show a little Christmas spirit.
- You owe us 40 bucks!
13
00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:27,575
Touch me and I'll sue you for a million dollars!
14
00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:32,212
I'm sure Santa will repay you.
It was 50 bucks, okay?
15
00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:35,683
We can't even afford to have our baby.
Now look what you did!
16
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:38,452
Mind your own business, Mister!
You drove him away!
17
00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:40,921
This is my business.
My business is helping people.
18
00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:42,456
Well, you know what?
19
00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:44,725
Merry Christmas!
20
00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:17,190
You have reached
the office of Lifesavers.
21
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,159
All lines are busy.
22
00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:24,665
If you are truly on the verge of suicide and
calling from a touch-tone phone, press one.
23
00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:26,700
If you are merely depressed,
24
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,836
stay on the line.
A friendly voice will be with you shortly.
25
00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:32,840
What am I supposed to do?
I don't have a touch-tone phone.
26
00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:35,509
Suppose I was on
the verge of suicide?
27
00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:42,983
Merry Christmas. Lifesavers.
How may we help you?
28
00:04:43,050 --> 00:04:44,485
I haven't slept for days.
29
00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:46,854
I'm terrified of
the Seaside Strangler.
30
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,489
I know he's going to get me.
31
00:04:48,556 --> 00:04:50,991
Do you fit the physical
description of his victims?
32
00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:53,594
Are you a very attractive
woman with long, dark hair?
33
00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:55,095
Not really.
34
00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:56,564
Although, how long
do you think is "long"?
35
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,432
At least to your shoulders.
36
00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:00,601
I can't stop worrying
about the planet.
37
00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:04,004
And what is it about Janet
that is worrying you?
38
00:05:04,071 --> 00:05:06,707
Not Janet, the planet.
39
00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:10,478
Would you click your phone?
There's some static on the line.
40
00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:14,181
You know, dear, just click
the little button like this.
41
00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:17,351
Hmm!
42
00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:21,188
We're not permitted to divulge the personal details of our lives,
43
00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:23,957
but I can assure you
I know what you're feeling.
44
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:26,727
Do you live alone too?
45
00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:28,362
I live with my mother.
That's all I can say.
46
00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:32,433
Catherine, you're not supposed
to tell them about yourself.
47
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:35,168
Oh, I could never live
with my mother.
48
00:05:35,235 --> 00:05:37,971
That's something to remember.
49
00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:39,573
No matter how bleak
things are,
50
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,142
at least you don't live
with your mother.
51
00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:46,447
Thank you for calling and don't hesitate to call again.
Merry Christmas.
52
00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:49,883
May I click for you?
53
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:51,719
I don't think so,
Mrs. Munchnik.
54
00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:54,054
That person wasn't suicidal,
only depressed.
55
00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:56,590
But if he or she
had not spoken with you,
56
00:05:56,657 --> 00:06:00,494
he or she might have become
suicidal, mightn't they?
57
00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:04,998
And where do you
suppose Philip is?
58
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,600
I'm sure he'll
be here shortly.
59
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:08,602
Playing around,
probably.
60
00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:12,640
That's very unfair.
Philip is completely true to Susan.
61
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:16,276
Men are not true to anything.
They will have sex with a tree.
62
00:06:16,343 --> 00:06:20,814
If you look out the window,
you'll see him pulling up on his bicycle at any moment.
63
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:23,116
I could be having Christmas Eve dinner right now
64
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:24,985
with all of my dead
husband's relatives.
65
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:27,988
I am not someone
with no place to go.
66
00:06:29,557 --> 00:06:31,024
I'm sure you're not.
67
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:36,096
Merry Christmas. Lifesavers.
How may I help you?
68
00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:02,022
Philip!
Just the man I'm looking for.
69
00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:04,291
Merry Christmas.
You're out.
70
00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:06,560
You can't evict us.
71
00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:10,798
Lifesavers has saved over 1,400 lives this year.
Doesn't that mean anything?
72
00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:13,066
Plus, you are three months behind in your rent.
73
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:14,968
We don't exactly
have a cash flow.
74
00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:17,304
After you save someone's life,
you can't ask for money.
75
00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:19,807
Doctors can.
Aren't you some sort of doctor, Philip?
76
00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:21,441
No.
77
00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:24,612
Tell me, in all of your calls,
has anybody impaled themselves?
78
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:27,848
No.
Aw!
79
00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:30,283
Stanley, how am I gonna tell the people
who work for me their jobs are over?
80
00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:32,586
I don't know. Try "you're fired."
It works for me.
81
00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:35,188
Does anyone ever drink glass?
We're broke.
82
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:37,290
The state has cut back our funding.
83
00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:40,594
No, they don't drink glass. Stanley, for God sakes,
what's the matter with you?
84
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:42,395
Oh, they must.
They must what?
85
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:45,733
They must drink glass.
They must.
86
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,300
January 2. Out!
87
00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:49,202
You don't care,
Stanley Tannenbaum.
88
00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:51,204
You're one of the people
who doesn't care.
89
00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:54,107
Of course not.
I'm the landlord.
90
00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:07,254
Oh, Philip, a tree.
91
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,490
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
I'm so glad you could make it.
92
00:08:10,558 --> 00:08:13,060
Are you all right?
I'm fine!
93
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:14,928
Temper, temper.
94
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:17,898
I'm sorry. It's just that everything that could go wrong,
has gone wrong.
95
00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:20,701
Not everything, Philip.
At least we're not being evicted.
96
00:08:20,768 --> 00:08:22,469
And why haven't we been?
97
00:08:22,536 --> 00:08:24,638
Where are the call sheets?
Everyone else in the building
98
00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:27,741
has received a yellow eviction notice.
One hang up!
99
00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:30,477
Dr. Gillespie has received
two yellow eviction notices.
100
00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:32,546
One woman worried
about the Strangler.
101
00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:35,816
One man about to slit
his wrists...
102
00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:40,153
Because his nonprofit business is being destroyed by a capitalist maniac!
103
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:42,890
If we do get evicted,
I'm sure Philip will think of something.
104
00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:44,558
That's right.
I'll think of something.
105
00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:46,226
When he was
in the Peace Corps,
106
00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:48,295
he built an entire
Peruvian village.
107
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:51,064
And solved all of their
soil erosion problems.
108
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:54,835
You could see the bright side of a plague.
109
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:56,904
I'm on my way.
110
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,972
Not without your present!
111
00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:04,678
Merry Christmas,
Mrs. Munchnik.
112
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:07,447
A fruitcake?
113
00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:11,151
Yes.
114
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:14,387
Remarkably, like the one
I gave you last year.
115
00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:20,027
Thank you so much, Philip.
116
00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:22,029
Oh, let me help you.
117
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:27,835
Merry Christmas!
118
00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:37,811
Say hello to your dead husband's sister for me.
Thank you, I will.
119
00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:40,714
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
120
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:18,786
Help!
121
00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:24,024
Help! Philip!
Catherine!
122
00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:26,626
It's Mrs. Munchnik!
123
00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:31,431
Hello!
124
00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:45,679
What are you doing
with that?
125
00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:47,748
It's my protection
against the Seaside Strangler.
126
00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:52,119
Oh, give me that, honey.
We don't know anything about guns.
127
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:55,222
Oh, Felix,
I could have sold that Santa Claus suit
128
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:57,357
and bought our baby
a car seat.
129
00:10:57,424 --> 00:11:01,895
We don't even have a car.
What was I supposed to wear? You cut up all my clothes.
130
00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:03,296
I was mad!
131
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:06,767
Honey, you were mad
the day we met.
132
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:12,139
A man on the boardwalk comes up to me and says, "smile."
A total stranger.
133
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:15,242
And you screamed at him,
"shut up!" Remember?
134
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:16,777
I did, didn't I?
135
00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:18,746
You were right to.
136
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:20,881
It was a total invasion
of your privacy.
137
00:11:20,948 --> 00:11:23,016
It was.
138
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:26,686
Hey! Look
what I got for you.
139
00:11:26,754 --> 00:11:30,190
This means we can have the baby in the hospital for free!
140
00:11:30,257 --> 00:11:32,760
All we have to do is swear
we're completely broke
141
00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:36,596
and have absolutely no way of supporting ourselves and never will.
142
00:11:36,663 --> 00:11:41,134
Oh, God!
Felix, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but...
143
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:44,537
You are the only person in my whole life who's never hurt my feelings.
144
00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:49,242
You're a loser.
I can't have a loser dropping in and out of my baby's life.
145
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:52,012
I'm not a loser,
I'm an artist.
146
00:11:52,079 --> 00:11:54,748
Why can't you paint on canvas or paper like anyone else?
147
00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:58,451
Because, I'm a wall artist!
But you don't have a wall!
148
00:11:58,518 --> 00:12:00,720
But someday
I will have a wall.
149
00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:04,557
Someday I'm gonna do my masterpiece on a great big wall.
150
00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:06,593
Right out there
on the boardwalk.
151
00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:09,029
And you're gonna be in it and the baby's gonna be in it.
152
00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:11,899
And the sand and the sea and the stars are gonna be shining!
153
00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:14,401
Mmm, I want a businessman.
154
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:16,870
What are you
talking about?
155
00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:20,540
I'm talking about breaking up, Felix.
That's what I'm talking about.
156
00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:23,510
Oh, come on, honey.
157
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:24,778
I'm leaving.
158
00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:28,415
Where you going?
I'm going for a walk.
159
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:31,051
Gracie, honey, come on.
You're just stressed.
160
00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:33,486
And don't try
to follow me either!
161
00:12:38,025 --> 00:12:39,860
Susan! It's Philip.
162
00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:43,230
Uh, uh,
let me just go somewhere private where we can talk.
163
00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:57,210
Tannenbaum's evicting us. The bastard!
- I'm sorry, Philip.
164
00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:59,847
You're gonna have to get another job.
- Susan,
165
00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:02,482
I've never asked you for money before,
but you're a loan officer.
166
00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:06,219
And a small loan,
say $5,000, could save us.
167
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,455
I don't know what else to do.
I don't know how to tell Catherine.
168
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:11,724
She's sitting out there knitting something.
A potholder.
169
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:15,462
I hate to talk about money
at a time like this.
170
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:17,264
A time like what?
171
00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:19,632
Oh, God,
I don't know how to say this.
172
00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:24,838
This is really hard for me.
My psychiatrist thinks we should break up.
173
00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:29,776
What?
I didn't know you were going to a psychiatrist.
174
00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:35,015
I'm not actually going to one.
I've been dating one for four months.
175
00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:36,683
This is so sudden.
176
00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:38,718
I didn't want to tell you this over the phone.
177
00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:43,523
I really wanted to fax you.
But you don't even have a fax.
178
00:13:45,225 --> 00:13:46,593
Susan?
179
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:47,928
Susan?
180
00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:58,906
It's so quiet suddenly.
181
00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:01,174
You'd expect everyone to be thinking of jumping out of windows
182
00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:03,911
or slitting their wrists on Christmas Eve,
wouldn't you?
183
00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:09,816
Merry Christmas. Lifesavers.
How may we help you?
184
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:11,251
Hello? Hello?
185
00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:14,354
Hello?
Static again.
186
00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:16,957
Hello? Hello?
Hello?
187
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:18,625
I can't hear you.
188
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:19,960
Try clicking
the little button.
189
00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:22,262
I'm having a problem hearing.
190
00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:25,765
Look, I'm at the end of my rope,
and I want to die.
191
00:14:25,832 --> 00:14:27,968
Click it.
Click it, please.
192
00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:29,169
Go ahead.
193
00:14:33,941 --> 00:14:37,110
Hmm. We were disconnected.
194
00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:40,413
If a person's really upset,
they always call back.
195
00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:49,122
It's working.
196
00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:03,470
Help!
197
00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:06,506
Help! Hey!
198
00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:20,020
I'm stuck up here!
199
00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:22,155
Can't you hear me?
200
00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:32,899
Wait!
201
00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:36,136
Wait! I'm up here!
202
00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:38,505
Are you deaf?
203
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:19,279
We could have
a charity ball.
204
00:16:19,346 --> 00:16:21,648
Who would I take?
205
00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:25,052
We could have
a garage sale.
206
00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:26,986
Susan has
all my old records.
207
00:16:27,054 --> 00:16:29,722
Oh, geez!
208
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:33,326
A call! I'll get it!
209
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:42,835
Line one.
210
00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:47,740
Hello, this is Lifesavers.
Merry Christmas.
211
00:16:47,807 --> 00:16:49,209
Am I disturbing you?
212
00:16:49,276 --> 00:16:51,211
No, no, no,
not at all.
213
00:16:51,278 --> 00:16:53,780
I'm very lonely tonight.
214
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:57,117
Is there any chance
I could stop by and talk?
215
00:16:57,184 --> 00:17:01,654
Well, it's not in the rules,
but if you are willing to make a donation, say, five grand.
216
00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:04,157
I'm kidding!
217
00:17:04,224 --> 00:17:06,693
Everyone makes fun of me.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
218
00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:10,029
Please, can't I come by?
I don't want to be alone.
219
00:17:10,097 --> 00:17:13,566
No. No, no, no. We have rules,
but we're listening.
220
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:16,736
Everyone at Lifesavers
is with you.
221
00:17:16,803 --> 00:17:18,505
Talk to us.
222
00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:21,541
I'm so alone.
"So alone."
223
00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:23,110
Is there anyone in your family you can call?
224
00:17:23,176 --> 00:17:24,344
No, they hate me.
225
00:17:24,411 --> 00:17:26,913
Hate you.
What about church?
226
00:17:26,979 --> 00:17:30,117
Please, can't I stop by?
227
00:17:30,183 --> 00:17:32,819
I'll only stay a minute.
I need to see someone.
228
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:36,223
Please, just give me
the address.
229
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:41,060
I cannot give
out the address.
230
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:43,230
It's Christmas.
231
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:55,108
It's 17 Pier Street!
Thank you.
232
00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:57,710
I'll be right over.
233
00:18:15,995 --> 00:18:17,797
Hey, Arnold Schwarzenegger!
234
00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:19,999
Come on,
hang some tinsel.
235
00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:23,303
Dad, I hate it
when you call me that.
236
00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:26,139
Arnold! Arnold! Arnold!
237
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:32,345
Arnold! Arnold! Arnold!
Arnold! Arnold! Arnold!
238
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:42,522
Testing. Testing.
One, two, three, four.
239
00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:47,059
Help! Yoo-hoo!
240
00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:51,498
Hey!
241
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:55,168
Hey! Hey, hey!
242
00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:59,806
Hey! Hey, hey!
243
00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:01,874
Yoo-hoo!
244
00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:04,110
Hey!
245
00:19:04,177 --> 00:19:08,114
Hey!
246
00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:13,753
Hey!
247
00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:30,069
Oh! God.
Whoa! Hey!
248
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:44,050
I can't believe I did it.
249
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:46,986
I broke the rule.
I gave out our address.
250
00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:48,855
I hate it when they cry.
251
00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:50,757
Especially when the cries have those little hiccups at the end.
252
00:19:50,823 --> 00:19:53,192
This is the worse day
of my life.
253
00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:55,428
It's the Santa Anas.
Everyone's behaving strangely.
254
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:59,832
What if he's a serial killer?
What if I gave our address to the Seaside Strangler?
255
00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:01,701
I don't think the Seaside Strangler phones first,
256
00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:05,838
although it could be one of those details
they leave out of the newspapers.
257
00:20:09,141 --> 00:20:10,610
I'll handle this.
258
00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:22,855
Hello, this is Lifesavers.
Merry Christmas. How may I help you?
259
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:26,459
Hello.
I'm calling you because this is my last Christmas.
260
00:20:26,526 --> 00:20:29,329
Your last Christmas.
Continue.
261
00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:32,932
I have leukemia.
I have only two months to live.
262
00:20:36,202 --> 00:20:37,670
Hello?
263
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:40,072
Leukemia.
I'm so sorry, sir.
264
00:20:40,139 --> 00:20:42,375
May I speak
to a woman?
265
00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:44,577
May I wish a woman
Merry Christmas?
266
00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:48,981
Absolutely.
And may I say that I admire your courage.
267
00:20:49,048 --> 00:20:52,184
All of us here do.
Here is my colleague.
268
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:55,588
Hello. Merry Christmas,
if it's all right to say that.
269
00:20:55,655 --> 00:20:58,391
What's your name?
Catherine.
270
00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:02,629
I want to do it to you.
I want to stick it in you right now!
271
00:21:02,695 --> 00:21:05,832
Did he say, "stick it in"?
Oh, I'm reaming and ramming!
272
00:21:05,898 --> 00:21:07,834
Oh, you love it!
Stop it, right this minute!
273
00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:09,769
We can't have that sort of thing!
I want you.
274
00:21:09,836 --> 00:21:11,504
Put the slut
back on!
275
00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:18,277
Dog haters,
that awful woman is stuck in the elevator.
276
00:21:18,345 --> 00:21:20,112
Stuck. I hope forever.
277
00:21:20,179 --> 00:21:21,814
I'm stuck!
278
00:21:21,881 --> 00:21:23,850
We're coming,
Mrs. Munchnik!
279
00:21:23,916 --> 00:21:26,018
I hope it takes them years to get you out.
280
00:21:26,085 --> 00:21:29,689
It'll serve you right for reporting Daisy to the landlord.
281
00:21:29,756 --> 00:21:31,624
She practically
gave me rabies!
282
00:21:31,691 --> 00:21:33,560
You don't "practically"
get rabies.
283
00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:37,196
You either get rabies or you don't get rabies.
There's no in between.
284
00:21:37,263 --> 00:21:39,332
I'll get that!
285
00:21:39,399 --> 00:21:42,535
What seems to be the problem?
I'm sure I don't know.
286
00:21:42,602 --> 00:21:46,739
I am a trained mechanic,
and I would happily fix any elevator
287
00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:49,876
that didn't have
a dog hater stuck in it!
288
00:21:49,942 --> 00:21:51,744
I'll check
the circuit breaker box.
289
00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:54,180
Well, who was that?
Another basket case?
290
00:21:54,246 --> 00:21:56,449
That was your dead
husband's sister.
291
00:21:56,516 --> 00:21:58,985
They're starting dinner without you.
Lucky them!
292
00:21:59,051 --> 00:22:02,455
I'm calling the landlord.
Don't think I don't know
293
00:22:02,522 --> 00:22:07,827
what's really going on
between you and those dogs!
294
00:22:07,894 --> 00:22:10,597
Stanley, if you could just come over, please.
- I can't.
295
00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:13,099
Please, Stanley?
She can't spend Christmas in an elevator.
296
00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:14,934
In a couple of hours.
Thank you.
297
00:22:15,001 --> 00:22:17,437
Hello. Lifesavers.
298
00:22:17,504 --> 00:22:19,271
Catherine.
Oh, hi, Gracie.
299
00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:23,009
Finally, you're off the phone.
Don't you ever stop yakking?
300
00:22:23,075 --> 00:22:25,211
We're supposed to talk on the phone.
That's why we're here.
301
00:22:25,277 --> 00:22:27,814
Yes. Right.
Is something wrong?
302
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,816
You've got to let me spend
the night at your place.
303
00:22:29,882 --> 00:22:32,985
Felix is acting
totally irrational.
304
00:22:33,052 --> 00:22:36,689
He ran off in my Santa suit,
which I could have sold today.
305
00:22:36,756 --> 00:22:38,525
What?
306
00:22:38,591 --> 00:22:41,961
It's not the fuse box.
Of course it's not the fuse box!
307
00:22:42,028 --> 00:22:44,330
It is a short inside.
308
00:22:44,397 --> 00:22:46,799
I saw an electrician
fix it last week.
309
00:22:46,866 --> 00:22:51,203
All you need is a screwdriver,
and I will tell you what to do.
310
00:22:51,270 --> 00:22:53,806
I think there's one
in the earthquake kit.
311
00:22:53,873 --> 00:22:55,174
Catherine!
312
00:22:55,241 --> 00:22:58,545
Hold on a second, Gracie!
What is it, Philip?
313
00:22:58,611 --> 00:23:01,481
Would you get the screwdriver out of the earthquake kit?
Oh.
314
00:23:01,548 --> 00:23:04,617
Wait, wait, wait!
Do you really think we ought to use it?
315
00:23:04,684 --> 00:23:07,920
Suppose we take it out and forget to
put it back and then the big one comes?
316
00:23:07,987 --> 00:23:11,157
There's a law that all businesses,
even nonprofit,
317
00:23:11,223 --> 00:23:14,126
have to have complete earthquake kits.
Get it!
318
00:23:14,193 --> 00:23:16,395
I'll get it!
319
00:23:16,463 --> 00:23:18,631
Come here first,
and I'll take you over to Mother's.
320
00:23:18,698 --> 00:23:20,700
She'll be terrified
if you ring the bell.
321
00:23:20,767 --> 00:23:23,803
Why? Is she gonna think
I'm the Seaside Strangler?
322
00:23:23,870 --> 00:23:27,774
She is a little nervous.
Does she fit the descriptions of the victims?
323
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:29,676
Uh, not really.
For me?
324
00:23:29,742 --> 00:23:30,977
Then why
is she carrying on?
325
00:23:31,043 --> 00:23:32,979
Uh-oh. There he is.
Gracie?
326
00:23:33,045 --> 00:23:35,114
I'm never speaking to him again,
even if he begs me.
327
00:23:35,181 --> 00:23:37,950
Gracie? Gracie?
- Gracie! Yoo-hoo!
328
00:23:38,017 --> 00:23:40,453
Gracie!
329
00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:43,590
Honey, come on! Come home.
Come back to me.
330
00:23:43,656 --> 00:23:48,528
I'll get a regular job.
You had a regular job making pizza and you messed it up.
331
00:23:48,595 --> 00:23:51,998
The manager hated me.
You never showed up on time!
332
00:23:52,064 --> 00:23:53,600
I'm a wall artist!
333
00:23:53,666 --> 00:23:57,103
You're a wall artist with no wall,
which makes you a nothing!
334
00:23:57,169 --> 00:23:59,205
Yeah, you tell him, lady.
You ruined our tree.
335
00:23:59,271 --> 00:24:02,842
Shut up! You're both
materialistic idiots!
336
00:24:02,909 --> 00:24:05,344
Yeah!
Hey!
337
00:24:05,411 --> 00:24:06,813
Hold on.
338
00:24:26,032 --> 00:24:27,834
It's pajamas.
Ah.
339
00:24:27,900 --> 00:24:31,003
I knitted them.
340
00:24:31,070 --> 00:24:34,206
Thank you.
Everyone's always giving the bride things to wear to bed,
341
00:24:34,273 --> 00:24:36,709
but no one ever gives
the groom anything.
342
00:24:38,244 --> 00:24:41,113
The thing is,
I'm never getting married.
343
00:24:41,180 --> 00:24:43,750
Of course you are.
You're getting married in four months.
344
00:24:43,816 --> 00:24:46,152
Be patient.
Everything comes to him who waits.
345
00:24:47,219 --> 00:24:49,021
I don't really
believe that.
346
00:24:49,088 --> 00:24:52,491
I've been saying things like that for so long,
they just pop out of my mouth.
347
00:24:52,559 --> 00:24:54,827
But the truth is nothing
comes to him who waits.
348
00:25:01,701 --> 00:25:03,435
Merry Christmas. Lifesavers.
349
00:25:03,502 --> 00:25:06,673
Hello. I'm so upset.
I'm listening.
350
00:25:06,739 --> 00:25:11,043
I was in the supermarket and everyone was buying big turkeys,
351
00:25:11,110 --> 00:25:15,548
and I was standing in the ten-items-and-under
line with a boneless chicken breast.
352
00:25:15,615 --> 00:25:16,916
I know.
353
00:25:16,983 --> 00:25:19,218
I suddenly realized
I was going to be
354
00:25:19,285 --> 00:25:22,454
in the ten-items-and-under
line the rest of my life.
355
00:25:26,525 --> 00:25:27,560
I know.
356
00:25:27,627 --> 00:25:30,162
Are you all right?
357
00:25:33,566 --> 00:25:35,668
Catherine, what's wrong?
358
00:25:38,004 --> 00:25:39,038
Let me handle this.
359
00:25:42,842 --> 00:25:44,611
May I help you?
Is she all right?
360
00:25:44,677 --> 00:25:46,946
She'll be all right.
She's just so sympathetic.
361
00:25:47,013 --> 00:25:49,415
May I put you on hold
while I run to my desk?
362
00:25:49,481 --> 00:25:51,450
You're not calling from
a bridge or holding a weapon?
363
00:25:51,517 --> 00:25:52,852
No.
Good.
364
00:26:03,095 --> 00:26:05,397
Catherine O'Shaughnessy,
get a grip on yourself.
365
00:26:05,464 --> 00:26:08,935
Okay, so the only present
you got is from your mother.
366
00:26:09,001 --> 00:26:13,505
So?
You have nothing to do on New Year's Eve for the tenth consecutive year.
367
00:26:13,572 --> 00:26:17,677
You're a very lucky person.
You have a wonderful job.
368
00:26:17,744 --> 00:26:22,248
You have a wonderful job.
So there. So there!
369
00:26:30,322 --> 00:26:35,027
Well, just remember that in every pothole there is hope.
370
00:26:35,094 --> 00:26:39,999
Well, you see, pothole
is spelled p-o-t-h-o-l-e.
371
00:26:40,066 --> 00:26:43,903
So if you take the "p" and add it to the "h,"
the "o" and the "e"...
372
00:26:43,970 --> 00:26:46,639
And rearrange the letters,
or contrariwise,
373
00:26:46,706 --> 00:26:50,977
remove the "o",
"t" and "l," you get "hope."
374
00:26:51,844 --> 00:26:53,245
So, just remember,
375
00:26:53,312 --> 00:26:55,447
"In every pothole
there is hope."
376
00:26:55,514 --> 00:26:58,785
Now, thank you for calling
and call again any time.
377
00:27:02,722 --> 00:27:04,190
Are you feeling better?
378
00:27:04,256 --> 00:27:06,993
In every pothole
there is hope.
379
00:27:07,059 --> 00:27:08,728
My father used
to say that to me.
380
00:27:08,795 --> 00:27:10,730
I remember.
381
00:27:10,797 --> 00:27:13,766
He said it to me only a day or two before
he walked out the door and was run over...
382
00:27:13,833 --> 00:27:16,168
By a truck
full of mixed nuts.
383
00:27:17,704 --> 00:27:19,906
Oh, I have something for you.
384
00:27:26,879 --> 00:27:28,547
Merry Christmas,
Catherine.
385
00:27:28,614 --> 00:27:30,950
Oh, Philip!
Thank you!
386
00:27:45,597 --> 00:27:47,599
Fruit of the month club.
For three months.
387
00:27:47,666 --> 00:27:49,568
First you get apples,
then you get oranges, then you get pears.
388
00:27:49,635 --> 00:27:52,171
I'll take that wrapping.
It's okay. I save the wrapping.
389
00:27:52,238 --> 00:27:54,006
I save it too.
I make ornaments.
390
00:27:54,073 --> 00:27:56,542
I paid for it! Give it to me!
Give it to me.
391
00:27:56,608 --> 00:27:58,144
Give it to me.
392
00:28:01,613 --> 00:28:04,984
Philip, what's this?
This is an eviction notice.
393
00:28:05,051 --> 00:28:07,219
This says we have to be out of the building by the end of the year.
394
00:28:07,286 --> 00:28:09,521
Oh, my gosh!
Oh, my gosh!
395
00:28:09,588 --> 00:28:12,091
Oh, my gosh! It's Christmas.
I didn't want to upset you.
396
00:28:12,158 --> 00:28:14,326
We have to move!
We have to find someplace!
397
00:28:14,393 --> 00:28:18,230
We don't have any money.
Philip, you can solve this. I know you can.
398
00:28:18,297 --> 00:28:20,733
When the city of Los Angeles was going to chop down healthy elm trees,
399
00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:22,368
just in case they got
Dutch elm disease,
400
00:28:22,434 --> 00:28:23,803
you handcuffed yourself
to a tree.
401
00:28:23,870 --> 00:28:26,806
And called the newspaper!
I'll call the newspaper!
402
00:28:26,873 --> 00:28:31,944
Two weeks from now I'll be home, unemployed,
with my Royal Riviera Pears.
403
00:28:32,011 --> 00:28:35,481
May I have the number of the Los Angeles Times?
I'm gonna pray for a miracle.
404
00:28:35,547 --> 00:28:36,816
Thank you.
405
00:28:39,251 --> 00:28:43,289
Hey, dickheads!
I'm coming, Mrs. Munchnik!
406
00:28:43,355 --> 00:28:46,325
Don't tell her anything!
Get me out of this elevator!
407
00:28:46,392 --> 00:28:49,095
You have reached
the Los Angeles Times.
408
00:28:49,161 --> 00:28:52,498
If you would like to order a subscription,
please press one.
409
00:28:52,564 --> 00:28:56,202
If your newspaper did not arrive this morning,
press two.
410
00:28:56,268 --> 00:28:59,638
If you would like to place
a classified ad, press three.
411
00:28:59,705 --> 00:29:03,876
If you would like to speak to the editorial desk,
city desk, national desk,
412
00:29:03,943 --> 00:29:08,314
international desk, sports desk, metro,
view or calendar sections,
413
00:29:08,380 --> 00:29:11,550
press the first three letters
of the desk you desire
414
00:29:11,617 --> 00:29:14,486
followed by the star key in the case of the first three,
415
00:29:14,553 --> 00:29:17,824
or the pound key in the case of the latter five.
- Help!
416
00:29:17,890 --> 00:29:20,126
I'm coming!
I'm coming!
417
00:29:23,362 --> 00:29:27,466
Here you go. I'll just pull you through the roof.
Come on, Mrs. Munchnik.
418
00:29:27,533 --> 00:29:29,701
I got you, I got you.
419
00:29:29,768 --> 00:29:31,971
I called the landlord.
He'll be here in two hours.
420
00:29:32,038 --> 00:29:35,141
I can't wait two hours!
I have to go to the bathroom!
421
00:29:38,110 --> 00:29:39,511
Just hang on.
We'll have you out in a minute.
422
00:29:39,578 --> 00:29:42,081
I can't hold it!
Hurry up you oaf!
423
00:29:46,552 --> 00:29:48,120
Oh, my god!
Oh, my god!
424
00:29:56,128 --> 00:29:57,729
Philip,
are you all right?
425
00:29:57,796 --> 00:29:59,565
Do I look like I'm all right?
426
00:29:59,631 --> 00:30:04,270
I'm slipping, I'm going to crash.
Hold onto my wrist.
427
00:30:04,336 --> 00:30:07,306
You're hurting my wrist.
Bring the elevator back! Bring it back.
428
00:30:07,373 --> 00:30:10,276
You have two innocent people
up here dangling.
429
00:30:10,342 --> 00:30:12,144
Who's down there?
430
00:30:12,211 --> 00:30:14,713
Whoever you are,
stop on four!
431
00:30:14,780 --> 00:30:18,417
No, three! Three!
Stop on three, not four!
432
00:30:18,484 --> 00:30:21,487
Gracie, come on!
Where you going?
433
00:30:21,553 --> 00:30:25,391
It's coming back!
We're gonna be crushed!
434
00:30:25,457 --> 00:30:29,095
Do you have anything to say
to Susan? Any last words?
435
00:30:29,161 --> 00:30:32,098
She broke up with me!
436
00:30:36,235 --> 00:30:39,338
Push stop!
Push the red button!
437
00:30:39,405 --> 00:30:44,276
What red button? Is someone talking to me?
I'm talking to you!
438
00:30:44,343 --> 00:30:47,346
Help. Help! Push the red button!
Don't you hear me?
439
00:30:47,413 --> 00:30:50,449
God, help! We're gonna die!
We're gonna die!
440
00:30:50,516 --> 00:30:52,985
We're dead!
I knew it!
441
00:30:53,052 --> 00:30:55,922
Please save us!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
442
00:30:55,988 --> 00:30:57,623
No! No! No!
443
00:31:00,759 --> 00:31:03,862
Ah, Gracie, come on!
Come on, honey!
444
00:31:03,930 --> 00:31:06,966
I promise I'll be a good guy.
I'll even give you the Santa suit back.
445
00:31:07,033 --> 00:31:09,568
I have to pee! Help!
Here it is.
446
00:31:09,635 --> 00:31:11,470
I'm taking off the goofy boot things.
Let me in!
447
00:31:11,537 --> 00:31:15,107
Are you okay?
Oh, please!
448
00:31:15,174 --> 00:31:17,509
Put your clothes on, Felix.
Open this door now!
449
00:31:17,576 --> 00:31:20,679
We have an employee who desperately needs to get in.
450
00:31:30,022 --> 00:31:34,026
Let me in right now!
Oh! I'm in agony!
451
00:31:34,093 --> 00:31:36,996
What is wrong with you?
452
00:31:46,005 --> 00:31:50,509
Young lady, this restroom
is property of Lifesavers!
453
00:31:50,576 --> 00:31:51,843
You let me...
454
00:31:51,910 --> 00:31:54,480
Calm down. My God.
You don't have to get so excited.
455
00:31:54,546 --> 00:31:56,448
Gracie, please come home
for the holidays.
456
00:31:56,515 --> 00:31:58,917
I'm never coming back!
Felix, would you please get dressed?
457
00:31:58,985 --> 00:32:00,219
Do you know
these people?
458
00:32:00,286 --> 00:32:02,521
Yes. Gracie, this is Philip.
Felix, Philip.
459
00:32:02,588 --> 00:32:04,190
Hi.
Yeah, we met.
460
00:32:04,256 --> 00:32:05,791
We have?
Yeah, when you crashed into the tree.
461
00:32:05,857 --> 00:32:07,893
I didn't crash into the tree.
You crashed into the tree.
462
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:08,995
Yeah, so we met.
463
00:32:09,061 --> 00:32:10,496
And this is
Mrs. Munchnik.
464
00:32:12,398 --> 00:32:13,966
Oh, hello.
465
00:32:16,835 --> 00:32:20,772
Well, you two had better make up before that baby comes.
466
00:32:20,839 --> 00:32:24,977
Well, I have two months to think about it, okay?
Don't be ridiculous.
467
00:32:25,044 --> 00:32:28,014
You're going to drop any day.
It does look large.
468
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:31,683
Of course. It's mine.
I just got out of prison seven months ago.
469
00:32:31,750 --> 00:32:35,821
And you're the only person who could be the father?
What?
470
00:32:35,887 --> 00:32:38,524
Excuse me?
Is it true?
471
00:32:38,590 --> 00:32:40,492
Is what true?
What she said. Is it true?
472
00:32:40,559 --> 00:32:43,062
I'm a slut now, Felix?
Who's the father?
473
00:32:43,129 --> 00:32:45,064
Hey, hey, hey, hey, no!
This is what I'm talking about!
474
00:32:45,131 --> 00:32:47,133
Wait a minute!
This is a nonprofit organization!
475
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:52,004
There are laws against this!
Felix, you're a maniac!
476
00:32:56,675 --> 00:32:58,877
Oh, Gracie,
look what you did.
477
00:32:58,944 --> 00:33:01,013
He's bleeding!
478
00:33:03,615 --> 00:33:08,487
Hello, Evelyn?
Yes, I'm finally out.
479
00:33:08,554 --> 00:33:11,657
Felix will need stitches.
We'll have to take him to the hospital.
480
00:33:11,723 --> 00:33:15,427
Who's gonna pay for it?
We can't even afford to have our baby in a hospital.
481
00:33:15,494 --> 00:33:18,297
I know. We'll take him to the vet.
Dr. Kinsky will help us.
482
00:33:18,364 --> 00:33:21,467
Yes, I'll be there
in just a few minutes.
483
00:33:21,533 --> 00:33:23,835
Just a minute.
484
00:33:23,902 --> 00:33:27,606
What is it?
You'll have to stay and cover the phones while we're out.
485
00:33:27,673 --> 00:33:31,410
I'm going to have to stay and cover the phone.
They want me to stay longer.
486
00:33:31,477 --> 00:33:35,081
Is that incredible? Mrs.
Munchnik, you have driven this man into a frenzy.
487
00:33:35,147 --> 00:33:36,948
It was like lighting
dry leaves with a match!
488
00:33:37,015 --> 00:33:40,119
You have a responsibility.
They're making me feel guilty.
489
00:33:40,186 --> 00:33:43,955
I will be at your house sometime before next Christmas!
490
00:33:44,022 --> 00:33:46,024
But that's all I have to say.
491
00:33:46,092 --> 00:33:49,361
Thank you. Are you coming, Gracie?
You're okay.
492
00:33:49,428 --> 00:33:50,862
No way.
493
00:33:50,929 --> 00:33:52,631
Just relax, Felix.
You'll like Dr. Kinsky.
494
00:33:52,698 --> 00:33:56,302
He's not just a friend,
he put my dog to sleep.
495
00:34:11,917 --> 00:34:16,855
If you go into labor or anything along those lines,
496
00:34:16,922 --> 00:34:18,590
just don't expect
any help from me.
497
00:34:18,657 --> 00:34:20,826
I am not a midwife.
498
00:34:20,892 --> 00:34:22,928
I never expect help.
499
00:34:25,564 --> 00:34:27,699
Dr. Kinsky's an expert
on potbelly pigs.
500
00:34:27,766 --> 00:34:29,000
You ought to get one,
Catherine.
501
00:34:29,067 --> 00:34:32,037
You can house train them,
and they can find fungi.
502
00:34:32,104 --> 00:34:34,773
If they get in bed with you,
they stick their nose under the covers and root
503
00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:35,874
which I think is so sweet.
504
00:34:35,941 --> 00:34:37,676
I hate pigs.
How can you hate pigs?
505
00:34:37,743 --> 00:34:39,311
They have those cute
little curly tails.
506
00:34:39,378 --> 00:34:41,380
I hate their cute
little curly tails.
507
00:34:44,250 --> 00:34:46,618
Hello, Louie.
I was just coming upstairs to see you.
508
00:34:46,685 --> 00:34:48,554
I got a present for you.
Something...
509
00:34:52,924 --> 00:34:55,827
I'll be right back.
We're just taking this man to the vet.
510
00:34:55,894 --> 00:34:57,529
Is he rabid?
- Hardly.
511
00:34:57,596 --> 00:35:00,232
He's simply a poor,
unemployed person in a bad relationship.
512
00:35:00,299 --> 00:35:02,868
That's what they said
about old Yeller.
513
00:35:03,835 --> 00:35:05,404
I'll see you later, Louie.
514
00:35:33,199 --> 00:35:36,302
Can I use your scissors instead of these ones?
Oh, yes.
515
00:35:38,637 --> 00:35:43,475
Do you mind if I cut up your eviction notice?
That would be just fine.
516
00:35:43,542 --> 00:35:46,678
Do you have any tape?
517
00:35:46,745 --> 00:35:49,381
I think there's some
in that drawer.
518
00:35:49,448 --> 00:35:52,284
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute! Oh, my...
519
00:35:52,351 --> 00:35:55,654
Oh, that Philip!
520
00:35:55,721 --> 00:35:59,425
How dare he not tell anyone!
He is going to pay for this!
521
00:35:59,491 --> 00:36:04,930
He is going to pay for this or my name is not Blanche Munchnik!
522
00:36:19,445 --> 00:36:21,313
Here, lie down.
523
00:36:21,380 --> 00:36:22,714
Dr. Kinsky?
524
00:36:24,115 --> 00:36:25,984
Hello?
525
00:36:28,086 --> 00:36:29,888
I'll be right back.
526
00:36:30,956 --> 00:36:33,425
Is anyone here?
Marshall?
527
00:36:33,492 --> 00:36:36,728
Dr. Kinsky?
Merry Christmas. What? Oh!
528
00:36:36,795 --> 00:36:39,164
Hi, Philip. I can't talk.
I'm in a rush.
529
00:36:39,231 --> 00:36:40,499
We got a problem.
You gotta help.
530
00:36:40,566 --> 00:36:42,268
I can't. I gotta go.
531
00:36:42,334 --> 00:36:44,202
Felix is bleeding like crazy.
He was hit in the head with a fruitcake.
532
00:36:44,270 --> 00:36:47,539
How'd that happen?
Lovers' quarrel.
533
00:36:47,606 --> 00:36:49,808
Philip, please, don't go
anthropomorphic on me.
534
00:36:49,875 --> 00:36:52,811
I'm up to my eyeballs in people that think that animals have feelings.
535
00:36:52,878 --> 00:36:54,380
I don't think you understand.
536
00:36:54,446 --> 00:36:56,147
Come on, I'll help you.
I'll take care of it.
537
00:36:56,214 --> 00:36:58,850
Just do me a favor.
Spare me the melodrama.
538
00:36:58,917 --> 00:37:01,753
Take Felix out of his box,
put him in here.
539
00:37:01,820 --> 00:37:04,356
I'll be right back.
Take Felix out of his box.
540
00:37:04,423 --> 00:37:06,558
Hi, Pepper, Ginger,
Vinny, Duke, Scotty, Billy.
541
00:37:09,428 --> 00:37:11,997
Hi. Hi, hi.
I'm running late.
542
00:37:12,063 --> 00:37:14,433
What is it now?
A cat with a concussion.
543
00:37:14,500 --> 00:37:17,869
That's the way it's always going to be,
isn't it? The animals always come first!
544
00:37:17,936 --> 00:37:20,939
Well, Merry Christmas!
Not that you even celebrate it!
545
00:37:21,006 --> 00:37:24,242
Wait! Wait!
No, wait! Hey! Oh!
546
00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:30,316
A person named Felix.
547
00:37:30,382 --> 00:37:32,618
Before there were cats named Felix,
there were people named Felix.
548
00:37:32,684 --> 00:37:36,187
You'll find, if you look that up,
the opposite is true.
549
00:37:36,254 --> 00:37:39,024
Hi, Pancho.
Hi, little Pancho.
550
00:37:39,090 --> 00:37:41,259
You don't have to worry.
You don't have a dream.
551
00:37:41,327 --> 00:37:43,529
All you want is food and love.
It's all I want.
552
00:37:43,595 --> 00:37:45,196
I want to be a wall artist.
553
00:37:45,263 --> 00:37:47,666
You can make people happy
by chasing a stick.
554
00:37:47,733 --> 00:37:51,637
I have to raise $5,000 or I'm going to hurt two people I care about.
555
00:37:51,703 --> 00:37:54,906
I care about Gracie.
I care about Vanessa.
556
00:37:54,973 --> 00:37:58,209
I care about Catherine and Mrs.
Munchnik. What about Susan?
557
00:37:58,276 --> 00:38:00,145
Susan's gone.
Gracie's gone.
558
00:38:00,211 --> 00:38:02,581
Vanessa's gone.
Give up women, Pancho.
559
00:38:02,648 --> 00:38:04,883
Tomorrow he will.
Ooh, that's gotta hurt.
560
00:38:04,950 --> 00:38:08,420
Oh, no. Once he takes a couple of these,
he won't know what hit him.
561
00:38:08,487 --> 00:38:12,290
We never know what hits us,
then one day we're talking in falsetto.
562
00:38:12,358 --> 00:38:15,193
Stay. Let me
ask you something.
563
00:38:16,762 --> 00:38:20,165
How many pillows does Susan have on her bed?
About 12.
564
00:38:20,231 --> 00:38:24,269
See? What is it with women and pillows?
How many do you need?
565
00:38:24,336 --> 00:38:27,939
How many do you need? Two!
One for you and one for her!
566
00:38:28,006 --> 00:38:29,541
Yeah.
567
00:38:29,608 --> 00:38:31,743
Vanessa has
all these pillows!
568
00:38:31,810 --> 00:38:35,381
She's got round ones.
She's got heart-shaped ones.
569
00:38:35,447 --> 00:38:39,851
She's got those pillows with the...
Stuff around the edges.
570
00:38:39,918 --> 00:38:41,753
Ruffles?
Yeah.
571
00:38:41,820 --> 00:38:44,490
So you want to go to bed,
you gotta take all the pillows off!
572
00:38:44,556 --> 00:38:46,792
Then in the morning,
you gotta put them all back on!
573
00:38:46,858 --> 00:38:48,059
What is the point?
574
00:38:48,126 --> 00:38:50,195
Marshall! Lifesavers
is about to go under.
575
00:38:50,261 --> 00:38:51,630
I don't care about pillows!
576
00:38:55,200 --> 00:38:57,469
What's wrong with him?
Oh, my God!
577
00:38:57,536 --> 00:39:00,305
Come on. Come on! Get up!
Get up! Felix! Felix! Felix!
578
00:39:00,372 --> 00:39:03,008
What happened?
He took an overdose of dog tranquilizers!
579
00:39:03,074 --> 00:39:04,776
Oh, my gosh, Felix!
580
00:39:04,843 --> 00:39:06,344
Get him up! Get outta the way!
Walk him around.
581
00:39:06,412 --> 00:39:08,046
Get outta
the way!
582
00:39:08,113 --> 00:39:09,347
Keep him moving!
Keep moving!
583
00:39:09,415 --> 00:39:11,149
How can you possibly be friends with these people?
584
00:39:11,216 --> 00:39:13,452
I beg your pardon, Philip.
585
00:39:13,519 --> 00:39:15,286
Where did you find them?
586
00:39:15,353 --> 00:39:18,089
If you must know,
I met Gracie at an adult children of alcoholics meeting.
587
00:39:18,156 --> 00:39:19,791
Was your mother an alcoholic?
No.
588
00:39:19,858 --> 00:39:21,427
Was your father?
No.
589
00:39:21,493 --> 00:39:24,095
I went because someone told me it was a good place to meet men.
590
00:39:24,162 --> 00:39:26,665
Of course, I didn't meet a man.
That goes without saying.
591
00:39:26,732 --> 00:39:29,568
I met Gracie, though,
and she breaks my heart.
592
00:39:29,635 --> 00:39:32,904
And because I care about her,
I care about Felix.
593
00:39:32,971 --> 00:39:37,075
I'm not like you, Philip.
I'm not one of those people who's only good on the phone.
594
00:39:37,142 --> 00:39:41,246
That's not true. I'm good in person.
In person, you blame everyone.
595
00:39:41,312 --> 00:39:42,981
You did something
wrong at the office.
596
00:39:43,048 --> 00:39:45,884
You gave out our address.
Did I blame you?
597
00:39:45,951 --> 00:39:49,588
No. I blamed the Santa Anas.
598
00:39:49,655 --> 00:39:52,390
I don't even know
what the Santa Anas are.
599
00:39:52,458 --> 00:39:54,192
They're dry winds from
the desert that blow...
600
00:39:54,259 --> 00:39:55,661
Oh, shut up.
601
00:39:59,097 --> 00:40:00,799
Don't just stand there.
Call an ambulance.
602
00:40:00,866 --> 00:40:02,534
That's something
you'll be good at.
603
00:40:04,202 --> 00:40:05,937
I'm glad that we're
not working together.
604
00:40:06,004 --> 00:40:08,106
I'm glad this is
our last week!
605
00:40:08,173 --> 00:40:13,111
Felix, if Gracie had any idea what you've done,
she would be devastated.
606
00:40:14,980 --> 00:40:17,516
Oh, that's probably Felix.
607
00:40:17,583 --> 00:40:22,754
Well, I can assure you,
if you think your husband is having an affair, he is!
608
00:40:22,821 --> 00:40:26,357
He says, "I'm in my office, honey,
eating Chinese food."
609
00:40:26,424 --> 00:40:29,761
I don't care if he's dying.
I'm not gonna answer it.
610
00:40:29,828 --> 00:40:32,664
Read his mail.
Read it!
611
00:40:32,731 --> 00:40:36,702
That's the delightful way I found out that I'm about to be jobless.
612
00:40:36,768 --> 00:40:38,236
You're kidding.
That's right.
613
00:40:38,303 --> 00:40:40,405
Fine.
614
00:40:41,473 --> 00:40:43,241
Hello?
615
00:40:43,308 --> 00:40:45,811
How can I do it to you, baby,
if you hang up on me?
616
00:40:45,877 --> 00:40:47,913
What? Who's this?
617
00:40:47,979 --> 00:40:50,816
Is this Catherine?
No, this isn't Catherine.
618
00:40:50,882 --> 00:40:53,184
Merry Christmas to you too.
Oh, you're new!
619
00:40:53,251 --> 00:40:56,154
Who are you?
My name is Gracie.
620
00:40:56,221 --> 00:40:58,824
Gracie, I want to write
your name in cheese.
621
00:41:00,091 --> 00:41:01,693
I want to bark like a dog!
622
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:06,732
You are a disgusting, sleazy,
perverted pig! Excuse me!
623
00:41:06,798 --> 00:41:09,768
Um, I'm sorry.
May I help you?
624
00:41:09,835 --> 00:41:13,071
The person you were just speaking with has not taken
625
00:41:13,138 --> 00:41:16,107
the Lifesavers training program.
Shut up, Grandma!
626
00:41:16,174 --> 00:41:18,877
Oh.
I'm not busting your cherry!
627
00:41:18,944 --> 00:41:22,514
Oh, I'm... simply crushed.
628
00:41:22,581 --> 00:41:25,651
Here I've waited
my whole life for you
629
00:41:25,717 --> 00:41:28,186
and now you don't
even want me.
630
00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:30,121
Do go on.
631
00:41:30,188 --> 00:41:33,224
I believe you were
discussing my cherry.
632
00:41:35,426 --> 00:41:39,531
I am so good at this,
and soon I will be left high and dry
633
00:41:39,598 --> 00:41:42,901
with no outlet
for my talent.
634
00:41:42,968 --> 00:41:45,103
I have to pee.
635
00:41:45,170 --> 00:41:48,239
Have you ever been pregnant?
No, I have not.
636
00:41:48,306 --> 00:41:51,242
Listen, young lady,
when you come out,
637
00:41:51,309 --> 00:41:55,346
do not answer the phone
under any circumstances.
638
00:41:55,413 --> 00:41:58,684
Do not answer the door
under any circumstances
639
00:41:58,750 --> 00:42:02,554
because it could be the Seaside Strangler,
and you know what he'll do.
640
00:42:02,621 --> 00:42:06,992
He'll take fishing twine and wrap it around
your neck and your face will turn blue.
641
00:42:07,058 --> 00:42:10,428
Then your eyes will bulge out,
and then he'll knock you down
642
00:42:10,495 --> 00:42:12,631
and hike up your skirt
and bang you!
643
00:42:12,698 --> 00:42:14,700
Very funny!
Very funny, young lady!
644
00:42:14,766 --> 00:42:18,103
No one comes here.
This is an unlisted address.
645
00:42:20,639 --> 00:42:23,341
Hello? Hello, who is there?
646
00:42:23,408 --> 00:42:26,077
It's the Seaside Strangler.
647
00:42:27,979 --> 00:42:30,215
Whoever you are, you are
not supposed to be here.
648
00:42:31,416 --> 00:42:34,219
Oh, who is it?
Answer me!
649
00:42:36,254 --> 00:42:37,989
Do you have something
to hide?
650
00:42:38,056 --> 00:42:41,026
Did you do that?
651
00:42:41,092 --> 00:42:44,730
Did you turn out the lights or is it just this stupid building?
652
00:42:44,796 --> 00:42:46,898
Are you the Seaside Strangler?
653
00:42:46,965 --> 00:42:52,237
Listen, Mr. Seaside Strangler,
I am calling the police, I am getting the reward
654
00:42:52,303 --> 00:42:55,540
and you will go
to a maximum security prison,
655
00:42:55,607 --> 00:42:57,809
where a very large,
hairy man
656
00:42:57,876 --> 00:43:00,378
is going to make you
his girlfriend.
657
00:43:03,348 --> 00:43:07,318
I am not your type.
I am short.
658
00:43:07,385 --> 00:43:10,488
And my hair is short.
I am attractive.
659
00:43:10,555 --> 00:43:13,524
I suppose I fit that part
of the description.
660
00:43:13,591 --> 00:43:16,862
But I am not young!
I have never been young!
661
00:43:16,928 --> 00:43:20,498
Although I do look...
Would you knock it off?
662
00:43:20,565 --> 00:43:22,768
What would the Seaside
Strangler want with you?
663
00:43:22,834 --> 00:43:24,069
Just... Shh! No!
664
00:43:24,135 --> 00:43:27,038
You're having a fantasy.
Oh, no, no! Don't! Don't!
665
00:43:29,074 --> 00:43:32,744
What a sad and horrible
Christmas Eve.
666
00:43:32,811 --> 00:43:34,045
I had to take the bus.
667
00:43:34,112 --> 00:43:36,414
I stubbed my toe
on the boardwalk.
668
00:43:38,750 --> 00:43:40,919
May I come in?
Sure.
669
00:43:49,060 --> 00:43:51,362
Is she all right?
She's fine.
670
00:43:52,597 --> 00:43:55,233
Oh, what beautiful beads.
Thanks.
671
00:43:55,300 --> 00:43:58,236
Could you do me a favor?
I'm gonna leave.
672
00:43:58,303 --> 00:44:00,806
Could you put her
somewhere out of the way?
673
00:44:00,872 --> 00:44:02,607
I'd be happy to.
674
00:44:46,584 --> 00:44:48,053
Hello. Lifesavers.
May I help you?
675
00:44:48,119 --> 00:44:49,721
May I speak to a woman?
676
00:44:49,788 --> 00:44:52,357
May I please wish a woman
Merry Christmas?
677
00:44:52,423 --> 00:44:54,025
You are speaking to a woman.
678
00:45:18,316 --> 00:45:20,385
- Mrs. Munchnik?
- No.
679
00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:23,188
Who are you?
680
00:45:23,254 --> 00:45:26,157
I called earlier.
You gave me the address.
681
00:45:26,224 --> 00:45:28,059
I remember.
682
00:45:30,161 --> 00:45:31,797
I came right over.
683
00:45:35,533 --> 00:45:37,769
Have you seen a woman
in a bad mood?
684
00:45:37,836 --> 00:45:40,071
She's resting
behind the couch.
685
00:45:46,544 --> 00:45:49,680
You were very good
on the phone.
686
00:45:49,747 --> 00:45:52,951
On the phone.
I was good on the phone.
687
00:45:53,684 --> 00:45:55,486
Won't you sit down?
688
00:46:01,726 --> 00:46:04,930
My voice puts you off,
doesn't it?
689
00:46:04,996 --> 00:46:08,333
Not at all.
It doesn't suit me.
690
00:46:08,399 --> 00:46:12,137
In that sense, I am
exactly like Kissinger.
691
00:46:12,203 --> 00:46:14,572
Henry Kissinger?
Haven't you noticed?
692
00:46:14,639 --> 00:46:18,643
He has this odd, little,
nasal voice and a pompous, fat body.
693
00:46:18,709 --> 00:46:21,112
Must upset
the Russians terribly.
694
00:46:22,347 --> 00:46:25,216
I met him once.
How fascinating.
695
00:46:27,552 --> 00:46:30,221
Not that he would
remember me.
696
00:46:30,288 --> 00:46:31,622
No one does.
697
00:46:32,858 --> 00:46:34,860
I'm sure that's not true.
698
00:46:36,461 --> 00:46:39,130
Thank you.
You're very kind.
699
00:46:43,401 --> 00:46:46,137
Excuse me,
I'm just going to...
700
00:46:47,572 --> 00:46:49,507
Light these candles
in case the, uh...
701
00:46:51,642 --> 00:46:54,645
It was at one of those clubs.
You know those dance clubs. You know the kind.
702
00:46:54,712 --> 00:46:56,647
Here today, gone tomorrow.
You never know where you are
703
00:46:56,714 --> 00:46:58,984
because when you look...
it's gone.
704
00:47:00,185 --> 00:47:02,120
Who was I with?
705
00:47:03,121 --> 00:47:04,489
I have no idea.
706
00:47:04,555 --> 00:47:06,824
When you're confused,
your past is a blur.
707
00:47:06,892 --> 00:47:08,894
He wasn't dancing.
708
00:47:08,960 --> 00:47:10,195
Who?
709
00:47:11,296 --> 00:47:13,198
Henry Kissinger.
Ah.
710
00:47:14,065 --> 00:47:15,566
I'm boring you, aren't I?
711
00:47:15,633 --> 00:47:17,668
Not in the least.
712
00:47:19,504 --> 00:47:21,639
I bore everyone.
713
00:47:21,706 --> 00:47:23,841
I'm sure that's not true.
714
00:47:23,909 --> 00:47:27,678
I personally find you very entertaining and informative.
715
00:47:27,745 --> 00:47:32,483
For example,
I had no idea Henry Kissinger went to dance clubs.
716
00:47:32,550 --> 00:47:35,954
Perhaps you could come back some other time, say,
after the New Year,
717
00:47:36,021 --> 00:47:38,023
and we could
continue our chat.
718
00:47:38,089 --> 00:47:40,058
I wasn't dancing either.
719
00:47:40,125 --> 00:47:43,361
I have two left feet,
I believe is the expression.
720
00:47:43,428 --> 00:47:47,832
Ah.
Well, let me offer you one last piece of advice before you have to leave.
721
00:47:47,899 --> 00:47:51,302
Did you bring a coat or anything?
Just my cape.
722
00:47:51,937 --> 00:47:54,105
Ah.
723
00:47:54,172 --> 00:47:59,244
Have you ever heard of the Greater
Orange County Mambo Contest of 1968?
724
00:47:59,310 --> 00:48:02,480
Well, I was scared
to enter it, and yet I did.
725
00:48:02,547 --> 00:48:06,217
And I won first prize,
dancing with my sister.
726
00:48:06,284 --> 00:48:09,254
From that moment on,
I have never worried for one second
727
00:48:09,320 --> 00:48:12,290
about anyone's opinion,
and neither should you.
728
00:48:13,458 --> 00:48:14,692
You mean...
729
00:48:14,759 --> 00:48:17,595
You wouldn't hesitate
to dance, even with me?
730
00:48:17,662 --> 00:48:19,130
Absolutely not.
731
00:48:20,898 --> 00:48:22,267
Do you have music?
732
00:48:27,205 --> 00:48:29,941
Come on, Catherine.
Let's go to my place.
733
00:48:30,008 --> 00:48:32,978
Now?
- I have something for you.
734
00:48:37,148 --> 00:48:39,117
There were 14 kids
in our family,
735
00:48:39,184 --> 00:48:43,955
so for Christmas we each got one pair of socks.
736
00:48:44,022 --> 00:48:45,690
Really?
737
00:48:45,756 --> 00:48:50,195
Plus, we never saw our mother.
Divide 14 into 24 and what do you get?
738
00:48:50,261 --> 00:48:53,298
Two.
We each saw our mother two minutes a day.
739
00:48:53,364 --> 00:48:54,832
You mean two hours a day.
740
00:48:54,899 --> 00:48:56,901
No, I mean two minutes.
741
00:49:01,706 --> 00:49:03,941
My mother's always there.
Always.
742
00:49:04,009 --> 00:49:06,211
Sometimes I wish
she were dead.
743
00:49:06,277 --> 00:49:07,745
Oh, I shouldn't
say that.
744
00:49:07,812 --> 00:49:10,748
I hope you don't think I'm a terrible person.
No.
745
00:49:10,815 --> 00:49:13,918
Suppose she dies now
and it's all my fault?
746
00:49:13,985 --> 00:49:15,520
Close your eyes.
747
00:49:19,590 --> 00:49:20,891
Open them.
748
00:49:28,233 --> 00:49:29,634
Is that me?
749
00:49:30,835 --> 00:49:32,470
Oh, my goodness.
750
00:49:33,304 --> 00:49:35,306
Oh, Gracie.
751
00:49:35,373 --> 00:49:37,208
You're so talented.
752
00:49:41,012 --> 00:49:45,616
I have spent my whole life trying to make something out of nothing.
753
00:49:45,683 --> 00:49:48,053
Don't take that
personally, Catherine.
754
00:49:48,119 --> 00:49:51,822
But just once I'd like to have something to begin with.
755
00:49:56,661 --> 00:49:59,964
Christmas is such a powerful time,
isn't it?
756
00:50:00,031 --> 00:50:02,367
Gracie, let's make a wish.
757
00:50:02,433 --> 00:50:04,835
Hold my hand and we'll
make a Christmas wish.
758
00:50:04,902 --> 00:50:07,038
Really. I mean it.
759
00:50:07,105 --> 00:50:10,108
I'll go first so you
won't be embarrassed.
760
00:50:10,175 --> 00:50:11,542
Okay.
761
00:50:11,609 --> 00:50:13,678
It's hard to do this because
if you say your wish out loud,
762
00:50:13,744 --> 00:50:16,514
and it doesn't come true,
it's so much worse.
763
00:50:16,581 --> 00:50:18,049
But here we go.
764
00:50:19,184 --> 00:50:21,552
I wish
765
00:50:21,619 --> 00:50:24,455
there were someone I cared for who cared for me.
766
00:50:26,391 --> 00:50:30,095
There, I said it. Your turn.
767
00:50:32,763 --> 00:50:35,533
I wish for my baby
to have a better life.
768
00:50:36,567 --> 00:50:38,669
Love.
Money.
769
00:50:42,173 --> 00:50:44,309
I should probably
get back to the office.
770
00:50:44,375 --> 00:50:45,876
Wait a second.
771
00:50:45,943 --> 00:50:48,179
Let's get some Chinese food on the way, okay?
772
00:50:48,246 --> 00:50:49,447
Okay.
773
00:51:22,647 --> 00:51:24,315
I don't think...
774
00:51:56,847 --> 00:51:59,250
Is it making you nervous
to dance with me?
775
00:51:59,317 --> 00:52:00,418
I'm not nervous at all.
776
00:52:22,940 --> 00:52:27,445
Dancing with you
makes me feel all fluffy,
777
00:52:27,512 --> 00:52:29,380
like I was dancing
on a cloud.
778
00:52:33,251 --> 00:52:35,453
In my work,
I deal with all kinds of people.
779
00:52:35,520 --> 00:52:39,490
None of them are what you might call conventional,
and neither am I.
780
00:53:00,911 --> 00:53:02,813
You're a marvelous dancer.
781
00:53:04,249 --> 00:53:05,516
Thank you.
782
00:53:28,973 --> 00:53:30,275
Philip?
783
00:53:32,943 --> 00:53:37,181
This is shocking.
Completely shocking. I am suing you.
784
00:53:37,248 --> 00:53:39,284
Do you hear?
For what?
785
00:53:39,350 --> 00:53:44,955
Withholding information,
psychic stress, stupidity.
786
00:53:46,557 --> 00:53:49,527
And obviously
improper office behavior.
787
00:53:49,594 --> 00:53:50,595
Mrs. Munchnik...
788
00:53:50,661 --> 00:53:52,297
I am calling
the Los Angeles Times.
789
00:53:52,363 --> 00:53:54,265
I am calling
the Los Angeles Times!
790
00:53:54,332 --> 00:53:55,533
They'll do a hatchet job.
791
00:53:55,600 --> 00:53:56,901
They're going to do
a puff piece on us!
792
00:53:56,967 --> 00:54:00,671
I may be temporarily
jobless, thanks to you.
793
00:54:00,738 --> 00:54:03,808
But you will be jobless forever.
I will see to that!
794
00:54:12,983 --> 00:54:15,720
I was only trying to be kind.
I thought I could figure out a way.
795
00:54:15,786 --> 00:54:17,822
We only need $5,000
to tide us over.
796
00:54:17,888 --> 00:54:21,426
That is practically your annual salary.
You are a failure.
797
00:54:21,492 --> 00:54:23,728
I will see to it that
you stay that way!
798
00:54:23,794 --> 00:54:25,029
Mrs. Munchnik, please!
799
00:54:25,095 --> 00:54:27,131
I suppose Catherine
knew about this.
800
00:54:27,197 --> 00:54:29,667
I suppose she was in cahoots.
801
00:54:29,734 --> 00:54:34,204
That Catherine.
She is the most devious woman I have ever met.
802
00:54:34,271 --> 00:54:38,609
Catherine is the kindest,
most gentle creature on the face of the Earth.
803
00:54:38,676 --> 00:54:42,179
Catherine wants to rip
your clothes off, Philip.
804
00:54:42,246 --> 00:54:43,581
She does?
805
00:54:43,648 --> 00:54:48,386
Under that mousy exterior
lies smoldering lust.
806
00:54:50,888 --> 00:54:52,056
Really?
807
00:54:53,858 --> 00:54:55,326
Catherine isn't speaking
to me right now.
808
00:54:55,393 --> 00:54:57,127
I'm not at all surprised.
809
00:54:57,194 --> 00:54:59,897
Before she wasn't speaking to me,
she said she would pray for a miracle.
810
00:54:59,964 --> 00:55:02,299
That is pathetic.
811
00:55:02,367 --> 00:55:05,703
Do not walk me to my car.
Stay right there.
812
00:55:08,506 --> 00:55:10,007
Merry Christmas.
813
00:55:11,175 --> 00:55:12,743
Merry Christmas.
814
00:55:12,810 --> 00:55:15,312
And say hello to your dead
sister's husband for me.
815
00:55:15,380 --> 00:55:19,984
My dead husband's sister,
if you don't mind.
816
00:55:57,488 --> 00:55:59,557
Are you crazy?
Are you insane?
817
00:55:59,624 --> 00:56:02,960
This is all I do all day
is deal with nuts like you!
818
00:56:07,432 --> 00:56:11,636
Oh, my God! Catherine was right.
In person, I'm a disaster!
819
00:56:12,903 --> 00:56:18,042
I am so sorry.
I really didn't mean it.
820
00:56:18,108 --> 00:56:20,678
Please.
No apology is necessary.
821
00:56:21,912 --> 00:56:23,748
I understand completely.
822
00:56:28,018 --> 00:56:29,186
Goodbye.
823
00:56:48,973 --> 00:56:50,841
When is the
Automobile Club coming?
824
00:56:50,908 --> 00:56:51,942
In a half hour.
825
00:56:52,009 --> 00:56:54,244
Oh. I used to be
in the Automobile Club,
826
00:56:54,311 --> 00:56:57,982
but they found out I didn't have a car,
so they kicked me out.
827
00:56:58,048 --> 00:56:59,249
They're a little
uptight over there.
828
00:56:59,316 --> 00:57:00,818
Catherine.
829
00:57:00,885 --> 00:57:03,888
Catherine, my goodness,
what have you done to yourself?
830
00:57:03,954 --> 00:57:05,523
You've lost your identity.
831
00:57:05,590 --> 00:57:06,591
I have not.
832
00:57:06,657 --> 00:57:08,325
I'm hungry. I'm gonna die.
833
00:57:08,392 --> 00:57:09,527
Are you about to eat?
834
00:57:09,594 --> 00:57:12,563
Allow me to
contribute a fruitcake.
835
00:57:12,630 --> 00:57:15,600
Be sure you serve it to that male colleague you so admire
836
00:57:15,666 --> 00:57:19,069
who is upstairs at this very moment dancing with a strumpet
837
00:57:19,136 --> 00:57:21,038
while Lifesavers
goes up in smoke.
838
00:57:21,105 --> 00:57:22,640
Catherine,
our food's getting cold.
839
00:57:22,707 --> 00:57:25,109
Is it Susan?
Is Susan with him?
840
00:57:25,175 --> 00:57:26,611
Hardly.
841
00:57:26,677 --> 00:57:29,046
Catherine, you look cool.
Thank you, Louie.
842
00:57:29,113 --> 00:57:32,149
Catherine, I was wondering if I could
come up and sing my song for you now?
843
00:57:32,216 --> 00:57:33,951
I'd like nothing more.
844
00:57:45,863 --> 00:57:48,165
Catherine, is that... You?
845
00:57:49,667 --> 00:57:51,068
Oh, I'm gonna
do you too, Philip,
846
00:57:51,135 --> 00:57:54,104
because you and Catherine
do not go together anymore.
847
00:57:54,171 --> 00:57:56,473
Philip and I
have never gone together.
848
00:57:56,541 --> 00:57:59,610
Well, you weren't together,
but you definitely matched.
849
00:57:59,677 --> 00:58:02,012
Now, come on, Philip, get up.
850
00:58:02,079 --> 00:58:04,214
What about me?
I want to match too.
851
00:58:04,281 --> 00:58:05,850
Listen, I'll get to you
in a second, okay?
852
00:58:05,916 --> 00:58:07,818
What's he doing here?
853
00:58:09,987 --> 00:58:13,057
I invited him.
Don't you have someone here yourself?
854
00:58:13,123 --> 00:58:14,692
I most certainly do not!
855
00:58:14,759 --> 00:58:17,461
Someone
left her cape.
856
00:58:17,528 --> 00:58:20,197
Someone left his cape.
857
00:58:20,264 --> 00:58:21,766
Really, Philip.
858
00:58:31,909 --> 00:58:33,410
Where is Felix?
859
00:58:33,477 --> 00:58:34,579
He's at the hospital.
860
00:58:34,645 --> 00:58:35,946
Oh, right.
861
00:58:42,052 --> 00:58:43,854
Dr. Blair. Dr. Blair.
862
00:58:43,921 --> 00:58:46,824
Dr. Jay Hamilton.
Dr. Jay Hamilton.
863
00:58:48,492 --> 00:58:50,595
60 by pal.
Ten dopamine drip.
864
00:58:50,661 --> 00:58:52,362
Okay, as soon as we get into the unit.
865
00:58:52,429 --> 00:58:54,565
Okay. I'll get a 12-lead.
Let's go!
866
00:58:54,632 --> 00:58:56,500
Does he have any family?
867
01:00:43,573 --> 01:00:45,309
That's it?
868
01:00:45,375 --> 01:00:48,312
It's a work in progress.
It may never be finished.
869
01:00:49,579 --> 01:00:51,215
Oh, Louie.
870
01:00:55,185 --> 01:00:57,788
That was so sweet
of you, Louie.
871
01:00:57,855 --> 01:01:02,126
If it's not too much to ask,
would you mind passing the chow mein?
872
01:01:02,192 --> 01:01:04,661
No one ever wrote a song
for me before.
873
01:01:04,729 --> 01:01:06,030
I can't believe it.
874
01:01:06,096 --> 01:01:08,232
Who ate all
the water chestnuts?
875
01:01:08,298 --> 01:01:09,734
I wrote it longhand.
876
01:01:09,800 --> 01:01:11,902
Where are
the water chestnuts?
877
01:01:11,969 --> 01:01:15,005
It took me eight months.
I had to quit my job.
878
01:01:15,072 --> 01:01:19,443
Presents that you make yourself are always the most special.
Don't you think?
879
01:01:19,509 --> 01:01:21,411
Where did this fruitcake
come from?
880
01:01:21,478 --> 01:01:23,380
That weird lady gave it to us.
881
01:01:26,216 --> 01:01:27,351
What ingratitude!
882
01:01:27,417 --> 01:01:29,053
I give her a gift from
the bottom of my heart
883
01:01:29,119 --> 01:01:31,856
and she abandons it
as if it meant nothing!
884
01:01:45,736 --> 01:01:48,138
Oh! Oh!
885
01:01:50,340 --> 01:01:51,408
Oh.
886
01:02:08,258 --> 01:02:09,960
Look, there's
the dog hater.
887
01:02:12,429 --> 01:02:14,932
Mrs. Munchnik?
What?
888
01:02:19,536 --> 01:02:21,872
Mrs. Munchnik,
what can I do you for?
889
01:02:28,979 --> 01:02:31,782
What is it? Tell me.
What can I do you for?
890
01:02:36,020 --> 01:02:39,123
That's just what my dead husband always used to say.
891
01:02:39,189 --> 01:02:40,224
What?
892
01:02:41,458 --> 01:02:43,227
"What can I do you for?"
893
01:02:45,595 --> 01:02:47,064
Well, um...
894
01:02:48,966 --> 01:02:50,567
I'll, uh...
895
01:02:54,171 --> 01:02:57,741
I'll tell you what you
can "do me for," Mr. Lobel.
896
01:03:16,493 --> 01:03:18,896
On the beach!
On the beach!
897
01:03:47,824 --> 01:03:49,393
I don't care
what she did to you.
898
01:03:49,459 --> 01:03:51,561
It's dangerous to throw things out of windows.
899
01:03:51,628 --> 01:03:54,264
I completely agree.
900
01:03:54,331 --> 01:03:58,202
Do you work here? I mean, excuse me,
but we are discussing office behavior.
901
01:03:58,268 --> 01:04:01,838
Since you don't work here and we do,
at least for six more days,
902
01:04:01,906 --> 01:04:03,307
you cannot participate.
903
01:04:05,775 --> 01:04:09,013
Somebody's not in the holiday mood,
I guess.
904
01:04:10,680 --> 01:04:12,216
Hello, Lifesavers.
I'm listening.
905
01:04:12,282 --> 01:04:14,952
Is this
Kentucky Fried Chicken?
906
01:04:17,721 --> 01:04:19,856
The crazy person is back.
907
01:04:19,924 --> 01:04:21,725
What do you want?
Do you have any breasts?
908
01:04:21,791 --> 01:04:23,593
I forgot my cape.
909
01:04:25,862 --> 01:04:27,831
That's who you were
dancing with?
910
01:04:27,898 --> 01:04:30,200
She insults me too.
911
01:04:30,267 --> 01:04:33,803
My God, if you don't have tits like Dolly Parton,
no one wants you.
912
01:04:33,870 --> 01:04:35,705
Thanks for the memories!
913
01:04:38,775 --> 01:04:40,277
Merry Christmas to all.
Hello?
914
01:04:40,344 --> 01:04:42,812
And to all a good night.
915
01:04:46,250 --> 01:04:48,718
Oh, my God!
Felix, what now?
916
01:04:51,855 --> 01:04:55,559
Gracie, come back to me,
honey, please.
917
01:04:55,625 --> 01:04:57,494
I can't live without you.
I love you.
918
01:04:57,561 --> 01:05:00,430
You know what?
We're in the middle of dinner right now, okay?
919
01:05:00,497 --> 01:05:02,832
Put that toy down instantly!
- Toy?
920
01:05:02,899 --> 01:05:04,901
You think this is a toy, huh?
921
01:05:10,274 --> 01:05:13,643
Felix! What are you doing?
This is not funny!
922
01:05:13,710 --> 01:05:14,979
You'll make him nervous.
923
01:05:15,045 --> 01:05:17,047
All right, who wants
to be first, huh?
924
01:05:17,114 --> 01:05:18,448
Who wants to be the hero?
925
01:05:18,515 --> 01:05:20,150
Felix isn't such a bad guy.
He just gets upset.
926
01:05:20,217 --> 01:05:22,886
Oh, right! Because you're insane,
that's why!
927
01:05:22,953 --> 01:05:25,222
Wait till I get
home with you!
928
01:05:25,289 --> 01:05:28,525
Think about the baby!
I love you!
929
01:05:31,528 --> 01:05:32,829
He loves you.
He's just having trouble expressing it.
930
01:05:32,896 --> 01:05:34,431
Where you going?
931
01:05:34,498 --> 01:05:36,733
Catherine, you're supposed
to be protecting me here!
932
01:05:36,800 --> 01:05:38,068
Don't run away
from me.
933
01:05:38,135 --> 01:05:40,537
This person will protect me,
won't you?
934
01:05:45,475 --> 01:05:47,877
So you're going to shoot
a pregnant woman?
935
01:05:47,944 --> 01:05:50,080
No. I'm gonna shoot you.
936
01:05:51,715 --> 01:05:55,119
Mr. Santa, listen to me.
937
01:05:55,185 --> 01:05:59,223
I'm sure this young woman has plenty of reason to hate you.
In fact we all do.
938
01:05:59,289 --> 01:06:02,292
But that's no reason to shoot someone now,
is it?
939
01:06:03,027 --> 01:06:04,995
So, please...
940
01:06:05,829 --> 01:06:07,831
Put the little pistol down.
941
01:06:09,166 --> 01:06:10,567
No.
942
01:06:15,339 --> 01:06:18,042
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Stop! Stop! Stop!
943
01:06:22,646 --> 01:06:24,248
He shot my foot!
944
01:06:25,215 --> 01:06:27,751
Felix, you are a maniac!
945
01:06:27,817 --> 01:06:29,719
Everybody blames me
for everything.
946
01:06:29,786 --> 01:06:31,821
I can't look.
Am I bleeding?
947
01:06:31,888 --> 01:06:33,790
Oh, my God, I'm going
to bleed to death.
948
01:06:33,857 --> 01:06:35,625
Someone call my mother!
949
01:06:35,692 --> 01:06:39,129
Don't touch me. I forbid you to touch me!
Just call a doctor.
950
01:06:39,196 --> 01:06:41,065
Stop pointing that
gun at me! Stop!
951
01:06:41,131 --> 01:06:44,134
Felix, we have to stop
playing with guns now.
952
01:06:44,201 --> 01:06:46,836
Don't just take it.
You have to empty it.
953
01:06:49,839 --> 01:06:52,242
Gracie, for God sakes,
what are you doing? Give me that!
954
01:06:52,309 --> 01:06:54,278
I am emptying it!
955
01:06:54,344 --> 01:06:55,612
Let go of it!
I can't believe you would do that!
956
01:06:55,679 --> 01:06:58,382
I am sick of him!
He is a nut case!
957
01:06:58,448 --> 01:07:00,950
Forget about it.
I am protecting us from him!
958
01:07:26,910 --> 01:07:27,911
Yes?
959
01:07:35,852 --> 01:07:38,555
It's Stanley.
Who's Stanley?
960
01:07:38,622 --> 01:07:40,590
Stanley Tannenbaum,
the landlord.
961
01:07:40,657 --> 01:07:43,560
I called him to fix the elevator.
I completely forgot.
962
01:07:43,627 --> 01:07:45,595
Oh, the elevator's fixed.
963
01:07:47,097 --> 01:07:49,233
What's going on?
Is everyone dead?
964
01:07:49,299 --> 01:07:50,667
Not everyone.
965
01:08:12,156 --> 01:08:13,990
Hey,
what's going on up there?
966
01:08:14,057 --> 01:08:17,794
Just a teeny, tiny accident.
Just a weeny, wooney one.
967
01:08:17,861 --> 01:08:20,730
Well, keep it down.
This isn't the fourth of July.
968
01:08:20,797 --> 01:08:23,800
I know. I'm sorry.
Uh, it won't happen again.
969
01:08:26,203 --> 01:08:28,538
We have
to call the police.
970
01:08:30,240 --> 01:08:33,910
Uh, dial 911.
That's their number.
971
01:08:39,549 --> 01:08:41,985
They can't do anything.
He's dead!
972
01:08:42,051 --> 01:08:44,053
Philip,
I didn't mean to do it.
973
01:08:44,120 --> 01:08:47,457
You're not going
to turn me in, are you?
974
01:08:47,524 --> 01:08:49,759
You have reached
the Los Angeles Police.
975
01:08:49,826 --> 01:08:52,095
Please hold on. Your call
is very important to us.
976
01:08:54,698 --> 01:08:57,601
Oh, Philip,
is this the miracle?
977
01:08:57,667 --> 01:09:01,305
The eviction will probably go through regardless.
This is not the miracle.
978
01:09:02,672 --> 01:09:04,374
What about me?
979
01:09:04,441 --> 01:09:06,510
Doesn't anyone
care about me?
980
01:09:06,576 --> 01:09:08,278
I'll take care of her.
981
01:09:09,179 --> 01:09:10,980
I'm coming.
982
01:09:11,047 --> 01:09:12,582
Catherine, are you okay?
983
01:09:13,983 --> 01:09:17,387
I can't breathe.
I'm having trouble breathing.
984
01:09:18,722 --> 01:09:20,257
I'm so cold.
985
01:09:22,692 --> 01:09:24,728
Catherine? Catherine.
986
01:09:26,196 --> 01:09:28,164
Catherine. Come on,
come on. I am so cold!
987
01:09:28,232 --> 01:09:31,100
It's all right. Calm down. Here, here,
put your arms around me.
988
01:09:31,167 --> 01:09:33,603
Come on. Hold on tight.
Everything's gonna be okay.
989
01:09:33,670 --> 01:09:36,673
Just calm down. Up, easy.
Over the dead body.
990
01:09:36,740 --> 01:09:39,343
Come on. That's good. Yeah, I've got you.
I've got you. Just relax.
991
01:09:39,409 --> 01:09:40,910
I've got you. Come on.
992
01:09:40,977 --> 01:09:43,347
Come on. I've got you.
I've got you.
993
01:09:49,686 --> 01:09:53,390
Oh, my God!
994
01:09:53,457 --> 01:09:55,625
Boy, that's just a little scratch.
It's nothing at all.
995
01:09:55,692 --> 01:09:58,395
Oh, my God!
My foot is completely numb!
996
01:09:58,462 --> 01:10:01,398
I can tell it's going to be very painful soon!
997
01:10:01,465 --> 01:10:04,033
Hmm. All right,
I'll get you some aspirin.
998
01:10:04,100 --> 01:10:05,802
Thank you.
999
01:10:05,869 --> 01:10:09,105
Or better yet,
I'll get you some Tylenol with the codeine.
1000
01:10:10,274 --> 01:10:12,242
Uh-uh, no.
No, no, no, no.
1001
01:10:12,309 --> 01:10:14,611
Nuprin. That's
the good stuff.
1002
01:10:17,281 --> 01:10:19,583
I got it.
Ludens Cough Drops.
1003
01:10:19,649 --> 01:10:22,752
That'll be for me though.
I got a scratchy throat.
1004
01:10:26,055 --> 01:10:29,158
Just lean here, all right?
No, just lock your knees.
1005
01:10:29,225 --> 01:10:31,295
Now I'm gonna run you a bath,
all right?
1006
01:10:31,361 --> 01:10:33,997
Only this time,
I'm gonna put in some water and it'll make you feel better.
1007
01:10:34,063 --> 01:10:35,899
Okay.
1008
01:10:35,965 --> 01:10:42,406
Hello? Hello?
Is anyone there?
1009
01:10:42,472 --> 01:10:44,941
I'm going to get gangrene.
1010
01:10:46,175 --> 01:10:49,012
Would someone
please bring me a bandage?
1011
01:10:49,078 --> 01:10:53,650
I'm not asking for the moon.
I'm just asking for a bandage.
1012
01:10:53,717 --> 01:10:59,122
All right. Now, just sit here, okay?
Okay? Are you all right? Okay.
1013
01:10:59,188 --> 01:11:02,892
Hello?
Where are you?
1014
01:11:02,959 --> 01:11:05,962
No, no, please, I'll...
I'll just get it myself.
1015
01:11:24,080 --> 01:11:25,081
Your bandage.
1016
01:11:25,148 --> 01:11:27,050
Philip!
1017
01:11:27,951 --> 01:11:30,119
Oh, my God!
You broke my nose!
1018
01:11:30,186 --> 01:11:31,988
Philip!
What is it?
1019
01:11:32,055 --> 01:11:35,859
If you call the police,
my baby's going to be born in a jail!
1020
01:11:35,925 --> 01:11:37,561
Your baby won't
be born in jail.
1021
01:11:37,627 --> 01:11:40,163
My nose is my best feature!
1022
01:11:40,229 --> 01:11:41,531
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
1023
01:11:41,598 --> 01:11:44,368
Do you promise it won't be born in a jail?
1024
01:11:44,434 --> 01:11:46,570
I promise!
1025
01:11:47,437 --> 01:11:49,606
My face is ruined!
1026
01:11:52,041 --> 01:11:53,377
Philip?
1027
01:11:53,443 --> 01:11:55,044
Here's your bandage!
1028
01:11:55,111 --> 01:11:57,981
Hey, how's it going?
- Philip, help me!
1029
01:12:02,085 --> 01:12:04,788
Do you want Gracie
to help you get undressed?
1030
01:12:06,623 --> 01:12:09,192
Do you want me to help you get undressed?
1031
01:12:34,418 --> 01:12:36,185
Something's happening.
1032
01:12:37,921 --> 01:12:41,758
My heart is racing and I'm feeling all nervous and sick.
1033
01:12:41,825 --> 01:12:44,761
That's the way I've felt
since the day I met you.
1034
01:12:46,396 --> 01:12:49,065
Your sweater was
buttoned funny that day.
1035
01:12:49,132 --> 01:12:54,003
One side stuck up higher than the other and poked up into your chin.
1036
01:12:54,070 --> 01:12:57,707
You remember that?
I'll never forget it.
1037
01:13:35,144 --> 01:13:38,281
What does it look like?
No, don't tell me. I don't want to know.
1038
01:13:38,347 --> 01:13:40,884
It's just a little
larger than usual.
1039
01:13:40,950 --> 01:13:44,788
Don't worry.
The swelling will go down.
1040
01:13:44,854 --> 01:13:48,157
It must be nice to have your best feature be so prominent.
1041
01:13:48,992 --> 01:13:51,327
My best feature's my hands.
1042
01:13:51,394 --> 01:13:55,264
That's why I play ukulele.
It gets your hands right out there, you know?
1043
01:13:55,331 --> 01:13:57,133
Are you a professional
ukulele player?
1044
01:13:57,200 --> 01:13:59,435
Oh, no. I'm a writer.
1045
01:14:00,336 --> 01:14:02,405
What do you write?
T-shirts.
1046
01:14:03,573 --> 01:14:05,709
Really?
1047
01:14:05,775 --> 01:14:07,577
I wrote,
"Save the dolphins."
1048
01:14:09,579 --> 01:14:13,049
Excuse me.
What do you mean you wrote it?
1049
01:14:13,116 --> 01:14:16,686
I wasn't the first person to say it.
I was the first person to put it on a t-shirt.
1050
01:14:16,753 --> 01:14:17,754
Oh.
1051
01:14:18,722 --> 01:14:20,056
Did you do,
"Life is a beach"?
1052
01:14:20,123 --> 01:14:22,258
Oh, I wish!
1053
01:14:22,325 --> 01:14:26,095
I met the guy who wrote that at a party.
He kind of snubbed me, you know?
1054
01:14:37,240 --> 01:14:40,977
We haven't been properly introduced.
My name's Louie.
1055
01:14:41,044 --> 01:14:42,378
Chris.
1056
01:14:44,047 --> 01:14:45,248
Chris.
1057
01:15:32,829 --> 01:15:37,100
We could cut him up into pieces and wrap him up as Christmas presents.
1058
01:15:37,166 --> 01:15:39,035
Who would we give them to?
1059
01:15:47,443 --> 01:15:50,546
Check the peephole!
There is no peephole.
1060
01:15:51,815 --> 01:15:53,783
Oh, how convenient.
1061
01:15:54,851 --> 01:15:56,720
Philip, it's Susan.
1062
01:15:58,121 --> 01:15:59,856
What is it?
1063
01:15:59,923 --> 01:16:02,191
I need to see Philip.
I think I've made a terrible mistake.
1064
01:16:02,258 --> 01:16:05,561
He's taking a bath with Catherine.
Would you like to wait?
1065
01:16:05,629 --> 01:16:06,896
No.
1066
01:16:06,963 --> 01:16:09,866
Good, 'cause there's enough
going on here as it is.
1067
01:16:15,739 --> 01:16:18,608
If only we could disguise him as something.
1068
01:16:47,370 --> 01:16:51,775
Catherine was, uh, very distressed,
so naturally, I had to comfort her. Ah.
1069
01:16:56,345 --> 01:16:58,547
Where's Stanley?
1070
01:16:58,614 --> 01:17:01,317
Where is he?
What did you do with it?
1071
01:17:02,886 --> 01:17:04,387
He's in the tree.
1072
01:17:05,655 --> 01:17:07,023
In the tree?
1073
01:17:07,724 --> 01:17:09,492
He is the tree.
1074
01:17:09,558 --> 01:17:12,161
I wrapped him up
in those potato sacks.
1075
01:17:13,462 --> 01:17:14,964
Oh, my God.
1076
01:17:15,031 --> 01:17:18,234
They're burlap,
which is really itchy unless you're dead.
1077
01:17:18,301 --> 01:17:22,271
Me and Felix took branches off the old tree and we just stuck 'em on.
1078
01:17:22,338 --> 01:17:24,307
- How?
- Superglue.
1079
01:17:24,373 --> 01:17:28,477
It's the most amazing invention, Catherine.
Pull on one of those branches.
1080
01:17:28,544 --> 01:17:32,415
I'm telling you,
you could chin yourself on this tree.
1081
01:17:32,481 --> 01:17:36,019
Fortunately, the guy had a good posture.
1082
01:17:36,085 --> 01:17:38,387
I admire a man
with good posture.
1083
01:17:38,454 --> 01:17:41,590
Felix has lovely posture.
Thank you, honey.
1084
01:17:41,657 --> 01:17:43,359
It's just as well
we're going out of business!
1085
01:17:43,426 --> 01:17:45,829
I am totally incompetent!
I'm like Job!
1086
01:17:45,895 --> 01:17:46,963
Philip, really!
1087
01:17:47,030 --> 01:17:49,265
Well, then, all right,
I'm not like Job!
1088
01:17:49,332 --> 01:17:52,135
But look at me,
pretending to save lives.
1089
01:17:52,201 --> 01:17:54,537
There's nothing
in the refrigerator!
1090
01:17:54,603 --> 01:17:58,574
I couldn't save a life
if my life depended on it!
1091
01:17:58,641 --> 01:18:03,012
We have been here for six years,
and what do we have to show for it?
1092
01:18:03,646 --> 01:18:05,281
A dead body.
1093
01:18:05,348 --> 01:18:08,184
A dead body disguised
as a Christmas tree.
1094
01:18:08,251 --> 01:18:11,120
Thank you.
Thank you for reminding me.
1095
01:18:12,555 --> 01:18:13,923
I got a plan.
1096
01:18:13,990 --> 01:18:18,361
Felix always has a plan.
I am so proud of you, honey.
1097
01:18:22,265 --> 01:18:25,701
We take it downstairs.
We leave it on the boardwalk.
1098
01:18:32,742 --> 01:18:34,310
That's it?
Yeah.
1099
01:18:34,377 --> 01:18:36,545
That is not
really a plan, Felix.
1100
01:18:36,612 --> 01:18:38,447
What's wrong with it?
1101
01:18:38,514 --> 01:18:41,517
A plan is supposed
to have more than one part.
1102
01:18:41,584 --> 01:18:43,152
It's supposed to go like,
1103
01:18:43,219 --> 01:18:45,789
"First, we do this, and then we do this,
and then we do this."
1104
01:18:45,855 --> 01:18:48,591
I don't appreciate you talking to Felix this way.
1105
01:18:48,657 --> 01:18:50,894
We're just trying to help you out here, Philip.
1106
01:18:50,960 --> 01:18:53,729
Yeah. You want a plan?
1107
01:18:53,797 --> 01:18:55,698
First we
take it downstairs.
1108
01:18:55,765 --> 01:18:59,202
Then we leave it on the boardwalk.
Then we go home.
1109
01:18:59,268 --> 01:19:01,104
We just leave it standing
like the city put it there.
1110
01:19:01,170 --> 01:19:02,705
In a couple of days,
nobody will notice.
1111
01:19:02,772 --> 01:19:03,940
And when the city
takes it down?
1112
01:19:04,007 --> 01:19:06,375
We're outta there!
1113
01:19:06,442 --> 01:19:08,311
What's going on?
Something wrong?
1114
01:19:08,377 --> 01:19:09,946
Nothing at all.
1115
01:19:10,013 --> 01:19:11,580
Felix and Gracie have turned the landlord into a Christmas tree.
1116
01:19:11,647 --> 01:19:14,083
Now we are going to take it down leave it on the boardwalk.
1117
01:19:14,150 --> 01:19:16,519
Now that's a good plan.
We'll help you.
1118
01:19:18,121 --> 01:19:21,825
Be careful now.
Don't let the branches fall off.
1119
01:19:21,891 --> 01:19:23,459
What about
Stanley's bag?
1120
01:19:23,526 --> 01:19:26,529
We'll leave it under the tree and let somebody swipe it.
1121
01:19:26,595 --> 01:19:28,531
Only some of us should go.
We don't want to attract attention.
1122
01:19:28,597 --> 01:19:31,267
I'm with you. I'm going!
Okay, the two of us.
1123
01:19:31,334 --> 01:19:33,837
We want to go too.
Yeah, we made it.
1124
01:19:33,903 --> 01:19:36,505
Okay, four.
I'd like to go.
1125
01:19:36,572 --> 01:19:38,174
I promise not to attract any attention.
1126
01:19:38,241 --> 01:19:39,542
All right, six,
but that's it.
1127
01:19:39,608 --> 01:19:41,344
Now, we should
try to act jolly.
1128
01:19:41,410 --> 01:19:43,646
I'll sing.
1129
01:20:20,716 --> 01:20:22,218
Philip! Catherine!
1130
01:20:22,285 --> 01:20:23,519
Merry Christmas.
1131
01:20:23,586 --> 01:20:25,588
Are you dismantling
the office already?
1132
01:20:25,654 --> 01:20:27,723
Exactly where are you going with our tree?
1133
01:20:27,790 --> 01:20:30,126
It's not our tree.
Really, it's not.
1134
01:20:30,193 --> 01:20:32,328
It is, too, our tree.
1135
01:20:32,395 --> 01:20:34,830
I recognize the red
cellophane thingy.
1136
01:20:34,898 --> 01:20:36,165
The dogs.
1137
01:20:36,232 --> 01:20:38,234
Keep those mutts away
from my tree, please.
1138
01:20:39,602 --> 01:20:42,205
May I?
By all means, Blanche.
1139
01:20:42,271 --> 01:20:45,441
Here, doggies. Here, doggies.
There's a good girl.
1140
01:20:45,508 --> 01:20:48,711
Come to Mommy.
Yeah, what a good girl.
1141
01:20:49,745 --> 01:20:52,281
They definitely did it.
1142
01:21:32,388 --> 01:21:35,058
Oh, my God!
It's the rollerbladers!
1143
01:21:35,124 --> 01:21:37,260
It's them!
It's the tree haters!
1144
01:21:37,326 --> 01:21:39,162
Oh, no they are back!
- Let's get them!
1145
01:21:39,228 --> 01:21:41,397
Your tree is history!
Payback time!
1146
01:21:41,464 --> 01:21:42,465
Watch out!
1147
01:21:42,531 --> 01:21:43,832
Other way, other way,
other way!
1148
01:21:43,899 --> 01:21:46,535
You ruined our Christmas!
No! Don't!
1149
01:21:47,570 --> 01:21:48,871
Look out!
1150
01:21:48,938 --> 01:21:51,840
Merry Christmas from Doug
and Carol Ferguson!
1151
01:21:51,907 --> 01:21:53,042
Whoa!
1152
01:22:23,339 --> 01:22:26,809
We've got one dead body
at 517 Ocean Park Walk.
1153
01:22:26,875 --> 01:22:29,645
Request for the coroner and Homicide Unit to respond.
1154
01:22:31,014 --> 01:22:32,648
Okay, what happened?
1155
01:22:34,817 --> 01:22:36,252
Who is this?
1156
01:22:38,287 --> 01:22:40,223
Come on. Who knows
what happened?
1157
01:22:41,890 --> 01:22:43,226
I do.
1158
01:22:44,960 --> 01:22:46,929
Our landlord,
Stanley Tannenbaum,
1159
01:22:46,996 --> 01:22:51,734
has committed suicide out of guilt over his condominium conversion.
1160
01:22:51,800 --> 01:22:54,237
And these two people,
these two incompetent people,
1161
01:22:54,303 --> 01:22:58,874
but never mind,
were so tormented that they could not prevent a suicide,
1162
01:22:58,941 --> 01:23:01,710
that they tried
to hide it from the world.
1163
01:23:03,912 --> 01:23:06,815
Actually, uh,
that's not what happened.
1164
01:23:07,316 --> 01:23:08,551
Obviously.
1165
01:23:09,785 --> 01:23:11,487
What happened was...
1166
01:23:12,955 --> 01:23:18,561
It was Christmas Eve,
and Felix just happened to drop by
1167
01:23:19,328 --> 01:23:21,330
with his gun.
1168
01:23:21,397 --> 01:23:23,199
Who is Felix?
1169
01:23:27,170 --> 01:23:31,274
All right,
I'm Felix. I did it.
1170
01:23:31,340 --> 01:23:34,943
Okay, Felix, spread your legs,
put your hands behind your back. Let's go.
1171
01:23:35,010 --> 01:23:38,714
Just because he's an ex-con,
you blame it on Felix.
1172
01:23:38,781 --> 01:23:42,651
Well, Officer, here's your big murder weapon.
Don't, Gracie.
1173
01:23:42,718 --> 01:23:44,453
I did it!
No, no, Gracie, you can't!
1174
01:23:44,520 --> 01:23:46,355
Felix!
Stop!
1175
01:24:01,404 --> 01:24:04,173
Santa! Mommy, it's Santa!
1176
01:24:05,841 --> 01:24:08,677
Felix, what are you doing?
1177
01:24:08,744 --> 01:24:11,013
I can't live
without you, Gracie!
1178
01:24:11,080 --> 01:24:13,749
If you go to jail,
I might as well be dead!
1179
01:24:15,184 --> 01:24:17,186
Everybody move back!
1180
01:24:17,253 --> 01:24:21,190
Move back immediately!
We have a very dangerous condition!
1181
01:24:21,257 --> 01:24:23,126
Felix, it was an accident!
1182
01:24:23,192 --> 01:24:26,429
They're not gonna convict me.
Now come down!
1183
01:24:26,495 --> 01:24:32,101
Well, what if they do?
I can't take a chance on the criminal justice system!
1184
01:24:32,168 --> 01:24:35,271
I went to jail for nothing!
They could do it to you!
1185
01:24:35,338 --> 01:24:37,706
No! No, stop!
1186
01:24:37,773 --> 01:24:42,511
Philip, you've got to do something!
You've got to save him!
1187
01:24:42,578 --> 01:24:46,682
Felix, I just want you to know,
I forgive you for shooting me in the foot.
1188
01:24:46,749 --> 01:24:49,017
I don't care!
Okay.
1189
01:24:50,619 --> 01:24:52,821
Felix, stop! Listen to me!
1190
01:24:58,060 --> 01:25:01,130
Don't you want to spend
Christmas with your baby?
1191
01:25:01,197 --> 01:25:04,099
Don't you want to see him
open his first present?
1192
01:25:06,535 --> 01:25:09,037
What was your
first present, Felix?
1193
01:25:09,972 --> 01:25:11,374
Hubcaps.
1194
01:25:12,241 --> 01:25:14,009
Huh.
1195
01:25:14,076 --> 01:25:16,612
Now I can't even
afford hubcaps!
1196
01:25:16,679 --> 01:25:19,348
Felix, you know something?
1197
01:25:20,583 --> 01:25:22,618
You're not upset
because you're broke.
1198
01:25:22,685 --> 01:25:25,588
I'm not?
No.
1199
01:25:25,654 --> 01:25:27,323
You're not upset
because you're an artist
1200
01:25:27,390 --> 01:25:30,092
who may never have any place to paint as long as you live.
1201
01:25:30,159 --> 01:25:31,660
I'm not?
- No.
1202
01:25:33,162 --> 01:25:36,098
And you're not upset
because the woman you love
1203
01:25:36,165 --> 01:25:39,602
may go to jail
for a very long time.
1204
01:25:39,668 --> 01:25:41,337
I'm not?
1205
01:25:41,404 --> 01:25:42,671
No.
1206
01:25:44,207 --> 01:25:48,477
You're upset
because it's Christmas.
1207
01:25:48,544 --> 01:25:52,915
Christmas is a time when you look at
your life through a magnifying glass,
1208
01:25:52,981 --> 01:25:56,885
and whatever you don't have
feels overwhelming.
1209
01:25:56,952 --> 01:26:01,290
Being alone is so much
lonelier at Christmas.
1210
01:26:01,357 --> 01:26:05,728
Everything sad is so much sadder at Christmas.
1211
01:26:05,794 --> 01:26:07,763
You can't give in
to this, Felix!
1212
01:26:07,830 --> 01:26:10,299
I thought today was going to be the worst day of my life,
1213
01:26:10,366 --> 01:26:14,136
but, then, something wonderful
and unexpected happened!
1214
01:26:14,203 --> 01:26:16,939
First, something horrible
and unexpected happened.
1215
01:26:17,005 --> 01:26:19,642
Actually, three horrible and
unexpected things happened,
1216
01:26:19,708 --> 01:26:22,010
but then something wonderful.
1217
01:26:25,814 --> 01:26:28,217
The holidays
aren't over yet, Felix.
1218
01:26:28,284 --> 01:26:32,154
They're not over for you,
and they're not over for Gracie. Who knows?
1219
01:26:33,489 --> 01:26:38,093
Who knows?
There's magic at Christmas.
1220
01:26:38,160 --> 01:26:42,365
And I'll bet, if you come down,
you'll find that out.
1221
01:26:48,471 --> 01:26:50,939
I love you, Felix!
1222
01:26:56,044 --> 01:26:58,213
I love you so much, Gracie!
1223
01:27:02,551 --> 01:27:05,754
Come on down, Felix.
It's almost midnight.
1224
01:27:22,438 --> 01:27:23,939
Bravo!
1225
01:27:33,949 --> 01:27:36,184
We'll have a van here
in a few minutes.
1226
01:27:36,251 --> 01:27:39,221
We'll take you all down to the station for questioning.
1227
01:27:39,288 --> 01:27:41,490
This bag belongs
to Stanley.
1228
01:27:50,999 --> 01:27:52,368
Brian.
1229
01:27:52,435 --> 01:27:56,004
What have you got here, Rizzo? Whoa!
1230
01:27:56,071 --> 01:27:58,641
FP-242, notify watch
commander, please.
1231
01:27:58,707 --> 01:28:01,176
Where'd you get this?
Take a guess.
1232
01:28:02,845 --> 01:28:05,514
Gracie Barzini?
1233
01:28:05,581 --> 01:28:10,853
Yes. I'm ready.
You can take me away now.
1234
01:28:10,919 --> 01:28:14,823
Congratulations.
You have killed the Seaside Strangler.
1235
01:28:15,891 --> 01:28:17,225
What?
1236
01:28:17,926 --> 01:28:19,828
Fishing twine and kelp.
1237
01:28:19,895 --> 01:28:21,664
Oh, my God,
you're kidding me!
1238
01:28:21,730 --> 01:28:23,198
Stanley's the Strangler?
1239
01:28:23,265 --> 01:28:25,233
I killed
the Seaside Strangler!
1240
01:28:25,300 --> 01:28:27,235
How brilliant is that,
Catherine?
1241
01:28:27,302 --> 01:28:28,571
Isn't there a reward?
1242
01:28:28,637 --> 01:28:31,707
There's a $250,000 reward.
1243
01:28:38,681 --> 01:28:41,550
I'm the luckiest girl
in the world!
1244
01:28:41,617 --> 01:28:46,021
Philip, I could pay for your moving expenses.
How much do you need?
1245
01:28:46,088 --> 01:28:48,123
Only $5,000!
1246
01:28:48,190 --> 01:28:50,025
$5,000?
1247
01:28:51,760 --> 01:28:54,463
Oh, fine!
1248
01:28:54,530 --> 01:28:57,966
Oh, I'm so happy! This is great!
We're back in business!
1249
01:28:58,033 --> 01:29:02,738
Thank you! Thank you! What can I give you?
How can I possibly thank you?
1250
01:29:02,805 --> 01:29:03,906
I know.
1251
01:29:07,676 --> 01:29:10,713
Fruitcake.
I'm rich!
1252
01:29:10,779 --> 01:29:14,617
I'm rich! I'm rich!
Rich girl! Rich girl!
1253
01:29:14,683 --> 01:29:17,520
Oh, my God!
- What is it?
1254
01:29:17,586 --> 01:29:18,887
Oh, my goodness!
1255
01:29:18,954 --> 01:29:20,789
What's the matter, honey?
My water just broke!
1256
01:29:20,856 --> 01:29:23,158
You're just going into labor.
We have plenty of time.
1257
01:29:23,225 --> 01:29:24,627
No, I'm having it!
1258
01:29:24,693 --> 01:29:26,995
- Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm sure!
1259
01:29:27,062 --> 01:29:29,765
Philip? Dr. Kinsky.
Dr. Kinsky'll help us!
1260
01:29:29,832 --> 01:29:31,033
What?
1261
01:29:31,099 --> 01:29:32,801
She's having a baby!
I'm having a baby!
1262
01:29:32,868 --> 01:29:36,238
Uh, bring her over by the tree!
By the tree!
1263
01:29:36,304 --> 01:29:37,606
Officer, could you
please help?
1264
01:29:37,673 --> 01:29:41,877
Here, here. Wait a minute!
Lift up my leg, you moron!
1265
01:29:41,944 --> 01:29:45,848
Out of the way!
Out of the way! Out of the way!
1266
01:29:45,914 --> 01:29:48,984
Get out of the way! All right,
put her down right here.
1267
01:29:49,752 --> 01:29:50,953
Here!
1268
01:29:52,154 --> 01:29:55,157
Okay, okay,
you're doing great.
1269
01:29:55,223 --> 01:29:57,626
I'm having it!
I know, I know. Just relax.
1270
01:29:57,693 --> 01:29:59,294
Take it easy.
Everything's gonna be fine.
1271
01:29:59,361 --> 01:30:01,129
It's gonna come out, right?
1272
01:30:01,196 --> 01:30:03,632
No, no, no. It's gonna come out.
You're doing great. You're in good hands.
1273
01:30:03,699 --> 01:30:05,634
I've done this hundreds
and hundreds of times.
1274
01:30:05,701 --> 01:30:07,803
Aren't you a veterinarian?
1275
01:30:07,870 --> 01:30:10,405
Yes, but it's
the same basic concept.
1276
01:30:12,140 --> 01:30:13,542
Okay, relax and breathe.
- I'm not relaxed!
1277
01:30:13,609 --> 01:30:15,277
Then just
be anxious and breathe.
1278
01:30:15,343 --> 01:30:17,646
Breathe deep! That's it.
Okay. It's starting to come!
1279
01:30:17,713 --> 01:30:20,215
It's starting to come!
Okay, more breathing.
1280
01:30:20,282 --> 01:30:21,884
You're telling me!
1281
01:30:21,950 --> 01:30:23,385
All right, here we go!
All right, here we...
1282
01:30:23,452 --> 01:30:25,654
Another contraction,
and then give me another big push!
1283
01:30:25,721 --> 01:30:28,757
Big push! There we go!
Look, I can see...
1284
01:30:28,824 --> 01:30:31,560
Would you shut up?
Just trying to help.
1285
01:30:31,627 --> 01:30:33,361
All right,
you give me another big push.
1286
01:30:37,165 --> 01:30:40,569
The head is starting to come.
It's starting to come. Breathe a little deeper.
1287
01:30:40,636 --> 01:30:44,707
Oh, my God!
1288
01:30:44,773 --> 01:30:46,308
No!
1289
01:31:03,592 --> 01:31:04,927
Yeah.
1290
01:31:13,736 --> 01:31:15,137
It's Christmas.
1291
01:31:18,641 --> 01:31:21,710
Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
1292
01:31:21,777 --> 01:31:23,245
Merry Christmas.
1293
01:31:37,325 --> 01:31:39,394
What shall we do
for Christmas?
1294
01:31:40,362 --> 01:31:42,731
I don't know.
What shall we do?
1295
01:31:46,535 --> 01:31:48,503
Let's get married.
1296
01:31:52,240 --> 01:31:54,009
This is the miracle.
1297
01:31:56,912 --> 01:31:59,147
Merry Christmas!
1298
01:32:00,616 --> 01:32:03,185
Merry Christmas!
1299
01:32:05,320 --> 01:32:07,322
Merry Christmas!
101520
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