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1
00:00:03,689 --> 00:00:05,350
Here's what I wonder about zombies.
2
00:00:05,558 --> 00:00:07,685
(SHELDON, LEONARD & HOWARD GROAN)
3
00:00:07,860 --> 00:00:10,522
What happens if they can't get
any human flesh to eat?
4
00:00:10,696 --> 00:00:13,824
They can't starve to death,
they're already dead.
5
00:00:13,999 --> 00:00:16,297
You take this one.
I spent an hour last night...
6
00:00:16,469 --> 00:00:20,371
...on how do vampires shave when
they can't see themselves in the mirror?
7
00:00:21,707 --> 00:00:25,302
Well-groomed vampires meet in pairs
and shave each other. Case closed.
8
00:00:26,545 --> 00:00:30,709
- Yeah, okay, so, zombies?
- I guess it depends on the zombies, Raj.
9
00:00:30,883 --> 00:00:32,874
Are we talking slow zombies,
fast zombies?
10
00:00:33,052 --> 00:00:36,180
Like in 28 Days, if those zombies
didn't eat, they starved.
11
00:00:36,355 --> 00:00:39,688
That's 28 Days Later. 28 Days is where
Sandra Bullock goes to rehab...
12
00:00:39,859 --> 00:00:42,555
...and puts the audience
into an undead state.
13
00:00:43,028 --> 00:00:44,996
Hey, don't bag on Sandra Bullock.
14
00:00:45,164 --> 00:00:48,827
You think it makes you look cultured,
but you just come off as bitter.
15
00:00:50,002 --> 00:00:52,436
Dr. Siebert, 12 o'clock.
16
00:00:52,738 --> 00:00:56,196
Why's the president of the university
slumming in the cafeteria? Ha, ha.
17
00:00:56,375 --> 00:00:58,741
Perhaps he's emulating
Shakespeare's Henry V...
18
00:00:58,911 --> 00:01:01,004
...who dressed as a commoner
and mingled...
19
00:01:01,180 --> 00:01:03,671
...to find out how he was
perceived by his subjects.
20
00:01:03,849 --> 00:01:06,716
If he'd have read any of the
1300 e-mails I've sent him...
21
00:01:06,886 --> 00:01:10,845
...on the subject of his administration
he could have saved himself the trouble.
22
00:01:11,323 --> 00:01:13,518
Or maybe he heard
it's Tater Tot Tuesday.
23
00:01:14,093 --> 00:01:16,254
That's why I'm here.
24
00:01:16,595 --> 00:01:18,426
Hey, there's my favorite geniuses.
25
00:01:19,265 --> 00:01:21,358
- How are we doing today?
- That depends.
26
00:01:21,534 --> 00:01:24,765
How much longer do you plan
on fondling my shoulder?
27
00:01:24,937 --> 00:01:27,633
Sorry, Dr. Cooper.
I forgot you have a touch phobia.
28
00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:30,604
It's not a touch phobia,
it's a germ phobia.
29
00:01:30,776 --> 00:01:34,712
If you'd like to go put on latex gloves,
I'll let you check me for a hernia.
30
00:01:35,781 --> 00:01:39,308
Yeah. So listen, fellas, who's up for
a little party this Saturday night?
31
00:01:39,485 --> 00:01:42,545
Open bar, good eats,
might even be a few pretty girls.
32
00:01:42,721 --> 00:01:43,949
- Sounds good.
- I'm in. Ha, ha.
33
00:01:44,156 --> 00:01:47,125
Hold on. Just because
the nice man is offering you candy...
34
00:01:47,293 --> 00:01:50,729
...doesn't mean you should jump into
his windowless van.
35
00:01:52,431 --> 00:01:55,628
- What's the occasion?
- Just a fundraiser for the university.
36
00:01:55,835 --> 00:01:59,362
Aha. The tear-stained air mattress
in the back of the van.
37
00:01:59,905 --> 00:02:01,964
I understand your reticence,
Dr. Cooper.
38
00:02:02,141 --> 00:02:03,438
And I sympathize.
39
00:02:03,609 --> 00:02:06,009
But the facts are,
we have to shake a few hands...
40
00:02:06,178 --> 00:02:08,612
...and kiss butts to raise money
for our research.
41
00:02:08,781 --> 00:02:11,841
I don't care, it's demeaning
and I refuse to be trotted out...
42
00:02:12,017 --> 00:02:14,986
...and shown off like a prize hog
at the Texas State Fair...
43
00:02:15,154 --> 00:02:17,486
...which is something
you don't want to attend...
44
00:02:17,656 --> 00:02:20,124
...wearing a Star Trek
ensign's uniform.
45
00:02:20,493 --> 00:02:22,256
All right, let me put it this way.
46
00:02:22,428 --> 00:02:25,454
You're gonna put on a suit,
you're gonna come to this party...
47
00:02:25,631 --> 00:02:28,429
...and you're gonna explain
your research to old people...
48
00:02:28,601 --> 00:02:31,263
...or I swear to God, I'll blind you
with a hot spoon...
49
00:02:31,437 --> 00:02:34,600
...like they did to that little boy
in Slumdog Millionaire.
50
00:02:35,174 --> 00:02:36,937
Oh. You don't want that.
51
00:02:38,511 --> 00:02:40,502
So Saturday night.
It's gonna be off the hook.
52
00:02:40,679 --> 00:02:43,307
- Unh.
- Get over it.
53
00:02:44,817 --> 00:02:47,786
Oh, boy,
Tater Tots and a party invitation?
54
00:02:47,953 --> 00:02:49,648
What a great day.
55
00:03:17,683 --> 00:03:19,310
There you go.
56
00:03:23,155 --> 00:03:25,020
Are you sure this is right?
57
00:03:25,190 --> 00:03:27,988
Yeah, just tuck that part in your pants,
you'll be fine.
58
00:03:28,894 --> 00:03:33,593
Okay, let's go smooch
some rich, wrinkled tuchis.
59
00:03:33,766 --> 00:03:37,634
Oh, Howard, I can't believe Bernadette let
you go to a fancy party wearing a dickey.
60
00:03:37,803 --> 00:03:41,034
Ha, ha. Excuse me, my girlfriend
doesn't pick out my clothes.
61
00:03:41,206 --> 00:03:43,106
My mother does.
62
00:03:44,510 --> 00:03:45,670
Oh, we should get going.
63
00:03:45,844 --> 00:03:49,007
- What about Sheldon?
- Sheldon is not going.
64
00:03:49,181 --> 00:03:50,705
Really? What do we tell Siebert?
65
00:03:51,216 --> 00:03:54,344
Tell him Dr. Cooper feels
that the best use of his time...
66
00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:57,546
...is to employ his rare
and precious mental faculties...
67
00:03:57,723 --> 00:04:00,658
...to tear the mask off nature
and stare at the face of God.
68
00:04:02,428 --> 00:04:06,057
Sheldon, it's Saturday night.
You'll be doing laundry.
69
00:04:06,231 --> 00:04:08,563
Don't tell him that.
Tell him the mask thing.
70
00:04:15,140 --> 00:04:18,303
- Hey, put your tie back in your pants.
- Thanks.
71
00:04:18,744 --> 00:04:19,802
Nice place.
72
00:04:19,979 --> 00:04:22,539
Reminds me of my parents'
house back in New Delhi.
73
00:04:22,715 --> 00:04:24,706
- You're kidding.
- No, we are very wealthy.
74
00:04:24,883 --> 00:04:27,909
But the only difference is
we have more servants.
75
00:04:28,087 --> 00:04:30,180
- More than this?
- More than we can use.
76
00:04:30,356 --> 00:04:34,349
See, in India we don't make the mistake
of letting our poor people have dreams.
77
00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:38,953
Ah. There's my band of brainiacs.
Where's Dr. Cooper?
78
00:04:39,465 --> 00:04:40,489
(SIGHS)
79
00:04:40,699 --> 00:04:44,760
He's tearing the mask off nature
to look at the face of God.
80
00:04:45,504 --> 00:04:49,838
The board of directors insists he has a
beautiful mind, I think he's just bananas.
81
00:04:50,009 --> 00:04:53,001
Let me introduce you to
one of the university's leading donors.
82
00:04:54,013 --> 00:04:55,708
(CLEARS THROAT)
83
00:04:56,081 --> 00:04:59,073
I think we were misled
about the cute girls.
84
00:04:59,585 --> 00:05:02,611
Mrs. Latham, I'd like you to meet
our outstanding researchers.
85
00:05:02,788 --> 00:05:06,383
This is Dr. Leonard Hofstadter,
Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali...
86
00:05:06,558 --> 00:05:07,684
...and Howard Wolowitz.
87
00:05:07,860 --> 00:05:09,384
What happened to you, Wolowitz?
88
00:05:09,561 --> 00:05:13,122
Couldn't stick with it
long enough to get your Ph. D?
89
00:05:13,298 --> 00:05:16,461
I'm an engineer. Most engineers
don't bother with a Ph.D.
90
00:05:16,635 --> 00:05:20,969
You may be interested to know I designed
the zero-gravity waste system for NASA.
91
00:05:21,140 --> 00:05:23,631
Got it. You're a space plumber.
92
00:05:26,278 --> 00:05:28,303
I'm gonna go hit the bar.
93
00:05:30,416 --> 00:05:31,610
Tell me about these two.
94
00:05:31,784 --> 00:05:33,877
Do him first.
95
00:05:34,253 --> 00:05:37,381
Dr. Hofstadter is representing our
experimental physics program.
96
00:05:37,556 --> 00:05:39,581
You'll hear about his fascinating work.
97
00:05:39,758 --> 00:05:41,953
Right. Fascinate me.
98
00:05:42,861 --> 00:05:44,522
(STAMMERS)
99
00:05:45,297 --> 00:05:48,425
They're cute when they're about
to wet themselves, aren't they?
100
00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:49,760
I'll make it easy.
101
00:05:49,935 --> 00:05:53,564
When you arrive at the lab in the
morning, what machine do you turn on?
102
00:05:54,973 --> 00:05:56,838
Coffee maker?
103
00:05:57,443 --> 00:06:00,640
All right, Dr. Kooth...
Whatever it is. You're up.
104
00:06:01,246 --> 00:06:04,443
It's Koothrappali. I have to tinkle.
105
00:06:08,253 --> 00:06:12,485
And so, instead of bowing to pressure
and going to that pointless soiree...
106
00:06:12,658 --> 00:06:15,923
...I stayed right here
and did a load of whites.
107
00:06:16,962 --> 00:06:21,422
Well, normally I respect your macho
rebellious attitude toward the man...
108
00:06:22,434 --> 00:06:25,198
...but in this case
I think you've made a foolish mistake.
109
00:06:25,671 --> 00:06:26,933
Unlikely...
110
00:06:28,173 --> 00:06:29,640
...but make your case.
111
00:06:29,808 --> 00:06:31,969
Keeping in mind
that your critical attitude...
112
00:06:32,144 --> 00:06:33,873
...is ruining our night together...
113
00:06:34,079 --> 00:06:36,604
...and I'm not above
minimizing your window.
114
00:06:37,716 --> 00:06:39,377
Sheldon, like it or not...
115
00:06:39,585 --> 00:06:43,453
...until you upload your intelligence
to a self-sustaining orbiting satellite...
116
00:06:43,622 --> 00:06:46,648
...equipped with high-speed Internet
and a cloaking device...
117
00:06:46,825 --> 00:06:50,192
...you will be dependent on other
members of the human race.
118
00:06:50,362 --> 00:06:52,557
That's it, prepare to be minimized.
119
00:06:52,731 --> 00:06:56,189
I'm not finished.
All scientists have to fundraise, Sheldon.
120
00:06:56,368 --> 00:06:58,029
How do you think I paid for my lab?
121
00:06:58,203 --> 00:07:01,969
I went to Saudi Arabia, met with a prince
who had an interest in neurobiology.
122
00:07:02,474 --> 00:07:05,807
Your lab is funded by some
Middle Eastern dilettante?
123
00:07:05,978 --> 00:07:08,538
Technically, Faisal is my fianc�...
124
00:07:11,350 --> 00:07:13,545
...but I do have a
two-photon microscope...
125
00:07:13,719 --> 00:07:16,119
...and a place to stay in Riyadh
for the winter.
126
00:07:17,256 --> 00:07:22,091
That explains those puzzling camel race
photos on your Facebook page.
127
00:07:22,261 --> 00:07:25,992
And consider this: Without you to make
the case for the Physics Department...
128
00:07:26,165 --> 00:07:28,565
...the task falls to people
like Leonard and Raj.
129
00:07:28,734 --> 00:07:30,861
Are you trying to scare me?
130
00:07:31,036 --> 00:07:33,027
Because you're succeeding.
131
00:07:33,205 --> 00:07:34,934
Well, then prepare to be terrified.
132
00:07:35,140 --> 00:07:36,767
If your friends are unconvincing...
133
00:07:36,942 --> 00:07:39,911
...this year's donations might go to
the Geology Department.
134
00:07:40,078 --> 00:07:43,445
Oh, dear, no, not the dirt people.
135
00:07:45,083 --> 00:07:49,747
Or worse, it could go to
the Liberal Arts.
136
00:07:51,557 --> 00:07:53,047
No.
137
00:07:53,959 --> 00:07:57,122
Millions of dollars being showered
on poets, literary theorists...
138
00:07:57,296 --> 00:07:59,730
...and students of gender studies.
139
00:08:00,933 --> 00:08:03,800
Oh, the humanities.
140
00:08:05,671 --> 00:08:07,468
I don't think President Siebert...
141
00:08:07,673 --> 00:08:10,767
...will be making us
go to any more fundraisers.
142
00:08:10,943 --> 00:08:12,808
It was so much easier
at my bar mitzvah.
143
00:08:12,978 --> 00:08:17,540
The old people came up to you, pinched
your cheek, handed you a savings bond.
144
00:08:17,983 --> 00:08:19,883
Oh, don't be such gloomy Gusses.
145
00:08:20,052 --> 00:08:22,748
Look at the size of these shrimp.
146
00:08:23,222 --> 00:08:26,214
At what point
do we start calling them lobsters?
147
00:08:26,825 --> 00:08:29,623
Face it, Raj,
we crashed and burned tonight.
148
00:08:29,795 --> 00:08:31,763
Oh, you didn't do that badly.
149
00:08:33,398 --> 00:08:37,732
The first machine I turn on is the helium-
neon laser, because it needs to warm up.
150
00:08:37,903 --> 00:08:40,599
I no longer care, dear.
151
00:08:40,772 --> 00:08:43,832
But don't worry, I really enjoyed
meeting you this evening.
152
00:08:44,009 --> 00:08:45,840
You're kidding?
That was good for you?
153
00:08:46,011 --> 00:08:48,002
Because I was sweating
through my T-shirt.
154
00:08:48,780 --> 00:08:50,805
Excellent.
There's nothing I like better...
155
00:08:50,983 --> 00:08:54,180
...than making smart people
feel ill at ease.
156
00:08:54,353 --> 00:08:56,753
- Why?
- I don't know, it's one of the fun things...
157
00:08:56,922 --> 00:08:59,720
...you get to do
when you have lots of money.
158
00:09:00,492 --> 00:09:04,019
Watch. Hey! Who said
you could eat that shrimp?
159
00:09:08,267 --> 00:09:10,030
See? Fun.
160
00:09:10,235 --> 00:09:11,862
SHELDON:
No, no, no. I'm just...
161
00:09:12,037 --> 00:09:16,474
...here for your money. I don't wanna
shake anyone's germy hands.
162
00:09:17,309 --> 00:09:19,243
Explain it to them, Siebert.
163
00:09:24,316 --> 00:09:27,376
I must confess, I don't understand you,
President Siebert.
164
00:09:27,552 --> 00:09:30,248
First you say you want me to appear
at your fundraisers.
165
00:09:30,422 --> 00:09:33,914
But now you say you never want me
to go anywhere near your fundraisers.
166
00:09:34,092 --> 00:09:36,560
Forgive me, but that sounds
like a mixed message.
167
00:09:37,663 --> 00:09:42,726
Here we go again. If there's simply
no talking to me, then why did you call?
168
00:09:44,069 --> 00:09:45,934
I'm sorry, someone's on the other line.
169
00:09:46,104 --> 00:09:50,336
Uh, why don't you see if you can organize
your thoughts and we'll try again later.
170
00:09:51,376 --> 00:09:54,072
Cooper-Hofstadter residence.
Go for Cooper.
171
00:09:54,246 --> 00:09:55,713
Good morning, Mrs. Latham.
172
00:09:56,248 --> 00:09:57,875
Yes, of course I remember you.
173
00:09:58,050 --> 00:10:01,349
A woman well past her prime
seeking to augment her social status...
174
00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:04,387
...by doling out her late husband's
ill-gotten gains.
175
00:10:05,958 --> 00:10:08,586
So how much money
are you going to give me?
176
00:10:09,695 --> 00:10:12,596
I'm not crazy,
my mother had me tested.
177
00:10:13,732 --> 00:10:16,895
If you're not going to give me money,
then why are you calling?
178
00:10:18,036 --> 00:10:20,095
She wants to talk to you.
179
00:10:20,605 --> 00:10:22,596
Who's crazy now?
180
00:10:23,608 --> 00:10:25,769
Hello, Mrs. Latham.
181
00:10:25,944 --> 00:10:28,139
Yes, I live with him.
182
00:10:28,847 --> 00:10:30,781
I don't... I really don't know why.
183
00:10:36,955 --> 00:10:39,617
Tonight? Sure. That'd be great.
184
00:10:40,359 --> 00:10:43,954
Okay, I'll see you then. Bye.
185
00:10:44,429 --> 00:10:47,489
Uh, she wants to have dinner
and talk about my research.
186
00:10:47,666 --> 00:10:50,260
An entire dinner
to talk about your research?
187
00:10:51,870 --> 00:10:54,634
Where are you going,
the drive-through at Jack in the Box?
188
00:10:58,243 --> 00:11:02,179
Well, wherever we're going,
she's sending a car to pick me up.
189
00:11:02,647 --> 00:11:05,741
- Okay, I see what's happening.
- What?
190
00:11:05,917 --> 00:11:07,817
My stature intimidates her...
191
00:11:07,986 --> 00:11:11,149
...so she's using you to get to me.
192
00:11:13,325 --> 00:11:15,418
Crafty old gal.
193
00:11:15,594 --> 00:11:16,618
Excuse me...
194
00:11:16,795 --> 00:11:19,593
...but you are not the only
scientist in this apartment.
195
00:11:19,765 --> 00:11:21,528
I've been published in journals...
196
00:11:21,700 --> 00:11:26,194
...I received a dissertation-of-the-year
award for experimental particle physics.
197
00:11:26,405 --> 00:11:27,963
No, that can't be it.
198
00:11:28,807 --> 00:11:30,468
Since you seem to have forgotten...
199
00:11:30,642 --> 00:11:33,167
...the reason we live together
is we're best friends.
200
00:11:33,345 --> 00:11:35,404
And I got your back, Jack.
201
00:11:38,950 --> 00:11:40,315
That was a great meal.
202
00:11:40,485 --> 00:11:41,850
I'm glad you enjoyed it.
203
00:11:42,020 --> 00:11:43,885
I eat this well
when my mom's in town...
204
00:11:44,056 --> 00:11:46,718
...and she takes me out to dinner.
- Is that so?
205
00:11:46,925 --> 00:11:48,517
You kind of remind me of her.
206
00:11:49,161 --> 00:11:52,187
She enjoys
making people uncomfortable too.
207
00:11:52,931 --> 00:11:55,365
Well, you remind me of a boy
I dated in college.
208
00:11:55,534 --> 00:11:58,094
- No kidding.
- Sweet boy, very smart.
209
00:11:58,270 --> 00:12:01,034
- Huh.
- Lf only he'd had money.
210
00:12:03,842 --> 00:12:06,072
Yeah, um, so hey...
211
00:12:06,244 --> 00:12:10,180
...speaking of money, how are you feeling
about helping the Physics Department...
212
00:12:10,348 --> 00:12:13,181
...get a cryogenic centrifugal pump
and molecular sieve?
213
00:12:13,385 --> 00:12:16,684
Well, I must say you make
a very persuasive case for it.
214
00:12:17,022 --> 00:12:18,353
Oh, good, good.
215
00:12:18,523 --> 00:12:21,583
And I'm seriously considering
taking it to the next level.
216
00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:24,058
Terrific. Great.
217
00:12:24,229 --> 00:12:25,992
What level is that?
218
00:12:32,537 --> 00:12:35,563
Okay, now you don't remind me
of my mom.
219
00:12:41,246 --> 00:12:44,181
I'm sorry, so eventually zombies...
220
00:12:44,349 --> 00:12:48,080
...are going to attack the rehab facility
where Sandra Bullock is?
221
00:12:51,189 --> 00:12:52,884
Yes, Sheldon. Keep watching.
222
00:12:54,626 --> 00:12:57,254
It's a shame,
all that work she's doing to get sober...
223
00:12:57,429 --> 00:12:59,590
...only to be torn apart and eaten alive.
224
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:06,232
- Hey, how was dinner?
- Swell. I need a drink.
225
00:13:06,404 --> 00:13:08,031
Do we have any alcohol?
226
00:13:08,206 --> 00:13:09,798
No. But we have potatoes.
227
00:13:10,008 --> 00:13:12,135
I could make you vodka.
228
00:13:12,310 --> 00:13:13,538
It'll take two weeks.
229
00:13:15,013 --> 00:13:16,446
Leonard, are you okay?
230
00:13:16,615 --> 00:13:18,378
Uh, I'm not sure.
231
00:13:18,783 --> 00:13:20,444
- What's going on?
- Well...
232
00:13:20,619 --> 00:13:23,884
...Mrs. Latham said she was seriously
considering donating money...
233
00:13:24,055 --> 00:13:26,319
...so we could get
a cryogenic centrifugal pump.
234
00:13:26,525 --> 00:13:27,651
- Oh, wow.
- Yes!
235
00:13:27,826 --> 00:13:30,294
Then she stuck her tongue
down my throat.
236
00:13:31,129 --> 00:13:32,562
Why?
237
00:13:33,798 --> 00:13:37,757
We can't keep explaining everything.
Read that book we got you.
238
00:13:38,937 --> 00:13:40,165
She hit on me.
239
00:13:40,338 --> 00:13:44,104
Wait. Are you telling us that old lady
wanted to have sex with you...
240
00:13:44,276 --> 00:13:47,768
...in exchange for giving
your department millions of dollars?
241
00:13:47,946 --> 00:13:51,040
- I think so.
- You lucky duck.
242
00:13:52,150 --> 00:13:54,482
You're really a broken toy, aren't you?
243
00:13:55,854 --> 00:13:59,847
I was able to get out of there, but she
wants to see me again tomorrow night.
244
00:14:00,058 --> 00:14:02,583
Excellent.
What are you planning to wear?
245
00:14:03,595 --> 00:14:04,960
- What?
- Penny.
246
00:14:05,130 --> 00:14:07,655
You're an expert on trading
sexual favors for gain.
247
00:14:07,832 --> 00:14:10,130
Walk him through this.
248
00:14:10,569 --> 00:14:14,300
Whoa, uh, hold on a second.
I'm not going to sleep with her.
249
00:14:14,806 --> 00:14:17,673
But we need
a cryogenic centrifugal pump.
250
00:14:18,677 --> 00:14:20,440
Forget it. It's not gonna happen.
251
00:14:20,612 --> 00:14:22,102
Well, come now, Leonard...
252
00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:25,875
...this may be your only chance
to make a real contribution to science.
253
00:14:27,018 --> 00:14:29,145
I repeat, not gonna happen.
254
00:14:32,958 --> 00:14:36,792
What was all that about me trading
sexual favors for material gain?
255
00:14:36,962 --> 00:14:39,021
It was a compliment.
256
00:14:39,864 --> 00:14:42,128
I believe in giving credit
where credit is due.
257
00:14:45,503 --> 00:14:47,368
Fine, I'll tell him. Ahem.
258
00:14:47,539 --> 00:14:50,167
Leonard. Mrs. Latham's car
is here for you.
259
00:14:50,342 --> 00:14:53,971
I won't be late. I'm gonna make a pitch
for the funding and say good night.
260
00:14:54,145 --> 00:14:56,204
Hold on. I have something for you.
261
00:14:57,882 --> 00:15:00,180
- What's this?
- Few things you may need tonight.
262
00:15:00,352 --> 00:15:02,183
There's baby oil, condoms...
263
00:15:02,354 --> 00:15:06,222
...and, uh, a little something I procured
from the School of Pharmacology.
264
00:15:06,391 --> 00:15:10,327
They say it is to Viagra
as Viagra is to a green M&M.
265
00:15:14,666 --> 00:15:17,032
I am not going to have sex with her.
266
00:15:17,202 --> 00:15:19,193
Maybe this will overcome
your reluctance.
267
00:15:19,371 --> 00:15:21,669
I went on the Internet
and found a photograph...
268
00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:25,401
...of a 25-year-old Mrs. Latham
to get your libido humming.
269
00:15:27,512 --> 00:15:28,945
Check out those saddle shoes.
270
00:15:29,114 --> 00:15:30,809
(GROWLS)
271
00:15:36,588 --> 00:15:37,919
Are you insane?
272
00:15:38,089 --> 00:15:41,616
I'm not going to prostitute myself
just so we can get some new equipment.
273
00:15:41,793 --> 00:15:43,192
- Oh, come on, why not?
- Oh...
274
00:15:44,529 --> 00:15:45,894
Good night, Sheldon.
275
00:15:46,064 --> 00:15:49,431
Given how much time you spend
engaging in pointless self-abuse...
276
00:15:49,601 --> 00:15:51,762
...you might consider just this once...
277
00:15:51,936 --> 00:15:55,235
...using your genitalia
to actually accomplish something.
278
00:15:57,742 --> 00:16:02,611
- Still won't shag the old lady, huh?
- No. But thank you for asking.
279
00:16:06,051 --> 00:16:08,451
- Hey, hi.
- Hello, Leonard.
280
00:16:08,620 --> 00:16:10,144
I hope you're hungry.
281
00:16:10,322 --> 00:16:11,653
I'm very hungry.
282
00:16:11,823 --> 00:16:13,984
For food, right?
283
00:16:14,693 --> 00:16:18,652
Oh, I made you uncomfortable
last night. I'm so sorry.
284
00:16:18,830 --> 00:16:19,990
No, that's okay.
285
00:16:20,198 --> 00:16:21,790
No, it most certainly is not.
286
00:16:21,966 --> 00:16:24,127
I'm making the donation
to your department...
287
00:16:24,302 --> 00:16:26,463
...regardless of what happens
between us.
288
00:16:26,938 --> 00:16:28,599
- Really?
- Of course.
289
00:16:28,773 --> 00:16:30,434
There's no quid pro quo here.
290
00:16:30,608 --> 00:16:34,135
You and your colleagues do remarkable
research and you deserve the money.
291
00:16:34,946 --> 00:16:36,436
Oh...
292
00:16:36,614 --> 00:16:38,343
Then what was last night about?
293
00:16:38,516 --> 00:16:41,417
I took a shot. Sue me.
294
00:16:43,054 --> 00:16:45,852
- Oh.
- You're a very handsome man, Leonard.
295
00:16:47,726 --> 00:16:49,353
Thank you.
296
00:16:51,129 --> 00:16:55,190
It was foolish of me to think someone
your age might ever be interested in me.
297
00:16:55,367 --> 00:16:58,427
Oh, don't say that.
You're a very attractive woman.
298
00:16:58,603 --> 00:16:59,627
- Please.
- It's true.
299
00:16:59,804 --> 00:17:00,828
Well, aren't you sweet.
300
00:17:01,005 --> 00:17:02,029
(INHALES DEEPLY)
301
00:17:02,207 --> 00:17:04,141
Just for the record...
302
00:17:04,309 --> 00:17:07,176
...you'd remember a night
with me for the rest of your life.
303
00:17:10,248 --> 00:17:12,182
I'm sure I would.
304
00:17:12,350 --> 00:17:14,841
But why exactly?
305
00:17:16,154 --> 00:17:20,147
You're a very smart man. How do you
think I landed such a rich husband?
306
00:17:20,859 --> 00:17:25,319
- I hadn't really given it much thought.
- Well, think about it.
307
00:17:28,199 --> 00:17:32,568
- You mean?
- Yep, I'm that good.
308
00:17:36,007 --> 00:17:37,907
Oh, what the hell.
309
00:17:45,316 --> 00:17:47,113
(SIGHS)
310
00:17:52,690 --> 00:17:55,386
Good morning, slut.
311
00:17:58,229 --> 00:17:59,924
What?
312
00:18:00,098 --> 00:18:03,727
Oh, please. I recognize
the walk of shame when I see it.
313
00:18:03,902 --> 00:18:05,836
All you're missing
is smeared mascara...
314
00:18:06,004 --> 00:18:09,235
...and a purse with panties
wadded up in it.
315
00:18:09,407 --> 00:18:12,035
- What's going on?
- Oh, nothing's going on. Excuse me.
316
00:18:12,210 --> 00:18:14,110
- Are you just getting home?
- Yeah.
317
00:18:14,312 --> 00:18:16,712
That's a good sign, right?
318
00:18:17,415 --> 00:18:20,714
- Oh, yeah.
- I'm so proud of you!
319
00:18:21,352 --> 00:18:24,048
You sold yourself out
like a common streetwalker.
320
00:18:26,024 --> 00:18:27,958
No, I didn't do it for the money.
321
00:18:28,126 --> 00:18:30,424
She stiffed you?
322
00:18:30,595 --> 00:18:32,859
I believe that's what
your roommate did to her.
323
00:18:34,365 --> 00:18:37,459
- What?
- Again, read the book we gave you.
324
00:18:38,903 --> 00:18:41,201
No, I got the money first.
325
00:18:41,372 --> 00:18:42,737
Smart. Get paid up front.
326
00:18:42,907 --> 00:18:45,933
Yeah, I think you have a real knack
for gigolo work, Leonard.
327
00:18:47,579 --> 00:18:48,671
I'm...
328
00:18:48,847 --> 00:18:51,748
- I'm gonna go lie down.
- That's a good idea, get your rest.
329
00:18:51,916 --> 00:18:56,478
There are more rich old ladies out there
and daddy needs a new linear accelerator.
330
00:18:59,657 --> 00:19:03,923
And I thought he didn't learn anything
from his relationship with you.
331
00:19:04,229 --> 00:19:05,958
- Hey!
- Another compliment.
332
00:19:06,130 --> 00:19:07,392
Learn to recognize them.
333
00:19:14,772 --> 00:19:17,297
Oh, there he is! The man of the hour!
334
00:19:17,509 --> 00:19:18,908
He took one for the team.
335
00:19:19,110 --> 00:19:21,010
(CHEERING)
336
00:19:22,914 --> 00:19:25,382
I didn't do it for the money.
337
00:19:25,550 --> 00:19:28,747
Keep telling yourself that.
It makes it easier.
338
00:19:29,153 --> 00:19:31,280
Trust me, I know.
339
00:19:31,456 --> 00:19:34,584
RAJESH:
Cool, buddy. That's awesome.
340
00:19:35,126 --> 00:19:36,957
HOWARD:
How was she?
28329
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