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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:04,583 --> 00:01:08,828 I'm sorry. I can't seem to find my purse. I must have ten of'em. 2 00:01:08,919 --> 00:01:12,122 - Can you just ring mine first, please? - There's someone ahead of you, sir. 3 00:01:12,213 --> 00:01:14,336 I usually keep my change in my little change bear, but... 4 00:01:14,423 --> 00:01:17,339 That's almost interesting. How much is hers? 5 00:01:18,843 --> 00:01:20,965 - 5.26. - Just add it on, please. 6 00:01:21,053 --> 00:01:23,968 Hold on, hold on. If it's not in this one, it'll be in another one. 7 00:01:24,054 --> 00:01:27,173 - That'll be 9.65. - Thank you very much. - How sweet. 8 00:01:27,265 --> 00:01:29,672 - You didn't have to do that for me. - I didn't do it for you. 9 00:01:29,766 --> 00:01:33,050 Check some bags next time. 10 00:01:33,143 --> 00:01:34,092 Jerk. 11 00:01:48,462 --> 00:01:51,995 - How can I help you, Governor? - Some dirtbag... 12 00:01:52,089 --> 00:01:54,875 dirtbag... from the attorney general's office... 13 00:01:54,966 --> 00:01:57,799 had dared to mention the word "jail." 14 00:01:57,884 --> 00:02:01,751 Waaah. 15 00:02:01,846 --> 00:02:04,845 Waaah! 16 00:02:04,930 --> 00:02:10,801 - Somebody call the "waaambulance"! - What? What did you say? 17 00:02:19,607 --> 00:02:23,306 Governor, do you know what the number one killer of politicians under the age of 60 is? 18 00:02:23,401 --> 00:02:25,726 - No. - Self-pity. 19 00:02:25,819 --> 00:02:28,060 Now, Governor, I'll be more than happy to help you out of this mess... 20 00:02:28,154 --> 00:02:30,479 that you so willingly seem to have stepped into. 21 00:02:30,573 --> 00:02:33,607 - But you ought to do something. - What's that? 22 00:02:33,699 --> 00:02:36,320 - Stop crying. - I'll try. 23 00:02:36,409 --> 00:02:39,612 No, I mean right now. You're giving me a headache. 24 00:02:54,964 --> 00:02:59,256 Excuse me, folks, anything more to drink? 25 00:02:59,341 --> 00:03:01,914 - Do y'all have any single-malt scotch? - Sure do. 26 00:03:03,302 --> 00:03:05,792 So, what do you do for a living? 27 00:03:08,306 --> 00:03:12,551 You wanna tell me about it? You know, comfort of strangers and all that. 28 00:03:12,642 --> 00:03:14,550 No. 29 00:03:16,895 --> 00:03:18,803 Oh. Must be something on the Internet. 30 00:03:20,481 --> 00:03:22,769 Or finance. 31 00:03:22,857 --> 00:03:24,896 Genetic engineering, maybe, huh? 32 00:03:24,984 --> 00:03:29,146 - I'm an image consultant, okay? - Okay. 33 00:03:50,167 --> 00:03:52,243 So you sort of troubleshoot for folks? 34 00:03:52,335 --> 00:03:56,118 You know, give 'em makeovers when they need revamping, right? 35 00:03:57,171 --> 00:03:59,459 Right. 36 00:03:59,548 --> 00:04:01,457 Hey, look... 37 00:04:01,549 --> 00:04:04,882 I'm flying to L.A. to start an anchor job in the local news... 38 00:04:04,968 --> 00:04:08,916 and I do not think that it's an accident that I'm sitting next to you. 39 00:04:09,012 --> 00:04:10,969 I see. So the cosmic purpose... 40 00:04:11,055 --> 00:04:13,628 of our meeting is for me to give you free advice. 41 00:04:13,724 --> 00:04:18,052 - What do I get out of it? - We don't know yet. 42 00:04:18,144 --> 00:04:20,812 But I'll owe you. 43 00:04:36,322 --> 00:04:40,864 - If I do it, will you shut up? - Quiet as the dead. 44 00:04:43,327 --> 00:04:46,078 Your hair's too big, your brows are too dark, your nails are too long... 45 00:04:46,162 --> 00:04:48,071 and your foundation's too orange. 46 00:04:48,164 --> 00:04:51,661 Your perfume's too sweet. It's the news, honey, not the prom. 47 00:04:51,749 --> 00:04:54,915 - I like your eyes... - Oh. Thank you. 48 00:04:55,002 --> 00:04:57,835 Bluer. Try the tinted contacts. 49 00:04:57,919 --> 00:04:59,877 But only when you're anchoring or in L.A. 50 00:04:59,963 --> 00:05:03,295 - When you're on assignment, take them out. - What about my accent? 51 00:05:03,382 --> 00:05:05,670 I'm always being warned to stop saying "y'all." 52 00:05:05,758 --> 00:05:09,173 Don't ever stop saying "y'all." Your "y'all" is your trademark. 53 00:05:09,260 --> 00:05:12,011 Say "y'all," and you'll be promoted in six months. 54 00:05:12,096 --> 00:05:15,179 Say "y'all" with a smile, you'll be famous in 12. 55 00:05:15,265 --> 00:05:19,807 Well, thank you. 56 00:05:19,893 --> 00:05:21,434 You're welcome. 57 00:05:21,519 --> 00:05:25,266 Now, will you please shut up? 58 00:05:43,658 --> 00:05:48,153 All right, let me have him. Hello, Your Honour. How are you? 59 00:05:48,245 --> 00:05:50,616 Good. Thank you. 60 00:05:50,705 --> 00:05:52,495 Define "not exactly alone." 61 00:05:54,999 --> 00:05:57,287 Your Honour, was this mannequin inflatable? 62 00:06:00,253 --> 00:06:02,459 You know if the press... 63 00:06:02,546 --> 00:06:04,787 Dodged one bullet. 64 00:06:04,881 --> 00:06:07,122 Listen, this is all gonna blow over. 65 00:06:18,973 --> 00:06:22,176 Hey! Did you see the... 66 00:06:23,768 --> 00:06:25,049 the... 67 00:06:28,563 --> 00:06:29,678 Yeah. 68 00:06:33,108 --> 00:06:35,183 Twelve cream pies are on their way over to the stadium. 69 00:06:35,276 --> 00:06:37,600 Bob Riley expects you in the owner's box at 3:00. 70 00:06:37,694 --> 00:06:41,690 Amy will meet you there. And why are you wearing a yellow tie? 71 00:06:41,780 --> 00:06:44,946 Janet. How could you know I'm wearing my yellow tie? You can't even see me. 72 00:06:45,032 --> 00:06:47,274 I can hear the stress in your voice. 73 00:06:47,367 --> 00:06:49,110 Whenever you're stressed, you wear the yellow tie... 74 00:06:49,202 --> 00:06:51,953 which makes you feel all-powerful, so you're probably gonna yell at me... 75 00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:55,654 which I'm not in the mood for, so don't. 76 00:06:55,748 --> 00:07:00,325 - Nice tie. - I am not stressed. 77 00:07:00,417 --> 00:07:03,501 There is nothing wrong with me. I just didn't get enough sleep last night. 78 00:07:03,587 --> 00:07:07,001 - Can I have today's work, please? - Take your phone off. You're with a human now. 79 00:07:07,088 --> 00:07:10,124 I did the ones and twos. There's a three, a four. 80 00:07:10,216 --> 00:07:13,666 I flagged the five in your mail. There's an eight on your desk to sign. 81 00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:16,428 And there's a ten standing in your office. 82 00:07:27,852 --> 00:07:29,975 Why did you let him in my office, Janet? 83 00:07:30,062 --> 00:07:32,979 He threatened me with a machete. 84 00:07:33,065 --> 00:07:35,222 He's your father, Russ. 85 00:07:39,235 --> 00:07:43,017 Wait 60 seconds and come in and tell me I'm late for something. 86 00:07:43,112 --> 00:07:46,397 - I hate you. - Fight fair. 87 00:07:52,243 --> 00:07:57,581 - That's a nice photo of you, uh, and Al De Niro. - Robert De Niro. 88 00:07:57,664 --> 00:08:00,699 Oh, it's a nice photo of you and Robert De Niro. 89 00:08:00,790 --> 00:08:04,325 Well, it would be, except that's Al Pacino. 90 00:08:04,418 --> 00:08:05,413 Oh. 91 00:08:05,502 --> 00:08:08,206 So, Dad, what can I do for you? 92 00:08:08,296 --> 00:08:10,453 Did you get the cheque I sent over this morning? 93 00:08:10,547 --> 00:08:12,954 Yes, yes, I did. 94 00:08:14,299 --> 00:08:17,086 But I didn't ask you for a cheque. 95 00:08:17,177 --> 00:08:19,749 I asked you to come over and help me lift a few things. 96 00:08:21,638 --> 00:08:23,630 Well, time is money, Dad... 97 00:08:23,722 --> 00:08:25,595 and my time is worth a lot more than a mover's... 98 00:08:25,682 --> 00:08:28,599 so I'm afraid the cheque is gonna have to do. 99 00:08:30,686 --> 00:08:34,101 Look, your sister and her family are coming over for dinner tomorrow night. 100 00:08:34,187 --> 00:08:37,223 You haven't seen your niece and nephew in a long time. 101 00:08:37,315 --> 00:08:41,691 - Uh, you may want some of those things in the attic. - Like what, Dad? 102 00:08:41,776 --> 00:08:45,855 - Some more of my childhood memorabilia? - You never know. 103 00:08:48,864 --> 00:08:51,070 How many times in the last 20 years that you lived in that house... 104 00:08:51,157 --> 00:08:54,774 have I ever asked you for anything, hmm? 105 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,943 Anything at all? 106 00:09:00,205 --> 00:09:04,415 Um, you're late for a very big meeting. 107 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:07,619 Dozens of irate and highly important people are clamouring for you. 108 00:09:07,710 --> 00:09:10,282 There is pandemonium, I'm sure, somewhere... 109 00:09:10,378 --> 00:09:13,212 and you really must go... right now. 110 00:09:14,714 --> 00:09:18,581 Good luck with the move, Dad. Let me know how it goes. 111 00:09:33,185 --> 00:09:37,182 Call Fred and see how the market closed. Check the NASD AQ Bye. 112 00:09:37,271 --> 00:09:38,220 That's perfect. 113 00:09:38,439 --> 00:09:39,304 You look brilliant. 114 00:09:39,398 --> 00:09:42,184 Completely and utterly gorgeous. 115 00:09:42,274 --> 00:09:44,231 Don't look at me. Look out there. 116 00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:46,475 Have we signed a new client? 117 00:09:46,569 --> 00:09:49,902 We made a bet. If I make him look handsome, I get a free hot dog. 118 00:09:49,988 --> 00:09:54,067 - You're going to starve. - Not a chance. 119 00:09:54,157 --> 00:09:56,066 - Thank you. - My pleasure. 120 00:09:56,159 --> 00:09:59,194 - Just don't share it with jerko. - No way. 121 00:09:59,286 --> 00:10:01,955 Watch your cholesterol, hot dog boy. Let me have that for you. 122 00:10:02,037 --> 00:10:04,113 Hey, I worked hard for that! 123 00:10:04,206 --> 00:10:06,328 Amy, those hot dogs will kill you. 124 00:10:06,416 --> 00:10:08,324 Besides, we're about to have lobster in cream sauce. 125 00:10:08,417 --> 00:10:11,831 I don't want lobster in cream sauce. I want hot dog in mustard sauce. 126 00:10:11,919 --> 00:10:13,827 Please stop biting your nails, Amy. 127 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:17,086 Nail. I only bite one. Why do you care anyway? 128 00:10:17,173 --> 00:10:19,081 I care because you work for me. 129 00:10:19,174 --> 00:10:21,664 When you bite your nails, you're advertising weakness. 130 00:10:21,759 --> 00:10:24,250 Really? Advertising weakness with one little nail? 131 00:10:24,344 --> 00:10:26,383 - What's this advertise? - Nice. 132 00:10:26,471 --> 00:10:28,676 - Hi, Mike. Is he in? - Waitin' for you. 133 00:10:28,764 --> 00:10:31,882 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 134 00:10:31,974 --> 00:10:33,681 Hello. 135 00:10:35,143 --> 00:10:37,467 - Hello. - I haven't seen you in a couple of days. 136 00:10:37,561 --> 00:10:39,719 - How have you been? - Fine. Now can we go in? 137 00:10:39,813 --> 00:10:44,354 No. This is the bit where you ask me. 138 00:10:44,441 --> 00:10:46,433 We're very late. I don't have time to... 139 00:10:46,526 --> 00:10:49,727 Go on. Give it a whirl. 140 00:10:53,946 --> 00:10:56,863 Hi, Amy. How are you doing? 141 00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:02,280 Fine. We're really late. 142 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:07,237 Hey, the cavalry is here! 143 00:11:07,331 --> 00:11:10,247 Russ Duritz to the rescue! 144 00:11:10,333 --> 00:11:13,748 Here to save my sorry behind. 145 00:11:13,835 --> 00:11:16,870 Josh, look after him. 146 00:11:16,962 --> 00:11:18,373 - Good luck. - Yeah. 147 00:11:18,464 --> 00:11:20,420 Hi. I'm Josh, Mr Riley's assistant. 148 00:11:20,506 --> 00:11:22,498 - If you need anything... - I do. 149 00:11:22,591 --> 00:11:25,958 I need you to go up in the bleachers and find me a dozen 8-to 12-year-old kids. 150 00:11:26,051 --> 00:11:30,297 Eight boys, four girls. Five white, four Latino, three black. 151 00:11:30,387 --> 00:11:33,471 - Have 'em back here in three minutes. - Okay. 152 00:11:33,557 --> 00:11:35,595 I need to use your Hi-8 for this one. 153 00:11:35,683 --> 00:11:37,758 So why is everybody busting my chops? 154 00:11:37,851 --> 00:11:39,843 And the way I see this thing... 155 00:11:39,936 --> 00:11:43,801 it's just a little misunderstanding. 156 00:11:43,896 --> 00:11:45,935 Okay, Bob, let me see if I can explain to you... 157 00:11:46,023 --> 00:11:48,774 how other people see this little thing. 158 00:11:48,858 --> 00:11:51,431 You see, to Joe Baseball Fan out there, you're the guy that promised... 159 00:11:51,527 --> 00:11:54,231 you would give five percent of each ticket sold this season... 160 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:57,273 to establishing a baseball camp for inner-city kids. 161 00:11:57,364 --> 00:12:00,068 You're also the guy that gave pictures to the press of kids... 162 00:12:00,157 --> 00:12:03,193 actually attending this camp which, in fact, does not exist. 163 00:12:03,285 --> 00:12:07,197 Yet. I was intending to get around to it, uh, eventually. 164 00:12:07,287 --> 00:12:11,070 - Ah. - I am a very busy guy. 165 00:12:12,374 --> 00:12:14,580 No, Bob, you're not a busy man. 166 00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:17,750 See, what you are is a "stoopid" man. 167 00:12:17,835 --> 00:12:21,120 A very stupid guy who only played Mr Charitable... 168 00:12:21,213 --> 00:12:23,122 because you wanted to suck up to city council... 169 00:12:23,214 --> 00:12:26,796 so they'd build you a brand new baseball park. 170 00:12:26,883 --> 00:12:29,124 But guess what. Bye-bye, ballpark. 171 00:12:30,344 --> 00:12:33,509 Hello, jail. 172 00:12:33,596 --> 00:12:38,552 - So what's your big plan? - How do you feel about chocolate cream pie? 173 00:12:38,641 --> 00:12:42,637 Why? You gonna feed the kids cream pie to get me out of this mess? 174 00:12:42,727 --> 00:12:45,893 No. The kids are gonna feed you cream pie and get you out of this mess. 175 00:12:45,980 --> 00:12:48,470 - Huh? - Bob... 176 00:12:48,565 --> 00:12:50,473 prepare to be pied. 177 00:12:52,108 --> 00:12:54,599 I deserve it! 178 00:12:54,694 --> 00:12:56,685 More pie in the face! 179 00:12:56,778 --> 00:12:59,150 Bob, the press is gonna eat this up. 180 00:12:59,238 --> 00:13:01,195 Amy, what do you think? 181 00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:04,530 - Amy? Amy? - You want to know what I think? 182 00:13:05,450 --> 00:13:08,071 I think there's something very creepy about all this. 183 00:13:08,161 --> 00:13:11,244 Amy, Amy, I swear to you... 184 00:13:11,329 --> 00:13:15,326 I will make sure that the editing of this tape is handled tastefully, okay? 185 00:13:15,416 --> 00:13:18,166 - I'm sure you will. - No, I promise. 186 00:13:18,250 --> 00:13:20,787 - We didn't do anything wrong today. - No. 187 00:13:20,877 --> 00:13:26,166 - We did the right thing by our client, Bob Riley. - I love him. 188 00:13:26,256 --> 00:13:31,497 Russ, today we shamelessly exploited innocent children... 189 00:13:31,592 --> 00:13:35,257 just to help some crook with his cash flow problems. 190 00:13:38,889 --> 00:13:41,675 Are you gonna finish this last piece of yellowtail? 191 00:13:41,766 --> 00:13:44,007 Russ, you should be concerned about this. You're turning 40 in... 192 00:13:44,101 --> 00:13:47,101 - Thank you so much for bringing that up. - You're at an age when... - What, and you're not at an age... 193 00:13:47,187 --> 00:13:49,179 Yes, we both are. 194 00:13:49,271 --> 00:13:53,848 Well, we can't go around any more talking about what we're going to be like when we grow up. 195 00:13:53,941 --> 00:13:55,518 We are up. 196 00:13:57,860 --> 00:14:00,695 - Is that it? - Yeah. 197 00:14:00,779 --> 00:14:04,360 - You finished? - Yeah, I'm finished. 198 00:14:04,448 --> 00:14:06,985 Good. 199 00:14:07,075 --> 00:14:10,193 Toshiya, if you get called a jerk four times... 200 00:14:10,285 --> 00:14:12,360 in the same day, does that make it true? 201 00:14:12,453 --> 00:14:14,990 - What, only four? Did you get up late? - Excuse me. 202 00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:18,163 - I'm asking Toshiya. - Just four times, a pattern. 203 00:14:18,249 --> 00:14:20,704 It have to be five times to be a fact. 204 00:14:20,792 --> 00:14:24,705 - Thank you very much. You see? There is hope. - Jerk. 205 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:28,291 Thank you. 206 00:14:32,966 --> 00:14:36,169 Yo, Pedro, make sure this gets in the trash. 207 00:14:44,182 --> 00:14:46,803 Yes! 208 00:14:46,892 --> 00:14:51,849 That was fantastic! I can't believe you just did such a fantastic thing! 209 00:14:51,938 --> 00:14:53,930 Me neither. 210 00:14:54,022 --> 00:14:56,061 I must really be stressed out. 211 00:15:00,151 --> 00:15:02,143 Probably still in there. 212 00:15:02,236 --> 00:15:06,896 You are not going Dumpster diving to look for that stinky, fish-encrusted tape. 213 00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:10,192 You're right. I shouldn't go in there. 214 00:15:10,283 --> 00:15:12,738 I'm wearing a $2,000 suit. Come on. I'll give you a boost. 215 00:15:12,827 --> 00:15:14,534 Come on, come on, come on. Distract yourself. 216 00:15:14,619 --> 00:15:17,406 Honour your instincts. Look at the moon. Look at it. 217 00:15:17,496 --> 00:15:21,445 - What? Look at what? - Look. 218 00:15:22,666 --> 00:15:26,496 Isn't it lovely? It's big, it's beautiful, it's... 219 00:15:26,585 --> 00:15:28,826 revolving around the earth, proving once again... 220 00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:32,086 that the universe does not revolve around you. 221 00:15:32,172 --> 00:15:34,211 It's worth a look, if you ask me. 222 00:15:35,591 --> 00:15:37,714 Are you looking? 223 00:15:37,801 --> 00:15:39,710 - I looked. - Look again! - Okay... 224 00:15:39,803 --> 00:15:42,210 Okay! Amy... 225 00:15:42,304 --> 00:15:44,213 Quit fooling around, all right? I looked. 226 00:15:44,306 --> 00:15:46,214 Now can we go? 227 00:15:46,307 --> 00:15:49,509 - Come on, grumpy. - Hey, will you stop? 228 00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:52,304 I stopped. 229 00:15:52,394 --> 00:15:54,766 I want to show you something. Tell me if you think this is cute. 230 00:15:56,689 --> 00:16:01,230 Oh! Look at the moon! It's so big and round... 231 00:16:01,317 --> 00:16:04,068 and when I look at it, I'm all perky and excited and... 232 00:16:04,152 --> 00:16:07,935 no one would ever know that I'm almost 30! Ooh! 233 00:16:08,029 --> 00:16:10,105 What do you think? 234 00:16:10,197 --> 00:16:12,604 Cute or just stupid? 235 00:16:16,869 --> 00:16:21,196 You know, Russ, just when I think I've seen the worst... 236 00:16:21,288 --> 00:16:25,070 that there's no possible way you could be more of a jerk... 237 00:16:28,043 --> 00:16:31,625 you outdo yourself. 238 00:16:31,712 --> 00:16:33,834 And then... 239 00:16:35,673 --> 00:16:39,455 just when I'm about to leave, you do something. 240 00:16:39,550 --> 00:16:43,926 Like tonight, when you threw that tape away. 241 00:16:44,012 --> 00:16:48,304 Then I get the tiniest, briefest glimpse of the kid in you. 242 00:16:50,224 --> 00:16:53,674 That's when I decide to hang around for five more minutes... 243 00:16:53,768 --> 00:16:55,807 see what happens next. 244 00:16:57,729 --> 00:16:59,851 Bye. 245 00:17:24,747 --> 00:17:27,866 Janet, I want you on the phone with the alarm company first thing in the morning, okay? 246 00:17:27,958 --> 00:17:30,625 There is no way anybody should ever get inside those gates. 247 00:17:30,709 --> 00:17:33,958 Ever! As a matter of fact, get 'em on the phone right now, and you tell them... 248 00:17:34,045 --> 00:17:36,286 - It's 3:00 a.m. - Janet, I don't care if it's 3:00 in the morning. 249 00:17:36,380 --> 00:17:39,297 They're supposed to be a 24-hour security service, okay? 250 00:17:39,382 --> 00:17:41,504 I want the sensitivity set on ten. 251 00:17:41,592 --> 00:17:44,626 I want electrocution. I want charred flesh. Do you understand? 252 00:17:44,718 --> 00:17:48,003 - Write it down. Janet. - "Charred flesh." - Write it down! 253 00:17:48,096 --> 00:17:51,344 It was probably just some neighbourhood kid. I don't know why you're so upset. 254 00:17:51,431 --> 00:17:55,510 - I'm not upset. I'm just mad. - Okay. Mad. Not upset. 255 00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:58,933 - You know, maybe we should get a new security company, okay? - Uh-huh. 256 00:17:59,020 --> 00:18:01,640 I want rottweilers. I want big, scary rottweilers. 257 00:18:01,730 --> 00:18:04,848 I want the guy who trains the rottweilers to be afraid to come over here, okay? 258 00:18:04,940 --> 00:18:08,106 - I want a moat with lava. - "Moat with lava." 259 00:18:08,193 --> 00:18:10,268 Trolls with that? Evil ones? 260 00:18:10,361 --> 00:18:12,851 No, Janet. No trolls. 261 00:18:12,946 --> 00:18:17,191 - Hello? Uh. Russ. It's Dad. Uh... - Hold on a second, Janet. 262 00:18:17,282 --> 00:18:20,732 - Honey, I'm so sorry. - I know I asked earlier... 263 00:18:20,825 --> 00:18:23,363 but. Um. It'd be nice to have you here for dinner. 264 00:18:23,452 --> 00:18:26,369 I know Joanne and the kids would love to see you. 265 00:18:26,455 --> 00:18:29,026 And. Uh. Well. If your schedule opens up... 266 00:18:30,707 --> 00:18:35,249 - Janet, I am going to bed. - Good idea. Me too. 267 00:18:35,336 --> 00:18:37,908 I do not wish to talk to you or anyone else... 268 00:18:38,004 --> 00:18:40,162 on this planet for the next three hours. 269 00:18:40,256 --> 00:18:42,212 - Guess what. Neither do I. - Goodbye. 270 00:20:24,365 --> 00:20:26,274 "Rusty." 271 00:20:26,367 --> 00:20:29,320 Dad, you are really gettin' weird. 272 00:21:07,477 --> 00:21:09,968 Hey! 273 00:21:10,062 --> 00:21:12,553 Hey! 274 00:21:12,648 --> 00:21:15,220 Hey, stop! Stop! Come back! 275 00:21:15,316 --> 00:21:18,648 Come back here! Hey! 276 00:21:18,735 --> 00:21:21,439 Gotcha! Ow! Ah! 277 00:21:25,948 --> 00:21:28,699 Hey! Hey! 278 00:21:49,339 --> 00:21:52,255 Hey! Hey! 279 00:21:52,340 --> 00:21:54,166 Get it outta here! 280 00:22:13,146 --> 00:22:15,102 Look out, idiot! 281 00:22:15,189 --> 00:22:17,940 Move it, you jerk! 282 00:22:20,192 --> 00:22:22,647 Hey! 283 00:22:46,793 --> 00:22:48,999 Hey! 284 00:22:49,086 --> 00:22:51,043 Hey! 285 00:22:57,009 --> 00:22:59,333 Hey! 286 00:22:59,426 --> 00:23:01,086 Hey! 287 00:23:32,407 --> 00:23:34,897 Uh, uh, good evening. 288 00:23:34,992 --> 00:23:38,075 Uh, a kid just... 289 00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:41,326 ran in here a moment ago, and, uh... 290 00:23:41,413 --> 00:23:43,985 Any of you see anything? 291 00:23:45,498 --> 00:23:48,071 Can any of you see anything? 292 00:23:48,167 --> 00:23:50,076 For we can fly 293 00:23:50,168 --> 00:23:55,208 'Cause this kid who, uh, was just here... 294 00:23:55,297 --> 00:23:57,253 Up. Up and away 295 00:23:57,340 --> 00:24:00,672 - He... - See you later. 296 00:24:00,758 --> 00:24:03,165 Hey! Officer! 297 00:24:07,263 --> 00:24:13,050 The world's a nicer place in my beautiful balloon 298 00:24:13,142 --> 00:24:15,549 It wears a nicer face 299 00:24:22,814 --> 00:24:25,352 Uh-uh. 300 00:24:35,073 --> 00:24:37,361 Good morning, Doctor. 301 00:24:37,450 --> 00:24:40,201 I'd like to get right to the point, if you don't mind. I've got a meeting in ten minutes. 302 00:24:40,285 --> 00:24:42,277 You're entitled to a 50-minute hour. 303 00:24:42,370 --> 00:24:44,611 Thank you, but I only require a five-minute hour... 304 00:24:44,705 --> 00:24:46,613 or however long it takes you to write a prescription. 305 00:24:46,706 --> 00:24:49,030 I see. 306 00:24:49,124 --> 00:24:51,531 Uh, we should talk about this. Why don't you sit down. 307 00:24:51,626 --> 00:24:53,997 No, thank you. I don't want to sit down. 308 00:24:54,086 --> 00:24:56,125 It all starts with sitting down. 309 00:24:56,212 --> 00:24:58,537 You sit down, and then before you know it... 310 00:24:58,631 --> 00:25:01,084 twelve years has gone by, and you're still talking about... 311 00:25:01,173 --> 00:25:03,082 the time you saw your mother naked in the shower. 312 00:25:03,175 --> 00:25:05,251 You saw your mother naked in the shower? 313 00:25:05,343 --> 00:25:09,209 No! I'm just saying I'm happy to stand, okay? 314 00:25:09,304 --> 00:25:11,296 Look, I-I-I don't want therapy. 315 00:25:11,389 --> 00:25:14,970 - I don't need therapy. - Why do you feel that way? 316 00:25:15,057 --> 00:25:18,426 Because I'm not like the other nutballs that roll through here, okay? 317 00:25:18,519 --> 00:25:21,009 I don't have a smoking problem. I don't have a drinking problem. 318 00:25:21,104 --> 00:25:23,594 I don't have a closet full of ladies' undergarments. 319 00:25:23,688 --> 00:25:28,479 Sit down, Mr Duritz, and tell me what the problem is. 320 00:25:28,566 --> 00:25:32,314 - No, you don't! - Mr Duritz, I'm not trying to trick you. 321 00:25:32,403 --> 00:25:34,810 I'm trying to understand your issues. 322 00:25:34,904 --> 00:25:38,486 Issue. Issue, singular. Just one. 323 00:25:38,573 --> 00:25:41,490 All right. What is it? 324 00:25:45,703 --> 00:25:48,656 For the last few weeks... 325 00:25:48,746 --> 00:25:51,912 I have been seeing a guy in a plane. 326 00:25:51,999 --> 00:25:54,489 Oh, I see. 327 00:25:54,584 --> 00:25:56,991 Not that kind of seeing! I mean... 328 00:25:57,086 --> 00:26:00,584 I've been hallucinating a guy in a plane. 329 00:26:00,671 --> 00:26:05,047 And these delusions, or whatever it is you people call them... 330 00:26:05,132 --> 00:26:06,840 seem to be getting worse. 331 00:26:06,925 --> 00:26:10,874 Anyway, now I'm seeing a kid. 332 00:26:10,969 --> 00:26:16,306 And you think this kid is a hallucination too? 333 00:26:16,390 --> 00:26:18,049 Yes. 334 00:26:18,141 --> 00:26:22,351 Is he someone you knew from your past, from your childhood? 335 00:26:22,435 --> 00:26:25,720 No, not from my childhood. I've forgotten my childhood. 336 00:26:25,813 --> 00:26:28,268 My childhood is in the past, where it belongs. 337 00:26:28,356 --> 00:26:31,854 But doesn't want to stay in the past, does it? 338 00:26:34,986 --> 00:26:38,151 Mr Duritz, I notice your eye is twitching. 339 00:26:38,237 --> 00:26:41,154 - I don't have a tic. - I didn't say you had a tic. 340 00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:45,022 It's not a tic. I have dry eyes. Why are you asking me about my dry eyes? 341 00:26:45,117 --> 00:26:48,366 - Why are you so upset? - Because I'm having hallucinations! 342 00:26:48,453 --> 00:26:51,026 And I'm asking you to make them go away... 343 00:26:51,122 --> 00:26:55,200 with very powerful medication that I can pick up on my way to work. 344 00:26:56,958 --> 00:26:59,496 Please, ma'am. 345 00:27:02,462 --> 00:27:07,170 Mr Duritz, you will pick up your powerful medicine... 346 00:27:07,256 --> 00:27:10,043 and then you will... 347 00:27:10,134 --> 00:27:12,624 go home and take the rest of the day off. 348 00:27:12,719 --> 00:27:16,964 - Yes, ma'am. - This is for a total of four pills. 349 00:27:17,055 --> 00:27:20,139 They will help to keep you calm until tomorrow at 4:00... 350 00:27:20,224 --> 00:27:23,508 at which time I expect to see you back here in my office... 351 00:27:23,601 --> 00:27:26,636 for an appointment, which you must promise to keep. 352 00:27:26,728 --> 00:27:28,969 Yes, ma'am. 353 00:27:29,063 --> 00:27:32,395 You're having these hallucinations for a reason. 354 00:27:32,482 --> 00:27:35,102 - Yes, ma'am. - And Mr Duritz... 355 00:27:35,192 --> 00:27:38,062 you need to figure out what that reason is. 356 00:27:39,820 --> 00:27:41,728 Thank you. 357 00:27:46,366 --> 00:27:48,524 The woman in question. If I understand it correctly... 358 00:27:48,617 --> 00:27:50,905 she was your pilates instructor. 359 00:27:50,994 --> 00:27:54,860 - Um. Well... - Yeah, are you watching this? 360 00:27:54,955 --> 00:27:57,492 - Unfortunately, yes. - I mean. Not beautiful like you are. Honey. 361 00:27:57,582 --> 00:28:01,246 - Oh, that's good. - Why won't he just say what I told him to say? 362 00:28:01,334 --> 00:28:04,002 - He's an actor. He's improvising. - Give me his cell phone number. 363 00:28:04,086 --> 00:28:05,912 They won't let him take his cell phone to the set. 364 00:28:06,004 --> 00:28:08,672 Well, just get me any number, okay, Janet? 365 00:28:08,756 --> 00:28:10,747 Coast Guard, the police. 366 00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:13,378 Just get me a number before he spontaneously combusts. 367 00:28:13,467 --> 00:28:15,589 Let me see if I can get the power taken out in Atlanta. 368 00:28:16,887 --> 00:28:19,211 Okay, go. 369 00:28:19,305 --> 00:28:22,340 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 370 00:28:22,431 --> 00:28:24,673 Okay, got it. Bye. 371 00:28:50,450 --> 00:28:53,366 - You! - Don't get mad. I'll clean it up. 372 00:28:56,079 --> 00:28:57,454 Don't move! 373 00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:05,037 Look, look, this has just gotta stop, okay? This is... This is wrong! 374 00:29:05,126 --> 00:29:07,961 You can't just go around breaking into people's houses like this! 375 00:29:08,045 --> 00:29:10,084 It's against the law! 376 00:29:10,172 --> 00:29:13,006 I'm just gonna call the police now, all right? 377 00:29:13,090 --> 00:29:15,082 Tell them... 378 00:29:30,894 --> 00:29:32,932 Do I know you? 379 00:29:33,020 --> 00:29:35,178 I don't know. 380 00:29:41,776 --> 00:29:43,684 Why do you keep comin' back here? 381 00:29:48,030 --> 00:29:49,938 I came back to get my plane. 382 00:29:51,241 --> 00:29:55,153 - And then I saw the popcorn. - Your plane? 383 00:29:55,243 --> 00:29:58,824 My mom gave it to me for Christmas. How'd you get it? 384 00:29:58,912 --> 00:30:01,698 That is my plane, okay? 385 00:30:01,789 --> 00:30:04,623 My dad just dropped it off over here. 386 00:30:04,708 --> 00:30:09,582 Okay? It was in his attic for a long time. I've had that plane for 30... 387 00:30:22,011 --> 00:30:24,168 thirty years. 388 00:30:24,262 --> 00:30:26,005 Then why does it have my name on it? 389 00:30:26,096 --> 00:30:29,180 Look. Right here. "Rusty." 390 00:30:31,851 --> 00:30:33,843 Russell Morley Duritz. 391 00:30:33,935 --> 00:30:37,350 I hate that stupid name! 392 00:30:37,437 --> 00:30:39,844 How'd you know my name? 393 00:30:39,939 --> 00:30:45,359 - Mother's name is Gloria. Your father's name is Sam. - How do you know all that? 394 00:30:45,443 --> 00:30:48,193 - Your sister's name is Joanne. - But everybody calls her... 395 00:30:48,278 --> 00:30:50,684 - Josie. - Josie. 396 00:31:34,225 --> 00:31:36,217 Hi. 397 00:31:38,144 --> 00:31:40,515 Hi. 398 00:31:40,604 --> 00:31:44,470 Are you who I think you are? 399 00:31:44,565 --> 00:31:47,020 I don't know. 400 00:31:47,108 --> 00:31:50,358 How did I get here? 401 00:31:50,444 --> 00:31:52,151 I don't know. 402 00:31:54,614 --> 00:31:56,855 Holy smokes. 403 00:31:56,948 --> 00:31:59,902 How old are you? 404 00:31:59,992 --> 00:32:02,861 Forty in a couple days. 405 00:32:02,952 --> 00:32:06,652 That is old. 406 00:32:07,997 --> 00:32:11,330 I'm turning eight in a couple days. 407 00:32:11,417 --> 00:32:14,582 Eight. 408 00:32:14,668 --> 00:32:16,660 You're eight. 409 00:32:18,171 --> 00:32:19,368 I'm eight. 410 00:32:19,463 --> 00:32:21,704 This is scary. 411 00:32:21,798 --> 00:32:24,585 No. 412 00:32:24,675 --> 00:32:26,881 This is hilarious. 413 00:32:41,936 --> 00:32:47,274 All right. I'm just going to the kitchen. I'm gonna make a sandwich. 414 00:32:47,357 --> 00:32:50,641 There's safety in sandwiches. 415 00:32:50,734 --> 00:32:54,812 See? There's safety in sandwiches, see? 416 00:32:54,903 --> 00:32:59,943 It's funny how he knew that we called Joanne "Josie." 417 00:33:00,032 --> 00:33:04,526 But only I know the secret name... 418 00:33:04,618 --> 00:33:09,362 I had for Aunt Cathy when she was having her epileptic spells. 419 00:33:09,455 --> 00:33:11,447 Aunt Spazzy! 420 00:33:13,624 --> 00:33:16,624 Safety. Safety in a sandwich. 421 00:33:16,710 --> 00:33:18,785 Safety in a sandwich. 422 00:33:18,878 --> 00:33:21,877 Safety in a sandwich. Safety... 423 00:33:24,339 --> 00:33:25,538 Get out! 424 00:33:25,632 --> 00:33:27,920 Okay, hallucination? Get out! 425 00:33:28,009 --> 00:33:29,917 - Am I having a nightmare? - No. 426 00:33:30,010 --> 00:33:32,132 You are not having a nightmare, you see. 427 00:33:32,220 --> 00:33:35,136 You do not exist. 428 00:33:35,221 --> 00:33:39,798 I am having a nightmare, okay, and my nervous breakdown. 429 00:33:39,891 --> 00:33:42,560 This is my first nervous breakdown, so I'm not quite sure how they're supposed to go. 430 00:33:42,643 --> 00:33:45,478 But I'm pretty sure that I'm dreaming, you understand? Dreaming! Dreaming! 431 00:33:45,562 --> 00:33:48,099 Dreaming! Dreaming! Okay? 432 00:33:48,189 --> 00:33:50,311 I don't think you're dreaming... 433 00:33:50,399 --> 00:33:53,149 'cause you're talking, and your eye is sort of twitching. 434 00:33:53,233 --> 00:33:57,810 Hey! I don't have time to go crazy, okay? 435 00:33:57,903 --> 00:34:00,654 So if you want me to go crazy, you're gonna have to get on the phone... 436 00:34:00,739 --> 00:34:04,782 and call Janet just like everybody else and schedule an appointment! 437 00:34:06,368 --> 00:34:08,738 Ah. Ah, good. Okay. 438 00:34:08,827 --> 00:34:11,151 Make contact with the outside world. 439 00:34:11,245 --> 00:34:14,281 - Hi, Janet. It's Russ. - Hi. You okay? - No, no, good. 440 00:34:14,373 --> 00:34:18,369 Uh-huh. Nothing. Fine. No, I just came upstairs to return my calls. 441 00:34:18,458 --> 00:34:21,957 You wanna hear something funny? I was downstairs and now I'm upstairs. 442 00:34:22,045 --> 00:34:23,668 - Hey. - You see... 443 00:34:23,754 --> 00:34:27,287 - You dropped this. - Russ. Hello? 444 00:34:27,381 --> 00:34:31,081 Safety in a sandwich. Safety in a sandwich. Safety! 445 00:34:31,175 --> 00:34:34,045 Safety in a sandwich. 446 00:34:38,847 --> 00:34:41,420 You are just a hallucination! 447 00:34:41,516 --> 00:34:44,053 One that is about to disappear. 448 00:34:46,436 --> 00:34:48,926 Prepare to disappear! 449 00:34:53,649 --> 00:34:55,688 Prepare to disappear. 450 00:34:57,818 --> 00:34:59,727 I'm sitting on the floor. 451 00:34:59,819 --> 00:35:02,488 I'm taking the very powerful medication. 452 00:35:02,572 --> 00:35:05,939 Just waiting for it to kick in. Prepare to disappear! 453 00:35:18,457 --> 00:35:21,029 Disappeared? 454 00:35:21,125 --> 00:35:23,959 Very powerful medicine seems to be working. 455 00:35:27,171 --> 00:35:29,495 I'm still here. 456 00:36:02,194 --> 00:36:04,565 I'm not throwing your dismembered enemies into the Dumpster. 457 00:36:04,654 --> 00:36:06,562 I've got my limits. 458 00:36:09,157 --> 00:36:12,571 Do you remember when I had you sign those confidentiality papers at the office? 459 00:36:12,659 --> 00:36:15,065 - Yeah. - And do you remember me telling you... 460 00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:19,027 that if you ever said anything to anyone about anything that happens in this company... 461 00:36:19,122 --> 00:36:22,952 that I would not only sue you, but I would bring you to financial ruin? 462 00:36:23,041 --> 00:36:25,911 Snore. 463 00:36:26,002 --> 00:36:27,993 Okay, then. 464 00:36:44,847 --> 00:36:48,890 You can, uh... You can see him? 465 00:36:50,226 --> 00:36:53,807 Yes, I, um, can. 466 00:36:53,894 --> 00:36:56,645 You could see a little boy standing there? 467 00:36:56,730 --> 00:36:59,220 Yes. 468 00:36:59,315 --> 00:37:01,521 I'm pretty sure. 469 00:37:02,775 --> 00:37:04,767 Okay. 470 00:37:08,571 --> 00:37:11,736 This little boy is me at age eight. 471 00:37:11,823 --> 00:37:14,230 And I want you to make him disappear. 472 00:37:14,325 --> 00:37:16,032 - He's you? - Yeah. 473 00:37:16,117 --> 00:37:17,232 - At age eight? - Mm-hmm. 474 00:37:17,327 --> 00:37:21,240 And you want me to make him disappear? 475 00:37:21,329 --> 00:37:24,116 Please. 476 00:37:24,207 --> 00:37:26,614 - How was the therapist this morning? - Do it, Janet! 477 00:37:26,708 --> 00:37:31,036 - How am I supposed to make a kid disappear? - Hey, you are the assistant! 478 00:37:31,128 --> 00:37:33,036 Figure it out, okay? 479 00:37:33,129 --> 00:37:35,287 You yelled at me! That is great. That... That helps. 480 00:37:35,381 --> 00:37:37,088 I feel I'm thinking more clearly. 481 00:37:37,173 --> 00:37:41,466 I-I feel I-I'm just more in touch with my, my magic assistant powers. 482 00:37:42,594 --> 00:37:45,926 Alakazam, alakazam. Dalakazam kazoo. 483 00:37:46,012 --> 00:37:48,503 Boom! Presto! Ha! 484 00:37:48,598 --> 00:37:52,925 - Hi. - Didn't work. 485 00:37:53,017 --> 00:37:55,258 I should've worn my magic bra and panties. 486 00:37:56,644 --> 00:37:58,470 Get in the car. 487 00:38:00,064 --> 00:38:02,815 - I'm really disappointed in you, Janet. - Oh, fired, I hope. 488 00:38:02,899 --> 00:38:06,516 - No. Forget about your bonus. - Oh, boo hoo. What about my dental? 489 00:38:06,609 --> 00:38:09,563 My boss appears to have lost his mind. 490 00:38:09,654 --> 00:38:12,273 Sure you wouldn't rather stay here with me? 491 00:38:12,363 --> 00:38:13,857 I'll be okay. 492 00:38:18,576 --> 00:38:23,485 Waaah! Waaah! Somebody call the "waaambulance"! 493 00:38:25,039 --> 00:38:27,280 What are you crying about anyway? 494 00:38:27,373 --> 00:38:28,997 I just wanna go home. 495 00:38:29,083 --> 00:38:31,288 Well, I'm trying to get you home, okay? 496 00:38:31,376 --> 00:38:34,162 - Am I in trouble? - You're gonna be in trouble if you wipe that snot... 497 00:38:34,253 --> 00:38:37,336 on my calfskin seat... Don't do it. 498 00:38:37,421 --> 00:38:39,460 Just try and remember where you live, okay? 499 00:38:39,548 --> 00:38:43,591 - You should know that. - Well, I don't know that. We moved 12 times. 500 00:38:43,675 --> 00:38:45,668 We move a dozen times? 501 00:38:45,761 --> 00:38:50,551 - Yes. A dozen is 12. We moved 12 times. - What happens? 502 00:38:50,638 --> 00:38:52,677 What happens? A big truck comes... 503 00:38:52,764 --> 00:38:55,765 they put all your stuff inside, and you move to another house. 504 00:38:55,850 --> 00:38:59,265 - Twelve times. - Look! There it is right there! Remember it now? 505 00:39:08,775 --> 00:39:12,985 - No. - Look, that's where we fell off the roof last year. 506 00:39:13,070 --> 00:39:18,774 That's the bush we fell onto. And that's where the really big possum crawled under the house. 507 00:39:18,866 --> 00:39:21,865 - Remember? - Yeah, that was one of life's big events... 508 00:39:21,950 --> 00:39:23,908 when the possum crawled under the house. 509 00:39:23,994 --> 00:39:27,825 - How could I forget? - You don't remember the possum? 510 00:39:27,913 --> 00:39:29,905 It was, like, this big! 511 00:39:29,998 --> 00:39:33,282 And it had really long teeth. 512 00:39:33,375 --> 00:39:37,586 He took our sneaker in his mouth and ran off with it. You've gotta remember that. 513 00:39:37,669 --> 00:39:39,875 Hey, I don't remember the possum, okay? 514 00:39:41,089 --> 00:39:43,246 I hardly remember living here at all. 515 00:39:43,340 --> 00:39:46,506 But you do, and that's all that counts. Get out. 516 00:39:49,385 --> 00:39:53,713 Wait. The house. It's different. 517 00:39:55,390 --> 00:39:58,473 - Bye, honey. - Who are they? 518 00:40:03,562 --> 00:40:06,266 What am I gonna do? 519 00:40:09,732 --> 00:40:10,977 What now? 520 00:40:13,610 --> 00:40:16,610 Hey, will you knock off the waterworks, okay? 521 00:40:16,695 --> 00:40:20,988 You know what the number one killer of kids under the age of 8 is? Self-pity. 522 00:40:21,073 --> 00:40:23,148 And you're already pitiful enough. 523 00:40:23,241 --> 00:40:25,529 Well, at least I don't do this! 524 00:40:28,453 --> 00:40:30,279 Nice. 525 00:40:32,914 --> 00:40:38,535 Chester! Here, boy! Come on, Chester! 526 00:40:38,626 --> 00:40:41,033 Chester! 527 00:40:41,128 --> 00:40:44,496 Here, boy! Come on, Chester! 528 00:40:46,048 --> 00:40:48,336 Chester! 529 00:40:48,425 --> 00:40:51,840 Come on, Chester! Chester! 530 00:40:51,927 --> 00:40:53,836 Here, boy! Come on, Chester! 531 00:40:53,929 --> 00:40:56,300 - Chester! - Kid, will you stop that yelling? 532 00:40:56,389 --> 00:40:59,305 - Chester! - Hey! Now! 533 00:41:00,683 --> 00:41:02,889 Where's Chester? 534 00:41:02,976 --> 00:41:06,011 - Who is Chester? - My dog. 535 00:41:06,103 --> 00:41:08,427 The dog I'm going to get when I grow up. 536 00:41:08,521 --> 00:41:12,767 - Oh. - The world's greatest dog. 537 00:41:12,857 --> 00:41:15,229 The one who rides in the back of my truck... 538 00:41:15,317 --> 00:41:18,318 plays Frisbee, goes everywhere I go. 539 00:41:18,403 --> 00:41:22,233 - Chester! - Bad news, kid. 540 00:41:22,322 --> 00:41:26,069 - No dog here. - What do you mean? 541 00:41:26,158 --> 00:41:29,277 I mean no dog. There's no dog here. 542 00:41:29,368 --> 00:41:33,578 - I don't own a dog. - No dog? No dog? 543 00:41:33,663 --> 00:41:37,611 - I grow up to be a guy with no dog? - That's right. 544 00:41:37,707 --> 00:41:41,620 - Why don't I have a dog? - Because I don't want a dog, okay? 545 00:41:42,836 --> 00:41:46,002 I can't take care of a dog. 546 00:41:46,087 --> 00:41:48,375 I travel all the time for work. 547 00:41:48,464 --> 00:41:50,670 You travel for work? 548 00:41:50,757 --> 00:41:53,508 I grow up to fly jets, right? I knew it! 549 00:41:53,593 --> 00:41:56,379 I knew I would grow up to fly jets! 550 00:41:56,470 --> 00:41:58,462 Uh, no. 551 00:41:58,554 --> 00:42:02,088 - No, I don't fly jets? - Not really, no. 552 00:42:02,181 --> 00:42:05,799 - What do I do then? - You're an image consultant. 553 00:42:05,893 --> 00:42:09,094 What's that? 554 00:42:09,186 --> 00:42:11,012 Uh, it's... 555 00:42:11,104 --> 00:42:14,306 - What does a consultant do? - Consult. 556 00:42:14,398 --> 00:42:17,185 But what do I do? 557 00:42:17,275 --> 00:42:19,978 You don't do anything. You tell other people what to do. 558 00:42:20,068 --> 00:42:22,107 That's the fun of it. You boss people around. 559 00:42:22,195 --> 00:42:24,152 Like this. Stop talking! 560 00:42:29,283 --> 00:42:32,366 Shouldn't there be a lady here somewhere? 561 00:42:32,452 --> 00:42:36,365 What do you mean, a lady living here? No. I live alone. 562 00:42:36,454 --> 00:42:39,408 I thought you said you were 40. 563 00:42:39,498 --> 00:42:42,533 I said I was almost 40. So? 564 00:42:42,625 --> 00:42:45,660 So, I'm 40, I'm not married... 565 00:42:45,752 --> 00:42:48,706 I don't fly jets, and I don't have a dog? 566 00:42:51,089 --> 00:42:53,377 I grow up to be a loser. 567 00:42:55,967 --> 00:42:59,584 John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 568 00:42:59,678 --> 00:43:02,713 That's my name too 569 00:43:02,805 --> 00:43:06,339 Whenever we go out the people always shout 570 00:43:06,433 --> 00:43:08,471 There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 571 00:43:08,559 --> 00:43:10,385 Da na na na na na na 572 00:43:10,477 --> 00:43:13,892 John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 573 00:43:13,979 --> 00:43:16,932 That's my name too 574 00:43:17,023 --> 00:43:20,142 Whenever we go out the people always shout 575 00:43:20,234 --> 00:43:22,558 There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 576 00:43:22,652 --> 00:43:25,568 Da na na na na na na 577 00:43:25,653 --> 00:43:29,187 Wow! Look at it! Man! 578 00:43:29,281 --> 00:43:33,360 Gee! Holy smokes! Holy Moses! 579 00:43:33,451 --> 00:43:35,359 Look at the moon! 580 00:43:37,161 --> 00:43:39,616 - Wow! Far out! - Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Stop that yelling! 581 00:43:39,704 --> 00:43:41,862 - Holy Moses! - What are you doing up? 582 00:43:41,956 --> 00:43:44,031 Look at it! It's huge! 583 00:43:44,124 --> 00:43:47,658 What is with you people? It's the moon, okay? 584 00:43:47,751 --> 00:43:50,158 You travel 30 years across time... 585 00:43:50,253 --> 00:43:53,123 and all you can do is stand out here and scream about the moon coming up? 586 00:43:53,213 --> 00:43:57,162 But you can see the man in the moon really good tonight! 587 00:43:57,258 --> 00:43:59,380 Well, did he speak to you? 588 00:43:59,467 --> 00:44:01,543 Did he invite you up for a little bit of cheese? 589 00:44:01,635 --> 00:44:04,126 Did he blow fart bubbles out of his butt, huh? 590 00:44:04,221 --> 00:44:06,212 Because if he didn't, then there really isn't any reason... 591 00:44:06,305 --> 00:44:08,380 to be excited about the moon, is there? 592 00:44:08,473 --> 00:44:12,007 Sorry. I'll never get excited again. 593 00:44:12,101 --> 00:44:14,010 Obviously. 594 00:44:15,395 --> 00:44:16,889 Wait! 595 00:44:16,980 --> 00:44:19,221 Can I ask you a question? 596 00:44:21,149 --> 00:44:24,931 Why does the moon get, like, orangy sometimes? 597 00:44:28,279 --> 00:44:32,322 Because there is a, uh... 598 00:44:32,406 --> 00:44:34,979 a band of, uh... 599 00:44:41,329 --> 00:44:45,539 Just shut up and go to sleep, okay? 600 00:44:45,623 --> 00:44:47,745 Or better yet, go away! 601 00:44:47,833 --> 00:44:52,209 I knew it! I grow up to be a guy who doesn't know anything! 602 00:44:53,878 --> 00:44:56,582 And who doesn't have a dog! 603 00:45:02,300 --> 00:45:05,799 John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 604 00:45:05,887 --> 00:45:08,886 That's my name too 605 00:45:14,684 --> 00:45:16,676 Kid? 606 00:45:28,860 --> 00:45:30,568 Good. 607 00:45:37,241 --> 00:45:41,071 Maybe Russ here can explain it a little bit better than I've been able to. Russ? 608 00:45:41,160 --> 00:45:43,116 Here's how we see things, Mr Vivian. 609 00:45:43,203 --> 00:45:45,740 Call me Vivian. 610 00:45:45,829 --> 00:45:47,738 Okay. Vivian. 611 00:45:47,831 --> 00:45:50,155 You're going public, you're making an IPO... 612 00:45:50,249 --> 00:45:52,157 your software's brilliant, and that's all great. 613 00:45:52,250 --> 00:45:55,416 But if you wanna make Fortune 500, you have to understand... 614 00:45:55,503 --> 00:45:58,040 that at a certain point, people are gonna want to get a good look at you. 615 00:45:58,130 --> 00:45:59,707 And that's where things get a little dicey. 616 00:45:59,797 --> 00:46:02,466 Dicey. That's right. Very, very dicey. 617 00:46:02,549 --> 00:46:05,751 I don't see why I have to change a thing. 618 00:46:05,843 --> 00:46:08,214 Okay. Let's look at this. 619 00:46:08,303 --> 00:46:10,710 - You live in a cabin... - I won't cut my hair... 620 00:46:10,804 --> 00:46:13,758 and I won't shave my beard. 621 00:46:15,683 --> 00:46:17,758 Let me give it to you straight, Z.Z. 622 00:46:17,851 --> 00:46:20,851 If you wanna ride your cow to Farm Aid, you don't have to change a thing. 623 00:46:20,937 --> 00:46:22,845 But if you wanna make the front page of the Wall Street Journal... 624 00:46:22,938 --> 00:46:25,474 there is one thing you're going to have to change. 625 00:46:26,899 --> 00:46:28,606 The, uh... 626 00:46:31,235 --> 00:46:34,934 To, um... Uh... 627 00:46:38,365 --> 00:46:41,069 - Someone you know? - What? 628 00:46:41,158 --> 00:46:44,360 - Friend of yours? - No! 629 00:46:44,452 --> 00:46:46,740 It... It's a little boy. 630 00:46:46,828 --> 00:46:49,698 - Hello! - I don't know any little kids. 631 00:46:49,789 --> 00:46:52,196 - I'm starving! - Just tragic that parents... 632 00:46:52,291 --> 00:46:54,282 would send their kids out to beg like that. 633 00:46:54,375 --> 00:46:56,497 - Very, very sad. - I can't believe it. - Russ! 634 00:46:56,585 --> 00:46:59,454 Russ Duritz, I'm hungry! 635 00:46:59,545 --> 00:47:03,837 Feed me! Ugh! I'm hungry! 636 00:47:03,922 --> 00:47:08,251 If you'll excuse me for just a moment, please. 637 00:47:08,342 --> 00:47:10,879 What are you doing here? I thought you disappeared. 638 00:47:10,969 --> 00:47:14,302 - I don't know how to disappear. I'm hungry! - Hello. 639 00:47:17,099 --> 00:47:19,387 I'm Amy. Who are you? 640 00:47:19,475 --> 00:47:21,467 I'm Rusty. 641 00:47:22,810 --> 00:47:25,764 And who is Rusty? 642 00:47:25,854 --> 00:47:27,811 - My nephew. - Your nephew? 643 00:47:27,897 --> 00:47:29,770 Yes. My sister's kid. 644 00:47:29,857 --> 00:47:33,983 - The one who's going to college in the autumn? - No. The other one. 645 00:47:34,068 --> 00:47:37,187 Melissa? 646 00:47:37,279 --> 00:47:40,194 Yes, Amy. This is Melissa. 647 00:47:40,280 --> 00:47:42,236 No, it is the other one. 648 00:47:42,323 --> 00:47:45,489 - The one she doesn't like to talk about. - Oh, I see. 649 00:47:45,575 --> 00:47:47,733 Which completely explains why you never told me about him. 650 00:47:47,827 --> 00:47:50,282 Maybe I don't tell you every thing. 651 00:47:53,122 --> 00:47:55,114 So are you having fun with your uncle? 652 00:47:55,207 --> 00:47:58,788 Not really. He made me sleep outside... 653 00:47:58,876 --> 00:48:01,033 he didn't give me any breakfast... 654 00:48:01,127 --> 00:48:03,203 and he doesn't have a dog. 655 00:48:03,295 --> 00:48:05,204 That is a problem. 656 00:48:05,297 --> 00:48:08,083 - You made him sleep outside? - He slept in a tent. 657 00:48:08,174 --> 00:48:10,296 - You've got a tent? - It was his tent. 658 00:48:10,384 --> 00:48:13,088 You didn't give him any breakfast. 659 00:48:13,177 --> 00:48:17,304 He can stand to miss a meal. 660 00:48:17,388 --> 00:48:21,431 Rusty, are you hungry? 661 00:48:21,516 --> 00:48:24,551 - Starved. - Let's go and get some bacon and eggs. 662 00:48:24,643 --> 00:48:26,931 No, no, no, no. Rusty can't have bacon and eggs. 663 00:48:27,020 --> 00:48:28,928 I've gotta get him back to his mom right now. 664 00:48:29,021 --> 00:48:31,262 Don't forget Kenny's this afternoon. 665 00:48:31,356 --> 00:48:34,059 - Bye, Rusty! - Bye! 666 00:48:34,149 --> 00:48:36,556 Nice to meet you. 667 00:48:43,196 --> 00:48:47,146 - Just get that moony look off your face. - I like that Amy lady. 668 00:48:47,242 --> 00:48:49,909 I bet she likes dogs. 669 00:48:49,993 --> 00:48:52,364 I don't know what's worse, the fact that I'm stuck with you... 670 00:48:52,453 --> 00:48:54,361 or the idea that I don't know what to do about it. 671 00:48:54,454 --> 00:48:56,411 Why don't we eat something? 672 00:48:56,497 --> 00:49:00,245 Why? Because you don't know what to do, you just wanna stuff your face? 673 00:49:00,333 --> 00:49:03,831 No, because it says to up there in the sky. 674 00:49:08,922 --> 00:49:12,835 Okay. Why don't we eat something? 675 00:49:16,678 --> 00:49:18,586 What can I get ya? 676 00:49:18,679 --> 00:49:21,797 Um, I'll have French toast, pancakes and bacon. 677 00:49:22,932 --> 00:49:25,847 - Just bring him something healthy, okay? - Sorry, sir. 678 00:49:25,933 --> 00:49:28,554 We only serve starchy, sugary, salty food... 679 00:49:28,643 --> 00:49:32,094 high in fat and cholesterol that tastes delicious. 680 00:49:32,188 --> 00:49:34,476 Comforts people deep down inside. 681 00:49:34,565 --> 00:49:37,268 Okay. I'll have French toast, pancakes and bacon. 682 00:49:37,357 --> 00:49:40,274 - You want a milk shake with that? - Chocolate, please. 683 00:49:40,360 --> 00:49:43,276 Extra whipped cream. 684 00:49:43,362 --> 00:49:47,857 - And for you? - You know, I think I'd just like the magic bean omelet. 685 00:49:47,948 --> 00:49:52,443 Aw, did somebody not get their coffee today? I'm gonna go get it! 686 00:49:52,535 --> 00:49:54,990 Maybe you can bring it before the diner disappears. 687 00:49:55,077 --> 00:49:57,200 What are you lookin' at, Sparky? 688 00:49:58,371 --> 00:50:00,280 Oh, man. 689 00:50:02,708 --> 00:50:06,123 - What are you doing here? - Having French toast, pancakes and bacon. 690 00:50:06,210 --> 00:50:09,708 That's not what I'm talking about. What did you come here for? 691 00:50:11,004 --> 00:50:13,921 I don't know. My model aeroplane? 692 00:50:14,007 --> 00:50:16,841 Well, you already got that, and we're still screwed up. 693 00:50:16,926 --> 00:50:20,127 We're even more screwed up than we were before. 694 00:50:22,220 --> 00:50:25,423 - What am I gonna do with you? - What do you wanna do with me? 695 00:50:25,514 --> 00:50:27,590 I want to put you on a diet, chubby! 696 00:50:27,683 --> 00:50:30,434 Fix you up so you aren't such a pathetic loser. 697 00:50:30,518 --> 00:50:34,265 This is what I do for a living, okay? 698 00:50:34,354 --> 00:50:38,136 Making people look good is what I do. 699 00:50:38,231 --> 00:50:41,480 Problem is... 700 00:50:41,567 --> 00:50:44,934 there's so much to do with you, I don't know where to start. 701 00:50:45,027 --> 00:50:47,897 Well, I'd like to not get my butt kicked so much. 702 00:50:47,988 --> 00:50:50,739 Kids are always laughing at us. 703 00:50:50,823 --> 00:50:54,653 It sorta hurts my feelings. 704 00:50:54,742 --> 00:50:56,485 Why didn't I think of this before? 705 00:50:56,576 --> 00:50:59,612 This is what you came for, okay? 706 00:50:59,704 --> 00:51:03,154 I just gotta teach you how to fight. By the way... 707 00:51:03,247 --> 00:51:05,156 they're not laughing at us, they're laughing at you. 708 00:51:05,249 --> 00:51:07,324 When you get to be me, they laugh, they die! 709 00:51:07,417 --> 00:51:10,203 - They laugh, they die? - Yes. 710 00:51:10,294 --> 00:51:13,247 You laugh, you die! You laugh, you die! 711 00:51:13,338 --> 00:51:15,544 You laugh, you die! Pow! Pow! 712 00:51:15,631 --> 00:51:19,674 Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! 713 00:51:19,759 --> 00:51:22,924 - Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! - Okay, okay. Okay, okay, shut up! Shut... 714 00:51:23,010 --> 00:51:26,129 - Hey, guess what. - What? - I gotta pee. 715 00:51:26,221 --> 00:51:30,134 Are you sure you know someone who can teach me how to fight? 716 00:51:30,224 --> 00:51:32,844 Yeah, I think I could find somebody. 717 00:51:35,394 --> 00:51:38,347 Isn't it cool how we both have to go at the same time? 718 00:51:38,438 --> 00:51:42,481 Yes. I'll cherish this moment for a lifetime. 719 00:51:54,178 --> 00:51:56,714 - I'm just gonna have one more piece. Just one... Just one more piece. - What do you think of this one? 720 00:51:56,803 --> 00:51:58,796 - Hey! - It's too short. - Oh, God. 721 00:51:58,889 --> 00:52:02,221 Please tell me that's not... Hey. 722 00:52:02,308 --> 00:52:04,299 You're five weeks away from defending your title. 723 00:52:04,392 --> 00:52:06,384 - What are you doing eating pizza? - But I... I'm a nervous eater. 724 00:52:06,477 --> 00:52:08,932 - Beat it. - You'd be nervous too if you was getting married tomorrow. 725 00:52:09,020 --> 00:52:13,681 Yeah, I'd be nervous that my bride would dump me because I'm a big, fat tub of lard. 726 00:52:13,774 --> 00:52:16,525 - Hi, Giselle. - Hi, Russ. 727 00:52:19,485 --> 00:52:22,818 - What is that? Is that 20 more pounds? - No. 728 00:52:22,905 --> 00:52:26,354 - Hey! Put the... - Damn, he won't even let you eat, huh? 729 00:52:26,448 --> 00:52:28,773 - Does he look like he needs any pizza? - Who is he? 730 00:52:28,867 --> 00:52:31,024 This is Russ's nephew, Rusty. 731 00:52:31,118 --> 00:52:34,783 Oh, I didn't know you had two nephews. 732 00:52:34,871 --> 00:52:37,325 - How do I look, baby? Look. - Mmm, like Adonis. 733 00:52:38,748 --> 00:52:41,535 Hey, hey, Adonis. Adonis. 734 00:52:41,626 --> 00:52:44,329 - What? - Can I use your boxing ring? 735 00:52:44,418 --> 00:52:46,494 I wanna give pudge-boy here some lessons. 736 00:52:46,586 --> 00:52:50,500 - Maybe you could step in, show him a few moves. - Yeah, I would be glad to. 737 00:52:52,007 --> 00:52:56,798 That way, you can punch his lights out the next time he tries to call you pudge-boy. 738 00:52:56,886 --> 00:52:58,877 Groovy! 739 00:53:01,514 --> 00:53:04,679 First things first. You tryin' to get knocked out or something? 740 00:53:04,765 --> 00:53:07,600 All right, well, then get your hands up then. You gotta protect that chin. 741 00:53:07,684 --> 00:53:09,806 I pop you on that chin, that's it. 742 00:53:09,894 --> 00:53:13,807 Remember, this is number one, this is number two. You punch one, two. 743 00:53:13,896 --> 00:53:17,265 One, two. Go ahead. Try it. One... That's it. That's it. 744 00:53:17,357 --> 00:53:19,729 - Get out of the way. - Come on. 745 00:53:21,193 --> 00:53:23,518 Come on. Good. Come on. Come on. 746 00:53:25,696 --> 00:53:29,313 - You hit me. - Yes, unfortunately, I did hit you... 747 00:53:29,406 --> 00:53:31,813 and I'm not gonna beat myself up about it. 748 00:53:31,908 --> 00:53:34,066 Or maybe I will. Come on. 749 00:53:34,160 --> 00:53:36,235 Fight. Yeah. Come on. Come on. 750 00:53:36,328 --> 00:53:39,411 Come on, kid. Fight. Come on. Come on. 751 00:53:39,497 --> 00:53:43,363 - Hit him. One, two. One, two. - Go on, Rusty. Punch his lights out! 752 00:53:43,458 --> 00:53:45,699 - Hey. Whose side are you on? - Throw it. Throw it. 753 00:53:51,838 --> 00:53:54,293 Whoa, whoa! Take it easy, little Tyson! 754 00:53:54,381 --> 00:53:56,788 What are you gonna do next, bite his ear off? We don't hit 'em when they're down. 755 00:53:56,883 --> 00:54:00,417 - They hit me when I'm down. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Who? Who? Who? 756 00:54:00,511 --> 00:54:04,342 - The kids at school. - Kid's havin' some trouble at school. 757 00:54:04,430 --> 00:54:06,967 Well, why didn't you say that, Russ? I'm teachin' the boy boxin'. 758 00:54:07,057 --> 00:54:09,049 He don't need that. He needs street fightin'. 759 00:54:09,142 --> 00:54:11,597 Why don't you show him that WWF scissors hold? Show him that one. 760 00:54:11,685 --> 00:54:14,471 - Here we go. Ready? - Whoa! 761 00:54:14,561 --> 00:54:17,099 Now that I can use. 762 00:54:18,023 --> 00:54:20,228 Get off me. 763 00:54:27,404 --> 00:54:29,312 Have you noticed how alike those two are? 764 00:54:29,405 --> 00:54:31,480 Makes sense. They're related, right? 765 00:54:33,282 --> 00:54:35,274 I suppose so. 766 00:54:39,203 --> 00:54:41,775 Russ Duritz's office. How may I help you? 767 00:54:41,871 --> 00:54:43,828 - Yeah, it's me. What's up? - Oh. It's you. 768 00:54:43,914 --> 00:54:46,831 I hadn't heard from you in four hours. I'd assumed you were dead. 769 00:54:46,916 --> 00:54:49,371 - Hey, how's mini-you? - That's hilarious, Janet. 770 00:54:49,460 --> 00:54:52,211 - What's up? - You got 19 messages, last count. 771 00:54:52,295 --> 00:54:53,872 - You want 'em? - Let me have 'em. 772 00:54:53,963 --> 00:54:57,461 Let's see, uh... Bob Riley. 773 00:54:57,548 --> 00:55:01,130 Bob Riley. Not Bob Riley. Not Bob Riley. Bob Riley. 774 00:55:01,218 --> 00:55:04,881 Bob Riley. I'm sure there's another one in here. Just a second. Here's Bob Riley. 775 00:55:05,804 --> 00:55:07,796 Hey! 776 00:55:09,848 --> 00:55:11,674 Hey, Amy. Where are you going? 777 00:55:11,766 --> 00:55:13,758 My place for some ice cream. See you there. 778 00:55:13,851 --> 00:55:16,008 - Ice cream? - Bye! 779 00:55:24,191 --> 00:55:27,855 - Can I ask you a question? - Sure. 780 00:55:27,944 --> 00:55:30,019 Are you our girlfriend? 781 00:55:32,196 --> 00:55:34,947 That's a funny way of putting it. 782 00:55:35,032 --> 00:55:37,190 Mostly, no. 783 00:55:38,409 --> 00:55:40,981 - Can I ask you a question? - Sure. 784 00:55:41,077 --> 00:55:43,746 Are you our nephew? 785 00:55:45,288 --> 00:55:47,280 Mostly... 786 00:55:49,332 --> 00:55:51,408 no. 787 00:55:53,293 --> 00:55:56,210 - But you are related, aren't you? - Uh-huh. 788 00:55:57,672 --> 00:56:00,078 - How close? - Pretty. 789 00:56:00,173 --> 00:56:02,296 How close is pretty close? 790 00:56:03,300 --> 00:56:04,924 Pretty darn. 791 00:56:08,679 --> 00:56:10,885 Oh, my God. 792 00:56:10,972 --> 00:56:12,679 - Hi. - He's your son. 793 00:56:12,765 --> 00:56:15,386 - What? - He's your son! You have a son! 794 00:56:15,475 --> 00:56:18,095 Hey! Whatcha... Get off! Hey! 795 00:56:18,185 --> 00:56:20,224 And all this time you never even breathed a word! 796 00:56:20,312 --> 00:56:24,936 And you're some deadbeat dad who had visitation rights today or something. 797 00:56:25,022 --> 00:56:27,145 - Amy, do you know how... - And who's the mother, anyway? 798 00:56:27,232 --> 00:56:31,229 Don't tell me. I don't wanna know. I know. It's that Swedish chick, isn't it? 799 00:56:31,319 --> 00:56:34,022 Yeah, that Ingesborg or Smorgasbord or whatever her name is. 800 00:56:34,112 --> 00:56:37,943 - Inga? - Not that I care, of course, about who or where or what you do! 801 00:56:38,032 --> 00:56:42,242 - Amy, he is not Swedish. - And I'm not his son. 802 00:56:42,326 --> 00:56:44,069 Honest. 803 00:56:46,245 --> 00:56:49,162 Then who are you? 804 00:56:55,209 --> 00:56:57,700 Russ? 805 00:56:59,295 --> 00:57:03,956 Because I've been watching the two of you together, and I swear to God... 806 00:57:04,049 --> 00:57:06,040 there's something very... 807 00:57:07,009 --> 00:57:08,752 strange going on. 808 00:57:10,428 --> 00:57:13,262 - We have to tell her. - We are not going to tell her. 809 00:57:13,347 --> 00:57:16,098 - Tell me what? - Come on. Do it! 810 00:57:16,182 --> 00:57:19,300 Hey! Zip it! We're not gonna tell her, okay? 811 00:57:19,392 --> 00:57:22,428 Besides, she won't believe us anyway. She'll just think you take after me. 812 00:57:22,519 --> 00:57:25,057 - Then do the knuckle. - That's not gonna convince her. 813 00:57:25,146 --> 00:57:28,596 Then tell her something only I would know, and then she can ask me about the same thing. 814 00:57:28,690 --> 00:57:32,354 - Like Aunt Spazzy. - How is that gonna work? Think about it. 815 00:57:32,442 --> 00:57:35,312 - Then show her the scar. - Anybody could have a scar. 816 00:57:35,403 --> 00:57:38,189 - What about the birthmark? - Well, that could be a coincidence too. 817 00:57:38,280 --> 00:57:40,817 - I know she'll believe us. - She is not going to believe us. 818 00:57:40,907 --> 00:57:43,822 - I know she'll believe us. - She is not going to believe us. 819 00:57:43,908 --> 00:57:45,735 - She will! - She won't! - She will! - She won't! 820 00:57:45,827 --> 00:57:47,735 - She will! - Hey! 821 00:57:47,828 --> 00:57:49,903 I wish I was standing on a carpet. 822 00:57:56,417 --> 00:57:59,203 - Told ya. - Amy. 823 00:58:00,544 --> 00:58:04,837 ...aboard that ship in... which process the potatoes into a variety of products. 824 00:58:10,551 --> 00:58:13,123 - Stop biting. - Leave me alone. 825 00:58:14,512 --> 00:58:18,045 I'm advertising terror and bewilderment. 826 00:58:18,139 --> 00:58:24,141 Holy smokes. Ninety-nine channels, and there's nothing on. 827 00:58:25,770 --> 00:58:28,260 How can this be? 828 00:58:31,273 --> 00:58:33,265 I have no idea. 829 00:58:35,234 --> 00:58:37,226 Look at him. 830 00:58:37,319 --> 00:58:39,607 He's so embarrassing. 831 00:58:41,113 --> 00:58:43,983 You're not embarrassing. 832 00:58:44,073 --> 00:58:45,615 You're adorable. 833 00:58:48,994 --> 00:58:51,661 Then. You're adorable then. 834 00:58:54,371 --> 00:58:56,826 Stop picking! 835 00:58:56,915 --> 00:59:00,448 Look at that haircut. I look like Herman's Hermits. 836 00:59:00,542 --> 00:59:04,918 And I "shpeak" like I got a mouth full of "shpit." 837 00:59:05,003 --> 00:59:06,913 Well, of course you do. 838 00:59:07,005 --> 00:59:10,704 Doesn't the fact that I'm a pathetic dweeb make you despise me? 839 00:59:16,094 --> 00:59:18,549 No. 840 00:59:18,637 --> 00:59:20,878 Why? 841 00:59:20,972 --> 00:59:23,047 Do you despise you? 842 00:59:26,184 --> 00:59:29,268 When I look at him, all I see are awful memories. 843 00:59:29,353 --> 00:59:32,269 Memories I have been spending most of my life trying to forget. 844 00:59:36,191 --> 00:59:38,563 I'm sorry. 845 00:59:51,993 --> 00:59:54,530 Hello? Kenny. 846 00:59:54,619 --> 00:59:57,192 Nauseous about the wedding tomorrow? 847 00:59:57,288 --> 00:59:59,778 My God, the wedding tomorrow. Hang on a minute. 848 00:59:59,873 --> 01:00:02,410 Wedding tomorrow. What am I gonna do with him? 849 01:00:02,500 --> 01:00:04,871 - We'll take him with us. - What? 850 01:00:04,960 --> 01:00:09,170 To an important event? Are you out of your mind? Take him with us? 851 01:00:09,255 --> 01:00:12,456 This is an important event with people who respect me. 852 01:00:12,548 --> 01:00:15,121 - He's gonna humiliate me. - Hey! 853 01:00:15,216 --> 01:00:19,628 - Ohh. - Hey! I forbid you to bond with this boy! 854 01:00:19,719 --> 01:00:23,467 What, Kenny? Who got sick? 855 01:00:39,275 --> 01:00:43,271 Thank goodness your nephew replaced little James. 856 01:00:43,361 --> 01:00:47,487 None of the other children was fat enough to fit in his clothes. 857 01:00:54,952 --> 01:00:58,117 It's okay. It's okay. Don't worry about it. 858 01:00:58,203 --> 01:01:02,947 - Yeah. Yeah. Yeah - Yester-me. Yester-you 859 01:01:03,040 --> 01:01:07,368 - Yesterday - Ooh-ooh 860 01:01:09,085 --> 01:01:11,243 What happened to 861 01:01:13,089 --> 01:01:15,496 The world we knew 862 01:01:17,467 --> 01:01:20,632 When we would dream and scheme 863 01:01:20,718 --> 01:01:25,046 - And while the time away - Don't worry. 864 01:01:25,138 --> 01:01:29,928 Just take it off and shove it under the table when no one's looking. 865 01:01:30,016 --> 01:01:31,509 - Really? - Yeah. 866 01:01:34,561 --> 01:01:38,427 - Where did it go - Where did it go 867 01:01:38,521 --> 01:01:41,688 That yester-glow 868 01:01:41,774 --> 01:01:42,936 - Ha-ha. - Hello. 869 01:01:43,024 --> 01:01:47,436 - How are you? - When we could feel the wheels of life 870 01:01:47,527 --> 01:01:49,685 Turn our way 871 01:01:49,779 --> 01:01:54,071 Yester-me Yester-you 872 01:01:54,157 --> 01:01:55,781 Yesterday 873 01:01:57,493 --> 01:02:00,777 - I know. Ohh... - I had a dream 874 01:02:00,870 --> 01:02:02,447 So did you 875 01:02:02,538 --> 01:02:06,949 Life was warm and love was true 876 01:02:08,583 --> 01:02:14,038 - Two kids who followed all the rules - Holy smokes. 877 01:02:14,128 --> 01:02:15,788 - Russ! Russ! - Yester-fools 878 01:02:15,880 --> 01:02:18,549 - And now. Now it seems - Excuse me, Clarissa. 879 01:02:18,631 --> 01:02:22,082 - You're interrupting us. We're dancing. - But it's really important. 880 01:02:22,176 --> 01:02:25,543 - Not now, kid. - But it's really, really, rrrr... 881 01:02:25,636 --> 01:02:31,839 Werejust a cruel and foolish game we had to play 882 01:02:31,932 --> 01:02:34,766 - Drivin' you crazy, huh? - Yeah. - Yester-me. Yester-you 883 01:02:34,850 --> 01:02:37,471 - It's different when they're your own. Speaking of which, - Yesterday 884 01:02:37,561 --> 01:02:40,395 when you gonna give up your evil ways and settle down? 885 01:02:40,480 --> 01:02:42,518 - As soon as you become available again, Clarissa. - When I recall 886 01:02:42,606 --> 01:02:44,812 - I'm serious. - So am I. - What we had 887 01:02:44,899 --> 01:02:48,978 I feel lost I feel sad 888 01:02:50,986 --> 01:02:55,979 - With nothing but the memory of - Amy, I have a question. 889 01:02:56,073 --> 01:02:58,195 - Oh. Yester-love - A big one. 890 01:02:58,283 --> 01:03:01,283 - Okay. - And now. Now it seems 891 01:03:01,369 --> 01:03:03,407 What about that pretty woman you came with today? 892 01:03:03,495 --> 01:03:05,783 - You mean Amy? Nah, we work together. - Those yester-dreams 893 01:03:05,872 --> 01:03:10,615 - I've known her for a really long time. - I know we haven't known each other very long. 894 01:03:10,707 --> 01:03:14,953 Don't worry about me. When I meet the right person, I'm sure I'll get around to asking. 895 01:03:15,043 --> 01:03:17,498 - Yester-me. Yester-you - In case I never get around to asking... 896 01:03:19,381 --> 01:03:21,372 - Yesterday - Somebody's making a move right now. 897 01:03:21,465 --> 01:03:25,129 Oh. Come on and sing it Yester-me 898 01:03:25,217 --> 01:03:26,960 - Yester-you - Amy... 899 01:03:27,052 --> 01:03:30,502 - Yesterday - Will you marry me? 900 01:03:30,596 --> 01:03:33,549 Oh. Yester-me 901 01:03:33,639 --> 01:03:35,797 - Yester-you - Okay, let's go. - Hey! 902 01:03:35,891 --> 01:03:38,927 - Yesterday - Let me go, you big jerk! 903 01:03:40,060 --> 01:03:42,099 Wait a minute. Stop. He asked me a question. 904 01:03:42,186 --> 01:03:43,895 - Don't you want to know what I was going to say? - No. 905 01:03:43,980 --> 01:03:47,229 - No? - No. He had no right asking you what he did, okay? 906 01:03:47,315 --> 01:03:49,521 - You and I aren't even... - Well, we are! - Since when? 907 01:03:49,608 --> 01:03:52,181 - MYOB! - What? 908 01:03:52,277 --> 01:03:57,518 Mind your own beeswax. Do you or do you not want to know what I was going to say? 909 01:03:57,614 --> 01:04:01,028 - What were you gonna say? - Yeah, what were you going to say? 910 01:04:01,116 --> 01:04:03,986 Try it again. Less practised indifference. 911 01:04:04,077 --> 01:04:06,945 More warmth. 912 01:04:07,036 --> 01:04:09,953 - What were you going to say? - What were you gonna say? 913 01:04:10,039 --> 01:04:12,445 So you want to know what I was going to say. 914 01:04:15,000 --> 01:04:18,165 - Take a walk. - I'm the one who asked her. - Just go away. 915 01:04:30,427 --> 01:04:33,178 - What were you going to say? - I was going to say... 916 01:04:34,346 --> 01:04:36,717 - I'll have to think about it. - Oh, really? - Yes. 917 01:04:36,806 --> 01:04:40,009 Because, impossibly, what had previously seemed to me... 918 01:04:40,100 --> 01:04:43,550 to be the worst idea in the universe has, over the last 12 hours... 919 01:04:43,644 --> 01:04:46,051 transmogrified into not such a terrible idea... 920 01:04:46,146 --> 01:04:49,395 opening a very small window of opportunity for you. 921 01:04:49,482 --> 01:04:51,474 - For me? - Yeah. 922 01:04:51,566 --> 01:04:56,440 Ah. And what if I didn't want to take advantage of this opportunity? 923 01:04:56,527 --> 01:05:00,821 A part of you obviously wants to, and it is that part of you that is causing me... 924 01:05:03,699 --> 01:05:05,774 to think about it. 925 01:05:18,959 --> 01:05:21,035 Are you... 926 01:05:21,127 --> 01:05:23,747 asking me... 927 01:05:23,837 --> 01:05:25,995 to think about it? 928 01:05:28,215 --> 01:05:31,001 Wait. Wait a minute. 929 01:05:31,092 --> 01:05:33,214 If you'll just wait, I... 930 01:05:33,302 --> 01:05:35,294 I'm gonna go get the valet... the car... 931 01:05:35,386 --> 01:05:38,137 the car from the... 932 01:05:41,016 --> 01:05:44,597 But now. Now he was ready to start feeling the love. 933 01:05:44,684 --> 01:05:46,972 Oh. Yeah. Before the game this afternoon with the visiting Orioles... 934 01:05:47,144 --> 01:05:50,891 Riley invited a dozen kids to barrage him with chocolate cream pies... 935 01:05:50,980 --> 01:05:55,059 as a way to say. "I'm sorry." for what he claims is a simple case of miscommunication. 936 01:05:56,317 --> 01:05:59,271 Uncle Bob knows how to party! 937 01:06:02,571 --> 01:06:04,646 This is so much fun! 938 01:06:09,951 --> 01:06:14,244 - Some of these guys... - So you crawled through the Dumpster behind the bar after I left. 939 01:06:21,793 --> 01:06:25,575 I shot that. I'm part of this. 940 01:06:26,712 --> 01:06:29,083 Tell me, do you know for certain that he turned the funds over... 941 01:06:29,172 --> 01:06:31,164 or is he maybe still sitting on them? 942 01:06:33,717 --> 01:06:35,792 Poor little Amy. 943 01:06:35,885 --> 01:06:38,209 Mixed up with a rotten boss... 944 01:06:38,303 --> 01:06:40,461 who feels obligated to his clients. 945 01:06:41,889 --> 01:06:44,924 - Do you know that the number one killer of young men... - Russ! 946 01:06:45,016 --> 01:06:48,135 The person I am pitying here is not me. 947 01:06:50,603 --> 01:06:52,844 Look, it's all my fault. 948 01:06:52,938 --> 01:06:55,559 I made the big, stupid mistake. 949 01:06:58,566 --> 01:06:59,977 I thought you'd change. 950 01:07:06,823 --> 01:07:09,526 I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry. 951 01:07:12,492 --> 01:07:15,742 Do you want to know what the saddest part of this whole thing is? 952 01:07:21,373 --> 01:07:23,864 You could have been great. 953 01:08:03,651 --> 01:08:06,106 Man. Man! 954 01:08:07,279 --> 01:08:10,362 When do we ever stop blowing it? 955 01:08:11,490 --> 01:08:14,526 Russ, we've gotta change. 956 01:08:16,285 --> 01:08:18,277 We have to change. 957 01:08:28,793 --> 01:08:31,461 That's pretty cool, how we both have to, uh... 958 01:08:48,806 --> 01:08:52,139 - It's our birthday tomorrow. - Yeah, I know. 959 01:08:52,225 --> 01:08:55,308 - Could I ask you a question? - Sure. 960 01:08:55,393 --> 01:08:57,931 - What happens next? - What do you mean? 961 01:08:58,020 --> 01:09:00,012 I mean to me. 962 01:09:01,148 --> 01:09:05,607 Between being me and becoming you. What happens? 963 01:09:05,693 --> 01:09:10,353 - Do I ever do anything right? - Well, sure you do. You do a lot of things right. 964 01:09:10,446 --> 01:09:12,983 - Like what? - Well... 965 01:09:14,532 --> 01:09:17,448 you make it through grade school alive, barely. 966 01:09:18,617 --> 01:09:22,234 In high school, while you're still a loser... 967 01:09:22,328 --> 01:09:24,569 you're no longer stupid. 968 01:09:24,663 --> 01:09:27,912 You work your butt off and you get good grades. 969 01:09:27,999 --> 01:09:31,698 Very good grades. You end up winning a scholarship to UCLA. 970 01:09:32,835 --> 01:09:35,705 - I'm smart? - Very smart. 971 01:09:35,795 --> 01:09:37,918 But you're still a loser. Hop in. 972 01:09:44,510 --> 01:09:47,130 Scoot over. 973 01:09:47,219 --> 01:09:50,802 In college, things start to get a little bit better. 974 01:09:50,889 --> 01:09:55,134 You join the track team, find a speech therapist... 975 01:09:55,225 --> 01:09:57,300 you continue to work your butt off... 976 01:09:57,393 --> 01:10:00,062 and you graduate at the top of your class. 977 01:10:00,145 --> 01:10:02,848 You eventually go after a master's degree in business. 978 01:10:02,938 --> 01:10:05,345 Where I work my butt off. 979 01:10:05,440 --> 01:10:08,060 Story of your life, kid. 980 01:10:08,150 --> 01:10:11,684 The good news is that, while you are currently a pathetic dweeb... 981 01:10:11,778 --> 01:10:13,770 eventually you grow up to be me... 982 01:10:13,863 --> 01:10:16,434 a high-powered, affluent chick magnet. 983 01:10:16,530 --> 01:10:18,523 Who doesn't have a dog or a chick. 984 01:10:20,492 --> 01:10:24,073 Is that how you see me? A dogless, chickless guy? 985 01:10:24,161 --> 01:10:27,363 - With a twitch. - Right. 986 01:10:27,455 --> 01:10:31,498 - When do I get that? - I forget. 987 01:10:31,583 --> 01:10:33,824 - When do I learn how to drive? - When you're 16. 988 01:10:33,918 --> 01:10:36,075 - When do I get a car? - When you're 18. 989 01:10:36,169 --> 01:10:37,960 When do I get a hickey? 990 01:10:39,004 --> 01:10:42,170 - When you're 17. - When do I find out what a hickey is? 991 01:10:43,715 --> 01:10:45,790 Not tonight. 992 01:10:50,636 --> 01:10:53,209 Russ? 993 01:10:53,305 --> 01:10:57,004 - Yeah, kid. - I get what you do now. 994 01:10:57,099 --> 01:10:59,554 I mean, I get what I do. 995 01:10:59,642 --> 01:11:01,718 When I grow up, for a living. 996 01:11:01,810 --> 01:11:05,226 - I figured out how to explain. - Let me hear it. 997 01:11:05,313 --> 01:11:08,313 You help people lie about who they really are... 998 01:11:08,398 --> 01:11:11,849 so that they can pretend to be someone else, right? 999 01:11:14,653 --> 01:11:16,063 Yeah. 1000 01:11:17,030 --> 01:11:20,064 See? That's not hard to explain. 1001 01:11:21,407 --> 01:11:22,984 That's pretty good. 1002 01:11:24,117 --> 01:11:27,402 - Good night, buddy. - Good night, kid. 1003 01:11:35,416 --> 01:11:39,911 This is ABC-7 Los Angeles. Now. Eyewitness News. 1004 01:11:40,002 --> 01:11:43,252 Good evening. Everyone. And welcome. I'm Harold Greene. 1005 01:11:43,338 --> 01:11:45,377 Good evening. Y'all. I'm Deirdre Lafever. 1006 01:11:45,465 --> 01:11:50,255 Tonight's top story: Another high-speed chase on a Los Angeles freeway... 1007 01:11:50,343 --> 01:11:53,793 this time involving a mother of eight in a stolen minivan. 1008 01:11:53,887 --> 01:11:57,255 The chase started about 8:30 this evening when police first no... 1009 01:11:59,599 --> 01:12:02,302 I know. Thanks, Don. See you tomorrow. 1010 01:12:03,435 --> 01:12:05,592 I heard the "y'all." 1011 01:12:06,728 --> 01:12:08,223 It works. 1012 01:12:12,316 --> 01:12:14,106 Well, it's Mr Image Consultant. 1013 01:12:15,776 --> 01:12:18,266 So, what do you think? 1014 01:12:18,361 --> 01:12:20,519 Don't tell me. My hair's still too big. 1015 01:12:20,613 --> 01:12:23,067 No, it looks good. 1016 01:12:23,156 --> 01:12:26,738 Can I buy you a cup of coffee? Comfort of strangers and all that? 1017 01:12:28,827 --> 01:12:31,364 If what you're telling me is true... 1018 01:12:31,454 --> 01:12:34,952 that has got to be the strangest thing I've ever heard. 1019 01:12:35,039 --> 01:12:37,114 Makes perfect sense to me. 1020 01:12:38,374 --> 01:12:40,829 - It does? - Why wouldn't your 8-year-old self... 1021 01:12:40,918 --> 01:12:42,578 time travel here to give you a hand? 1022 01:12:42,670 --> 01:12:46,333 I mean, you're obviously in trouble. It'd straighten you out. 1023 01:12:46,422 --> 01:12:48,710 You think he's here to straighten me out? 1024 01:12:48,798 --> 01:12:52,664 Well, of course. You didn't think it was the other way around, did you? 1025 01:12:57,012 --> 01:13:00,297 Maybe he's here for you to teach him some things... 1026 01:13:00,389 --> 01:13:04,220 but maybe he's here for you to remember some things. 1027 01:13:04,308 --> 01:13:06,633 Ever thought about that? 1028 01:13:09,479 --> 01:13:11,471 Not till just now. No. 1029 01:13:12,772 --> 01:13:14,148 Darlin', look. 1030 01:13:16,317 --> 01:13:18,984 You're turnin' 40 tomorrow. 1031 01:13:19,068 --> 01:13:23,894 You haven't acquired a single thing of real value in your life. 1032 01:13:23,988 --> 01:13:25,980 - And no, no, money doesn't count. - Hey... 1033 01:13:27,199 --> 01:13:31,111 You're virtually friendless, you barely talk to your family... 1034 01:13:31,201 --> 01:13:34,699 and you've just lost the only woman in the world who's ever meant anything to you. 1035 01:13:34,786 --> 01:13:37,870 Who? Amy? Please. 1036 01:13:37,956 --> 01:13:41,821 Look, she's not the only woman in the world, okay? 1037 01:13:41,916 --> 01:13:43,908 She... She works for me. 1038 01:13:44,001 --> 01:13:47,085 She's neurotic. She bites her nails. 1039 01:13:47,170 --> 01:13:49,209 Nail. 1040 01:13:51,381 --> 01:13:53,172 This one. 1041 01:13:55,092 --> 01:13:57,167 Oh, my God. 1042 01:14:01,679 --> 01:14:06,423 Excuse me. Um, while he's gettin' a clue, could I... could I get a warm-up, please? Thank you. 1043 01:14:10,060 --> 01:14:12,895 Okay. Don't stop. Go on. 1044 01:14:12,978 --> 01:14:16,810 - What's it like? - He keeps asking about his future... 1045 01:14:16,898 --> 01:14:18,522 my past. 1046 01:14:18,608 --> 01:14:21,014 - Haven't really told him much. - Good. 1047 01:14:21,109 --> 01:14:23,231 "Good"? You think that's good? 1048 01:14:24,653 --> 01:14:27,190 Why? What would you do? 1049 01:14:27,280 --> 01:14:29,817 Wh... If little Deirdre was suddenly here... 1050 01:14:29,907 --> 01:14:33,356 burstin' out of her St Mary's uniform, askin' me what comes next? 1051 01:14:33,450 --> 01:14:35,691 Yeah. 1052 01:14:35,785 --> 01:14:40,529 I'd say, "Baby, don't you worry about a thing. 1053 01:14:40,622 --> 01:14:43,242 Everything is just gonna be great." 1054 01:14:45,542 --> 01:14:49,621 I-I mean, how many of us turn out the way we think we will when we're kids, really? 1055 01:14:52,296 --> 01:14:56,708 I-I mean how many of us grow up to be astronauts? 1056 01:14:56,799 --> 01:14:59,883 Or prima ballerinas? 1057 01:15:01,803 --> 01:15:05,051 We just all do the best we can. 1058 01:15:14,978 --> 01:15:17,219 Time for me to take big Deirdre home. 1059 01:15:19,565 --> 01:15:22,055 You know, if you wanna learn about your childhood, seems like you're online... 1060 01:15:22,150 --> 01:15:25,019 with a pretty good source, you know what I mean? 1061 01:15:25,109 --> 01:15:29,569 Yes, I am. Deirdre, thanks for taking the time to help. 1062 01:15:32,406 --> 01:15:34,731 Well, don't ever stop asking for help, Russ. 1063 01:15:36,742 --> 01:15:38,367 You just might get it. 1064 01:15:40,828 --> 01:15:42,904 - Thanks. - You take care. 1065 01:15:45,290 --> 01:15:47,993 Bye, y'all. 1066 01:15:48,083 --> 01:15:50,241 Bye. 1067 01:16:02,468 --> 01:16:05,800 Hi, Janet, it's me. I'm sorry to call so late. 1068 01:16:05,886 --> 01:16:08,009 It's okay. Russ. I think I'll recover. 1069 01:16:08,096 --> 01:16:11,678 I just want you to cancel all my appointments tomorrow and move 'em to Friday. 1070 01:16:11,766 --> 01:16:15,050 - Anything else? - No, that's it. 1071 01:16:15,143 --> 01:16:17,977 - Okay. You've got it. - No, wait. 1072 01:16:18,062 --> 01:16:20,137 There is something else. 1073 01:16:21,438 --> 01:16:24,937 I want you to find out why the full moon looks orange sometimes when it rises. 1074 01:16:26,233 --> 01:16:29,732 - Okay. Sure. - Thanks, Janet. Good night. 1075 01:16:47,831 --> 01:16:51,281 Hey, kid. Rusty. 1076 01:16:54,085 --> 01:16:57,453 - Hi. - Hey. 1077 01:16:59,172 --> 01:17:03,916 Wanna help me with something? I think it might get you back to your time. 1078 01:17:04,009 --> 01:17:06,463 - Sure. - Good. 1079 01:17:09,303 --> 01:17:11,379 Anything about me? 1080 01:17:12,431 --> 01:17:14,506 Yeah. Anything that'll take me back. 1081 01:17:17,226 --> 01:17:19,799 You know how I like to find caterpillars... 1082 01:17:19,894 --> 01:17:22,017 and put 'em in jars and feed 'em... 1083 01:17:23,271 --> 01:17:25,346 and watch 'em make cocoons? 1084 01:17:30,067 --> 01:17:33,649 - No. - And then one day... 1085 01:17:33,736 --> 01:17:36,143 they break out, and it's really cool. 1086 01:17:38,656 --> 01:17:40,897 No. Not a clue. 1087 01:17:40,991 --> 01:17:43,660 But keep goin'. Tell me some more stuff. 1088 01:17:43,743 --> 01:17:46,280 Remember last summer at Josie's birthday party... 1089 01:17:46,370 --> 01:17:49,535 when I got Parmesan cheese stuck up my nose? 1090 01:17:51,581 --> 01:17:55,115 - Got any sixes? - Nope. Go fish. 1091 01:17:56,835 --> 01:18:00,001 - Got any fours? - Negative. Go fish. 1092 01:18:03,840 --> 01:18:05,748 Got any sevens? 1093 01:18:08,176 --> 01:18:10,381 Tell me some more about Dad. 1094 01:18:12,220 --> 01:18:14,212 Sometimes... 1095 01:18:14,305 --> 01:18:16,380 he lets me help him work on the car. 1096 01:18:16,473 --> 01:18:20,600 But if I do something wrong, he yells at me. 1097 01:18:22,310 --> 01:18:25,097 Sometimes he buys me ice cream afterwards. 1098 01:18:25,188 --> 01:18:28,270 But still, I don't like messing up. 1099 01:18:29,482 --> 01:18:32,150 Like last week, I lost a screw. 1100 01:18:33,818 --> 01:18:35,691 I was afraid to tell him. 1101 01:18:37,529 --> 01:18:40,233 I found it later on in my pocket. 1102 01:18:40,322 --> 01:18:42,610 Look, I still have it. 1103 01:18:47,786 --> 01:18:50,536 I'm afraid to give it back to him. 1104 01:18:52,830 --> 01:18:55,451 Got any nines? 1105 01:18:58,459 --> 01:19:00,582 No. 1106 01:19:00,669 --> 01:19:03,787 My homeroom teacher last year was fat Mrs Kinkelman. 1107 01:19:03,879 --> 01:19:06,713 She was so much better than Mr Lupus. 1108 01:19:06,798 --> 01:19:09,169 He had that purple bump on his face. 1109 01:19:09,258 --> 01:19:11,499 I don't remember the bump guy. What grade was that? 1110 01:19:11,593 --> 01:19:14,000 How come you're asking me all this stuff? 1111 01:19:14,095 --> 01:19:15,754 'Cause I'm forgetting something. 1112 01:19:15,846 --> 01:19:18,466 I'm forgetting this one event that meant something to me... 1113 01:19:18,556 --> 01:19:21,556 and if I can remember that one thing, maybe I can get you home. 1114 01:19:21,641 --> 01:19:24,012 Are you sure it's not the purple bump? 1115 01:19:24,101 --> 01:19:26,852 - It's not the bump, kid. - It was a pretty big bump. 1116 01:19:26,936 --> 01:19:28,975 - Tell me more about second grade. - Why? 1117 01:19:29,063 --> 01:19:31,138 Nobody had a bump in second grade. 1118 01:19:33,440 --> 01:19:36,606 My best friend was Tim Wheaton, until a few months ago. 1119 01:19:36,693 --> 01:19:38,649 Remember him? 1120 01:19:38,736 --> 01:19:42,234 - No, I don't. - His house smells like fish sticks. 1121 01:19:43,322 --> 01:19:45,314 - No. - Well, he was my best friend... 1122 01:19:45,407 --> 01:19:47,862 until he started hanging out with Vince... 1123 01:19:47,950 --> 01:19:50,571 and these other creepy guys. 1124 01:19:50,661 --> 01:19:54,075 He threw a rock at me, and we haven't been friends since then. 1125 01:19:54,163 --> 01:19:57,495 - He threw a rock at us? - Oh, yeah. 1126 01:19:57,582 --> 01:20:00,071 - Why? What happened? - Oh, those guys get together... 1127 01:20:00,166 --> 01:20:02,739 every recess in the corner of the playground yard... 1128 01:20:02,835 --> 01:20:04,874 where they like to pick on kids. 1129 01:20:06,421 --> 01:20:08,377 Back behind the kindergarten. 1130 01:20:09,464 --> 01:20:11,919 Yeah. Where the yard monitor can't see you! 1131 01:20:12,008 --> 01:20:14,498 - Where that big sliding board is? - Yeah, the really huge one! 1132 01:20:14,593 --> 01:20:16,881 - You remember it! - Go on. Don't stop. 1133 01:20:16,969 --> 01:20:19,674 There's four of them, and if they don't like you... 1134 01:20:19,763 --> 01:20:22,218 they make your life a nightmare! 1135 01:20:29,394 --> 01:20:32,893 And the worst thing about them is they're really mean to animals. 1136 01:20:32,980 --> 01:20:35,186 Especially this one three-legged dog. 1137 01:20:37,650 --> 01:20:39,393 Tripod! 1138 01:20:39,484 --> 01:20:41,975 Tripod! The dog's name is Tripod! 1139 01:20:42,070 --> 01:20:45,271 I know the dog's name! I know everything, kid. 1140 01:20:45,363 --> 01:20:47,355 I know why you're here! This is the event! 1141 01:20:47,447 --> 01:20:49,605 Vince Kajinski, the fight! It's the fight! 1142 01:20:49,699 --> 01:20:53,696 It was my eighth birthday. It was 32 years ago. 1143 01:20:53,786 --> 01:20:56,322 Today! Ha-ha-ha! 1144 01:21:03,291 --> 01:21:06,042 Holy smokes. 1145 01:21:08,086 --> 01:21:10,327 Look at the car! 1146 01:21:12,047 --> 01:21:14,371 Look at your clothes! 1147 01:21:17,468 --> 01:21:19,459 Holy smokes. 1148 01:21:20,637 --> 01:21:23,174 - Holy smokes! - Holy smokes! 1149 01:21:23,264 --> 01:21:27,426 - We did it, kid! - Am I home? Is it really 1968? 1150 01:21:32,394 --> 01:21:34,801 No doubt about it, kid. What time's recess? 1151 01:21:34,896 --> 01:21:37,812 - 10:30. - Hang on, kid. 1152 01:21:37,898 --> 01:21:40,768 We've got 15 minutes to change our life. 1153 01:21:40,858 --> 01:21:42,897 Okay, now listen. This is gonna happen real fast... 1154 01:21:42,985 --> 01:21:44,858 so you gotta remember what Kenny told you, all right? 1155 01:21:44,944 --> 01:21:48,857 - One, two, one, two. - One, two... - Keep your head down, keep swingin'. 1156 01:21:58,787 --> 01:22:02,700 Look, look, look! There's the really big slide, remember? 1157 01:22:04,999 --> 01:22:07,952 It used to be a lot bigger. 1158 01:22:08,043 --> 01:22:09,786 Here's what I remember: 1159 01:22:09,878 --> 01:22:13,874 Some really bad guys tie up that three-legged dog, Tripod. 1160 01:22:13,963 --> 01:22:15,920 When you try to stop 'em, you get really thrashed. 1161 01:22:16,006 --> 01:22:18,378 Oh, no. Do I save him? 1162 01:22:18,466 --> 01:22:21,253 No. You go down after only one punch... 1163 01:22:21,344 --> 01:22:23,419 thereby solidifying your reputation as a loser... 1164 01:22:23,512 --> 01:22:26,084 for the next eight years, all the way through high school... 1165 01:22:26,180 --> 01:22:28,386 and ruining our life from that moment on. 1166 01:22:28,473 --> 01:22:30,927 Oh, holy smokes. 1167 01:22:31,016 --> 01:22:34,799 Any second now, Vince Kajinski and his cohorts are gonna come around that corner. 1168 01:22:36,019 --> 01:22:38,806 - Look. There they are. - Hey, boo! 1169 01:22:40,439 --> 01:22:43,143 They're gonna say something to you to get you to come over there. 1170 01:22:43,233 --> 01:22:46,019 Once you get back there, they have Tripod tied up. 1171 01:22:47,652 --> 01:22:51,269 - Any questions? - Yeah. What's a cohort? 1172 01:22:52,531 --> 01:22:54,487 Hey, Rusty, come over here. 1173 01:22:54,574 --> 01:22:58,023 It's your birthday, right? We got a present for you. 1174 01:22:58,117 --> 01:23:01,984 Look, kid. You don't have to do this at all. 1175 01:23:02,079 --> 01:23:05,826 - You don't have to fight today. - Come on. Hurry up! 1176 01:23:09,333 --> 01:23:12,701 No. If I don't go against them today... 1177 01:23:12,794 --> 01:23:15,711 I'll have to fight tomorrow or the next day... 1178 01:23:15,796 --> 01:23:18,368 and today, you're here with me. 1179 01:23:18,464 --> 01:23:22,046 That's right. I'm here with you today. 1180 01:23:23,885 --> 01:23:25,923 I can do this. 1181 01:23:27,137 --> 01:23:29,709 You can do it. Don't be afraid. 1182 01:23:29,805 --> 01:23:31,797 Here I come! 1183 01:23:33,391 --> 01:23:35,383 I'll be right here. 1184 01:23:45,107 --> 01:23:46,517 What took you so long? 1185 01:23:46,608 --> 01:23:49,098 - Come on, Rusty. - I just saw it... 1186 01:23:49,193 --> 01:23:51,648 - Yeah, hurry up. - A big surprise. 1187 01:23:51,737 --> 01:23:54,227 It's really far out. 1188 01:24:13,250 --> 01:24:15,871 Come on, man. It'll be great. Why don't you go? 1189 01:24:15,961 --> 01:24:19,494 - Yeah. - It'll be fun. There's your present. - Cool, huh? 1190 01:24:22,048 --> 01:24:24,834 - What are you doing? - This stinkin', three-legged dog is worthless. 1191 01:24:24,925 --> 01:24:27,925 We'll see him run. Light the firecrackers. 1192 01:24:28,011 --> 01:24:31,959 Let the dog go. You guys are dirtbags. 1193 01:24:32,055 --> 01:24:35,553 - What did you call us? - Dirtbags! 1194 01:24:35,640 --> 01:24:38,309 - Good shot. - Look at flabby. - We rule. 1195 01:24:38,392 --> 01:24:41,096 What a dope. 1196 01:24:41,186 --> 01:24:44,269 - That was far out. - Right on. - Yeah, right on. 1197 01:24:44,354 --> 01:24:46,145 - We rule. - Wait, Vince. 1198 01:24:46,230 --> 01:24:48,188 Turn around. 1199 01:24:49,650 --> 01:24:53,231 Oh, that's how it's gonna be. 1200 01:24:53,318 --> 01:24:55,856 - Come on, Vince. Get him! - Stop it! 1201 01:24:57,988 --> 01:24:59,945 Come on! 1202 01:25:00,031 --> 01:25:03,150 - Get him! - Come on! Get him! 1203 01:25:05,452 --> 01:25:07,942 - Up against the wall! - Come on, Vince! 1204 01:25:08,037 --> 01:25:10,527 - Stop! - Come on, wimp! 1205 01:25:10,622 --> 01:25:13,372 Are you gonna cry? 1206 01:25:13,457 --> 01:25:16,540 - One, two. - Gonna run to your mom? - One, two. 1207 01:25:16,626 --> 01:25:18,914 One, two! 1208 01:25:20,962 --> 01:25:23,535 - Say uncle! Say uncle! - No. 1209 01:25:23,631 --> 01:25:25,872 - Apologize! - No. 1210 01:25:25,965 --> 01:25:28,207 Say uncle! Apologize! 1211 01:25:28,300 --> 01:25:30,043 Uncle. I'm sorry. 1212 01:25:36,347 --> 01:25:38,339 Yes! You won. 1213 01:25:38,432 --> 01:25:41,930 - Holy smokes! You did it! - Yabba-dabba-doo! 1214 01:25:42,018 --> 01:25:44,010 Ha-ha! Yabba-dabba-doo is right. 1215 01:25:44,103 --> 01:25:47,268 - You won the fight. You really did it. You won the fight. - I did it. I did it! 1216 01:25:47,354 --> 01:25:49,761 That's all! I did what I had to do. 1217 01:25:49,856 --> 01:25:51,848 Everything's gonna be different now. 1218 01:25:53,108 --> 01:25:54,851 Yeah, I guess so. 1219 01:25:54,943 --> 01:25:58,192 Over. That is all. Yes. 1220 01:26:00,238 --> 01:26:01,945 That's all, right? 1221 01:26:05,157 --> 01:26:07,648 - Oh, no. - What? 1222 01:26:09,952 --> 01:26:11,613 It's not over. 1223 01:26:12,454 --> 01:26:15,371 This gets worse, kid. Much worse. 1224 01:26:15,456 --> 01:26:17,828 What are you talking about? I won the fight. 1225 01:26:17,917 --> 01:26:20,537 It wasn't the fight. That wasn't it. 1226 01:26:25,172 --> 01:26:27,163 It's not over. 1227 01:26:31,676 --> 01:26:33,668 Ice on the eye, son. 1228 01:26:37,429 --> 01:26:40,346 Mr Branch, I put all the reports on your desk. 1229 01:26:50,104 --> 01:26:52,890 Mom. I'm sorry, Mom. I'm sorry. 1230 01:26:52,981 --> 01:26:56,764 Oh, it's okay. It's okay. 1231 01:26:56,858 --> 01:26:59,395 I'm sorry you had to come in, Mrs Duritz. 1232 01:26:59,485 --> 01:27:02,272 We all know you haven't been well. 1233 01:27:02,362 --> 01:27:07,189 Please, don't punish him, Mr Branch. 1234 01:27:07,282 --> 01:27:09,274 It's his birthday today. 1235 01:27:17,872 --> 01:27:20,707 - Mom, Daddy's home. - Daddy? 1236 01:27:20,791 --> 01:27:22,368 Gloria. 1237 01:27:22,459 --> 01:27:25,032 What are you doing? Are you out of your mind? 1238 01:27:25,127 --> 01:27:26,918 - I'm fine. - Come on, dear. - I'm fine. 1239 01:27:27,004 --> 01:27:29,957 Shh, shh, shh. Get you inside. 1240 01:27:30,048 --> 01:27:32,752 You stay there! 1241 01:27:32,840 --> 01:27:35,710 Please don't scare him. He's had a hard day. 1242 01:27:35,801 --> 01:27:38,967 Gloria, the doctor said you weren't to leave the house. 1243 01:27:51,228 --> 01:27:53,718 - What is the matter with you? - I'm sorry. 1244 01:27:53,813 --> 01:27:57,395 How could you do this to your mother? What are you trying to do, kill her faster? 1245 01:27:57,483 --> 01:28:00,268 - What? - We're gonna lose her. 1246 01:28:00,359 --> 01:28:04,485 God, and you pull some stunt like you did today. You're killing her! 1247 01:28:04,570 --> 01:28:07,238 I found the screw, Dad. The screw. 1248 01:28:07,322 --> 01:28:10,322 - Stop cryin'. - Here's the screw, Dad. 1249 01:28:10,407 --> 01:28:13,112 Look! Here it is. Here it is. I found it. 1250 01:28:13,201 --> 01:28:16,319 - Just stop cryin'. - Please, Dad, look at the screw. 1251 01:28:16,411 --> 01:28:19,032 - Here it is. - Stop crying! 1252 01:28:19,121 --> 01:28:21,362 Stop. 1253 01:28:21,456 --> 01:28:24,410 You gotta grow up, now. 1254 01:28:24,500 --> 01:28:26,492 Do you understand? 1255 01:28:26,585 --> 01:28:29,537 - Yes, sir. - Grow up. Grow up! 1256 01:28:53,895 --> 01:28:56,467 Mom's dying. 1257 01:28:58,189 --> 01:29:01,354 - I know. - Soon? 1258 01:29:02,609 --> 01:29:05,276 Yeah. 1259 01:29:05,360 --> 01:29:07,103 Before your next birthday. 1260 01:29:07,195 --> 01:29:08,938 Did I do it? 1261 01:29:12,281 --> 01:29:14,950 No. 1262 01:29:15,033 --> 01:29:17,025 No, you didn't do it. 1263 01:29:19,786 --> 01:29:22,455 It's not your fault. 1264 01:29:22,538 --> 01:29:25,373 Dad was just saying those things because he's scared. 1265 01:29:27,584 --> 01:29:30,666 'Cause he knows that he has to raise you alone, and he doesn't know how to do it. 1266 01:29:34,505 --> 01:29:36,792 I thought you never cried. 1267 01:29:40,258 --> 01:29:42,297 Not since my eighth birthday. 1268 01:29:43,969 --> 01:29:46,589 Guess I'm starting up again. 1269 01:29:46,679 --> 01:29:50,296 - How come? - 'Cause I just figured out where I got that twitch from. 1270 01:29:51,432 --> 01:29:53,590 Somebody call the "waaambulance." 1271 01:29:54,934 --> 01:29:58,184 Yeah. Yeah. 1272 01:29:58,270 --> 01:30:00,309 Gonna need 'em now, huh? 1273 01:30:05,984 --> 01:30:08,734 Come on. You wanna get outta here? 1274 01:30:10,279 --> 01:30:12,317 Let's go. 1275 01:30:16,658 --> 01:30:18,649 Let's go get something to eat. 1276 01:30:18,742 --> 01:30:21,944 Okay. But I'm eating whatever I want. 1277 01:30:26,705 --> 01:30:29,374 This is disgusting. Let me have some of yours. 1278 01:30:29,457 --> 01:30:30,738 - Hey! - Hey! 1279 01:30:32,877 --> 01:30:35,580 - You don't seem all that mad. - About what? 1280 01:30:36,796 --> 01:30:38,871 That we didn't change anything. 1281 01:30:38,964 --> 01:30:41,537 Like the fact that we're still gonna have to fight Vince Kajinski... 1282 01:30:41,633 --> 01:30:43,505 every week all through grade school? 1283 01:30:44,634 --> 01:30:46,958 - Yeah. - And we'll still be ugly through high school? 1284 01:30:47,052 --> 01:30:49,377 - But not stupid. - Not stupid. 1285 01:30:50,764 --> 01:30:52,921 And that we spend our college years... 1286 01:30:53,015 --> 01:30:56,299 as a chickless, dogless jerk with a twitch? 1287 01:30:56,392 --> 01:30:59,012 And still not have a family when we're 40? 1288 01:31:02,021 --> 01:31:03,479 Yeah. 1289 01:31:04,730 --> 01:31:06,854 What's done is done. 1290 01:31:07,983 --> 01:31:09,891 Yeah. 1291 01:31:11,693 --> 01:31:16,520 But, hey, this is our birthday. Okay? 1292 01:31:17,448 --> 01:31:20,116 Happy birthday, kid. Cheers, kid. 1293 01:31:27,996 --> 01:31:30,237 Hello, boy. How are you doin'? 1294 01:31:30,331 --> 01:31:32,619 - Who are you? - Chester, come on, boy. 1295 01:31:42,006 --> 01:31:46,500 Did you hear what he just called his dog? 1296 01:31:46,592 --> 01:31:48,216 Chester. 1297 01:32:01,560 --> 01:32:03,386 Can that... 1298 01:32:04,520 --> 01:32:06,892 be that? 1299 01:32:06,980 --> 01:32:10,846 - No way. - Can't be. 1300 01:32:15,486 --> 01:32:17,976 Here you go. 1301 01:32:40,336 --> 01:32:43,252 You like the old plane? 1302 01:32:45,923 --> 01:32:48,248 Uh-huh. 1303 01:32:49,592 --> 01:32:51,382 Yeah. 1304 01:32:52,511 --> 01:32:54,503 You did all this. 1305 01:32:56,513 --> 01:32:58,505 You put that plane on my doorstep. 1306 01:32:58,598 --> 01:33:03,009 Yeah. Yeah, I thought that was a particularly nice touch. 1307 01:33:04,601 --> 01:33:07,056 Yeah. It was. 1308 01:33:07,145 --> 01:33:09,931 I bet you got a lot of questions. 1309 01:33:11,731 --> 01:33:14,566 - Yeah. - Well, I wouldn't worry about it. 1310 01:33:14,650 --> 01:33:17,982 You got 30 years to figure 'em out. 1311 01:33:18,069 --> 01:33:21,188 Right now I gotta go. Family's waitin'. 1312 01:33:45,128 --> 01:33:47,500 It was especially nice seeing you again. 1313 01:33:50,132 --> 01:33:53,665 - I'll see you. - See ya. 1314 01:33:56,386 --> 01:33:58,378 Bye. 1315 01:34:03,057 --> 01:34:05,547 Holy smokes. 1316 01:34:20,943 --> 01:34:23,315 We did it. 1317 01:34:30,075 --> 01:34:32,743 - Holy smokes! - Holy smokes! 1318 01:34:32,827 --> 01:34:34,949 - We did it! - We did it! 1319 01:34:35,036 --> 01:34:37,194 Yeah-ho-ho! 1320 01:34:37,288 --> 01:34:40,324 - I'm okay! We're okay! - We're okay! 1321 01:34:40,415 --> 01:34:42,822 We're okay! 1322 01:34:42,917 --> 01:34:45,039 - You're a pilot. - You're a pilot. - You're a pilot. 1323 01:34:45,127 --> 01:34:48,043 - No, you're a pilot. - I'm a pilot. - We grow up to be pilots! 1324 01:34:48,128 --> 01:34:51,082 We grow up to be pilots! Hey! 1325 01:34:51,172 --> 01:34:53,579 - Did you see our dog? - What's his name? - Chester. 1326 01:34:53,674 --> 01:34:57,255 - Chester, the world's greatest dog! - The world's greatest dog! 1327 01:34:57,343 --> 01:35:00,793 Yes! Hoo-Ha, Hoo-Ha... One, right, left, left... 1328 01:35:00,887 --> 01:35:03,212 - Did you see our family? - Yeah. 1329 01:35:04,347 --> 01:35:06,339 Wild. 1330 01:35:07,725 --> 01:35:09,931 That old lady looked familiar. 1331 01:35:11,060 --> 01:35:14,014 Yeah. I thought so too. 1332 01:35:26,779 --> 01:35:30,028 - Look at us go. - Yeah. 1333 01:35:30,115 --> 01:35:31,941 Look at us go. 1334 01:35:37,287 --> 01:35:41,781 I am not a loser! 1335 01:35:55,965 --> 01:35:57,957 Look at us go. 1336 01:36:02,594 --> 01:36:04,586 Kid? 1337 01:36:16,896 --> 01:36:18,887 Bye, kid. 1338 01:36:25,735 --> 01:36:27,727 Thanks. 1339 01:36:47,916 --> 01:36:50,584 Hello? 1340 01:36:50,668 --> 01:36:52,375 I'm here. 1341 01:36:54,378 --> 01:36:56,951 Russ? 1342 01:36:57,047 --> 01:37:00,629 - Russ? - Hi, Janet. I'm back here. I'll be out in a second. 1343 01:37:00,716 --> 01:37:03,965 Hey, a couple of questions. Why am I not at the office? 1344 01:37:04,052 --> 01:37:06,044 Why are you not at the office? 1345 01:37:06,136 --> 01:37:08,543 - And where have you been? - Did you call my dad? 1346 01:37:08,638 --> 01:37:11,307 Yes, I told him you'd be there Sunday to help him move. 1347 01:37:11,390 --> 01:37:14,639 He almost had a heart attack, if that was your intention. 1348 01:37:14,725 --> 01:37:16,682 What about the plane tickets to Hawaii? 1349 01:37:16,768 --> 01:37:20,053 I booked 'em. Two first-class seats. You leave at 2:00. 1350 01:37:23,148 --> 01:37:25,851 Thank you. Got a pen? 1351 01:37:25,941 --> 01:37:29,984 Change these names on here. Use my credit card. 1352 01:37:36,198 --> 01:37:39,114 Russ! Ha-ha-ha! 1353 01:37:39,200 --> 01:37:42,116 - I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it. - Aloha, Janet. 1354 01:37:42,202 --> 01:37:46,494 I love Hawaii. I love Hawaii! 1355 01:38:51,539 --> 01:38:54,374 Do you want to come in? 1356 01:38:54,458 --> 01:38:56,450 Yes. 106779