All language subtitles for Nick Swardsons Pretend Time s01e07_English

( rock music playing )

* P-R-E-T-E-N-D
T-I-M-E *

* P-R-E-T-E-N-D T-I-M-E.

- ( R&B music playing )
- * I'LL BE YOUR FANTASIES,
GIRL... *

I HAVE AN IDEA
FOR TONIGHT.

- WHOA.
- LET'S DO ROLE PLAYING.

WOW, YEAH SURE,
WHATEVER YOU WANT.

I WANT YOU TO
TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME
AND BE REALLY FORCEFUL.

I'LL RESIST AND YOU
JUST DOMINATE ME.

UH, OKAY.
YEAH, NO PROBLEM.

OKAY, COME OUT
OF THE BATHROOM.

OH, YEAH.
YOU GOT IT, BABY.

I WANT YOU NOW.

NO, PLEASE DON'T.

- DO AS I SAY.
- I SAID NO, MOTHER--!

WAIT, WHY ARE
YOU STOPPING?

OH, YOU'RE OKAY?

I WAS GETTING INTO IT.
COME ON.

OKAY, YEAH YEAH.
NO, THAT WAS GOOD.

JESUS, MERYL STREEP
OVER HERE.

- OKAY.
- ( clears throat )

- DON'T PUSH ME AWAY.
- YOU BAD MAN.

HELP!
SOMEBODY HELP ME!

PLEASE GOD HELP!

DAMN IT, NICK,
WHY ARE YOU STOPPING?

THAT'S JUST REALLY REAL.

IT JUST FEELS,
LIKE, TOO REAL.

LIKE I-- THE NEIGHBORS
ARE GONNA...

I DID THEATER
IN HIGH SCHOOL.

YOU KNOW THAT.
I JUST GET INTO IT.

SERIOUSLY,
YOU'RE BEING A PUSSY
AND IT'S BUMMING ME OUT.

OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
I'M SORRY.

ALL RIGHT,
LET'S START AGAIN.

OKAY, I'M SORRY.
COME ON, BABE.

- ( sighs )
- IT'S GOOD.
NO, YOU'RE GOOD.

YOU'RE BEING GREAT,
BABE, SO SEXY.

ALL RIGHT,
QUIET, SKANK.

- NO PLEASE.
HELP HELP.
- SHUT YOUR MOUTH.

YOU PERVERT
SON OF A BITCH!

THAT'S RIGHT, KISS ME.
COME ON, BABY.

- AHH!
- OW!

( groans )

WHAT IN THE --?

HELP!
I'M BEING ATTACKED!

- WHAT?
- HELP!

THIS IS-- ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

( crying )
HELP.

GIVE ME THE PHONE
AND SHUT UP.

- GET ON THE BED.
- AHH!

NOW YOU'RE GONNA GET IT,
YOU FILTHY HOOKER.

- COME ON.
- ( car doors open, close )

- YOU'LL DO AS I SAY.
- ( footsteps running )

- YEAH.
- HEY HEY!
FREEZE, MOTHER--!

- THANK YOU, OFFICERS.
- WHAT? YOU REALLY
CALLED THE COPS?

- THIS BIG BAD MAN
WAS TRYING TO GET ME.
- Nick: WHAT?

JULIA, THIS ISN'T A JOKE.
NO. NO, DON'T DO THAT.

NO, IT'S NOT SEXY
ANYMORE, BABE.

HEY, SHUT YOUR MOUTH.
LET'S GO.

JULIA, TELL THEM
WE'RE ROLE PLAYING.

WHAT? ARE YOU
STILL INTO THIS?

JULIA! JULIA!

- Man: Tasty Pizza.
- HI, CAN I ORDER A PIZZA?

Yes.
One pizza for you?

YEAH, AND CAN YOU HAVE
THE DELIVERY MAN ATTACK ME?

- Yes, no problem.
Thank you. Bye.
- OKAY.

( rock music playing )

* THIS IS AN EMERGENCY...

HI, HOW ARE YOU DOING?

THANKS FOR TUNING INTO
"PRETEND TIME," MY SHOW.

THIS WAS A SWEAT-- SWEATER
THAT WARDROBE HAD FOUND

AND I NEVER WAS ABLE
TO GET IT ON THE SHOW.

I ALWAYS THOUGHT
IT WOULD BE GREAT
FOR SOME CHARACTER,

BUT I WAS NEVER ABLE
TO DO IT.

SO I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE
A GOOD OPPORTUNITY.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
THIS SWEATER EXISTS--

THE CAT CHRISTMAS SWEATER.

I DON'T KNOW-- I DON'T KNOW
WHO OWNS THIS IN THE WORLD.

BUT WHOEVER DOES,
I HOPE YOU'RE HAVING FUN
IN YOUR INSANE ASYLUM,

BECAUSE THAT'S
WHERE YOU ARE.

ANYWAY, ENJOY THE SHOW.
THANKS.

- ( rock music playing )
- * COME ON!

- DINNER'S ALMOST READY.
- OH GOOD.

- ( doorbell rings )
- I'LL GET THAT.

- HI.
- HEY, HOW ARE YOU DOING?

MY NAME'S RICK JONES.

I'M SORRY TO BOTHER YOU,
BUT I USED TO LIVE

IN THIS HOUSE
20 YEARS AGO.

AND I'M ONLY IN TOWN
FOR ONE DAY.

I WAS WONDERING
IF I COULD JUST
HAVE A LOOK AROUND.

YOU KNOW,
WE'RE JUST GETTING
READY TO HAVE DINNER.

WHO IS IT?

IT'S A GUY WHO SAYS
HE USED TO LIVE HERE.

YEAH, IF IT'S NO BOTHER,
CAN I JUST TAKE A LOOK

AT THE OLD PLACE
REAL QUICK?

- PLEASE COME IN.
- OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

THIS REALLY MEANS
A LOT TO ME.

OH WOW.

YOU GUYS KEPT IT UP
PERFECTLY.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

OH, THERE'S
THE OLD KITCHEN.

A LOT OF MEALS
IN THERE, YOU KNOW?

AND, WOW...
THE LIVING ROOM.

SO MANY MEMORIES.

( sighs )

- WHERE'S THE BATHROOM?
- OH, IT'S RIGHT THERE.

- GREAT. CAN I USE IT?
THANKS.
- YEAH.

( zipper unzips )

- OH YEAH!
- ( farting )

- YEP!
- ( plopping )

OH!

- ( coughing, gagging )
- ( squirting )

- UGH!
- ( toilet flushes )

OH.

I GUESS YOU WANT TO SEE
THE REST OF THE HOUSE?

NO, THAT WAS JUST
A COURTESY FLUSH.

I NEED SOME
READING MATERIAL.

( sighs )

NO NO, YEP.

- PERFECT.
- HEY, THAT'S OUR
WEDDING ALBUM.

- YEAH, THANKS.
- NO, OH GOD.

- ( zipper unzips )
- WHO IS THIS GUY?

I DON'T KNOW.
YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO LET HIM IN.

YOU ACTED LIKE
YOU KNEW HIM.

- ( farting, plopping )
- OH!

ARE YOU OKAY
IN THERE, SIR?

SURE, I JUST--
I LOVE CHILI DOGS,

BUT THEY DON'T
LOVE ME, YOU KNOW?

Announcer: We now return to
"Close Encounters in Roswell."

Man: I was drivin'
in my truck late at night

through Roswell,
New Mexico,

when I was abducted
by the aliens.

They led me
into their spaceship

and they tied me
to a table.

And then they started
probing my orifices,

focusing mainly
on my rectum.

At first
I was flattered--

...mainly on my rectum.

...mainly on my rectum.

...mainly on my rectum.

( jet engines roaring )

Woman over P.A.:
Now boarding all rows
for flight 815 to Phoenix.

Woman #2:
THANK YOU.
HAVE A GOOD FLIGHT.

HOW MAY I HELP YOU?

I'M LOOKING
FOR A ONE-WAY TICKET

TO ROSWELL, NEW MEXICO.
NON-STOP, PLEASE.

- I NEED TO ARRIVE THERE
BY NIGHTFALL.
- OKAY.

- ( keyboard clicking )
- LET'S SEE HERE.

- I CAN GET YOU THROUGH
TO ALBUQUERQUE.
- SPICY.

ALSO I'LL NEED A MAP
TO THE PROBING AREAS.

I'M SORRY.
PROBLEM AREAS?

UH NO.
PROBING, MA'AM.

YOU KNOW,
LIKE DOWNSTAIRS ENTRANCE?

I HEARD THAT'S BEEN
HAPPENING THERE A LOT.

I JUST WANNA,
YOU KNOW, GET MINE.

- HOLLER.
- WELL, WE DON'T HAVE
THEM KIND OF MAPS.

AND YOU KNOW,
I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU.

I THINK ALL THIS
ALIEN TALK IS FALSE

AND PERPETUATED
BY HILLBILLY CRACKPOTS.

REALLY?
HOW ARROGANT OF YOU

TO THINK THAT
WE ARE THE ONLY FORMS

OF INTELLIGENT LIFE.

I HAVE HOPE IN MY HEART
THAT WE ARE NOT ALONE
IN THIS UNIVERSE

AND THAT THESE
BRILLIANT FORMS OF LIFE
ARE TRYING TO CONTACT US,

HELP US AND PROBE US
FOR INFORMATION.

YOU KNOW,
THERE IS A GAY BAR
THAT DOES EXIST

AND IT'S CALLED
THE SALTY SOMBRERO.

AND IT'S RIGHT
ON THE BORDER OF MEXICO.

I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND
SOME ILLEGAL ALIENS THERE.

OKAY, SCREW SPACE.
GET ME A CAB.

I WANNA DIP MY MICROCHIP
IN SOME FORBIDDEN SALSA.

I'VE BEEN
TO MEXICO BEFORE

AND LET ME JUST SAY
DON'T DRINK THE OIL.

FOR THE ENEMIES OF SQUIDS
AND SHARKS FOUNDATION.

LET'S CUT TO THE CHASE,
ALL RIGHT?

WE'RE ALL AFRAID OF THEM.

LOOK, IF WE DON'T DO SOMETHING
ABOUT GLOBAL WARMING,

THE POLAR ICE CAPS
WILL MELT,

LEAVING US
IN AN UNDERWATER PLANET.

NOW CAN YOU IMAGINE
HOW DIFFERENT OUR HISTORY
WOULD HAVE BEEN

IF WE'D INHERITED
AN UNDERWATER PLANET?

APRIL 14th, 1912--

THE TITANIC, THE WORLD'S
LARGEST SUBMARINE,

SETS OUT ON ITS MAIDEN VOYAGE
ALONG THE OCEAN FLOOR.

THE UNDERWATER VESSEL CRASHES
INTO A SUNKEN PIRATE SHIP.

EVERYONE GOES EXPLORING
FOR TRINKETS AND DOUBLOONS.

- AND SUDDENLY THEY'RE ATTACKED
BY SHARKS AND SQUIDS!
- ( screams )

OF COURSE!
COME ON, PAY ATTENTION!

AW, NO ONE SURVIVED...

EXCEPT FOR ONE OLD LADY
WHO THREW A DIAMOND
OVERBOARD AND...

IT'S "TITANIC 2."
IT'S A SCREENPLAY I--

IF YOU WANT IT,
IT'S JUST SITTING THERE.

- ( farting, plopping )
- I HATE TO RUSH YOU,

BUT WE'RE GETTING READY
TO HAVE DINNER.

Nick:
I'M NOT HUNGRY.
THANKS THOUGH.

YOU GUYS GO UPSTAIRS
AND WE'LL ALL JOIN YOU LATER.

- WE DON'T HAVE AN UPSTAIRS.
- ( farting, plopping
continues )

YEAH, I KNOW.
WE JUST--

WE THOUGHT ABOUT BUILDING IT
WHEN I LIVED HERE.

I DON'T THINK HE'S EVER
BEEN HERE BEFORE.

- YEAH, I HAVE.
I HEARD THAT.
- ( squishing, plopping )

OKAY, WHAT'S THE ADDRESS?

- IS IT LIKE BLAH BLAH BLAH
MAIN STREET?
- NO.

IS IT SUCK MY --
BOULEVARD?

OKAY, THAT'S IT.
I'M CALLING THE POLICE.

- CAN I HELP YOU?
- YEAH, I USED TO LIVE HERE.

OH, REALLY?

OOH, VICTORIA'S SECRET.
THIS'LL WORK.

OH, MY OLD CLOSET.

- WAIT.
- AHH...

( zipper unzips )

- IS HE MASTURBATING?
- ( farting, plopping )

- ( Nick straining )
I'M ALMOST DONE.
- I'M NOT.

( both moaning )

YOU KNOW WHAT THIS
REMINDS ME OF?

- OUR HONEYMOON.
- MM-HMM.

Man:
IS THIS SOMETHING THAT
YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO DO?

YES. EVER SINCE
I WAS A LITTLE KID,

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED
TO BE A FOREST RANGER.

THAT WAS MY DREAM.

I GOT MY UNDERGRADUATE
IN FORESTRY

AT SOUTHERN ILLINOIS
UNIVERSITY.

I GOT MY MASTER'S

IN TREE SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY
AT OREGON STATE.

AND I COMPLETED
MY DOCTORAL THESIS

ON THE PRESERVATION
OF OUR ANIMALS AND PLANT LIFE

IN OUR NATIONAL PARKS.

BUT NOW I SPEND
THE BULK OF MY TIME

DRIVING AROUND OUR PARKS,

TRYING TO STOP GAY DUDES
FROM -- EACH OTHER.

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?

AHEM, UH, WE'RE WITH
THE AUDUBON SOCIETY.

- WE'RE BIRDWATCHING.
- REALLY?

BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE
THE BINOCULARS ARE POINTING
AT HIS -- ON YOUR PENIS.

WELL YEAH, A BIRD,
IT LANDED ON MY PENIS
AND I WAS WATCHING IT.

OKAY, THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN.

WHY DON'T YOU GUYS
GET OUT OF HERE,
ALL RIGHT?

MOVE IT ALONG.
YOU KNOW THE DRILL.

DON'T STEP ON THE JUNEBERRY.
IT'S ENDANGERED.

COME ON, MAN.

NOT GONNA BE BRINGING
MY KIDS TO THE OFFICE,

THAT'S FOR SURE.

MY DAILY ROUTINE?

UM, WELL,
IT'S PRETTY SIMPLE.

I COME TO WORK
AND I DO MY FIRST LAP
AROUND 6:15 A.M.

YOU KNOW,
ABOUT 10 MINUTES IN

I'LL SEE SOME RUSTLING
IN ONE OF OUR BUSHES.

WOW, THIS IS REALLY COOL.

WE'VE STUMBLED UPON
SOME CARIBOU.

WHAT IN...?

DAMN IT!

IT'S NOT.
IT'S A GUY NAMED MARK

WHO CAME DOWN
FROM SAN FRANCISCO.

AND HE ROPED IN SOME TWINK
AND THEY'RE GOING AT IT.

GET OUTTA HERE,
GUYS! GET!

AND NOW IT'S MY JOB
TO BREAK THEM UP,

LIKE SOME KIND
OF GAY ORGY REFEREE.

UGH.
( sniffs )

RASPBERRY LUBE ALL OVER
THE ELAEAGNUS COMMUTATA.

- YOU WANT A DART?
- ( pops )

A LITTLE GIFT.
THIS IS MY FETISH, GUYS.

ONE TIME I ACTUALLY
GOT THE IDEA OF PUTTING

A REALLY HANDSOME MANNEQUIN
NEXT TO AN OAK TREE

AND SPRAYED HIM
WITH COLOGNE

AND PUT SOME
REALLY NICE SHOES ON HIM.

THIS IS BRYAN PHILLIPPE
I CALL HIM, RYAN'S BROTHER.

I USE HIM
FOR GAY CRUISERS.

WHEN TEDDY ROOSEVELT
CAME UP WITH THE IDEA
OF NATIONAL PARKS,

I DON'T THINK THIS IS WHAT
HE HAD IN MIND.

I'M 100% ON THAT.

IT SHOULD TAKE
ABOUT AN HOUR OR SO.

OH WOW, THIS ONLY TOOK
FIVE MINUTES.

WHAT WE'RE LOBBYING TO DO
IS OPEN UP A GAY SEX PARK,

ALMOST LIKE
A DISNEYLAND

WHERE'S THERE'S
TONS OF BUSHES,

THERE'S LUBE DISPENSERS
TO KIND OF SIMULATE

ALMOST LIKE A BIODOME
FOR THAT EXPERIENCE.

ALL RIGHT, MAN.
HEY WHOA!

WHOA RELAX.
RELAX YEAH.

I HAVE NOTHING
AGAINST GAY PEOPLE,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

BUT IT'S JUST LIKE
WHY ARE YOU DOING IT

IN OUR HIBISCUS?

WHY ARE YOU DOING IT
IN OUR PLANT LIFE

THAT IS VERY SACRED TO US?

YOU KNOW, I FIND RABBITS
CHEWING ON BUTT PLUGS.

THAT'S MY JOB THOUGH.

( sighs )

YOU KNOW, WHEN I DREAMED
OF BEING A FOREST RANGER
AS A KID,

I-- I DIDN'T THINK
IT WOULD BE LIKE THIS.

I DIDN'T THINK
I WOULD BE WORKING

AT THE WORLD'S BIGGEST
GAY BAR WITH LEAVES.

( rock music playing )

HEY, EVERYBODY.

THANKS FOR TUNING IN AGAIN.
IT'S ME, NICK.

WHEN YOU'RE
WATCHING THE SHOW,
I TRIED TO FIND

AS MANY FUNNY NEW PEOPLE
AS I COULD.

LOOKED ON THE INTERNET AND STUFF
JUST TO GIVE PEOPLE A SHOT,

SO KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR PEOPLE
THAT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN BEFORE

AND LOOK THEM UP ONLINE
AND THEIR SKETCH GROUPS
AND STUFF.

AND ALSO KNOW THAT
THEY'RE ALL BLIND AND DEAF--

EVERYONE ON THE SHOW
BESIDES ME.

AND HERE IT'S RISING
FROM THE GROUND, EVERYONE--

100 YEARS OLD.

( big band music playing )

FOLKS, AS YOU ALL KNOW,

THIS IS THE OLDEST TIME CAPSULE
IN THE COUNTRY,

BURIED HERE IN 1909
BY OUR GREAT-GRANDFATHERS

WHO FOUNDED
OUR BELOVED TOWN.

NOT ONLY IS THIS
AN INSIGHT

INTO THE HISTORY
OF OUR COUNTRY,

BUT ALSO INTO THE VERY FABRIC
OF WHO WE ARE AS A PEOPLE.

( grunts )

LOOK!

A JART WAS IN HERE.

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THAT IS,

BUT IT MUST HAVE DISAPPEARED
OR WITHERED AWAY.

- ( sniffs )
- OH! DEAR LORD.

THAT SMELLS AWFUL.

CHRIST ALMIGHTY.

OH OH OH.
THIS IS COOL.

THIS MUST HAVE BEEN USED
IN THE, UH--

IN THE COAL MINES.

THEY WOULD SOMEHOW
HAVE IT STAY ON THEIR HEAD

AND THEN WITH THEIR FOREHEADS
CHIP AWAY AT THE ROCK.

( chuckling )

AH... SOME LITERATURE.

"ME AND MRS. GANDY PREPARED
FOR THE CAPSULE."

HEY, THAT'S MY
GREAT-GRANDMOTHER.

( man laughs )

YES.

"AS WE LOOKED
AT THE CHEST BEFORE US,

I GAZED AT HER CHEST
BEFORE ME.

AND AS WE LAID THE CHEST
INTO THE SOIL,

I WILL SOON MAKE MY SOIL
ON HER CHEST."

AH, HE SPREAD THE SOIL
OF OUR LAND ON HIS LADY,

MAKING EARTH
AND WOMEN ONE.

I DON'T-- I DON'T THINK
THAT'S WHAT HE MEANT TO SAY.

YES, WELL...

"MY LADY AND I THEN
HAND IN HAND

SPREAD THE DOWNSTAIRS MIST
FROM THE DEVIL'S CAVE

INTO THE GLASS RECEPTACLE,

THE EVIL WIND LEAVING
OUR TIGHT BALLOON KNOTS

AND INTO THE FUTURE."

( sniffles )

SUCH PROFOUND WORDS
FROM OUR YOUNG LOVERS.

YOU MUST BE SO PROUD
OF YOUR GRANDMOTHER.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M NOT, ALL RIGHT?

IT SOUNDS LIKE SOME GUY
TOOK A CRAP ON HER TITS

AND THEN FARTED INTO A JAR
AND YOU SMELLED IT.

SHE SOUNDS LIKE A PIG.

YEAH, MAN, ALL THIS STUFF
IS DISGUSTING.

YOU JUST PUT A STRAP-ON DILDO
AGAINST YOUR FOREHEAD.
IT'S MESSED UP.

YOU HAVE NO PROOF OF THESE
PERVERTED ACCUSATIONS.

SO WHEN THEY'RE
CHIPPING AWAY AT THE COAL,

WHAT DOES THE, UH--
THE FAKE PUBES

AND THE FAKE BALLS DO
IN THAT SITUATION?

HOW DARE YOU SHAME
YOUR FAMILIES?

THIS IS THE WAY
THEY LIVED.

SOMETHING MAY
LOOK PHALLIC,

BUT IT'S YOUR MIND
MAKING IT THAT WAY.

LOOK AT THIS--

A CHILD'S PIGGY BANK

WITH SLOTS FOR
DIFFERENT SIZED COINS, HUH?

LET'S SEE.

WHAT HAVE WE HERE?

A YO-YO-LIKE TOY.

SOMETHING ELSE
FOR THE CHILDREN.

LOOK AT THIS.

THIS MAY VERY WELL BE

THE FIRST STOP SIGN
EVER MADE.

AND WHAT IS PERVERTED
ABOUT THIS, HUH?

NOTHING.

THIS IS WHAT WE BUILT.

THIS IS WHERE
OUR MINDS WERE.

AND THERE'S A PLAQUE
ON THE BACK.

"THIS SIGN
WAS PAINTED IN...

BLOOD FROM MY ANUS.

PLEASE STOP -- ME.

THIS TOWN IS A PERVERTED
-- SUCK CULT.

THE FUTURE IS BLEAK."

COME ON, COME ON.

AND I MUST SAY
IT'S VERY IMPRESSIVE.

YOU RAN
AN ARCHITECTURAL FIRM.

YOU MADE NORTH
OF SIX FIGURES.

FULL MEDICAL, FULL DENTAL.

I JUST-- I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY YOU WANT TO WORK

FOR MINIMUM WAGE
HERE AT THE CUPCAKE FACTORY.

WELL, A CHANGE OF CAREER
CAN BE GOOD.

- YOU KNOW,
FOLLOW YOUR BLISS.
- RIGHT.

BUT YOU DO REALIZE
YOU'LL BE MAKING
$7.50 AN HOUR

AND WORKING
THE GRAVEYARD SHIFT?

DOES THE MAN THAT COUNTS
THE CUPCAKES WORK AT NIGHT?

NO, WE HAVE A MACHINE
THAT DOES THAT.

NO.

IS-- IS THERE A MAN
WHOSE MAIN RESPONSIBILITIES

ARE DEALING
WITH THE SURPLUS

WHEN YOU MAKE
TOO MANY CUPCAKES?

THAT JOB DOES NOT EXIST.

TOO BAD. UH...

IS THERE
A TASTING POSITION

TO ENSURE
QUALITY CONTROL?

UH, YES, BUT AGAIN THAT IS DONE
BY COMPUTERS AND MACHINES.

DAMN COMPUTERS.

YOU KNOW, I'M REALLY GOOD
WITH MY HANDS.

I COULD-- I COULD FIX
THE BROKEN CUPCAKES

USING THE FROSTING AS A GLUE
TO PUT THEM BACK TOGETHER

- AND FIT THEM BACK
IN THE CUPS.
- YEAH...

THE GLUE FROSTING GUY
DOESN'T EXIST.

UM, I'M SORRY, MAN.

I DON'T THINK THERE'S
ANYTHING HERE FOR YOU.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

- THERE IS A POSITION
YOU MIGHT LIKE.
- OH?

SOMETIMES A MACHINE
WILL GET STUCK

- AND IT'LL GET BURIED UNDER
AN AVALANCHE OF CUPCAKES.
- OH.

PROBABLY ABOUT 25' OR SO--

- SOLID CUPCAKE.
- YES.

- SO WE NEED
TO HIRE A MAN...
- YES.

...WHO'D BE WILLING
TO EAT THROUGH

ALL THE DELICIOUS LAYERS
OF CUPCAKE.

YES YES YES!

COULD YOU WHISPER
THAT LAST THING YOU
JUST SAID TO ME?

YES, OF COURSE.

( whispering )
WE'D LIKE TO HIRE A MAN
WHO WOULD BE WILLING

TO EAT THROUGH ALL
THE DELICIOUS CUPCAKES...

YES.

...CHEW THROUGH
THE FROSTING...

- SO MUCH FROSTING.
- ...SPRINKLES...

( gasps )

DON'T HIRE THE FAT GUY!
HE'S TRYING TO TRICK YOU.

IT'S OKAY, SWEETHEART.
IT WAS JUST A DREAM.

HE JUST WANTED
TO EAT CUPCAKES

AND THEN HE STARTED
MASTURBATING WITHOUT
HIS HANDS.

YOU'RE SAFE WITH ME.

IT WAS SO REAL.

( "Jarabe Tapatío" playing )

( speaking Spanish )

VáMONOS.
SIT ON MY FACE.

* P-R-E-T-E-N-D
T-I-M-E. *

Man's voice:
TERRIFIC.

- OH YEAH.

ALL RIGHT, WELL,
BE CAREFUL OVER THERE.

THIS IS KIND OF A BIG AREA
FOR GAY CRUISING AND STUFF.

- OH, THAT'S HORRIBLE.
THANKS FOR THE HEADS-UP.
- YEAH, ANYTIME, MAN.

YOU OKAY, MA'AM?

YEAH, JUST SUPER
TURNED ON NOW.

- WILL YOU ATTACK ME?
- HEY, WHOA.

THAT'S AGAINST PROTOCOL,
ALL RIGHT?

I'M A GUY GUY.
THAT'S NOT HOW WE DO THINGS.

WHY DON'T YOU GO SHOWER UP?

I LIKE THOSE HEELS.