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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:07,520 " For he himself has said it" 2 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:12,160 " And it's greatly to his credit" 3 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:17,640 " That he is an Englishman" 4 00:00:17,720 --> 00:00:21,240 " That he is an Englishman" 5 00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:27,280 " For he might have been a Roosian" 6 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:31,360 " A French, or Turk, or Proosian" 7 00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:35,520 " Or perhaps Itali-an!" 8 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:40,040 " Or perhaps Itali-an!" 9 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:45,000 " But in spite of all temptations" 10 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:49,160 " To belong to other nations" 11 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:53,520 " He remains an Englishman!" 12 00:00:53,600 --> 00:01:00,080 " He remains an Eng`Eng-Eng-Eng 13 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:06,560 " Englishman! " 14 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,600 Oh! 15 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:31,520 Watford 0-5-7-9. 16 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:33,560 Hello, Ross. 17 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:36,640 Nothing much. You? 18 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:39,760 What time? 19 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:43,600 OK, I'll see you there. 20 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:45,640 Right, cheers. 21 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:51,960 Oh! 22 00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:57,600 Oh! 23 00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:02,680 Oh, shit. 24 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:05,160 Because he gets up in the morning 25 00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:07,760 And he goes to work at nine 26 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:10,760 And he comes back home at five-thirty 27 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:13,480 Gets the same train every time 28 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:15,920 And he's, oh, so healthy 29 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:18,680 In his body and his mind. 30 00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:22,240 He's a well-respected man about town 31 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:27,320 ? Doing the best things so conservatively ? 32 00:02:29,660 --> 00:02:31,660 "A Well Respected Man" - The Kinks 33 00:02:39,180 --> 00:02:43,340 There he is, the late Mr Sloane. Where have you been, son? 34 00:02:43,420 --> 00:02:47,300 Sorry, I got hung up on a broken pipe. 35 00:02:47,380 --> 00:02:49,540 What's with the plaster on your head? 36 00:02:49,620 --> 00:02:53,340 Were you getting roughed up by some wild tart when I rang? Who? 37 00:02:53,420 --> 00:02:56,300 No, I banged it on a cupboard. Silly, isn't it? Oh, yeah? 38 00:02:56,380 --> 00:02:59,940 That same cupboard that gave you that love bite you're trying to hide under your shirt? 39 00:03:00,020 --> 00:03:04,540 Oi, oi! It's not a love bite. It's a shaving rash. Oh, is it? Right. 40 00:03:04,620 --> 00:03:07,620 Here you go, mate. This pint's yours. 41 00:03:07,700 --> 00:03:11,180 Ooh! Thanks, Beans, but 42 00:03:11,260 --> 00:03:14,180 I think I'm just going to have a half tonight, actually. 43 00:03:14,260 --> 00:03:17,420 "Hi Ho Silver Lining" - Jeff Beck 44 00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:19,340 Sloaney, what's wrong? Nothing's wrong. 45 00:03:19,420 --> 00:03:22,180 Just trying to cut back a bit, that's all. 46 00:03:24,740 --> 00:03:28,980 Oh, you had us going there, mate. Good one. 47 00:03:29,060 --> 00:03:32,660 There'll be no cutting back on anything. We've got a double celebration on our hands. 48 00:03:32,740 --> 00:03:35,940 Oh, Reg, Reg, Reg, Reg. Don't be daft, he won't mind. 49 00:03:36,020 --> 00:03:39,260 I won't mind what? Our mate, Mr Ross Baynard here, 50 00:03:39,340 --> 00:03:42,300 after nine years hard labour at Lynch and Saunders... 51 00:03:42,380 --> 00:03:44,540 Which I owe all to Sloaney. Cheers to that. 52 00:03:44,620 --> 00:03:49,180 Anyway, our mate has now received a well-earned promotion to... 53 00:03:49,260 --> 00:03:53,580 What is it again, Ross? Supervising Accounts Manager. 54 00:03:53,660 --> 00:03:57,420 Supervising Accounts Manager, whatever that means. 55 00:03:57,500 --> 00:04:01,020 Wow! That's really great. 56 00:04:01,100 --> 00:04:04,700 Listen, Sloaney, I hope this isn't awkward for you. 57 00:04:04,780 --> 00:04:06,740 No. Why would it be? Well, you know, 58 00:04:06,820 --> 00:04:09,460 I know this was the promotion that you were up for 59 00:04:09,540 --> 00:04:11,500 before you, you know... 60 00:04:11,580 --> 00:04:14,340 Um, look, it's not like I was vying for it. 61 00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:16,500 It's brilliant. 62 00:04:16,580 --> 00:04:19,820 You know, it's like keeping it in the family. Yeah. 63 00:04:20,900 --> 00:04:25,060 Cheers, well done. Cheers. Cheers, thanks, Sloaney. Well done. 64 00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:32,060 Daddy, I'm tired and I have school tomorrow. 65 00:04:32,140 --> 00:04:35,860 Oh, yeah, sorry, son. OK, let daddy get his car keys. 66 00:04:35,940 --> 00:04:39,620 All right, Brian? Hey, Brian. Hi, fellas. 67 00:04:39,700 --> 00:04:42,300 There you go, son. Wait in the car for daddy. 68 00:04:42,380 --> 00:04:45,380 I'll just be another hour or so, OK. 69 00:04:46,460 --> 00:04:49,060 Oh, and if you get cold, the dog blanket is in the boot. 70 00:04:49,140 --> 00:04:51,220 I know. 71 00:04:51,300 --> 00:04:52,860 See you, Brian. See you, Brian. 72 00:04:52,940 --> 00:04:56,140 It's great being a dad. Mm, what was the second piece of news? 73 00:04:56,220 --> 00:04:59,940 Oh, yeah, Reggie's getting married. Huh? 74 00:05:00,020 --> 00:05:03,340 I said, Reggie is getting married. Oh yeah, right. 75 00:05:03,420 --> 00:05:07,580 Julie and I are getting married. Well, that is a surprise. 76 00:05:07,660 --> 00:05:10,940 I know. I know I said I'd never get married again 77 00:05:11,020 --> 00:05:14,900 after Nancy but I still feel about Julie the same as the day I met her. 78 00:05:14,980 --> 00:05:17,980 Well, it's been what two weeks? Almost three. Almost three. 79 00:05:18,060 --> 00:05:21,500 I'm sorry, my mistake. At least I've been having fun since being single, 80 00:05:21,580 --> 00:05:23,860 not always whingeing on like some people. You. 81 00:05:23,940 --> 00:05:27,380 I'm not single. Merely separated. When Janet sorts herself out, 82 00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:29,420 we'll be back better than ever. 83 00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:34,300 Do you really think Janet's going to turn up at your front door after all this time? Yeah, well, why not? 84 00:05:34,380 --> 00:05:38,260 She's only just gone to find herself. Find herself. Yeah, yeah. 85 00:05:38,340 --> 00:05:42,260 Still don't know what that means. Sloane and I are the lucky ones, right, Sloaney? Mm. 86 00:05:42,340 --> 00:05:45,980 We got our freedom. We don't have to answer to nobody. Beans! 87 00:05:46,060 --> 00:05:50,820 Your mum wants you home. I'm off. Hang on, Beans. I've got a toast. 88 00:05:52,660 --> 00:05:55,580 This is an auspicious time for us. 89 00:05:55,660 --> 00:05:58,540 New jobs, new wives, a new decade. 90 00:05:58,620 --> 00:06:04,220 The 1970s will soon be upon us and our youth will soon be behind us. 91 00:06:04,300 --> 00:06:09,340 So let's enjoy it while we can but let's do it together. 92 00:06:09,420 --> 00:06:13,460 Together. Together. Together, cheers. Cheers. 93 00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:16,580 Right, I'm off. See you later. 94 00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:22,340 Mm. 95 00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:26,300 Waste not want not. 96 00:06:50,940 --> 00:06:55,780 "Do you know why policemen were originally called Peelers?" 97 00:06:55,860 --> 00:06:59,300 " The Stripper"" 98 00:07:37,620 --> 00:07:39,620 " God Save The Queen" 99 00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:47,020 Long live our no... 100 00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:52,900 ? ..ble queen God save Queen ? 101 00:07:56,620 --> 00:07:58,940 Ohhhh! 102 00:08:38,700 --> 00:08:40,220 Huh! 103 00:08:47,140 --> 00:08:49,460 Would you like to sit down? 104 00:08:49,540 --> 00:08:53,100 Oh, no, thank you, that's very kind. I'm getting off at the next stop. 105 00:08:53,180 --> 00:08:56,340 Hmm. When's it due? 106 00:08:56,420 --> 00:08:58,860 Excuse me? Your little arrival. 107 00:08:58,940 --> 00:09:01,380 When's it due? I'm not... 108 00:09:01,460 --> 00:09:05,820 Nothing is due. I'm prone to bloat. And you are very rude! 109 00:09:05,900 --> 00:09:08,140 I beg your pardon. Please mind your own business. 110 00:09:13,460 --> 00:09:15,060 Well done. 111 00:09:16,940 --> 00:09:19,460 Thank you for the show of support. 112 00:09:19,540 --> 00:09:21,500 It was like a car crash happening in slow motion. 113 00:09:21,580 --> 00:09:23,620 I was powerless to stop it. 114 00:09:23,700 --> 00:09:26,580 I can tell by your solemn demeanour that you regret not coming to my aid. 115 00:09:26,660 --> 00:09:31,020 I think the rule of thumb is never ask a woman if she's pregnant, even if her waters have just broken. 116 00:09:31,100 --> 00:09:34,300 Yeah, sage advice. I'd do well to remember that. 117 00:09:35,620 --> 00:09:38,540 Spanner. All right, I already said it was a mistake. 118 00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:41,620 Seven down. "Wrench with fixed jaws." 119 00:09:41,700 --> 00:09:43,660 Ah, yes. 120 00:09:43,740 --> 00:09:45,700 Thank you very much. 121 00:09:45,780 --> 00:09:49,700 Though, to be honest, I'm not really doing it properly. 122 00:09:49,780 --> 00:09:51,740 I just like to sit on public transport 123 00:09:51,820 --> 00:09:54,220 filling in random words so strangers think I'm clever. 124 00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:56,860 It's obviously very effective. 125 00:09:59,060 --> 00:10:01,300 Um, I'm Jeremy, by the way. 126 00:10:01,380 --> 00:10:03,500 Janet. Hello. 127 00:10:05,900 --> 00:10:09,140 Well, this is where I get off, said the actress to the bishop. 128 00:10:09,220 --> 00:10:12,980 I know. You know? I'm on this train every morning, I see you. 129 00:10:13,060 --> 00:10:16,940 I see. Well, likely, I'll see you again then. We'll see. 130 00:10:17,020 --> 00:10:18,900 Hmm. Have a good day. 131 00:10:44,140 --> 00:10:46,140 Huh! 132 00:10:52,220 --> 00:10:53,220 Ha! 133 00:11:12,500 --> 00:11:14,620 Good morning, Mr Sloane. Good morning. 134 00:11:14,700 --> 00:11:17,580 Good morning, Mr Sloane. Good morning. 135 00:11:17,660 --> 00:11:19,900 Good morning, Mr Sloane. Good morning. 136 00:11:22,900 --> 00:11:25,060 Good morning. Good morning, tosser. 137 00:11:25,140 --> 00:11:27,540 That's Mr Tosser to you, dear minion. 138 00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:31,260 Sorry, no disrespect intended. Good morning, Mr Tosser. 139 00:11:31,340 --> 00:11:33,500 That's better. You're here awfully early. 140 00:11:33,580 --> 00:11:35,500 Your greyhound's not running today? 141 00:11:35,580 --> 00:11:38,540 I wanted to finish the Kenton profit and loss, on your desk. 142 00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:41,460 Wow! 143 00:11:41,540 --> 00:11:45,020 Yes. Yeah, very fast. 144 00:11:45,100 --> 00:11:48,940 - You didn't hire me just because I was good looking, did you? - Not just, no. 145 00:11:49,020 --> 00:11:52,100 Morning, boys. Morning. Morning, Mr Saunders. 146 00:11:52,180 --> 00:11:54,660 How's the new chap working out? 147 00:11:54,740 --> 00:11:58,220 Ah, well I'm afraid we may have to let him go, sir. 148 00:11:58,300 --> 00:12:00,940 He's a little too ambitious for my blood. 149 00:12:01,020 --> 00:12:04,220 Well, that's good enough for me. Baynard, you're sacked. 150 00:12:07,420 --> 00:12:11,580 Everything else all right? Yes. I'd say more than all right. 151 00:12:11,660 --> 00:12:15,020 Ooh, well that sounds intriguing. Care to extrapolate? 152 00:12:15,100 --> 00:12:18,740 Actually, something happened to me on the Tube this morning. 153 00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:20,860 Well, go on, son. 154 00:12:20,940 --> 00:12:23,740 I think I met a girl. 155 00:12:23,820 --> 00:12:26,180 Sloaney, that's brilliant. 156 00:12:26,260 --> 00:12:28,220 You think you met her, or you think she's a girl? 157 00:12:28,300 --> 00:12:31,460 Well, both, I hope. Excellent news. 158 00:12:31,540 --> 00:12:34,700 I was starting to get worried about you, Sloane. My advice? 159 00:12:34,780 --> 00:12:37,500 Marry her. Well, I might have to ask her out first. 160 00:12:37,580 --> 00:12:40,660 Ooh, it's a mere technicality. Look, I know you, Sloane. 161 00:12:40,740 --> 00:12:43,820 You're meant to be married. You need regularity, 162 00:12:43,900 --> 00:12:50,460 stability, predictability. Yeah, this sounds like kismet to me. 163 00:12:50,540 --> 00:12:52,980 Kismet. I mean, look at Ethel and I. 164 00:12:53,060 --> 00:12:56,620 We were perfectly happy for 20 years 165 00:12:56,700 --> 00:13:00,380 and then we met. 166 00:13:00,460 --> 00:13:04,820 He always does it. Well, come along, boys, time is money. Yes. 167 00:13:04,900 --> 00:13:08,580 Yes, absolutely. Jeremy Sloane, you old dog. What's her name? 168 00:13:08,660 --> 00:13:14,420 Her name is Janet. Janet. Look at us, Sloaney. 169 00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:16,620 The gods are really smiling down on us. 170 00:13:16,700 --> 00:13:20,500 I'm finally employed, me and Sandra have got baby Brian, 171 00:13:20,580 --> 00:13:25,180 Reggie and Nancy are married, Beans is looking to move out of his mum's house, 172 00:13:25,260 --> 00:13:29,620 and now you and Janet. The '60s are going to be our decade, my son. 173 00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:32,660 I can feel it. Pub tonight? 174 00:13:32,740 --> 00:13:36,180 No, I'm trying to cut back. I think this beer's keeping me weighty. 175 00:13:39,300 --> 00:13:42,780 All right, fine. What's a pint with friends? 176 00:13:42,860 --> 00:13:46,060 I can cut back tomorrow. That's more like it. 177 00:13:46,140 --> 00:13:48,380 Hey, back to work, please. All right, Mr Tosser. 178 00:14:15,420 --> 00:14:17,420 What? 179 00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:19,100 Oh! 180 00:14:29,820 --> 00:14:31,820 Watford 0-5-7-9. 181 00:14:31,900 --> 00:14:34,420 "Yes, is this Mr Jeremy Sloane?" 182 00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:38,020 Speaking. "Mr Sloane, this is Lucille Bates," 183 00:14:38,100 --> 00:14:41,020 "deputy head of St Paul's Primary School in Harrow." 184 00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:46,140 "Hello?" Yes. Yes, I'm sorry. 185 00:14:46,220 --> 00:14:48,180 "We received your CV a few weeks ago." 186 00:14:48,260 --> 00:14:50,580 "It so happens we have a teacher absent today 187 00:14:50,660 --> 00:14:52,620 and nobody available to take her class." 188 00:14:52,700 --> 00:14:55,060 "Would you possibly be interested in filling in?" 189 00:14:55,140 --> 00:14:57,420 Certainly. What time? 190 00:14:57,500 --> 00:14:59,460 "School starts at 8:45." 191 00:14:59,540 --> 00:15:03,300 "You should arrive at 8:30 to be briefed by Headmaster Whitmore." 192 00:15:03,380 --> 00:15:05,980 Right, lovely. 193 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:13,720 Rising early in the morning 194 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:16,560 We proceed to light the fire 195 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:19,880 Then our Majesty adorning Hmm! Argh! 196 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,240 In its work-a-day attire 197 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:25,040 We embark without delay 198 00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:28,600 On the duties of the day 199 00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:32,360 Oh, philosophers may sing of the troubles of a king 200 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:35,120 But of pleasures there are many and of troubles there are none 201 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:37,800 And the culminating pleasure that we treasure beyond measure 202 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:43,920 ? Is the gratifying feeling that our duty has been done ? 203 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:50,840 Oh, Mr Sloane? Ah, shit. 204 00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:52,760 Mr Sloane. Hello, Mrs Wyndham. 205 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:56,720 Hello, Nigel. You're up bright and early today. 206 00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:59,760 Yes, first day of a new job. So if you'll excuse me... 207 00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:03,680 How exciting. What is it? It is teaching, Mrs Wyndham. 208 00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:07,440 Now if you'll excuse me. Sounds like you were quite late home last night. 209 00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:10,800 Yes, well, my book group are reading War And Peace so we overran a little. 210 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:15,360 What's happened to your forehead? I banged it on a church pew whilst genuflecting. 211 00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:18,000 Now I really have to go, Mrs Wyndham. 212 00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:21,680 Any word when Mrs Sloane will be back from visiting her sick mother? 213 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,920 Any day now, any day. Well, I'm off. 214 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:27,600 Oh! I almost forgot. 215 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:32,480 This came for you yesterday, all the way from America. 216 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:36,200 I signed for it since you weren't here. Thank you, Mrs Wyndham. 217 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:41,120 It's from the Academy of the Mind. Now what on earth could that be? 218 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:45,600 It's just... It's some foreign language tapes I've been expecting. 219 00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:47,920 What language are you studying? 220 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:51,520 Parlez-vous francais? 221 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:06,160 "Success Is Yours." Hm. 222 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:15,400 "Congratulations. By purchasing the scientifically proven 223 00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:18,480 Success Is Yours Programme, you have already taken 224 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:21,960 the first step towards realising all your goals." 225 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:26,440 "Let's start by repeating out loud a series of positive messages 226 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:29,680 that will unlock your full potential." 227 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:32,360 "Ready? Repeat after me." 228 00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:36,200 "I know exactly where I'm going in life." 229 00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:40,280 Ah, shit! I just missed my bloody turn. "Excellent." 230 00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:44,880 "Let's try another. I will be more open with my feelings." 231 00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:49,040 I won't lie to you. It's not easy. It is not easy. 232 00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:52,200 It's one thing to get sacked from your job of ten years. 233 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,120 It's another to come home and find your wife 234 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,600 leaving you on the very same day. 235 00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:01,960 She said she had to find herself, whatever that means. 236 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:04,000 What does it mean? 237 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:08,640 I can't tell you how, how rough it's been. 238 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:13,760 Just last night, I considered ending it all. 239 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:17,080 Look at that.Look at it. 240 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:19,920 Hm? You looking? You know what that is? 241 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:23,240 That's rope burn. Rope burn. 242 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,800 I'm not proud of it but there it is. 243 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:29,800 You smell like beer. What? Really? Mr Sloane? 244 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:31,880 Yes. Mr Whitmore will see you now. 245 00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:34,720 Yes. You're a very good listener. 246 00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:44,520 Sloane, is it? Yes. 247 00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:46,800 Yes. Jeremy Sloane. 248 00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:49,920 With an "E", like Sloane Square. 249 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:54,160 Are you feeling all right? You look a little green around the gills. 250 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:56,440 No, no, I'm fine, fine. 251 00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:58,720 Just been up all night reading... 252 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:04,560 ..reading the encyclopaedia. I got to volume "S", 253 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:07,280 which is one of my favourites. It's the big one. 254 00:19:07,360 --> 00:19:11,920 Well, if today goes well, we may need to keep you on until 255 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,480 we can find a permanent replacement for Mrs Pitman. 256 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:16,600 Oh, was she sacked? She's dead. 257 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:19,960 Sorry? Her husband called this morning. 258 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:22,560 She never woke up. Apparently, went in her sleep. 259 00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:24,600 Oh, well, that is good news, isn't it? 260 00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:28,640 No, I mean the going in her sleep. 261 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:34,160 Not the death. The death is... It's horrible, it's tragic. Yes. 262 00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:37,480 And she was one of our most popular teachers too. 263 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:41,840 Her pupils adored her. Oh, and how have they taken the news? 264 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:46,400 Sorry to disturb you, Mr Whitmore, but Mr Pitman is on the phone. 265 00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:48,480 Ah, I'll need to take this. 266 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:53,160 Would you ask Mrs Bates to show Mr Sloane to Mrs Pitman's class? 267 00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:56,240 Sorry to cut this short. Good luck today. 268 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,280 Thank you. My condolences to you. 269 00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:02,800 And you may want to give the encyclopaedia a miss tonight. 270 00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:05,080 Yes, "T" can wait till the weekend. 271 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:07,520 Oh! 272 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,480 Oh! Cut. 273 00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:27,360 Boys and girls, this is Mr Sloane. 274 00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:30,360 He will be covering for Mrs Pitman today. 275 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:33,320 Let us please welcome Mr Sloane with a "Good morning". 276 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,160 Good morning, Mr Sloane. 277 00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:39,160 Good morning, boys and girls. Very good. 278 00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:41,520 I expect you to treat Mr Sloane 279 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:45,320 with the same respect that you would show Mrs Pitman. 280 00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:49,840 I'll leave them in your good hands, Mr Sloane. Thank you, Mrs Bates. 281 00:20:51,360 --> 00:20:55,400 Well, as Mrs Bates said, my name is Mr Sloane. 282 00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:57,920 Let me make that easy for you to remember. 283 00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:07,400 Excuse me? 284 00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:10,960 Who's the comedian? I'm sorry, Mr Sloane. 285 00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:13,120 I have a cold and my nose is full of snot. 286 00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:15,880 It's true, sir, he can't help it. 287 00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:20,440 Fine. Well, if you need to blow your nose, please use a tissue. 288 00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:23,280 Don't disrupt the class. Yes, Mr Sloane. 289 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:28,960 Right! 290 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:31,000 Disrespect will not be tolerated. 291 00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:34,000 I understand you are all very upset over the death of Mrs Pitman. 292 00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:38,240 What? That's not funny. That's a terrible joke. 293 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:41,640 It's not a joke. Take it back and say you're sorry. 294 00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:45,760 We love Mrs Pitman! 295 00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:50,040 Ah! 296 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:55,960 Argh! 297 00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:02,440 You, child! Run and get the headmaster 298 00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:04,720 or the deputy head, any grown-up, quickly! 299 00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:10,400 Oh, God! 300 00:22:18,980 --> 00:22:22,860 Children, take your seats immediately! 301 00:22:26,460 --> 00:22:28,060 Good God! 302 00:22:29,460 --> 00:22:32,660 What happened? I merely mentioned the death of Mrs Pitman. 303 00:22:32,740 --> 00:22:35,580 You did what? Why on earth did you do that? 304 00:22:35,660 --> 00:22:37,820 I thought they had been told. Heavens, no. 305 00:22:37,900 --> 00:22:41,020 We were going to announce it at a special assembly after lunch. 306 00:22:41,100 --> 00:22:43,380 We've been working on a speech to break the news gently. 307 00:22:43,460 --> 00:22:47,300 I could have sworn you told me they knew. I said nothing of the kind. 308 00:22:48,780 --> 00:22:52,900 Children! That's enough now. Take your seats. 309 00:22:52,980 --> 00:22:55,900 We want him to go. He's a loony. I'm not a loony. 310 00:22:55,980 --> 00:22:59,980 Mr Sloane, you should wait in the staff room until further notice. 311 00:23:00,060 --> 00:23:03,340 Yes, yes, I think that's probably a good idea, headmaster. 312 00:23:07,660 --> 00:23:10,900 Sorry. I don't know where it is. Mrs Bates will escort you. 313 00:23:12,300 --> 00:23:16,180 Class, I want you in your seats. 314 00:23:16,260 --> 00:23:18,220 And that means all of you. 315 00:23:18,300 --> 00:23:20,260 Sorry. Sorry. 316 00:23:27,740 --> 00:23:30,860 Sloane. 317 00:23:36,060 --> 00:23:40,020 Sloane. Like Sloane Square. 318 00:24:11,380 --> 00:24:13,380 Oh! 319 00:24:15,460 --> 00:24:18,220 "Woman". 320 00:24:18,300 --> 00:24:20,260 Huh! 321 00:24:41,500 --> 00:24:43,580 Penny for your thoughts, Mrs Sloane? 322 00:24:43,660 --> 00:24:46,020 Oh, no-one's ever called me that before. 323 00:24:46,100 --> 00:24:48,540 I should hope not. 324 00:24:48,620 --> 00:24:54,140 I was thinking how sweet it was of Beans to bring his mother to the wedding. Yeah. Good old Beans. 325 00:24:54,220 --> 00:24:56,500 And I thought Ross did a lovely speech. 326 00:24:56,580 --> 00:24:59,460 Did you really save his life or was he speaking figuratively? 327 00:24:59,540 --> 00:25:02,300 It's not like I dragged him out of a burning building 328 00:25:02,380 --> 00:25:05,740 but when I got him the job, he owed a lot of money to some very bad people. 329 00:25:05,820 --> 00:25:08,820 Oh, dear. I didn't know the gambling was that bad. 330 00:25:08,900 --> 00:25:12,740 Back then, yeah. But enough about my friends. 331 00:25:12,820 --> 00:25:15,620 Tell me, look down the road ahead of us. 332 00:25:15,700 --> 00:25:17,660 Do you see what I see? 333 00:25:17,740 --> 00:25:21,460 A lorry? 334 00:25:21,540 --> 00:25:25,060 Not a lorry. I'm talking about our future together. Ah! 335 00:25:25,140 --> 00:25:28,060 What does it look like, sausage? It looks beautiful. 336 00:25:28,140 --> 00:25:31,980 I see adventure. I see travel to exotic places. 337 00:25:32,060 --> 00:25:35,660 I see a life of art, music, culture, romance. 338 00:25:35,740 --> 00:25:39,540 Candlelight dinners, dancing on moonlit beaches. 339 00:25:39,620 --> 00:25:42,660 Oh, it sounds wonderful. I love our future. 340 00:25:42,740 --> 00:25:46,380 You're not... You're not disappointed by our honeymoon destination? 341 00:25:46,460 --> 00:25:49,980 No. No, not at all. 342 00:25:50,060 --> 00:25:53,540 Never been to Southend. Well, look, it's hardly the Med 343 00:25:53,620 --> 00:25:56,980 but with the deposit on the house, we just need to be frugal, 344 00:25:57,060 --> 00:25:59,020 just for a little bit. 345 00:25:59,100 --> 00:26:01,100 Better to plan the future than regret the past. 346 00:26:01,180 --> 00:26:03,700 And I promise, once we get through this, 347 00:26:03,780 --> 00:26:07,140 you'll have a proper honeymoon wherever you'd like to go. 348 00:26:07,220 --> 00:26:10,180 Oh, I don't care, as long as we're together. 349 00:26:10,260 --> 00:26:13,260 I'm sure Southend is the most beautiful place on earth. 350 00:26:13,340 --> 00:26:16,580 It's home to the world's longest pleasure pier. Oh! 351 00:26:24,060 --> 00:26:25,940 Mr Sloane? 352 00:26:26,020 --> 00:26:28,300 Dad? Mr Sloane. 353 00:26:28,380 --> 00:26:30,340 Aaah! 354 00:26:30,420 --> 00:26:33,260 Hello, wasn't sleeping, I was just... 355 00:26:33,340 --> 00:26:35,620 That's all right, Mr Sloane. 356 00:26:35,700 --> 00:26:38,580 We managed to cover Mrs Pitman's class for the rest of the day. 357 00:26:38,660 --> 00:26:40,740 You're free to go home and get some rest. 358 00:26:40,820 --> 00:26:43,020 Oh, right, yeah, if you're sure. 359 00:26:43,100 --> 00:26:45,740 I don't mind sticking around for a bit in case... 360 00:26:45,820 --> 00:26:49,420 Thank you, we'll manage. You'll be paid for the full day. 361 00:26:49,500 --> 00:26:52,260 Pfff! Money. I don't... 362 00:26:52,340 --> 00:26:55,100 All right, thank you. 363 00:26:55,180 --> 00:26:58,380 Will you need me back tomorrow? Not likely. 364 00:26:58,460 --> 00:27:00,300 We'll let you know if that changes. 365 00:27:01,860 --> 00:27:03,860 Right. 366 00:27:05,100 --> 00:27:08,300 Here are my... Thank you. 367 00:27:11,460 --> 00:27:14,140 I really do think you told me they knew. 368 00:27:14,220 --> 00:27:17,100 I'm quite certain I did not. 369 00:27:23,980 --> 00:27:25,980 Cheers. 370 00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:41,120 Ugh! "I enjoy the respect and admiration of my peers." 371 00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:42,640 What? 372 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:44,880 Where's the bloody button gone? 373 00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:48,080 "I know what I want and I know how to get it." Where's the button? 374 00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:51,440 "I refuse to get upset over the small things." 375 00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:53,680 Shut up. Please, shut up. 376 00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:57,120 "I am in control of my own destiny." Aaarrghh. 377 00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:01,840 "I am exceptionally good at what I do." 378 00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:06,000 Piss off. "People are envious of my accomplishments." 379 00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:09,520 Why don't you shove it up your arse? Very good. 380 00:28:12,360 --> 00:28:15,480 "Friends and strangers alike enjoy my company." Shit. 381 00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:20,120 Ah, Mr Sloane, how was your new job? 382 00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:23,840 Excellent, Mrs Wyndham. I got two pay rises on the first day. 383 00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:27,240 Oh, how nice. But aren't you home awfully early? 384 00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:31,280 Well, they sent everyone home. It seems there was a small outbreak of bubonic plague. 385 00:28:31,360 --> 00:28:34,320 Oh, that's awful. Yes, but then the canteen burnt down 386 00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:37,720 and it seemed to put everything right again. Well, that's good. 387 00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:42,120 Isn't it just? Would you mind pulling up a bit? You're on my hose. 388 00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:44,920 I'm sorry? Your tyre is on my hose. 389 00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:51,880 OK. 390 00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:55,080 Certainly, Mrs Wyndham. I'll gladly get off your hose 391 00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:57,120 and, perhaps, one day you could get off mine. 392 00:28:57,200 --> 00:29:00,360 "Women find me very attractive." 393 00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:01,920 Pardon? 394 00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:04,040 You heard me. 395 00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:26,560 Janet. 396 00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:30,200 Hello, Jeremy. What's happened? Are you all right? 397 00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:33,720 Jeremy, I'm so sorry. I've made a terrible mistake. 398 00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:37,560 I must have been mad to leave. How can you ever forgive me? 399 00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:41,800 It's all right, Janet. Come in. 400 00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:47,200 I was so stupid. 401 00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:49,840 I thought my life was lacking something here, 402 00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:52,080 so I had to leave you, only to realise that everything 403 00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:55,000 I was looking for was right here in this house with you. 404 00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:58,640 I'm so sorry. It's all right, love. 405 00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:02,360 The main thing is you're back now. We can pick up where we left off. 406 00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:07,640 Oh! I do love you, Jeremy. I love you too, my darling. 407 00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:14,680 Good Lord! 408 00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:16,280 Oh! 409 00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:17,640 Oh! Ugh! 410 00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:20,600 Get off! Oh, Jeremy, it's just a dog. Be a man for once. 411 00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:22,520 Good God, help me! Someone help me. 412 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:24,280 Janet, help me. 413 00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:27,120 Why are you laughing? Please help. 414 00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:29,920 Why are you laughing? 415 00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:39,720 Ugh! 416 00:30:57,560 --> 00:30:59,840 Here's a pretty mess, in a month or less 417 00:30:59,920 --> 00:31:01,760 I must die without a wedding 418 00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:04,440 Let the bitter tears I'm shedding witness my distress 419 00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:07,120 Here's a pretty mess here's a pretty mess 420 00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:10,920 Here's a state of things to her life she clings 421 00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:14,120 Matrimonial devotion doesn't seem to suit her notion 422 00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:15,720 Burial it brings 423 00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:17,200 Here's a state of things 424 00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:20,000 Here's a how-de-do! Here's a how-de-do! Here's a how-de-do! 425 00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:22,680 For if what he says is true, I cannot, cannot marry you 426 00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:26,040 ? Here's a pretty, pretty state of things ? 427 00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:41,960 Sorry, mate. 428 00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:44,840 That's OK. 429 00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:47,920 Ate a Fray Bentos this morning that disagreed with me. 430 00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:49,880 Mm. Mm-hm. 431 00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:57,920 That's not a disagreement. That's a bloody fight to the finish. 432 00:31:58,000 --> 00:31:59,960 Good God almighty. 433 00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:24,400 I just... I just want you to know, for the record, that wasn't me. 434 00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:26,280 What wasn't you? 435 00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:29,920 The olfactory assault. 436 00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:34,080 Oh! I'm getting over a cold. I'm a bit blocked up anyway, so... 437 00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:36,440 Oh, never mind. 438 00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:39,040 You shouldn't be embarrassed. I grew up with three brothers. 439 00:32:39,120 --> 00:32:41,080 Right, right. 440 00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:44,000 But I mean, seriously, it wasn't me. 441 00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:47,760 If you say so. It's not that I'm just saying so. 442 00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:52,360 There was a man with long hair and a straggly beard. The owner stepped away from the register. 443 00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:54,400 Do you know where I'd find these? 444 00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:59,640 Er, let me have a look. Waste pipe, waste elbow. 445 00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:01,920 Oh, dear God. What? It just hit me. 446 00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:05,360 That's what I was saying. The man with the straggly... Excuse me. No. 447 00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:08,600 Wait. Your, your note! Wait, wait. 448 00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:10,960 You really should be ashamed of yourself. 449 00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:14,080 I swear it wasn't me. I know, I'm kidding. I saw the guy you meant. 450 00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:16,360 He should register himself as a lethal bloody weapon. 451 00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:18,240 Right, the military could probably use him. 452 00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:21,160 Phew! Hey, the waste pipes. 453 00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:25,400 What size do you need? Oh, it's on the paper. Oh, hang on. Yes. 454 00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:29,160 Right. Waste pipe, one and a half inch. 455 00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:34,800 And four and a half inch waste elbow. Is that right? Yes. 456 00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:36,920 That's so great. Thank you so much. 457 00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:40,080 It's my pleasure. You don't happen to be a professional handyman, do you? 458 00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:44,640 No, no, certainly not. Just handy enough around my own house is all. 459 00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:47,680 Oh, OK. Well, it was nice meeting you. I'm Robin, by the way. 460 00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:51,120 Hey, Robin. I'm Jeremy. Hi. 461 00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:53,720 Good luck with your, um... 462 00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:56,040 Oh, my plumbing, right. It's just a leak under the sink. 463 00:33:56,120 --> 00:34:01,040 OK. Well, it was nice meeting you considering the circumstances. 464 00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:04,240 I was going to say, if we had kids we'd have a funny about how we met. 465 00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:06,720 Yeah. 466 00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:10,400 Sorry. I was not being forward. 467 00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:13,680 That was a joke. I'm American. Oh, I gathered that. 468 00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:18,960 I'm going to head off this way to avoid the toxic cloud. 469 00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:21,240 Good idea, me too. 470 00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:22,720 OK. 471 00:34:59,080 --> 00:35:00,800 Hi. I was just thinking. 472 00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:04,000 I could probably help you with your sink if you, if you wanted me to. 473 00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:06,960 That would be great. You wouldn't mind? No, not at all. 474 00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:10,120 Oh, you're so nice. Here, let me just write down my number for you. 475 00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:15,240 Your wife won't mind you running off to some strange girl's apartment? 476 00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:17,280 My wife? Yeah. 477 00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:19,760 Oh, no, it's fine. 478 00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:25,600 Well, thanks. It's just a slow leak but I think it's getting worse. OK. 479 00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:29,080 Well, I could probably come round tomorrow. That would be great. 480 00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:32,400 When you know what time, give me a call and I'll give you my address. 481 00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:35,400 It's an apartment on Brunswick Street. Yeah, I'll call you first. 482 00:35:35,480 --> 00:35:37,520 Cool. Thanks, Jeremy. 483 00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:40,880 Bye. Bye. 484 00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:52,080 "I will no longer be troubled by my worries of yesterday." 485 00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:55,800 What worries? I have no idea what you're talking about. 486 00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:58,960 "Tomorrow will be an even better day than today." 487 00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:01,280 You sure got that right, buddy. 488 00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:04,160 Hee-hee! 489 00:36:04,240 --> 00:36:06,760 "Major-General's Song" - Gilbert and Sullivan 490 00:36:11,240 --> 00:36:13,840 I am the very model of a modern major-general 491 00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:16,000 I've information vegetable, animal and mineral 492 00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:18,720 I know the kings of England and I quote the facts historical 493 00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:21,320 From Marathon to Waterloo and all the categorical 494 00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:25,320 ? I am very well acquainted to... ? 495 00:36:27,360 --> 00:36:30,120 Watford 0-5-7-9. Hello, Ross. 496 00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:32,200 Nothing much. You? 497 00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:34,240 What time? 498 00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:36,640 All right, yeah, I'll see you then. 499 00:36:36,720 --> 00:36:38,640 Right, cheers. 500 00:36:43,720 --> 00:36:45,280 Hm-hm. 501 00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:47,680 Have you and Julie set a date yet? 502 00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:50,680 Yeah, probably February. And she's got lots of friends, Sloaney. 503 00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:53,200 Now weddings are a great place to meet the ladies. 504 00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:55,560 Yes, they are, except I'm not single. 505 00:36:55,640 --> 00:37:00,680 Yeah. You're just separated. Would you think less of me if I put you straight on that? Don't worry. 506 00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:04,560 I'm not sure I could think less of you. Ross, you're a reasonable man. 507 00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:07,760 Do you think Janet's ever coming back? Short answer? No. 508 00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:11,520 Long answer? No-o-o-o-o-o-o. 509 00:37:12,840 --> 00:37:15,800 See, that's why I'll never get married. 510 00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:18,560 I'm just going to find a woman who hates me and then buy her a house. 511 00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:22,200 You'll never marry because you'd have to move out of your old bedroom. Yeah, that too. 512 00:37:22,280 --> 00:37:24,600 Why did we just get crisps? Where are the peanuts? 513 00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:27,360 They didn't have any. Since when does a pub run out of peanuts? 514 00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:32,360 I don't know. Maybe they're out of season. Peanuts have seasons? They grow in the ground, don't they? 515 00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:35,080 Hang on. So by your account, all nuts would be seasonal. 516 00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:37,840 I reckon, yeah. Cashews. Sure. 517 00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:40,480 Hazelnuts. Why not? Almonds. Pistachios. 518 00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:44,040 Walnuts. Yes, yes, yes. So when would walnut season be exactly? 519 00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:47,520 Well, I don't know because I'm not a bleeding walnut farmer, am I? 520 00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:51,240 You're not a peanut farmer but you seem to know about peanut season. 521 00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:53,440 Where do nuts come from, anyway? 522 00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:55,560 By definition, Brazil nuts must come from Brazil. 523 00:37:55,640 --> 00:37:58,400 No, I mean, do they grow on bushes? No, trees, I think. 524 00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:01,040 I think if there were peanut trees one of us would have seen one. 525 00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:03,160 I've never seen a plum tree but I'm sure they exist. 526 00:38:03,240 --> 00:38:06,160 I think they grow underground. What, plum trees? Peanuts! 527 00:38:06,240 --> 00:38:09,680 How do you know where to find them? What? How would you find them if they're buried? 528 00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:12,560 A carrot's got the leafy part above ground so you know where to dig 529 00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:16,080 but what sprouts out of a peanut to flag its location? 530 00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:20,360 A bloody peanut tree. Don't be daft. You'd know it would be there because you would have planted it. 531 00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:23,320 Planted it from what? A peanut seed? Well, why not? 532 00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:25,600 Because peanuts don't have seeds. How do you know? 533 00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:28,680 When's the last time you ate a peanut and had to spit out seeds? 534 00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:31,720 Wait a minute. I think the peanut is a seed. No, that doesn't make sense. 535 00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:35,280 Why would you plant a seed only to grow the same seed over again? 536 00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:38,440 You'd never get anywhere. Well, coconuts definitely grow on trees. 537 00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:41,760 A coconut is not actually a nut. Course it is. It's got "nut" right in the title. 538 00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:44,960 But it's not a proper nut. They don't sell coconuts in a pub. 539 00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:48,200 They might in Hawaii. I don't think they have pubs in Hawaii. 540 00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:51,400 Well, gentlemen, this has been absolutely riveting 541 00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:54,480 but I'm off. If I don't see you, have a bloody great weekend. 542 00:38:54,560 --> 00:38:57,520 If we don't see you, it will be a bloody great weekend, won't it? 543 00:38:57,600 --> 00:39:01,160 I hope you brought your brolly. I think it might be spitting a bit. 544 00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:04,720 Oh, you bugger. 545 00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:07,400 Oh! Oh! 546 00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:10,240 Oh! Ugh! 547 00:39:12,160 --> 00:39:14,320 Hiya, Brian. Are you all right? 548 00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:18,600 Good boy. Ugh! Ah! 549 00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:19,640 Ugh! 550 00:39:19,720 --> 00:39:22,040 Oh, shit. 551 00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:29,400 Ya-ha-ha! Victory! 552 00:39:29,480 --> 00:39:31,880 Oh! Ah! 553 00:39:31,960 --> 00:39:34,280 Oh! 554 00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:39,280 Ah-ha-ha! There you are. 555 00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:40,680 Oh! 556 00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:45,360 "No-one can make me feel bad about my..." 557 00:39:46,240 --> 00:39:48,160 Save it for when I need it, my friend. 558 00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:54,600 What a difference a day makes 559 00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:58,440 ? 24 little hours... ? 560 00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:01,720 Hello, is this Robin? 561 00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:05,600 It's Jeremy Sloane. Yeah, we met yesterday at the ironmongers. 562 00:40:06,720 --> 00:40:10,680 Why, thank you, that is very flattering. 563 00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:14,920 Now I wanted to know if you still needed me to come over and, er,... 564 00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:17,640 ..lay a little pipe. 565 00:40:17,720 --> 00:40:23,200 "Oh-ho-ho! You naughty little monkey. Huh!" 566 00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:27,160 "What time is good for you?" As soon as possible? 567 00:40:27,240 --> 00:40:29,320 Huh. Let me just check my diary. 568 00:40:29,400 --> 00:40:33,520 Yeah, yeah, I think I can manage that. 569 00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:35,640 Now tell me, what's your exact address 570 00:40:35,720 --> 00:40:37,680 because I've only got your phone number. 571 00:40:43,520 --> 00:40:46,760 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 572 00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:49,040 Shit, shit, shit. 573 00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:52,800 Oh shit! Ugh! Oh! 574 00:40:57,920 --> 00:40:59,920 Oh! 575 00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:15,800 "I enjoy living the good life." 576 00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:18,840 Shut up! 577 00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:25,800 She's American, five-foot two, lovely chestnut-brown hair. 578 00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:28,280 Hello, Jeremy. Hello. 579 00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:30,480 She's half your age. She's nothing of the sort. 580 00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:34,600 At least she won't associate you with the fart in the shop any more. 581 00:41:34,680 --> 00:41:37,520 Now she'll associate you with a big shit in the toilet. 582 00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:41,440 Hey, it's Sloane, right? Yes. With an "E" at the end. 583 00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:45,880 At least no-one died today, eh, Mr Sloane? Not yet, anyway. 584 00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:50,080 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 585 00:41:50,160 --> 00:41:52,120 accessibility@bskyb.com 586 00:41:52,170 --> 00:41:56,720 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 47743

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