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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,580 --> 00:00:05,774 This is Evan Scabetta. 2 00:00:05,848 --> 00:00:10,785 I'm calling from Non-bottled Wine Beverage Monthly, a new publication. 3 00:00:10,853 --> 00:00:13,413 I was just calling to inform you... 4 00:00:13,489 --> 00:00:18,222 that your product has been selected as the best boxed wine on the market. 5 00:00:18,293 --> 00:00:21,023 That's right, so all of us here at the magazine thought... 6 00:00:21,096 --> 00:00:25,499 you should go ahead and send over a fuckin' shitload of it. 7 00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:27,933 Oh, we love it. It's o good. 8 00:00:28,003 --> 00:00:30,267 - We like-- - Merlot. 9 00:00:31,540 --> 00:00:33,474 We love the merlot. 10 00:00:33,542 --> 00:00:37,308 You're the best, Rita. You always have been. Thank you. 11 00:00:37,379 --> 00:00:40,974 Allright, boys. We've done this before. Let's do it again. 12 00:00:41,049 --> 00:00:44,985 Simple, easy, by the book. 13 00:00:45,053 --> 00:00:47,351 Meet back here in 20 minutes. 14 00:01:37,105 --> 00:01:39,437 Holden University. 15 00:01:39,508 --> 00:01:41,738 This was our territory... 16 00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:45,211 andh ere we were, 48 days away from a diploma... 17 00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:48,215 that would open doors for the rest of our lives. 18 00:01:48,283 --> 00:01:51,548 We're one step closer to the American dream. 19 00:01:52,788 --> 00:01:54,983 After today'ss cam. 20 00:02:35,163 --> 00:02:38,098 Hey there! Mission Sports! Everybody smile for the camera! 21 00:02:38,166 --> 00:02:40,327 It's gonna be on tonight at 8:00. Everybody smile! 22 00:02:40,402 --> 00:02:43,701 Mission Sports 2-2 Bureau Sports Channel. 23 00:02:43,772 --> 00:02:46,536 One camera, 24-hour-a-day sports coverage. 24 00:02:46,608 --> 00:02:49,372 Yeah! Slow down. Slow down. 25 00:02:49,444 --> 00:02:51,776 You guys wanna be on TV? Say hello to Mom! 26 00:03:14,536 --> 00:03:17,528 We're on 'em, we're on 'em. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. 27 00:03:17,606 --> 00:03:21,565 You're great. You look good. Big strides. Smile for the camera. 28 00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:41,695 No athletics like amateur athletics. 29 00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:45,062 I see the Olympics for you, baby. Everybody's a winner. 30 00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:02,647 Right here, right here! 31 00:04:04,152 --> 00:04:05,619 All runners cross the street! 32 00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:19,426 This way, this way, this way! 33 00:04:19,501 --> 00:04:21,594 This is a different route. 34 00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:36,139 Beautiful! All right! You're looking good! 35 00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:52,600 New route! This way! Let's see the form! Big smiles! 36 00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:56,159 Everybody cross the street! All runners cross the street! 37 00:04:56,238 --> 00:04:58,331 New route! 38 00:04:58,407 --> 00:05:00,932 - Watch where you're going, asshole! - Oh, yeah. 39 00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:14,288 - My leg! - I can't believe it! 40 00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:17,587 - Oh! You killed my tibia! - Oh, My God. 41 00:05:17,659 --> 00:05:20,457 - What a travesty! - Oh, Lord! 42 00:05:20,529 --> 00:05:22,463 Jesus, this looks bad. 43 00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:26,763 He's never gonna make it. He's supposed to work in a kibbutz this summer. 44 00:05:26,835 --> 00:05:30,362 - Whatever, but I didn't do anything. - Have mercy on my leg! 45 00:05:30,439 --> 00:05:33,533 Keep lyin, buddy. We got it on tape. I might just call that number. 46 00:05:33,608 --> 00:05:36,042 - I'm calling my supervisor. - Call a doctor while you're at it. 47 00:05:36,111 --> 00:05:40,207 - Hey, I was in Desert Storm, mister! - God, it hurts! 48 00:05:42,250 --> 00:05:44,343 -Allofthis... - You don't know anything about driving. 49 00:05:44,419 --> 00:05:47,354 - topassa test. - He broke my tibia! 50 00:05:47,422 --> 00:05:49,856 He broke my tibia! 51 00:05:49,925 --> 00:05:53,486 It's one ofour favorit scams-- the worm in the apple. 52 00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:58,897 which they kept under lock and key. 53 00:05:58,967 --> 00:06:01,231 Now, if you had an extra blue book... 54 00:06:01,303 --> 00:06:03,464 you could pretty much get away with anything. 55 00:06:03,538 --> 00:06:07,770 And now, after this morning, we had our very own supply. 56 00:06:09,111 --> 00:06:11,579 Okay, people, this is the midterm. 57 00:06:11,646 --> 00:06:14,080 It is 30 percent of your grade. 58 00:06:14,149 --> 00:06:16,344 Now's the time to start panicking. 59 00:06:16,418 --> 00:06:19,854 For those ofyou who don't know me, my name is Philip, I'm the head TA. 60 00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:22,913 If you don't know me, that means you've never been to class. 61 00:06:22,991 --> 00:06:26,017 Study materials need to go under our desk... 62 00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:28,358 as my minions pass out the test booklets. 63 00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:31,361 Game time. Let me get some booklets. We need three. 64 00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:34,266 That means our textbooks go under-- Exactly! 65 00:06:34,336 --> 00:06:36,270 It's not open book. 66 00:06:36,338 --> 00:06:38,636 We leftjunior high a long time ago. 67 00:06:41,076 --> 00:06:43,010 Don'tmake eye contact. 68 00:06:45,147 --> 00:06:46,876 And our midterm... 69 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:48,882 begins now. 70 00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:51,885 I gotta take a test. I gotta take a test. 71 00:06:55,657 --> 00:06:56,589 Hi there. 72 00:07:00,428 --> 00:07:02,293 You're in my seat. 73 00:07:02,364 --> 00:07:04,628 - The seat was empty. - I was getting test booklets. 74 00:07:04,699 --> 00:07:07,133 - Get out ofmy seat. - We already Have test booklets. 75 00:07:07,202 --> 00:07:10,137 Hi. Hello. Yeah. See, the test booklets are out. 76 00:07:10,205 --> 00:07:12,730 So this conversation you're having isn't taking place. 77 00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:17,244 - He's in my seat, though. - Exactly. 78 00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:20,804 And we're grownups, so we don't argue over seats. Why don't we go over there. 79 00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:26,086 You just made my little black book. 80 00:07:27,622 --> 00:07:29,988 Okay, go sit. Go sit. 81 00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:38,428 Move, move, move. You're late now. Move. 82 00:07:42,737 --> 00:07:45,262 - I'm sorry. Do you know him? - No. 83 00:07:46,975 --> 00:07:49,170 - Good. Thank you. - Eyes on My own paper. 84 00:07:50,145 --> 00:07:52,409 Joe Schmo has no answers for you. 85 00:07:53,582 --> 00:07:56,176 Man, this is a really hard test. 86 00:07:56,918 --> 00:07:59,079 I don't think I know one of these damn answers. 87 00:07:59,154 --> 00:08:02,021 Good thing I'm not in this class. 88 00:08:02,090 --> 00:08:04,558 See, I'm simply here to copy the questions down. 89 00:08:08,863 --> 00:08:11,991 Look at me. I'm ananonymous blender-inner. 90 00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:19,306 make the switch. 91 00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:24,406 I leave the stolen bluebook as a decoy. 92 00:08:24,479 --> 00:08:27,642 And here? Here's where I made my mistake. 93 00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:29,775 This is how it all started. 94 00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:33,551 But, I mean, look at her. 95 00:08:33,622 --> 00:08:36,557 That's the reason I went to college. 96 00:08:40,962 --> 00:08:45,160 I wrote my number down in case you wanna call me to talk about the test. 97 00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:48,134 Or just talk about anything. 98 00:08:48,970 --> 00:08:52,804 I gotta go. Here's my number. I want you to call me. 99 00:08:52,874 --> 00:08:55,809 You know, tell me how the rest of the test went. 100 00:08:55,877 --> 00:08:58,311 - you know? - Okay. 101 00:09:00,282 --> 00:09:02,341 Just call me. 102 00:09:07,289 --> 00:09:11,191 - I Have to go to The bathroom. - That's not allowed during the test. 103 00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:12,692 I really have to go. 104 00:09:13,662 --> 00:09:14,924 Tell you what. 105 00:09:20,035 --> 00:09:21,400 Explosive diarrhea. 106 00:09:21,469 --> 00:09:24,836 Okay, go. All right. And leave that stuff there. 107 00:09:27,542 --> 00:09:29,908 Good luck. I mean that. 108 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:34,009 What you just saw was cheating. 109 00:09:34,082 --> 00:09:38,018 Now I've got the questions, and all my roommate needs are the answers. 110 00:09:38,086 --> 00:09:39,883 I just don't wanna get sloppy 600s. 111 00:09:40,488 --> 00:09:41,887 I told you,Jeff... 112 00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:46,416 you gotta work through gay porn before they let you set foot in hetero. 113 00:09:46,494 --> 00:09:48,018 - Fellas. - Really? 114 00:09:48,096 --> 00:09:51,463 Dave, is this true? You have to do gay porn before you work in straight porn? 115 00:09:51,533 --> 00:09:54,798 - True. - What a dirty, despicable business. 116 00:09:54,869 --> 00:09:56,530 - How'd it go? - it went well. 117 00:09:56,604 --> 00:09:59,300 I slipped in, I slipped out. It was beautiful. 118 00:10:01,376 --> 00:10:03,810 - I was fuckin' invisible. Relax. - You're sure? 119 00:10:03,878 --> 00:10:05,140 Yeah, I was invisible. 120 00:10:05,213 --> 00:10:09,946 Guys, this is like child's play. A baby could do this work. 121 00:10:10,018 --> 00:10:11,542 Don't get flashy, Karl. 122 00:10:11,619 --> 00:10:13,917 Nothing higher than an A-minus, or we dock you. 123 00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:16,388 Look, I'm just saying-- 124 00:10:16,458 --> 00:10:20,952 We pay you because you do phenomenal work, so fill out that physics test. 125 00:10:21,029 --> 00:10:23,964 Maybe you wouldn't need someone to fill out every test form... 126 00:10:24,032 --> 00:10:27,559 if you stopped smoking these doobies, smack joint heads. 127 00:10:27,635 --> 00:10:30,900 Don't be so smug, Karl. There's a lot here you don't know about. 128 00:10:32,907 --> 00:10:35,501 No. That does not agree with me. 129 00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:41,004 Okay, harumph, it's over-- I saw that. 130 00:10:41,082 --> 00:10:43,607 Flip me off one more time, I'm taking away the test. 131 00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:48,247 Pass 'em toyour left. To your left! 132 00:10:48,323 --> 00:10:50,257 Quickly. 133 00:10:50,325 --> 00:10:53,419 And you may leave. I don't wanna see you anymore. 134 00:10:54,996 --> 00:10:56,930 Enjoy your vacation. 135 00:11:14,749 --> 00:11:17,684 Okay, the test is over. We're done here. 136 00:11:36,771 --> 00:11:40,366 - So, how'd you do on the test? - Oh, who knows? 137 00:11:40,442 --> 00:11:44,208 - What, you don't care? - I'm obsessing about this purity test. 138 00:11:44,279 --> 00:11:46,941 - It's a magazine. - I missed skank by two points. 139 00:11:47,015 --> 00:11:50,576 I don't think you have to worry about that. 140 00:11:50,652 --> 00:11:52,017 Hey, hot boy. 141 00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:55,647 I thought that was your sexy ass. Come here. 142 00:11:55,723 --> 00:11:58,157 Ooh, you guys are so fuckin' hot. 143 00:11:58,226 --> 00:12:00,660 - Give me some of that. - some of this? 144 00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:07,368 I was right. You're a hard person to follow. 145 00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:11,565 I'm sorry, I don't think that we've met before. I'm Angela. 146 00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:13,904 You like me? 147 00:12:13,975 --> 00:12:15,909 We just took a test together. 148 00:12:19,681 --> 00:12:22,616 You guys must've been in a zone when you were taking that test. 149 00:12:22,684 --> 00:12:25,084 - We sat right next to each other. - Hey, what's going on? 150 00:12:25,153 --> 00:12:26,848 How you guys doin'? 151 00:12:26,921 --> 00:12:28,855 - We're fine. - Are you having a good day? 152 00:12:28,923 --> 00:12:29,855 - yeah. - Cool. 153 00:12:29,924 --> 00:12:32,950 You guys know where Professor Markoe's office is? 154 00:12:34,729 --> 00:12:37,163 Yeah, Professor Markoe's office? 155 00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:40,658 I think it's right the "F" over there. 156 00:12:40,735 --> 00:12:43,169 Can you see I'm having a goddamn conversation? 157 00:12:43,238 --> 00:12:45,968 Just back off and go do your stupid-ass thing. 158 00:12:49,043 --> 00:12:53,275 The factis, the midterm has already been, and you missed it. 159 00:12:53,348 --> 00:12:54,872 You guys mustnot have heard me. 160 00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:58,710 I'm Sam Schechter. I got hit by a truck today. 161 00:12:58,786 --> 00:13:00,720 I heard all of that. 162 00:13:00,788 --> 00:13:04,485 - What The heck is going on? - Professor Markoe, Thank God. 163 00:13:04,559 --> 00:13:07,494 Listen, I got hit by a truck today. 164 00:13:07,562 --> 00:13:09,826 All I want is to take the midterm. 165 00:13:09,898 --> 00:13:12,958 Hit by a truck? Are you okay? 166 00:13:13,034 --> 00:13:15,127 He got hit by a truck! 167 00:13:15,203 --> 00:13:17,137 Okay, but is he all right? 168 00:13:18,206 --> 00:13:21,733 I got hit by a truck. I got a busted tibia. 169 00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:24,778 My rib cage is very tender. 170 00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:28,008 My testicle turned blue. 171 00:13:28,082 --> 00:13:32,781 Why don't you drop your trousers and we'll examine 'em. 172 00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:37,753 The color of your balls won't change the fact that you missed the midterm. 173 00:13:37,825 --> 00:13:41,488 If it'll help me take the midterm, I'm happy to show everyone my balls. 174 00:13:41,563 --> 00:13:43,258 We don't wanna see that. 175 00:13:43,331 --> 00:13:45,663 Forget about looking at the balls. 176 00:13:45,733 --> 00:13:48,065 You're gonna take the midterm. 177 00:13:48,136 --> 00:13:51,697 And you are gonna let him take it at your desk. 178 00:13:51,773 --> 00:13:54,765 -You'll have to move until he's through. -I gotta take it somewhere. 179 00:13:54,842 --> 00:13:59,006 And I want you to give him all the time he needs. 180 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:00,638 Good luck, kid. 181 00:14:02,784 --> 00:14:04,718 I'm tellin' you... 182 00:14:04,786 --> 00:14:06,720 tell that motherfucker to go. 183 00:14:06,788 --> 00:14:10,280 He is no damn good. I bet he got crabs. 184 00:14:12,026 --> 00:14:15,393 Yeah, girl. Put on my hot boots, get my groove on. 185 00:14:16,464 --> 00:14:18,056 - yeah. - Well, I'm finished. 186 00:14:20,101 --> 00:14:22,194 Think I did pretty good. 187 00:14:24,105 --> 00:14:25,197 Shotgun. 188 00:14:25,273 --> 00:14:30,210 Boys, to a very successful operation. Possibly one ofour last. 189 00:14:30,278 --> 00:14:32,803 Which I masterminded, by the way. 190 00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:35,212 We'll give you that. 191 00:14:35,283 --> 00:14:39,049 It's not too soon, I say. I think the well's sorta run dry. 192 00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:41,054 Let's get the heck outta here. 193 00:14:41,122 --> 00:14:43,056 - You're ready to go to law school? - Absolutely. 194 00:14:43,124 --> 00:14:46,855 Jeff's gonna get out too. He's gonna be a financial master of the universe. 195 00:14:46,928 --> 00:14:50,159 - That'll help me get some fine bitches. - It's time to move on, man. 196 00:14:50,231 --> 00:14:52,756 What do you have that's better than this? This is great. 197 00:14:52,834 --> 00:14:54,768 This is great? This is a shit heap. 198 00:14:54,836 --> 00:14:58,272 I gotta be honest. Best dorm on campus doesn't excite me much anymore. 199 00:14:58,339 --> 00:15:02,241 Areyou kidding? It took four years to build this place. This place is great. 200 00:15:02,310 --> 00:15:05,609 You seem scared to move on 'cause you don't know what to do with your life. 201 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:08,740 -It's okay if you're afraid to graduate. -If you're afraid of the future. 202 00:15:08,816 --> 00:15:13,515 You know what? This is going nowhere. Let's just celebrate our latest win. 203 00:15:13,588 --> 00:15:16,182 - Celebrate how? - The usual way, of course. 204 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:08,170 The usual way. 205 00:16:08,242 --> 00:16:09,675 Lenny's. 206 00:16:09,744 --> 00:16:12,008 I'll get the birthday club cards. 207 00:16:14,982 --> 00:16:16,916 I say "happy," you say "birthday." 208 00:16:16,984 --> 00:16:18,008 - Happy. - Birthday! 209 00:16:18,886 --> 00:16:20,581 When I say "birthday," you say "party." Birthday. 210 00:16:20,655 --> 00:16:21,519 Party! 211 00:16:22,490 --> 00:16:25,186 - Let's say it. Happy birthday. - Happy birthday! 212 00:16:25,259 --> 00:16:28,023 - Let's party... - Hearty! 213 00:16:28,996 --> 00:16:30,088 Party hearty. 214 00:16:31,232 --> 00:16:33,666 Here's to an A-minus, boys, in physics. 215 00:16:33,735 --> 00:16:36,533 - The easy way. - That's right. 216 00:16:36,604 --> 00:16:39,698 That's Sam. Sam cheats for convenience. 217 00:16:39,774 --> 00:16:42,709 At this school, if you can't pass a foreign language exam... 218 00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:47,981 on the otherside of campus. 219 00:16:50,918 --> 00:16:52,977 and never plans to. 220 00:16:53,054 --> 00:16:56,387 The classroom is being threatened by fire. Run from this inferno. 221 00:16:56,457 --> 00:17:00,018 Quickly, quickly! Everyone! You, last student, turn! 222 00:17:00,094 --> 00:17:02,324 Good God, man, what is wrong with you? 223 00:17:02,396 --> 00:17:04,830 You want to end up like burnt breakfast toast? 224 00:17:08,803 --> 00:17:10,794 Your sacrifice puzzles and honors me. 225 00:17:10,872 --> 00:17:14,000 I must leave now. I am a coward. Do not tell anyone. 226 00:17:14,609 --> 00:17:17,203 It was Sam's idea toj oin forces. 227 00:17:17,278 --> 00:17:19,212 Alone we werej ust a couple of freshman cheaters... 228 00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:23,475 but together we were dangerous. 229 00:17:23,551 --> 00:17:26,042 I'm not an evil, lying genius. 230 00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:30,181 I just happen to know a technique. I callit "The Seed of Doubt. " 231 00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:31,919 I'm a commercial airline pilot. 232 00:17:31,993 --> 00:17:35,759 Say it, repeat it, believe it. 233 00:17:35,830 --> 00:17:36,762 Yeah, whatever. 234 00:17:36,831 --> 00:17:39,061 No, no, I'm a commercial airline pilot. 235 00:17:42,904 --> 00:17:45,338 I, ladies... 236 00:17:45,406 --> 00:17:48,375 am a professional, commercial... 237 00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:51,434 airline pilot. 238 00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:54,680 - Cool! - yeah. 239 00:17:54,749 --> 00:17:56,046 Is he a pilot too? 240 00:17:56,117 --> 00:17:57,948 F.B.I. 241 00:17:58,019 --> 00:17:59,316 I got the ugly one. 242 00:17:59,387 --> 00:18:03,289 Jeff bought in sophomore year. He marches to a different drummer. 243 00:18:05,993 --> 00:18:08,223 He's just crazy. 244 00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:12,630 I don't want you to worry about finishing the exam. No one ever does. 245 00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:16,136 That's the way I designed it, so just finish writing whenever you-- 246 00:18:16,204 --> 00:18:20,231 Time's up! Okay, that's it. Time's up. Close your books, stop writing. 247 00:18:21,008 --> 00:18:23,067 Come forward with your papers immediately. 248 00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:25,135 Everybody in the back. 249 00:18:25,213 --> 00:18:27,647 Everybody all the way in the back. 250 00:18:27,715 --> 00:18:29,706 You. Yes, you. 251 00:18:29,784 --> 00:18:32,252 Little Red Riding Hood. Congratulations. 252 00:18:33,254 --> 00:18:35,484 You just got an "F." Come on up. 253 00:18:35,556 --> 00:18:38,582 There's always one in every crowd who doesn't believe me. 254 00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:41,594 You can stop writing, sir. I don't care if you have the cure for cancer. 255 00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:43,653 It's fruitless. You will not pass. 256 00:18:45,066 --> 00:18:47,557 Sir, congratulations. You have failed. 257 00:18:47,635 --> 00:18:50,968 - Do you even know My name? - No, I don't knowyour name. 258 00:18:51,038 --> 00:18:53,006 No, you don't. 259 00:19:01,282 --> 00:19:03,750 What's your name? What's your name? 260 00:19:03,818 --> 00:19:06,753 I've seen a lot of pornos in my day. It's like a trade secret. 261 00:19:06,821 --> 00:19:08,812 Next time you're jackin' off, you sit lndian style. 262 00:19:08,890 --> 00:19:11,825 Believe what you want. At least I get out some. 263 00:19:11,893 --> 00:19:14,862 You go through more tissues than a widow. 264 00:19:14,929 --> 00:19:16,328 What? It's true. 265 00:19:16,397 --> 00:19:19,628 Who's the one who just said I've seen a lot of porn? 266 00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:23,830 You are a rabid consumer of porn. They have your name on file. 267 00:19:23,905 --> 00:19:27,170 You're the one who masturbates. I'm not the-- 268 00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:29,968 Happy birthday or whatever. 269 00:19:31,012 --> 00:19:32,172 What's up? 270 00:19:33,247 --> 00:19:35,647 How'd you do on the test? 271 00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:37,946 Well, I fucked up the gravitational constant. 272 00:19:39,020 --> 00:19:40,647 Me too. 273 00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:42,655 What's your name again? 274 00:19:45,026 --> 00:19:47,119 Tom Weaver. 275 00:19:47,194 --> 00:19:50,027 Can we help you with something, guy? 276 00:19:51,432 --> 00:19:53,366 Oh, my God, how's your leg? 277 00:19:53,434 --> 00:19:57,632 Obviously he's a lot better now. Thanks for your concern. 278 00:19:57,705 --> 00:20:01,163 And if you're done trying to hide the baloney pony... 279 00:20:01,242 --> 00:20:03,176 we've got some stuff to eat. 280 00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:09,739 Happy birthday. 281 00:20:09,817 --> 00:20:11,682 Yeah, dude. Happy birthday, man. 282 00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:13,879 - Third one this week. - I'm proud of you. 283 00:20:17,058 --> 00:20:19,526 - who is That guy? - He's just a bus boy. 284 00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:43,273 Gimme seven! 285 00:20:43,351 --> 00:20:46,684 Hey, you guys are about to enter into a world of pain. 286 00:20:46,754 --> 00:20:49,917 You. I know what you did. I was there. I saw it. 287 00:20:49,991 --> 00:20:53,358 - Move, or you're gonna get hurt. - It's that tweaked bus boy, man. 288 00:20:53,427 --> 00:20:56,658 I know what you did. I was sitting right next to you. Remember me? 289 00:20:56,731 --> 00:20:59,666 Hey, shorty. How's your leg feeling, buddy? 290 00:20:59,734 --> 00:21:02,601 You're playing awfully good for having a broken leg. 291 00:21:02,670 --> 00:21:06,106 Right, homeboy? I'm not kiddin' around, bitch. 292 00:21:11,479 --> 00:21:14,778 Okay, let's see the so-called proof. 293 00:21:14,849 --> 00:21:20,048 I got the proof. You were there, Dave. Dave Goodman, 555-01 22. 294 00:21:20,121 --> 00:21:21,986 This is nothin'. 295 00:21:22,056 --> 00:21:23,956 Keep it. I got plenty of copies. 296 00:21:24,025 --> 00:21:27,961 Of course, if this were to get out, you guys would probably be expelled. 297 00:21:28,029 --> 00:21:31,123 Do you really need a diploma? No. 298 00:21:31,198 --> 00:21:35,134 But, you know, if you wanted to go to a law school, for instance... 299 00:21:35,202 --> 00:21:37,136 that'd be pretty tough. 300 00:21:37,204 --> 00:21:42,005 Or be hired by a prestigious financial firm like Stockton, Upright & Falk. 301 00:21:43,110 --> 00:21:44,737 I'm into that firm. 302 00:21:44,812 --> 00:21:46,473 I know. I saw your name on the interview list. 303 00:21:46,547 --> 00:21:49,778 Good luck getting that job. They don't hire cheaters. 304 00:21:51,485 --> 00:21:53,817 Hey, wait! Ethan, wait. Dave. 305 00:21:53,888 --> 00:21:54,980 Dave, come on. 306 00:21:55,056 --> 00:21:58,321 Okay. What do you want? 307 00:22:01,295 --> 00:22:02,785 I got a proposition for you. 308 00:22:02,863 --> 00:22:05,297 You're obviously amoral... 309 00:22:05,366 --> 00:22:07,527 but certainly clever in your ways. 310 00:22:07,601 --> 00:22:10,365 And you, you may have some... 311 00:22:11,439 --> 00:22:13,873 people skills I may lack. 312 00:22:13,941 --> 00:22:16,705 What do you want? Money? Free dry cleaning? Euro-pass? 313 00:22:16,777 --> 00:22:19,268 No, I don't-- A Euro-pass? No. No! 314 00:22:21,082 --> 00:22:23,676 I want you to get me a girl. 315 00:22:23,751 --> 00:22:26,049 - a girl. - This is college! 316 00:22:26,120 --> 00:22:28,179 Bag your own bitches. 317 00:22:28,255 --> 00:22:30,280 Angela's not a bitch! 318 00:22:32,693 --> 00:22:34,627 Take it easy, man! 319 00:22:35,496 --> 00:22:37,691 Let him go. You gonna be good? 320 00:22:37,765 --> 00:22:40,359 - Yes. Yes. Yes. - Okay. Back away. 321 00:22:40,434 --> 00:22:41,867 I have copies. 322 00:22:41,936 --> 00:22:45,702 - I'm not afraid to expel you. - take it easy. Relax. 323 00:22:45,773 --> 00:22:47,968 Give me a day. I need to think about this. 324 00:22:48,042 --> 00:22:50,636 This is a tough one. Just give us the night. 325 00:22:54,582 --> 00:22:57,881 They call me Cool Ethan. I live in Heineraker Hall. 326 00:22:57,952 --> 00:22:59,920 All right, cool. We'll find you. 327 00:22:59,987 --> 00:23:01,648 All right? 328 00:23:05,893 --> 00:23:09,329 I didn't like being blackmailed by "Cool Ethan"... 329 00:23:09,396 --> 00:23:11,830 but he did have good taste in women. 330 00:23:11,899 --> 00:23:16,063 Are you fucking insane? This is a major breach of security. 331 00:23:16,137 --> 00:23:18,833 This guy could have us kicked out of college, man. 332 00:23:18,906 --> 00:23:21,340 Look, we will get him the girl. 333 00:23:21,408 --> 00:23:23,501 Look, let me explain something to you. 334 00:23:23,577 --> 00:23:26,512 My college career is a house of cards... 335 00:23:26,580 --> 00:23:30,516 glued together with thousands of lies, and now it's being threatened... 336 00:23:30,584 --> 00:23:32,882 - Shut up! - by some schoolboy with a crush? 337 00:23:32,953 --> 00:23:34,887 We'll get him the girl. Relax. 338 00:23:35,156 --> 00:23:38,751 I've been watching you everywhere you go. 339 00:23:38,826 --> 00:23:41,761 Soon you're gonna be mine, aren't you? 340 00:23:41,829 --> 00:23:45,196 Who's that? That's the most beautiful girl in the world. 341 00:23:45,266 --> 00:23:47,200 I like you. 342 00:23:47,268 --> 00:23:50,032 Everything here, you touched it, baby. 343 00:23:50,104 --> 00:23:54,541 We're gonna get married one day and have 23 little kiddies. 344 00:23:54,608 --> 00:23:56,872 And I'm gonna get ajob at Stockton, Upright & Falk... 345 00:23:56,944 --> 00:23:59,105 and be so rich that you're gonna love me forever. 346 00:23:59,180 --> 00:24:02,047 And we're gonna have sex in my bedroom 347 00:24:07,288 --> 00:24:10,724 Guys, we're a team. Back me up. What do you say, huh? 348 00:24:12,293 --> 00:24:15,456 Just promise me this has nothing to do with the girl. 349 00:24:15,529 --> 00:24:18,794 Hey, this has nothing to do with the girl. 350 00:24:21,235 --> 00:24:24,432 Don'tyou fuckin' Seed of Doubt us, man. 351 00:24:24,505 --> 00:24:26,666 This has nothing... 352 00:24:26,740 --> 00:24:29,140 to do... 353 00:24:29,210 --> 00:24:31,508 with the girl. 354 00:24:36,584 --> 00:24:38,518 Okay. I'll buy it. 355 00:24:38,586 --> 00:24:42,420 Thanks.Jeff, I got a job for you. You'll start tomorrow. 356 00:24:42,489 --> 00:24:45,583 - Sam, come on. I know you're in. - Fuck. 357 00:24:48,862 --> 00:24:50,796 Yo, wake up. 358 00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,935 - I brought you coffee. - I don't touch that stuff. 359 00:24:56,003 --> 00:24:57,664 - can I come in? - No. 360 00:24:57,738 --> 00:25:01,003 No one comes into Ethan's room. Ethan's rules. 361 00:25:03,877 --> 00:25:05,310 What's that smell? 362 00:25:05,379 --> 00:25:09,042 Maybe it's the smell of your ass getting kicked out of school. 363 00:25:09,116 --> 00:25:11,050 Well, enough of this gay banter. 364 00:25:11,118 --> 00:25:13,177 - We're gonna get you the girl. - on What day? 365 00:25:13,254 --> 00:25:15,688 Well, let's say on Monday. 366 00:25:15,756 --> 00:25:18,122 - Tuesdays Are better. - Tuesdays-- 367 00:25:18,192 --> 00:25:20,183 - It'll be a Tuesday. - Great. 368 00:25:20,261 --> 00:25:22,286 You're smart. I like you. 369 00:25:22,363 --> 00:25:24,297 I'll probably give you a nickname. 370 00:25:28,435 --> 00:25:31,871 We needed a plan to get into Angela's room, so Jeff knocked. 371 00:25:33,774 --> 00:25:36,743 Yoo-hoo! It's Steve Pasternak looking for Angela. 372 00:25:36,810 --> 00:25:38,971 - Angela, please. - Do I fuckin' know you? 373 00:25:39,046 --> 00:25:42,379 I lent Angela my notebook because I take such "world-famous" notes. 374 00:25:42,449 --> 00:25:44,474 So I was wondering if I could-- 375 00:25:44,551 --> 00:25:46,519 Are you busy with something? 376 00:25:46,587 --> 00:25:49,715 Yeah. I was masturbating. 377 00:25:52,293 --> 00:25:54,227 Masturbating. In the dorms. 378 00:25:54,295 --> 00:25:57,856 Well, that's what you get when you go to art school. 379 00:25:57,931 --> 00:26:00,991 What do you want, her room? Right over there. 380 00:26:02,169 --> 00:26:05,661 - Thank you. - Don't touch anything. 381 00:26:07,374 --> 00:26:10,275 So, do you know what the book looks like? 382 00:26:10,344 --> 00:26:13,745 Let me tell you what it looks like. It's a very distinctive note-- 383 00:26:14,748 --> 00:26:16,739 Some of my notebook had her handwriting in it. 384 00:26:31,265 --> 00:26:35,201 There's really nothing here. Someone's going to have to make contact. 385 00:26:35,269 --> 00:26:37,203 I will break, I will enter... 386 00:26:37,271 --> 00:26:39,865 I will torch, I will shatter, I will rifle... 387 00:26:39,940 --> 00:26:41,874 I will pillage, I will probe... 388 00:26:41,942 --> 00:26:45,378 but I'm really not comfortable just talking to a girl. 389 00:26:45,446 --> 00:26:47,380 You know what, boys? 390 00:26:47,448 --> 00:26:50,383 Why don'tyoujust let me take care ofit? 391 00:26:50,451 --> 00:26:54,888 You treat a hot girl like dirt and she'll stick to you like mud. 392 00:27:01,328 --> 00:27:04,456 Watch where you're going, you skanky-ass bitch. 393 00:27:04,531 --> 00:27:06,226 - Cocksucker. - Slut. 394 00:27:06,300 --> 00:27:08,234 - Butt-wipe. - Ho. 395 00:27:08,302 --> 00:27:09,997 Monkey boy. 396 00:27:17,511 --> 00:27:20,605 Maybe I should make the contact. What do you think? 397 00:27:20,681 --> 00:27:21,807 Sam? 398 00:27:24,385 --> 00:27:27,821 Swirling gases growing hotter and hotter... 399 00:27:27,888 --> 00:27:30,982 until it reaches a critical temperature... 400 00:27:31,058 --> 00:27:34,755 and transforms itself into the most awesome sight in the universe. 401 00:27:34,828 --> 00:27:37,763 What is this sight called? Anybody? 402 00:27:42,102 --> 00:27:45,003 Remember me? Dave. I'm a friend of Ethan's. 403 00:27:45,072 --> 00:27:47,006 - We're in the middle of class. - you know. Cool Ethan. 404 00:27:49,076 --> 00:27:51,977 Here. These are for you. Hey. 405 00:27:52,045 --> 00:27:55,378 Look at the matches. He's in the inside. 406 00:27:57,751 --> 00:28:01,050 - That's Cool Ethan. - I don't know who Ethan is. 407 00:28:01,121 --> 00:28:02,986 You don't know who Cool Ethan is? 408 00:28:03,056 --> 00:28:05,354 You, our new friend with the pipe. 409 00:28:07,461 --> 00:28:09,361 What's the formula for finding critical mass? 410 00:28:09,430 --> 00:28:10,897 Keep 'em. 411 00:28:14,768 --> 00:28:16,702 True. 412 00:28:22,776 --> 00:28:25,643 - I don't know, man. - Hello, dark angel. 413 00:28:25,712 --> 00:28:28,476 Fuckin' dinner on a budget. 414 00:28:28,549 --> 00:28:29,641 What'd you guys get? 415 00:28:30,884 --> 00:28:34,342 I got some term papers, some E-mails and this "dream guy" survey. 416 00:28:34,421 --> 00:28:37,481 - I don't know what it means. - this shit is cheesier. 417 00:28:37,558 --> 00:28:39,492 You're right. 418 00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:43,257 Dream guy, huh? "Intelligent, good-looking, smart, funny." 419 00:28:44,331 --> 00:28:46,356 Sam, where'd you say she was from? 420 00:28:46,433 --> 00:28:48,060 She's a local. 421 00:28:49,169 --> 00:28:52,605 A local, huh? Looks like I'm gonna be making a visit to the Patton's house. 422 00:28:57,077 --> 00:28:58,806 - Charles Patton? - Yes. 423 00:28:58,879 --> 00:29:00,642 Ron Mathius, US Census Bureau. 424 00:29:00,714 --> 00:29:02,614 You've been selected for a personal information session. 425 00:29:02,683 --> 00:29:05,447 - is That bad? - No, that's good, sir. 426 00:29:05,519 --> 00:29:09,421 - Aren't you young for government work? - I'm not a GS-11 yet, no. 427 00:29:09,490 --> 00:29:12,084 - I'm just a GS-4, but-- - GS-4! 428 00:29:12,159 --> 00:29:14,093 - Shall We Do it? - Let's get it on. 429 00:29:14,161 --> 00:29:16,629 - All right, then. - come in. 430 00:29:16,697 --> 00:29:19,131 We at the Census Bureau like to dig a little deeper... 431 00:29:19,199 --> 00:29:21,724 find out the stuff thatjust doesn't translate to paper-- 432 00:29:21,802 --> 00:29:23,736 Wow! What a beautiful home. 433 00:29:23,804 --> 00:29:26,238 Well, then, you should meet the decorator. 434 00:29:26,306 --> 00:29:29,332 Ron Mathius, Census Bureau, my wife Valerie. 435 00:29:32,813 --> 00:29:35,509 - Great job. yeah. - Oh, thankyou. 436 00:29:35,582 --> 00:29:37,277 - Would you like a drink? - Yes! 437 00:29:37,351 --> 00:29:39,285 Well, you're gonna get a drink. 438 00:29:39,353 --> 00:29:41,480 That's adorable. 439 00:29:42,289 --> 00:29:45,156 - this is your only female dependent? - Yes. 440 00:29:45,225 --> 00:29:48,661 In that case, I'm gonna need a passport, a birth certificate... 441 00:29:48,729 --> 00:29:52,825 social security number, diary, vaccination reports and... 442 00:29:52,900 --> 00:29:54,595 that pretty much wraps it up. 443 00:29:54,668 --> 00:29:58,502 - Okay, Let me go see What I can find. - That Would be a really big help. 444 00:29:59,406 --> 00:30:00,839 Wonderful. Super. 445 00:30:02,042 --> 00:30:03,976 He really is a sweet man. 446 00:30:04,044 --> 00:30:05,978 - He's a sweetheart. - yeah. 447 00:30:06,046 --> 00:30:07,980 He's great. 448 00:30:08,048 --> 00:30:10,482 This is a very lovely house you have here. 449 00:30:10,551 --> 00:30:11,882 - Oh, thankyou. - You're welcome. 450 00:30:11,952 --> 00:30:14,079 - I like to decorate. - I can see that. 451 00:30:14,154 --> 00:30:16,145 - And I Do My own gardening. - your own gardening? 452 00:30:16,223 --> 00:30:18,248 - And decoupage. - Decoupage? 453 00:30:18,325 --> 00:30:21,624 I love to suck cock. And I arrange flowers too. 454 00:30:21,695 --> 00:30:24,095 Where's those school records, honey? 455 00:30:24,164 --> 00:30:27,099 In the back of her closet, in the shoe box. 456 00:30:27,167 --> 00:30:30,432 Shoe box! Yes! I knew that. 457 00:30:30,504 --> 00:30:32,165 Oh, shit. 458 00:30:32,239 --> 00:30:33,672 What now? 459 00:30:36,109 --> 00:30:38,373 "My ideal guy has... 460 00:30:38,445 --> 00:30:41,380 childlike wonder, maturity... 461 00:30:41,448 --> 00:30:44,212 blue eyes, honesty... 462 00:30:44,284 --> 00:30:47,219 knows what to say without being told." 463 00:30:48,789 --> 00:30:51,223 Does that sound like anybody toyou? 464 00:30:51,291 --> 00:30:53,225 Forest Whitaker? 465 00:30:54,294 --> 00:30:56,057 Dave. 466 00:30:56,830 --> 00:30:59,162 What the hell areyou doing? 467 00:31:01,435 --> 00:31:05,166 House rules. You don't make your own drinks. Valerie makes your drinks. 468 00:31:05,238 --> 00:31:07,729 Where is Valerie? 469 00:31:07,808 --> 00:31:09,742 Well, whileyou're back there-- 470 00:31:10,911 --> 00:31:12,845 He's not gonna sell us out for a girl. 471 00:31:12,913 --> 00:31:14,972 - He might. - I don't think he will. 472 00:31:15,048 --> 00:31:17,983 -He might. -I know Dave, and I don't think he will. 473 00:31:18,051 --> 00:31:20,485 - thankyou. - Let me showyou-- 474 00:31:20,554 --> 00:31:23,819 You know what? I know where the door is. You have a pleasant day. 475 00:31:23,890 --> 00:31:26,324 I'm gonna-- Thankyou. Good-bye. 476 00:31:26,393 --> 00:31:28,827 No, thankyou. Thankyou for coming. 477 00:31:30,530 --> 00:31:34,830 And where have you been hiding all this time, my little monkey? 478 00:31:44,277 --> 00:31:48,213 I got lucky at her parents's house and hit the motherlode of information. 479 00:31:48,281 --> 00:31:50,215 I mean, Angela was perfect-- 480 00:31:50,283 --> 00:31:54,549 4.0 GPA, volunteer at a hospital and a homeless shelter. 481 00:31:54,621 --> 00:31:57,556 I mean, the girl's neve reven had a cavity. 482 00:31:59,359 --> 00:32:02,692 Okay, I'm done. "X" marks the spot. I'm here. Peace. 483 00:32:02,763 --> 00:32:05,357 Dudes, I'm breaking off so I can find my homeys. 484 00:32:05,432 --> 00:32:07,400 - Whatever. - Okay, Cool. 485 00:32:10,470 --> 00:32:13,405 - So, what's the status with the girl? - Just a second. 486 00:32:13,473 --> 00:32:15,737 - go with The hospital? - yeah. 487 00:32:17,144 --> 00:32:19,476 So she volunteers at this hospital-- 488 00:32:19,546 --> 00:32:22,037 Nope. Oh, no. No hospitals. 489 00:32:22,115 --> 00:32:25,050 - No hospitals. - you can talk to her at The hospital. 490 00:32:25,118 --> 00:32:26,949 What would me say? 491 00:32:27,020 --> 00:32:29,284 You're right. She wouldn't like you. So we're gonna trick her. 492 00:32:29,356 --> 00:32:32,154 We're gonna tell her you have a girlfriend. 493 00:32:32,225 --> 00:32:34,819 - It's less threatening. - Find a new plan. 494 00:32:34,895 --> 00:32:37,830 I'm kicking you guys out unless you find a new place. No hospitals. 495 00:32:37,898 --> 00:32:39,525 You're not getting me to go to a hospital. 496 00:32:39,599 --> 00:32:42,625 - It's a beautiful hospital. - That's what they said before. 497 00:32:58,118 --> 00:33:00,211 - Angela, you're a big help. - Thanks. 498 00:33:03,223 --> 00:33:04,850 Ethan. 499 00:33:04,925 --> 00:33:06,415 Ethan. Right. From, um-- 500 00:33:06,493 --> 00:33:08,984 - Physics. - yeah. 501 00:33:09,062 --> 00:33:11,860 - How areyou? - I'm cool. 502 00:33:11,932 --> 00:33:16,164 I didn't know that you volunteered here at the hospital. 503 00:33:16,236 --> 00:33:18,670 Well, I don't. I'm here 'cause you're here. Just kidding. 504 00:33:18,739 --> 00:33:21,606 I just hate watching people suffer... 505 00:33:21,675 --> 00:33:24,735 so I figure why not put things in perspective and help out, you know? 506 00:33:24,811 --> 00:33:27,507 My girlfriend's also a doctor up in Boston. I think I love her. 507 00:33:27,581 --> 00:33:29,515 - Oh, Really? - yeah. you need any help? 508 00:33:32,586 --> 00:33:35,555 Hi, Mrs. Van Graf. I'm Angela, a student volunteer here. 509 00:33:35,622 --> 00:33:37,556 We brought you your lunch. 510 00:33:37,624 --> 00:33:39,990 Well, I don't want any lunch. 511 00:33:40,060 --> 00:33:42,722 Okay, that's fine. We don't have to have lunch. 512 00:33:42,796 --> 00:33:46,425 We could just have a conversation, learn more about you. 513 00:33:46,500 --> 00:33:49,833 - I'm Ethan. - I don't want to talk either. 514 00:33:49,903 --> 00:33:51,871 I'm sure there's a lot we could talk about. 515 00:33:51,938 --> 00:33:53,371 We could watch TV. 516 00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:58,503 No, actually, I think maybe we should learn more about Mrs. Van Grafhere. 517 00:33:58,578 --> 00:34:00,637 Like, are you from this area? 518 00:34:01,348 --> 00:34:02,576 Hell no. 519 00:34:02,649 --> 00:34:04,879 - I came here forwork. - What did you do? 520 00:34:04,951 --> 00:34:06,714 I worked the docks. 521 00:34:07,487 --> 00:34:09,717 See? She worked on the docks. That's fascinating. 522 00:34:09,790 --> 00:34:12,350 I mean, most women weren't the least bit interested-- 523 00:34:12,425 --> 00:34:14,393 I used to be a whore. 524 00:34:21,301 --> 00:34:24,668 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Holy-- Are you okay? 525 00:34:24,738 --> 00:34:26,365 - Are you okay? - Get Dr. Danvers! 526 00:34:29,109 --> 00:34:32,044 - Ethan's gonna take care of this. - Go get Dr. Danvers! 527 00:34:32,112 --> 00:34:34,046 - I'll be right back. - I'm gonna stay. 528 00:34:34,114 --> 00:34:36,105 I'm new, so bear with me. 529 00:34:36,183 --> 00:34:39,675 Oh, I'm so hot. I'm overheating. 530 00:34:39,753 --> 00:34:42,187 - Do you need a Fresca? - No, I don't need a Fresca. 531 00:34:42,255 --> 00:34:44,621 - What can I Get you? - a sponge bath. 532 00:34:44,691 --> 00:34:46,625 - Over there. - a sponge bath? 533 00:34:46,693 --> 00:34:50,060 - yeah. - Well, I've only sponged myself, but-- 534 00:34:50,130 --> 00:34:52,462 - sponge bath. - Okay, here I come. 535 00:34:52,532 --> 00:34:54,466 Holy-- 536 00:34:54,534 --> 00:34:57,594 Oh, sponge me. 537 00:34:57,671 --> 00:35:00,469 Oh, so very hot. 538 00:35:01,474 --> 00:35:03,101 Is that better? 539 00:35:03,176 --> 00:35:05,110 - Yes. - you like that? 540 00:35:05,178 --> 00:35:07,237 - You've got great hands. - Oh, Thank you. 541 00:35:07,314 --> 00:35:09,248 You've got a great rack. 542 00:35:09,316 --> 00:35:11,250 So, you're cooling off, right? 543 00:35:11,318 --> 00:35:13,445 No, I'm just getting hotter. 544 00:35:14,154 --> 00:35:16,645 - Okay, So,Just on The boobies? - Great sponger! 545 00:35:16,723 --> 00:35:19,886 - Wanna make sure We got everything. - Oh, you got it. 546 00:35:20,827 --> 00:35:22,761 - What Are you doing? - sponge bath. 547 00:35:22,829 --> 00:35:25,195 - That is against hospital regulation. - Let a professional Do that. 548 00:35:25,265 --> 00:35:28,757 - You're not supposed to be doing that. - Put The sponge down. 549 00:35:28,835 --> 00:35:32,100 - this is his first day. - The dirty old whore told me to Do it. 550 00:35:32,172 --> 00:35:33,969 Get away from the patient! 551 00:35:36,509 --> 00:35:40,946 And then it just so happens that they walk in when I'm sucking on her nipple. 552 00:35:43,750 --> 00:35:45,684 So you fingered an old lady? 553 00:35:45,752 --> 00:35:48,346 She was asking for it. 554 00:35:48,421 --> 00:35:50,855 It's totally fixable from where I'm standing. 555 00:35:50,924 --> 00:35:54,018 How hard can it be? I mean, right, Sam? 556 00:35:54,094 --> 00:35:56,255 Dave, could you talk to Angela for me? 557 00:35:56,329 --> 00:35:58,263 Yeah, I could talk to her. 558 00:35:59,733 --> 00:36:01,701 I was hoping you'd say that... 559 00:36:01,768 --> 00:36:04,703 'cause I'd really hate to kick you guys out of school. 560 00:36:08,808 --> 00:36:11,675 All right, dudes. See you later. 561 00:36:15,448 --> 00:36:16,574 You. 562 00:36:16,650 --> 00:36:19,175 You were right. We should study together. 563 00:36:19,252 --> 00:36:21,777 - I never said that. - It'd be a good idea. 564 00:36:21,855 --> 00:36:25,313 - So you use my notes, I do the work-- - I'm not gonna use your notes. 565 00:36:25,392 --> 00:36:28,327 To tell you the truth, I've got a photographic memory. 566 00:36:28,395 --> 00:36:30,488 I mean, I practically know everything. 567 00:36:30,563 --> 00:36:32,497 Try me. 568 00:36:32,565 --> 00:36:34,999 - We don't have to do this. - Just try me. 569 00:36:35,068 --> 00:36:37,502 - Okay, what's the fastest land mammal? - Cheetah. 570 00:36:38,838 --> 00:36:40,533 What's the only country to straddle two continents? 571 00:36:40,607 --> 00:36:42,165 Turkey. I got one. 572 00:36:42,242 --> 00:36:45,302 A guy and his son are driving and they get in an accident. 573 00:36:45,378 --> 00:36:48,313 - They go to a hospital-- - And The mother was a doctor. 574 00:36:48,381 --> 00:36:50,144 You see? We got chemistry. 575 00:36:50,216 --> 00:36:51,979 Wow. Did you feel that? 576 00:36:52,052 --> 00:36:53,986 Yeah, it's electric. 577 00:36:56,189 --> 00:36:58,623 All right, there's a study group Wednesday nights. 578 00:36:58,692 --> 00:37:00,626 507 Obal Hall. 579 00:37:03,063 --> 00:37:04,997 Put that in your photographic memory. 580 00:37:10,904 --> 00:37:14,431 - What about this? - is this a study group or a date? 581 00:37:15,608 --> 00:37:17,041 It's a study group. 582 00:37:17,110 --> 00:37:20,705 I just invited that guy Dave. 583 00:37:20,780 --> 00:37:23,715 Hypothetically, if there is no Ethan, she's not your type? 584 00:37:23,783 --> 00:37:25,045 She's not my type. 585 00:37:25,118 --> 00:37:27,552 Her gorgeous face and pert breasts disgust you, right? 586 00:37:27,620 --> 00:37:30,054 The thing is, she's got this-- 587 00:37:32,959 --> 00:37:35,894 Are you gettin' the special tingle from this boy? 588 00:37:37,630 --> 00:37:39,894 You're getting the special tingle! 589 00:37:39,966 --> 00:37:43,265 - It's not the tingle that worries me. - What is it? 590 00:37:44,971 --> 00:37:46,063 It's the guy. 591 00:37:46,139 --> 00:37:47,936 You start to change for somebody... 592 00:37:48,008 --> 00:37:49,805 and before long they change you. 593 00:37:49,876 --> 00:37:51,969 - You know, and this is-- - right, right, right. 594 00:37:52,045 --> 00:37:54,070 - this is who I am. - That's interesting. 595 00:37:54,147 --> 00:37:57,981 You know my policy. You gotta show the boobs and work the ass. 596 00:37:58,918 --> 00:38:00,442 I have no boobs. 597 00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:02,385 You're right. We'll work the ass. 598 00:38:05,558 --> 00:38:08,493 -Hi, Angela. -This is Dave. He's gonna study with us. 599 00:38:08,561 --> 00:38:10,256 Like David and Goliath. 600 00:38:10,330 --> 00:38:13,322 You know, maybe you're an expert in astrophysics... 601 00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:15,334 but some ofus could use some study time. 602 00:38:15,402 --> 00:38:18,269 Who really cares about this crap? 603 00:38:18,338 --> 00:38:20,829 About a billion Alpha Centaurians. 604 00:38:20,907 --> 00:38:25,276 I am so sick of people sitting in a room... 605 00:38:26,780 --> 00:38:29,715 studying and wasting the most important years of their life... 606 00:38:29,783 --> 00:38:32,513 worrying about what some dipshit is gonna say on a test. 607 00:38:32,585 --> 00:38:35,520 This is where it's at. We should really get out. 608 00:38:35,588 --> 00:38:38,523 So, the concerns of the little people don't apply to visionaries like you? 609 00:38:38,591 --> 00:38:42,687 It's wasn't you. It was the guys in the room. It was hot in there and-- 610 00:38:42,762 --> 00:38:46,698 - You're holding my hand. - Well, We might hit a patch of ice. 611 00:38:51,404 --> 00:38:53,998 - So I got this plan. - What's the plan? 612 00:38:55,642 --> 00:39:00,204 I plan to take you to this place where you can actually study the real thing... 613 00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:02,578 and not what's in the textbook. 614 00:39:02,649 --> 00:39:04,139 What doyou say? 615 00:39:04,217 --> 00:39:06,685 - I'd say it's a good plan. - All right, then. 616 00:39:06,753 --> 00:39:09,984 What one's that? The one that looks like the Death Star. 617 00:39:11,424 --> 00:39:13,016 That's Castratia. 618 00:39:15,261 --> 00:39:19,197 The myth has it that she's the most beautiful of all the goddesses... 619 00:39:19,265 --> 00:39:22,200 and any mortal man who would try to court her... 620 00:39:22,268 --> 00:39:26,534 she would slice his manhood off. 621 00:39:28,208 --> 00:39:30,039 - come on, No. - No, seriously. 622 00:39:30,110 --> 00:39:32,078 - No. come on. - Yes. seriously. 623 00:39:32,145 --> 00:39:34,079 - Really? - No. 624 00:40:03,610 --> 00:40:06,579 You know what? My arm's getting numb. 625 00:40:06,646 --> 00:40:08,273 Oh, I'm sorry. 626 00:40:08,348 --> 00:40:10,282 - Sorry. - That's okay. That's fine. 627 00:40:10,350 --> 00:40:12,944 It does that, you know. 628 00:40:21,094 --> 00:40:23,528 Was that wrong? 629 00:40:23,596 --> 00:40:25,257 No. No, I mean-- 630 00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:30,394 Because-- I'm sorry. I just thought that-- 631 00:40:30,470 --> 00:40:32,028 Let me just explain. 632 00:40:32,105 --> 00:40:33,868 I got this friend, and-- 633 00:40:35,441 --> 00:40:38,035 He really likes you, and I cannot do that to him. 634 00:40:38,111 --> 00:40:41,205 You're a very beautiful girl, but, you know, he's-- 635 00:40:41,281 --> 00:40:43,545 - I grew up with him-- - What friend? 636 00:40:43,616 --> 00:40:47,052 His name's Ethan. You don't know him? Everybody knows him. 637 00:40:49,789 --> 00:40:50,881 I know Ethan. 638 00:40:50,957 --> 00:40:53,255 He's a great guy, and-- 639 00:40:53,326 --> 00:40:57,763 I guess I just don't understand what Ethan has to do with... 640 00:40:57,830 --> 00:41:00,993 you and me. 641 00:41:01,067 --> 00:41:02,466 Give him a chance. 642 00:41:02,535 --> 00:41:05,595 You'd really get along with him. 643 00:41:05,672 --> 00:41:07,606 You know, Cool Ethan. 644 00:41:10,843 --> 00:41:12,538 Okay, Dave. 645 00:41:14,047 --> 00:41:16,311 She'll be comin' 'round the mountain when she comes 646 00:41:17,684 --> 00:41:19,549 She'll be comin' 'round the mountain 647 00:41:19,619 --> 00:41:21,382 She'll be comin' 'round them ountain 648 00:41:21,454 --> 00:41:23,285 She'll be comin' 'round the mountain 649 00:41:23,356 --> 00:41:25,324 When she comes Now you! 650 00:41:25,391 --> 00:41:26,790 She'll be ridin'six white horses 651 00:41:26,859 --> 00:41:28,349 When she comes 652 00:41:28,428 --> 00:41:29,986 She'll be riding six white horses 653 00:41:30,063 --> 00:41:31,963 When she comes 654 00:41:32,031 --> 00:41:33,623 She'll be riding six white horses 655 00:41:33,700 --> 00:41:35,634 She'll be riding six white horses 656 00:41:35,702 --> 00:41:39,160 She'llberidingsix whitehorses 657 00:41:39,239 --> 00:41:41,173 When she comes 658 00:41:43,209 --> 00:41:45,143 -Jeff, it's Dave. - Yeah? 659 00:41:45,211 --> 00:41:47,509 - What were you doing? - Nothing. Nothing at all. 660 00:41:47,580 --> 00:41:50,447 Check out Ethan's schedule for me. Where is he now? 661 00:41:50,516 --> 00:41:52,984 Yeah, he should be heading for the library right now. 662 00:41:53,052 --> 00:41:55,486 - Awesome. Thanks, man. - Don't worry about it. 663 00:41:57,590 --> 00:41:58,648 Where were we? 664 00:42:05,632 --> 00:42:07,497 You. Come here. 665 00:42:07,567 --> 00:42:10,001 Have you talked to her? Does she understand? 666 00:42:10,069 --> 00:42:14,005 She was a little suspicious at first, but I'm dealing with it. 667 00:42:14,073 --> 00:42:15,506 This is so "F"-ed up. 668 00:42:15,575 --> 00:42:18,510 You said you could get me a complete profile ofwhat she wants in a guy. 669 00:42:18,578 --> 00:42:21,411 How do you know that she's "the one"? 670 00:42:21,481 --> 00:42:22,914 I just do. 671 00:42:22,982 --> 00:42:26,918 Besides the fact that she's beautiful, smart and funny, how do you know? 672 00:42:28,488 --> 00:42:30,422 Because of the way she smiles. 673 00:42:30,490 --> 00:42:32,424 Because of her smile. 674 00:42:32,492 --> 00:42:35,928 Because when I close my eyes all I see is her face laughing and moving... 675 00:42:35,995 --> 00:42:39,226 and screaming and screaming and screaming... 676 00:42:39,299 --> 00:42:41,233 and screaming and screaming. 677 00:42:41,301 --> 00:42:43,496 - I thought you said you loved her. - Why Do you care? 678 00:42:43,569 --> 00:42:46,129 - I'm just trying to figure it out. - Yes, I love her! 679 00:42:46,205 --> 00:42:48,605 - Yes, I love her completely. - you love her. 680 00:42:48,675 --> 00:42:50,233 And I hate her completely. 681 00:42:50,310 --> 00:42:53,711 But that's something I want to work on with just her, me and her together... 682 00:42:53,780 --> 00:42:55,213 in a locked room. 683 00:42:55,281 --> 00:42:58,546 So bring me the girl, Dave, or you and your friends are goin' down. 684 00:43:07,994 --> 00:43:09,689 We have plenty to eat. 685 00:43:09,762 --> 00:43:12,060 Vegetarians on this side, meat over here. 686 00:43:12,131 --> 00:43:14,065 Hey, how are you, Bill? 687 00:43:14,133 --> 00:43:16,067 - How's everything going? Good? - Okay. 688 00:43:16,135 --> 00:43:19,127 Angela? Weird! 689 00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:22,574 Ethan, what are you doing here? 690 00:43:22,642 --> 00:43:25,873 Well, I'm in the food service industry and I like bums, so it's kinda my duty. 691 00:43:25,945 --> 00:43:28,379 Okay. 692 00:43:28,448 --> 00:43:31,645 - Angela? - yeah. Hi. How areya? 693 00:43:31,718 --> 00:43:35,245 While I've got you here, could I ask your advice on something? 694 00:43:35,321 --> 00:43:37,255 Yeah, sure. What's up? 695 00:43:37,323 --> 00:43:41,020 Well, it's kind of about my girlfriend Stephanie. 696 00:43:41,094 --> 00:43:42,425 Oh, yeah, your girlfriend. 697 00:43:42,495 --> 00:43:45,430 I just need a woman's POV on the whole "sitch." 698 00:43:45,498 --> 00:43:49,093 Actually, you know what? Can I talk to you about something? 699 00:43:49,168 --> 00:43:50,100 Sure. 700 00:43:50,169 --> 00:43:54,105 I kinda wanted to talk to you about us, if that's cool. 701 00:43:54,173 --> 00:43:56,107 Yeah, fine. 702 00:43:56,175 --> 00:43:58,109 I know you don't have a girlfriend, Ethan. 703 00:43:58,177 --> 00:44:00,145 And I know that you like me. 704 00:44:00,213 --> 00:44:03,341 You know, this is kinda-- Can I just be honest? 705 00:44:03,416 --> 00:44:05,441 Go ahead, go ahead. 706 00:44:06,586 --> 00:44:08,747 I really like someone else. 707 00:44:09,822 --> 00:44:11,756 Do you-- Did you-- 708 00:44:11,824 --> 00:44:15,453 Oh, my God, I am so sorry. I led you on. 709 00:44:16,529 --> 00:44:19,930 Angela, I like you as a friend. 710 00:44:19,999 --> 00:44:21,489 You're the sweetest thing. 711 00:44:21,567 --> 00:44:22,864 - Oh, My God. - Really? 712 00:44:22,935 --> 00:44:24,869 Yes, you completely misinterpreted everything. 713 00:44:24,937 --> 00:44:26,802 You're not my type. 714 00:44:26,873 --> 00:44:28,704 - Don't worry. - God, I'm so embarrassed. 715 00:44:28,775 --> 00:44:30,709 It happens all the time. It's cool. 716 00:44:30,777 --> 00:44:33,439 I'm really happy that we got this cleared up... 717 00:44:33,513 --> 00:44:35,708 because the guy that I like is your friend Dave. 718 00:44:35,782 --> 00:44:37,716 - Dave! - Yeah! 719 00:44:37,784 --> 00:44:39,843 Fudge! 720 00:44:39,919 --> 00:44:43,218 I can't stop thinking about him. I can't shut up about him. 721 00:44:43,289 --> 00:44:45,519 I know! You can't shut up about him! 722 00:44:45,591 --> 00:44:49,527 - you want me to go talk to him? - Would you Really? 723 00:44:49,595 --> 00:44:53,998 No problem. I'll put it in my book. I'll say, "Talk to Dave about Angela." 724 00:44:54,066 --> 00:44:55,693 Don't worry. 725 00:44:55,768 --> 00:44:59,204 Come here. Let's get these lousy sons of bitches something to eat, huh? 726 00:45:04,343 --> 00:45:08,575 Maybe she needs a little sponge bath. She's so dirty. 727 00:45:08,648 --> 00:45:10,343 Put the underwear on your head, Ethan! 728 00:45:10,416 --> 00:45:13,544 Please! Oh, Ethan, put the underwear on your head! 729 00:45:13,619 --> 00:45:15,814 - No! No! - I love it! 730 00:45:15,888 --> 00:45:18,186 You shut up, Dave! You shut up, Dave! 731 00:45:18,257 --> 00:45:19,554 Does that feel good? 732 00:45:21,394 --> 00:45:23,521 Does that feel good? 733 00:45:23,596 --> 00:45:25,996 Ethan, what are you doing? 734 00:45:28,234 --> 00:45:30,566 I'm not gonna eat that shit, you fuckin' retard. 735 00:45:31,604 --> 00:45:34,368 No one calls me a retard, you freakin' hobo! 736 00:45:38,010 --> 00:45:39,102 Get his shoes! 737 00:45:42,648 --> 00:45:45,583 It's still 22 to 3, mine. 738 00:45:45,651 --> 00:45:47,812 I thinkwe could do better than that. 739 00:45:47,887 --> 00:45:49,821 Come on! 740 00:45:49,889 --> 00:45:52,323 What is that, man? You wearing musk? 741 00:45:52,391 --> 00:45:55,918 Oh, yeah. I'm going to sing with this band tonight. 742 00:45:55,995 --> 00:45:58,555 - What? You don't sing. - No, I sing. 743 00:45:58,631 --> 00:46:00,929 - Bullshit. You don't sing. - I sing! 744 00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:02,968 I sing. 745 00:46:03,035 --> 00:46:06,095 - If you sing, right now sing. - I'm saving my voice. 746 00:46:09,642 --> 00:46:11,371 Hello! Hello! 747 00:46:11,444 --> 00:46:13,378 Reanna? 748 00:46:13,446 --> 00:46:16,938 - Ethan. - Yup, and I've got gifts. 749 00:46:17,016 --> 00:46:18,643 You just let yourself in? 750 00:46:18,718 --> 00:46:21,915 Angela, I feel really bad about what happened today with the bums. 751 00:46:21,988 --> 00:46:24,616 Ethan, it's fine. Don't worry about it. I'm already over it. 752 00:46:24,690 --> 00:46:26,624 No, Angela, it's not okay. 753 00:46:28,694 --> 00:46:30,628 I'm bad! 754 00:46:32,698 --> 00:46:35,098 - That's really clever, Ethan. - take that. I got it foryou. 755 00:46:36,002 --> 00:46:39,096 I wanted to be sure that you and I are best friends... 756 00:46:40,172 --> 00:46:42,106 gnome matterwhat. 757 00:46:42,174 --> 00:46:44,642 - Ethan, that's a troll. - Gnome it's not. 758 00:46:46,679 --> 00:46:49,113 All right, I have to go now. 759 00:46:49,181 --> 00:46:50,113 Wait. 760 00:46:51,651 --> 00:46:54,586 One more thing. A wee leprechaun. 761 00:46:54,654 --> 00:46:57,088 Okay, that one I don't get. 762 00:46:57,156 --> 00:46:58,851 I'll be your best friend... 763 00:46:58,925 --> 00:47:01,519 until you steal my pot of gold! 764 00:47:03,763 --> 00:47:05,321 Don't do that. 765 00:47:05,398 --> 00:47:08,595 - I'm just kidding. - Okay, time to go. yeah. 766 00:47:08,668 --> 00:47:11,466 - Okay. - Remember That favor? 767 00:47:11,537 --> 00:47:13,732 - Talking to Dave? - yeah. 768 00:47:13,806 --> 00:47:15,706 Don't. I'll handle it. 769 00:47:15,775 --> 00:47:18,300 I'm gonna see him tonight, so I think it'll be better ifl handle it. 770 00:47:18,377 --> 00:47:20,311 Oh. You're gonna see him right now? 771 00:47:20,379 --> 00:47:22,313 - Really? - yeah. 772 00:47:22,381 --> 00:47:25,316 Well, that frees me up. Great. 773 00:47:25,384 --> 00:47:27,318 I hopeyou enjoy the presents-- 774 00:47:38,264 --> 00:47:41,722 Let me just take this moment and say one thing. 775 00:47:41,801 --> 00:47:44,531 We have, like, three weeks till the exam, and-- 776 00:47:44,604 --> 00:47:47,539 I wrote the damn mock exam! I gave it to you! 777 00:47:47,607 --> 00:47:49,541 I wrote the mock exam? 778 00:47:49,609 --> 00:47:52,043 Hey, let's get out of here. 779 00:47:52,111 --> 00:47:54,045 - No. - yeah. 780 00:47:54,113 --> 00:47:56,980 - No. - No? come on. 781 00:47:58,117 --> 00:47:59,948 Please? 782 00:48:00,019 --> 00:48:01,884 I'll take you somewhere. 783 00:48:32,018 --> 00:48:34,919 Oh, my God! Thank God! I thought you were with Dave! 784 00:48:34,987 --> 00:48:36,454 Oh, baby. 785 00:48:39,458 --> 00:48:40,550 Yeah? So what? 786 00:49:43,856 --> 00:49:47,189 I don't know. I don't want to stop loving you. 787 00:49:47,259 --> 00:49:49,454 I mean, where are you? 788 00:49:49,528 --> 00:49:51,996 Don't make me put you under lock and key. 789 00:49:52,064 --> 00:49:53,998 I know you're a good girl. 790 00:49:54,066 --> 00:49:57,399 You'd better not be doing something you're not supposed to. 791 00:49:57,470 --> 00:49:59,495 The big bad wolf's gonna find you. 792 00:50:12,685 --> 00:50:14,812 Been using a new shampoo? 793 00:50:20,126 --> 00:50:21,855 Play a little game! 794 00:50:22,962 --> 00:50:24,896 Duck, duck, goose, huh? 795 00:50:26,098 --> 00:50:28,157 Duck, duck... 796 00:50:28,234 --> 00:50:29,394 goose! 797 00:51:05,070 --> 00:51:07,004 Oh, shit. 798 00:51:07,072 --> 00:51:10,098 Something's wrong. 799 00:51:15,314 --> 00:51:17,612 -Jesus Christ. - And we're back! 800 00:51:22,588 --> 00:51:24,249 I want to be polite... 801 00:51:24,323 --> 00:51:27,815 but how many decoupage gifts can you receive? 802 00:51:27,893 --> 00:51:32,023 I don't know. I guess she makes my dad happy. So what can I say? 803 00:51:32,097 --> 00:51:34,031 Soyou like living in the dorm? 804 00:51:34,099 --> 00:51:36,033 My God, I was so happy to get out of the house. 805 00:51:36,101 --> 00:51:38,968 My stepmother drives me crazy. 806 00:51:39,038 --> 00:51:43,134 - My real mom lives in St. Louis. - St. Louis? 807 00:51:43,209 --> 00:51:45,143 She's a Midwestern gal. 808 00:51:46,579 --> 00:51:47,876 That's great news. 809 00:51:49,081 --> 00:51:53,142 Really? Tell me something about you. 810 00:51:54,520 --> 00:51:56,454 What do you want to know? 811 00:51:56,522 --> 00:51:57,989 - a secret. - a secret? 812 00:51:59,592 --> 00:52:02,959 - a secret, huh? - I'm sure you have plenty. 813 00:52:03,028 --> 00:52:04,962 Got a few. 814 00:52:05,030 --> 00:52:08,488 - So tell me. - Yeah, tell her, Dave. 815 00:52:08,567 --> 00:52:10,535 Tell her the real secret. 816 00:52:10,603 --> 00:52:15,267 Me and my friend,Jeff, we can control the power on campus. 817 00:52:15,341 --> 00:52:18,276 How's that for a secret? We hack into the power grids. 818 00:52:18,344 --> 00:52:21,609 Looks like I'm gonna have to pay your friends a little visit, Dave. 819 00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:24,615 Me and my friend, Jeff, we can control the power on campus. 820 00:52:24,683 --> 00:52:28,414 How's that for a secret? We hack into the powergrids. 821 00:52:28,487 --> 00:52:31,388 - Don't say a fucking word, Ethan. - Look at That shot. 822 00:52:31,457 --> 00:52:33,391 He's "doing" his special lady. 823 00:52:33,459 --> 00:52:35,654 Shut the fuck up! 824 00:52:35,728 --> 00:52:37,662 I don't want to see any more, all right? 825 00:52:37,730 --> 00:52:40,324 He's "f"-ing you. He "f"-ed me. 826 00:52:40,399 --> 00:52:42,799 And now I got a little movie of him "f"-ing her. 827 00:52:42,868 --> 00:52:45,302 Dude, enough about Dave. You don't know a thing about Dave. 828 00:52:45,371 --> 00:52:48,135 He betrayed you. He stole my girl. 829 00:52:48,207 --> 00:52:51,472 He's not our friend. What? 830 00:52:51,543 --> 00:52:53,272 Son ofa bitch! 831 00:52:53,345 --> 00:52:57,304 The little freak is right, all right? Dave screwed us. 832 00:52:57,383 --> 00:53:00,716 He's not the only one who screwed us. We're getting screwed by the system. 833 00:53:00,786 --> 00:53:04,847 The system that forces us guys to like girls, all right? 834 00:53:04,924 --> 00:53:08,257 We're getting pushed into this. What if we just take the girls out of it? 835 00:53:08,327 --> 00:53:11,763 We can have our own system. It's a countersystem. 836 00:53:11,830 --> 00:53:15,322 Then you do things together-- You swim, you row, you boat... 837 00:53:15,401 --> 00:53:17,301 you eat, you stink. 838 00:53:17,369 --> 00:53:19,701 We can just be guys. You can have sex-- 839 00:53:19,772 --> 00:53:23,401 You can do it, you know, many guys at a time, but it's not gay. 840 00:53:23,475 --> 00:53:25,033 That's interesting. 841 00:53:25,110 --> 00:53:27,044 I'm gonna go talk to Dean Rattenbaugh about that... 842 00:53:27,112 --> 00:53:30,775 while I'm getting your ass expelled. 843 00:53:30,849 --> 00:53:32,840 - come Over here. - What? 844 00:53:32,918 --> 00:53:34,476 Sit down. 845 00:53:40,759 --> 00:53:44,160 - Give me The tape. - Oh, this tape? 846 00:53:46,565 --> 00:53:48,032 What do I get? 847 00:53:50,602 --> 00:53:52,536 This is everything we have on Angela. 848 00:53:52,604 --> 00:53:54,765 How much of that did I work to steal my own self? 849 00:53:54,840 --> 00:53:56,831 Shut up. I'm giving it to him. 850 00:53:58,978 --> 00:54:01,276 Everything you need to get the girl is in here. 851 00:54:02,181 --> 00:54:04,206 - on three. - All right, on three. 852 00:54:04,283 --> 00:54:06,683 - One-- - If I could interject something here. 853 00:54:07,753 --> 00:54:09,687 I'm not gay, you know. 854 00:54:16,762 --> 00:54:19,993 I'm the kind of guy who will 855 00:54:20,065 --> 00:54:23,466 Not insist that you go on the pill 856 00:54:23,535 --> 00:54:27,266 I'm cool with splitting the bill 857 00:54:27,339 --> 00:54:29,569 -And I'll kill - Oh, My God. 858 00:54:29,641 --> 00:54:31,802 - who you wan tme to kill - It's Ethan. 859 00:54:34,113 --> 00:54:36,581 Stay there. 860 00:54:36,648 --> 00:54:38,809 You and me 861 00:54:38,884 --> 00:54:41,717 - Hey, new-wave boy! - Don't you see 862 00:54:41,787 --> 00:54:44,654 Shut the fuck up! 863 00:54:44,723 --> 00:54:47,317 - Don't you see - Do We fucking know this guy? 864 00:54:47,393 --> 00:54:49,691 My heart is beat-beat-beating 865 00:54:49,762 --> 00:54:51,821 It's Ethan again. 866 00:54:51,897 --> 00:54:55,230 Oh, Angela 867 00:54:55,300 --> 00:54:58,827 Oh, how I need you so 868 00:54:58,904 --> 00:55:02,169 'Cause your eyes are like two shining blue 869 00:55:02,241 --> 00:55:05,210 Rockets in the night come to take me away 870 00:55:05,277 --> 00:55:07,711 Come and fuck me, baby 871 00:55:07,780 --> 00:55:10,248 He is so-- 872 00:55:10,315 --> 00:55:12,579 And don't let me hurt you just by accident 873 00:55:12,651 --> 00:55:14,619 - I probably won't, but - Shut up! 874 00:55:17,322 --> 00:55:18,414 Fudge! 875 00:55:18,490 --> 00:55:20,788 Ethan, I appreciate the effort, but-- 876 00:55:20,859 --> 00:55:23,123 - I wrote this for you! - What Do you want? 877 00:55:23,195 --> 00:55:25,789 It's 2:00 in the morning. 878 00:55:25,864 --> 00:55:27,024 I wanna come up. 879 00:55:27,099 --> 00:55:30,125 - this has to end, right now. - Invite him up. 880 00:55:30,202 --> 00:55:33,035 We'll make him clean the fucking bathrooms. 881 00:55:33,105 --> 00:55:36,871 Besides, maybe he's good in bed. The little ones always are. Come on. 882 00:55:38,610 --> 00:55:41,636 - Move. - you can come up for one minute. 883 00:55:41,713 --> 00:55:42,975 Really? 884 00:55:49,888 --> 00:55:51,822 Guys? Hey, yo! 885 00:56:04,103 --> 00:56:05,730 Wow! 886 00:56:13,445 --> 00:56:14,878 Love. 887 00:56:35,400 --> 00:56:38,494 Okay. I'm going to fix your nose... 888 00:56:38,570 --> 00:56:41,801 and we're going to have a little talk, okay? 889 00:56:41,874 --> 00:56:43,569 Okay. 890 00:56:43,642 --> 00:56:47,100 This is not very manlike ofme, is it? 891 00:56:47,179 --> 00:56:50,307 Ethan, it's a tiny cut. It's no big deal. 892 00:56:52,217 --> 00:56:54,845 You're right. It's just a cut on skin. 893 00:56:54,920 --> 00:56:58,583 You're so awesome. Your room is so awesome. Your phone is kick-ass. 894 00:56:58,657 --> 00:57:00,955 And you know what? I love you. 895 00:57:05,430 --> 00:57:08,695 You and I are just friends. 896 00:57:08,767 --> 00:57:11,998 I have to make that clear to you, because this cannot continue. 897 00:57:12,070 --> 00:57:14,061 You're still on this whole Dave thing. 898 00:57:16,675 --> 00:57:18,438 Unbelievable. 899 00:57:18,510 --> 00:57:21,308 It's not a Dave thing. 900 00:57:21,380 --> 00:57:23,940 I'm in love with him. 901 00:57:24,016 --> 00:57:25,950 Have you two been physical? 902 00:57:27,019 --> 00:57:29,613 You know what? 903 00:57:29,688 --> 00:57:30,950 That's it. 904 00:57:31,023 --> 00:57:34,652 What Dave and I do is none of your business. It's time for you to leave. 905 00:57:34,726 --> 00:57:37,786 I was hoping you wouldn't take it this far. Damn it! 906 00:57:37,863 --> 00:57:39,296 Enough is enough! 907 00:57:39,364 --> 00:57:42,561 Will you quit breathing so loud? I can't hear what he's saying. 908 00:57:42,634 --> 00:57:46,764 - God, I'm so scared for us. - It's too late for this, you know? 909 00:57:46,838 --> 00:57:48,772 You've been duped by the worst kind of con man. 910 00:57:48,840 --> 00:57:50,398 When I fell in love with you... 911 00:57:50,475 --> 00:57:52,568 I knew I couldn't get you because you're so beautiful. 912 00:57:52,644 --> 00:57:54,805 So I paid Dave and his goons to get close toyou. 913 00:57:54,880 --> 00:57:56,814 He put together a dossier of information... 914 00:57:56,882 --> 00:57:58,474 which I studied every night. 915 00:57:58,550 --> 00:58:00,484 I do not believe what you're saying to me. 916 00:58:00,552 --> 00:58:03,248 How do you think I know your favorite animal is a monkey? 917 00:58:03,322 --> 00:58:06,655 - Ethan, shut up! - I said, "Dave, stop. It's over. 918 00:58:06,725 --> 00:58:09,193 She is a lovely girl with a pure heart. 919 00:58:09,261 --> 00:58:11,786 Don't taint her with your octopus ink!" 920 00:58:11,863 --> 00:58:14,798 - something is wrong with you. - Nothing's wrong with me. 921 00:58:14,866 --> 00:58:17,733 - No, something-- - Bullshit. 922 00:58:17,803 --> 00:58:19,930 You know how he brags about the power grids? 923 00:58:20,005 --> 00:58:22,371 That's how he's going to talk about you. 924 00:58:22,441 --> 00:58:25,274 You're just another thing for him to brag about. 925 00:58:25,344 --> 00:58:28,507 I'm not the kind of guy who would rub this kind of proofin your face. 926 00:58:39,558 --> 00:58:40,889 Good Christ! 927 00:58:40,959 --> 00:58:42,893 - Stop.Just listen. - you deserve That, asshole. 928 00:58:42,961 --> 00:58:45,020 - I can explain everything. - Ethan explained everything. 929 00:58:45,097 --> 00:58:47,588 - Don't listen to Ethan! He's psychotic! - You are a fraud! 930 00:58:47,666 --> 00:58:49,725 You are a child! You're manipulative! 931 00:58:49,801 --> 00:58:51,962 And worst of all, you're a whore! 932 00:58:53,138 --> 00:58:55,129 I am not a whore. 933 00:58:55,207 --> 00:58:58,301 You used me to make a hundred bucks. 934 00:58:58,377 --> 00:59:00,572 Angela, I didn't do anything like that. 935 00:59:00,646 --> 00:59:03,809 - You didn't? - I didn't. 936 00:59:03,882 --> 00:59:06,578 I didn't do anything wrong. 937 00:59:13,925 --> 00:59:17,190 Why did you steal my E-mails, Dave? 938 00:59:24,836 --> 00:59:27,498 I came clean. And you should have stopped when I asked-- 939 00:59:27,572 --> 00:59:30,666 You told her I did it for money? Huh, you little freak? 940 00:59:30,742 --> 00:59:32,209 What are you doing here anyways? 941 00:59:32,277 --> 00:59:36,270 I'm gonna ask you this right now and I want you to answer me honestly. 942 00:59:38,950 --> 00:59:40,577 Did you... 943 00:59:40,652 --> 00:59:42,586 or did you not... 944 00:59:44,022 --> 00:59:47,651 seduce me because of some deal you had with Ethan? 945 00:59:47,726 --> 00:59:49,751 See, it wasn't exactly like that. 946 00:59:49,828 --> 00:59:53,559 Dave, will you just answer yes or no? Please, just answer me. 947 00:59:56,134 --> 00:59:58,068 - Yes. - Oh, shit. 948 00:59:59,971 --> 01:00:03,600 Angela, you see? I told you he was violent! Look! 949 01:00:03,675 --> 01:00:06,769 Angela, please, baby, please. 950 01:00:06,845 --> 01:00:08,972 Listen to me. Listen to me! 951 01:00:09,047 --> 01:00:11,311 This is not a good night for my nose. I'm gonna go disinfect it. 952 01:00:16,521 --> 01:00:19,115 Well, I don't know about the punch in the nose, but I think she likes me. 953 01:00:19,191 --> 01:00:21,125 You don't love her. 954 01:00:23,628 --> 01:00:25,562 I do tonight. 955 01:00:29,501 --> 01:00:31,435 Hey, do you have a condom? 956 01:00:36,074 --> 01:00:37,507 Fuck. 957 01:00:40,579 --> 01:00:43,377 I wantyou to get this bad energy out. 958 01:00:43,448 --> 01:00:47,509 Ethan, I really don't feel like being touched right now, okay? 959 01:00:47,586 --> 01:00:48,848 Thanks. 960 01:00:48,920 --> 01:00:51,184 Then you need a jump-start. 961 01:00:53,425 --> 01:00:54,517 Clear! 962 01:00:55,994 --> 01:00:58,155 Clear! Clear! 963 01:00:58,230 --> 01:00:59,663 Ethan, it's-- 964 01:01:02,000 --> 01:01:04,127 It's been kind of a long night. 965 01:01:04,202 --> 01:01:07,069 I don't want to kick a dead horse, but that Dave... 966 01:01:08,306 --> 01:01:09,705 he's a bad dude. 967 01:01:09,775 --> 01:01:12,039 You made the right decision. 968 01:01:12,110 --> 01:01:14,203 Thanks for being honest. 969 01:01:15,781 --> 01:01:17,214 No problem. 970 01:01:19,885 --> 01:01:23,150 - I'm tired. - I know. me too. 971 01:01:23,221 --> 01:01:25,985 Move over. Let's go to bed. 972 01:01:26,057 --> 01:01:27,490 Move over. 973 01:01:28,727 --> 01:01:31,059 How about you sleep on the couch? 974 01:01:33,098 --> 01:01:34,190 Okay. 975 01:01:34,266 --> 01:01:37,758 Shh, be quiet. We're in my girlfriend's dorm. 976 01:01:39,304 --> 01:01:41,397 You wanna what? 977 01:01:41,473 --> 01:01:44,374 No, we shouldn't. 978 01:01:44,443 --> 01:01:47,276 Okay, but you be quiet, hair doll. 979 01:01:50,582 --> 01:01:52,379 Like that? 980 01:01:52,451 --> 01:01:55,045 I said to her, or him, I said-- 981 01:01:55,120 --> 01:01:58,647 - I can't believe you guys. - Oh, you can't believe us? 982 01:01:58,723 --> 01:02:01,283 You know what? I can't believe you. You betrayed our trust. 983 01:02:01,359 --> 01:02:04,453 -I did not betrayy ou! -That's the one thing we had between us. 984 01:02:04,529 --> 01:02:07,623 - I did not betray anyone! - but you said My name on That tape. 985 01:02:07,699 --> 01:02:09,030 What about that? 986 01:02:09,100 --> 01:02:12,399 You might as well have broadcast it to the whole campus. 987 01:02:12,471 --> 01:02:14,268 Man, I mean, we can't do that to her. 988 01:02:14,339 --> 01:02:15,431 What? 989 01:02:15,507 --> 01:02:18,408 The guy is a stalker. I mean, Ethan, he's nuts. 990 01:02:18,477 --> 01:02:21,469 - How was I supposed to know? - you know What? 991 01:02:21,546 --> 01:02:22,843 Fuck you. 992 01:02:22,914 --> 01:02:26,179 I'm the one who took care of it. You're out. 993 01:02:26,251 --> 01:02:28,742 I can't trust you anymore. You're out. 994 01:02:31,823 --> 01:02:33,188 You sure did fuck up. 995 01:02:38,029 --> 01:02:41,931 Butyou didn't fuck up so much as you fucked up. 996 01:02:42,000 --> 01:02:44,628 You find somebody, and it just feels right. 997 01:02:44,703 --> 01:02:46,864 It's like fate. 998 01:02:46,938 --> 01:02:49,099 Exactly! It was my fate to meet her. 999 01:02:49,174 --> 01:02:52,109 But it wasn't your fate to be with her. 1000 01:02:52,177 --> 01:02:54,111 Unfortunately, my friend, fate... 1001 01:02:55,547 --> 01:02:57,845 has a different plan for you. 1002 01:02:57,916 --> 01:03:00,578 You will grow up, go out into the world. 1003 01:03:00,652 --> 01:03:04,019 You'll forget all about the things that happened here. 1004 01:03:04,089 --> 01:03:06,182 Ethan, Angela... 1005 01:03:06,258 --> 01:03:08,317 the shit we pulled. 1006 01:03:08,393 --> 01:03:10,759 Those hookers that we thought were girls. 1007 01:03:10,829 --> 01:03:13,059 And you're going to go out there... 1008 01:03:13,131 --> 01:03:15,964 and no one-- no one... 1009 01:03:16,034 --> 01:03:19,003 can shoot you down because a woman one time... 1010 01:03:19,070 --> 01:03:22,631 stepped on your heart and left a scar in its wake. 1011 01:03:22,707 --> 01:03:24,470 That is your fate, Dave. 1012 01:03:25,377 --> 01:03:27,811 Just as it is my fate... 1013 01:03:27,879 --> 01:03:30,404 to some day become shogun. 1014 01:03:43,328 --> 01:03:45,819 Fucking idiot! Are you kidding me? 1015 01:03:50,168 --> 01:03:53,763 There goes Dave the liar. I "f"-ed his old girlfriend. 1016 01:03:56,875 --> 01:04:00,072 - Oh, Ethan. - Oh, Cameron. 1017 01:04:00,145 --> 01:04:03,114 - Oh, yeah! - Baby, baby. 1018 01:04:03,181 --> 01:04:04,739 Boobies, boobies. 1019 01:04:07,185 --> 01:04:09,653 Stone-hard reality, Dave. 1020 01:04:09,721 --> 01:04:11,655 I asked you to stop. 1021 01:04:15,093 --> 01:04:17,561 Cameron! Take off my pants. 1022 01:04:20,865 --> 01:04:22,856 Oh, no. That's my mom. 1023 01:05:05,777 --> 01:05:10,077 Is enough enough Is enough enough 1024 01:05:12,584 --> 01:05:16,350 I saw the sign When I opened up my eyes 1025 01:05:16,421 --> 01:05:17,820 I saw the sign 1026 01:05:19,991 --> 01:05:22,425 When I opened up my eyes I saw the sign 1027 01:05:35,974 --> 01:05:40,377 No one's gonna drag you up to get into the line where you belong 1028 01:05:40,445 --> 01:05:44,541 I saw the sign I saw the sign 1029 01:05:47,952 --> 01:05:50,921 Guys, I saw the sign. 1030 01:05:50,989 --> 01:05:54,117 And it opened my eyes. I gotta be with Angela. 1031 01:05:54,192 --> 01:05:57,787 - As your attorney, I can't advise that. - I'm telling everything. That's it. 1032 01:05:57,862 --> 01:05:59,591 You guys have nothing to worry about. 1033 01:05:59,664 --> 01:06:02,599 - You're serious about this, man? - Dead serious. 1034 01:06:02,667 --> 01:06:04,362 I need to be with her. 1035 01:06:04,436 --> 01:06:07,030 Hey, you're not fucking seed of doubting me now? 1036 01:06:07,105 --> 01:06:09,665 Sam, I'm not going to lie anymore. 1037 01:06:10,842 --> 01:06:12,776 I'm done. 1038 01:06:14,245 --> 01:06:17,180 I have something to say to you. 1039 01:06:17,248 --> 01:06:21,651 And I think that it's important that I say it out of the cage. 1040 01:06:27,659 --> 01:06:31,755 I think you're doing the right thing. I've never seen you like this before. 1041 01:06:31,830 --> 01:06:34,856 You know what? I've never felt like this before. 1042 01:06:34,933 --> 01:06:38,699 Listen, I blew up last night, but I'm proud of you. 1043 01:06:38,770 --> 01:06:42,433 I wish I could back you up. I'm not getting kicked out of college. 1044 01:06:42,507 --> 01:06:44,941 This is me. You have to understand this. 1045 01:06:45,009 --> 01:06:47,842 You guys aren't going to pay for this. I'm gonna do this myself. 1046 01:06:47,912 --> 01:06:50,142 I never would have given that stuff to Ethan in a million years... 1047 01:06:50,215 --> 01:06:52,149 If I thought that you felt this way. 1048 01:06:52,217 --> 01:06:53,844 You did what you had to do. That's fine. 1049 01:06:53,918 --> 01:06:57,911 I guess I felt a little bit jealous because... 1050 01:06:57,989 --> 01:07:00,651 you have a girlfriend now, or whatever... 1051 01:07:00,725 --> 01:07:02,818 and I felt like I was left out. 1052 01:07:02,894 --> 01:07:04,828 Come on. 1053 01:07:04,896 --> 01:07:07,228 - Really? - a little bit. 1054 01:07:07,298 --> 01:07:09,926 Come here. Give me a hug. Got nothing but love for you. 1055 01:07:10,835 --> 01:07:14,271 Oh, one, two, three, four hard nipples. Nope. 1056 01:07:14,339 --> 01:07:18,332 This is really weird. I never thought we'd see the day when the team split up. 1057 01:07:19,677 --> 01:07:21,838 Wait. Not yet. 1058 01:07:21,913 --> 01:07:26,714 We don't split up yet. Cool Ethan? He caught you cheating, right? 1059 01:07:26,785 --> 01:07:28,719 - yeah. - Right? 1060 01:07:28,787 --> 01:07:31,381 He's gunning for your job, right? 1061 01:07:31,456 --> 01:07:33,424 You know mywhole story. 1062 01:07:33,491 --> 01:07:34,719 You got his stuff? 1063 01:07:36,995 --> 01:07:40,795 One more job, guys. I say we bury him. 1064 01:07:40,865 --> 01:07:43,390 But wait, you say. How did we get Ethan's documents? 1065 01:07:43,468 --> 01:07:45,527 Allow me to refresh your memory. 1066 01:07:45,603 --> 01:07:47,969 When you only see two of us, watch out. 1067 01:07:48,039 --> 01:07:52,203 Because the third one is probably rifling through your shit. 1068 01:08:01,386 --> 01:08:03,513 It was time toput ourgifts to use. 1069 01:08:03,588 --> 01:08:07,354 So we splitup into two groups to take Ethan down. 1070 01:08:09,294 --> 01:08:12,320 First on the list, Stockton, Ypright and Falk. 1071 01:08:13,665 --> 01:08:16,327 Ethan wanted to work there more than anything. 1072 01:08:16,401 --> 01:08:18,733 So we thought we'd lend him ahand. 1073 01:08:27,178 --> 01:08:31,114 Professor Markoe's? Yes, the exam is today. 1074 01:08:31,182 --> 01:08:32,376 Back on up, slick. 1075 01:08:37,155 --> 01:08:39,988 Oh, God, I'm choking. 1076 01:08:40,058 --> 01:08:42,390 Oh, God, I'm choking! 1077 01:08:42,460 --> 01:08:44,155 God, he's choking on a piece of steak. 1078 01:08:44,229 --> 01:08:46,390 I don't know what to tell you, but I think Philip called this one in. 1079 01:08:46,464 --> 01:08:49,399 I run this office. All of this is me. 1080 01:08:58,042 --> 01:09:00,169 - Oh, Fuck. - Are you All Right? 1081 01:09:00,245 --> 01:09:02,338 I'm fine now. Thanks to you. 1082 01:09:02,413 --> 01:09:04,745 Thanks to this fine, young gentleman. 1083 01:09:07,619 --> 01:09:10,247 If you just let me get in there, I'll replace that mouse and be outta there-- 1084 01:09:10,321 --> 01:09:12,050 Thank you. Fix it. 1085 01:09:12,123 --> 01:09:14,353 Wes Mann. I'm in emerging markets. And you are? 1086 01:09:14,425 --> 01:09:18,919 Ethan Dulles. I'm actually only here for an interview with Mr. Leonard. 1087 01:09:18,997 --> 01:09:22,933 Oh, well. Leonard Leonard and I are very good friends. 1088 01:09:23,001 --> 01:09:24,696 I'm gonna march you right up there. 1089 01:09:24,769 --> 01:09:26,930 Let me help you out. You've had such a hard day. 1090 01:09:27,005 --> 01:09:30,099 I look good and everything, but I'm still freaked out, 'cause of the meat. 1091 01:09:30,174 --> 01:09:32,608 So if you could give me a little privacy. 1092 01:09:37,715 --> 01:09:39,683 Yes, this is a message for Mr. Dulles. 1093 01:09:39,751 --> 01:09:43,482 This is Mr. Leonard's office in Human Resources at Stockton, Upright and Falk. 1094 01:09:43,755 --> 01:09:46,622 - good work down there, Mr. Dulles. - you can Call meJack. 1095 01:09:46,691 --> 01:09:48,454 Jack? 1096 01:09:48,526 --> 01:09:50,790 It says on here that your first name is Ethan. 1097 01:09:51,863 --> 01:09:53,797 - Call me Jack. - All right,Jack. 1098 01:09:53,865 --> 01:09:58,131 Jack, what one word would you say... 1099 01:09:58,202 --> 01:10:00,170 describes yourself perfectly? 1100 01:10:04,375 --> 01:10:08,607 I'm gonna have to say slave to the freaky-assed booby. 1101 01:10:08,680 --> 01:10:10,011 That's not one word. 1102 01:10:10,081 --> 01:10:12,948 You know, Philip said that you were available. 1103 01:10:13,017 --> 01:10:15,508 Hurry up, brownie, cookie, whatever. 1104 01:10:15,586 --> 01:10:17,645 You get into this job because you like to work with your hands. 1105 01:10:17,722 --> 01:10:19,986 I work with my-- 1106 01:10:20,058 --> 01:10:23,118 I work with my hands all the time. I mean, love to rub you down. 1107 01:10:23,194 --> 01:10:28,791 You ever had a massage with heated stones? Like nothing you'd believe. 1108 01:10:28,866 --> 01:10:30,800 On your resume under "activities"... 1109 01:10:30,868 --> 01:10:34,668 you have "smokin' blunts with the homeys"... 1110 01:10:34,739 --> 01:10:37,469 and "bustin' caps in whitey." 1111 01:10:38,543 --> 01:10:40,670 Can you explain that? 1112 01:10:40,745 --> 01:10:42,713 Please come to Mr. Leonard's office... 1113 01:10:42,780 --> 01:10:45,340 as soon as you possibly can for your job interview. 1114 01:10:45,416 --> 01:10:47,008 - Thanks. - Yes! 1115 01:10:47,085 --> 01:10:50,418 You know as well as I do how I very well got the job. 1116 01:10:50,488 --> 01:10:53,082 You and me, boy, we can handle shit, all right? 1117 01:10:53,157 --> 01:10:54,283 Right, right. 1118 01:10:58,863 --> 01:11:02,060 You watch Leonard Leonard handle some shit. 1119 01:11:03,968 --> 01:11:05,799 Oh, Angela 1120 01:11:09,941 --> 01:11:11,875 Oh, how I need you so 1121 01:11:17,648 --> 01:11:19,479 I see what I wanted to do 1122 01:11:28,059 --> 01:11:29,822 Now 1123 01:11:44,642 --> 01:11:46,075 Yeah! 1124 01:11:50,248 --> 01:11:54,082 Stockton, Ypright andg et those lousy cheaters expelled. 1125 01:11:56,220 --> 01:11:58,654 Ethan Dulles is waiting in the lobby for me? 1126 01:11:59,757 --> 01:12:01,782 I don't-- What's the holdup? I've been waiting a half-hour. 1127 01:12:01,859 --> 01:12:03,554 Still checking. 1128 01:12:03,628 --> 01:12:06,256 You let him in here and your ass is grass, and I'm the lawn mower. 1129 01:12:07,698 --> 01:12:10,929 Actually, that appointment's no longer on the books. 1130 01:12:11,002 --> 01:12:13,971 Okay, well, I'll just go check the books. Bitch. 1131 01:12:14,038 --> 01:12:16,529 Heard you got a little smart with Mr. Leonard. 1132 01:12:18,709 --> 01:12:20,267 Get him out of here now. 1133 01:12:20,344 --> 01:12:21,811 The lawnmower's waiting. 1134 01:12:21,879 --> 01:12:24,814 I want that punk thrown out of this building. 1135 01:12:24,882 --> 01:12:27,817 I parked my wheel right out here. I'm fine. Thanks, guys. 1136 01:12:29,020 --> 01:12:31,147 Can you believe that? 1137 01:12:38,529 --> 01:12:41,157 - Get him. - Come here! 1138 01:12:42,567 --> 01:12:44,000 Help me! 1139 01:12:49,607 --> 01:12:52,337 This is the final exam. 1140 01:12:52,410 --> 01:12:56,471 From this point on there's no talking, no study guides... 1141 01:12:56,547 --> 01:12:57,809 no exceptions. 1142 01:12:58,749 --> 01:13:02,742 You have three hours. That's it. Pencils down after that. 1143 01:13:03,521 --> 01:13:06,854 Begin now. 1144 01:13:22,573 --> 01:13:24,973 Hi. Yeah, we're having a test here. A final. 1145 01:13:25,042 --> 01:13:27,909 - Hold on. Just wait a second. - I don't have a second. 1146 01:13:27,979 --> 01:13:29,037 Excuse me. 1147 01:13:30,348 --> 01:13:34,614 - We're having a test here. - Just relax. This can't wait. Please. 1148 01:13:34,685 --> 01:13:36,482 - You can talk to her after the-- - Just Relax. 1149 01:13:36,554 --> 01:13:40,581 These people are taking a test-- They are taking a final exam. 1150 01:13:40,658 --> 01:13:42,956 - Please Just Give me five minutes. - Am I coming up there? 1151 01:13:43,027 --> 01:13:45,894 - Is that how it's gonna be? - Just listen to me. please. 1152 01:13:45,963 --> 01:13:49,091 Just give me one second. Okay? Just one second. 1153 01:13:51,569 --> 01:13:54,163 - You think I'm a liar? - yeah. 1154 01:13:54,238 --> 01:13:56,570 Yeah. Well, I am a liar. 1155 01:13:58,075 --> 01:14:01,340 Ethan never paid me. He blackmailed me. 1156 01:14:02,380 --> 01:14:04,905 I did it because he caught me cheating. 1157 01:14:05,983 --> 01:14:08,042 What the fuck? 1158 01:14:10,588 --> 01:14:12,522 I am a cheater. 1159 01:14:13,791 --> 01:14:15,850 I have cheated my way through high school. 1160 01:14:15,927 --> 01:14:18,122 I have cheated my way through college. 1161 01:14:18,196 --> 01:14:20,061 I have cheated my way through everything. 1162 01:14:20,131 --> 01:14:22,759 I don't think I've ever taken a test honestly. 1163 01:14:22,833 --> 01:14:26,599 I've engineered blackouts. I've done bomb threats. 1164 01:14:26,671 --> 01:14:30,072 I've hacked into the administration network. I've done it all. 1165 01:14:30,141 --> 01:14:33,406 I mean, I think this is the first legit thing I've ever done. 1166 01:14:34,478 --> 01:14:38,312 And there's no angle. And there's definitely no scam. 1167 01:14:40,284 --> 01:14:44,482 I'm doing it because-- because I love you. 1168 01:14:44,555 --> 01:14:46,750 You love me? 1169 01:14:46,824 --> 01:14:48,485 I do love you. 1170 01:14:52,096 --> 01:14:55,088 I'm pretty sure I'm in the wrong class. 1171 01:14:55,166 --> 01:15:00,365 But, I just gotta say, that was really moving. 1172 01:15:01,305 --> 01:15:03,865 Well, honesty, folks. Right? 1173 01:15:03,941 --> 01:15:07,035 Isn't that the most important thing, honesty? 1174 01:15:07,111 --> 01:15:11,275 That's what it's all about. I didn't understand that until I met you. 1175 01:15:12,950 --> 01:15:15,942 - That was beautiful. - Thank you. Thank you. 1176 01:15:33,371 --> 01:15:35,464 Well, you'rej ust Mr. Party Pants, aren't you? 1177 01:15:36,674 --> 01:15:38,835 You all think you know this man? 1178 01:15:38,909 --> 01:15:41,434 Well, I have in my hand hard evidence... 1179 01:15:41,512 --> 01:15:45,039 that this man is, in fact, a cheater! 1180 01:15:47,418 --> 01:15:50,080 Why are you clapping? Why are you clapping? 1181 01:15:50,154 --> 01:15:52,145 Why are you clapping? 1182 01:15:53,924 --> 01:15:55,949 What the hell is this? 1183 01:15:58,462 --> 01:16:00,225 Well, Ethan, I told her the truth. 1184 01:16:00,298 --> 01:16:02,926 And I told her I cheated and I told her I loved her. 1185 01:16:04,268 --> 01:16:07,999 - You don't believe him, do you? - I don't know. 1186 01:16:08,072 --> 01:16:10,540 I want to, Dave... 1187 01:16:10,608 --> 01:16:12,132 but I just can't. 1188 01:16:14,011 --> 01:16:16,275 - I don't wanna. I don't wanna! - Shut up. 1189 01:16:16,347 --> 01:16:19,248 I couldn't take it anymore. We're a team. You go down, we go down. 1190 01:16:19,317 --> 01:16:21,547 I don't think so. Ifyou're not enrolled-- 1191 01:16:21,619 --> 01:16:25,453 I am in the class. I'm Sam Schechter. I got hit by a fucking bus. 1192 01:16:29,393 --> 01:16:31,452 He's telling you the truth. 1193 01:16:31,529 --> 01:16:34,293 I know he is, because he got caught helping me cheat. 1194 01:16:35,700 --> 01:16:39,136 It's a scam. Another scam. You can't believe them. 1195 01:16:39,203 --> 01:16:41,637 Oh, another scam, huh? That's interesting. 1196 01:16:41,706 --> 01:16:43,901 Listen, Angela, we took this picture in Ethan's room. 1197 01:16:44,875 --> 01:16:46,809 If you don't want to be with Dave, that's fine. 1198 01:16:46,877 --> 01:16:51,473 You might want to avoid getting hacked up by "eyebrows" on your wedding night. 1199 01:16:51,549 --> 01:16:54,382 What is this? That's a little weird. 1200 01:16:54,452 --> 01:16:57,910 - Let me see this one second. - could you explain That to me? 1201 01:16:57,988 --> 01:16:59,922 Ethan, what is that? 1202 01:16:59,990 --> 01:17:02,015 A picture I let the boys-- 1203 01:17:02,093 --> 01:17:03,890 If you think that's weird, one more thing. 1204 01:17:03,961 --> 01:17:05,087 This is good. 1205 01:17:06,964 --> 01:17:08,431 It's a hair doll. 1206 01:17:08,499 --> 01:17:10,592 Yeah. It's gross, right? 1207 01:17:10,668 --> 01:17:13,432 - Hereyou go. - Ethan, What is this? 1208 01:17:13,504 --> 01:17:16,268 - is this a hair doll? - I didn't make that. 1209 01:17:16,340 --> 01:17:19,468 It fell out of your hair that way and I want it back. 1210 01:17:19,543 --> 01:17:21,773 -It fell out this way? I don't think so. -Give it back! 1211 01:17:21,846 --> 01:17:24,178 - I want it back! - Give it back! 1212 01:17:25,983 --> 01:17:29,851 You're going down! Why are you laughing? 1213 01:17:29,920 --> 01:17:31,478 What? 1214 01:17:31,555 --> 01:17:33,819 - you Have a cheater in your midst. - Where? 1215 01:17:33,891 --> 01:17:35,984 You can't have her, 'cause I own her. 1216 01:17:36,060 --> 01:17:39,962 I'm gonna file criminal charges on all your asses. 1217 01:17:40,030 --> 01:17:42,931 - He's holding a hair doll. - I need the cheater's name. 1218 01:17:43,000 --> 01:17:45,366 - He answers to Ethan. - Ethan. here. 1219 01:17:45,436 --> 01:17:48,269 I had a nickname for you. Want to know what it was? I'm not gonna tell you. 1220 01:17:49,373 --> 01:17:52,137 - All right, it was "Laser." - this one right here. 1221 01:17:52,209 --> 01:17:55,042 Hi, Ethan. Can I see that paper? 1222 01:17:55,112 --> 01:17:58,172 Fine. Yes. Here, here. 1223 01:17:58,249 --> 01:17:59,375 Thankyou. 1224 01:17:59,450 --> 01:18:01,884 His name's right on there. It's David. 1225 01:18:01,952 --> 01:18:03,419 Okay, Ethan. 1226 01:18:03,487 --> 01:18:07,150 This is a copy ofthe final exam, which is what we're taking right now. 1227 01:18:07,224 --> 01:18:09,283 That means you're in violation of the honor code. 1228 01:18:09,360 --> 01:18:10,554 It's not mine. 1229 01:18:10,628 --> 01:18:12,721 Youj ust handed it to me. 1230 01:18:12,797 --> 01:18:15,789 - Are you crazy? - I think you're crazy. 1231 01:18:15,866 --> 01:18:17,629 What? 1232 01:18:18,836 --> 01:18:21,896 Give me that test. You are mine, motherfucker! 1233 01:18:22,973 --> 01:18:25,407 You guys are fucking retarded. 1234 01:18:25,476 --> 01:18:26,841 You know what? 1235 01:18:26,911 --> 01:18:30,312 Why don't you shut your mouth, you skanky-assed "bee-yatch." 1236 01:18:30,381 --> 01:18:32,781 - Fuckyou, Cocksucker. - Slut. 1237 01:18:32,850 --> 01:18:34,784 - Shithead. - Ho. 1238 01:18:34,852 --> 01:18:36,285 Monkey boy. 1239 01:18:38,923 --> 01:18:41,084 So what do you say? 1240 01:18:42,259 --> 01:18:43,749 Do I have a chance? 1241 01:18:47,798 --> 01:18:49,026 Yes. 1242 01:18:49,099 --> 01:18:50,532 Come here, then. 1243 01:19:06,016 --> 01:19:09,213 Every now and then, we're all given a perfect moment. 1244 01:19:10,488 --> 01:19:12,820 A moment where everything makes sense. 1245 01:19:12,890 --> 01:19:15,757 A moment where everything seems right andg ood... 1246 01:19:15,826 --> 01:19:18,556 and everything's gonna be okay. 1247 01:19:18,629 --> 01:19:20,927 If you can be kissing a girl like Angela... 1248 01:19:20,998 --> 01:19:23,159 in the middle of a moment like that... 1249 01:19:23,234 --> 01:19:26,260 well, you really got it made. 1250 01:19:27,938 --> 01:19:30,930 The university took stern action. 1251 01:19:31,008 --> 01:19:33,533 We got kicked out of school. 1252 01:19:34,912 --> 01:19:36,846 Sam took it like a man. 1253 01:19:36,914 --> 01:19:38,779 I'm sorry! 1254 01:19:38,849 --> 01:19:41,477 I guess we all learned a life lesson, except for Jeff. 1255 01:19:41,552 --> 01:19:44,043 Jeff learned a different lesson. 1256 01:19:44,121 --> 01:19:46,282 Jeff learned how to print diplomas. 1257 01:19:47,791 --> 01:19:51,784 In the end, I guess I realized you can't scam when it comes to love. 1258 01:19:51,862 --> 01:19:55,855 But still, guys like me, Sam and Jeff... 1259 01:19:55,933 --> 01:19:58,163 we can't scam our own natures either. 1260 01:19:58,235 --> 01:19:59,998 We're all still friends. 1261 01:20:00,070 --> 01:20:02,834 I'm still with Angela, and I've never been happier. 1262 01:20:02,907 --> 01:20:04,204 It's strange. 1263 01:20:04,275 --> 01:20:07,938 You think you got life all figured out, and it just keeps surprisingy ou. 1264 01:20:08,012 --> 01:20:11,470 And to think, I learned how to be a better man... 1265 01:20:11,549 --> 01:20:13,608 from getting blackmailed by that little freak-- 1266 01:20:15,019 --> 01:20:16,452 CooI Ethan. 1267 01:20:20,524 --> 01:20:25,188 I love you, but I hate you 1268 01:20:25,262 --> 01:20:30,359 Which brings to mind how much I loveyou 1269 01:20:30,434 --> 01:20:34,268 We could've worked this out you know 1270 01:20:34,338 --> 01:20:39,776 In a little room ln a little locked room 1271 01:20:39,843 --> 01:20:43,836 I'm sorry you had to settle for Dave 1272 01:20:43,914 --> 01:20:48,351 The one-dimensional man 1273 01:20:48,419 --> 01:20:53,413 He's filed under "cocksucker" in my little blackbook 1274 01:20:53,490 --> 01:20:58,359 Sweetness can rot your teeth 1275 01:20:58,429 --> 01:21:02,559 Bittersweet cacophony 1276 01:21:02,633 --> 01:21:05,966 But you hold the key 1277 01:21:06,036 --> 01:21:09,403 You hold the key 1278 01:21:09,473 --> 01:21:12,965 To my little locked room 1279 01:21:13,043 --> 01:21:18,777 You hold the key You hold the key 1280 01:21:18,849 --> 01:21:23,718 To my little locked room 1281 01:21:23,787 --> 01:21:27,621 Please let me 1282 01:21:27,691 --> 01:21:30,125 Out soon 1283 01:21:32,396 --> 01:21:34,330 I love you. 1284 01:26:08,672 --> 01:26:10,765 I've never done a porno before. 1285 01:26:10,841 --> 01:26:12,775 Until now, bitch. 100440