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1
00:00:01,780 --> 00:00:04,619
? We're not going out
2
00:00:04,620 --> 00:00:06,299
? Not staying in
3
00:00:06,300 --> 00:00:09,059
? Just hanging around with my head in a spin
4
00:00:09,060 --> 00:00:11,659
? But there is no need to scream and shout
5
00:00:11,660 --> 00:00:15,179
? We're not going out
6
00:00:15,180 --> 00:00:18,220
? We are not going out. ?
7
00:00:22,460 --> 00:00:25,459
Oh, are you and Toby still OK
for our tapas night next week?
8
00:00:25,460 --> 00:00:27,339
Yes, looking forward to it.
9
00:00:27,340 --> 00:00:28,939
Oh, and talking of nights out,
10
00:00:28,940 --> 00:00:31,659
last week, Toby and I paid a small fortune
11
00:00:31,660 --> 00:00:33,699
for tickets to the ballet, and sod's law,
12
00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:36,499
the morning after we saw it,
one of Toby's rich patients
13
00:00:36,500 --> 00:00:38,979
gave him tickets to the exact
same ballet as a gift.
14
00:00:38,980 --> 00:00:41,259
You know what it's like when
these things happen.
15
00:00:41,260 --> 00:00:42,420
Yeah.
16
00:00:43,940 --> 00:00:46,219
Like that time I bought
the box set of Touch Of Frost
17
00:00:46,220 --> 00:00:48,540
and then they go and repeat it all on ITV2.
18
00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:50,979
Right.
19
00:00:50,980 --> 00:00:53,379
Well... it's tomorrow night.
20
00:00:53,380 --> 00:00:55,459
The tickets are yours, if you'd like them.
21
00:00:55,460 --> 00:00:57,459
Oh, wow! Thanks, Anna. That's amazing.
22
00:00:57,460 --> 00:01:01,699
You don't think it will be a bit
of a culture shock for Lee?
23
00:01:01,700 --> 00:01:03,939
Any culture comes as a shock to Lee.
24
00:01:03,940 --> 00:01:06,899
As much I'd like to see the look on Lee's face,
25
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:09,139
I really do have to dash. See you soon.
26
00:01:09,140 --> 00:01:11,219
OK, bye. Thanks, Anna.
27
00:01:11,220 --> 00:01:14,380
- What look on my face?
- We've got two tickets for the ballet.
28
00:01:17,700 --> 00:01:19,739
That look there.
29
00:01:19,740 --> 00:01:22,099
The only problem is,
who are we going to get to baby-sit?
30
00:01:22,100 --> 00:01:23,579
Why can't you ask your mum?
31
00:01:23,580 --> 00:01:25,979
Because it's tomorrow night
and that's her bridge night.
32
00:01:25,980 --> 00:01:29,659
Oh, finally decided to chuck
herself off one, has she?
33
00:01:29,660 --> 00:01:31,859
I knew your dad would grind her down in the end.
34
00:01:31,860 --> 00:01:33,139
And we can't ask Dad either,
35
00:01:33,140 --> 00:01:35,939
because he's got some big,
important dinner at the golf club.
36
00:01:35,940 --> 00:01:37,819
- Well, ask a friend.
- I can't ask a friend.
37
00:01:37,820 --> 00:01:39,899
Some of them don't know
the kids or what they're like.
38
00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:41,699
So? They're more likely to agree.
39
00:01:41,700 --> 00:01:45,299
If we can't find a family member
to do it, maybe we can't go.
40
00:01:45,300 --> 00:01:47,699
All right, I'll ask me dad.
41
00:01:47,700 --> 00:01:49,299
Your dad?
42
00:01:49,300 --> 00:01:51,779
- Yeah. He's a family member.
- Are you serious?
43
00:01:51,780 --> 00:01:55,219
Yes, I've got a DNA test from the Child
Support Agency to prove it.
44
00:01:55,220 --> 00:01:58,139
Actually, do you know what, Lee? You're right.
45
00:01:58,140 --> 00:02:01,060
I'm being silly, aren't I?
I'll just ask Anna to baby-sit.
46
00:02:02,540 --> 00:02:04,939
- Sorry?
- Well, she knows the kids. She'll be great.
47
00:02:04,940 --> 00:02:07,819
Oh. I'm assuming you've already
asked the Child Catcher
48
00:02:07,820 --> 00:02:09,339
from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
49
00:02:09,340 --> 00:02:11,499
I thought you said it had to be a family member.
50
00:02:11,500 --> 00:02:14,179
- And you said that was ridiculous.
- No, I said I'll ask me dad.
51
00:02:14,180 --> 00:02:16,659
Yeah, well, that's the same thing, isn't it?
52
00:02:16,660 --> 00:02:19,299
Look, I know I'm always banging
on about what a waster he is,
53
00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:22,699
but maybe it's time the kids spent
some time with Grandad Frank,
54
00:02:22,700 --> 00:02:25,059
get to know him, see what he's like as a person.
55
00:02:25,060 --> 00:02:26,379
Maybe.
56
00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:29,339
That way, when I'm slagging him off,
they'll know what I'm talking about.
57
00:02:29,340 --> 00:02:30,779
What do you reckon?
58
00:02:30,780 --> 00:02:34,659
OK. But I can't say he'd be
my first choice of baby-sitter.
59
00:02:34,660 --> 00:02:38,379
Yeah. Well, he wouldn't be my first
choice of father, but he is.
60
00:02:38,380 --> 00:02:40,739
Come on, what's the worst that can happen?
61
00:02:40,740 --> 00:02:42,660
Try not to think too much about that.
62
00:02:51,140 --> 00:02:53,219
Dad'll be here in a minute.
63
00:02:53,220 --> 00:02:54,819
What are you doing?
64
00:02:54,820 --> 00:02:57,459
Nothing. Just having a bit of a tidy.
65
00:02:57,460 --> 00:02:58,819
Oh, I see.
66
00:02:58,820 --> 00:03:00,819
You're hiding the booze.
67
00:03:00,820 --> 00:03:03,219
Dad is not going to come here and get drunk.
68
00:03:03,220 --> 00:03:05,179
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
69
00:03:05,180 --> 00:03:07,500
He'll already be drunk.
70
00:03:11,260 --> 00:03:13,739
- All right, son?
- All right? What's in the bag?
71
00:03:13,740 --> 00:03:15,859
I brought a little hair band,
some ribbons and bows.
72
00:03:15,860 --> 00:03:18,259
- Aww! That's nice. Molly'll like that.
- They're not for her.
73
00:03:18,260 --> 00:03:20,739
They're for you to wear at the ballet.
74
00:03:20,740 --> 00:03:23,219
Ah, here he is, my little Benji.
75
00:03:23,220 --> 00:03:25,859
- That's Charlie.
- Oh, yeah.
76
00:03:25,860 --> 00:03:28,659
You know, you're growing up that fast,
I thought you was the oldest.
77
00:03:28,660 --> 00:03:30,699
He is the oldest.
78
00:03:30,700 --> 00:03:33,539
Hiya, Frank. Say hello to your grandad.
79
00:03:33,540 --> 00:03:35,419
Do I have to kiss him?
80
00:03:35,420 --> 00:03:37,819
Charlie, say hello to Grandad Frank.
81
00:03:37,820 --> 00:03:39,059
Never mind Grandad Frank.
82
00:03:39,060 --> 00:03:41,379
- I want you to start calling me Grandpops.
- Grandpops?
83
00:03:41,380 --> 00:03:44,179
Yeah, that's what I used to call my grandad.
84
00:03:44,180 --> 00:03:48,019
We thought it was nice that I had
a cosy name for the bitter old racist.
85
00:03:48,020 --> 00:03:50,059
Hello, Grandpops.
86
00:03:50,060 --> 00:03:51,339
That's better.
87
00:03:51,340 --> 00:03:52,739
Have you come to burgle us?
88
00:03:52,740 --> 00:03:55,779
- Ha-ha! The questions kids ask.
- Yeah.
89
00:03:55,780 --> 00:03:57,460
Have you come to burgle us?
90
00:03:59,220 --> 00:04:02,699
Oh, here come the other two monkeys.
Are you ready for some fun?
91
00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:07,179
Are you going to teach us to play
poker, like you did at Christmas?
92
00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:10,780
Yeah, but I did give you some of the money
back, though, didn't I?
93
00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:15,259
Frank, I've jotted down a little list of things.
94
00:04:15,260 --> 00:04:16,579
I've set the timer on the oven,
95
00:04:16,580 --> 00:04:19,099
so all you have to do is wait
for the ping and then dish up.
96
00:04:19,100 --> 00:04:20,419
Pyjamas are all laid out,
97
00:04:20,420 --> 00:04:22,979
and bed at eight o'clock
at the very, very latest, please.
98
00:04:22,980 --> 00:04:25,099
You forget, I've raised a child myself.
99
00:04:25,100 --> 00:04:27,459
Have you? You never told me that.
100
00:04:27,460 --> 00:04:29,419
Look, I know I let you down as a father, Lee,
101
00:04:29,420 --> 00:04:31,179
but that's all behind us now.
102
00:04:31,180 --> 00:04:33,739
I want to be the best grandfather I can be.
103
00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:36,579
I promise you, Lucy, I would walk
through fire for those kids.
104
00:04:36,580 --> 00:04:38,659
Please don't.
105
00:04:38,660 --> 00:04:41,339
- We're going to be late.
- OK, well, you've got my phone number,
106
00:04:41,340 --> 00:04:44,259
- so if there's even the slightest problem...
- Yes.
107
00:04:44,260 --> 00:04:45,700
I was talking to the kids.
108
00:04:54,020 --> 00:04:56,460
Frank? We're back.
109
00:04:58,100 --> 00:05:00,899
Well, the furniture's still here.
That's a start.
110
00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:02,459
Dad?
111
00:05:02,460 --> 00:05:04,819
- Please don't say he's popped to the pub.
- I hope not.
112
00:05:04,820 --> 00:05:06,820
Last time he did that, he was gone for 11 years.
113
00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:11,459
You check on the kids. I'll phone his mobile.
114
00:05:11,460 --> 00:05:13,779
Oh, you're back.
115
00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:16,219
- Where have you been?
- Where does it look like?
116
00:05:16,220 --> 00:05:18,659
Cornwall in the 1700s.
117
00:05:18,660 --> 00:05:21,019
I've emptied your recycling bin.
118
00:05:21,020 --> 00:05:23,740
I did a bit of tidying-up. Hope you don't mind.
119
00:05:26,740 --> 00:05:28,139
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
120
00:05:28,140 --> 00:05:31,059
Me and the kids made a bit
of a mess playing pirates,
121
00:05:31,060 --> 00:05:33,219
but I tidied up, did a bit of hoovering.
122
00:05:33,220 --> 00:05:36,179
Even changed a couple of light
bulbs while I were at it.
123
00:05:36,180 --> 00:05:38,099
Where's, er...? Where's Lucy?
124
00:05:38,100 --> 00:05:40,059
Never mind that. Where's my dad?
125
00:05:40,060 --> 00:05:42,019
She's upstairs.
126
00:05:42,020 --> 00:05:44,259
Is she, er...? Is she OK?
127
00:05:44,260 --> 00:05:46,139
- Yeah, she's fine.
- Well...
128
00:05:46,140 --> 00:05:47,739
It's none of my business,
129
00:05:47,740 --> 00:05:50,620
but when I was tidying up, I found
a load of booze under the sink.
130
00:05:53,940 --> 00:05:57,899
Now, I'll say no more, as long
as you know I'm never far away.
131
00:05:57,900 --> 00:06:00,859
That's probably why she needs to drink.
132
00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:03,339
Oh! Hiya, Frank.
133
00:06:03,340 --> 00:06:05,179
Dad's been having a tidy-up.
134
00:06:05,180 --> 00:06:06,659
Oh, yeah.
135
00:06:06,660 --> 00:06:07,979
What's with the face?
136
00:06:07,980 --> 00:06:10,979
Well, after supper, we did
some pirate face-painting,
137
00:06:10,980 --> 00:06:13,059
and that wore 'em out before bath time.
138
00:06:13,060 --> 00:06:14,979
Then we brushed teeth, read stories.
139
00:06:14,980 --> 00:06:17,499
Shouldn't have done two,
but they wouldn't let me stop.
140
00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:19,819
And then they were fast asleep before eight.
141
00:06:19,820 --> 00:06:21,979
Everything on the list is done.
142
00:06:21,980 --> 00:06:23,219
So, do you need a lift home,
143
00:06:23,220 --> 00:06:26,099
or are you just going to open
up your umbrella and take off?
144
00:06:26,100 --> 00:06:28,099
Well, I'll be off.
145
00:06:28,100 --> 00:06:31,139
Any time you want to go
out again, just say the word.
146
00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:32,779
Well, actually, Frank,
147
00:06:32,780 --> 00:06:35,259
Anna and Toby have invited us out next Saturday.
148
00:06:35,260 --> 00:06:37,099
Oh, really? What is it this time, son?
149
00:06:37,100 --> 00:06:39,539
Flower arranging or hopscotch lessons?
150
00:06:39,540 --> 00:06:41,339
- It's tapas.
- Oh.
151
00:06:41,340 --> 00:06:44,459
I was going to ask my mum and dad,
but if you've got nothing on...?
152
00:06:44,460 --> 00:06:47,179
Say no more. I'm looking forward to it already.
153
00:06:47,180 --> 00:06:48,859
Oh, thanks, Frank.
154
00:06:48,860 --> 00:06:51,619
I'm going to go and make myself a drink.
Do you want one, Lee?
155
00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:54,220
Why don't you have a glass
of water with it as well?
156
00:07:00,060 --> 00:07:02,699
What did you make of the ballet, Lee?
157
00:07:02,700 --> 00:07:04,179
Was the principal dancer shocked
158
00:07:04,180 --> 00:07:07,219
when you tried to slip a �10 note down her top?
159
00:07:07,220 --> 00:07:08,859
Quite enjoyed it, actually.
160
00:07:08,860 --> 00:07:11,739
Inspirational doesn't begin
to describe its maverick approach
161
00:07:11,740 --> 00:07:15,419
to this often more traditionally
based piece by Jeremy Rogan.
162
00:07:15,420 --> 00:07:18,379
I think Jeremy Rogan
was the name of the reviewer.
163
00:07:22,580 --> 00:07:25,579
So, everything still OK for our tapas night?
164
00:07:25,580 --> 00:07:28,099
Yup. Lee's dad's all booked in to baby-sit.
165
00:07:28,100 --> 00:07:29,819
Frank? Really?
166
00:07:29,820 --> 00:07:33,139
- You sound surprised, Anna.
- Well, only because... you know.
167
00:07:33,140 --> 00:07:34,659
What?
168
00:07:34,660 --> 00:07:36,180
I've met him.
169
00:07:37,900 --> 00:07:40,299
Well, to be honest, we were
a little nervous at first,
170
00:07:40,300 --> 00:07:42,379
but he did a great job the other night.
171
00:07:42,380 --> 00:07:44,579
Well, good for Frank.
172
00:07:44,580 --> 00:07:46,979
I think it's wonderful to expose the children
173
00:07:46,980 --> 00:07:49,979
to... all different aspects of life.
174
00:07:49,980 --> 00:07:52,379
I wish you had that attitude towards our son.
175
00:07:52,380 --> 00:07:54,259
I recently took Jack on the bus.
176
00:07:54,260 --> 00:07:57,219
I don't think the park and ride shuttle bus
177
00:07:57,220 --> 00:07:59,219
to the Chelsea Flower Show really counts.
178
00:08:02,700 --> 00:08:04,899
Actually, Lucy, if you don't mind,
179
00:08:04,900 --> 00:08:07,459
I think I'll just take the iPad off them.
180
00:08:07,460 --> 00:08:10,140
Leave it, Anna. A bit
of noise never hurt anyone.
181
00:08:11,660 --> 00:08:13,460
And yet looks can kill.
182
00:08:16,100 --> 00:08:17,899
Can you pass that to me, please?
183
00:08:17,900 --> 00:08:21,179
- No.
- Come on, now, Benji, time to hand it over.
184
00:08:21,180 --> 00:08:22,980
Oh, ... off.
185
00:08:25,740 --> 00:08:27,259
What did you say?
186
00:08:27,260 --> 00:08:28,739
Oh, ... off.
187
00:08:28,740 --> 00:08:30,259
I beg your pardon?!
188
00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:31,900
Don't keep making him say it.
189
00:08:33,940 --> 00:08:36,099
Benji, where did you learn that word?
190
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:37,620
Grandpops said it.
191
00:08:40,380 --> 00:08:41,980
Go to your room right now.
192
00:08:44,380 --> 00:08:46,299
Anna, I'm so, so sorry.
193
00:08:46,300 --> 00:08:48,499
It's fine, really.
194
00:08:48,500 --> 00:08:51,059
Don't believe her. She says that to me.
195
00:08:51,060 --> 00:08:55,259
Anyway, we really need to be on our way. Jack...
196
00:08:55,260 --> 00:08:57,179
Not because of what just happened, I hope.
197
00:08:57,180 --> 00:08:59,620
Yeah, you don't have to leave
just because Benji told you to.
198
00:09:02,860 --> 00:09:05,979
- Toby, I'm so, so sorry.
- Don't worry about it.
199
00:09:05,980 --> 00:09:08,660
It's nice to hear someone finally
pluck up the courage to tell her.
200
00:09:12,540 --> 00:09:14,699
I knew we should never have
let your dad baby-sit.
201
00:09:14,700 --> 00:09:16,419
We need to get him round right now
202
00:09:16,420 --> 00:09:17,979
and see what he has to say for himself.
203
00:09:17,980 --> 00:09:20,259
Get him round? That's overreacting
a bit, isn't it?
204
00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:22,979
Oh, so you think it's acceptable
to swear in front of young children?
205
00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:25,459
I never said that, but I'm
sure he didn't mean any harm.
206
00:09:25,460 --> 00:09:27,459
It's... It's just a cultural thing.
207
00:09:27,460 --> 00:09:30,739
Oh, don't start all that "pushing
your bike up the cobbles
208
00:09:30,740 --> 00:09:34,699
"to see your auntie, who was a one-eyed
prostitute" claptrap.
209
00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:37,019
Bad language is bad language.
210
00:09:37,020 --> 00:09:39,539
Look, he's coming over again
on Saturday, anyway, to baby-sit,
211
00:09:39,540 --> 00:09:43,019
so I'll have a chat with him then,
so it's less of a big deal.
212
00:09:43,020 --> 00:09:44,619
You're not serious?
213
00:09:44,620 --> 00:09:46,819
There's no way that he's baby-sitting again.
214
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:49,659
- What, because of one swearword?
- That we know of.
215
00:09:49,660 --> 00:09:51,779
Who knows what other words he might have used.
216
00:09:51,780 --> 00:09:53,179
All right, let's get Benji down,
217
00:09:53,180 --> 00:09:55,819
read out a list and see
which other ones he recognises.
218
00:09:55,820 --> 00:09:58,899
I'm serious. There is no way
that Frank is baby-sitting again.
219
00:09:58,900 --> 00:10:02,099
- Either you can tell him or I will.
- All right, I will tell him.
220
00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:04,379
And make sure you let him
know exactly the reasons why.
221
00:10:04,380 --> 00:10:07,059
It's important the message gets
across and he knows we're not happy.
222
00:10:07,060 --> 00:10:09,060
Maybe we should get Benji to tell him.
223
00:10:17,940 --> 00:10:19,339
Dad...
224
00:10:19,340 --> 00:10:20,579
Thank you.
225
00:10:20,580 --> 00:10:21,939
Oh, "Barista".
226
00:10:21,940 --> 00:10:23,460
That's a very pretty name.
227
00:10:26,340 --> 00:10:28,819
Dad, about this baby-sitting on Saturday.
228
00:10:28,820 --> 00:10:31,139
Yes, I'm really looking forward to it, son.
229
00:10:31,140 --> 00:10:33,179
Look what I've made the kids.
230
00:10:33,180 --> 00:10:35,579
It's a map of hidden treasure.
231
00:10:35,580 --> 00:10:37,859
I said I'd go in the garden
and help 'em to dig it up.
232
00:10:37,860 --> 00:10:40,379
- X marks the spot.
- You might want to move that a bit.
233
00:10:40,380 --> 00:10:42,979
That's close to where we buried the cat.
234
00:10:42,980 --> 00:10:44,219
The thing is...
235
00:10:44,220 --> 00:10:46,539
When you and Lucy said
to me I'd done a good job,
236
00:10:46,540 --> 00:10:48,180
it meant the world to me, son.
237
00:10:49,740 --> 00:10:52,739
Those kids, they didn't see
me as some daft old man
238
00:10:52,740 --> 00:10:54,539
who were always messing things up.
239
00:10:54,540 --> 00:10:57,019
They saw me as Captain Grandpops,
240
00:10:57,020 --> 00:10:59,099
head of the pirate fleet,
241
00:10:59,100 --> 00:11:01,939
- and I swore there and then...
- I know you did.
242
00:11:01,940 --> 00:11:05,539
...I swore I wouldn't let them
kids down the way I let you down.
243
00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:07,340
I can't wait to baby-sit again.
244
00:11:09,420 --> 00:11:11,380
Right. The thing is...
245
00:11:14,060 --> 00:11:16,099
What?
246
00:11:16,100 --> 00:11:18,939
We don't want you to baby-sit on Saturday.
247
00:11:18,940 --> 00:11:21,980
Why not? What have I done wrong this time?
248
00:11:26,580 --> 00:11:29,139
Nothing. Nothing at all.
249
00:11:29,140 --> 00:11:32,819
You did a great job and we want
to use you again very soon.
250
00:11:32,820 --> 00:11:36,419
It's just that Toby and Anna have
had to cancel the tapas night
251
00:11:36,420 --> 00:11:40,459
because they're going
on a last-minute trip to Spain.
252
00:11:40,460 --> 00:11:43,259
Obviously, they wanted to taste the real thing.
253
00:11:43,260 --> 00:11:46,259
As long as you were pleased with me
baby-sitting the other day.
254
00:11:46,260 --> 00:11:48,059
Dad, you did a brilliant job.
255
00:11:48,060 --> 00:11:51,219
Thanks, son. That means a lot to me.
I'll get off.
256
00:11:51,220 --> 00:11:53,659
- Oh, hello.
- Oh, for...
257
00:11:53,660 --> 00:11:56,939
Hi, Toby. Looking forward to going away?
258
00:11:56,940 --> 00:12:00,699
I was just explaining to my dad why
he can't baby-sit this weekend.
259
00:12:00,700 --> 00:12:02,139
Oh, I see.
260
00:12:02,140 --> 00:12:03,979
Persona non grata, eh, Frank?
261
00:12:03,980 --> 00:12:07,419
Oh, practise the language
before you get there, eh?
262
00:12:07,420 --> 00:12:09,259
I've explained that the evening's cancelled
263
00:12:09,260 --> 00:12:11,859
because you and Anna are going
abroad this weekend.
264
00:12:11,860 --> 00:12:13,859
Oh, yes. That's right.
265
00:12:13,860 --> 00:12:15,260
Italy.
266
00:12:16,580 --> 00:12:18,219
Lee said Spain.
267
00:12:18,220 --> 00:12:21,620
Well, it's sort of on the Spanish-Italian
border, isn't it?
268
00:12:22,980 --> 00:12:26,099
Yeah, there's nothing like a bracing
swim across the Mediterranean
269
00:12:26,100 --> 00:12:28,939
to whet the appetite.
270
00:12:28,940 --> 00:12:30,380
Well, I'll see you later.
271
00:12:31,580 --> 00:12:34,619
- It was just one little white lie.
- I'm not bothered about that.
272
00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:36,779
I'm bothered about the four-letter word
273
00:12:36,780 --> 00:12:40,339
my Jack can't stop saying
since your son taught it to him.
274
00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:43,979
Yesterday he told both the cleaner
and the gardener to eff off.
275
00:12:43,980 --> 00:12:47,340
If either of them spoke
English, we would be mortified.
276
00:12:49,220 --> 00:12:52,099
So I'm assuming you were meant
to confront your dad about it just now
277
00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:53,859
and you chickened out.
278
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,739
No, I didn't chicken out.
279
00:12:55,740 --> 00:12:58,219
I just happen to think my dad
is a bit of a new man.
280
00:12:58,220 --> 00:13:01,379
I think he's got something to offer.
Look at this.
281
00:13:01,380 --> 00:13:03,299
Don't trust him. You'll be digging for ages.
282
00:13:03,300 --> 00:13:05,459
There'll be nothing there.
283
00:13:05,460 --> 00:13:07,459
He never did stuff like this
for me when I was a kid.
284
00:13:07,460 --> 00:13:09,259
I honestly think he might be changing,
285
00:13:09,260 --> 00:13:12,139
and I am not going to punish
him for one simple mistake.
286
00:13:12,140 --> 00:13:14,299
So, no, I didn't chicken out,
287
00:13:14,300 --> 00:13:17,179
cos I don't chicken
out of difficult conversations.
288
00:13:17,180 --> 00:13:20,259
So you're going to tell Lucy what just happened?
289
00:13:20,260 --> 00:13:22,140
Am I hell! She'll bloody kill me.
290
00:13:32,100 --> 00:13:33,459
Oh, we'd better get a move on.
291
00:13:33,460 --> 00:13:35,059
Anna and Toby are picking us up soon.
292
00:13:35,060 --> 00:13:37,259
Still can't believe we cancelled
me dad baby-sitting.
293
00:13:37,260 --> 00:13:39,059
And I can't believe he's had all week
294
00:13:39,060 --> 00:13:41,339
and still hasn't phoned me to apologise.
295
00:13:41,340 --> 00:13:43,299
Well... he's ashamed.
296
00:13:43,300 --> 00:13:45,379
He's never felt shame before.
297
00:13:45,380 --> 00:13:47,259
It's like three-ply quilted toilet paper.
298
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:49,539
He hadn't felt that till last year.
299
00:13:49,540 --> 00:13:51,739
Well, as long as you made it perfectly clear
300
00:13:51,740 --> 00:13:53,219
that we weren't happy.
301
00:13:53,220 --> 00:13:54,859
I couldn't have been clearer.
302
00:13:54,860 --> 00:13:58,099
I even folded my arms when I said it.
I learnt from the master.
303
00:13:58,100 --> 00:13:59,539
I don't do that.
304
00:13:59,540 --> 00:14:02,659
You always do that. Arms folded for serious.
305
00:14:02,660 --> 00:14:05,219
Weight on the left leg for really serious.
306
00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:08,499
And if you add on a, "I beg your pardon?!"
307
00:14:08,500 --> 00:14:10,899
I know it's time to hit the eject button.
308
00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:12,699
I'm not joking, Lee.
309
00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:15,939
I know. I made it very clear when I told him.
310
00:14:15,940 --> 00:14:18,819
In fact, he was so embarrassed
about the swearing,
311
00:14:18,820 --> 00:14:21,699
he said that if it ever gets
brought up again in conversation,
312
00:14:21,700 --> 00:14:24,299
he'll pretend to know nothing about it.
313
00:14:24,300 --> 00:14:28,699
So it's probably best to never,
ever mention it to him again, ever.
314
00:14:28,700 --> 00:14:30,299
At all.
315
00:14:30,300 --> 00:14:32,339
Well, I suppose it would make it less awkward.
316
00:14:32,340 --> 00:14:33,859
Oh, it certainly would.
317
00:14:33,860 --> 00:14:36,339
Oh, that'll be Mum and Dad.
318
00:14:36,340 --> 00:14:38,460
Mm, I thought the temperature
had suddenly dropped.
319
00:14:42,140 --> 00:14:43,579
Hello, Lucy, love.
320
00:14:43,580 --> 00:14:45,019
Oh.
321
00:14:45,020 --> 00:14:47,539
Hi, Frank. We weren't expecting you.
322
00:14:47,540 --> 00:14:50,139
I know, but you've no need to worry.
I'm not baby-sitting.
323
00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:51,939
It's cancelled. Lee explained.
324
00:14:51,940 --> 00:14:53,339
Good.
325
00:14:53,340 --> 00:14:55,579
Well, I hope you understand the situation.
326
00:14:55,580 --> 00:14:58,059
Well, these things happen. It's no big deal.
327
00:14:58,060 --> 00:15:00,619
It's nice for them to have new
experiences, new language,
328
00:15:00,620 --> 00:15:02,020
that sort of thing.
329
00:15:04,700 --> 00:15:06,259
Dad...
330
00:15:06,260 --> 00:15:08,419
Just brought these things for the kids.
331
00:15:08,420 --> 00:15:10,899
Right. That's very kind of you. See you later.
332
00:15:10,900 --> 00:15:13,779
No, no, wait... Don't you
want to know what it is?
333
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:15,179
Let me guess.
334
00:15:15,180 --> 00:15:18,059
Is it a DVD of Shaun Ryder doing Jackanory?
335
00:15:18,060 --> 00:15:21,299
It's just a few pirate costumes
that I got from the pound shop.
336
00:15:21,300 --> 00:15:24,819
- What's going on? Why have you got dressed up?
- I haven't.
337
00:15:24,820 --> 00:15:26,740
You have. I can smell toothpaste.
338
00:15:28,020 --> 00:15:29,859
- Are you going out?
- No.
339
00:15:29,860 --> 00:15:31,499
- Yes, we are.
- Oh, sorry.
340
00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:34,339
Um, I forgot to say, Toby and Anna
cancelled at the last minute.
341
00:15:34,340 --> 00:15:36,019
Gone to Spain.
342
00:15:36,020 --> 00:15:37,939
I only spoke to Anna 20 minutes ago.
343
00:15:37,940 --> 00:15:40,779
Well, like I say, it was very last-minute.
344
00:15:40,780 --> 00:15:43,139
Is there another reason why you cancelled me?
345
00:15:43,140 --> 00:15:46,259
You know very well why we cancelled you.
346
00:15:46,260 --> 00:15:47,819
Well, you should know, anyway.
347
00:15:47,820 --> 00:15:49,939
Yeah, but we agreed to forget
about that, didn't we?
348
00:15:49,940 --> 00:15:51,820
- Forget what?
- That's the spirit.
349
00:15:53,540 --> 00:15:55,179
You didn't tell him, did you?
350
00:15:55,180 --> 00:15:56,659
What the hell's going on?
351
00:15:56,660 --> 00:15:59,979
"What the hell"? Frank, you
missed your favourite word.
352
00:15:59,980 --> 00:16:01,339
I'm sorry?
353
00:16:01,340 --> 00:16:03,699
He's apologised. Let's move on.
354
00:16:03,700 --> 00:16:06,539
Clearly, Lee didn't have the guts,
Frank, so I'll tell you.
355
00:16:06,540 --> 00:16:09,939
The day after you were here, Benji
told my friend Anna to eff off.
356
00:16:09,940 --> 00:16:11,540
Well, I can see his point.
357
00:16:13,020 --> 00:16:14,459
Why's that my fault?
358
00:16:14,460 --> 00:16:16,699
Because he heard you using
the word when you baby-sat.
359
00:16:16,700 --> 00:16:19,419
He most certainly did not, cos I never said it.
360
00:16:19,420 --> 00:16:20,819
Well, that's not what Benji says.
361
00:16:20,820 --> 00:16:23,139
Look, can we talk about this later?
We're on our way out.
362
00:16:23,140 --> 00:16:24,259
No, no, no, no.
363
00:16:24,260 --> 00:16:26,579
You two are going nowhere
till we get to the bottom of this.
364
00:16:27,860 --> 00:16:29,979
Whoever that is, you can
tell 'em to go and get...
365
00:16:29,980 --> 00:16:32,300
All right, you're not helping your case.
366
00:16:33,380 --> 00:16:36,899
- Hello.
- Oh, good(!) This'll help calm things down.
367
00:16:36,900 --> 00:16:38,539
Oh, I see.
368
00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:41,619
You've invited the respectable side
of the family to baby-sit, have you?
369
00:16:41,620 --> 00:16:45,339
That's right, Frank. Turned out Roy
Chubby Brown wasn't available.
370
00:16:45,340 --> 00:16:47,179
I was first choice, you know?
371
00:16:47,180 --> 00:16:49,459
Really? You never mentioned that to us, darling.
372
00:16:49,460 --> 00:16:50,659
Why should she mention it?
373
00:16:50,660 --> 00:16:52,699
I've got as much right to baby-sit as you.
374
00:16:52,700 --> 00:16:57,619
Am I right in assuming our untimely
entrance has come mid-altercation?
375
00:16:57,620 --> 00:17:01,139
Now, that's the kind of language you
want to keep your kids away from.
376
00:17:01,140 --> 00:17:02,859
What's going on?
377
00:17:02,860 --> 00:17:04,859
Frank baby-sat last weekend.
378
00:17:04,860 --> 00:17:06,219
Two weekends in a row?
379
00:17:06,220 --> 00:17:08,379
We haven't done anything wrong, have we, Lucy?
380
00:17:08,380 --> 00:17:10,659
Of course not, unlike Frank.
381
00:17:10,660 --> 00:17:12,299
He swore in front of Benji,
382
00:17:12,300 --> 00:17:14,459
and the next day, he repeated
it in front of Anna.
383
00:17:14,460 --> 00:17:18,419
Disgraceful behaviour, although I'd be
lying if I said I was surprised.
384
00:17:18,420 --> 00:17:21,299
Don't you look down your nose
at me, you middle-class ponce.
385
00:17:21,300 --> 00:17:23,459
All right, there's no need for that, Dad.
386
00:17:23,460 --> 00:17:24,899
You would say that, wouldn't you?
387
00:17:24,900 --> 00:17:27,339
Cos you've turned
into a middle-class ponce, too.
388
00:17:27,340 --> 00:17:29,899
- No, I've not. I'm still working-class.
- Oh, yeah(!)
389
00:17:29,900 --> 00:17:31,219
You're like a matchstick man...
390
00:17:31,220 --> 00:17:33,899
in a Lowry painting with your flat
cap and your clogs,
391
00:17:33,900 --> 00:17:37,099
off to get a tapas while you're
going to the ballet.
392
00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:41,139
- Don't start making this about me. I've not changed.
- Course you have.
393
00:17:41,140 --> 00:17:43,139
How long is it since you lived off your wits,
394
00:17:43,140 --> 00:17:45,659
when you wondered where
your next meal were coming from?
395
00:17:45,660 --> 00:17:49,939
Sorry, Dad. I said
I was working-class, not Oliver Twist.
396
00:17:49,940 --> 00:17:51,699
Got nothing to do with class.
397
00:17:51,700 --> 00:17:54,419
Swearing in front of children
is simply not acceptable.
398
00:17:54,420 --> 00:17:55,739
I never swore.
399
00:17:55,740 --> 00:17:57,379
Maybe you didn't realise you'd said it.
400
00:17:57,380 --> 00:17:59,099
The kids were probably in the other room.
401
00:17:59,100 --> 00:18:00,859
It's never an excuse, ever.
402
00:18:00,860 --> 00:18:02,859
Geoffrey, we can't wrap the kids in cotton wool.
403
00:18:02,860 --> 00:18:05,979
No, but maybe you can plug their ears
with it when Frank's here.
404
00:18:05,980 --> 00:18:08,459
I can't believe you didn't ask us to baby-sit.
405
00:18:08,460 --> 00:18:10,219
I would have cancelled my bridge night.
406
00:18:10,220 --> 00:18:11,659
You should have just asked.
407
00:18:11,660 --> 00:18:14,099
Given all the times we've looked
after them, it seems a bit much
408
00:18:14,100 --> 00:18:17,460
that we've now become second choice to...
his side of the family.
409
00:18:18,500 --> 00:18:21,659
Oh, sorry, me? I thought
Genghis Khan had walked in.
410
00:18:21,660 --> 00:18:24,739
- You're not second choice.
- Is that right?
411
00:18:24,740 --> 00:18:27,220
Yeah, Anna was second choice.
You were third choice.
412
00:18:28,460 --> 00:18:30,779
This is your fault we weren't asked first.
413
00:18:30,780 --> 00:18:32,859
I told you Nick Faldo's autobiography
414
00:18:32,860 --> 00:18:34,979
does not make a good bedtime story.
415
00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:36,579
Don't start on me.
416
00:18:36,580 --> 00:18:38,939
I'm not the one swearing at my grandchildren.
417
00:18:38,940 --> 00:18:40,139
Neither am I.
418
00:18:40,140 --> 00:18:42,859
Sorry, Frank? You calling my grandson a liar?
419
00:18:42,860 --> 00:18:45,859
- Maybe.
- Why would he lie about something like that?
420
00:18:45,860 --> 00:18:47,499
I don't know.
421
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:49,700
Maybe your daughter's not
bringing him up properly.
422
00:18:53,580 --> 00:18:55,780
I beg your pardon?!
423
00:18:57,260 --> 00:19:00,419
Dad, it's time to hit the eject button.
424
00:19:00,420 --> 00:19:03,419
Right, that's it. Benji, get in here right now.
425
00:19:03,420 --> 00:19:06,339
- There's no need for this. Dad's not on trial.
- Exactly. I object.
426
00:19:06,340 --> 00:19:07,659
Overruled.
427
00:19:07,660 --> 00:19:09,779
Benji,
428
00:19:09,780 --> 00:19:12,099
do you remember that bad word you said to Anna?
429
00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:14,179
- Yes, it was...
- No!
430
00:19:14,180 --> 00:19:15,859
Don't say it.
431
00:19:15,860 --> 00:19:18,299
Just tell us again where you heard it first.
432
00:19:18,300 --> 00:19:19,859
Grandpops said it.
433
00:19:19,860 --> 00:19:23,299
Will the defendant please rise?
434
00:19:23,300 --> 00:19:24,779
Oh, sorry.
435
00:19:24,780 --> 00:19:26,340
You're already stood up.
436
00:19:27,820 --> 00:19:30,099
Not that grandpops.
437
00:19:30,100 --> 00:19:32,020
That grandpops.
438
00:19:36,340 --> 00:19:38,739
But that's not Grandpops.
439
00:19:38,740 --> 00:19:40,139
That's Grandad.
440
00:19:40,140 --> 00:19:42,939
Charlie told me we were supposed
to call them both Grandpops
441
00:19:42,940 --> 00:19:44,659
from now on.
442
00:19:44,660 --> 00:19:46,499
No, that's only Grandad Frank.
443
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:47,740
Oh. My bad.
444
00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:52,539
Hang on a minute. Grandad Geoffrey
didn't even baby-sit last week.
445
00:19:52,540 --> 00:19:54,779
It wasn't last week I heard him say the word.
446
00:19:54,780 --> 00:19:55,899
It was another time.
447
00:19:55,900 --> 00:19:58,300
We were at his house and he was on the phone.
448
00:20:00,420 --> 00:20:02,900
- Can I go into the garden now?
- Yes.
449
00:20:04,340 --> 00:20:05,660
Can I come?
450
00:20:07,060 --> 00:20:10,939
Can I just say...? I agree
with every word that Lucy's saying.
451
00:20:10,940 --> 00:20:15,619
I think that swearing is a terrible
thing to do around young kiddies.
452
00:20:15,620 --> 00:20:17,739
Obviously there's been some mistake.
453
00:20:17,740 --> 00:20:20,019
Geoffrey doesn't use language like that.
454
00:20:20,020 --> 00:20:23,339
- Sorry, Wendy, are you calling my grandson a liar?
- Dad?
455
00:20:23,340 --> 00:20:26,139
How am I supposed to keep
track of every word I say?
456
00:20:26,140 --> 00:20:29,140
Oh, so you eff and jeff
all the time, do you, Effy Geoffy?
457
00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:34,019
Dad, did you swear in front of Benji, yes or no?
458
00:20:34,020 --> 00:20:36,099
You never gave me multiple choice.
459
00:20:36,100 --> 00:20:38,979
Well, now you come to mention it, there was a...
460
00:20:38,980 --> 00:20:41,179
a terse phone call I made to the golf club
461
00:20:41,180 --> 00:20:44,379
about them changing my seating
arrangements at the dinner.
462
00:20:44,380 --> 00:20:47,059
I did use some rather brisk language.
463
00:20:47,060 --> 00:20:50,179
I thought the children were
out of earshot in the other room.
464
00:20:50,180 --> 00:20:52,820
Oh, never an excuse, Geoffrey, ever.
465
00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:59,420
Frank, I am so very, very sorry
for accusing you, and so's my dad.
466
00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:05,339
Is he? I must have missed that.
Could you repeat it, Geoffrey?
467
00:21:05,340 --> 00:21:06,659
Dad?
468
00:21:06,660 --> 00:21:09,700
Believe me, I really do
wish this hadn't happened.
469
00:21:10,820 --> 00:21:12,020
Still waiting.
470
00:21:13,260 --> 00:21:15,339
Go on, Geoffrey.
471
00:21:15,340 --> 00:21:17,019
Frank...
472
00:21:17,020 --> 00:21:20,259
I'm sorry for any distress I might have caused.
473
00:21:20,260 --> 00:21:23,539
I only hope it's offset
by the immense self-satisfaction
474
00:21:23,540 --> 00:21:26,179
I can see plastered all over your face
475
00:21:26,180 --> 00:21:30,060
now that you're experiencing
the novelty of the moral high ground.
476
00:21:31,900 --> 00:21:35,299
Well, I'd take that, Dad.
It's as good as you're going to get.
477
00:21:35,300 --> 00:21:37,099
Well, I'm glad we got all that sorted out.
478
00:21:37,100 --> 00:21:39,259
Maybe we should have a clearer
system from now on.
479
00:21:39,260 --> 00:21:42,019
You should be Grandad G
and you should be Grandad F.
480
00:21:42,020 --> 00:21:43,940
Oh, I think he should be Grandad F.
481
00:21:46,740 --> 00:21:50,219
Anyway, can we put it
all behind us and just move on?
482
00:21:50,220 --> 00:21:51,939
Oh, hang on! Is that it?
483
00:21:51,940 --> 00:21:54,179
Well, I've said sorry. I can't keep saying it.
484
00:21:54,180 --> 00:21:55,379
No, I don't mean that.
485
00:21:55,380 --> 00:21:58,099
When we thought my dad had sworn,
we had to have a crisis meeting.
486
00:21:58,100 --> 00:22:00,379
Well, we should have one now with your dad.
487
00:22:00,380 --> 00:22:02,899
- Are you serious?
- Oh, I'm deadly serious.
488
00:22:02,900 --> 00:22:05,459
OK, then. Fine.
489
00:22:05,460 --> 00:22:07,780
Dad... follow me.
490
00:22:14,540 --> 00:22:17,899
- There. Done it.
- You didn't say anything.
491
00:22:17,900 --> 00:22:20,739
No, and neither did you
to your dad at the coffee shop.
492
00:22:20,740 --> 00:22:23,499
- Did you find that acceptable?
- No.
493
00:22:23,500 --> 00:22:25,379
Well, I don't find this acceptable.
494
00:22:25,380 --> 00:22:27,939
You've got 'em, son. They're on the ropes.
495
00:22:27,940 --> 00:22:30,619
Look, this is all nonsense. My dad's apologised.
496
00:22:30,620 --> 00:22:33,939
Nobody owes anybody else any more apologies.
497
00:22:33,940 --> 00:22:36,019
- Is that right?
- Oh, for God's sake, Mum.
498
00:22:36,020 --> 00:22:40,299
- I'm sorry that you were second-choice baby-sitter.
- Third.
499
00:22:40,300 --> 00:22:42,899
And I am sorry that I accused your dad.
500
00:22:42,900 --> 00:22:46,139
Now, can we all just move on, please?
501
00:22:46,140 --> 00:22:48,619
- Father?
- I'm a reasonable man.
502
00:22:48,620 --> 00:22:51,699
And do you promise to bring this
up in the future at every opportunity?
503
00:22:51,700 --> 00:22:53,579
Of course.
504
00:22:53,580 --> 00:22:55,979
Then consider the matter dropped.
505
00:22:55,980 --> 00:22:57,099
Good.
506
00:22:57,100 --> 00:23:00,059
Now, I'm sorry to rush things
along, but any minute now,
507
00:23:00,060 --> 00:23:02,059
Anna and Toby are going to land in our garden
508
00:23:02,060 --> 00:23:05,259
in an easyJet plane from Barcelona
to take us out for tapas,
509
00:23:05,260 --> 00:23:08,339
so if you don't mind,
Frank, we'll see you later?
510
00:23:08,340 --> 00:23:11,059
What are you talking about? I'm not leaving.
511
00:23:11,060 --> 00:23:13,819
I'm baby-sitting.
512
00:23:13,820 --> 00:23:15,819
Wendy and Geoffrey are the ones who are leaving.
513
00:23:15,820 --> 00:23:18,139
Frank, Mum and Dad are baby-sitting tonight.
514
00:23:18,140 --> 00:23:21,019
Yes, but that was before we knew
your father had a pottymouth.
515
00:23:21,020 --> 00:23:24,179
Yeah, and it was my dad
that was asked first, remember?
516
00:23:24,180 --> 00:23:26,499
Oh, I remember.
517
00:23:26,500 --> 00:23:27,979
But then we cancelled him.
518
00:23:27,980 --> 00:23:30,339
Yes, because we thought he'd used bad language,
519
00:23:30,340 --> 00:23:33,299
but now we know it was your dad
that swore, we should cancel him.
520
00:23:33,300 --> 00:23:36,979
Exactly. Who knows what other
filth they might have heard?
521
00:23:36,980 --> 00:23:40,299
I'm beginning to wonder whether
the full scale of these horrors
522
00:23:40,300 --> 00:23:42,579
will ever be understood.
523
00:23:42,580 --> 00:23:46,299
Well, there's a simple solution.
Lucy, who do you want to baby-sit?
524
00:23:46,300 --> 00:23:49,099
Sorry, do I get a vote? I'm 18 now.
525
00:23:49,100 --> 00:23:51,659
Well, I'm not leaving. I never swore.
526
00:23:51,660 --> 00:23:53,099
Fair point.
527
00:23:53,100 --> 00:23:56,979
Me and Wendy will snuggle
down on the settee and do it together.
528
00:23:56,980 --> 00:23:59,339
Come on, Lucy, who do you want to baby-sit?
529
00:23:59,340 --> 00:24:02,099
- Well, I...
- They're our grandchildren, Lucy.
530
00:24:02,100 --> 00:24:04,019
- They're my grandchildren, too.
- Come off it.
531
00:24:04,020 --> 00:24:06,859
For years, your feckless behaviour
has meant that you've come and gone,
532
00:24:06,860 --> 00:24:09,579
whereas Wendy and I have been hands-on
grandparents from the start.
533
00:24:09,580 --> 00:24:11,659
Keep pushing me, I'll show you hands-on.
534
00:24:11,660 --> 00:24:15,059
Oh, here it comes, the full Coronation Street.
535
00:24:15,060 --> 00:24:17,819
I've a good mind to come over there
and wash your mouth out with soap.
536
00:24:17,820 --> 00:24:20,579
What, and risk getting some of it on your hands?
537
00:24:20,580 --> 00:24:22,299
I've no need to listen to this.
538
00:24:22,300 --> 00:24:24,380
I quite agree. Off you go.
539
00:24:25,900 --> 00:24:27,540
Buenas noches, amigos.
540
00:24:30,780 --> 00:24:32,619
You can stop that nonsense.
541
00:24:32,620 --> 00:24:36,019
I know you're not really in Spain, you liar.
542
00:24:36,020 --> 00:24:38,619
Don't criticise my husband like that.
543
00:24:38,620 --> 00:24:41,180
Yeah. Let Anna show you how to do it properly.
544
00:24:43,580 --> 00:24:46,939
Thanks to your foul mouth
and your filthy-mouthed grandchild,
545
00:24:46,940 --> 00:24:49,699
my Jack is running around cursing
like a scaffolder.
546
00:24:49,700 --> 00:24:51,779
Don't you talk about my grandson like that.
547
00:24:51,780 --> 00:24:53,739
You may think of yourself as all high and mighty
548
00:24:53,740 --> 00:24:56,059
because you've gone
up in the baby-sitting pecking order,
549
00:24:56,060 --> 00:24:57,539
but he's still my flesh and blood.
550
00:24:57,540 --> 00:24:59,339
Yeah, don't start having a go at my son.
551
00:24:59,340 --> 00:25:01,939
Oh, yeah, but it's all right for people
to have a go at your father?
552
00:25:01,940 --> 00:25:05,179
That's different. You're big enough and ugly
enough to look after yourself.
553
00:25:05,180 --> 00:25:06,659
Well, ugly enough.
554
00:25:06,660 --> 00:25:09,499
I knew it wouldn't be long
before they turned on each other.
555
00:25:09,500 --> 00:25:11,859
- Like father, like son.
- Oh, that's rich,
556
00:25:11,860 --> 00:25:14,299
coming from a man who screams
obscenities at little kiddies.
557
00:25:14,300 --> 00:25:16,219
For goodness' sake, you silly little man!
558
00:25:16,220 --> 00:25:18,179
He was on the phone to the golf club.
559
00:25:18,180 --> 00:25:19,819
So you say, but for all we know,
560
00:25:19,820 --> 00:25:22,219
he could have been on a loudspeaker on the phone
561
00:25:22,220 --> 00:25:23,740
to a premium-rate sex line.
562
00:25:25,180 --> 00:25:26,939
I've just about had enough of this.
563
00:25:26,940 --> 00:25:28,859
Oh, yeah? You want to get it on?
564
00:25:32,540 --> 00:25:36,460
Oh, will you all just shut the ... up?
565
00:25:39,900 --> 00:25:42,259
You're all a bunch of ... idiots.
566
00:25:42,260 --> 00:25:43,859
You're a pompous ... hole.
567
00:25:43,860 --> 00:25:46,179
You're always out for a ...
fight with everyone you meet,
568
00:25:46,180 --> 00:25:47,579
you silly ...
569
00:25:47,580 --> 00:25:49,579
You're a stupidly oversensitive ... head.
570
00:25:49,580 --> 00:25:52,219
You're a stuck-up ...
You're a lying ...
571
00:25:52,220 --> 00:25:54,899
And if you'd had a ...
with this ... in the first place,
572
00:25:54,900 --> 00:25:57,779
we wouldn't be in this ... of a ... mess.
573
00:25:57,780 --> 00:26:00,139
Well, I've had en ...ough.
574
00:26:00,140 --> 00:26:03,380
None of you ... can ... baby-sit!
575
00:26:16,380 --> 00:26:18,900
Mummy, what's a ...?
576
00:26:31,620 --> 00:26:33,260
I'm a terrible mother.
577
00:26:34,620 --> 00:26:36,260
Have you finished that word?
578
00:26:39,180 --> 00:26:41,660
Feel free to try and comfort me at any point.
579
00:26:43,260 --> 00:26:46,419
Look... like I've been trying
to tell you all week,
580
00:26:46,420 --> 00:26:49,259
it is possible to accidentally
swear in front of the children
581
00:26:49,260 --> 00:26:51,379
without it making you a bad person.
582
00:26:51,380 --> 00:26:53,580
The kids will have forgotten
about it by tomorrow.
583
00:26:54,580 --> 00:26:56,739
All right, by next week.
584
00:26:56,740 --> 00:26:59,179
All right, if they're still
in therapy when they're 18,
585
00:26:59,180 --> 00:27:01,420
we'll say it wasn't you,
it was their real mother.
586
00:27:02,740 --> 00:27:04,459
Well, whatever happens,
587
00:27:04,460 --> 00:27:07,859
I'm going to make sure the kids
don't hear any more swearwords.
588
00:27:07,860 --> 00:27:10,540
To be fair, I don't think there
are any more swearwords.
589
00:27:12,140 --> 00:27:15,019
Now I've just got to make it
up to everyone I insulted.
590
00:27:15,020 --> 00:27:16,819
Well...
591
00:27:16,820 --> 00:27:19,139
I'm one of the people you insulted.
592
00:27:19,140 --> 00:27:21,219
Maybe you should make it up to me.
593
00:27:21,220 --> 00:27:24,619
Is that right? And how am I supposed to do that?
594
00:27:24,620 --> 00:27:27,019
Well, use your imagination.
595
00:27:27,020 --> 00:27:29,620
Which, as it turns out, is a lot
filthier than I ever thought.
596
00:27:32,780 --> 00:27:35,459
How about I just take us for a nice meal out?
597
00:27:35,460 --> 00:27:37,499
You know, just the two of us.
598
00:27:37,500 --> 00:27:40,500
Well, you could, but who are you
going to ask to baby-sit?
599
00:27:42,220 --> 00:27:43,900
All right, you win.
600
00:27:43,950 --> 00:27:48,500
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