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1
00:00:02,144 --> 00:00:04,744
Yeah, not going out
2
00:00:04,744 --> 00:00:06,224
Not staying in
3
00:00:06,224 --> 00:00:09,104
Just hanging around
With my head in a spin
4
00:00:09,104 --> 00:00:11,544
But there is no need
To scream and shout
5
00:00:11,544 --> 00:00:12,864
Yeah
6
00:00:12,864 --> 00:00:15,144
Not going out
7
00:00:15,144 --> 00:00:18,465
? We are not going out. ?
8
00:00:18,465 --> 00:00:22,505
This programme contains
some strong language
9
00:00:22,505 --> 00:00:24,505
I can't believe it!
10
00:00:24,505 --> 00:00:27,385
I know, it's amazing, isn't it?
11
00:00:27,385 --> 00:00:28,745
What's going on?
12
00:00:28,745 --> 00:00:31,225
I applied to be on a TV quiz show...
13
00:00:31,225 --> 00:00:33,386
and I've been accepted!
14
00:00:33,386 --> 00:00:34,886
Woo-hoo!
15
00:00:35,906 --> 00:00:37,226
It's Pointless.
16
00:00:37,226 --> 00:00:40,026
Oh, don't be too harsh on her, at
least she'll be getting a day out.
17
00:00:40,026 --> 00:00:42,066
The show is called Pointless.
18
00:00:42,066 --> 00:00:44,506
The idea is to score
no points at all.
19
00:00:44,506 --> 00:00:46,466
Actually,
you might do better than I thought.
20
00:00:46,466 --> 00:00:48,586
You have to come up with
answers that no-one else
21
00:00:48,586 --> 00:00:50,307
in the country
would've come up with.
22
00:00:50,307 --> 00:00:53,227
In fact,
I reckon you could win this.
23
00:00:53,227 --> 00:00:55,307
Hang on, I've seen that show.
You go on in pairs.
24
00:00:55,307 --> 00:00:56,387
That's right.
25
00:00:56,387 --> 00:00:58,347
Well, who are you going to ask
to go on with you?
26
00:00:58,347 --> 00:00:59,827
Who do you reckon, Lee?
27
00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:01,147
You could have picked anyone.
28
00:01:01,147 --> 00:01:04,067
It had to be someone
cleverer than me.
29
00:01:04,067 --> 00:01:06,000
You could have picked anyone.
30
00:01:07,548 --> 00:01:09,428
And the answer is...
31
00:01:13,188 --> 00:01:15,308
A performing seal?
32
00:01:15,308 --> 00:01:17,588
She asked me! And I said yes!
33
00:01:17,588 --> 00:01:19,588
Why didn't you ask me?
34
00:01:19,588 --> 00:01:22,828
Oh, I see, you think I'm thick.
35
00:01:22,828 --> 00:01:24,589
Well, I'm not bothered.
36
00:01:24,589 --> 00:01:26,109
I've already been on TV, remember?
37
00:01:26,109 --> 00:01:28,509
There's not many people
who have managed to pull a mooney
38
00:01:28,509 --> 00:01:29,869
on national television.
39
00:01:29,869 --> 00:01:33,829
Of course. How could we ever forget
the Queen Mother's funeral?
40
00:01:33,829 --> 00:01:36,669
It was respectful. I only
lowered my trousers to half-mast.
41
00:01:36,669 --> 00:01:38,429
I can't wait!
42
00:01:38,429 --> 00:01:40,790
You do know you're probably
not going to win, don't you?
43
00:01:40,790 --> 00:01:43,230
Lucy doesn't care about any of that.
44
00:01:43,230 --> 00:01:46,830
She's just excited about meeting
the host, Alexander Armstrong.
45
00:01:46,830 --> 00:01:49,510
I think she's got
a little crush on him.
46
00:01:50,710 --> 00:01:52,350
It's not a crush.
47
00:01:52,350 --> 00:01:54,510
I just said I like a man
with brains.
48
00:01:54,510 --> 00:01:58,311
Yet when I say I like a woman
with big tits, it's sexist.
49
00:01:59,031 --> 00:02:02,511
I think Richard Osman is the clever
one. He's so dishy.
50
00:02:02,511 --> 00:02:04,991
God, it's like listening
to two twelve year olds
51
00:02:04,991 --> 00:02:07,231
at a One Direction concert.
52
00:02:07,231 --> 00:02:08,871
I still don't see why you
didn't ask me.
53
00:02:08,871 --> 00:02:13,071
Oh, OK. Lee, who do you fancy
most off Pointless?
54
00:02:13,071 --> 00:02:15,072
I mean why didn't you ask me
to be your partner.
55
00:02:15,072 --> 00:02:16,832
You need someone
who knows the answers,
56
00:02:16,832 --> 00:02:19,952
not some glassy-eyed damsel fawning
over the presenter all the time.
57
00:02:19,952 --> 00:02:22,672
Never mind, I think they're looking
for contestants
58
00:02:22,672 --> 00:02:24,872
on Who Wants To Be A Total Moron.
59
00:02:25,592 --> 00:02:27,232
Or...Knobheads.
60
00:02:28,392 --> 00:02:30,993
Like Eggheads,
but I said knob instead.
61
00:02:32,913 --> 00:02:35,593
Yeah. Or Big Brainless Twat!
62
00:02:38,633 --> 00:02:42,313
Like Fifteen to One,
but I said Big Brainless Twat.
63
00:02:47,514 --> 00:02:49,314
'Unlucky Tracey, unlucky Saul.
64
00:02:49,314 --> 00:02:51,354
'There's actually
only two Pointless answers,
65
00:02:51,354 --> 00:02:52,674
'both from the Old Testament.
66
00:02:52,674 --> 00:02:55,394
'You could have said Habakkuk
or you could have said Nehemiah.
67
00:02:55,394 --> 00:02:57,754
'So very well done if you said
either of those at home.'
68
00:02:57,754 --> 00:03:01,914
Oh, I got them Dickie-boy.
I got them.
69
00:03:01,914 --> 00:03:05,675
You know what, I enjoyed that so
much, when Lucy and Daisy get back,
70
00:03:05,675 --> 00:03:09,208
I think we'll watch the whole thing
all over again...
71
00:03:11,355 --> 00:03:14,835
Well, I still don't think that
shopping for clothes was necessary.
72
00:03:14,835 --> 00:03:17,595
We're going on TV, Daisy.
We need to look good.
73
00:03:17,595 --> 00:03:20,235
But I like the outfit I've got on.
74
00:03:20,235 --> 00:03:22,796
Trust me,
that outfit is not appropriate.
75
00:03:22,796 --> 00:03:25,636
But I so rarely get
a chance to wear it.
76
00:03:28,076 --> 00:03:30,356
I think Richard Osman
will ask you to take it off.
77
00:03:30,356 --> 00:03:32,223
Yes, that's what I'm hoping.
78
00:03:35,476 --> 00:03:38,437
Oh, look. Pointless is on.
79
00:03:38,437 --> 00:03:40,570
We should watch it, to practise.
80
00:03:41,637 --> 00:03:45,077
Oh. Here they are, The Weakest Link
and The Missing Link.
81
00:03:45,077 --> 00:03:48,157
And what are you watching to get
your intellectual porn fix today?
82
00:03:48,157 --> 00:03:51,877
Butt out. Oh, finally,
a quiz show worth watching.
83
00:03:51,877 --> 00:03:54,157
'Yes, basically we're looking
for any body of water
84
00:03:54,157 --> 00:03:56,278
'in the Lake District National Park,
please..
85
00:03:56,278 --> 00:03:58,118
'lakes, meres, and waters.'
86
00:03:58,118 --> 00:03:59,678
Kendal swimming baths.
87
00:04:01,798 --> 00:04:03,878
Windermere. Windermere!
88
00:04:03,878 --> 00:04:06,158
I thought you were meant
to go for the obscure ones.
89
00:04:06,158 --> 00:04:09,278
Well, go on, then, smartarse,
you guess one.
90
00:04:09,278 --> 00:04:11,038
Skeggles Water.
91
00:04:11,038 --> 00:04:13,479
Well, if I'd have known you could
just make something up,
92
00:04:13,479 --> 00:04:16,839
I'd have gone
for Twiddles Flunketpond.
93
00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:18,639
'Skeggles Water?'
94
00:04:18,639 --> 00:04:22,759
I wonder if Twiddles Flunketpond
gets a mention, too.
95
00:04:23,919 --> 00:04:26,239
'Let's see. Skeggles Water.
96
00:04:26,239 --> 00:04:27,519
'It is right.'
97
00:04:27,519 --> 00:04:29,480
That reminds me
of the blood going in
98
00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:31,813
when my auntie had her transfusion.
99
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,480
'And it does, look at that.
It's a pointless answer!'
100
00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:38,440
Of course, you could have
gone for Lingmoor Tarn,
101
00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:40,360
Gurnal Dubs, Goat's Water.
102
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:42,200
'Bernie, what have you got?'
103
00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:45,001
I'm going to say...Goat's Water.
104
00:04:45,001 --> 00:04:49,161
'Sounds delicious.
Let's find out. Goat's Water.
105
00:04:49,161 --> 00:04:51,401
'It is right.
106
00:04:51,401 --> 00:04:54,561
'Goat's Water. That's a pointless
answer, well done!
107
00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:57,081
Oh, really, it was nothing.
108
00:04:57,081 --> 00:04:58,721
Must be a nice change for you -
109
00:04:58,721 --> 00:05:02,455
talking to the TV and it
not costing you �2.50 a minute.
110
00:05:05,322 --> 00:05:07,562
'And don't forget, as ever,
it's the people...'
111
00:05:07,562 --> 00:05:09,042
Prisoner of Azkaban!
112
00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:10,642
Oh, for the last time,
113
00:05:10,642 --> 00:05:14,242
Daisy, Prisoner of Azkaban
is not a book of the Bible!
114
00:05:15,562 --> 00:05:19,643
I'm going to say Genesis,
same as the contestant.
115
00:05:19,643 --> 00:05:22,310
'Let's see how many people
said Genesis.
116
00:05:23,283 --> 00:05:24,363
'Well, it's right.'
117
00:05:24,363 --> 00:05:26,243
What about Order of the Phoenix?
118
00:05:26,243 --> 00:05:27,963
'It has to go all
the way down to ze...
119
00:05:27,963 --> 00:05:32,323
'Oh, look at that, 72.
120
00:05:32,323 --> 00:05:34,243
'So not a pointless answer.'
121
00:05:34,243 --> 00:05:37,124
You should have picked one
of those Old Testament ones.
122
00:05:37,124 --> 00:05:39,884
Habakkuk. Or Nehemiah.
123
00:05:39,884 --> 00:05:44,084
'You could have said Habakkuk.
Or you could have said Nehemiah.
124
00:05:45,004 --> 00:05:47,244
'Very well done
if you got either of those at home.'
125
00:05:47,244 --> 00:05:49,711
Cheers, Richie,
me old specky mucker.
126
00:05:50,564 --> 00:05:52,365
That was pretty amazing, Lee.
127
00:05:52,365 --> 00:05:54,885
He was just lucky
with the rounds that came up.
128
00:05:54,885 --> 00:05:57,765
What - The Songs Of ABBA,
Primates and Malt Whisky?
129
00:05:57,765 --> 00:06:02,032
Yeah, it's just lucky I'm a gay
orang-utan with a drink problem.
130
00:06:02,205 --> 00:06:04,885
Anyway, good luck with
the recording of the show, Daisy.
131
00:06:04,885 --> 00:06:07,125
And don't forget, it's not
the winning that counts,
132
00:06:07,125 --> 00:06:11,459
it's the not doing so badly you make
a total pillock of yourself.
133
00:06:11,526 --> 00:06:13,246
Wait, Lee. Come back.
134
00:06:16,606 --> 00:06:19,246
Lee, you should take
my place on the show.
135
00:06:19,246 --> 00:06:21,686
If that's what you want, Daisy.
136
00:06:21,686 --> 00:06:23,246
Don't worry, you can't offend me.
137
00:06:23,246 --> 00:06:26,087
Well,
he did do a lot better than you.
138
00:06:26,087 --> 00:06:29,020
And some of your answers
were pretty stupid.
139
00:06:30,567 --> 00:06:33,300
Actually, I was wrong,
you can offend me.
140
00:06:37,047 --> 00:06:39,087
So let me get this straight...
141
00:06:39,087 --> 00:06:40,927
To prove that you're not thick,
142
00:06:40,927 --> 00:06:43,168
you cheated
while watching a TV quiz.
143
00:06:43,168 --> 00:06:46,008
And as a result,
you're now going on a TV quiz.
144
00:06:46,008 --> 00:06:47,048
Yeah.
145
00:06:47,048 --> 00:06:49,048
So what happens
when you go on the TV quiz
146
00:06:49,048 --> 00:06:51,088
and show everyone
that you are thick?
147
00:06:51,088 --> 00:06:53,408
I wish people would stop calling me
thick.
148
00:06:53,408 --> 00:06:55,728
I wish people would stop saying
I'm bad at sex, but it
149
00:06:55,728 --> 00:07:00,529
doesn't mean I'm going to star in a
porn movie just to prove them wrong.
150
00:07:00,569 --> 00:07:01,729
Anyway I'll be fine.
151
00:07:01,729 --> 00:07:03,809
I have got a good grip
on general knowledge.
152
00:07:03,809 --> 00:07:05,089
Is that right?
153
00:07:05,089 --> 00:07:06,369
Yes, it is.
154
00:07:06,369 --> 00:07:07,449
OK.
155
00:07:07,449 --> 00:07:10,249
When was the Battle of Trafalgar?
156
00:07:10,249 --> 00:07:11,749
That's history.
157
00:07:12,609 --> 00:07:16,530
Very good, but I'm going to need you
to be a bit more specific than that.
158
00:07:16,530 --> 00:07:18,250
I said I was good
at general knowledge,
159
00:07:18,250 --> 00:07:21,170
I didn't say I was good at history.
OK.
160
00:07:21,170 --> 00:07:22,670
Where's Lahore?
161
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,110
In La Brothel.
162
00:07:27,210 --> 00:07:29,450
That's geography.
I'm not good at geography.
163
00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:31,170
Where is the alimentary canal?
164
00:07:31,170 --> 00:07:33,531
That's still geography.
165
00:07:33,531 --> 00:07:36,731
Bloody hell,
you really are in trouble.
166
00:07:36,731 --> 00:07:39,371
Ask me who won the FA Cup in 1984.
167
00:07:39,371 --> 00:07:42,811
You don't get to dictate
the questions they ask you.
168
00:07:42,811 --> 00:07:44,291
Just ask me.
169
00:07:44,291 --> 00:07:46,931
Who won the FA Cup in 1984?
170
00:07:46,931 --> 00:07:48,431
Arsenal.
171
00:07:49,692 --> 00:07:51,192
I think.
172
00:07:51,852 --> 00:07:53,572
Or was it Man U?
173
00:07:53,572 --> 00:07:55,852
My God! You can't even get
the right answers
174
00:07:55,852 --> 00:07:58,252
when you're setting
your own questions!
175
00:07:58,252 --> 00:08:00,012
OK, I'll tell you what,
176
00:08:00,012 --> 00:08:02,132
here's one nobody in the world could
177
00:08:02,132 --> 00:08:04,692
possibly get except you.
178
00:08:04,692 --> 00:08:06,813
What were you thinking
179
00:08:06,813 --> 00:08:11,173
when you agreed to display your
intellect on national television?
180
00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:14,573
Oh, God, I am in trouble!
181
00:08:14,573 --> 00:08:16,073
Is the correct answer.
182
00:08:23,454 --> 00:08:25,854
If you'd like to wait in here
with the other contestants,
183
00:08:25,854 --> 00:08:29,187
we'll tell you
when to come through to the studio.
184
00:08:29,534 --> 00:08:31,254
They look really clever, don't they?
185
00:08:31,254 --> 00:08:32,294
How do you know?
186
00:08:32,294 --> 00:08:35,694
You can tell.
I bet their fingers stink of books.
187
00:08:37,494 --> 00:08:39,334
We're going to get thrashed,
aren't we?
188
00:08:39,334 --> 00:08:41,815
Come on, that's not
the fighting talk we want to hear.
189
00:08:41,815 --> 00:08:43,295
Exactly.
190
00:08:43,295 --> 00:08:46,455
You can kiss me
where it don't shine, sweet cheeks.
191
00:08:46,455 --> 00:08:49,188
We are going to take you down,
motherf...
192
00:08:52,495 --> 00:08:55,295
Oh, my God,
it's Alexander Armstrong.
193
00:08:55,295 --> 00:08:57,576
I never realised he was so slim.
194
00:08:57,576 --> 00:08:59,936
They do say the camera
adds ten pounds.
195
00:08:59,936 --> 00:09:01,936
Actually it's the other way round.
196
00:09:01,936 --> 00:09:04,469
In real life,
Mickey Mouse is massive.
197
00:09:05,536 --> 00:09:07,616
So you must be Lee,
you must be Daisy.
198
00:09:07,616 --> 00:09:11,576
No, I'm Lucy. I'm not a contestant,
not clever enough.
199
00:09:11,576 --> 00:09:13,737
Oh, I'm sure that can't be true.
Oh...
200
00:09:13,737 --> 00:09:16,017
I bet you say that to all
the contestants who aren't
201
00:09:16,017 --> 00:09:19,497
actually contestants but in
the studio with the contestants.
202
00:09:19,497 --> 00:09:21,297
This is Daisy.
203
00:09:23,617 --> 00:09:26,497
And this is Lee.
204
00:09:26,497 --> 00:09:29,097
He's a total quiz genius.
Wow, looks like we'll have
205
00:09:29,097 --> 00:09:31,658
to break out the extra-hard
questions especially for you.
206
00:09:31,658 --> 00:09:33,158
Please don't.
207
00:09:35,298 --> 00:09:38,938
It is such an honour
to meet you, Richard Osman.
208
00:09:38,938 --> 00:09:41,978
Is it true you know every
fact in the world?
209
00:09:41,978 --> 00:09:43,818
I wouldn't go quite that far.
210
00:09:43,818 --> 00:09:47,379
OK, so, tell me
one fact you don't know.
211
00:09:47,379 --> 00:09:50,539
Well, that would be impossible,
because if I knew a fact
212
00:09:50,539 --> 00:09:54,139
I didn't know, it would necessarily
become a fact that I did know.
213
00:09:54,139 --> 00:09:56,619
So you do know everything.
214
00:09:56,619 --> 00:09:58,819
No, I'm not saying that,
just it's impossible for me
215
00:09:58,819 --> 00:10:00,219
to tell you a fact I didn't know.
216
00:10:00,219 --> 00:10:01,979
Exactly. You're a genius.
217
00:10:01,979 --> 00:10:03,620
OK.
218
00:10:03,620 --> 00:10:06,220
The highest mountain in Bangladesh.
I don't know that.
219
00:10:06,220 --> 00:10:07,887
There probably isn't one.
220
00:10:08,860 --> 00:10:10,300
No, there definitely is one.
221
00:10:10,300 --> 00:10:12,100
There you are, you see, you do know!
222
00:10:12,100 --> 00:10:16,020
OK, I am a god of wisdom and I know
all the truths of the universe.
223
00:10:16,020 --> 00:10:17,520
Bit arrogant.
224
00:10:19,460 --> 00:10:21,581
Sorry about my friend Daisy.
She's a bit nervous.
225
00:10:21,581 --> 00:10:23,461
Don't worry about it.
We'll look after you.
226
00:10:23,461 --> 00:10:24,661
Course you will.
227
00:10:24,661 --> 00:10:27,501
You'll ease us in gently,
start off with a couple of easy ones.
228
00:10:27,501 --> 00:10:29,861
Don't worry, you don't have
to nod or say anything.
229
00:10:29,861 --> 00:10:31,661
I know you understand.
230
00:10:31,661 --> 00:10:34,461
You see, I've got a friend over there
who I'm trying to impress.
231
00:10:34,461 --> 00:10:37,742
Well, look, I'll tell you what,
you want a couple of easy questions?
232
00:10:37,742 --> 00:10:40,062
Slip me a 20,
I'll see what I can do.
233
00:10:40,062 --> 00:10:42,342
Really? No, of course not really.
234
00:10:43,702 --> 00:10:45,982
I'm not open
to financial inducements.
235
00:10:45,982 --> 00:10:49,782
And what about other kinds
of inducements?
236
00:10:49,782 --> 00:10:51,342
I will deal with this.
237
00:10:53,262 --> 00:10:55,783
Actually, what about other kinds
of inducements?
238
00:10:55,783 --> 00:10:57,143
That's disgusting.
239
00:10:57,143 --> 00:11:00,010
Come on, Richard,
the woman's got feelings.
240
00:11:01,623 --> 00:11:04,103
I'm not going to let you cheat.
241
00:11:04,103 --> 00:11:06,463
I just don't want to look
an idiot on live television.
242
00:11:06,463 --> 00:11:08,703
Oh, there's absolutely
no danger of that. Really?
243
00:11:08,703 --> 00:11:09,943
Yeah, we prerecord this.
244
00:11:09,943 --> 00:11:13,744
You're not going to look
an idiot for two or three weeks.
245
00:11:18,784 --> 00:11:21,104
And last but by no means least,
246
00:11:21,104 --> 00:11:23,224
our final contestants,
Lee and Daisy.
247
00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:25,224
Now Daisy,
how do you two know each other?
248
00:11:25,224 --> 00:11:27,625
I once got trapped during
a pot-holing expedition
249
00:11:27,625 --> 00:11:29,545
and Lee rescued me.
250
00:11:29,545 --> 00:11:32,185
Wow.
In five years of doing this show,
251
00:11:32,185 --> 00:11:36,252
I don't think anyone's ever
said that. Yay! Pointless answer.
252
00:11:36,625 --> 00:11:41,065
We haven't started yet. So, Richard,
are you excited about today's show?
253
00:11:41,065 --> 00:11:44,105
Yeah, I certainly am. I'm looking
forward to see how Lee and Daisy
254
00:11:44,105 --> 00:11:45,146
get on on podium one.
255
00:11:45,146 --> 00:11:48,506
I hear that Lee is a little bit
of a quiz expert.
256
00:11:50,026 --> 00:11:52,346
I don't know who told you that.
Daisy did.
257
00:11:52,346 --> 00:11:54,746
Well, she's not...right in the head.
258
00:11:56,586 --> 00:11:59,653
OK, if everyone's ready,
let's play Pointless.
259
00:12:03,627 --> 00:12:06,347
OK, let's find out what
our first category is today.
260
00:12:06,347 --> 00:12:09,667
And it is American Politics.
261
00:12:09,667 --> 00:12:11,167
Bollocks.
262
00:12:12,147 --> 00:12:13,507
Can you all decide in your pairs
263
00:12:13,507 --> 00:12:15,627
who's going to go first,
who's going to go second?
264
00:12:15,627 --> 00:12:19,428
And whoever is going first,
please step up to the podium.
265
00:12:24,228 --> 00:12:29,828
OK, and the question concerns
Pre-war American Presidents.
266
00:12:29,828 --> 00:12:31,828
Richard.
Yeah, nice easy one to start with.
267
00:12:31,828 --> 00:12:33,748
We're simply looking
for any US President
268
00:12:33,748 --> 00:12:36,389
who began his term before 1939,
please.
269
00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:37,789
First name and surname.
270
00:12:37,789 --> 00:12:39,909
Thanks very much indeed. OK, Lee.
271
00:12:39,909 --> 00:12:41,869
How are your American politics?
272
00:12:41,869 --> 00:12:44,629
Quite rusty on this particular
subject, actually.
273
00:12:44,629 --> 00:12:48,962
If you're struggling, just go
for one of the really obvious ones.
274
00:12:49,389 --> 00:12:50,889
Right.
275
00:12:51,510 --> 00:12:54,350
OK, Lee, I'm going to have
to hurry you.
276
00:12:54,350 --> 00:12:58,190
OK, it's a bit of a risky one,
but I think it's right.
277
00:12:58,190 --> 00:13:00,110
I'm going to go for...
278
00:13:00,110 --> 00:13:01,610
Dyson Hoover.
279
00:13:04,070 --> 00:13:06,190
Dyson Hoover. OK. Erm...
280
00:13:07,190 --> 00:13:08,831
OK, well, let's see if that's right.
281
00:13:08,831 --> 00:13:12,431
Let's see how many people
said...Dyson Hoover.
282
00:13:13,431 --> 00:13:18,671
Ooh, sorry, Lee, I'm afraid, sadly,
Dyson Hoover never became president.
283
00:13:18,671 --> 00:13:21,204
Leaving a political vacuum,
of course.
284
00:13:25,392 --> 00:13:27,752
Don't worry, Lee,
it is hard under pressure.
285
00:13:27,752 --> 00:13:31,232
Trust me, we've had a lot worse
answers on this show.
286
00:13:31,232 --> 00:13:33,165
In fact, we haven't, have we?
287
00:13:34,592 --> 00:13:36,552
OK, let's see if it's right.
288
00:13:36,552 --> 00:13:40,112
No! Bad luck there, Daisy.
Another incorrect answer.
289
00:13:40,112 --> 00:13:43,113
Well, I knew Lee
was in the right area,
290
00:13:43,113 --> 00:13:45,233
so I went for something similar.
291
00:13:45,233 --> 00:13:49,700
But unfortunately, there wasn't
a President Morphy Richards either.
292
00:13:49,993 --> 00:13:52,873
Um, so Daisy and Lee, I'm afraid
we have to say goodbye to you.
293
00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:54,073
Have you had fun?
294
00:13:54,073 --> 00:13:56,233
It's been the greatest day
of my life.
295
00:13:56,233 --> 00:13:58,501
Will you sign my bra? Maybe later.
296
00:13:59,754 --> 00:14:01,994
Er, Lee, what about you?
297
00:14:01,994 --> 00:14:03,754
Not too disappointed, I hope.
298
00:14:03,754 --> 00:14:05,994
No. I don't think we did
too badly, actually.
299
00:14:05,994 --> 00:14:08,114
Excellent. That's what
we like to hear, isn't it?
300
00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:09,154
Absolutely.
301
00:14:09,154 --> 00:14:12,154
A positive outlook even though
it is mathematically impossible
302
00:14:12,154 --> 00:14:14,714
for you to have done any worse.
303
00:14:14,714 --> 00:14:17,448
Well, thank you very much,
Daisy and Lee.
304
00:14:18,115 --> 00:14:19,475
Fucking humiliating.
305
00:14:19,475 --> 00:14:21,275
Your microphone's still on.
306
00:14:23,795 --> 00:14:25,355
Well done.
307
00:14:25,355 --> 00:14:26,995
What do you mean "well done"?
308
00:14:26,995 --> 00:14:29,995
I mean, I can't believe
you knew the word hoover.
309
00:14:29,995 --> 00:14:31,875
Why did I give you
my place on the show?
310
00:14:31,875 --> 00:14:34,356
Bad luck, Lee.
Did you see the rest of the show?
311
00:14:34,356 --> 00:14:36,196
No, I couldn't find anywhere to sit.
312
00:14:36,196 --> 00:14:37,956
You should have sat in the corner,
313
00:14:37,956 --> 00:14:40,076
you know, with a big conical hat
with a 'D' on it.
314
00:14:40,076 --> 00:14:41,876
Sorry, bit rude.
315
00:14:41,876 --> 00:14:45,756
Don't apologise on my account.
Lee's not in my good books.
316
00:14:45,756 --> 00:14:48,423
And if he were,
you'd burn your library.
317
00:14:49,557 --> 00:14:51,957
That's a quote. Much Ado.
318
00:14:51,957 --> 00:14:53,917
I know. The Black Lace song.
319
00:14:55,917 --> 00:14:57,837
No, that's Agadoo.
320
00:14:57,837 --> 00:14:59,157
I meant the Shakespeare play.
321
00:14:59,157 --> 00:15:01,357
Lee's doesn't really
know much about Shakespeare.
322
00:15:01,357 --> 00:15:02,597
Well, maybe I don't,
323
00:15:02,597 --> 00:15:05,117
but ask me who won
the FA Cup in 1984.
324
00:15:05,117 --> 00:15:07,051
It was Arsenal or Man United.
325
00:15:08,118 --> 00:15:09,785
Actually, it was Everton.
326
00:15:11,118 --> 00:15:13,918
Lucy, would you like a glass
of champagne? Oh, careful.
327
00:15:13,918 --> 00:15:15,318
It goes straight to my head.
328
00:15:15,318 --> 00:15:17,438
In that case,
would you like a Jeroboam?
329
00:15:17,438 --> 00:15:18,638
Excuse me?
330
00:15:18,638 --> 00:15:20,438
Sorry, Lee, what would
you like to drink?
331
00:15:20,438 --> 00:15:22,372
The same. A pint of Jeroboam.
332
00:15:25,559 --> 00:15:27,879
Here he is, the great quiz genius.
333
00:15:27,879 --> 00:15:30,479
It's a lot easier when you've got
a laptop in front of you
334
00:15:30,479 --> 00:15:33,439
telling you what to do. That's
just a prop. It's not switched on.
335
00:15:33,439 --> 00:15:34,939
Talk of the devil.
336
00:15:37,039 --> 00:15:39,840
Lucy seems very enamoured
with Alexander.
337
00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:43,640
And why not?
She's young free and single.
338
00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:46,320
And, er, what about you,
Richard Osman?
339
00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:48,120
Is there an Oswoman?
340
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:52,320
Because if there isn't... I don't
think that's a very good idea.
341
00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:54,400
Because it's against the policy
of the show?
342
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:56,361
Yeah, let's go with that.
343
00:15:56,361 --> 00:15:58,881
I hope you didn't mind
the friendly banter out there, Lee,
344
00:15:58,881 --> 00:16:00,801
it's just a bit of fun.
Oh, no, no, I don't mind.
345
00:16:00,801 --> 00:16:04,041
I quite like a bit of friendly banter
myself, you smug, four-eyed,
346
00:16:04,041 --> 00:16:06,974
eight-and-a-half foot,
lanky streak of piss.
347
00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:10,521
You know, that type of thing.
348
00:16:10,521 --> 00:16:13,682
Right. Well, I'll look forward to
a bit more of the same in 20 minutes
349
00:16:13,682 --> 00:16:14,962
when you're on the next show.
350
00:16:14,962 --> 00:16:16,322
What?
351
00:16:16,322 --> 00:16:19,362
You know the rules, right? You know
losers get a second chance.
352
00:16:19,362 --> 00:16:23,402
In that case, I'd lack to retract my
previous comment, you nice, correct
353
00:16:23,402 --> 00:16:26,442
amount of eyes, normal-heighted,
slender streak of loveliness.
354
00:16:26,442 --> 00:16:28,522
You won't take it out on me
on the show, will you?
355
00:16:28,522 --> 00:16:32,003
We'll have to see what my computer
tells me to do, won't we?
356
00:16:32,003 --> 00:16:35,643
I preferred you in those Bond films
when you were just biting metal.
357
00:16:35,643 --> 00:16:37,163
OK, everyone,
358
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:39,883
shall we start making our way
back on set for a make-up check?
359
00:16:39,883 --> 00:16:41,483
Next show starts very soon.
360
00:16:41,483 --> 00:16:44,083
Oh, Richard, I've got the answers
for the next show.
361
00:16:44,083 --> 00:16:46,083
Lovely, will you put them
in my dressing room?
362
00:16:46,083 --> 00:16:49,151
I'll just have this make-up check.
Yeah, sure.
363
00:17:12,285 --> 00:17:14,005
Ow!
364
00:17:34,686 --> 00:17:36,186
Ahem!
365
00:17:37,647 --> 00:17:39,007
What are you doing in here?
366
00:17:39,007 --> 00:17:41,487
I could ask you the same question.
Well, you could,
367
00:17:41,487 --> 00:17:45,954
but YOU'RE more likely to know what
YOU'RE doing in here than I am.
368
00:17:46,207 --> 00:17:47,287
I mean...
369
00:17:47,287 --> 00:17:50,767
What are you doing in here?
Just taking a little tour.
370
00:17:50,767 --> 00:17:55,288
It's not often you get to see inside
Richard Osman's dressing room.
371
00:17:57,728 --> 00:18:01,688
It's not often you get to see inside
the mind of a crazed stalker.
372
00:18:01,688 --> 00:18:03,755
So, what are you doing in here?
373
00:18:04,848 --> 00:18:05,968
You're cheating!
374
00:18:05,968 --> 00:18:08,368
Lee, that is a terrible thing to do.
375
00:18:08,368 --> 00:18:11,369
Much easier to memorise
the answers this way.
376
00:18:13,769 --> 00:18:15,849
So you don't mind?
No, of course I don't.
377
00:18:15,849 --> 00:18:18,609
I'm sick of brainy girls
getting all the decent men.
378
00:18:18,609 --> 00:18:21,209
It's what's on the outside
that counts.
379
00:18:23,929 --> 00:18:25,429
Oh, God.
380
00:19:09,932 --> 00:19:13,599
Don't worry, I can't go
when someone's watching either.
381
00:19:14,172 --> 00:19:16,505
Did you two just follow me in here?
382
00:19:18,253 --> 00:19:22,213
Yes. Yeah, we thought
it was the gents.
383
00:19:23,253 --> 00:19:25,173
And ladies.
384
00:19:25,173 --> 00:19:26,933
I mean...
385
00:19:26,933 --> 00:19:30,973
She couldn't find the ladies,
so she thought she'd use the gents.
386
00:19:30,973 --> 00:19:33,773
And what part of the name Richard
on the door made you think it was
387
00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:35,274
the gents?
388
00:19:36,294 --> 00:19:38,454
I thought it was one of those
jokey names, you know,
389
00:19:38,454 --> 00:19:41,574
like you get in pubs.
Like stags and does.
390
00:19:41,574 --> 00:19:44,014
I thought Richard meant... You know.
391
00:19:47,094 --> 00:19:49,627
So what would it have said
for ladies?
392
00:19:51,175 --> 00:19:52,675
Fanny.
393
00:19:54,815 --> 00:19:57,575
Anyway, we'll leave you to it.
394
00:20:00,215 --> 00:20:02,948
Unless, of course,
you'd like me to stay.
395
00:20:03,735 --> 00:20:05,235
Please leave.
396
00:20:13,256 --> 00:20:16,416
Afternoon to you. And to you.
Are you well? I'm very well.
397
00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:17,696
Excellent. You look well.
398
00:20:17,696 --> 00:20:21,096
Remember. The answer to
the first question is hornpipe.
399
00:20:21,096 --> 00:20:22,496
He asks the question.
400
00:20:22,496 --> 00:20:24,857
You say, "Hornpipe". That's it.
401
00:20:24,857 --> 00:20:27,217
Absolutely nothing else. Promise?
402
00:20:27,217 --> 00:20:30,577
OK. Richard, let's say hello
to our returning contestants,
403
00:20:30,577 --> 00:20:33,377
Lee and Daisy. How are you?
404
00:20:33,377 --> 00:20:35,657
Hornp... We're fine, thanks.
405
00:20:35,657 --> 00:20:38,097
And how do you think
you're going to do today?
406
00:20:38,097 --> 00:20:41,057
Let's just say we're confident
of anything you might throw at us.
407
00:20:41,057 --> 00:20:44,925
Careful, Lee, I am sitting
on quite a big chair, you know.
408
00:20:45,058 --> 00:20:47,858
OK, well, let's find out what
our first category is today.
409
00:20:47,858 --> 00:20:49,978
And it is Music.
410
00:20:49,978 --> 00:20:51,218
Can you decide in your pairs
411
00:20:51,218 --> 00:20:53,338
who's going to go first,
who is going to go second?
412
00:20:53,338 --> 00:20:57,138
And whoever is going first,
please step up to the podium.
413
00:20:59,019 --> 00:21:03,539
OK, let's find out what
the question is. And it concerns...
414
00:21:03,539 --> 00:21:06,539
Woodwind Instruments. Richard.
415
00:21:06,539 --> 00:21:08,659
Yeah, we're looking
for any instrument classed
416
00:21:08,659 --> 00:21:11,139
in the woodwind section
of a band or orchestra, please.
417
00:21:11,139 --> 00:21:14,860
Best of luck.
OK, are you a musical person, Daisy?
418
00:21:14,860 --> 00:21:16,360
Hornpipe.
419
00:21:17,460 --> 00:21:19,180
OK. Straight to the point,
very good.
420
00:21:19,180 --> 00:21:21,700
Well, let's see if that's right
and how many people said it.
421
00:21:21,700 --> 00:21:22,900
Hornpipe.
422
00:21:22,900 --> 00:21:24,460
It's right.
423
00:21:26,900 --> 00:21:29,540
Oh, that's a good answer,
down it goes. Look at that!
424
00:21:29,540 --> 00:21:32,821
That's a pointless answer.
Very well done indeed, Daisy.
425
00:21:32,821 --> 00:21:34,821
That's �250 for today's jackpot.
426
00:21:34,821 --> 00:21:37,421
OK, so, Lee. Woodwind Instruments.
427
00:21:37,421 --> 00:21:38,821
What have you got for us?
428
00:21:38,821 --> 00:21:41,701
Well, I'm actually going
to play it safe on this one
429
00:21:41,701 --> 00:21:46,661
and go for a pretty obvious one
and say - the Japanese shinobue.
430
00:21:46,661 --> 00:21:49,342
Japanese shinobue?
I've never heard of that.
431
00:21:49,342 --> 00:21:52,409
You sure it's not
a household cleaning device?
432
00:21:53,182 --> 00:21:54,622
Well, let's see, shall we?
433
00:21:54,622 --> 00:21:58,102
OK, er, well, let's do that.
Japanese shinobue.
434
00:21:58,102 --> 00:21:59,602
It is right.
435
00:22:00,902 --> 00:22:02,222
That's a good answer, Lee.
436
00:22:02,222 --> 00:22:04,422
Down it goes. Japanese shinobue...
437
00:22:04,422 --> 00:22:05,923
is a pointless answer!
438
00:22:08,583 --> 00:22:10,063
It's a kind of flute.
439
00:22:10,063 --> 00:22:13,023
It is a kind of fluke, I agree.
440
00:22:13,023 --> 00:22:16,023
A high-pitched bamboo flute
used in kabuki theatre,
441
00:22:16,023 --> 00:22:17,823
known for its mellifluous tone.
442
00:22:17,823 --> 00:22:20,783
Funny enough, that's exactly
what I was going to say.
443
00:22:20,783 --> 00:22:22,284
Word for word.
444
00:22:23,264 --> 00:22:27,331
Congratulations, Daisy and Lee,
you are through to Round Two.
445
00:22:29,264 --> 00:22:32,024
The African language known as Kwadi.
446
00:22:32,024 --> 00:22:33,524
It's right.
447
00:22:37,344 --> 00:22:39,945
The Nobel Prize for Economics.
448
00:22:39,945 --> 00:22:41,445
It's right.
449
00:22:42,985 --> 00:22:44,665
It's another pointless answer.
450
00:22:44,665 --> 00:22:47,065
I think I will go for Djibouti.
451
00:22:51,265 --> 00:22:53,385
Ludwig Wittgenstein.
452
00:22:58,826 --> 00:23:00,546
I really don't know this one.
453
00:23:00,546 --> 00:23:03,426
So I'm going to have to take
a wild guess and say
454
00:23:03,426 --> 00:23:06,159
Pa, the chemical symbol
for Protactinium.
455
00:23:09,426 --> 00:23:11,466
So, they are going through
to tonight's final,
456
00:23:11,466 --> 00:23:13,800
and a chance to play for the money.
457
00:23:14,467 --> 00:23:17,334
Can we get a quick
recording break, please?
458
00:23:17,827 --> 00:23:19,987
Wow, that was phenomenal!
459
00:23:19,987 --> 00:23:23,307
Daisy, how come you know
so much about stamps?
460
00:23:23,307 --> 00:23:24,827
I love the taste.
461
00:23:27,187 --> 00:23:30,348
Are you sure? I mean, have you got
actual proof they were cheating?
462
00:23:30,348 --> 00:23:33,148
Yeah, they got the answers right.
463
00:23:33,148 --> 00:23:36,628
Fair point. And they were hanging
round my dressing room earlier.
464
00:23:36,628 --> 00:23:40,561
No, we can't really do anything
without any concrete proof.
465
00:23:42,708 --> 00:23:46,909
You know what? On second thoughts,
let's take that sucker down.
466
00:23:49,909 --> 00:23:53,549
Well, Daisy and Lee, you're having
an incredible game so far.
467
00:23:53,549 --> 00:23:58,069
Since the last episode, you've
somehow gone from denser to Mensa.
468
00:23:58,069 --> 00:23:59,469
But the question is,
469
00:23:59,469 --> 00:24:02,790
are you going to do as well
in this, the final round?
470
00:24:02,790 --> 00:24:04,910
Well, let's have a look
at what we've got for you.
471
00:24:04,910 --> 00:24:08,510
Four categories for you
to choose from and they are...
472
00:24:18,830 --> 00:24:19,871
Is that it?
473
00:24:19,871 --> 00:24:22,151
Were you expecting something
different, Lee?
474
00:24:22,151 --> 00:24:24,151
No.
475
00:24:24,151 --> 00:24:25,551
So what are you going to go for?
476
00:24:25,551 --> 00:24:27,111
Rivers, please.
477
00:24:29,191 --> 00:24:34,591
Not on the board.
So, Lee, what takes your fancy?
478
00:24:34,591 --> 00:24:37,592
Well, as I said to you
earlier backstage,
479
00:24:37,592 --> 00:24:40,072
I don't know anything
about Shakespeare.
480
00:24:40,072 --> 00:24:42,352
So I'll have to go for The Bard.
481
00:24:43,832 --> 00:24:45,712
OK, so The Bard it is.
482
00:24:45,712 --> 00:24:48,712
Just one option today, we are
looking for any of Shakespeare's
483
00:24:48,712 --> 00:24:50,632
history plays, please.
484
00:24:50,632 --> 00:24:53,433
To make it a little bit easier,
we're also including history plays
485
00:24:53,433 --> 00:24:56,673
that were not
in the First Folio of 1623.
486
00:24:58,553 --> 00:25:01,073
OK, you have up to one minute
to come up with three answers.
487
00:25:01,073 --> 00:25:03,393
Your time starts now...
488
00:25:03,393 --> 00:25:06,353
Anything from history.
Somebody from history.
489
00:25:06,353 --> 00:25:07,853
Hitler.
490
00:25:08,673 --> 00:25:10,234
It's got to be older than that.
491
00:25:10,234 --> 00:25:11,874
Hitler's grandad.
492
00:25:11,874 --> 00:25:14,354
It's got to be somebody
that's older than Shakespeare.
493
00:25:14,354 --> 00:25:16,154
Don't say Shakespeare's grandad!
494
00:25:16,154 --> 00:25:17,754
Oh, you mean like a caveman?
495
00:25:17,754 --> 00:25:20,914
No, of course not! How many famous
cavemen can you name.
496
00:25:20,914 --> 00:25:22,414
Captain Caveman.
497
00:25:23,234 --> 00:25:24,734
Your time's up.
498
00:25:25,434 --> 00:25:27,395
OK, Lee, what have you come up with?
499
00:25:27,395 --> 00:25:28,895
Erm...
500
00:25:29,915 --> 00:25:31,435
Braveheart.
501
00:25:31,435 --> 00:25:34,315
Braveheart. Well, I don't think
anyone else will have said that,
502
00:25:34,315 --> 00:25:36,155
but will it be correct?
503
00:25:36,155 --> 00:25:37,655
No.
504
00:25:39,155 --> 00:25:40,195
And the other two?
505
00:25:40,195 --> 00:25:41,235
What?
506
00:25:41,235 --> 00:25:43,676
You get three guesses in this round,
Lee.
507
00:25:43,676 --> 00:25:44,716
Do we have to?
508
00:25:44,716 --> 00:25:48,383
Oh, yes. Another Shakespeare
history play, please, Lee.
509
00:25:56,076 --> 00:25:57,276
Jaws 3?
510
00:25:57,276 --> 00:25:58,956
Jaws 3. Unusual answer.
511
00:25:58,956 --> 00:26:02,157
But let's put it up on the board.
And one more, please.
512
00:26:02,157 --> 00:26:03,657
OK.
513
00:26:04,677 --> 00:26:07,117
We're going to go for...
514
00:26:14,197 --> 00:26:15,757
Pericles.
515
00:26:17,038 --> 00:26:18,198
What?
516
00:26:18,198 --> 00:26:19,698
Pericles.
517
00:26:21,558 --> 00:26:22,758
Are you sure?
518
00:26:22,758 --> 00:26:25,158
Yes, Chris, that's our final answer.
519
00:26:27,198 --> 00:26:30,838
OK, well, let's put those answers
up on the board and see
520
00:26:30,838 --> 00:26:32,678
if any of them are pointless.
521
00:26:32,678 --> 00:26:35,079
There they are, we have got...
522
00:26:35,079 --> 00:26:36,519
Where did that come from?
523
00:26:36,519 --> 00:26:38,919
I heard you before saying you
didn't know any Shakespeare plays.
524
00:26:38,919 --> 00:26:41,639
So I Googled a list just in case.
525
00:26:41,639 --> 00:26:44,599
So why didn't you just say
the answer in the first place?
526
00:26:44,599 --> 00:26:47,039
You told me to make it
look like I was struggling.
527
00:26:47,039 --> 00:26:49,759
I didn't say make it look like
I was struggling!
528
00:26:49,759 --> 00:26:51,960
But you were really convincing,
though. Well done.
529
00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:53,840
You looked really stupid.
530
00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:59,320
So for �3,250, let's see
if Pericles is a pointless answer.
531
00:27:12,641 --> 00:27:15,161
Yes!
532
00:27:15,161 --> 00:27:16,841
Come on!
533
00:27:16,841 --> 00:27:20,121
Yes! In your face!
534
00:27:20,121 --> 00:27:22,081
No, you're not having it. I won it.
535
00:27:22,081 --> 00:27:24,282
Give it back. Leave him, Richard.
He's not worth it.
536
00:27:24,282 --> 00:27:28,082
He's not having it!
And you're going to stop me, are you?
537
00:27:37,882 --> 00:27:41,123
'Well done, Daisy and Lee.
You have been fantastic contestants.
538
00:27:41,123 --> 00:27:44,483
'And you get to take home
a jackpot of �3,250!'
539
00:27:44,483 --> 00:27:48,403
Well, that's good. They managed
to edit out the fighting.
540
00:27:48,403 --> 00:27:52,003
Yeah, you'd never know it
happened from watching this.
541
00:27:54,403 --> 00:27:56,843
You should have seen
the other bloke. I can.
542
00:27:56,843 --> 00:27:58,511
So can the whole country.
543
00:28:00,924 --> 00:28:03,084
I still can't believe Richard
and Daisy ended up
544
00:28:03,084 --> 00:28:04,204
having dinner together.
545
00:28:04,204 --> 00:28:07,164
Well, Richard was obviously
impressed with her Pericles answer.
546
00:28:07,164 --> 00:28:08,604
Didn't last long, though.
547
00:28:08,604 --> 00:28:10,084
During dinner, she asked
548
00:28:10,084 --> 00:28:12,324
if 'Perry Cleese'
was any relation to John Cleese.
549
00:28:12,324 --> 00:28:16,205
Anyway, I'll make us both a nice cup
of tea and we'll watch it all again.
550
00:28:16,205 --> 00:28:18,685
Watch it again? This is normal TV.
551
00:28:18,685 --> 00:28:20,085
No, it's not. It's iPlayer.
552
00:28:20,085 --> 00:28:22,645
You can rewind and watch it
as many times as you like.
553
00:28:22,645 --> 00:28:24,978
It's how I always watch it. Look...
554
00:28:29,005 --> 00:28:31,486
You cheating bastard!
555
00:28:34,406 --> 00:28:37,046
Yeah, not going out
556
00:28:37,046 --> 00:28:38,526
Not staying in
557
00:28:38,526 --> 00:28:41,766
Just hanging around
With my head in a spin
558
00:28:41,766 --> 00:28:44,646
But there is no need
To scream and shout
559
00:28:44,646 --> 00:28:47,927
Yeah, not going out
560
00:28:47,927 --> 00:28:51,287
? We are not going out. ?
561
00:28:51,337 --> 00:28:55,887
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