All language subtitles for Not Going Out s03e03 Amy.eng

Well, I don't know who ate all the
pies but that's cleared up the mystery of the missing beach ball.

I got into a scuffle
at the newsagents.

Hm, that's not how your
stories usually start.

I was glancing at the Financial
Times... That's more like it.

And someone who worked there said,
"Put it down or buy it." It got a bit out of hand.

What?! You had a fight? Not a proper
one, they bottled it and ran off.

All right they had to
finish their paper round...

He was a kid?

She.

All right come on,
cricket's on in five minutes.

Hang on, exotica at one o'clock.

I've told you before the
programme is called Loose Women.

Lesbians?

Hello. Hi.
We've, er, just moved in upstairs, do you guys live here as well?

Well, I do. He's my friend.

Can I have your autograph?

I'm Amy and this is my partner Alex.

Howdy, partner.
I've always wanted to say that.

So who is Sundance and who is Butch?

I don't mean...

Yeah, well, it was
really nice to meet you!

Pop by if you ever
need a cup of sugar.

Or an audience.

♪ Yeah not going out

♪ Not staying in

♪ Just hanging around
With my head in a spin

♪ But there is no need
To scream and shout

♪ Yeah not going out

♪ We are not going out. ♪

Sorry.

Amy and Alex seem very nice.

Seem like they're OK. They
should make good neighbours.

Look at you trying
to act all nonchalant. Tim,

two attractive gay women moving in

down the hall doesn't automatically
mean we have to celebrate.

It's not the law that we have to
turn them into sex objects in some puerile male fantasy. Champagne?

What is it that makes
a lesbian so interesting?

Usually another lesbian.

Hey, maybe we should invite
them around for dinner?

Yeah we could do vegetarian...

lentils or carrots,
maybe a nice bit of lettuce.

They're lesbians, not guinea pigs.
Have you actually ever met a gay woman before?

Excuse me I am just as cosmopolitan
as you... I've had frappacinos.

In fact if you must know I used
to have a girlfriend who was

a brief visitor
to the Greek island of Kos.

You mean Lesbos.

They're lesbians, not Kosovans.

Her name was Lola, she was a... .

Showgirl?

What? It's a Barry Manilow gag.

I thought you of all
people would have got that or

is he a bit too rock'n'roll for you?

I was going to say she was
a bit "experimental".

Carry on.

She was my first proper
girlfriend... Well, I say "proper"...

we actually only kissed once. The
next day I heard a rumour she'd been kissing a girl in the biology labs.

No it's not a euphemism.

So you kissed her
once and turned her gay?

She wasn't gay,
she was just experimenting.

You once washed your hair
but you're still Northern.

Look, are we having Amy
and Alex round or what?

Yeah, why not?

They're new in town,
all I'm doing is offering a welcome hand of friendship.

Yeah.

Oh, hang on, I suppose we
should invite Lucy and Daisy.

Are you mad?

Why on earth would you invite
women to a lesbian party?

It's all right for you,
Lucy is just your landlady, Daisy is my girlfriend.

She's got nothing to worry about.
Amy and Alex are two women who only fancy other women.

Daisy can't be jealous. Oh, yeah.

Lesbians are just great,
aren't they?

Yeah.

So what did your new friends say?
Are they coming for dinner?

How do you know about that?
Little bird told me.

Oh, yeah, forgot you're
a part-time scarecrow.

As it happens they said, "Yes."
They're coming on Friday.

You'll ruin any vague chance
you have with Lucy if she finds out

you and Tim are inviting
strangers round to get your jollies.

I find that quite offensive actually.

Do you really think
I could get my jollies?

It's a joke.

The only foursome Tim gets
involved in is on the golf course.

Yeah, it's always the posh ones
that are swingers.

Do you get it? Golf...swingers!

I'm in the wrong job.

Why, what's your job?

Haven't started yet.
Yeah, its going to get much worse.

Come on Barbara,
pull your finger out.

Why? Are you expecting visitors?

Actually why don't you go
home early? I'll finish off.

Oh, if you insist.

What did you do that for?
Well, she deserves a break she doesn't stop, that woman.

I mean she deserves a break.
She doesn't. Stop that woman!

Actually talking of which,
you could do with a break yourself.

Why don't you go out with
Daisy on Friday night? Why?

Well, she might be your
sister-in-law one day. About time you did a bit of bonding.

What are you up to, Lee? I promise,
all I am trying to do is see two women get really, really close.

All right, I'll think about it.

Great, just send that to Daisy.

Oi, that's my phone. I know.

I prepared a text saying that you'd
meet 8:30 in Covent Garden next to the Body Shop.

I waited for you to agree first.
I'm not a control freak.

Well, hang on, I...
PHONE BEEPS

Oh, talk of the Daisy -
"An evening oot wt u snds like lts of foon I cont wt".

She hasn't really mastered
predictive text, has she?

Either that
or she's become South African.

I didn't say I was definitely going.
Well, you can't let her down now.

Look, she's "cankled her
dictir's appoontmint".

Mmm, pepperoni,
just like my momma used to defrost.

Right, that's the food sorted,
how are we getting on with the music?

Do we really need music?

Yes, to drown out the sounds
of your bubbly personality.

What's the matter with you?

I've been thinking about
what you said, you know about me turning Lola gay.

I was joking,
you don't know she's gay.

Yes, I do, I made a few phone calls
to some old friends of hers.

She never got married, never even
had a boyfriend.

Doesn't prove she's gay.

And she works in a lesbian bookshop.

Still doesn't mean she's gay.

I've heard rumours
she doesn't fancy you.

Gay.

I'm not in the
mood for tonight, maybe I should go.

Come on, Tim, of course you didn't
turn anyone, look at you, you great big daft hunky beefcake.

Which women wouldn't want
a bite of the Tim sandwich?

Vegetarians.

Well, they can still
have the Brussels sprouts.

Wait until Alex and Amy get here,
they'll tell yer, it's not possible to turn someone with one bad kiss.

Yeah I suppose if anyone is
going to know about... Hang on, I never said it was a bad kiss!

Well, it might be worth
talking to them about it.

Who knows, maybe
they even know Lola.

How many lesbians do
you think live in London?

I don't know. 40?

80? They're always pairing up so
it's bound to be an even number.

KNOCKING
Right,

they're here. Now,
start cheering up for God's sake.

Behind that door stand two
sexy ladies that are going to

welcome us aboard the National
Express to fun town Kentucky.

Calling at cry face New
Jersey and boo hoo Virginia.

And Milton Keynes.

We...can't...make...dinner.

Don't worry, you don't
need to, we've got pizza.

Alex and I broke up,
she's gone back to New York.

Oh...

I mean...

oh...

Thank you.

What you doing?

You can't leave
a crying woman in the hall.

I didn't leave her there,
she was already there.

She needs a shoulder to cry on.

Can't we at least find
another lesbian and watch her cry on her shoulder?

That's it, let it all out, Amy.
Relationships can be fragile things.

I mean I don't know about
you but sometimes I find one kiss is all it takes...

Not now!

Why don't you tell us all about it?
We're here to listen.

Well, its been a little rocky
for a while to be honest. It all started a couple of weeks ago.

Everything was going great,
we were getting on fine.

Our sex life was especially good.

That's it, let it all out.

So, sorry! Aw...

Evening.
Nothing happened, she's a lesbian.

Oh, are you? I didn't know that.

This is Amy, your new neighbour,
we've just been cheering her up.

AMY SOBS

Result.

You're back early. Yeah, well,

meeting at the Body Shop wasn't such
a great idea,

Daisy had an allergic reaction
to the Wild Mushroom Facial Scrub.

I thought it was pate.

Sorry, I'm Lucy. Hi.

Come on,
I'll make you a nice, hot drink.

Things always seem
better after a Bovril.

Is this why you wanted me out of
the house, so you could have a lesbian round? Of course not.

No he wanted you out of the house
so he could have two lesbians round.

You'll soon find someone else.
In fact I've got a friend who is one of those, um...

you know, dipstick lesbians.

I think you mean lipstick.

Oh, yeah.

Although she is a mechanic.

I think I'd better go.

Oh, no don't be silly, you're
in no shape to be on your own,

besides it will be nice to have
some female company for a change.

It gets a bit testosterone
filled round here.

I don't know what's worse,
the burping, the farting or the juvenile fantasies.

To be honest, I wish
you'd stop all three.

No wonder you dumped him.

I mean, what sort
of person would rather watch darts than go to the theatre?

Is this question open to everyone?

Ooh, not for me, I should go.

Oh, don't go, it's still early.

Yeah, GMTV still hasn't finished yet.

You're amazing, Lucy, I can't
believe I'm laughing again already.

In fact why don't you let me take
you out to dinner tomorrow night, show you how much I appreciate it?

OK, why not.

I know this really posh place in
town, all you can eat for a tenner!

I'll buy you a bit of broccoli.

Why? I thought it was all
you can eat for a tenner?

Well, it's so expensive that
is all you can eat for a tenner!

Ah ha ha, get outta here!!

See you tomorrow then, Lucy.

See you then.

Mm, dinner date, interesting.

She's new in town,
all I'm doing is offering a welcome hand of friendship.

All right, you've made your point.

What point? I wasn't talking
to you, I was talking to God.

So there's nothing more to it then?

No...
You hesitated. I didn't hesitate.

When you said, "I didn't hesitate,"
you didn't. Sorry, is this Just A Minute?

Well, if it was
I'd buzz you for "deviation".

I can't believe I'm hearing this.

What, that you fancy Amy? No, that
you've ever listened to Radio 4.

Lucy's not gay.

Oh, yeah. How well do you
actually know your sister?

Very well. In fact I'm close friends
with the family.

I know her mum, her dad,
I even know her brother quite well.

Good looking chap, some
would say dangerously brutish.

Didn't know you had a brother.

Can we change the subject? All we
seem to do is talk about lesbians.

Yeah, all right. What's the
matter with you, stroppy chops?

I looked up Lola
on Friends Reunited,

her biog says, when she was 15,
one kiss was all it took to know she was gay.

So? Well, it means me, doesn't it?

I did turn her. No, it doesn't,
it means the girl she kissed.

Well, you don't know that.

Tim, the first girl I went out with
became a nun and swore a vow of silence, it doesn't mean anything.

All right, I'm not
helping the argument.

Just forget it and stop making
stupid assumptions about Lucy.

Yeah, OK, it's not like your
sister is gay because YOU kissed her.

I've had enough of this.
Yeah, me too. I wish we'd never met Amy and Alex.

Lesbians are just so rubbish,
aren't they? Yeah.

WOMEN CHUCKLE

I've never been to a gay
bar before, it's brilliant.

Yeah, well, you know what they say,
"Inside every straight girl there's a gay girl trying to get out."

Oh! Hey, come out of there!

There's nothing in there for you!

Lucy...? More wine?

I think we both know
it's time for bed.

What?

Oh, you mean because it's late not
because you want to...you know...?

I'll put a cork in it...
The wine I mean!

And my mouth. Nowhere else.

All right? Fine. Good night, Lucy.

And thanks again for the last
couple of days, I've really been enjoying our time together.

Hey, anytime, day or night.

Days are better.

So, how was your "date"?

It wasn't a "date".
Oh, is that right?

Did you go to the pub? Yes.
Did you have a drink? Yes. Did you have fun? Yes.

It was a date.

Oh, I see. So how was your date
with Tim? Don't be disgusting!

Anyway that's different because
Tim doesn't bat for the other side.

All right his favourite
Yul Brynner film is The King and I

but that doesn't mean he's gay. That
just means he's scared of cowboys.

And another thing,
me and Tim don't have FUN.

If I had a pound for every
time I caught you skiving, I could afford to employ a cleaner.

Well, you shouldn't
pay minimum wage.

Well, you shouldn't do minimum work.

Well, it's nice to see Lucy
making new friends. It's funny how things turn out, isn't it?

The worker bee bringing a
little honey back to the hive

only to discover the queen bee
getting a bit too interested.

Well, maybe the customer buying the
honey didn't realise

that the shelf stacker was a lesbian.
All right, yours was better.

Lucy's not a lesbian. My gaydar
reads bi-curious metro-sexual.

Do you know what I miss? What?
English.

Lucy is the kind of woman who
wants to experience everything in life even if it's just once.

And what if being
a lesbian is like drugs?

She might try it once and then decide
she wants something much harder.

All right,
I've resolved that one myself.

It's up to you to make sure the side
that's bi-curious about men wins.

This is just a simple romantic
rivalry, as old as time itself.

It doesn't matter whether the other
person is a man or a woman, black or white, rich or poor, tall or short.

Come on, you've got to win her back
to the straight side. When you do,

you know what will happen,
don't you? What?

She'll end up shagging that rich,
tall black man down the hall!

I would say, "Don't give up your
day job," but there's no evidence you've actually got one.

Yeah, I'll arrange a meeting
on Monday morning.

Anyway I'd better go, a big
cumbersome package has arrived.

OK, bye.

What!

I was just wondering
if you're busy tonight?

I've got a couple of
cinema ticket things

and just thought
you might like to come along

and help me stop getting bullied.

Every time I go, this
bloke rips my ticket in half.

What time?

Nine. Well, 8:30 if you want
to watch the trailers,

eight to pick up the tickets, or
seven if we're eating first,

then
there's getting there and parking. Get your coat we're going to be late.

Oh, I can't. I'm sorry,
me and Amy have already made plans.

What plans?

Well, if you must know, we're going
out onto the roof terrace to have some champagne and oysters.

You'd rather do that than
watch Sponge Bob Square Pants II?

We're just friends, you know.

Oh, yeah,
it's not what your face said the other night when she was hugging you.

Have you been spying on me? No.

Oh, I suppose watching someone
do something without them knowing

that you're watching is
called 'spying' now, is it?

Right, that's it,
you're staying at Tim's tonight.

I'm not having my evening ruined by
a silly schoolboy with an immature attitude towards lesbians.

Oh, LESBIAN-S, now is it?!

Sorry?

Lesbiansss... Lesbiansssss.

It's like watching Bruce Forsyth
looking at porn.

You just won't let
this go, will you?

Listen, I once worked with a
bloke who we all knew was in denial

and we were right. It turned
out we'd been pronouncing it wrong.

He was in Daniel.

Can't you have a word with her?
I've got enough of my own problems.

Oh, you're not still going
on about Lola, are you?

Don't let a kiss with
a 15-year-old girl ruin your life.

Look, I'll prove it wasn't
you that changed her.

Who did you go out with after Lola?
Mandy.

Mandy?! Are you sure these
aren't just Barry Manilow's ex-es?

And is she gay now?
I don't think so. See.

In fact she's surrounded by men.

She's a rugby coach.

Right, forget Mandy.
Who was after that?

Don't tell me. Miss Cobana,
otherwise known as Copa?

It was Anna, actually.

Anna Cobana?

Don't be ridiculous.

Her surname was Svetik.

Anna Svetick? Yeah, all right.

I've heard 'em all. Was she a local
girl? Was her dad a general?

If I had a name like that
I'd change it. She did,

to Steve!

Look, Tim, maybe you should pay
Lola's bookshop a visit, she might be able to put your mind at rest.

I might come along too. She
might be able to give me some advice.

No, don't be silly, you're right.

Of course I can't change anyone
just by kissing them. Hello.

Oh, hi, sweetheart.

Right, that's it, come on.

Where are you two going?

We're going to find out if Tim
can turn straight women into lesbians simply by kissing them.

OK, have fun.

Well, there she is. That's Lola.

It's been 25 years. Are you sure
that's her? Yeah, she hasn't changed a bit.

She looked like that back then?

Yeah, we both did.

I even dyed my hair black, as well.

Didn't suit me.
I've got blond eyebrows.

Made me look like a Lego man.

Lola? Yeah.

Hi, it's me, Tim, remember we
dated back at school? Oh, yeah.

Good God, what happened to you?

Oh, you know,
went off the rails a bit. Oh.

All right leave it out. Have you
looked in the mirror recently?

Bet there wasn't a reflection.

Look, I wanted to ask you
a question. Have you got a moment? Go on, have a break.

Take the weight off your face.

You know that quote
on Friends Reunited?

What, the one about how all kittens
are like fur covered sunshine?

No, the one on your page not mine.

You know, about how kissing me
made you realise you were a lesbian?

I never wrote that. Yes, you did. No
I didn't. Yes, you did. No I didn't.

It's amazing, even after all these
years the magic is still there.

You said when you were 15 years old,
one kiss was all it took to know you were gay.

It was, but I didn't mean you.
I meant the girl I kissed.

Phew.

I was talking about Sharon Taylor.

Sharon Taylor?
You mean SHE was gay? Yeah, why?

Because I kissed her, as well!

And I thought Georgie Porgie
was a fictional character.

Sorry, I didn't plan it that way.

I just knew that
after my first kiss with her,

I never wanted to be with
another man again.

Is that all it takes then, one kiss?

It did for me.

Right come on, let's get back
to the flat and stop Amy

before she convinces Obi Wan
never to touch a light sabre again.

Amy? You wouldn't be talking
about the same Amy that's just broken up with Alex?

Yeah. You'd better run.

From what I hear, that girl is good.

I knew they all knew each other.

That roof terrace is fantastic.

Yeah, it's really romantic, isn't
it? I should come out more often.

Go out, I mean!

On the roof and look at...men.

Oh!

When are the other seven
getting here?

Happy?
Yeah, and Grumpy and Doc and Sleepy!

And which one are you? Bashful?

No.

Then prove it.

Evening. Aaaaagh!

What the hell are you doing here?!

I came back for some clean undies.

Gosh, is it really that
time of year already?

Have you been spying on us again?

Spying can be chivalrous when it's
done for the right reasons.

You are an interfering little shit.

I bet no-one speaks to
Secret Squirrel like this.

This is so typical of you.
When you found out that two lesbians had moved down the hall,

you were thrilled
but you've got it into your head

that one of them
might be me you've completely lost your appetite for it.

Well, I wouldn't say
completely but yes.

Well, I am sorry but if I'm...

having feelings for Amy then..

it's none of your bloody
business! Now, get out!

Can we just talk about this in
a mature and sensible fashion?

I'm all ears. I wouldn't tell
her that. She'll use them as handles when she's trying to...

Right, I think you and me have
got some unfinished business.

Urgh.

KNOCKING

Can I come in?

What's the password?!

Sod off, Lee.

You might want to put some
numbers on the end of that and make it more secure.

OK, sod off, Lee.

Look, I'm sorry I was
spying on you and Amy.

It was a one-off,
it won't happen again.

I missed you kissing a lesbian
isn't that punishment enough?

How do you know I kissed her?

I was peeping under the door.

So, it wasn't for you then?

No.

Good job you didn't kiss your brother
then you would have turned gay.

I still can't believe
you asked me out.

Oh, that,
it's part of my intervention.

I once did the same for an alcoholic
homeless woman living in a skip.

Did what? Asked her out.

It worked as well, she said, "Yeah,"
realised she'd hit rock bottom, never touched another drop again.

Tough crowd.

Be honest though, have
you ever thought about it?

What? Well, you know, you and Tim?

Get lost!

Oh, dear,
that was a massive hesitation.

Well, I was swallowing a bit of bile.

Been a funny few days, hasn't it?
Yeah...

still at least that's
one curiosity put to rest.

Now, if I can just dunk Anne
Robinson and see if she floats.

♪ Yeah not going out

♪ Not staying in

♪ Just hanging around
With my head in a spin

♪ But there is no need
To scream and shout

♪ Yeah, not going out

We are not going out.

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0