Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,360 --> 00:00:06,000
What's up with you? You look
like a Borrower eating a Bourbon.
2
00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:12,200
Come on, tell me.
3
00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:15,240
It's nothing, you'll call me stupid.
4
00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:18,160
Did I call you stupid when you lost
all that money to me at poker?
5
00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:22,240
No, you said, "Don't give up,
have another Tequila.
6
00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:25,520
"And let's pretend
that clothes are money."
7
00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:29,280
Come on, Lucy, what is it?
8
00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:30,920
I think I'm pregnant.
9
00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:33,840
How?
10
00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:36,560
Forget what your mum
told you - she was lying.
11
00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:39,440
It's nothing to do with
cabbage leaves or storks.
12
00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:42,240
It was a penis.
13
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:48,880
♪ Yeah, not going out
14
00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:50,440
♪ Not staying in
15
00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:53,240
♪ Just hanging around
With my head in a spin
16
00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:55,680
♪ But there is no need
To scream and shout
17
00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:56,840
♪ Yeah
18
00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:59,400
♪ Not going out
19
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:02,520
♪ We are not going out. ♪
20
00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:07,080
Sorry!
21
00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:10,720
Look, this is really weird,
I don't know how it happened.
22
00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:14,040
I haven't - you know - for ages.
23
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:18,560
Are you sure? Sorry? I mean, maybe
you've been in a situation where you
24
00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:21,320
think you've done nothing but you've
been a bit drunk and you know...
25
00:01:21,320 --> 00:01:24,320
I don't drink to the extent
where I can't remember having sex.
26
00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:26,080
I'm not...you.
27
00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:30,920
Well, maybe someone, you know...
28
00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:36,120
It happens. You're in a pub,
without your knowledge something is slipped in your...
29
00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:40,880
I mean drugs. Oh.
30
00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:42,440
No, of course not.
31
00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:44,440
So how do you know you're pregnant?
32
00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:45,800
A woman knows.
33
00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:47,400
Which woman?
34
00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:50,040
Me.
35
00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:53,600
My breasts are much larger than
usual and they're very tender.
36
00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:58,520
What else?
37
00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:01,560
I'm late.
Oh, go on, another five minutes.
38
00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:05,760
My period is two weeks late.
Ooh, that's the end of that game.
39
00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:09,720
I'm going to see
the doctor next week.
40
00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:11,280
You haven't even seen one yet?
41
00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:14,800
So why are we fretting that
there's an immaculate muffin in the bread bin, Mary?
42
00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:16,880
I'm pregnant, I know it.
43
00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:18,400
Yeah. Course you are.
44
00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:21,000
I'll see you in the maternity wing
in nine months.
45
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:23,960
Don't worry about directions,
I'll follow the star.
46
00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:32,560
Tim, stop worrying.
47
00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:35,400
It's probably just one of
those phantom pregnancies.
48
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,760
Listen, trust me.
My sister's always right.
49
00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:40,960
About everything. If you don't
believe me, ask Mum and Dad.
50
00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:43,800
They'd believe her
if she said I was pregnant.
51
00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:47,360
So would I.
52
00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:52,280
There's not more
to this story, is there, something you're not telling me?
53
00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:54,280
What's that supposed to mean?
54
00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:57,760
I'm gonna ask you something
and I'll know if you're not telling the truth.
55
00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:00,560
How? Cos I'm very good
at reading body language.
56
00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:04,880
If you're that good why haven't
you stopped talking, got your coat and buggered off home?
57
00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:07,880
I'm not joking.All right.
58
00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:09,920
Ask me what me mum's maiden name is.
59
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:14,520
What's your mum's maiden
name?Peterson.
60
00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:20,000
You're telling the truth.No, I'm not, I'm lying.
61
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,480
Look, have you slept with her or
Yeah, but don't tell my dad.
62
00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:28,080
Lucy! Of course I haven't.
63
00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:32,560
Well, you're the only bloke she's
I'm her lodger.
64
00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:36,000
I know, it's just you hear
about these urban myths, maybe they're true.
65
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:39,680
You know, about girls getting
pregnant in weird ways.
66
00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:41,520
Like from being in a Jacuzzi.
67
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:47,920
God, you can tell you went
to a posh all-boys school.
68
00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:52,200
You must have heard this.
A man goes into a Jacuzzi or a swimming pool and...
69
00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:57,920
..entertains himself without
the company of a woman.
70
00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:00,960
You're a real man's man, aren't you?
71
00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:03,640
The man gets out, a woman gets in...
72
00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:05,240
Yeah, all right I get the idea.
73
00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:09,520
You and Lucy don't share
bath water, do you?
74
00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:15,640
Yeah, and on Sundays we do the
spuds in there, too. Course not.
75
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:21,000
Can't really get pregnant
like that, can you?
76
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:24,600
Well, it doesn't matter because
you don't share bath water, do you?
77
00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:26,840
Do you?
78
00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:32,880
Look, a few weeks ago...I don't believe this.
79
00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:35,680
You don't need to panic.
80
00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:38,840
It's not you picturing
a snotty three-year-old with Lucy's eyes and your face.
81
00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:42,720
Better than a snotty
three-year-old with Lucy's breasts and my testicles.
82
00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:44,560
This isn't funny. Go on.
83
00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:48,960
A few weeks ago, I went into
the bathroom to have a shower.
84
00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:52,880
Agh! Agh!
85
00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:56,760
Have you heard of knocking?
Have you heard of locking?
86
00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:59,440
Have you heard of eviction?
That doesn't rhyme.
87
00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:01,520
Just get out!
88
00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:02,720
I didn't see anything!
89
00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:08,360
All right, I saw the headlightsPardon?
90
00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:11,520
Sorry, I ran over a rabbit last
week, I can't get it out my head.
91
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:14,480
That stupid bathroom lock you bought
doesn't work.
92
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,360
You're just not using it properly.
93
00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:22,720
DOOR LOCK:
Yo, get out of here.
94
00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:26,360
What's all this?
95
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:27,400
It's called a bath.
96
00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:30,520
Here in the south we have a
different place for storing coal.
97
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:36,920
What's with all the candles?
Didn't know it was your birthday.
98
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,080
Oh, no, there's only 37.
99
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:45,720
What do you want, Lee?
I need a shower. Oh, I didn't know it was your birthday.
100
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:51,000
You'll have to wait. I can't. I'm
101
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:55,720
He'll get all teary and startWell, be quick.
102
00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:00,080
I've finished my poo-poo.
103
00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:05,200
Hey, scram - I'm on the can!
104
00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:13,080
"Add a little of this Tuscan
fig oil to your bath water
105
00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:16,680
"and you too can feel
like a sun-drenched Mediterranean princess."
106
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:19,840
What kind of idiot
falls for this rubbish?
107
00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:21,360
Oh, that's nice.
108
00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:38,320
Ah, tell you what,
if I had some Jaffa cakes now, life would be perfect.
109
00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:43,600
Well, carry on.
110
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:46,440
What?You know damn well what. Did you?
111
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:54,600
Course I didn't.
Lee, this is important.You cannot get pregnant like that.
112
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:58,040
Well, it doesn't matter, does it,
because you didn't do anything.
113
00:06:58,040 --> 00:06:59,600
Tell me the truth now.
114
00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:07,160
Actually it is Peterson.
115
00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:12,440
Oh, God! You got
my little sister pregnant.
116
00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:16,080
I was gonna run her a fresh bath,
but I fell asleep,
117
00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:19,880
I always do after...I don't want the details!
118
00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:22,720
The next thing I know I woke
up in a panic, cos she was
119
00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:27,160
banging on the door saying she was
gonna be late, so I just got out.
120
00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:29,360
I'm sorry, Tim,
but I was thinking of her.
121
00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:33,520
I don't mean... I'm gonna have
to tell her what's happened.
122
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:35,760
Don't. I'll deal with it.
123
00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:37,920
All right, but you better had.
124
00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:41,280
You can't tell her. I don't know
what she'd be most angry about,
125
00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:45,960
the fact that I may have
accidentally got her pregnant or the fact that I told you first.
126
00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:47,560
It's the first one, isn't it?
127
00:07:56,760 --> 00:08:00,040
You're late. I do clean
other people's houses, you know.
128
00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:02,640
Must be a nice change for you
coming here then.
129
00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:05,880
Who rattled your cage?
130
00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:07,400
Who opened yours?
131
00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:13,200
Oh, I see, still thinking
about Lucy being pregnant.
132
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:15,120
We don't know that she's pregnant.
133
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,160
Women know. So I keep hearing.
How do they know?
134
00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:20,240
It's a feeling you get,
you feel irritable.
135
00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,360
I feel irritable now
but I'm not pregnant.
136
00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:25,120
Yeah, but your man boobs
aren't all tender, are they?
137
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:30,960
They're not man boobs. That's true,
they're more like women's boobs.
138
00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:38,800
Maybe you're right. How can
she be pregnant if she's claiming she hasn't had sex in ages?
139
00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:42,800
Exactly. Funny, isn't it,
this reproductive thing?
140
00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:46,000
Actually I saw an interesting
programme on the telly last night.
141
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:52,480
Apparently there's a type of insect
called the water-spawning dragonfly which mate in the most amazing way.
142
00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:55,480
The male lands on the water
and deposits his seed,
143
00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:59,680
then the lady spawning dragonfly
sort of swims round where the male was
144
00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:02,440
and lo and behold
she becomes pregnant, wow!
145
00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:07,880
Can you imagine...if a human being
could get pregnant like that?
146
00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:12,720
No way, that would be impossible,
wouldn't it?
147
00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:17,080
Have you been wanking in the bath?
148
00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:25,280
What?Is that what you're asking me?
149
00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:26,800
No.
150
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,280
Yes.
151
00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:32,440
I was gonna run her a fresh bath
but I fell asleep!
152
00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:33,880
What?
153
00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:37,640
I wish people would stop acting like
I've been strangling kittens or...
154
00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:39,320
Choking chickens.
155
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,360
We all do it, even you.
156
00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:45,120
I beg your pardon.
157
00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:49,800
Oh, come off it, Barbara,
look me in the eyes and tell me... In fact don't, I'll be sick.
158
00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:52,440
Well? What?
159
00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:55,200
Is it possible for a woman
to get pregnant like that?
160
00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:56,840
Course not. You sure?
161
00:09:56,840 --> 00:09:59,160
Yes, it's impossible.
162
00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:01,600
I knew it.
163
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,120
Well, virtually impossible.
164
00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:08,200
What do you mean "virtually"?
That doesn't help.
165
00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:11,400
That's like finding out your
girlfriend's virtually legal.
166
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:18,080
All I'm saying is, it's possible
for sperm to survive outside the body in certain temperatures.
167
00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:20,440
What temperatures?Like when it's frozen.
168
00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:22,720
Well, the bath water
wasn't frozen, was it?
169
00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:27,880
Obviously not, or you wouldn't beYeah, all right!
170
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:30,760
Is it possible or not?
171
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:35,000
Excuse me, I am not a scientist.
I am a cleaner. I don't know if you've noticed.
172
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,760
Not really, no.
173
00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:40,040
Oh, God, what am I gonna do?
174
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:44,600
Look, you don't even know
if she's pregnant yet. Wait till she's seen the doctor.
175
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,960
This is like when I was waiting
for my university results.
176
00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:50,400
All right, polytechnic.
177
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,800
All right, catering college.
178
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:55,760
Yeah? What did you learn there?
How to put buns in ovens?
179
00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:58,480
Look, she can find out quicker,
you know.
180
00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:01,080
How? Get a pregnancy kit.
181
00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:04,080
Ha! I think it's clear
I've already got one of those.
182
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:16,520
What's that? I got you a present.
183
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,720
What lovely wrapping paper.
184
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:26,800
Ah, look, you've even written
a message. "Every little helps."
185
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:32,440
A pregnancy test? Yeah.What are you doing?
186
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:36,480
It's my body, Lee, don't you think
that maybe this is something I should have got for myself?
187
00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:39,200
Would it help
if you gave me the money?
188
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:44,000
Anyway I don't need to do a test.
189
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:48,600
I've come round to your way
of thinking - it's impossible for me to be pregnant.
190
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:52,520
Well, you might be.
Why don't you just do it? Put both our minds at rest.
191
00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:54,320
Why are you suddenly so concerned?
192
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:56,000
Well, it affects me, doesn't it?
193
00:11:56,000 --> 00:12:00,360
Does it? Of course it does.
194
00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:04,080
And I don't really want to be
lumbered with a baby when you move out.
195
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:10,520
Go on, just for a bit of fun,
go in the toilet, wee on the stick.
196
00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:25,280
SHE SCREAMS
197
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:27,040
Agh!
198
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:29,720
Oh, God, now the bunny!
199
00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:35,920
You know this stupid gangster lock?
200
00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:39,120
Well, I'm gonna make you an offer
you can't refuse. What?
201
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:44,520
You have one week to change it
or I'm going to shove it up your... Yeah, all right.
202
00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:47,280
Well?You have to wait a few minutes.
203
00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:54,480
Is this why they call it
a pregnant pause?
204
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:02,720
So, er, what will happen, you know,
205
00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:04,680
if you are pregnant?
206
00:13:04,680 --> 00:13:07,240
I'm not. I know, but what if you are?
207
00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:09,360
I can't be. Just humour me.
208
00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:12,800
All right, you're a lovely bloke
and you go a long way, how's that?
209
00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:16,960
Well, after I got over the
"How the hell did this happen?" bit,
210
00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:19,720
I guess I'd have to sit down
and make some decisions.
211
00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:21,560
What kind of decisions?
212
00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:26,560
Well, to start, the career would
have to be put on hold for a while. That's not too bad, is it?
213
00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:29,280
I mean my career has been
on hold since I was three.
214
00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:31,560
Were you getting a bit big
for the chimneys?
215
00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:38,560
And then there's the birth itself to
think about, that would terrify me.
216
00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:40,680
I'm sure it's not as bad
as women go on about.
217
00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:44,520
I mean women say, people say,
stupid people.
218
00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:48,480
Apparently it's as painful
as a whole baking potato coming out of your penis.
219
00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:50,600
Ooh, must remember to start chewing.
220
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,760
And then of course there's my dad.
221
00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:56,400
Blimey, how did he get in there?
222
00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:00,880
I dread to think what he'd say.
223
00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:03,640
And then there's this place
to consider.
224
00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:08,120
Like you say, it's not really
big enough for me, you and a baby, is it?
225
00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:10,680
Well, it must be ready now. Go on.
226
00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:14,880
Lucy, just before you do look at it.
227
00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:19,920
You do know, don't you,
that whatever happens, I'll stand by you?
228
00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:22,440
As a friend.
229
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:33,720
Oh, my God. I'm pregnant.
230
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:43,240
KNOCK AT DOOR
231
00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:44,840
Oh, hello.
232
00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:51,720
How long have you
been my sister, Lucy?
233
00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:55,160
Oh, let me think. I'm 29 now,
when did I have that sex change?
234
00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:58,880
Was it before or after yours?
And how long have you known Lee?
235
00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:01,800
I'm sorry, have you been
in a car crash or something?
236
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:05,440
All right, I won't mince words.
I think when it comes to being, you know...
237
00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:10,680
that there are certain people not a
million miles from here who should be told before certain other people,
238
00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:15,080
because they're not even
blood relatives, whereas certain people are.
239
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:18,920
Well, it's true you didn't mince your
words, you sort of liquefied them.
240
00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:23,400
I presume you've been speaking
to Lee. This is Mr Snuggles
241
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,000
Oh, not again, Tim. I was nine.
242
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:31,000
Finding my hamster dead and telling
Alison Gately before me - what kind of nine-year-old girl does that?
243
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:36,080
I don't know, what kind of
18-year-old boy buys himself a hamster and calls him Mr Snuggles?!
244
00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:38,560
Of course Mum and Dad
will need to be told.
245
00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:41,320
Oh, you're loving this, aren't you?
What's that supposed to mean?
246
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:43,680
All your life you've winged
about being the underdog.
247
00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:46,280
Finally you've got the chance
to be the blue-eyed boy.
248
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:49,640
I haven't winged about anything.
"Carry me, not Lucy!" So?
249
00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:52,400
I was seven
and I'd been hit by a car.
250
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:55,600
Your car.
251
00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:59,920
Well, if you're not gonna say
anything, maybe I should tell them about your...little package.
252
00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:02,920
Tim, the word is pregnant.
Don't start swearing at me.
253
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:05,240
It's my responsibility
to tell them, not yours!
254
00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:08,440
You need to start growing up,
young lady, and acting your age.
255
00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:13,040
Spending less time with
boys doing...humpty-pumpty!
256
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:17,600
Oh, look who it is, Bath Time
Billy and the Flannelettes.
257
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:21,440
Shut up. Don't worry, I haven't told
her about you doing the unnecessary.
258
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:25,440
It is totally necessary,
in fact it's almost compulsory -
259
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:28,000
you don't know how lucky
you are being a woman.
260
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:30,760
Have you any idea
what I'm going through?
261
00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:35,440
What you're going through? Tim,
I'm gonna be a father, I'm only 39!
262
00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:39,080
You're from up north, you should
be a grandfather by now!
263
00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:42,160
There's still things I want to do.Like what?
264
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:46,560
I don't know, scuba diving.Well, don't worry, you'll be
265
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:48,920
He's clearly a good swimmer.
266
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:52,800
You need to tell her the truth -
and soon. There's things that need to be discussed.
267
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:56,760
I know, like me finding another
place to live, it's been mentioned.
268
00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:58,800
Yes, and there'll have to be
a conversation about money.
269
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:02,840
Don't worry about that, I don't
want any handouts. Not for you!
270
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:07,560
From you, for the baby! And it
won't be cheap, you'll be looking at about £1,000 pounds a month.
271
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:11,240
What, is she having quads? If you're
the father, probably a litter!
272
00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:19,240
It must be a mistake.
273
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:24,680
I'm allergic to some things - maybe
I had something that contains nuts. I think that's a certainty.
274
00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:28,080
Maybe there's something wrong
with the test, maybe it's been contaminated.
275
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,720
What with? Pregnant women wee?
276
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:34,440
Well, there must be some explanation.
I can't be pregnant.
277
00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:37,440
I'm going for a bath.
Oh, God, twins.
278
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:44,480
Is this like the sixth sense?
Am I the only one that can see you?
279
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:49,000
Can I ask you something? Where do
you want to be in a year from now?
280
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:51,400
I don't know. Over there.
281
00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:56,880
Don't you mean, over there,
in Lucy's bedroom?
282
00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:58,920
Think about it.
283
00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:05,160
Before all this you were over
there, and now you're here, which is nearer to there.
284
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:09,120
Can I ask you a question?
Do you like role play?
285
00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:13,080
Beg your pardon? Maybe
to spice up your work life you could pretend to be a cleaner.
286
00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:19,480
Meanwhile I'm gonna go over there,
because it's the furthest point from being here.
287
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:21,680
Fine.
288
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:24,920
If you don't want to be with Lucy,
what do I care?
289
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:31,520
Go on. Last week, if I'd
offered you the opportunity for you and Lucy to be settled down
290
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:35,440
in a cosy relationship with a baby,
you would have bitten my hand off.
291
00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:38,800
May as well bite them both off,
you don't use them.
292
00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:43,000
Well, you've certainly been
using yours, haven't you? Yeah,
293
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:47,440
Anyway, there's gonna be
no cosy relationship. I'm getting chucked out.
294
00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:50,280
A baby doesn't need
its own room for ages.
295
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:54,960
And by then she'll see how great
you are, reading little munchkin bedtime stories,
296
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:58,280
taking it to the park, she'll
think you're the bee's knees.
297
00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:04,720
And when she does, you'll go all
the way from over there...to there.
298
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:06,120
Now do you get it?
299
00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:10,360
Oh...Oh, you'll make a great father.
300
00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:11,920
How do you know?
301
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:15,040
I've got a sixth sense,
I see dad people.
302
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,080
You're quiet.
303
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:27,280
I was just... No, don't spoil it.
304
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:33,760
I was just thinking
about what you said earlier, about my responsibilities.
305
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:37,920
I've decided I'm gonna help raise
this baby, like a proper father.
306
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,520
A proper father?
307
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:42,960
We're not the first people to have
a baby outside wedlock, you know.
308
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,480
Wedlock?
You're not even in sex-lock.
309
00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:47,480
It's one thing
for a child to be born
310
00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:51,520
outside of marriage, it's another
for it to be born outside of nature.
311
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:56,440
Tim, it'll be fine. Yeah,
until the baby starts calling its plastic duck Daddy.
312
00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:00,080
Drink up, we've got shopping to do.
313
00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:03,520
MUSIC:
"Baby Love" by the Supremes
314
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:02,720
I'm sorry, Mum, but Tim shouldn't
have told you, should he?
315
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:06,960
Don't talk to me about
contraception, it's so embarrassing.
316
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,280
They're not called sheaths any more!
317
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:12,320
Mum, there's something
I need to explain to you. KNOCK AT DOOR
318
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:16,400
Oh, I'll have to phone you back.
There's someone at the door. Bye.
319
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,520
I've just been on the phone to Mum.
320
00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:25,680
Oh. Is that it, just, "Oh"?
321
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:28,840
No. Oh...dear.
322
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:33,240
How dare you tell Mum and Dad when
I specifically asked you not to?!
323
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:37,880
They had to be told.
This isn't just about you, Lucy - a bastard child effects all of us.
324
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:42,480
You had no right to tell them.
325
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:46,440
And you had no right to tell
Lee before me that you had a fruit bun in the Aga!
326
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:50,120
Blimey, even for me
that was middle class.
327
00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:52,640
Well, is it any surprise
that I tell Lee first?
328
00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:55,440
Lee doesn't phone up Mum
just to score brownie points.
329
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:58,640
Lee doesn't go round acting
like a competitive teenager.
330
00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:02,800
Lee doesn't act like a small
child who'd do anything to get constant attention!
331
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:11,480
This stuff kills when babies do it.
332
00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:13,760
What are you doing?
333
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:16,000
Been shopping. Like that?
334
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:19,680
You'll do anything to get in those
disabled parking spaces, won't you?
335
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:24,280
I just thought it was about time
we all started accepting the situation.
336
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:27,920
I thought maybe you could...
337
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:30,480
let me stay around and...
338
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:31,840
help raise this baby.
339
00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:35,440
I've told you, there isn't gonna be
enough room for three of us.
340
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:37,880
Well, maybe he can have my room.
341
00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:40,640
And where are you gonna sleep?
342
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:43,320
TOY GROWLS
343
00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:46,880
In the cat basket?
344
00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:50,520
Right, that's it,
this is getting ridiculous.
345
00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:55,720
She needs to hear the truth
about how she got pregnant now. It's either you or me.
346
00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:58,360
Well, I can say it was you.
347
00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:07,520
Lucy... Yeah?
348
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:10,680
Can you sit down? There's
something I need to tell you.
349
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:12,200
What?
350
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:15,520
It's a sort of...confession.
351
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:18,280
Well, go on.
352
00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:22,320
It's difficult. Just say it.Huh!
353
00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:25,240
That old chestnut,
look what happened to Spartacus.
354
00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:27,920
His last words were,
"Why didn't I just say Dave?"
355
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:32,280
What is it? You're gonna laugh
356
00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:35,760
so you might think you're crying.
But you're not, you're laughing.
357
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:37,080
So just remember that.
358
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:41,760
You know a few weeks ago,
when I went into the bathroom...
359
00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:45,480
Yeah. And I said
I was gonna have a shower...
360
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:48,280
Well, I didn't.Oh, well, don't worry.
361
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:51,160
You probably just lost your bottle
at the last minute.
362
00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:53,240
We'll try again next month.
363
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:57,920
The thing is, I jumped in theOh, great!
364
00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:03,400
Believe me, by the end of the story,
that bit will seem like a Hans Christian Andersen fairytale.
365
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:07,160
Well, I hope it's got a happy ending.
You could say that.
366
00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:09,880
The thing is...
367
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:14,160
I did something in the bath.
368
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:15,480
What?
369
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:17,880
You know. No?
370
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:21,560
Well, sometimes you just
need to relax, don't you? Huh!
371
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:24,360
Did you drink my wine?
Please don't make me say this.
372
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:31,000
Look, you know when you're in theYeah.
373
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:34,400
Well, I had a bit
of double-you time.
374
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:36,520
What?
375
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:40,080
I had a Sherman.
376
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:45,160
What's a Sherman?
377
00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:48,440
A Sherman Tank...
378
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:51,480
..in the bath.
379
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:54,080
You were in the bath
with our cleaner?
380
00:24:56,960 --> 00:25:00,960
Sherman Tank -
it's Cockney rhyming slang.
381
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:02,880
Oh, my God!
382
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,000
In my bath water?!
383
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,480
I was gonna run you a fresh one
but I feel asleep!
384
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:10,440
It's that relaxing Tuscan fig oil!
385
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:13,320
It's the Mediterranean
equivalent of Rohypnol!
386
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,920
Anyway, why are you
telling me this now?
387
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:17,840
Because, you know...
388
00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:19,880
Oh, my God!
389
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:23,120
You mean your...inside my...
390
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:26,920
Well, look on the bright side, atGet out!
391
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:30,640
What? Go on, I mean it, I don't
want you living here any more.
392
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:37,120
But what about...? We'll be fine,
we don't need any help. Just...leave.
393
00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:42,440
What are you waiting for?
394
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:44,480
I'm certainly not shaking your hand.
395
00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:47,320
OK.
396
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:50,720
Bye.
397
00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:56,000
Just one thing before you go.
398
00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:59,440
April fool!
399
00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:07,080
You can't get pregnant
like that, you idiot.
400
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:09,840
But... I'm not pregnant.
401
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:12,280
I made the whole thing up
right from the start.
402
00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:14,280
What you talking about, Lucy?
403
00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:17,320
I presume your name really is Lucy?
404
00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:21,160
I wanted to teach you a lesson.
What for?
405
00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:26,000
For poisoning my beautiful,
innocent, sweet-smelling bath water
406
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:29,920
with your horrible, mucky
man-porridge.
407
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:33,760
How did you know?
408
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:36,760
I told you that bathroom
lock wasn't working, didn't I?
409
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:46,480
Well, he's certainly
giving that a good clean.
410
00:26:48,120 --> 00:26:50,160
So was Tim in on all this?
411
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:54,640
No, he wasn't. He came round with
such an attitude I decided to test out his moral fibre.
412
00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:58,080
I wanted to see if he'd
do the correct thing and not tell Mum and Dad.
413
00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:02,720
Oh, great. So I confess
to me best mate about having a Shawshank Redemption for nothing!
414
00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:06,840
Oh, God and I told Barbara! Is there
anyone else we need to inform?
415
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:09,800
Well, you don't need
to tell Mum and Dad. Why?
416
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:11,600
Because I already told them.
417
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:15,200
I had no choice. Tim told them I
was pregnant, what else could I do?
418
00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:17,760
You could have...adopted a baby!
419
00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:21,600
Well, let's not leave anyone out.
420
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:23,640
Why don't we just
tell the whole world?
421
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:26,320
Hey, guess what I did in the bath?!
422
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:29,000
You already told me,
you had a massive...
423
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:35,880
So would you like to
have a baby one day?
424
00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:38,840
Maybe. If I meet the right woman.
425
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:41,120
I'm sure it will be
a beautiful moment.
426
00:27:41,120 --> 00:27:43,200
I want to have a baby with you, Lee.
427
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:44,920
Leave the plug in.
428
00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:53,720
I can't believe you thought it was
possible to get pregnant like that.
429
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:56,080
Yeah, all right, Tim thought
it was possible, too.
430
00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:59,920
I know, I don't know what's worse,
catching you doing that in the bath
431
00:27:59,920 --> 00:28:02,680
or finding out
my brother's sexually retarded.
432
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:04,360
Definitely the second one.
433
00:28:04,360 --> 00:28:07,400
In fact it's probably enough to
make you forget about the first one.
434
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:09,280
It's not, is it?
435
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:12,120
Anyway, I can't stop and chat.
436
00:28:12,120 --> 00:28:13,920
I've got a new bathroom lock to fit.
437
00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:16,160
One that works, I hope.
438
00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:20,040
Oh, don't worry,
I think it's safe to say I've finally learnt me lesson.
439
00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:24,320
Hey, put your hands
where I can see 'em.
440
00:28:24,370 --> 00:28:28,920
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
37254
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.