All language subtitles for Alexander The Last

Projector Whirring

- I, Alex, take you, Hellen,
to be my lawfully wedded wife,

to have and to hold,

in sickness and health,

for richer,
for poorer,

for as long as we both-

for better or worse,

till death do us part.

- I have prepared
my own vows for this.

I, Hellen, take you, Alex,

to be my beautiful,
wonderful wife

because no one else
understands me the way you do.

No one knows where I've
come from the way that you do.

I want us
to have children together,

and I want them
to be best friends,

and I want them to play
together every day.

I want to grow old with you
and have silver hair

and run around and be crazy...

and be there until you die.

- Okay, we're rolling.

- Ooh.

- You know what?

Let's just go
to the verse here

instead of the chorus.

- Why do you have to travel?

I'm being-
I know it's immature.

- Why do I have to travel?

- I'm not actually
asking you this.

- I know.
- This is a fake question.

- Okay, you got more
fake questions?

- Yeah.

Do you love me?

- That's not a fake question.

- It is a fake question.

I know the answer.

- That's not a fake question.
- You married me.

You'd be retarded to marry me
if you didn't-

if you weren't
in love with me.

I just like hearing you say it,
if you felt like being like,

"Oh, baby,
I'm gonna miss you so much. "

- Oh, baby,
I'm gonna miss you so much.

- And then you can say,
"Oh, I'm gonna ache. "

- I'm gonna ache.

- Yeah?

"I'm gonna think about you
when I'm singing. "

- I'm gonna think about you
when I'm singing.

- And, "I'll feel like
I'm starving in the desert. "

- I'll feel like
I'm starving in the desert.

- Hi.
- Hi, you guys.

- How you doing?
- Thanks for coming back.

- Thank you so much.

- Oh, thank you.

- How are you?

- Good, how are you?

- Good.

It's good
to see you guys again.

- Yeah,
thanks for having us back.

- Oh, yeah,
no, thanks for coming.

So whenever you're ready just-

- Do you have any questions?

- Uh, do you want us to, like,
mime the stuff of, like,

the headphones or just pretend
I'm not putting on headphones?

- Um, whatever you feel
comfortable with.

Whatever happens is great.

- Okay.

- Yeah.
Don't worry about it.

- It's kind of obvious.

- I just
make it up as I go along.

I mean, I don't know
what I'm doing half the time.

- Yeah, you do.

- No, I don't.

I mean,
I do, but it's just-

- You totally know
what you're doing.

- If I had any notion of
what I thought might be popular,

I'd do that.

But this is what I do.

This is what I have
to work with right now.

- Keep going.
- Sorry.

- There was talking
back there.

- Um, it's totally normal.

- I make what I make,
and that's what I do.

If I had any notion of what
might be popular, I'd do that.

But this is what I do.

This is what
I have to work with right now.

- You can go ahead
and sit in a chair.

- I feel like you'll be more,
that'll be-

- You want me to move it
or right here?

- Yeah.
Yeah.

- Okay.

- That's better.

Okay, just keep going.

Yeah, you can grab a chair too,
actually.

I really
like you guys together so-

just grab a-
yeah, exactly.

- We'll figure it out.

That's what you do.

It's gonna be good.

- Oh, you guys,
this is good.

It's great.

Are you guys-what,
did you want to ask something?

- Yeah, at the very end, I'm not
sure whether to, sort of,

like, not patronize him, but
try to really make him believe

that he's
going to figure it out.

- Yeah, there are a lot
of different options

you can explore, but I like-

oh, our-

the playwright's wondering
where you're from.

You, yeah.
Where did you grow up?

- Where did I grow up?

In Tennessee.

- Oh, baby.

- I know this bra should have
some more push up to it.

- Cute.
I like that bra.

- I'm totally hanging out.
- I really like that bra.

Your hair looks really good
with those colors,

all the colors.

Hi, sis.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Yeah, yeah.

You can just jump back there.

- It's so blonde.

- I just got my roots done today
for the shoot.

- It looks good.

Here,
come over here real quick.

Good.

That's nice.

I like it.

That looks really innocent.

And I can see your panty line
through the dress,

so it looks really nice.

- That's why I wore the black-

- And your belly button.

- And my belly button.

- That one's scary because
I've got my shadow in it.

It looks like
I'm looming over you.

- Dun-dun-dun.

- I like-
ooh, I like that.

- My panties?

- I do like them.

You can't stay.

You can't stay here.

- I know.
I see that.

I know.

- You have to go.

- When did she get here?

Why is she here?

- My sister?

- Was she here when I called?

I didn't really call, did I?

'Cause-yeah, maybe when your
sister's gone or something.

- Okay, all right, go.

- Okay.

Thank you.

- You don't want the tea?

- Nope.
No, definitely not.

- Will you do that baby cry
that I taught you?

Your turn.

- Okay.

- Same time.

- I'm creeping myself out.

- I know.

- You're a sick sister to teach
me such horrible things.

- I'm a good sister.

- You're a horrible example.

- I'm not a horrible example.

I taught you real-
that's a really good trick.

Hey, baby, it's me.

Um, I'm calling-
I have a question to ask you.

Um, I was wondering if it would
be okay with you if the guy

I'm working with crashed over
here sometimes

'cause he's, like, couch hopping
and stuff

and he doesn't
even really have

a great place-just because
we're rehearsing late a lot.

And I just wanted to make sure
it was okay with you

if he-
if he crashed.

Um, I'm sure-yeah,
I'm sure you'll be fine with it.

I'm just letting you
be in the know.

Okay, so I love you,

and I hope the tour
is going well.

Call me
when you get some free time.

Okay, uh...

- Hang on, hang on.

Hello?

- But you've missed the call.

He puts the phone down.

Then from out the door he hears
a voice calling him,

his girlfriend, Ellie.

- Hey, Oliver,
I need some help.

- With much ado, and much
bumping and stumbling,

the duo
make their way up the stairs

back into the apartment,

each carrying one end
of a massive wooden table.

They maneuver
their way through the door.

Oh, he kicks the box he was
carrying earlier out of the way.

- Let's just set it down here.

- So just keep going
with "Jesus"

at the bottom of the page.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Oh, sorry.
- That's okay.

- Jesus.

- It's not important.
It's just the words.

- Oh, my God.

Oliver, that's amazing.

This picture of you
is so good.

- I know.

- Come here.

- Okay.

- And my phone rings, right?

Hey, that's Eric.

He wants-
it's Eric.

He wants to know
where we're going.

I told him we might be out.

- Okay, let's go.

- You see, it's hard.

If you were like, "You are
amazing," then I would buy it,

but I don't know
what's going on with us.

- You were amazing today.

- I believe that.
I believe that.

- I was gonna add "seriously. "

- Now I believe you even more.

- Well, I'm good.
- And I know it's true.

- Well, yeah.

It is true.

- Alexander,

I hereby christen thee Knight
of the Order of the Baked Goods.

- You should meet the person
that I'm working with.

I think you guys
should hang out.

- Okay.

- Why?
- He's nice.

- Oh, that's exciting.

Where does he live?

- Well, he's from Tennessee,
but he just moved here,

so he's couch surfing right now.

Do you think it's weird that I
offered that he could stay here,

if he needed to?

- Does Eliott think it's weird?

- No, Eliott's fine with it.

- Reload.

Reload.

Whoo-hoo!

You really nailed that one.

Reload.

- Ah!

Whoo!

- Don't make it too good.
I'm just gonna get in it.

- I can tuck you in.

- Does this big bed
come with a maid?

- I'm sorry, that's dirty.

That's dirty.

- Don't worry about it.

I don't care.

- I have another one
right over there.

That's dirty.

- Oh, much better.
Thank you.

- Do you want me to just
set the alarm for, like,

an hour and a half
before rehearsal?

- No, yeah, just kick me.

I'll get up.

- I can do that?

- You can kick me.

I give you full permission
to kick me.

- Okay.

Whatcha reading?

- One of your books.

I just learned how so,
you know,

I just thought
I'd take advantage of it.

Them books on tape
were something else,

but now it's just like
Reading Rainbow.

- Okay, now you're
really uncomfortable now.

- No, I just-
- What?

- No, I'm not uncomfortable.

I'm, um...

I'm trying to figure out
how to do it and not do it,

you know what I mean?

Like, so I guess
we're not gonna kiss,

but sort of figure out
how we're gonna, like-

- You know what?

Turn her around
to kiss her for now.

- So be like hey.

- Do you have a problem
with any of this?

- No, no.

- And if you don't want us,
like, watching, we can leave.

- Sure, I mean,
if you guys want to...

- Again, I love you.

- I love you.

- And then what happens?

- This place is perfect.

- Yeah, Reggie, you keep
reading the lines, Reggie,

and they'll just do whatever
they're doing.

Go ahead.

- Say, "this place is perfect. "
- This place is perfect.

- Yeah, okay, go ahead.
- That's his line, right?

- Keep-
yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Oh, he's just gonna say them?

- He's gonna just
read them for now,

'cause you guys don't know them.

And that way, you can
keep going with the action,

just as an exercise.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

- Is Reggie saying the lines-
- Yeah, just try it.

Just trust me.

Just try it, okay?

Reggie, go.

- I love you.
- Keep kissing.

Yeah, I love you.

No, it's too weird.

- Sorry.

- Okay, never mind, Reggie,
never mind.

Okay, all right, all right,
start again.

No, focus you guys.
I'm sorry.

- A little more feeling.
- What?

- Wait, so let's just look at it
for a half a second.

Okay, I love you.

I love you.

- Okay, so let's say
I put the stuff down here.

Oh, you didn't tell me
it was a walk-up.

- Wow, you really are,
you're running on empty now.

Right?

Looking in your fridge?

- Okay, right, right.

How much do I owe you?

- 88 bucks
and something cents.

- I think that there are-

I think
we should just pay attention

to where there are question
marks,

because I think that
the question marks are there,

you know,
people are asking questions.

What I mean to say is
that the person asking

actually wants an answer.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- So, Jen,
you think we're gonna keep that?

You know what I mean about
the highlight thing though,

right, Jen?

- You know
you're worried sometimes

about being too zealous?

That that, 'cause you're...

I think
maybe you have a tendency

to lay back a little more,
just as a person.

I'm not trying
to psychoanalyze you.

But, like, I don't.

Like, I always feel like I'm
just rushing forward at people,

like my energy just sort of
rushes forward at people.

I'm a little, um-

- I didn't feel that.

- You don't?
- Uh-uh.

- It doesn't feel
like it's too much?

- No, it feels right.

- Okay.

I mean, I can tell
that it's not scaring you

'cause you feel so solid.

- Sorry, it's, like-
you've got a string.

It's, like, been bugging me.

There.

- Look up there.

Yeah.

More like you're more interested
in what's up there.

Put your chin up.
Put your chin up.

It's Jamie.

Oh, we're going
shopping this weekend,

and you should
come with us.

But don't do that.

It makes your chin, like, all...

- All right, try this.

Say, um, say, uh, say um, wait
um, "Is everything okay? "

- Is everything okay?
- Okay, right.

And what I want you to say is
um, "I'm just trying to, uh-

I'm trying to get
more of your tongue. "

- What?

- Is that-
just go with me, go with me.

I'm trying to make this-
I just want to make it so

it's not so, like, perfect,
right, like, right off.

- I think it's late in the day,

and that
doesn't make much sense.

And what we'd agreed we were
going to do is just block the-

- Can I just hear it?
- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- I just want to hear it,
you know,

and we can get rid of it-

- Where do you want
that dialogue to happen?

Bring her back down here,

but then I need you
to immediately, like-

sorry can you move
your boots for one second-

and then just kind of, like-
yeah, however-

I just wanted to see
if this is-yeah, like here.

And then-
is this making sense?

- Yeah.

- Okay, so wait.

- Should I lock-
lock him in or just...

Yeah, I mean, whatever-
when he's here you'll-

but, see,
now we're so close to the table.

- Yeah, I feel...

- Yeah, it's dangerous.

- Like if we like get into it
or something, you know,

like, that's gonna
ruin the magic.

- Like, when she's on top of me,

that's when I take her shirt
off, then we go down.

Then you...

- Yeah, and then
you're on top of her here.

Like, kiss her.

- You can't fake-

No, I know you're not,

but my point is that,
how are we going to fake that

at this point downstage?

And even if we're up on the
couch, how do you fake that,

unless there's-I mean,
the old-fashioned way to do it

is, this couch
would be turned around,

and you'd just see them
fall behind the couch.

But now it's 2008, and they're
in front of the couch,

and they're rolling around,
but how do you fake sex?

- If, if...

- Do you see my point?

- Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

- If he backs up, like,
if he doesn't have, like,

his underwear down and a full
erection, where are we?

- Well, I think we should stage
it in a way that it's not-

it's not you know-
it's unclear.

- Yeah, but then we're into the
old-fashioned thing of, like,

it's behind the couch or it's
under covers, you know,

and that's fine,

but I just didn't think we were
going as far as-

- However we get to the point
where the audience feels

like they're seeing something
more intimate and more-

- What are you guys...

- What would I do without you?

Yeah, you could do...

This place look all-

okay, I'm done.

- Come on.

- I'm done.

What time is it?

- I don't know.

- Thank you very much.

- Jamie.

Who you texting?

- It's just the color
I don't know if I like.

- Mustard?

- It's not mustard.

It's like a sunshine.

- Like sunshine?

- Like sunshine.

- Would this go down too low?

You know what I mean?
Like, is it-

- Just try it on.

- Is it too booby?

- I don't know.
I bet you could adjust it.

- Cute.

- I have, like,
a rash on my face.

Do you have
any products at home?

- What do you want?
- I don't know.

I just sort of feel like I need
to take care of this now.

- You want to go home right now
and take care of it?

- I'm afraid it's gonna get
worse if we keep hanging out

and going outside
and bopping around.

- Um, okay.

Why don't you, like, splash
water on it or something?

- Um, I'll try that.

- Okay.
We can go home if you want.

- No, I'll try it-I don't-

I'll try splashing water on it
and then see-

or we can just buy stuff,
I guess, while we're out.

- Okay.

It doesn't
look that bad, Alex.

- I'm a whiner.

- That's fine.

- I'll be back.

I'm gonna go get water.

- Jamie.

Jamie.

- Yeah.

- Come show me which one you
want me to try on next.

Inside.

Put your sexy face on.

I don't think
that was my sexy face.

Cute.

Ready?

Ready?

I get really into it so...

- Once upon a time,

there was a family
that had two girls,

not twins but very close.

They were the brightest,
most wonderful girls.

But they had a problem.

They could only be together,

and they didn't like
always being together.

But they had to be.

They always had fun,

but sometimes
they would run apart,

and the magnetism
would smash them back together.

So one sister said,

"I need to...

die. "

And the other sister said,
"Don't die.

"We can find a way
to stay together always

and be ourselves. "

- Okay, so now this is when I
need you to get his shirt off.

Now when you're kissing her,
just stay on the upstage side.

Go in for a kiss.

Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.

Perfect.

It would be even great
if you could-yeah.

I mean just a little.

Sorry, go ahead.

I know, it's awkward.

Now go down this way.

So her face is downstage.

Her face
is closer to the audience.

- See what I mean?
- Okay.

- Now go.

Sorry.

Yeah, perfect.

- Okay, so then...

- What?

- Oh, down this way.

- So the bra is off.

Put your hands here.

- You got it.

- Yeah, yeah.

And then...

- Like, I can't turn
the chemistry off

or, like, I can't stop having
this body

that feels really good

when it's close to somebody,
whether I'm...

- Married to them or not?

- Yeah.

- It's good.

It's really good
what you're doing.

- My chest hurts.

- My chest always hurts.

- Really?

- Yeah.

You're a vessel.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

- I'm exhausted trying to,
like, love my husband...

- And be an actress
all at the same time.

- He's gonna see
that I'm not normal.

- He married an actress.

Don't worry about it.

Just do your work.

Show up.

You know, enjoy the chemistry
you have when you have it.

It's your secret.

It's not
anybody else's business.

The rest of it
will work itself out.

These things pass.

Okay?

- Got that?

- Mm-hmm.

- For some reason,
I started taking pictures

of all the pizza boxes that
we saw when we were on tour,

because there's so much, so many
pizza boxes that I thought,

I don't know,
somehow it's like a series

that I should start
putting together.

Do you know what I'm saying?

No, this is not interesting
to you at all.

- Um, no, it is.

I like it.

What are you doing there?

- I can't reach.

- You can't reach?
I'm right here.

- Oh, my gosh,

you're supposed
to meet me halfway there.

- But you were
so far more than halfway

that I thought you were,
like, coming in to kiss me.

- Right, and you were
leaning back.

Taking it easy, eh?

Taking it easy.

Let me do all the work.

- I'm tired.

Why are you
giving me a hard time?

Hello, hello.

- Hello.

- Your shirt's a little small.

You should let me have it.

- You can have it.

- Your hand is cold.

- Going to bed?

- Will you get in your PJs
and spoon me?

- I have to pee.

- What?

- I have to pee.

- Refreshing, right?

- What is it?

- Beautiful.

Yep, okay.

Five, five seconds.

1, 2, 3, 4.

Okay.

I'll call you at 6:00.

- Stay.

- I'll call you at 6:00.

Ah!

Okay, I'm glad you're back.

- Well, you know,
yeah, I think...

- Okay, we need
to make the choice then.

Okay, you need
to be standing up.

Stand up.

Go back.

- If you are flirting and
you're not supposed to be,

what you would do
is everything to not,

you know what I mean?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Yes.

- You'd be finding, like,
little ways to-

and that's why people,
like, drop stuff or...

- Right, right, right,
yeah, yeah.

- Because it's hard to focus
when you really want to be-

you know, when you're really
attracted to somebody.

- Right?
- Right.

- As I recall.

- Right.

- Okay.

You guys would know better than
me at this point in your lives.

Okay.

All right, let's go.

- This is better.

- Yeah.
- Right? I mean...

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I can't take it anymore.

- Yeah.
- Okay, go ahead.

- I feel so much better.

It's like
I just lost like 30 pounds.

- You look so pretty.

- Okay, all right, good.

All right, let's go.

- Aw.

- Can I have a hug?

- Save it for the scene.

- What's the ukulele for, champ?

Is that a prop?

- What?
- Is that a prop?

A prop ukulele?

Is that a real-
are you playing that?

- I mean, I'm not-
I don't know how to play.

I'm trying
to teach myself to play.

So I mean,
I just picked it up at-

- He could teach you.

- What?
- He could teach you.

- I can play the ukulele.

- No, I mean I just kind of
wanted to teach myself.

I mean, yeah, I'm sure you
could teach me, but like-

- You can figure it out.

- I just-I don't know-
something about learning

to play yourself.

- What?

- This is the World's Fair park
that they built in 1964,

and this is,
like, the tennis courts.

And there's, like,
this cool statue here.

And, like, I have done this,
where you, like,

go get lemon ice

and you sit in here and you,
like, watch these little kids

play tennis,
'cause there's, like,

a really cool
city tennis program

that Billie Jean King started.

- Uh-huh.

- She gets up from the couch,

walks around behind him
as he opens the computer.

She bites her lip, trying not to
laugh as she watches him.

He raises
his eyebrows and laughs.

Very nice.

That's going on my desktop.

- Her arms slide
around his waist and his chest.

- You're not
so lonely anymore

- Okay.

- There's something new
in your drawers

- Put me in your arms.

Hey.

They kiss without separating.

- Over and over

- They make their way
to the sofa,

and he undoes
the buttons on her shirt.

I love you.

- You and your new shoes

- He undoes the next button,
looking directly into her eyes.

- I love you.

- I'll stay the same,
but you change

- Each other?

- For the worst

You are good, and you are
kind, and you are wise

- That's not-

- Each other?

- Of course not.

- A familiar ding rings out
in the computer.

An incoming e-mail.

We've got a signal.

- Making my face turn red

- I'm cold.

- Oliver fumbles around
in the box next to the bed

and pulls out a blanket.

Ellie takes her shirt off
the rest of the way.

Take it off.

Wraps herself in the blanket.

Another ding from the computer.

- We can check it.

- Oliver's cell phone
begins to ring.

He takes his shirt off and
lies on the couch with Ellie.

- I see I'm
losing your love forever

- He can't have him.

He's mine.

Mine.

- And then a light.

Now there's a lamp hanging
directly over them.

They're quiet.

They begin making love.

The computer continues to beep
and ding and fade out.

- New shoes and nubile
for a week

Then they are
something to keep

- So there you go.

- I like it.
It's better.

- Yeah?

- You are good,
you are kind, you are wise

You are good,
you are kind, you are mine

- Do you know about this guy,
Eugene Schieffelin?

- Mm-mmm.

- He was, like, a drug
manufacturer in the 1890s,

and he loved Shakespeare,
so he...

he thought that
all the birds in Shakespeare

should be represented
in North America,

so he released 40 starlings
into Central Park.

- Hm.

- Now there are hundreds
of millions of starlings,

and, you know,
they thrived.

And they drove
all of these other birds

out of their natural habitats,

and they descend
on farmers' crops and,

like, eat up all the harvest.

They-flocks
of millions of them

get sucked into jet engines and,
like, planes crash.

- We're gonna go see a movie.
You want to come with us?

- Is there milk somewhere?

- Um, there should be.

- Yeah, well, there's not.

So you can just eat it.

Just eat it.

- Okay.

You want to come with us?

- Uh...

- She's got stuff to do.

- Yeah.
- Don't ask.

Don't ask?

Why?

- 'Cause she may-
it might be personal.

- I'm glad he left his heart
here in your kitchen bowl.

- I know.

I'm glad he's here.

- Matt's back.

- Welcome back.

- Um...

- Let's shower.
- Yeah.

- And then go.

- Okay.

Stick.

Ew, ew.

Forehead grease.

Ha!

- Let's go take a shower.

- I have a problem with it

because I know
that you fucking fuck people,

and then
you just toss them out.

- Why are you so mad right now?

- You just wait
till you get people-

no, you just wait
till you get people to love you,

and then you're done with them.

It's like a game for you.

- Yeah, it's a game.

It's a game for me.

It's a real game.

- Yes, it's a "real game. "

- What kind of game are you
playing with fucking Jamie?

- What are you talking about?

- "What are you talking about? "

You're a really great actress,
aren't you?

You're a really
fucking good actress.

I don't even believe a fucking
word you're saying right now.

I don't believe-you know what,
if you can't-

- I'm not gonna take
relationship advice from you.

- Oh, you're not gonna take
relationship advice from me?

- Because you have
a fucking great marriage.

- You're with a fucking dick,

someone
who treats you like shit.

Why would you put up
with that?

- Really, why are you-

- Stop yelling at me.
- I'm yelling at you?

- Shut up!
- Get the fuck out of my face.

Get the fuck out of my house.

- Stop yelling at me.

- And then add
the last bits to it.

- Like a shoelace
that's tied

We're two ends
of a common thread

We have loved
till we cried

And spent
countless hours in bed

Sure as this song is sung

Know that you are the one

Is this humble pride

I am by your side

- So how do you
like this outfit?

- It's fitting.

It fits you.

Um, okay, all right.

Thank you.

- Okay, no problem.

Thank you.

- Sure.

- I used to go to a gym
in Melbourne,

and it was also
the gym that, like,

the big football team
in my area would go to.

- Uh-huh.

- And so my sister
and I would go, but, like,

we'd figure out
when training was,

because then the gym time
passed a lot quicker

if we could look out on the oval
and see all those people,

like, training for football.

Is that wrong?

- No, that's great.

Gym time should go faster.

- It really should.

- He doesn't want to talk to me.

- Well, he's probably mad.

Call it.

- Heads.

- It's tails.

You need another beer.

- Yes.

Okay.

I'm ready.

- Call it.

- Tails.

- Heads.

Ready?
- Ready.

- Call it.

- Tails.

- Ooh.

- I'm on an unlucky streak.

- Binge.

Call it.
Sorry.

Call it.

- Heads.

You ready?

Hear the sledges
with the bells.

Silver bells.

What a world of merriment
their melody foretells.

How they tinkle, tinkle, tinkle,
in the icy air of night.

While the stars that
over sprinkle all the heavens

seem to twinkle
with a crystalline delight,

keeping time, time, time,
in a sort of runic rhyme,

to the tintinnabulation
that so musically wells

from the bells,
bells, bells, bells,

bells, bells, bells,

from the jingling
and the tinkling of the bells.

Hear the mellow wedding bells,
golden bells.

What a world of happiness
their harmony foretells.

Through the balmy air of night,
how they ring out their delight.

From the molten golden notes,
and all in tune,

what a liquid ditty floats
to the turtledove that listens,

while she gloats on the moon.

Oh, from out the sounding cells,

what a gush of euphony
voluminously wells.

How it swells.

How it dwells on the future.

How it tells of the rapture that
impels to the swinging

and the ringing

of the bells, bells, bells,
bells, bells, bells, bells,

the bells, bells, bells, bells,
bells, bells, bells,

to the rhyming
and the chiming of the bells.

Hear the loud alarum bells,
brazen bells.

What a tale of terror, now,
their turbulency tells.

In the startled ear of night,

how they scream out
their affright.

Too much horrified to speak,
they can only shriek, shriek,

out of tune,

in a clamorous appealing
to the mercy of the fire,

in a mad expostulation
with the deaf and frantic fire,

leaping higher, higher, higher.

Leaping higher, higher, higher
with a desperate desire,

and a resolute endeavor,
now, now to sit or never,

by the side
of the pale-faced moon.

Oh, the bells, bells, bells.

What a tale
their terror tells of despair.

How they clang
and crash and roar.

What a horror
they outpour on the bosom

of the palpitating air.

Yet the ear it fully knows

by the twanging
and the clanging,

how the danger ebbs and flows.

Yet the ear distinctly tells,

in the jangling
and the wrangling,

how the danger sinks and swells,
by the sinking or the swelling

in the anger of the bells, of
the bells, of the bells, bells,

bells, bells,
bells, bells, bells,

in the clamor
and the clangor of the bells.

Hear the trolling of the bells,
iron bells.

What a world of solemn thought
their melody compels.

In the silence of the night,
how we shiver with affright

at the melancholy menace
of their tone.

For every sound that floats
from the rust

within their throats is a groan.

And the people, ah, the people,
they that dwell up

in the steeple, all alone,

and who, tolling,
tolling, tolling,

in that muffled monotone,

feel a glory in so rolling on
a human heart of stone.

They are neither
man nor woman.

They are neither
brute nor human.

They are ghouls,
and their king it is who tolls;

and he rolls,
rolls, rolls, rolls, rolls,

a paean from the bells.

And his merry bosom swells
with the paean from the bells.

And he dances, and he yells,
keeping time, time, time,

in a sort of runic rhyme,
to the paean of the bells,

of the bells,

keeping time, time, time,
in a sort of runic rhyme,

to the throbbing of the bells.

Of the bells, bells, bells,
to the sobbing of the bells,

keeping time, time, time,
as he knells, knells, knells,

in a happy runic rhyme,
to the rolling of the bells.

Of the bells, bells, bells:

To the tolling
of the bells,

of the bells, bells, bells,
bells, bells, bells, bells.

To the moaning
and the groaning of the bells.

- I'm very lucky.

- Do you like prosecco?

- Yes.

Yes, I do.

I go with the orange juice,
but I'll try it like this.

Anything's good on a boat.

Is that gonna be littering?

- Yep.

I'm gonna litter
with this cork,

but the cork is biodegradable,
so it's like-

I mean, it's a fucking plant.

- Hey.

What?

- Sleepy.
- Sleepy?

You don't want to fall asleep
and miss this.

- Then I can enjoy it
and be asleep at the same time.

- This is the best day I've had
in months, I swear.

- Really?

- This is the best day.

Yeah, it actually is.

This is actually one
of the best days I've ever had.

- It's pretty cool, right?

- Yeah.

- The first time
I went to Ethiopia,

a sort of fat
50-year-old woman passed me.

I was running on the street.

I felt really bad.

So I, like, I'm in pretty-
I, like, run a lot.

And then she just-

- But they're Ethiopian.

- Yeah, but she was like
an out-of-shape Ethiopian,

and she still passed me.

And she was 50.

- Can I put my hand on here
and drive?

I'm driving now.

- You're driving now.

Push it away from you
a little bit if you can.

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