All language subtitles for Tout H

I read this thing.

It said that back in the 1800s,

women had so little standing in society

that if a woman murdered someone,

they could arrest her husband,
like it was his fault,

'cause they considered that in law

she was literally incapable.

They thought women had
no capacity for morals

or common sense or anything.

Which meant the husband was responsible

for everything she did.

So, if the wife murdered someone,

her husband could be hanged.

Oh, don't give her ideas.

- I wish.
- Lucy, tell your mum,

don't get ideas now, I'm not safe.

As soon as you get there,

you bring that law back fast as you can.

- I'll have a word.
- Good boy.

Well, he's not the
Lord bloody Chancellor.

He's gonna study the law, not make it.

Well, give him time.

No! Definition of a barrister
is a servant of the law!

He's leaving home to
buckle down and work hard,

that's the point.

Oh, I meant to say,

I'll go through your wardrobe next week.

There's stuff in there
from when you were 12.

It can all go.

But just leave it, I'll
sort it out when I come back.

Oh, that's not till Christmas.

Yeah, but I know where everything is.

Well, I won't go mad.

Anything nice I'll put to one side.

But I can move everything
out and give it a good scrub.

All the corners.

Maybe even paint it.

By the time you come back,
it'll be like new. Hm.

I'll give you a call and
let you know the number.

I mean it. It's
different on the mainland.

If you see something left
on the bus or a tube,

anything left on its own,
don't touch it, all right?

There's some things
your mother didn't pack.

I don't want you getting
some girl in trouble.

But make sure they all get used.

Your mother's right, it is
different on the mainland.

It's a lot more fun.

♪ It feels like, it feels I'm in love ♪

♪ My knees shake ♪

♪ My heart beats like a drum ♪

So what's all that about then?

- How'd you mean?
- Your dad.

Past week he's been
picking you up every night.

Oh, he's working round the corner,

he likes going for a pint, that's all.

All right then. Well,
have one for me, yeah?

Right, I'll see you tomorrow.

See ya.

Who's he?

That's not fair. I can't
help working with men, can I?

Father, forgive my son, Roscoe.

He has fallen into the pit of
sodomy. Save him, oh, Lord.

Uncle Basil's here. I warned you.

He's gonna take you home.

Look, there's 120 quid, it's all I've got.

Just take it and go.

But, go where?

I don't know.

You're the one with the secret
little friends, aren't you?

Go to them, I don't care.

Uncle Basil can't
take me out the country,

not if I say no.

If you cause trouble,

he says the whole family can
go back to Nigeria and I'm not!

I won't!

You're not gonna ruin my life too.

Roscoe, if they send you back home,

they will beat you and bleed you.

In the name of God, they will kill you.

And then they'll throw
your body into the forest

and leave you for the animals.

You stupid little kid.

Uncle Basil's downstairs.

Just run.

Run.

It goes without saying,

but if you need me to make
the journey alongside you,

I would be more than happy.

It would be an honor.

That would help. Thank you.

Given the time of arrival,

some people choose to stay
in Lagos for the first night,

but if you take my advice,

get him out of the city
as fast as you can.

I can get you a car and a
driver, it's easily done.

But that's an additional
cost, on top of the rest.

The society would help,
that's why they exist.

You fall, they catch you with open arms.

But it could take
months to heal the boy.

How do I cope with Oscar
away and no money coming in?

Again, the society's there.

We have anticipated everything.

What is he doing?

Your son has the devil
in him tonight, Rosa.

That's exactly the problem.

What in the name of the Lord?

I'm going now.

So thank you very much and if
you need to forward any mail,

I'll be staying at 23 Piss
Off Avenue, London W Fuck.

Thank you and goodbye.

No! No, no!

Don't go! No, no!

Roscoe! Come back here!

♪ My head is in a spin ♪

♪ My feet don't touch the ground ♪

Roscoe! Roscoe, come back here!

Roscoe! Come back here!

If you leave now, you don't come back.

Roscoe!

♪ It feels like ♪

Hello.

Well, don't just stand there,

in you come, that's a good lad.

Now then, I went through
everything with your mother,

but first things first.

There's the telephone and
there's a jotter on the side

so you can make a list of any calls.

Just write the duration

and whether it was
before or after 6:00 p.m.

Oh, that's the family,
that's Mike and my lad, Ross.

Colin's arrived, boys.

We can all have a cup of
tea once you've settled in.

And breakfast is included.

If you've got a radio or a tape deck,

then not past 10:00 p.m.

And it's a cheque every Friday morning.

That's the inventory.

And, obviously, no girls in the room.

Goes without saying.

It's nice though, isn't it?

Lovely. Thank you very much.

Oh, and there's, "Lovely." How funny.

I learn something new every day.

I have to memorize all the
Oxford and Cambridge ties,

'cause all the different colleges
have got a different tie.

But I did it.

Well, you've always had a good memory,

I could have told them that.

I remember you revising.

You'd learn whole chapters off by heart.

What's it like outside
of work? Is it nice?

- Yeah.
- You making friends?

Yeah.

There now, lucky them, I say.

What do you do, go for drinks?

Yeah, sometimes.

You going out tonight?

Yeah.

Oh, nice, where you off?

I don't know, anywhere.

There's a million pubs and
things, we go all over,

it's brilliant.

Well, I'll see you tomorrow. Bye-bye.

And well done for today.

Oh, it was all Mr. Coltrane's doing.

I don't think they stood a chance.

Just doing my job, sir.

Well, congratulations.

Colin, if
you could just stay behind.

Take your jacket off.

It's all about tiny little
particles of cotton.

They get under the fingernails,

they can get into the bloodstream.

Tiny little fibers, burrowing in.

So, you've got to wash.

At the end of every day,
give yourself a good scrub.

Fingernails, between the fingers.

Don't forget the thumbs.

Otherwise, all those
fibers can get inside.

Come on.

Well, start washing.

I want to see your technique.

Fingernails and thumbs.

Come here.

All those tiny fibers, eliminate them.

Every single dirty little bugger.

Come on, take your shirt off.

Come on, shirt off.

Huh?

You gotta take the arm and
you've got to clean it.

And clean it again.

Got that, Colin? Clean
it and clean it again.

Clean it and clean it again.

And clean it, and clean it again.

Clean it, and clean it again!

And then under the arm.

Sorry,

I had that Penhaligon account
going through my head,

so I thought I'd do a
little bit of homework

if that's all right?

I was teaching
Colin cleanliness.

Absolutely.

Got that?

Yes, sir.

I'll see
you two bright and early.

If he says anything,

if he even suggests little
extramural activity,

just give me the nod.

I can always find ways
to introduce his wife

into the conversation.

I've got to say, he does
pick them very well.

Mr. Hart does tend to know,
if you see what I mean?

Where are you from?

Llangorse, it's in South Wales.

I guessed it would be,
you give that away slightly.

But I don't suppose there's a girlfriend

waiting back home in Wales, is there?

Perhaps a boyfriend?

No.

But would there be? If you could?

You don't have to worry about me.

I'm not remotely interested.

If you insist on asking,

and really I can't get a
word in edgeways with you,

dear God.

But I live in Hackney

with a very nice man from the Algarve

and we've been together for decades,

so you're perfectly safe
with me, Colin Morris Jones.

Really though. Perfectly safe.

So there isn't?

A boyfriend?

No.

But you'd like there to be?

Yes.

Oh my, God.

Don't worry, I won't tell anyone.

Another pint for the bender, please!

♪ Sometimes I feel I've got to ♪

♪ Run away, I've got to ♪

♪ Get away from the pain you
drive into the heart of me ♪

♪ The love we share seems to go nowhere ♪

♪ And I've lost my light ♪

So, the other day I
was talking to my friend,

and he said they found 41
men with this cancer thing

and they all died at the
same time in New York

and they were all gay.

What, they
all died on the same day?

Yeah, that's what it said,

'cause my uncle lives in Brooklyn.

He said all 41 had
exactly the same cancer.

What?

His name's Ash.

He's from Welwyn Garden
City and he's a bender,

so you're in with a chance.

No, I was just looking at your class.

It looked like fun.

What are you, English and drama?

Yeah, first year.

'Cause I did plays at school.

I loved it, I was quite good.

I thought about doing drama for a while.

I'm Ritchie, by the way.

And I'm Jill.

Do you wanna meet him then? Ash?

I'm not, I wasn't, I was
just literally looking.

So, you're not gay then?

No!

Oh, my God, no!

I'm more like bisexual really,

'cause, you know, then you
can fancy anyone in the room.

Walk into a party,
there's double the choice.

Well, it's no good telling me, tell him.

Ash! Over here.

Say hello, don't be stupid,

he's nice, he's sweet, he's funny.

This is Ritchie, he says he's bisexual

so he can have sex with you or
me, so what do you wanna do?

Wrestle for him?

♪ Until I learn to accept my ♪

♪ I learn to accept my ♪

♪ I learn to accept my reward ♪

You need a bit of a wash.

I had a shower this morning.

No, down there, your ass,
you need a good wash, okay?

Thanks for that.

Sure.

So, do you still want-

- It's kind of gone now.

- Yeah, that's all right.
I have to get back anyway.

Was that your first time?

No.

Did you think I was exotic?

No. What does that mean?

You're born and bred
on the Isle of Wight.

Do they have any Indians?

There's like one family.

Oh, my God.

They live in Wootton Bridge.

Every time we drive
past them, my dad says,

"There they are."

Not being offensive,
just, "There they are."

So what's he say about you?

Oh, my God, he doesn't know.

They'd kill me.

Both of them, they'd chuck me out.

I'm not kidding.

I have to sit there, not saying a word.

Dreaming of Steve Austin.

Oh, God, yeah.

Honestly, I'm so frustrated.

I used to fancy Stretch Armstrong.

I did. It's
those little trunks.

Did you see, they gave
Stretch Armstrong a dog,

he's called Fetch Armstrong.

I saw that.

I always thought Stretch Armstrong

should have a dirty old
uncle, Lech Armstrong.

Lech, that's brilliant.

It's good, isn't it?

I did it with this guy, he
was like a real Lech Armstrong.

He was 37 years old.

Oh, my God. Imagine telling
your parents that?

And it's even worse for you,

coming from your background, you know?

Like, with your parents. I
mean, what are you, Hindus?

You must be Hindus I
suppose, is that right?

Or Muslims? No, Hindus, you'll be Hindus.

Are you? Or Muslims, no Buddhists.

Are you Buddhists?

No, it's Hindus, isn't it?

Hindi, Hindu. Hindis?

I'll see you around.

Oh, my God, how did it go?

I'm sorry.

Daft sod.

I was 18 years old and
I got a job at Gatwick.

I was a ramp agent and he
was cabin crew with Iberia.

He loved my job title.

He used to say, "Are you rampagent?"

and I would say, "Yes, I'm very rampagent",

"thank you very much."

Then that went on for a bit.

And then one day, we got the train back

to a little bedsit I had then
and he walked me to the door

and he stepped inside
and then he never left.

30 years ago.

He'll undoubtedly try to be funny

and he will say something
blue, this is inevitable.

Hello. Oh, this must be Colin.

Excellent.

You strip him naked and
I'll shave his little bum

and then I'm gonna use the
clothes pegs.

What did I say?

First prize for predictability.

Good evening, sexy legs.

Hello.

Come on in. Come on.

If you think that's
funny, wait, wait, wait,

there's more, there's more.

And I said, "Where do you think
you're going, mister, huh?"

And he turned round and
you're never gonna guess what.

- What?
- It was the same man!

Again!

Mm!

I liked it though. It was
more fun when it was illegal.

But, what about your neighbors?

Do they know, about you?

No. We are secret.

When I leave the house,
I dress like a lady.

Stop it.

They know. They've always known.

Yeah.

It's like the official
history of the world

says that men like us have always been

hidden away in secret,

but then there's the real
world where we've been living,

together, for all this time.

What about your families? Do...

Well, I've moved on from them.

How do you mean?

I've moved on.

But my mother, she comes over.

She doesn't ask.

All these years, not a single question.

There's only two bedrooms,
she stays in the spare room,

Henry's in with me.

So what does she think?

But, she says nothing.

She loves him like I
do, no problem at all.

Right?

Will you be in the
room when I tell them?

No, you've gotta do this on your own.

Take a deep breath and tell 'em the truth.

Here we are. It's not much.

It's a bit rubbish round here.

Shut up. It's nice.

Thanks, Lucy.

Have you locked it?

Is she all right?

Oh, she's always in a mood.

Oh, who's that strange man in my house?

I don't know you.

Clive! Call the police!

I made it. Merry Christmas.

Oh, thanks.

Right. Oh, you must be Jill.

He never said. Where are you from?

Just outside Woking.

But, originally, what's
your, what's your, what's your

heritage?

My dad's from Dominica in the Caribbean.

Well, it doesn't bother us.

Flag of all nations in this house.

Is there anything you don't eat?

No, I'll be fine, thank you.

- But, we do have rules.
Separate bedrooms.

Sorry, sunshine, but not under my roof.

And I don't wanna hear any
creaking floorboards at midnight,

do you understand?

I know all the tricks.

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas
and a happy new year ♪

Right, no, you stay there.

I'll clear up, I'll give these a rinse.

Oh no, you sit down, you're a guest.

I don't mind, honestly,
Anne. Ritchie needs a word.

Over to you.

Well, what does that
mean? Word about what?

Oh, you're kidding me?

Is this what I think it is?

Like, she's not pregnant?

No!

Oh, thank God for
that. Well, what is it then?

Okay.

So, thing is, I've been thinking,

past few months, about my
life and all sorts of things,

so I've made a decision and I
just wanna explain it to you.

I'm not doing law.

I'm changing to drama.

It's drama with English

so, you know, there's
proper academic work,

but it's a drama course, really,
and I think it's more me.

Oh, you little idiot.

No, but it's my choice

and I'm sorry but that's what I'm doing.

Well, I think
you'll find you're not.

It's already done.

It's only been a term so
they said I could swap.

- What about your grant, eh?
Did you think about that?

You don't get a grant for bloody drama.

Drama with a view to what?

What are you gonna do with it?

I'm gonna be an actor.

You are so pathetic.

Oh, that's it, that's royal, that is.

That is bloody excellent.

Stupid little dreamer!

Suppose this was your idea.

No.

Yeah, I mean, you just opened
it up for him, didn't you?

Your sweetness.

Happy New Year!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo! Woo!

And this is my best friend, Jill.

No, I'm sorry, no.

As drag goes, that is
completely unconvincing.

He needs a good shave!

Look at the five o'clock
shadow, he's so manly.

I'm the only one who is.

She's camper than me.

That cold came back, Juan Pablo.

Do you remember, he had
that silly little cough

when the airline went
bust, then again in April,

now it's back.

It's hard to tell though,

he does make a three-act play of it.

They've taken him into hospital.

Oh, sorry.

Is he all right?

Yeah, fuss over nothing.

They said it was pneumonia,

then they said it was like something

you get from birds in his lungs.

They said it was strange,

they said it was some kind of psittacosis.

What, like you get in parrots?

That's what they said.

You haven't got a parrot, have you?

Of course, we haven't
got a fucking parrot!

She sat me down and she said,

"Has he been in contact with any birds?"

I said, "No." I mean, what
sort of question is that?

Birds.

But, people don't get
psittacosis, do they?

I don't know.

Except there he is.

It's ridiculous.

Hello, good morning.

Oh, Colin, you'll have to work

through your lunch I'm afraid.

Mr. Coltrane's off sick,
so you'll have to cover.

Is that all right?

Yeah, that's fine. Thank you.

I think the referee,

Mr. Sims, is telling him, one more chance.

So, a free-kick

just outside the Rovers' box.

Big guys are coming up from the back.

Colin, this is Mr. Brewster.

He'll be standing in for Mr. Coltrane,

just till he gets better.

Right. Hello.

Henry? It's me, Colin!

Mr. Brewster will be joining
us on a permanent basis

to replace Mr. Coltrane.

Welcome on board, you'll
make a very good team.

You're wasting your time, love.

He went into hospital last week. Henry.

Ambulance. Four in the morning.

Bad chest or something.

Right, thanks.

What about Juan Pablo?

The other one, his friend.

Bloody Argie. He can go home.

Excuse me. I'm looking
for Henry Coltrane?

They told me he was here.

It's family only.

I know, they said. I'm his nephew.

Here we are.

Henry? You have a visitor.

They said it could have
been there for years,

sitting on my chest.

This bit popped up to have a look.

And it's cancer?

But why do I need all these?

I mean, cancer's not infectious.

It's to protect me, not you.

- Oh.
- Idiot.

Except, they said, it's odd, they said,

"You'd expect this if you
were 90 or Jewish or Turkish."

But it's not the
same thing as Juan Pablo?

No. It's bad luck.

Two of us getting sick at the same time.

Where is he?

He's gone

to Portugal.

His mother descended.

"I'm taking him home." Hm.

I've tried writing, but I
can't phone Portugal from here.

I keep thinking,

we had mold in the kitchen,
a little strip of mold.

We had the damp course done,

we had it replastered and painted it.

I painted it with zinc.

But it kept coming back.

I was at war with this little strip.

I just keep thinking,

was it the mold?

On the chest.

Two of us just breathing it in.

Lunch.

Could you?

Don't they bring it in?

No. They do not.

What time do you think you'll be back?

I lock the front door at 10.

I might not. I might stay out all night.

Thank you.

Now cheer the fuck up.

You're dragging the whole place down.

♪ I took you by the hand and I said ♪

And did you see it?

Did you see his shoe?

Nevermind that
though, did you see his arse?

I'm gonna let go!

Stop it! Stop it, don't,
Gregory, don't talk to me!

Gloria, don't be so fuckin' nuts.

Get out the car then.

Party rules.

First choice on every boy is mine!

Here we are, the Pink Palace.

Just so you know, this
is not a house warming,

we're gonna have a party every night.

Here she is, she smelt the booze.

Welcome to our new home.

I love le Pally d'Pink.

No, don't laugh, okay? I'm not kidding.

Dad thinks I'm at choir.

He'd kill me with his bare hands.

But you, you must be crazy
sharing a flat with him.

I know. But I had to move out of halls,

I was getting complaints
with the banging headboard.

And it's dirt cheap, this place,

'cause I was working
on the house next door

and Mr. Friedrichs said, "Oh,
we're looking for tenants."

He screwed the landlord.

- Oh!
- Mr. Freedicks.

Your brother had the
landlord spinning on his nob

like a battling top.

Proud of you, boy.

Okay, I confess, I did, I had him.

- Oh, my God.
- In here.

- Oh, my God.
- Bum in the air, right there.

Oh, stop it!

But it's brilliant
because Jill and I said,

"Let's find somewhere together."

Oh, "Jill and I."

Jill and I, your lordship.

But we did, we were
looking and then Ash said,

"Well, I'll move in with you."

And Ritchie said, "You can
share my bed, Ashy, please."

No way, never again.

Been there, done it, spat it out.

Pass me another boy, this one's split.

Oh, Baxter, you're filthy.

So, thank you, Mr. Freedicks.

This place is only 20 quid a week,

all thanks to your brother's penis.

25 until we fill that spare bed.

Oh, just move in with us, Gloria.

In this tip? Are you kidding?

I've got a council flat.

The people pissing in my lift
do so with love and care.

It's practically intimate.

Why do you
call it the Pink Palace?

Is that the name of a club or something?

No.

Mummy dearest brought little Ritchie

lots of things from home and look,

she brought him this.

Camp or what?

It's pinker than my dick.

Oh!

Darling.

♪ Color me your color, darling ♪

♪ I know who you are ♪

♪ Come up off your color chart ♪

♪ I know where you're coming from ♪

♪ Call me, call me, on the line ♪

♪ Call me, call me any, anytime ♪

♪ Call me, call me, I'll arrive ♪

♪ You can call me any day or night ♪

♪ Call me ♪

Oh, for
God's sake! Can you two...

I thought it was over!

Old times' sake.

Oh, dirty!

The government knows
all about it, right,

and they're keeping it quiet,

'cause there's a strain of flu
and it affects only gay men

and it kills them.

It's called GRID, it started in America

and it's coming over here.

You can't have a gay flu and
no one dies of flu anymore.

They're dying in San Francisco.

My friend said it's a plague.

Don't be ridiculous. That
would be all over the news.

I've gotta be honest,

I think you're being a little bit rude.

Dracula!

Take me to your castle,
hot stuff. Come on!

Ladies and gentlemen, and you, Gregory,

pray gather hereupon for
the star turn of the night,

I give you Miss Rachel Tozer!

Oh, my God!

Rachel. He's Rachel.

He looks like Nana Mouskouri.

Please, my people. Silencio!

I would like to give you a song.

♪ La ♪

- Right!
- Okay!

Is that it?

Bravo!

Sorry, but that girl, like, Jill,

did she say this place had a spare room?

It's a spare bed, not a spare room.

It means sharing with me,

but I don't mind 'cause
I'm out most nights.

And if it lowers the rent, I'd
share with Mary Whitehouse.

What do you think?

Well, I'd like it very much.

I can give you a reference.

Sod that. It's an 80 quid deposit, cash.

- Have you got it?
- Yeah.

Girls, the rent's back down to 20 quid!

Gladys Pugh's moving in.

Woo-hoo! Nice one, Roscoe.

Did you see?

♪ Ne-ne-na-na ♪

It's a highly
complicated, giant molecule.

Hey, man, that's well wicked.

La!

La!

Break a leg, Rachel.

Thanks, Bill.

See you.

- Yeah, good luck.
- And you.

See you later.

La!

Oh.

La!

- Good luck, Gladys.
- Thanks.

- La!
- La.

Wish me luck.

Good luck.

Have you seen this?

Ritchie.

Thanks for coming.

Oh, my God, no, thank you.

Morning.

Oh, good morning, Colin.

Ta-da!

- Hi.
- You're late.

- Give us a minute.
- Sure.

To be honest, it might be a little soon

to be looking for an agent,
but still, I have to ask.

If I were to represent you
and the right job came along,

would you consider leaving college?

Oh, yes.

Bang, done.

- Yes.
- It's been a year.

Now, just thought we'd
assess where we are.

Happy, on the whole.

You've got that tendency to drift off,

I've warned you about that.

And you could be more
assertive. What do you think?

Yes, sir.

I said, "You could be more-"

Yes, sir!

It's a proper job.

I need someone to run the whole thing.

Bookings, strippers, drag nights,

and my worry is, are you a stupid tit

who's gonna run off with my money?

Damn, got me.

So, where do you see
yourself in five years' time?

10 years' time, what
do you want to be doing?

What you gonna do when you're older?

What's the plan?

Oh, my God, I want everything.

West End, I want my name in lights,

big movie posters with me on them.

I don't know.

10 years' time,

I'd be happy still working here.

You wait. Give me five, six
years, I'll be stinking rich.

No, as long as I can
find work, I don't care.

Theater, little bit of TV.

I could be that man in
the background shouting,

"Let him go!"

Every single teacher I ever had,

I wanna drive past them
in my big, shiny car,

like, "Fuck you."

I wanna do good work.

I wanna learn everything,
like Mr. Coltrane taught me.

Donegal Tweed, they make
the dye out of blackberries.

It's so beautiful.

I just wanna be happy.

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Leave in the morning with
everything you own in a little ♪