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1
00:02:44,065 --> 00:02:46,487
Hey, look! It's the President!
2
00:02:48,131 --> 00:02:49,245
And the Pope!
3
00:02:54,001 --> 00:02:55,812
Yee-aah! Yah!
4
00:02:55,995 --> 00:02:57,807
Ooh-la-la-la-la-la!
5
00:03:04,090 --> 00:03:08,007
Oh, my God! Look!
It's disgruntled postal workers!
6
00:03:25,534 --> 00:03:28,382
Wait a minute!
Give me my baby back!
7
00:03:32,938 --> 00:03:34,018
Aah! Aah!
8
00:03:34,089 --> 00:03:38,159
- Frank! Are you all right?
- I'm soaking wet.
9
00:03:38,232 --> 00:03:41,342
- I'll get the talcum powder.
- No, I had a nightmare.
10
00:03:41,416 --> 00:03:44,067
There was crime all around me.
I couldn't stop it.
11
00:03:44,178 --> 00:03:46,829
- It was just a dream.
- You're right.
12
00:03:46,940 --> 00:03:51,315
All I need is a good rest.
In the morning everything'll be fine.
13
00:07:02,853 --> 00:07:04,849
How's my little boy?
14
00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:06,888
Getting along okay, sweetie?
15
00:07:06,957 --> 00:07:09,303
As well as a heterosexual can in prison.
16
00:07:09,374 --> 00:07:12,069
I don't know how much longer
I can take it.
17
00:07:12,136 --> 00:07:14,602
- How's Tanya?
- Tanya's the same.
18
00:07:14,668 --> 00:07:17,592
Milky, creamy skin, pouting red lips,
19
00:07:17,699 --> 00:07:20,044
firm buttocks, ample breasts,
20
00:07:20,115 --> 00:07:22,264
ears you want to stick your tongue into.
21
00:07:22,379 --> 00:07:24,037
Ma! I'll get guy cramps!
22
00:07:24,105 --> 00:07:27,597
Sorry. Rocco, there's somebody here
to see you.
23
00:07:32,276 --> 00:07:33,891
Papshmir.
24
00:07:34,846 --> 00:07:36,843
My people are very upset.
25
00:07:36,918 --> 00:07:39,722
They're always upset.
They're Arab terrorists.
26
00:07:39,795 --> 00:07:41,639
Ma, please.
27
00:07:41,713 --> 00:07:44,866
You're supposed to be the best
terrorist bomber in the world.
28
00:07:44,935 --> 00:07:47,238
Stations, stores,
government buildings...
29
00:07:47,314 --> 00:07:48,503
The devastation in Florida.
30
00:07:48,618 --> 00:07:52,262
- That was Hurricane Andrew.
- That's what they told the public.
31
00:07:52,377 --> 00:07:54,527
We wanted to embarrass
the United States,
32
00:07:54,602 --> 00:07:57,865
and you made the police
look like international heroes.
33
00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:01,284
A first-class job costs 5 million.
34
00:08:01,354 --> 00:08:03,503
If you want to step up to the price,
35
00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:07,349
I got a target that'll make City Hall
look like chicken feed.
36
00:08:10,829 --> 00:08:14,976
That's a big target, but why should
I think anything would be different?
37
00:08:15,049 --> 00:08:16,937
$5 million buys me.
38
00:08:18,348 --> 00:08:21,000
- I'm breaking out of here.
- All right,
39
00:08:21,072 --> 00:08:25,644
but fail this time
and my people won't be so forgiving.
40
00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:30,471
Fail? Show me one man
who can stop me.
41
00:08:44,204 --> 00:08:46,856
I used to be a renegade
42
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:49,809
I used to fool around
43
00:08:51,339 --> 00:08:53,685
But I couldn't take the punishment
44
00:08:54,447 --> 00:08:56,334
I had to settle down
45
00:08:58,014 --> 00:09:00,437
Now I'm playing it real straight
46
00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:03,318
And yes, I cut my hair...
47
00:09:04,190 --> 00:09:08,642
Attention shoppers. Be sureto check out our special on aisle 7.
48
00:09:09,791 --> 00:09:11,177
It's hip to be square...
49
00:09:11,594 --> 00:09:13,514
That's aisle 7.
50
00:09:18,768 --> 00:09:19,728
Hey!
51
00:09:21,568 --> 00:09:23,031
Give it to me!
52
00:09:23,103 --> 00:09:25,329
My purse!
Somebody help me!
53
00:09:25,404 --> 00:09:28,744
- I want the purse, lady.
- Help me!
54
00:09:29,624 --> 00:09:31,818
He's a jolly good fellow
55
00:09:32,118 --> 00:09:35,380
For he's a jolly good fellow
56
00:09:35,762 --> 00:09:38,228
Which nobody can deny
57
00:09:39,291 --> 00:09:40,645
Hear! Hear!
58
00:09:42,053 --> 00:09:46,625
Well, we shot a lot of people together.
It's been great.
59
00:09:46,695 --> 00:09:50,264
But today I retire,
so if I do any shooting now,
60
00:09:50,378 --> 00:09:52,997
it'll have to be within
the confines of my own home.
61
00:09:53,063 --> 00:09:57,253
Hopefully, an intruder and not
an in-law, like at my bachelor party.
62
00:09:57,321 --> 00:09:59,700
Well, Ed.
63
00:09:59,776 --> 00:10:02,548
I officially give you my gun.
64
00:10:04,763 --> 00:10:07,263
And my badge.
65
00:10:09,866 --> 00:10:11,175
And...
66
00:10:11,247 --> 00:10:16,124
Jane and I would like
to keep the handcuffs as a souvenir.
67
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:21,342
- Oh, gee...
- Cheer up, Ed. This is not goodbye.
68
00:10:21,719 --> 00:10:24,219
It's just I won't ever see you again.
69
00:10:24,635 --> 00:10:25,715
Oh, Frank.
70
00:10:27,934 --> 00:10:30,356
My purse!
Somebody help me!
71
00:10:30,427 --> 00:10:32,544
Out of the way.
72
00:10:32,614 --> 00:10:34,731
Lieutenant Drebin! Frank!
Didn't you see that?
73
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:38,106
What? Oh, yes. Kitty litter.
74
00:10:38,176 --> 00:10:40,064
Two bags for a dollar. Great.
75
00:10:40,133 --> 00:10:45,240
Order. The jury will disregard
that statement. Continue, Counselor.
76
00:10:46,041 --> 00:10:48,540
Alimony had been set by the court.
Right, Mr. Clayton?
77
00:10:48,611 --> 00:10:50,040
Yes, but...
78
00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:53,413
But not once have you paid
alimony to my client,
79
00:10:53,483 --> 00:10:56,287
repeatedly defying a court order.
80
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:59,241
I lost her address.
She moved twice, I couldn't keep up.
81
00:10:59,314 --> 00:11:02,391
Don't lie to me. You're under oath.
82
00:11:02,498 --> 00:11:04,571
Do you know the penalty for perjury?
83
00:11:06,449 --> 00:11:08,216
I'll ask that again.
84
00:11:08,290 --> 00:11:11,596
Objection!
Your Honour, I... ow, ow.
85
00:11:11,743 --> 00:11:12,703
Jeez!
86
00:11:12,855 --> 00:11:16,195
- Counsel is leading the witness.
- Sustained.
87
00:11:17,996 --> 00:11:20,538
Sweetie, Mommy said no pounding
when she's in session.
88
00:11:20,604 --> 00:11:23,332
Please read
the prosecution's last statement.
89
00:11:23,405 --> 00:11:25,904
"Don't lie to me. You're under oath."
90
00:11:26,052 --> 00:11:27,819
There.
91
00:11:28,085 --> 00:11:31,162
"Do you know the penalty for perjury?"
92
00:11:33,225 --> 00:11:34,840
That's all I have, Your Honour.
93
00:11:34,913 --> 00:11:37,413
You may continue, Ms. Spencer-Drebin.
94
00:11:38,749 --> 00:11:41,444
Er... prosecution rests.
95
00:11:41,511 --> 00:11:44,011
Defense,
Ms. Davis-Jacob-Steiner-Laszlo?
96
00:11:44,082 --> 00:11:45,817
No further questions, Your Honour.
97
00:11:45,885 --> 00:11:48,689
Court will recess until
after the morning feed.
98
00:11:53,173 --> 00:11:55,476
We're gonna win this.
I can feel it.
99
00:11:55,552 --> 00:11:57,472
Yes, of course.
100
00:11:57,547 --> 00:12:00,046
I married the wrong man.
101
00:12:00,117 --> 00:12:02,114
I never thought that was possible.
102
00:12:02,188 --> 00:12:04,993
- I beg your pardon?
- Oh, nothing.
103
00:12:05,066 --> 00:12:08,219
Louise, there's no such thing
as the wrong man.
104
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:12,128
You just have to work at it.
105
00:12:12,239 --> 00:12:15,392
Now, let's see,
Mr. and Mrs. Drebin, right?
106
00:12:15,462 --> 00:12:20,950
Now, you two have been married
for six months?
107
00:12:21,024 --> 00:12:24,516
Yes, we really appreciate
you seeing us, Doctor.
108
00:12:24,592 --> 00:12:26,937
You were recommended
by our last therapist.
109
00:12:27,008 --> 00:12:30,042
Yes, I was sorry
to hear about his suicide.
110
00:12:30,116 --> 00:12:33,957
You know, I feel it's important
to get off on the right foot
111
00:12:34,029 --> 00:12:36,374
and not get caught up in blame.
112
00:12:36,445 --> 00:12:38,748
Now, which one of you is impotent?
113
00:12:38,824 --> 00:12:41,780
- That would be him.
- Yes, of course.
114
00:12:41,854 --> 00:12:45,314
- Why don't you ask who's frigid?
- That would be him, also.
115
00:12:45,384 --> 00:12:49,072
- How do you know? You're never home.
- He resents that I work.
116
00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:51,489
He has no idea what a woman wants.
117
00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:53,480
You're so insensitive.
118
00:12:53,555 --> 00:12:57,014
- Is this the toilet seat thing?
- It's babies, Frank.
119
00:12:57,084 --> 00:13:00,696
I want to have a baby. Whenever
we make love, you get a headache.
120
00:13:00,767 --> 00:13:03,571
I'm not a piece of meat, Jane. I'm trying.
121
00:13:03,644 --> 00:13:06,263
I've got ointments, lotions,
creams, books,
122
00:13:06,329 --> 00:13:08,064
things that vibrate.
123
00:13:08,132 --> 00:13:10,052
- Frank!
- Maybe it's your fault.
124
00:13:10,395 --> 00:13:15,229
Have you tried sexy lingerie?
Some lacy underwear, a black teddy?
125
00:13:15,306 --> 00:13:17,576
I've worn them all. They don't work.
126
00:13:17,991 --> 00:13:18,951
Oh.
127
00:13:19,334 --> 00:13:21,145
Why don't you want a child?
128
00:13:21,213 --> 00:13:24,138
Didn't I try to adopt
that 18-year-old Korean girl?
129
00:13:25,702 --> 00:13:29,313
Jane, Frank, here's what I suggest.
130
00:13:29,384 --> 00:13:32,265
Make tonight a special night.
131
00:13:32,377 --> 00:13:35,072
Dinner, wine, romantic music.
132
00:13:35,177 --> 00:13:38,287
Put on the 24-hour
Johnny Mathis station.
133
00:13:38,361 --> 00:13:41,394
Just be Jane and Frank, lovers.
134
00:13:42,696 --> 00:13:46,460
We haven't had a night like that
in a long time.
135
00:13:46,532 --> 00:13:48,758
- Not together.
- Frank?
136
00:13:50,522 --> 00:13:51,482
Jane...
137
00:13:51,557 --> 00:13:54,057
Having a baby is a big responsibility.
138
00:13:54,128 --> 00:13:57,238
It's like being in charge
of sanitation at a Haitian jail.
139
00:13:57,312 --> 00:13:59,385
I'm just frightened.
140
00:13:59,498 --> 00:14:02,608
Frank, let's make tonight
something special.
141
00:14:02,682 --> 00:14:05,487
Oh, honey,
it's just that I love you so much.
142
00:14:05,559 --> 00:14:07,447
My little lover sparrow.
143
00:14:08,437 --> 00:14:11,208
My puppy-wuppy wover.
144
00:14:11,275 --> 00:14:13,316
My little love biscuit.
145
00:14:13,385 --> 00:14:15,349
My little shnooky-wookums.
146
00:14:15,457 --> 00:14:17,727
My little lady cheesy puppy.
147
00:14:18,526 --> 00:14:23,480
Mr. and Mrs. Drebin, please. I'm diabetic.
I think you should go now.
148
00:14:24,587 --> 00:14:26,551
I never thought we'd end this way.
149
00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:29,736
How did you think we'd end?
150
00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:32,727
I don't know.
151
00:14:33,525 --> 00:14:35,828
Some other way.
152
00:14:35,903 --> 00:14:37,715
Oh, Jason.
153
00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:52,332
Ed! Nordberg!
It's been a long time.
154
00:14:52,399 --> 00:14:55,323
Hiya, Frank! You look terrific!
155
00:14:55,391 --> 00:14:59,155
Thank you.
The little woman got me a Thighmaster.
156
00:14:59,227 --> 00:15:01,770
Where are my manners?
Come on in.
157
00:15:02,795 --> 00:15:04,224
How charming!
158
00:15:04,291 --> 00:15:06,517
Sit, sit.
159
00:15:06,593 --> 00:15:09,320
Excuse the mess. It's my ironing day.
160
00:15:09,393 --> 00:15:11,467
I just frosted some cupcakes.
161
00:15:11,580 --> 00:15:14,232
- Would you care for one?
- Oh, not just now.
162
00:15:14,303 --> 00:15:17,075
Frank, we have a problem
with a terrorist threat.
163
00:15:17,142 --> 00:15:20,023
- Police Squad is certain...
- I'd love a cupcake.
164
00:15:20,096 --> 00:15:22,900
- That coffee smells great.
- I grind my own beans.
165
00:15:22,973 --> 00:15:26,857
Frank, the reason we're here
is that we need your help.
166
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:36,058
It's great!
167
00:15:36,131 --> 00:15:39,012
I hoped you'd like them.
Made them from scratch.
168
00:15:39,085 --> 00:15:40,853
I'll just get off my feet.
169
00:15:40,926 --> 00:15:45,608
We may have a lead on a suspect
in the City Hall bombing attempt.
170
00:15:45,683 --> 00:15:48,226
These were taken
by a news photographer.
171
00:15:48,292 --> 00:15:50,867
- This girl was the diversion.
- We had them enlarged.
172
00:15:50,977 --> 00:15:52,592
They look familiar.
173
00:15:52,857 --> 00:15:55,432
No, the pin, she's a nurse.
174
00:15:55,619 --> 00:15:57,660
Can I keep this one?
175
00:15:57,729 --> 00:16:00,533
We traced her to the Karlson Clinic
on Myrtlewood.
176
00:16:00,606 --> 00:16:03,334
- She's Tanya Peters.
- Tanya Peters?
177
00:16:03,406 --> 00:16:07,673
- You know her?
- Don't you remember in the 1970s?
178
00:16:07,780 --> 00:16:09,667
The big disco shoot-out.
179
00:16:11,155 --> 00:16:14,156
Well, you can tell
by the way I use my walk
180
00:16:14,378 --> 00:16:16,451
I'm a woman's man, no time to talk
181
00:16:16,833 --> 00:16:18,645
The music loud, the women warm
182
00:16:18,751 --> 00:16:20,671
I've been kicked around
since I was born
183
00:16:21,206 --> 00:16:22,974
But it's all right, I'm OK
184
00:16:23,431 --> 00:16:25,395
You may look the other way
185
00:16:25,464 --> 00:16:26,621
We can try to understand...
186
00:16:26,692 --> 00:16:29,802
Ed, what's happening, my man?
187
00:16:29,876 --> 00:16:33,258
Frank, we missed you last night
at the fondue party.
188
00:16:33,328 --> 00:16:36,940
I went to see the Village People.
They're a stone soul gas, man.
189
00:16:37,011 --> 00:16:39,314
- I can dig it.
- What have we got here?
190
00:16:39,390 --> 00:16:41,386
One dead disco dancer.
191
00:16:42,152 --> 00:16:44,497
Bummer. What a mindbender, huh?
192
00:16:44,568 --> 00:16:46,533
We think it was a love triangle.
193
00:16:46,602 --> 00:16:49,712
This is the suspect's girlfriend,
Tanya Peters.
194
00:16:49,786 --> 00:16:50,942
Cigarette?
195
00:16:51,013 --> 00:16:52,825
Yes, I know.
196
00:16:53,583 --> 00:16:57,621
Well, we'll need a statement
from you down at the station.
197
00:16:57,842 --> 00:16:58,846
Nordberg!
198
00:16:58,992 --> 00:17:00,760
Coming, Lieutenant!
199
00:17:10,041 --> 00:17:12,005
I do remember.
200
00:17:12,074 --> 00:17:14,922
You were one of the first test cases
for minoxidil, weren't you?
201
00:17:14,989 --> 00:17:18,143
- What?
- I'm glad I could help.
202
00:17:18,212 --> 00:17:20,863
Now, I've got some lamb
to put in the oven.
203
00:17:20,935 --> 00:17:22,474
We need a favour.
204
00:17:22,546 --> 00:17:24,740
It's not that big a roast, Nordberg.
205
00:17:24,810 --> 00:17:26,577
No, not that, Frank.
206
00:17:26,651 --> 00:17:28,997
We need you to go undercover
at the clinic.
207
00:17:29,068 --> 00:17:31,032
Whoa! I've given up police work, Ed.
208
00:17:31,139 --> 00:17:33,518
You're whistling up
the wrong neck of the woods.
209
00:17:33,595 --> 00:17:38,123
- We're in a bind, Frank.
- What about Hedges and O'Malley?
210
00:17:38,198 --> 00:17:40,926
They're in Hawaii. Together.
211
00:17:41,842 --> 00:17:46,262
Well, I can't. Jane and I
have a special evening planned.
212
00:17:46,331 --> 00:17:48,676
You'll be home in time to make dinner.
213
00:17:48,747 --> 00:17:51,170
I'd have to make pork chops.
214
00:17:51,241 --> 00:17:54,198
Frank, think of all the crime out there.
215
00:17:54,272 --> 00:17:56,771
Nobody is safe.
You'd be protecting Jane.
216
00:17:56,842 --> 00:17:59,537
You'd be protecting
all the Janes of the world.
217
00:17:59,604 --> 00:18:01,720
And you haven't shot anybody in months.
218
00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:05,435
That's true.
Funny how you miss the little things.
219
00:18:05,511 --> 00:18:07,476
Might be good to feel
that cold, hard steel
220
00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:09,738
pressed against my thigh once again.
221
00:18:09,885 --> 00:18:12,307
The thrill of the chase, to be a man.
222
00:18:13,721 --> 00:18:17,103
After folding the laundry,
I went to the Karlson Clinic.
223
00:18:17,250 --> 00:18:19,902
It's always important to have a disguise
224
00:18:19,974 --> 00:18:22,822
and this operation was no different.
225
00:18:24,731 --> 00:18:27,076
I had no idea if Tanya
would recognize me,
226
00:18:27,147 --> 00:18:29,450
so I slipped on a fake pair of glasses
227
00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:31,675
and combed my hair differently.
228
00:18:31,751 --> 00:18:33,595
The plan was to get in,
229
00:18:33,669 --> 00:18:36,517
get information about Tanya's
link with the bombing,
230
00:18:36,584 --> 00:18:39,007
and get out as quickly as possible.
231
00:18:39,078 --> 00:18:43,071
I figured faking an old football
injury would do the trick.
232
00:18:44,142 --> 00:18:47,175
- Can I help you?
- I'd like to see a doctor, please.
233
00:18:47,249 --> 00:18:49,627
Sign in here, please.
234
00:18:49,704 --> 00:18:54,702
- Do you have an appointment, Mr...
- Er, Smith. No, I don't.
235
00:18:54,768 --> 00:18:56,274
Take a number.
236
00:18:56,379 --> 00:18:57,765
Six.
237
00:18:57,837 --> 00:19:00,215
- What?
- Is six taken?
238
00:19:00,292 --> 00:19:02,518
Does it have to be between 1 and 10?
239
00:19:06,506 --> 00:19:08,580
You'll be called.
240
00:19:08,847 --> 00:19:10,200
Thank you.
241
00:19:15,713 --> 00:19:17,405
Mr. Smith?
242
00:19:19,012 --> 00:19:22,504
We've had a cancellation.
We can take you now.
243
00:19:22,618 --> 00:19:25,238
Good morning, Mr. Smith. This way.
244
00:19:25,304 --> 00:19:28,686
I really appreciate
your seeing me like this.
245
00:19:28,756 --> 00:19:31,331
I'm sure it won't take too long.
246
00:19:36,774 --> 00:19:39,000
When did you notice the problem?
247
00:19:39,076 --> 00:19:42,032
Uh, in the back yard with my uncle.
248
00:19:42,106 --> 00:19:45,107
In the back yard with your uncle?
249
00:19:45,175 --> 00:19:47,172
Yes. When he comes over to visit,
250
00:19:47,247 --> 00:19:51,164
we like to go in the back yard,
throw it around for a while.
251
00:19:51,236 --> 00:19:54,389
What did you and your uncle find out?
252
00:19:54,497 --> 00:19:58,065
I can't keep up with him.
Mine hurt, especially on the long ones.
253
00:19:58,180 --> 00:20:01,028
I can't seem to straighten it out.
254
00:20:01,095 --> 00:20:03,441
It has no feeling. It's kind of numb.
255
00:20:04,586 --> 00:20:07,009
I may have yanked it too much.
256
00:20:10,762 --> 00:20:14,297
- If you would.
- For what?
257
00:20:14,368 --> 00:20:17,249
- A sperm count.
- In here?
258
00:20:17,322 --> 00:20:20,857
It's not exactly the back yard, but it'll do.
259
00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:22,969
Well...
260
00:20:39,265 --> 00:20:42,571
Follow me, and we'll do
the necessary paperwork.
261
00:20:45,710 --> 00:20:48,940
Sign these at the bottom
and leave them with the nurse.
262
00:20:51,426 --> 00:20:53,466
- This way, please.
- What?
263
00:20:53,535 --> 00:20:55,500
- Number 17.
- Oh, no.
264
00:20:55,569 --> 00:20:57,456
- A problem?
- No, no.
265
00:20:57,525 --> 00:21:01,017
- This is 17.
- Have we met before?
266
00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:03,592
If you'll excuse me, I'm next.
267
00:21:04,008 --> 00:21:05,361
Ooh! Aah!
268
00:21:05,734 --> 00:21:07,622
Agh! Eurgh!
269
00:21:08,957 --> 00:21:10,495
- Sir?
- Aah!
270
00:21:11,028 --> 00:21:13,069
Mr. Smith, how are we doing?
271
00:21:15,171 --> 00:21:17,091
I've been busy.
272
00:21:17,166 --> 00:21:21,662
- Do you want a videotape to help?
- Do you have Dances With Wolves?
273
00:21:21,731 --> 00:21:24,034
Rocketeer? Lady And The Tramp?
274
00:21:24,110 --> 00:21:25,768
An adult movie.
275
00:21:27,332 --> 00:21:28,292
Hmm...
276
00:21:29,710 --> 00:21:31,784
Ooh! Aah! Yeow!
277
00:21:37,958 --> 00:21:39,802
The tape was very entertaining.
278
00:21:40,644 --> 00:21:42,531
Follow me.
279
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:45,099
Do you have Spartacus?
280
00:22:06,116 --> 00:22:08,538
Maintenance. Clean-up, room 7.
281
00:22:08,609 --> 00:22:11,763
Maintenance. Clean-up, room 7. Stat.
282
00:22:17,509 --> 00:22:20,281
- What are you doing?
- Just freshening up.
283
00:22:20,348 --> 00:22:24,112
You should look your best
even though you're by yourself.
284
00:22:25,488 --> 00:22:27,223
Are you sure we've never met?
285
00:22:27,291 --> 00:22:29,986
Here's my cup. Back to work.
286
00:22:31,434 --> 00:22:33,660
- Knocking.
- Mr. Smith?
287
00:22:34,043 --> 00:22:37,076
- Are you okay in there?
- I could use a little help.
288
00:22:38,531 --> 00:22:41,565
Dr. Rosenblatt,foreplay in room 7, please.
289
00:22:41,639 --> 00:22:43,450
Dr. Rosenblatt.
290
00:23:00,589 --> 00:23:03,393
Honey, I've been waiting all day.
291
00:23:04,195 --> 00:23:07,687
I'm wearing the nightgown
you bought me for our honeymoon.
292
00:23:10,717 --> 00:23:12,179
Tonight's going to be special.
293
00:23:12,251 --> 00:23:15,404
I'm going to make love to you
for hours and hours.
294
00:23:16,164 --> 00:23:18,205
Wouldn't Mr. Happy like that?
295
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:22,575
- Hours?
- Like our first time together.
296
00:23:22,647 --> 00:23:26,411
Jane, why don't I soak in the tub
for a couple of days?
297
00:23:26,483 --> 00:23:28,677
Possibly a week.
298
00:23:28,747 --> 00:23:30,285
You're so cute.
299
00:23:30,358 --> 00:23:33,162
Let me go get the oysters and clams.
300
00:23:33,312 --> 00:23:35,887
Walk my way
301
00:23:37,647 --> 00:23:40,647
And a thousand violins
302
00:23:40,754 --> 00:23:42,827
Begin to play
303
00:23:44,053 --> 00:23:45,559
Or it might be the sound
304
00:23:45,702 --> 00:23:48,627
Of your hello
305
00:23:49,078 --> 00:23:51,304
That music I hear
306
00:23:52,262 --> 00:23:53,725
I get misty
307
00:23:54,334 --> 00:23:57,444
The moment you're near
308
00:24:01,239 --> 00:24:02,199
You can say
309
00:24:02,390 --> 00:24:06,460
That you're leading me on...
310
00:24:07,070 --> 00:24:08,183
Here.
311
00:24:08,298 --> 00:24:10,840
I'll shave your back like last time.
312
00:24:10,906 --> 00:24:13,710
Jane, I really don't think we should. I...
313
00:24:14,666 --> 00:24:17,044
Frank! What's this?
314
00:24:17,121 --> 00:24:18,965
I fell on a rake.
315
00:24:19,039 --> 00:24:22,803
You're lying.
Now I know why Ed's been calling.
316
00:24:22,875 --> 00:24:27,065
- You're back on a case, aren't you?
- No, I swear. It's another woman!
317
00:24:27,133 --> 00:24:29,020
In your wildest dreams!
318
00:24:29,090 --> 00:24:33,160
It's bad enough not having a baby,
but I warned you about Police Squad,
319
00:24:33,233 --> 00:24:35,698
you white Anglo male!
320
00:24:36,033 --> 00:24:37,691
Jane! Ah! Jane!
321
00:24:38,066 --> 00:24:41,830
It was nothing, Jane.
I was doing Ed a small favour!
322
00:24:41,902 --> 00:24:44,554
Some retirement. I'm leaving, Frank.
323
00:24:44,626 --> 00:24:47,004
I never thought
you'd go back on your word.
324
00:24:47,081 --> 00:24:49,230
- Aren't you being hasty?
- I don't think so.
325
00:24:49,344 --> 00:24:53,338
That's my cab. I'll be at Louise's.
326
00:24:53,411 --> 00:24:58,059
Oh, Frank, how could you?
We need time apart to think about us.
327
00:24:58,129 --> 00:25:01,315
I'm not going to think.
Why start now? I love you.
328
00:25:01,390 --> 00:25:04,347
Look, baby, I am what I am
and I do what I do.
329
00:25:04,459 --> 00:25:06,762
A few guys make shoelaces,
some lay sod,
330
00:25:06,837 --> 00:25:08,987
some make a living neutering animals.
331
00:25:09,062 --> 00:25:11,408
- I'm a cop.
- Pretty speech, Frank.
332
00:25:11,479 --> 00:25:13,628
But my mind is made up. I'm leaving.
333
00:25:13,704 --> 00:25:15,057
All right.
334
00:25:15,123 --> 00:25:17,088
Then take this with you.
335
00:25:21,875 --> 00:25:24,450
You know how my lips feel about things.
336
00:25:31,159 --> 00:25:32,697
Goodbye, Frank.
337
00:25:32,770 --> 00:25:37,266
You're listening to KSAD,all-depressing, all the time.
338
00:25:37,335 --> 00:25:40,674
Here's a dedication to Frank from Jane,
who just called from a taxi.
339
00:25:40,749 --> 00:25:42,866
"Frank, you lying weasel-weenie.
340
00:25:42,936 --> 00:25:47,464
"First you shoot blanks,
now you're letting all the heat out..."
341
00:25:50,838 --> 00:25:54,799
He said he'd never go back to police
work. Once a cop, always a cop.
342
00:25:54,866 --> 00:25:59,013
- He's married to his work.
- You'll always come in second.
343
00:25:59,124 --> 00:26:03,467
There was an article in Cosmo,
"Why all men are pigs".
344
00:26:03,536 --> 00:26:06,384
"Frank" is just another word for loser.
345
00:26:06,451 --> 00:26:08,034
I never want to see him again.
346
00:26:08,139 --> 00:26:10,758
I want to get as far away as possible.
347
00:26:10,825 --> 00:26:13,552
We'll go to my friend's cabin
by the smelting plant.
348
00:26:13,625 --> 00:26:15,545
The fresh air will do you good.
349
00:26:15,658 --> 00:26:18,124
Go easy.
That's your second bottle of Chanel.
350
00:26:18,190 --> 00:26:21,802
You're witnessing the beginning
of a new Jane Spencer-Drebin.
351
00:26:21,873 --> 00:26:25,255
No more little miss perky,
devoting her life to one man.
352
00:26:25,325 --> 00:26:27,213
I'm out for the new me.
353
00:26:27,282 --> 00:26:29,246
Let's burn rubber.
354
00:26:31,923 --> 00:26:35,732
- Didn't forget anything, did you?
- I hope not.
355
00:26:38,982 --> 00:26:43,172
Just calm down, ma'am. How many
bodies did you find in your pool?
356
00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:47,507
Sir, killing a gang member's
only an $18 fine. Just mail it in.
357
00:26:47,613 --> 00:26:50,156
Frank! Glad you could make it!
358
00:26:50,337 --> 00:26:51,723
- Welcome, buddy.
- Nordberg.
359
00:26:51,833 --> 00:26:54,026
Did you find Tanya's address, Frank?
360
00:26:54,097 --> 00:26:58,057
I wrote it on a hanky, and I can't
remember what I did with it.
361
00:26:58,163 --> 00:27:01,425
- I'm getting a bit rusty.
- It could happen to anybody.
362
00:27:01,539 --> 00:27:05,031
I brought you
some of Frank's never-fail fudge!
363
00:27:05,758 --> 00:27:08,028
You go on about your business.
364
00:27:08,137 --> 00:27:10,941
I'll stay out of your hair.
365
00:27:11,014 --> 00:27:12,400
It'll be...
366
00:27:13,738 --> 00:27:17,960
Frank, let me take that.
We've got a surprise for you.
367
00:27:18,034 --> 00:27:21,526
It's in honour of your 30 years
on the force. Nordberg.
368
00:27:23,865 --> 00:27:27,248
Oh, boy. This is really great.
369
00:27:30,809 --> 00:27:32,805
Thank you, guys.
370
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:34,615
We thought it might cheer you up.
371
00:27:34,683 --> 00:27:36,680
We heard about you and Jane.
372
00:27:36,755 --> 00:27:40,639
Jane, Jane. That name
will always remind me of her.
373
00:27:40,706 --> 00:27:43,816
Frank, I feel really bad about all of this.
374
00:27:43,890 --> 00:27:45,734
If there's anything you need.
375
00:27:45,808 --> 00:27:47,881
Dr. Kevorkian's home phone number?
376
00:27:47,956 --> 00:27:50,456
Nordberg, put it together.
377
00:27:50,526 --> 00:27:53,069
- Frank, you know we're here for you.
- Thanks, Ed.
378
00:27:53,135 --> 00:27:56,474
Well, look who's here.
Hi, Frank. Nice to see you.
379
00:27:56,549 --> 00:28:00,009
- I've got that data on the bomb.
- What did you find out?
380
00:28:00,117 --> 00:28:02,769
The explosive is a very fine powder.
381
00:28:03,263 --> 00:28:07,256
- It tastes like...
- That's fertilizer. Another case.
382
00:28:07,329 --> 00:28:09,751
This is what I'm talking about.
383
00:28:09,822 --> 00:28:12,594
We detected a high quantity
of nitroglycerine.
384
00:28:12,700 --> 00:28:16,344
- Can you tell us where it came from?
- I'd be glad to.
385
00:28:16,459 --> 00:28:19,263
Billions of years ago,
the earth was a molten mass...
386
00:28:19,336 --> 00:28:21,453
Ted, I'm talking about the powder.
387
00:28:21,523 --> 00:28:25,560
We don't know about that.
Let me take that urine specimen.
388
00:28:26,049 --> 00:28:29,661
We found a list
of the bomber's plans at the scene.
389
00:28:29,732 --> 00:28:31,041
On a hunch, we analyzed the paper.
390
00:28:31,113 --> 00:28:33,459
- And you got something?
- Yes.
391
00:28:33,530 --> 00:28:35,527
The paper's from Statesville Prison.
392
00:28:35,601 --> 00:28:39,791
- Are you sure?
- Positive. We analyzed the wood fibres
393
00:28:39,898 --> 00:28:42,855
and found them to be from
the rare Canary Island pine,
394
00:28:42,967 --> 00:28:44,243
which grows only in Oregon.
395
00:28:44,309 --> 00:28:46,655
Contacting paper mills in that area
396
00:28:46,726 --> 00:28:49,269
led us to a distribution centre
in Tacoma.
397
00:28:49,335 --> 00:28:51,528
Unfortunately, the trail ended there.
398
00:28:51,598 --> 00:28:55,133
- How'd you trace it to the prison?
- Right here on the letterhead.
399
00:28:55,818 --> 00:28:59,310
After comparing handwriting
of every known bomber
400
00:28:59,424 --> 00:29:01,236
serving a stretch in Statesville,
401
00:29:01,304 --> 00:29:03,377
we came up with a suspect.
Rocco Dillon.
402
00:29:03,452 --> 00:29:06,256
He's masterminding the bombings
from inside the prison.
403
00:29:06,329 --> 00:29:10,093
There's only one way to find out
where Rocco will strike next.
404
00:29:10,165 --> 00:29:12,359
We have to send someone in there.
405
00:29:12,429 --> 00:29:16,193
- I'll do it.
- I wouldn't feel right about that.
406
00:29:16,265 --> 00:29:18,840
If Rocco thinks you're a cop,
you might end up dead.
407
00:29:18,912 --> 00:29:21,487
"You might end up dead"
is my middle name.
408
00:29:21,559 --> 00:29:23,097
What about Jane?
409
00:29:23,170 --> 00:29:26,127
I don't know her middle name.
I need the action.
410
00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:27,892
I'm going inside the big house.
411
00:29:27,965 --> 00:29:31,075
Frank, Ed.
I think you might want to see this.
412
00:29:31,149 --> 00:29:34,684
We're testing out a prototype
for an anti-carjacking device.
413
00:29:34,755 --> 00:29:36,796
We'll see how it works.
414
00:29:36,865 --> 00:29:38,054
Get out!
415
00:29:38,860 --> 00:29:40,289
Don't make me... Argh!
416
00:29:45,535 --> 00:29:47,651
We call it the Denver jockstrap.
417
00:29:54,780 --> 00:29:58,773
After being retired for six months,
I was finally back in action.
418
00:29:58,885 --> 00:30:03,805
Faster than saying "spread 'em",
I was in Statesville Prison.
419
00:30:03,872 --> 00:30:06,905
I was surrounded by pimps,
rapists and murderers.
420
00:30:07,017 --> 00:30:09,974
It was like being in the stands
at an LA Raiders game.
421
00:30:10,048 --> 00:30:14,969
It was going to take all my police
experience just to stay alive here.
422
00:30:25,623 --> 00:30:28,350
After a long and generous cavity search,
423
00:30:28,423 --> 00:30:31,347
I reached my destination,
Maximum Security
424
00:30:32,374 --> 00:30:34,917
home of some of the most
violent sociopaths in the country.
425
00:30:34,983 --> 00:30:37,482
And the worst of them all, Rocco Dillon.
426
00:30:41,159 --> 00:30:42,436
All right, in here.
427
00:30:42,502 --> 00:30:45,121
Ain't no prison yet could hold me.
428
00:30:45,225 --> 00:30:46,731
Attica! Attica!
429
00:30:46,837 --> 00:30:49,947
Power to the brothers! Kill whitey!
430
00:30:50,059 --> 00:30:51,717
Kill whitey!
431
00:30:51,785 --> 00:30:53,979
Knock it off!
432
00:30:57,194 --> 00:30:59,235
You're chirping loud for a new canary.
433
00:30:59,304 --> 00:31:02,916
Keep flashing the big eyes
and I'll rotate your jaw.
434
00:31:02,987 --> 00:31:06,446
Hey! You know who you talking to?
435
00:31:06,516 --> 00:31:08,513
The man is Rocco Dillon.
436
00:31:08,588 --> 00:31:12,003
- Where's your prison number?
- It's unlisted.
437
00:31:12,079 --> 00:31:15,570
Just call me Nick "The Slasher" McGirk.
438
00:31:15,646 --> 00:31:19,716
Look, I'm the muscle in this pen.
Just stay out of my way.
439
00:31:19,789 --> 00:31:21,983
You just watch your step, McGirk.
440
00:31:22,053 --> 00:31:24,704
Take it from me,
this place changes a man.
441
00:31:24,776 --> 00:31:26,239
Yeah? How?
442
00:31:26,311 --> 00:31:27,926
I used to be white.
443
00:31:29,763 --> 00:31:32,338
I was the drummer for the Osmonds.
444
00:31:32,410 --> 00:31:36,753
Screw with me, he'll make you
feel pain like never before.
445
00:31:36,822 --> 00:31:39,441
I know. I remember the Osmonds.
446
00:31:40,735 --> 00:31:43,888
- Better hit the rack, McGirk.
- In a minute.
447
00:31:43,957 --> 00:31:48,224
First I'm gonna make a list of who
I'm gonna kill in the next few days.
448
00:31:48,292 --> 00:31:51,096
Lights out.
Lockdown in two minutes.
449
00:31:54,852 --> 00:31:57,885
My dearest snooky wookums
dumpling buns,
450
00:31:57,959 --> 00:31:59,727
I miss you so much.
451
00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:04,481
I haven't hurt this bad
since the last time I was dumped.
452
00:32:04,557 --> 00:32:08,366
I remember it well.
Her name was Gabriella.
453
00:32:08,432 --> 00:32:10,319
We were supposed to be married,
454
00:32:10,388 --> 00:32:13,728
but on the day of our wedding,
she never showed up.
455
00:32:17,639 --> 00:32:22,014
I was heartbroken. I figured
she had fallen for another man,
456
00:32:22,089 --> 00:32:25,013
someone who could do to her
what I never could.
457
00:32:25,081 --> 00:32:28,769
I thought my life was over
until that one glorious day.
458
00:32:30,375 --> 00:32:32,371
That was the day you became my wife.
459
00:32:32,446 --> 00:32:35,370
Our friends gathered
to celebrate our love.
460
00:32:35,438 --> 00:32:37,283
It seems like only yesterday.
461
00:32:37,356 --> 00:32:39,550
We were all so overjoyed.
462
00:32:39,658 --> 00:32:42,768
I remember wishing
we could take everyone with us.
463
00:32:42,842 --> 00:32:44,457
That was the happiest day of my life.
464
00:32:44,530 --> 00:32:48,643
I remember the plans we made.
Things were going to be so perfect.
465
00:32:48,711 --> 00:32:51,897
We got that housekeeper
you always wanted.
466
00:32:51,972 --> 00:32:54,198
Hi, Mr. D. Hi, Mrs. D.
467
00:32:54,274 --> 00:32:57,198
And I knew that eventually
our dream would come true.
468
00:32:57,266 --> 00:33:00,496
One day we'd have
our own Frank Drebin Jr.
469
00:33:00,565 --> 00:33:02,911
Shut up.
I'm trying to get some sleep.
470
00:33:02,982 --> 00:33:05,786
Nah, it's no use.
She'll never come back.
471
00:33:11,652 --> 00:33:14,074
You shake my nerves
and you rattle my brain
472
00:33:14,606 --> 00:33:16,951
Too much love drives a man insane
473
00:33:17,406 --> 00:33:19,829
You broke my will, but what a thrill
474
00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:23,131
Goodness gracious,
great balls of fire!
475
00:33:23,467 --> 00:33:26,010
I laughed at love
cos I thought it was funny
476
00:33:26,229 --> 00:33:28,804
You came along
and moved me, honey
477
00:33:29,375 --> 00:33:31,645
I changed my mind,
this love is fine
478
00:33:32,290 --> 00:33:34,909
Goodness gracious,
great balls of fire!
479
00:34:09,002 --> 00:34:10,967
Bend over and pick it up for me,
480
00:34:11,995 --> 00:34:13,730
would you, lover?
481
00:34:13,798 --> 00:34:15,565
No problem.
482
00:34:25,651 --> 00:34:28,532
Rocco could tell
from my escapade in the shower
483
00:34:28,605 --> 00:34:30,569
that I was well-endowed with courage.
484
00:34:30,638 --> 00:34:32,483
Now I had to get on the inside.
485
00:34:32,556 --> 00:34:36,627
Like a blind man at an orgy, I was
going to have to feel things out.
486
00:34:38,004 --> 00:34:42,925
Tyrone, I got the escape
plans right here. Just you and me.
487
00:34:42,991 --> 00:34:45,948
- Burnett wants in.
- Burnett's one of the guards!
488
00:34:46,060 --> 00:34:48,330
I know, but he's unhappy here.
489
00:34:48,400 --> 00:34:50,364
All right, all right. Whatever.
490
00:34:50,433 --> 00:34:52,736
Got it all worked out right here.
491
00:34:56,110 --> 00:34:59,842
What's this?
Another letter from your mommy?
492
00:34:59,908 --> 00:35:02,527
- That's private!
- Let's see what we have.
493
00:35:02,594 --> 00:35:06,205
- Give the man back his letter.
- Buzz off, butter cheeks.
494
00:35:07,657 --> 00:35:10,614
What's so special about a little letter?
495
00:35:10,688 --> 00:35:13,569
Wait a minute. An escape plan!
496
00:35:13,872 --> 00:35:17,102
This is your ticket
to another 20 years, Dillon.
497
00:35:17,171 --> 00:35:19,397
If the warden gets one look at this...
498
00:35:19,473 --> 00:35:22,932
Hey! You call this slop?
499
00:35:23,002 --> 00:35:25,305
Real slop has got chunks in it!
500
00:35:25,419 --> 00:35:27,721
This is more like gruel!
501
00:35:27,797 --> 00:35:31,027
And this Chateau le Blanc '68
502
00:35:31,096 --> 00:35:33,639
is supposed to be served slightly chilled!
503
00:35:33,705 --> 00:35:38,626
This is room temperature!
What do you think we are, animals?
504
00:35:38,692 --> 00:35:40,384
No!
505
00:35:40,457 --> 00:35:42,759
What are we?
506
00:35:42,835 --> 00:35:44,602
Homo sapiens?
507
00:35:45,712 --> 00:35:50,055
You're right!
We are men! We are men!
508
00:35:50,315 --> 00:35:52,127
We are men!
509
00:35:52,234 --> 00:35:53,587
We are men!
510
00:35:54,075 --> 00:35:55,581
We are men!
511
00:35:55,763 --> 00:35:57,149
We are men!
512
00:36:27,258 --> 00:36:30,335
Left hand blue.
Whose hand is that?
513
00:36:39,495 --> 00:36:42,954
Come on, son. You can do it.
Eat some beans!
514
00:37:03,778 --> 00:37:07,891
You saved my bacon, McGirk.
I'd be in solitary if you hadn't done that.
515
00:37:07,959 --> 00:37:11,037
I've been watching you.
You handle yourself good.
516
00:37:11,105 --> 00:37:13,069
- "Really well".
- Whatever.
517
00:37:13,177 --> 00:37:17,170
I got something big on the outside.
I could use you in my gang.
518
00:37:17,243 --> 00:37:19,163
- Dental plan?
- Full coverage.
519
00:37:19,238 --> 00:37:21,311
- What's the caper?
- First we bust out.
520
00:37:21,386 --> 00:37:25,150
Thanks to you, we still have
our escape plan. Let's have it.
521
00:37:25,222 --> 00:37:27,645
- It's a good plan.
- I've had better.
522
00:37:27,716 --> 00:37:30,749
Listen, I've got a fool-proof plan.
523
00:37:32,051 --> 00:37:33,556
They got Tyrone.
524
00:37:34,928 --> 00:37:37,884
Can't... Can't we all just get along?
525
00:37:43,329 --> 00:37:46,515
Now that Tyrone was in solitary
it was just me and Rocco.
526
00:37:46,590 --> 00:37:48,510
He had to trust me.
527
00:37:48,584 --> 00:37:50,429
Shh! Hold on.
528
00:37:50,502 --> 00:37:52,118
Okay.
529
00:37:52,190 --> 00:37:54,536
I convinced Rocco to dig a tunnel.
530
00:37:54,607 --> 00:37:56,571
It was that or go out in a laundry truck.
531
00:37:56,640 --> 00:37:59,826
The thought of lying nose down
in skid marks
532
00:37:59,939 --> 00:38:02,089
didn't leave a good taste in my mouth.
533
00:38:06,921 --> 00:38:08,885
Disposing of the dirt
was a problem I solved
534
00:38:08,954 --> 00:38:10,569
early in the construction.
535
00:38:10,642 --> 00:38:14,134
Apart from some chafing,
we made good progress.
536
00:38:14,248 --> 00:38:15,362
We kept digging.
537
00:38:15,438 --> 00:38:18,548
Dummies gave the impression
we were still in our cell.
538
00:38:19,619 --> 00:38:20,699
Lights out.
539
00:38:21,038 --> 00:38:25,305
There was more dirt than I thought.
Disposing of it was becoming tricky.
540
00:38:47,009 --> 00:38:48,667
Safe!
541
00:38:49,771 --> 00:38:51,506
Ninety-nine bottles of beer
on the wall
542
00:38:52,994 --> 00:38:55,339
If one of those bottles
should happen to fall
543
00:38:55,487 --> 00:38:57,331
Ninety-eight bottles of beer
on the wall
544
00:38:57,482 --> 00:39:00,745
Ninety-eight bottles of beer
on the wall...
545
00:39:01,241 --> 00:39:02,627
Where are you going?
546
00:39:02,737 --> 00:39:06,928
- Are you thinking of Frank again?
- They're playing our song.
547
00:39:06,996 --> 00:39:09,647
I understand. Take your time.
548
00:39:25,716 --> 00:39:27,560
- Hello there.
- Excuse me.
549
00:39:27,634 --> 00:39:31,246
I'm hauling a load of rice cakes to Big D.
Coming with me?
550
00:39:31,317 --> 00:39:32,354
No.
551
00:39:32,429 --> 00:39:34,088
- How about a kiss?
- No.
552
00:39:34,156 --> 00:39:37,004
When a woman says no,
she means yes.
553
00:39:37,071 --> 00:39:39,570
- How about that kiss?
- Yes.
554
00:39:39,641 --> 00:39:44,137
No? I know your type. Come on, baby.
We're two of a kind.
555
00:39:57,326 --> 00:39:59,519
Oh, my God! You killed him!
556
00:39:59,589 --> 00:40:01,401
It was an accident. Call the police.
557
00:40:01,469 --> 00:40:05,965
Come to your senses. You killed a man.
You're a hero to every woman.
558
00:40:06,034 --> 00:40:08,958
We have to call Frank. He'll protect us.
559
00:40:09,026 --> 00:40:11,950
Frank is a man.
He'll see you locked away forever.
560
00:40:14,359 --> 00:40:17,851
Jane, I want to join you, to help
you kill as many men as possible.
561
00:40:18,348 --> 00:40:19,308
Yipes!
562
00:40:20,727 --> 00:40:23,422
Louise, do what you have to do.
I'm calling Frank.
563
00:40:27,095 --> 00:40:28,524
Oh, boy, did that hurt.
564
00:40:28,591 --> 00:40:32,279
Be home, Frank. Answer the phone.
565
00:40:32,465 --> 00:40:33,742
Frank!
566
00:40:33,961 --> 00:40:35,576
Hi, this is Frank.And Jane.
567
00:40:35,649 --> 00:40:40,483
We're the Drebins. We're nothome right now so leave a message!
568
00:40:41,787 --> 00:40:44,013
- Which button is it?
- Not that one!
569
00:40:55,175 --> 00:40:58,591
"Tanya"? It was another woman.
Frank wasn't lying.
570
00:40:58,973 --> 00:41:02,508
"Honeymoon Bay Road."
I bet they're alone there now!
571
00:41:02,886 --> 00:41:03,890
Frank!
572
00:41:03,960 --> 00:41:05,618
Cell inspection.
573
00:41:07,720 --> 00:41:10,447
There's been a rumor
of a possible breakout.
574
00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:14,514
If we suspect anyone
of attempting to escape,
575
00:41:14,586 --> 00:41:17,740
they will be punished severely.
576
00:41:18,806 --> 00:41:22,375
Once word of the escape was out,
we headed for the tunnel.
577
00:41:22,451 --> 00:41:24,721
The last few feet were dug on the run.
578
00:41:24,791 --> 00:41:28,981
Another 47 yards would
take us beyond the prison walls.
579
00:41:29,049 --> 00:41:33,316
May he rest in peace,
in the arms of our... Jesus Christ!
580
00:41:33,384 --> 00:41:35,042
Amen.
581
00:41:35,110 --> 00:41:38,220
Rocco had arrangedfor a car to meet us.
582
00:41:40,289 --> 00:41:42,754
After making a slight adjustment
583
00:41:42,859 --> 00:41:46,852
we arrived at the rendez-vous point,
a Los Angeles city high school.
584
00:42:00,467 --> 00:42:02,431
Hey, that was close.
585
00:42:02,538 --> 00:42:06,107
Hey, Rocco, who's the old hag?
She take one in the face?
586
00:42:06,912 --> 00:42:08,799
She's my mother.
587
00:42:08,868 --> 00:42:12,829
Mrs. Dillon. Your son is a ruthless,
sadistic, cold-blooded animal.
588
00:42:12,896 --> 00:42:16,006
- You must be proud of him.
- I am.
589
00:42:16,080 --> 00:42:19,724
I want you to meet a real square egg,
Nick "The Slasher" McGirk.
590
00:42:19,801 --> 00:42:21,950
There's fresh clothes in the back.
591
00:42:22,026 --> 00:42:27,711
Rocco's mom was quiet. I felt
she didn't care for me coming along.
592
00:42:27,819 --> 00:42:32,620
Like a midget at a urinal,
I was going to have to stay on my toes.
593
00:42:43,854 --> 00:42:45,240
Hey! Stop!
594
00:42:49,647 --> 00:42:50,880
Oh, Frank.
595
00:43:06,334 --> 00:43:10,404
It wasn't my fault. That cow
shouldn't have been in the road.
596
00:43:10,477 --> 00:43:12,364
Hurry up. You're letting the flies in.
597
00:43:12,433 --> 00:43:14,976
- What do you think?
- Great setup.
598
00:43:15,042 --> 00:43:19,417
No phone, miles from the nearest
town, Playboy channel. Perfect.
599
00:43:19,492 --> 00:43:21,870
Nice digs. But I'm here for the action.
600
00:43:21,947 --> 00:43:24,828
What is it? Bank, armored car, payroll?
601
00:43:24,939 --> 00:43:28,169
You're getting
a little bit too nosy, McGirk.
602
00:43:28,238 --> 00:43:29,973
Relax, Ma.
603
00:43:30,041 --> 00:43:33,195
- She's itching to use her new gun.
- I know the feeling.
604
00:43:53,557 --> 00:43:57,627
It was Tanya.
That bathing suit was never happier.
605
00:43:57,738 --> 00:44:01,383
I had only a second to admire the view.
I had to watch out.
606
00:44:01,498 --> 00:44:04,804
If she made me as a cop,
I'd be tonight's meat loaf.
607
00:44:04,874 --> 00:44:06,609
Come here, sexy.
608
00:44:06,677 --> 00:44:09,328
You're all woman.
I could tell by looking at you.
609
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:11,866
Hey, she's referring to me.
610
00:44:12,738 --> 00:44:15,116
I was talking about your mother.
611
00:44:17,111 --> 00:44:20,221
That's no way to be
walking around. Get some clothes on.
612
00:44:20,295 --> 00:44:22,292
And what are you doing
in my bathing suit?
613
00:44:23,939 --> 00:44:25,904
Hey, who's the stud?
614
00:44:25,973 --> 00:44:28,548
Meet the newest member of our gang.
615
00:44:29,579 --> 00:44:32,274
Slasher McGirk, meet Tanya Peters.
616
00:44:32,379 --> 00:44:35,227
Wait a minute.
Don't I know you from somewhere?
617
00:44:35,410 --> 00:44:38,443
I smelled cop on him
the minute I saw him.
618
00:44:38,517 --> 00:44:41,365
I get it all the time.
It's the underwear ads.
619
00:44:42,046 --> 00:44:46,542
- Are you saying you're not a cop?
- Well, yeah.
620
00:44:47,148 --> 00:44:49,648
- That's good enough for me.
- Me, too.
621
00:44:49,718 --> 00:44:52,338
All right. I'm glad that's all cleared up.
622
00:44:52,404 --> 00:44:54,706
Ma, why not kiss and make up?
623
00:44:55,933 --> 00:44:57,897
Well, all right.
624
00:45:07,864 --> 00:45:09,904
Now that's more like it.
625
00:45:25,395 --> 00:45:26,900
Uh! Ow.
626
00:45:30,497 --> 00:45:32,538
I had to geta message to Police Squad.
627
00:45:32,607 --> 00:45:35,531
This was more than I could handle.
628
00:45:35,599 --> 00:45:37,748
No phone, miles from civilization,
629
00:45:37,824 --> 00:45:40,551
my prospects look bleaker
than a gerbil's in a bathhouse.
630
00:45:40,624 --> 00:45:44,662
Who's down there? Slasher.
631
00:45:45,420 --> 00:45:46,773
Have you seen my pigeon?
632
00:45:48,105 --> 00:45:52,447
- Pigeon? What pigeon?
- What are you doing?
633
00:45:52,516 --> 00:45:56,663
I'm just contemplating my next move.
634
00:45:56,736 --> 00:45:59,006
Your bishop is exposed.
635
00:45:59,076 --> 00:46:02,765
It's these pants.
I usually wear a fuller cut.
636
00:46:02,836 --> 00:46:05,792
You're all man. I like that in my men.
637
00:46:05,866 --> 00:46:08,671
You're coming on to me big-time, sister,
638
00:46:08,743 --> 00:46:10,663
but we got a problem.
639
00:46:10,777 --> 00:46:14,694
- You're Jewish?
- No. You're Rocco's girl.
640
00:46:14,766 --> 00:46:18,804
In my book, that chapter's
called "Look, But Don't Touch".
641
00:46:20,712 --> 00:46:22,676
I could have two lovers.
642
00:46:24,280 --> 00:46:27,815
Kinky. But I like my sex
the way I play basketball,
643
00:46:27,886 --> 00:46:30,385
one-on-one,
with as little dribbling as possible.
644
00:46:38,013 --> 00:46:41,014
Oh, you're tense, Slasher.
645
00:46:42,003 --> 00:46:45,266
Well, I could relax more
if I knew about tomorrow.
646
00:46:45,379 --> 00:46:48,532
You wouldn't know anything
about that, would you?
647
00:46:48,601 --> 00:46:53,020
All I know is it's downtown and big.
648
00:46:53,090 --> 00:46:55,283
That's the way I like it.
649
00:46:56,504 --> 00:46:59,537
- What else?
- Just this.
650
00:47:03,255 --> 00:47:04,335
What are you doing?
651
00:47:05,327 --> 00:47:08,862
Thank you for the advice.
I'll try that recipe, Miss Peters.
652
00:47:08,933 --> 00:47:10,242
How could you?
653
00:47:10,314 --> 00:47:12,692
Just shove your tongue in
as far as you can.
654
00:47:12,846 --> 00:47:13,806
Oh!
655
00:47:15,646 --> 00:47:17,643
Quiet. You don't know me here.
656
00:47:17,718 --> 00:47:19,714
That's a goodbye kiss, sister.
657
00:47:19,789 --> 00:47:21,906
What's all this? Who's the skirt?
658
00:47:21,976 --> 00:47:26,580
Just some dizzy dame. Probably broke
down. I'll take her to the bus depot.
659
00:47:26,656 --> 00:47:30,617
Hey, she's married.
What if her husband comes looking?
660
00:47:30,684 --> 00:47:33,150
- He must be a great guy.
- He breaks promises.
661
00:47:33,216 --> 00:47:36,293
Look at you, traipsing all over,
just to spite him.
662
00:47:36,361 --> 00:47:38,281
- He left me.
- You left him.
663
00:47:38,356 --> 00:47:40,626
- You should talk.
- Listen to you.
664
00:47:40,773 --> 00:47:42,236
- Listen to you.
- Listen to you.
665
00:47:42,307 --> 00:47:43,966
- Listen to you!
- Listen to you!
666
00:47:44,456 --> 00:47:46,529
Jeez, you two, knock it off!
667
00:47:46,604 --> 00:47:49,452
- You'd think you're married!
- What'll we do with her?
668
00:47:49,519 --> 00:47:52,979
One thing's for sure.
There's no room for her here.
669
00:47:53,049 --> 00:47:56,355
- I say we bump her off.
- Let's plug her here.
670
00:47:56,425 --> 00:48:00,156
I've been on a job where I'd have
given my eye teeth for a hostage.
671
00:48:00,222 --> 00:48:02,765
We know women
make the best hostages.
672
00:48:02,831 --> 00:48:05,788
They're small, easy to move,
eat less, smell nice.
673
00:48:05,862 --> 00:48:09,244
Yeah, we got us an insurance policy.
674
00:48:09,314 --> 00:48:12,697
Good thinking, kid.
Now, let's get some shuteye.
675
00:48:12,767 --> 00:48:14,152
We got a big day ahead of us.
676
00:48:21,053 --> 00:48:22,482
All right, it's rigged.
677
00:48:22,549 --> 00:48:25,964
Watch the tower, Slasher.
This is what'll happen tonight.
678
00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:27,927
Hey, aren't we far away?
679
00:48:28,610 --> 00:48:29,570
Oh!
680
00:48:30,528 --> 00:48:32,034
All right, pay attention.
681
00:48:32,139 --> 00:48:36,023
On that tower's a device
that's gonna net us 5 million bucks.
682
00:48:36,091 --> 00:48:39,047
We're gonna detonate it this evening
683
00:48:39,121 --> 00:48:41,500
at an event that the whole world
will be watching.
684
00:48:41,576 --> 00:48:45,723
- Your crowning achievement.
- It's for both of us, Ma. All set!
685
00:48:45,796 --> 00:48:47,259
Set!
686
00:49:08,928 --> 00:49:10,543
Very impressive.
687
00:49:10,654 --> 00:49:12,771
Heh-heh-heh-heh. Cool.
688
00:49:13,225 --> 00:49:15,418
Heh-heh-heh-heh. Cool.
689
00:49:21,089 --> 00:49:24,471
America will be brought to its knees
by this terrorist act.
690
00:49:24,580 --> 00:49:28,540
This will be more embarrassing
to the US than Tonya Harding.
691
00:49:28,608 --> 00:49:32,525
We're almost there. I don't wanna
miss this. Regards to Mrs. Qaddafi.
692
00:49:32,597 --> 00:49:34,441
Tell her thanks for the cookies.
693
00:49:37,162 --> 00:49:39,159
It's a beautiful night in Los Angeles,
694
00:49:39,234 --> 00:49:43,762
and the stars are shining bright
for the 66th Academy Awards.
695
00:49:43,876 --> 00:49:48,066
Fans are clamouring to see
their favorite celebrities.
696
00:49:48,134 --> 00:49:50,905
It's Weird Al Yankovic and Vanna White.
697
00:50:02,366 --> 00:50:06,665
Put the dame in the trunk. I'll meet
you and Ma round back in 10 minutes.
698
00:50:07,736 --> 00:50:08,926
Got the passes?
699
00:50:10,153 --> 00:50:12,041
If we pull this off, it's 5 million big ones.
700
00:50:12,110 --> 00:50:13,572
Not bad!
701
00:50:13,644 --> 00:50:16,493
- What's going to happen to me?
- I have an idea.
702
00:50:16,560 --> 00:50:19,331
Right, Slasher. You know what to do.
703
00:50:19,437 --> 00:50:21,433
Check the tyres and fluid levels.
704
00:50:21,508 --> 00:50:26,157
No, you muffin head, the dame.
We hit trouble, she's a bullet shield.
705
00:50:30,025 --> 00:50:34,367
Ladies and gentlemen, to presentthe lifetime achievement award...
706
00:50:34,436 --> 00:50:37,819
Roll tape. Go to clip. Aspirin, please.
707
00:50:37,889 --> 00:50:39,930
Go to three. Ready, four.
708
00:50:41,687 --> 00:50:44,306
This year's lifetime achievement
award winner's credits
709
00:50:44,372 --> 00:50:47,405
include some of the greatest moments
on celluloid.
710
00:50:47,479 --> 00:50:51,397
Films such asSandals and Loincloth, 1958,
711
00:50:51,469 --> 00:50:54,120
Sweaty Boatmen, 1959,
712
00:50:54,192 --> 00:50:56,495
The Leather-clad Centurion, 1960,
713
00:50:56,571 --> 00:50:59,877
and his first color feature in 1966,
714
00:50:59,947 --> 00:51:02,140
Big Shiny Spears.
715
00:51:07,811 --> 00:51:10,768
Okay, there's the man
from Bryce Porterhouse.
716
00:51:10,841 --> 00:51:15,796
He guards the envelopes until
they're handed out. He won't budge.
717
00:51:15,867 --> 00:51:19,249
You know what to do.
Distract him so I can plant the bomb.
718
00:51:19,319 --> 00:51:23,433
Accepting the award for Mr.Broncowitz is Margaret Redfeather.
719
00:51:40,418 --> 00:51:41,695
That ought to do it.
720
00:51:42,528 --> 00:51:44,034
You'll never get away with this.
721
00:51:44,139 --> 00:51:46,365
Rocco will kill you, whoever you are.
722
00:51:46,441 --> 00:51:48,328
Frank Drebin, Police Squad.
723
00:51:48,397 --> 00:51:51,398
- Isn't that a little unusual?
- It's happened before.
724
00:51:51,466 --> 00:51:53,660
- Here's the plan.
- You'll never stop Rocco.
725
00:51:53,730 --> 00:51:57,112
- Your chances are one in a million.
- Better than any state lottery.
726
00:51:57,182 --> 00:52:00,292
I'm the good guy.
I can't let the bad guys win.
727
00:52:00,366 --> 00:52:01,949
Our children can't be raised in fear.
728
00:52:02,016 --> 00:52:05,169
They're going to blow
that place sky high.
729
00:52:05,238 --> 00:52:08,119
It'll be a tragedy.
Unless it's during a dance number.
730
00:52:08,192 --> 00:52:09,730
Come on.
731
00:52:26,069 --> 00:52:27,258
Does that radio work?
732
00:52:33,281 --> 00:52:35,659
Call Police Squad.
Tell them Frank Drebin...
733
00:52:42,411 --> 00:52:43,490
Forget it.
734
00:52:45,211 --> 00:52:47,906
I wonder what the devil he wanted?
735
00:52:52,922 --> 00:52:55,999
- Hold on.
- Frank Drebin, Police Squad.
736
00:52:56,067 --> 00:52:59,712
- Yeah, and I'm Robert de Niro.
- Mr. de Niro, we must get inside.
737
00:52:59,788 --> 00:53:02,669
You and 10,000 other people.
Move along.
738
00:53:02,742 --> 00:53:05,285
- Movie stars only.
- Come on.
739
00:53:05,888 --> 00:53:07,317
I've got a better idea.
740
00:53:07,576 --> 00:53:09,114
Cue talent.
741
00:53:09,187 --> 00:53:11,959
To present the awardfor best supporting actress,
742
00:53:12,026 --> 00:53:15,408
Mariel Hemingway and Elliott Gould.
743
00:53:24,263 --> 00:53:26,031
Thank you.
744
00:53:26,104 --> 00:53:29,105
The nominees
for best supporting actress are,
745
00:53:29,173 --> 00:53:31,399
Mary Lou Retton, Fatal Affair.
746
00:53:31,475 --> 00:53:34,781
One woman's ordeal
to overcome the death of her cat,
747
00:53:34,851 --> 00:53:37,578
set against the background
of the Hindenburg disaster.
748
00:53:43,291 --> 00:53:45,790
Morgan Fairchild, Final Proposal.
749
00:53:45,899 --> 00:53:49,969
One courageous pioneer woman's
triumphant victory over bulimia,
750
00:53:50,042 --> 00:53:52,465
set during the Donner Party crossing.
751
00:54:10,067 --> 00:54:12,566
Sorry about this,
but it's official police business.
752
00:54:15,591 --> 00:54:17,817
Shannen Doherty, Basic Analysis.
753
00:54:17,893 --> 00:54:20,271
One woman's triumph
over a yeast infection,
754
00:54:20,348 --> 00:54:24,418
set against the background of the
tragic Buffalo Bills' season of 1991.
755
00:54:34,350 --> 00:54:36,194
Thank you, Sheriff.
756
00:54:36,268 --> 00:54:38,843
Still no word of Frank or Rocco's gang.
757
00:54:38,915 --> 00:54:41,567
I'm worried.
He should have called by now.
758
00:54:53,185 --> 00:54:55,150
Let me just check your tickets.
759
00:54:55,257 --> 00:54:57,952
Lovely gown, is that Cool Whip?
760
00:54:58,057 --> 00:55:01,440
Tim and Erica Brown.
Okay, enjoy the show.
761
00:55:01,510 --> 00:55:04,205
Let's see, Vanna White
and Weird Al Yankovic.
762
00:55:04,272 --> 00:55:07,458
Okay, enjoy the awards.
763
00:55:08,108 --> 00:55:09,571
And three.
764
00:55:09,643 --> 00:55:12,524
And Florence Henderson,Analysis of a Proposal.
765
00:55:13,555 --> 00:55:16,785
- Rocco could be anywhere.
- Where could the bomb be?
766
00:55:16,855 --> 00:55:19,965
- The winner is...
- This is going to be dynamite.
767
00:55:20,039 --> 00:55:23,072
- Jane!
- Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
768
00:55:23,146 --> 00:55:25,645
Florence Henderson
is going to win!
769
00:55:25,716 --> 00:55:29,448
- No! The bomb's in the envelope.
- You're right!
770
00:55:29,514 --> 00:55:31,784
And the winner is...
771
00:55:31,854 --> 00:55:32,858
Argh!
772
00:55:32,928 --> 00:55:35,198
Mary Lou Retton for Fatal Affair.
773
00:55:35,268 --> 00:55:37,887
Yes! Yes!
774
00:55:38,529 --> 00:55:40,995
Sorry. We were rooting
for Florence Henderson.
775
00:55:41,099 --> 00:55:44,285
We must get those envelopes
before they open any more.
776
00:55:47,812 --> 00:55:49,198
Yes!
777
00:55:52,991 --> 00:55:54,454
I never realized there'd be so many.
778
00:55:54,526 --> 00:55:56,675
They added 75 new categories.
779
00:55:56,751 --> 00:55:59,173
"Best actor in a Columbus movie"?
780
00:55:59,244 --> 00:56:02,430
To present the awardfor best director,
781
00:56:02,505 --> 00:56:07,186
Raquel Welch and the host of
his own talk show, Phil Donahue.
782
00:56:07,262 --> 00:56:10,830
That might be the envelope
with the bomb. Keep looking.
783
00:56:10,906 --> 00:56:12,947
One more second, Mr. Donahue.
784
00:56:28,399 --> 00:56:31,018
Oh, my God! Look at Donahue!
785
00:56:38,143 --> 00:56:40,184
Stop the stairs, Joey!
786
00:56:42,286 --> 00:56:43,639
Thank you.
787
00:56:43,705 --> 00:56:47,011
Ladies and gentlemen,
it's my pleasure to present...
788
00:56:52,605 --> 00:56:53,991
What the hell?
789
00:56:56,595 --> 00:56:58,897
- Jesus!
- Go to commercial.
790
00:56:58,973 --> 00:57:02,782
Easy, now. Talk to me.
What happened, Ma?
791
00:57:02,848 --> 00:57:06,034
Slasher is Frank Drebin of Police Squad.
792
00:57:06,108 --> 00:57:08,608
That lousy, two-bit, copper punk!
793
00:57:08,679 --> 00:57:12,214
I treat him like my brother,
the one I didn't kill.
794
00:57:12,285 --> 00:57:14,860
- He might find the bomb.
- Not if I find him first.
795
00:57:16,389 --> 00:57:18,430
Back from commercialin five seconds.
796
00:57:18,538 --> 00:57:21,080
Hurry with the mike and cue Donahue.
797
00:57:24,138 --> 00:57:26,179
Read the card, moron.
798
00:57:28,895 --> 00:57:33,500
Well, Raquel, this certainly
is a special evening. Phew!
799
00:57:33,575 --> 00:57:37,110
I can barely catch my breath.
Turn it over to Raquel.
800
00:57:37,220 --> 00:57:39,685
I'm used to being out of breath...
801
00:57:39,752 --> 00:57:41,181
What the hell?
802
00:57:41,248 --> 00:57:44,204
Hold for laughter and applause.To Phil.
803
00:57:44,278 --> 00:57:47,584
Gets me out of breath just watching.To Raquel...
804
00:57:47,654 --> 00:57:49,160
I read that.
805
00:57:49,227 --> 00:57:53,265
But let's get to the subject at hand.Pick up the envelope.
806
00:57:53,332 --> 00:57:56,059
The nominees for best director are...
807
00:57:56,132 --> 00:57:58,936
Sir Richard Attenborough for his musical
808
00:57:59,009 --> 00:58:02,392
on the life of Mother Teresa, Mother.
809
00:58:02,615 --> 00:58:03,652
Food! I love food
810
00:58:03,804 --> 00:58:04,994
And I'm really in the mood
811
00:58:05,070 --> 00:58:06,805
For a big corn dog or pupu platter
812
00:58:06,873 --> 00:58:09,448
Two ding-dongs,
have some tuna helper
813
00:58:09,559 --> 00:58:11,064
I'll be racing back for more
814
00:58:11,285 --> 00:58:14,209
But don't add any salsa
cos I'll blow chunks on the floor
815
00:58:14,507 --> 00:58:16,275
Ooh
816
00:58:17,308 --> 00:58:18,584
Ooh
817
00:58:20,070 --> 00:58:21,379
Yahoo
818
00:58:23,139 --> 00:58:26,369
Spike Lee, XII, The Merchandising.
819
00:58:26,591 --> 00:58:30,934
Nordberg, look!
That's Frank at the Academy Awards.
820
00:58:31,003 --> 00:58:33,076
- How'd he get tickets?
- Nordberg!
821
00:58:33,343 --> 00:58:36,453
That's where Rocco
is going to strike next.
822
00:58:36,527 --> 00:58:38,720
He's planning to blow up
the Academy Awards.
823
00:58:38,790 --> 00:58:42,205
- We've got to go.
- We're not invited. We're cops.
824
00:58:44,122 --> 00:58:45,508
It's for you.
825
00:58:46,156 --> 00:58:50,303
Nordberg, Police Squad.
Hello? Hello?
826
00:58:51,833 --> 00:58:54,452
Henderson, see about this phone.
I think it's broke.
827
00:58:56,897 --> 00:58:59,745
And now, today'slucky lotto numbers.
828
00:58:59,812 --> 00:59:04,733
Get your tickets ready.
12, 22, 18 and 9.
829
00:59:06,219 --> 00:59:10,518
And for his tale of genetics gone
haywire in a retirement community
830
00:59:10,592 --> 00:59:14,007
Steven Spielberg, Geriatric Park.
831
00:59:34,108 --> 00:59:36,224
The winner is...
832
00:59:37,790 --> 00:59:40,868
Raquel, just a second.
I just had a thought.
833
00:59:40,936 --> 00:59:42,289
Christ!
834
00:59:42,355 --> 00:59:45,389
This show is being seen
all over the world.
835
00:59:45,463 --> 00:59:47,230
If we could send good thoughts,
836
00:59:47,304 --> 00:59:50,763
transmit them through these cameras,
to the leader of China.
837
00:59:50,833 --> 00:59:53,408
Wing Wa Woo Tong,
838
00:59:53,480 --> 00:59:56,863
so that they might finally be nice.
839
00:59:56,933 --> 00:59:58,974
Thank you.
840
01:00:00,385 --> 01:00:02,688
And the winner is...
841
01:00:02,764 --> 01:00:06,682
Raquel, so many
go to bed hungry in this nation.
842
01:00:06,753 --> 01:00:08,488
Yet, cat food's full of tuna.
843
01:00:08,556 --> 01:00:10,935
I can't help thinking
each time I go to the zoo
844
01:00:11,012 --> 01:00:14,089
and see those porpoises
crammed into tiny tanks,
845
01:00:14,157 --> 01:00:16,121
what a waste that is.
846
01:00:16,190 --> 01:00:18,110
Butcher half of them now.
847
01:00:18,185 --> 01:00:21,720
Hundreds of pounds of dolphin meat
that could be fed to cats,
848
01:00:21,791 --> 01:00:25,480
freeing up that tuna
for our nation's hungry.
849
01:00:30,998 --> 01:00:34,686
- And the winner is...
- So many are cold,
850
01:00:34,757 --> 01:00:36,983
shivering in the night.
851
01:00:37,098 --> 01:00:39,323
I say take those cats and skin them.
852
01:00:39,399 --> 01:00:43,088
Use their fur to keep hundreds warm.
853
01:00:43,159 --> 01:00:45,155
Jesus, Phil!
854
01:00:45,230 --> 01:00:47,227
And the winner is...
855
01:00:56,624 --> 01:00:57,900
Give me that!
856
01:00:58,925 --> 01:00:59,885
Ohh!
857
01:01:05,562 --> 01:01:07,711
- Not one move.
- That barrel's cold.
858
01:01:07,787 --> 01:01:09,479
It's room temperature.
859
01:01:11,163 --> 01:01:14,011
It's okay.
It's not the bomb.
860
01:01:22,249 --> 01:01:23,209
Jane?
861
01:01:23,669 --> 01:01:24,629
Jane?
862
01:01:28,425 --> 01:01:29,385
Jane?
863
01:01:32,453 --> 01:01:34,417
- Silver hair.
- About 6'2".
864
01:01:34,487 --> 01:01:36,374
Looked like Phil Donahue.
865
01:01:37,172 --> 01:01:39,092
- That's the guy!
- Get him!
866
01:01:41,814 --> 01:01:43,658
Ladies and gentlemen,
867
01:01:43,732 --> 01:01:47,114
please welcome internationally
renowned singing star, Pia Zadora.
868
01:01:47,798 --> 01:01:49,915
You're walkin' along the street
869
01:01:49,985 --> 01:01:51,261
or you're at a party,..
870
01:01:51,327 --> 01:01:53,706
There he is! Stop him.
871
01:01:54,780 --> 01:01:57,813
Excuse me.
Isn't that snot on your shoe?
872
01:01:59,230 --> 01:02:01,849
I'll stay here. You check the wings.
873
01:02:01,953 --> 01:02:04,758
...that this could be
the start of somethin' big...
874
01:02:06,518 --> 01:02:09,901
Oh, no!
Not him again? Please, God.
875
01:02:10,393 --> 01:02:13,732
Who knows what's written
in that magic book?
876
01:02:15,073 --> 01:02:17,299
But when a lover you discover
877
01:02:17,490 --> 01:02:18,996
At the gate, my friend
878
01:02:19,485 --> 01:02:23,293
Invite him in
without a second look
879
01:02:23,513 --> 01:02:25,477
You're watchin' the sun come up
880
01:02:26,198 --> 01:02:27,158
or countin' your...
881
01:03:06,286 --> 01:03:07,944
Grab him!
882
01:03:17,718 --> 01:03:20,674
I'm Ed Hocken.
This is Officer Nordberg.
883
01:03:20,748 --> 01:03:24,054
- We're here to prevent a disaster.
- You're too late.
884
01:03:28,037 --> 01:03:29,957
You're watchin' the sun...
885
01:03:30,530 --> 01:03:31,490
Frank!
886
01:03:31,566 --> 01:03:34,218
or countin' your money
887
01:03:34,789 --> 01:03:38,248
or else in a dim cafe
888
01:03:38,510 --> 01:03:41,587
You're orderin' wine
889
01:03:41,847 --> 01:03:44,270
Then suddenly there he is
890
01:03:44,417 --> 01:03:46,458
You want to be where he is...
891
01:03:46,527 --> 01:03:49,070
Come on, Nordberg.
We've got to get Frank.
892
01:03:49,251 --> 01:03:50,484
...the start of somethin'
893
01:03:50,670 --> 01:03:53,016
This could be
the heart of somethin'
894
01:03:53,087 --> 01:03:55,313
This could be
the start of somethin'
895
01:03:56,003 --> 01:04:01,000
Big
896
01:04:09,966 --> 01:04:10,926
Ohh!
897
01:04:18,943 --> 01:04:19,903
Jane!
898
01:04:25,004 --> 01:04:25,964
Jane!
899
01:04:28,610 --> 01:04:32,342
I knew I'd bump into you.
I want answers, cherry cakes.
900
01:04:32,408 --> 01:04:34,100
- I love you.
- Wrong answer.
901
01:04:34,172 --> 01:04:36,638
I dropped out of the
sap of the month club.
902
01:04:36,704 --> 01:04:39,399
Listen, you've got one last chance.
903
01:04:39,466 --> 01:04:43,427
And I don't mean a major league
baseball Steve Howe last chance.
904
01:04:43,494 --> 01:04:46,222
- Where is Jane?
- I don't know.
905
01:04:46,295 --> 01:04:49,176
- Where's the bomb?
- In the Best Picture envelope.
906
01:04:49,249 --> 01:04:52,173
Mr. Drebin, I want to go straight.
907
01:04:52,241 --> 01:04:54,783
I'm tired of the lies.
908
01:04:54,849 --> 01:04:58,581
Kiss me. Please kiss me.
909
01:04:58,647 --> 01:05:02,379
I've never kissed lips so innocent,
so pure.
910
01:05:22,355 --> 01:05:24,777
He looked like Phil Donahue,
white hair...
911
01:05:25,462 --> 01:05:27,808
- That's the guy!
- I'll get him.
912
01:05:28,608 --> 01:05:31,150
Ladies and gentlemen,to present the Best Picture award,
913
01:05:31,216 --> 01:05:33,410
two most distinguished actors,
914
01:05:33,480 --> 01:05:36,436
Olympia Dukakis and James Earl Jones.
915
01:05:44,144 --> 01:05:45,726
Lord, what's that?
916
01:05:45,794 --> 01:05:48,675
Looks like Phil Donahue
throwing up in a tuba.
917
01:05:48,747 --> 01:05:52,632
I don't think we should have
Phil Donahue back next year.
918
01:05:52,737 --> 01:05:54,886
Thank you. Good evening.
919
01:05:54,962 --> 01:05:59,000
It's a privilege for us
to present the final award...
920
01:05:59,067 --> 01:06:03,104
We've been worried about you.
Where's Rocco? Where's Tanya?
921
01:06:03,171 --> 01:06:06,282
- Sit down. Take it easy.
- Thank God you're all right.
922
01:06:06,355 --> 01:06:10,775
Indecent Instincts and
Sawdust and Mildew.
923
01:06:10,844 --> 01:06:15,066
Every one of these movies
was a box office hit, except for one.
924
01:06:15,179 --> 01:06:17,175
- What's that?
- The Best Picture award.
925
01:06:17,250 --> 01:06:19,247
My money's on Sawdust and Mildew.
926
01:06:19,322 --> 01:06:21,318
Olympia, would you do the honours?
927
01:06:21,393 --> 01:06:24,121
Oh, my God! That's the one!
928
01:06:24,194 --> 01:06:27,838
The award for this year's
Best Picture goes to...
929
01:06:27,915 --> 01:06:29,028
Wait!
930
01:06:29,257 --> 01:06:30,217
Oh!
931
01:06:30,293 --> 01:06:33,327
Sorry about this.
Loved you in Coneheads. You, too.
932
01:06:33,400 --> 01:06:35,320
Let me open this.
933
01:06:38,771 --> 01:06:40,124
It's the bomb!
934
01:06:50,817 --> 01:06:52,781
Freeze and nobody gets hurt!
935
01:06:54,998 --> 01:06:57,224
Well, from now on.
936
01:06:57,338 --> 01:07:00,219
Back in your seats, you little weasels!
937
01:07:00,292 --> 01:07:01,984
This programme's been interrupted.
938
01:07:02,057 --> 01:07:03,901
Don't panic. Stay with it.
939
01:07:03,975 --> 01:07:05,895
Camera 2, move in on the old lady.
940
01:07:05,969 --> 01:07:07,737
Better move back.
941
01:07:07,811 --> 01:07:11,226
- Don't move!
- Now, pay attention!
942
01:07:11,302 --> 01:07:14,303
I don't want to kill nobody
unless I have to.
943
01:07:14,371 --> 01:07:17,219
Drop your guns and kick them over here.
944
01:07:21,314 --> 01:07:25,003
That bomb belongs to me.
Hand it over, Drebin.
945
01:07:25,074 --> 01:07:26,918
You want to kill him, Ma?
946
01:07:28,296 --> 01:07:29,988
Blink and I start shooting.
947
01:07:36,544 --> 01:07:38,540
Give me that gun!
948
01:07:39,382 --> 01:07:42,951
- Oh, my God!
- I'm not falling for that, sister.
949
01:07:48,091 --> 01:07:52,084
I'm not well!
Get this stupid thing off me!
950
01:07:53,730 --> 01:07:55,497
Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!
951
01:07:57,604 --> 01:07:59,645
- Ma!
- She's a goner, Rocco.
952
01:07:59,791 --> 01:08:02,290
Dead. Then that's it.
953
01:08:02,361 --> 01:08:04,402
I'm coming with you, Ma!
954
01:08:05,814 --> 01:08:08,618
Pull out the bomb or I'll shoot the dame.
955
01:08:08,691 --> 01:08:11,310
All right. I'll do what you say.
956
01:08:11,491 --> 01:08:13,259
- Frank!
- Don't harm her.
957
01:08:13,716 --> 01:08:16,750
You pull out the bomb
and you'll kill me anyway.
958
01:08:16,823 --> 01:08:19,202
- Yeah. No dice!
- Then I'll plug her.
959
01:08:19,279 --> 01:08:22,770
- Shoot her, I'll empty the envelope.
- Frank, think about it.
960
01:08:22,846 --> 01:08:25,116
It's all right. You'll be dead.
961
01:08:25,186 --> 01:08:27,150
Then you'll kill everyone here.
962
01:08:27,258 --> 01:08:28,993
Yeah.
963
01:08:29,099 --> 01:08:31,173
I'll shoot if you don't do as I say.
964
01:08:31,324 --> 01:08:32,284
Jane?
965
01:08:32,437 --> 01:08:34,433
I'd be safe, so would everyone else.
966
01:08:34,508 --> 01:08:37,465
- But you'd be dead.
- This is complicated, Rocco.
967
01:08:38,766 --> 01:08:43,262
Logically, you're psychotic, so you
have the envelope, I'll have the gun.
968
01:08:43,446 --> 01:08:45,366
- Frank!
- I know what I'm doing.
969
01:08:52,423 --> 01:08:53,852
All right!
970
01:08:55,799 --> 01:09:00,218
Here's your Best Picture! In front
of the world, this place is going up.
971
01:09:00,287 --> 01:09:03,321
Well, if I'm going out,
I'm going out happy.
972
01:09:04,699 --> 01:09:09,074
Wait. Before we're all blown up, can
I get my underwear out of my crack?
973
01:09:09,954 --> 01:09:12,682
- I got to go comfortable.
- Okay, but that's it.
974
01:09:16,130 --> 01:09:19,775
- Give it up, Rocco. You're history.
- Look, George Hamilton!
975
01:09:23,036 --> 01:09:24,465
Come and get me, Drebin!
976
01:09:27,294 --> 01:09:28,450
Throw me a gun!
977
01:09:28,521 --> 01:09:30,289
Get rid of the bomb!
978
01:09:30,363 --> 01:09:32,785
Hold on, sweetheart.
979
01:09:34,352 --> 01:09:35,935
Frank, help!
980
01:09:36,232 --> 01:09:37,814
- Frank.
- I know what I'm doing.
981
01:09:41,219 --> 01:09:43,565
I hate heights!
982
01:09:43,636 --> 01:09:45,251
Ohh! Oh, no!
983
01:09:46,244 --> 01:09:47,707
Move it, sister!
984
01:09:49,965 --> 01:09:51,810
Screw the commercials!
985
01:09:51,884 --> 01:09:54,383
All right, copper, you killed my ma!
986
01:09:54,454 --> 01:09:56,374
I'm taking the dame away from you.
987
01:09:57,216 --> 01:10:01,133
You hear me, copper?
One push and Mrs. Drebin is linoleum.
988
01:10:01,205 --> 01:10:04,162
Get a camera up there.
This could be my best work.
989
01:10:04,236 --> 01:10:06,582
Any last words before I throw you off?
990
01:10:06,653 --> 01:10:09,959
- Yes. Don't do it.
- Anything else?
991
01:10:10,527 --> 01:10:12,676
Frank, I love you.
992
01:10:12,752 --> 01:10:15,556
I want the world to know
you're the perfect man.
993
01:10:15,629 --> 01:10:17,746
Frank, I hope you can hear me.
994
01:10:17,816 --> 01:10:19,354
They said I couldn't do drama.
995
01:10:19,427 --> 01:10:23,159
I was wrong. Taking you away
from Police Squad was a mistake.
996
01:10:23,225 --> 01:10:26,640
I know now that's why you
couldn't perform decent sex.
997
01:10:27,943 --> 01:10:30,868
I realize that now, and other things.
998
01:10:30,936 --> 01:10:33,085
Everything's under control.
999
01:10:33,161 --> 01:10:36,772
Nobody move!
Any vibration may set this thing off.
1000
01:10:38,263 --> 01:10:42,300
Frank, I've learned my lesson.
And though it may be too late for me,
1001
01:10:42,367 --> 01:10:45,936
I want all you ladies
to remember something.
1002
01:10:46,012 --> 01:10:48,358
Don't ever take your men for granted,
1003
01:10:48,429 --> 01:10:51,582
because good men
don't just fall out of the sky.
1004
01:10:52,073 --> 01:10:53,033
Aah!
1005
01:10:56,369 --> 01:10:59,021
He's caught up in the cable!
Do something!
1006
01:11:09,873 --> 01:11:11,455
I'm coming, Ma!
1007
01:11:15,435 --> 01:11:16,395
Rocco?
1008
01:11:17,507 --> 01:11:18,860
Papshmir?
1009
01:11:31,202 --> 01:11:32,206
Jane...
1010
01:11:32,276 --> 01:11:35,735
- I never want us to be apart again.
- Oh, Frank!
1011
01:11:35,805 --> 01:11:39,145
You like me. You really like me!
1012
01:11:58,362 --> 01:12:01,133
- Frank, slow down!
- Hurry up!
1013
01:12:01,469 --> 01:12:02,898
Relax. There's time.
1014
01:12:02,965 --> 01:12:05,082
- You got the camcorder?
- Here. Which room?
1015
01:12:05,152 --> 01:12:07,956
Delivery room. This must be it.
1016
01:12:08,604 --> 01:12:11,638
Jane, I'm here. Frank is here.
1017
01:12:11,712 --> 01:12:13,447
Push! Here it comes now.
1018
01:12:13,515 --> 01:12:15,893
Breathe, honey. Breathe, Jane.
1019
01:12:15,970 --> 01:12:17,814
One more push. That's it.
1020
01:12:17,888 --> 01:12:20,266
Congratulations, Dad. It's a boy!
1021
01:12:23,642 --> 01:12:24,602
Nordberg!
1022
01:12:24,870 --> 01:12:26,757
You come back here!
1023
01:12:26,826 --> 01:12:30,209
- Frank, it's a boy.
- I know!
1024
01:16:46,880 --> 01:16:49,073
You're walkin' along the street
1025
01:16:49,335 --> 01:16:51,255
or you're at a party
1026
01:16:51,521 --> 01:16:55,253
or else you're alone
and then you suddenly dig
1027
01:16:55,856 --> 01:16:58,356
You're lookin' in someone's eyes
1028
01:16:58,503 --> 01:17:00,500
You suddenly realize
1029
01:17:00,958 --> 01:17:04,036
That this could be
the start of somethin' big
1030
01:17:04,948 --> 01:17:09,171
There's no controllin' the
unrollin' of your fate, my friend
1031
01:17:09,475 --> 01:17:13,163
Who knows what's written
in that magic book?
1032
01:17:14,193 --> 01:17:16,419
But when a lover you discover
1033
01:17:16,687 --> 01:17:18,378
At the gate, my friend
1034
01:17:18,720 --> 01:17:22,452
Invite him in
without a second look
1035
01:17:22,786 --> 01:17:24,903
You're watchin' the sun come up
1036
01:17:25,088 --> 01:17:27,205
or countin' your money
1037
01:17:27,351 --> 01:17:29,500
or else in a dim cafe
1038
01:17:29,576 --> 01:17:31,650
You're orderin' wine
1039
01:17:31,763 --> 01:17:33,956
Then suddenly, there he is
1040
01:17:34,103 --> 01:17:36,602
You want to be where he is
1041
01:17:36,865 --> 01:17:39,440
And this must be
the start of somethin'
1042
01:17:39,627 --> 01:17:41,700
This could be
the heart of somethin'
1043
01:17:41,929 --> 01:17:44,624
This could be
the start of somethin' big
1044
01:18:03,756 --> 01:18:07,019
You're watchin' the sun come up
1045
01:18:07,247 --> 01:18:10,510
or countin' your money
1046
01:18:10,623 --> 01:18:14,192
or else in a dim cafe
1047
01:18:14,344 --> 01:18:17,072
You're orderin' wine
1048
01:18:17,567 --> 01:18:20,218
Then suddenly there he is
1049
01:18:20,290 --> 01:18:23,018
You want to be where he is
1050
01:18:23,321 --> 01:18:26,125
And this could be
the start of somethin'
1051
01:18:26,236 --> 01:18:28,779
This could be
the heart of somethin'
1052
01:18:28,922 --> 01:18:31,464
This could be
the start of somethin'
1053
01:18:31,760 --> 01:18:36,835
Big
82287
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