All language subtitles for Boston Legal - 4x19 - The Gods Must Be Crazy.HDTV.2HD.en

Previously on "boston legal"...

All set for your testimony, renee?

I'm nervous. I'm
not as funny when I'm nervous.

- She's very odd, jerry.
- I lost my cherry.

It was with dana?

Of course it was with dana.
She's my girlfriend.

- Jerry's girlfriend.
- What about her?

I didn't entirely give up
the brothel business.

I'm not gonna date a call girl.

When I tell you I love you,
that isn't a lie.

Please leave.

Denny, if you were president, seriously,
you would nuke iraq and iran?

Before breakfast.

- Then what, north korea?
- Okay.

- Pakistan?
- Why not?

- Afghanistan?
- If there's time.

Tap dancing?

I used it before
to battle stage fright

when I first went into litigation.

But it's also effective
for stress therapy.

A trained therapist
actually suggested this?

Is it too weird?

Well, yes, jerry.

The hopping,
the wooden cigarette, the ticks,

all of this I understand
and even appreciate, but...

Dana. Hello. Welcome. Not.

Hello, jerry, katie.

Dana.

Listen, uh...

How do I say this?

There's nothing to say, dana.

I made my position clear.

I am finished.

Read my... Lips!

Hello, lorraine.

You were my next stop.

I'm not here to ask you
to take me back, jerry,

as much as I'd like that.

I was arrested last night.

One of my clients...

One of your clients...

Is an undercover agent working for
the boston police department.

I'm in a little bit of trouble.

I'm here in need of a lawyer.

She's a call girl?

Can you believe it?

First lorraine than this girl...

Hookers wherever you look.

And have you seen this girl dana?

My god. She's so beautiful.

And to think, she's only
a credit card away.

Denny.

Well, well, well.

Finally come to pay your bet.

How are you, denny?

$10,000 richer, I hope.

Alan shore, paul cruickshank.

I beat his ass in golf for 5 grand,
then kicked what was left of it

in the courtroom for another 5,000.

The bet was, you were supposed
to come crawling in with your money.

I'm not here about the bet, denny.

What is it then?

It's extremely confidential.

We're married.

May I speak to you
in private, please?

I'm assuming your office isn't bugged.

It might be. Why do you care?

Once I tell you why I'm here,
you'll realize this visit pains me

far more than it does you.

Let's get to that part then.

You know I'm on the republican
national committee.

What do you think,
honestly, of john McCain?

Yes, that perception
appears to be shared.

Next question... do you know
how w. Got to be president?

His s.a.t. Scores?

We picked him, not because of
his intelligence...

gee.

Or that he was a great speaker...

no?

But because he tracks.

He was a cowboy.

He was somebody we could sell
to the american public.

John mccain...

Isn't.

Get to the punch line, paul.

I'm not feeling your pain.

Because I have a relationship with you,
I've been asked to ask you...

How would you feel
about running for president?

There. I've done my duty.

Just say no. I'll be gone.

President?

Of the united states?

I can tell them you passed then?

Denny crane...

Commander in chief.

I like it.

Boston Legal 419

Synchro : Speedo
Transcript : swsub.com

- Don't be ridiculous.
- They're considering me and ten others.

Evidently, my appearance
on the larry king show

went through the roof.
The public loves me, as expected.

Denny...

I'm not supposed to be telling
you anything, by the way.

You know nothing.

Do they know you have mad cow?

They're looking for
the next ronald reagan,

and he had it at the very end.

Ronald reagan didn't have
a hooker fetish.

Please. I'm an emperor.

Denny, no offense, but this is
beyond preposterous, beyond.

Why? Bigger nut jobs
have been floated in the past...

Lee iacocca, donald trump,
jesse ventura. Why not me?

Denny, you don't think
before you speak.

You barely speak
the english language.

You always have to get your way.

You'd never get along
with other countries.

For god sake, what would possess
the republican party...

Heir apparent.

This must be a joke.

I'm being vetted by six committee
members this afternoon.

I pass that test...

Top secret.

Hello.

Hel-hello.

Um... M-may I help you?

You may.

My name is renee winger.

I was denied employment
by a company

guilty of pervasive
and systemic gender bias.

Might I count on you
to be my attorney?

May I ask, what company
are you looking to sue?

The archdiocese.

The archdiocese of boston?

yes.

I seek to be a priest.

Don't we all.

You are a woman.

Okay, thank you.

Now will be fine.

No arraignment yet.

The d.a. Wants to meet.

Which means they're willing
to make a deal.

Dana, I don't think
we can represent you.

They'll most likely ask you
to flip your employer,

and that would be lorraine.

I don't plan to flip anybody.

I told lorraine I'd preserve
her confidence. I keep my word.

Spare us
the self-righteousness, dana.

You kept from me
you were a call girl.

Look, folks, come on.

They got us here dead to rights,
flat as a pancake, done, finis,

sacre bleu, kaputski.

Jerry, we agreed we'd leave out
the foreign languages.

May I have a word
with jerry, please?

I don't expect you
to be able to reconcile

how a woman can have
sexual relations with one man

while being committed to
and completely in love

with another, but...

I really don't want to go there.

I thank you in advance
for your cooperation.

Could we maybe go to dinner
and just talk?

I'm seeing somebody.

who?

An inflatable doll, if you must know.

Patty?

Patty wasn't inflatable.

This is just a cheap,
transitional thing,

not that you weren't.

Give me a break, would ya?

Let me acknowledge from the outset,
this is a long shot.

Okay.

For whatever reason,
your public appearances,

most recently on larry king,
have been very winning

with our base.

You also have a bit of
a wild west profile

that john mccain...

Doesn't, but there are issues.

You recently appeared
before the supreme court

opposing the death penalty.

Hired gun, just in case.

I am for the death penalty.

Always have been, always will be.

I'd like to play
a political rorschach test,

a, uh, word association game.

Shoot.

I'll throw out a word.

You say the first word
that pops into your head.

- Shoot.
- Homosexual.

- Shoot.
- Abortion.

- Murder.
- The war.

- Economy.
- Democrats.

- John mccain.
- Immigration.

- No mas.
- Hillary.

Pull my finger.

That was very interesting. Can
we turn to your personal life?

Please.

Our background check reveals
you enjoy spending time

with prostitutes.

Who doesn't?

I like sex. I like women.

I'll hump anything in a dress.

I'll even get down on the floor
with you right now

if they'll turn off the lights.

But know this, the american public
will find it refreshing

to finally get
a republican candidate

who's not a moralistic, sexually
repressed, crusading hypocrite

who cruises airport mens' rooms
late at night.

Denny crane rides high
in the saddle.

I'll go into office
with my boots on,

i'll die with my boots on.

Next?

Alan shore.

What about him?

He expresses many
anti-american views.

Which I disagree with
most of the time,

but I won't throw him
under the bus to be president.

What else you got?

We're prepared to
go forward this year

without the blessing
of the christian right,

but we cannot and will not
abandon the values

of our most valuable
and precious republican base.

I speak, of course,
of the n.r.a.

Bring it on.

We have taken many ridiculous cases,
but suing a church...

That's guilty of gender bias.

What, are you saying
we should have a woman pope?

There's evidence of
a female pope called joan

around the 9th century.

Records of her were destroyed
by subsequent popes.

Carl, it's not
a ridiculous case.

And since it could be perceived
as runaway feminism,

I really, really think it's important
that we have a man at the table.

No! No, no, no.

It's the right thing to do.

And you know what?

I'll bet a reasonable judge
will agree.

Of all the ridiculous,
sacrilegious, blasphemous acts

of heresy I've ever heard.

As for the unreasonable ones...

You want me to order the archdiocese
to ordain a woman?

We are simply asking you to deny
their tax-exempt status

if they continue to discriminate.

Ms. Schmidt, the first amendment
to our constitution

has something in it called
the establishment clause.

Yes, I've read it.

Your honor, I would
refer you to the case

against bob jones university,
where a religious institution

does not allow
interracial dating or marriage,

and so they were denied
their tax-exempt status.

Bob jones was sued
as a school, not a church.

They were sued as a religious
educational institution.

There are many religions
that restrict

the priesthood, counsel...
Orthodox judaism, islam,

mormonism, orthodox christianity.

And if they do so solely on gender,

they're committing
a civil rights violation.

Well, have you got a witness?

Yes, I d
i'm so glad you asked.

Renee.

You're going to like her.

God beckoned me.

Hello.

My name's katie lloyd.
This is jerry espenson.

- hi.
- Hello. Welcome.

Well, thank you for coming in.

I'm sure you can guess
what's on my mind.

We can.

Good.

Here's the offer...

She tells us who runs the ring,
agrees to give testimony against

this individual or individuals,

we'll dismiss the charges
and give her transactional immunity.

I'd first need to see a copy
of the incident report

together with a proffer
of your agent's testimony

so we can know
what we're dealing with

in the way of evidence.

No problem. We'll get that
to you right away.

Thank you.

It doesn't strike me as airtight.

The language is ambiguous.

No sex actually transpired.

Lorraine.

I don't see how
I can recommend anything other

than she accept this offer.

Otherwise, she's looking at jail.

And if she does take the deal...

Well, it's not like I never
thought this day could come.

May I ask why?

You've established yourself
as a first-rate attorney.

Why continue
with this brothel business?

I did get out for a while.

and?

I missed it.

What do you mean, "it's on"?

I got past round one.

And what's round two?

We meet with a bunch of donors,
test the waters

to see if we can raise money.

Can you imagine?

No. Denny, would you even
want to be president?

Think of it, you and I
on the oval office balcony,

scotch, cigars,
maybe even an intern.

Denny, your balcony days
would be over.

There'd be sniper assassins
to worry about.

Oh, please. Look, I know
it's not really gonna happen.

I'm not kidding myself.

but?

But just to be considered,
to be on the short list,

even for a day, that's something
to tell your grandchildren.

I may have a few, by the way.

You should check on that.

We are.

We'd need to do a background
check on you as well.

me?

You're his best friend.

We'd need to vet all of his...

If you've gotten this far,
you've already vetted me.

Will you get serious?

To think I could have
my finger on the button...

My own nuclear bomb.

You want to withdraw because
your advice would be to take the deal,

and you don't want to act
against lorraine's interests.

Basically, yes.

Well, I don't want the deal.

You don't have to do this for me.

I'm not doing it for you.

When I made my choice
to go into this profession,

I did so without shame.

I reject the notion
that it's immoral,

and I won't be judged for it,
especially by you.

You'll be judged by the law, dana,
which criminalizes...

A law which is as unreasonable
as it is archaic,

and I'd like to challenge it.

You can't mean that.

I do mean that.

Is there a mechanism for challenging
the validity of the law itself?

Well, our best bet would be
to get the matter

certified to the massachusetts
supreme judicial court and...

That's what I want to do.

We'll take our shot there
and then decide...

Please stop looking at me
like I'm a sexual deviant.

Could you do that, jerry?

But you are a sexual deviant, dana.

You engage in sexual conduct
for a fee.

That's as deviant
as it is immoral.

I do judge you, and I'll ask you
to stop looking at me

for either approval or sympathy.

You stay paying a motion before the s.j.c.

Should we lose, you can expect
to be formally charged tomorrow.

I'd like you to argue it, jerry.

Me? Why?

Please.

Hello.

Denny.

Hello.

Pick a card, any card.

We could meet after work,
have a winespitzer.

Had six wives.

None of them understood me.

Many of the church's doctrines

have nothing to do
with divine law.

For example?

Well, celibacy for one.

Priests were not required
to be celibate until 1139,

before which they were allowed
to have families,

usually quite large.

Celibacy was a function of economic
pragmatism, not divine law.

I would probably not be celibate.

I am sexually rambunctious.

And may I ask, is this something
that's important to you?

Yes. When I was young,
people considered me off.

I was shunned, ostracized.

As you can see,
it's still very difficult

for me to talk about it now.

The catholic church
reached out to me.

They were a source
of great comfort.

I would like to extend
the tolerance and compassion

to others that was
so greatly afforded to me

in my time of...

I apologize. I didn't mean
to get emotional.

What are you doing?

Here, take a look at this.

If I did run, I couldn't lose.

Look at her eyes.

Mad cow, man.

Oh, come on.

What else could it be?

Makes sense.

I'm pretty sure bill's got it.

Could be post-traumatic stress.

Remember the whiwater
rafting trip with kenneth starr?

And she took a lot
of sniper fire in bosnia,

bullets sailing over her head
as she ran for cover.

Surprising bill
in the oval office...

That had to be
some shock and awe.

Her problem with bill is
she isn't pretty enough.

She needs to be prettier, like him.

You think he's pretty?

What? What are you talking about?

He used to be whitney houston.

What about mccain? You'd first
have to get by him.

Please. Mccain is
patient zero, mad cow.

He can't remember anybody
he's met before,

so he calls everybody his friend.

You know, my friends...

Thank you all, my friends.

My friends... my friends...

My friends...

That tonight, my friends...

Well, my friends...

So, my friends...

So, my friends...

They want me to take a physical
before I meet with the donors.

I'm sorry?

The, uh, search committee.

They want me to take a physical
to make sure I'm healthy.

Oh, please. I can kick Mccain ass, obama too,
hillary I'm not sure of.

So what, you have to go
to one of their doctors?

On the q.t. At the avalon.

And that's where the meeting
with the donors is.

How could they possibly
take it this far?

I'm a wanted man, alan.

Wanted.

You expect me to over turn

the law against prostitution
in the common wealth?

Yes, your honor.

Or in the alternative,
schedule a hearing

before the full
supreme judicial court

to determine whether the statute
is arbitrary, unreasonable,

and therefore unconstitutional
on its ass.

Face.

Okay, why don't you start
by telling me

why it's unreasonable?

Gladly.

It's estimated
that legalizing prostitution

would decrease the rape rate
in this country by 25%.

That alone should merit
the court's consideration.

Moreover, criminalizing prostitution
doesn't make it go away.

It just renders it
more dangerous.

Why not regulate the profession?

Employ and ensure safety measures
that would reduce the risk

of a.i.d.s., s.t.d.s.
We could also ensure that

the women are less exploited,
be it with insurance benefits...

I am offended by the idea that
this doesn't victimize women.

- It's legal in nevada...
- What isn't in nevada?

- And rhode island, canada...
- This is an issue for the legislature...

- Many, many countries...
- Not the court.

- Argentina, australia, england, brazil...
- I don't care what other countries do.

- New zealand, norway, peru, ireland, italy, germany...
- We do not follow, we lead...

- Greece, iceland, mexico switzerland.
- And we certainly do not conform

- our moral code to coincide...
- Let me finish!

Who are you looking to protect?

My investigators have seen you
with ms. Strickland.

Hey, you want to go after me,
sweetheart? Take your shot.

I will go after you
if you have broken the law.

Your honor, this law
is about imposing a morality.

What's more, it doesn't work.

Prostitution exists.

It always will.

Driving it underground
makes it more dangerous.

It establishes a base camp,
if you will,

for organized crime,
for other criminal enterprises,

including the child sex trade,
slave trafficking...

He is talking in circles.

How about we take this money
earmarked for prosecutions

and dedicate it
to a.i.d.s. Awareness, sex education?

25% of american female teenagers
between 14 and 19

now have some formf s.t.d.

Meanwhile, we see more and more
abstinence programs popping up,

schools forbidden
to talk about condoms.

That's what's criminal.

And legalizing prostitution...

Will end up with fewer
prostitutes in the morgue.

And given that it's a multi-
Billion-dollar industry anyway,

why not tax it?

Why not use it to help build
the hospitals and schools

that politicians promise to deliver,
but never get around to

'cause many of them are too busy
hanging out with hookers?

We could use that money, judge.

We're in a war.

We have a deficit.

Billions of dollars...

when we can use it
to support our troops?

Trump card! I said it.

Support our troops. I win!

Thank you.

May I ask what you're doing here?

Denny invited me.

Don't worry. I won't tell.

I'm very loyal to the party.

Of course, one might question
your loyalty...

Offering denny crane
as a presidential candidate.

You think it's my idea?

My only hope is that these people
come to their senses.

On the other hand,
john mcsnore doesn't win

the logic prize either.

Where is denny?

I believe he's getting his physical.

So you weren't told
to bring your records?

Why don't you just take
my blood pressure,

and let's get on with this?

I took your blood pressure,
mr. Crane.

That was not a polygraph.

Now you'll need an e.k.g.

What for?

To check your heart.

It's to make sure that you
don't keel over and die.

Oh, judas priest.

We certainly teach that
men and women are equal.

But...

But they have different roles
that are divinely bestowed.

This is an authoritarian teaching
called complementarity.

Complementarity?

Yes. It's not sexism.

We believe in the plan of god.

Men and women complement each other,

and there by occupy
different positions.

Separate but equal?

Spend a day with the nuns.

You might conclude
they're a little more equal.

That would be funny...

If it wasn't sexist.

Women can head state
and national and international

catholic institutions.

But when it comes
to being a priest...

That role is reserved for men.

You realize, your holiness,
that a majority of catholics

in this country now favor women
in the priesthood?

We don't modify doctrine
to comply with opinion polls.

Oh, come on. Sure you do.

The church once defended slavery
as willed by god

you modified that doctrine.

Then there was the persecution
of witches,

you know, with the big rocks...

Torture.

And let's not forget the crimes
of the inquisition.

All of those were
catholic church doctrines

adjusted according to
popular opinion.

And let's not forget that you
once condemned homosexuality

as an intrinsic and moral evil,
but... oh, wait.

That one still stands.

Your holiness, I have great respect
and well, appreciation

for the catholic church.

How could I not?

After all, I'm a jew.

You made one of ours almighty.

But this woman thing...

The truth is, in many cities,
women are being

secretly ordained by roman catholic,

male bishops who believe it is
the right thing to do.

Those bishops do so
at the risk of excommunication.

Even the mere mention of...

Wait a second.

So one could have
a glorious catholic career,

rise to the position of bishop,
yet, if you are to so much as whisper,

"hey, maybe women should be ordained,"
you'd be excommunicated?

It sounds like...

Somebody somewhere
has got something against women.

I find you attractive.

Why couldn't we do this
at a regular doctor's office?

You're asking the wrong person.

All I was told is, it's security,

and we need to set up
separate facilities in here.

Why you people have to be
so damn secretive is beyond me.

In here.

Surprise!

Gotcha, denny. Gotcha.

Ladies and gentlemen...

I give to you the next
president of the united states...

Denny crane!

So... This is a joke?

Mike brady came up with the idea,
it just took on a life,

and... and we figured,
why not make a party out of it?

So I... I'm... I'm not really
running for president?

May I have your attention,
please?

I'm special agent john sharpe of
the fedal bureau of investigation.

I need you all
to get down on your knees

and put your hands
on top of your heads, now.

What's going on?

Do it now, sir.

This is a roomful of lawyers,
you know...

Sir, I'm running this party now.

You're all under arrest
for theft by false pretenses.

What?

We have been informed
of a fund-raising scheme

fraudulently posing
as a presidential candidate.

no.

- No, no, no, no, no.
- Sir, down on your knees, please.

Look, we're not really
asking for money.

It's a practical joke.

We're all in on it.

I'm... I'm not in on it.

A practical joke?

Yes, on this man...

Denny crane.

He was the one deceived.

Nobody's actually
being solicited for money.

No transaction...

Is this true, sir?
Are they all in on it?

I don't know. I can't believe
that harry beckett is in on it.

And sandra cook? She hasn't got
a mean bone in her body.

Mitch. You were
at all six of my weddings.

All these people...

They know me, we go way back...

And they of all people
should know...

That you can't get the master.

You all have the right
to remain silent.

You have all been had
by Mr. Denny crane.

- What?
- What?

Maestro.

Amateurs, all of ya.

You don't look so good.

Start the party.

hey.

What's up?

We lost.

Evidently, the judge
didn't go for the idea

of using prostitution
to found the war.

So we go to trial.

Your arraignment is scheduled
for tomorrow at 9:00 a.m.

And my chances of winning?

Not great.

Dana, you do have to consider
this deal they're offering.

Can I talk to jerry
for a minute?

Certainly.

I'm sorry.

I spun a little out of control
in my argument.

I didn't really expect
to win, jerry.

The reason, uh,
I even wanted to try,

the reason I specifically
wanted you to argue...

I read of the, uh,
the phenomenon

where lawyers invariably
come to believe

in the merits of their arguments.

I wanted you to believe...

That I'm not a criminal.

I wanted you to be convinced
that I'm not amoral.

Because I want desperately
to get back with you.

Is that a possibility?

no.

Okay.

Well, uh... I...

I guess I'll, uh,
i'll see you in court then.

Your honor, the plaintiff
is asking you

to invalidate church law on the
grounds that it's unreasonable.

This is religion, for god sake.

We don't hold religion
and faith up to standards

of reasonableness.

Why shouldn't we?

Does it really make sense that
god got mad at the human race

and drowned them all,
including children

and all the animals
except two of each,

which survived on a big boat?

Do christians literally believe
the earth was made in seven days?

Religion... Some of it is out there.

But we a have the right
to believe in what we choose.

That's the point
of the establishment clause.

One of the many reasons
america came into being

was so that we as a people
could be free to practice

the religion of our choice.

Now one doesn't have to love
the tenants of catholicism.

Ms. Winger is certainly free
to choose another faith.

But paramount to the catholic
religion is a male priesthood.

It's not just the catholics.

Orthodox judaism segregates
men and women in the synagogue.

Girls have to sit in the back
or the balcony.

They also don't allow women
to be rabbis.

Islam... forget about it.

They don't even let women
show their faces.

The ugly fact is that we're okay
with bigotry in this country

as long as it's cloaked
in faith.

And the prejudice
isn't limited to women.

You think we'll ever eliminate
gay bashing

while giving tax breaks
to institutions

who declare that homosexuality
is a moral sin, an evil?

Whether it's persecution of
the christians in ancient rome

or the holocaust
during world war II

or bosnia today, where we have
an ethnic genocide in progress,

religion has a mean legacy.

This isn't about bosnia.

Why would you have to travel
the globe to make a point,

mr. Sack, if your argument
held water here at home?

You want me to keep it local?
Fine with me.

Pat robertson.

He's a popular guy.

He referred to presbyterians
and episcopalians

and methodists
as the spirit of antichrist.

He's also rumored to have
blamed katrina on the fact

that ellen degeneres... A lesbian...
Lived in new orleans.

Jerry falwell said
that 9/11 happened

because of god's wrath
against homosexuals.

I'm a spiritual man.

I go to temple. I pray.

I believe in god.

But we cannot deny that religion
is one place

where we allow hate and oppression
and discrimination to fester

as it seeks safe haven
in the constitution.

The catholic church, bdenying
the priesthood to women,

is guilty of gender bias.

Simple as that.

It should stop.

And there goes
my humanitas award.

Jerry. She didn't show.

Excuse me?

Dana. She skipped arraignment.
There's a warrant out for her arrest.

Did she say anything
about this to you?

No. She just said good-bye.

Well, she's...

Dana strickland seems to have
disappeared, lorraine.

Would you know anything that?

no.

Wouldn't have facilitated her
fleeing the jurisdiction, by chance?

That would make me
an accomplice to a crime.

I simply have to know.

Did you know
right from the beginning?

You had me for about an hour.

Your problem is,
I know chris andrews, insider.

He and dick cheney
shoot lawyers together.

One phone call,
I knew what you were up to.

When are you gonna learn, paul?

You can't fool...

Denny crane.

Did you bring my money?

Thank you, paul.

And thank you for going to
the great lengths you did,

along with all those other people,
to try and humiliate me.

Really made me feel good.

You know, denny,
I didn't really intend

for it to come off
as mean-spirited.

As it did.

See you, paul.

I'm a lucky man, huh?

Denny...

Practical jokes
are very complicated.

Some of them are mean-spirited,
but typically, there is

affection involved, too.

They're not played on enemies.

They're played on friends.

With friends like that...

You're a successful,
powerful man of who many people

are probably jealous.

As strong as friendship is,
maybe it's no match for envy.

I gotta keep reminding myself
at's important here.

Which is?

They didn't get me.

I got them.

Yes, you did.

Ah, all right.

I must confess, every time
I hear some feminist

complaing about women's rights,
I mutter to myself,

"oh, go to hell."

Last night, I had a dream...

that I've had before, mind you.

I arrive at the pearly gates,

i'm introduced to god.

She's a woman.

She stands there
with her arms folded,

and she asks,
"and where did you stand

on women's rights, your honor?"

and then she says,
"go to hell."

Catholic people are tolerant
and intelligent,

and I believe
they would be open to this.

And I also agree that if the church
is going to discriminate,

the government should at least
not incentivize their bigotry

with tax breaks.

If we the people are sincere
about eliminating discrimination

in this country,
we can't tolerate it anywhere,

even if it comes
in religious form.

Judgment in favor
of the plaintiff.

Adjourned.

Well, congratulations.
Expect an appeal.

I am simply wrought.

Never did I...

I'm sorry. I need a moment
to collect myself.

Take your time.

Can you imagine, denny...

If you were to lead
this country?

We'd have air force one
at our disposal...

My own personal
mile high club...

Hit vegas for the night,
copenhagen, bangkok.

Gotta love a place
that calls itself "bangkok."

Make you ambassador.

Denny, you make me laugh.

Yeah, I know this sounds crazy,
but I think I'd make

a fine president.

What would you actually do
if you were commander in chief?

I'd, uh, stop out sourcing
to the chinese,

drop a few bags of grain
on africa.

Is that
where they're starving?

There and too many other places.

I'd add france to the axis of evil.
Have they done that?

Matter of time.

Then... I'd invite hillary
into the oval office...

Give her a little taste of honey.

That's vulgar.

Well, what do you want
in a president?

Oh, I don't mean politically.

I know where you stand
on the issues.

But what do you want
in the person?

Well, one who could reestablish

some of the dignity to the office.
That would be a good start.

Dropping trou for hillary
wouldn't do the trick.

Ah, I was just kidding.

Sort of.

You know what I really think
of america right now, denny?

Oh, here we go.

I don't mean simply its politics,
but our culture.

We've become such a dumb,
fat, bubblegum nation,

schlocky and superficial...

Our music, books, television.

One of the heads of nbc
recently said

that the plan was
to get people to tune in

and mentally tune out.

And this wasn't an admission,
by the way, but a boast.

You're starting to bore me.

Is it any wonder that we have
a television show

called "are you smarter
than a second grader?"

and a president that isn't?

I so miss a little... Dignity
in america.

I suppose I most worry
that if you ran for president,

you might actually win.

Ooh! That hurts.

Coming from you?

If you stopped all your nonsense,
perhaps you'd be a great leader,

but, denny, I don't want you
to stop your nonsense.

Who would I have to sit on
this balcony with every night?

So you wouldn't be
voting for me.

Probably not.

I'm too selfish.

Plus you...

Well, no offense,

but it...

I think your generation
made america into what it is today.

It's time for it to be
inherited by your children.

I think you need to hand over
the keys to the car to their leader.

It's time.

Well, maybe I could be
president for the day.

Knock over cuba, grab the cigars,
bomb iran, then resign.

There you go.

That'd be a day, wouldn't it?

Cuba in the morning,
iran before lunch...

After a matinee with hillary,
maybe a-a threesome with ginsburg.

They both want me.

Step down at 4:00.

On the balcony here at 5:00
for a nightcap with you.

That'd be a hell of a day.

Then go fishing.

I'll drink to that.

You'll drink to anything.

You and me, right here.

I drink to that.

Ahh. Denny crane...

King for a day.

Transcript : swsub.com
Synchro : Speedo