All language subtitles for 517 - My Chopped Liver.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:07,006 [J.D.] A month ago, I shaved my head to show solidarity with a leukemia patient. 2 00:00:07,073 --> 00:00:10,440 Of course, there were ramifications. 3 00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:12,842 Hello, I'm your doctor. 4 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:15,238 # Hare Krishna 5 00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:19,114 Oh, no, no. I know I've got the hair, but I'm not one of you, uh, people. 6 00:00:19,219 --> 00:00:22,655 Hello. How are you? Well, I have been known to tambour. 7 00:00:22,722 --> 00:00:25,691 # Hare Krishna He's a Krishna 8 00:00:25,792 --> 00:00:27,692 # The best Krishna # 9 00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:31,026 [J.D.] After our tambourine jam, they gave me some literature, 10 00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:33,793 but I'm not the type easily sucked in by that stuff. 11 00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:36,335 - Morning, Dr. Dorian. - Praise be to Krishna! 12 00:00:36,403 --> 00:00:37,893 Damn it! 13 00:00:38,505 --> 00:00:41,338 Hey, Mr. Coleman, how are you feeling? 14 00:00:41,408 --> 00:00:45,868 # They call me mellow yellow # 15 00:00:45,945 --> 00:00:49,472 Um, Mr. Coleman, the hepatitis is doing a number on your liver. 16 00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:51,813 You're obviously very jaundiced... 17 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:55,548 Yellow! Oh, "mellow yellow," I get it! That's funny. 18 00:00:55,622 --> 00:00:59,922 I never knew what that song was about. Now I finally get it. Liver disease. 19 00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:02,291 We're gonna give you suppressive therapy 20 00:01:02,362 --> 00:01:06,230 and do everything we can to make sure you don't need a liver transplant, OK? 21 00:01:06,299 --> 00:01:08,927 - OK. - All right. We'll see you, Mr. Coleman. 22 00:01:09,502 --> 00:01:12,130 [J.D.] Unfortunately, a month later... 23 00:01:13,673 --> 00:01:17,040 - Let's hear it. - Frank, we have no more options. 24 00:01:17,110 --> 00:01:19,078 We gotta get you a new liver. 25 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:29,020 So how's the boy toy thing going? 26 00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,922 I'm thinking of trading Perry in for a younger model. 27 00:01:31,991 --> 00:01:33,925 We're getting kind of serious... 28 00:01:33,993 --> 00:01:37,861 Excuse me, I need a moment of silence so I can get into a meditative state 29 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,399 where I block out any irritating white noise. 30 00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:43,300 I call it my happy place. 31 00:01:45,205 --> 00:01:50,575 - You know, it's kind of rude... - [waves breaking, seagulls cawing] 32 00:01:53,313 --> 00:01:56,009 - I understand you... - Sweets, he can't hear you. 33 00:01:56,082 --> 00:01:57,140 - Really? - Mm-mm. 34 00:01:57,917 --> 00:02:02,217 I was the one who puked on your Porsche after Turk and Carla's wedding. 35 00:02:02,288 --> 00:02:03,255 [Waves breaking] 36 00:02:03,356 --> 00:02:06,086 That has been eating at me for two years. Anyway... 37 00:02:06,159 --> 00:02:09,094 Keith is great. The only problem is his last name. 38 00:02:09,162 --> 00:02:14,498 - It's, um... Dudemeister. - Oh, that doesn't even sound real. 39 00:02:14,567 --> 00:02:18,435 It's German, Dudemeister. It means "master of dudes." 40 00:02:18,505 --> 00:02:21,474 One of the reasons I divorced Perry was his last name. 41 00:02:21,541 --> 00:02:25,307 - You don't like Cox? - Actually, I love Cox. 42 00:02:25,378 --> 00:02:27,346 Greatest conversation ever. 43 00:02:27,447 --> 00:02:30,382 - See, that's the problem. - [Woman] This sausage is huge! 44 00:02:30,450 --> 00:02:33,613 Excuse me, ladies. I'm needed elsewhere. 45 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:36,689 The four of us should go out for a drink sometime. 46 00:02:36,756 --> 00:02:39,281 - We're free tonight. - It's a couple date. 47 00:02:39,359 --> 00:02:40,519 Done! 48 00:02:40,627 --> 00:02:43,357 [Waves breaking, crashing] 49 00:02:44,397 --> 00:02:46,865 Something horrible just happened. 50 00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:50,760 All right, buddy. Today's the day. 51 00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:54,500 [J.D.] The amazing thing about livers is that a person with a healthy one 52 00:02:54,574 --> 00:02:57,907 can have part of it removed and give it to somebody else. 53 00:02:57,977 --> 00:03:00,878 For Frank, that person was his brother, Marc. 54 00:03:00,947 --> 00:03:05,008 Hey, someone order liver? [Laughs] Uh-oh. [clears throat] 55 00:03:05,084 --> 00:03:09,145 Jell-O? Jell-O? Is this thing on? Jell-O? 56 00:03:09,222 --> 00:03:10,189 That was good. 57 00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:12,850 [J.D.] Marc was a stand-up comic on a cruise ship. 58 00:03:12,959 --> 00:03:17,123 If I'm not careful, they'll put me in the pun-itentiary. 59 00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:18,788 [J.D.] He was a genius. 60 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,030 Thanks for doing this for me, man. 61 00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:24,968 What's mine is yours, little bro. You know that. 62 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,063 - I didn't get that one. - Me neither. 63 00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:30,769 If you ever donated a body part to me, you know which one I'd want? 64 00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:33,474 Thanks for the butt, player! 65 00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:36,709 You better have a reason for taking my man's badonkadonkdonk. 66 00:03:36,816 --> 00:03:40,081 I do, Carla. I'm building something. 67 00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:44,112 - What? - # A brick house 68 00:03:44,190 --> 00:03:47,751 # It's mighty, mighty just lettin' it all hang out 69 00:03:47,827 --> 00:03:51,194 # She's a brick house # 70 00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:54,823 Dr. Turk, Todd needs you in the lab. 71 00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:58,598 Tell Todd he can kiss my big black ass. 72 00:03:58,671 --> 00:04:01,572 - I bet you wish you could say that. - I do! 73 00:04:02,475 --> 00:04:05,842 # I can't do this all on my own 74 00:04:05,945 --> 00:04:09,506 # No, I know I'm no Superman 75 00:04:12,552 --> 00:04:14,713 # I'm no Superman # 76 00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:21,387 Brr! These gowns do not protect the fellas against a cool breeze, do they? 77 00:04:21,461 --> 00:04:22,792 You'll get used to it. 78 00:04:22,862 --> 00:04:25,592 We'll be back to check on you later, all right? 79 00:04:25,665 --> 00:04:28,429 OK. We'll be the guys that look like us. 80 00:04:28,501 --> 00:04:29,593 [Laughing] 81 00:04:29,669 --> 00:04:33,628 - How does he come up with this stuff? - He could be a dynamite center square. 82 00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:36,504 Dude, four more hours and I am off. 83 00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:38,942 You mean, we are off. I changed my schedule, 84 00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:42,038 which means I have Thursday nights off, we are going out. 85 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:45,141 You'll be my wing man, even though you're horrible at it. 86 00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:47,345 When have I been a bad wing man? 87 00:04:48,621 --> 00:04:52,648 Dude, are you sure this isn't offensive? Nobody else is wearing a costume. 88 00:04:52,725 --> 00:04:55,057 Buddy, relax. These are my guys, all right? 89 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,892 As long you're with me, they'll find this funny. 90 00:04:57,964 --> 00:04:59,124 All right. 91 00:04:59,198 --> 00:05:00,893 [Doorbell rings] 92 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,798 That looks like Talia. 93 00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:05,399 What's up?! 94 00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:08,363 Ah! 95 00:05:10,543 --> 00:05:12,511 My bad, my bad. 96 00:05:12,578 --> 00:05:15,411 - [J.D. Screaming] - [Thudding] 97 00:05:21,954 --> 00:05:24,013 That wasn't Talia. 98 00:05:24,090 --> 00:05:26,558 Every time I saw them, they yelled, "Cracker!" 99 00:05:26,626 --> 00:05:28,457 How did they know I like crackers? 100 00:05:28,528 --> 00:05:32,294 Please don't make me go out with Barbie and, yes, I know it's too easy, Ken. 101 00:05:32,365 --> 00:05:35,596 But we haven't gone out with another couple in over a year. 102 00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:39,001 Jordan, there's a reason for that. 103 00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:42,566 Whoa, whoa. Slow down there, big guy. 104 00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:45,437 Why, Zeltzer? It's not like I'm driving. 105 00:05:45,545 --> 00:05:47,513 I know, but there was a roofie in it. 106 00:05:50,883 --> 00:05:53,374 I'm not sure if I'm OK with that. 107 00:05:53,453 --> 00:05:55,614 Three, two, one... 108 00:05:57,957 --> 00:05:59,584 Party time. 109 00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:02,926 I think we should give them another chance. 110 00:06:04,931 --> 00:06:05,955 Whoa! 111 00:06:06,999 --> 00:06:10,264 Nurse Espinosa, I need your help with something. 112 00:06:10,336 --> 00:06:12,463 My dog, Baxter, passed away last night. 113 00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:15,666 I've dealt with it emotionally, but I can't stop crying. 114 00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:20,702 I need you to run interference for me. Keep people from seeing me vulnerable. 115 00:06:20,813 --> 00:06:22,906 So you think I'll automatically do this? 116 00:06:22,982 --> 00:06:24,711 You think my ego is so big 117 00:06:24,784 --> 00:06:27,878 that I'll be flattered that I'm the only one you open up to? 118 00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:29,046 I'll do it. 119 00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:31,986 - Wish us luck, guys. - Good luck, fellas. 120 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:34,117 - All the best. - I'll be rooting for you. 121 00:06:34,193 --> 00:06:37,356 And I will see you, my friend, later. 122 00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:38,795 Wonderful. 123 00:06:38,865 --> 00:06:41,891 What are you gonna do? Stay up late, eat raw cookie dough, 124 00:06:41,968 --> 00:06:44,493 and pinkie-swear your diet will start tomorrow? 125 00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:45,832 What is your problem? 126 00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:49,739 Jordan's forcing me to double date with the Dudemeisters. 127 00:06:49,809 --> 00:06:52,505 'Cause of J.D., I gotta miss Turk Night. 128 00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:56,344 I have three nights off during the week. Two of those, Carla has off too, 129 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:57,678 so we do married stuff. 130 00:06:57,750 --> 00:07:00,651 Fighting, bickering and the occasional quickie. 131 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:04,486 Exactly. But Thursday nights, I got the apartment to myself. 132 00:07:04,557 --> 00:07:06,286 So, you know, I come home... 133 00:07:07,493 --> 00:07:08,824 [Turk] I walk in the door. 134 00:07:08,895 --> 00:07:11,227 I immediately get comfortable. 135 00:07:12,565 --> 00:07:14,430 Then I take care of all my busy work, 136 00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:18,061 case dictations, patient charts, everything. 137 00:07:18,137 --> 00:07:20,628 Then I watch whatever's on ESPN. 138 00:07:20,706 --> 00:07:24,369 - [TV] Stay tuned for Gilmore Girls. - Mothers and daughters. 139 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:27,311 They speak so fast but they speak so true. 140 00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:29,473 [Turk] I make some important work calls. 141 00:07:29,549 --> 00:07:32,245 - Did you see it? - I am so mad at Lorelai, 142 00:07:32,318 --> 00:07:34,548 I can't even talk right now. 143 00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:36,588 That's Turk Night. 144 00:07:36,656 --> 00:07:37,816 [Cox whistles] 145 00:07:37,890 --> 00:07:39,858 God, you're boring. 146 00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:42,021 [Knocking] 147 00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:46,826 - Hey. Just need to talk to Kelso. - You can't come in. 148 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:48,833 - Why? - Um... 149 00:07:48,901 --> 00:07:51,870 - I have no pants on. - He spilled coffee on them. 150 00:07:51,938 --> 00:07:54,099 Wish I didn't have to see those pale legs. 151 00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:56,573 Ask for a new label maker in the pharmacy. 152 00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:59,406 The P is broken and nobody knows what "enicillin" is. 153 00:07:59,512 --> 00:08:00,774 Oh. 154 00:08:00,847 --> 00:08:03,315 - Sir, she just wants... - Just tell her no. 155 00:08:03,382 --> 00:08:05,646 - But, sir... - If it makes you feel better, 156 00:08:05,718 --> 00:08:09,245 you can pretend you're fighting for her. Yell, "Hear me out, Bob." 157 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:12,951 - Hear me out, you old jackass. - No ad-libbing. 158 00:08:13,025 --> 00:08:15,186 Now send her packing. 159 00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:20,991 - He said yes. - Coolio! 160 00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:25,036 You think you're funny. 161 00:08:25,104 --> 00:08:28,733 My job is to spend the day saying "no" to people, 162 00:08:28,808 --> 00:08:32,175 and now that you have let a "yes" spread out into the world, 163 00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:34,805 you have opened the floodgates. 164 00:08:34,914 --> 00:08:37,474 [# Chris Bailey: I Hear You Knocking] 165 00:08:37,550 --> 00:08:40,451 - Can we have Bibles in the rooms? - No. 166 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:44,422 - Can I get a better hands-free headset? - No. 167 00:08:44,490 --> 00:08:46,515 Am I allowed back in the men's locker room? 168 00:08:46,592 --> 00:08:47,650 No! 169 00:08:47,727 --> 00:08:49,888 - Can I get some new work boots? - No. 170 00:08:51,898 --> 00:08:54,458 Guess the old ones work. I do have more requests. 171 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:57,264 I need an anvil, barbed wire and a bow and arrow. 172 00:08:57,336 --> 00:08:58,997 - How about a sled dog? - No. 173 00:08:59,071 --> 00:09:00,038 - Cowboy hat? - No. 174 00:09:00,139 --> 00:09:01,606 - Javelin? Ferris wheel? - No. 175 00:09:01,674 --> 00:09:02,641 - Stun gun? - No. 176 00:09:02,742 --> 00:09:04,437 - Pelican. - No! 177 00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:10,204 I'll be on the couch napping. 178 00:09:10,983 --> 00:09:12,746 Sweetie, calm down. 179 00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:15,184 If you're miserable, you can talk to me, OK? 180 00:09:15,254 --> 00:09:17,722 I won't abandon you, all right? 181 00:09:17,790 --> 00:09:18,757 OK. 182 00:09:18,858 --> 00:09:22,385 - My God! I love your necklace! - I got it from the Indians in the park. 183 00:09:22,461 --> 00:09:24,929 Let's go to the bathroom, you can try it on. 184 00:09:26,265 --> 00:09:30,599 Hey, uh, Dr. Cox, can you get me a beer? I forgot my ID. 185 00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:32,194 Oh. 186 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:37,336 I can't believe people hang out at bowling alleys. 187 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:40,277 It's great. Surround yourself with new friends, 188 00:09:40,346 --> 00:09:44,009 you say one clever thing, and you're in. Watch this. 189 00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:46,415 You guys, let's tally it up. Gather around. 190 00:09:46,485 --> 00:09:50,251 Whoa, Carol! 180! Amazing. 191 00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:52,757 Lisa, you had a 125. 192 00:09:52,825 --> 00:09:55,794 - Turk, 192. - That's how we do. 193 00:09:55,861 --> 00:09:58,295 And I bowled a gentleman's 40. 194 00:09:58,364 --> 00:10:01,424 Now, who wants to help me off with my shoes? 195 00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:03,661 I forgot to wear socks. 196 00:10:05,404 --> 00:10:06,462 I'm losing them. 197 00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:09,906 If you ladies remain in this area, we'll bring back drinks. 198 00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,308 - Nice save. - Thank you. 199 00:10:12,378 --> 00:10:13,470 [Gasps] 200 00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:17,175 - [J.D.] Krishnas. - Relax, they'll never recognize you. 201 00:10:37,670 --> 00:10:39,137 Good to see you again. 202 00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:40,763 What's up? 203 00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:53,648 I hate it when Keith wears that shirt. 204 00:10:53,719 --> 00:10:55,186 We get it. You like sports. 205 00:10:55,254 --> 00:10:58,314 Sweetie, you have to dress your man. 206 00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:02,088 For God's sake, Perry walked out of the house tonight in a hockey jersey. 207 00:11:02,161 --> 00:11:07,929 - Dr. Cox, when you first... - [waves breaking, seagulls cawing] 208 00:11:10,636 --> 00:11:12,797 Hey, you. Make an effort. 209 00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:17,042 You may tell me who your favorite sports team is. Keep it short. 210 00:11:17,109 --> 00:11:19,737 - Detroit Red Wings. - Oh. 211 00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:25,884 For the next 20 minutes, you will sit in silence 212 00:11:25,951 --> 00:11:28,112 while I tell you why the Detroit Red Wings 213 00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:31,213 are the greatest franchise in the history of sports. 214 00:11:31,290 --> 00:11:34,054 On September 25, 1926... 215 00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:35,755 Look at you, man! 216 00:11:35,828 --> 00:11:38,729 Your color's back. There's no sign of infection. 217 00:11:38,798 --> 00:11:39,924 I feel great. 218 00:11:39,999 --> 00:11:42,160 - You look great, man. I'm glad. - Thanks. 219 00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:45,567 [J.D.] Unfortunately, things weren't going as well for Marc. 220 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:49,608 He's hypotensive and tachycardic. 221 00:11:50,409 --> 00:11:52,775 [J.D.] Sometimes, that's the way life works. 222 00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:56,245 The person who does the nice thing is the one who suffers most. 223 00:11:56,315 --> 00:11:58,840 Whether it's giving up Turk Night for a friend... 224 00:11:58,918 --> 00:12:01,978 Christopher, why haven't you finished your case reports? 225 00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:06,013 Sorry, I was gonna do them last night, but I wound up going out with my buddy. 226 00:12:06,125 --> 00:12:07,752 Just get them done. 227 00:12:09,328 --> 00:12:12,263 [J.D.] Or going out with an intern to make your wife happy. 228 00:12:12,331 --> 00:12:14,891 Hey, Dr. Cox, we're going for coffee. Want to come? 229 00:12:15,634 --> 00:12:18,728 [Stammering] Get the hell away from me. 230 00:12:19,939 --> 00:12:21,702 Why are you all smiling? 231 00:12:21,774 --> 00:12:25,141 Keith said you'd be mean, but then you'd tell us sports stories. 232 00:12:25,611 --> 00:12:28,273 Oh, my God! 233 00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:29,881 Hi. 234 00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:33,042 [J.D.] Or agreeing to be the bad guy for your boss. 235 00:12:38,157 --> 00:12:41,285 - I'm still... - Oh, come on! 236 00:12:42,361 --> 00:12:46,491 [J.D.] When you end up paying the price, it can make you wonder... 237 00:12:46,565 --> 00:12:48,294 He's bleeding out. Prep the O.R. 238 00:12:48,367 --> 00:12:50,597 Can I have the crash cart in here? 239 00:12:51,137 --> 00:12:53,230 [J.D.]... was it worth it? 240 00:12:53,305 --> 00:12:55,170 [Alarm sounding] 241 00:12:59,912 --> 00:13:02,676 One of the sutures came undone, but we got it in time. 242 00:13:02,748 --> 00:13:06,912 - He should be fine now. - Nurse, call me if there's any change. 243 00:13:07,019 --> 00:13:10,477 - How awesome was last night? - You got bowled by my frat brothers. 244 00:13:10,556 --> 00:13:13,684 We're cool. They invited me to this alumni thing in January. 245 00:13:13,759 --> 00:13:16,125 - The Martin Luther King Fling? - Sounds hot. 246 00:13:16,228 --> 00:13:20,358 We're going out Thursday, right? I got a Magic Eight Ball bowling ball. 247 00:13:20,432 --> 00:13:23,401 Check it. Are the ladies gonna love this? 248 00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:26,097 "Ask again later"? I'm just kidding. It says yes. 249 00:13:26,172 --> 00:13:30,108 - Thursday night might not work. - You're going. Where are the interns? 250 00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:33,942 They're with Dr. Cox. Apparently, he's mentoring and talking to them. 251 00:13:34,046 --> 00:13:35,070 [J.D.] What?! 252 00:13:37,716 --> 00:13:39,240 OK, that's it! 253 00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:43,778 This right here is the "get hit" line. Cross it at your own risk. 254 00:13:43,856 --> 00:13:46,882 When do you turn nice? This is getting kind of old. 255 00:13:46,959 --> 00:13:48,517 Never, Leslie. 256 00:13:48,627 --> 00:13:50,652 - He knows my name! - [Cox whistles] 257 00:13:50,729 --> 00:13:52,959 I was calling you by a random girl's name. 258 00:13:53,032 --> 00:13:54,397 Listen, please. 259 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:57,060 I don't care about any of your problems. 260 00:13:57,136 --> 00:14:00,105 I have no answers for any of you. 261 00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:05,007 But my boyfriend is bi-curious and he wants me to pick his lovers. 262 00:14:05,444 --> 00:14:07,469 I might have an answer for that. 263 00:14:07,546 --> 00:14:09,070 Ew! 264 00:14:09,148 --> 00:14:10,513 I mean, come on, children. 265 00:14:10,616 --> 00:14:13,346 What do you actually think is going to happen here? 266 00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:19,324 Do you think I'm going to take you and sit you down next to me and say, um, 267 00:14:19,391 --> 00:14:24,920 "Listen, uh, if you need anything, you've got my pager. 268 00:14:24,997 --> 00:14:28,262 Just know that I'm there for you always"? 269 00:14:28,334 --> 00:14:31,201 Oh, my God. 270 00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:33,932 - Newbie! - No! Zip it! 271 00:14:34,006 --> 00:14:37,498 I am so G-darn pissed right now. 272 00:14:37,576 --> 00:14:40,136 I was OK when you kept me at an arm's length, 273 00:14:40,246 --> 00:14:43,613 because everybody said, "That's Cox. That's how he operates." 274 00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,479 And I believed them. 275 00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:47,815 But now I walk in on this... 276 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:52,256 ...this bi-racial love fest. 277 00:14:52,324 --> 00:14:54,224 You know what? I hate to do it, 278 00:14:54,293 --> 00:14:57,057 but I'm giving you back the pencil. That's right. 279 00:14:57,162 --> 00:15:00,063 The pencil you gave me on my third day of work. 280 00:15:00,132 --> 00:15:03,397 You handed it off to me like a tiny yellow baton, 281 00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:07,200 like you were trying to say to me, "J.D., you are the new me. 282 00:15:07,273 --> 00:15:10,208 You, J.D., are my mentee. 283 00:15:10,276 --> 00:15:13,643 You... are my son." 284 00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:16,778 What pencil? 285 00:15:17,783 --> 00:15:19,478 Oh, that's perfect. 286 00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:22,010 That's perfect. 287 00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:24,055 You know what? Take it. 288 00:15:24,123 --> 00:15:28,492 Maybe you can use it with Rex or Gloria or... 289 00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:30,359 ...that guy. 290 00:15:30,462 --> 00:15:32,555 That guy's name is Leslie. 291 00:15:34,566 --> 00:15:36,727 His name is Leslie. 292 00:15:36,835 --> 00:15:38,393 His name is Leslie. 293 00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:42,440 Your name is Leslie. All right. Good for you, Leslie! 294 00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:48,909 Leslie! 295 00:15:51,550 --> 00:15:54,314 So do you think everybody's still mad at me? 296 00:15:54,386 --> 00:15:56,081 I... 297 00:15:57,489 --> 00:16:00,049 [# Philip Glass: Koyaanisqatsi] 298 00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:11,264 Guys, come on! I'm the only one giving the evil eye! 299 00:16:11,337 --> 00:16:14,101 We worked on this. Hey, Ted, you're giving sad eye. 300 00:16:14,206 --> 00:16:17,073 - It's all I've got! - I don't believe that. 301 00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:19,110 Now, come on. Let's suck it up. 302 00:16:19,211 --> 00:16:22,442 Dig deep. Concentrate, and just... 303 00:16:22,514 --> 00:16:25,847 [# Philip Glass: Koyaanisqatsi] 304 00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:35,853 And break. 305 00:16:35,928 --> 00:16:38,556 - [Sighs] - Nice. Very nice, guys. Even you. 306 00:16:38,630 --> 00:16:41,963 I just thought about flat boobies and it made me mad. 307 00:16:42,468 --> 00:16:44,698 What do I have to do to make it up to you? 308 00:16:44,770 --> 00:16:46,328 Go, Ted. 309 00:16:47,106 --> 00:16:50,473 We want tickets to the Latin Grammys. 310 00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:53,238 We figured you might know someone. 311 00:16:53,312 --> 00:16:55,337 - I don't. - Oh, Carla, please. 312 00:16:55,414 --> 00:16:57,382 Elliot, I don't! 313 00:16:57,483 --> 00:17:00,043 How about she buys rounds for everyone at the bar? 314 00:17:00,152 --> 00:17:03,121 - Apple martinis? Cool. - That'd be fine. See you guys. 315 00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:05,019 That was easy, yeah. 316 00:17:05,090 --> 00:17:07,650 Latin Grammys or nada. 317 00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,590 Interns are looking for you. 318 00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:17,396 I know. I'm in my streets because I'm sneaking out, 319 00:17:17,469 --> 00:17:19,528 all because of couples' night. 320 00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:23,541 Speaking of couples' nights, I don't know if you and Jordan like camping, 321 00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:26,976 but this weekend, me, the wife and an interesting guy named Ron 322 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,980 are heading out to the lake. 323 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:31,516 - Keep moving, Zeltzer. - Rain check. 324 00:17:31,583 --> 00:17:33,210 So you gotta leave early? 325 00:17:33,285 --> 00:17:37,346 Thanks to Kelso, I gotta take the staff out for drinks so they don't hate me. 326 00:17:37,423 --> 00:17:40,654 Thanks to J.D., I'll be up forever doing case reports. 327 00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:43,490 Plus, I lost the one night off that I look forward to. 328 00:17:43,595 --> 00:17:46,530 What about the two nights a week we spend together? 329 00:17:46,598 --> 00:17:48,862 Now I am so mad at J.D.! 330 00:17:49,268 --> 00:17:50,394 That's it. 331 00:17:50,469 --> 00:17:52,437 We've got to let these people know. 332 00:17:52,504 --> 00:17:53,471 Let's do this. 333 00:17:54,373 --> 00:17:55,931 Let's do it. 334 00:17:56,942 --> 00:17:59,274 I like this particular outfit 335 00:17:59,344 --> 00:18:01,107 because it's casual 336 00:18:01,213 --> 00:18:05,445 and the pant pockets are extra-deep, which is perfect for storing makeup. 337 00:18:05,517 --> 00:18:07,382 He's like a giant purse. 338 00:18:08,353 --> 00:18:09,843 This shirt is itchy. 339 00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:11,890 Oh, oh. Shh. Purses don't talk. 340 00:18:17,663 --> 00:18:20,154 Jordan, you promised this would never happen. 341 00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:23,125 [Gasps] 342 00:18:23,735 --> 00:18:25,566 How dare you? 343 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,601 - Could we talk? - One sec. 344 00:18:31,210 --> 00:18:33,974 I just wanted to thank you for the other night. 345 00:18:34,079 --> 00:18:37,913 Since Perry and I had Jack, we don't get to go out that much as a couple, 346 00:18:37,983 --> 00:18:41,282 and it was really nice. 347 00:18:41,353 --> 00:18:45,813 - Don't tell anyone I'm nice. - Oh, mm, no. Mm-mm. 348 00:18:46,225 --> 00:18:48,716 Dr. Kelso, we need to talk. 349 00:18:49,361 --> 00:18:52,421 Baxter was a good dog. 350 00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:56,597 You never think you're gonna miss animals as much as you do. 351 00:18:57,402 --> 00:19:01,964 It was just nice having some creature in my life who never disappointed me, 352 00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:04,133 never judged me, 353 00:19:04,209 --> 00:19:07,235 never showed up late at my 50th birthday party 354 00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:12,181 with freshly pierced nipples and a barely legal Filipino boy named Pogo, 355 00:19:12,251 --> 00:19:14,811 - my son Harrison. - I figured. 356 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:18,879 Man's best friend, huh? 357 00:19:19,925 --> 00:19:22,155 They got that one right. 358 00:19:22,227 --> 00:19:24,388 At least you've stopped crying. 359 00:19:24,463 --> 00:19:25,589 No, not really. 360 00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:30,226 My body can't produce tears anymore. I've intentionally dehydrated myself. 361 00:19:30,302 --> 00:19:31,826 It's a risky move, I know, 362 00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:34,429 but Dr. Jarvis here said it'll be all right. 363 00:19:34,506 --> 00:19:36,667 There's nobody standing behind you. 364 00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:39,673 I'm going to need an IV. 365 00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:44,048 J.D., can I talk to you? 366 00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:46,277 I can't right now. I gotta check on Frank. 367 00:19:49,888 --> 00:19:52,550 So are you missing the other half of your liver? 368 00:19:52,624 --> 00:19:56,151 Oh, I'm not, but my gallbladder's pretty broken up about it. 369 00:19:56,228 --> 00:19:58,162 Apparently they had a thing. 370 00:19:58,230 --> 00:20:02,098 You've got a gift, man, a gift! 371 00:20:03,235 --> 00:20:06,466 Did your brother freak out when you told him you almost died? 372 00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:08,267 I didn't tell Frank. 373 00:20:09,174 --> 00:20:11,734 Look at him. He's so happy. 374 00:20:13,011 --> 00:20:16,174 If he knew what I went through, he'd feel terrible. 375 00:20:16,248 --> 00:20:19,012 Why would I wanna do that to him when I love him so much? 376 00:20:22,087 --> 00:20:24,419 Hey, Turk. You wanted to talk to me? 377 00:20:24,489 --> 00:20:27,049 - You wanted to talk to me? - You wanted to talk to me? 378 00:20:27,159 --> 00:20:29,093 [# Bobby Bare, Jr: I'll Be Around] 379 00:20:32,297 --> 00:20:37,257 Dr. Cox, can we talk about something besides sports this time? 380 00:20:37,336 --> 00:20:38,394 You're OK. 381 00:20:38,470 --> 00:20:39,528 OK, there, Keith, 382 00:20:39,605 --> 00:20:43,541 you may choose between good Scotch, ab workouts or Lee Marvin movies. 383 00:20:43,609 --> 00:20:46,635 - And who over here needs a refill? - Yes, please. 384 00:20:46,712 --> 00:20:50,045 - Thanks for the 'tini, Carla. - You got it, mama. 385 00:20:50,115 --> 00:20:52,208 - Here you go, Grumpy. - Latin Grammys! 386 00:20:52,284 --> 00:20:54,218 - Tell you the nominees. - Fabuloso. 387 00:20:54,286 --> 00:20:56,516 - Category? - Reggaeton. 388 00:20:57,623 --> 00:21:01,184 - Having a great time, man. - Me too, me too. 389 00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:02,727 Cheers. 31001

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