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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,270 --> 00:00:03,440 >> Jon: [ Distorted ] WHAT 2 00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:04,707 HAPPENS WHEN YOU TAKE A FAMILY 3 00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:06,065 FROM THE WITNESS PROTECTION 4 00:00:06,074 --> 00:00:06,544 PROGRAM... 5 00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:07,580 >> Susan: MOVE THEM TO 6 00:00:07,575 --> 00:00:08,405 NEW YORK CITY... 7 00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:09,709 >> David: AND GIVE THEM THEIR 8 00:00:09,710 --> 00:00:10,540 OWN REALITY SHOW? 9 00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:12,214 >> * DA-DA-DA-DA, DO-DO 10 00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:13,113 >> Jon: PREVIOUSLY ON 11 00:00:13,114 --> 00:00:13,884 "DELOCATED!"... 12 00:00:13,881 --> 00:00:14,781 SUSAN, WE BROKE UP. 13 00:00:14,782 --> 00:00:15,582 >> Susan: MM-HMM. 14 00:00:15,583 --> 00:00:16,783 >> Jon: YOU GOT A NEW FEDERAL 15 00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:17,094 AGENT. 16 00:00:17,085 --> 00:00:18,215 >> Susan: JON, THIS IS CHRIS. 17 00:00:18,219 --> 00:00:19,289 >> Jon: GREAT TO MEET YOU. 18 00:00:19,287 --> 00:00:20,617 THEN THAT GUY RESIGNED SO HE 19 00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:21,821 COULD BE YOUR BOYFRIEND, AND SO 20 00:00:21,822 --> 00:00:22,922 ON WITH THE NEXT LIKE FIVE 21 00:00:22,923 --> 00:00:23,263 AGENTS. 22 00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:24,057 >> ROB. 23 00:00:24,058 --> 00:00:25,128 >> DARREN. 24 00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:26,886 IT'S OFFICIALLY OVER BETWEEN ME 25 00:00:26,894 --> 00:00:27,604 AND SUSAN. 26 00:00:27,595 --> 00:00:28,655 DARREN RESIGNED TODAY. 27 00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:30,632 THEY'RE MOVING IN TOGETHER. 28 00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:34,904 >> Jon: MISS LLOYD. 29 00:00:34,902 --> 00:00:35,902 HOW'S IT GOING? 30 00:00:35,903 --> 00:00:36,843 >> OH, HEY, JON. 31 00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:38,607 I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE COMING BY 32 00:00:38,606 --> 00:00:39,006 TODAY. 33 00:00:39,006 --> 00:00:40,636 >> Jon: OH, YEAH, THOUGHT I'D 34 00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:42,241 SURPRISE DAVID WITH A LITTLE DAD 35 00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:42,913 PICK-UP. 36 00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:44,580 >> ACTUALLY, I NEEDED TO TALK TO 37 00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:45,248 YOU, SO... 38 00:00:45,246 --> 00:00:47,276 >> Jon: OH, WELL, MISS LLOYD, I 39 00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:49,581 AM FLATTERED, BUT I DON'T REALLY 40 00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:51,623 THINK IT'S APPROPRIATE FOR US TO 41 00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:53,289 BANG BODS. 42 00:00:53,287 --> 00:00:55,017 >> ACTUALLY, I WANTED TO TALK TO 43 00:00:55,022 --> 00:00:56,022 YOU ABOUT DAVID. 44 00:00:56,023 --> 00:00:56,763 >> Jon: OH. 45 00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:57,757 >> DAVID'S NOT HERE. 46 00:00:57,758 --> 00:00:58,958 HE'S BEEN SKIPPING A LOT OF 47 00:00:58,959 --> 00:00:59,789 SCHOOL LATELY. 48 00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,133 >> Jon: HAS HE BEEN HERE AT ALL 49 00:01:01,129 --> 00:01:01,699 TODAY? 50 00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:02,625 >> NO. HAVEN'T SEEN HIM. 51 00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:03,660 >> Jon: ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU 52 00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:04,634 VERY MUCH. 53 00:01:07,835 --> 00:01:13,965 [ DOOR UNLOCKING ] 54 00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:14,784 >> David: HI. 55 00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:15,835 >> Jon: HOW'S IT GOING? 56 00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:17,013 HOW WAS SCHOOL? 57 00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:18,150 >> David: FINE. 58 00:01:18,146 --> 00:01:20,306 >> Jon: ALL RIGHT. CLASSES GOOD? 59 00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:21,184 >> David: YEAH. 60 00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:22,282 >> Jon: AWESOME, MAN. 61 00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:23,623 YOU WANT TO DO, LIKE, A 62 00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:24,847 FATHER/SON RAP SESSION -- TALK 63 00:01:24,852 --> 00:01:25,992 ABOUT SCHOOL AND STUFF? 64 00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:26,786 >> David: NO. 65 00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:27,787 >> Jon: YOU SURE? 66 00:01:27,788 --> 00:01:28,658 >> David: YEAH. 67 00:01:28,656 --> 00:01:30,116 >> Jon: OH, MAN, THAT'S FUNNY, 68 00:01:30,124 --> 00:01:31,634 'CAUSE YOUR TEACHER TOLD ME 69 00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:32,785 YOU'RE SKIPPING SCHOOL. 70 00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:34,133 >> David: OH, MY GOD. FINE. 71 00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:35,798 I SKIPPED A FEW CLASSES TO GET 72 00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:36,996 LUNCH WITH SOME FRIENDS. 73 00:01:36,997 --> 00:01:38,227 CHILL. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? 74 00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:39,132 REALLY, RELAX. 75 00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:39,833 IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL. 76 00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:41,073 >> Jon: THAT'S ALL IT WAS? 77 00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:42,168 >> David: WHAT A CRIME. 78 00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:43,170 CALL THE PRINCIPAL. 79 00:01:43,171 --> 00:01:44,311 >> Jon: OKAY, I-I GET IT. 80 00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:45,805 >> David: SEND ME TO PRISON. 81 00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:48,676 >> Jon: I GET IT! RELAX. 82 00:01:48,676 --> 00:01:50,336 EXCUSE ME FOR TRYING TO BE A 83 00:01:50,344 --> 00:01:53,314 COOL, INVOLVED DAD. 84 00:01:53,314 --> 00:01:55,284 [ SCOFFS ] 85 00:01:58,319 --> 00:01:59,989 >> SUSAN WILL BE RIGHT DOWN WITH 86 00:01:59,987 --> 00:02:01,987 THE LAST OF YOUR THINGS. 87 00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:03,159 >> I COULD HAVE GONE UPSTAIRS 88 00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:03,817 AND GOT IT. 89 00:02:03,824 --> 00:02:04,894 I DON'T KNOW WHY SHE HAS TO 90 00:02:04,892 --> 00:02:05,232 BOTHER. 91 00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:06,656 >> SHE DIDN'T REALLY WANT YOU TO 92 00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:08,830 SEE OUR BEDROOM. 93 00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:11,369 >> Jon: AWKWARD! 94 00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:13,725 [ LAUGHS ] 95 00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:15,674 EECH. 96 00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:17,069 >> FEMALE AGENT, HUH? 97 00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:19,270 >> YEAH. GAIL STEVENS. 98 00:02:19,273 --> 00:02:20,873 YOU KNOW HER? 99 00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:21,784 >> Susan: OKAY. 100 00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:23,205 I THINK THIS IS JUST ABOUT THE 101 00:02:23,211 --> 00:02:24,011 LAST OF IT. 102 00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:24,851 >> ALL RIGHT. 103 00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,005 >> Susan: THERE YOU GO. 104 00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:26,683 >> GOOD. 105 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,020 >> Jon: HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? 106 00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:29,275 YOU COULD GET A GAY MARTIAN 107 00:02:29,283 --> 00:02:30,783 ROBOT FOR A FEDERAL AGENT. 108 00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:31,694 IT DOESN'T MATTER. 109 00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,015 >> Susan: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING 110 00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:33,350 ABOUT? 111 00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:34,864 >> Jon: I'M TALKING ABOUT DARREN 112 00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:36,055 MOVING IN AND YOU GETTING A 113 00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:37,016 CHICK FEDERAL AGENT. 114 00:02:37,024 --> 00:02:38,294 THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. 115 00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:39,762 WE ALL KNOW YOU'RE GONNA DUMP 116 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:40,760 HIM. 117 00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:41,901 >> Susan: [ SCOFFS ] 118 00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:43,025 YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS. 119 00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:44,400 >> Jon: SUSAN, THE ONLY ONE 120 00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:46,028 AROUND HERE WHO'S JEALOUS IS 121 00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:48,743 A-YOU, MY DEAR, OKAY? 122 00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:50,236 IT'S A-YOU. 123 00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:51,938 I'M BUDDIES WITH ONE OF YOUR 124 00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:53,769 EX-BOYFRIENDS, AND IT COULD NOT 125 00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:55,214 BE DRIVING YOU MORE A-CUCKOO 126 00:02:55,209 --> 00:02:55,879 A-CRAZY. 127 00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:57,446 >> Susan: WELL, OF COURSE YOU'RE 128 00:02:57,445 --> 00:02:58,145 BUDDIES. 129 00:02:58,145 --> 00:02:59,805 ALL OF MY DISCARDED PIECES OF 130 00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:01,223 GARBAGE HAVE SOMETHING IN 131 00:03:01,215 --> 00:03:01,815 COMMON. 132 00:03:01,815 --> 00:03:03,375 >> WHAT'S SO WEIRD ABOUT ME AND 133 00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:04,424 JON BEING FRIENDS? 134 00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:06,048 YOU KNOW, A LOT OF THE NASTY 135 00:03:06,053 --> 00:03:07,793 THINGS YOU SAID ABOUT HIM AREN'T 136 00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:08,988 TRUE. 137 00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:11,829 ANYWAY, MY POINT IS, OVERALL, 138 00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:13,725 JON'S A GOOD GUY. 139 00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:14,727 AND I'M A GOOD GUY... 140 00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:16,058 NO MATTER WHAT YOU'RE TELLING 141 00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:16,333 HIM. 142 00:03:16,330 --> 00:03:17,800 >> Susan: THE ONLY THING I'M 143 00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:18,968 TELLING DARREN IS TO COME 144 00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:20,326 UPSTAIRS AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO 145 00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:23,144 ME AS SOON AS YOU GUYS LEAVE. 146 00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:24,906 >> AWKWARD! 147 00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:26,765 >> Jon: [ LAUGHS ] 148 00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:29,314 GAIL, OUT OF THE PARK! 149 00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:32,478 >> YOU KNOW I MEANT IT WHEN I 150 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:34,180 SAID THAT YOU WERE A GOOD GUY. 151 00:03:34,181 --> 00:03:35,821 I MEAN, WE'RE BOTH GOOD GUYS, 152 00:03:35,816 --> 00:03:36,416 RIGHT? 153 00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:38,317 >> Jon: OF COURSE WE ARE. 154 00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:40,319 SUSAN ALWAYS MAKES US FEEL 155 00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:40,951 OTHERWISE. 156 00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,164 >> I KNOW ALL THE OTHER AGENTS 157 00:03:42,155 --> 00:03:43,355 WHO CAME BEFORE ME -- THEY'RE 158 00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:48,097 ALL GOOD GUYS. 159 00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:50,925 WHAT? 160 00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:52,001 >> Jon: I BET THEY ALL FEEL THE 161 00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:53,899 SAME WAY WE DO. 162 00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:02,283 >> [ MUTTERING ] 163 00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:04,006 >> CHRIS. 164 00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:06,011 >> HEY, ROB. 165 00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:07,113 >> LONG TIME. 166 00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:09,954 >> YEAH. 167 00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:12,120 DO I KNOW YOU? 168 00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:15,089 >> YOU GOT A MINUTE? 169 00:04:19,293 --> 00:04:20,893 >> I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT 170 00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:22,004 HAPPENED. 171 00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:24,365 WE SEEMED SO IN LOVE. 172 00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:25,465 IT DEVASTATED ME. 173 00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:29,136 IT'S WHEN I QUIT THE BUREAU. 174 00:04:29,136 --> 00:04:31,036 SHE TOLD ME WHAT AN ASSHOLE YOU 175 00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:31,468 WERE. 176 00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:33,372 THOUGHT I WAS A GOOD GUY. 177 00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:35,414 >> Jon: YOU ARE A GOOD GUY, 178 00:04:35,409 --> 00:04:36,979 CHRIS. 179 00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:38,247 IT'S ALL SUSAN. 180 00:04:38,245 --> 00:04:39,975 CHRIS, YOU EVER SEE 181 00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:41,920 "THE FIRST WIVES CLUB"? 182 00:04:41,915 --> 00:04:43,975 >> NO. 183 00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:47,194 >> Jon: BARTENDER... 184 00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:50,487 PUT THIS IN, PLEASE. 185 00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:52,161 >> THAT'S WHY WE'LL ALWAYS BE 186 00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:58,569 KNOWN AS THE FIRST WIVES CLUB. 187 00:04:58,566 --> 00:05:00,326 >> Jon: WE'RE GETTING ALL OF 188 00:05:00,334 --> 00:05:02,174 SUSAN'S EXES TOGETHER, FORMING 189 00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:03,169 OUR OWN CLUB -- 190 00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:05,210 THE GOOD GUYS CLUB. 191 00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:07,005 >> ARE YOU IN? 192 00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:11,347 >> YEAH, I'M IN. 193 00:05:11,345 --> 00:05:12,875 I GUESS I WON'T BE NEEDING THIS 194 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:19,090 ANYMORE. 195 00:05:19,086 --> 00:05:21,416 >> HEY, JEFF. 196 00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:23,522 >> * HOLD YOUR HEAD UP, MY GOOD 197 00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:25,934 FRIEND * 198 00:05:25,926 --> 00:05:27,596 >> Jon: THAT'S JUST SUSAN. 199 00:05:27,595 --> 00:05:29,955 YOU WON'T EVER HAVE TO WEAR THAT 200 00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:30,933 EVER AGAIN. 201 00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:33,431 >> * ONE WOMAN JUST AIN'T GONNA 202 00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:36,044 KEEP FIVE GOOD MEN DOWN, 203 00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:39,866 OH, NO * 204 00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:41,313 >> IT WAS REAL, BABY. 205 00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:42,908 >> * NO 206 00:05:42,910 --> 00:05:46,880 >> Jon: GOOD JOB. 207 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:52,250 >> * SOMETIMES GOOD GUYS FINISH 208 00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:55,462 FIRST * 209 00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:00,892 >> Jon: EVERYBODY FEAST YOUR 210 00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:04,304 EYES ON THESE. 211 00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:05,127 >> WHOA! 212 00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:07,972 [ APPLAUSE ] 213 00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:09,568 >> YEAH! 214 00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:14,140 >> Jon: ROB, JEFF, CHRIS, AND 215 00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:15,381 MATT. 216 00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:17,239 >> OH, JON, THESE ARE BEAUTIFUL. 217 00:06:17,244 --> 00:06:18,284 >> THIS IS MINT. 218 00:06:18,278 --> 00:06:19,648 >> Jon: * OW, LOOK OUT 219 00:06:19,647 --> 00:06:23,917 * GOOD GUYS CLUB 220 00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,647 OKAY, OKAY, LET'S BRING IT BACK 221 00:06:25,653 --> 00:06:26,253 DOWN. 222 00:06:26,253 --> 00:06:28,163 FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS OF THE 223 00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:29,985 DAY IS SUSAN'S NEW BOYFRIEND. 224 00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:31,930 OF COURSE, YOU ALL KNOW WHO I'M 225 00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:33,585 TALKING ABOUT -- DARREN KELLY. 226 00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:34,464 >> GOOD GUY. 227 00:06:34,462 --> 00:06:36,002 >> GOOD GUY. REAL GOOD GUY. 228 00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:36,996 >> Jon: SOLID GUY. 229 00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:38,467 I WAS JUST AT SUSAN'S RECENTLY, 230 00:06:38,466 --> 00:06:40,096 AND I GOT TO WITNESS FIRSTHAND 231 00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:41,370 HOW HE HAS BEEN COMPLETELY 232 00:06:41,368 --> 00:06:43,168 BLINDED BY HER CHARMS. 233 00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:44,970 >> [ CHUCKLES ] 234 00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:46,112 >> Jon: [ SIGHS ] 235 00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:49,436 LIKE WE ALL WERE. 236 00:06:49,443 --> 00:06:50,983 >> HEY, HEY, COME ON. 237 00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:52,978 IF SUSAN COULD SEE US NOW, SHE'D 238 00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:54,620 SEE A ROOMFUL OF GOOD GUYS. 239 00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:56,115 IF SHE KNEW ABOUT THE 240 00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:58,046 GOOD GUYS CLUB, IT'D DRIVE HER 241 00:06:58,051 --> 00:06:58,391 CRAZY. 242 00:06:58,385 --> 00:06:59,615 >> YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY DRIVES 243 00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:01,350 SUSAN CRAZY? 244 00:07:01,354 --> 00:07:02,494 DOO-WOP. 245 00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:04,020 >> UGH, TELL ME ABOUT IT. 246 00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:04,564 >> REALLY? 247 00:07:04,558 --> 00:07:05,628 >> OH, YEAH, YEAH. 248 00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:06,656 I BOUGHT HER TICKETS TO 249 00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:08,200 SHA NA NA -- SHE TOLD ME TO WIPE 250 00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:09,055 MY ASS WITH THEM. 251 00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:10,062 I DIDN'T, OF COURSE. 252 00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:11,403 >> Jon: GUYS, LET'S GET BACK TO 253 00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:12,568 THE MEETING, PLEASE, OKAY? 254 00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:14,126 MATT, NICE JOB ON THE DOUGHNUTS 255 00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,174 AND O.J. THIS MORNING. 256 00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:16,138 JEFF, YOU'RE NEXT. 257 00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:17,396 LET'S HAVE BREAKFAST BURRITOS 258 00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:18,314 AND POP TOMORROW. 259 00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:19,465 THAT SOUND GOOD TO EVERYBODY? 260 00:07:19,473 --> 00:07:20,243 >> All: YES. 261 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:21,640 >> Jon: ALL RIGHT, GOOD MEETING, 262 00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:22,182 GUYS. 263 00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:23,135 LET'S BRING IT IN. 264 00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:23,583 LET'S GO. 265 00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:25,307 "GOOD GUYS" ON THREE. 266 00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:26,652 ONE, TWO, THREE. 267 00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:28,577 >> All: GOOD GUYS! 268 00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:30,522 >> Jon: ALL RIGHT, HAVE A GOOD 269 00:07:30,518 --> 00:07:32,488 DAY AT SCHOOL, OKAY? 270 00:07:32,486 --> 00:07:34,016 STUDY HARD. 271 00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:35,691 >> David: I WILL. 272 00:07:35,689 --> 00:07:36,659 >> Jon: GET AN "A." 273 00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:37,587 >> David: OKAY. 274 00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:39,191 >> Jon: [ CHUCKLES ] 275 00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:40,062 LOVE YOU. 276 00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:42,030 >> David: LOVE YOU, TOO. 277 00:07:57,745 --> 00:08:03,675 >> Jon: OH [BLEEP] 278 00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:10,294 OH, MY GOD, I THINK WE LOST HIM. 279 00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:12,460 >> WHO'S THAT GIRL? 280 00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:14,459 ALL RIGHT, DAVID. 281 00:08:14,461 --> 00:08:17,431 >> Jon: [ CHUCKLES ] 282 00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:18,070 OH, MAN. 283 00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:19,425 I THOUGHT HE WAS, LIKE, MEETING 284 00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:20,702 UP WITH SOME STONER KIDS OR 285 00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:22,041 SOMETHING OR, LIKE, SOME 286 00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:23,265 HIPPIES OR RELIGIOUS FREAKS. 287 00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:24,710 MAN! WHEW! 288 00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:26,435 THANK GOD. 289 00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:28,109 >> JUST A YOUNG MAN DOING WHAT 290 00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:29,038 COMES NATURAL. 291 00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:30,582 >> Jon: WELL, LET'S JUST HOPE HE 292 00:08:30,578 --> 00:08:32,208 DOESN'T GET HIS HEART BROKEN. 293 00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:34,552 HIS CHERRY, ON THE OTHER HAND, 294 00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:35,778 GOOD RIDDANCE. 295 00:08:35,783 --> 00:08:37,723 [ LAUGHS ] 296 00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:42,458 >> HERE SHE COMES. 297 00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:45,385 [BLEEP] THAT'S PAVEL. 298 00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:46,462 >> Jon: MY GOD, SHE'S A 299 00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:47,599 MIRMINSKY? 300 00:08:47,595 --> 00:08:49,055 >> STAY LOW. 301 00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:51,032 >> Jon: OH, DAVID. 302 00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:53,725 THANKS FOR DOING THIS. 303 00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:55,574 >> Susan: WELL, FOR THE RECORD, 304 00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:57,399 I'M NOT DOING IT FOR YOU -- I'M 305 00:08:57,404 --> 00:08:58,614 DOING IT FOR DAVID. 306 00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:00,569 >> Jon: YEAH, WELL, LET'S JUST 307 00:09:00,574 --> 00:09:02,444 STICK TO THE PLAN, ALL RIGHT? 308 00:09:02,442 --> 00:09:04,442 SHOW THEM HOW AWFUL OUR MARRIAGE 309 00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:06,254 WAS, SHOW THEM WHAT HELL A 310 00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:07,146 RELATIONSHIP IS. 311 00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:09,477 HOPEFULLY, THEY BREAK UP. 312 00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:12,122 OKAY, TATIANA, WELCOME TO WHAT 313 00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:14,419 WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY SWEET 314 00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:15,091 LOFT. 315 00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:17,088 WE USED TO HAVE FAMILY DINNERS 316 00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:19,090 LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME BEFORE 317 00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:21,432 OUR MARRIAGE WENT RIGHT TO HELL. 318 00:09:21,428 --> 00:09:22,598 >> Susan: YEAH. 319 00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:25,096 BEING MARRIED TO JON WAS QUITE A 320 00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:25,528 CHORE. 321 00:09:25,532 --> 00:09:27,332 >> [ Russian accent ] I'M SORRY 322 00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:27,704 TO HEAR. 323 00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:28,841 >> David: GUYS, WHAT YOU'RE 324 00:09:28,836 --> 00:09:29,796 TRYING TO DO IS REALLY 325 00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:31,103 TRANSPARENT AND ANNOYING. 326 00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:32,174 >> Susan: OH, NO, SWEETIE. 327 00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:34,312 WHAT WAS ANNOYING WAS YOUR 328 00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:36,277 FATHER CONSTANTLY WORKING, AND 329 00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:37,806 THEN HE BECAME EMOTIONALLY 330 00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:38,611 DETACHED. 331 00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:39,812 >> Jon: YOU KNOW WHAT, SUSAN? 332 00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:41,283 [BLEEP] YOU FOR NOT APPRECIATING 333 00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:42,481 THE LIFE THAT I WORKED MY ASS 334 00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:43,452 OFF TO GIVE YOU. 335 00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:45,220 >> Susan: THE LIFE OF INCESSANT 336 00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:45,688 BOREDOM? 337 00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:47,186 THE PART WHERE THERE WAS 338 00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:48,657 ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST IN THE 339 00:09:48,656 --> 00:09:50,156 BEDROOM, LACK OF INTEREST 340 00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:50,717 COMPLETELY -- 341 00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:52,234 >> Jon: OH, THERE WAS PLENTY OF 342 00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:53,555 INTEREST IN THE BEDROOM -- ON MY 343 00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:53,860 PART. 344 00:09:53,861 --> 00:09:54,801 ON MY PART, OKAY? 345 00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:55,625 >> Susan: RIGHT. 346 00:09:55,629 --> 00:09:56,799 >> Jon: I'M NOT THE ONE WHO 347 00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:58,297 WOULDN'T LET ME SPANK YOUR LADY 348 00:09:58,298 --> 00:09:58,698 CHICKEN. 349 00:09:58,699 --> 00:09:59,469 >> Susan: OH! 350 00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:00,526 >> David: ARE YOU SERIOUS? 351 00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:01,843 >> Susan: THANK YOU FOR BRINGING 352 00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:02,635 THAT UP. 353 00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:03,666 HOW DARE YOU? 354 00:10:03,671 --> 00:10:05,411 >> Jon: HOW DARE I WHAT? 355 00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:07,335 THESE KIDS ARE OLD ENOUGH TO 356 00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:08,480 HEAR ABOUT LADY CHICKENS. 357 00:10:08,475 --> 00:10:09,735 >> Susan: JON, THAT'S ENOUGH. 358 00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:10,713 >> Jon: IT'S ENOUGH? 359 00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:11,751 >> Susan: IT'S ENOUGH. 360 00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:12,505 >> Jon: REALLY? 361 00:10:12,512 --> 00:10:13,652 LIKE IT WAS ENOUGH FOR YOU TO 362 00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:14,747 BANG EVERY SINGLE GUY IN THE 363 00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:15,718 SECRET SERVICE WHO CAME 364 00:10:15,716 --> 00:10:16,316 YOUR WAY? 365 00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:17,516 I'M SURE YOU LET THEM SPANK YOUR 366 00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:23,217 LADY CHICKEN. 367 00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:23,863 SUSAN. 368 00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:26,527 THIS IS YOUR FUTURE, BY THE WAY, 369 00:10:26,526 --> 00:10:28,656 IF YOU TWO STAY TOGETHER. 370 00:10:28,662 --> 00:10:31,402 SUSAN! 371 00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:33,868 >> WHAT IS A LADY'S CHICKEN? 372 00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:41,208 >> Jon: OH, MY GOD. 373 00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:43,578 THAT WENT GREAT. 374 00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:44,606 WHO WANTS TO CLIMB 375 00:10:44,611 --> 00:10:48,281 HIGH-FIVE MOUNTAIN? 376 00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:50,251 OH, MY GOD, ARE YOU OKAY? 377 00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,790 SUSAN. 378 00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:53,786 SUSAN, COME HERE. 379 00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:55,517 YOU KNOW I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR 380 00:10:55,522 --> 00:10:57,762 LADY CHICKEN. 381 00:10:57,758 --> 00:10:59,688 >> Susan: IT'S JUST REALLY HARD 382 00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:01,593 WITH DAVID. 383 00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:04,804 >> Jon: I KNOW. I'M SORRY. 384 00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:08,868 IT'S OKAY. 385 00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:09,899 >> Susan: UGH. 386 00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:11,773 >> Jon: YOU OKAY? 387 00:11:24,584 --> 00:11:25,754 >> OKAY, SEND HIM UP. 388 00:11:25,753 --> 00:11:26,793 JON'S HERE. 389 00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:28,457 >> Susan: OH, OKAY. 390 00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:32,255 >> Jon: HELLO. 391 00:11:32,259 --> 00:11:33,729 SORRY TO DROP BY UNANNOUNCED. 392 00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:35,397 I JUST WANTED TO DROP OFF SOME 393 00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:36,755 FLOWERS TO SAY THANK YOU FOR 394 00:11:36,764 --> 00:11:38,334 HELPING OUT WITH DAVID LAST 395 00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:38,771 NIGHT. 396 00:11:38,766 --> 00:11:39,796 >> Susan: OH, SURE. 397 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,140 WELL, LET'S JUST HOPE IT WORKED. 398 00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:43,595 >> LET ME GET A VASE. 399 00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:45,343 >> Jon: APPRECIATE THAT. 400 00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:46,408 >> THANK YOU. 401 00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:47,606 >> Jon: YOU WANT ME TO BE THE 402 00:11:47,607 --> 00:11:49,107 ONE TO BREAK THE NEWS TO DARREN 403 00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:51,609 THAT JONNY'S BACK? 404 00:11:51,611 --> 00:11:52,611 >> Susan: MMM... 405 00:11:52,612 --> 00:11:54,182 >> Jon: THAT WAS A PRETTY 406 00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:55,421 POWERFUL SPEECH, HUH? 407 00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:57,115 >> Susan: ACTUALLY, THE WHOLE 408 00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:59,347 THING KIND OF SICKENED ME. 409 00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:02,362 >> HERE WE GO. 410 00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:03,455 LOOKS GOOD. 411 00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:05,786 >> Jon: SUSAN AND I MADE OUT 412 00:12:05,793 --> 00:12:09,533 LAST NIGHT. 413 00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:10,629 >> YEAH, I KNOW. 414 00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:12,500 IT WAS THE FIRST THING SHE TOLD 415 00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:13,699 ME WHEN I GOT HOME. 416 00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:15,540 TALKING ABOUT IT SICKENED HER. 417 00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:18,265 I CLEANED UP HER PUKE. 418 00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:19,811 BUT WHAT I'M WONDERING IS, DID 419 00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:21,437 YOU TELL YOUR GIRLFRIEND? 420 00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:23,181 >> Jon: YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT 421 00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:23,806 TO DO, MAN. 422 00:12:23,811 --> 00:12:24,881 YOU DON'T OWN ME. 423 00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:27,478 I'M NOT YOUR SLAVE, RACIST. 424 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:28,520 BET IF THIS GUY HAD A TIME 425 00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:29,715 MACHINE, HE WOULDN'T GO BACK AND 426 00:12:29,716 --> 00:12:30,376 KILL HITLER. 427 00:12:30,383 --> 00:12:31,523 HE'D JUST GO BACK AND GET MORE 428 00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:32,318 SLAVES. 429 00:12:32,319 --> 00:12:33,489 YEAH, I'M RIGHT. 430 00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:34,516 LOOK AT THAT. 431 00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:35,561 YOU CAN TELL. 432 00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:37,685 >> Susan: IT IS VERY CLEAR TO ME 433 00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:39,690 THAT THIS SWEET, SWEET MAN IS 434 00:12:39,692 --> 00:12:41,362 THE ONE. 435 00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:44,661 AND THAT'S WHY LAST NIGHT, UM... 436 00:12:44,664 --> 00:12:46,204 I PROPOSED TO HIM AFTER HE 437 00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:48,739 CLEANED UP MY BARF. 438 00:12:48,735 --> 00:12:51,905 >> AND I ACCEPTED. 439 00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:53,765 >> Jon: ROB! 440 00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:00,208 >> I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU KISSED 441 00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:00,583 HER. 442 00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:02,220 >> Jon: HEY, LOOK, I KNOW. 443 00:13:02,215 --> 00:13:02,745 I'M SORRY. 444 00:13:02,749 --> 00:13:03,349 OKAY? 445 00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:04,680 IT WAS A MOMENT OF WEAKNESS. 446 00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:06,354 >> YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO CALL ONE 447 00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:07,893 OF US BEFORE SOMETHING LIKE THAT 448 00:13:07,888 --> 00:13:08,558 HAPPENS. 449 00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:09,355 >> HEY, HEY. 450 00:13:09,356 --> 00:13:12,356 CUT THE GUY A BREAK, OKAY? 451 00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:13,759 WE ALL KNOW HOW SEXUAL AND 452 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,200 ALLURING SUSAN CAN BE. 453 00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:16,855 THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO ANY 454 00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:20,274 ONE OF US. 455 00:13:20,267 --> 00:13:23,837 I WISH IT'D HAPPENED TO ME. 456 00:13:23,837 --> 00:13:25,707 >> ME TOO. 457 00:13:25,705 --> 00:13:27,765 >> ME TOO. 458 00:13:27,774 --> 00:13:28,784 >> Jon: ME TOO. 459 00:13:28,775 --> 00:13:30,705 >> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, LOOK... 460 00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:32,510 OBVIOUSLY, SUSAN AGREED TO THE 461 00:13:32,512 --> 00:13:34,282 DAVID DINNER SO SHE COULD TRAP 462 00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:36,721 JON. 463 00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:37,946 ARE WE JUST GONNA SIT HERE AND 464 00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:39,691 POUT ABOUT IT, OR ARE WE GONNA 465 00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:40,846 DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT? 466 00:13:40,854 --> 00:13:42,564 >> I WANT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT 467 00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:42,885 IT. 468 00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:44,290 >> LET'S DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. 469 00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:45,591 >> ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO SOMETHING 470 00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:46,232 ABOUT IT! 471 00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:47,426 >> LET'S DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! 472 00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:48,557 >> Jon: LET'S DO SOMETHING 473 00:13:48,561 --> 00:13:48,961 ABOUT IT! 474 00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:50,362 >> READY? "LET'S DO SOMETHING 475 00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:51,233 ABOUT IT" ON THREE. 476 00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:51,801 ONE, TWO, THREE. 477 00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:52,898 >> All: LET'S DO SOMETHING 478 00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:53,970 ABOUT IT! 479 00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:56,867 >> * SHA DOO DOOBIE, DOOBIE 480 00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:58,910 DOO WAH * 481 00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:00,569 >> Susan: UGH. 482 00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:02,583 >> * DOOBIE DOO WAH 483 00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:04,905 * SHA DOO DOOBIE, DOOBIE 484 00:14:04,912 --> 00:14:07,312 DOO WAH * 485 00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:09,754 * WAH, WAH, WAH, WAAAAH 486 00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:11,279 >> Jon: * OH, SUSAN 487 00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:12,794 >> * SHA DOO DOOBIE, DOOBIE 488 00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:14,615 DOO WAH * 489 00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:16,761 * SHA DOO DOOBIE, DOOBIE 490 00:14:16,756 --> 00:14:17,926 DOO WAH * 491 00:14:17,925 --> 00:14:19,255 >> Susan: HEY, HEY! 492 00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:21,729 SHUT THE [BLEEP] UP. 493 00:14:21,728 --> 00:14:24,428 >> All: YEAH! 494 00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:26,471 WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO! 495 00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:27,626 [ LAUGHTER ] 496 00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:29,444 >> OH, YEAH! 497 00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:32,766 NOW, NOW, THAT IS WHAT I CALL 498 00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:34,772 MISSION ACCOM...A-LOM-A-DONG, 499 00:14:34,774 --> 00:14:35,914 A-DONG-A-DONG-A-DING-DONG 500 00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:37,949 ...COMPLISHED! 501 00:14:37,945 --> 00:14:38,775 >> YEAH, THAT'S SO GOOD! 502 00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:40,608 [ CELLPHONE RINGS ] 503 00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:41,953 >> Jon: UH-OH. 504 00:14:41,949 --> 00:14:43,479 IT'S SUSAN! 505 00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:44,993 >> OH, MAN! 506 00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:47,645 >> Jon: VOICEMAIL. 507 00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:49,294 [ LAUGHTER ] 508 00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:51,519 NOW, WHERE WERE WE? 509 00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:52,934 >> [ As Susan ] "HEY! 510 00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:54,456 SHUT THE [BLEEP] UP!" 511 00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:55,931 [ CELLPHONE RINGS ] 512 00:14:55,929 --> 00:14:57,859 >> SHE LOOKED CRAZY, MAN. 513 00:14:57,864 --> 00:14:59,804 >> Jon: WHOA, SUSAN CALL 514 00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:01,499 NUMBER 2. 515 00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:02,041 >> OH, NO! 516 00:15:02,035 --> 00:15:03,695 >> Jon: TAKE IT EASY, MADONNA. 517 00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:05,313 NO ONE'S DESPERATELY SEEKING 518 00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:06,035 SUSAN. 519 00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:10,609 [ LAUGHTER ] 520 00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:13,650 [ ALARM CLOCK BEEPING ] 521 00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:15,976 [ BEEPING STOPS ] 522 00:15:15,983 --> 00:15:17,383 OH, MAN. 523 00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:18,394 [ CELLPHONE BEEPS ] 524 00:15:18,385 --> 00:15:19,885 OH, MY GOD. 525 00:15:19,886 --> 00:15:20,686 >> WHAT? 526 00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:22,787 >> Jon: I'VE GOT A TON OF TEXTS 527 00:15:22,789 --> 00:15:24,689 FROM SUSAN ASKING ME TO CALL 528 00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:26,961 HER. 529 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,630 I GUESS SOMEONE'S STILL CUCKOO 530 00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:32,068 FOR JONNY PUFFS. 531 00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:33,965 SEE WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT. 532 00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:35,537 >> Susan: JON, WHERE ARE YOU? 533 00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:36,895 I HAVE BEEN CALLING YOU ALL 534 00:15:36,903 --> 00:15:37,503 NIGHT. 535 00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:38,974 JUST PLEASE CALL ME AS SOON AS 536 00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:39,872 YOU GET THIS. 537 00:15:39,872 --> 00:15:41,342 OUR DINNER BACKFIRED. 538 00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:42,341 DAVID RAN AWAY. 539 00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:45,012 JUST CALL ME, PLEASE. 540 00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:46,012 >> Jon: I HAVE TO GO. 541 00:15:46,013 --> 00:15:47,013 OH, MY GOD. 542 00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:48,854 >> WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 543 00:15:48,848 --> 00:15:53,688 >> Jon: OH, MY GOD. 544 00:15:53,686 --> 00:15:55,056 >> LOOK, I KNOW THIS IS HARD FOR 545 00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:55,555 YOU. 546 00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:56,855 BUT THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO 547 00:15:56,856 --> 00:15:58,356 RIGHT NOW IS TO GO HOME AND LET 548 00:15:58,358 --> 00:15:59,828 US DO OUR JOBS, OKAY? 549 00:15:59,826 --> 00:16:01,856 JON, SUSAN, WE WILL GET DAVID 550 00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:02,531 BACK. 551 00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:04,059 YOU HAVE MY WORD ON IT. 552 00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:06,704 WE HAVE THE BEST PEOPLE IN THE 553 00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:11,439 WORLD WORKING ON THIS. 554 00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:12,708 WHAT THE [BLEEP] ARE YOU 555 00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:15,705 WEARING? 556 00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:16,908 >> Jon: I CAN'T JUST SIT HERE 557 00:16:16,909 --> 00:16:17,709 AND DO NOTHING! 558 00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:18,910 I HAVE TO BE OUT THERE, TRYING 559 00:16:18,911 --> 00:16:19,511 TO HELP. 560 00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:20,712 ANYTHING COULD BE GOING ON WITH 561 00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:21,513 HIM RIGHT NOW. 562 00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:22,124 HE COULD BE DEAD. 563 00:16:22,115 --> 00:16:23,445 >> YOU KNOW, JON, AFTER 9/11, 564 00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:24,720 THE GOVERNMENT HIRED A BUNCH OF 565 00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:25,847 HOLLYWOOD WRITERS TO COME UP 566 00:16:25,852 --> 00:16:26,752 WITH SCENARIOS WITH WHICH 567 00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:27,723 THE TERRORISTS WOULD ATTACK 568 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,760 THE UNITED STATES. 569 00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:31,056 IT'S AN IDEA. 570 00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:32,791 >> OKAY, SO WE GOT A COUPLE 571 00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:34,062 YOUNG RUNAWAYS, RIGHT? 572 00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:35,431 WHERE DO THEY GO TO? 573 00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:36,628 ATLANTIC CITY. 574 00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:37,899 AND THEY END UP WINNING A TON OF 575 00:16:37,897 --> 00:16:39,527 MONEY GAMBLING AND LIVING OUT OF 576 00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:40,732 A HOTEL, BUT THE GAMBLING 577 00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:42,443 BECOMES AN ADDICTION, RIGHT? 578 00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:43,595 >> MAYBE INSTEAD OF 579 00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:45,413 ATLANTIC CITY, THEY GO TO THE 580 00:16:45,405 --> 00:16:45,735 HAMPTONS. 581 00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:46,738 CRIME FAMILY LIKE THAT 582 00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:47,809 DEFINITELY HAS A PLACE THERE. 583 00:16:47,807 --> 00:16:48,977 >> I THINK ATLANTIC CITY MAKES A 584 00:16:48,975 --> 00:16:49,935 LOT MORE SENSE THAN THE 585 00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:50,542 HAMPTONS. 586 00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:51,643 I MEAN, IT JUST -- IT JUST... 587 00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:52,584 >> IT'S SEXIER. 588 00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:53,909 >> WELL, IT MAKES MORE SENSE 589 00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:54,753 DRAMATICALLY. 590 00:16:54,747 --> 00:16:59,787 >> MAYBE IF DAVID WAS BLACK. 591 00:16:59,786 --> 00:17:00,616 >> BLACK IS GOOD. 592 00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:01,790 HERE, I'M WRITING DOWN "BLACK." 593 00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:02,718 >> BLACK IS VERY... 594 00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:03,892 >> NO, I THINK YOU'RE TALKING 595 00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,090 ABOUT A FATHER WHO HASN'T BEEN 596 00:17:05,092 --> 00:17:05,962 TALKING TO HIS SON. 597 00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:07,088 >> YEAH, THE CLASSIC ABSENT 598 00:17:07,094 --> 00:17:08,104 FATHER. 599 00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:09,728 IF THAT'S NOT GONNA LEAD TO A 600 00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:11,099 KID WANTING TO, YOU KNOW, HOP 601 00:17:11,098 --> 00:17:11,728 TOWN... 602 00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:13,431 >> HEY, HEY, HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? 603 00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:15,743 [BLEEP] [BLEEP] THIS HOLLYWOOD 604 00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:16,765 [BLEEP] OKAY? 605 00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:18,169 AND [BLEEP] THE FBI! 606 00:17:18,171 --> 00:17:20,071 JON, THIS IS A JOB FOR 607 00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:24,813 THE GOOD GUYS. 608 00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:25,981 >> Jon: THIS ISN'T A HOLLYWOOD 609 00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:26,478 MOVIE! 610 00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:26,979 THIS IS LIFE! 611 00:17:26,979 --> 00:17:28,149 I DON'T NEED A BUNCH OF WRITERS 612 00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:29,448 COMING UP WITH FAKE LINES. 613 00:17:29,449 --> 00:17:30,579 [ Echoing ] I NEED SOMEONE TO 614 00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,893 GET ME BACK MY SON! 615 00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:45,197 >> EXCUSE ME. 616 00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:48,498 HAVE YOU SEEN THIS BOY? 617 00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:49,671 >> EITHER OF THESE TWO LOOK 618 00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:50,499 FAMILIAR TO YOU? 619 00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:51,803 EITHER OF THEM, NOTHING AT ALL? 620 00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:52,144 >> NO. 621 00:17:52,139 --> 00:17:53,109 >> Jon: TAKE A LOOK AT THESE 622 00:17:53,106 --> 00:17:54,006 PHOTOS AND TELL ME IF YOU'VE 623 00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:55,106 SEEN EITHER OF THESE KIDS IN THE 624 00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:57,808 NEIGHBORHOOD. 625 00:17:57,810 --> 00:17:59,810 IF YOU'VE SEEN THEM -- PLEASE, 626 00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:01,512 JUST LOOK ONE MORE TIME. 627 00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:02,054 IT'S MY SON. 628 00:18:02,048 --> 00:18:03,218 >> YEAH, WE'RE ON OUR WAY. 629 00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:04,676 >> Jon: PLEASE JUST LOOK HARD. 630 00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:05,824 >> DAVID'S HOME. COME ON. 631 00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:06,848 >> Jon: WHAT? 632 00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:10,163 >> GO! 633 00:18:10,157 --> 00:18:11,487 [ DOOR UNLOCKING ] 634 00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:12,861 >> Jon: OH, MY GOD, DAVID, 635 00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:15,499 DAVID, DAVID. 636 00:18:15,495 --> 00:18:17,525 COME HERE. 637 00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:22,140 >> THANK YOU. OKAY. 638 00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:25,505 NOTHING. 639 00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:27,465 [ SQUEAKING ] 640 00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:35,516 >> David: WHEN IT BECAME OBVIOUS 641 00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:37,175 THAT OUR FAMILIES DIDN'T WANT US 642 00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:40,094 TOGETHER, I DECIDED WE SHOULD 643 00:18:40,086 --> 00:18:40,846 RUN AWAY. 644 00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:42,663 >> WE STAYED UNDER A PIER AT 645 00:18:42,655 --> 00:18:43,585 JONES BEACH. 646 00:18:43,590 --> 00:18:45,590 >> David: WE WERE APPROACHED BY 647 00:18:45,592 --> 00:18:48,762 A HOBO. 648 00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:49,861 HE ATTACKED US. 649 00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:51,762 >> DAVID WAS FOOLISH, DID NOT 650 00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:53,604 THINK WE NEEDED PROTECTION. 651 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,200 >> David: FOR PROTECTION, I HAD 652 00:18:55,202 --> 00:18:57,002 BROUGHT A KNIFE FROM MOM'S 653 00:18:57,003 --> 00:18:57,773 KITCHEN. 654 00:18:57,770 --> 00:18:59,570 >> THANKFULLY, I HAD SPIKED 655 00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:01,212 BRASS KNUCKLES UNCLE SERGEI 656 00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:01,938 GAVE ME. 657 00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:03,581 >> David: WE MANAGED TO... 658 00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:06,006 GET PAST HIM PRETTY QUICKLY. 659 00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:08,552 >> DAVID WAS CRYING AND SCARED. 660 00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:10,618 >> David: HE MANAGED TO GET 661 00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:12,017 AHOLD OF TATIANA. 662 00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:14,248 >> I POUND HIS FACE REPEATEDLY 663 00:19:14,254 --> 00:19:16,024 WITH BRASS KNUCKLES. 664 00:19:16,022 --> 00:19:18,732 >> David: AND I-I KILLED HIM. 665 00:19:18,725 --> 00:19:21,555 >> AND I HEAR SCREAMING AND THEN 666 00:19:21,561 --> 00:19:22,201 NOTHING. 667 00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:24,195 >> David: BUT THAT NIGHT, WE 668 00:19:24,197 --> 00:19:26,097 MADE LOVE FOR THE FIRST AND 669 00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:29,968 FINAL TIME UNDER THE STARS. 670 00:19:29,969 --> 00:19:33,109 >> DAVID WAS STILL CRYING AND 671 00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:34,905 SCARED, SO... 672 00:19:34,907 --> 00:19:38,207 I TAKE HIM BY HAND, AND WE WALK 673 00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:42,651 TOGETHER. 674 00:19:42,649 --> 00:19:45,749 >> I'M PROUD OF YOU. 675 00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:48,222 YOU KILL YOUR FIRST HOBO. 676 00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:52,261 >> Jon: I'M PROUD OF YOU. 677 00:19:52,259 --> 00:19:53,629 YOU GOT LAID. 678 00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:59,596 >> David: [ SNIFFLES ] 679 00:19:59,599 --> 00:20:00,799 >> Jon: WHAT'S UP? 680 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,640 >> I DON'T SEE ANY REASON TO 681 00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:04,595 MENTION THIS TO THE COPS OR THE 682 00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:05,004 FBI. 683 00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:06,974 IF THE GOOD GUYS KNOW ANYTHING, 684 00:20:06,973 --> 00:20:08,943 IT'S HOW TO GET RID OF A CORPSE 685 00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:14,851 DISCREETLY. 686 00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:20,747 >> OH, MY GOD. JON, JON. 687 00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:26,633 JON. 688 00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:28,356 OH [BLEEP] 689 00:20:28,361 --> 00:20:30,201 >> Jon: SHAMA-LAMA-DING-DONG. 690 00:20:30,196 --> 00:20:31,126 IT'S CHRIS. 691 00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:35,130 >> OH, MY GOD. 692 00:20:35,134 --> 00:20:36,774 >> Jon: I WANT TO THANK YOU GUYS 693 00:20:36,769 --> 00:20:39,309 FOR... 694 00:20:39,306 --> 00:20:42,036 HELPING ME FIND DAVID. 695 00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:43,881 I ESPECIALLY WANT TO THANK CHRIS 696 00:20:43,876 --> 00:20:45,646 FOR DRINKING BEHIND OUR BACK, 697 00:20:45,645 --> 00:20:47,005 DRESSING UP AS A HOBO, AND 698 00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:48,783 TRYING TO SCARE THE KIDS INTO 699 00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:49,981 GOING HOME. 700 00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:51,152 AT LEAST, I THINK THAT'S WHAT HE 701 00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:51,780 WAS DOING. 702 00:20:51,784 --> 00:20:53,394 I HONESTLY HAVE NO [BLEEP] IDEA. 703 00:20:53,386 --> 00:20:55,116 IN ANY CASE, WE ALL KNOW WHAT 704 00:20:55,121 --> 00:20:56,861 CAME NEXT. 705 00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:58,826 DAVID GOT LAID. 706 00:20:58,825 --> 00:21:02,355 CHRIS DID THE JOB THAT HE ALWAYS 707 00:21:02,362 --> 00:21:05,872 WANTED TO DO. 708 00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:08,125 IT'S THE JOB THAT HE WAS BORN TO 709 00:21:08,134 --> 00:21:09,244 DO. 710 00:21:09,235 --> 00:21:11,335 AND I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT BEING 711 00:21:11,338 --> 00:21:12,868 A GOVERNMENT AGENT. 712 00:21:12,872 --> 00:21:14,672 I'M TALKING ABOUT BEING A 713 00:21:14,674 --> 00:21:16,644 GOOD GUY. 714 00:21:22,715 --> 00:21:26,045 >> * OH, BEAUTIFUL 715 00:21:26,052 --> 00:21:29,192 SHOO-BA-DE-DOOBIE SKIES * 716 00:21:29,188 --> 00:21:31,858 >> * FOR AMBER 717 00:21:31,858 --> 00:21:32,858 >> * SHOO-BA-DE-DOO 718 00:21:32,859 --> 00:21:35,829 >> * WAVES OF GRAIN 719 00:21:35,828 --> 00:21:39,168 * FOR PURPLE MOUNTAINS' 720 00:21:39,165 --> 00:21:42,095 * SHOO-BA-DEE MAJESTY 721 00:21:42,101 --> 00:21:45,341 * ABOVE THE SHOO-BA-DEE 722 00:21:45,338 --> 00:21:48,438 DOO-BA-DEE PLAIN * 723 00:21:48,441 --> 00:21:54,781 * AMERICA, SHOO-BA-DEE 'MERICA 724 00:21:54,781 --> 00:21:58,751 * GOD SHED SHOO-BA-DEE GRACE ON 725 00:21:58,751 --> 00:22:01,121 THEE * 726 00:22:01,120 --> 00:22:04,220 * AND CROWN THY GOOD, 727 00:22:04,223 --> 00:22:07,393 SHOO-BA-DEE BROTHERHOOD * 728 00:22:07,394 --> 00:22:10,734 * FROM SEA TO SHOO-BA-DEE, 729 00:22:10,730 --> 00:22:15,400 DOO-BA-DEE SEA * 730 00:22:15,402 --> 00:22:16,972 >> TO CHRISSIE. 731 00:22:16,969 --> 00:22:17,439 >> TO CHRIS. 732 00:22:17,437 --> 00:22:18,197 >> TO CHRIS. 733 00:22:18,204 --> 00:22:20,174 >> Jon: TO CHRIS. 44479

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