Original subtitles

♪♪

♪ Look at that sun Look at that sky

♪ Look at my sweater vest I look so fly

♪ Look at that mailbox Look at that tree

♪ It's about as beautiful as it can be

♪ Whoa

♪ Today is gonna be exceptional

♪ Never boring even for a minute

♪ It's my world and we're all livin' in it

♪ Whoa, whoa

♪ Never boring even for a minute

♪ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ♪

BRIGETTE: All right, everybody go before we leave.

Wait, how can we "go" before we leave?

(GASPS) Unless it's time travel?

Okay, Sara's ready for vacation.

And the spare tire is...

Also ready for vacation?

I meant where is it?

On the back of the RV.

No, I mean the spare-spare. Oh.

Underneath all the stuff we just packed.

And the spare spare-spare?

Under the spare-spare.

And my seat cushion doubles as a floatation device

and a spare spare-spare... Spare.

I'd say that's overkill, but I'd be wrong.

Have fun, Milo!

We don't have to go, right? Nope!

We're keeping an eye on Diogee.

Stay home, Diogee!

That was easy. Where you headed?

Nowhere in particular.

Wait, you're going on vacation but you don't know where?

We used to plan, but it never worked out.

So now, we just go with the flow.

For generations, Murphy family vacations have been historic.

ZACK: San Francisco earthquake, the Titanic, Hindenburg...

Mount Vesuvius?

Well, to be fair, no one ever talks about the quiet volcanoes.

That's the funny thing about vacations.

It's like Dad always says... Nope.

I'm not always saying anything today, I'm on vacation.

(ENGINE REVS)

(CRASHES)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

♪ Well we don't know where we're going

♪ And we've got no ETA

♪ No itinerary, compass, map or scheduled agenda

♪ But at least we're on our way

♪ We've got a mini-fridge filled with electrolytes

♪ For when we feel the need to replenish

♪ And a funky, foreign secondhand GPS

♪ That only speaks to us in Flemish

(SPEAKING FLEMISH)

♪ Whoa

♪ It's the Murphy family vacation

♪ Delays can be expected even in the best of weather

♪ Whoa

♪ The journey is the destination

♪ We can handle complications

♪ As long as we're together

♪ So let's hit the road ♪

I knew I should've gone before I left.

All right, RV's all gassed up.

What do you say we get some snacks?

(ENGINE REVVING)

(HUMMING)

♪ ...the Murphy family vacation

♪ Whoa

♪ It's the Murphy family vacation ♪

Sara, can you get me a soda from the Fridge?

I'm busy. Milo?

Uh... Mom? Dad?

Where's Milo? I don't think we packed a spare one of those.

(TIRE HISSES)

Everybody go before we left?

You bet, Dad.

Excellent, son.

(TIRES SCREECHING) Whoa! We don't have a son!

Oh my gosh! This seat isn't a floatation device.

Okay, I'll see you soon.

We're going to meet my family at Boulder City, Mr. Brulee.

How are you not freaking out right now?

Not my first rodeo.

Ooh, he's been to the rodeo? How exotic!

(ENGINE STARTS)

Okay, Boulder City, then right back on track

to the Grand Canyon.

Again. Eye roll.

Charlene, Sharon, jar!

Come on, girls, it's your favorite canyon.

It's everyone's favorite canyon!

It's certainly my favorite canyon.

It's just that we go every year.

Every year.

It's a lot of canyon.

And, it's going to be grand.

BOTH: Jar.

So long as there's no further interruptions.

Sometimes the interruptions are half the fun.

And sometimes they're mind-bogglingly terrifying.

I can't wait to see which one this is.

Dead alternator.

That's okay, I've got a spare.

You carry around a spare alternator?

Yeah. I'm glad you guys needed one 'cause it was heavy.

Hey look!

It's Horseface the Equestrian Barbarian!

CHORUS: ♪ Horseface the Equestrian Barbarian ♪

How did we not see that? I mean, it's huge!

Now there's something you don't see all the time.

Dad, can we go look at it?

I'm sorry identical apples of my eye,

we've got a schedule to keep.

I mean, what if we liked it and wanted to stay longer?

The whole vacation would unravel.

Come on, gang, the canyon's waiting impatiently for our arrival.

Jar.

Sorry gang, Murphy's law, my bad.

(SIGHS) We better call Milo with a change of plans.

♪ Horseface the Equestrian Barbarian ♪ (CHEERING)

Okay, well, looks like we'll have to rendezvous at the state line.

Okay, we can still make the Grand Canyon, if we hurry.

MR. BRULEE: No stopping for bathroom breaks or food or any other human necessities.

And on your left you can see... (GASP)

Nope, you missed it. (GROANS)

And back there was... There it was... (GROANING)

Oh, it's gone now.

Oh, and there's LardWorld with Lardee Boy out front,

sharing his signature brand of enthusiasm.

Lardee Boy? Cool!

State line! Here we are!

And there we go.

The brakes!

(SCREAMING)

I can't break the brakes! The brakes are broke! Jar!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(SCREAMING)

(SIGH)

(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

(CRASHES)

Okay, since we kind of missed that stop,

my folks say they'll meet us at Roadside Attraction Highway.

You're so calm.

He's so calm.

BOTH: Are all your vacations like this?

Well, not exactly like this...

But, reminiscent.

Like when we got stuck in a shark cave... Stop it!

...in the Andes, Shut up!

During a tidal wave.

He's so dangerous.

In a sweater vest.

Why is this happening?

I pay my taxes, I mow my lawn,

I don't even change the radio station when the commercials come on

because I feel guilty making their money go to waste.

Why is this happening to me?

It's probably Murphy's Law. It does tend to keep you on your toes.

Just turn into the skid, we'll be fine.

Here it is, Roadside Attraction Highway.

We can meet up with my folks.

MR. BRULEE: But we don't have any way of stopping!

MILO: Okay, small change of plans.

GIRL: I told you, he's so calm!

Look!

The Just Off Center of the United States. (CRASHES)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(CRASHES)

I blame you.

Really? What could I possibly have done to avoid that?

It's just that attitude.

MILO: Oh and here's my favorite up here, Hamosaur.

A dinosaur made entirely out of ham.

Except for his claws, which are bacon.

(SCREAMING) (ROARING)

MR. BRULEE: We're being chased by Jurassic Pork!

MILO: Um, Mr. Brulee, you might wanna... (ALL SCREAMING)

Never mind.

(ROARING)

BRIGETTE: Destruction looks fresh, Milo must be close.

MARTIN: We should catch up to him, any... Second.

Well, this is unexpected.

Even for us.

(SARA READING)

An RV? We're supposed to be abducting cows!

Disintegrator ray, sir?

You know, it's not the answer to everything

just because it's the closest button.

MILO: Oh, here's a text from Sara.

"Change of plans, we're right behind you"?

I don't see any...

(SPLASHING)

Oh, there they are.

(SCREAMING) (CHEERING)

(SIGHS) Huh. Have you seen Diogee lately?

(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)

(SCREAMING)

We're going to die! Only eventually.

We're having the kind of vacation no one in our family could've imagined!

But we're losing precious time that could be spent

standing and staring at a massive crevice.

I just heard myself.

But we saw Horseface the Barbarian.

And LardWorld!

And an unmarked helicopter.

That's what I love about vacations.

Going with the flow.

MR. BRULEE: This "going with the flow" makes me really tense.

(CROAKS)

(RUMBLING)

(CHEERING)

MILO: We seem to be sinking. Everyone up on the roof!

Here we go...

Definitely not on the itinerary.

MARTIN: Ahoy, Milo!

And you must be the Brulees.

And you must be nuts! How can you be so calm?

We are driving on a raging river pulling a dinosaur made of ham!

And isn't it a great day for it?

(ROARING)

BOTH: Oh no! Hamosaur!

(MOANS)

Two minutes ago, I didn't even know he existed,

and now, my life feels empty without him.

(BARKING)

Diogee!

Spare, spare, spare, spare.

Diogee, fetch!

Grab a hold, everyone!

Good dog, Diogee!

How did he do that?

He's the greatest dog in the world.

BOTH: We've never had our own action sequence before!

Best vacation ever.

Thank you for looking after Milo, I'm so sorry...

That was thrilling! Who knew vacations could be so... Exciting.

I guess Milo showed us there's more to vacations than the Grand Canyon.

That's my boy.

It's like my dad always says,

"Family vacations are the only trip you take,

"where you go away to get closer to what you already have."

Jar!