Original subtitles

Hey, Wratherheads.

Today's live stream is in honor of our mom,

who is being recognized at tonight's Minnesota Real Estate Awards.

Yes, Psycho Ted, the "Housies" are a real thing.

I've been told.

And we're really excited to be attending.

I've also been told.

Okay, let's get to it.

Would you rather be a human trophy...

(baseball organ music playing)

I said, would you rather be a human trophy...

Sorry. I was in the bathroom.

I ate a chili dog, and it was trying to steal home.

Or... That's really gross.

...be a human plaque?

Hi-oh!

Fred, why are you dressed like a tooth?

-'Cause you said human plaque. -That's the wrong kind of plaque.

Oh. Well, my dentist is thrilled

that I'm getting the word out.

Remember, kids, clean teeth can't be beat.

(dinging)

What is that?

That's the sound of my super clean teeth.

(dinging)

No, it's not. You're holding a triangle.

I'm trying to score an extra toy tomorrow during my checkup with Dr. Franklin.

(dinging)

Okay. So in the easiest

Would You Wrather ever, looks like human trophy

beats giant, gross tooth.

All right, Ollie. Get into your pose.

Jenna: Hey!

Why is there gold paint all over the toilet seat?

Ollie?

Why do you assume it's me?

(theme song playing)

♪ Would you rather lose your phone ♪

♪ Or give up pizza for a month? ♪

♪ Share your diary with the world ♪

♪ Or have to eat it for your lunch? ♪

♪ Sing out of tune to your friends ♪

♪ Or trip and fall into your crush? ♪

♪ Shave your head, paint it red ♪

♪ Or use your dog's toothbrush? ♪

♪ We need a little Q and A ♪

♪ Come on, Wratherheads, play along ♪

♪ Would you rather do this? ♪

♪ Would you rather do this? ♪

♪ Would you rather do that? ♪

♪ Would you rather do that? ♪

♪ Don't matter what we do ♪

♪ We're doing it with you ♪

♪ I'd rather do that ♪

♪ Ask the world ♪

♪ Would you rather do this? ♪

♪ Would you rather do this? ♪

♪ Or would you rather just dance? ♪

♪ Or would you rather just dance? ♪

♪ No matter what we do ♪

♪ We're doing it with you ♪

♪ I'd rather do that ♪

Ask the world!

♪ Would you rather do that? ♪

So, this awards thing for your mom tonight.

-Are we thinking capes? -Both: No capes.

Hey, kids. Who wants to hear my incredibly moving acceptance speech?

Do we lie?

Let me give you a sample.

Son of a pickle!

That was moving!

No, I can't find my speech!

Uh, "Let's get real about...

real estate, y'all."

I think the spin cycle did you a favor.

No, I must have left it my pocket when I did the laundry. It's ruined!

Note to self:

put school books in washing machine.

Well, we leave in two hours.

While I write a new speech, everybody needs to get themselves ready.

-Charlotte, you're in charge of Ollie. -What?

I don't need any help.

You've chosen well, Mama.

The wee boy will be dressed and polished. He shan't make us late.

Can't you just say, "Yes," like a normal person?

Oh, and Cami, I got you the perfect dress for tonight.

That is adorable.

It's hideous.

I appreciate it, Mom,

but I already picked up my outfit.

Oh, but I thought you'd like this one. I saw it and it screamed, "Cami Wrather"!

Are you sure it didn't scream, "Giant candy corn"!

Now you don't deserve to wear it.

Hey, champ.

How ya doin', champ?

Just finding my old tie for tonight.

It still works, right?

Looks great, champ.

Okay, what's going on?

Whenever you start throwing the word "champ" around,

bad news follows.

You got me. It is bad.

Like, worse than the time you got your hair permed.

What a fun Would You Wrather.

Wait, yours is a wig?

(sighs) That was a rough six months for you.

So clearly you haven't seen Peyton's latest post.

Wait. What?

She's hugging a dude? What's up with all the heart emojis?

I know! And where's the sun hat I got her as a going-away gift?

It's New Mexico, Cooper. She's gonna burn!

Peyton's only been gone for a week,

and she's already replaced me?

His name is Jax. With an "X."

What does he have that I don't have?

He has Peyton!

Cami: How's the speech coming?

Uh, well, here's what I have so far: "Good afternoon."

Cami: Aren't the awards at night?

Son of a pickle!

Whoa! What is that?

Oh, well, since this is my first fancy event as a teen,

I wanted to try a new look,

-so I borrowed a dress from a friend. -Is your friend 35?

And what is going on with this?

-It's just a little makeup. -A little?

It looks like you have tarantulas for eyelashes.

It is way too much. Pull it back.

This is what kids my age dress like.

Uh, well, sorry, but as my mom used to say,

"My house, my rules."

Mom, things aren't the same as when you grew up.

If you had it your way, I'd be wearing heavy sweaters

and baggy pants until I was 30.

Well, good, I'm glad to see you get me. Now go upstairs

-and find something more appropriate. -Ugh!

Cami, you dropped one of your eyelashes.

Oh, no. That's a real spider.

(soft snoring)

(inhales sharply)

I don't get it. If your mom's awards don't start for hours,

why are we already sitting here all dressed up?

Because! Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.

Do you know who said that?

You just did.

That is technically accurate.

Hey, where's Ollie? I just got him dressed.

He should be down here by now. Ollie!

Ollie, where is your suit coat?

I took it off.

I needed the elbow room to get my ball on a stick on.

See, this is your problem. You can't go around

-just getting distracted by everything-- -I get next-ies!

Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no. No one is playing this right now.

Hey! I can have fun and still get ready on time.

No. You can't. So go put your coat on, and sit down quietly

-so you don't wrinkle your clothes. -Ugh!

I think you may have been a bit too hard on Lil Wrather.

Trust me. You don't understand what that boy is capable of.

He just had his coat off.

It's not like he was completely undressed.

You don't think I can have fun, and get ready on time?

I'm gonna prove it. I'm gonna have so much fun,

it'll be pouring out of my fun pits.

Ollie, get back here.

Jonathan, we're gonna need to--

-(thwacks) -Ow!

All right, Coop,

I want you to take your heartache out on this punching bag.

I don't get it, Fred. How can Peyton move on from me so fast?

(gruff voice) It might have to do with your noodle arms.

Whoa. Cooper, you gonna take that from this joker?

(phone chimes)

What?

She just posted a pic of her and this Jax goober

playing "Zombie Guts."

That was our game.

(grunts)

That's it. There is great rage in you.

Use it!

And after this, we move on to the next phase

of getting over a relationship.

Denial?

No. Lying on social media.

You've got to start posting pics

showing how awesome you're doing without her.

That's the lying part. You're a mess.

And that really works?

Yeah. My Gammy taught me all about it.

Look at this photo she made of her bungee jumping in Maui

with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

Her sister was so jealous.

Wow. They look happy!

In real life, she was on the couch downing waffles.

Ah, that's why she's holding a fork.

How are we supposed to get your brother ready if we can't find him?

-I have the answer right here. -You play with action figures, too?

We are soul mates.

Oh!

No, this is Ollie's.

When he realizes it's missing, he'll come looking.

That's when we pounce.

Ollie: Son of a pickle!

Action Pete! You abandoned your post!

You just got yourself two weeks in the shoe box!

Dixon, cut him off!

Gotcha!

You set me up.

We were blood brothers.

Now I look at you and see nothing.

All right, we're going upstairs and getting dressed.

Jenna: I hate speeches!

(door closes)

Hey, Mama.

(groaning)

That's nice. Is that part of your speech?

Sorry. I'm just really frustrated.

I had it perfect, and now I can't remember how it went.

Please tell me at least Ollie is ready.

She knows.

Knows what?

That Ollie's ready, because I had a job to do, so I did it.

(chuckles) Yay, me!

(door closes)

What was that?

It was me. I...

farted.

-He's kidding. -(forced laughter)

(fake laughter continues)

Now, where was I?

Salutations, Mother Wrather.

How fair is thee?

Okay, Cami. I really don't have time for whatever this is.

This was left over from our Thanksgiving Would you Wrather.

You said to pull it back, so I pulled it back.

I think it fits better with your ancient rules.

Cami, that is not what I meant, and you know it.

Now go change into something normal.

What I had on first was normal for a teen,

which I am, remember?

It's kind of hard to remember when you're acting like such a child.

Well, if anyone needs this child before we go,

I'll be off husking some corn,

or milking a goat, or whatever Pilgrims did back then.

Cameron Wrather, I need to work on my speech!

I do not have time to clean up after a goat!

(sighs)

All right. Mom says we gotta get ready soon,

so we need to take these pics now.

I need Peyton to see what an awesome life I'm having.

Don't worry. After I've done my thing, this'll look like the best ski vacay ever.

I'll drop in some mountains, and digitally add a roaring fire.

Can you make my muscles pop?

Coop, this is a camera, not a magic wand.

All we need now is the girl.

What girl? I don't have a girl.

Don't worry. My Gammy knows a local model we can use.

She hooked us up.

-(light knocking) -That must be her.

She even knocks pretty.

Which one of you is Cooper?

I'm sorry, and you are?

I'm Ethel. I'm here for the modeling gig.

There must be some kind of mix-up.

My Gammy said she was sending over a professional model.

Excuse me, I've done more oatmeal ads than you have IQ points.

Are we shooting or not?

Well, I mean, you're here,

-we're here-- -Fred!

Let's do this!

My hip is telling me that rain's a-comin'.

Lil Wrather?

Lil Wrather?

How little do you think he is?

Okay, I checked the pantry,

and the only thing missing is a bottle of butterscotch.

-What could he do with that? -(door opens)

Make an awesome new 'do!

Got you now, little gnome.

Never!

Butterscotch hair?

That did look like fun.

You wanna rephrase that?

That fun look did?

Annoying, itchy dress!

How did the Pilgrims do it?

Jenna: Cami, can we talk?

Ha! I knew she'd cave.

I just want you to know, you were right.

Everyone in the house should be able to wear what they want.

What am I looking at?

Oh, I'm trying out my new '80s look.

Starting tomorrow, I'm gonna wear this to pick you up from school,

take you to all your dance competitions, and post the occasional video.

You wouldn't.

(in Valley girl voice) Oh, like, I totally would.

(normal voice) Unless you wanna go put on

a more appropriate dress for my ceremony.

Nope. I'm feeling pretty good about ye olde outfit, here.

Mm, tubular, 'cause I feel wicked awesome in mine.

Oh, do you?

Oh, I do.

That's it. Looking good.

Just Coop and his new girl hanging out at a private beach.

-(camera shutter clicking) -Oh, what if I'm pointing?

I'm, like, check out that sunset.

-(camera shutter clicks) -Fred: Love that.

Now, give your new boo a little smooch on the cheek.

-Cami: Coop? -We're not doing anything weird.

Cooper,

why were you kissing a store mannequin?

'Cause he's hit rock bottom.

Clearly, you both have.

Well, Mom won't let me dress like a normal teen,

so I'm trying to prove a point.

That's our Jenna. Always trying to tell us how to dress.

Remember that time she told me to return my jorts?

Spoiler alert: I didn't.

(sing-song) Who's excited for summer?

Humph. I'll be in the garage.

Well, we've got 30 minutes until Jenna's event.

I'd better go change.

I'll have your pictures ready tomorrow, say, noon-ish?

-Noon? -...ish.

I can't wait till then.

I need to do something before Peyton posts more of her and Jax.

You know what? I'll just ask the Wrather-heads for help.

You really wanna do that?

Peyton and Jax could be watching.

-I'll take the hit. -(phone beeps)

Hey, Wratherheads. Here's the deal.

My billionaire model ex-girlfriend

recently moved on with someone else,

-and-- -Dial it back.

Fine. She's only a millionaire.

Anyway, I want to show her that I've moved on, too,

but I have to do it fast. Any ideas?

-Let it go? -Wrong.

-Beg her to take you back? -Sad.

Post a video saying how great your life is being single?

I think we have a winner. Thanks, guys!

Phew! This takes a lot of pressure off of me.

There was no way I was gonna have those pictures

ready by tomorrow.

-(car horn honks) -Good morrow to you, Mr. Brunell!

Cami, I need to finish my speech.

-This is my final warning. -Sorry. Can't talk right now.

I need to show the neighbors how my mother thinks I should appear in public.

Hey, aren't those kids from your school?

(distant indistinct chatter)

(scoffs) Yes. Why?

('80s drumbeat plays on keyboard)

♪ I'm Cami's mom ♪

♪ And I'm singin' this song ♪

♪ Do do do, do do do ♪

♪ I'm playing a keytar ♪

♪ Nothing rhymes with keytar ♪

(singing off-rhythm) ♪ Do do do, do do do ♪

Solo!

Salutations, neighbors!

Come get ye old-timey knickers cleaned

from an old-timey family!

('80s beat plays on keyboard)

♪ I hope these aren't bills ♪

♪ Those give me the chills ♪

(singing off-rhythm) ♪ Do do do, do do do ♪

Okay, I cannot do this anymore.

This is way heavier than I remember. (sighs)

Look, if we don't talk this out now,

it's just gonna get worse. We're both too stubborn.

Something you and I inherited from your grandma.

Let's hope we don't inherit her late-in-life chin hair.

Hey, be nice.

But, boy, I hope you're right.

-Come sit. -(grunts)

Cami, where is all this coming from?

The new look? The makeup?

I've wanted to try it for a while.

I just figured your awards ceremony was the perfect time.

Every other girl in my class wears this stuff.

I don't want to be the only one who isn't growing up.

First, you're not the only one.

Second, you have grown up in lots of ways.

You don't have to change your appearance to prove that.

But Mom, that dress you picked out for me was for a little girl.

I'm not that person anymore.

I liked that dress.

If I posted a picture of me wearing that, I'd be the laughingstock of social media.

(sighs)

Look, I get it. Being 13 isn't easy,

but you can't let other people sway your every decision.

It's not just that.

I want to be able to express who I am with my own clothing choices.

Okay, you make some decent points.

But you have to remember, this is new territory for me, too.

Charlotte was always a bit more conservative.

The most rebellious time in her life was that awkward turtleneck phase.

That was a weird summer.

Well, you are a teenager now,

so maybe I do need to give you a little more fashion freedom.

Great! So that means I can wear my new look to your awards ceremony?

Oh, definitely not. I still get a say in things.

But, how about this?

I won't make any hard and fast rules,

and maybe we can find a place in the middle

that we can both live with?

I guess that sounds fair.

I see you went with the bolo.

Obvi. I even brought you one.

Like I always say, it's no fun going bolo...

solo.

-So, did you post your video? -Check it out.

What's up, everybody?

You're probably noticing the big smile.

Well, the truth is, I've never been happier.

Now that I'm single, I can hang out with any girl that I want to.

And I have free time to do all the things

that I missed out on,

like learning a new language.

Aloha! That's Hawaiian. (chuckles)

Team Single Life. Peace!

Wow. That'll definitely make Peyton jealous.

Or just drive her further into the chiseled arms of Jax.

Please stop speaking.

Are you guys talking about Peyton's older cousin Jax?

Peyton's what?

Cousin. Jax lives in New Mexico, and visited last year.

He came to one of our dance competitions. Pretty cute.

Did you hear that, Cooper? Jax isn't her boyfriend!

Oh, no. Jax isn't her boyfriend.

I pretended to know Hawaiian!

Quick, take down the post before she sees it.

(phone chimes)

-And she saw it. -(low bleep)

And she blocked me.

On the bright side, Ethel sent us an invite

to her water aerobics class.

-Did you find him? -No, and I've looked everywhere.

Mom's gonna be so disappointed in me.

It's gonna ruin her whole night.

Two minutes! Let's get the lead out, people.

Hustle, hustle, hustle!

Charlotte, you look beautiful.

Cami, you look like a lovely young woman.

Thank you, Mom.

Cooper, very handsome. Fred--

Oops. Almost forgot.

You never disappoint. Charlotte, where's Ollie?

Mom, I have to tell you something.

Ollie, you look fantastic.

What was it you wanted to tell me?

I...

...farted.

She's kidding.

(both faking laughter)

Well, aren't you two a hoot?

Ollie, you actually got ready on time.

Yep. Told you I could do both.

Well, I'm sorry I doubted you.

And you and Dixon were right. I was being a tad--

-Nutso? -Whackadoo?

I was gonna say intense.

Well, don't ever change.

It's that quality that's gonna make you super successful.

-Aw! -And one day you're gonna get a sweet car,

a big house,

and I'm gonna live in your garage.

What?

-All right, let's go. -What about your speech?

Oh.

It just says, "Thank you."

Yep. Now let's go.

So, how does it feel to win a "Housie"?

It's every girl's dream come true.

Great party.

I really liked those tiny burgers.

-You know those were veggie burgers. -What?

I'll sue!

Cheer up, Coop. I already texted Peyton

and explained the misunderstanding. She already unblocked you.

Really? Thanks, Cami.

No problem. But you need to face the fact

that one of these days, she is gonna meet someone else.

-You both are. -I know. But it's still hard.

I know what might cheer you up.

Tonight, I got something worth more than any award.

The gift of being surrounded by your loved ones?

(laughs) No!

The use of the boss' luxury lake house for the summer.

Apparently, it's a perk of being the top seller.

So we're going on summer vacation?

I'm breaking out the jorts, baby!

(all cheering)

Coop: Can you make my muscles pop?