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1
00:00:02,878 --> 00:00:04,869
(MELLOW HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:39,370
HOAGIE: Someone once said, "We don't
stop playing because we grow old."
3
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:41,913
"We grow old because
we stop playing."
4
00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:46,957
When you're a kid, you can't imagine
having any other group of friends.
5
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:49,041
You think you're gonna be
buddies forever.
6
00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:52,216
Of course, for most people,
that just doesn't happen.
7
00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:57,134
But my friends and I,
we figured out a way around that.
8
00:00:57,599 --> 00:01:00,182
We just never stopped playing.
9
00:01:00,686 --> 00:01:04,020
And I like to think that
simple thing, playing a game,
10
00:01:04,106 --> 00:01:07,644
is what made me the man I am today.
11
00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:14,772
So the man you are today
wants to be a janitor.
12
00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:16,409
- Yes.
- (SIGHS)
13
00:01:16,827 --> 00:01:19,410
Look, Doctor Malloy,
I'm looking at your résumé.
14
00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:21,533
It says you got a Ph.D.
in veterinary medicine
15
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:24,410
and that you actually
have a successful practice right now.
16
00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:28,669
Look, (SIGHS) there comes a time
in every man's life
17
00:01:28,839 --> 00:01:30,455
where you just gotta take stock,
18
00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:34,876
ask yourself what's really important,
what's on your bucket list.
19
00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:37,425
So let me get this straight.
20
00:01:37,472 --> 00:01:41,591
On your bucket list, you don't have,
like, skydiving or rock climbing,
21
00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:43,050
or tap dancing, maybe?
22
00:01:43,145 --> 00:01:44,351
Dancing with wolves,
23
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:45,803
I believe that has to be a thing.
24
00:01:45,897 --> 00:01:47,573
They wouldn't have made a movie
if it wasn't, you know?
25
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:51,192
All I know is that, for me,
what I really want
26
00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:57,232
is to clean the urine off
of that man's toilet seat.
27
00:01:57,743 --> 00:01:58,743
Talking about the boss.
28
00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:02,496
Mr. Callahan.
29
00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:04,214
Yeah, he's a great man.
This is a great company.
30
00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:07,037
Anything I can do to get closer
to that guy, sign me up.
31
00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:08,951
Okay, look, man.
32
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,665
Honestly, any other situation,
33
00:02:10,756 --> 00:02:13,015
I would just tell you
to get the fuck out my office, okay?
34
00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:16,714
But we do need the help,
so when can you start?
35
00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:24,345
I've already begun.
36
00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:25,596
What the fuck was that?
37
00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:27,704
- Uh...
- I haven't even opened that yet.
38
00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:30,685
Uh, I'm sorry.
I was trying to be proactive.
39
00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:33,146
Today. I can start today. Um...
40
00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:35,829
Why don't I get you another Coke?
41
00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:37,539
- You do that, we good.
- Okay. (CLAPS HANDS)
42
00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,315
But don't throw away
no more new stuff.
43
00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:41,403
You will not be disappointed.
44
00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:42,711
We don't have to shake hands, man.
45
00:02:42,746 --> 00:02:44,828
- Okay. I'll be right back.
- Sure.
46
00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:47,998
White people.
47
00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:52,919
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
48
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:56,340
All right, Bob. You're the CEO
of a Fortune 800 company.
49
00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:59,885
You have commanded the respect
of coworkers and vendors alike,
50
00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:02,884
and that is why you're being
interviewed by the big boys.
51
00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:05,341
The Wall Street Journal.
52
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:10,684
- Miss Crosby.
- Oh. Hi.
53
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:12,598
- Hi. Bob Callahan.
- Rebecca.
54
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,117
BOB: Thank you so much
for taking the time.
55
00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:15,233
REBECCA: Oh, thank you.
56
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:17,982
Should we just get right into it?
57
00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:19,623
- Yeah, let's jump right in.
- BOB: All right.
58
00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:22,334
Well, here's what I would love for your
readers to know about our company.
59
00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:23,404
We are young.
60
00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:25,736
We are dynamic. We are fun.
61
00:03:26,498 --> 00:03:28,660
Uh, so let's talk about diabetes.
62
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:31,458
(LAUGHS WEAKLY) Mr. Callahan,
how do you respond to the idea
63
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,832
that your industry
uses captive insurance
64
00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:35,333
to move risk off balance sheets?
65
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:39,921
Well, great question.
Tough, but fair.
66
00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:45,382
Um, I guess I would say that
what I love about Freedom Atlantic
67
00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:47,637
is that we're not like
other insurance companies.
68
00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:51,938
- (THUDS)
- Uh, we're big, but small.
69
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,232
- Uh... Small.
- (BANGING)
70
00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:56,020
- We are, um...
- (OBJECTS RATTLING)
71
00:03:56,361 --> 00:03:57,401
You know, we're complex...
72
00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:59,153
(LOUD BANGING)
73
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,695
...and yet, also simple.
74
00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:04,658
(STAMMERING)
And we are global...
75
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:06,827
(CLATTERING CONTINUES)
76
00:04:06,997 --> 00:04:08,158
Yet local.
77
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:09,534
That's exactly right.
78
00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:10,624
Sorry, one second.
79
00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:13,201
Uh, hey, could you maybe come back
at another time?
80
00:04:13,295 --> 00:04:14,886
We're just right in the middle
of something. Sir?
81
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:18,334
I'm afraid not, Bob.
82
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,165
Jesus Christ, Hoagie!
83
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,560
- What are you doing here?
- (LAUGHING)
84
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:22,644
How did you get past security?
85
00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:24,295
I didn't. I work here.
86
00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:28,807
You got a job at my company,
so you could try to tag me?
87
00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:30,384
Come on. Bob, it's over.
88
00:04:30,479 --> 00:04:32,719
You don't think I can escape
from my own conference room?
89
00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:33,856
Where are you gonna go?
90
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:36,523
Well, guess what? Watch now
'cause this is happening. (GRUNTS)
91
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:37,943
(GROANS)
92
00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:40,815
- BOB: God dang it!
- Okay.
93
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,151
- BOB: Oh... Ouch.
- You okay?
94
00:04:43,325 --> 00:04:44,611
God. Okay.
95
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:45,785
You're right.
96
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,192
It's over. (sums)
97
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:48,322
(BOB GROANS)
98
00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:51,579
- Well, you're it.
- Yeah, I know. All right.
99
00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:53,373
It's good to see you.
Good to see you, pal.
100
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:54,760
- Good to see you.
- Have you lost weight?
101
00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:57,628
Yeah, a little bit.
Hey, listen, this is serious. Um...
102
00:04:58,465 --> 00:04:59,465
Jerry's quitting.
103
00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:00,584
What? Bullshit.
104
00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:02,966
I swear to God.
End of this season, he's retiring.
105
00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:07,547
Well, okay. But, uh, I am in the
middle of an interview. So can I...
106
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,182
Wall Street Journal,
that's so cool.
107
00:05:09,218 --> 00:05:10,008
Oh, thank you.
108
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:11,300
No, thank you, by the way,
109
00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:12,778
'cause this was the distraction
I needed.
110
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:14,362
- You get Bob talking about himself...
- (SIGHING)
111
00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:16,183
It is just a feedback loop.
Non-stop.
112
00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:17,642
Can we talk about
this outside, please?
113
00:05:17,677 --> 00:05:18,097
Yeah.
114
00:05:18,133 --> 00:05:20,573
Can we talk about this outside?
I'll be right back. I promise.
115
00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,037
There's three days left in May.
116
00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:24,985
That gives us 63 hours
to round up the guys and get him.
117
00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:27,066
Great. We can talk about this
over dinner.
118
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,600
What? No, no, no. We have to go now!
119
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,653
Don't you have bathrooms
to clean or something?
120
00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:32,081
Technically, yes, I do.
121
00:05:32,249 --> 00:05:33,298
All right, well, you know what?
122
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:34,933
- Take this ridiculous thing off...
- Ow.
123
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,968
...and get to it.
We'll talk about this later.
124
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:38,873
(STAMMERS) I'll resign, Bob.
125
00:05:38,964 --> 00:05:40,375
You don't have to. You're fired.
126
00:05:40,549 --> 00:05:42,210
Oh, good.
'Cause the benefits here suck!
127
00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:43,465
No, they don't.
128
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:45,751
That's true.
Benefits are really good.
129
00:05:48,139 --> 00:05:50,972
Oh, hey, sorry about that.
Uh, where were we?
130
00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:52,925
- Uh, diabetes. Yes.
- Explain.
131
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:55,727
Well, uh... I'm not a doctor,
but there are two types.
132
00:05:56,231 --> 00:06:01,271
Type one is called "Type One". And
"Type Two" is more of an adult onset.
133
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,897
No. (STAMMERS) Him.
134
00:06:04,739 --> 00:06:06,498
- What are you doing?
- Hoagie, what do you want?
135
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:07,739
You tagged me. I'm it, okay?
136
00:06:07,826 --> 00:06:09,817
You're sitting there
like I didn't just tell you
137
00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:11,322
we gotta deal with this right now.
138
00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:14,631
Because we got a real shot
at Jerry this year.
139
00:06:14,666 --> 00:06:15,781
You say that every year.
140
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:18,051
- Yeah, but this year's different.
- You say that every year.
141
00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:20,428
- But this year's really different.
- You said that last year.
142
00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:21,749
I know, you're right.
143
00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,589
But this year's actually different
144
00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:28,551
because we know exactly
where he's going to be and when.
145
00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:33,845
"The wedding celebration
of Susan and Jerry."
146
00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:35,096
"Saturday, May 31st."
147
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,390
He's a sitting duck!
148
00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:41,064
We gotta join forces.
We get Jerry now,
149
00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:43,193
or we die.
150
00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:46,354
- What?
- Eventually. You know what I mean.
151
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:49,489
Come on, Bob.
152
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:50,691
(SIGHS)
153
00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,961
You gonna grow old,
or you gonna keep playing?
154
00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:00,085
(EXHALES) Keep playing.
155
00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:03,712
That is the right answer.
Nice to meet you.
156
00:07:03,882 --> 00:07:04,931
- REBECCA: Uh...
- I'm sorry. I have to go.
157
00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:05,966
No. Uh...
158
00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:08,135
Hold on. Hold on.
159
00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:09,978
I can't believe he's getting married,
and he didn't even tell us.
160
00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:12,300
I know. I was mad at first, too,
and then hurt.
161
00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:14,927
But, you know, he just realized
he'd be a sitting target.
162
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:16,591
That's insane, even for him.
163
00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:19,053
Will one of you please tell me
what's going on here?
164
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:20,439
Are we off the record?
165
00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:22,146
No, definitely not.
166
00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:23,233
Awesome. Okay.
167
00:07:23,318 --> 00:07:26,158
Our group of friends has been playing
the same game of tag for 30 years.
168
00:07:26,237 --> 00:07:27,272
What?
169
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:30,698
For the entire month of May,
every year, we play tag.
170
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:31,833
Just like when we were kids.
171
00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:33,960
But we're not on a playground,
and we all live in different cities.
172
00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:36,157
So you don't ever know
when someone's gonna pop up.
173
00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:37,547
You could be shopping at the mall,
174
00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:39,132
and then your buddy
jumps out of the trunk
175
00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:40,953
and, boom, tags you. You're it.
176
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:42,127
Here's the craziest part.
177
00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:44,704
Our buddy, Jerry, never been tagged.
178
00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:46,717
What do you mean he's
never been tagged?
179
00:07:47,102 --> 00:07:48,515
You never put your
hand on his body?
180
00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:50,758
Not during the month of May.
For like, 30 years.
181
00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:53,712
Why don't you just go over
to his house and tag him?
182
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,760
- HOAGIE: It's not that easy.
- Why not?
183
00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,432
Because... (SIGHS)
184
00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:02,980
Well, for starters,
because he's so freaking fast.
185
00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:05,648
You just can't catch him.
186
00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:08,568
BOB: Yeah,
and if you do manage to catch him,
187
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:12,489
then he goes feral and turns into
some kind of crazy wild animal.
188
00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:14,066
(ROARS)
189
00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:19,446
HOAGIE: And if you manage
to trap the wild animal,
190
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:22,783
he still finds a way.
191
00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:24,835
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
192
00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:26,137
REBECCA: What just happened there?
193
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:28,288
To this day, I have no idea. No idea.
194
00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:32,422
He's the best that ever played. Yeah.
195
00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:35,007
And now, he wants to retire
with a perfect record,
196
00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:39,183
make us all look like fools. Fools!
197
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,138
He gets very excited.
198
00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:43,428
There he is.
199
00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:46,022
Wait. You're not leaving.
200
00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:47,492
- Look, Ms. Crosby, I apologize.
- (CAR DOOR CLOSES)
201
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,369
Uh, I will have someone from
my office reach out to you.
202
00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:51,246
We will reschedule this
as soon as I'm back in town.
203
00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:52,567
Uh, nope.
204
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,152
- Nope?
- No. Change of plan.
205
00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:56,324
I'm coming with you.
206
00:08:56,411 --> 00:08:57,947
This is a story.
207
00:08:58,038 --> 00:08:59,038
What? No.
208
00:08:59,122 --> 00:09:01,204
Yes. This is the coolest game ever.
209
00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:02,674
I don't think that's
gonna be her angle.
210
00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:04,245
I don't know what my angle is,
211
00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:07,078
but I do find it very interesting
that we live in a world
212
00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:09,004
where grown men take an entire month
213
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:10,690
out of every year
to play a child's game.
214
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,754
It's very interesting.
You're right. Let's go.
215
00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:16,396
I don't think she means interesting
in a good way.
216
00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:18,391
- HOAGIE: Get in, Bob.
- Fine! Fuck it, I'm going.
217
00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:21,467
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
218
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:31,067
(BONG BUBBLING)
219
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,488
(COUGHING)
220
00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:43,739
All right,
it's all ready for you, Dad.
221
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,914
Hey! Thank you. Thank you.
222
00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:53,253
I'll be honest with you.
Ever since my wife died,
223
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:56,051
you've really been the rock
holding me down.
224
00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:02,845
So thank you.
225
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:04,543
Well, I appreciate that.
I really do.
226
00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:07,183
But your wife is not dead.
227
00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:10,140
Well, she's dead to me. (CHUCKLES)
228
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:12,476
What?
229
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,357
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
- Yeah.
230
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,563
- That's right.
- That's right.
231
00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:18,274
Listen to me.
232
00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:22,528
"To live in the past is
to die in the present."
233
00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:23,747
Now, who said that?
234
00:10:23,998 --> 00:10:26,365
- You did.
- Bill Belichick said that!
235
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,041
God love him. Yes, sir.
236
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,608
All right,
I'm gonna get us more weed.
237
00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:30,671
God bless you, son.
238
00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:32,211
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
239
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,709
Damn, that was fast!
240
00:10:39,430 --> 00:10:40,670
- Hey!
- Hey, Anna.
241
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:42,881
- Hey, Chilli. How are you?
- Good, nice to see you.
242
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,091
What are you doing here?
243
00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:46,642
I was... I was walking by
244
00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:50,644
and thought I'd pop in
and say hi to you and Roger.
245
00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:52,293
Yeah, we're doing great.
Where's Hoagie?
246
00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:55,603
Oh, um... He's, um...
You know... (SIGHS)
247
00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:59,110
- Oh, shit!
- Hogan's in, uh, the library.
248
00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:02,071
Is it... Dad, what month is it?
249
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:04,114
May.
250
00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:07,072
Mmm-mmm. You're not getting by me.
251
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:08,368
(YELLING)
252
00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:11,420
Anna, are you okay?
253
00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:13,412
He's loose! He's loose!
254
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,506
Fuck it.
255
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:15,631
Hogan, honey, he's coming.
256
00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:20,210
He's heading down the east stairwell.
257
00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:24,514
(YELLS)
258
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,802
- Hey. Hogan!
- Hey, Chilli!
259
00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:30,947
I haven't seen you in a while, man.
How's everything?
260
00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:32,782
- Pretty good. Yeah, what about you?
- Good, yeah.
261
00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:34,409
Everything's good, man. Yeah, work. I
mean, I'm going through that divorce.
262
00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:36,324
- You sure?
- But, everything's fine. It's fine.
263
00:11:36,487 --> 00:11:39,275
Hey, also, side note. Stop
bringing your wife into this, man.
264
00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,652
That's bullshit.
She's way too intense for the game.
265
00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:43,583
You're just jealous
'cause she's such a badass.
266
00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:46,171
She's my secret weapon.
Kind of worked 'cause you're trapped.
267
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,537
- Am I trapped?
- Yeah.
268
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,243
I am? (YELLS)
269
00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:50,870
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
270
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,041
Damn you, Chilli!
271
00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:53,744
(YELLING)
272
00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:01,797
Jesus, Chilli!
273
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:03,174
That's trash!
274
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:08,304
(WHIMPERING)
275
00:12:15,318 --> 00:12:17,400
(GRUNTING) Fuck me!
276
00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:19,478
Oh, hey, Martin!
277
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,026
Oh. Hi. Sorry.
278
00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:26,036
(GRUNTS)
279
00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:28,115
(GROANING)
280
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,140
CHILLI: Excuse me, Mrs. Martin.
Coming through.
281
00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:41,007
- (GASPS)
- Sorry, sorry, sorry,
282
00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:43,001
HOAGIE: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
283
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:47,385
Oh, my God! I'm so sorry.
So sorry. Wow. Okay.
284
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,885
- Get him, Andy!
- (YELLING)
285
00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:56,689
- Good, Andy, good!
- (HOAGIE GRUNTING)
286
00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:04,193
HOAGIE: Ho, ho, ho, ho.
287
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,195
Chilli, Chilli, Chilli...
288
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:11,154
Chilli! No, no, no!
289
00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:12,660
(CHILLI SCREAMING)
290
00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:17,671
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
291
00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:21,964
(COUGHING)
292
00:13:24,554 --> 00:13:26,170
Oh, fuck!
293
00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:28,054
- You okay, buddy?
- (CONTINUES COUGHING)
294
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,304
Oh, just great. Great.
295
00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:34,682
You ain't getting me today, man.
I'm not losing.
296
00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:35,947
There's only one problem, Chilli.
297
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:37,973
Oh, yeah? What's that? (GROANS)
298
00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:39,808
I'm not it.
299
00:13:40,361 --> 00:13:42,318
(SIGHS) The fuck you mean,
you're not it?
300
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:43,569
BOB: I am, motherfucker!
301
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:44,817
(BOTH GRUNT)
302
00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:45,907
Oh!
303
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:47,375
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
- (CHILLI GROANING)
304
00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:50,027
- It! Come on. Get up.
- Goddamn!
305
00:13:50,204 --> 00:13:51,337
- You all right?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
306
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:52,932
You took a pretty big hit there.
My God.
307
00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,285
Yeah, I thought I got away.
308
00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:57,163
- Set him up. Knock him down.
- Oh, my God!
309
00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:58,303
- Good idea.
- All right, fair and square.
310
00:13:58,338 --> 00:13:59,338
- I'm it, right?
- Yes.
311
00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:00,457
And now you're it.
312
00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:02,835
- Whoa. Nope.
- Yeah.
313
00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:04,381
Nope. I'm not taking it.
314
00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:05,630
No, I'm not. No!
315
00:14:05,803 --> 00:14:07,089
- No.
- We're not... No!
316
00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:08,303
Guys, we're too old for...
317
00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:12,066
No, don't start hitting. God.
318
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:14,513
No, no, you're it.
I don't know who is it.
319
00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:17,475
- You're it. You're it.
- Guys, guys!
320
00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:18,238
This is ridiculous.
321
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:20,083
Son of a bitch! You
sack punched me!
322
00:14:20,119 --> 00:14:21,617
- Well, you punched me!
- You sack punched him?
323
00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:23,268
Yeah, you went crazy,
and now you're it.
324
00:14:23,304 --> 00:14:24,294
- Sorry.
- Okay, I'm it.
325
00:14:24,330 --> 00:14:25,687
ALL:
Truce, truce, truce.
326
00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:26,782
Deal.
327
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,322
This isn't about us anyway.
328
00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:31,651
This is the year we get Jerry.
329
00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:33,421
- Oh, we're not gonna get Jerry.
- HOAGIE: He said the same thing.
330
00:14:33,456 --> 00:14:35,868
No, no. I said the same thing.
We got a plan, all right?
331
00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:37,164
(HORN HONKS)
332
00:14:38,669 --> 00:14:39,909
Guys! Guys, let's go.
333
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:42,455
She's so intense, man.
She takes it too far.
334
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,849
You know what? If it wasn't for me,
you guys would be day drunk,
335
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,309
playing mini-golf with 12-year-olds.
336
00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:49,006
Let's go. I know where Sable is.
Get in the car, ladies.
337
00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:50,772
Yeah, we're going right to the
airport, so grab a bag, grab a...
338
00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:52,923
- A toothbrush or whatever.
- I'm good. Let's go.
339
00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:54,262
- Really?
- Wow!
340
00:14:54,352 --> 00:14:55,526
- That's gross.
- Well, he's gung-ho. That's good.
341
00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:57,241
Hey, Rebecca,
we're gonna go get Sable now.
342
00:14:57,772 --> 00:14:58,807
Who is Sable?
343
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:00,646
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
344
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,442
SABLE: I know you think
she's not cheating on me.
345
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:07,070
But what about the possibility
346
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,447
of her knowing that I'm following her
to Pilates class,
347
00:15:09,534 --> 00:15:11,571
and on the days
when it's not Pilates class,
348
00:15:11,661 --> 00:15:15,029
that's when she has all the free time
to ride random dick.
349
00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:18,623
Okay, riding dicks.
350
00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:21,918
Kevin, you're really focused
on other dicks.
351
00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:24,545
But what about yours? What about you?
352
00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:26,099
If you don't focus
on the other dicks,
353
00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:28,751
those dicks will plug up
the places you wanna go.
354
00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:33,339
What about mentally
going into each of those holes
355
00:15:33,516 --> 00:15:36,012
and unplugging every
one of those dicks.
356
00:15:36,048 --> 00:15:38,421
Pulling out, pulling
out, pulling out.
357
00:15:39,180 --> 00:15:41,592
And then you have a clear mind.
Dickless.
358
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:44,812
Well, I'm paranoid
that my original paranoia
359
00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:46,358
might turn on my paranoia.
360
00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:49,021
It sounds like there are
some fundamental trust issues.
361
00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:50,780
You can't trust anybody.
362
00:15:50,867 --> 00:15:52,333
I don't think anyone's
out to get you.
363
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:53,984
I don't think anyone
is following you.
364
00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:55,159
BOB: Ow! Stop!
365
00:15:55,246 --> 00:15:56,295
CHILLI: I can't take it anymore.
366
00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:58,867
I can't take it.
I can't listen to this.
367
00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:00,041
Are you shushing me?
368
00:16:01,752 --> 00:16:02,867
(PSYCHOLOGIST GASPS)
369
00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:05,453
What the fuck?
370
00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:08,339
- Oh, wow!
- How are you?
371
00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:10,383
- Doctor!
- You're there.
372
00:16:10,553 --> 00:16:12,385
Hi, Hogan. Nice to meet you.
373
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:13,678
Bob Callahan. How do you do?
374
00:16:13,764 --> 00:16:15,273
- Sorry, this is a terrible idea.
- Who are you?
375
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:16,673
BOB: We're friends of Sable's.
376
00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:17,802
(LAUGHING)
377
00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:19,694
We thought it'd be really funny
to hide in there,
378
00:16:19,729 --> 00:16:21,640
but then we overheard way too much.
379
00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:24,314
Yeah, buddy, you're clearly
going through a lot of shit.
380
00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:25,807
All right, get here, man.
381
00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:28,394
And, um, also, you're it, so...
382
00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:31,063
I don't care. I miss you.
How are you, buddy? Good to see you.
383
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:32,613
- I'm good.
- Yup.
384
00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,125
- Now you're it.
- BOB: I know. I know. I'm it.
385
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,618
Anyway, yeah, we came to get you,
so come on.
386
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:37,944
- Sable. Come on.
- Come on.
387
00:16:38,789 --> 00:16:40,905
I got 40 minutes left in the session.
388
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,287
- So what? This is important.
- Yeah.
389
00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:46,419
Pack your bags. We're going home.
390
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:49,623
I don't have my bags here.
391
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,058
BOB: Yeah, we know.
HOAGIE: Obviously.
392
00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:52,143
- For fuck's sake.
- I know that. It's just...
393
00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:53,561
We will go by your house
and get your stuff.
394
00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:55,062
You should've just went to my house
in the first place
395
00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:56,147
if we were gonna go
to my house anyway.
396
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:58,191
- This seemed like a better idea.
- BOB: It was a whole bit! Let's go.
397
00:16:58,226 --> 00:16:59,609
Yeah, come on, we'll figure it out.
398
00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:01,152
Okay, you'll still owe
me for this hour.
399
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:02,187
HOAGIE: Thanks, Doctor.
400
00:17:02,271 --> 00:17:04,262
You guys aren't taking
my mental health seriously.
401
00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:06,476
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
402
00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:30,663
Look at those little assholes.
403
00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:33,295
- (LAUGHING) Calm down.
- It's awful to be back.
404
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:34,592
It's gonna be fun.
405
00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:58,988
(SNIFFING)
Ah! It still smells the same.
406
00:18:01,539 --> 00:18:03,530
BOB: Uh... Here we go.
407
00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:08,159
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
408
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:09,995
All right!
409
00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:19,254
"Uh!"
410
00:18:21,559 --> 00:18:22,720
(GRUNTS)
411
00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:24,634
CHILLI: Okay, yeah.
412
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:29,143
Oh, yeah, it's still there.
413
00:18:29,233 --> 00:18:31,395
Guys, we're back in the war room.
414
00:18:32,737 --> 00:18:33,737
You know what that means.
415
00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:35,232
No, I don't know what that means.
416
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:38,323
It means we're going to war, Sable.
Now, just to be clear,
417
00:18:38,409 --> 00:18:41,822
we're not gonna tag Jerry
at the actual wedding ceremony
418
00:18:41,912 --> 00:18:44,495
because frankly,
that would make us giant assholes.
419
00:18:44,582 --> 00:18:46,048
I'm sorry. I thought that was
the whole point of this.
420
00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:48,950
I took two weeks unpaid vacation
for that exact reason.
421
00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:50,581
- Two weeks?
- Yeah.
422
00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:52,291
I'm going zip-lining after this.
423
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:55,583
Okay. There's gonna be plenty of time
to get him before the ceremony.
424
00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:56,962
There's a rehearsal dinner.
425
00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:59,290
There's a luncheon, photo shoot.
426
00:18:59,326 --> 00:19:00,956
Just don't worry.
We're gonna get him.
427
00:19:01,015 --> 00:19:03,441
Very official plan. Who wants to
smoke some weed with me? Sable!
428
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:04,591
I'll take a toke.
429
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:06,384
What?
430
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:11,064
Yeah, I've been, uh, you know,
experimenting with pot recently.
431
00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:13,024
Mostly medicinal, but hey.
432
00:19:13,194 --> 00:19:17,188
I've wanted to get high with you
my entire life, Hogan.
433
00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:18,316
(LAUGHS)
434
00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:19,488
- Honestly.
- Let's do it.
435
00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:21,361
- This is the best gift of all time.
- Okay.
436
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:25,737
This is exactly how I imagined it,
by the way.
437
00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:28,331
- (LINDA SIGHS)
- (COUGHING)
438
00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:29,918
(WHISPERS) Hoagie's morn.
439
00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:33,579
I've got pizza rolls
for my pizza roll boys.
440
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:35,505
Ooh. Pizza rolls.
441
00:19:37,385 --> 00:19:38,500
(SNIFFING)
442
00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:40,551
ls that marijuana I smell?
443
00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:41,673
(HOAGIE SNORTS)
444
00:19:43,724 --> 00:19:45,431
No. What?
445
00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:48,639
It's my pot. I'm really sorry.
I was smoking pot. It's an old habit.
446
00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:51,475
Oh, so it's your weedie.
447
00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:53,306
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
448
00:19:53,401 --> 00:19:55,187
I think I'm getting a contact high.
449
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:56,361
- Okay.
- (SNIFFS)
450
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:59,066
Hits me deep.
Below the belt, you know.
451
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:00,947
I've got a belt upstairs.
452
00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:03,028
I use it on naughty little boys.
453
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:04,951
(BOTH LAUGHING)
454
00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:07,157
What the fuck is going on?
455
00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:09,034
I hope you don't hurt those boys.
456
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:11,540
- I don't mean to.
- (BOTH CHUCKLING)
457
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:14,512
It was really nice speaking with you.
Thank you for the pizza rolls.
458
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:18,541
Mom, stop flirting with Chilli.
459
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:21,585
Linda, have you seen Jerry lately?
460
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:23,479
I mean, do you still play tennis
with his mom?
461
00:20:23,514 --> 00:20:24,939
Because we need to find him
before the wedding,
462
00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:26,055
and we've got no clues.
463
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,150
I don't even talk to her.
I never see her at the club.
464
00:20:28,185 --> 00:20:31,644
But I'm thrilled for Jerry.
Susan is such a nice girl.
465
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,948
- We just need the information.
- Yeah, we need to find him. Yeah.
466
00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:36,099
Have you taken the guys
over to the Sandpiper?
467
00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:40,441
Lou does nothing but talks about you
and the old days and Jerry.
468
00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:42,855
You know, I think he's lonely.
469
00:20:43,033 --> 00:20:45,445
Okay, that's not helpful. But it...
470
00:20:45,619 --> 00:20:46,619
Oh, my God!
471
00:20:46,787 --> 00:20:48,421
Lou knows everything
going on in this town.
472
00:20:48,456 --> 00:20:50,322
Guys, we're going to the Sandpiper.
473
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:53,374
I don't wanna go to the Sandpiper.
I'm having a great time here.
474
00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:55,626
I miss this basement.
We don't have any more beer.
475
00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:57,082
Let's go to the Sandpiper.
476
00:21:03,012 --> 00:21:04,628
(INDIE ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
477
00:21:09,518 --> 00:21:10,633
LOU!
478
00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:13,724
Gentlemen! And ladies.
479
00:21:13,898 --> 00:21:14,881
How are you guys?
480
00:21:14,917 --> 00:21:17,346
Hey, we have new summer
stouts on draft.
481
00:21:17,485 --> 00:21:18,958
Lou, we don't give a shit
about summer stouts.
482
00:21:18,993 --> 00:21:19,932
We're just looking for Jerry.
483
00:21:19,987 --> 00:21:22,604
Ooh, I hate to be the bearer
of bad tidings, Anna,
484
00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:24,622
but you are technically
still banned from here.
485
00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:26,625
HOAGIE What? Still?
ANNA: What?
486
00:21:26,660 --> 00:21:28,060
It was dollar margarita night, Lou.
487
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:29,360
Hey, I don't make the rules.
488
00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:30,653
Fuck you, Lou.
489
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:32,599
You know something about Jerry.
490
00:21:32,635 --> 00:21:34,408
I can see it in your
eyes, you rat fuck.
491
00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:36,788
I don't know where Jerry is.
492
00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:38,168
Fuck you. Tell us.
493
00:21:39,465 --> 00:21:42,207
- (STAMMERS)
- I'm sorry, Lou. I'm so sorry.
494
00:21:42,301 --> 00:21:44,292
(EXHALES)
How are you? How's your morn?
495
00:21:44,470 --> 00:21:45,770
- Fantastic.
- AN NA: Oh, that's good.
496
00:21:45,805 --> 00:21:47,104
- Fit as a fiddle.
- Tell her I said hi.
497
00:21:47,139 --> 00:21:48,189
LOU: I will, for sure.
She'll love hearing that.
498
00:21:48,224 --> 00:21:49,356
And fuck you.
I don't wanna be in this bar anyway.
499
00:21:49,391 --> 00:21:50,900
- Okay, okay.
- We're gonna wait outside.
500
00:21:50,935 --> 00:21:53,643
Look forward to catching up
with y'all. (LAUGHS) Whoo!
501
00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:56,437
Listen, I'll tell you everything
you need to know about Jerry
502
00:21:56,607 --> 00:22:00,896
if you tag me just one time.
It is all I ask. I will spill.
503
00:22:01,070 --> 00:22:02,310
Why can't I tag you?
504
00:22:03,447 --> 00:22:05,984
Because I'm not
officially in the game.
505
00:22:06,158 --> 00:22:07,198
What's the good word, Lou?
506
00:22:07,368 --> 00:22:09,530
We don't stop playing
'cause we grow old.
507
00:22:09,703 --> 00:22:11,694
We grow old because we stop playing.
508
00:22:11,872 --> 00:22:13,328
You are not part of this game.
509
00:22:13,499 --> 00:22:14,548
- Benjamin Franklin.
- (CHILLI CHUCKLES)
510
00:22:14,583 --> 00:22:16,165
- Lou.
- Yeah?
511
00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:17,335
Where's Jerry?
512
00:22:17,795 --> 00:22:19,220
I'm afraid I can't help you out
with that, boys.
513
00:22:19,255 --> 00:22:20,871
- BOB: Really?
- Yeah, you see,
514
00:22:21,048 --> 00:22:22,664
Jerry and I struck a little deal.
515
00:22:22,842 --> 00:22:25,834
I say nothing about his whereabouts,
and then I get to play tag next year.
516
00:22:26,011 --> 00:22:27,853
- Jerry made that deal with you?
- LOU: Oh, yeah.
517
00:22:27,888 --> 00:22:30,255
And I am unbreakable, boys.
518
00:22:30,432 --> 00:22:32,719
Cannot penetrate this Iron Curtain.
519
00:22:32,893 --> 00:22:35,260
The vault is closed.
520
00:22:35,646 --> 00:22:37,147
Well, Lou, that is a
real shame because
521
00:22:37,182 --> 00:22:38,572
I was gonna introduce
you to Rebecca,
522
00:22:38,607 --> 00:22:42,066
who is writing an article about tag
for The Wall Street Journal.
523
00:22:42,152 --> 00:22:43,358
How cool is that?
524
00:22:43,445 --> 00:22:44,662
CHILLI: So cool.
BOB: Isn't that exciting?
525
00:22:44,697 --> 00:22:46,904
Is there any way
that Lou could be in your article?
526
00:22:47,074 --> 00:22:48,074
Oh, yeah.
527
00:22:48,242 --> 00:22:49,500
Right?
It's an interesting angle, right?
528
00:22:49,535 --> 00:22:51,902
Probably has to be a story
for that to happen, right?
529
00:22:51,996 --> 00:22:53,907
What do you mean,
there has to be a story?
530
00:22:54,957 --> 00:22:56,493
Well, I mean, no Jerry, no story.
531
00:22:56,667 --> 00:22:58,032
You need Jerry for the story?
532
00:22:58,210 --> 00:22:59,969
Could you imagine that thing
printed out here, framed?
533
00:23:00,004 --> 00:23:01,762
- Hanging on the wall? With this guy?
- CHILLl: Yeah.
534
00:23:01,797 --> 00:23:03,138
Which will get published everywhere.
Everyone will see.
535
00:23:03,173 --> 00:23:04,974
- Nationally.
- Don't you wanna be in the article?
536
00:23:05,009 --> 00:23:06,966
Yeah, dude.
I would love to be in an article.
537
00:23:07,553 --> 00:23:09,112
Well, we're not gonna break
Fort Knox here.
538
00:23:09,147 --> 00:23:10,228
Fuck, man. All right.
539
00:23:10,264 --> 00:23:12,262
- I was really excited about that story.
- BOB: Good to see you, buddy.
540
00:23:12,297 --> 00:23:14,038
- Good luck, man.
- LOU: Look, look, look.
541
00:23:17,021 --> 00:23:18,261
My mom talked to his morn,
542
00:23:18,439 --> 00:23:21,682
and she said that the rehearsal
is at the Deer Creek Country Club.
543
00:23:21,859 --> 00:23:23,020
- Deer Creek.
- There it is.
544
00:23:23,193 --> 00:23:25,202
Anyways, the name is Louis Seibert.
That's S-E-I-B...
545
00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:27,757
- Oh, I'll remember that. Thank you.
- She's got a great memory.
546
00:23:27,907 --> 00:23:29,068
Big Lou, thank you, buddy.
547
00:23:29,241 --> 00:23:30,777
- Thank you.
- LOU: Yeah, you bet.
548
00:23:32,995 --> 00:23:34,577
ANNA: Oh, hello, Ms. Rollins?
549
00:23:34,747 --> 00:23:36,863
This is Margaret from
the Deer Creek Country Club.
550
00:23:37,041 --> 00:23:39,842
I'm just calling to let you know we
won't be able to refund your deposit
551
00:23:39,877 --> 00:23:42,244
since you canceled the rehearsal
on such short notice.
552
00:23:42,421 --> 00:23:44,722
- SUSAN: What? Oh, my God.
- JERRY: I think you have a mistake here.
553
00:23:44,757 --> 00:23:46,464
SUSAN: Uh, we didn't cancel
the reception.
554
00:23:46,634 --> 00:23:48,833
I'm afraid we have
unfortunately booked
555
00:23:48,869 --> 00:23:50,958
something else in
that time slot now.
556
00:23:51,221 --> 00:23:53,303
- (WHISPERS) A quinceañera.
- A quinceañera.
557
00:23:53,474 --> 00:23:55,385
SUSAN: A what?
JERRY: The fuck's a quinceañera?
558
00:23:55,559 --> 00:23:57,049
A celebration of womanhood.
559
00:23:57,227 --> 00:23:58,507
It's a celebration of womanhood.
560
00:23:58,604 --> 00:24:00,279
JERRY: This is bullshit.
SUSAN: Oh, my God!
561
00:24:00,314 --> 00:24:01,572
We're coming to the club right now.
562
00:24:01,607 --> 00:24:03,143
(ALL LAUGHING)
563
00:24:08,822 --> 00:24:10,233
(TIRES SCREECHING)
564
00:24:34,515 --> 00:24:35,550
JERRY: Hello?
565
00:24:38,644 --> 00:24:40,055
Hello?
566
00:24:44,024 --> 00:24:45,024
Hello, boys.
567
00:24:46,860 --> 00:24:47,860
Who is it?
568
00:24:48,779 --> 00:24:49,779
lam.
569
00:24:50,990 --> 00:24:52,590
JERRY:
Callahan approaches from the left.
570
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,276
Engage no-contact protocol.
571
00:24:59,123 --> 00:25:00,989
No hand shall touch my body.
572
00:25:05,142 --> 00:25:06,428
(GROANS)
573
00:25:06,714 --> 00:25:09,860
JERRY: Mental note. Bob
slapped Hoagie with his hand.
574
00:25:09,896 --> 00:25:10,908
Hoagie is now it.
575
00:25:10,944 --> 00:25:12,434
(SHOES SQUEAKING)
576
00:25:14,471 --> 00:25:15,471
Chilli.
577
00:25:16,432 --> 00:25:18,298
He dives at me in a
pussy-like fashion.
578
00:25:19,268 --> 00:25:21,225
Poor planning. Poor execution.
579
00:25:22,312 --> 00:25:23,723
(GROANING)
580
00:25:24,398 --> 00:25:25,433
JERRY: Piece of cake.
581
00:25:26,525 --> 00:25:27,725
I head for the door to escape.
582
00:25:27,818 --> 00:25:29,058
Sable blocks it.
583
00:25:29,695 --> 00:25:31,231
It's showtime.
584
00:25:34,324 --> 00:25:37,191
Hoagie has tagged Sable.
He is now fair game.
585
00:25:39,329 --> 00:25:40,364
I speedbag him.
586
00:25:45,169 --> 00:25:46,580
(YELLING)
587
00:25:54,511 --> 00:25:55,592
(GROANS)
588
00:25:55,679 --> 00:25:56,760
(LAUGHING)
589
00:25:56,847 --> 00:25:58,429
Jerry! You okay?
590
00:26:00,559 --> 00:26:01,970
Oh, I've never been better.
591
00:26:02,770 --> 00:26:04,761
Welcome home, boys!
592
00:26:06,565 --> 00:26:07,600
(JERRY LAUGHS)
593
00:26:07,691 --> 00:26:08,977
Hey, who's this with you?
594
00:26:09,151 --> 00:26:11,984
Oh, this is Rebecca.
She's a reporter.
595
00:26:12,071 --> 00:26:13,152
Very famous.
596
00:26:13,238 --> 00:26:15,598
Did they, uh, mention that
I haven't been tagged in 30 years
597
00:26:15,699 --> 00:26:17,030
'cause they suck at this game?
598
00:26:17,117 --> 00:26:18,152
Extensively.
599
00:26:18,243 --> 00:26:19,654
Never been tagged. Just saying.
600
00:26:19,828 --> 00:26:20,919
BOB: I can't believe you would rather
601
00:26:20,954 --> 00:26:22,794
not invite your closest friends
to your wedding
602
00:26:22,873 --> 00:26:23,988
than risk getting tagged.
603
00:26:24,166 --> 00:26:26,111
Hey, Bob, look, you're
here, ain't you?
604
00:26:26,147 --> 00:26:27,410
Right? I knew you'd come.
605
00:26:27,461 --> 00:26:29,021
SUSAN:
Cookie, the valet needs the keys.
606
00:26:29,129 --> 00:26:30,711
Hi, baby. Come here, honey.
Come here.
607
00:26:30,881 --> 00:26:32,747
We didn't invite you.
608
00:26:32,925 --> 00:26:34,962
- Yeah. Sorry.
- Uh, guys.
609
00:26:35,135 --> 00:26:36,796
This is Susan, my soon-to-be-bride.
610
00:26:36,970 --> 00:26:38,552
- Hi. Nice to meet you, Susan.
- Hey.
611
00:26:38,722 --> 00:26:39,837
- Hi.
- She'll explain why.
612
00:26:40,015 --> 00:26:43,098
It's just... (SIGHS)
I know it sounds really crazy.
613
00:26:43,268 --> 00:26:46,431
It's just, everyone on my mother's
side have had May weddings,
614
00:26:46,605 --> 00:26:49,097
and I don't want
my wedding ruined over...
615
00:26:49,316 --> 00:26:52,525
I swear, I don't wanna be that woman,
616
00:26:52,561 --> 00:26:57,318
but I do feel like that woman is kind
of understandable in this situation.
617
00:26:57,354 --> 00:26:59,387
JERRY: Don't make excuses, baby.
You don't have to. Come on.
618
00:26:59,422 --> 00:27:00,816
Look, I already broke
a fucking window.
619
00:27:00,851 --> 00:27:02,429
What are we gonna do here, guys?
620
00:27:04,248 --> 00:27:05,922
- Amendment.
- Amendment.
621
00:27:05,958 --> 00:27:07,174
Amendment. All right. Get in here.
622
00:27:07,209 --> 00:27:08,745
Truce. Truce, bitches.
623
00:27:10,277 --> 00:27:13,170
No tag at the rehearsal.
No tag at the luncheon.
624
00:27:13,340 --> 00:27:16,799
No tag at the dinner. And do not
even mention tag at the ceremony.
625
00:27:16,969 --> 00:27:18,960
HOAGIE: Ceremony.
626
00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:20,841
- We got it.
- Thank you.
627
00:27:21,014 --> 00:27:22,174
No way, I'm not signing this.
628
00:27:22,307 --> 00:27:23,899
You're officially re-not invited.
How's that?
629
00:27:23,934 --> 00:27:24,934
Okay, then fine.
630
00:27:25,102 --> 00:27:26,638
I'll crash your fucking wedding,
631
00:27:26,728 --> 00:27:28,278
and I'll tag you
as you try to kiss your bride.
632
00:27:28,313 --> 00:27:29,644
Hey, hey, hey-
633
00:27:29,815 --> 00:27:31,323
Look, Susan.
You seem like a lovely person,
634
00:27:31,358 --> 00:27:33,065
and I'm sure this will all be fine.
635
00:27:33,383 --> 00:27:34,795
We just need to formalize it,
636
00:27:34,831 --> 00:27:37,079
something we've been doing
a long time and, uh...
637
00:27:37,948 --> 00:27:39,609
- Sign it.
- (CHUCKLES)
638
00:27:41,285 --> 00:27:42,285
What the...
639
00:27:42,828 --> 00:27:44,614
"No mention of tag is..."
640
00:27:44,788 --> 00:27:46,529
- Ridiculous.
- It's unreasonable.
641
00:27:46,707 --> 00:27:47,868
Thank you, guys.
642
00:27:47,958 --> 00:27:49,619
- (LAUGHING)
- BOB: Here.
643
00:27:50,836 --> 00:27:52,201
All right, boys.
644
00:27:55,340 --> 00:27:56,807
- All right.
- So good to see you, Bob.
645
00:27:56,842 --> 00:27:58,461
You know what? Don't touch
me when we're on a truce.
646
00:27:58,496 --> 00:27:59,162
It's very patronizing.
647
00:27:59,219 --> 00:28:00,880
Yeah,
it's a little weird for me, too.
648
00:28:00,971 --> 00:28:03,463
Well, it was really nice
meeting everyone,
649
00:28:03,499 --> 00:28:06,379
and I look forward to getting to know
you guys better this weekend and...
650
00:28:06,435 --> 00:28:07,358
just...
651
00:28:07,394 --> 00:28:10,307
I don't know. I've just dreamt
about this day my whole life, so...
652
00:28:10,355 --> 00:28:11,769
Congrats, Susan.
We're happy for you.
653
00:28:11,804 --> 00:28:12,698
It's gonna be great.
654
00:28:12,761 --> 00:28:13,540
Thank you.
655
00:28:13,576 --> 00:28:14,741
It's really good to see you, boys.
656
00:28:14,776 --> 00:28:15,776
Cheers.
657
00:28:17,654 --> 00:28:18,654
Six tequilas, please.
658
00:28:22,618 --> 00:28:23,983
- To Jerry.
- Wait.
659
00:28:25,954 --> 00:28:27,035
Oh!
660
00:28:27,122 --> 00:28:29,739
So, boys, how did it go?
661
00:28:29,917 --> 00:28:30,998
- Not good.
- So bad.
662
00:28:31,168 --> 00:28:32,909
So, so bad.
663
00:28:33,003 --> 00:28:35,745
Did you guys just sign away
your chance to tag him?
664
00:28:35,839 --> 00:28:40,504
Yeah, but we're still okay because
non-wedding times are fair game.
665
00:28:40,677 --> 00:28:42,019
We just gotta find the right window.
666
00:28:42,054 --> 00:28:43,520
- What happened?
- BOB: He kicked our ass.
667
00:28:43,555 --> 00:28:44,820
Well, technically,
he punched my ass.
668
00:28:44,855 --> 00:28:45,752
BOB: Punched your ass.
669
00:28:45,807 --> 00:28:46,927
- HOAGIE: Repeatedly.
- Hard.
670
00:28:47,017 --> 00:28:48,734
Well, according to the bylaws,
that is highly illegal.
671
00:28:48,769 --> 00:28:50,976
Except he didn't hit my asshole,
672
00:28:51,146 --> 00:28:52,432
- so it's legal.
- It's legal.
673
00:28:52,606 --> 00:28:54,188
Okay, what are you talking about?
674
00:28:54,524 --> 00:28:55,810
Here.
675
00:28:55,984 --> 00:28:57,190
Page“.
676
00:28:57,361 --> 00:28:59,022
Yes! Right there.
677
00:28:59,655 --> 00:29:00,941
No asshole punching.
678
00:29:01,114 --> 00:29:05,324
Why would you play a game where
you're constantly punched in the ass?
679
00:29:06,745 --> 00:29:07,745
Fair question, Rebecca.
680
00:29:07,913 --> 00:29:08,913
Beep. I'll take this.
681
00:29:09,039 --> 00:29:12,248
Tag is more than a game.
It's a way of life.
682
00:29:12,417 --> 00:29:13,498
No, buddy.
683
00:29:13,669 --> 00:29:15,956
That's exactly right. You nailed it.
684
00:29:16,129 --> 00:29:18,245
Facial disgracial.
685
00:29:18,423 --> 00:29:19,754
HOAGIE: Okay, Lou, thank you.
686
00:29:19,925 --> 00:29:22,337
We'll take it from here.
Uh... (CHUCKLES)
687
00:29:22,511 --> 00:29:23,546
But he's exactly right.
688
00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:25,006
It's so much more than a game.
689
00:29:25,180 --> 00:29:27,922
Say I'm LeVar Burton.
Say I'm LeVar Burton.
690
00:29:28,100 --> 00:29:30,091
HOAGIE: I was there
when Sable lost his virginity.
691
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:32,319
SABLE: God damn it, Hoagie!
I was almost finished!
692
00:29:32,354 --> 00:29:33,354
HOAGIE: Get over here!
693
00:29:33,438 --> 00:29:36,271
And Callahan was there
when Anna and I had our first child.
694
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:37,765
(ANNA BREATHING RAPIDLY)
695
00:29:37,859 --> 00:29:40,601
Congratulations, buddy.
You're it. Doing great, Anna.
696
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:43,705
HOAGIE: And all the guys were there
for me when my father died.
697
00:29:43,740 --> 00:29:47,449
I think your dad would have
really wanted you to be
698
00:29:47,619 --> 00:29:49,781
- it in this moment.
- (ALL LAUGHING)
699
00:29:52,207 --> 00:29:53,447
HOAGIE: This game,
700
00:29:53,542 --> 00:29:56,500
it's given us a reason to be in
each other's lives all these years.
701
00:29:56,670 --> 00:29:59,833
The last it from each season
will live in shame for one year.
702
00:30:00,007 --> 00:30:01,793
- So what happens if you lose?
- You lose.
703
00:30:01,883 --> 00:30:03,267
- You're it.
- What does the winner get?
704
00:30:03,302 --> 00:30:05,714
There are no winners.
Just not losers.
705
00:30:05,887 --> 00:30:07,821
I would love to sit
here and deconstruct
706
00:30:07,857 --> 00:30:09,790
the spirit of competition
with everyone,
707
00:30:09,933 --> 00:30:11,264
but Jerry's still on the loose,
708
00:30:11,435 --> 00:30:12,859
and we've got to get
him where it hurts.
709
00:30:12,894 --> 00:30:15,014
- Not in the asshole.
- Not in the asshole. Obviously.
710
00:30:15,063 --> 00:30:16,724
Oh! Guys, let's go to his house.
711
00:30:16,898 --> 00:30:18,407
He wouldn't be at his house.
It's too obvious.
712
00:30:18,442 --> 00:30:21,355
Yeah, it's too obvious, so he's
gonna be there. This is Jerry.
713
00:30:21,528 --> 00:30:24,941
Maybe it's so obvious that it's not
obvious that he will be there.
714
00:30:25,115 --> 00:30:27,040
- So he's at the house.
- He's not gonna be there.
715
00:30:27,075 --> 00:30:30,409
If he's there, then it'll be obvious
for him to be there,
716
00:30:30,579 --> 00:30:31,660
so he wouldn't be there
717
00:30:31,830 --> 00:30:34,710
because he would think that we would
automatically come there, obviously.
718
00:30:35,167 --> 00:30:36,167
What?
719
00:30:36,251 --> 00:30:37,551
You know what? One way to find out.
720
00:30:37,586 --> 00:30:38,586
Let's go.
721
00:30:38,712 --> 00:30:39,886
- It'll be obvious to...
- (FOOTSTEPS RECEDING)
722
00:30:39,921 --> 00:30:41,161
CHILLI: Come on!
723
00:30:57,356 --> 00:30:58,471
(DOOR RATTLES)
724
00:30:58,565 --> 00:31:00,147
It's locked.
725
00:31:03,528 --> 00:31:04,939
(GRUNTING)
726
00:31:06,907 --> 00:31:08,113
What do you see?
727
00:31:08,283 --> 00:31:09,283
It's nice.
728
00:31:09,451 --> 00:31:12,534
There's a lot of attention to detail,
but not too overdone.
729
00:31:12,704 --> 00:31:15,366
Well, can you just unlock it?
730
00:31:17,626 --> 00:31:18,967
REBECCA:
This is breaking and entering.
731
00:31:19,002 --> 00:31:21,084
No, it doesn't count
if you know the person.
732
00:31:22,756 --> 00:31:24,212
That is not true.
733
00:31:25,092 --> 00:31:27,959
"Did you guys really think
I would be home?"
734
00:31:30,055 --> 00:31:31,055
Feels like a trap.
735
00:31:31,223 --> 00:31:32,814
All right, let's split up.
We'll cover more ground.
736
00:31:32,849 --> 00:31:33,929
No, that's a terrible idea.
737
00:31:34,017 --> 00:31:35,507
SABLE: He'll never expect it.
738
00:31:35,685 --> 00:31:37,517
Now help me out of the door, please.
739
00:31:40,816 --> 00:31:42,932
Jerry!
740
00:31:43,944 --> 00:31:45,810
(WHISPERS) He's gotta be here.
741
00:31:45,904 --> 00:31:46,939
(BEEPS)
742
00:31:48,073 --> 00:31:49,698
Have you ever even
been here before?
743
00:31:49,745 --> 00:31:50,838
(SHUSHING)
744
00:31:56,873 --> 00:31:57,908
Ooh.
745
00:31:58,667 --> 00:31:59,748
Deviled eggs.
746
00:32:01,128 --> 00:32:03,085
Delicious. These go fast.
747
00:32:10,971 --> 00:32:12,086
SABLE'. What the fuck'?
748
00:32:12,722 --> 00:32:13,803
Oh, man.
749
00:32:15,308 --> 00:32:17,140
Whoa.
750
00:32:17,227 --> 00:32:18,968
Jerry got chloroform?
751
00:32:19,146 --> 00:32:22,980
What the fuck? He has stepped it up.
752
00:32:23,150 --> 00:32:26,984
Aerial maps of the city.
Bunch of blueprints.
753
00:32:27,154 --> 00:32:29,771
Five different hats? Wow.
754
00:32:30,407 --> 00:32:32,569
People change.
755
00:32:37,122 --> 00:32:38,122
(BEEPS)
756
00:32:40,208 --> 00:32:41,698
Did you...
757
00:32:42,502 --> 00:32:43,502
I didn't do anything.
758
00:32:47,048 --> 00:32:48,664
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
759
00:32:53,221 --> 00:32:56,759
Who is that scampering
around my house?
760
00:32:56,933 --> 00:32:59,971
Hello, boys, did you really think
I'd go home?
761
00:33:00,145 --> 00:33:01,431
- You idiots.
- I knew it.
762
00:33:01,605 --> 00:33:03,687
- It's too obvious.
- Yep.
763
00:33:03,857 --> 00:33:05,347
I mean, that's just a lucky guess.
764
00:33:05,525 --> 00:33:06,605
Okay, Jerry, where are you?
765
00:33:06,693 --> 00:33:07,868
You know, seeing you guys tonight
766
00:33:07,903 --> 00:33:09,940
made me wanna take a walk down
memory lane.
767
00:33:10,489 --> 00:33:11,489
Ta-da!
768
00:33:11,656 --> 00:33:13,123
- Is that your...
- That's my bedroom.
769
00:33:13,158 --> 00:33:14,958
You're at my parents' house.
Why are you at my parents' house?
770
00:33:14,993 --> 00:33:16,460
It's a little smaller
than I remember.
771
00:33:16,495 --> 00:33:17,985
You broke into my house!
772
00:33:18,163 --> 00:33:19,449
We broke into his house.
773
00:33:19,623 --> 00:33:21,041
Yeah, we broke into your house.
774
00:33:21,077 --> 00:33:22,978
JERRY:
Hey, hey! Look who I found, Hoag.
775
00:33:23,014 --> 00:33:25,301
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Hoagie, I miss you so much!
776
00:33:25,337 --> 00:33:26,844
What are you doing with Mr. Stubbles?
777
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:28,096
(IN NORMAL VOICE) This little guy
got you through
778
00:33:28,131 --> 00:33:29,514
a lot of troubles in life, didn't he?
779
00:33:29,549 --> 00:33:30,914
All right, Jerry.
780
00:33:30,950 --> 00:33:32,361
(JERRY LAUGHING)
781
00:33:32,703 --> 00:33:34,444
Let's see where this one goes.
782
00:33:34,489 --> 00:33:37,199
Mr. Stubbles has something to say.
What was that?
783
00:33:37,235 --> 00:33:40,068
He says that his skin's very dry.
It needs to be moisturized.
784
00:33:40,169 --> 00:33:42,831
Jerry, put down Mr. Stubbles.
So help me God.
785
00:33:44,689 --> 00:33:45,895
What's happening here?
786
00:33:46,066 --> 00:33:48,546
I think he's about to masturbate
in Hoagie's childhood bedroom.
787
00:33:48,652 --> 00:33:50,313
Oh, no.
788
00:33:50,487 --> 00:33:52,398
It's the ultimate act of dominance.
789
00:33:52,572 --> 00:33:54,154
I'm gonna stay here until you come.
790
00:33:55,242 --> 00:33:56,903
Unless I come first.
791
00:33:58,370 --> 00:33:59,370
You sly dog.
792
00:34:02,541 --> 00:34:04,101
- HOAGIE: Go! Go! Go!
- Did you get him?
793
00:34:04,167 --> 00:34:06,051
HOAGIE: Start the car!
ANNA: I started it. I started it.
794
00:34:06,086 --> 00:34:07,385
Everybody put their seat belts on.
795
00:34:07,420 --> 00:34:08,751
HOAGIE: Go! Go! Go!
796
00:34:08,922 --> 00:34:10,412
- Everybody in.
- ANNA: Hold on.
797
00:34:10,590 --> 00:34:12,422
- Is everybody in?
- (TIRES SCREECHING)
798
00:34:16,137 --> 00:34:18,754
JERRY: This is gonna be nice
and smooth, Mr. Stubbies.
799
00:34:18,932 --> 00:34:20,718
This isn't gonna hurt whatsoever.
800
00:34:20,892 --> 00:34:23,429
Stay put. We're coming for you.
We're coming for you.
801
00:34:23,603 --> 00:34:26,812
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Yeah, but hurry up! Daddy, hurry up!
802
00:34:26,982 --> 00:34:28,865
Mr. Stubbles is not into you.
He can't be into you.
803
00:34:28,900 --> 00:34:31,062
He's not a sexual being, okay?
So put him down!
804
00:34:31,152 --> 00:34:32,984
(JERRY LAUGHING)
805
00:34:37,993 --> 00:34:39,483
Hey, team.
806
00:34:44,833 --> 00:34:45,994
(LAUGHING)
807
00:34:46,084 --> 00:34:49,247
Jerry, how are you in
my room right now?
808
00:34:49,379 --> 00:34:50,665
We're all in my room.
809
00:34:50,755 --> 00:34:54,339
No, of course I'm not there.
I'm here. In my basement.
810
00:34:54,676 --> 00:34:55,676
Where are you guys?
811
00:34:55,844 --> 00:34:58,006
HOAGIE: Are you fucking kidding me?
812
00:34:58,179 --> 00:35:01,137
CHILLI: He built a replica
of your bedroom in his basement?
813
00:35:01,308 --> 00:35:02,639
Good night, gentlemen.
814
00:35:06,187 --> 00:35:07,187
(SIGHS)
815
00:35:07,272 --> 00:35:09,104
(TV PLAYING)
816
00:35:11,401 --> 00:35:13,813
Ah, amateurs.
817
00:35:15,238 --> 00:35:16,318
REBECCA: Let's begin. Um...
818
00:35:16,781 --> 00:35:19,022
So kind of a rough start.
819
00:35:19,159 --> 00:35:22,117
That was pretty standard, actually.
Yeah, Jerry's extreme.
820
00:35:22,287 --> 00:35:25,075
The masturbation was fake,
but the pleasure was real.
821
00:35:25,248 --> 00:35:27,865
I mean, I've said it before,
but we're not gonna tag him because,
822
00:35:28,418 --> 00:35:30,750
you know, he's better at tag
than us. (CHUCKLES)
823
00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:32,880
I'm obviously going to be the one
that tags Jerry.
824
00:35:33,006 --> 00:35:36,249
I've been working
with this Japanese guy. Sensei.
825
00:35:36,426 --> 00:35:38,918
He knows zero karate.
826
00:35:39,095 --> 00:35:41,803
Oh, he doesn't know karate.
He's claiming to know karate?
827
00:35:43,767 --> 00:35:45,384
He doesn't know karate.
I don't think he knows karate.
828
00:35:45,419 --> 00:35:48,598
Well, then what does he call it when I
roundhouse kicked him in 10th grade?
829
00:35:48,634 --> 00:35:51,197
Callahan and Chilli did get in a huge
fight sophomore year of high school
830
00:35:51,232 --> 00:35:56,102
and Callahan did just tag Chilli
with a beautiful roundhouse kick.
831
00:35:56,201 --> 00:35:58,854
But in Chilli's defense,
when Callahan kicked him...
832
00:35:58,969 --> 00:35:59,852
(CLEARS THROAT)
833
00:35:59,991 --> 00:36:01,231
He shit in his pants!
834
00:36:01,409 --> 00:36:03,150
Yeah, okay, that never happened.
835
00:36:03,328 --> 00:36:06,411
And it's nice to actually get an
opportunity to address it directly.
836
00:36:06,581 --> 00:36:07,742
By all means. I'm all ears.
837
00:36:07,916 --> 00:36:11,250
I mean, I was very sweaty.
It was warm out.
838
00:36:11,461 --> 00:36:12,936
The sweaty ass defense?
839
00:36:13,468 --> 00:36:15,535
He's been banging
that drum for years.
840
00:36:15,571 --> 00:36:17,585
Hottest October on record,
if I recall. Look it up.
841
00:36:17,759 --> 00:36:19,225
Wall Street Journal,
you have fact checkers
842
00:36:19,260 --> 00:36:20,716
for this exact scenario, right?
843
00:36:20,804 --> 00:36:22,761
Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
844
00:36:22,847 --> 00:36:24,939
While you're at it, can you have
the fact checkers look into
845
00:36:24,974 --> 00:36:27,887
if The Maury Povich Show is staged?
'Cause it feels staged,
846
00:36:28,061 --> 00:36:30,018
but he swears it's not staged.
847
00:36:30,188 --> 00:36:32,725
But they do the exact same thing
every time.
848
00:36:33,608 --> 00:36:34,939
What?
849
00:36:39,698 --> 00:36:41,188
- (BOTTLES CLATTERING)
- Ah!
850
00:36:47,539 --> 00:36:49,371
(SNORING)
851
00:36:49,457 --> 00:36:53,826
(WHISPERING) Sable, I know where
Jerry's gonna be. I need the tag.
852
00:36:54,713 --> 00:36:55,999
Okay.
853
00:36:57,465 --> 00:37:00,583
Yeah. Just picked up the tux.
854
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:01,966
All right, see you soon, babe.
855
00:37:03,304 --> 00:37:05,295
Hey, Rob, how're you doing, bud?
Good to see you.
856
00:37:05,473 --> 00:37:06,679
ROB: You, too, man.
857
00:37:07,100 --> 00:37:08,807
Gloria, ma'am.
858
00:37:08,977 --> 00:37:10,183
- BOY: My balloon!
- Whoa!
859
00:37:10,979 --> 00:37:12,970
Hey, this must be yours, buddy.
860
00:37:13,148 --> 00:37:14,148
Thanks, mister.
861
00:37:14,315 --> 00:37:16,235
Oh, look at that.
You gonna eat that whole thing?
862
00:37:16,276 --> 00:37:18,596
You know what? You should consider
some alternative snacks.
863
00:37:18,737 --> 00:37:20,694
Keeping fitness fun, buddy.
(CLICKS TONGUE)
864
00:37:23,241 --> 00:37:25,448
(INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT ON PA)
865
00:37:28,413 --> 00:37:30,245
Oh. Excuse me, ma'am.
866
00:37:30,415 --> 00:37:32,281
You dropped your...
867
00:37:33,793 --> 00:37:35,409
Men's athletic crossover-style boot,
868
00:37:35,587 --> 00:37:37,123
size nine and a half.
869
00:37:37,630 --> 00:37:39,462
Suggests a man
that is neither fashionable
870
00:37:40,008 --> 00:37:41,419
nor athletic.
871
00:37:41,593 --> 00:37:42,593
Hoagie.
872
00:37:48,308 --> 00:37:50,140
- (CRACKS NECK)
- (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
873
00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:52,142
(YELLING)
874
00:37:52,979 --> 00:37:54,259
JERRY: Little does Hoagie know
875
00:37:54,314 --> 00:37:57,022
I've been teaching a women's
self-defense boot camp for six years.
876
00:37:57,942 --> 00:37:59,148
First defense 101.
877
00:37:59,319 --> 00:38:00,605
Class is in session.
878
00:38:01,863 --> 00:38:02,898
(HOAGIE GROANS)
879
00:38:10,830 --> 00:38:11,945
Holy shit!
880
00:38:17,420 --> 00:38:18,420
(HOAGIE GROANS)
881
00:38:29,390 --> 00:38:30,425
(YELPS)
882
00:38:32,852 --> 00:38:33,933
(GROANS)
883
00:38:34,979 --> 00:38:35,979
(MUSIC STOPS)
884
00:38:38,983 --> 00:38:39,983
Hmm.
885
00:38:40,068 --> 00:38:41,524
(MUSIC RESUMES)
886
00:38:42,654 --> 00:38:43,735
(HOAGIE YELLING)
887
00:38:46,991 --> 00:38:48,197
(GROANS)
888
00:38:52,330 --> 00:38:53,530
- You're done, Hoagie.
- Never!
889
00:38:53,665 --> 00:38:54,665
You're done.
890
00:38:54,833 --> 00:38:55,833
Never!
891
00:38:55,917 --> 00:38:57,032
(GRUNTING)
892
00:38:58,127 --> 00:39:00,084
- All right, I'm done.
- (CHUCKLES)
893
00:39:00,171 --> 00:39:02,913
Dude, you look amazing, by the way.
You've really upped your game!
894
00:39:03,091 --> 00:39:04,752
How'd you know I was gonna be here?
895
00:39:04,843 --> 00:39:06,425
Aha! Surprised you, right?
896
00:39:07,053 --> 00:39:08,839
I saw the pick-up
ticket for your tailor
897
00:39:08,930 --> 00:39:10,730
when we broke into your house
the other night.
898
00:39:13,017 --> 00:39:14,017
Impressive.
899
00:39:14,185 --> 00:39:15,471
I'm taking you down, Jerry.
900
00:39:15,645 --> 00:39:17,511
Well, we both know
that's never gonna happen.
901
00:39:17,689 --> 00:39:19,646
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Coming through. Excuse me.
902
00:39:19,816 --> 00:39:21,932
Oh, boy. Cavalry's coming in.
903
00:39:22,110 --> 00:39:23,521
Hey, Jerry.
904
00:39:23,695 --> 00:39:25,106
This old lady bothering you?
905
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:27,692
I'm good, Marvin. Thanks, man.
Everything's all right.
906
00:39:27,866 --> 00:39:29,072
It's just a friend of mine.
907
00:39:29,242 --> 00:39:30,542
Hey, it's good to see you.
Looking good, brother.
908
00:39:30,577 --> 00:39:32,614
- My man.
- JERRY: Yeah, staying in shape.
909
00:39:34,289 --> 00:39:35,950
- What the fuck?
- (LAUGHING)
910
00:39:36,124 --> 00:39:38,284
All right, well, maybe
I'll call the police. All right?
911
00:39:38,418 --> 00:39:40,458
This is assault.
You willing to go to jail for this?
912
00:39:40,962 --> 00:39:42,623
Oh, you're goddamn right, I am.
913
00:39:43,298 --> 00:39:48,384
Okay, then maybe I will cause
a big scene and get arrested also.
914
00:39:48,553 --> 00:39:51,045
Then, once we both get to jail,
I'll just...
915
00:39:51,222 --> 00:39:52,337
What? Bribe a guard?
916
00:39:52,432 --> 00:39:55,066
Be put in my cell? Yeah, I figured
you'd say that. It's pretty obvious.
917
00:39:55,101 --> 00:39:57,138
Hoag, you have to realize
that's gonna take hours,
918
00:39:57,312 --> 00:39:58,552
during which time
919
00:39:58,730 --> 00:40:00,488
I'll have fashioned
a shiv from my toothbrush
920
00:40:00,523 --> 00:40:01,934
and used it to murder my cellmate.
921
00:40:02,108 --> 00:40:03,308
You'd just shiv your cellmate?
922
00:40:03,401 --> 00:40:05,859
Don't worry. He's a bad person
who's done terrible things,
923
00:40:06,029 --> 00:40:07,029
so justice is served.
924
00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:08,280
Okay.
925
00:40:08,364 --> 00:40:10,665
It gets me thrown in solitary
confinement, which is what I want.
926
00:40:10,700 --> 00:40:13,658
Out of reach. Completely untaggable.
927
00:40:13,828 --> 00:40:15,284
Damn, you have thought this through.
928
00:40:15,371 --> 00:40:16,827
(LAUGHING)
929
00:40:16,915 --> 00:40:18,121
Pretty good, right?
930
00:40:18,499 --> 00:40:20,160
Look, understand two things, Hoagie.
931
00:40:21,252 --> 00:40:23,177
First, you're not gonna screw up
this wedding. Okay?
932
00:40:23,212 --> 00:40:26,204
And secondly,
I will never let you tag me.
933
00:40:26,382 --> 00:40:28,725
You're gonna die before that ever
happens. You understand that, right?
934
00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:32,298
I don't fear death, Jerry.
And I'm not gonna give this up
935
00:40:32,472 --> 00:40:33,587
till I die.
936
00:40:34,057 --> 00:40:36,298
Okay. Good luck.
937
00:40:45,902 --> 00:40:47,893
See you at the rehearsal, Jerry.
938
00:40:50,615 --> 00:40:52,731
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
939
00:40:53,326 --> 00:40:56,535
Mmm! These hushpuppies are insane.
940
00:40:56,621 --> 00:40:57,621
All right, listen.
941
00:40:57,705 --> 00:41:00,738
T-minus 34 minutes until this
rehearsal dinner is over,
942
00:41:00,774 --> 00:41:01,984
and Jerry's fair game.
943
00:41:02,043 --> 00:41:04,886
There's four of us. There are four
exits. Let's fan out and trap this rat.
944
00:41:04,921 --> 00:41:06,214
Okay? Synchronize your watches.
945
00:41:06,250 --> 00:41:08,231
- I don't know how to do that.
- I don't wear a watch.
946
00:41:08,266 --> 00:41:10,132
Time is a construct.
947
00:41:11,094 --> 00:41:12,926
Okay, uh, 5:00.
948
00:41:13,096 --> 00:41:14,712
Could have said that
at the beginning.
949
00:41:15,264 --> 00:41:16,264
Well, we said it now.
950
00:41:16,432 --> 00:41:18,924
- 5:00, how hard is that?
- 5:00, yeah, it's easy.
951
00:41:19,102 --> 00:41:21,059
- Hi, guys. How are you?
- How are you?
952
00:41:21,229 --> 00:41:22,737
Sorry about the other night.
That wasn't...
953
00:41:22,772 --> 00:41:24,030
- SUSAN: Oh!
- Yeah, that wasn't cool.
954
00:41:24,065 --> 00:41:26,181
No. I mean, listen,
I know it's not just you guys.
955
00:41:26,359 --> 00:41:28,396
I mean,
Jerry's worse than all of you.
956
00:41:28,569 --> 00:41:30,151
He's very competitive.
957
00:41:30,321 --> 00:41:31,663
When we were kids, we had a contest
958
00:41:31,698 --> 00:41:34,190
to see who could hold their breath
for the longest underwater.
959
00:41:34,826 --> 00:41:36,362
He almost died.
960
00:41:36,452 --> 00:41:39,194
He won, but at what cost? Really?
961
00:41:39,288 --> 00:41:43,373
Oh, I hope he's this competitive
when it comes to being a father.
962
00:41:44,460 --> 00:41:45,460
Are you pregnant?
963
00:41:46,045 --> 00:41:46,574
Really?
964
00:41:46,610 --> 00:41:48,196
Yeah, that's why
the Shirley Temple.
965
00:41:48,339 --> 00:41:49,625
- Oh, my gosh!
- SUSAN: I know.
966
00:41:49,799 --> 00:41:51,224
- Here, cheers!
- Congratulations, that's great!
967
00:41:51,259 --> 00:41:52,517
- Cheers, thank you!
- Oh, my gosh!
968
00:41:52,552 --> 00:41:53,977
- That's such good news.
- Thank you. Yeah.
969
00:41:54,012 --> 00:41:55,878
- We're not telling that many people.
- Okay.
970
00:41:56,055 --> 00:41:58,012
Listen, I know
it's gonna get a little wacky
971
00:41:58,182 --> 00:41:59,816
over the next couple of days
with you guys.
972
00:41:59,851 --> 00:42:01,512
- Sure the fuck is, yeah.
- SUSAN: Okay.
973
00:42:01,602 --> 00:42:04,094
(LAUGHING) Just don't go too far
974
00:42:04,188 --> 00:42:07,476
and go out there and play golf.
It's amazing. Do something fun.
975
00:42:07,567 --> 00:42:10,059
- Okay? Okay. Bye, guys.
- See you.
976
00:42:10,153 --> 00:42:12,631
I like her.
She has a beautiful personality.
977
00:42:12,697 --> 00:42:14,412
Very effervescent. Good energy.
Good vibes.
978
00:42:14,448 --> 00:42:16,155
Ah, don't believe a word
she fucking says.
979
00:42:16,191 --> 00:42:17,720
She's a hired hand. She's an actress.
980
00:42:17,756 --> 00:42:18,274
What?
981
00:42:18,310 --> 00:42:19,710
I mean, look at
this son of a bitch.
982
00:42:19,787 --> 00:42:21,070
This is Colonel
Sanders in the flesh.
983
00:42:21,105 --> 00:42:22,048
That's, like, her uncle.
984
00:42:22,084 --> 00:42:24,134
- It's the fucking Truman Show.
- Will you stop?
985
00:42:24,170 --> 00:42:26,290
The whole thing. Jerry set it up.
I guarantee it.
986
00:42:26,377 --> 00:42:28,118
Every single person
here has been hired.
987
00:42:28,212 --> 00:42:29,577
You have gotta calm down.
988
00:42:29,672 --> 00:42:32,664
Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm his wife.
989
00:42:33,885 --> 00:42:36,092
Jerry, is that Cheryl Deakins?
990
00:42:41,934 --> 00:42:43,220
Oh, yeah. Good. Hey!
991
00:42:43,770 --> 00:42:45,069
- You invited her?
- Yeah, of course.
992
00:42:45,104 --> 00:42:46,104
What?
993
00:42:46,272 --> 00:42:47,979
What? We're all old friends.
994
00:42:48,649 --> 00:42:49,649
Makes sense.
995
00:42:49,817 --> 00:42:51,023
I'm not buying this.
996
00:42:54,238 --> 00:42:55,238
Is that, uh...
997
00:42:55,406 --> 00:42:57,022
BOB: Cheryl Deakins.
998
00:42:57,200 --> 00:42:58,541
CHILLI: You know she was coming, Bob?
999
00:42:58,576 --> 00:43:00,408
- I did not.
- I didn't either.
1000
00:43:00,578 --> 00:43:01,578
She looks good.
1001
00:43:01,746 --> 00:43:03,328
- Great. She always does.
- Yeah.
1002
00:43:04,082 --> 00:43:05,322
CHILLI: Wow!
1003
00:43:05,500 --> 00:43:07,616
Uh, who is Cheryl Deakins?
1004
00:43:07,794 --> 00:43:10,627
Is she like the Yoko or something?
1005
00:43:10,797 --> 00:43:12,333
I don't get that reference,
1006
00:43:12,507 --> 00:43:15,340
but she's someone whose presence
causes strain on our group.
1007
00:43:15,885 --> 00:43:17,592
We've known her since grade school.
1008
00:43:19,263 --> 00:43:22,597
She was the first girl that Chilli
and Callahan had a crush on.
1009
00:43:23,226 --> 00:43:25,888
When we were kids,
Cheryl was into Chilli,
1010
00:43:26,187 --> 00:43:28,679
much to Callahan's chagrin.
1011
00:43:28,856 --> 00:43:31,063
But young love is unpredictable.
1012
00:43:31,234 --> 00:43:34,192
Later that same year, she decided
she was into Callahan,
1013
00:43:34,487 --> 00:43:36,774
much to Chilli's chagrin.
1014
00:43:37,490 --> 00:43:40,699
But she always had
a place in her heart for Chilli.
1015
00:43:49,127 --> 00:43:50,788
And this went on for decades.
1016
00:43:50,962 --> 00:43:53,124
And all of a sudden,
she just married an orthodontist.
1017
00:43:53,214 --> 00:43:54,214
Huh.
1018
00:43:55,341 --> 00:43:56,581
They get all the chicks.
1019
00:43:56,676 --> 00:43:57,676
What?
1020
00:43:57,760 --> 00:43:59,352
How long has it been
since you've seen her?
1021
00:43:59,387 --> 00:44:01,128
About 10 years for me. How about you?
1022
00:44:01,764 --> 00:44:02,970
Same, I guess.
1023
00:44:04,433 --> 00:44:05,889
- Been a while.
- CHILLI: Sure has.
1024
00:44:05,977 --> 00:44:07,809
You sneaky trickster.
1025
00:44:07,979 --> 00:44:10,767
She looks amazing, and you know it.
Think about this.
1026
00:44:10,940 --> 00:44:14,308
What if Cheryl ended up getting back
together with our boy?
1027
00:44:14,485 --> 00:44:15,771
- Chilli?
- Callahan?
1028
00:44:15,945 --> 00:44:17,060
Obviously.
1029
00:44:17,155 --> 00:44:18,361
- Wait. What?
- Duh.
1030
00:44:18,531 --> 00:44:20,081
- Did you say Chilli?
- You're Team Callahan?
1031
00:44:20,116 --> 00:44:21,982
- Yeah!
- We've been married all this time,
1032
00:44:22,160 --> 00:44:23,626
and you think she should end up
with Callahan?
1033
00:44:23,661 --> 00:44:25,993
Of course. Wait, you think Chilli?
1034
00:44:26,164 --> 00:44:28,622
Wait, do you know those guys at all?
1035
00:44:28,916 --> 00:44:30,202
Who are you right now?
1036
00:44:30,293 --> 00:44:31,342
- What?
- You're freaking me out.
1037
00:44:31,377 --> 00:44:32,468
I feel like I don't even know you.
1038
00:44:32,503 --> 00:44:33,914
You're like this foreign person.
1039
00:44:36,549 --> 00:44:38,210
Do you want me to be
a foreign person?
1040
00:44:38,759 --> 00:44:39,759
What?
1041
00:44:40,595 --> 00:44:41,960
Here? Right now?
1042
00:44:42,054 --> 00:44:43,465
Because, um...
1043
00:44:43,556 --> 00:44:45,731
(IN FRENCH ACCENT) I just got lost
on the way to bibliothéque,
1044
00:44:45,766 --> 00:44:47,973
and I don't know where all
my other French friends are.
1045
00:44:48,144 --> 00:44:49,179
Chantelle is here?
1046
00:44:49,353 --> 00:44:50,559
Chantelle is here with...
1047
00:44:50,730 --> 00:44:51,730
HOAGIE: Oh, my God!
1048
00:44:55,067 --> 00:44:56,808
(IN NORMAL ACCENT)
Honey, it's almost 5:00.
1049
00:44:57,653 --> 00:44:59,189
Keep your head in the game.
1050
00:44:59,363 --> 00:45:00,363
You're so good.
1051
00:45:00,531 --> 00:45:02,081
Come on, we'll go to the bathroom
for five minutes.
1052
00:45:02,116 --> 00:45:03,116
All right.
1053
00:45:03,284 --> 00:45:04,524
- It's crazy.
- Huh.
1054
00:45:04,702 --> 00:45:06,836
- Hey, you should go talk with her.
- No, you should go.
1055
00:45:06,871 --> 00:45:07,952
Neither of you should.
1056
00:45:08,664 --> 00:45:10,424
- BOB: Thanks.
- You're welcome. Neither one.
1057
00:45:10,625 --> 00:45:11,911
Shut up, Sable.
1058
00:45:12,001 --> 00:45:13,441
No, honestly, it should be you, Bob.
1059
00:45:13,544 --> 00:45:15,136
No, I think she really
wants to talk to you
1060
00:45:15,171 --> 00:45:18,084
'cause I think girls really like,
you know,
1061
00:45:18,257 --> 00:45:21,420
depressed guys that still have a name
for their bong.
1062
00:45:22,094 --> 00:45:23,926
(INHALING)
1063
00:45:25,556 --> 00:45:26,717
Get a good one.
1064
00:45:29,310 --> 00:45:30,721
This is gonna go great.
1065
00:45:31,604 --> 00:45:32,685
- Thank you.
- (COUGHS)
1066
00:45:32,855 --> 00:45:34,562
All right, good advice.
1067
00:45:36,192 --> 00:45:37,192
Good luck.
1068
00:45:38,569 --> 00:45:40,185
Tell her I said hi.
1069
00:45:44,533 --> 00:45:45,533
CHILLI: Cheryl Deakins.
1070
00:45:46,244 --> 00:45:47,700
Chilli Cilliano.
1071
00:45:48,037 --> 00:45:49,198
How'd you know it was me?
1072
00:45:49,372 --> 00:45:52,205
I'd know that faint smell of sativa
and Old Spice anywhere.
1073
00:45:52,375 --> 00:45:54,116
Yeah. I had to get a little stoned.
1074
00:45:54,293 --> 00:45:56,204
I can't be sober at these things.
They're awful.
1075
00:45:56,295 --> 00:45:57,295
(CHERYL LAUGHS)
1076
00:45:57,380 --> 00:45:58,916
That was the wrong choice, man.
1077
00:45:59,298 --> 00:46:00,298
What?
1078
00:46:00,466 --> 00:46:04,460
Neither of you should have gone,
but if one of you should have went,
1079
00:46:04,637 --> 00:46:05,968
then it should have been you.
1080
00:46:06,347 --> 00:46:07,633
How many wines have you had?
1081
00:46:09,350 --> 00:46:11,842
How many legs does an octopus have?
1082
00:46:12,770 --> 00:46:13,805
Well, eight.
1083
00:46:14,438 --> 00:46:15,599
(LAUGHS)
1084
00:46:16,607 --> 00:46:20,116
I see that you've been
rejecting fashion trends
1085
00:46:20,152 --> 00:46:23,078
and haircuts and maybe hygiene.
I respect that.
1086
00:46:23,114 --> 00:46:25,401
Well, I think respect
is the key to the
1087
00:46:25,437 --> 00:46:27,609
beginning of rebuilding
a friendship.
1088
00:46:27,645 --> 00:46:30,273
- Is that a saying? Maybe?
- Yeah, sure. Who said that?
1089
00:46:30,309 --> 00:46:33,284
I don't know. I wanna hear
about this husband of yours.
1090
00:46:34,292 --> 00:46:38,160
What's the story? ls, he still
charming, sensible, rich?
1091
00:46:38,713 --> 00:46:40,499
No. Dead.
1092
00:46:40,965 --> 00:46:42,751
Yeah, same with me.
1093
00:46:42,925 --> 00:46:44,711
Dead to me. Divorced.
1094
00:46:45,636 --> 00:46:49,470
No, I mean he's "dead" dead.
He actually died.
1095
00:46:49,932 --> 00:46:51,013
He's dead?
1096
00:46:51,934 --> 00:46:53,095
For real?
1097
00:46:53,519 --> 00:46:54,600
Oh...
1098
00:46:54,687 --> 00:46:56,849
Yeah, he, um...
1099
00:46:56,939 --> 00:46:59,476
He died in a car crash.
We were separated already.
1100
00:46:59,567 --> 00:47:00,932
Oh, you already separated.
1101
00:47:01,277 --> 00:47:02,893
- Yeah.
- And now he's dead. He's gone.
1102
00:47:03,070 --> 00:47:04,151
- He's gone.
- Officially.
1103
00:47:04,322 --> 00:47:06,905
Act a little more upset about it.
1104
00:47:07,074 --> 00:47:09,566
I know, but, anyway, how are you?
How's your life?
1105
00:47:09,702 --> 00:47:13,912
Great. I lost my business. Divorced.
Playing tag competitively.
1106
00:47:14,081 --> 00:47:15,116
Pretty much rock bottom.
1107
00:47:15,291 --> 00:47:17,578
- Are you trying to make me horny?
- Fuck yes, lam.
1108
00:47:17,668 --> 00:47:19,033
- 'Cause it's happening.
- It is?
1109
00:47:19,128 --> 00:47:21,210
- Oh, yeah.
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
1110
00:47:21,297 --> 00:47:22,378
(SIGHS)
1111
00:47:22,465 --> 00:47:24,015
So have you tried the hushpuppies,
or what?
1112
00:47:24,050 --> 00:47:25,474
What do you think
they're talking about?
1113
00:47:25,509 --> 00:47:27,216
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1114
00:47:27,303 --> 00:47:29,419
I don't know, and I don't want
you to worry about it.
1115
00:47:29,597 --> 00:47:30,712
We've got 15 minutes.
1116
00:47:30,890 --> 00:47:35,305
Oh, Chilli, I think about you
all the time, Chilli.
1117
00:47:35,394 --> 00:47:36,429
(HOAGIE SNORTS)
1118
00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:38,932
JERRY: Oh, yeah? But what about
Callahan? He's so handsome.
1119
00:47:39,106 --> 00:47:41,347
He's very handsome,
but he's a selfish lover
1120
00:47:41,525 --> 00:47:42,811
with a small dick.
1121
00:47:43,069 --> 00:47:44,069
Really?
1122
00:47:44,153 --> 00:47:45,553
JERRY: Plus he sobs after he comes.
1123
00:47:45,654 --> 00:47:47,019
- Okay.
- (IMITATES SOBBING)
1124
00:47:47,239 --> 00:47:48,239
Wow.
1125
00:47:48,407 --> 00:47:50,899
It's okay, Callahan.
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
1126
00:47:50,993 --> 00:47:52,668
Okay, you know what?
You guys are all 12-year-olds.
1127
00:47:52,703 --> 00:47:53,703
- (LAUGHS)
- Oh, Chilli.
1128
00:47:53,788 --> 00:47:56,450
SABLE: Hey, Cheryl,
I want to reconnect.
1129
00:47:56,791 --> 00:48:00,079
Oh, yeah.
1130
00:48:00,169 --> 00:48:01,659
- What's happening now?
- Oh, Bob!
1131
00:48:01,837 --> 00:48:04,920
Yeah, I'm just...
Oh, I'm just feeling the vibes.
1132
00:48:05,049 --> 00:48:08,462
JERRY: I mean, who wants to have sex
with a guy named Bob?
1133
00:48:08,636 --> 00:48:11,594
"Oh, Bob." Just doesn't sound right.
"Oh, Bob."
1134
00:48:11,764 --> 00:48:12,970
won, Bob."
won, Bob."
1135
00:48:13,140 --> 00:48:15,222
- "Bob. Bob, Bob."
- "Oh, Robert."
1136
00:48:15,309 --> 00:48:16,390
"Bob."
1137
00:48:16,560 --> 00:48:17,925
I wasn't gonna text you, you know?
1138
00:48:18,104 --> 00:48:19,528
I didn't wanna mess with you
when you were married.
1139
00:48:19,563 --> 00:48:21,145
No, I think that's nice. Respectful.
1140
00:48:21,315 --> 00:48:22,740
If I knew he was dead,
I would have texted right away.
1141
00:48:22,775 --> 00:48:23,775
All right. Okay.
1142
00:48:23,943 --> 00:48:26,355
- No! Please don't leave on that!
- No, it's fine.
1143
00:48:26,529 --> 00:48:28,454
We're good. We're good.
I'm just gonna use the ladies' room.
1144
00:48:28,489 --> 00:48:29,538
- I'll see you later.
- Okay.
1145
00:48:29,573 --> 00:48:30,748
- It's nice to see you.
- It's great to see you.
1146
00:48:30,783 --> 00:48:31,783
You too.
1147
00:48:36,038 --> 00:48:37,038
Widowed.
1148
00:48:37,665 --> 00:48:39,497
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1149
00:48:54,682 --> 00:48:56,093
Cheryl Deakins.
1150
00:48:56,642 --> 00:48:58,007
What are you doing here?
1151
00:48:58,185 --> 00:48:59,225
And where are the urinals?
1152
00:48:59,728 --> 00:49:00,968
Probably in the men's room.
1153
00:49:02,356 --> 00:49:04,222
- You haven't changed a bit.
- Thank you.
1154
00:49:04,400 --> 00:49:05,731
No, that was not a compliment.
1155
00:49:05,901 --> 00:49:07,767
Well, I have matured.
1156
00:49:07,945 --> 00:49:09,276
Have you? Really?
1157
00:49:09,447 --> 00:49:11,859
Because this old move where you
follow me into the bathroom,
1158
00:49:12,032 --> 00:49:13,582
it's exactly what you did
at the junior prom.
1159
00:49:13,617 --> 00:49:15,949
It was a good move then,
and it's a good move now.
1160
00:49:16,370 --> 00:49:17,730
- Marginally nicer bathroom.
- Mmm.
1161
00:49:18,497 --> 00:49:19,497
Do you wanna get a drink?
1162
00:49:19,582 --> 00:49:21,222
Uh, actually, I think
I'm gonna head home.
1163
00:49:21,292 --> 00:49:22,373
Can I give you a ride?
1164
00:49:23,002 --> 00:49:24,367
- Sure.
- Great.
1165
00:49:24,795 --> 00:49:26,011
Right after we have that drink.
1166
00:49:26,046 --> 00:49:27,502
Oh, I see what you did there.
1167
00:49:31,719 --> 00:49:35,132
Okay, guys. It's almost go time.
ls everybody in position? Over.
1168
00:49:35,514 --> 00:49:37,425
Sable is in position.
1169
00:49:37,516 --> 00:49:38,927
(COUGHING)
1170
00:49:39,393 --> 00:49:40,975
- HOAGIE: Chilli!
- Yeah. Let's get him.
1171
00:49:41,145 --> 00:49:44,228
HOAGIE: Callahan. Callahan,
do you read me? Over.
1172
00:49:46,275 --> 00:49:48,516
Callahan. Where are you, buddy?
1173
00:49:51,489 --> 00:49:52,900
Callahan!
1174
00:49:53,073 --> 00:49:55,280
We got an unguarded exit, okay?
1175
00:49:55,951 --> 00:49:56,951
Hi.
1176
00:49:57,703 --> 00:49:59,239
Callahan!
1177
00:49:59,914 --> 00:50:01,746
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
- (GLASSES CLINK)
1178
00:50:06,212 --> 00:50:07,373
Go! Go! Go! Go!
1179
00:50:07,463 --> 00:50:08,463
Go!
1180
00:50:08,631 --> 00:50:10,167
Not today, motherfucker!
1181
00:50:12,426 --> 00:50:14,087
Hey, thanks for coming.
Appreciate it.
1182
00:50:15,888 --> 00:50:17,094
(WOMAN GASPS)
1183
00:50:19,391 --> 00:50:20,472
Go! Go!
1184
00:50:20,643 --> 00:50:22,884
- Come and get it, bitches!
- (ALL GRUNTING)
1185
00:50:24,730 --> 00:50:26,490
- Get in! Get in!
- We're close. We're close.
1186
00:50:26,649 --> 00:50:28,014
Go!
1187
00:50:33,656 --> 00:50:36,273
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
1188
00:50:39,119 --> 00:50:40,609
(LAUGHS)
1189
00:50:42,331 --> 00:50:43,731
- Hold on! Hold on!
- SABLE: Go, go!
1190
00:50:45,292 --> 00:50:47,249
Go faster! Go faster!
1191
00:50:47,336 --> 00:50:48,701
HOAGIE: Giddy up!
1192
00:50:49,797 --> 00:50:51,083
We're coming for you!
1193
00:50:52,841 --> 00:50:54,832
CHILLI: Go, Hoagie, go!
1194
00:50:59,306 --> 00:51:00,421
(ALL SCREAMING)
1195
00:51:00,516 --> 00:51:01,516
Jesus!
1196
00:51:03,894 --> 00:51:04,975
Incoming!
1197
00:51:06,564 --> 00:51:07,738
- CHILLI: Son of a bitch!
- HOAGIE: Come on!
1198
00:51:07,773 --> 00:51:09,229
CHILLI: Go! Go!
1199
00:51:10,651 --> 00:51:12,016
God, I wish I had my gun here.
1200
00:51:12,194 --> 00:51:14,310
There are so many
good birds to shoot.
1201
00:51:14,405 --> 00:51:15,486
(CLEARS THROAT)
1202
00:51:15,948 --> 00:51:17,279
So this is a vacation for you?
1203
00:51:17,449 --> 00:51:21,408
Yeah. I mean, some couples go
on cruises. Some couples go camping.
1204
00:51:21,579 --> 00:51:25,368
Some couples go to strip clubs
and have gangbangs,
1205
00:51:25,541 --> 00:51:27,424
and this is just what we do.
This is what we love.
1206
00:51:27,459 --> 00:51:28,870
This is our gangbang.
1207
00:51:29,712 --> 00:51:32,179
You know, it seems to me like
you'd be really good at the game.
1208
00:51:32,214 --> 00:51:33,334
- Why don't you play?
- Well,
1209
00:51:33,382 --> 00:51:36,340
they came up with the rules when
they were nine. No girls allowed.
1210
00:51:36,844 --> 00:51:39,677
And to be honest, I can get a little
1211
00:51:39,763 --> 00:51:42,596
overly aggressive
and competitive sometimes.
1212
00:51:42,766 --> 00:51:44,427
HOAGIE: Come on, Jerry.
You're dead meat!
1213
00:51:44,643 --> 00:51:46,259
CHILLI: Yeah, kick his ass!
1214
00:51:46,437 --> 00:51:48,144
Keep your eyes downfield!
1215
00:51:48,314 --> 00:51:49,770
Cut across the fourth fairway!
1216
00:51:49,940 --> 00:51:51,772
Don't fuck this up!
1217
00:51:52,026 --> 00:51:53,608
Yeah. Well.
1218
00:51:54,987 --> 00:51:57,524
Oh, I have to show you
pictures of our kids.
1219
00:51:57,615 --> 00:51:59,071
(HIP-HOP MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
1220
00:51:59,742 --> 00:52:00,903
Go, go, go!
1221
00:52:02,870 --> 00:52:03,905
Get him, Hoagie. Get him!
1222
00:52:04,079 --> 00:52:05,240
Hold on. Hold on.
1223
00:52:06,248 --> 00:52:08,205
CHILLI: (YELPS) Hoagie, stop!
1224
00:52:09,084 --> 00:52:11,542
- Hoagie, what are you doing?
- I can't see!
1225
00:52:11,629 --> 00:52:12,710
(SCREAMS)
1226
00:52:17,801 --> 00:52:19,337
(GROANING)
1227
00:52:20,471 --> 00:52:23,179
Ahh! (SHUDDERS) Whoo!
1228
00:52:23,682 --> 00:52:24,843
(GROANS)
1229
00:52:24,933 --> 00:52:25,933
Everybody good?
1230
00:52:26,018 --> 00:52:28,555
I'm fine. I'm fine.
1231
00:52:28,646 --> 00:52:29,852
(HOAGIE LAUGHS)
1232
00:52:30,522 --> 00:52:31,762
Well, that happened.
1233
00:52:31,857 --> 00:52:33,393
- (SABLE GROANS)
- Onward.
1234
00:52:34,902 --> 00:52:35,902
Let's get him.
1235
00:52:35,986 --> 00:52:37,226
Whoo! That was invigorating.
1236
00:52:41,784 --> 00:52:43,775
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
1237
00:52:47,331 --> 00:52:50,039
HOAGIE: Oh... (LAUGHS)
1238
00:52:50,209 --> 00:52:53,292
That is psychological warfare
right there.
1239
00:52:54,046 --> 00:52:55,086
CHILLI: That's impressive.
1240
00:52:55,214 --> 00:52:56,388
HOAGIE: Yeah, that's a good move.
1241
00:52:56,423 --> 00:52:57,788
Good one, Jen!
1242
00:53:00,219 --> 00:53:01,300
(WHISTLES)
1243
00:53:01,553 --> 00:53:02,553
There he is!
1244
00:53:04,181 --> 00:53:05,421
Hello, boys.
1245
00:53:06,058 --> 00:53:07,298
(GASPS)
1246
00:53:08,143 --> 00:53:09,929
- What?
- (JERRY WHISTLES)
1247
00:53:10,521 --> 00:53:11,521
HOAGIE: What the...
1248
00:53:11,605 --> 00:53:12,891
CHILLI: How's he doing this?
1249
00:53:13,065 --> 00:53:14,146
All right, Jerry, stop!
1250
00:53:14,316 --> 00:53:15,699
SABLE: He's multiplying!
It's happening!
1251
00:53:15,734 --> 00:53:16,784
- What the fuck?
- There's one!
1252
00:53:16,819 --> 00:53:18,730
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
1253
00:53:18,821 --> 00:53:19,953
- (JERRY WHISTLES)
- One is there!
1254
00:53:19,988 --> 00:53:21,108
- HOAGIE: Hey!
- SABLE: What?
1255
00:53:21,490 --> 00:53:23,040
You guys, there's so many.
There's so many!
1256
00:53:23,075 --> 00:53:24,075
What the...
1257
00:53:24,493 --> 00:53:26,484
There he is!
I'm coming for you, Jerry!
1258
00:53:26,578 --> 00:53:27,693
Chilli, you're not even it!
1259
00:53:27,788 --> 00:53:29,199
(PANTING)
1260
00:53:35,921 --> 00:53:37,377
I'm on your ass!
1261
00:53:39,466 --> 00:53:40,466
Come on!
1262
00:53:48,183 --> 00:53:49,799
(WOOD CREAKING)
1263
00:53:49,893 --> 00:53:51,679
Oh, shit!
1264
00:53:52,271 --> 00:53:53,386
Shit!
1265
00:54:01,321 --> 00:54:04,029
This is terrible.
This is pure bullshit.
1266
00:54:04,199 --> 00:54:05,199
We should not be here.
1267
00:54:05,325 --> 00:54:07,783
This is getting way too extreme.
1268
00:54:07,870 --> 00:54:09,611
I need you to buck up, Sable.
1269
00:54:09,788 --> 00:54:11,088
- Yeah.
- Come on, let's stay focused.
1270
00:54:11,123 --> 00:54:13,785
Yeah, we bucked up
out of the goddamn golf cart.
1271
00:54:18,547 --> 00:54:20,288
(SNIFFS) You smell that?
Do you smell it?
1272
00:54:20,466 --> 00:54:21,752
It's Jerry. I smell him.
1273
00:54:21,925 --> 00:54:23,006
It's leaves and grass.
1274
00:54:23,969 --> 00:54:25,084
And centipedes.
1275
00:54:25,721 --> 00:54:26,961
Just typical woods stuff.
1276
00:54:27,598 --> 00:54:29,430
He's close.
1277
00:54:29,600 --> 00:54:30,761
I can feel it.
1278
00:54:30,934 --> 00:54:32,140
I can feel something.
1279
00:54:32,227 --> 00:54:33,717
- (TWIG SNAPS)
- (YELPS)
1280
00:54:33,812 --> 00:54:34,847
Oh, shit!
1281
00:54:37,524 --> 00:54:39,265
- Jesus! Oh, my God!
- Oh, shit.
1282
00:54:39,443 --> 00:54:41,434
- Oh my, God!
- Wow, that's crazy.
1283
00:54:41,528 --> 00:54:42,563
(LAUGHS)
1284
00:54:42,654 --> 00:54:45,271
Our friend is a psychopath,
and this is scary.
1285
00:54:46,450 --> 00:54:48,282
He got me. I'm down.
1286
00:54:48,744 --> 00:54:51,076
This is on you now. Come here.
1287
00:54:51,872 --> 00:54:52,907
Let me tag you.
1288
00:54:53,707 --> 00:54:55,289
- Come on!
- (GRUNTS)
1289
00:54:55,959 --> 00:54:56,959
All right.
1290
00:54:58,337 --> 00:54:59,337
(WHISPERS) I can see him.
1291
00:54:59,505 --> 00:55:02,839
He's at three o'clock. 50 yards out.
1292
00:55:03,008 --> 00:55:04,749
- Three o'clock. Got it.
- Three o'clock.
1293
00:55:06,678 --> 00:55:07,713
Sable!
1294
00:55:10,724 --> 00:55:12,089
That three o'clock.
1295
00:55:12,267 --> 00:55:13,579
You didn't say which
timezone, man!
1296
00:55:13,614 --> 00:55:14,535
There's no time zones.
1297
00:55:14,571 --> 00:55:16,831
Why didn't you just point the first
time? Next time, just point.
1298
00:55:16,866 --> 00:55:18,027
It's that way. Go!
1299
00:55:18,075 --> 00:55:19,242
- Okay.
- '60, 901
1300
00:55:19,552 --> 00:55:20,552
Go, Sable, go!
1301
00:55:44,508 --> 00:55:46,499
(WHISPERS) I see you.
1302
00:55:48,387 --> 00:55:50,048
Yeah, motherfucker.
1303
00:55:55,269 --> 00:55:56,269
You're it!
1304
00:55:56,353 --> 00:55:57,969
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
1305
00:55:58,063 --> 00:55:59,895
(BOTH SCREAMING)
1306
00:56:05,863 --> 00:56:07,274
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
1307
00:56:08,657 --> 00:56:09,863
Oh, I don't like that.
1308
00:56:09,950 --> 00:56:11,782
(CONTINUES SCREAMING)
1309
00:56:12,953 --> 00:56:14,364
(MUFFLED SCREAMING)
1310
00:56:15,038 --> 00:56:16,449
(SHUSHING)
1311
00:56:17,291 --> 00:56:18,291
Sleep.
1312
00:56:20,586 --> 00:56:21,997
(JERRY LAUGHING)
1313
00:56:23,881 --> 00:56:24,881
(PANTING) Sable?
1314
00:56:25,966 --> 00:56:27,206
Sable?
1315
00:56:35,058 --> 00:56:36,469
(SNORING)
1316
00:56:41,690 --> 00:56:43,021
What happened?
1317
00:56:43,108 --> 00:56:44,314
Well, you got chloroformed.
1318
00:56:44,401 --> 00:56:46,017
Chloroformed? What?
1319
00:56:46,111 --> 00:56:47,897
Bob took our car,
and now we're in a Lift.
1320
00:56:47,988 --> 00:56:49,148
We're going to the Sandpiper.
1321
00:56:49,698 --> 00:56:50,818
I don't wanna be it anymore.
1322
00:56:50,866 --> 00:56:52,982
I don't wanna be it.
Hoagie, it's on you, bud.
1323
00:56:53,076 --> 00:56:54,076
Now, what the fuck?
1324
00:56:54,161 --> 00:56:56,402
Wait. I'm confused.
What just happened in there?
1325
00:56:56,580 --> 00:56:59,117
Well, Jerry woke up early,
got some grounds crew
1326
00:56:59,291 --> 00:57:02,249
to go out in the woods, build some
snares and a swinging log trap,
1327
00:57:02,419 --> 00:57:04,956
and, uh, wear matching outfits
to act as decoys.
1328
00:57:05,339 --> 00:57:06,339
Maniac.
1329
00:57:06,423 --> 00:57:07,629
(CHUCKLES)
1330
00:57:09,092 --> 00:57:10,127
Are you okay?
1331
00:57:10,218 --> 00:57:13,301
Yes, yes. I am. I am... I'm good.
1332
00:57:13,805 --> 00:57:16,467
I am amazed that you're able to stay
so optimistic after all that.
1333
00:57:16,642 --> 00:57:19,134
Well, some have said
I am the heart and soul of the game.
1334
00:57:19,311 --> 00:57:20,517
No, you've said that.
1335
00:57:20,687 --> 00:57:22,195
You're the only person
I've heard say that.
1336
00:57:22,230 --> 00:57:25,973
Well, technically "just me"
fits the legal definition of "some,"
1337
00:57:26,151 --> 00:57:27,767
so suck a dick.
1338
00:57:27,861 --> 00:57:29,351
- (SCOFFS)
- (LAUGHS)
1339
00:57:29,446 --> 00:57:32,404
Well, it seems like the game
has really kept you guys connected.
1340
00:57:32,574 --> 00:57:34,156
- Exactly.
- Well, except Jerry.
1341
00:57:34,326 --> 00:57:35,691
What? Don't say that.
1342
00:57:35,869 --> 00:57:37,419
How often do you see Jerry
outside of tag?
1343
00:57:37,454 --> 00:57:40,367
Hmm...
Well, not super frequently, but...
1344
00:57:40,540 --> 00:57:43,077
I mean, would you consider that
a close friendship?
1345
00:57:45,796 --> 00:57:47,833
Well, that's kind of
a dicky question.
1346
00:57:57,265 --> 00:57:58,300
HOAGIE: Thank you.
1347
00:57:59,893 --> 00:58:03,761
All I'm saying is,
Callahan better fucking be here.
1348
00:58:07,859 --> 00:58:10,021
(ALL EXCLAIM)
1349
00:58:10,112 --> 00:58:11,112
What's up? What?
1350
00:58:11,279 --> 00:58:12,485
Look who decided to show up.
1351
00:58:12,656 --> 00:58:14,039
What? I had a business call
with Beijing.
1352
00:58:14,074 --> 00:58:15,064
Couldn't be helped. I'm sorry.
1353
00:58:15,100 --> 00:58:15,957
Business call with Beijing?
1354
00:58:15,993 --> 00:58:17,847
It would have been 8:00 a.m.
Saturday out there.
1355
00:58:17,882 --> 00:58:20,046
You doing business calls
at 8:00 a.m. Saturday morning?
1356
00:58:20,122 --> 00:58:21,880
Why do you know so much
about Beijing time zones?
1357
00:58:21,915 --> 00:58:24,748
2008 Olympics. Michael Phelps, baby.
1358
00:58:25,640 --> 00:58:27,538
Fair enough.
Okay, anyway, I have an idea.
1359
00:58:27,574 --> 00:58:29,011
- Anybody want to hear it?
- Yes.
1360
00:58:29,047 --> 00:58:30,913
- What is it?
- Jerry's gym.
1361
00:58:31,258 --> 00:58:33,057
Someone there's gotta
know where he is.
1362
00:58:33,093 --> 00:58:35,351
- I like this. That's a good idea.
- ANNA: Great!
1363
00:58:35,387 --> 00:58:37,219
- Up top! Buckle up, gang!
- Yes! Giddy up!
1364
00:58:37,255 --> 00:58:38,897
- HOAGIE: You're it, by the way.
- What's wrong?
1365
00:58:38,932 --> 00:58:40,732
- My fucking knee.
- What's wrong with your knee?
1366
00:58:40,767 --> 00:58:41,767
I got hit by a log.
1367
00:58:41,852 --> 00:58:42,933
You got hit by a log, what?
1368
00:58:43,020 --> 00:58:45,112
We were chasing him. I got hit
by a fucking log. It really hurts.
1369
00:58:45,147 --> 00:58:47,514
I'm gonna go in. Fuck, I'm pissed off
about this, but go.
1370
00:58:47,607 --> 00:58:49,032
You want me to call the pediatrician?
1371
00:58:49,067 --> 00:58:50,492
I'm an adult.
I don't need a pediatrician.
1372
00:58:50,527 --> 00:58:51,527
You're not coming?
1373
00:58:51,611 --> 00:58:53,771
I think I'm gonna slow you down.
Why don't you guys go?
1374
00:58:53,822 --> 00:58:54,983
After the gym, let's meet up.
1375
00:58:55,157 --> 00:58:56,157
All right, fine.
1376
00:58:56,324 --> 00:58:57,457
Trust me, I wanna go, but I just...
1377
00:58:57,492 --> 00:59:00,109
Y'all need a sub?
Huh? I'm in!
1378
00:59:00,287 --> 00:59:01,823
BOB:
We're super good, man. Thanks!
1379
00:59:01,913 --> 00:59:03,654
- (GROANS)
- We're good.
1380
00:59:03,832 --> 00:59:06,073
Who's banned now, bitch?
1381
00:59:06,668 --> 00:59:10,127
(GROANS) I'm okay.
All right, guys. Take it easy!
1382
00:59:10,213 --> 00:59:11,294
Phew.
1383
00:59:13,467 --> 00:59:15,458
- (MUSIC PLAYING)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1384
00:59:21,683 --> 00:59:23,469
Oh, that knee healed up fast.
1385
00:59:23,643 --> 00:59:25,259
Stay out of this, Lou.
1386
00:59:29,524 --> 00:59:31,481
LOU:
Oh, you saucy devil.
1387
00:59:32,110 --> 00:59:33,566
(LAUGHS)
1388
00:59:42,386 --> 00:59:44,595
Hey, there, welcome
to Granite Fitness.
1389
00:59:44,631 --> 00:59:46,005
Get hard, stay hard.
1390
00:59:46,041 --> 00:59:49,133
Just so you guys know, we're going
to be closing in five short minutes,
1391
00:59:49,169 --> 00:59:51,343
but is there anything
I can help you with?
1392
00:59:51,379 --> 00:59:53,708
Yes, Dave, in fact, there is
something you could help us with.
1393
00:59:53,743 --> 00:59:55,984
How would you like to earn $500?
1394
01:00:03,266 --> 01:00:06,179
Okay, just so you guys know, I'm not
sucking your guys' dicks, all right?
1395
01:00:06,353 --> 01:00:08,073
And I'm not letting you
suck my dick either.
1396
01:00:08,146 --> 01:00:11,104
No one is talking about anyone
sucking anyone's anything.
1397
01:00:11,274 --> 01:00:14,266
You sure about that?
'Cause this guy's eyeing me hard.
1398
01:00:14,653 --> 01:00:15,653
What?
1399
01:00:15,821 --> 01:00:17,120
I'm just saying, man,
you've got that vibe.
1400
01:00:17,155 --> 01:00:18,737
- Yeah?
- Stop it.
1401
01:00:18,907 --> 01:00:20,238
Hey, Sable, seriously. Chill.
1402
01:00:20,408 --> 01:00:21,569
- Just stop it.
- Stop it.
1403
01:00:21,785 --> 01:00:23,217
It's too sexual.
1404
01:00:23,253 --> 01:00:25,485
You're undressing me, literally,
right now with your eyes.
1405
01:00:25,520 --> 01:00:26,520
Dave.
1406
01:00:26,925 --> 01:00:31,536
500 bucks, and all we want
is to know where Jerry is.
1407
01:00:31,628 --> 01:00:33,039
Oh!
1408
01:00:33,130 --> 01:00:36,418
Jerry. Yes, okay, shit.
1409
01:00:36,508 --> 01:00:39,796
He did mention that some people
were gonna swing by looking for him.
1410
01:00:40,053 --> 01:00:42,761
He left a message. Um, oh, yeah.
1411
01:00:42,931 --> 01:00:44,387
Go fuck yourselves.
1412
01:00:44,474 --> 01:00:46,841
Okay, look. $1,000.
All right? Easy money.
1413
01:00:47,018 --> 01:00:48,276
Jerry won't even know
that you sold him out.
1414
01:00:48,311 --> 01:00:50,177
I got a better idea.
Why don't you go back
1415
01:00:50,355 --> 01:00:52,687
to the little Best Western
that you're staying in
1416
01:00:52,858 --> 01:00:54,940
and jerk each other off in the nude?
1417
01:00:55,110 --> 01:00:57,410
Why do you keep taking this
conversation into a sexual direction?
1418
01:00:57,445 --> 01:01:00,528
Listen, Dave.
$1,500. Don't be an idiot.
1419
01:01:00,699 --> 01:01:02,861
Not a chance,
you dick-sucking homophobes.
1420
01:01:02,951 --> 01:01:04,237
- Hey!
- What?
1421
01:01:04,494 --> 01:01:05,494
Dave?
1422
01:01:06,621 --> 01:01:07,901
Do you know what we're gonna do?
1423
01:01:07,956 --> 01:01:08,956
What?
1424
01:01:12,586 --> 01:01:14,953
We're gonna waterboard you.
1425
01:01:26,099 --> 01:01:27,589
BOB: Don't be a hero, Dave.
1426
01:01:27,767 --> 01:01:29,383
Jerry doesn't give a shit about you.
1427
01:01:31,021 --> 01:01:32,102
So tell us where he is.
1428
01:01:32,564 --> 01:01:33,895
I'm never gonna tell you.
1429
01:01:34,941 --> 01:01:35,976
Last chance, Dave.
1430
01:01:37,819 --> 01:01:39,859
You're not gonna go through
with this for some game,
1431
01:01:39,894 --> 01:01:41,553
so quit jerking me off!
1432
01:01:43,074 --> 01:01:44,074
Oh, Jesus.
1433
01:01:44,242 --> 01:01:45,778
No one's jerking you off, kid,
1434
01:01:45,952 --> 01:01:47,792
'cause Jerry has pushed us
to the fucking edge.
1435
01:01:47,829 --> 01:01:49,911
If you don't tell us
what we need to know,
1436
01:01:49,998 --> 01:01:51,614
you're going over the edge with us.
1437
01:01:51,791 --> 01:01:53,031
You ready to die for this shit?
1438
01:01:53,084 --> 01:01:55,200
I'd rather die than get sucked off
by you homophobes.
1439
01:01:55,378 --> 01:01:58,245
We're not gonna suck you off.
We're gonna waterboard you.
1440
01:01:58,423 --> 01:02:00,430
I'm just taking
a principled stand right now.
1441
01:02:00,467 --> 01:02:02,709
Okay. Well, guess what.
Now, this is gonna happen. All right?
1442
01:02:02,744 --> 01:02:04,628
Are you ready?
I hope you can hold your breath, son!
1443
01:02:04,663 --> 01:02:05,711
Do it!
1444
01:02:05,747 --> 01:02:07,078
BOB: 'Cause this
is going right down!
1445
01:02:07,113 --> 01:02:07,646
(YELLING)
1446
01:02:07,682 --> 01:02:09,732
- Yeah!
- Yeah! You son of a bitch!
1447
01:02:09,768 --> 01:02:10,983
BOB: Here it comes!
1448
01:02:11,019 --> 01:02:12,319
ANNA: It's coming!
It's coming! It's coming!
1449
01:02:12,354 --> 01:02:14,140
Yeah. You know, we should not.
1450
01:02:14,314 --> 01:02:16,615
I feel like it would be way too much.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
1451
01:02:16,650 --> 01:02:17,730
Phew. That got out of hand.
1452
01:02:17,859 --> 01:02:19,520
My heart is beating
really fast right now.
1453
01:02:19,694 --> 01:02:21,776
We were just kidding.
We were just bluffing.
1454
01:02:21,812 --> 01:02:23,572
ANNA: No, we weren't
fucking bluffing!
1455
01:02:23,608 --> 01:02:24,663
BOB:
Anna, Anna, Anna!
1456
01:02:24,699 --> 01:02:26,868
- Oh, my God, no. Just, no.
- Sweetheart.
1457
01:02:26,993 --> 01:02:29,826
It's a war crime, right?
It's not really who we are.
1458
01:02:29,996 --> 01:02:30,996
Yes, sorry.
1459
01:02:31,164 --> 01:02:33,030
We got a kinky cat over here.
1460
01:02:33,375 --> 01:02:34,786
- Okay.
- Fuck you, Dave.
1461
01:02:34,960 --> 01:02:36,792
God, I love your passion.
1462
01:02:36,962 --> 01:02:38,578
I'll tell you what.
1463
01:02:40,507 --> 01:02:43,465
I will tell you where
Jerry's gonna be
1464
01:02:44,483 --> 01:02:47,966
for $2,000. Cash. American.
1465
01:02:48,139 --> 01:02:49,179
- Okay, fine.
- No problem.
1466
01:02:49,307 --> 01:02:50,774
Why didn't you say that
in the first place?
1467
01:02:50,809 --> 01:02:52,409
Why did you take us
down this whole road?
1468
01:02:52,519 --> 01:02:54,236
Well, it looked like
there was room to negotiate,
1469
01:02:54,271 --> 01:02:55,528
and I was all prepared to do that.
1470
01:02:55,563 --> 01:02:57,725
But then we went down
the whole torture track,
1471
01:02:57,899 --> 01:03:00,982
and I just dug
my heels in, philosophically.
1472
01:03:01,069 --> 01:03:02,685
I happen to be an objector.
1473
01:03:02,779 --> 01:03:05,191
- We are too, obviously.
- Not really.
1474
01:03:05,227 --> 01:03:06,217
It was a bluff.
1475
01:03:06,253 --> 01:03:08,404
You know what? You should
probably not write this down,
1476
01:03:08,439 --> 01:03:09,473
and if it does come up,
1477
01:03:09,509 --> 01:03:12,577
just mention that
we didn't actually waterboard him.
1478
01:03:12,747 --> 01:03:13,747
No waterboarding.
1479
01:03:13,915 --> 01:03:16,122
Just a lot of talk about
sucking each other's dicks.
1480
01:03:16,668 --> 01:03:17,668
Yeah.
1481
01:03:18,670 --> 01:03:20,001
Okay, look, you know what? Here.
1482
01:03:20,171 --> 01:03:23,983
I'm gonna give you $2,000, and
I'm gonna give you an extra
1483
01:03:25,303 --> 01:03:26,213
$500--
1484
01:03:26,261 --> 01:03:28,560
You just carry around that
kind of cash all day?
1485
01:03:28,596 --> 01:03:30,426
You were mentioning something
about Jerry, I think.
1486
01:03:30,461 --> 01:03:34,182
Yeah, uh, Jerry is in AA.
1487
01:03:34,269 --> 01:03:36,806
- Wait, what?
- Yeah. Alcoholics Anonymous.
1488
01:03:36,842 --> 01:03:37,670
I know what it stands for.
1489
01:03:37,706 --> 01:03:39,322
Wait, did you guys know
anything about this?
1490
01:03:39,357 --> 01:03:42,065
He goes there every morning
at a church on Brunswick.
1491
01:03:42,235 --> 01:03:43,942
Looking back, I can kind of see it.
1492
01:03:44,112 --> 01:03:46,570
I mean, the first step is recognizing
you have a problem.
1493
01:03:47,282 --> 01:03:49,694
I'm just glad
he's getting the help he needs.
1494
01:03:50,327 --> 01:03:52,127
Sorry, did you say
that church is on Brunswick?
1495
01:03:52,162 --> 01:03:53,162
- Yes.
- HOAGIE: Okay!
1496
01:03:53,288 --> 01:03:54,853
- Let's go! Clean up the water!
- Thank you!
1497
01:03:54,888 --> 01:03:56,120
So sorry.
1498
01:03:56,156 --> 01:03:57,413
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1499
01:03:57,449 --> 01:03:58,670
I told you this
wasn't gonna be just
1500
01:03:58,705 --> 01:04:00,213
another boring corporate
profile, right?
1501
01:04:00,248 --> 01:04:01,678
Right. This is definitely different.
1502
01:04:01,713 --> 01:04:04,205
And I know I'm no longer
the center of the story,
1503
01:04:04,382 --> 01:04:06,498
which is fine with me.
I don't mind giving up the...
1504
01:04:06,593 --> 01:04:08,004
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1505
01:04:09,554 --> 01:04:11,465
Bob, can I buy you a drink?
1506
01:04:11,639 --> 01:04:13,523
Can you fucking believe this?
Hold on one second.
1507
01:04:13,558 --> 01:04:15,299
- Maybe...
- One second, one second.
1508
01:04:15,477 --> 01:04:17,444
Terrible experience.
So that we will never do it...
1509
01:04:17,479 --> 01:04:20,972
Hi! Hi! Wow! Look at this.
1510
01:04:21,149 --> 01:04:22,184
- How you doing?
- Good.
1511
01:04:22,359 --> 01:04:23,658
Pretty good.
Yeah, we're just catching up.
1512
01:04:23,693 --> 01:04:25,058
That's so nice. How's that knee?
1513
01:04:25,236 --> 01:04:26,977
- It actually does hurt.
- Yeah.
1514
01:04:27,013 --> 01:04:29,913
But resting and talking to an old
friend has actually really helped.
1515
01:04:29,949 --> 01:04:31,110
Thank you for asking.
1516
01:04:31,201 --> 01:04:32,921
Hey, how was the business call
with Beijing?
1517
01:04:33,244 --> 01:04:34,244
- Super good.
- It was?
1518
01:04:34,329 --> 01:04:36,240
- Yeah, I got a lot done.
- Great.
1519
01:04:36,331 --> 01:04:38,423
Oh, what, you think I faked
my business call to Beijing
1520
01:04:38,458 --> 01:04:39,778
like you faked hurting your knee?
1521
01:04:39,834 --> 01:04:42,166
You know what, dude?
I'm sick of this shit, Bob.
1522
01:04:42,337 --> 01:04:44,037
- You're it. How about that?
- No! Pass.
1523
01:04:44,089 --> 01:04:45,376
You can't pass.
And you can't tag back.
1524
01:04:45,411 --> 01:04:46,115
You're it.
I pass.
1525
01:04:46,167 --> 01:04:47,640
- Oh, my God.
- It's like literally the first rule.
1526
01:04:47,675 --> 01:04:49,142
- You're it! You're it! You're it!
- You cannot tag me back!
1527
01:04:49,177 --> 01:04:51,839
- I'll rewrite the fucking rulebook!
- Shut up!
1528
01:04:51,930 --> 01:04:53,146
Why're you acting like children?
1529
01:04:53,181 --> 01:04:54,481
- 'Cause he started it.
- You started it.
1530
01:04:54,516 --> 01:04:55,597
You literally started it.
1531
01:04:55,683 --> 01:04:56,775
- No, you started it!
- "Oh, my knee hurts."
1532
01:04:56,810 --> 01:04:57,901
What do you think
they're talking about?
1533
01:04:57,936 --> 01:04:59,051
Are we off the record?
1534
01:04:59,229 --> 01:05:00,560
REBECCA: Yeah, sure, sure.
1535
01:05:01,648 --> 01:05:02,683
No idea.
1536
01:05:02,857 --> 01:05:04,449
CHERYL: You know what?
I shouldn't have come.
1537
01:05:04,484 --> 01:05:06,100
Jerry always gets in your head.
1538
01:05:06,277 --> 01:05:07,938
Did Jerry tell you to say that?
1539
01:05:08,113 --> 01:05:09,788
You part of the whole
Truman Show of it all?
1540
01:05:09,823 --> 01:05:11,814
I mean, Jerry invited me
to the rehearsal dinner
1541
01:05:11,991 --> 01:05:14,574
because he thought it would distract
you guys, which it did.
1542
01:05:14,744 --> 01:05:18,282
But, um, I wanted to see you.
So I came.
1543
01:05:18,373 --> 01:05:19,408
Sure.
1544
01:05:19,499 --> 01:05:20,499
CHERYL: Oh, my God.
1545
01:05:20,583 --> 01:05:23,951
You guys are fucking idiots.
Both of you. But I love you both.
1546
01:05:24,170 --> 01:05:26,207
I'm gonna go. Maybe I'll
see you later. Or not.
1547
01:05:26,243 --> 01:05:26,943
Cheryl...
1548
01:05:26,979 --> 01:05:29,350
Go get Jerry. He
fucking deserves it.
1549
01:05:30,969 --> 01:05:32,209
Bye, Cheryl.
1550
01:05:32,971 --> 01:05:34,257
Wow!
1551
01:05:34,431 --> 01:05:35,431
What do you want?
1552
01:05:35,557 --> 01:05:38,720
There's gonna be plenty of time
to get rejected by Cheryl
1553
01:05:38,893 --> 01:05:41,555
after 12:00 a.m. on June 1st.
1554
01:05:41,729 --> 01:05:46,974
So what I need you guys to focus on,
is the fact that we're a team.
1555
01:05:47,152 --> 01:05:50,486
Right? We love each other,
and we love this.
1556
01:05:50,655 --> 01:05:51,894
Let's bask in that.
1557
01:05:52,256 --> 01:05:54,706
Stay focused on our mission.
All right?
1558
01:05:55,061 --> 01:05:56,501
Let's get back on
this horse and ride.
1559
01:05:56,536 --> 01:05:58,127
Let's get this asshole.
1560
01:05:58,163 --> 01:06:00,325
Lou, not part of it. Not at all.
1561
01:06:00,888 --> 01:06:01,969
Now, shake.
1562
01:06:02,792 --> 01:06:03,792
Shake!
1563
01:06:06,588 --> 01:06:09,205
All right.
Now we got some work to do.
1564
01:06:21,644 --> 01:06:22,644
Got it.
1565
01:06:22,812 --> 01:06:24,644
Go get him, sweetie.
1566
01:06:25,690 --> 01:06:27,101
(BAG UNZIPPING)
1567
01:06:39,996 --> 01:06:41,111
Okay.
1568
01:06:43,041 --> 01:06:45,703
Hey, do you think we should talk
to Jerry about being an alcoholic
1569
01:06:45,877 --> 01:06:48,335
- before we get into all this?
- No.
1570
01:06:49,339 --> 01:06:50,339
(SIGHS)
1571
01:06:50,715 --> 01:06:55,300
But now, I've been clean and sober
for almost four years.
1572
01:06:55,887 --> 01:06:59,471
Thanks to all of you
and that higher power. Amen?
1573
01:06:59,641 --> 01:07:01,757
- ALL: Amen.
- Amen.
1574
01:07:03,561 --> 01:07:05,928
Jerry, you about ready to share?
1575
01:07:06,397 --> 01:07:08,229
Come on, y'all,
let's give it up for Jerry.
1576
01:07:08,316 --> 01:07:09,522
(ALL APPLAUDING)
1577
01:07:15,907 --> 01:07:18,319
- My name is Jerry.
- ALL: Hi, Jerry.
1578
01:07:21,704 --> 01:07:23,832
JERRY:
The slight scent of weed.
1579
01:07:23,868 --> 01:07:26,859
Chilli. He thinks he's
caught me off guard.
1580
01:07:27,465 --> 01:07:29,376
CHILLI: Oh, my God!
I've caught him off guard.
1581
01:07:32,799 --> 01:07:34,506
JERRY: He rushes in from behind.
1582
01:07:35,176 --> 01:07:37,463
Idiot. I give him a wake-up call.
1583
01:07:42,141 --> 01:07:43,506
(SCREAMING)
1584
01:07:43,601 --> 01:07:47,265
CHILLI: Hazelnut coffee?
What kind of bitch drinks hazelnut?
1585
01:07:49,232 --> 01:07:51,815
Holy! Chilli! Hit me!
1586
01:07:53,027 --> 01:07:54,027
Get him!
1587
01:07:54,362 --> 01:07:57,480
HOAGIE: I'm going to trap him
and tag him in the face,
1588
01:07:57,991 --> 01:08:01,575
and yet, in my heart of hearts,
pretty sure it's not gonna work.
1589
01:08:04,289 --> 01:08:07,327
JERRY: Hoagie's attempts to face me
fail because he lacks confidence.
1590
01:08:08,001 --> 01:08:10,242
Also, I think it's fair to say,
1591
01:08:10,962 --> 01:08:14,296
I'm fucking surgical
with these complimentary donuts.
1592
01:08:18,219 --> 01:08:21,803
REBECCA: And this is why
print journalism is dying.
1593
01:08:22,974 --> 01:08:24,055
(HOAGIE GROANS)
1594
01:08:25,059 --> 01:08:28,097
BOB: Yes! This is the moment
I've been waiting for.
1595
01:08:28,271 --> 01:08:30,638
I'm going to be the
one who tags Jerry.
1596
01:08:34,360 --> 01:08:37,742
JERRY: Callahan will become distracted
by his own arrogant thoughts,
1597
01:08:38,948 --> 01:08:39,983
which I will exploit.
1598
01:08:40,158 --> 01:08:41,614
BOB: This will be my victory,
1599
01:08:41,701 --> 01:08:44,238
which makes sense
because success breeds success...
1600
01:08:45,163 --> 01:08:46,163
Oh, God.
1601
01:08:51,002 --> 01:08:52,492
- (CLATTERS)
- (BOB GROANS)
1602
01:08:57,550 --> 01:09:02,545
SABLE: How come "bi-weekly" means both
twice a week and every other week?
1603
01:09:02,722 --> 01:09:06,556
That's mad confusing
and it's just linguistically lazy.
1604
01:09:12,774 --> 01:09:13,774
Oh, shit!
1605
01:09:25,495 --> 01:09:27,077
- Holy shit!
- Excessive.
1606
01:09:35,880 --> 01:09:38,212
Feeling trapped, Jerry?
1607
01:09:38,716 --> 01:09:39,797
No.
1608
01:09:39,967 --> 01:09:40,967
Nice.
1609
01:09:41,052 --> 01:09:42,213
(CHAIR CLATTERS)
1610
01:09:44,180 --> 01:09:45,180
HOAGIE: Holy Shit!
1611
01:09:47,392 --> 01:09:48,392
No, no, no!
1612
01:09:49,894 --> 01:09:52,181
- No, no, no!
- (ALL GRUNT)
1613
01:09:52,313 --> 01:09:54,304
We got you, Jerry! You're trapped!
1614
01:09:54,482 --> 01:09:57,474
Five hours till your wedding!
We can wait it out if you can!
1615
01:09:58,236 --> 01:10:00,227
(WHISTLING)
1616
01:10:13,084 --> 01:10:15,917
Shit. You know what I just realized?
1617
01:10:16,087 --> 01:10:18,328
There's a lot of sacramental wine
and wafers in there.
1618
01:10:18,506 --> 01:10:19,806
He could survive for quite a while.
1619
01:10:19,841 --> 01:10:21,002
No, he can't drink.
1620
01:10:21,175 --> 01:10:23,257
- Yeah, but it's not real wine.
- Yes, it is.
1621
01:10:23,498 --> 01:10:24,978
It's just grape juice. It's not wine.
1622
01:10:25,054 --> 01:10:29,014
I mean, I was once so fucked up that
I took a shit in my niece's crib.
1623
01:10:29,058 --> 01:10:31,425
- Oh.
- Twice, if you ask my sister-in-law.
1624
01:10:32,353 --> 01:10:33,593
So how long you been sober?
1625
01:10:33,771 --> 01:10:35,887
Oh, no, I'm not sober.
I'm high right now.
1626
01:10:35,982 --> 01:10:37,393
I'm just here to tag my friend.
1627
01:10:37,567 --> 01:10:41,731
Good luck with the sobriety, man.
That's cool. Definitely.
1628
01:10:41,904 --> 01:10:43,815
It's awful quiet in there.
1629
01:10:44,240 --> 01:10:46,040
You know what he's doing?
It's a classic ruse.
1630
01:10:46,200 --> 01:10:48,961
Make them think there's an exit and
he already escaped. Not buying it.
1631
01:10:49,078 --> 01:10:51,035
I buy it. I bet he has a secret door
back there.
1632
01:10:51,205 --> 01:10:53,196
Refrigerator turns into an elevator.
1633
01:10:53,291 --> 01:10:54,291
What?
1634
01:10:54,375 --> 01:10:56,592
Takes the elevator down to the
basement. That's his lair.
1635
01:10:56,627 --> 01:10:58,386
Different outfits, computer screens.
What are you talking about?
1636
01:10:58,421 --> 01:11:00,628
- Cameras watching us.
- He's not Batman.
1637
01:11:03,801 --> 01:11:05,132
Told you. In there.
1638
01:11:05,303 --> 01:11:06,384
What's it say?
1639
01:11:07,722 --> 01:11:10,840
- "Eat my dick."
- "Eat my dick." "Balls." "Ass"?
1640
01:11:11,017 --> 01:11:12,052
"Butt."
1641
01:11:12,143 --> 01:11:13,178
"Ice cream."
1642
01:11:13,269 --> 01:11:14,269
- What?
- What?
1643
01:11:14,437 --> 01:11:16,804
Yeah, he's taunting me.
He knows I'm lactose intolerant.
1644
01:11:16,898 --> 01:11:17,898
(DOOR OPENS)
1645
01:11:18,900 --> 01:11:20,891
What is going on? Where is he?
1646
01:11:21,694 --> 01:11:23,651
Where is he?
1647
01:11:25,031 --> 01:11:26,031
(GASPS)
1648
01:11:26,491 --> 01:11:28,073
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
1649
01:11:29,660 --> 01:11:30,821
Jerry?
1650
01:11:30,995 --> 01:11:33,987
We're supposed to be getting
our wedding photos done in an hour.
1651
01:11:34,081 --> 01:11:35,446
What are you doing?
1652
01:11:35,625 --> 01:11:37,467
- Come on out, Jerry.
- Jerry, you can come out.
1653
01:11:37,502 --> 01:11:38,676
We're not gonna get you, Jerry.
1654
01:11:38,711 --> 01:11:40,386
JERRY: Babe, look, calm down.
Look, I'm sorry.
1655
01:11:40,421 --> 01:11:42,621
SUSAN: Shut up, Jerry.
I can't fucking take this, Jerry.
1656
01:11:42,757 --> 01:11:44,122
She can't take it. Come on out.
1657
01:11:44,300 --> 01:11:46,507
Honey, why are you playing this game
right now?
1658
01:11:46,594 --> 01:11:48,770
Why are you playing this game
with your friends right now?
1659
01:11:48,805 --> 01:11:50,762
Why is he playing
this game right now?
1660
01:11:50,932 --> 01:11:52,892
JERRY: Hey, babe, look.
You gotta calm down, okay?
1661
01:11:52,934 --> 01:11:54,550
SUSAN:
Listen to me! It's very hard
1662
01:11:54,727 --> 01:11:57,890
because you have decided
to ruin everything.
1663
01:11:58,064 --> 01:12:00,146
And so have you.
1664
01:12:00,316 --> 01:12:03,274
With your stupid face,
and your stupid beard,
1665
01:12:03,444 --> 01:12:05,060
and your stupid glasses,
1666
01:12:05,238 --> 01:12:07,024
and that stupid jumpsuit.
1667
01:12:07,114 --> 01:12:10,027
(SHOUTS) There's only so much
a girl can take,
1668
01:12:10,201 --> 01:12:12,909
and then you want me
on top of that, just to... (GROANING)
1669
01:12:15,706 --> 01:12:17,322
Oh, my God. Are you okay?
1670
01:12:17,500 --> 01:12:20,743
- JERRY: Babe? Suz? Sue?
- Jerry. Oh, my God.
1671
01:12:21,128 --> 01:12:22,710
- Boo? Boo-boo?
- Sue?
1672
01:12:22,880 --> 01:12:24,587
Boo-boo? Boo-boo?
1673
01:12:24,757 --> 01:12:26,307
What happened? Wait, wait, wait.
What happened?
1674
01:12:26,342 --> 01:12:27,342
Susan, are you okay?
1675
01:12:27,510 --> 01:12:29,343
- Sit down, sit down, sit down.
- It's the baby. It's the baby.
1676
01:12:29,378 --> 01:12:31,604
It's finally happening. He's right
here. Who's it? Bob, tag him.
1677
01:12:31,639 --> 01:12:32,800
- Are you kidding me?
- What?
1678
01:12:32,836 --> 01:12:34,106
There's something
wrong with her baby.
1679
01:12:34,141 --> 01:12:35,983
There's nothing wrong with that baby.
It's a fake.
1680
01:12:36,018 --> 01:12:37,652
If you won't do it, then tag me.
I'm gonna do it.
1681
01:12:37,687 --> 01:12:39,519
Oh, yeah. Fine.
You want me to tag you, then?
1682
01:12:39,689 --> 01:12:40,975
Oops, I missed.
1683
01:12:41,148 --> 01:12:42,448
As usual, you're completely wrong.
1684
01:12:42,483 --> 01:12:44,483
This? You think I'm wrong?
This is so over the top!
1685
01:12:44,610 --> 01:12:45,771
This is obvious.
1686
01:12:45,862 --> 01:12:47,694
(SUSAN GROANING)
1687
01:12:47,780 --> 01:12:49,145
Tag me, and I'll give him a hug.
1688
01:12:49,323 --> 01:12:50,706
And I'll say,
"If she's having a miscarriage,"
1689
01:12:50,741 --> 01:12:52,072
"this is awful, and you're it."
1690
01:12:52,410 --> 01:12:54,196
Are you kidding me right now?
1691
01:12:54,232 --> 01:12:55,855
You know what?
This feels like a scene from
1692
01:12:55,890 --> 01:12:56,628
'What Would You Do'?
1693
01:12:56,664 --> 01:12:58,996
You get put in a
precarious situation,
1694
01:12:59,166 --> 01:13:01,077
and you have to make
the right decision.
1695
01:13:01,252 --> 01:13:02,372
It's all actors and cameras.
1696
01:13:02,461 --> 01:13:06,170
It's not great television,
but it hooks me in.
1697
01:13:06,340 --> 01:13:07,340
CHILLI: What?
1698
01:13:07,425 --> 01:13:08,790
- JERRY: Come on.
- (SUSAN GROANS)
1699
01:13:08,968 --> 01:13:11,128
All right, we're good.
We're gonna get to the hospital.
1700
01:13:11,762 --> 01:13:15,676
Jesus. Hey! Jerry? Jerry, if you need
anything I could easily...
1701
01:13:15,766 --> 01:13:17,256
You come near her or my baby,
1702
01:13:17,435 --> 01:13:18,846
I'll crush your windpipe, Bob.
1703
01:13:20,438 --> 01:13:22,179
This ain't no fucking game.
1704
01:13:26,736 --> 01:13:27,851
Uh...
1705
01:13:27,945 --> 01:13:29,435
I'm pretty sure it's real, guys.
1706
01:13:29,614 --> 01:13:32,732
I will be so pissed
if she didn't have a miscarriage.
1707
01:13:32,909 --> 01:13:33,909
Chilli!
1708
01:13:34,327 --> 01:13:35,327
We all would be.
1709
01:13:35,494 --> 01:13:37,003
- It's just a thing you don't...
- Say.
1710
01:13:37,038 --> 01:13:38,369
It's implied.
1711
01:13:39,916 --> 01:13:43,409
(CRASH TEST DUMMIES SINGING
"MMM MMM MMM MMM")
1712
01:13:58,643 --> 01:14:00,725
Hey, Linda. Namaste.
1713
01:14:01,771 --> 01:14:02,977
(DOOR CLOSES)
1714
01:14:03,064 --> 01:14:05,031
Shouldn't you boys be getting
cleaned up for the wedding?
1715
01:14:05,066 --> 01:14:07,228
Not you, Chilli.
You're perfect. (CHUCKLES)
1716
01:14:07,818 --> 01:14:09,229
Thanks, Linda.
1717
01:14:09,403 --> 01:14:11,360
I don't think
anybody's gonna be freshening up.
1718
01:14:14,801 --> 01:14:17,020
Hoagie, you can't go
looking like that.
1719
01:14:19,914 --> 01:14:23,532
"To everyone asking,
the wedding has been postponed."
1720
01:14:23,709 --> 01:14:25,746
"Thank you for your thoughts
and prayers."
1721
01:14:25,920 --> 01:14:27,160
It's from Jerry's mom.
1722
01:14:27,505 --> 01:14:30,247
- Well, maybe we're bad people.
- Maybe?
1723
01:14:30,424 --> 01:14:32,006
Yes, I think we definitely are.
1724
01:14:32,093 --> 01:14:33,093
We might be.
1725
01:14:33,177 --> 01:14:36,636
Tag used to be a thing
that made me really happy.
1726
01:14:36,973 --> 01:14:40,261
But now, it's destroying me.
I feel sad.
1727
01:14:40,434 --> 01:14:41,765
Shut the fuck up, Sable.
1728
01:14:41,936 --> 01:14:44,928
Has anyone seen
the bridesmaids' Instagram stories?
1729
01:14:45,982 --> 01:14:47,598
- Check it out.
- (SIGHS)
1730
01:14:48,234 --> 01:14:51,522
SABLE: "Wedding's canceled."
Sad face emoji.
1731
01:14:51,696 --> 01:14:54,313
"L can't wear the dress.
Such a pretty dress.
1732
01:14:54,490 --> 01:14:56,755
"So sad." Goodbye emoji.
"Was it a..."
1733
01:14:56,791 --> 01:15:00,446
Really? ls there any chance that
all these women could post banal,
1734
01:15:00,482 --> 01:15:02,504
minute-by-minute moments
from their day,
1735
01:15:02,540 --> 01:15:04,876
with mind-numbing captions
at the same time?
1736
01:15:04,912 --> 01:15:05,351
Totally.
1737
01:15:05,387 --> 01:15:06,667
Absolutely. That's
all lnstagram is.
1738
01:15:06,702 --> 01:15:09,013
- Yeah.
- I don't know about this, guys.
1739
01:15:09,482 --> 01:15:11,663
It doesn't feel right. I smell a rat.
1740
01:15:11,757 --> 01:15:12,848
That's what I've been saying.
1741
01:15:12,883 --> 01:15:14,016
I have been actually saying this
the whole time.
1742
01:15:14,051 --> 01:15:17,715
Hey, sweetheart, can we just move on?
It's over.
1743
01:15:17,888 --> 01:15:19,720
But it's not. Now, come on, guys.
1744
01:15:19,849 --> 01:15:21,339
I'm gonna get to the bottom of this.
1745
01:15:21,517 --> 01:15:23,007
- Bob.
- What'd I do?
1746
01:15:23,185 --> 01:15:24,425
Can I take a photograph of you?
1747
01:15:24,562 --> 01:15:25,802
No. Okay.
1748
01:15:25,896 --> 01:15:26,896
- (CAMERA CLICKS)
- Cute.
1749
01:15:27,231 --> 01:15:28,739
I'm gonna set up
an lnstagram account for you.
1750
01:15:28,774 --> 01:15:29,774
Please don't.
1751
01:15:29,900 --> 01:15:32,535
Rachel Ditmus is the only bridesmaid
with a private Instagram account.
1752
01:15:32,570 --> 01:15:35,090
She's been wanting you to finger bang
her since the sixth grade.
1753
01:15:35,406 --> 01:15:38,114
If anybody's stupid enough
to fall for our request,
1754
01:15:38,200 --> 01:15:40,817
- it will be that dum-dum.
- (CELL PHONE CHIMES)
1755
01:15:40,911 --> 01:15:44,029
And sent.
All we've got to do now is wait.
1756
01:15:44,123 --> 01:15:46,285
- (CELL PHONE CHIMES)
- And accepted!
1757
01:15:46,459 --> 01:15:47,915
- Really?
- That was weirdly fast.
1758
01:15:48,085 --> 01:15:49,325
Do not finger bang her.
1759
01:15:49,503 --> 01:15:52,245
Oh, my God. I was right.
1760
01:15:52,423 --> 01:15:54,682
- What? What are we looking at here?
- What the hell is this?
1761
01:15:54,717 --> 01:15:55,798
A wedding dress.
1762
01:15:55,968 --> 01:15:56,968
What the fuck?
1763
01:15:57,553 --> 01:15:58,953
They faked the fucking miscarriage!
1764
01:15:59,096 --> 01:16:01,509
No, no, no. Jerry's going down.
We're gonna destroy that wedding.
1765
01:16:01,544 --> 01:16:02,192
CHILLI: Let's go!
1766
01:16:02,228 --> 01:16:03,482
This is bullshit.
That is so fucked up.
1767
01:16:03,517 --> 01:16:04,757
- Absolutely.
- (HOAGIE YELLING)
1768
01:16:07,938 --> 01:16:08,938
Hoagie?
1769
01:16:11,358 --> 01:16:12,598
Hoagie, what are you doing?
1770
01:16:12,902 --> 01:16:14,063
HOAGIE: Damn it!
1771
01:16:14,695 --> 01:16:16,106
- Sweetie.
- Hoagie?
1772
01:16:16,280 --> 01:16:17,611
Be careful.
1773
01:16:18,574 --> 01:16:20,156
Should we stop him, or...
1774
01:16:20,326 --> 01:16:22,533
I'm not getting near him.
He's swinging that bat around.
1775
01:16:24,038 --> 01:16:25,119
(HOAGIE YELLS)
1776
01:16:25,206 --> 01:16:27,766
- Sweetie, that's your mom's.
- Yeah, you're gonna hurt yourself.
1777
01:16:29,585 --> 01:16:31,201
(PANTING)
1778
01:16:31,295 --> 01:16:32,706
(YELLING)
1779
01:16:35,424 --> 01:16:38,195
We lost! He beat us!
1780
01:16:38,231 --> 01:16:41,000
The game is over!
1781
01:16:41,097 --> 01:16:42,679
(PANTING)
1782
01:16:42,765 --> 01:16:44,381
We can't tag Jerry.
1783
01:16:44,475 --> 01:16:45,510
(STAMMERS)
1784
01:16:45,601 --> 01:16:48,686
It's just time for us to come to
terms with that. He's untouchable.
1785
01:16:48,741 --> 01:16:49,585
That's it.
1786
01:16:49,688 --> 01:16:51,405
What do you wanna do?
You wanna just give up?
1787
01:16:51,440 --> 01:16:53,932
Yeah, Bob. I wanna give up.
It's time to give up.
1788
01:16:54,110 --> 01:16:55,692
Come on, Hogan. You're not a quitter.
1789
01:16:55,861 --> 01:16:57,192
What's the alternative?
1790
01:16:57,655 --> 01:17:00,192
We go to the wedding.
We try to tag him. We fail.
1791
01:17:00,783 --> 01:17:02,273
And we fuck up the wedding?
1792
01:17:02,368 --> 01:17:04,001
That's not a cool move.
That's a dick move.
1793
01:17:04,036 --> 01:17:05,711
That's not what friends do.
That's what assholes do.
1794
01:17:05,746 --> 01:17:08,534
Hoagie! He faked a
fucking miscarriage.
1795
01:17:08,707 --> 01:17:10,789
This is a miscarriage of justice.
1796
01:17:11,836 --> 01:17:13,167
This is where we get him.
1797
01:17:13,337 --> 01:17:14,543
He deserves to pay for that.
1798
01:17:15,422 --> 01:17:17,754
Even if we wanted to do that,
we all signed an amendment.
1799
01:17:17,925 --> 01:17:21,168
Amendments are null and void
if you fake a miscarriage.
1800
01:17:21,345 --> 01:17:22,881
That's just basic contract law.
1801
01:17:23,055 --> 01:17:24,637
- That's law. Basic contract law.
- Law.
1802
01:17:24,807 --> 01:17:25,807
Like he said.
1803
01:17:25,975 --> 01:17:28,400
- I literally said exactly that.
- I know. We're saying it together.
1804
01:17:28,435 --> 01:17:31,769
But I was also right earlier because
I said the miscarriage was fake.
1805
01:17:31,856 --> 01:17:35,975
The amendment stands,
and maybe that's a good thing.
1806
01:17:36,610 --> 01:17:39,477
Maybe it's time to grow up a little.
1807
01:17:39,864 --> 01:17:41,775
- Uh...
- I'm going to the wedding.
1808
01:17:42,533 --> 01:17:46,948
And you guys can do what you want.
I hope you come too.
1809
01:17:47,121 --> 01:17:48,953
Chilli, just put on a tie.
1810
01:17:52,376 --> 01:17:53,411
Sweetie.
1811
01:17:57,214 --> 01:17:58,295
Do you even have a tie?
1812
01:17:58,465 --> 01:17:59,626
Yes, I have a tie.
1813
01:17:59,717 --> 01:18:01,475
- Do you need to borrow a tie?
- Yes, I need to borrow a tie.
1814
01:18:01,510 --> 01:18:02,510
Okay.
1815
01:18:08,642 --> 01:18:10,633
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING)
1816
01:18:29,538 --> 01:18:31,370
(ALL CHEERING)
1817
01:18:44,595 --> 01:18:47,758
Hi! I'm so glad you made it!
1818
01:18:47,848 --> 01:18:49,088
Is that champagne?
1819
01:18:49,183 --> 01:18:51,220
I know. Ugh.
1820
01:18:51,644 --> 01:18:53,351
I'm the girl who cried miscarriage.
1821
01:18:53,520 --> 01:18:55,165
But I had to get him
out of that room
1822
01:18:55,201 --> 01:18:56,988
and distract you for
a couple of hours
1823
01:18:57,024 --> 01:18:58,480
so that the amendment
could kick in.
1824
01:18:58,651 --> 01:19:00,267
Wait. Are you even pregnant?
1825
01:19:00,361 --> 01:19:01,772
No, I was never pregnant.
1826
01:19:01,946 --> 01:19:03,061
You were never pregnant?
1827
01:19:03,155 --> 01:19:04,270
ALL: Whoa.
1828
01:19:04,365 --> 01:19:05,855
Just listen. Jerry knew
1829
01:19:06,033 --> 01:19:07,819
that you guys might
get the drop on him
1830
01:19:07,993 --> 01:19:10,701
so "Operation Miscarriage"
was our fail-safe.
1831
01:19:10,871 --> 01:19:13,033
- It was an operation?
- It was actually my idea.
1832
01:19:13,249 --> 01:19:14,739
- Brilliant. Brilliant!
- Ah, thanks.
1833
01:19:14,917 --> 01:19:16,078
That's diabolical.
1834
01:19:16,252 --> 01:19:19,244
Everyone's just pissed because
you won, and they're boys.
1835
01:19:19,338 --> 01:19:22,626
They can't get pregnant,
so they can't fake a miscarriage.
1836
01:19:22,758 --> 01:19:24,169
(CHUCKLING) It's true.
1837
01:19:24,343 --> 01:19:26,550
Look, I'm not saying I want you
to have a miscarriage.
1838
01:19:26,720 --> 01:19:27,720
Then don't.
1839
01:19:27,825 --> 01:19:28,951
'Cause that would be terrible.
1840
01:19:28,986 --> 01:19:31,169
But if you ever do
have a miscarriage,
1841
01:19:31,225 --> 01:19:33,825
I don't wanna say that you would
deserve it 'cause that's too far,
1842
01:19:33,936 --> 01:19:36,303
but what I will say
and what I do feel
1843
01:19:36,480 --> 01:19:38,437
- is that's what you get.
- (BOB GROANS)
1844
01:19:38,983 --> 01:19:42,066
Okay. It's fine.
We can all have different feelings.
1845
01:19:42,152 --> 01:19:44,814
But it's our wedding day, you guys.
Come on.
1846
01:19:44,989 --> 01:19:47,105
And we came up with
this great amendment
1847
01:19:47,283 --> 01:19:51,902
so that we could all enjoy this day
together and have fun and relax.
1848
01:19:52,079 --> 01:19:53,160
Are we cool?
1849
01:19:53,872 --> 01:19:55,863
- CHILLl: Yeah, I guess so.
- Not yet. (CHUCKLES)
1850
01:19:56,250 --> 01:20:00,665
Sorry. Not cool yet.
It's just, you did murder a child.
1851
01:20:00,754 --> 01:20:01,754
No.
1852
01:20:01,839 --> 01:20:03,013
She didn't.
No, it was a fake miscarriage.
1853
01:20:03,048 --> 01:20:05,915
Yeah, not the imaginary child
that was inside of you,
1854
01:20:06,093 --> 01:20:09,836
but the actual inner child
that lives inside of me
1855
01:20:10,014 --> 01:20:11,254
got decapitated.
1856
01:20:11,390 --> 01:20:15,805
Head flew up, did flips in the air,
blood spurting everywhere.
1857
01:20:15,978 --> 01:20:19,471
Hoagie, Jerry has a perfect record,
1858
01:20:19,648 --> 01:20:21,104
and we're a team now.
1859
01:20:21,567 --> 01:20:22,682
The winning team.
1860
01:20:22,860 --> 01:20:25,602
And I just feel like, Hoagie,
if you're gonna play
1861
01:20:25,779 --> 01:20:28,942
a children's game as a grown man,
1862
01:20:29,116 --> 01:20:31,858
maybe, next time,
don't play like a child.
1863
01:20:33,912 --> 01:20:37,496
Anyways, I am really excited
you guys are here.
1864
01:20:37,666 --> 01:20:40,203
Try the raw bar. It's off the hook.
1865
01:20:40,377 --> 01:20:42,493
It's my wedding!
I'm getting married! (LAUGHS)
1866
01:20:42,671 --> 01:20:45,288
- Congratulations.
- Come on! Grab it!
1867
01:20:49,970 --> 01:20:52,837
I take back everything I said
about her being effervescent.
1868
01:20:53,599 --> 01:20:55,431
I met Jerry in AA.
1869
01:20:55,601 --> 01:20:58,514
You see, people,
I got a lot of problems.
1870
01:20:58,687 --> 01:21:03,727
Anger issues. I left my wife.
I have many kids.
1871
01:21:03,901 --> 01:21:07,144
And this man
got me to turn to the cloth.
1872
01:21:07,321 --> 01:21:09,107
It was a low point in my life.
1873
01:21:09,281 --> 01:21:11,443
There was jail time involved.
1874
01:21:11,617 --> 01:21:13,824
I briefly converted to Islam.
1875
01:21:13,994 --> 01:21:18,238
I lost a long legal battle
with Jo-Ann Fabrics.
1876
01:21:18,415 --> 01:21:21,658
During that time, I got to know
Jerry and Susan as a couple.
1877
01:21:21,835 --> 01:21:22,955
And that is a true blessing.
1878
01:21:23,128 --> 01:21:25,540
What's the difference between
Episcopalian and Lutheran?
1879
01:21:25,714 --> 01:21:28,172
Episcopalians don't eat fish.
1880
01:21:29,343 --> 01:21:33,007
That's pescatarian.
That's not a religion.
1881
01:21:33,180 --> 01:21:34,841
They're all fanatics. I don't know.
1882
01:21:35,599 --> 01:21:38,519
Remind me again, is it on the kiss or
after they walk back down the aisle?
1883
01:21:38,602 --> 01:21:39,602
Seriously?
1884
01:21:39,750 --> 01:21:41,379
You said you'd worked
weddings before.
1885
01:21:41,522 --> 01:21:43,429
The kiss, the doves,
end of ceremony.
1886
01:21:43,889 --> 01:21:45,573
The groom was very
specific about this.
1887
01:21:45,609 --> 01:21:48,317
PASTOR: ...and finds new ways
of expressing love
1888
01:21:48,404 --> 01:21:51,271
through the ups and downs of life.
1889
01:21:51,448 --> 01:21:54,816
Susan, do you take Jerry
to be your husband?
1890
01:21:55,536 --> 01:21:57,994
Do you promise to love, honor,
cherish and protect him,
1891
01:21:58,163 --> 01:22:02,157
forsaking all others,
holding only to him forevermore?
1892
01:22:02,835 --> 01:22:03,916
I do.
1893
01:22:04,086 --> 01:22:05,086
Beautiful.
1894
01:22:05,254 --> 01:22:07,086
(WHISPERS) There's gonna be a window.
1895
01:22:07,256 --> 01:22:09,247
- What, sweetie?
- The doves.
1896
01:22:09,967 --> 01:22:11,378
What about the doves?
1897
01:22:11,593 --> 01:22:13,209
There's an opening.
1898
01:22:13,637 --> 01:22:15,378
Just relax, honey.
1899
01:22:15,973 --> 01:22:17,759
You seem stressed.
1900
01:22:19,017 --> 01:22:21,634
Jerry, do you take Susan
to be your wife?
1901
01:22:22,688 --> 01:22:25,726
Do you promise to love, honor,
cherish, and protect her
1902
01:22:25,899 --> 01:22:30,018
forsaking all others,
holding only to her forever more?
1903
01:22:30,112 --> 01:22:31,318
I do.
1904
01:22:31,488 --> 01:22:33,274
I mean, this is actually
kind of beautiful.
1905
01:22:33,449 --> 01:22:35,281
It really is, man.
1906
01:22:35,367 --> 01:22:38,029
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
1907
01:22:39,705 --> 01:22:41,616
You may kiss the bride.
1908
01:22:41,748 --> 01:22:43,455
- (ALL CHEERING)
- I love you.
1909
01:23:08,609 --> 01:23:10,099
(ALL CHEERING)
1910
01:23:19,661 --> 01:23:20,742
(GASPS)
1911
01:23:20,829 --> 01:23:21,944
(YELLING)
1912
01:23:22,539 --> 01:23:24,450
- (SUSAN GASPS)
- (HOAGIE YELLING)
1913
01:23:26,668 --> 01:23:27,999
(ALL GASP)
1914
01:23:28,921 --> 01:23:30,401
- JERRY: Hoagie!
- CHILLI: Go, go, go!
1915
01:23:30,464 --> 01:23:32,671
- ANNA: Oh, God! Guys, go!
- Hoagie! You okay?
1916
01:23:32,841 --> 01:23:34,127
Jesus.
1917
01:23:34,718 --> 01:23:35,718
Hey, man.
1918
01:23:36,178 --> 01:23:37,178
BOB: Buddy?
1919
01:23:37,304 --> 01:23:39,090
- You scared away the swans.
- Hoagie?
1920
01:23:40,098 --> 01:23:41,714
- Hogan? Hogan.
- JERRY: Hoagie!
1921
01:23:41,892 --> 01:23:43,641
I can't believe that
you guys did this.
1922
01:23:43,677 --> 01:23:44,358
Right now.
1923
01:23:44,394 --> 01:23:47,592
Well, I don't think you get to claim the
moral high ground over us, actually.
1924
01:23:47,628 --> 01:23:48,816
Yeah, you're not better than us.
1925
01:23:48,851 --> 01:23:50,769
You and your wife pretended
to have a goddamn miscarriage.
1926
01:23:50,804 --> 01:23:52,815
Misunderstanding! Misunderstanding.
1927
01:23:52,861 --> 01:23:55,068
- Misunderstanding.
- In her vagina.
1928
01:23:55,489 --> 01:23:56,729
Wow. Oh, boy.
1929
01:23:57,055 --> 01:23:58,667
Guys, call a doctor!
1930
01:23:58,731 --> 01:24:00,142
- Can you hear me?
- BOB: Buddy?
1931
01:24:00,244 --> 01:24:01,905
- Hey!
- Somebody get a doctor!
1932
01:24:01,941 --> 01:24:02,671
BOB: Bud?
1933
01:24:02,707 --> 01:24:04,481
He's gone full loss
of consciousness.
1934
01:24:04,623 --> 01:24:05,988
That's impressive.
1935
01:24:06,166 --> 01:24:07,907
Even better
than your performance. Right?
1936
01:24:08,001 --> 01:24:09,742
(LAUGHING) I know! It's so good!
1937
01:24:09,920 --> 01:24:11,911
Excuse me, uh, everyone...
1938
01:24:12,130 --> 01:24:13,620
Everything's fine.
1939
01:24:13,966 --> 01:24:15,548
Uh, this is all just a game.
1940
01:24:16,718 --> 01:24:18,425
(INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT ON PA)
1941
01:24:18,512 --> 01:24:20,469
He's still unconscious,
but he's stable.
1942
01:24:20,639 --> 01:24:23,381
He really should never have been
this active given his condition.
1943
01:24:23,559 --> 01:24:25,516
- You can see him when he wakes up.
- Thanks.
1944
01:24:27,104 --> 01:24:28,515
I got this.
1945
01:24:28,689 --> 01:24:31,306
Excuse me, Doctor. Hey, how are you?
1946
01:24:31,483 --> 01:24:34,521
- Yeah.
- Doctor, uh... Doctor Yoon, is it?
1947
01:24:34,695 --> 01:24:36,060
- Yes.
- How do you spell that?
1948
01:24:36,989 --> 01:24:39,777
- You're looking right at it.
- I know, but I'm just asking you.
1949
01:24:40,284 --> 01:24:41,570
What exactly are you asking me?
1950
01:24:41,952 --> 01:24:44,444
My friends and I do this thing.
It's this really weird game.
1951
01:24:44,913 --> 01:24:47,172
Is there any chance this is all fake,
that you could just tell me.
1952
01:24:47,207 --> 01:24:48,914
I won't tell the others.
1953
01:24:49,251 --> 01:24:50,332
Is this fake?
1954
01:24:50,586 --> 01:24:52,827
- This hospital?
- The whole thing, yeah. ls it fake?
1955
01:24:53,005 --> 01:24:54,346
That's the dumbest thing
I've ever heard.
1956
01:24:54,381 --> 01:24:56,042
(LAUGHS)
He told you to say that, right?
1957
01:24:56,520 --> 01:24:57,543
Look, I gotta prep a surgery.
1958
01:24:57,578 --> 01:24:59,126
Will you just do
me one quick favor?
1959
01:24:59,231 --> 01:25:01,093
Could you recite
the Hippocratic Oath for me?
1960
01:25:01,192 --> 01:25:02,808
That's not a thing doctors memorize.
1961
01:25:05,809 --> 01:25:07,391
Still unsure.
1962
01:25:08,061 --> 01:25:09,778
It's gonna be fine.
It's just, it was a lot.
1963
01:25:09,813 --> 01:25:11,613
I mean, how does that all happen
at a wedding?
1964
01:25:12,316 --> 01:25:13,316
Hey, boss.
1965
01:25:14,026 --> 01:25:15,026
How did that go?
1966
01:25:15,193 --> 01:25:16,479
I'm all turned around.
1967
01:25:16,653 --> 01:25:17,653
About what?
1968
01:25:18,530 --> 01:25:20,066
If he's an actor or if he's not.
1969
01:25:20,240 --> 01:25:23,358
He's not. He's a doctor.
We're in a hospital.
1970
01:25:24,828 --> 01:25:27,115
You're drinking the Kool-Aid.
1971
01:25:31,501 --> 01:25:32,616
(BOB SIGHS)
1972
01:25:33,962 --> 01:25:36,203
All right. What do we do?
1973
01:25:36,381 --> 01:25:38,839
Look, Chilli, what's wrong with you?
Just go talk to the girl.
1974
01:25:39,009 --> 01:25:40,009
Could be a trap.
1975
01:25:40,093 --> 01:25:42,630
She's here for a friend
who is in the hospital. Okay?
1976
01:25:43,388 --> 01:25:44,878
You know I'm right. I'm always right.
1977
01:25:45,057 --> 01:25:47,890
Okay, you're right about this,
but you are not always right.
1978
01:25:48,060 --> 01:25:49,401
Buddy, I'm always right,
and you know it's true.
1979
01:25:49,436 --> 01:25:50,485
Bob, you're not always right.
1980
01:25:50,520 --> 01:25:51,885
- 100%...
- 1989.
1981
01:25:52,272 --> 01:25:53,272
Oh, come on.
1982
01:25:53,440 --> 01:25:55,600
Ken Griffey Jr. enters the league,
and what do you say?
1983
01:25:55,776 --> 01:25:57,159
"He will never be
as good as his father."
1984
01:25:57,194 --> 01:25:58,474
And he's better than his father.
1985
01:25:58,570 --> 01:26:00,777
- Where are the rings?
- You are so wrong!
1986
01:26:00,947 --> 01:26:03,484
The historical record
has proven that I am right.
1987
01:26:03,659 --> 01:26:05,866
You know what? Time will tell.
1988
01:26:05,952 --> 01:26:08,740
You will never admit
that you are wrong about anything.
1989
01:26:08,914 --> 01:26:10,154
I'm not wrong.
1990
01:26:10,332 --> 01:26:12,252
Come on, it's been a while
since we've done this.
1991
01:26:12,417 --> 01:26:13,452
Come here, man.
1992
01:26:14,461 --> 01:26:15,826
This was a fun few days, man.
1993
01:26:16,004 --> 01:26:17,844
- I really missed you.
- I missed you too, man.
1994
01:26:18,256 --> 01:26:20,515
- You want a breath mint?
- No, I don't want a breath mint.
1995
01:26:20,550 --> 01:26:21,808
- Stop it.
- You want a breath mint?
1996
01:26:21,843 --> 01:26:24,801
I would love a breath mint.
I got a gross taste in my mouth.
1997
01:26:31,687 --> 01:26:33,052
Hey, mind if I sit?
1998
01:26:33,230 --> 01:26:34,230
CHERYL: No.
1999
01:26:35,524 --> 01:26:36,764
(SIGHS)
2000
01:26:36,858 --> 01:26:37,858
Thanks for coming.
2001
01:26:38,402 --> 01:26:40,939
- I hope he's okay.
- Yeah, me too.
2002
01:26:44,783 --> 01:26:45,989
Um...
2003
01:26:47,786 --> 01:26:48,821
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
2004
01:26:52,541 --> 01:26:55,875
I don't know if that...
We're in a hospital and...
2005
01:26:56,044 --> 01:26:57,409
- You know?
- Yes.
2006
01:26:57,587 --> 01:27:00,295
My friend is possibly dying.
2007
01:27:00,465 --> 01:27:04,299
But it feels like a time I need
to tell you how I feel about you,
2008
01:27:04,594 --> 01:27:07,302
and I am so pumped
that your husband's dead.
2009
01:27:07,723 --> 01:27:09,054
- No.
- No.
2010
01:27:09,850 --> 01:27:12,433
But I'm really happy
to see you, Cheryl.
2011
01:27:14,187 --> 01:27:17,396
You are broke and divorced
2012
01:27:17,566 --> 01:27:19,933
- and just a fucking mess, really.
- Yeah.
2013
01:27:20,110 --> 01:27:21,350
But it's fun to see you, too.
2014
01:27:21,528 --> 01:27:23,565
Good. All right. I'll take that.
2015
01:27:23,739 --> 01:27:26,982
I actually think that...
2016
01:27:27,159 --> 01:27:30,072
I can't believe I'm saying this,
but I would see you again.
2017
01:27:31,387 --> 01:27:33,003
- For real?
- Yeah.
2018
01:27:33,039 --> 01:27:35,199
- Like a little date.
- No, definitely didn't say that.
2019
01:27:35,250 --> 01:27:37,287
- Like a dinner.
- Smaller than that.
2020
01:27:37,669 --> 01:27:39,580
- Like a lunch.
- How about a snack?
2021
01:27:40,756 --> 01:27:42,713
I'll take what I can get.
2022
01:27:43,008 --> 01:27:46,000
Hoagie,
I know you're fucking with me.
2023
01:27:46,845 --> 01:27:52,591
I'm not. I've got a tumor on my liver
the size of my right nut.
2024
01:27:54,770 --> 01:27:56,386
Jesus.
2025
01:27:56,980 --> 01:27:57,980
Yeah.
2026
01:27:58,148 --> 01:28:00,988
I know you're fucking with him, but
what are you doing? What's the plan?
2027
01:28:01,026 --> 01:28:03,518
- Tell us what's going on.
- Chilli, there's no plan.
2028
01:28:03,695 --> 01:28:04,901
What's going on?
2029
01:28:05,071 --> 01:28:06,607
There's no plan, Chilli.
2030
01:28:06,990 --> 01:28:08,196
Stop winking at me.
2031
01:28:08,366 --> 01:28:10,208
Think it's real.
This looks like it's doing something.
2032
01:28:10,243 --> 01:28:12,780
Something real is happening
on this thing right here.
2033
01:28:12,871 --> 01:28:14,157
How long have you known this?
2034
01:28:14,331 --> 01:28:15,571
ANNA: For three weeks.
2035
01:28:15,749 --> 01:28:17,080
JERRY: Three weeks.
2036
01:28:17,250 --> 01:28:20,618
Right nut.
Too specific, I call bullshit.
2037
01:28:20,796 --> 01:28:22,286
That's a lie. Right? It's a lie.
2038
01:28:22,464 --> 01:28:23,464
I'm not lying.
2039
01:28:24,090 --> 01:28:26,923
Although I did lie about one thing.
2040
01:28:27,719 --> 01:28:29,710
Jerry's not quitting
at the end of the season.
2041
01:28:29,888 --> 01:28:31,424
JERRY:
What? Why the fuck would I quit?
2042
01:28:31,598 --> 01:28:33,054
Yeah, I just... I said that
2043
01:28:33,225 --> 01:28:36,183
to get everyone together,
you know, for one last round.
2044
01:28:36,353 --> 01:28:39,186
Hoagie, tell me you are
fucking joking about this.
2045
01:28:39,356 --> 01:28:40,596
Uh, no.
2046
01:28:41,608 --> 01:28:47,820
There is a decent chance
I will not be around for next season.
2047
01:28:56,665 --> 01:28:57,665
Damn.
2048
01:29:00,085 --> 01:29:02,292
BOB: And, I mean, plus,
even if you were, you'd be,
2049
01:29:03,547 --> 01:29:05,663
you know. Really slow.
2050
01:29:05,757 --> 01:29:07,589
- (ANNA CHUCKLES)
- A total sitting duck.
2051
01:29:07,676 --> 01:29:10,464
Carrying like an IV bag around,
that's easy.
2052
01:29:10,554 --> 01:29:11,895
I had an uncle that
went through chemo,
2053
01:29:11,930 --> 01:29:13,841
and afterwards,
he was terrible at games.
2054
01:29:14,266 --> 01:29:17,008
But I guess that makes sense.
It would be weird if he got better.
2055
01:29:18,186 --> 01:29:19,676
Then everybody would
be getting chemo.
2056
01:29:19,771 --> 01:29:21,182
(ALL CHUCKLE)
2057
01:29:22,607 --> 01:29:24,348
I love you guys.
2058
01:29:25,902 --> 01:29:28,485
I love... I love this game. You know?
2059
01:29:29,197 --> 01:29:32,781
I don't know what it is.
It just brings out the best in us.
2060
01:29:34,536 --> 01:29:35,947
Except today.
2061
01:29:36,288 --> 01:29:38,950
Today, I don't know.
2062
01:29:39,749 --> 01:29:44,092
I really fucked up your wedding,
Jerry, and I am super sorry.
2063
01:29:44,296 --> 01:29:45,331
(CALL DISCONNECTS)
2064
01:29:45,422 --> 01:29:46,422
Jerry?
2065
01:29:47,090 --> 01:29:49,832
- Has he hung up?
- Jerry?
2066
01:29:54,639 --> 01:29:56,951
You didn't fuck up
my wedding, Hoagie.
2067
01:29:56,987 --> 01:29:57,987
Come on.
2068
01:29:59,644 --> 01:30:01,351
- Right?
- No.
2069
01:30:01,438 --> 01:30:03,078
You might have
ruined a moment. (CHUCKLES)
2070
01:30:03,940 --> 01:30:06,728
I screwed it up.
You should've been up there with me.
2071
01:30:06,902 --> 01:30:07,902
All you boys should've.
2072
01:30:08,945 --> 01:30:09,945
That's my fault.
2073
01:30:10,530 --> 01:30:11,704
I always thought that
2074
01:30:11,740 --> 01:30:14,183
you guys were just much closer
to each other than to me...
2075
01:30:14,242 --> 01:30:15,242
What?
2076
01:30:15,361 --> 01:30:17,576
I mean, if it seems
like we were closer,
2077
01:30:17,662 --> 01:30:20,245
it's only because
we're physically closer
2078
01:30:20,415 --> 01:30:21,655
because you always ran away.
2079
01:30:21,833 --> 01:30:23,323
Successfully. You know, I mean,
2080
01:30:23,501 --> 01:30:25,492
not for nothing,
you might actually be
2081
01:30:25,587 --> 01:30:27,703
the very best person at this game
on the planet.
2082
01:30:28,089 --> 01:30:29,705
He might be, right?
2083
01:30:30,216 --> 01:30:32,082
Yeah, you're really good at tag.
2084
01:30:33,053 --> 01:30:35,841
Yes, but you've kind of missed
the point.
2085
01:30:36,014 --> 01:30:39,177
I mean, it's not about trying
to get away from each other.
2086
01:30:39,267 --> 01:30:44,262
It's actually about having a reason
to be around each other. You know?
2087
01:30:44,439 --> 01:30:45,600
Yeah.
2088
01:30:45,982 --> 01:30:47,893
I mean, Ben Franklin said it best.
Am I right?
2089
01:30:48,068 --> 01:30:50,651
"We don't stop playing
'cause we grow old..."
2090
01:30:50,737 --> 01:30:52,329
ALL: "We grow old
because we stop playing."
2091
01:30:52,364 --> 01:30:54,416
I've been wanting to say for a
few years that quote is not
2092
01:30:54,451 --> 01:30:55,331
Benjamin Franklin.
2093
01:30:55,367 --> 01:30:57,358
That is German anthropologist,
Karl Groos.
2094
01:30:57,452 --> 01:30:59,586
- La, la, la, la, la...
- Why are you ruining the moment?
2095
01:30:59,621 --> 01:31:00,754
- I just don't even want to know.
- He's in the hospital.
2096
01:31:00,789 --> 01:31:02,797
- It felt like the right moment.
- It's not the right moment, so...
2097
01:31:02,832 --> 01:31:04,007
- SABLE: It is the right moment.
- CHILLI: It isn't.
2098
01:31:04,042 --> 01:31:05,077
So, Jerry, uh...
2099
01:31:09,005 --> 01:31:10,291
It's 11155.
2100
01:31:10,465 --> 01:31:13,082
Get in here, and let me tag you.
2101
01:31:17,514 --> 01:31:19,346
You know, I've been so attached,
I suppose,
2102
01:31:19,432 --> 01:31:21,093
to my perfect record all these years,
2103
01:31:21,184 --> 01:31:22,970
dominating you fools.
2104
01:31:23,144 --> 01:31:25,932
Maybe I should. Maybe I shouldn't.
2105
01:31:26,106 --> 01:31:29,064
If you think about it,
Jerry is a tag virgin.
2106
01:31:29,401 --> 01:31:30,436
Or champion.
2107
01:31:30,527 --> 01:31:32,564
Just let us deflower you.
2108
01:31:32,737 --> 01:31:34,068
We'll be gentle.
2109
01:31:34,572 --> 01:31:36,154
(CHUCKLES) I can't.
2110
01:31:38,034 --> 01:31:39,034
Come on.
2111
01:31:39,119 --> 01:31:40,609
(CHUCKLING)
2112
01:31:40,704 --> 01:31:41,704
I can't do it.
2113
01:31:41,788 --> 01:31:45,622
Then I'm not gonna tag anybody,
and the game ends with me.
2114
01:31:45,709 --> 01:31:46,995
- (AN NA GASPS)
- That's dark.
2115
01:31:47,085 --> 01:31:49,452
Or you just let me tag you.
2116
01:31:51,840 --> 01:31:53,501
All right, fuck it.
2117
01:31:56,386 --> 01:31:58,218
(ALL CHEERING)
2118
01:32:00,015 --> 01:32:01,015
- It!
- Oh, my God!
2119
01:32:01,099 --> 01:32:02,305
Loser! Loser!
2120
01:32:02,392 --> 01:32:03,678
BOB: You suck!
2121
01:32:04,644 --> 01:32:05,644
CHILLI: Awesome.
2122
01:32:07,105 --> 01:32:09,722
- Yes!
- You officially suck.
2123
01:32:09,816 --> 01:32:10,897
Oh, you're so it!
2124
01:32:11,067 --> 01:32:13,229
Goddamn! All right!
2125
01:32:15,488 --> 01:32:16,728
I love you guys.
2126
01:32:17,741 --> 01:32:18,947
Love you too, man.
2127
01:32:19,576 --> 01:32:20,987
(LAUGHING)
2128
01:32:22,996 --> 01:32:26,614
You know we got five minutes
left of May.
2129
01:32:27,292 --> 01:32:29,374
I ain't gonna be last it. Bitches!
2130
01:32:30,295 --> 01:32:32,377
(UPBEAT HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
2131
01:32:48,646 --> 01:32:50,113
JERRY: Look, Bob!
Where are you gonna go, Bob?
2132
01:32:50,148 --> 01:32:51,148
No!
2133
01:32:57,072 --> 01:32:59,564
Verbal amendment?
That woman should be playing.
2134
01:33:01,034 --> 01:33:03,196
- Amendment.
- Yeah, amendment.
2135
01:33:04,454 --> 01:33:05,454
Oh.
2136
01:33:05,538 --> 01:33:07,529
Oh, you just made a big mistake.
2137
01:33:09,292 --> 01:33:11,909
- You're it, bitch!
- You're it now!
2138
01:33:12,087 --> 01:33:13,428
- You're going down!
- You're too intense!
2139
01:33:13,463 --> 01:33:15,329
You're gonna suck my
tiny ginger balls.
2140
01:33:15,507 --> 01:33:16,838
Oh! Gross!
2141
01:33:17,008 --> 01:33:19,375
You're gross! (YELLS)
2142
01:33:29,020 --> 01:33:30,476
Come on! Shit! No.
2143
01:33:33,983 --> 01:33:35,394
(PANTING)
2144
01:33:35,823 --> 01:33:36,321
You're it.
2145
01:33:36,357 --> 01:33:37,848
No, I can't get
involved in the story.
2146
01:33:37,904 --> 01:33:38,985
We made an amendment!
2147
01:33:39,072 --> 01:33:40,692
Come on, it's a little bit fun,
right?
2148
01:33:40,728 --> 01:33:42,361
You have about three minutes.
2149
01:33:55,588 --> 01:33:58,706
Sable! Come on.
Where are your ethics, buddy?
2150
01:33:59,884 --> 01:34:01,670
Come on. Just reach out.
2151
01:34:01,845 --> 01:34:02,894
- SUSAN : No!
- JERRY: You got it.
2152
01:34:02,929 --> 01:34:03,964
(GROANS)
2153
01:34:04,347 --> 01:34:05,427
Oh, shit, hang on a second.
2154
01:34:05,515 --> 01:34:06,721
You Okay?
2155
01:34:06,891 --> 01:34:08,473
- You all right?
- Yeah.
2156
01:34:08,560 --> 01:34:10,016
(ALL EXCLAIM)
2157
01:34:10,478 --> 01:34:11,593
SUSAN: You're it!
2158
01:34:48,766 --> 01:34:50,723
- Tag, brother!
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
2159
01:34:52,937 --> 01:34:54,974
- You're it!
- (LAUGHTER)
2160
01:34:55,148 --> 01:34:56,934
- CAMERAMAN: I'm it?
- You're it?
2161
01:34:57,859 --> 01:34:59,145
CAMERAMAN: Now you're it.
2162
01:34:59,319 --> 01:35:01,686
You got me. No way!
2163
01:35:01,779 --> 01:35:03,361
(INAUDIBLE)
2164
01:35:04,115 --> 01:35:06,607
- Not bad, huh'? Pretty hot?
- CAMERAMAN: Wow.
2165
01:35:09,662 --> 01:35:10,743
(GROWLS)
2166
01:35:10,830 --> 01:35:12,195
(LAUGHING)
2167
01:35:17,086 --> 01:35:19,123
- You're it!
- (SCREAMING)
2168
01:35:21,966 --> 01:35:23,252
Yeah, baby.
2169
01:35:25,094 --> 01:35:26,832
CAMERAMAN: Hey, fucker.
You're it!
2170
01:35:27,157 --> 01:35:28,758
(BOTH LAUGHING)
2171
01:35:29,641 --> 01:35:31,382
You're it! Yeah!
2172
01:35:32,644 --> 01:35:34,055
You're it, baby!
2173
01:35:34,145 --> 01:35:35,226
(LAUGHS)
2174
01:37:11,951 --> 01:37:15,910
("MMM MMM MMM MMM" PLAYING)
2175
01:37:31,763 --> 01:37:36,849
♪ (SINGING) Once, there was a kid who ♪
2176
01:37:37,018 --> 01:37:41,512
♪ Got into an accident ♪
♪ and couldn't come to school ♪
2177
01:37:41,689 --> 01:37:47,435
♪ But when he finally came back ♪
2178
01:37:47,612 --> 01:37:54,325
♪ His hair turned ♪
♪ from black into bright white ♪
2179
01:37:56,537 --> 01:37:59,950
♪ He said that it was ♪
♪ from when the cars ♪
2180
01:38:00,124 --> 01:38:05,335
♪ Had smashed him so hard ♪
2181
01:38:06,214 --> 01:38:11,300
♪ ALL: Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm ♪
♪ Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm ♪
2182
01:38:11,427 --> 01:38:16,388
♪ Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm ♪
2183
01:38:16,849 --> 01:38:21,719
♪ Once, there was this girl who ♪
2184
01:38:21,896 --> 01:38:26,936
♪ Wouldn't go and change ♪
♪ with the girls in the change room ♪
2185
01:38:27,110 --> 01:38:32,355
♪ - But when they finally made her ♪
♪ - (VOCALIZING COMICALLY) ♪
2186
01:38:32,532 --> 01:38:38,904
♪ They saw red marks all over her body ♪
2187
01:38:41,332 --> 01:38:44,245
♪ She couldn't quite explain it ♪
2188
01:38:44,419 --> 01:38:50,586
♪ They'd always just been there ♪
2189
01:38:50,967 --> 01:38:53,675
♪ - Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm ♪
♪ - Baa, baa, baa, baa ♪
2190
01:38:53,761 --> 01:38:56,549
♪ - Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm ♪
♪ - Baa, baa, baa, baa ♪
2191
01:38:56,681 --> 01:38:59,639
♪ Ooh ♪
2192
01:38:59,725 --> 01:39:01,341
♪ Yeah ♪
2193
01:39:01,769 --> 01:39:06,559
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
2194
01:39:06,649 --> 01:39:11,359
♪ Mmm, mmm ♪
2195
01:39:12,655 --> 01:39:17,240
♪ Both the girl and the boy were glad ♪
2196
01:39:17,994 --> 01:39:23,364
♪ 'Cause one kid had it worse than that ♪
2197
01:39:28,004 --> 01:39:32,999
♪ Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm ♪
♪ Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm ♪
2198
01:39:33,092 --> 01:39:38,053
♪ Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm ♪
2199
01:39:38,556 --> 01:39:40,923
♪ Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm ♪
♪ Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm ♪
2200
01:39:41,017 --> 01:39:45,181
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey Hey, hey ♪
2201
01:39:48,983 --> 01:39:54,149
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
2202
01:39:54,322 --> 01:39:59,192
♪ Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah ♪
2203
01:40:02,997 --> 01:40:04,906
- MAN: You're it.
- Fucked
164229
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