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[ROCK MUSIC]
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Alexander Hamilton was
one of the Founding Fathers
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- of the United States.
- [PHONE JINGLES]
4
00:00:10,918 --> 00:00:12,960
Hello? Yes, this is she.
5
00:00:14,500 --> 00:00:16,200
No, I'm not doing anything important.
6
00:00:16,202 --> 00:00:18,669
He was the first
Secretary of the Treasury.
7
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Ashley, what are the rules?
8
00:00:20,673 --> 00:00:23,117
No talking when Ms. Snap
is on a personal call.
9
00:00:23,710 --> 00:00:24,898
Now what was that?
10
00:00:25,878 --> 00:00:28,218
I won the Golden Pencil Teaching Award?
11
00:00:28,243 --> 00:00:30,576
Are you effing serious?
12
00:00:30,601 --> 00:00:33,561
Oh, my God, this must be
what if feels like
13
00:00:33,586 --> 00:00:35,786
to win the First Impression
rose. [LAUGHS GLEEFULLY]
14
00:00:35,788 --> 00:00:37,755
Uh, yes, yes, I am still here.
15
00:00:37,757 --> 00:00:40,391
What about my report on
Alexander Hamilton?
16
00:00:40,393 --> 00:00:41,726
Ashley, Ms. Snap just won
17
00:00:41,728 --> 00:00:43,694
the highest teaching honor in the world.
18
00:00:43,696 --> 00:00:45,921
No one cares about some dead guy
who wrote a musical.
19
00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:46,946
[SCOFFS]
20
00:00:46,999 --> 00:00:48,799
I am amazing!
21
00:00:48,801 --> 00:00:52,945
Congratulations again on
this incredible honor, Ms. Snap.
22
00:00:53,339 --> 00:00:55,005
And that, my little duderinos,
23
00:00:55,007 --> 00:00:58,109
is how you pull off
an epic April Fools prank.
24
00:00:58,111 --> 00:01:00,177
But you didn't say, "April Fools."
25
00:01:00,179 --> 00:01:03,114
Patience, young Rodney.
Ms. F. likes her pranks
26
00:01:03,116 --> 00:01:05,783
like her Taco Bell Smothered Burritos.
27
00:01:05,785 --> 00:01:07,742
She lets 'em marinate for awhile.
28
00:01:07,767 --> 00:01:10,101
Whoo!
29
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See? Marinating.
30
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[ROCK MUSIC]
31
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www.fmsubs.com
32
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♪ Tear it down ♪
33
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Feldman, your April Fools
jokes are so bogus.
34
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You need to tell Chelsea the truth.
35
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She's gonna think she's good at her job,
36
00:01:24,904 --> 00:01:26,637
and that's just not fair
to her students.
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That would ruin it.
38
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Be like giving away the ending
of "The Sixth Sense,"
39
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you know, that Bruce Willis
is a pedophile.
40
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He's not a pedophile. He's dead.
41
00:01:36,073 --> 00:01:37,101
Oh...
42
00:01:38,406 --> 00:01:41,886
Oh, that's why his wife
won't talk to him.
43
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Everybody, shut up! [GIGGLES]
44
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[PLAYS KAZOO]
45
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Ladies and gentlemen,
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may I present to you
the beautiful and the bold,
47
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the bold and the beautiful,
my best friend...
48
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- Oh, my God.
- Okay.
49
00:01:53,985 --> 00:01:56,609
I won the Golden Pencil Award.
I'm so excited.
50
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I am taking out a full-page
congratulations ad
51
00:01:59,234 --> 00:02:00,518
in "The Chicagoland Gazette."
52
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:02,487
That costs a lot of money.
53
00:02:02,489 --> 00:02:05,223
Yeah, you might wanna
pump the brakes on...
54
00:02:05,225 --> 00:02:06,491
Good morning!
55
00:02:06,493 --> 00:02:08,637
Oh, good, I'm so glad you're all here.
56
00:02:08,835 --> 00:02:11,363
I have some exciting news to share.
57
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It has been 767 days
58
00:02:14,875 --> 00:02:16,525
and nearly as many tear-filled nights
59
00:02:16,550 --> 00:02:18,850
since I've been able to say this, but...
60
00:02:18,852 --> 00:02:20,185
I have a boyfriend!
61
00:02:20,187 --> 00:02:23,321
- [GASPS, CHATTER]
- Oh, my God, get it, girl!
62
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It feels so good to say that again.
63
00:02:25,070 --> 00:02:26,585
Who's the lucky fella?
64
00:02:26,778 --> 00:02:28,077
- Toby.
- [COUGHS]
65
00:02:28,102 --> 00:02:30,250
- Wait, what?
- Principal Pearson?
66
00:02:30,538 --> 00:02:32,351
- Mm-hmm.
- Are you serious?
67
00:02:32,376 --> 00:02:34,207
I know it may come as a shock,
68
00:02:34,209 --> 00:02:36,509
but we both have been spending
a lot of time together,
69
00:02:36,511 --> 00:02:38,523
and we really like each other.
70
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Dude, no offense,
71
00:02:39,852 --> 00:02:42,007
but I didn't even know
that guy had a dick.
72
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It doesn't matter
if Toby has a dick or not.
73
00:02:45,453 --> 00:02:47,424
Caroline, we're all
really happy for you.
74
00:02:47,426 --> 00:02:48,609
Thank you.
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00:02:49,109 --> 00:02:50,827
I normally wouldn't kiss and tell,
76
00:02:50,829 --> 00:02:54,665
but this feels selfish
to only share with my diary.
77
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It is the most amazing sex
I have ever had.
78
00:02:59,271 --> 00:03:00,637
He's incredible.
79
00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:03,482
This morning, he literally
banged my headband right off.
80
00:03:03,507 --> 00:03:05,812
- Oh, no, God, stop.
- Holy balls.
81
00:03:06,115 --> 00:03:07,859
Good morning, ladies.
82
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How are you all doing today?
83
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Lovely day outside, isn't it?
84
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All right then.
85
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,367
- Caroline...
- Hm?
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00:03:26,262 --> 00:03:28,609
You left this
in the backseat of my Subaru.
87
00:03:31,437 --> 00:03:32,502
Thank you.
88
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♪ ♪
89
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[PLAYFUL MUSIC]
90
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www.fmsubs.com
91
00:03:47,687 --> 00:03:49,359
What's he doing with my classroom?
92
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♪ ♪
93
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Jerk.
94
00:03:53,859 --> 00:03:54,859
♪ ♪
95
00:03:55,406 --> 00:03:58,960
Hey, dude, before you spend
all that money on an ad,
96
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I gotta take a truth dump on ya.
97
00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:04,187
I just got off the phone with my mom.
98
00:04:04,421 --> 00:04:07,137
She is so proud that I won
the Golden Pencil Award.
99
00:04:07,257 --> 00:04:10,340
The same mom you haven't spoken to in...
100
00:04:10,342 --> 00:04:11,578
Six years, yeah,
101
00:04:11,603 --> 00:04:13,910
and she has never told me
that she's proud of me before,
102
00:04:14,218 --> 00:04:15,712
not even when I made it to callbacks
103
00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:17,539
for "Albania's Next Top Model." [SCOFFS]
104
00:04:18,062 --> 00:04:20,734
The population is smaller,
so my odds are increased.
105
00:04:21,187 --> 00:04:22,921
I can't believe it finally happened.
106
00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:25,484
My mom is proud of me, Feldman.
107
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Wow.
108
00:04:27,065 --> 00:04:28,965
I just wish she could
make it to the ceremony.
109
00:04:29,062 --> 00:04:31,014
- Ceremony?
- Yeah, you know.
110
00:04:31,039 --> 00:04:32,990
On the website, it says
they give out the award
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00:04:33,015 --> 00:04:35,045
at the winner's home school. [LAUGHS]
112
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Everyone is gonna be so inspired,
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00:04:36,875 --> 00:04:39,132
they will wanna rename
the school after me.
114
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Snap School.
115
00:04:41,117 --> 00:04:42,257
Right...
116
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the award ceremony.
117
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Totally. [FAINT CHUCKLE]
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I'm way steep in dookie, dude.
119
00:04:48,687 --> 00:04:51,327
How am I gonna pull off
an award ceremony?
120
00:04:51,352 --> 00:04:53,185
You've gotta tell her the truth.
121
00:04:53,187 --> 00:04:55,220
She's practicing her mom hugs on me.
122
00:04:55,222 --> 00:04:57,389
She keeps whispering, "I forgive you."
123
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[SIGHS] That's why I can't tell her.
124
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They just started talking again.
125
00:05:01,162 --> 00:05:02,428
So what happened?
126
00:05:02,430 --> 00:05:04,363
So I came back from getting art supplies
127
00:05:04,365 --> 00:05:06,781
to find Frank, in a fit of rage,
128
00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:08,507
throwing my cart down the hallway.
129
00:05:08,532 --> 00:05:09,831
Did he really throw it?
130
00:05:09,856 --> 00:05:13,005
Well, not literally,
but metaphorically, yes.
131
00:05:13,007 --> 00:05:15,671
Bottom line, Frank is a huge asshole.
132
00:05:18,245 --> 00:05:19,710
He's behind me, isn't he?
133
00:05:23,928 --> 00:05:25,031
Oh, hey, Frank.
134
00:05:25,056 --> 00:05:26,952
I'm sorry if I offended you this morning
135
00:05:26,954 --> 00:05:28,520
by moving your art cart,
136
00:05:28,522 --> 00:05:31,356
but it was just blocking my office door.
137
00:05:31,358 --> 00:05:33,859
Oh, no, no, that wasn't about you.
138
00:05:33,884 --> 00:05:35,382
I was talking about another guy,
139
00:05:35,653 --> 00:05:37,210
whose name is also Frank...
140
00:05:38,433 --> 00:05:40,031
who moved my grocery cart...
141
00:05:42,454 --> 00:05:43,718
At the grocery store.
142
00:05:46,330 --> 00:05:47,687
Good to see you, Frank.
143
00:05:50,309 --> 00:05:51,679
I mean, that made sense, right?
144
00:05:51,905 --> 00:05:53,039
No.
145
00:05:53,633 --> 00:05:56,367
Toby the Tiger, you wanted to see me?
146
00:05:56,369 --> 00:05:57,478
Shh.
147
00:05:57,664 --> 00:06:00,562
You can only call me that
behind closed doors.
148
00:06:01,133 --> 00:06:04,125
This morning with
the other teachers was weird.
149
00:06:04,344 --> 00:06:07,945
Did you, by any chance,
mention our situation to them?
150
00:06:07,947 --> 00:06:10,281
Oh, yeah, but don't worry,
it's not a big deal.
151
00:06:10,283 --> 00:06:12,316
Yes, it is a big deal, Care Bear.
152
00:06:12,318 --> 00:06:14,719
I'm evaluating all the teachers today,
153
00:06:14,721 --> 00:06:16,220
and if they know I'm your boyfriend,
154
00:06:16,222 --> 00:06:18,255
it diminishes my authority.
155
00:06:18,257 --> 00:06:21,959
They need to see me as
the alpha lion of this pride.
156
00:06:21,961 --> 00:06:24,060
Well, if they'd seen the way
157
00:06:24,085 --> 00:06:26,297
you took me in the back of
your Forester this morning,
158
00:06:26,299 --> 00:06:27,421
they would.
159
00:06:28,486 --> 00:06:29,593
Mm.
160
00:06:31,039 --> 00:06:34,609
I'm just glad that bad boy
has memory seating.
161
00:06:35,335 --> 00:06:37,171
- [CHUCKLES]
- [EXHALES SOFTLY]
162
00:06:37,789 --> 00:06:40,378
Listen, I don't want work
to be any different.
163
00:06:40,380 --> 00:06:42,980
- Yeah.
- We just need to do something
164
00:06:42,982 --> 00:06:45,023
that'll make them think it's not weird.
165
00:06:45,132 --> 00:06:46,584
Welcome, ladies.
166
00:06:46,750 --> 00:06:49,195
Thank you for stopping by the lounge.
167
00:06:49,956 --> 00:06:51,455
We work here?
168
00:06:51,457 --> 00:06:54,291
- Make yourselves right at home.
- Is this a dream?
169
00:06:54,293 --> 00:06:55,860
Quick, Chelsea, pinch my bottom.
170
00:06:55,862 --> 00:06:57,218
- What? No.
- Come on.
171
00:06:57,243 --> 00:07:00,304
As everyone knows,
Caroline and I are dating,
172
00:07:00,329 --> 00:07:02,266
and we invited you here
173
00:07:02,268 --> 00:07:04,835
to assure you that nothing will change
174
00:07:04,837 --> 00:07:06,671
just because we're together.
175
00:07:06,828 --> 00:07:09,840
- Mini quiche, anyone?
- You all must try one.
176
00:07:09,842 --> 00:07:13,444
Caroline has the moistest
little quiche I've ever eaten.
177
00:07:13,446 --> 00:07:15,112
Yum, yum, yum.
178
00:07:15,114 --> 00:07:16,747
I could eat it all day.
179
00:07:16,749 --> 00:07:17,890
[LAUGHS]
180
00:07:18,089 --> 00:07:19,211
Mmm.
181
00:07:19,952 --> 00:07:21,007
♪ ♪
182
00:07:21,387 --> 00:07:22,500
Oh, yeah.
183
00:07:22,689 --> 00:07:23,703
♪ ♪
184
00:07:23,922 --> 00:07:24,922
Mm.
185
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:26,691
Tastes funny when you eat your own.
186
00:07:26,693 --> 00:07:28,159
- Mm.
- [ALL GROANING]
187
00:07:28,945 --> 00:07:30,023
[ROCK MUSIC]
188
00:07:30,632 --> 00:07:31,913
♪ Tear it down ♪
189
00:07:33,367 --> 00:07:34,773
♪ Tear it down ♪
190
00:07:35,225 --> 00:07:36,437
Tell me, Ms. Bennigan,
191
00:07:36,442 --> 00:07:39,644
how would you rate your overall
performance this year?
192
00:07:39,646 --> 00:07:40,835
[TENSE MUSIC]
193
00:07:45,357 --> 00:07:46,578
Ms. Bennigan?
194
00:07:47,069 --> 00:07:48,187
Quiche!
195
00:07:48,621 --> 00:07:52,070
Students need a tangible way
to measure their progress.
196
00:07:52,484 --> 00:07:55,187
Do you object to the idea
of frequent testing?
197
00:07:55,212 --> 00:07:56,360
Not at all.
198
00:07:56,362 --> 00:07:58,362
I have no objections to your testes...
199
00:07:58,364 --> 00:07:59,914
I mean, testes.
200
00:08:00,633 --> 00:08:01,757
Testes.
201
00:08:03,046 --> 00:08:04,092
Oh, my God.
202
00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:05,870
I don't think it's weird.
203
00:08:05,872 --> 00:08:07,953
I once dated a man with a small leg.
204
00:08:08,492 --> 00:08:09,851
Okay, we're done here.
205
00:08:10,335 --> 00:08:11,750
- Chelsea...
- [SOBBING]
206
00:08:13,046 --> 00:08:15,139
Are you devastated because you found out
207
00:08:15,164 --> 00:08:17,554
a recent accomplishment
of yours isn't real?
208
00:08:17,579 --> 00:08:19,884
No, these are tears of joy.
209
00:08:19,886 --> 00:08:21,031
Oh.
210
00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:23,435
Everyone thinks
I have this perfect life,
211
00:08:23,460 --> 00:08:25,256
because my ankles are so
thin they're unstable,
212
00:08:25,258 --> 00:08:28,359
but this year has been
really hard on me.
213
00:08:28,561 --> 00:08:31,162
My two-finger thigh gap has
become a one-finger thigh gap,
214
00:08:31,164 --> 00:08:33,264
which means either
my thighs are getting fat,
215
00:08:33,266 --> 00:08:35,640
or I have Elton John sausage fingers!
216
00:08:37,403 --> 00:08:38,546
[LAUGHS]
217
00:08:38,972 --> 00:08:40,671
But after winning this award,
218
00:08:40,929 --> 00:08:43,492
it finally feels like
my life is worth living again.
219
00:08:43,867 --> 00:08:44,914
You know?
220
00:08:44,939 --> 00:08:47,945
Plus, I just found out
there's a $5,000 cash prize.
221
00:08:47,947 --> 00:08:49,234
[LAUGHS] Look!
222
00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:51,218
Oh, shit...
223
00:08:52,007 --> 00:08:55,125
am I jealous of you.
224
00:08:55,250 --> 00:08:56,354
[LAUGHS]
225
00:08:56,750 --> 00:08:58,389
My evaluation went terribly.
226
00:08:58,391 --> 00:09:00,024
I never knew
the devil could take the form
227
00:09:00,026 --> 00:09:02,126
of Caroline's moist quiche.
228
00:09:02,128 --> 00:09:03,328
Mine sucked too.
229
00:09:03,563 --> 00:09:05,930
You're overreacting.
I'm sure they went fine.
230
00:09:05,932 --> 00:09:07,832
Oh, easy for you to say.
231
00:09:07,834 --> 00:09:10,398
Your evaluation was probably oral.
232
00:09:11,237 --> 00:09:12,803
- Evaluations are in!
- Ooh.
233
00:09:12,828 --> 00:09:15,606
Ooh, and envelopes,
just like the Oscars.
234
00:09:15,608 --> 00:09:17,289
- Cool.
- Thank you.
235
00:09:19,045 --> 00:09:21,212
Ah, not one mention of quiche.
236
00:09:21,214 --> 00:09:22,580
Mine's decent.
237
00:09:22,582 --> 00:09:25,049
He just suggests I get
some WD-40 for my cart.
238
00:09:25,051 --> 00:09:26,517
Hm, not bad,
239
00:09:26,519 --> 00:09:28,586
although he says I sometimes
dress inappropriately.
240
00:09:28,588 --> 00:09:30,101
[SCOFFS] Which is crazy.
241
00:09:30,515 --> 00:09:33,406
- [GIGGLES]
- What does your evaluation say?
242
00:09:33,526 --> 00:09:34,640
♪ ♪
243
00:09:38,865 --> 00:09:42,033
Nothing, just... "good job."
244
00:09:42,035 --> 00:09:43,234
- Good job?
- Mm-hmm.
245
00:09:43,236 --> 00:09:45,536
- Hm. [SCOFFS]
- Deb, give it back!
246
00:09:45,538 --> 00:09:47,271
- [CLEARS THROAT]
- [LAUGHS]
247
00:09:47,273 --> 00:09:50,441
"I'm so happy I found you,
with hair so fair.
248
00:09:50,443 --> 00:09:53,911
"My favorite educator,
my delectable Care Bear.
249
00:09:53,913 --> 00:09:55,980
"Cute as a button,
you could never disappoint.
250
00:09:55,982 --> 00:09:59,183
For this evaluation,
you get each and every point."
251
00:09:59,185 --> 00:10:01,421
You got an evaluation poem?
252
00:10:01,721 --> 00:10:02,820
[LAUGHS]
253
00:10:11,585 --> 00:10:13,264
An evaluation poem?
254
00:10:13,335 --> 00:10:15,299
I thought we were gonna
keep things professional.
255
00:10:15,301 --> 00:10:16,600
I'm sorry, you're right.
256
00:10:16,602 --> 00:10:18,946
I shouldn't have written you a poem.
257
00:10:19,343 --> 00:10:23,140
But did you see how I rhymed
"hair so fair" with "Care Bear"?
258
00:10:23,142 --> 00:10:25,242
- Hm.
- I didn't even have to use...
259
00:10:25,244 --> 00:10:26,906
BOTH: Rhymezone.com.
260
00:10:27,406 --> 00:10:29,842
I know. It was very impressive,
261
00:10:29,867 --> 00:10:31,507
but now they all think
you're favoring me.
262
00:10:31,734 --> 00:10:33,918
Oh, crap. What do you want me to do?
263
00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:36,000
Nothing. Don't do anything.
264
00:10:36,187 --> 00:10:37,822
Just act normal.
265
00:10:37,929 --> 00:10:39,929
Okay, I can do that.
266
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:43,459
Can you believe the way Frank
verbally attacked me before?
267
00:10:43,484 --> 00:10:44,584
I mean, what was he doing
268
00:10:44,586 --> 00:10:46,452
listening to my conversation anyway?
269
00:10:46,454 --> 00:10:48,078
He's basically stalking me.
270
00:10:51,198 --> 00:10:52,789
He's behind me again, isn't he?
271
00:10:55,707 --> 00:10:57,789
Hey, Frank.
272
00:10:58,366 --> 00:10:59,554
[ROCK MUSIC]
273
00:11:01,603 --> 00:11:03,632
Top-of-the-line seats, my man.
274
00:11:04,186 --> 00:11:05,687
Very durable.
275
00:11:07,119 --> 00:11:08,652
Top-shelf pleather.
276
00:11:09,177 --> 00:11:12,031
And they've only been
slept on ten times, max.
277
00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:15,140
Very... easy...
278
00:11:15,950 --> 00:11:18,250
to... remove!
279
00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:25,584
See? [CLEARS THROAT]
280
00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:28,000
Easily removable. Check 'em out, man.
281
00:11:28,630 --> 00:11:30,029
Feldman, what are you doing?
282
00:11:30,031 --> 00:11:32,331
I'm raising money for Chelsea's award.
283
00:11:32,333 --> 00:11:33,966
You should just tell her the truth.
284
00:11:33,968 --> 00:11:36,669
Nah, I'd rather sell my seats
and hold a fake ceremony.
285
00:11:36,671 --> 00:11:38,070
It seems easier.
286
00:11:38,072 --> 00:11:40,239
Is that guy allowed
near an elementary school?
287
00:11:40,929 --> 00:11:42,125
[GRUNTS]
288
00:11:42,510 --> 00:11:44,625
- I'll take 'em.
- Okay!
289
00:11:45,046 --> 00:11:47,039
Eric, my main man.
290
00:11:47,141 --> 00:11:48,898
That'll be $5,000.
291
00:11:49,929 --> 00:11:51,250
Well, how about...
292
00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:52,281
[SIGHS]
293
00:11:53,554 --> 00:11:55,273
300... [SNIFFS]
294
00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:58,273
and 25 dollars...
295
00:11:58,931 --> 00:12:03,351
and 63 cents?
296
00:12:03,965 --> 00:12:05,031
[SNIFFS]
297
00:12:05,033 --> 00:12:06,085
♪
298
00:12:13,429 --> 00:12:15,241
About the evaluations...
299
00:12:15,243 --> 00:12:16,709
Uh, I meant to say "testing."
300
00:12:16,711 --> 00:12:18,310
No, no, it's not about that.
301
00:12:18,312 --> 00:12:20,513
It's actually about Care Bang...
302
00:12:20,515 --> 00:12:22,117
I mean, Head Band... I mean, Care Bear.
303
00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:23,320
Jeez-o-Pete.
304
00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:27,148
Please don't be mad at Caroline.
305
00:12:27,285 --> 00:12:28,523
I'm not mad at her.
306
00:12:30,591 --> 00:12:32,281
Did she tell you I was?
307
00:12:32,376 --> 00:12:33,921
Yes... no.
308
00:12:34,029 --> 00:12:35,109
I mean...
309
00:12:35,382 --> 00:12:38,030
I think you and the gals
really hurt her feelings.
310
00:12:38,032 --> 00:12:39,242
Okay.
311
00:12:39,267 --> 00:12:42,984
So maybe you and the others
could apologize to her.
312
00:12:44,839 --> 00:12:46,148
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
313
00:12:46,288 --> 00:12:47,621
♪ ♪
314
00:12:48,209 --> 00:12:52,242
Oh, and please don't tell her
that I talked to you.
315
00:12:52,647 --> 00:12:55,181
Yo, Care Bear, your little bitch boy
316
00:12:55,183 --> 00:12:56,849
just told me to apologize to you.
317
00:12:56,851 --> 00:12:59,118
What? I'm sorry, I told him not to.
318
00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:01,187
Jesus, now I have to watch
what I say around you.
319
00:13:01,212 --> 00:13:02,822
You know I can't filter.
320
00:13:02,824 --> 00:13:04,757
Stop talking about us to our boss.
321
00:13:05,193 --> 00:13:06,929
I told you not to say anything.
322
00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:08,257
She told you?
323
00:13:08,515 --> 00:13:10,596
I'm sorry, Care Bear. Let me fix this.
324
00:13:10,598 --> 00:13:12,398
No! You've already made it worse.
325
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:16,085
Just stop. Don't do anything.
326
00:13:16,604 --> 00:13:17,898
Mrs. Adler?
327
00:13:18,644 --> 00:13:19,929
Mrs. Adler...
328
00:13:20,915 --> 00:13:22,214
Mrs. Adler!
329
00:13:23,296 --> 00:13:25,111
Caroline knows way too much.
330
00:13:25,113 --> 00:13:27,079
If she tells Pearson
about that underage gymnast
331
00:13:27,081 --> 00:13:29,625
I hooked up with
at the Olympics, I am screwed.
332
00:13:30,284 --> 00:13:31,951
- [SIGHS]
- Oh, what?
333
00:13:31,953 --> 00:13:33,586
I'm supposed to know he was young,
334
00:13:33,588 --> 00:13:36,210
because he was hairless?
They all shave their bodies.
335
00:13:36,235 --> 00:13:37,703
- Hi, guys.
- [GASPS]
336
00:13:40,289 --> 00:13:41,703
- I have to go.
- Me too.
337
00:13:41,728 --> 00:13:42,968
- Me too.
- Same.
338
00:13:43,140 --> 00:13:45,956
Oh. Uh... okay.
339
00:13:46,067 --> 00:13:48,312
I guess I'll see you all later then?
340
00:13:48,406 --> 00:13:49,539
[DOOR SLAMS SHUT]
341
00:13:49,604 --> 00:13:51,421
None of them will talk to me anymore.
342
00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:53,109
I knew you shouldn't have told them.
343
00:13:53,134 --> 00:13:54,874
Oh, so now this is my fault?
344
00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:56,776
I'm just trying to help, Care Bear.
345
00:13:56,778 --> 00:13:58,390
Stop calling me Care Bear! It's stupid!
346
00:13:58,415 --> 00:13:59,867
I am an adult woman!
347
00:13:59,892 --> 00:14:01,792
Yes, I know.
348
00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:04,718
[SOMBER MUSIC]
349
00:14:08,089 --> 00:14:09,929
I just don't know if this is working.
350
00:14:11,438 --> 00:14:12,640
What?
351
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:17,429
[QUIRKY TENSE MUSIC]
352
00:14:29,664 --> 00:14:31,297
- [MACHINE BEEPS]
- Ms. Watson...
353
00:14:31,299 --> 00:14:34,632
your presence is requested
in the principal's office.
354
00:14:39,674 --> 00:14:41,841
[BEEPS] Unfortunately, I can't,
355
00:14:41,843 --> 00:14:44,610
because my presence
is requested by my students,
356
00:14:44,612 --> 00:14:47,023
you know, so I can do my job.
357
00:14:51,906 --> 00:14:54,187
Please keep reading
"Charlotte's Web," everyone.
358
00:14:54,398 --> 00:14:57,328
We wanna find out what happens
to Wilbur, don't we?
359
00:14:58,328 --> 00:15:00,093
[BEEPS] Ms. Watson...
360
00:15:00,095 --> 00:15:02,462
you know I'm too
emotionally fragile for this.
361
00:15:02,464 --> 00:15:03,996
- Please.
- [BEEPS]
362
00:15:03,998 --> 00:15:05,665
I haven't been this mad at you
since you criticized
363
00:15:05,667 --> 00:15:07,066
the design elements on "Fixer Upper."
364
00:15:07,068 --> 00:15:08,935
I don't want to get into this again,
365
00:15:08,937 --> 00:15:11,929
but no one should ever do
that much shiplap.
366
00:15:11,954 --> 00:15:13,039
It's too much!
367
00:15:13,041 --> 00:15:15,000
How dare you criticize Joanna and Chip.
368
00:15:15,025 --> 00:15:16,484
Shiplap is timeless!
369
00:15:16,591 --> 00:15:17,703
♪ ♪
370
00:15:24,142 --> 00:15:25,413
[ROCK MUSIC]
371
00:15:27,389 --> 00:15:29,789
So humbled to win this award.
372
00:15:29,791 --> 00:15:32,725
- Marry, [BLEEP], kill.
- Yes, I love this game.
373
00:15:32,727 --> 00:15:35,361
Mr. Spinnoli, Frank,
374
00:15:35,363 --> 00:15:36,996
- and Mr. Higgins.
- Mm.
375
00:15:36,998 --> 00:15:40,601
Marry Mr. Higgins,
kill Spinnoli, [BLEEP] Frank.
376
00:15:46,500 --> 00:15:48,875
- We were just...
- No, it's okay.
377
00:15:48,877 --> 00:15:49,904
Oh.
378
00:15:49,929 --> 00:15:51,656
This is the best we've done today.
379
00:15:51,681 --> 00:15:53,585
Yeah. Yeah.
380
00:15:55,479 --> 00:15:56,632
[SIGHS]
381
00:15:57,719 --> 00:15:59,819
Sorry you want to kill me, Cecelia.
382
00:15:59,821 --> 00:16:01,781
Come on, guys, take your seats.
383
00:16:03,391 --> 00:16:04,857
Are we okay?
384
00:16:04,859 --> 00:16:06,225
I just don't want to be the person
385
00:16:06,227 --> 00:16:08,628
who gets in the way
of you doing your job.
386
00:16:08,630 --> 00:16:09,796
That's Feldman.
387
00:16:09,884 --> 00:16:11,310
And I don't want to be the person
388
00:16:11,335 --> 00:16:13,466
who comes between you and your friends.
389
00:16:13,468 --> 00:16:15,201
I know how important those gals...
390
00:16:15,203 --> 00:16:18,471
- You can just say "women."
- Women are to you.
391
00:16:18,473 --> 00:16:19,734
So what do we do?
392
00:16:20,775 --> 00:16:22,341
What's up, y'all?
393
00:16:22,343 --> 00:16:26,813
I'm Eric from the, uh,
Golden Pencil Company.
394
00:16:26,815 --> 00:16:28,381
How are y'all doing today?
395
00:16:28,383 --> 00:16:30,082
Whoo! All right!
396
00:16:30,084 --> 00:16:32,652
When I say "Golden," you say "Pencil."
397
00:16:32,654 --> 00:16:34,764
Pencil... shit!
398
00:16:34,953 --> 00:16:36,453
I was supposed to say "Golden."
399
00:16:37,025 --> 00:16:39,225
- All right, all right.
- Thanks, Eric,
400
00:16:39,515 --> 00:16:43,703
from the official
Golden Pencil headquarters.
401
00:16:44,164 --> 00:16:46,432
Chelsea, Fillmore is so proud of you.
402
00:16:46,434 --> 00:16:47,834
Aw. [LAUGHS GLEEFULLY]
403
00:16:47,836 --> 00:16:50,269
Please accept this well-deserved trophy
404
00:16:50,476 --> 00:16:54,574
and your first installment
of your $5,000 prize.
405
00:16:54,576 --> 00:16:56,342
Oh, this is so great.
406
00:16:56,344 --> 00:16:57,410
Oh, my God, it's so heavy.
407
00:16:57,412 --> 00:16:58,664
- Oh.
- [LAUGHS]
408
00:16:58,980 --> 00:17:00,713
[CHUCKLES] Wow, I don't even know.
409
00:17:00,715 --> 00:17:02,315
I don't even have anything prepared,
410
00:17:02,317 --> 00:17:03,914
but... hold on.
411
00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:06,703
[CHUCKLES]
412
00:17:08,289 --> 00:17:09,875
[SNIFFLES, EXHALES SOFTLY]
413
00:17:10,291 --> 00:17:11,791
[TRIUMPHANT MUSIC]
414
00:17:11,793 --> 00:17:14,507
I am so humbled to win
this Golden Globe...
415
00:17:15,263 --> 00:17:16,484
Pencil.
416
00:17:16,664 --> 00:17:18,531
I totally deserve it. [CHUCKLES]
417
00:17:18,533 --> 00:17:20,933
Thank you, me! [LAUGHS]
418
00:17:20,935 --> 00:17:23,945
- Yay!
- I also have something to say.
419
00:17:25,807 --> 00:17:27,078
What's going on?
420
00:17:27,475 --> 00:17:28,742
[GRUNTING SOFTLY]
421
00:17:29,410 --> 00:17:31,577
After much consideration,
422
00:17:31,579 --> 00:17:34,146
and after many wonderful years,
423
00:17:34,289 --> 00:17:38,451
I've decided to step down
as principal of Fillmore.
424
00:17:38,453 --> 00:17:40,085
- [ALL GASPING]
- Oh, my God.
425
00:17:40,321 --> 00:17:41,484
[SOLEMN MUSIC]
426
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:44,054
No!
427
00:17:48,329 --> 00:17:49,601
♪ ♪
428
00:17:49,864 --> 00:17:52,498
Toby, please, you can't leave Fillmore.
429
00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:54,834
This is what's best for both of us,
430
00:17:54,890 --> 00:17:56,969
if we want this seed of romance
431
00:17:56,971 --> 00:18:00,875
to have a chance to bloom into
a majestic Plumeria.
432
00:18:01,073 --> 00:18:02,437
[WHIMPERS] I...
433
00:18:02,911 --> 00:18:04,406
I don't know what to say.
434
00:18:05,187 --> 00:18:07,246
This is more thoughtful
than when you binge-watched
435
00:18:07,248 --> 00:18:09,248
the last season of
"International House Hunters"
436
00:18:09,250 --> 00:18:10,367
with me.
437
00:18:10,652 --> 00:18:11,951
Those people are insufferable,
438
00:18:11,953 --> 00:18:13,835
but I'd do anything for you.
439
00:18:14,031 --> 00:18:15,804
- [WHIMPERS]
- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
440
00:18:16,491 --> 00:18:17,585
♪ ♪
441
00:18:18,426 --> 00:18:19,585
Hey.
442
00:18:20,375 --> 00:18:22,995
If this is because of us, don't leave.
443
00:18:22,997 --> 00:18:25,431
We just need a little time
to get used to it.
444
00:18:25,433 --> 00:18:28,632
Yeah, you can't leave, man...
I mean, Pearson...
445
00:18:29,656 --> 00:18:31,704
I mean, Principal Pearson.
446
00:18:31,706 --> 00:18:33,171
Thank you, but I'm leaving
447
00:18:33,492 --> 00:18:36,994
because it's the best thing
for our relationship.
448
00:18:37,512 --> 00:18:38,710
♪
449
00:18:39,492 --> 00:18:42,968
For what it's worth,
you guys make an awesome couple.
450
00:18:43,318 --> 00:18:44,492
♪ ♪
451
00:18:46,392 --> 00:18:47,679
[ALL GROAN]
452
00:18:48,656 --> 00:18:50,356
- No, that's sick.
- Narst.
453
00:18:50,358 --> 00:18:52,325
- Ulch.
- No.
454
00:18:57,344 --> 00:18:59,144
Mm. Mm.
455
00:19:02,196 --> 00:19:03,429
Hello.
456
00:19:04,461 --> 00:19:05,585
[ROCK MUSIC]
457
00:19:06,341 --> 00:19:07,664
♪ Tear it down ♪
458
00:19:10,180 --> 00:19:11,446
[GRUNTS]
459
00:19:11,914 --> 00:19:14,414
- Congratulations, dude.
- Oh, thanks.
460
00:19:14,710 --> 00:19:15,750
Oh, and Feldman?
461
00:19:15,775 --> 00:19:17,559
- Yeah.
- Just an FYI,
462
00:19:17,561 --> 00:19:20,156
the Golden Pencil Award
isn't given out until June.
463
00:19:20,982 --> 00:19:22,715
April Fools, bitch!
464
00:19:22,968 --> 00:19:24,156
Wait, what?
465
00:19:24,234 --> 00:19:26,359
My mom would never be proud of me.
466
00:19:26,383 --> 00:19:30,083
www.fmsubs.com
466
00:19:31,305 --> 00:19:37,902
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