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1
00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:15,654
I have decided to keep a
journal.
2
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:18,740
Not in a word program or digital file
3
00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:19,741
but in longhand,
4
00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:21,910
writing every word out
5
00:03:21,993 --> 00:03:23,912
so that every inflection of penmanship,
6
00:03:24,246 --> 00:03:27,916
every word chosen, scratched out,
revised, is recorded.
7
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:31,545
To set down all my thoughts
and the simple events
8
00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:34,089
of my day factually
and without hiding anything.
9
00:03:36,258 --> 00:03:39,052
When writing about oneself,
one should show no mercy.
10
00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:44,182
I will keep this diary
for one year, 12 months
11
00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:47,644
and at the end of that time,
it will be destroyed.
12
00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:51,857
Shredded, then burnt.
The experiment will be over.
13
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:11,585
Please rise.
14
00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:20,093
What is thy only comfort
in life and death?
15
00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:22,262
That I, with body and soul
16
00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:25,599
both in life and death, am not my own
17
00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:29,853
but belong unto
my faithful Savior, Jesus Christ.
18
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:31,730
Who with his precious blood...
19
00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:34,733
These thoughts and recollections
are not so different from those I confide
20
00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:35,817
to God every morning.
21
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:39,237
When it is possible.
22
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,156
When he is listening.
23
00:04:46,495 --> 00:04:48,830
Bread of life. The cup of salvation.
24
00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:57,589
The bread of life. The cup of salvation.
25
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,969
The bread of life. The cup of salvation.
26
00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:04,971
This journal is a
form of speaking--
27
00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:09,309
of communication from one to the other.
28
00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:12,312
A communication
which can be achieved simply
29
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,732
and in repose without
prostration or abnegation.
30
00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:19,736
It is a form of prayer.
31
00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:23,698
Bread of life. The cup of salvation.
32
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,336
There is a leak
in the men's restroom.
33
00:05:36,419 --> 00:05:37,337
No, I fixed it.
34
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,589
No. I was just there. It's still leaking.
35
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,800
Same place. Under the hot faucet.
36
00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:44,469
- What about the women's room?
- The women's is fine.
37
00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:46,513
Do you want me to call
the plumber from Abundant Life?
38
00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:47,973
No, let me have another crack at it.
39
00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:50,308
I hate always bugging them
for extra little costs.
40
00:05:50,392 --> 00:05:52,102
They don't mind.
That's what they're there for.
41
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,813
- And you're totally within your budget.
- Still, I don't want to.
42
00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:57,440
Have you posted the sermon?
43
00:05:57,899 --> 00:05:59,651
Yes. I did it this morning.
44
00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:02,362
-Oh--
- Reverend?
45
00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:04,489
Yes, Mary, right?
46
00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:06,867
- Mary Mensana.
- Yeah, nice to see you again.
47
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,119
I wanted to talk, if that's okay.
48
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,579
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on in, Mary.
49
00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:13,373
-L'll be right back.
- Mary, how can I help you?
50
00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:14,541
I was wondering if you would talk
51
00:06:14,624 --> 00:06:16,376
-to my husband, Michael.
- Oh, sure. I--
52
00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:18,295
Actually, not now.
He has to-- he has to go to work.
53
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,713
He has to fill in at Home Depot.
54
00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:23,466
Mary?
55
00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:27,137
- What is it?
-l'm worried about him.
56
00:06:27,846 --> 00:06:29,681
He's involved
in the Green Planet movement.
57
00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:31,433
-It's an activist group.
- Mm-hmm.
58
00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:33,268
And he was in jail in Canada.
59
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,395
And he just got out two weeks ago.
60
00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:38,648
He just sits around at home.
He doesn't-- he doesn't go out.
61
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:42,485
I got him to fill out a temp form
for Home-- for Home Depot.
62
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:44,154
- Okay.
- So that's good.
63
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:45,947
Are you sure you don't want
to go to Abundant Life?
64
00:06:46,031 --> 00:06:47,866
They have a whole team
of counselors over there,
65
00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:49,868
-who are trained and--
- I know, but he doesn't want to.
66
00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:51,786
He thinks it's more
of a company than a church.
67
00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:54,080
And so, he said he would talk to you.
68
00:06:56,291 --> 00:06:57,208
Uh, all right.
69
00:06:58,293 --> 00:06:59,210
Tomorrow?
70
00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:01,630
- After lunch?
- Great. Great.
71
00:07:01,713 --> 00:07:03,798
I'll just need
the-- I just need an address.
72
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:05,675
And can you tell me a little more?
73
00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:09,888
Oh, he applied for compassionate release
when he found out.
74
00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:11,973
He was at Fort Providence.
They let him out early.
75
00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:14,976
- Wait, now, found out what?
- That I was pregnant.
76
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:18,188
Oh. Hmm, congratulations.
77
00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:19,814
Thanks.
78
00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:24,744
He thinks it's wrong to bring
a child into this world.
79
00:07:28,206 --> 00:07:30,500
He wants to kill our baby.
80
00:07:35,797 --> 00:07:38,383
I assisted Sunday
the youth group at Abundant Life.
81
00:07:38,842 --> 00:07:41,511
The young people were
so excited, so full of life.
82
00:07:41,928 --> 00:07:43,888
They were open. They welcomed communion.
83
00:07:48,309 --> 00:07:50,603
Maybe I shouldn't care about
whether people like me.
84
00:07:52,662 --> 00:07:54,664
Did Jesus worry about being liked?
85
00:07:58,835 --> 00:08:01,212
I look at the last lines
I wrote with disdain.
86
00:08:05,049 --> 00:08:05,967
Twelve months.
87
00:08:07,260 --> 00:08:09,220
Can I keep up an exercise that long?
88
00:08:23,735 --> 00:08:26,529
When I read these words,
I see not truth, but
pride.
89
00:08:32,744 --> 00:08:34,454
I wish I had not used the word pride.
90
00:08:35,747 --> 00:08:37,206
But I cannot cross it out.
91
00:08:42,670 --> 00:08:44,130
If only I could pray.
92
00:09:41,372 --> 00:09:42,289
Hi, Reverend.
93
00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:45,834
- Hi. ls Michael home?
- Yeah. Come on in.
94
00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:47,002
Okay. Yeah.
95
00:09:51,131 --> 00:09:53,258
- Hey. Good to see you.
- Nice to see you.
96
00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:55,511
Um, would you like some coffee?
97
00:09:56,387 --> 00:09:59,390
- Yes, but, um--
- We're-- I think we have some tea.
98
00:09:59,473 --> 00:10:00,599
Yes. That would be better.
99
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:01,600
- Okay.
- Thanks.
100
00:10:04,603 --> 00:10:06,105
Let me take your coat?
101
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:08,315
No, it's okay. I got it.
102
00:10:09,441 --> 00:10:10,359
Come on in.
103
00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:18,826
- Yeah, I don't know why Mary--
- There's no need to apologize.
104
00:10:19,159 --> 00:10:21,870
No, she told me
that you've been up in Canada.
105
00:10:22,913 --> 00:10:25,958
Yeah. Fort Providence.
106
00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:30,087
It's in the Mackenzie Delta.
It's way in the north.
107
00:10:30,170 --> 00:10:31,839
Yeah, beautiful country, I imagine.
108
00:10:31,922 --> 00:10:33,132
Yeah, it is.
109
00:10:37,344 --> 00:10:38,846
Mary said things have been
getting you down?
110
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:45,561
Uh, yeah, things.
Yeah, you could say that. Yeah.
111
00:10:46,895 --> 00:10:48,355
Oh! Thank you very much.
112
00:10:49,023 --> 00:10:50,065
-It's hot.
- Perfect.
113
00:10:51,191 --> 00:10:52,109
Thank you.
114
00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:03,746
- So Mary is pregnant.
- Hmm.
115
00:11:04,496 --> 00:11:08,375
- Yeah. How far along is she?
- Twenty weeks.
116
00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:10,127
- Congratulations.
- Thanks.
117
00:11:18,719 --> 00:11:21,346
Hey, how old are you, Reverend?
118
00:11:23,849 --> 00:11:24,767
I'm 46.
119
00:11:28,604 --> 00:11:29,897
Uh, 33.
120
00:11:31,815 --> 00:11:34,943
That's how old our child will be in 2050.
121
00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:36,612
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
122
00:11:36,695 --> 00:11:39,406
You know, that's
two years older than I am right now.
123
00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:40,532
Mm-hmm.
124
00:11:41,992 --> 00:11:44,369
- You'll be 81.
- Yeah!
125
00:11:45,287 --> 00:11:49,333
Hey, you know what the world
will be like in 2050?
126
00:11:49,416 --> 00:11:52,211
- Hmm. Hard to imagine.
- Yeah, you think?
127
00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:59,510
I mean, Reverend,
the world is changing so fast.
128
00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:01,720
And right in front of us.
129
00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:06,350
I mean, one-third of the natural world
has been destroyed in your lifetime.
130
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:11,396
You know, the earth's temperature
will be three degrees centigrade higher.
131
00:12:12,397 --> 00:12:13,690
Four is the threshold.
132
00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:19,029
You know, "Severe, widespread,
and irreversible impacts."
133
00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:23,033
And when scientists say
stuff like that, you know?
134
00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:25,536
And National Center
for Atmospheric Research...
135
00:12:27,871 --> 00:12:31,083
Lawrence Livermore,
Potsdam Institute. Reverend...
136
00:12:31,166 --> 00:12:32,876
He
went on like that
for some time.
137
00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:36,922
By 2050, sea levels two feet
higher on the East Coast.
138
00:12:37,381 --> 00:12:40,050
Low lying areas
underwater across the world.
139
00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:42,803
Bangladesh, 20% loss of landmass.
140
00:12:42,886 --> 00:12:46,056
Central Africa, 50% reduction
in crops due to drought.
141
00:12:46,431 --> 00:12:48,058
The Western reservoirs dried up.
142
00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:51,228
Climate change. Refugees.
Epidemics. Extreme weather.
143
00:12:51,687 --> 00:12:52,729
You know, the...
144
00:12:54,439 --> 00:12:56,358
the bad times, they will begin,
145
00:12:56,441 --> 00:12:58,569
and from that point,
everything moves very quickly.
146
00:13:00,487 --> 00:13:05,033
You know, this social structure
can't bear the stress of multiple crises.
147
00:13:06,451 --> 00:13:09,997
Opportunistic diseases, anarchy,
martial law, the tipping point.
148
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:12,082
And this isn't in some,
like, distant future.
149
00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:13,458
You will live to see this.
150
00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:18,547
You know, my children
will experience this un-livability.
151
00:13:18,630 --> 00:13:19,756
This, uh...
152
00:13:20,549 --> 00:13:22,342
Yeah, I'm sorry. I just-- you know, I...
153
00:13:23,343 --> 00:13:25,262
I thought things could change, you know?
154
00:13:25,345 --> 00:13:27,139
I thought-- I thought people would listen.
155
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,266
Do you have thoughts of harming yourself?
156
00:13:31,935 --> 00:13:32,853
No.
157
00:13:34,104 --> 00:13:36,148
Why? Did Mary say something like that?
158
00:13:36,231 --> 00:13:37,149
No, no.
159
00:13:37,482 --> 00:13:39,318
No, I'm not worried for myself.
160
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:43,780
I just-- this world
is gonna be what it is.
161
00:13:45,073 --> 00:13:46,992
- But can I ask you a question, Reverend?
- Mm-hmm.
162
00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:51,997
How do you sanction
bringing in a little girl--
163
00:13:52,706 --> 00:13:56,210
Uh, for argument's sake,
let's just say that, uh...
164
00:13:56,668 --> 00:13:59,755
Mary and I's child, it's a little girl.
165
00:14:05,052 --> 00:14:07,387
You know,
a child that's so full of hope...
166
00:14:09,264 --> 00:14:13,852
and naive beliefs into a world
where that little girl, uh...
167
00:14:15,812 --> 00:14:19,691
she grows up to be a young woman
and she looks you in the eyes
168
00:14:19,775 --> 00:14:22,653
and she says that you knew
this all along, didn't you?
169
00:14:27,491 --> 00:14:28,408
You see, that...
170
00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:33,163
I mean, what are you supposed to say then?
171
00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:38,502
There's something growing inside Mary.
172
00:14:39,169 --> 00:14:43,715
Something as alive as a tree, surely.
173
00:14:44,299 --> 00:14:46,176
As an endangered species.
174
00:14:47,302 --> 00:14:51,515
Something full of the beauty
and mystery of nature.
175
00:14:54,101 --> 00:14:57,020
You said sanction, hmm?
176
00:14:58,563 --> 00:15:00,107
You think Mary should have an abortion?
177
00:15:00,816 --> 00:15:02,317
This birth, is that your right?
178
00:15:02,401 --> 00:15:03,443
Is that your decision?
179
00:15:03,902 --> 00:15:05,487
Have you asked Mary what she thinks?
180
00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:15,664
Look, this isn't--
it's not about your baby.
181
00:15:16,665 --> 00:15:17,666
It's not about Mary.
182
00:15:19,918 --> 00:15:21,128
It's about you...
183
00:15:22,462 --> 00:15:24,673
and your despair. Your lack of hope.
184
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:28,677
Look, people have throughout history
185
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:32,764
have woken up in the dead of the night
confronted by blackness.
186
00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:35,434
The sense that our lives
are without meaning.
187
00:15:37,227 --> 00:15:38,520
The Sickness Unto Death.
188
00:15:38,603 --> 00:15:40,272
Yeah, but this is something different.
189
00:15:40,355 --> 00:15:42,190
Yeah, no, man's great achievements
190
00:15:42,274 --> 00:15:45,944
have brought him to the place
where life as we know it
191
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:47,779
may cease in the foreseeable future.
192
00:15:47,863 --> 00:15:48,905
Yes, that's new.
193
00:15:50,157 --> 00:15:51,116
But the blackness?
194
00:15:53,785 --> 00:15:54,703
That's not.
195
00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:57,039
We're scientific people.
We want to solve things.
196
00:15:57,122 --> 00:15:58,790
We want rational answers.
197
00:15:59,207 --> 00:16:03,420
Right? And if humankind can't overcome
198
00:16:03,503 --> 00:16:06,965
its immediate interests enough to ensure
its own survival, then you're right.
199
00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:09,468
The only rational response is despair.
200
00:16:11,094 --> 00:16:15,140
But do you think that
there's any existence apart from this?
201
00:16:15,974 --> 00:16:17,434
This here, right now?
202
00:16:17,517 --> 00:16:18,852
- Yes.
- Yeah, right, before us.
203
00:16:18,935 --> 00:16:19,853
- After us.
- Yeah.
204
00:16:19,936 --> 00:16:21,938
- Yeah,
- Wait, so you're talking about
205
00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:23,315
the next lifetime? Huh?
206
00:16:23,815 --> 00:16:24,858
You really-- you just, uh...
207
00:16:24,941 --> 00:16:28,070
I felt like I was Jacob
wrestling all night long with the angel.
208
00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:30,072
Fighting in the grasp.
209
00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:34,910
Every sentence, every question,
every response, a mortal struggle.
210
00:16:35,994 --> 00:16:37,287
It was exhilarating.
211
00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:39,831
You believe in martyrdom, Reverend?
212
00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:41,249
I'm not sure I know what you mean.
213
00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:42,751
You know, the Saints of God?
214
00:16:43,168 --> 00:16:46,046
The early Christians
who wouldn't renounce their faith?
215
00:16:46,546 --> 00:16:49,341
The missionaries who were attacked
in the fields of the Lord.
216
00:16:49,424 --> 00:16:51,301
Do you believe
that they died for a purpose?
217
00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:53,095
- I do.
- Well, every week,
218
00:16:53,178 --> 00:16:56,681
activists are killed
trying to protect the environment.
219
00:16:58,558 --> 00:17:01,728
A hundred and seventeen were
killed last year for their beliefs.
220
00:17:04,064 --> 00:17:05,190
I mean, right there.
221
00:17:05,273 --> 00:17:08,235
This is José Cléudio Ribeiro da Silva.
222
00:17:09,319 --> 00:17:11,822
Huh? And that's his wife, Maria.
223
00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:19,830
Uh... they were-- they were gunned down
in 2011 in the Amazon.
224
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:24,709
You know, they were protesting
free cutting of the rain forest.
225
00:17:25,794 --> 00:17:29,881
Hey, this is Dorothy Stang, 2005.
226
00:17:29,965 --> 00:17:32,843
She was a nun from Ohio.
227
00:17:35,429 --> 00:17:37,639
And what was the purpose of their death?
228
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:48,900
You know, in 2010, the IPCC predicted
229
00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:52,195
that if drastic action
wasn't taken by 2015,
230
00:17:53,697 --> 00:17:55,866
environmental collapse
would be irreversible.
231
00:17:57,075 --> 00:17:58,160
And nothing was done.
232
00:18:01,663 --> 00:18:03,415
And now it's 2017.
233
00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:07,419
You said you respected me.
What I've been through.
234
00:18:09,796 --> 00:18:14,634
- Yes.
- So you know my story, hmm?
235
00:18:15,218 --> 00:18:17,012
- Yeah, you were a chaplain.
- Uh-huh.
236
00:18:17,637 --> 00:18:21,475
My father taught at VMI.
I encouraged my son to enlist.
237
00:18:21,558 --> 00:18:22,976
It was the family tradition.
238
00:18:24,019 --> 00:18:28,356
Like his father, my father before me, hmm.
239
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:29,941
A patriotic tradition.
240
00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:36,865
My wife... was very opposed.
241
00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:39,326
My son enlisted anyway.
242
00:18:39,826 --> 00:18:42,871
And six months later, he was dead in Iraq.
243
00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:49,586
Right? I talked my son into a war
that had no moral justification.
244
00:18:52,339 --> 00:18:54,007
My wife could no longer live with me.
245
00:18:55,050 --> 00:18:56,134
I left the military.
246
00:18:57,928 --> 00:18:58,845
I was lost.
247
00:19:01,723 --> 00:19:04,059
And Reverend Jeffers from Abundant Life,
248
00:19:04,142 --> 00:19:08,063
he gave me this position
at First Reformed and here I am.
249
00:19:08,146 --> 00:19:10,565
And Michael, I can promise you...
250
00:19:11,983 --> 00:19:16,988
that whatever despair you feel
about bringing a child into this world
251
00:19:17,572 --> 00:19:21,868
cannot equal the despair
of taking a child from it.
252
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:36,091
Hey, what was his name?
253
00:19:37,300 --> 00:19:38,218
Your son?
254
00:19:40,762 --> 00:19:41,680
Joseph.
255
00:19:43,723 --> 00:19:44,683
The boy thrown down the well.
256
00:19:44,766 --> 00:19:46,685
- Yeah, I remember.
- Mm-hmm.
257
00:19:46,768 --> 00:19:49,396
- The dreamer.
- The dreamer, yeah. Yeah.
258
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:56,027
And you were able to just go on?
259
00:19:57,195 --> 00:20:01,032
Courage... is the solution to despair.
260
00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:05,078
Reason... provides no answers.
261
00:20:07,205 --> 00:20:09,124
I can't know what the future will bring.
262
00:20:09,207 --> 00:20:11,960
We have to choose despite uncertainty.
263
00:20:13,211 --> 00:20:19,926
Wisdom is holding two contradictory truths
in our mind, simultaneously.
264
00:20:21,094 --> 00:20:22,929
Hope and despair.
265
00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:25,223
A life without despair
is a life without hope.
266
00:20:25,307 --> 00:20:28,977
Holding these two ideas
in our head is life itself.
267
00:20:44,451 --> 00:20:45,785
Are you a drinking man, Reverend?
268
00:20:47,037 --> 00:20:49,998
- It doesn't help.
- No, I suppose not.
269
00:20:57,922 --> 00:20:59,090
Can God forgive us?
270
00:21:04,054 --> 00:21:05,805
For what we've done to this world?
271
00:21:08,266 --> 00:21:09,267
I don't know.
272
00:21:11,978 --> 00:21:13,438
Who can know the mind of God?
273
00:21:15,940 --> 00:21:16,900
But we can choose...
274
00:21:19,736 --> 00:21:20,779
a righteous life.
275
00:21:22,113 --> 00:21:23,114
Belief.
276
00:21:24,199 --> 00:21:25,367
Forgiveness.
277
00:21:27,535 --> 00:21:29,913
Grace covers us all.
278
00:21:32,791 --> 00:21:33,875
I believe that.
279
00:21:42,842 --> 00:21:44,552
Let's meet again.
280
00:21:45,011 --> 00:21:45,929
Want to?
281
00:21:46,596 --> 00:21:48,473
Tomorrow after lunch, same time.
282
00:21:49,474 --> 00:21:51,393
Okay, yeah. It's a-- it's a plan.
283
00:21:55,355 --> 00:21:58,483
I went over everything
that was said, what should have been
said,
284
00:21:58,566 --> 00:22:00,360
what could have been said differently,
285
00:22:00,443 --> 00:22:01,820
what could have been said better.
286
00:22:03,822 --> 00:22:07,367
"I know that nothing can change
and I know there is no hope."
287
00:22:08,952 --> 00:22:10,245
Thomas Merton wrote this.
288
00:22:13,498 --> 00:22:16,376
"Despair is a development
of pride so great
289
00:22:16,459 --> 00:22:18,503
that it chooses one's certitude
290
00:22:18,586 --> 00:22:22,048
rather than admit God
is more creative than we are."
291
00:22:23,591 --> 00:22:25,510
Perhaps it's better
I didn't say that to him.
292
00:23:04,215 --> 00:23:06,009
Who am I to talk about pride?
293
00:23:26,196 --> 00:23:30,617
Well, to begin,
the church was constructed in 1767
294
00:23:30,700 --> 00:23:32,577
in a style we now call Dutch colonial.
295
00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:36,790
It was made by settlers-- follow me--
using local timber.
296
00:23:37,290 --> 00:23:39,834
First Reformed took seven years to build.
297
00:23:40,668 --> 00:23:41,586
The Vei Plancks.
298
00:23:42,170 --> 00:23:44,964
Effie here, her tombstone
dates back to 1787.
299
00:23:45,465 --> 00:23:49,636
The church was partially rebuilt
in 1837 following a fire.
300
00:23:50,345 --> 00:23:52,889
This section remains preserved.
301
00:23:53,515 --> 00:23:57,227
If you look closely behind
the Continental Army flag,
302
00:23:57,310 --> 00:23:59,479
you'll find two bullet holes
303
00:23:59,562 --> 00:24:03,066
from shots fired during
the Skirmish of Snowbridge.
304
00:24:04,234 --> 00:24:07,862
In two months we're celebrating
our 250th anniversary.
305
00:24:08,780 --> 00:24:11,407
Here is an example of some
of the church's chinaware
306
00:24:11,491 --> 00:24:12,909
brought over from the Netherlands.
307
00:24:13,201 --> 00:24:15,495
And the first chalice. It's beautiful.
308
00:24:15,870 --> 00:24:19,290
And here, this is the original key
from the front door before the fire.
309
00:24:19,374 --> 00:24:20,708
lsn't that neat? Yeah.
310
00:24:20,792 --> 00:24:24,337
And in that cabinet we have
souvenirs that are for sale.
311
00:24:24,420 --> 00:24:29,342
We have mugs, caps, postcards,
key chains, pens, t-shirts.
312
00:24:29,425 --> 00:24:30,385
What size are these?
313
00:24:30,468 --> 00:24:31,886
Unfortunately, they are all small.
314
00:24:31,970 --> 00:24:34,639
I have some more on order,
but I'm waiting for them to come in.
315
00:24:34,722 --> 00:24:35,932
The caps are great, though.
316
00:24:37,141 --> 00:24:38,434
It's a one-size-fits-all.
317
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:44,983
The pulpit was donated in 1879
by William Mercer.
318
00:24:45,066 --> 00:24:47,277
And the church organ,
319
00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:50,071
which unfortunately
isn't working at this time,
320
00:24:51,447 --> 00:24:54,033
was manufactured in England by A.G. Hill.
321
00:24:55,368 --> 00:24:57,871
Did you hear the one about
the choir mistress and the minister?
322
00:24:59,622 --> 00:25:01,040
- No.
- She chased him
323
00:25:01,124 --> 00:25:02,959
around the church
and caught him by the organ.
324
00:25:05,086 --> 00:25:08,965
Huh. Oh, no, I hadn't heard that one.
325
00:25:09,424 --> 00:25:10,800
All right, come on. Follow me.
326
00:25:12,093 --> 00:25:14,137
All right, thank you all very much.
327
00:25:14,971 --> 00:25:16,055
- Be well.
- Thank you.
328
00:25:16,139 --> 00:25:17,098
Yeah, thanks a lot.
329
00:25:21,519 --> 00:25:22,645
Drive safe.
330
00:25:25,815 --> 00:25:26,733
Thanks.
331
00:27:00,243 --> 00:27:01,536
Okay, take five.
332
00:27:06,124 --> 00:27:10,294
- Penny for your thoughts?
- Oh, Joel wanted to talk to me.
333
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:13,256
- Nothing serious, I hope.
- Oh, I assume not.
334
00:27:14,632 --> 00:27:15,842
You want to have lunch?
335
00:27:16,718 --> 00:27:20,430
Well, I have something after but yeah,
I could sit with you for a second.
336
00:27:23,975 --> 00:27:25,226
Oh, remember that?
337
00:27:25,727 --> 00:27:26,644
What?
338
00:27:27,478 --> 00:27:29,230
When everything was ahead of you.
339
00:27:30,648 --> 00:27:33,818
Yeah. But try telling them that.
340
00:27:34,694 --> 00:27:35,695
See you then.
341
00:27:57,133 --> 00:27:58,051
Hello.
342
00:27:58,676 --> 00:27:59,594
- Reverend Toller.
- Yes.
343
00:27:59,677 --> 00:28:00,595
- Oh, go right in.
- Okay.
344
00:28:00,678 --> 00:28:01,846
He's expecting you.
345
00:28:09,353 --> 00:28:12,440
Um, this is-- that's my wife's stuff, so.
346
00:28:13,608 --> 00:28:15,777
Go ahead and deal with it.
347
00:28:16,652 --> 00:28:18,696
Oh, good! Reverend Toller.
348
00:28:18,780 --> 00:28:19,697
Come on in.
349
00:28:20,907 --> 00:28:23,659
Roger, make sure you get back to me
as soon as you can on that.
350
00:28:23,743 --> 00:28:24,952
- Hey, Reverend.
- Good seeing you.
351
00:28:25,036 --> 00:28:26,245
Why don't you have a seat there?
352
00:28:27,705 --> 00:28:29,665
Roger, okay to leave that door open.
353
00:28:29,749 --> 00:28:32,168
- Can I get you a water or anything?
- Oh, no, I'm good, I'm good.
354
00:28:33,336 --> 00:28:36,547
- So how are things over at First Reformed?
- Oh, busy. You know how it is.
355
00:28:36,631 --> 00:28:40,009
You do one thing to the other,
next thing you know it's Sunday again.
356
00:28:40,259 --> 00:28:42,011
Yeah, tell me about it.
357
00:28:42,095 --> 00:28:43,513
Well, I brought you in,
I wanted to ask you
358
00:28:43,596 --> 00:28:45,973
about the 250th reconsecration.
359
00:28:46,057 --> 00:28:47,934
Now, that's just around the corner.
360
00:28:48,017 --> 00:28:50,478
Yeah, of course.
It's only eight weeks away.
361
00:28:50,561 --> 00:28:52,188
And how's the planning going on that?
362
00:28:52,772 --> 00:28:55,108
Well, your office
is handling the invitations
363
00:28:55,191 --> 00:28:56,692
and I'm a little worried about seating.
364
00:28:56,776 --> 00:28:57,860
I mean, because we have your staff,
365
00:28:57,944 --> 00:28:59,570
we have the elders, we have the deacons.
366
00:28:59,654 --> 00:29:02,865
We have the governor, his people.
The mayor, his people.
367
00:29:02,949 --> 00:29:04,325
We don't have any room for spillover.
368
00:29:04,408 --> 00:29:06,035
You know, it's the sanctuary
and that's it.
369
00:29:06,536 --> 00:29:10,206
You know what, I think we'll simulcast
the ceremony here, in the main room.
370
00:29:10,289 --> 00:29:11,666
- All right.
- So that's 5,000 seats.
371
00:29:11,749 --> 00:29:12,917
Yeah, okay. Well, then--
372
00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:15,044
We can do the reception in the rotunda.
373
00:29:15,670 --> 00:29:18,214
The organ at First Reformed.
374
00:29:18,297 --> 00:29:19,966
- Is that fixed?
- Yeah, no, it's not.
375
00:29:20,925 --> 00:29:23,594
We're waiting on some pieces.
376
00:29:23,678 --> 00:29:25,304
I don't-- it was--
it's just more complicated
377
00:29:25,388 --> 00:29:26,848
than we thought at first.
378
00:29:26,931 --> 00:29:30,059
Well, we can't have a reconsecration
without an organ.
379
00:29:31,853 --> 00:29:33,938
"A Mighty Fortress is our God."
380
00:29:34,021 --> 00:29:35,815
That's all organ.
381
00:29:35,898 --> 00:29:39,360
Did you know that
Martin Luther wrote that in an outhouse?
382
00:29:39,443 --> 00:29:40,486
Oh, yeah.
383
00:29:40,570 --> 00:29:45,491
"A Mighty Fortress"...
384
00:29:47,118 --> 00:29:48,911
I think every seminarian knows that one.
385
00:29:48,995 --> 00:29:51,873
Oh, man, I cannot get
that image out of my mind.
386
00:29:51,956 --> 00:29:56,210
I mean, whenever I see that song going on,
and I can look around the congregation
387
00:29:56,294 --> 00:29:58,838
and know everybody's thinking
the same thing.
388
00:29:58,921 --> 00:30:03,301
This man, oh, goodness.
Oh, makes me laugh.
389
00:30:03,384 --> 00:30:06,179
Anyway, have you prepared your remarks?
390
00:30:06,262 --> 00:30:09,557
Oh, no. Not yet, but I will.
391
00:30:10,892 --> 00:30:12,977
- So how are you?
- Oh, I'm fine.
392
00:30:13,936 --> 00:30:14,854
No, really.
393
00:30:15,730 --> 00:30:18,191
I mean, it's been awhile
since we've talked.
394
00:30:18,274 --> 00:30:20,359
And you know,
even a pastor needs a pastor.
395
00:30:21,485 --> 00:30:22,486
We should do it, okay?
396
00:30:23,154 --> 00:30:24,238
I'd like that.
397
00:30:24,322 --> 00:30:26,324
Good. And come by here more often.
398
00:30:26,657 --> 00:30:29,660
You should get out.
Come on by and be a part of things.
399
00:30:29,744 --> 00:30:31,829
So many activities you can do, and...
400
00:30:31,913 --> 00:30:33,456
- And the kids like you a lot.
- Mmm.
401
00:30:33,539 --> 00:30:34,832
They always speak highly of you.
402
00:30:34,916 --> 00:30:37,210
So you can get out of that--
what is the play?
403
00:30:37,293 --> 00:30:38,920
What do they like to call it
over where you are?
404
00:30:39,003 --> 00:30:43,257
- The museum.
- The souvenir shop.
405
00:30:43,883 --> 00:30:45,176
They call it the souvenir shop.
406
00:30:45,259 --> 00:30:47,637
Well, good. Well, good.
You're doing a great job.
407
00:30:49,055 --> 00:30:50,723
I'm grateful for the opportunity.
408
00:31:21,420 --> 00:31:22,964
How was Jeffers?
409
00:31:23,047 --> 00:31:25,591
Oh, he wants me to meet Ed Balq.
410
00:31:26,133 --> 00:31:29,553
Balq Industries, Balq Energy,
Balq Paper, Balq Peanuts--
411
00:31:29,637 --> 00:31:30,554
Why?
412
00:31:31,180 --> 00:31:34,725
Well, it's all about the reconsecration.
413
00:31:34,809 --> 00:31:37,353
And apparently Mr. Balq wants
to make sure he gets
414
00:31:37,937 --> 00:31:40,064
proper credit for underwriting
the whole thing.
415
00:31:40,147 --> 00:31:41,148
Well, he should.
416
00:31:41,232 --> 00:31:43,567
First Reformed would be a parking lot
if it wasn't for him.
417
00:31:43,651 --> 00:31:44,568
L guess.
418
00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:47,571
Did you see the doctor?
419
00:31:49,407 --> 00:31:50,950
Yes, I made an appointment.
420
00:31:51,033 --> 00:31:53,536
There was a bit of a hang up
with the insurance company, but...
421
00:31:54,370 --> 00:31:55,746
God, they make it so difficult.
422
00:31:57,081 --> 00:32:00,042
- Yeah, well, that's what they do.
- Mm-hmm.
423
00:32:01,210 --> 00:32:02,962
You need someone to take care of you.
424
00:32:06,340 --> 00:32:10,344
Esther, we tried that.
I'm not made for that.
425
00:32:10,428 --> 00:32:14,265
For what? Love?
You're not made for love?
426
00:32:16,225 --> 00:32:17,476
My marriage was a failure.
427
00:32:19,353 --> 00:32:21,939
No marriage can survive
the loss of a child.
428
00:32:28,321 --> 00:32:29,238
It's not right.
429
00:32:33,826 --> 00:32:34,869
Is that what you think?
430
00:32:35,828 --> 00:32:37,413
That what we did together was a sin?
431
00:32:37,496 --> 00:32:41,000
- That we transgressed?
- No, that's not what I think.
432
00:32:41,959 --> 00:32:45,171
I've seen enough real sin
to know the difference. It's just...
433
00:32:47,048 --> 00:32:47,965
Okay?
434
00:32:48,382 --> 00:32:49,300
Okay.
435
00:32:50,217 --> 00:32:51,385
I understand, I...
436
00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:54,555
I care about you. I want you to be happy.
437
00:32:57,516 --> 00:32:58,642
Well, I am happy-
438
00:33:05,793 --> 00:33:07,920
Some are called
for their gregariousness.
439
00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:10,548
Some are called for their suffering.
440
00:33:12,341 --> 00:33:14,343
Others are called for their loneliness.
441
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:16,762
They are called by God
442
00:33:16,846 --> 00:33:18,723
because through
the vessel of communication,
443
00:33:18,806 --> 00:33:19,932
they can reach out
444
00:33:20,016 --> 00:33:22,018
and hold beating hearts in their hands.
445
00:33:24,353 --> 00:33:26,772
They are called because
of their all-consuming knowledge
446
00:33:26,856 --> 00:33:28,816
of the emptiness of all things
447
00:33:29,317 --> 00:33:31,986
that can only be filled
by the presence of our Savior.
448
00:33:38,367 --> 00:33:40,119
- Yes?
- Reverend To/ler?
449
00:33:40,203 --> 00:33:41,204
- Oh!
- It's me.
450
00:33:41,287 --> 00:33:42,205
Yes, Mary?
451
00:33:43,247 --> 00:33:45,583
I got your message about rescheduling.
452
00:33:45,666 --> 00:33:48,044
You must come over. Now.
453
00:33:49,253 --> 00:33:51,756
-ls Michael there?
- No, he's at
work.
454
00:33:51,839 --> 00:33:55,343
- You must come over now.
- Okay. Okay.
455
00:34:20,421 --> 00:34:21,339
Thanks for coming.
456
00:34:25,509 --> 00:34:26,510
Follow me.
457
00:34:44,445 --> 00:34:48,324
I was looking for some batteries
'cause we were out.
458
00:34:48,407 --> 00:34:51,035
And I thought maybe
there'd be some in here, you know?
459
00:34:51,118 --> 00:34:54,205
And then something just didn't seem right.
460
00:34:56,332 --> 00:34:58,209
Okay, I put everything back
the way I found it,
461
00:34:58,292 --> 00:35:02,046
'cause I wanted you to see how it was.
462
00:35:18,648 --> 00:35:19,816
Explosives?
463
00:35:21,234 --> 00:35:22,568
It's a suicide vest.
464
00:35:23,820 --> 00:35:25,154
And there's other elements in there, too.
465
00:35:25,238 --> 00:35:30,118
There's batteries and detonators
and tubes of jelly.
466
00:35:32,870 --> 00:35:35,832
You know, he'd been working
in the garage lately,
467
00:35:35,915 --> 00:35:39,001
and he said he was fixing a motor.
468
00:35:39,877 --> 00:35:41,295
And I didn't question him.
469
00:35:41,379 --> 00:35:42,672
'Cause I was just happy
470
00:35:42,755 --> 00:35:44,966
that he was doing something
that made him happy.
471
00:35:45,383 --> 00:35:47,051
But you had no idea
that he was thinking of--
472
00:35:47,135 --> 00:35:50,263
No, no suspicions. Nothing like this.
473
00:35:50,346 --> 00:35:52,932
All right, well,
I'm gonna take this, all right?
474
00:35:53,015 --> 00:35:54,559
This cannot remain here.
475
00:35:54,642 --> 00:35:58,521
I'm gonna take it and dispose of it. And--
476
00:35:58,604 --> 00:36:00,273
You're not gonna go to the police?
477
00:36:00,857 --> 00:36:02,525
No, I won't-- do you-- do you want me to'?
478
00:36:02,608 --> 00:36:05,486
- No! No, no, no.
- I don't think it'd help.
479
00:36:05,570 --> 00:36:07,363
I don't think anything good
480
00:36:07,447 --> 00:36:09,157
will come from him feeling threatened.
481
00:36:09,657 --> 00:36:12,702
I'm gonna come over tomorrow. Tomorrow.
482
00:36:13,745 --> 00:36:17,290
Somehow, through conversation,
I will address this.
483
00:36:19,542 --> 00:36:20,752
I'm so frightened.
484
00:36:20,835 --> 00:36:22,795
You don't mean
that he-- you're afraid of him?
485
00:36:22,879 --> 00:36:24,338
- That he's gonna hurt you, right?
- No.
486
00:36:24,422 --> 00:36:26,299
- No, no, no. I'm afraid for him.
- No? Okay, all right.
487
00:36:26,382 --> 00:36:27,550
You know, are there other activists,
488
00:36:27,633 --> 00:36:29,886
-like, coming around, calling?
- No. There's nobody.
489
00:36:29,969 --> 00:36:32,889
He has no friends.
He's barely even sociable, so.
490
00:36:33,556 --> 00:36:34,640
All right, but he has you.
491
00:36:36,100 --> 00:36:37,059
- Yeah.
- You'll stand by him?
492
00:36:37,602 --> 00:36:40,188
- Yeah, absolutely.
- All right. Well, so will l.
493
00:36:54,786 --> 00:36:57,580
Discernment intersects
with Christian life at every moment.
494
00:37:00,416 --> 00:37:01,334
Discernment.
495
00:37:04,462 --> 00:37:07,924
Listening and waiting for God's wish
what action must be taken.
496
00:37:23,773 --> 00:37:26,150
My petty ailments
have made me bad-tempered.
497
00:37:27,401 --> 00:37:30,571
I fight the urge not to write down
the thoughts which come to my mind.
498
00:37:35,409 --> 00:37:37,995
The desire to pray itself
is a
type of prayer.
499
00:37:39,455 --> 00:37:43,835
How often we ask for genuine experience
when all we really want is emotion.
500
00:37:48,881 --> 00:37:51,217
My hands shake
as I write these lines.
501
00:38:11,821 --> 00:38:13,656
I wasn't expecting you
for another couple of weeks.
502
00:38:14,820 --> 00:38:16,363
We got a message from the boss.
503
00:38:16,446 --> 00:38:18,073
He said it was a top priority.
504
00:38:18,156 --> 00:38:19,741
You're having some kind of big event here?
505
00:38:20,242 --> 00:38:23,579
Yeah, the church is having
its 250th anniversary.
506
00:38:23,662 --> 00:38:26,665
Abundant Life is planning
quite the ceremony.
507
00:38:33,463 --> 00:38:35,132
Hmm. "A Mighty Fortress."
508
00:38:36,174 --> 00:38:37,968
Oh.
509
00:40:31,359 --> 00:40:32,318
Jesus.
510
00:40:32,318 --> 00:40:32,402
Jesus.
511
00:40:32,402 --> 00:40:32,777
Jesus.
512
00:40:36,239 --> 00:40:37,156
My God.
513
00:41:01,681 --> 00:41:02,765
Yeah, see that?
514
00:41:03,683 --> 00:41:05,143
I mean, he had been
fighting with depression.
515
00:41:05,226 --> 00:41:06,727
That's why I was supposed to meet him.
516
00:41:07,645 --> 00:41:09,439
I never imagined anything like this.
517
00:41:10,523 --> 00:41:12,442
Were you in touch
with the immediate family?
518
00:41:12,525 --> 00:41:14,152
Well, his wife, Mary.
519
00:41:14,235 --> 00:41:16,487
She's the one who first
asked me to meet with him.
520
00:41:17,196 --> 00:41:18,531
Did she know about your text?
521
00:41:19,073 --> 00:41:21,826
No, but she was concerned. We both were.
522
00:41:22,452 --> 00:41:25,288
Hmm. Have you notified her?
523
00:41:27,331 --> 00:41:30,251
- No.
- I guess that's where I'm headed.
524
00:41:30,793 --> 00:41:32,128
All right. Okay.
525
00:41:32,545 --> 00:41:34,672
All right, do you mind
if I follow behind you?
526
00:41:34,964 --> 00:41:38,050
- All right.
- I knew his father.
527
00:41:38,926 --> 00:41:42,138
- Really? What's he like?
- A businessman.
528
00:41:42,847 --> 00:41:46,392
Morbid son of a bitch.
I guess it runs in the blood.
529
00:41:57,069 --> 00:41:58,237
Thank you, Reverend.
530
00:42:00,990 --> 00:42:03,409
Mrs. Mensana, hey again,
I'm sorry for your loss.
531
00:42:03,493 --> 00:42:05,328
If there's anything else that
we can do, please let us know.
532
00:42:05,411 --> 00:42:07,038
- Thanks.
- Thank you, Reverend.
533
00:42:07,121 --> 00:42:08,039
Thank you.
534
00:42:22,845 --> 00:42:24,263
You didn't tell the police, right?
535
00:42:25,806 --> 00:42:26,724
About?
536
00:42:27,475 --> 00:42:28,392
No.
537
00:42:29,602 --> 00:42:30,520
No.
538
00:42:32,188 --> 00:42:35,358
If you find anything else...
539
00:42:37,026 --> 00:42:40,029
like that, get rid of it.
540
00:42:41,239 --> 00:42:43,491
As long as it's safe, I mean.
Burn it, bury it.
541
00:42:44,909 --> 00:42:47,370
Michael was troubled
but his cause was just.
542
00:42:47,453 --> 00:42:50,081
There's no reason to bring
disrepute on that cause.
543
00:42:51,415 --> 00:42:54,168
- Yeah.
- Are you an activist as well?
544
00:42:56,045 --> 00:42:57,672
I share Michael's beliefs.
545
00:43:00,299 --> 00:43:03,302
But not his despair. I mean, I wanna live.
546
00:43:03,386 --> 00:43:04,428
- I wanna be a mother.
- Right.
547
00:43:04,512 --> 00:43:06,597
I wanna have this child.
548
00:43:07,974 --> 00:43:09,642
Do you have family nearby?
549
00:43:09,725 --> 00:43:11,978
My-- yeah, my sister. She's in Buffalo.
550
00:43:12,061 --> 00:43:14,021
- You might want to call her.
- I will.
551
00:43:24,240 --> 00:43:26,784
So he went into the garage?
552
00:43:29,579 --> 00:43:30,496
Yeah.
553
00:43:33,124 --> 00:43:34,041
What did he say?
554
00:43:35,876 --> 00:43:36,794
Nothing.
555
00:43:47,805 --> 00:43:49,348
Well, from a police point of view,
556
00:43:49,432 --> 00:43:53,686
I imagine this is
a pretty cut-and-dried case.
557
00:43:53,769 --> 00:43:58,858
Still, I'd probably clean up the office,
maybe get rid of his laptop.
558
00:44:04,780 --> 00:44:05,698
You...
559
00:44:31,307 --> 00:44:32,308
Open it.
560
00:45:05,549 --> 00:45:06,759
I'd sensed it.
561
00:45:08,094 --> 00:45:09,011
What?
562
00:45:11,013 --> 00:45:12,056
He was absent.
563
00:45:15,309 --> 00:45:17,353
He was becoming someone I didn't know.
564
00:45:21,232 --> 00:45:22,858
Like, before I was pregnant even.
565
00:45:25,611 --> 00:45:28,280
And he was just so full
of anger, you know?
566
00:45:33,869 --> 00:45:35,746
Yeah, I should probably call my parents.
567
00:45:36,580 --> 00:45:37,498
My sister.
568
00:45:40,418 --> 00:45:42,795
They should-- they should know.
569
00:45:45,506 --> 00:45:47,299
I stayed while
she ca//ed her sister.
570
00:45:48,050 --> 00:45:49,802
Her sister was going to drive down
571
00:45:50,928 --> 00:45:53,055
and her parents would come
for the final rights.
572
00:45:58,394 --> 00:45:59,562
Hey, Bill. Chicken or beef?
573
00:46:00,146 --> 00:46:01,480
- Beet
- Beef. Okay, great.
574
00:46:02,106 --> 00:46:03,023
How've you been?
575
00:46:03,399 --> 00:46:05,401
- L'm all right. Yeah.
- You okay?
576
00:46:08,195 --> 00:46:10,531
- Is that enough for you?
- Thanks a lot, Reverend.
577
00:46:11,907 --> 00:46:13,325
Did you want the chicken or the beef?
578
00:46:13,617 --> 00:46:16,203
- Uh, the beef, thank you.
- Beef? Yeah.
579
00:46:17,747 --> 00:46:20,374
There you are. Careful, it's hot.
580
00:46:21,709 --> 00:46:23,502
Reverend, I wanted to ask you--
581
00:46:23,586 --> 00:46:25,129
Oh, sh--
582
00:46:25,337 --> 00:46:27,965
Damn, I'm sorry, Joseph! I'm so sorry.
583
00:46:28,883 --> 00:46:29,800
Terrible night.
584
00:46:31,010 --> 00:46:34,096
No sooner than I shut my eyes,
desolation came upon me.
585
00:46:36,140 --> 00:46:38,559
What is one's last thought
as you pull the trigger?
586
00:46:40,603 --> 00:46:41,771
"There goes my head."
587
00:46:42,563 --> 00:46:45,107
Or, "Jesus, watch over me."
588
00:46:45,649 --> 00:46:46,567
Or neither?
589
00:46:48,277 --> 00:46:49,862
I'm going to tear these pages out.
590
00:46:50,946 --> 00:46:52,531
This journal brings me no peace.
591
00:46:53,491 --> 00:46:55,576
It's self-pity. Nothing more.
592
00:47:33,072 --> 00:47:34,990
I awoke at 3:00 with a
cry.
593
00:47:36,158 --> 00:47:39,495
It's been five months
since I sensed the first warning signs.
594
00:47:43,958 --> 00:47:46,710
I went into the church
and fell asleep on a bench.
595
00:47:53,467 --> 00:47:55,511
How easily
they talk about prayer,
596
00:47:56,220 --> 00:47:57,847
those who have never really prayed.
597
00:48:04,478 --> 00:48:05,563
Excuse me?
598
00:48:08,148 --> 00:48:09,358
Oh, my goodness!
599
00:48:11,318 --> 00:48:15,656
Well, since I made my commitment,
I have felt the Lord moving in my life.
600
00:48:15,739 --> 00:48:17,950
If happiness came in pill size,
601
00:48:18,033 --> 00:48:19,660
it would have JC stamped on it.
602
00:48:21,704 --> 00:48:23,080
Continuous release size.
603
00:48:24,290 --> 00:48:27,084
I wake up feeling better.
604
00:48:27,167 --> 00:48:31,964
My relationships are better
and I got a raise last week.
605
00:48:32,673 --> 00:48:35,342
I find myself in prayer
without even thinking about it.
606
00:48:37,636 --> 00:48:40,598
Thank you, Jason. That is very inspiring.
607
00:48:41,473 --> 00:48:45,311
Praise Jesus. My every breath is a prayer.
608
00:48:46,312 --> 00:48:49,940
Thoughts? Reactions? Yes? Cynthia.
609
00:48:50,941 --> 00:48:52,985
Three months ago, my father got laid off.
610
00:48:54,361 --> 00:48:55,487
He can't find any work.
611
00:48:55,988 --> 00:48:58,157
Nobody loves the Lord more than my father.
612
00:48:58,240 --> 00:49:00,993
He is always testifying, he volunteers.
613
00:49:02,161 --> 00:49:03,329
Did he do something wrong?
614
00:49:06,123 --> 00:49:09,209
You all know Reverend Toller
615
00:49:09,293 --> 00:49:10,461
from First Reformed.
616
00:49:11,545 --> 00:49:13,631
- Hello.
- Hey, yeah. Hi. Yeah.
617
00:49:14,548 --> 00:49:17,426
How do you answer this, Reverend?
618
00:49:18,427 --> 00:49:21,305
Well, Cynthia, I'm sorry
that happened to your father.
619
00:49:21,805 --> 00:49:26,393
There's a lot of church people,
good Christians, who see a connection
620
00:49:26,477 --> 00:49:29,480
between godliness and prosperity.
621
00:49:30,314 --> 00:49:32,024
But that's not what Jesus teaches.
622
00:49:32,608 --> 00:49:33,776
That's not what Jesus lived.
623
00:49:33,859 --> 00:49:35,694
There's no dollar sign on His pulpit.
624
00:49:36,278 --> 00:49:37,905
There's no American flag either.
625
00:49:38,822 --> 00:49:42,326
I think, Cynthia, what your father
is experiencing is--
626
00:49:42,409 --> 00:49:43,953
Christians shouldn't succeed.
627
00:49:44,745 --> 00:49:47,498
That's what he means.
Christianity is for losers?
628
00:49:47,957 --> 00:49:49,458
Jake,Jake!
629
00:49:49,541 --> 00:49:51,377
I just get tired of turn the other cheek.
630
00:49:51,877 --> 00:49:53,420
Jesus didn't turn the other cheek.
631
00:49:53,921 --> 00:49:54,922
Why stand for anything?
632
00:49:55,631 --> 00:49:56,966
Take prayer out of the schools.
633
00:49:57,508 --> 00:49:59,969
Give money to people
too lazy to work for it.
634
00:50:00,052 --> 00:50:01,720
And whatever you do,
don't offend the Muslims.
635
00:50:03,180 --> 00:50:04,848
I mean, no sooner do I mention the poor,
636
00:50:04,932 --> 00:50:06,976
and this teenager jumps down my throat
637
00:50:07,059 --> 00:50:09,478
like I just took a shit
on the American flag.
638
00:50:09,561 --> 00:50:12,982
Forgive my language. Oh, God!
639
00:50:13,065 --> 00:50:13,983
I know. Roger told me.
640
00:50:14,066 --> 00:50:16,860
He was great. He was terrific.
He's a good man.
641
00:50:16,944 --> 00:50:18,237
Well, he said you kept your cool
642
00:50:18,320 --> 00:50:19,363
and he admired you for that.
643
00:50:19,905 --> 00:50:21,573
There's just no middle ground
with these kids.
644
00:50:21,657 --> 00:50:23,450
Everything is so extreme.
645
00:50:23,826 --> 00:50:25,577
It's the times.
These are frightening times.
646
00:50:25,661 --> 00:50:27,913
These kids, they grow up in a world
647
00:50:27,997 --> 00:50:30,249
that you and I,
we wouldn't even recognize.
648
00:50:30,624 --> 00:50:34,461
Global warming, a sea of pornography,
649
00:50:34,545 --> 00:50:36,547
hyper violent video games.
650
00:50:36,630 --> 00:50:37,965
It's a world without privacy.
651
00:50:38,465 --> 00:50:41,677
Each kid isolated, communicating on media.
652
00:50:42,428 --> 00:50:43,637
It's a world without hope!
653
00:50:44,263 --> 00:50:45,806
You don't know what it's like
to raise a kid in this--
654
00:50:45,889 --> 00:50:47,057
No, I did raise a kid.
655
00:50:49,101 --> 00:50:51,395
- I didn't mean it like that.
- I know you didn't.
656
00:50:53,147 --> 00:50:54,732
They're just frightened.
657
00:50:54,815 --> 00:50:56,734
- These kids, they want certainty.
- Mm-hmm.
658
00:50:56,817 --> 00:50:58,861
You know, don't think: follow.
659
00:51:01,238 --> 00:51:03,115
But they fall prey to extremism.
660
00:51:03,699 --> 00:51:06,201
Jihadism is everywhere.
661
00:51:06,702 --> 00:51:07,619
Even here.
662
00:51:07,703 --> 00:51:10,831
It's just-- that's not
the church that called me.
663
00:51:10,914 --> 00:51:12,041
Nor me.
664
00:51:12,124 --> 00:51:15,169
It's up to us. We have to listen and guide
665
00:51:15,252 --> 00:51:19,590
and encourage our young members
to express themselves
666
00:51:19,673 --> 00:51:20,841
without judging them.
667
00:51:21,383 --> 00:51:22,426
We have to lead by example.
668
00:51:23,635 --> 00:51:24,803
We have to be patient.
669
00:51:32,269 --> 00:51:36,940
Oh, this sounds great.
670
00:51:37,024 --> 00:51:39,610
I'm gonna have to sharpen my chops
for the reconsecration.
671
00:51:40,402 --> 00:51:41,737
Do you know what they want to play?
672
00:51:41,820 --> 00:51:44,073
No, I have no idea.
Abundant Life is handling everything.
673
00:51:44,156 --> 00:51:45,365
Invites, the seating.
674
00:51:45,866 --> 00:51:47,451
Basically, I just introduce Joel.
675
00:51:47,951 --> 00:51:51,789
And then he does his spiel,
introduces the governor, maybe Ed Balq.
676
00:51:51,872 --> 00:51:55,417
- Oh, why him?
-lt's sort of his whole deal.
677
00:51:55,501 --> 00:51:58,253
I mean, he's underwritten the whole thing,
paid to have the organ fixed.
678
00:51:59,004 --> 00:51:59,922
I do have another...
679
00:52:00,005 --> 00:52:02,049
- Oh, take it from the top.
-...musical question for you.
680
00:52:16,396 --> 00:52:19,691
It's actually
a... kind of sad bit of business.
681
00:52:19,775 --> 00:52:21,735
- Hmm?
- The Michael Mensana memorial.
682
00:52:21,819 --> 00:52:25,405
The scattering of his ashes.
He's asked me to arrange it.
683
00:52:26,824 --> 00:52:27,825
He's asked you?
684
00:52:29,201 --> 00:52:32,496
Well, he wrote a letter.
He had some requests.
685
00:52:37,501 --> 00:52:39,128
Then the Lord spoke to Job,
686
00:52:39,795 --> 00:52:40,879
stepped from the storm.
687
00:52:42,172 --> 00:52:44,550
He said, "Where were you
when I laid the earth's foundations,
688
00:52:44,633 --> 00:52:48,262
marked out its dimensions,
laid its cornerstone?
689
00:52:51,765 --> 00:52:53,350
When the morning stars sang,
690
00:52:54,852 --> 00:52:58,438
and the angels
shouted with joy, where were you?"
691
00:53:02,151 --> 00:53:03,777
These surroundings were chosen by Michael
692
00:53:03,861 --> 00:53:06,196
as the repository
for his physical remains.
693
00:53:06,864 --> 00:53:08,490
I say physical because his memories
694
00:53:08,574 --> 00:53:10,159
and spirit live on with us,
695
00:53:11,034 --> 00:53:12,202
as does his mission.
696
00:53:13,453 --> 00:53:14,955
Michael cared about this world.
697
00:53:16,373 --> 00:53:17,457
Perhaps too much.
698
00:53:19,168 --> 00:53:22,504
The Abundant Life youth choir
will now sing for us
699
00:53:23,172 --> 00:53:24,464
a song chosen by Michael.
700
00:55:33,218 --> 00:55:34,261
-L'm good.
- All right.
701
00:55:47,316 --> 00:55:48,608
Mr. Balq!
- Hey!
702
00:55:48,692 --> 00:55:50,110
- Hello!
- How are you?
703
00:55:50,193 --> 00:55:51,695
- Very good, very good.
- Good, good, good.
704
00:55:53,572 --> 00:55:57,367
Hey. Sorry I'm late.
I got-- I got held up.
705
00:55:57,784 --> 00:55:59,453
Oh, good.
You know Reverend Toller, right?
706
00:55:59,536 --> 00:56:01,079
Well, only by sight. Ed Balq.
707
00:56:01,163 --> 00:56:02,581
- Good to meet you.
- It's nice to meet you.
708
00:56:04,291 --> 00:56:05,208
Just bring me a coffee
709
00:56:05,292 --> 00:56:07,210
-and the apple pie, all right?
- Okay. Thank you.
710
00:56:08,462 --> 00:56:09,379
The apple pie.
711
00:56:09,463 --> 00:56:12,007
I know it's a cliche
but they make it right here.
712
00:56:12,090 --> 00:56:13,842
It's organic. It's local.
713
00:56:14,634 --> 00:56:16,303
I have a surprise for you.
714
00:56:16,386 --> 00:56:21,141
I stopped by the printer on the way over.
715
00:56:23,977 --> 00:56:24,895
Oh.
716
00:56:25,729 --> 00:56:29,232
Oh, nice. Nice. They did a great job.
717
00:56:29,316 --> 00:56:32,402
Yeah, all the guests
at the reconsecration will get a copy.
718
00:56:32,486 --> 00:56:34,237
And then there will also be a mailing.
719
00:56:34,321 --> 00:56:36,615
And of course it will be
available at the bookstore.
720
00:56:37,032 --> 00:56:38,158
So how are the plans coming?
721
00:56:38,867 --> 00:56:40,118
Is the organ repaired?
722
00:56:40,202 --> 00:56:42,454
Oh, yeah. It sounds beautiful.
Better than ever.
723
00:56:43,163 --> 00:56:47,584
Okay. We drew up a little seating chart.
724
00:56:48,168 --> 00:56:49,920
Now, Mayor Wilson will be there,
725
00:56:50,337 --> 00:56:51,296
as well as the governor.
726
00:56:51,380 --> 00:56:52,422
Well, at least he's going to try...
727
00:56:52,506 --> 00:56:54,091
A/I of those mighty men of God,
728
00:56:55,008 --> 00:56:56,426
servants of the cross.
729
00:56:56,510 --> 00:57:00,889
Years of service, baptisms,
confessions, funerals, sermons.
730
00:57:00,972 --> 00:57:02,349
The hours in prayer,
731
00:57:02,808 --> 00:57:04,351
the afflictions suffered.
732
00:57:04,893 --> 00:57:06,269
Did God give them strength?
733
00:57:06,895 --> 00:57:08,522
Reverend Toller will introduce me.
734
00:57:08,772 --> 00:57:10,774
I'll go up, I'll introduce the governor.
735
00:57:11,108 --> 00:57:13,026
There'll be a song selection.
Now, the main--
736
00:57:13,110 --> 00:57:14,861
There won't be anything
political though, will there?
737
00:57:15,612 --> 00:57:17,697
No. No, why would there be?
738
00:57:18,490 --> 00:57:19,783
Well-- oh, sorry. Do you mind?
739
00:57:19,866 --> 00:57:20,867
Here you are.
740
00:57:21,284 --> 00:57:22,494
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
741
00:57:22,577 --> 00:57:24,788
- Well, I ask...
- Enjoy.
742
00:57:24,871 --> 00:57:27,874
...only 'cause this came to my attention.
743
00:57:28,917 --> 00:57:31,211
It's a printout from a website.
744
00:57:31,962 --> 00:57:35,173
Well, both First Reformed
and Abundant Life are mentioned by name.
745
00:57:35,257 --> 00:57:39,177
It was a political event.
A Neil Young protest song?
746
00:57:40,178 --> 00:57:43,890
I was just respecting the wishes
of the deceased and his widow.
747
00:57:43,974 --> 00:57:46,476
It was their instructions
for the memorial service.
748
00:57:46,560 --> 00:57:49,771
At a toxic waste site
with the press in attendance?
749
00:57:49,855 --> 00:57:51,148
There was no press invited.
750
00:57:51,231 --> 00:57:53,066
No, this is just Mensana's friends.
751
00:57:53,150 --> 00:57:54,401
It was a political act.
752
00:57:54,484 --> 00:57:57,571
And you and the choir represented
the Abundant Life Church.
753
00:57:57,654 --> 00:58:00,365
And the Hanstown site,
by the way, isn't even polluted.
754
00:58:00,449 --> 00:58:02,159
It was cleaned up with EPA superfunds.
755
00:58:02,951 --> 00:58:04,619
- Well, Hanstown--
- No, no, of course not,
756
00:58:04,703 --> 00:58:06,913
but just give me some credit, all right?
I'm in the energy business.
757
00:58:06,997 --> 00:58:08,373
It's my business to stay informed.
758
00:58:09,541 --> 00:58:10,625
Look, sorry.
759
00:58:11,042 --> 00:58:14,004
Reverend Toller didn't understand
the implications here.
760
00:58:15,772 --> 00:58:17,440
- May I ask a question?
- Yeah, go ahead.
761
00:58:17,774 --> 00:58:18,942
Will God forgive us?
762
00:58:22,612 --> 00:58:25,156
Will God forgive us for what
we're doing to his creation?
763
00:58:25,240 --> 00:58:27,951
That's what Mensana asked me
when I visited him.
764
00:58:29,244 --> 00:58:33,122
This-- there's been a lot of loose talk
about environmental change.
765
00:58:33,206 --> 00:58:36,209
There is scientific consensus.
Ninety-seven percent...
766
00:58:36,292 --> 00:58:39,254
The man who says nothing
always seems
more intelligent.
767
00:58:39,879 --> 00:58:41,839
Why couldn't I just keep silent?
768
00:58:43,424 --> 00:58:45,134
It's a complicated subject.
769
00:58:45,218 --> 00:58:46,135
Not really.
770
00:58:46,761 --> 00:58:48,346
I mean, who benefits?
771
00:58:49,138 --> 00:58:50,223
Cui bono? Who profits?
772
00:58:50,306 --> 00:58:51,557
That's what I keep asking myself.
773
00:58:51,641 --> 00:58:55,770
Besides the Biblical call to stewardship,
who profits when we soil our own nest?
774
00:58:55,853 --> 00:58:57,647
- What's to be gained--
- Can we just agree to keep politics
775
00:58:57,730 --> 00:58:59,107
out of the reconsecration service?
776
00:58:59,190 --> 00:59:01,818
- Yes.
- Yeah, but this isn't politics.
777
00:59:01,901 --> 00:59:05,738
- I mean, what God wants is for--
- Oh, you know the mind of God?
778
00:59:05,822 --> 00:59:07,407
You spoke to Him, personally?
779
00:59:07,949 --> 00:59:09,575
He told you His plans for Earth?
780
00:59:12,787 --> 00:59:15,957
Look, I understand, you're upset.
781
00:59:18,960 --> 00:59:20,920
I mean, you found the body, correct?
782
00:59:22,422 --> 00:59:23,339
Yes.
783
00:59:24,863 --> 00:59:25,780
H OW?
784
00:59:32,120 --> 00:59:34,622
I was supposed to meet him.
785
00:59:35,457 --> 00:59:40,712
And he texted me
and-- a change of location.
786
00:59:41,254 --> 00:59:42,172
And?
787
00:59:44,674 --> 00:59:46,092
And I went there and he was dead.
788
00:59:50,138 --> 00:59:51,723
So you counseled him, Reverend?
789
00:59:53,391 --> 00:59:54,309
Yes.
790
00:59:54,934 --> 00:59:57,979
You counseled him, then he shot himself?
791
00:59:58,771 --> 00:59:59,689
Ed?
792
01:00:01,774 --> 01:00:02,692
Yes.
793
01:00:06,070 --> 01:00:07,989
Well, I think you need
to step back, Reverend,
794
01:00:09,199 --> 01:00:11,951
and take a look at your own life
before you criticize others.
795
01:00:13,161 --> 01:00:14,078
Hmm?
796
01:00:34,560 --> 01:00:36,437
Mary and I rode the park trail.
797
01:00:38,689 --> 01:00:41,817
I had not ridden a bicycle,
I think, in 20 years.
798
01:00:47,693 --> 01:00:49,195
I was afraid I would fall.
799
01:00:55,660 --> 01:00:59,163
It's amazing the simple,
curative power of exercise.
800
01:01:05,044 --> 01:01:06,254
It's God-given.
801
01:01:14,595 --> 01:01:15,972
Thank you again.
802
01:01:16,639 --> 01:01:20,059
Michael and I used to cycle twice a week
and I've missed it so much.
803
01:01:20,143 --> 01:01:21,602
Oh, I enjoyed it.
804
01:01:22,395 --> 01:01:24,230
It's been a long time.
805
01:01:24,313 --> 01:01:25,648
But it was under protest.
806
01:01:26,816 --> 01:01:29,277
- I asked my doctor.
- Really? Still.
807
01:01:31,404 --> 01:01:33,489
- Can I ask you another favor?
- Sure.
808
01:01:34,240 --> 01:01:37,326
Could you box up Michael's things?
Or find somebody to do it?
809
01:01:39,829 --> 01:01:41,622
You sure you want to give them
away so quickly?
810
01:01:42,331 --> 01:01:44,709
Not, like, not give it away,
just, you know.
811
01:01:44,792 --> 01:01:47,962
Just box them up.
It just, you know, I feel...
812
01:01:48,880 --> 01:01:53,843
it's just difficult to be around
so many smells and memories, you know?
813
01:01:54,218 --> 01:01:56,053
Yeah, I can-- I can do it.
814
01:01:56,137 --> 01:01:57,054
Okay.
815
01:01:57,471 --> 01:01:58,806
Have you decided what's next?
816
01:01:58,890 --> 01:02:02,476
Um, the rent's paid for for two months,
so there's no hurry.
817
01:02:02,560 --> 01:02:05,438
But I'm gonna stay
with my sister and my brother-in-law.
818
01:02:05,521 --> 01:02:07,398
- Hmm, are you?
- Until the baby is born.
819
01:02:07,481 --> 01:02:08,941
So you'll relocate there?
820
01:02:09,025 --> 01:02:09,942
Yeah, I think so.
821
01:02:10,776 --> 01:02:12,820
She contacted an obstetrician.
822
01:02:14,989 --> 01:02:16,282
Are we talking pink or blue?
823
01:02:17,491 --> 01:02:18,576
- Blue.
- Blue.
824
01:02:18,659 --> 01:02:20,369
- Blue! Thanks.
- Ah, congratulations.
825
01:02:20,453 --> 01:02:21,579
- That's wonderful.
- Yeah.
826
01:02:23,789 --> 01:02:28,044
Oh, hey, I have a question
for you if it's not too painful.
827
01:02:32,048 --> 01:02:35,468
Do you think he really
would have harmed someone?
828
01:02:40,264 --> 01:02:41,182
Um...
829
01:02:42,350 --> 01:02:46,646
He'd been a part of some...
nonviolent protests.
830
01:02:47,730 --> 01:02:50,441
We both had. He'd been put in jail.
831
01:02:51,692 --> 01:02:52,610
He had a temper.
832
01:02:53,569 --> 01:02:56,405
I mean, he'd start yelling at police,
but no, I don't think he was...
833
01:02:57,740 --> 01:02:59,408
No. I don't think he was violent.
834
01:03:02,745 --> 01:03:03,704
L just, um...
835
01:03:05,581 --> 01:03:09,252
I can't help but keep wondering
what I should have done differently.
836
01:03:13,506 --> 01:03:14,799
He didn't want to live.
837
01:03:19,345 --> 01:03:21,597
He was not a religious man, you know.
838
01:03:23,891 --> 01:03:26,352
He didn't care for the church.
That was me.
839
01:03:26,435 --> 01:03:28,104
I was the one who asked him to come.
840
01:03:28,771 --> 01:03:32,316
I was raised in the church
and I never could quite let it go.
841
01:03:33,317 --> 01:03:35,653
I'd be in a strange city
and I would just go
842
01:03:35,736 --> 01:03:37,613
to a church and sit down, you know?
843
01:03:37,697 --> 01:03:39,365
I was the spiritual one.
844
01:03:45,288 --> 01:03:46,205
Thanks.
845
01:03:46,831 --> 01:03:50,293
Yeah, I'll-- I'm gonna go get some boxes.
846
01:03:50,376 --> 01:03:51,711
-L'll come back for the clothes.
- Okay.
847
01:03:55,923 --> 01:03:57,425
Reverend? Um...
848
01:04:00,511 --> 01:04:03,097
would you... pray with me?
849
01:04:05,725 --> 01:04:07,768
L just-- I find it difficult
to do it alone.
850
01:04:07,852 --> 01:04:10,604
Just, the words just don't come.
851
01:04:12,690 --> 01:04:14,191
Are you uncomfortable
with me asking you that?
852
01:04:14,275 --> 01:04:17,236
- No. No, no, no. Of course not, yeah.
- Okay.
853
01:04:21,741 --> 01:04:22,825
Dear Heavenly Father...
854
01:04:24,869 --> 01:04:27,538
we invite you into this room,
into our heart...
855
01:04:28,039 --> 01:04:30,791
I held her hand, I spoke,
856
01:04:32,126 --> 01:04:33,711
and the words came out of my mouth.
857
01:04:34,670 --> 01:04:38,591
"By thy words, you shall be justified
and by thy words, you shall be condemned."
858
01:05:43,367 --> 01:05:45,244
I can no longer ignore my health.
859
01:05:46,453 --> 01:05:48,664
I have postponed my checkup too often.
860
01:05:50,416 --> 01:05:52,751
Yesterday, I could literally barely stand.
861
01:06:51,143 --> 01:06:53,729
No, I have not lost my faith.
862
01:08:13,704 --> 01:08:16,665
"And the rich man said,
'I will pull down my barns
863
01:08:16,749 --> 01:08:17,875
and build greater.'
864
01:08:19,835 --> 01:08:21,754
And I will say to my soul,
865
01:08:21,837 --> 01:08:25,340
'take thine ease, eat, drink,
and be merry.'
866
01:08:25,841 --> 01:08:27,509
But God said unto his disciples,
867
01:08:27,593 --> 01:08:29,053
'take no thought for your life,
868
01:08:29,720 --> 01:08:30,929
what ye shall eat.'
869
01:08:33,390 --> 01:08:36,477
Neither for the body,
what ye shall put on.
870
01:08:39,104 --> 01:08:41,273
The life is more than meat,
871
01:08:42,691 --> 01:08:45,360
and the body is more than raiment."
872
01:08:46,278 --> 01:08:49,073
Thus ends the reading of the Lord.
Praise be God.
873
01:08:49,865 --> 01:08:51,408
When did he come back?
874
01:08:51,492 --> 01:08:53,744
Well, he was out most of Friday.
875
01:08:54,369 --> 01:08:55,996
So he went to Albany for his checkup?
876
01:08:56,080 --> 01:08:58,624
I asked him, but he didn't
give me any details.
877
01:08:59,041 --> 01:08:59,958
You know how he is.
878
01:09:00,959 --> 01:09:02,377
Perhaps I can check.
879
01:09:02,461 --> 01:09:04,671
- Esther.
-lt's just--
880
01:09:04,755 --> 01:09:07,341
I know. I know.
881
01:09:11,386 --> 01:09:14,098
- Okay, all right. Bye.
- See you.
882
01:09:26,693 --> 01:09:27,277
We'd like to do a gastroscopic exam.
883
01:09:27,277 --> 01:09:27,361
We'd like to do a gastroscopic exam.
884
01:09:27,361 --> 01:09:29,279
We'd like to do a gastroscopic exam.
885
01:09:29,363 --> 01:09:32,658
We lower a fiber optic camera
down the throat and esophagus
886
01:09:32,741 --> 01:09:33,659
and take a look around.
887
01:09:33,742 --> 01:09:35,702
It's an outpatient procedure,
local anesthetic.
888
01:09:35,786 --> 01:09:37,454
You should be able
to leave by midafternoon.
889
01:09:37,538 --> 01:09:39,498
Still, that doesn't--
that doesn't sound too good.
890
01:09:39,581 --> 01:09:42,501
Well, we'd like to check
for evidence of malignancy.
891
01:09:42,584 --> 01:09:43,502
Cancer.
892
01:09:44,545 --> 01:09:47,297
Cancer's not the fearsome
medical foe it once was.
893
01:09:48,006 --> 01:09:48,924
Mm-hmm.
894
01:09:51,677 --> 01:09:53,804
What's the treatment for that?
895
01:09:55,264 --> 01:09:57,975
It depends on how far advanced
the tumor is.
896
01:09:59,059 --> 01:09:59,977
But?
897
01:10:00,227 --> 01:10:02,271
You stated you've been
experiencing discomfort.
898
01:10:02,980 --> 01:10:03,897
Uh-huh.
899
01:10:04,314 --> 01:10:05,732
- Yeah.
- Six months?
900
01:10:07,568 --> 01:10:11,363
Well, diet, medication,
chemo, even surgery.
901
01:10:11,446 --> 01:10:13,574
We have a variety of diagnostic tools.
902
01:10:14,241 --> 01:10:15,409
Have you had any bloody stools?
903
01:10:20,914 --> 01:10:21,832
Recently?
904
01:10:24,918 --> 01:10:28,380
Okay. I'd like to schedule
the gastroscopy as soon as possible.
905
01:10:28,463 --> 01:10:31,967
We have an open slot week after next.
906
01:10:33,010 --> 01:10:33,927
Okay.
907
01:10:34,303 --> 01:10:35,220
What's your diet?
908
01:10:35,929 --> 01:10:37,222
My diet? Um...
909
01:10:38,265 --> 01:10:39,349
I'm hungry, I eat.
910
01:10:39,433 --> 01:10:40,809
- Smoke?
- No.
911
01:10:40,893 --> 01:10:41,810
Drink?
912
01:10:43,270 --> 01:10:45,063
Mmm, in moderation.
913
01:10:45,147 --> 01:10:46,064
That needs to end.
914
01:10:46,815 --> 01:10:49,276
I'm gonna call in a prescription to help
with the stomach pain.
915
01:10:49,359 --> 01:10:51,570
And I want you to take
nutritional supplements.
916
01:10:52,571 --> 01:10:53,488
Okay.
917
01:10:54,489 --> 01:10:55,657
Are you in pain now?
918
01:10:57,117 --> 01:10:58,243
No, I feel good.
919
01:11:00,495 --> 01:11:04,416
We tend to think that anxiety and worry
920
01:11:04,499 --> 01:11:08,253
are simply an indication
of how wise we are,
921
01:11:08,879 --> 01:11:10,756
yet it is a much better indication
922
01:11:10,839 --> 01:11:12,674
of how wicked we are.
923
01:11:13,550 --> 01:11:18,805
Fretting arises from our determination
to have our own way.
924
01:11:19,848 --> 01:11:21,767
Our Lord never worried
925
01:11:22,392 --> 01:11:23,894
and was never anxious.
926
01:11:25,562 --> 01:11:27,231
-I'll be back in a bit.
- Because His purpose
927
01:11:27,314 --> 01:11:31,193
was to accomplish not His own plans...
928
01:11:36,031 --> 01:11:38,200
- Reverend?
- Hi, Esther.
929
01:11:38,283 --> 01:11:40,160
I didn't know you were coming.
930
01:11:40,244 --> 01:11:41,286
Well, Joel's office called.
931
01:11:41,370 --> 01:11:43,330
They want to talk to me about
the reconsecration program.
932
01:11:43,413 --> 01:11:44,414
Did they talk to you?
933
01:11:45,082 --> 01:11:46,625
I'll be at First Reformed.
934
01:11:46,708 --> 01:11:47,626
And Stanley will be
935
01:11:47,709 --> 01:11:49,253
with the full choir here
for the simulcast.
936
01:11:49,336 --> 01:11:50,462
Mm-hmm, nice.
937
01:11:50,545 --> 01:11:51,880
The acoustics will be wonderful.
938
01:11:51,964 --> 01:11:52,881
- I mean--
- Stop.
939
01:11:52,965 --> 01:11:54,132
Really wonderful.
940
01:11:54,967 --> 01:11:56,218
Did you hear from Albany?
941
01:11:56,301 --> 01:11:58,303
- Yeah, I did.
- Well, what did they say?
942
01:11:58,387 --> 01:12:01,098
- Nothing, just some more tests.
- A gastroscopy.
943
01:12:03,350 --> 01:12:04,268
And you know this how?
944
01:12:05,852 --> 01:12:06,687
I called.
945
01:12:06,770 --> 01:12:09,564
-L'm worried about you.
- Leave me alone!
946
01:12:11,275 --> 01:12:13,777
- I just want to try--
- I know what you want!
947
01:12:13,860 --> 01:12:18,031
All right, and I cannot bear your concern,
your constant hovering, your neediness.
948
01:12:18,115 --> 01:12:20,575
You-- you're a constant reminder
949
01:12:20,659 --> 01:12:23,578
of my own personal
inadequacies and failings.
950
01:12:23,662 --> 01:12:27,332
You want something that never
was and never will be.
951
01:12:28,250 --> 01:12:30,419
- Don't make me do this, 'cause I--
- Esther, Esther, Esther.
952
01:12:30,752 --> 01:12:32,504
Pull yourself together, okay?
953
01:12:32,587 --> 01:12:34,339
- You don't take care of yourself.
- Look at yourself.
954
01:12:35,549 --> 01:12:36,466
I despise you.
955
01:12:38,010 --> 01:12:40,345
I despise what you bring out in me.
956
01:12:41,096 --> 01:12:42,556
Your concerns are petty.
957
01:12:43,557 --> 01:12:45,392
You are a stumbling block.
958
01:12:58,488 --> 01:12:59,948
I suddenly feel much better.
959
01:13:00,657 --> 01:13:05,537
I awoke early, clearheaded,
and immediately set about my daily tasks.
960
01:13:23,138 --> 01:13:24,931
,
961
01:16:25,153 --> 01:16:26,363
"The nations raged"...
962
01:16:28,865 --> 01:16:30,158
"But your wrath came
963
01:16:31,660 --> 01:16:33,912
and the time for the dead to be judged.
964
01:16:36,831 --> 01:16:39,668
And for rewarding your servants
and prophets and saints
965
01:16:41,002 --> 01:16:42,796
and for those who fear your name
966
01:16:43,713 --> 01:16:44,965
both small and great.
967
01:16:47,717 --> 01:16:50,554
And for destroying
the destroyers of the earth."
968
01:16:55,016 --> 01:16:57,561
Revelations 11:18.
969
01:17:22,502 --> 01:17:24,504
I have removed
the previous pages.
970
01:17:24,588 --> 01:17:26,047
They were written in delirium.
971
01:17:27,424 --> 01:17:29,509
But I am determined to continue.
972
01:17:31,720 --> 01:17:34,180
It's hard to struggle against torpor.
973
01:17:35,432 --> 01:17:36,725
I must set pen to paper.
974
01:17:59,998 --> 01:18:00,915
Shit.
975
01:18:15,972 --> 01:18:18,433
- Oh, hey, Mary.
- Hi. Can I come in?
976
01:18:18,516 --> 01:18:20,393
Yeah, of course.
Come on in. Come on, come on.
977
01:18:20,477 --> 01:18:22,771
Come in. Do you need anything?
978
01:18:22,854 --> 01:18:24,648
Do you want-- can I take your coat?
979
01:18:24,731 --> 01:18:26,941
- Yeah.
- Hey, are you all right?
980
01:18:27,776 --> 01:18:30,904
- Um...
- Let me get this.
981
01:18:30,987 --> 01:18:32,030
No.
982
01:18:35,408 --> 01:18:37,702
I'm just-- I'm really frightened.
983
01:18:37,786 --> 01:18:39,371
I'm, like, I'm frightened of everything.
984
01:18:42,749 --> 01:18:46,127
I woke up and my heart was pounding
and I thought, like, the roof,
985
01:18:46,211 --> 01:18:48,129
the ceiling, was just gonna fall in.
986
01:18:49,547 --> 01:18:52,175
- So I had to get out.
- Yeah...
987
01:18:52,258 --> 01:18:54,219
And I just drove around and I...
988
01:18:55,053 --> 01:18:57,305
I didn't put any makeup on. Sorry.
989
01:18:57,389 --> 01:18:58,390
I'm glad you came.
990
01:18:59,015 --> 01:19:02,143
Do you want some water or some tea--
991
01:19:02,227 --> 01:19:03,144
Without warning...
992
01:19:05,397 --> 01:19:07,315
this dark curtain just fell.
993
01:19:08,400 --> 01:19:11,194
I'm scared of everything.
994
01:19:11,277 --> 01:19:12,821
Well, you did the right thing coming here.
995
01:19:12,904 --> 01:19:14,239
I just can't stop my thoughts.
996
01:19:14,322 --> 01:19:16,366
They just keep going on and on.
997
01:19:16,449 --> 01:19:17,575
They repeat and repeat.
998
01:19:19,244 --> 01:19:21,162
Did this ever happen
before Michael's death?
999
01:19:22,872 --> 01:19:23,790
A little.
1000
01:19:24,999 --> 01:19:26,334
Yeah, not like this, though.
1001
01:19:27,961 --> 01:19:30,255
I read online that they used to believe
1002
01:19:30,338 --> 01:19:32,799
that pregnancy made you happy,
but now they feel like
1003
01:19:32,882 --> 01:19:34,801
it just makes your feelings more extreme.
1004
01:19:38,763 --> 01:19:39,681
Michael...
1005
01:19:42,142 --> 01:19:44,185
he was just really strong.
1006
01:19:44,686 --> 01:19:45,603
How so?
1007
01:19:49,232 --> 01:19:51,401
Um, he listened. He was kind.
1008
01:19:54,112 --> 01:19:57,282
We used to do this thing
called the magical mystery tour.
1009
01:19:58,450 --> 01:20:00,910
It sounds silly, but, um...
1010
01:20:02,036 --> 01:20:03,747
we would share a joint
1011
01:20:04,789 --> 01:20:07,250
and lay on top
of each other fully clothed.
1012
01:20:09,127 --> 01:20:11,963
We would try to get as much
body to body contact as possible.
1013
01:20:13,173 --> 01:20:14,549
We'd have our hands out and...
1014
01:20:15,967 --> 01:20:18,303
we would just look straight
into each other's eyes
1015
01:20:19,345 --> 01:20:23,224
and move them in unison,
like, right, left, right, left.
1016
01:20:23,308 --> 01:20:26,019
And then we would breathe in rhythm.
1017
01:20:33,067 --> 01:20:34,319
You want me to do this?
1018
01:20:37,155 --> 01:20:39,407
No. I didn't mean that.
1019
01:20:41,367 --> 01:20:43,244
- All right.
- I mean, I...
1020
01:20:46,206 --> 01:20:49,667
Yeah. I mean, yeah. I guess,
I-- yeah, I guess I did.
1021
01:20:50,794 --> 01:20:51,711
Okay.
1022
01:20:52,629 --> 01:20:53,755
Uh, show me.
1023
01:20:54,589 --> 01:20:58,009
Well... you lay on your back
1024
01:20:58,092 --> 01:21:00,303
and with your arms
and your legs stretched out.
1025
01:21:00,929 --> 01:21:01,930
Do we need music?
1026
01:21:02,806 --> 01:21:04,516
No, we just listen to the breaths.
1027
01:21:05,850 --> 01:21:08,311
Just... lie down?
1028
01:21:09,354 --> 01:21:11,731
Yeah. And then, yeah.
1029
01:25:25,943 --> 01:25:27,445
Go, go, go!
Come on, come on, come on!
1030
01:25:27,528 --> 01:25:29,655
- There you go, you got it.
- Come on, Benny. Come on, Benny.
1031
01:25:29,739 --> 01:25:33,117
Okay, guys, let's all get seated
in the first pew right here.
1032
01:25:33,201 --> 01:25:34,243
All the way down.
1033
01:25:39,082 --> 01:25:40,166
All right, good job, guys.
1034
01:25:40,249 --> 01:25:43,795
Okay, so
last week,
we read The Patchwork Path
1035
01:25:43,878 --> 01:25:47,006
about the Underground Railroad,
which was not a railroad, but...
1036
01:25:48,132 --> 01:25:50,468
- Rosa?
- It was a slave trail.
1037
01:25:50,885 --> 01:25:53,554
It was an escape route
from the South to the North.
1038
01:25:53,638 --> 01:25:57,809
And this church, First Reformed,
was one of the stops on that route.
1039
01:25:57,892 --> 01:25:58,810
Reverend Toller?
1040
01:25:58,893 --> 01:26:01,938
Yeah. Slaves fleeing north to Canada
1041
01:26:02,021 --> 01:26:05,733
were often helped, fed, hidden
by homes and churches
1042
01:26:05,817 --> 01:26:06,901
along this route.
1043
01:26:06,984 --> 01:26:10,655
Calvin Verlander was the dominee,
the minister here at First Reformed.
1044
01:26:10,738 --> 01:26:12,865
And he was very active
in the Abolitionist Movement.
1045
01:26:13,449 --> 01:26:14,367
He assisted in--
1046
01:26:15,243 --> 01:26:17,328
No, Ms. Surya, let me try this.
1047
01:26:17,411 --> 01:26:18,955
Why don't you all stand up for a second?
1048
01:26:19,038 --> 01:26:20,039
Take a look right here.
1049
01:26:20,123 --> 01:26:22,500
Do you see one part of wood
that seems different
1050
01:26:22,583 --> 01:26:24,127
- than the other part of the wood?
- Yeah!
1051
01:26:24,335 --> 01:26:25,962
You all see that, don't you?
1052
01:26:26,045 --> 01:26:27,255
But does this seem a little bit
1053
01:26:27,338 --> 01:26:29,674
- like a secret door, hmm?
- Yes.
1054
01:26:29,757 --> 01:26:31,676
- Yeah, what's your name?
- Benny.
1055
01:26:31,759 --> 01:26:32,802
Benny, will you give me a hand?
1056
01:26:32,885 --> 01:26:34,095
- Come on over here.
- Mm-hmm.
1057
01:26:34,178 --> 01:26:36,180
You see, there used to be a pew over this.
1058
01:26:36,264 --> 01:26:38,391
And they would move it
and then they would lift this up.
1059
01:26:38,474 --> 01:26:39,392
Can you do it? Help me.
1060
01:26:41,352 --> 01:26:44,522
Yes! Oh! Come around, everybody.
1061
01:26:44,605 --> 01:26:45,523
Can you hold this up?
1062
01:26:45,606 --> 01:26:47,733
Slaves would hide in here.
Sometimes whole families.
1063
01:26:47,817 --> 01:26:49,652
Be really careful. All right.
1064
01:26:50,403 --> 01:26:51,529
Can you imagine that?
1065
01:26:52,697 --> 01:26:53,614
In the dark.
1066
01:26:54,365 --> 01:26:55,575
The air hot,
1067
01:26:56,492 --> 01:26:57,368
shaking with fear.
1068
01:26:57,451 --> 01:27:00,288
The sound of the slave hunter's
horses outside.
1069
01:27:01,080 --> 01:27:03,166
On their knees,
holding each other's hands,
1070
01:27:03,249 --> 01:27:04,792
praying for God to save them?
1071
01:27:11,591 --> 01:27:13,676
Do you want me to pack up
anything here in the kitchen?
1072
01:27:13,759 --> 01:27:16,262
No, I can get it later. Thanks.
1073
01:27:20,933 --> 01:27:22,435
I'd love to meet your sister sometime.
1074
01:27:24,437 --> 01:27:26,439
- You wanna come to Buffalo?
- If I'm invited, I'd love to.
1075
01:27:26,522 --> 01:27:28,399
- You gonna visit me?
- I would, yeah!
1076
01:27:28,900 --> 01:27:30,109
I'd love to meet Michael, Jr.
1077
01:27:31,319 --> 01:27:32,904
You've been such a help to me.
1078
01:27:34,030 --> 01:27:37,366
My great-grandfather
was a pastor in Muskegon, Michigan.
1079
01:27:37,450 --> 01:27:38,451
The Saint of God.
1080
01:27:39,160 --> 01:27:41,871
And the bank in town
was a two-story building,
1081
01:27:41,954 --> 01:27:43,539
the first building to have an elevator.
1082
01:27:44,332 --> 01:27:45,333
And one Monday,
1083
01:27:46,542 --> 01:27:48,961
Granddad got the boys all together
1084
01:27:49,045 --> 01:27:51,464
and they went into town
to deposit church funds,
1085
01:27:52,089 --> 01:27:53,216
as they did every Monday.
1086
01:27:53,299 --> 01:27:55,051
And they needed to go talk
to the managers.
1087
01:27:55,134 --> 01:27:57,637
They got on the elevator
and he had a heart attack.
1088
01:27:59,805 --> 01:28:01,974
And he took off his hat.
1089
01:28:02,058 --> 01:28:03,351
Apparently, he always wore a hat.
1090
01:28:03,434 --> 01:28:03,809
And he took off his hat and he said,
1091
01:28:03,809 --> 01:28:03,893
And he took off his hat and he said,
1092
01:28:03,893 --> 01:28:05,102
And he took off his hat and he said,
1093
01:28:05,186 --> 01:28:10,024
"Boys, take off my shoes.
I'm standing on holy ground."
1094
01:28:11,609 --> 01:28:12,526
And then he died.
1095
01:28:13,945 --> 01:28:15,905
Somewhere between
the first and second floor.
1096
01:28:18,699 --> 01:28:22,161
Yeah, I think about that story
when I think about Michael.
1097
01:28:24,956 --> 01:28:27,667
'Cause I believe he was standing
on holy ground when he died.
1098
01:28:40,137 --> 01:28:41,055
Thank you.
1099
01:28:42,598 --> 01:28:44,267
So I'll see you in Buffalo?
1100
01:28:44,976 --> 01:28:47,186
I think I'm gonna go
to the reconsecration.
1101
01:28:48,688 --> 01:28:50,856
Oh. No, you don't need to do that.
1102
01:28:51,399 --> 01:28:53,401
- But I want to.
- Yeah, but it's not necessary.
1103
01:28:54,151 --> 01:28:56,529
Yeah, but you've been there for me
and I want to be there for you.
1104
01:28:56,612 --> 01:28:58,864
It's very nice of you to offer,
1105
01:28:58,948 --> 01:29:01,909
but it's just a bunch of rich guys
patting each other on the back.
1106
01:29:01,993 --> 01:29:03,661
- But you're gonna be there.
- But I have to be there.
1107
01:29:03,744 --> 01:29:05,830
- So I'm gonna go.
- Please don't come.
1108
01:29:06,998 --> 01:29:08,207
Okay? I don't want you to come.
1109
01:29:09,083 --> 01:29:10,001
You understand?
1110
01:29:12,712 --> 01:29:13,629
Okay.
1111
01:29:16,132 --> 01:29:17,883
Right. Have a nice evening.
1112
01:29:46,829 --> 01:29:49,790
"Be strong in the Lord
and in His mighty power.
1113
01:29:51,083 --> 01:29:54,378
Put on the full armor of God
1114
01:29:54,462 --> 01:29:58,966
so that you can take your stand
against the devil's schemes.
1115
01:29:59,050 --> 01:30:02,094
For our struggle is not
against flesh and blood
1116
01:30:04,221 --> 01:30:08,100
but against the rulers,
against the authorities,
1117
01:30:09,018 --> 01:30:11,979
against the powers of this dark world."
1118
01:30:50,976 --> 01:30:56,315
Balq Home Products,
makers of paper goods, fertilizers,
1119
01:30:57,400 --> 01:31:00,194
everyday items for the household,
1120
01:31:00,277 --> 01:31:02,696
was among the first companies
1121
01:31:02,780 --> 01:31:07,451
to realize the need
to address environmental concerns.
1122
01:31:07,952 --> 01:31:10,287
Sir? Are you joining us?
1123
01:31:11,580 --> 01:31:16,168
This unit makes
recyclable plastic markers.
1124
01:31:16,585 --> 01:31:20,756
Balq has facilities
or production arrangements
1125
01:31:20,840 --> 01:31:24,677
with 18 countries around the world.
1126
01:31:31,934 --> 01:31:34,728
Today, I stopped.
I had Miso and fish.
1127
01:31:39,024 --> 01:31:40,609
Such simple pleasures.
1128
01:31:43,988 --> 01:31:45,614
Why do we deny ourselves?
1129
01:32:40,377 --> 01:32:44,298
Every act of preservation
is an act of creation.
1130
01:32:44,965 --> 01:32:47,426
Everything preserved renews creation.
1131
01:32:48,552 --> 01:32:50,679
It's how we participate in creation.
1132
01:33:40,563 --> 01:33:42,606
I have found
another form of prayer.
1133
01:34:02,960 --> 01:34:04,211
- Reverend Toller, come on in.
- Hey.
1134
01:34:05,045 --> 01:34:06,171
Close the door.
1135
01:34:07,840 --> 01:34:08,882
Why don't you take a seat?
1136
01:34:13,012 --> 01:34:14,388
We're concerned about you.
1137
01:34:15,598 --> 01:34:16,515
Who is?
1138
01:34:16,974 --> 01:34:17,891
How's your health?
1139
01:34:20,436 --> 01:34:21,770
Well, I'm having some tests.
1140
01:34:22,813 --> 01:34:24,940
Hmm? Have you gotten your results?
1141
01:34:25,024 --> 01:34:25,941
No. No.
1142
01:34:27,067 --> 01:34:28,235
What about your diet?
1143
01:34:28,819 --> 01:34:31,071
You know, I'm gonna be honest,
you just don't look so good.
1144
01:34:32,406 --> 01:34:33,324
I've had some...
1145
01:34:35,034 --> 01:34:36,285
some stomach issues.
1146
01:34:38,287 --> 01:34:40,080
And I understand you've been drinking.
1147
01:34:41,957 --> 01:34:44,501
Hm. What?
1148
01:34:45,419 --> 01:34:46,879
It's just a little wine with dinner.
1149
01:34:46,962 --> 01:34:48,380
- Wine?
- Yeah, yeah.
1150
01:34:50,090 --> 01:34:51,008
Well...
1151
01:34:52,092 --> 01:34:55,679
that's not recommended
for someone who has stomach problems.
1152
01:34:55,763 --> 01:34:57,014
I understand, all right?
1153
01:34:57,097 --> 01:34:58,766
I'll start taking better care of myself.
1154
01:34:59,975 --> 01:35:01,393
You're always in the Garden.
1155
01:35:02,353 --> 01:35:05,773
Even Jesus wasn't always in the Garden
1156
01:35:05,856 --> 01:35:07,524
on his knees, sweating blood.
1157
01:35:08,442 --> 01:35:09,526
He was on the mount.
1158
01:35:10,194 --> 01:35:13,697
He was in the marketplace.
He was in the temple.
1159
01:35:13,781 --> 01:35:16,992
But you, you're always in the Garden.
1160
01:35:17,076 --> 01:35:20,079
For you, every hour is the darkest hour.
1161
01:35:20,788 --> 01:35:23,290
I wasn't aware that I had offended.
1162
01:35:24,416 --> 01:35:26,085
Jesus doesn't want our suffering.
1163
01:35:26,168 --> 01:35:27,836
- He suffered for us.
- Mmm-mmm.
1164
01:35:28,420 --> 01:35:31,840
He wants our commitment
and our obedience.
1165
01:35:31,924 --> 01:35:33,175
And what of His creation?
1166
01:35:33,759 --> 01:35:35,594
The Heavens declare the glory of God.
1167
01:35:35,678 --> 01:35:37,012
God is present everywhere,
1168
01:35:37,096 --> 01:35:41,433
in every plant, every river,
every tiny insect.
1169
01:35:41,517 --> 01:35:45,562
The whole world is a manifestation
of his holy presence.
1170
01:35:45,646 --> 01:35:48,982
I think this is an issue
where the church can lead.
1171
01:35:49,066 --> 01:35:50,859
But they say nothing.
1172
01:35:50,943 --> 01:35:51,944
The--
1173
01:35:53,529 --> 01:35:55,989
the U.S. Congress
still denies climate change?
1174
01:35:57,408 --> 01:35:59,827
Where were we
when these people were elected?
1175
01:36:00,452 --> 01:36:03,956
The-- we know who spoke
for big business. Right?
1176
01:36:04,039 --> 01:36:05,749
But who spoke for God?
1177
01:36:08,502 --> 01:36:13,799
"The creation waits in eager expectation
of liberation from bondage."
1178
01:36:16,135 --> 01:36:18,804
That's Romans 8:23. You understand?
1179
01:36:20,180 --> 01:36:22,850
So we should pollute so God can restore?
1180
01:36:23,267 --> 01:36:25,602
We should sin so God can forgive?
1181
01:36:25,686 --> 01:36:27,896
I don't think
that's what the apostle meant.
1182
01:36:27,980 --> 01:36:29,481
I think we're supposed to look
1183
01:36:29,565 --> 01:36:32,401
with the eyes of Jesus into every living--
1184
01:36:32,484 --> 01:36:33,902
You don't live in the real world.
1185
01:36:33,986 --> 01:36:35,404
- You don't.
1186
01:36:35,487 --> 01:36:39,032
You are a minister
at a tourist church that no one attends.
1187
01:36:39,116 --> 01:36:42,578
Do you have any idea what
it takes to do God's work?
1188
01:36:42,661 --> 01:36:46,874
-L'm trying to--
- To maintain a mission of this size?
1189
01:36:46,957 --> 01:36:49,334
The staffing, the outreach,
1190
01:36:49,418 --> 01:36:51,670
the amount of people
that we touch each day.
1191
01:36:53,005 --> 01:36:55,007
Who's that priest that you like so much?
1192
01:36:56,300 --> 01:36:58,010
- Thomas Merton?
- Thomas Merton.
1193
01:36:58,093 --> 01:36:59,970
- He didn't live in the real world either.
- Yes, he did!
1194
01:37:00,053 --> 01:37:01,472
- No. He was a monk who lived...
- He would--
1195
01:37:01,555 --> 01:37:04,141
...in a monastery in Kentucky
and wrote books!
1196
01:37:04,224 --> 01:37:06,226
Well, somebody has to do something!
1197
01:37:06,643 --> 01:37:08,520
It's the earth that hangs in the balance.
1198
01:37:08,604 --> 01:37:11,815
Well what if this is His plan?
What if we just can't see it?
1199
01:37:11,899 --> 01:37:14,276
You think God wants
to destroy His creation?
1200
01:37:14,359 --> 01:37:18,530
He did once. For 40 days and 40 nights.
1201
01:37:26,497 --> 01:37:30,334
Look, Abundant Life, we're with you.
1202
01:37:30,417 --> 01:37:31,585
Okay, we care.
1203
01:37:32,669 --> 01:37:33,670
We do.
1204
01:37:33,754 --> 01:37:39,009
And I know this is a hard time for you,
but we're gonna help you with that.
1205
01:37:40,177 --> 01:37:42,638
Once we get through
the reconsecration service,
1206
01:37:42,721 --> 01:37:44,640
you need to go to rehab.
1207
01:37:45,224 --> 01:37:48,185
You need to go check yourself
into a medical institution.
1208
01:37:49,102 --> 01:37:53,941
All right, maybe go to Nicaragua
and preach the gospel or build houses
1209
01:37:54,024 --> 01:37:56,485
but do something in the real world.
1210
01:37:57,152 --> 01:37:59,947
And if you can't do the ceremony,
I'll understand that.
1211
01:38:00,030 --> 01:38:01,907
You're expected to be there, but look,
1212
01:38:01,990 --> 01:38:03,617
we can just say that
you were sick, which is true.
1213
01:38:03,700 --> 01:38:06,119
No, it's not--
it's not about the ceremony.
1214
01:38:06,203 --> 01:38:07,579
All right? I can-- I will--
1215
01:38:07,663 --> 01:38:09,665
I want to be there. I have to be there.
1216
01:38:09,748 --> 01:38:12,334
It's my church. It's 250 years.
1217
01:38:12,417 --> 01:38:15,212
I want to be there.
I want to introduce you. Please?
1218
01:38:17,631 --> 01:38:21,844
Well, Ed Balq has decided
that he would like to make comments,
1219
01:38:21,927 --> 01:38:23,554
so the governor will introduce him.
1220
01:38:24,179 --> 01:38:25,806
- Will that be a problem?
- Not at all.
1221
01:38:27,015 --> 01:38:27,933
Not at all.
1222
01:38:28,725 --> 01:38:30,310
Well, good. Good.
1223
01:38:32,229 --> 01:38:34,648
Listen, we'll get
through this reconsecration.
1224
01:38:34,731 --> 01:38:36,108
It'll be special.
1225
01:38:36,900 --> 01:38:39,611
And then we'll deal
with these other issues.
1226
01:38:45,284 --> 01:38:46,326
Thank you.
1227
01:39:43,050 --> 01:39:44,051
Thanks.
1228
01:42:42,395 --> 01:42:45,732
- Where is Reverend Toller?
-l'm not sure, ma'am. Inside.
1229
01:44:12,485 --> 01:44:13,612
- Have you seen him?
- No.
1230
01:44:27,209 --> 01:44:28,710
- Where is he?
- I don't know.
1231
01:44:41,890 --> 01:44:42,974
Toller!
1232
01:44:45,518 --> 01:44:47,979
Toller, you in there?
1233
01:45:13,838 --> 01:45:15,006
Begin the service.
1234
01:48:03,800 --> 01:48:04,717
Ernst?
89776