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1
00:00:06,054 --> 00:00:09,357
Is that Dan rather's
real hair?
2
00:00:09,425 --> 00:00:11,476
Because it looks great.
3
00:00:11,544 --> 00:00:13,244
[T.V. Playing]
4
00:00:13,312 --> 00:00:14,645
Doug?
Hmm?
5
00:00:16,332 --> 00:00:18,349
[Yawning]
6
00:00:19,952 --> 00:00:21,352
[Sighing]
7
00:00:22,154 --> 00:00:23,821
I'm wiped.
I am going up.
8
00:00:23,889 --> 00:00:24,989
Ok.
Good night.
9
00:00:25,057 --> 00:00:27,225
Ow! You shocked me.
10
00:00:27,293 --> 00:00:28,693
Ok, I've been shocked before.
11
00:00:28,761 --> 00:00:30,061
It doesn't hurt that much.
12
00:00:30,129 --> 00:00:31,529
Take her down a notch.
13
00:00:32,331 --> 00:00:33,565
[Groaning]
14
00:00:49,565 --> 00:00:50,798
Ow!
15
00:00:50,866 --> 00:00:52,767
What a bastard!
Why'd you do that?
16
00:00:52,834 --> 00:00:53,968
I don't know. For kicks.
17
00:00:54,036 --> 00:00:55,403
Oh, all right. It's on.
18
00:00:55,471 --> 00:00:57,205
Oh, yeah? You wanna
bring it? Come on.
19
00:00:57,273 --> 00:00:58,906
You got nothin'.
I got big feet.
20
00:00:58,974 --> 00:01:00,341
What's up? What's up?
21
00:01:00,409 --> 00:01:01,676
Yeah, yeah.
22
00:01:01,743 --> 00:01:04,045
[Both mimicking
kung fu grunting]
23
00:01:06,949 --> 00:01:08,716
Oh yeah, come on, come on.
24
00:01:08,784 --> 00:01:10,318
Come on, come on, come on.
25
00:01:10,852 --> 00:01:12,420
[Both] Yow!
26
00:01:15,324 --> 00:01:17,742
Good night.
Good night.
27
00:01:17,810 --> 00:01:20,228
♪ My eyes are gettin' weary ♪
28
00:01:20,296 --> 00:01:23,314
♪ my back is gettin' tight
29
00:01:23,382 --> 00:01:25,499
♪ I'm sittin' here
in traffic ♪
30
00:01:25,567 --> 00:01:28,452
♪ on the queensboro bridge
tonight ♪
31
00:01:28,470 --> 00:01:33,591
♪ but I don't care,
'cause all I want to do ♪
32
00:01:33,659 --> 00:01:37,295
♪ is cash my check
and drive right home to you ♪
33
00:01:39,381 --> 00:01:41,032
♪ 'cause, baby, all my life
34
00:01:41,099 --> 00:01:44,068
♪ I will be drivin'
home to you ♪
35
00:01:50,209 --> 00:01:51,542
(Carrie)
Thanks for dinner, kel'.
36
00:01:51,610 --> 00:01:52,930
(Deacon)
Yeah, it was great, baby.
37
00:01:52,978 --> 00:01:54,595
Here, I'll help you, sweetie.
38
00:01:54,663 --> 00:01:56,597
So, Kirby.
39
00:01:56,665 --> 00:01:58,399
Word on the street
is that you're havin'
40
00:01:58,467 --> 00:01:59,467
a birthday next week.
41
00:01:59,535 --> 00:02:01,536
How old you gonna be?
What? 40? 41?
42
00:02:01,603 --> 00:02:02,604
6.
43
00:02:02,672 --> 00:02:03,938
6? Wow!
44
00:02:04,006 --> 00:02:05,773
You know what else I heard
on the street?
45
00:02:05,841 --> 00:02:07,442
That Carrie
and I might be gettin' you
46
00:02:07,510 --> 00:02:08,876
the best birthday gift ever.
47
00:02:08,944 --> 00:02:09,995
What is it?
48
00:02:10,062 --> 00:02:12,931
Ah, I could tell you,
but then I gotta kill you.
49
00:02:12,999 --> 00:02:14,382
You're gonna kill me?
50
00:02:16,518 --> 00:02:17,585
No, no, no.
51
00:02:17,653 --> 00:02:20,454
No, it was just a joke, Kirby.
It was a joke.
52
00:02:20,522 --> 00:02:22,423
Look--look, Spence will be
here any minute.
53
00:02:22,491 --> 00:02:24,059
Why don't you go get
some toys ready
54
00:02:24,126 --> 00:02:25,727
for you guys
to play with tonight, ok?
55
00:02:25,795 --> 00:02:27,195
Ok.
All right.
56
00:02:27,262 --> 00:02:28,362
I'm not gonna kill you.
57
00:02:28,430 --> 00:02:30,065
Would you leave it alone?
I will.
58
00:02:30,132 --> 00:02:31,399
I'm just not gonna kill him,
59
00:02:31,466 --> 00:02:32,600
and I want him to know it.
60
00:02:32,668 --> 00:02:34,169
Hey, you guys, um,
61
00:02:34,236 --> 00:02:35,804
Kelly and I were thinking,
62
00:02:35,871 --> 00:02:37,471
instead of going to the movies
63
00:02:37,539 --> 00:02:38,707
like we always do,
64
00:02:38,774 --> 00:02:41,576
how about we go salsa dancing?
65
00:02:46,982 --> 00:02:48,967
What' re you tryin' to prove?
66
00:02:49,035 --> 00:02:50,135
I told you, Kelly!
67
00:02:50,202 --> 00:02:51,669
[Doorbell ringing]
68
00:02:51,737 --> 00:02:54,038
Let's get goin'.
Spence is here.
69
00:02:55,674 --> 00:02:57,008
Hello.
Hey.
70
00:02:57,075 --> 00:02:58,976
The baby-sitter's
on the clock!
71
00:02:59,044 --> 00:03:00,378
Ka-kung!
72
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:02,347
The spencinator's here!
73
00:03:02,414 --> 00:03:03,748
(Spence) Oh, there he is!
74
00:03:03,815 --> 00:03:06,251
Ok, now that the spencinator
has come to our rescue,
75
00:03:06,318 --> 00:03:07,418
let's get going.
76
00:03:07,486 --> 00:03:08,520
Bye, Kirby.
Be good.
77
00:03:08,587 --> 00:03:09,587
Hey, car', drive with me
78
00:03:09,655 --> 00:03:10,788
so we can keep talking.
79
00:03:10,856 --> 00:03:11,889
Ok. Bye, you guys.
80
00:03:11,957 --> 00:03:13,591
He's your babysitter?
81
00:03:13,659 --> 00:03:15,393
You couldn't get
a hot 16-year-old girl,
82
00:03:15,461 --> 00:03:16,528
like normal people?
83
00:03:16,595 --> 00:03:18,229
No.
84
00:03:18,297 --> 00:03:20,031
Spence and Kirby
really like each other.
85
00:03:20,098 --> 00:03:21,566
Oh, really? That's great.
86
00:03:21,634 --> 00:03:22,933
2 words: Nanny cam.
87
00:03:30,059 --> 00:03:32,160
They still behind us?
88
00:03:32,228 --> 00:03:33,561
Yep.
89
00:03:35,014 --> 00:03:38,016
Our wives have very
different-sized heads.
90
00:03:39,451 --> 00:03:41,953
Carrie, a little small.
91
00:03:42,021 --> 00:03:43,922
Kelly, a little big.
92
00:03:44,957 --> 00:03:46,991
But they pull it off.
93
00:03:47,059 --> 00:03:49,060
See, now, if they
switched heads, see,
94
00:03:49,127 --> 00:03:50,394
that wouldn't work at all.
95
00:03:50,462 --> 00:03:51,629
Yeah.
96
00:03:52,898 --> 00:03:55,066
But if they did switch heads,
97
00:03:55,834 --> 00:03:57,602
who would you go home with?
98
00:03:59,504 --> 00:04:01,606
I think you go with the head.
99
00:04:01,674 --> 00:04:02,707
Hmm.
100
00:04:02,775 --> 00:04:03,775
Yeah.
101
00:04:06,912 --> 00:04:08,479
Oh, hey, you know
what's comin' up?
102
00:04:08,547 --> 00:04:10,848
That strip club.
The coconut tiger.
103
00:04:10,916 --> 00:04:12,016
Oh, yeah?
104
00:04:12,084 --> 00:04:13,851
Yeah, it's actually
kind of near my route,
105
00:04:13,919 --> 00:04:15,987
so every afternoon,
I go a little out of my way
106
00:04:16,055 --> 00:04:17,055
to drive by.
107
00:04:17,122 --> 00:04:18,422
See, when the door is open,
108
00:04:18,490 --> 00:04:20,208
you can catch
a little somethin'-somethin'.
109
00:04:20,275 --> 00:04:22,343
Huh. Informative.
110
00:04:24,546 --> 00:04:26,647
Oh, and there it is.
111
00:04:26,715 --> 00:04:28,049
The door is open.
112
00:04:28,117 --> 00:04:29,351
Mmm-hmm.
113
00:04:30,335 --> 00:04:31,736
Whoa.
Huh?
114
00:04:31,804 --> 00:04:33,137
[Crashing]
115
00:04:33,822 --> 00:04:35,356
What the hell?
116
00:04:40,929 --> 00:04:42,430
Hit best friend's car.
117
00:04:42,498 --> 00:04:43,898
Can't look right at them.
118
00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:46,133
Everybody ok?
119
00:04:46,202 --> 00:04:47,435
Yeah, we're fine.
120
00:04:47,503 --> 00:04:49,270
Nice going, Doug.
What happened?
121
00:04:49,338 --> 00:04:51,138
Sorry. It's just
I was, uh...
122
00:04:52,174 --> 00:04:54,108
I was, uh, reaching
for a fig Newton,
123
00:04:54,176 --> 00:04:56,143
and I took my eyes
off the road for a second,
124
00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:57,778
a fig Newton?
That's all.
125
00:04:57,846 --> 00:05:00,481
You had half a cheesecake
at Deacon and Kelly's
126
00:05:00,549 --> 00:05:01,916
not 15 minutes ago.
127
00:05:01,983 --> 00:05:04,352
Yeah. 15 minutes ago.
128
00:05:05,588 --> 00:05:06,887
It's not so bad.
129
00:05:06,955 --> 00:05:08,923
It's just a busted taillight
and a little dent.
130
00:05:08,990 --> 00:05:10,157
Yeah, you know what?
131
00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:11,226
And our car looks fine.
132
00:05:11,293 --> 00:05:12,694
Don't worry, guys.
133
00:05:12,761 --> 00:05:14,028
We'll pay for the damage.
Yeah, totally.
134
00:05:14,096 --> 00:05:16,063
It's no biggie.
It's cool.
135
00:05:16,131 --> 00:05:18,699
[Winding camera]
136
00:05:18,767 --> 00:05:20,351
What you got there, kel'?
What is that?
137
00:05:20,419 --> 00:05:21,553
A camera?
138
00:05:21,620 --> 00:05:24,706
Oh, this? My dad always said
to take a...
139
00:05:24,774 --> 00:05:26,708
You know, whenever
there is an accident.
140
00:05:26,776 --> 00:05:28,276
Wow, that came up pretty fast.
141
00:05:28,343 --> 00:05:29,611
What, you got that thing
142
00:05:29,678 --> 00:05:31,880
strapped to your leg,
or something?
143
00:05:31,947 --> 00:05:33,782
Hey, while--while
the camera's out, um,
144
00:05:33,849 --> 00:05:35,450
how about one
with me and Doug?
145
00:05:35,518 --> 00:05:37,919
Ok. Here, uh, whoops.
146
00:05:37,986 --> 00:05:39,303
That's hilarious.
147
00:05:39,371 --> 00:05:40,337
Yeah.
148
00:05:40,405 --> 00:05:41,939
[All chuckling]
149
00:05:44,910 --> 00:05:46,744
Well, if we still want
to make that movie,
150
00:05:46,812 --> 00:05:48,346
we should--
we should just get going.
151
00:05:48,413 --> 00:05:49,848
Yeah. I hate it
when we're late.
152
00:05:49,915 --> 00:05:51,683
You don't want to be late
to the movies.
153
00:05:51,750 --> 00:05:53,885
You're late, you never get
to your seat on time.
154
00:05:53,953 --> 00:05:56,654
There's a guy in front of you,
he's wearing a hat, and...
155
00:05:56,722 --> 00:05:58,239
Pfft. I'm tired.
156
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,663
Oh. Oh.
157
00:06:05,731 --> 00:06:08,700
No one's ever beaten
the spencinator,
158
00:06:09,568 --> 00:06:11,402
and they still haven't. Ha!
159
00:06:12,270 --> 00:06:13,505
Spencinator, are you
160
00:06:13,572 --> 00:06:15,406
the strongest man
in the world?
161
00:06:15,474 --> 00:06:18,209
Well, the world's
a pretty big place,
162
00:06:18,276 --> 00:06:19,878
but maybe.
163
00:06:19,945 --> 00:06:21,112
I'm hungry.
164
00:06:21,179 --> 00:06:22,714
What do you want to eat,
little man?
165
00:06:22,781 --> 00:06:24,181
Peanut butter and jelly.
166
00:06:24,249 --> 00:06:25,483
Oh, well, ok, I'm sorry.
167
00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:27,952
I can't make that because
I'm allergic to peanuts,
168
00:06:28,020 --> 00:06:29,053
but, uh, how about
169
00:06:29,121 --> 00:06:30,855
a nice grilled cheese sandwich
instead?
170
00:06:30,923 --> 00:06:32,456
What's allergic?
171
00:06:32,525 --> 00:06:34,091
Aller-allergic?
172
00:06:34,159 --> 00:06:35,459
Well, uh, that means that
173
00:06:35,528 --> 00:06:38,930
if--if I so much as touch
a peanut, or peanut butter,
174
00:06:38,998 --> 00:06:41,533
or anything that even has
little bits of peanuts in it,
175
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:44,201
my body says,
"I don't like this."
176
00:06:44,269 --> 00:06:46,571
And then my throat
gets really small.
177
00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:47,972
My head gets really big.
178
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,841
Let me see.
179
00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:52,010
Well, that's not
gonna happen, pal.
180
00:06:52,077 --> 00:06:53,411
But what's the verdict
181
00:06:53,478 --> 00:06:55,046
on that
grilled cheese sandwich, huh?
182
00:06:55,113 --> 00:06:56,113
Yay or nay?
183
00:06:56,181 --> 00:06:57,448
You're scared of peanuts.
184
00:06:57,516 --> 00:07:00,151
Ok, I'm not scared of peanuts,
I'm just allergic.
185
00:07:00,218 --> 00:07:03,087
You're scared of peanuts. You're
scared of peanuts. No, I'm not.
186
00:07:03,155 --> 00:07:04,488
You're scared of peanuts.
187
00:07:04,557 --> 00:07:05,690
Ok, stop it.
188
00:07:10,996 --> 00:07:13,030
Ahh. Whew.
189
00:07:13,098 --> 00:07:14,865
How great is a booth?
190
00:07:14,933 --> 00:07:17,534
I mean, tables are fine,
but a booth
191
00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:19,971
is like a vacation
for your ass.
192
00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:26,010
So, this is nice.
193
00:07:26,078 --> 00:07:28,412
2 nights in one week
with you guys.
194
00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:30,380
Yeah, and tonight,
we didn't even ram you.
195
00:07:30,448 --> 00:07:31,616
[All laughing]
196
00:07:31,683 --> 00:07:33,618
Well, there's always
the drive home.
197
00:07:35,687 --> 00:07:37,622
You know,
speaking of ramming us,
198
00:07:37,689 --> 00:07:39,824
uh, we brought the quote
for the work on the car
199
00:07:39,891 --> 00:07:41,592
so you can give it
to your insurance guy.
200
00:07:41,660 --> 00:07:43,393
Oh, good, good,
although we weren't gonna
201
00:07:43,461 --> 00:07:44,628
go through our insurance.
202
00:07:44,696 --> 00:07:45,646
Oh, really?
203
00:07:45,714 --> 00:07:47,131
No, I have so many violations,
204
00:07:47,199 --> 00:07:49,133
if we make another claim,
they might drop us.
205
00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:50,434
But the good news is,
206
00:07:50,502 --> 00:07:53,003
now we have a free pop
at a stranger's car.
207
00:07:53,071 --> 00:07:54,272
Hi, road rage.
208
00:07:54,339 --> 00:07:55,839
Welcome back, old friend.
209
00:07:55,907 --> 00:07:57,040
[All laughing]
210
00:07:58,277 --> 00:07:59,410
Wow.
211
00:07:59,478 --> 00:08:01,479
What can I get for you folks?
212
00:08:01,546 --> 00:08:04,982
You happen to have $1,181
I could borrow?
213
00:08:05,049 --> 00:08:06,417
Sweet mama.
214
00:08:08,119 --> 00:08:09,487
We're gonna need
a few minutes.
215
00:08:09,554 --> 00:08:10,888
Sure.
216
00:08:10,955 --> 00:08:14,224
Look, I know it's a little
more than we thought, but, um,
217
00:08:14,293 --> 00:08:16,360
it turns out the bumper
was pretty screwed up,
218
00:08:16,428 --> 00:08:18,162
an-and underneath,
near the axle, see,
219
00:08:18,229 --> 00:08:19,597
there was this other thing.
220
00:08:19,665 --> 00:08:21,465
It's all right there, see?
Signed by Rory.
221
00:08:21,533 --> 00:08:23,668
So, you got this quote
from the dealership, huh?
222
00:08:23,735 --> 00:08:25,135
Uh, yeah.
Mmm-hmm.
223
00:08:25,203 --> 00:08:27,563
Just so you know, they always
charge more at the dealership.
224
00:08:27,606 --> 00:08:29,273
You know, you're paying
for the frills,
225
00:08:29,341 --> 00:08:31,074
the coffee and the doughnuts
and whatnot.
226
00:08:31,142 --> 00:08:32,176
It's like, you know what?
227
00:08:32,243 --> 00:08:33,844
I'll bring my own coffee,
thank you.
228
00:08:33,912 --> 00:08:36,280
Just don't charge me up the wazoo.
Exactly. Exactly.
229
00:08:36,348 --> 00:08:37,682
But, you know, whatever.
230
00:08:37,749 --> 00:08:39,650
Well, it's just that
we've used them before,
231
00:08:39,718 --> 00:08:41,385
and they do
really good work, you know?
232
00:08:41,453 --> 00:08:43,354
Uh, you know who else does
a really good job
233
00:08:43,422 --> 00:08:44,922
is our guy
over at I.P.S., Eddie,
234
00:08:44,989 --> 00:08:47,024
and I bet you he'd charge,
like, half of this.
235
00:08:47,091 --> 00:08:48,426
Yeah.
236
00:08:48,493 --> 00:08:50,828
The--the thing is,
the dealership is authorized.
237
00:08:50,895 --> 00:08:52,396
Oh, no, it's cool.
It's cool.
238
00:08:52,464 --> 00:08:53,931
I mean, we do drive
on Eddie's work
239
00:08:53,998 --> 00:08:55,032
every day of our lives,
240
00:08:55,099 --> 00:08:56,701
but, you know,
if he's not authorized,
241
00:08:56,768 --> 00:08:58,502
he's not authorized.
242
00:08:58,570 --> 00:09:00,103
Whatever that means.
243
00:09:01,857 --> 00:09:04,692
Yeah, but, the thing is, uh,
our kids ride in that car,
244
00:09:04,759 --> 00:09:07,161
so we really want
the work done right.
245
00:09:07,229 --> 00:09:08,963
Yeah, the kids, right.
246
00:09:09,030 --> 00:09:11,599
That's some precious cargo
right there.
247
00:09:13,034 --> 00:09:15,002
Well, you could always
go through insurance.
248
00:09:15,070 --> 00:09:16,937
Like we said, no can do.
249
00:09:17,005 --> 00:09:18,172
Right.
250
00:09:18,740 --> 00:09:19,807
Right.
251
00:09:19,874 --> 00:09:21,375
So, uh, Eddie, nothin'?
252
00:09:21,443 --> 00:09:23,344
Oh, no. No.
253
00:09:23,412 --> 00:09:24,595
No.
254
00:09:24,662 --> 00:09:25,963
It's all good.
It's all good.
255
00:09:26,031 --> 00:09:27,331
Yeah. Yeah.
You know what?
256
00:09:27,399 --> 00:09:29,700
We'll just, uh,
we'll just write a check.
257
00:09:30,435 --> 00:09:31,535
Old checky.
258
00:09:33,772 --> 00:09:35,072
[Groaning]
259
00:09:38,810 --> 00:09:40,644
[Squeaking]
260
00:09:44,116 --> 00:09:45,449
[Sighing]
261
00:09:45,517 --> 00:09:47,018
[Clicking tongue]
262
00:09:49,621 --> 00:09:51,422
[Doug and Deacon chuckling]
263
00:09:55,210 --> 00:09:56,811
[Clearing throat]
264
00:10:00,282 --> 00:10:01,582
R-r-rip.
265
00:10:01,650 --> 00:10:04,018
[All laughing]
266
00:10:04,085 --> 00:10:06,987
Oh, you went for
the dolphins on your check.
267
00:10:07,055 --> 00:10:08,122
Oh.
268
00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:09,357
What?
269
00:10:09,425 --> 00:10:11,859
W-well, actually,
it's $1,181.
270
00:10:11,927 --> 00:10:12,927
What'd I write?
271
00:10:12,994 --> 00:10:14,094
Oh, you wrote $1,118.
272
00:10:14,162 --> 00:10:15,712
But you know what?
I-it's no big deal.
273
00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:17,514
No, no, no, no.
That's fine, you know.
274
00:10:17,582 --> 00:10:18,942
We'll just write out
another check.
275
00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:20,267
No problem.
It's cool. It's cool.
276
00:10:20,335 --> 00:10:21,869
[Clearing throat]
277
00:10:27,942 --> 00:10:28,942
Hmm.
278
00:10:34,849 --> 00:10:36,750
Think I'm getting onion rings.
279
00:10:46,378 --> 00:10:48,345
Well, that was
a creepy little dinner
280
00:10:48,413 --> 00:10:50,414
we had with
our "best friends."
281
00:10:50,482 --> 00:10:52,150
You really learn something
about people
282
00:10:52,217 --> 00:10:54,652
when you plow into their car.
283
00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:57,671
They had to go
to the dealership.
284
00:10:57,739 --> 00:10:59,940
[Mimicking kelly]
"Our kids ride in that car."
285
00:11:00,008 --> 00:11:02,276
Like all of a sudden
she's "mother of the year."
286
00:11:02,344 --> 00:11:05,146
Meanwhile, she leaves her kids
with Spence. Ok.
287
00:11:05,214 --> 00:11:06,847
And she left 'em with us once.
288
00:11:06,915 --> 00:11:09,817
You know, it's like,
"hello, social services."
289
00:11:09,884 --> 00:11:11,119
And another thing,
290
00:11:11,186 --> 00:11:13,087
we give 'em a $1,200 check,
291
00:11:13,155 --> 00:11:14,322
and when the bill comes,
292
00:11:14,389 --> 00:11:16,991
Deacon, who had a soup,
and a Margarita,
293
00:11:17,058 --> 00:11:18,826
and the sizzling entree,
294
00:11:18,893 --> 00:11:21,596
says, "hey, let's split it."
295
00:11:21,663 --> 00:11:22,696
Split it?
296
00:11:22,764 --> 00:11:23,964
Total gyp!
297
00:11:25,100 --> 00:11:26,501
Here's the deal, honey.
298
00:11:26,568 --> 00:11:28,288
You know, the next time
we go out with them,
299
00:11:28,337 --> 00:11:29,703
I am removing all your limits.
300
00:11:29,771 --> 00:11:31,405
You eat until they
have to cut you out
301
00:11:31,473 --> 00:11:33,040
of the restaurant.
302
00:11:33,108 --> 00:11:35,209
Start fittin' me
for a piano box.
303
00:11:36,645 --> 00:11:38,412
This is so typical.
304
00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:41,182
You remember, a few weeks ago
I lent Kelly that scarf?
305
00:11:41,250 --> 00:11:43,884
She never gave it back.
306
00:11:43,952 --> 00:11:46,154
I mean, it was ugly,
but still--
307
00:11:46,221 --> 00:11:48,689
whoa, wait a second.
Didn't I give you that scarf?
308
00:11:50,892 --> 00:11:52,760
This isn't about me.
309
00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:58,182
What is up with those 2?
310
00:11:58,249 --> 00:11:59,617
It's unbelievable.
311
00:11:59,685 --> 00:12:01,686
We do them a favor by not
going through insurance,
312
00:12:01,753 --> 00:12:04,121
and they make it out like
we're the bad guys, here?
313
00:12:04,189 --> 00:12:06,423
And did you see that look
on his face when I said:
314
00:12:06,491 --> 00:12:07,792
"Let's split the bill"?
315
00:12:07,859 --> 00:12:09,259
Like we haven't been
on the losing end
316
00:12:09,327 --> 00:12:11,361
of that one for 7 years.
317
00:12:11,429 --> 00:12:13,730
And look at this check.
Dolphins?
318
00:12:13,798 --> 00:12:15,832
Like she gives 2 craps
about nature.
319
00:12:15,900 --> 00:12:17,868
Yeah, well, those dolphins
are about to swim
320
00:12:17,936 --> 00:12:19,570
right into our a.T.M. Machine.
321
00:12:19,637 --> 00:12:21,672
That's right.
Give it up.
322
00:12:24,509 --> 00:12:26,911
(Spence) Kirby, I'm not
gonna go through this again
323
00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:28,145
with you tonight.
324
00:12:28,746 --> 00:12:30,714
Oh, ok.
325
00:12:30,782 --> 00:12:32,483
Kirby, it's time
to brush your teeth
326
00:12:32,551 --> 00:12:33,650
and go to bed.
327
00:12:33,718 --> 00:12:36,087
No. I'm eating peanuts,
and you can't stop me.
328
00:12:36,154 --> 00:12:37,188
Ok, come on.
329
00:12:37,255 --> 00:12:38,456
No.
330
00:12:38,523 --> 00:12:41,292
Kirby, hey! That's not--
Kirby, that's not funny.
331
00:12:41,359 --> 00:12:43,894
Kirby, there's peanut dust
in the air now, all right?
332
00:12:43,962 --> 00:12:45,396
Kirb--Kirby, stop.
333
00:12:45,464 --> 00:12:48,265
Kirby, the spencinator
commands you stop.
334
00:12:48,333 --> 00:12:51,068
You're not the spencinator,
you're the scaredinator.
335
00:12:51,136 --> 00:12:53,137
The scare-- oh, there is
so no such thing.
336
00:12:53,205 --> 00:12:54,805
Is too.
Is not.
337
00:12:54,872 --> 00:12:55,756
Scaredinator.
338
00:12:55,823 --> 00:12:56,823
I'm not the scaredinator.
339
00:12:56,892 --> 00:12:58,558
Eat a peanut.
340
00:13:02,630 --> 00:13:03,730
I can't.
341
00:13:03,798 --> 00:13:05,232
Then you're not
the spencinator,
342
00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:08,102
and I don't want you
to come here anymore.
343
00:13:08,669 --> 00:13:10,004
All right.
344
00:13:11,873 --> 00:13:13,173
[Sighing]
345
00:13:13,841 --> 00:13:15,509
Kirby,
346
00:13:16,912 --> 00:13:19,213
I'm gonna level with you, ok?
347
00:13:21,599 --> 00:13:23,167
I live a small life.
348
00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:25,619
I work in the subway.
349
00:13:25,687 --> 00:13:28,139
I've been held up
at 17 gunpoint times,
350
00:13:29,591 --> 00:13:31,692
and--and twice with a finger.
351
00:13:34,345 --> 00:13:35,779
Ok, I don't have
a lot of friends,
352
00:13:35,848 --> 00:13:37,581
and the ones that I do have,
353
00:13:37,649 --> 00:13:41,068
make sport of
my many deficiencies.
354
00:13:41,136 --> 00:13:46,040
Most prominently,
my unusually wide hips.
355
00:13:46,108 --> 00:13:49,293
So, when you started thinking
that I was a superhero,
356
00:13:49,361 --> 00:13:51,863
you know, it--it meant
a lot to me.
357
00:13:51,930 --> 00:13:53,898
And--and I just...
358
00:13:53,965 --> 00:13:55,599
What I'm trying to say is,
359
00:13:55,667 --> 00:13:57,568
I need to be the spencinator
360
00:13:57,636 --> 00:14:00,437
as badly as you need
me to be the spencinator.
361
00:14:00,505 --> 00:14:02,205
So, let's not let
a little thing
362
00:14:02,273 --> 00:14:04,241
like a peanut, ruin that, huh?
363
00:14:04,308 --> 00:14:05,743
You with me, kiddo?
364
00:14:07,712 --> 00:14:09,247
Scaredinator.
365
00:14:19,174 --> 00:14:20,907
Hey, baby.
366
00:14:20,975 --> 00:14:22,376
I'm running
a little late, here.
367
00:14:22,444 --> 00:14:24,778
Oh, and f.Y.I., I used
your toothbrush by mistake.
368
00:14:24,846 --> 00:14:26,947
Ooh.
369
00:14:27,015 --> 00:14:29,016
Who you oohing about?
We're married.
370
00:14:29,084 --> 00:14:30,251
Then why'd you say anything?
371
00:14:30,318 --> 00:14:32,837
You must have thought you did
something wrong.
372
00:14:32,904 --> 00:14:35,072
No. I just thought
you had a right to know.
373
00:14:35,139 --> 00:14:37,424
So sorry my mouth
repulses you.
374
00:14:39,744 --> 00:14:41,895
Well, it does.
375
00:14:41,963 --> 00:14:43,781
You want some breakfast,
or something?
376
00:14:43,849 --> 00:14:45,665
You know what,
I'm just gonna grab a pop-tart
377
00:14:45,733 --> 00:14:46,766
and eat it in the car.
378
00:14:46,834 --> 00:14:48,202
Ah! Ah! No, no, no.
379
00:14:48,269 --> 00:14:50,371
Last time you ate in the car,
you cost us $1,200.
380
00:14:50,439 --> 00:14:53,173
Also known as
half our bank account.
381
00:14:53,241 --> 00:14:55,142
Remember
your little fig Newton?
382
00:14:55,210 --> 00:14:56,377
Oh, yeah.
383
00:14:56,445 --> 00:14:57,911
Yeah, I got news
for you, Jackson.
384
00:14:57,979 --> 00:15:00,715
You are banned from eating
in any car, ever, for life.
385
00:15:00,782 --> 00:15:02,600
Ok, you know what?
You can't ban me.
386
00:15:02,667 --> 00:15:04,401
I'll just grab another one
and that's--
387
00:15:04,469 --> 00:15:06,337
all right, give--give me
the pop-tart.
388
00:15:07,105 --> 00:15:08,706
No. I'm serious, Doug.
389
00:15:08,773 --> 00:15:10,541
You're done.
That's it.
390
00:15:15,179 --> 00:15:18,115
Ok. Here's the thing.
391
00:15:18,182 --> 00:15:21,318
I wasn't actually reaching
for a fig Newton
392
00:15:21,386 --> 00:15:23,354
when we had the accident.
393
00:15:23,421 --> 00:15:25,723
I was-- I was trying to get
a look at a strip club,
394
00:15:25,790 --> 00:15:29,043
so let's not blame
an innocent fig Newton.
395
00:15:29,110 --> 00:15:32,112
A strip club? What can you
possibly see from the street?
396
00:15:32,180 --> 00:15:34,782
It just so happens
that I saw a nipple, ok?
397
00:15:37,052 --> 00:15:39,153
Actually, it--it
might have been a light switch
398
00:15:39,220 --> 00:15:40,387
or a thing on a guy's neck,
399
00:15:40,454 --> 00:15:43,924
but I'd like to think
it was a nipple.
400
00:15:43,992 --> 00:15:47,928
So you smashed our car
and mortgaged our future
401
00:15:47,996 --> 00:15:49,396
just to see a light switch
402
00:15:49,463 --> 00:15:51,364
that kind of looked
like a nipple?
403
00:15:51,432 --> 00:15:53,433
Deacon told me to look,
so I looked, ok?
404
00:15:53,501 --> 00:15:54,568
Wait. Wait a minute.
405
00:15:54,635 --> 00:15:56,236
Deacon--Deacon told you
to look?
406
00:15:56,304 --> 00:15:57,104
Pretty much, yeah.
407
00:15:57,172 --> 00:15:59,006
Well, that's an interesting
little tidbit.
408
00:15:59,074 --> 00:16:00,807
How come you didn't tell me
that before?
409
00:16:00,876 --> 00:16:02,726
'Cause I didn't want
a pop-tart before.
410
00:16:05,964 --> 00:16:07,731
What difference does
it make anyway?
411
00:16:07,799 --> 00:16:08,949
It makes a big difference.
412
00:16:09,017 --> 00:16:11,118
It means the accident
wasn't all your fault.
413
00:16:11,186 --> 00:16:12,386
Carrie, I was still driving.
414
00:16:12,454 --> 00:16:14,188
Are you familiar
with the law, Doug?
415
00:16:14,256 --> 00:16:16,290
Only what I've learned
from judge mills Lane.
416
00:16:16,357 --> 00:16:18,125
Well, I happen to be
a secretary
417
00:16:18,193 --> 00:16:19,659
at a major law firm,
418
00:16:19,727 --> 00:16:21,328
and d'you know
what that means?
419
00:16:21,396 --> 00:16:23,663
Deacon made you look,
so he's at fault, too.
420
00:16:23,731 --> 00:16:25,132
It's called
chain of causation,
421
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,634
and it is a legal fact.
422
00:16:27,702 --> 00:16:29,320
Chain of causation.
423
00:16:29,387 --> 00:16:30,687
Huh.
424
00:16:30,689 --> 00:16:31,871
So do you think it's fair
425
00:16:31,939 --> 00:16:33,557
that we pay
for the whole thing?
426
00:16:33,625 --> 00:16:35,809
No, I do not, and I will talk
to my friend Deacon
427
00:16:35,877 --> 00:16:37,378
when I get to work.
428
00:16:37,445 --> 00:16:40,247
Now give me the pop-tart
before I eat my own hand.
429
00:16:46,237 --> 00:16:47,304
Hey, man.
430
00:16:47,371 --> 00:16:48,906
Hey. I-I'm a little
short here.
431
00:16:48,973 --> 00:16:50,340
You got a quarter on you?
432
00:16:55,279 --> 00:16:56,346
Thanks.
433
00:16:56,414 --> 00:16:57,781
So did you get
the car fixed yet?
434
00:16:57,849 --> 00:16:59,683
Uh, it's in the shop
right now.
435
00:16:59,751 --> 00:17:02,152
Ah, great. Great.
436
00:17:02,220 --> 00:17:05,072
I know, it's crazy,
that accident.
437
00:17:05,140 --> 00:17:06,673
[In Spanish accent]
El accidente.
438
00:17:08,209 --> 00:17:10,210
Crazy how the whole thing
happened. Isn't it?
439
00:17:10,278 --> 00:17:11,478
I guess.
440
00:17:11,546 --> 00:17:12,879
I mean, there I am
driving along,
441
00:17:12,948 --> 00:17:14,681
eyes on the road,
hands 10 and 2, you know,
442
00:17:14,749 --> 00:17:16,683
you tell me to look over
at that strip club,
443
00:17:16,751 --> 00:17:18,685
so I look over, and...
444
00:17:18,753 --> 00:17:20,354
Actually,
445
00:17:20,422 --> 00:17:23,357
it's almost like because
you told me to look over,
446
00:17:23,425 --> 00:17:25,592
you're kind of partially
to blame here.
447
00:17:25,660 --> 00:17:27,661
That's kind of nutty, huh?
448
00:17:27,728 --> 00:17:30,164
I'm not partially to blame.
I never told you to look.
449
00:17:30,231 --> 00:17:31,898
Well, you yelled, "whoa."
450
00:17:31,967 --> 00:17:33,400
Whoa is the same
as "hey, look,"
451
00:17:33,468 --> 00:17:35,936
especially when
it comes to boobies.
452
00:17:36,004 --> 00:17:37,972
I didn't yell, "whoa."
I said it to myself.
453
00:17:38,039 --> 00:17:39,773
Nah. No,
you said it like, "whoa!"
454
00:17:39,841 --> 00:17:41,675
It wasn't "whoa!"
It was more like:
455
00:17:41,742 --> 00:17:43,810
Whoa.
456
00:17:43,878 --> 00:17:45,779
Whatever. The point is
the whoa was clearly
457
00:17:45,847 --> 00:17:46,913
to attract my attention.
458
00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:48,415
You're out of your mind, man.
459
00:17:48,483 --> 00:17:50,484
Maybe, but you know what
it sounds like to me?
460
00:17:50,551 --> 00:17:54,021
It sounds like a textbook case
of chain of causation.
461
00:17:56,091 --> 00:17:57,958
Chain of causation.
462
00:17:58,026 --> 00:17:59,994
What is that,
a legal term, Doug?
463
00:18:00,061 --> 00:18:01,495
That's what it is, yeah.
464
00:18:02,230 --> 00:18:03,663
What does it mean?
465
00:18:03,731 --> 00:18:04,931
Well, what it means,
466
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,968
is that you're
the link in the chain
467
00:18:08,036 --> 00:18:10,637
that caused me to take
my eyes off the road.
468
00:18:10,705 --> 00:18:13,173
Chain of causation.
469
00:18:13,741 --> 00:18:15,009
Right.
470
00:18:15,076 --> 00:18:17,011
So what are you gonna do?
Sue me?
471
00:18:17,078 --> 00:18:18,745
Well, I don't think
it'll come to that.
472
00:18:18,813 --> 00:18:19,880
Good.
473
00:18:19,947 --> 00:18:21,715
Because...
474
00:18:21,782 --> 00:18:25,619
I don't, uh, think you would
want Kelly to find out
475
00:18:25,686 --> 00:18:27,587
that you go out of your way
every day
476
00:18:27,655 --> 00:18:30,124
to drive by and look inside
a strip club.
477
00:18:30,191 --> 00:18:32,126
[Chuckling]
478
00:18:32,193 --> 00:18:34,228
You know my marriage
is still a little shaky,
479
00:18:34,295 --> 00:18:35,496
and you would mess with that
480
00:18:35,563 --> 00:18:37,131
just to collect a few dollars
481
00:18:37,198 --> 00:18:38,899
for an accident
that you caused?
482
00:18:38,966 --> 00:18:40,567
Is that what you want
to do, Doug?
483
00:18:40,635 --> 00:18:42,669
Is that how much
you want to hurt me?
484
00:18:44,739 --> 00:18:45,805
No.
485
00:18:48,142 --> 00:18:49,176
Hey, honey.
486
00:18:49,243 --> 00:18:51,628
Hey, so how'd it go
with Deacon?
487
00:18:51,696 --> 00:18:52,979
I tried. I got nothin'.
488
00:18:53,047 --> 00:18:55,482
Well, did--did you bring up
the chain of causation?
489
00:18:55,550 --> 00:18:56,917
Yeah. He didn't go for it.
490
00:18:56,984 --> 00:18:58,652
Huh.
491
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:00,954
Actually, I, um, I talked
to one of the lawyers
492
00:19:01,022 --> 00:19:02,022
at work today,
493
00:19:02,089 --> 00:19:03,757
and it turns out that I, uh,
494
00:19:03,825 --> 00:19:05,358
I got it pretty wrong.
Mmm.
495
00:19:06,577 --> 00:19:08,245
Ok, well, we tried.
496
00:19:08,313 --> 00:19:10,380
Damn it.
497
00:19:10,448 --> 00:19:13,951
You know what I bet you
they're doin' right now?
498
00:19:14,018 --> 00:19:16,186
They're sittin' there
499
00:19:16,254 --> 00:19:18,155
with their
fixed car and safe kids,
500
00:19:18,223 --> 00:19:20,657
wearing my scarf,
just laughing at us.
501
00:19:22,993 --> 00:19:25,746
Well, their little party's
about to end.
502
00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:30,484
[Doorbell rings]
503
00:19:30,552 --> 00:19:32,953
Hi. Remember that scarf
I lent you?
504
00:19:33,020 --> 00:19:35,055
I'm gonna need
it back. Thanks.
505
00:19:37,358 --> 00:19:39,660
Oh, I--I meant to give
that to you.
506
00:19:39,727 --> 00:19:40,761
Ok.
507
00:19:42,163 --> 00:19:44,264
Here. I had it dry-cleaned.
508
00:19:45,467 --> 00:19:47,634
Oh, did you?
509
00:19:47,702 --> 00:19:49,570
That was very sweet.
Thank you.
510
00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:53,841
Ok, Kirby.
511
00:19:53,908 --> 00:19:55,008
What's Kirby-ish?
512
00:19:55,076 --> 00:19:57,344
I'm Kirby. I'm turnin' 6.
What do I want?
513
00:19:57,411 --> 00:19:58,846
Here. Get him this.
He'll love it.
514
00:19:58,913 --> 00:20:00,180
Ok. That's a pricing gun.
515
00:20:00,247 --> 00:20:01,648
Well, honey, I don't know.
516
00:20:01,716 --> 00:20:03,784
Just pick something.
I want to get out of here.
517
00:20:03,852 --> 00:20:05,486
Well, we gotta get him
something nice.
518
00:20:05,553 --> 00:20:07,187
I told him we'd get him
something nice.
519
00:20:07,254 --> 00:20:08,254
Well, I'm sorry.
520
00:20:08,322 --> 00:20:09,723
It's hard to pick out
a great gift
521
00:20:09,791 --> 00:20:11,558
for a kid whose parents
bitch-slapped you
522
00:20:11,626 --> 00:20:13,293
out of everything you have
in checking.
523
00:20:13,361 --> 00:20:15,596
Well, we probably shouldn't
take it out on Kirby.
524
00:20:15,663 --> 00:20:16,980
He didn't do anything to us.
525
00:20:17,047 --> 00:20:18,515
He's their evil spawn.
526
00:20:18,583 --> 00:20:20,701
Ok.
527
00:20:20,768 --> 00:20:22,803
You-you're lookin' a lot
like this right now.
528
00:20:22,871 --> 00:20:24,437
That's what I'm gettin'
from you, ok?
529
00:20:24,506 --> 00:20:25,873
I'm gettin' this.
530
00:20:25,940 --> 00:20:28,041
Ok?
531
00:20:28,109 --> 00:20:30,443
All right, look, the point is
we--we hit their car.
532
00:20:30,512 --> 00:20:32,145
All right, and we paid
for the damage.
533
00:20:32,213 --> 00:20:33,453
That's all that
really happened.
534
00:20:33,515 --> 00:20:37,534
No. She also dry-cleaned
my scarf against my will.
535
00:20:39,169 --> 00:20:40,704
Look.
536
00:20:40,772 --> 00:20:43,006
I have tickets to
the knick game this Saturday,
537
00:20:43,073 --> 00:20:45,675
and I really want
to go with Deacon.
538
00:20:45,743 --> 00:20:47,076
Actually, Deacon
has the tickets.
539
00:20:47,144 --> 00:20:48,779
I just want to go.
540
00:20:48,846 --> 00:20:50,747
The point is,
I--I just want to be friends
541
00:20:50,815 --> 00:20:52,482
with them again, don't you?
542
00:20:52,550 --> 00:20:54,418
Yeah, I do.
I just-- I just--
543
00:20:54,485 --> 00:20:56,352
can't get past this.
544
00:20:56,421 --> 00:20:59,022
I-I-it's like losing all
your money in Atlantic city.
545
00:20:59,089 --> 00:21:00,356
You know it's not their fault,
546
00:21:00,425 --> 00:21:02,292
but you still want to burn
the place down.
547
00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:04,728
Shh. We're not gonna
burn anybody down.
548
00:21:06,414 --> 00:21:07,714
Fine.
549
00:21:07,781 --> 00:21:09,583
I'll let it go.
550
00:21:10,301 --> 00:21:11,768
Or not.
551
00:21:12,870 --> 00:21:14,771
Look what we have here.
552
00:21:27,068 --> 00:21:29,169
I'm glad this
whole accident thing
553
00:21:29,237 --> 00:21:30,537
is behind us!
554
00:21:30,605 --> 00:21:32,206
♪ [Kirby continues
playing drums]
555
00:21:32,273 --> 00:21:34,040
Love you guys!
556
00:21:34,425 --> 00:21:35,776
What?
557
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:38,061
Nothin'!
558
00:21:44,368 --> 00:21:45,969
(Operator) 911 operator.
What's your emergency?
559
00:21:46,037 --> 00:21:47,871
(Kirby) My babysitter is sick.
560
00:21:47,938 --> 00:21:49,006
His face is big.
561
00:21:49,073 --> 00:21:50,407
He ate a peanut.
562
00:21:50,475 --> 00:21:52,325
(Operator) Okay, honey.
Is he breathing?
563
00:21:52,393 --> 00:21:53,994
(Kirby)
He's scared of peanuts.
564
00:21:54,061 --> 00:21:55,245
(Operator) I'm sorry.
565
00:21:55,313 --> 00:21:56,814
Did you say,
"he's scared of peanuts"?
566
00:21:56,831 --> 00:21:58,298
(Spence) I am not!
567
00:21:58,365 --> 00:21:59,925
(Operator)
Can you tell me your address?
568
00:21:59,934 --> 00:22:01,051
(Kirby) I'm almost six.
39164
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