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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:23,595 --> 00:00:26,596 ("Living in the USA " by the Steve Miller Band) 2 00:01:04,010 --> 00:01:06,133 Brass!. 3 00:01:11,642 --> 00:01:13,101 Livin' in the USA 4 00:01:13,227 --> 00:01:16,892 Ésta es WBXT, la voz de Fort Baxter. 5 00:01:17,064 --> 00:01:21,109 Todo el personal está invitado a unirse al Sgto. Bilko en el parque vehicular... 6 00:01:21,235 --> 00:01:24,105 ... para una demostración del apropiado mantenimiento de bujías... 7 00:01:24,238 --> 00:01:29,861 ... hoy a las 0420, 0530 y 1455. 8 00:01:29,994 --> 00:01:34,287 Otra vez los horarios: 0420, 0530 y 1455. 9 00:01:34,415 --> 00:01:36,372 - ¿Ganaste?. - No. 10 00:01:42,589 --> 00:01:44,748 Soldado Wally Holbrook reportándose para el deber. 11 00:01:44,883 --> 00:01:46,675 - ¿Primera asignación?. - Si. 12 00:01:46,802 --> 00:01:49,719 - Relájate. ¿Sabes dónde estás asignado?. - Parque Vehicular. 13 00:01:49,847 --> 00:01:52,053 - OK. ¿Parque Vehicular?. - Si, yo... 14 00:01:52,182 --> 00:01:55,267 - Vas directo al coronel. - ¿Coronel?. ¿Qué hice?. 15 00:01:56,562 --> 00:01:59,313 - ¿Qué edad tines, hijo?. - 19, Señor. 16 00:01:59,439 --> 00:02:01,812 19... Tan joven. 17 00:02:01,942 --> 00:02:04,729 Soy mecánico de 1a. clase. Dos de mis tíos tienen taller. 18 00:02:04,861 --> 00:02:06,190 - ¿Tienes dinero?. - Sí, Señor. 19 00:02:06,321 --> 00:02:07,602 - Dámelo. - Pero... 20 00:02:07,739 --> 00:02:09,696 Está bien. 21 00:02:14,204 --> 00:02:18,071 - Mi palabra, debe de haber $500 aquí. - 700. Verá, trabajé con mi tío... 22 00:02:18,208 --> 00:02:21,577 Vas a llevar $700 en efectivo a las barracas Bilko?. 23 00:02:22,087 --> 00:02:25,207 - Sí, Señor. ¿Quién, Señor?. - Dame tu sombrero, por favor. 24 00:02:26,091 --> 00:02:30,171 Sargento Bilko. Maestro Sargento Ernest G Bilko. 25 00:02:31,263 --> 00:02:34,596 - Bien, buena suerte. Y que la vaya bien. - Gracias, Señor. 26 00:02:34,724 --> 00:02:38,389 Recuerda, si necesitas lo que sea, necesitas ayuda... 27 00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:42,138 ...la puerta del viejo coronel está siempre abierta. - Gracias, Señor. 28 00:02:42,816 --> 00:02:46,231 ¿Señor?. 29 00:03:00,291 --> 00:03:04,075 - Estoy buscando al Sargento Bilko. - Llega tarde, junior, no más apuestas. 30 00:03:04,212 --> 00:03:07,877 - No, no, no. Me estoy reportando. - ¡Vamos, Duane!. ¡Jala!. 31 00:03:08,007 --> 00:03:10,676 ¡Escarba profundo, nene!. 32 00:03:14,055 --> 00:03:16,012 ¡Vamos!. ¡Vamos!. 33 00:03:16,933 --> 00:03:18,890 ¡Vamos!. ¡Vamos!. 34 00:03:42,708 --> 00:03:45,709 ¡Tiene los zapatos equivocados!. Doberman está usando los zapatos equivocados. 35 00:03:45,836 --> 00:03:49,252 No tiene tracción. ¡Y éste caballo!. 36 00:03:49,381 --> 00:03:53,842 Éste caballo no estaba así de vivo ésta mañana. ¡Quiero le hagan prueba de droga ahora!. 37 00:03:53,969 --> 00:03:57,303 Alguien, rápido. Traigan una botella de orina y un trapeador. 38 00:04:03,687 --> 00:04:05,929 ¡Hey!. ¿Qué está pasando?. 39 00:04:08,067 --> 00:04:11,482 Es el soldado Doberman. Él es el que luce como humano. 40 00:04:11,612 --> 00:04:14,696 Anoche en el gimnasio, Doberman dijo: "Me siento tan fuerte como un caballo". 41 00:04:14,823 --> 00:04:18,275 Un tipo de la compañía P lo escuchó y dijo:"¿Sí?. ¿Por cuánto?." 42 00:04:18,410 --> 00:04:22,360 Es la regla dorada. No digas nada a menos qué estés preparado para respaldarlo. 43 00:04:22,497 --> 00:04:27,622 No, no, no cruces la raya. No la pases. Atrás. Sólo, atrás. Atrás. 44 00:04:44,936 --> 00:04:47,688 - ¿Estás bien, Duane?. - ¡Sgto., no puedo seguir haciendo esto!. 45 00:04:47,814 --> 00:04:50,815 Hiciste lo mejor qué pudiste, Duane. ¿De todas formas, qué es el dinero?. 46 00:04:50,942 --> 00:04:54,940 Así que, Bilko, finalmente gané una. Paga. 47 00:04:58,241 --> 00:05:00,530 - Apúrate. - ¿Oh, así que ahora estamos en horario?. 48 00:05:00,785 --> 00:05:04,486 - ¿Vamos una vez más?. - ¡Sgto.!. Por favor, ya no. Ya no, Sargento. 49 00:05:04,622 --> 00:05:06,995 No te preocupes. No te haré pasar otra vez por eso. 50 00:05:07,125 --> 00:05:11,039 - Está acabado. Es un perdedor. - Nadie llama perdedor a uno de los hombres de Bilko. 51 00:05:11,171 --> 00:05:15,382 Debería... ¡agarrame!. Aah. ¡No, no!. ¡Sueltame!. Lo mataré. 52 00:05:15,508 --> 00:05:18,711 - ¿Quieres doblar la apuesta?. - ¿Doblarla?. Lo dices en serio. 53 00:05:18,845 --> 00:05:21,881 - Sarge, no. - ¿Qué pasa, Ernie?. ¿Asustado?.. 54 00:05:22,015 --> 00:05:25,099 Sarge, por favor. Ese es todo el dinero del pelotón, cada centavo. 55 00:05:25,226 --> 00:05:29,473 Ahora esto va más allá del dinero. Esto es cuestión de honor. OK, la apuesta es 1,000. 56 00:05:29,856 --> 00:05:31,848 Tonto. 57 00:05:31,983 --> 00:05:34,355 ¡Sí!. 58 00:05:34,861 --> 00:05:36,770 Hey, no puedes hacer eso, viejo. 59 00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:39,568 - ¿Listo, Duane?. - Seguro, Sarge. 60 00:05:39,699 --> 00:05:42,450 ¿Ves?. Él estaba sólo subiendo la apuesta. 61 00:05:44,036 --> 00:05:45,828 Él es como un dios. 62 00:05:59,135 --> 00:06:01,460 ¡Duane!. ¡Duane!. ¡Duane!.. 63 00:06:01,595 --> 00:06:06,341 ¡Duane!. ¡Duane!. ¡Duane!.. ¡Duane!. ¡Duane!. ¡Duane!.. 64 00:06:28,414 --> 00:06:30,490 ¡Sí!. ¡Sí!. 65 00:06:36,130 --> 00:06:38,371 Dale una vuelta y nalguealo. 66 00:06:39,675 --> 00:06:41,833 ¡El caballo no!. Doberman. 67 00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:46,006 Escucha, ese vahiculo M2 Bradley es propiedad del ejército de los E.U.. 68 00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:50,801 Lo quiero de regreso en el puesto está noche. ¡Tenemos reglas!. Reglas y regulaciones. 69 00:06:53,563 --> 00:06:56,019 Tengo acuerdo de renta aquí mismo.. 70 00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:59,601 Y si vuela algo, saldrá de su depósito. 71 00:06:59,736 --> 00:07:02,607 ¡Adolescentes!. Tan irresponsables. 72 00:07:02,739 --> 00:07:05,693 - Sarge, Ud. dijo que podía contar la toma. - Ella tuvo la cuenta la vez pasada. 73 00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:08,862 ¿Pararás de pelear?. Es como si dirigiera una guardería de niños 74 00:07:08,995 --> 00:07:12,660 De hecho, esa no es una mala idea. Podemos dejarlos en el almacén. 75 00:07:12,791 --> 00:07:16,954 - Luis, ¿cuántos chicos en el puesto?.. - ¿Dependientes personales bajo cinco?.. 76 00:07:17,087 --> 00:07:20,004 - 293. - Dame el total de sus mesadas. 77 00:07:20,131 --> 00:07:23,335 - Hey, ¿en el almacén?. ¿Chicos?.. - Zimmy, no morirán. 78 00:07:23,468 --> 00:07:26,504 De hecho, ese será nuestro lema: "No morirán". 79 00:07:26,638 --> 00:07:30,636 Contaré el dinero. Rocky, asegúrate que el caballo regrese a la granja Knott's Berry. 80 00:07:30,767 --> 00:07:34,515 Soldado Primera Clase Holbrook, Walter T, reportándose para el deber, Sergento!.. 81 00:07:34,646 --> 00:07:36,638 Sarge, Holbrook es un terror técnico escolar. 82 00:07:36,773 --> 00:07:39,442 Primero en su clase, mantenimiento de parque vehicular 83 00:07:39,567 --> 00:07:41,809 ¿Un verdadero voltea llaves viviente en el parque vehicular?.. 84 00:07:41,945 --> 00:07:46,488 Es tan loco, podría funcionar. Te presentaré a los chicos y chicas. 85 00:07:46,616 --> 00:07:48,988 ¿Qué pasa, Sarge?.. 86 00:07:49,118 --> 00:07:52,072 ¿No lo hueles?. Es el dinero. 87 00:07:54,958 --> 00:07:59,038 Este es el Sgto. Henshaw y el Sgto. Barbella. Los verás en los bailes, rifas. 88 00:07:59,170 --> 00:08:01,875 Conseguirás tus boletos con ellos. Ellos manejan la tienda. 89 00:08:02,006 --> 00:08:05,956 Así que si necesitas consumibles, revistas... Pero no suscripciones de revistas. 90 00:08:06,094 --> 00:08:07,753 Mira a Morales para eso. Toallas... 91 00:08:07,887 --> 00:08:11,967 - ¿Toallas?. ¿El ejército no da toallas?.. - ¿El ejército?. Traiganle un juego de toallas. 92 00:08:12,099 --> 00:08:15,551 Las pachocitas. El precio de introducción. Vamos. 93 00:08:15,853 --> 00:08:18,225 Hagan sus apuestas, damas y caballeros. 94 00:08:19,732 --> 00:08:23,148 Este es Dino Paparelli. Vas a reir, vas a llorar. 95 00:08:23,277 --> 00:08:25,649 Vas a amar a este italianito deshilvanado. 96 00:08:25,780 --> 00:08:28,734 - Hiya. - Sam Fender. Su lema en la vida es simple: 97 00:08:28,908 --> 00:08:31,363 ..."Una acusación no es una condena." - Malditamente cierto. 98 00:08:31,494 --> 00:08:34,245 Es lenguaje de hombres. Mickey Zimmerman. 99 00:08:34,371 --> 00:08:37,871 Trágicamente, Zimmerman nació sin personalidad. 100 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,206 - Hola. - Luis Clemente. 101 00:08:40,461 --> 00:08:43,130 Este tipo es listo, muy listo. Tiene coeficiente de inteligencia. 102 00:08:43,255 --> 00:08:46,126 - Hola. - ¿Viste lo que quise decir?.. 103 00:08:46,258 --> 00:08:49,045 Tony Morales. Lo único que necesitas saber acerca de él... 104 00:08:49,178 --> 00:08:52,132 ...que no se baña porque niebla el espejo. 105 00:08:52,264 --> 00:08:57,140 Finalmente, el hombre de la hora, el maestro del desastre, el rey del universo... 106 00:08:57,269 --> 00:09:01,896 ... cuidado, chicas, odia cenar solo... ¡Soldado Duane Doberman!.. 107 00:09:02,024 --> 00:09:03,103 Oh, Sarge. 108 00:09:03,233 --> 00:09:08,191 Doberman tampoco se baña, pero por una razón mucho más aterradora. 109 00:09:09,156 --> 00:09:11,861 Mis órdenes, Sargento. 110 00:09:11,992 --> 00:09:15,195 Todo parece estar en orden. Henshaw llevará tus bolsas. 111 00:09:15,329 --> 00:09:17,286 No te preocupes, está afianzado. ¿Tienes licencia?.. 112 00:09:17,414 --> 00:09:19,739 - ¿Licencia de manejo?.. - Podemos hacer una. 113 00:09:19,875 --> 00:09:23,457 - ¡Henshaw, trae la cámara!.. - No, no. Tengo licencia. Aquí mismo. 114 00:09:23,587 --> 00:09:25,959 Mi cartera. 115 00:09:26,089 --> 00:09:29,505 Oh, aquí está. Vacía. Está en tu gorra, ¿no es así?.. 116 00:09:30,052 --> 00:09:36,553 Buen chico. Oh. Oh, debe de haber 6... no, 700 dólares aquí. Bien. 117 00:09:37,225 --> 00:09:39,716 Bueno, puedes empezar con esto. El carro del Coronel. 118 00:09:39,853 --> 00:09:42,474 - Está bien, ¿qué tiene de malo?.. - Es el odómetro. 119 00:09:42,606 --> 00:09:46,140 Dice 12,000 millas, y debería decir 11,000 millas. 120 00:09:46,276 --> 00:09:49,976 Tony lo manejó a Lake Tahoe para ir al funeral de su abuela. 121 00:09:50,113 --> 00:09:52,569 - Lo siento. - Cuando digo que... 122 00:09:52,741 --> 00:09:57,983 ...quiero decir "visitar su sobrina". Y cuando digo "sobrina", ¿quiero decir amiga dama?.. 123 00:09:58,955 --> 00:10:02,122 Mira. Estoy parpadeando. Mira a mi ojo. 124 00:10:02,250 --> 00:10:05,619 - ¿Quieres que le dé vuelta?.. - Sí. 125 00:10:05,962 --> 00:10:09,497 - No puedo hacer eso, Sargento. - ¡"No puedo"!. ¡Dijo "no puedo"!.. 126 00:10:09,632 --> 00:10:11,839 Sarge, ¿está bien?.. 127 00:10:11,968 --> 00:10:15,218 Hey, viejo, "no puedo" es una palabra de 4 letras en este pelotón. 128 00:10:15,346 --> 00:10:17,920 No puedo violar las regulaciones, a menos que sea una orden... 129 00:10:18,057 --> 00:10:22,185 ...en ese caso tendré que pedirte que el Maestro Sargento Bilko firme esa orden 130 00:10:22,312 --> 00:10:25,645 Esto pidiéndote a ti un favor. Aquí todos somos como una familia. 131 00:10:25,773 --> 00:10:27,849 Cualquier de estos hombres tomaría una bala por ti. 132 00:10:27,984 --> 00:10:31,981 - Bueno, no en el pecho. - No, no en el pecho, sino en la pierna. 133 00:10:32,113 --> 00:10:36,656 - ¿Permiso para hablar libremente?. - ¿Qué, estamos en Rusia?. Di lo que sea. 134 00:10:36,784 --> 00:10:39,275 Son soldados. Guardianes de la libertad. 135 00:10:39,412 --> 00:10:44,702 Y francamente, no creo que haya un hombre aquí tomando su juramento de servicio seriamente. 136 00:10:44,834 --> 00:10:47,585 ¿Sabes qué?. Voy a matarlo. 137 00:10:47,712 --> 00:10:49,087 ¡Fender!. 138 00:10:54,176 --> 00:10:57,343 Ahora, esta es la cosa que deberían estar enseñando en el ejército. 139 00:10:57,471 --> 00:11:00,093 - Lo están enseñando. - ¿No bromeas?. 140 00:11:04,228 --> 00:11:08,142 Aquí les va una viejita para todos nuestros amigos en el parque vehicular. 141 00:11:10,526 --> 00:11:12,565 ("No Particular Place to Go" by Chuck Berry) 142 00:11:12,695 --> 00:11:16,111 Ridin' along in my automobile 143 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,647 My baby beside me at the wheel 144 00:11:19,994 --> 00:11:22,070 I stole a kiss at the turn of a mile 145 00:11:22,496 --> 00:11:23,611 Brass!. 146 00:11:23,747 --> 00:11:27,282 My curiosity runnin' wild 147 00:11:27,418 --> 00:11:30,952 Cruisin' and playin' the radio 148 00:11:31,088 --> 00:11:34,373 With no particular place to go 149 00:11:34,842 --> 00:11:37,379 Ridin' along in my automobile 150 00:11:38,554 --> 00:11:40,879 I was anxious to tell her the way I feel 151 00:11:42,224 --> 00:11:44,976 So I told her softly and sincere 152 00:11:45,936 --> 00:11:48,723 And she leaned and whispered in my ear 153 00:11:49,815 --> 00:11:52,769 Cuddlin' more and drivin' slow 154 00:11:53,610 --> 00:11:54,689 With no particular place to go 155 00:11:54,820 --> 00:11:58,235 - Sarge, ¿dónde podemos ocultar el caballo?. - ¿Qué caballo?. 156 00:12:02,994 --> 00:12:06,410 ¡Está bien, hombres!. Más rápido. El ejército necesita estos vehiculos. 157 00:12:10,460 --> 00:12:12,417 ¿Bilko?. 158 00:12:15,382 --> 00:12:17,125 Sargento. 159 00:12:17,258 --> 00:12:19,168 ¡Sargento Bilko!. 160 00:12:19,302 --> 00:12:23,051 ¡Aliniense hombres, ahora!. ¡Y formen un semicirculo o un rectángulo, ahora!. 161 00:12:23,181 --> 00:12:25,138 ¡Choza!. ¡Hey!. 162 00:12:35,485 --> 00:12:38,106 Muy bien. Como estaban. 163 00:12:38,988 --> 00:12:40,862 Quiso decir regresa a lo que estabas haciendo. 164 00:12:40,990 --> 00:12:44,406 Coronel Hall, luce fantástico, Señor. ¿Perdió peso?. 165 00:12:44,535 --> 00:12:46,824 Por qué, quizás un par de libras. 166 00:12:47,497 --> 00:12:49,454 Nell y yo hemos estado "sudando con las viejitas". 167 00:12:49,582 --> 00:12:52,832 - Ah. - Sargento, estoy aquí para ver lo de mi carro. 168 00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:55,582 Ah, bueno, me temo que aún estamos trabajando en él, Señor. 169 00:12:55,713 --> 00:12:59,462 - Lo ha tenido una semana y media. - Creo que lo ví en la Interestatal 30. 170 00:12:59,592 --> 00:13:02,759 Ahí lo tiene. Gracias a Dios tengo un testigo. Gracias, Capitán Moon. 171 00:13:02,887 --> 00:13:05,722 Y el Coronel cree que yo nunca pruebo los vehículos. 172 00:13:05,848 --> 00:13:07,841 ¿Qué es eso?. 173 00:13:07,975 --> 00:13:11,261 Eso es mierda de caballo, Señor. Les digo a los hombres "tienen que probarlos..." 174 00:13:11,395 --> 00:13:14,100 - ¿Qué está haciendo ahí?. - Mantiene a las moscas lejos de la comida. 175 00:13:14,231 --> 00:13:17,019 No hay forma de saber qué le pasa a un motor ... 176 00:13:17,151 --> 00:13:19,108 - ¿Lejos de la comida?. - Es un experimento. 177 00:13:19,236 --> 00:13:21,229 Yo diría que los resultados son mixtos. 178 00:13:27,870 --> 00:13:30,325 Es mucho más barato que mandar traer, Señor. 179 00:13:30,456 --> 00:13:32,662 Y más fresca también. 180 00:13:32,791 --> 00:13:35,365 Bilko, ¿está Ud. loco?. Este no es el caballo de caballería. 181 00:13:35,502 --> 00:13:38,788 - No puede traer ganado a el puesto. - Tiene razón, Señor. 182 00:13:38,923 --> 00:13:42,588 Han escuchado al Coronel. ¡Traigan al caballo del pelotón y saquen al caballo de aquí!. 183 00:13:42,718 --> 00:13:47,261 - Está bien, dos veces, soldado. - Sargento, por favor, dígame de mi carro. 184 00:13:48,223 --> 00:13:50,382 - ¿Sabe algo de carros, Señor?. - No. 185 00:13:50,517 --> 00:13:55,013 Ah. Bueno, ¿ves esa cosa como puntiaguda de ahí?. 186 00:13:55,147 --> 00:13:59,394 Parece que está incidiendo en la cosa café, redonda con manchas. 187 00:13:59,526 --> 00:14:02,978 - Verás, cuando Henry Ford... - Coronel Hall. 188 00:14:04,031 --> 00:14:06,818 - Cabo, ¿qué pasa?. - ¿Permiso para hablar en privado?. 189 00:14:06,950 --> 00:14:09,239 - Por supuesto. Discúlpeme, Bilko. - Absolutamente. 190 00:14:09,369 --> 00:14:11,907 - ¿Qué pasa, Cabo?. - El Pentágono llamó. 191 00:14:12,039 --> 00:14:14,993 ¿El Pentágono?. ¿Cómo obtuvieron mi número?. 192 00:14:15,125 --> 00:14:18,909 Están mandando un equipo para observar la prueba mañana del tanque flotador. 193 00:14:19,087 --> 00:14:24,378 - ¿Por qué?. Es sólo una preliminar... Aah. - ¿Qué pasa, Señor?. 194 00:14:24,509 --> 00:14:27,676 Bueno, últimamente están cerrando un montón de instalaciones militares. 195 00:14:27,804 --> 00:14:30,093 ¿Qué tal si están planeando cerrar Fort Baxter?. 196 00:14:30,223 --> 00:14:33,058 - ¿Sabe algo acerca de esto?. - Me halagas. 197 00:14:33,185 --> 00:14:38,143 - ¿Cómo puedo, un mero Sargento maestro...?. - Usted sabe todo antes que yo. 198 00:14:38,273 --> 00:14:42,816 Estoy seguro es sólo rutina, Señor. Como sea, regrese cuando guste. Llame primero. 199 00:14:43,403 --> 00:14:47,068 Les digo, hombres, servir bajo un gran lider como el Coronel Hall... 200 00:14:47,198 --> 00:14:48,990 - Se fue. - Tengo hambre. ¿Qué hora?. 201 00:14:49,117 --> 00:14:51,156 12 en punto. Ordenamos comida China. 202 00:14:51,411 --> 00:14:55,029 - ¿Superiores del Pentágono, Sarge?. No me gusta. - Relájate. Es sólo cosas del ejército. 203 00:14:55,165 --> 00:14:57,323 No tiene nada que ver con nosotros. 204 00:14:58,001 --> 00:15:00,289 - ¿Dijiste 12 en punto?. - Sí. 205 00:15:00,420 --> 00:15:02,708 - ¿Hoy es Sábado?. - Todo el día. 206 00:15:02,839 --> 00:15:08,343 Sábado al mediodía. Tengo un extraño presentimiento que debo estar en algún lugar. 207 00:15:13,641 --> 00:15:15,598 Lo mataré. 208 00:15:24,444 --> 00:15:26,816 - ¿Juego de Poker?. - No, no. 209 00:15:27,238 --> 00:15:30,737 - Carreras. - No, no. Fue otra cosa. 210 00:15:35,496 --> 00:15:38,117 Dios, ese es un vestido adorable. 211 00:15:38,249 --> 00:15:40,491 - Gracias, Reverendo. - ¿Es nuevo?. 212 00:15:40,626 --> 00:15:44,327 No, lo usé la última vez que el mentiroso de mierda me plantó. 213 00:15:44,463 --> 00:15:45,626 Ah. 214 00:16:07,903 --> 00:16:10,477 Dame el anillo. Fuiste el padrino la última vez. 215 00:16:10,614 --> 00:16:13,568 - ¡No se casó la última vez!. - ¡Es mi turno!. 216 00:16:13,701 --> 00:16:17,449 - ¿Como vas a ser el padrino?. - ¡Sólo dame el anillo!. 217 00:16:20,707 --> 00:16:24,491 - Pero no puedes odiarlo, ¿sabes?. - Puedo odiarlo. Lo odio ahora mismo. 218 00:16:24,628 --> 00:16:26,585 Cariño... 219 00:16:27,798 --> 00:16:30,467 ¿A dónde vas?. Nadie se retire. 220 00:16:30,592 --> 00:16:35,835 Viniste para verme casar. Vas a - no me importa particularmente con quién. 221 00:16:37,599 --> 00:16:39,556 ¡Cariño!. Sé que estás molesta... 222 00:16:39,685 --> 00:16:42,472 Papi, no te metas. Sé lo que estoy haciendo. 223 00:16:43,397 --> 00:16:44,891 Nelson. 224 00:16:45,023 --> 00:16:47,977 ¿Estás ocupado?. ¿Te casas conmigo?. Te amo. 225 00:16:48,110 --> 00:16:50,482 Nunca me había dado cuenta hasta ahora. 226 00:16:51,530 --> 00:16:56,275 Bueno, la cosa es, Rita, que estoy comprometido... con tu hermana. 227 00:16:57,536 --> 00:16:59,493 ¿Y?. 228 00:17:14,094 --> 00:17:16,667 No preguntes. Ni siquiera preguntes. 229 00:17:19,265 --> 00:17:20,843 Está bien, pregunta. 230 00:17:21,184 --> 00:17:23,556 Cara de conejo, no creerás lo que pasó. 231 00:17:23,686 --> 00:17:28,929 Estaba este autobús cargado de dulces geriatas. Estaban ridando por la montaña... 232 00:17:29,067 --> 00:17:31,106 ¿Crees que soy una idiota?. 233 00:17:31,569 --> 00:17:33,569 Pregunta a Wally. Es nuevo, una real flecha derecha,... 234 00:17:33,570 --> 00:17:36,564 nunca ha dicho mentiras en su vida. ¿Wally?. 235 00:17:38,451 --> 00:17:40,159 ¿Ves?. 236 00:17:40,286 --> 00:17:42,575 Cariño, cariño... 237 00:17:42,705 --> 00:17:45,243 Oh, bebé... sopló de ángel, estás exagerando!. 238 00:17:45,375 --> 00:17:49,668 - Sabes, es... Ooh!. Mala audiencia. - Estaba lleno hace una hora. 239 00:17:49,796 --> 00:17:53,081 ¡Oh, cariñito, Yo... estoy bien!. 240 00:17:53,758 --> 00:17:55,881 Cariñito, ¿qué puedo hacer para recompensarte?. 241 00:17:56,010 --> 00:17:58,252 ¿Qué quieres?. Sólo dimelo. Haré lo que sea. 242 00:17:58,387 --> 00:18:00,546 He estado esperando 7 años. 243 00:18:00,806 --> 00:18:05,184 ¿Qué quiero?. Quiero mis 7 años de regreso. No puedo vivir así, Ernie. 244 00:18:05,394 --> 00:18:08,146 Tengo una dama de honor de guardia las 24 horas del día. 245 00:18:08,272 --> 00:18:12,601 Y soy la única mujer con un vestido de novia que se cae a pedazos por el uso. 246 00:18:13,361 --> 00:18:16,397 - Lo siento. - Creo que me amas, Ernie. 247 00:18:16,530 --> 00:18:20,658 Pero eres tan escurridizo, es imposible saber qué estás pensando. 248 00:18:20,785 --> 00:18:22,694 Bueno, gracias. 249 00:18:22,828 --> 00:18:26,244 No entiendo a qué le temes tanto. 250 00:18:26,373 --> 00:18:29,078 ¿Sabes lo que voy a hacer justo aquí, ahora mismo?. 251 00:18:29,210 --> 00:18:31,167 No. No lo hagas. 252 00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:36,705 No. No, no esta vez. 253 00:18:37,593 --> 00:18:40,344 - No lo hagas, por favor. - Un juego, a 500. 254 00:18:41,930 --> 00:18:44,386 No. Por favor no lo hagas. 255 00:18:45,434 --> 00:18:47,592 Espada. Es un doble. 256 00:18:49,146 --> 00:18:51,269 Cajas riple, a 500. Penny un punto. 257 00:18:51,940 --> 00:18:54,562 - ¿Un cuatro?. - Sí. 258 00:18:55,777 --> 00:18:58,862 Oh, dos. Sí. Vamos. Aquí. Vamos, vamos, vamos. 259 00:19:07,789 --> 00:19:09,746 ¿Qué pasa?. 260 00:19:10,667 --> 00:19:15,163 Bueno, Rocky y yo estábamos hablando a Wally mientras tú y Rita estaban en la iglesia. 261 00:19:15,297 --> 00:19:17,966 Es una buena chica. No nos gusta la manera como la tratas. 262 00:19:18,091 --> 00:19:20,547 Tiene razón, Sarge. La trata como un patán. 263 00:19:20,677 --> 00:19:23,880 - ¿No sería más feliz en la marina?. - Abandonó a esa chica. 264 00:19:24,014 --> 00:19:26,302 Probablemente tendrá que mudarse a otro pueblo. 265 00:19:26,433 --> 00:19:29,137 ¿Te relajarás?. Rita y yo tenemos una relación especial. 266 00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:32,305 ¿Crees que me esperaba para casarme con ella hoy?. Por supuesto que no. 267 00:19:32,439 --> 00:19:35,226 Me esperaba para hacer justo lo que hice. Es un juego. 268 00:19:35,483 --> 00:19:37,855 Algún día podrías perder ese juego, Ernie. 269 00:20:00,592 --> 00:20:03,427 Muy bien, hombres. Asegúrense que esté sujeto. 270 00:20:03,928 --> 00:20:06,597 - ¿Sujeto?. - Lo que sea. 271 00:20:06,723 --> 00:20:09,842 Así que, Mayor Ebersole, mañana es el gran día. 272 00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:13,475 - ¿Cómo luce ella?. - Espero no sea muy humillante, Señor. 273 00:20:13,896 --> 00:20:15,604 ¿Qué se supone que pase?. 274 00:20:15,731 --> 00:20:19,350 Bueno, teóricamente, y no apostaría la granja... 275 00:20:20,069 --> 00:20:25,408 ...el tanque flotador se levantará y flotará varias pulgadar arriba del estanque. 276 00:20:25,533 --> 00:20:29,447 - Bien. Muy bien. - Sí. Luego alistará los objetivos... 277 00:20:29,578 --> 00:20:33,197 ... el... el cañón. Bum. La descarga de munición. Kabum. 278 00:20:33,332 --> 00:20:35,574 Ese camión. Bum. 279 00:20:35,710 --> 00:20:39,838 Excelente. Una idea. Quizás debería ser: bum, bum... 280 00:20:39,964 --> 00:20:41,755 ... luego kabum. 281 00:20:42,967 --> 00:20:47,178 Sabes, ¿guardar ese "kabum" para lo último?. Algo como un "uuh-ah" gran final. 282 00:20:47,304 --> 00:20:49,214 ¿Qué le parece?. 283 00:20:50,891 --> 00:20:53,726 - Haré una nota de ello, Señor. - Bien. 284 00:20:55,563 --> 00:20:58,433 Me extrañó. ¡Ahora corra!. 285 00:20:58,565 --> 00:21:01,056 - Sí. Lo tengo. - Hey, ahí va el sarge, hombre. 286 00:21:01,193 --> 00:21:03,150 ¡Sarge!. 287 00:21:03,529 --> 00:21:06,898 - Hey, Dobie, vamos, vámonos. - Sarge, ¿ya se casó?. 288 00:21:07,032 --> 00:21:10,152 - Aún no. - ¿Cómo lo tomó Rita ésta vez?. 289 00:21:10,285 --> 00:21:12,444 Oh, está feliz. Me quitó 40 morlacos en un juego de gin. 290 00:21:12,579 --> 00:21:13,824 ¡Oh, es grandiosa!. 291 00:21:13,956 --> 00:21:17,455 Paparelli. ¿Cómo van los boletos para la barbacoa "Conoce a tormenta Norman"?. 292 00:21:17,584 --> 00:21:19,624 - Es un éxito de taquilla, Sarge. - ¿Encontraste un doble?. 293 00:21:19,753 --> 00:21:21,544 - Encontramos uno. - Ahh. 294 00:21:21,672 --> 00:21:24,756 No por nada me llaman Sargento maestro. 295 00:21:25,592 --> 00:21:27,834 Sabes, las cosas no siempre fueron así de buenas. 296 00:21:27,970 --> 00:21:32,216 Cuando tuve mis primeros galones en Fort Dix, Lo consideré mi responsabilidad... 297 00:21:32,349 --> 00:21:37,141 ...de proveer a los hombres y mujeres trabajadores con algo de recreación sana. 298 00:21:38,438 --> 00:21:41,688 - Dirigirte las apuestas. - Correcto, Fender. 299 00:21:41,817 --> 00:21:46,110 Pero estaba este Teniente ahí - Teniente Colin Thorn. 300 00:21:48,031 --> 00:21:53,191 Un lunático. Quiero decir, muy suave por fuera, pero por debajo, alambre de púas. 301 00:21:53,328 --> 00:21:55,237 Me montó como un jinete. 302 00:21:55,372 --> 00:21:58,242 Billares, rifas, juegos de cartas - No pude hacer nada. 303 00:21:58,375 --> 00:22:00,782 Era como estar en el ejército. 304 00:22:01,836 --> 00:22:04,623 Bien, vamos nene. ¡Vámonos!. 305 00:22:07,717 --> 00:22:08,796 Hola. 306 00:22:09,260 --> 00:22:12,843 Finalmente, tuve un respiro. Llevaron las finales de división de boxeo en nuestro puesto. 307 00:22:12,972 --> 00:22:15,843 No podías detener a la gente de apostarle. 308 00:22:16,434 --> 00:22:19,684 Era un volado. Ahora, para mi, es sólo sentimental. 309 00:22:19,854 --> 00:22:24,267 Me gusta un evento deportivo en el que sé el resultado de antemano. Es más organizado. 310 00:22:31,783 --> 00:22:35,199 Fui con uno de los pugilistas y llegamos a un acuerdo empresarial. 311 00:22:35,328 --> 00:22:37,285 Por una tajada de 50-50 de nuestras ganancias... 312 00:22:37,413 --> 00:22:40,948 ... él acordó dar menos de un esfuerzo supremo en el círculo cuadrado. 313 00:22:41,083 --> 00:22:44,535 - Le pagaste para echarse un clavado - Por supuesto. 314 00:22:46,214 --> 00:22:49,131 Tenía a este Cabo trabajando para mi - Leo Cletz. 315 00:22:59,894 --> 00:23:02,978 La noche de la pelea, le di el dinero para pagarte a mi peleador. 316 00:23:03,105 --> 00:23:06,854 Leo mal entendió y dió el dinero al otro peleador. 317 00:23:09,487 --> 00:23:14,314 El peleador se sorprendió, pero pensó "Qué demonios?. Es un buen precio. Me tiraré" 318 00:23:14,450 --> 00:23:17,783 Mientras, mi peleador pensó "Bilko quiso decir que recibiré el dinero más tarde." 319 00:23:17,912 --> 00:23:21,612 - "No hay problema. Me tiraré igual." - ¿Así que ambos pensaron clavarse?. 320 00:23:21,749 --> 00:23:24,287 - Exactamente - ¿Qué pasó?. 321 00:23:24,418 --> 00:23:25,449 Historia de boxeo. 322 00:23:50,319 --> 00:23:54,399 Por 3 rounds, nadie se pegó. Era un recital de baile 323 00:24:11,965 --> 00:24:16,793 Finalmente, pienso que por aburrimiento, uno de los chicos conectó con una derecha. 324 00:24:20,473 --> 00:24:22,596 ¿Qué diablos está pasando aquí?. 325 00:24:24,603 --> 00:24:27,390 Teniente Thorn lo tomó como un insulto personal 326 00:24:27,522 --> 00:24:30,558 - ¿Estás bien?. ¿Dolió?. - Muy bonito. 327 00:24:39,617 --> 00:24:42,737 Pareció como que Thorn estaba pagándole al peleador. 328 00:24:43,538 --> 00:24:45,162 Estaba quemado. 329 00:24:45,290 --> 00:24:49,583 No tenían suficiente evidencia para una corte marcial, pero lo mandaron a Groenlandia 330 00:24:55,258 --> 00:24:58,259 Juego, set y partido - Bilko. 331 00:24:59,303 --> 00:25:01,711 - Vaya historia, ¿eh?. - ¿Permiso para hablar libremente?. 332 00:25:01,848 --> 00:25:05,845 - Otra vez, permiso. Está bien. - Lidió con él muy deshonestamente 333 00:25:06,185 --> 00:25:08,510 Olvida eso. ¿Qué le pasó?. Thorn. 334 00:25:08,855 --> 00:25:12,389 No lo sé. No sé que le pasó. 335 00:25:30,459 --> 00:25:35,536 Coronel John Hall, comandante de guarnición. Bienvenido a Fort Baxter, Mayor. 336 00:26:00,948 --> 00:26:03,154 ¡Doberman!. ¡Despierta!. 337 00:26:38,902 --> 00:26:41,191 ¡Vamos, todos!. ¡Arriba y a darle!. 338 00:26:43,782 --> 00:26:47,317 Vamos, chicos, no perdamos un minuto de este hermoso día. 339 00:26:47,452 --> 00:26:48,946 ¡Hey!. 340 00:26:50,205 --> 00:26:53,408 - ¡Larguense de aquí!. - ¡Traeré al Sarge!. 341 00:26:53,541 --> 00:26:55,783 Es todo. Ahora ustedes chicos van a estar en aprietos. 342 00:27:04,094 --> 00:27:06,086 - ¡Hey, Sarge!. Levántese. - ¿Qué pasa?. 343 00:27:06,221 --> 00:27:10,717 ¡Cubranse todos!. ¡Reúnan a todos los hombres!. Man the battle stations and... 344 00:27:12,143 --> 00:27:13,637 ¿Qué es esay música?. 345 00:27:26,157 --> 00:27:29,989 Entiendo, Mayor, este sistema de armas está en etapa experimental. 346 00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:33,654 Pero creo que estaría muy impresionado con el... ruido que produce. 347 00:27:33,790 --> 00:27:36,625 Es una poderosa pieza de equipo. 348 00:27:36,751 --> 00:27:40,286 Coronel, realmente le urjo a Ud. a no proceder con esto. 349 00:27:40,421 --> 00:27:43,256 Ah, Mayor Ebersole, Mayor Thorn. 350 00:27:43,382 --> 00:27:46,253 Mayor Ebersole es el cerebro detrás del tanque flotador. 351 00:27:46,385 --> 00:27:48,592 Él es realmente el responsable. 352 00:27:50,389 --> 00:27:52,714 - Gracias, Señor. - ¿Podemos continuar con esto?. 353 00:27:52,850 --> 00:27:55,222 Por supuesto. ¿Listo para empezar?. 354 00:27:55,353 --> 00:27:57,725 Está bien. Encendamos está vela. 355 00:28:01,692 --> 00:28:07,446 Ssbe, con todos estos cierres de bases y reducciones, la gente aquí ha estado inquieta. 356 00:28:07,573 --> 00:28:09,530 Listo, Coronel. 357 00:28:10,034 --> 00:28:12,406 Esto es emocionante. 358 00:28:24,298 --> 00:28:26,587 Está bien, enciendala. 359 00:28:46,403 --> 00:28:48,312 Aún necesita trabajo. 360 00:29:08,049 --> 00:29:09,757 Fuego. 361 00:29:14,764 --> 00:29:16,757 Por supuesto. 362 00:29:18,893 --> 00:29:20,767 ¡Salgan!. ¡Cuidado!. 363 00:29:51,092 --> 00:29:54,840 ¡Vamos, campistas!. Son las 10 am. Hora de empezar el día. 364 00:29:57,348 --> 00:29:59,673 - Buenos días, Sarge. - Es ese tiempo de la década. 365 00:29:59,809 --> 00:30:01,718 - Vas a bañarte. - ¿Tengo que hacerlo?. 366 00:30:01,853 --> 00:30:05,981 Todos lo sienten fuertemente. Aquí está la petición. 367 00:30:07,108 --> 00:30:09,184 Oh, Sarge. 368 00:30:11,612 --> 00:30:14,399 ¿Por qué estás sentado ahí?. Estabas lleno de energía a las 6 am. 369 00:30:14,532 --> 00:30:16,405 No creo que les agrade a los muchachos. 370 00:30:16,534 --> 00:30:19,903 - ¿Qué te hace decir eso?. - Me escribieron una nota. 371 00:30:20,037 --> 00:30:23,122 "Wally, no nos agradas." Y todos lo firmaron. 372 00:30:25,876 --> 00:30:29,625 - Sí, esa es la "X" de Doberman. - ¿Por favor puedo tener otro compañero de cuarto?. 373 00:30:29,755 --> 00:30:31,712 - ¿Por qué, qué pasa?. - Orinó su cama. 374 00:30:31,841 --> 00:30:35,506 - Oh, bueno, de vez en cuando. - No. Lo hizo por todo el cuarto. 375 00:30:39,056 --> 00:30:41,843 ¡Mayor, por favor!. ¿Al menos se quedará para la comida?. 376 00:30:41,976 --> 00:30:44,431 - ¿Le gusta caserola de pollo?. - No. 377 00:30:44,561 --> 00:30:47,017 Bueno, Mayor, déjeme ser franco. 378 00:30:47,147 --> 00:30:50,682 Un report negativo de Ud. sería una sentencia de muerte para Fort Baxter. 379 00:30:50,818 --> 00:30:54,234 - Hemos estado en declive... - ¿9 años sin una prueba exitosa?. 380 00:30:54,363 --> 00:30:56,569 Ese no es un declive, esa es una tradición. 381 00:30:56,698 --> 00:31:00,743 Pero, Mayor, piense por un minuto por los hombres, sus carreras. 382 00:31:00,869 --> 00:31:03,574 - Mi carrera. - Coronel, es lo que hay. 383 00:31:03,705 --> 00:31:06,457 estimo es la carrera que tenía en mente cuando salí del Colegio Militar. 384 00:31:06,583 --> 00:31:09,288 Puliendo un asiento con mi culo en Washington DC, visitando puestos culeros. 385 00:31:09,419 --> 00:31:11,910 Pensé que sería un Coronel ya o quizás un General. 386 00:31:12,047 --> 00:31:16,092 Lo siento. Lo que ví hoy fue una nube de polvo que costó $70 millones. Buenos días. 387 00:31:16,218 --> 00:31:20,844 ¡Espere!. Hay mucho más en Fort Baxter que sólo Investigación y Desarrollo, Mayor. 388 00:31:20,972 --> 00:31:24,009 - Tenemis una comisaría condecorado. - Pruebe la caserola. 389 00:31:24,142 --> 00:31:26,467 Y nuestro equipo de softball ganó el título de división. 390 00:31:26,603 --> 00:31:29,355 Y el pelotón del Sargento Bilko está en las finales del Club de Coro. 391 00:31:29,481 --> 00:31:31,639 Ciertamente tendré edo en mente. 392 00:31:40,283 --> 00:31:42,157 ¿Dijo Bilko?. 393 00:31:43,495 --> 00:31:45,368 Sí. 394 00:31:45,497 --> 00:31:47,738 ¿Es ése Ernie Bilko?. 395 00:31:48,875 --> 00:31:51,033 El único y el mismo. 396 00:31:52,003 --> 00:31:54,079 Quizás me quedaré para la comida. 397 00:31:54,380 --> 00:31:57,796 Bueno. ¡Encienda esa cacerola de pollo, Capitán Moon!. 398 00:31:57,926 --> 00:31:59,799 ¡Sí, Señor!. 399 00:32:14,025 --> 00:32:16,432 Ahora, ¿A dónde fue ése?. 400 00:32:30,541 --> 00:32:33,459 - Hey, ¡está 8 sobre par, Sarge!. - Bueno, arreglelo 401 00:32:33,586 --> 00:32:36,587 - Sarge, ¿lo dejan hacer esto?. - Nunca lo pedí. Dirían no. 402 00:32:36,714 --> 00:32:38,173 Es un puesto del ejército. 403 00:32:45,890 --> 00:32:48,926 Bien, tengo 5 a 1 a Lover's Knot. 404 00:32:49,143 --> 00:32:52,594 - $20 dicen que puedo darke al estacionamiento. - Yo no apuesto. 405 00:32:53,355 --> 00:32:55,681 - ¿Qué es lo que haces?. - Permiso para hablar... 406 00:32:55,816 --> 00:32:57,476 Sí, sí, sí. Adelante. 407 00:32:57,610 --> 00:33:01,310 Me levanto casa mañana y me visto para proteger el estilo de vida Americano. 408 00:33:01,447 --> 00:33:05,575 ¿Podrías decir eso más tarde esta noche para que no tenga que tomar una píldora para dormir?. 409 00:33:05,701 --> 00:33:07,528 ¡Bilko!. 410 00:33:07,661 --> 00:33:09,239 No puede ser. 411 00:33:10,289 --> 00:33:12,531 Teniente Thorn. 412 00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:17,294 - De hecho, es Mayor Thorn ahora. - Bueno, Felicidades. 413 00:33:19,006 --> 00:33:22,956 No sabía que todavía estaba en el servicio. Lo hubiera buscado hacer mucho. 414 00:33:23,093 --> 00:33:24,007 Lo apostaría. 415 00:33:24,136 --> 00:33:28,180 Dígame, Coronel, ¿él es todavía el mismo bribón que fue en Fort Dix?. 416 00:33:28,307 --> 00:33:31,177 - Esa es una manera de ponerlo. - Ud. cambió mi vida. 417 00:33:31,310 --> 00:33:33,883 ¿Recuerda ese encuentrito de box?. 418 00:33:34,229 --> 00:33:36,222 Encuentro de box... 419 00:33:36,356 --> 00:33:40,354 Eso me hizo un hombre nuevo. Recuerda cómo solía ser rígido y tenso?. 420 00:33:40,485 --> 00:33:43,403 Gracias a él, me dí cuenta que no puedes tratar a las personas así. 421 00:33:43,530 --> 00:33:45,986 Soy un mejor hombre por ello. Gracias, Ernie. 422 00:33:46,116 --> 00:33:47,694 Seguro. 423 00:33:49,536 --> 00:33:51,279 - ¿Qué fue eso?. - Galgos, Señor. 424 00:33:51,413 --> 00:33:53,986 - ¿Cuánto tiempo estará entre nosotros, Mayor?. - No mucho. 425 00:33:54,124 --> 00:33:56,615 Coronel, ¿qué dice si comemos esa caserola?. 426 00:33:56,751 --> 00:33:59,622 Absolutamente, y unas patatas asadas también. 427 00:34:03,466 --> 00:34:08,508 Regresemos a las barracas y cancele todo: bailes, rifas, todo. 428 00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:33,319 ¡Dios, olvidé que son las finales!. 429 00:34:35,081 --> 00:34:37,654 ¡Sarge!. Aquí está el dinero de la renta de los patines. 430 00:34:37,792 --> 00:34:41,410 ¡Alto, alto!. ¡Aleja eso!. ¡Alto, todos!. ¡Alto!. 431 00:34:41,921 --> 00:34:45,456 Paseando en mi automóvil. 432 00:34:45,591 --> 00:34:47,880 Mi nena a un lado de mi al volante. 433 00:34:49,220 --> 00:34:52,055 Robé un beso a la vuelta de una milla. 434 00:34:52,849 --> 00:34:56,134 Es Hall con el Mayor Thorn. Parece como una inspección sorpresa. 435 00:34:56,269 --> 00:35:00,266 ¿Una inspección?. ¿Ahora?. ¡Mira este lugar!. 436 00:35:00,398 --> 00:35:02,770 - Tiempo estimado de llegada, 90 segundos. - Piensa. Piensa. 437 00:35:03,067 --> 00:35:05,605 Tengo que pensar. ¿Dónde está la compañía Alfa?. 438 00:35:05,736 --> 00:35:07,729 Ejercicios de campo. 439 00:35:07,863 --> 00:35:09,939 Así que nos estacionamos muy lejos en el Kokomo 440 00:35:11,701 --> 00:35:14,536 La noche era joven y la luna era oro. 441 00:35:15,121 --> 00:35:17,659 So we both decided to take a stroll 442 00:35:19,291 --> 00:35:21,367 ¿Puede imaginarse la manera como me sentía?. 443 00:35:22,795 --> 00:35:25,333 No pude desabrochar su cinturón de seguridad. 444 00:35:26,507 --> 00:35:29,212 Cruisin' and playin' the radio 445 00:35:30,177 --> 00:35:33,048 Sin ningún lugar en particular para ir. 446 00:35:42,856 --> 00:35:46,190 ¿Hacia dónde estamos... 447 00:35:46,735 --> 00:35:48,562 ... encarando aquí?. 448 00:35:48,695 --> 00:35:53,986 Bueno... tendría que ser este aquí. 449 00:35:54,868 --> 00:35:58,320 Sobre la colina, over dale hemos dado al camino polvoso. 450 00:35:58,455 --> 00:36:01,954 As those caissons go rolling along 451 00:36:02,084 --> 00:36:05,784 And it's hi, hi, hee in the field artillery 452 00:36:06,129 --> 00:36:08,086 Bilko. 453 00:36:08,548 --> 00:36:10,837 Ten-hut, platoon!. 454 00:36:14,096 --> 00:36:16,966 - El Mayor Thorn quiere ver las barracas. - ¿Una inspección?. 455 00:36:17,099 --> 00:36:19,768 I wish we had a little more time. We're not prepared. 456 00:36:19,893 --> 00:36:23,760 It just gives me a thrill to see what a first-rate top kick can do with a platoon. 457 00:36:23,897 --> 00:36:26,933 - Why don't they stand by their rooms?. - Certainly. Sergeant?. 458 00:36:27,067 --> 00:36:30,815 Really, sir, if the glee club misses practice, I won't be responsible... 459 00:36:30,946 --> 00:36:36,450 - I said now!. - Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut!. 460 00:36:42,624 --> 00:36:44,700 - Is this your room, soldier?. - Yes, sir. 461 00:36:44,834 --> 00:36:47,372 Follow me. 462 00:36:56,554 --> 00:36:58,511 Who's this?. 463 00:36:59,974 --> 00:37:04,601 It's the cast of my favourite TV show, sir: The African-American Hour. 464 00:37:04,729 --> 00:37:06,805 Oh?. I've never heard of it. 465 00:37:06,939 --> 00:37:11,518 It's on cable. See, it's funny, but it also makes you think. 466 00:37:13,321 --> 00:37:14,863 Ah. Hm. 467 00:37:41,265 --> 00:37:43,222 (toy squeaks) 468 00:37:51,817 --> 00:37:53,940 Are these yours?. 469 00:37:54,486 --> 00:37:59,563 It is my understanding that you can no longer ask me these questions, sir. 470 00:38:00,993 --> 00:38:03,235 It's a new army, Major. 471 00:38:03,370 --> 00:38:05,446 We're all adjusting. 472 00:38:15,382 --> 00:38:17,339 (sniffs) 473 00:38:21,013 --> 00:38:22,637 - Whose bunk is this?. - Uh, mine, sir. 474 00:38:22,764 --> 00:38:26,714 - That corner is not squared off!. - What?. I told you to make this bunk!. 475 00:38:26,852 --> 00:38:31,063 Now, I don't want any of your excuses!. Now, drop and give me 20!. Ha!. 476 00:38:34,067 --> 00:38:35,561 (grunts) 477 00:38:35,694 --> 00:38:38,399 All right. One. We're going for one. 478 00:38:39,322 --> 00:38:41,481 Colonel, you're a very courageous man. 479 00:38:41,616 --> 00:38:44,286 Oh!. I saw a little combat duty in Kor... 480 00:38:44,911 --> 00:38:46,868 Courageous?. What do you mean?. 481 00:38:46,997 --> 00:38:50,531 Thumbing your nose at army regulations. But I guess your men come first. 482 00:38:50,667 --> 00:38:53,336 - And 20. - My men?. First?. 483 00:38:54,045 --> 00:38:57,130 - What does he mean, Bilko?. - This soldier, sir. 484 00:38:57,257 --> 00:39:00,922 I'd say he's about 50 pounds over his maximum allowable weight. 485 00:39:01,052 --> 00:39:04,836 What are the chances of that being discovered and your being blamed?. 486 00:39:04,973 --> 00:39:06,716 Blamed?. 487 00:39:06,850 --> 00:39:09,767 Sergeant, I want him at regulation weight in six weeks. 488 00:39:09,894 --> 00:39:11,389 Yes, sir!. 489 00:39:27,203 --> 00:39:30,287 Adelaide, of course we'll get married, sooner or later. 490 00:39:30,415 --> 00:39:34,459 Nathan Detroit, after 14 years, it is already too late to be sooner. 491 00:39:34,961 --> 00:39:39,124 I'm from Rhode Island, where people do not remain engaged for 14 years. 492 00:39:39,507 --> 00:39:42,876 - They get married. - Then why is it such a small state?. 493 00:39:44,303 --> 00:39:46,925 Miss Robbins. I don't get it. 494 00:39:47,056 --> 00:39:51,433 Why would Adelaide stick around if he, like, disses her all the time?. 495 00:39:51,561 --> 00:39:54,230 Doesn't she have any self-esteem?. 496 00:39:54,355 --> 00:39:58,435 Well, that's a very interesting question. 497 00:39:58,567 --> 00:40:02,861 - (Bilko) Certainly is. - Ernie!. What are you doing here?. 498 00:40:03,114 --> 00:40:05,071 - Did you get the flowers I sent ya?. - No. 499 00:40:05,199 --> 00:40:08,650 Darn. I'll call FedEx and have 'em put a trace on it. 500 00:40:08,786 --> 00:40:11,953 That's right, sweetheart. Nathan's a hustler. 501 00:40:12,081 --> 00:40:14,951 He's irresponsible, and he's careless with the truth. 502 00:40:15,084 --> 00:40:18,868 But the one thing he never lies about is how much he cares for Adelaide. 503 00:40:19,088 --> 00:40:21,495 See, that's his core, and she knows it. 504 00:40:21,632 --> 00:40:26,460 OK, let's take a break for ten minutes. And that was really good. 505 00:40:27,137 --> 00:40:29,095 Wonderful. 506 00:40:33,143 --> 00:40:38,304 Ernie, I've been thinking, and I don't think we should see each other any more. 507 00:40:38,440 --> 00:40:41,311 Sweetheart, you promised to go to the Rusty Spur with me. 508 00:40:41,443 --> 00:40:45,607 - You never give up, do you?. - Come on. Come on, sweetheart... 509 00:40:45,739 --> 00:40:48,775 ...go to the Rusty Spur with me. It'd be like old times. 510 00:40:50,369 --> 00:40:55,031 All right, but you've got 30 days. If this finger is still naked in 30 days... 511 00:40:55,165 --> 00:40:57,122 ...it's adios, Pepe. 512 00:40:58,168 --> 00:41:02,996 I mean it this time. This is your last chance. 513 00:41:28,365 --> 00:41:30,690 Major. I'm Lieutenant Oster and this is... 514 00:41:30,825 --> 00:41:35,072 Lieutenant Monday. We're here from the Inspector General's Office, sir. 515 00:41:35,205 --> 00:41:39,665 I asked for the best number crunchers in the army!. I hope that's what they sent!. 516 00:41:39,793 --> 00:41:42,912 - If there's been any malfeasance... - Or embezzlement... 517 00:41:43,046 --> 00:41:44,291 We will find it. 518 00:41:44,422 --> 00:41:48,005 This guy we're going after's been feeding off the khaki tit for years. 519 00:41:48,134 --> 00:41:52,511 He's a master sergeant. His name is Ernie Bilko. Get him!. 520 00:41:55,850 --> 00:41:58,637 - Forget it, Bilko. - But, sir, the moment my boys heard... 521 00:41:58,770 --> 00:42:01,474 ...about the desert manoeuvre, they volunteered. 522 00:42:01,606 --> 00:42:04,476 We still haven't got over being left out of Desert Storm. 523 00:42:04,609 --> 00:42:07,100 How the orders got crisscrossed, I'll never know. 524 00:42:07,236 --> 00:42:11,104 But if we could go on these manoeuvres, it would make up, in some small way... 525 00:42:11,240 --> 00:42:13,067 You must think I'm a nincompoop. 526 00:42:13,201 --> 00:42:16,118 A nincompoop?. An NCP?. On the contrary, sir. 527 00:42:16,245 --> 00:42:18,570 - I think you're one of the finest... - Las Vegas. 528 00:42:18,706 --> 00:42:21,458 - What, sir?. - The desert manoeuvre will take place... 529 00:42:21,584 --> 00:42:23,909 ...15 miles from Las Vegas, Nevada. 530 00:42:24,045 --> 00:42:26,796 Really?. I had no idea. Won't that be fun?. 531 00:42:26,922 --> 00:42:31,169 - Lake Mead, Hoover Dam. - Forget it. You've got bigger problems. 532 00:42:31,302 --> 00:42:35,513 Two hatchet men - excuse me, hatchet persons - 533 00:42:35,639 --> 00:42:39,139 ...from the Inspector General's Office came to audit the motor pool accounts. 534 00:42:39,268 --> 00:42:42,185 - I wonder who tipped them off?. - Yes, I wonder. 535 00:42:43,856 --> 00:42:46,940 (woman) Fort Baxter. How may I direct your call?. Motor pool?. 536 00:42:47,067 --> 00:42:51,943 Listen, Bilko, I might tell you this whole post is skating on thin ice with hot blades. 537 00:42:52,072 --> 00:42:54,065 Don't let them find anything. 538 00:42:54,199 --> 00:42:57,153 - Is the colonel suggesting a cover-up?. - A cover-up?. 539 00:42:57,286 --> 00:43:00,370 Why, no. Is there... anything to cover up?. 540 00:43:01,290 --> 00:43:03,448 No... sir. 541 00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:07,629 Good. Then I'm not suggesting one. 542 00:43:08,088 --> 00:43:12,667 Just do... whatever it is you do to make these things go away. 543 00:43:14,678 --> 00:43:16,635 I can't help myself 544 00:43:17,681 --> 00:43:19,923 Bad habits 545 00:43:20,892 --> 00:43:22,968 I'm runnin' wild 546 00:43:23,687 --> 00:43:25,644 Lost control 547 00:43:27,065 --> 00:43:29,852 Well, I must confess 548 00:43:30,235 --> 00:43:33,153 Cos I can't repress 549 00:43:33,905 --> 00:43:37,570 In the last two months you billed the army for 72 windshields?. 550 00:43:37,701 --> 00:43:40,867 That was a mistake. One of my men, Private Buttersworth... 551 00:43:40,996 --> 00:43:43,202 ...had a hairline crack in his glasses. 552 00:43:43,331 --> 00:43:45,123 - A crack?. - Yes, a hairline crack. 553 00:43:45,250 --> 00:43:48,167 So to him, it looked like all the windshields were broken. 554 00:43:48,295 --> 00:43:50,999 I transferred him right out. That's the way I am. 555 00:43:51,131 --> 00:43:55,175 She's crazy about you. Every time you're not looking, she stares. 556 00:43:59,264 --> 00:44:01,340 You just missed it. 557 00:44:06,938 --> 00:44:11,814 Sergeant, in the past two days we've found a number of possible irregularities. 558 00:44:11,943 --> 00:44:16,320 - Now, if you can't produce receipts... - She's staring at you again. 559 00:44:16,447 --> 00:44:18,405 Oh, just missed it!. 560 00:44:18,866 --> 00:44:20,658 There. 561 00:44:20,785 --> 00:44:23,454 ... that a boy like me 562 00:44:23,913 --> 00:44:28,290 Has got so many bad habits 563 00:44:29,877 --> 00:44:34,504 I said, all of these bad habits 564 00:44:36,884 --> 00:44:42,305 All of these bad habits 565 00:44:46,310 --> 00:44:48,267 (bells ring) 566 00:44:52,316 --> 00:44:54,060 Nothing?. You found nothing?. 567 00:44:54,193 --> 00:44:56,649 All my training tells me he's hiding something. 568 00:44:56,779 --> 00:44:59,484 Every time we're about to find something... 569 00:44:59,615 --> 00:45:03,150 - It dissolves. - It's like trying to nail Jell-O to the wall. 570 00:45:03,285 --> 00:45:07,117 - No. It's like watching a magician. - He's got you watching his left hand... 571 00:45:07,248 --> 00:45:10,118 And his right hand keeps pullin' rabbits!. 572 00:45:10,251 --> 00:45:12,576 Well, then, let's tie his hands. 573 00:45:15,256 --> 00:45:17,581 Ernie, will you dance with me tonight?. 574 00:45:17,716 --> 00:45:21,050 That's up to you. Last time, I accidentally stepped on your knee. 575 00:45:21,178 --> 00:45:23,503 - What if they play our song?. - We have a song?. 576 00:45:23,639 --> 00:45:25,715 Don't you remember the first time we...?. 577 00:45:25,849 --> 00:45:28,175 Only you 578 00:45:28,310 --> 00:45:31,264 How could I forget our song?. When they play it tonight... 579 00:45:31,396 --> 00:45:35,690 ...you and I will dance the most romantic dance we've ever danced in our entire life. 580 00:45:35,818 --> 00:45:39,021 - You promise?. - That's a promise from Ernest G Bilko. 581 00:45:41,490 --> 00:45:43,897 Put some drive in your country 582 00:45:45,160 --> 00:45:48,695 Keep country drivin' on 583 00:45:50,415 --> 00:45:52,989 When the music gets you movin' 584 00:45:54,252 --> 00:45:56,126 You know it can't be long 585 00:45:56,254 --> 00:46:00,086 Baby, this is our night. Just us. Just you and me. All night long. No soldiers. 586 00:46:00,217 --> 00:46:02,340 - What do you wanna do?. - Let's shoot some pool. 587 00:46:02,469 --> 00:46:05,221 - Oh, yeah. - Hey, Sarge. You're late!. 588 00:46:07,140 --> 00:46:11,517 - We want to celebrate the audit with ya. - Those bean counters didn't have a clue. 589 00:46:12,312 --> 00:46:15,811 I know, I know. Sometimes I'm so damn good I scare myself. 590 00:46:16,483 --> 00:46:18,689 Just us, huh?. 591 00:46:21,112 --> 00:46:24,695 If you see her out tonight 592 00:46:25,283 --> 00:46:30,325 And she tells you that it's just the lights 593 00:46:30,455 --> 00:46:32,447 That bring her here 594 00:46:32,582 --> 00:46:37,244 And not her loneliness 595 00:46:39,422 --> 00:46:42,043 That's what she says... 596 00:46:42,175 --> 00:46:44,844 - I'll go get us a couple of drinks. - OK. 597 00:46:55,104 --> 00:46:57,891 ...every word she says 598 00:46:58,024 --> 00:47:00,266 A scorpion and a brandy alexander. 599 00:47:01,527 --> 00:47:03,935 That's what she says... 600 00:47:04,530 --> 00:47:06,938 The future Mrs "Permission to Speak Freely"?. 601 00:47:07,074 --> 00:47:11,072 Oh, no. I mean, I don't know her. I never even... I don't know her. 602 00:47:11,203 --> 00:47:13,161 (music ends) 603 00:47:14,624 --> 00:47:18,407 Thank you very much, everybody. we'll be back in just a couple of minutes. 604 00:47:18,544 --> 00:47:20,418 - I'll introduce ya. - You know her?. 605 00:47:20,546 --> 00:47:22,835 - No. - She's with someone. 606 00:47:22,965 --> 00:47:24,922 A detail. 607 00:47:28,429 --> 00:47:31,679 - Ah, you must be in Bravo company. - No, Charlie company. 608 00:47:31,807 --> 00:47:34,049 - Charlie Company!. Haven't you heard?. - What?. 609 00:47:34,185 --> 00:47:36,758 You're shipping out - Operation Vacuum Cleaner. 610 00:47:36,896 --> 00:47:39,054 - Operation... - Shh!. 611 00:47:39,189 --> 00:47:42,523 I want his name. I want it known that in this moment of crisis... 612 00:47:42,651 --> 00:47:45,225 ...this man chose to sit here and eat bar nuts. 613 00:47:45,362 --> 00:47:49,526 - I didn't know!. - Go ye into the night!. Hut, hut, hut, hut!. 614 00:47:51,243 --> 00:47:53,948 All right. Now I'll settle this. 615 00:47:54,997 --> 00:47:56,989 - Hmm. - Excuse me?. 616 00:47:57,166 --> 00:48:00,866 You were right. Those are the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. 617 00:48:01,003 --> 00:48:02,830 - Did he say that?. - Oh, yeah. 618 00:48:02,963 --> 00:48:06,332 He said your eyes were like diamonds sparkling on a summer night. 619 00:48:06,466 --> 00:48:11,009 The old sergeant's eyes didn't see what he saw. Anyway, here's the $20 I bet you. 620 00:48:11,138 --> 00:48:15,847 I think the least you can do is sit down and buy this young lady some dinner. 621 00:48:15,976 --> 00:48:18,467 Sit down and buy dinner!. Go!. Hey!. 622 00:48:19,021 --> 00:48:20,894 Ah, to be young again. 623 00:48:22,023 --> 00:48:24,775 - That's my sergeant. - Oh. 624 00:48:31,074 --> 00:48:33,565 Oh!. Major Ebersole, boys. Welcome to the Spur. 625 00:48:33,702 --> 00:48:38,245 Oh, I've been here before. Uh... five years ago. 626 00:48:38,373 --> 00:48:41,078 I had... a scotch and soda. 627 00:48:41,209 --> 00:48:43,914 Good. A place like this depends on repeat business. 628 00:48:44,045 --> 00:48:49,040 They're repainting our club, so we had to move our weekly poker game down here. 629 00:48:49,175 --> 00:48:53,339 Poker. I've heard wonderful things about that game. Can I watch?. 630 00:48:53,471 --> 00:48:56,638 - You don't play poker?. - I'm pretty busy at the motor pool... 631 00:48:56,766 --> 00:49:01,926 ...up to my elbows in grease. Maybe I could join... Oh, no, there's a problem. 632 00:49:02,063 --> 00:49:04,221 I don't have any change. 633 00:49:04,357 --> 00:49:08,224 We can make change. It's OK. 634 00:49:08,444 --> 00:49:10,817 Oh, goody. I get to play cards. 635 00:49:12,073 --> 00:49:15,821 ... long way home just to think of an alibi 636 00:49:15,952 --> 00:49:19,118 Well, I couldn't think of a dozen things 637 00:49:19,247 --> 00:49:20,361 That hadn't already... 638 00:49:20,498 --> 00:49:24,543 - Get you somethin'?. - Scotch, rocks. Good-looking woman. 639 00:49:24,669 --> 00:49:26,626 That's Bilko's girl. 640 00:49:27,421 --> 00:49:29,544 Now she looks even better. 641 00:49:32,134 --> 00:49:34,507 I'm dealing you five cards. 642 00:49:34,637 --> 00:49:37,128 - Five cards. Let me write this down. - Yeah, OK. 643 00:49:37,265 --> 00:49:40,468 Now, the worst hand that you can have... 644 00:49:40,601 --> 00:49:44,350 ...is if you only have one high card and nothing else that matches. 645 00:49:44,480 --> 00:49:49,723 - But then comes a pair. - A pair. How exciting. A pair. 646 00:49:50,277 --> 00:49:52,899 (applause) 647 00:49:53,239 --> 00:49:57,486 Only you 648 00:49:58,244 --> 00:50:03,486 Can make this world seem right 649 00:50:04,583 --> 00:50:07,288 Oh, thanks. Have you seen Ernie?. 650 00:50:07,920 --> 00:50:10,292 - No, I haven't. - Will you hold this a second?. 651 00:50:10,422 --> 00:50:12,462 - Sure. - Thanks. 652 00:50:15,344 --> 00:50:17,633 Excuse me. Have you guys seen Ernie?. 653 00:50:17,763 --> 00:50:19,720 - No. - No. 654 00:50:20,724 --> 00:50:22,681 Ernie?. 655 00:50:23,310 --> 00:50:24,473 Ernie!. 656 00:50:24,812 --> 00:50:28,015 I have three jacks and two sixes. What's that called again?. 657 00:50:28,148 --> 00:50:31,980 - A full house. - What a cute name. A full house. 658 00:50:32,277 --> 00:50:35,112 - Is that good?. - Yes, that means you win. 659 00:50:36,865 --> 00:50:40,649 - Again. - Oh, God, this is almost embarrassing. 660 00:50:40,786 --> 00:50:42,909 What is that?. Five in a row?. 661 00:50:43,288 --> 00:50:46,622 What a lovely watch. Now, let's see. We'll just shuffle. 662 00:50:46,750 --> 00:50:48,992 Oops. Clumsy me. 663 00:50:50,128 --> 00:50:52,417 - OK. Cut?. Thank you. - Hey!. 664 00:50:52,547 --> 00:50:55,797 Sorry. All right. OK. 665 00:51:00,013 --> 00:51:03,631 You are my destiny 666 00:51:03,767 --> 00:51:08,014 Oh. You hear that song?. It means I gotta go. 667 00:51:09,773 --> 00:51:13,355 Gee, I feel bad. Can't I give some of this back?. 668 00:51:14,778 --> 00:51:17,648 No, that would be wrong, wouldn't it?. 669 00:51:17,781 --> 00:51:21,232 All right, well, I'll just take these IOUs... 670 00:51:21,493 --> 00:51:26,285 ...and the pink slip, and you can cash me out and I'll see you back at the base. 671 00:51:26,414 --> 00:51:28,241 - Ernie!. - Good evening, sir. 672 00:51:28,374 --> 00:51:30,082 Excuse us, Major. 673 00:51:30,210 --> 00:51:35,286 Listen, I don't know why, but the colonel's decided to climb all over your sorry butt. 674 00:51:35,423 --> 00:51:37,665 I'm afraid the party's over, Ernie. 675 00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:42,676 Get back to the post. I'd like to see your men on the parade ground at 0500 hours. 676 00:51:42,805 --> 00:51:45,379 - Yes, sir. Weather permitting. - What permitting?. 677 00:51:45,516 --> 00:51:47,675 Who said that?. 678 00:51:47,810 --> 00:51:50,562 It's payback time, Bilko. 679 00:51:50,938 --> 00:51:53,892 If it's all the same to you, I'll tell my girlfriend we're leaving. 680 00:51:54,025 --> 00:52:01,071 It's not all the same to me, Bilko. Move it!. Hut, hut, hut!. Hut, hut, hut, hut!. 681 00:52:01,449 --> 00:52:05,909 You are my destiny 682 00:52:10,458 --> 00:52:12,581 This solves nothing. 683 00:52:12,918 --> 00:52:15,041 This solves everything. 684 00:52:17,256 --> 00:52:20,459 You haven't seen someone called Ernie Bilko, have you?. 685 00:52:20,843 --> 00:52:23,215 Oh, yes. He left a few minutes ago. 686 00:52:23,345 --> 00:52:27,425 - Are you sure?. - Yep, I definitely saw him go, in a hurry. 687 00:52:27,641 --> 00:52:31,805 You see, I happen to know Major Ebersole offered him a poker game. 688 00:52:32,271 --> 00:52:35,889 You're my dream come true 689 00:52:36,650 --> 00:52:44,231 My one and only you 690 00:52:44,450 --> 00:52:46,738 I can drop you off on my way back to the post. 691 00:52:46,869 --> 00:52:50,238 - This is very nice of you. - Not at all. 692 00:52:50,372 --> 00:52:52,329 May I ask you... 693 00:52:53,792 --> 00:52:57,410 ...could I call on you sometime?. - Oh, well, you see, I'm... 694 00:52:57,796 --> 00:53:00,168 I just broke up with someone. 695 00:53:00,299 --> 00:53:05,044 - He must be devastated. - Oh... he doesn't know yet. 696 00:53:14,438 --> 00:53:16,311 (reveille) 697 00:53:17,732 --> 00:53:23,438 Fall in!. Arrgh!. And gather!. Gather in... in a square!. All right. 698 00:53:26,241 --> 00:53:28,198 Good!. 699 00:53:28,868 --> 00:53:33,365 All right, you've seen real soldiers before. Just... do what they do. 700 00:53:38,253 --> 00:53:41,953 All right, let's do the "grab the rifle by the bottom" thing!. 701 00:53:42,340 --> 00:53:44,297 Arrgh!. 702 00:53:44,926 --> 00:53:48,461 All right!. Now, let's do the, you know, the shoulder thing!. 703 00:53:48,596 --> 00:53:52,724 Arrgh!. The shoulder thing!. Ah!. Arrgh!. Arrgh!. Yes. 704 00:53:53,142 --> 00:53:57,639 All right. And now the... the "showing the rifle for the inspection" bit. 705 00:53:57,772 --> 00:53:59,599 Go!. Arrgh!. Arrgh!. 706 00:53:59,732 --> 00:54:01,974 (gunshot) 707 00:54:09,826 --> 00:54:11,783 (yelling) 708 00:54:16,499 --> 00:54:20,117 Well, my feet can't fail me now My feet can't fail me now 709 00:54:20,378 --> 00:54:23,248 My feet can't fail me now My feet can't fail me now 710 00:54:24,215 --> 00:54:27,050 My feet can't fail me now My feet can't fail me now 711 00:54:29,387 --> 00:54:30,845 Go, go, go, go!. 712 00:54:34,767 --> 00:54:37,305 Dobie, come on!. Come on, buddy. 713 00:54:37,728 --> 00:54:40,563 My feet can't fail me now My feet can't fail me now 714 00:54:40,856 --> 00:54:44,391 My feet can't fail me now My feet can't fail me now 715 00:54:44,985 --> 00:54:47,690 My feet can't fail me now My feet can't fail me now 716 00:54:50,533 --> 00:54:52,858 (yelling) 717 00:54:57,581 --> 00:55:00,784 My feet can't fail me now My feet can't fail me now 718 00:55:00,918 --> 00:55:04,203 Said feet can't fail me now My feet can't fail me now 719 00:55:04,588 --> 00:55:07,589 My feet can't fail me now My feet can't fail me now 720 00:55:07,883 --> 00:55:10,967 My feet can't fail me now My feet can't fail me now 721 00:55:17,601 --> 00:55:19,558 No. Nope. 722 00:55:28,528 --> 00:55:30,984 I'm just so damn proud. 723 00:55:37,037 --> 00:55:40,322 My feet can't fail me now My feet can't fail me now 724 00:55:40,457 --> 00:55:43,411 My feet can't fail, fail, fail, fail me now 725 00:55:47,506 --> 00:55:50,079 I can barely move my legs 726 00:55:50,342 --> 00:55:53,011 I can barely move my legs 727 00:55:53,136 --> 00:55:55,888 Do me a favour and kill me now 728 00:55:56,139 --> 00:55:58,808 Do me a favour and kill me now 729 00:55:58,934 --> 00:56:01,970 Something, something rhymes with legs 730 00:56:02,228 --> 00:56:05,146 Something, something rhymes with legs 731 00:56:05,273 --> 00:56:08,309 My life is over anyhow 732 00:56:08,568 --> 00:56:10,525 (Doberman pants) 733 00:56:10,862 --> 00:56:12,938 (Wally sniggers) 734 00:56:13,072 --> 00:56:15,943 - Sarge!. - Sarge!. He's killing us!. 735 00:56:16,075 --> 00:56:18,863 - I can't do this. - What's the matter with you people?. 736 00:56:18,995 --> 00:56:20,454 Generation X!. 737 00:56:20,580 --> 00:56:23,332 - He's killin' us!. - You've all gone soft!. 738 00:56:23,499 --> 00:56:25,575 - Get serious, Sarge!. - I am serious. 739 00:56:25,710 --> 00:56:28,545 I've been thinking about this. You're Bilko's platoon!. 740 00:56:28,671 --> 00:56:30,996 Whatever they dish out, we can take. 741 00:56:31,132 --> 00:56:33,338 I want to see you two in my quarters. 742 00:56:40,308 --> 00:56:43,178 - Oh!. - (both) Sarge. 743 00:56:43,811 --> 00:56:47,394 I'm paralysed. I have no feeling from the hair down. 744 00:56:47,523 --> 00:56:50,275 Make the bad man stop. 745 00:56:53,279 --> 00:56:56,944 - Who are you calling?. - Rita. Her voice will make me feel better. 746 00:56:57,074 --> 00:57:00,075 Ow. Ow, ow, ow. 747 00:57:00,703 --> 00:57:03,028 (phone ringing) 748 00:57:05,416 --> 00:57:07,373 (ringing) 749 00:57:14,967 --> 00:57:18,217 If any of this is frightening, just hold onto me. 750 00:57:19,471 --> 00:57:22,508 They're dancing Raisinets. 751 00:57:23,058 --> 00:57:26,510 And you don't find that frightening?. 752 00:57:31,608 --> 00:57:33,601 Let's work 753 00:57:33,736 --> 00:57:35,479 Be proud 754 00:57:35,612 --> 00:57:37,190 Stand tall 755 00:57:38,532 --> 00:57:42,577 - Sarge?. Sarge. - What's the matter?. 756 00:57:44,621 --> 00:57:46,863 I put on three pounds. 757 00:57:47,749 --> 00:57:50,916 Funny, it doesn't show. Luis!. This calls for plan A. 758 00:57:51,128 --> 00:57:56,253 That won't work. He's on his way over. He says if I can't do ten push-ups... 759 00:57:56,383 --> 00:57:59,218 ...he's gonna move me out. 760 00:58:04,182 --> 00:58:06,139 All right!. Plan B. 761 00:58:13,775 --> 00:58:17,274 Major Thorn, you look fantastic, sir!. Have you lost w... 762 00:58:19,030 --> 00:58:22,565 (grunting) 763 00:58:23,201 --> 00:58:25,277 Good work, Doberman!. 764 00:58:26,621 --> 00:58:29,907 (all grunt) 765 00:58:33,920 --> 00:58:37,704 So, John, if you spoke to the officers and their wives, it would mean a lot. 766 00:58:37,841 --> 00:58:42,004 They keep hearing rumours that Fort Baxter will be shut down. 767 00:58:42,137 --> 00:58:47,890 Frankly, sweetheart, after this hovertank disaster, I don't know what might happen. 768 00:58:48,017 --> 00:58:52,430 Oh, dear. I didn't realise it was that bad. 769 00:58:52,563 --> 00:58:56,513 Well, you will think of something. I have complete faith in you. 770 00:58:56,651 --> 00:58:58,893 - Thank you. - (rapping on door) 771 00:58:59,654 --> 00:59:03,023 - Sorry, I didn't realise you had company. - Quite all right, Bilko. 772 00:59:03,157 --> 00:59:05,992 Colonel, you didn't tell me there was a movie star here. 773 00:59:06,119 --> 00:59:08,906 Sharon Stone!. The men will be so excited. 774 00:59:09,038 --> 00:59:11,327 - Bilko. - We've seen all your movies. 775 00:59:11,457 --> 00:59:14,328 - They're a little racy for me. - Sergeant Bilko... 776 00:59:14,460 --> 00:59:16,120 You know this is Mrs Hall. 777 00:59:16,254 --> 00:59:20,714 Mrs Hall!. Cradle robber. You were dazzled by an older man, is that it?. 778 00:59:20,841 --> 00:59:22,501 - Bilko!. - Yes, my colonel?. 779 00:59:22,635 --> 00:59:25,470 John, I will see you later. 780 00:59:25,596 --> 00:59:28,052 Right this way, Miss Stone. Uh... Mrs Hall. 781 00:59:31,102 --> 00:59:33,723 - What is it, Sergeant?. - Sir, if I could ask you again. 782 00:59:33,854 --> 00:59:35,930 - These desert manoeuvres... - You can go. 783 00:59:36,065 --> 00:59:39,481 If you'd seen the look on the men's faces when I said we wouldn't... 784 00:59:39,610 --> 00:59:41,899 - I said I've changed my mind. - Zimmerman... 785 00:59:42,029 --> 00:59:44,602 ...I had to cradle him in my... We can go?. 786 00:59:52,581 --> 00:59:55,867 - Have a safe trip, Sergeant. - Yes, sir. We'll make you proud, sir. 787 00:59:56,001 --> 00:59:57,958 Oh, sure. 788 00:59:59,630 --> 01:00:02,251 Bright light city gonna set my soul 789 01:00:02,383 --> 01:00:05,170 Gonna set my soul on fire 790 01:00:06,136 --> 01:00:08,461 Viva Las Vegas 791 01:00:09,515 --> 01:00:11,756 Viva Las Vegas 792 01:00:12,267 --> 01:00:15,636 There's blackjack and poker and the roulette wheel 793 01:00:15,771 --> 01:00:18,890 All you need's a strong heart and a nerve of steel 794 01:00:19,233 --> 01:00:21,688 Viva Las Vegas 795 01:00:22,569 --> 01:00:25,025 Viva Las Vegas 796 01:00:25,864 --> 01:00:28,272 Viva Las Vegas 797 01:00:29,242 --> 01:00:31,615 Viva Las Vegas with your neon flashing 798 01:00:31,745 --> 01:00:33,987 Sarge, you're crying. 799 01:00:34,122 --> 01:00:36,744 It's just... so beautiful. 800 01:00:37,501 --> 01:00:40,786 Viva, viva, Las Vegas 801 01:00:40,921 --> 01:00:43,756 All right, soldiers. Prepare for manoeuvres!. 802 01:00:45,008 --> 01:00:48,840 I killed an afternoon convincing Colonel Dunderhead he'd be in trouble... 803 01:00:48,970 --> 01:00:51,212 ...if Bilko didn't go on the manoeuvres. 804 01:00:51,348 --> 01:00:54,717 You've got three days to get into this computer. 805 01:00:54,851 --> 01:00:57,223 Find me everything. 806 01:00:59,022 --> 01:01:02,473 If he stole a match, I want to know about it. 807 01:01:04,944 --> 01:01:06,818 I'm goin' to party town 808 01:01:06,946 --> 01:01:08,109 Yeah, yeah 809 01:01:08,239 --> 01:01:10,446 I wanna party down 810 01:01:10,575 --> 01:01:11,654 Yeah, yeah 811 01:01:11,784 --> 01:01:15,236 I wanna have some fun I'm gonna fool around 812 01:01:15,371 --> 01:01:17,163 I'm goin' to party town 813 01:01:18,625 --> 01:01:20,582 Right here in party town 814 01:01:20,710 --> 01:01:21,825 Yeah, yeah 815 01:01:21,961 --> 01:01:24,120 They really party down 816 01:01:24,255 --> 01:01:25,251 Yeah, yeah 817 01:01:25,381 --> 01:01:27,504 Man, it's a party town 818 01:01:27,633 --> 01:01:28,665 Yeah, yeah 819 01:01:32,388 --> 01:01:33,717 - Where we goin'?. - Craps. 820 01:01:33,848 --> 01:01:36,553 Think of the changes you wanna make when we own this place. 821 01:01:36,684 --> 01:01:40,053 Hey, Sarge, I was thinkin', is it safe for us to be off the base?. 822 01:01:40,188 --> 01:01:43,188 - Thorn will be up to somethin'. - You just thought of that?. 823 01:01:43,316 --> 01:01:47,942 Relax. Before we left, I had Luis encrypt the files. It'll take 'em years to break in. 824 01:01:48,112 --> 01:01:50,270 We're in. 825 01:01:58,998 --> 01:02:00,243 (Thorn) Good job. 826 01:02:00,416 --> 01:02:02,788 Now, how far back do you want us to go?. 827 01:02:02,918 --> 01:02:05,290 You two kids have just been sensational. 828 01:02:05,421 --> 01:02:08,671 Why don't you knock off for the rest of the evening?. 829 01:02:09,508 --> 01:02:11,880 And do what?. 830 01:02:12,011 --> 01:02:15,380 - Have fun. Unwind. - Hm. 831 01:02:15,514 --> 01:02:17,720 - Well, shall I...?. - No, leave it on for a second. 832 01:02:17,850 --> 01:02:22,595 I'd just like to check on one or two things, just out of curiosity. 833 01:02:23,605 --> 01:02:26,559 Well, good night. 834 01:02:27,026 --> 01:02:28,354 Good night. 835 01:02:29,778 --> 01:02:33,278 I think it was very exciting, the way you broke into that computer. 836 01:02:33,407 --> 01:02:35,696 - It was?. - Yes!. 837 01:02:36,910 --> 01:02:39,662 - (0ster) Can I buy you a drink?. - Why, yes. 838 01:02:51,633 --> 01:02:53,875 Oh, oh, oh!. There they go!. 839 01:03:01,810 --> 01:03:03,352 Oh, my. All right. 840 01:03:03,478 --> 01:03:07,558 Oh!. Ouch!. They're hot!. They're hot. Quick, quick, cool 'em off. 841 01:03:09,192 --> 01:03:12,193 Press the six and the eight and the black ten. 842 01:03:12,320 --> 01:03:15,238 - All right, here we go. Now... - Oh, he's shakin' 'em off. 843 01:03:15,865 --> 01:03:20,159 Uh-oh, he's comin' with the pitch. It looks like the high, hard one!. 844 01:03:23,665 --> 01:03:25,954 Ooh, baby!. Oh, good. 845 01:03:26,084 --> 01:03:30,378 Gently. OK, and now, it's just a little... It's easy, it's easy, it's easy. 846 01:03:30,505 --> 01:03:32,794 It's just... behind the back. 847 01:03:32,924 --> 01:03:35,711 Winner!. We have a winner. 848 01:03:38,763 --> 01:03:41,336 Wait a minute. This chip is scratched. 849 01:03:43,518 --> 01:03:44,597 - Mr Bilko. - Yes?. 850 01:03:44,727 --> 01:03:47,397 That's quite a run. Is there anything we can do for you?. 851 01:03:47,522 --> 01:03:51,899 Yes, go to your vault and tell your money to be patient. We'll be together soon. 852 01:03:53,277 --> 01:03:56,195 You mean he stood you up before that night at the Rusty Spur?. 853 01:03:56,322 --> 01:03:58,730 Mm-hm. He left me standing at the altar. 854 01:03:59,367 --> 01:04:01,443 There can be no excuse for that. 855 01:04:01,577 --> 01:04:06,405 You'd be surprised. He had a new excuse every time. They were all pretty amazing. 856 01:04:06,541 --> 01:04:08,996 - He did that more than once?. - Mm-hm. 857 01:04:09,877 --> 01:04:12,712 Rita, you have a lot of love to give. 858 01:04:13,214 --> 01:04:15,883 And you're smart. Why put up with a clown like that?. 859 01:04:16,008 --> 01:04:20,884 Because it was exciting. With Ernie, every day was anything-can-happen day. 860 01:04:21,013 --> 01:04:23,385 Some couples play Scrabble. 861 01:04:23,516 --> 01:04:26,885 This isn't a game we're talking about - it's your life. 862 01:04:27,019 --> 01:04:30,518 Where I come from, when you tell a woman you'll marry her, you mean it. 863 01:04:30,648 --> 01:04:35,191 You know something?. I would never stand you up. I'd never not call you. 864 01:04:36,028 --> 01:04:40,820 But then, I'm an officer with career prospects. I can handle responsibility. 865 01:04:40,950 --> 01:04:42,693 I guess you can. 866 01:04:42,826 --> 01:04:45,068 Wouldn't you like a man who's there for you?. 867 01:04:45,204 --> 01:04:48,620 A man who wants to get married, settle down and have a family. 868 01:04:48,749 --> 01:04:50,706 Yes. 869 01:04:52,044 --> 01:04:53,835 I bought you this. 870 01:04:57,841 --> 01:04:59,252 A ring!. 871 01:04:59,384 --> 01:05:02,006 Two carats of cubic zirconia. 872 01:05:02,554 --> 01:05:04,511 It's beautiful. 873 01:05:10,354 --> 01:05:11,682 Oh... 874 01:05:11,813 --> 01:05:14,565 This is happening... too fast. 875 01:05:15,692 --> 01:05:18,183 I don't want to hurt Ernie. 876 01:05:18,654 --> 01:05:20,148 No. 877 01:05:20,280 --> 01:05:22,771 We really don't want to hurt Ernie. 878 01:05:26,161 --> 01:05:28,616 - That's when Vegas was Vegas. - Excuse me, Mr Bilko?. 879 01:05:28,747 --> 01:05:31,950 - He said it was an emergency. - This must be the Pentagon. 880 01:05:32,083 --> 01:05:34,491 Hello?. I can hardly hear you. 881 01:05:34,628 --> 01:05:38,162 Rita Robbins. She's been out with that guy Thorn every night. 882 01:05:38,506 --> 01:05:40,795 - Thorn?. - Since before you went on manoeuvres. 883 01:05:40,926 --> 01:05:45,089 Tomorrow night they're going out to that fancy French restaurant in Roseville. 884 01:05:45,221 --> 01:05:49,385 She's lookin' pretty weak, Ernie, I gotta tell ya. Like she would do anything. 885 01:05:52,353 --> 01:05:54,844 - Thanks, Sowicki. - Bye, Ernie. 886 01:05:56,733 --> 01:05:59,354 - Thank you, Stan. - Hey, thank you!. 887 01:05:59,486 --> 01:06:02,155 For allowing me to screw with Bilko's head. 888 01:06:02,280 --> 01:06:04,319 Oh, it isn't a game this time, Stan. 889 01:06:04,449 --> 01:06:07,366 I just need to find out how much he really loves me. 890 01:06:07,493 --> 01:06:09,949 - He loves you plenty. - More than Las Vegas?. 891 01:06:10,121 --> 01:06:12,030 That's asking a lot. 892 01:06:13,249 --> 01:06:15,206 (rings) 893 01:06:15,752 --> 01:06:20,081 (answer phone) Hi, this is Rita. I'm not in right now. Please leave a message. 894 01:06:20,214 --> 01:06:23,879 Rita, it's me, Ernie. I'm on my way home. I hear you're seeing Thorn... 895 01:06:24,010 --> 01:06:28,090 ...and I just don't want you to take it too seriously. He's only with you to annoy me. 896 01:06:29,265 --> 01:06:33,678 I see. He couldn't possibly be interested in me-that would be ridiculous. 897 01:06:33,811 --> 01:06:36,598 Rita, you're there. This guy has terrible qualities. 898 01:06:36,731 --> 01:06:41,440 - For one thing, he's very manipulative. - He seemed nice to me. Goodbye. 899 01:06:42,695 --> 01:06:44,818 Hello?. Hello?. 900 01:06:45,740 --> 01:06:48,776 Rita?. Rita?. 901 01:06:53,289 --> 01:06:55,531 Why do you smell the cork?. 902 01:06:56,208 --> 01:06:58,746 Your eyes are hazel, aren't they?. 903 01:06:58,878 --> 01:06:59,957 Green. 904 01:07:00,087 --> 01:07:02,163 (Bilko) I never have sex on the first date. 905 01:07:02,298 --> 01:07:07,884 Thank God, it's our third. Oh, this is such a... Oh, can't you just smell that... salad?. 906 01:07:08,012 --> 01:07:09,969 Yes, I have a reservation. 907 01:07:11,140 --> 01:07:16,644 Ah, this must be the table. You know, what they do very well here is the garlic. 908 01:07:16,770 --> 01:07:19,226 Oh, I touched you. My temperature is rising. 909 01:07:19,356 --> 01:07:24,896 Waiter, could we have two glasses of red house, uh... s'il vous please?. 910 01:07:25,028 --> 01:07:26,143 In. 911 01:07:27,614 --> 01:07:29,571 Bilko. What a fool. 912 01:07:29,700 --> 01:07:31,158 Yeah. 913 01:07:31,285 --> 01:07:34,202 How can he afford to eat here on a sergeant's pay?. 914 01:07:34,329 --> 01:07:38,113 - I'll be a lieutenant colonel very soon. - No kidding?. 915 01:07:38,750 --> 01:07:41,039 (exaggerated laugh) 916 01:07:41,295 --> 01:07:44,379 - That woman's kind of attractive too. - You think so?. 917 01:07:44,506 --> 01:07:46,748 Well, not compared to you, of course. 918 01:07:47,342 --> 01:07:50,213 Anyway, I understand the oysters here are... 919 01:07:50,345 --> 01:07:53,132 ...very, uh, very, uh... imported. 920 01:07:54,057 --> 01:07:57,011 - Just get me out of here fast. - Relax, Paparelli. 921 01:07:57,144 --> 01:07:59,765 If you wanna make Rita jealous, why not use Barbella?. 922 01:07:59,896 --> 01:08:04,688 She knows Barbella. I needed someone she can't recognise. Someone alluring. 923 01:08:05,986 --> 01:08:07,943 Thank you. 924 01:08:09,864 --> 01:08:15,653 Ah!. Well, it's Rita Robbins and Major Thorn!. Ah!. A-ha-ha, aha. 925 01:08:16,204 --> 01:08:18,873 Um, excuse me. One moment. 926 01:08:21,209 --> 01:08:25,159 - (Bilko clears throat) - She's coming over?. She's coming over?. 927 01:08:27,590 --> 01:08:31,291 Ernie, you made Paparelli get into drag just to make me jealous?. 928 01:08:31,427 --> 01:08:35,639 Well, actually, he was already in drag. Paparelli, scram!. Get going. 929 01:08:55,034 --> 01:08:57,442 Rita, you can't marry Thorn. You don't love him. 930 01:08:57,578 --> 01:09:01,030 Think of the children. You're a Catholic and he's an asshole!. 931 01:09:01,165 --> 01:09:05,744 How would you raise them?. And he's already cheating on you with Paparelli. 932 01:09:06,837 --> 01:09:08,795 Hi, soldier boy. 933 01:09:10,925 --> 01:09:12,882 (hisses suggestively) 934 01:09:16,347 --> 01:09:19,716 Sowicki never told you I was marrying Thorn. 935 01:09:21,310 --> 01:09:25,723 You told Sowicki to call me. You manipulated me. How could you?. 936 01:09:25,856 --> 01:09:30,233 Why not?. I have a master's in manipulation from the University of Bilko. 937 01:09:30,361 --> 01:09:32,982 You tricked me. You sucked me in. 938 01:09:34,448 --> 01:09:37,615 This is the most turned on I've ever been in my life. 939 01:09:38,077 --> 01:09:40,449 Rita, I'm so glad we're back together again. 940 01:09:40,663 --> 01:09:42,702 Twelve more days. 941 01:09:50,923 --> 01:09:52,962 No wonder the hovertank never worked. 942 01:09:53,091 --> 01:09:57,753 Yes, sir. He's been diverting research funds into his own private account. 943 01:09:58,347 --> 01:10:03,803 For all the differences I've had with Bilko over the years, I've always liked him. 944 01:10:03,936 --> 01:10:06,177 The way he kept up the men's morale. 945 01:10:06,313 --> 01:10:10,476 The way he'd pretend to cry when I went on leave. The way, on my birthday... 946 01:10:10,609 --> 01:10:15,069 ...he'd have the men mow my name in the main lawn with a big heart around it. 947 01:10:16,323 --> 01:10:19,905 - But now there'll be a court martial. - Yes, sir. 948 01:10:20,035 --> 01:10:22,241 - Unless... - Unless?. 949 01:10:22,370 --> 01:10:26,238 It's just that I know we'd both do anything to spare Bilko a court martial. 950 01:10:26,374 --> 01:10:28,948 If he could just be quietly punished. 951 01:10:29,085 --> 01:10:31,327 (sighs) Yeah, sure. 952 01:10:32,464 --> 01:10:34,622 But... but how?. 953 01:10:34,758 --> 01:10:37,046 The CO has certain powers, sir. 954 01:10:38,136 --> 01:10:42,513 - Powers?. - Can't he, for instance, have a soldier... 955 01:10:44,768 --> 01:10:46,725 ...trans... 956 01:10:47,937 --> 01:10:50,393 Trans... atlantic?. 957 01:10:53,443 --> 01:10:55,934 Trans... vestite?. 958 01:10:58,907 --> 01:11:02,026 - Transferred!. - What a wonderful idea. 959 01:11:02,619 --> 01:11:05,323 Yes, well, the wheels are always spinning. 960 01:11:06,164 --> 01:11:11,668 It'd have to be somewhere where there'd be no chance of him making trouble again. 961 01:11:15,965 --> 01:11:18,337 Greenland?. 962 01:11:18,551 --> 01:11:22,383 He's been out walking by himself for, like, four hours. 963 01:11:22,972 --> 01:11:25,545 - What's he doin'?. - He's thinkin'. 964 01:11:25,766 --> 01:11:30,179 - I thought I heard him crying. - He even asked for a box of tissues. 965 01:11:33,816 --> 01:11:35,559 I guess you're happy. 966 01:11:35,693 --> 01:11:39,062 Yeah. He hated the sarge. He was probably helping Thorn to get him. 967 01:11:39,196 --> 01:11:41,770 - I was not!. - Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 968 01:11:41,907 --> 01:11:44,861 This is Bilko we're talkin' about here. Bilko!. 969 01:11:44,994 --> 01:11:47,282 Nobody gets the best of Bilko. Come on!. 970 01:11:47,413 --> 01:11:50,034 - That's right. - (Paparelli) He'll think of somethin'. 971 01:11:50,166 --> 01:11:53,831 Remember when I got the letter from my wife sayin' she wanted to break up?. 972 01:11:53,961 --> 01:11:56,534 - Remember what Bilko did?. - He got your wife back?. 973 01:11:56,797 --> 01:11:59,205 No, he got me another wife. A better wife!. 974 01:11:59,425 --> 01:12:03,469 - Yeah!. - He'll come up with his best plan ever. 975 01:12:03,595 --> 01:12:07,130 Listen, I pity Major Thorn. When Bilko gets done with him... 976 01:12:08,058 --> 01:12:10,728 - (Doberman) Sarge!. - Ten-hut!. 977 01:12:10,853 --> 01:12:12,679 Hey, Sarge!. 978 01:12:12,813 --> 01:12:15,386 - Sarge!. - Sarge!. You've come back!. 979 01:12:16,984 --> 01:12:19,985 Ah, Doberman. The son I never wanted. 980 01:12:21,155 --> 01:12:23,443 Fall in and look this way!. 981 01:12:28,036 --> 01:12:29,993 Hello, soldiers. 982 01:12:30,998 --> 01:12:34,663 I'm talking to you. Because that's what you are really. 983 01:12:34,793 --> 01:12:37,829 Soldiers, every last one of you - with a couple of exceptions. 984 01:12:37,963 --> 01:12:39,837 - He's got a plan. - He sure does. 985 01:12:39,965 --> 01:12:43,832 I wanna tell you a little story. There was once a little boy... 986 01:12:43,969 --> 01:12:47,717 ...and that little boy had a dream to run one of the most sophisticated... 987 01:12:47,848 --> 01:12:51,098 ...illegal gaming operations the US Army has ever seen. 988 01:12:51,226 --> 01:12:52,471 - He's not worried. - Not a bit. 989 01:12:52,602 --> 01:12:54,927 And that little boy's dream came true. 990 01:12:55,063 --> 01:12:58,646 But now they're trying to snatch that dream back from him. 991 01:12:58,817 --> 01:13:00,477 - He is worried. - That's not good. 992 01:13:00,610 --> 01:13:04,062 But what are the last two letters in the name Bilko?. K-O!. 993 01:13:04,197 --> 01:13:06,984 Of course, the first are B-l-L, which is meaningless. 994 01:13:07,117 --> 01:13:10,901 But still, am I giving up?. No!. Never!. Well, kind of, but not really... 995 01:13:11,037 --> 01:13:14,738 ...because there is no way I am going to Greenland. 996 01:13:14,874 --> 01:13:17,579 Well, you're probably wondering if I have a plan. 997 01:13:17,710 --> 01:13:24,460 Well, of course I have a plan!. A P-L-A-N. Plan. 998 01:13:25,969 --> 01:13:27,926 But... 999 01:13:28,846 --> 01:13:30,471 - He's got no plan. - We're screwed. 1000 01:13:30,598 --> 01:13:34,548 - I have a plan, Sarge. - But maybe a plan is not what I need!. 1001 01:13:34,686 --> 01:13:38,019 What I really need is just a little puppy. 1002 01:13:38,147 --> 01:13:42,441 A little puppy with big, brown eyes who'll just come to me and lick my face... 1003 01:13:42,568 --> 01:13:47,029 ...and just love me so much, no matter what kind of person I am. 1004 01:13:47,156 --> 01:13:48,271 (Bilko sobs) 1005 01:13:48,407 --> 01:13:50,483 Sarge, I really do have a plan. 1006 01:13:51,369 --> 01:13:55,532 Oh, so now you have a plan. Well, let's hear your plan, Wally. 1007 01:13:56,165 --> 01:14:00,079 What if the hovertank did work?. That'd prove you haven't diverted the money. 1008 01:14:00,211 --> 01:14:02,880 Oh!. That is so stup... What?. 1009 01:14:03,047 --> 01:14:07,210 That would prove you hadn't been diverting the money. Wouldn't it?. 1010 01:14:10,137 --> 01:14:12,509 Are you saying you can get the hovertank to work?. 1011 01:14:12,640 --> 01:14:18,180 No, of course not. But we don't need to hold four aces if they think we hold 'em. 1012 01:14:20,940 --> 01:14:23,347 Permission to speak freely?. 1013 01:14:24,068 --> 01:14:27,519 Tell me a bit more about this plan, because I think that's actually... 1014 01:14:27,655 --> 01:14:30,442 If they come, deny everything. Just act dumb. 1015 01:14:30,574 --> 01:14:33,112 Fender, I'm putting you in charge of that. 1016 01:14:36,413 --> 01:14:40,031 I love the nightlife, I like to boogie 1017 01:14:40,167 --> 01:14:42,243 I like to rock all night long 1018 01:14:42,377 --> 01:14:44,335 (Bilko) Ahem. 1019 01:14:44,671 --> 01:14:47,459 Oh... it's you, Bilko. 1020 01:14:47,591 --> 01:14:49,999 Sir, if I could talk with you just for a moment. 1021 01:14:50,135 --> 01:14:53,718 If you've come to talk about Greenland, you're wasting your time. 1022 01:14:53,847 --> 01:14:56,089 Frankly, Sergeant, I'm disappointed. 1023 01:14:56,224 --> 01:14:59,843 Sir, all I ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work. 1024 01:14:59,978 --> 01:15:02,683 - I didn't steal money, sir. - Please, Bilko. 1025 01:15:04,024 --> 01:15:06,479 Let's just say goodbye. 1026 01:15:06,610 --> 01:15:08,649 And thank you. 1027 01:15:08,779 --> 01:15:11,614 - For what, sir?. - Well, for... 1028 01:15:12,115 --> 01:15:15,365 ...always making me feel like I actually ran this place. 1029 01:15:15,494 --> 01:15:17,451 Good old Fort Baxter. 1030 01:15:18,246 --> 01:15:20,998 I guess your garden is one of the things you'll miss most. 1031 01:15:21,124 --> 01:15:22,951 Ah, yes. I love... 1032 01:15:23,084 --> 01:15:25,540 - Miss?. Why miss?. - The colonel hasn't heard?. 1033 01:15:25,670 --> 01:15:29,585 - In that case, it must not be true. - What?. Uh... they're closing Fort Baxter?. 1034 01:15:29,716 --> 01:15:32,005 You didn't hear it from me. 1035 01:15:32,135 --> 01:15:35,219 Take good care of yourself in... I've said enough. 1036 01:15:35,388 --> 01:15:37,547 Have you heard where they're sending me?. 1037 01:15:37,682 --> 01:15:41,098 - You're stepping on your flowers. - The hell with them!. Where?. 1038 01:15:41,227 --> 01:15:44,098 - Where are they sending me?. - It's just rumour, sir. 1039 01:15:44,230 --> 01:15:47,682 Oh, that fair skin under the burning desert sun... 1040 01:15:48,234 --> 01:15:51,983 Oh, my God. The desert sun. 1041 01:15:52,113 --> 01:15:55,114 Remember, if you get lost, travel by night. 1042 01:15:55,241 --> 01:15:59,784 - How can they do this to me?. - The hovertank test was the last straw. 1043 01:15:59,912 --> 01:16:02,534 Too bad they didn't schedule it this week. 1044 01:16:02,665 --> 01:16:04,622 Well... 1045 01:16:05,043 --> 01:16:07,000 - Goodbye. - Wha...?. Wait!. 1046 01:16:07,295 --> 01:16:11,079 - You mean the hovertank is working?. - Oh, I know what you're thinking, sir: 1047 01:16:11,215 --> 01:16:13,706 ..."Arrange a public demonstration ASAP." 1048 01:16:13,843 --> 01:16:16,334 "Call the Pentagon and the Department of the Army." 1049 01:16:16,470 --> 01:16:19,306 - All right. - I've already taken that liberty, sir. 1050 01:16:19,432 --> 01:16:21,389 - Thank you. - Oh, that picture of you... 1051 01:16:21,517 --> 01:16:24,138 ...standing triumphant at the test. 1052 01:16:24,270 --> 01:16:27,805 That'll keep me warm on those lonely nights in Greenland. 1053 01:16:29,108 --> 01:16:31,314 In Greenland, sir. 1054 01:16:31,694 --> 01:16:33,733 Oh. Yes. 1055 01:16:33,863 --> 01:16:36,104 Well, goodbye. 1056 01:16:37,575 --> 01:16:39,117 - Ah, Bi... - Yes, sir?. 1057 01:16:41,871 --> 01:16:44,788 If the test goes well, you won't be transferred. 1058 01:16:45,249 --> 01:16:47,787 Well, thank you, sir!. I'm stunned!. 1059 01:16:48,544 --> 01:16:50,786 Just as a formality, I've put that in writing. 1060 01:16:50,921 --> 01:16:54,504 If you could just sign here and here, and initial here. 1061 01:16:58,053 --> 01:17:00,176 - Here?. - Uh, no. Here. 1062 01:17:00,889 --> 01:17:03,559 And I'll just notarise that. 1063 01:17:03,684 --> 01:17:07,219 - And I'll waive the usual ten-dollar fee. - Oh. Thank you. 1064 01:17:08,897 --> 01:17:11,223 Here you are. Good day. 1065 01:17:12,985 --> 01:17:15,061 No, it'll hover. But as before... 1066 01:17:15,195 --> 01:17:19,407 ...it will go completely haywire if we attempt to fire the cannon. 1067 01:17:19,533 --> 01:17:22,071 We know that. We just need a couple of hours with it. 1068 01:17:22,202 --> 01:17:26,200 - Let's get started. - It's a $70-million piece of equipment. 1069 01:17:26,331 --> 01:17:29,581 You think I'm gonna allow one of your men to fool around with it?. 1070 01:17:29,710 --> 01:17:32,165 - I think not. - Oh. Mm-hm. 1071 01:17:32,337 --> 01:17:36,287 Oh, boy. Oh, my, is it hot in here or what?. 1072 01:17:36,425 --> 01:17:39,461 What's this?. Oh!. I almost forgot I had these. 1073 01:17:39,594 --> 01:17:42,132 It's the IOUs from the poker game. 1074 01:17:42,264 --> 01:17:45,348 - Would he like to use my tools?. - That would be nice. 1075 01:17:50,355 --> 01:17:53,854 - You saw it?. - Yeah, it blew up the ammunition shed. 1076 01:17:54,067 --> 01:17:57,270 - A perfect hit. - (louder) The hovertank?. 1077 01:17:57,404 --> 01:18:00,239 - I thought that thing was busted. - Yeah, it was. 1078 01:18:00,365 --> 01:18:02,239 But the kid, Wally, he fixed it. 1079 01:18:02,367 --> 01:18:04,656 He said the key was the... 1080 01:18:05,370 --> 01:18:07,327 The...?. 1081 01:18:08,248 --> 01:18:11,249 The fire-control and super-elevator board. 1082 01:18:11,960 --> 01:18:15,909 - Imagine that. - Yeah, the super-elevator board. 1083 01:18:16,047 --> 01:18:21,172 And the great thing is, if it works at the demonstration, Bilko gets to stay. 1084 01:18:21,302 --> 01:18:23,259 Great!. 1085 01:18:51,457 --> 01:18:53,414 Yeah. 1086 01:19:14,939 --> 01:19:19,232 - Wonderful to see you again, General. - You, too, Colonel. Mrs Hall. 1087 01:19:19,693 --> 01:19:23,643 - And, of course, you know Major Thorn. - Thorn. 1088 01:19:35,417 --> 01:19:37,374 (deep sigh) 1089 01:19:45,218 --> 01:19:48,587 - Tank crew ready, sir. - Very good, Bilko. General. 1090 01:19:48,722 --> 01:19:51,178 Master Sergeant Bilko. It's an honour to meet you. 1091 01:19:51,308 --> 01:19:54,759 - You look terrific!. Have you lost weight?. - Who is this?. 1092 01:19:55,145 --> 01:19:59,771 Members of Congress, General Tennyson, colleagues from the defence industries... 1093 01:19:59,900 --> 01:20:02,058 ...distinguished guests, welcome. 1094 01:20:03,862 --> 01:20:06,353 The weapon system you are about to see today... 1095 01:20:06,490 --> 01:20:12,362 ...can be called the world's first truly all-terrain assault vehicle... 1096 01:20:12,495 --> 01:20:17,371 ...which I'm proud to say was developed entirely in-house, here at Fort Baxter. 1097 01:20:18,168 --> 01:20:22,711 I give you the armoured attack platform to lead American defence forces... 1098 01:20:22,839 --> 01:20:28,046 ...into the 21st century. The HTX-1 hovertank. 1099 01:20:38,563 --> 01:20:42,810 Water and rough terrain can stop an ordinary M1 or APC... 1100 01:20:42,942 --> 01:20:46,394 ...but the hovertank can literally rise above these obstacles. 1101 01:20:46,529 --> 01:20:50,230 And that is the capability we will show you here today. 1102 01:20:50,533 --> 01:20:52,905 Hovertank, you are looking good. 1103 01:20:54,746 --> 01:20:58,197 Hovertank, fire when ready. Hoo-ah!. 1104 01:20:58,958 --> 01:20:59,954 (groans) 1105 01:21:14,557 --> 01:21:16,514 (applause) 1106 01:21:25,693 --> 01:21:28,398 Ha. This little bird packs a deadly punch. 1107 01:21:59,601 --> 01:22:01,428 Fire in the hole!. 1108 01:22:35,846 --> 01:22:40,591 - You hit the wrong button, Rastahead!. - It's not my fault!. He wired it wrong!. 1109 01:22:43,395 --> 01:22:44,889 Any questions?. 1110 01:23:07,627 --> 01:23:09,785 Congratulations, honey. 1111 01:23:10,630 --> 01:23:12,539 - Home run, sir!. - Thank you, Captain. 1112 01:23:12,674 --> 01:23:15,509 - We'll rush this baby into production. - Thank you. 1113 01:23:15,635 --> 01:23:19,335 Jack, I thank you on behalf of a grateful nation. 1114 01:23:19,472 --> 01:23:22,805 I just can't wait to see what you fellas come up with next. 1115 01:23:24,102 --> 01:23:27,056 Wait!. Wait. The demonstration was rigged. 1116 01:23:27,188 --> 01:23:31,055 Ah, do I see politics in your future, sir?. Perhaps a run at the Oval Office?. 1117 01:23:31,192 --> 01:23:33,398 I've never given that serious consideration. 1118 01:23:33,528 --> 01:23:35,567 Wait!. General!. He faked it!. 1119 01:23:35,696 --> 01:23:39,231 Didn't you see the gun was aimed at target three, but blew up target four?. 1120 01:23:39,367 --> 01:23:40,777 Yes, I did. 1121 01:23:40,910 --> 01:23:43,780 If you remember Einstein's theory, space is curved. 1122 01:23:43,913 --> 01:23:46,783 - Yes. - And these are smart weapons. 1123 01:23:48,000 --> 01:23:51,286 Oh, cut the crap!. He faked it. It's just one of his scams. 1124 01:23:51,545 --> 01:23:54,665 That's a serious charge. Colonel, what about this?. 1125 01:23:54,799 --> 01:23:56,921 General, in all my years in the service... 1126 01:23:57,051 --> 01:24:00,384 ...I have never, not once, publicly berated a fellow officer. 1127 01:24:00,513 --> 01:24:04,380 But I realise now that from the moment Major Thorn set foot on Fort Baxter... 1128 01:24:04,516 --> 01:24:08,182 ...he engaged in a personal vendetta against Master Sergeant Bilko. 1129 01:24:08,312 --> 01:24:12,559 I find his conduct inexcusable, and will recommend an article 32 investigation. 1130 01:24:12,691 --> 01:24:14,483 - I see. - (Thorn) You don't understand. 1131 01:24:14,610 --> 01:24:18,987 He doesn't know what's going on. This sergeant leads him around by the nose!. 1132 01:24:19,156 --> 01:24:22,940 Major!. You are the most insubordinate officer I have ever met. 1133 01:24:24,328 --> 01:24:28,539 I'm telling you, he's a boob!. He doesn't get it!. They faked the whole thing!. 1134 01:24:28,665 --> 01:24:33,411 I'd like to see just one piece of evidence to support these idiotic allegations. 1135 01:24:33,545 --> 01:24:38,919 Idiotic, huh?. How's this for evidence?. The fire-control and super-elevator board. 1136 01:24:39,051 --> 01:24:42,301 I took it out last night, so how can it work?. 1137 01:24:50,312 --> 01:24:53,313 So you deliberately sabotaged this project, Major?. 1138 01:24:53,440 --> 01:24:55,812 I got it all on tape. 1139 01:24:56,151 --> 01:24:57,811 Lucky. 1140 01:24:59,070 --> 01:25:01,028 (wind howling) 1141 01:25:03,992 --> 01:25:06,234 - Whoo!. - Yeah, celebration time. 1142 01:25:06,369 --> 01:25:08,326 Chin-chin. 1143 01:25:09,664 --> 01:25:13,876 Because I know Pap knew it, and I... Stand, troops!. 1144 01:25:15,920 --> 01:25:19,788 - You're in the presence of a genius. - (all) Hoo-ah!. 1145 01:25:19,924 --> 01:25:24,800 You're a total kingpin. You got Thorn to sabotage something that didn't work!. 1146 01:25:25,096 --> 01:25:29,758 Yeah, well, I couldn't have done it without our Wally. Where is he, where is the lad?. 1147 01:25:29,893 --> 01:25:32,300 Here, Sarge. 1148 01:25:33,146 --> 01:25:36,645 I was just resetting the colonel's odometer. 1149 01:25:44,741 --> 01:25:47,777 - I told you Wally was all right. - OK. Glee club. 1150 01:26:02,967 --> 01:26:04,342 Oh, well. 1151 01:26:04,468 --> 01:26:09,676 Only you, only you, only you 1152 01:26:10,182 --> 01:26:15,224 Can make this change in me 1153 01:26:15,771 --> 01:26:20,729 Only you 1154 01:26:20,860 --> 01:26:24,063 You are my destiny 1155 01:26:24,363 --> 01:26:26,688 Destiny 1156 01:26:26,824 --> 01:26:32,280 When you hold my hand, I understand the 1157 01:26:32,413 --> 01:26:38,617 Magic that you do, magic that you do 1158 01:26:39,253 --> 01:26:44,709 Ooh, you're my dream come true 1159 01:26:44,842 --> 01:26:48,590 My one and only 1160 01:26:49,388 --> 01:26:50,301 You 1161 01:26:50,431 --> 01:26:51,426 Hum 1162 01:26:51,807 --> 01:26:53,087 Hum 1163 01:26:53,642 --> 01:26:57,307 It's only you 1164 01:26:58,689 --> 01:27:00,598 Very nice. 1165 01:27:00,732 --> 01:27:02,642 Aw, get up, Bilko. 1166 01:27:03,527 --> 01:27:09,363 Marry me, Rita. I know I'm a long shot, but sometimes long shots pay off big. 1167 01:27:12,828 --> 01:27:15,116 (soldiers cheer) 1168 01:27:18,834 --> 01:27:21,669 (organ plays "0nward, Christian Soldiers") 1169 01:27:36,935 --> 01:27:38,892 (music ends) 1170 01:27:43,525 --> 01:27:46,395 (organ resumes) 1171 01:28:01,793 --> 01:28:06,585 Don't even ask. I forgot it was daylight-savings time. Can you believe it?. 1172 01:28:06,965 --> 01:28:09,502 Well, better late than never. 1173 01:28:15,807 --> 01:28:17,515 - Poker?. - All right. 1174 01:28:18,267 --> 01:28:19,975 Nickel ante. 1175 01:28:21,562 --> 01:28:25,394 Let's make it interesting. One hand of showdown. 1176 01:28:25,775 --> 01:28:28,692 If I win, we get married. 1177 01:28:31,781 --> 01:28:33,987 Ernie, I don't think that's such a good idea. 1178 01:28:34,116 --> 01:28:38,244 I've never known you to chicken out of a game, whatever the stakes. 1179 01:28:44,710 --> 01:28:46,667 (whispers) You're on. 1180 01:28:48,589 --> 01:28:50,831 Well, well, well, what do you know?. 1181 01:28:50,966 --> 01:28:53,718 - Full house. Jacks over threes. - You cheated!. 1182 01:28:53,844 --> 01:28:55,718 - No, and we're getting married!. - When?. 1183 01:28:55,846 --> 01:28:58,681 Now!. (blows whistle) 1184 01:29:05,439 --> 01:29:07,396 Daddy!. 1185 01:29:07,816 --> 01:29:10,272 - Ow!. - Dearly beloved, we are gathered here... 1186 01:29:10,402 --> 01:29:12,609 ...to witness the joining of these two good people in holy matrimony. 1187 01:29:12,738 --> 01:29:15,941 Rita Robbins, do you take Ernest Bilko to love, honour and cherish... 1188 01:29:16,074 --> 01:29:18,992 ...for richer or poorer... - Think we're moving too fast?. 1189 01:29:19,119 --> 01:29:20,448 - I do. - Let's go!. 1190 01:29:20,579 --> 01:29:24,327 - Do you, Ernest Bilko, take Rita... - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do. 1191 01:29:24,458 --> 01:29:29,285 By the power vested in me, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may ki... 1192 01:29:31,173 --> 01:29:33,130 Ah. 1193 01:30:04,748 --> 01:30:07,286 Doo, doo-doo, doo, doo, doo, doo 1194 01:30:07,417 --> 01:30:10,169 Livin' in the USA 1195 01:30:10,295 --> 01:30:12,964 Doo, doo-doo, doo, doo, doo, doo 1196 01:30:13,089 --> 01:30:15,758 Livin' in the USA 1197 01:30:15,884 --> 01:30:18,209 Where are you goin' to?. 1198 01:30:18,636 --> 01:30:20,962 What are you gonna do?. 1199 01:30:21,097 --> 01:30:23,968 Do you think that it will be easy?. 1200 01:30:24,100 --> 01:30:29,011 Do you think that it will be pleasin'?. Hey, hey, what'd you say?. 1201 01:30:29,147 --> 01:30:32,101 I won't pay, I'd rather play 1202 01:30:32,233 --> 01:30:36,860 It's my freedom Ah, don't worry about me, babe 1203 01:30:37,071 --> 01:30:39,360 I got to be free, babe 1204 01:30:40,032 --> 01:30:42,986 Hey, hey, hey, yeah 1205 01:30:44,162 --> 01:30:46,866 Doo, doo-doo, doo, doo, doo, doo 1206 01:30:46,998 --> 01:30:49,571 Livin' in the USA 1207 01:30:49,709 --> 01:30:52,378 Doo, doo-doo, doo, doo doo, doo 1208 01:30:52,503 --> 01:30:55,077 Livin' in the USA 1209 01:30:56,173 --> 01:31:00,634 Hey, we're gonna make it, baby 1210 01:31:01,554 --> 01:31:06,892 Yeah, we got to shake it, baby 1211 01:31:07,643 --> 01:31:13,681 Hey, gonna break it, girl, yeah, yeah, yeah, girl 1212 01:31:15,276 --> 01:31:17,601 Come on, baby, hey 1213 01:31:17,736 --> 01:31:19,065 Oh, hey 1214 01:31:19,363 --> 01:31:21,237 Oh, hey 1215 01:31:21,365 --> 01:31:24,699 In the USA, baby 1216 01:31:28,956 --> 01:31:31,791 Doo, doo-doo, doo, doo, doo, doo 1217 01:31:31,917 --> 01:31:33,376 Livin' in the USA 1218 01:31:33,502 --> 01:31:34,830 Don't worry about me, babe 1219 01:31:34,962 --> 01:31:37,334 Doo, doo-doo, doo, doo, doo, doo 1220 01:31:38,132 --> 01:31:41,298 Livin' in the USA Livin' in the USA 1221 01:31:41,427 --> 01:31:43,503 Doo, doo-doo, doo, doo, doo, doo 1222 01:31:44,179 --> 01:31:45,342 Livin' in the USA 1223 01:31:45,472 --> 01:31:47,429 I got to be free 97578

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