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1
00:00:23,595 --> 00:00:26,596
("Living in the USA "
by the Steve Miller Band)
2
00:01:04,010 --> 00:01:06,133
Brass!.
3
00:01:11,642 --> 00:01:13,101
Livin' in the USA
4
00:01:13,227 --> 00:01:16,892
Ésta es WBXT,
la voz de Fort Baxter.
5
00:01:17,064 --> 00:01:21,109
Todo el personal está invitado a unirse
al Sgto. Bilko en el parque vehicular...
6
00:01:21,235 --> 00:01:24,105
... para una demostración del
apropiado mantenimiento de bujías...
7
00:01:24,238 --> 00:01:29,861
... hoy a las 0420, 0530 y 1455.
8
00:01:29,994 --> 00:01:34,287
Otra vez los horarios:
0420, 0530 y 1455.
9
00:01:34,415 --> 00:01:36,372
- ¿Ganaste?.
- No.
10
00:01:42,589 --> 00:01:44,748
Soldado Wally Holbrook
reportándose para el deber.
11
00:01:44,883 --> 00:01:46,675
- ¿Primera asignación?.
- Si.
12
00:01:46,802 --> 00:01:49,719
- Relájate. ¿Sabes dónde estás asignado?.
- Parque Vehicular.
13
00:01:49,847 --> 00:01:52,053
- OK. ¿Parque Vehicular?.
- Si, yo...
14
00:01:52,182 --> 00:01:55,267
- Vas directo al coronel.
- ¿Coronel?. ¿Qué hice?.
15
00:01:56,562 --> 00:01:59,313
- ¿Qué edad tines, hijo?.
- 19, Señor.
16
00:01:59,439 --> 00:02:01,812
19... Tan joven.
17
00:02:01,942 --> 00:02:04,729
Soy mecánico de 1a. clase.
Dos de mis tíos tienen taller.
18
00:02:04,861 --> 00:02:06,190
- ¿Tienes dinero?.
- Sí, Señor.
19
00:02:06,321 --> 00:02:07,602
- Dámelo.
- Pero...
20
00:02:07,739 --> 00:02:09,696
Está bien.
21
00:02:14,204 --> 00:02:18,071
- Mi palabra, debe de haber $500 aquí.
- 700. Verá, trabajé con mi tío...
22
00:02:18,208 --> 00:02:21,577
Vas a llevar $700 en efectivo
a las barracas Bilko?.
23
00:02:22,087 --> 00:02:25,207
- Sí, Señor. ¿Quién, Señor?.
- Dame tu sombrero, por favor.
24
00:02:26,091 --> 00:02:30,171
Sargento Bilko.
Maestro Sargento Ernest G Bilko.
25
00:02:31,263 --> 00:02:34,596
- Bien, buena suerte. Y que la vaya bien.
- Gracias, Señor.
26
00:02:34,724 --> 00:02:38,389
Recuerda, si necesitas lo que sea, necesitas ayuda...
27
00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:42,138
...la puerta del viejo coronel está siempre abierta.
- Gracias, Señor.
28
00:02:42,816 --> 00:02:46,231
¿Señor?.
29
00:03:00,291 --> 00:03:04,075
- Estoy buscando al Sargento Bilko.
- Llega tarde, junior, no más apuestas.
30
00:03:04,212 --> 00:03:07,877
- No, no, no. Me estoy reportando.
- ¡Vamos, Duane!. ¡Jala!.
31
00:03:08,007 --> 00:03:10,676
¡Escarba profundo, nene!.
32
00:03:14,055 --> 00:03:16,012
¡Vamos!. ¡Vamos!.
33
00:03:16,933 --> 00:03:18,890
¡Vamos!. ¡Vamos!.
34
00:03:42,708 --> 00:03:45,709
¡Tiene los zapatos equivocados!.
Doberman está usando los zapatos equivocados.
35
00:03:45,836 --> 00:03:49,252
No tiene tracción. ¡Y éste caballo!.
36
00:03:49,381 --> 00:03:53,842
Éste caballo no estaba así de vivo ésta mañana.
¡Quiero le hagan prueba de droga ahora!.
37
00:03:53,969 --> 00:03:57,303
Alguien, rápido. Traigan una
botella de orina y un trapeador.
38
00:04:03,687 --> 00:04:05,929
¡Hey!. ¿Qué está pasando?.
39
00:04:08,067 --> 00:04:11,482
Es el soldado Doberman.
Él es el que luce como humano.
40
00:04:11,612 --> 00:04:14,696
Anoche en el gimnasio, Doberman dijo:
"Me siento tan fuerte como un caballo".
41
00:04:14,823 --> 00:04:18,275
Un tipo de la compañía P lo
escuchó y dijo:"¿Sí?. ¿Por cuánto?."
42
00:04:18,410 --> 00:04:22,360
Es la regla dorada. No digas nada a menos
qué estés preparado para respaldarlo.
43
00:04:22,497 --> 00:04:27,622
No, no, no cruces la raya.
No la pases. Atrás. Sólo, atrás. Atrás.
44
00:04:44,936 --> 00:04:47,688
- ¿Estás bien, Duane?.
- ¡Sgto., no puedo seguir haciendo esto!.
45
00:04:47,814 --> 00:04:50,815
Hiciste lo mejor qué pudiste, Duane.
¿De todas formas, qué es el dinero?.
46
00:04:50,942 --> 00:04:54,940
Así que, Bilko, finalmente gané una. Paga.
47
00:04:58,241 --> 00:05:00,530
- Apúrate.
- ¿Oh, así que ahora estamos en horario?.
48
00:05:00,785 --> 00:05:04,486
- ¿Vamos una vez más?.
- ¡Sgto.!. Por favor, ya no. Ya no, Sargento.
49
00:05:04,622 --> 00:05:06,995
No te preocupes.
No te haré pasar otra vez por eso.
50
00:05:07,125 --> 00:05:11,039
- Está acabado. Es un perdedor.
- Nadie llama perdedor a uno de los hombres de Bilko.
51
00:05:11,171 --> 00:05:15,382
Debería... ¡agarrame!. Aah.
¡No, no!. ¡Sueltame!. Lo mataré.
52
00:05:15,508 --> 00:05:18,711
- ¿Quieres doblar la apuesta?.
- ¿Doblarla?. Lo dices en serio.
53
00:05:18,845 --> 00:05:21,881
- Sarge, no.
- ¿Qué pasa, Ernie?. ¿Asustado?..
54
00:05:22,015 --> 00:05:25,099
Sarge, por favor. Ese es todo el
dinero del pelotón, cada centavo.
55
00:05:25,226 --> 00:05:29,473
Ahora esto va más allá del dinero. Esto es
cuestión de honor. OK, la apuesta es 1,000.
56
00:05:29,856 --> 00:05:31,848
Tonto.
57
00:05:31,983 --> 00:05:34,355
¡Sí!.
58
00:05:34,861 --> 00:05:36,770
Hey, no puedes hacer eso, viejo.
59
00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:39,568
- ¿Listo, Duane?.
- Seguro, Sarge.
60
00:05:39,699 --> 00:05:42,450
¿Ves?. Él estaba sólo subiendo la apuesta.
61
00:05:44,036 --> 00:05:45,828
Él es como un dios.
62
00:05:59,135 --> 00:06:01,460
¡Duane!. ¡Duane!. ¡Duane!..
63
00:06:01,595 --> 00:06:06,341
¡Duane!. ¡Duane!. ¡Duane!..
¡Duane!. ¡Duane!. ¡Duane!..
64
00:06:28,414 --> 00:06:30,490
¡Sí!. ¡Sí!.
65
00:06:36,130 --> 00:06:38,371
Dale una vuelta y nalguealo.
66
00:06:39,675 --> 00:06:41,833
¡El caballo no!. Doberman.
67
00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:46,006
Escucha, ese vahiculo M2 Bradley
es propiedad del ejército de los E.U..
68
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:50,801
Lo quiero de regreso en el puesto está noche.
¡Tenemos reglas!. Reglas y regulaciones.
69
00:06:53,563 --> 00:06:56,019
Tengo acuerdo de renta
aquí mismo..
70
00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:59,601
Y si vuela algo, saldrá
de su depósito.
71
00:06:59,736 --> 00:07:02,607
¡Adolescentes!. Tan irresponsables.
72
00:07:02,739 --> 00:07:05,693
- Sarge, Ud. dijo que podía contar la toma.
- Ella tuvo la cuenta la vez pasada.
73
00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:08,862
¿Pararás de pelear?. Es como si
dirigiera una guardería de niños
74
00:07:08,995 --> 00:07:12,660
De hecho, esa no es una mala idea.
Podemos dejarlos en el almacén.
75
00:07:12,791 --> 00:07:16,954
- Luis, ¿cuántos chicos en el puesto?..
- ¿Dependientes personales bajo cinco?..
76
00:07:17,087 --> 00:07:20,004
- 293.
- Dame el total de sus mesadas.
77
00:07:20,131 --> 00:07:23,335
- Hey, ¿en el almacén?. ¿Chicos?..
- Zimmy, no morirán.
78
00:07:23,468 --> 00:07:26,504
De hecho, ese será nuestro lema:
"No morirán".
79
00:07:26,638 --> 00:07:30,636
Contaré el dinero. Rocky, asegúrate que el
caballo regrese a la granja Knott's Berry.
80
00:07:30,767 --> 00:07:34,515
Soldado Primera Clase Holbrook, Walter T,
reportándose para el deber, Sergento!..
81
00:07:34,646 --> 00:07:36,638
Sarge, Holbrook es un terror técnico escolar.
82
00:07:36,773 --> 00:07:39,442
Primero en su clase, mantenimiento
de parque vehicular
83
00:07:39,567 --> 00:07:41,809
¿Un verdadero voltea llaves viviente en el parque vehicular?..
84
00:07:41,945 --> 00:07:46,488
Es tan loco, podría funcionar.
Te presentaré a los chicos y chicas.
85
00:07:46,616 --> 00:07:48,988
¿Qué pasa, Sarge?..
86
00:07:49,118 --> 00:07:52,072
¿No lo hueles?. Es el dinero.
87
00:07:54,958 --> 00:07:59,038
Este es el Sgto. Henshaw y el Sgto. Barbella.
Los verás en los bailes, rifas.
88
00:07:59,170 --> 00:08:01,875
Conseguirás tus boletos con ellos.
Ellos manejan la tienda.
89
00:08:02,006 --> 00:08:05,956
Así que si necesitas consumibles, revistas...
Pero no suscripciones de revistas.
90
00:08:06,094 --> 00:08:07,753
Mira a Morales para eso. Toallas...
91
00:08:07,887 --> 00:08:11,967
- ¿Toallas?. ¿El ejército no da toallas?..
- ¿El ejército?. Traiganle un juego de toallas.
92
00:08:12,099 --> 00:08:15,551
Las pachocitas.
El precio de introducción. Vamos.
93
00:08:15,853 --> 00:08:18,225
Hagan sus apuestas, damas y caballeros.
94
00:08:19,732 --> 00:08:23,148
Este es Dino Paparelli.
Vas a reir, vas a llorar.
95
00:08:23,277 --> 00:08:25,649
Vas a amar a este italianito
deshilvanado.
96
00:08:25,780 --> 00:08:28,734
- Hiya.
- Sam Fender. Su lema en la vida es simple:
97
00:08:28,908 --> 00:08:31,363
..."Una acusación no es una condena."
- Malditamente cierto.
98
00:08:31,494 --> 00:08:34,245
Es lenguaje de hombres.
Mickey Zimmerman.
99
00:08:34,371 --> 00:08:37,871
Trágicamente, Zimmerman nació sin personalidad.
100
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,206
- Hola.
- Luis Clemente.
101
00:08:40,461 --> 00:08:43,130
Este tipo es listo, muy listo.
Tiene coeficiente de inteligencia.
102
00:08:43,255 --> 00:08:46,126
- Hola.
- ¿Viste lo que quise decir?..
103
00:08:46,258 --> 00:08:49,045
Tony Morales. Lo único que
necesitas saber acerca de él...
104
00:08:49,178 --> 00:08:52,132
...que no se baña porque niebla el espejo.
105
00:08:52,264 --> 00:08:57,140
Finalmente, el hombre de la hora, el maestro
del desastre, el rey del universo...
106
00:08:57,269 --> 00:09:01,896
... cuidado, chicas, odia cenar solo...
¡Soldado Duane Doberman!..
107
00:09:02,024 --> 00:09:03,103
Oh, Sarge.
108
00:09:03,233 --> 00:09:08,191
Doberman tampoco se baña,
pero
por una razón mucho más aterradora.
109
00:09:09,156 --> 00:09:11,861
Mis órdenes, Sargento.
110
00:09:11,992 --> 00:09:15,195
Todo parece estar en orden.
Henshaw llevará tus bolsas.
111
00:09:15,329 --> 00:09:17,286
No te preocupes, está afianzado. ¿Tienes licencia?..
112
00:09:17,414 --> 00:09:19,739
- ¿Licencia de manejo?..
- Podemos hacer una.
113
00:09:19,875 --> 00:09:23,457
- ¡Henshaw, trae la cámara!..
- No, no. Tengo licencia. Aquí mismo.
114
00:09:23,587 --> 00:09:25,959
Mi cartera.
115
00:09:26,089 --> 00:09:29,505
Oh, aquí está. Vacía.
Está en tu gorra, ¿no es así?..
116
00:09:30,052 --> 00:09:36,553
Buen chico. Oh. Oh, debe de haber 6...
no, 700 dólares aquí. Bien.
117
00:09:37,225 --> 00:09:39,716
Bueno, puedes empezar con esto.
El carro del Coronel.
118
00:09:39,853 --> 00:09:42,474
- Está bien, ¿qué tiene de malo?..
- Es el odómetro.
119
00:09:42,606 --> 00:09:46,140
Dice 12,000 millas,
y debería decir 11,000 millas.
120
00:09:46,276 --> 00:09:49,976
Tony lo manejó a Lake Tahoe
para ir al funeral de su abuela.
121
00:09:50,113 --> 00:09:52,569
- Lo siento.
- Cuando digo que...
122
00:09:52,741 --> 00:09:57,983
...quiero decir "visitar su sobrina". Y
cuando
digo "sobrina", ¿quiero decir amiga dama?..
123
00:09:58,955 --> 00:10:02,122
Mira. Estoy parpadeando.
Mira a mi ojo.
124
00:10:02,250 --> 00:10:05,619
- ¿Quieres que le dé vuelta?..
- Sí.
125
00:10:05,962 --> 00:10:09,497
- No puedo hacer eso, Sargento.
- ¡"No puedo"!. ¡Dijo "no puedo"!..
126
00:10:09,632 --> 00:10:11,839
Sarge, ¿está bien?..
127
00:10:11,968 --> 00:10:15,218
Hey, viejo, "no puedo" es una
palabra de 4 letras en este pelotón.
128
00:10:15,346 --> 00:10:17,920
No puedo violar las regulaciones,
a menos que sea una orden...
129
00:10:18,057 --> 00:10:22,185
...en ese caso tendré que pedirte que el
Maestro Sargento Bilko firme esa orden
130
00:10:22,312 --> 00:10:25,645
Esto pidiéndote a ti un favor.
Aquí todos somos como una familia.
131
00:10:25,773 --> 00:10:27,849
Cualquier de estos hombres
tomaría una bala por ti.
132
00:10:27,984 --> 00:10:31,981
- Bueno, no en el pecho.
- No, no en el pecho, sino en la pierna.
133
00:10:32,113 --> 00:10:36,656
- ¿Permiso para hablar libremente?.
- ¿Qué, estamos en Rusia?. Di lo que sea.
134
00:10:36,784 --> 00:10:39,275
Son soldados. Guardianes de la libertad.
135
00:10:39,412 --> 00:10:44,702
Y francamente, no creo que haya un hombre
aquí tomando su juramento de servicio seriamente.
136
00:10:44,834 --> 00:10:47,585
¿Sabes qué?. Voy a matarlo.
137
00:10:47,712 --> 00:10:49,087
¡Fender!.
138
00:10:54,176 --> 00:10:57,343
Ahora, esta es la cosa que deberían
estar enseñando en el ejército.
139
00:10:57,471 --> 00:11:00,093
- Lo están enseñando.
- ¿No bromeas?.
140
00:11:04,228 --> 00:11:08,142
Aquí les va una viejita para todos
nuestros amigos en el parque vehicular.
141
00:11:10,526 --> 00:11:12,565
("No Particular Place to Go"
by Chuck Berry)
142
00:11:12,695 --> 00:11:16,111
Ridin' along in my automobile
143
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,647
My baby beside me at the wheel
144
00:11:19,994 --> 00:11:22,070
I stole a kiss at the turn of a mile
145
00:11:22,496 --> 00:11:23,611
Brass!.
146
00:11:23,747 --> 00:11:27,282
My curiosity runnin' wild
147
00:11:27,418 --> 00:11:30,952
Cruisin' and playin' the radio
148
00:11:31,088 --> 00:11:34,373
With no particular place to go
149
00:11:34,842 --> 00:11:37,379
Ridin' along in my automobile
150
00:11:38,554 --> 00:11:40,879
I was anxious to tell her the way I feel
151
00:11:42,224 --> 00:11:44,976
So I told her softly and sincere
152
00:11:45,936 --> 00:11:48,723
And she leaned and whispered in my ear
153
00:11:49,815 --> 00:11:52,769
Cuddlin' more and drivin' slow
154
00:11:53,610 --> 00:11:54,689
With no particular place to go
155
00:11:54,820 --> 00:11:58,235
- Sarge, ¿dónde podemos ocultar el caballo?.
- ¿Qué caballo?.
156
00:12:02,994 --> 00:12:06,410
¡Está bien, hombres!. Más rápido.
El ejército necesita estos vehiculos.
157
00:12:10,460 --> 00:12:12,417
¿Bilko?.
158
00:12:15,382 --> 00:12:17,125
Sargento.
159
00:12:17,258 --> 00:12:19,168
¡Sargento Bilko!.
160
00:12:19,302 --> 00:12:23,051
¡Aliniense hombres, ahora!. ¡Y formen
un semicirculo o un rectángulo, ahora!.
161
00:12:23,181 --> 00:12:25,138
¡Choza!. ¡Hey!.
162
00:12:35,485 --> 00:12:38,106
Muy bien. Como estaban.
163
00:12:38,988 --> 00:12:40,862
Quiso decir regresa a lo que
estabas haciendo.
164
00:12:40,990 --> 00:12:44,406
Coronel Hall, luce fantástico, Señor.
¿Perdió peso?.
165
00:12:44,535 --> 00:12:46,824
Por qué, quizás un par de libras.
166
00:12:47,497 --> 00:12:49,454
Nell y yo hemos estado
"sudando con las viejitas".
167
00:12:49,582 --> 00:12:52,832
- Ah.
- Sargento, estoy aquí para ver lo de mi carro.
168
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:55,582
Ah, bueno, me temo que aún estamos
trabajando en él, Señor.
169
00:12:55,713 --> 00:12:59,462
- Lo ha tenido una semana y media.
- Creo que lo ví en la Interestatal 30.
170
00:12:59,592 --> 00:13:02,759
Ahí lo tiene. Gracias a Dios tengo un testigo.
Gracias, Capitán Moon.
171
00:13:02,887 --> 00:13:05,722
Y el Coronel cree que yo nunca
pruebo los vehículos.
172
00:13:05,848 --> 00:13:07,841
¿Qué es eso?.
173
00:13:07,975 --> 00:13:11,261
Eso es mierda de caballo, Señor. Les digo a
los hombres "tienen que probarlos..."
174
00:13:11,395 --> 00:13:14,100
- ¿Qué está haciendo ahí?.
- Mantiene a las moscas lejos de la comida.
175
00:13:14,231 --> 00:13:17,019
No hay forma de saber qué le
pasa a un motor ...
176
00:13:17,151 --> 00:13:19,108
- ¿Lejos de la comida?.
- Es un experimento.
177
00:13:19,236 --> 00:13:21,229
Yo diría que los resultados son mixtos.
178
00:13:27,870 --> 00:13:30,325
Es mucho más barato que
mandar traer, Señor.
179
00:13:30,456 --> 00:13:32,662
Y más fresca también.
180
00:13:32,791 --> 00:13:35,365
Bilko, ¿está Ud. loco?.
Este no es el caballo de caballería.
181
00:13:35,502 --> 00:13:38,788
- No puede traer ganado a el puesto.
- Tiene razón, Señor.
182
00:13:38,923 --> 00:13:42,588
Han escuchado al Coronel. ¡Traigan al
caballo del pelotón y saquen al caballo de aquí!.
183
00:13:42,718 --> 00:13:47,261
- Está bien, dos veces, soldado.
- Sargento, por favor, dígame de mi carro.
184
00:13:48,223 --> 00:13:50,382
- ¿Sabe algo de carros, Señor?.
- No.
185
00:13:50,517 --> 00:13:55,013
Ah. Bueno, ¿ves esa cosa como
puntiaguda de ahí?.
186
00:13:55,147 --> 00:13:59,394
Parece que está incidiendo en la
cosa café, redonda con manchas.
187
00:13:59,526 --> 00:14:02,978
- Verás, cuando Henry Ford...
- Coronel Hall.
188
00:14:04,031 --> 00:14:06,818
- Cabo, ¿qué pasa?.
- ¿Permiso para hablar en privado?.
189
00:14:06,950 --> 00:14:09,239
- Por supuesto. Discúlpeme, Bilko.
- Absolutamente.
190
00:14:09,369 --> 00:14:11,907
- ¿Qué pasa, Cabo?.
- El Pentágono llamó.
191
00:14:12,039 --> 00:14:14,993
¿El Pentágono?.
¿Cómo obtuvieron mi número?.
192
00:14:15,125 --> 00:14:18,909
Están mandando un equipo para
observar
la prueba mañana del tanque flotador.
193
00:14:19,087 --> 00:14:24,378
- ¿Por qué?. Es sólo una preliminar... Aah.
- ¿Qué pasa, Señor?.
194
00:14:24,509 --> 00:14:27,676
Bueno, últimamente están cerrando un
montón de instalaciones militares.
195
00:14:27,804 --> 00:14:30,093
¿Qué tal si están planeando
cerrar Fort Baxter?.
196
00:14:30,223 --> 00:14:33,058
- ¿Sabe algo acerca de esto?.
- Me halagas.
197
00:14:33,185 --> 00:14:38,143
- ¿Cómo puedo, un mero Sargento maestro...?.
- Usted sabe todo antes que yo.
198
00:14:38,273 --> 00:14:42,816
Estoy seguro es sólo rutina, Señor. Como
sea, regrese cuando guste. Llame primero.
199
00:14:43,403 --> 00:14:47,068
Les digo, hombres, servir bajo
un gran lider como el Coronel Hall...
200
00:14:47,198 --> 00:14:48,990
- Se fue.
- Tengo hambre. ¿Qué hora?.
201
00:14:49,117 --> 00:14:51,156
12 en punto. Ordenamos comida China.
202
00:14:51,411 --> 00:14:55,029
- ¿Superiores del Pentágono, Sarge?. No me gusta.
- Relájate. Es sólo cosas del ejército.
203
00:14:55,165 --> 00:14:57,323
No tiene nada que ver con nosotros.
204
00:14:58,001 --> 00:15:00,289
- ¿Dijiste 12 en punto?.
- Sí.
205
00:15:00,420 --> 00:15:02,708
- ¿Hoy es Sábado?.
- Todo el día.
206
00:15:02,839 --> 00:15:08,343
Sábado al mediodía. Tengo un extraño
presentimiento que debo estar en algún lugar.
207
00:15:13,641 --> 00:15:15,598
Lo mataré.
208
00:15:24,444 --> 00:15:26,816
- ¿Juego de Poker?.
- No, no.
209
00:15:27,238 --> 00:15:30,737
- Carreras.
- No, no. Fue otra cosa.
210
00:15:35,496 --> 00:15:38,117
Dios, ese es un vestido adorable.
211
00:15:38,249 --> 00:15:40,491
- Gracias, Reverendo.
- ¿Es nuevo?.
212
00:15:40,626 --> 00:15:44,327
No, lo usé la última vez que el mentiroso
de mierda me plantó.
213
00:15:44,463 --> 00:15:45,626
Ah.
214
00:16:07,903 --> 00:16:10,477
Dame el anillo.
Fuiste el padrino la última vez.
215
00:16:10,614 --> 00:16:13,568
- ¡No se casó la última vez!.
- ¡Es mi turno!.
216
00:16:13,701 --> 00:16:17,449
- ¿Como vas a ser el padrino?.
- ¡Sólo dame el anillo!.
217
00:16:20,707 --> 00:16:24,491
- Pero no puedes odiarlo, ¿sabes?.
- Puedo odiarlo. Lo odio ahora mismo.
218
00:16:24,628 --> 00:16:26,585
Cariño...
219
00:16:27,798 --> 00:16:30,467
¿A dónde vas?. Nadie se retire.
220
00:16:30,592 --> 00:16:35,835
Viniste para verme casar. Vas a - no me
importa particularmente con quién.
221
00:16:37,599 --> 00:16:39,556
¡Cariño!. Sé que estás molesta...
222
00:16:39,685 --> 00:16:42,472
Papi, no te metas.
Sé lo que estoy haciendo.
223
00:16:43,397 --> 00:16:44,891
Nelson.
224
00:16:45,023 --> 00:16:47,977
¿Estás ocupado?. ¿Te casas
conmigo?. Te amo.
225
00:16:48,110 --> 00:16:50,482
Nunca me había dado cuenta hasta ahora.
226
00:16:51,530 --> 00:16:56,275
Bueno, la cosa es, Rita, que estoy
comprometido... con tu hermana.
227
00:16:57,536 --> 00:16:59,493
¿Y?.
228
00:17:14,094 --> 00:17:16,667
No preguntes. Ni siquiera preguntes.
229
00:17:19,265 --> 00:17:20,843
Está bien, pregunta.
230
00:17:21,184 --> 00:17:23,556
Cara de conejo,
no creerás lo que pasó.
231
00:17:23,686 --> 00:17:28,929
Estaba este autobús cargado de dulces geriatas.
Estaban ridando por la montaña...
232
00:17:29,067 --> 00:17:31,106
¿Crees que soy una idiota?.
233
00:17:31,569 --> 00:17:33,569
Pregunta a Wally. Es nuevo, una real flecha derecha,...
234
00:17:33,570 --> 00:17:36,564
nunca ha dicho mentiras en su vida. ¿Wally?.
235
00:17:38,451 --> 00:17:40,159
¿Ves?.
236
00:17:40,286 --> 00:17:42,575
Cariño, cariño...
237
00:17:42,705 --> 00:17:45,243
Oh, bebé... sopló de ángel, estás exagerando!.
238
00:17:45,375 --> 00:17:49,668
- Sabes, es... Ooh!. Mala audiencia.
- Estaba lleno hace una hora.
239
00:17:49,796 --> 00:17:53,081
¡Oh, cariñito, Yo... estoy bien!.
240
00:17:53,758 --> 00:17:55,881
Cariñito, ¿qué puedo hacer
para recompensarte?.
241
00:17:56,010 --> 00:17:58,252
¿Qué quieres?. Sólo dimelo.
Haré lo que sea.
242
00:17:58,387 --> 00:18:00,546
He estado esperando 7 años.
243
00:18:00,806 --> 00:18:05,184
¿Qué quiero?. Quiero mis 7 años de
regreso. No puedo vivir así, Ernie.
244
00:18:05,394 --> 00:18:08,146
Tengo una dama de honor
de guardia las 24 horas del día.
245
00:18:08,272 --> 00:18:12,601
Y soy la única mujer con un vestido de novia
que se cae a pedazos por el uso.
246
00:18:13,361 --> 00:18:16,397
- Lo siento.
- Creo que me amas, Ernie.
247
00:18:16,530 --> 00:18:20,658
Pero eres tan escurridizo, es imposible
saber qué estás pensando.
248
00:18:20,785 --> 00:18:22,694
Bueno, gracias.
249
00:18:22,828 --> 00:18:26,244
No entiendo a qué le temes tanto.
250
00:18:26,373 --> 00:18:29,078
¿Sabes lo que voy a hacer justo aquí, ahora mismo?.
251
00:18:29,210 --> 00:18:31,167
No. No lo hagas.
252
00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:36,705
No. No, no esta vez.
253
00:18:37,593 --> 00:18:40,344
- No lo hagas, por favor.
- Un juego, a 500.
254
00:18:41,930 --> 00:18:44,386
No. Por favor no lo hagas.
255
00:18:45,434 --> 00:18:47,592
Espada. Es un doble.
256
00:18:49,146 --> 00:18:51,269
Cajas riple, a 500. Penny un punto.
257
00:18:51,940 --> 00:18:54,562
- ¿Un cuatro?.
- Sí.
258
00:18:55,777 --> 00:18:58,862
Oh, dos. Sí. Vamos. Aquí.
Vamos, vamos, vamos.
259
00:19:07,789 --> 00:19:09,746
¿Qué pasa?.
260
00:19:10,667 --> 00:19:15,163
Bueno, Rocky y yo estábamos hablando a Wally
mientras tú y Rita estaban en la iglesia.
261
00:19:15,297 --> 00:19:17,966
Es una buena chica.
No nos gusta la manera como la tratas.
262
00:19:18,091 --> 00:19:20,547
Tiene razón, Sarge.
La trata como un patán.
263
00:19:20,677 --> 00:19:23,880
- ¿No sería más feliz en la marina?.
- Abandonó a esa chica.
264
00:19:24,014 --> 00:19:26,302
Probablemente tendrá que mudarse
a otro pueblo.
265
00:19:26,433 --> 00:19:29,137
¿Te relajarás?. Rita y yo
tenemos una relación especial.
266
00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:32,305
¿Crees que me esperaba para casarme
con ella hoy?. Por supuesto que no.
267
00:19:32,439 --> 00:19:35,226
Me esperaba para hacer justo lo
que hice. Es un juego.
268
00:19:35,483 --> 00:19:37,855
Algún día podrías perder ese juego, Ernie.
269
00:20:00,592 --> 00:20:03,427
Muy bien, hombres. Asegúrense que esté sujeto.
270
00:20:03,928 --> 00:20:06,597
- ¿Sujeto?.
- Lo que sea.
271
00:20:06,723 --> 00:20:09,842
Así que, Mayor Ebersole,
mañana es el gran día.
272
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:13,475
- ¿Cómo luce ella?.
- Espero no sea muy humillante, Señor.
273
00:20:13,896 --> 00:20:15,604
¿Qué se supone que pase?.
274
00:20:15,731 --> 00:20:19,350
Bueno, teóricamente,
y no apostaría la granja...
275
00:20:20,069 --> 00:20:25,408
...el tanque flotador se levantará y flotará
varias pulgadar arriba del estanque.
276
00:20:25,533 --> 00:20:29,447
- Bien. Muy bien.
- Sí. Luego alistará los objetivos...
277
00:20:29,578 --> 00:20:33,197
... el... el cañón. Bum.
La descarga de munición. Kabum.
278
00:20:33,332 --> 00:20:35,574
Ese camión. Bum.
279
00:20:35,710 --> 00:20:39,838
Excelente. Una idea.
Quizás debería ser: bum, bum...
280
00:20:39,964 --> 00:20:41,755
... luego kabum.
281
00:20:42,967 --> 00:20:47,178
Sabes, ¿guardar ese "kabum" para lo último?.
Algo como un "uuh-ah" gran final.
282
00:20:47,304 --> 00:20:49,214
¿Qué le parece?.
283
00:20:50,891 --> 00:20:53,726
- Haré una nota de ello, Señor.
- Bien.
284
00:20:55,563 --> 00:20:58,433
Me extrañó. ¡Ahora corra!.
285
00:20:58,565 --> 00:21:01,056
- Sí. Lo tengo.
- Hey, ahí va el sarge, hombre.
286
00:21:01,193 --> 00:21:03,150
¡Sarge!.
287
00:21:03,529 --> 00:21:06,898
- Hey, Dobie, vamos, vámonos.
- Sarge, ¿ya se casó?.
288
00:21:07,032 --> 00:21:10,152
- Aún no.
- ¿Cómo lo tomó Rita ésta vez?.
289
00:21:10,285 --> 00:21:12,444
Oh, está feliz. Me quitó 40
morlacos en un juego de gin.
290
00:21:12,579 --> 00:21:13,824
¡Oh, es grandiosa!.
291
00:21:13,956 --> 00:21:17,455
Paparelli. ¿Cómo van los boletos para la
barbacoa "Conoce a tormenta Norman"?.
292
00:21:17,584 --> 00:21:19,624
- Es un éxito de taquilla, Sarge.
- ¿Encontraste un doble?.
293
00:21:19,753 --> 00:21:21,544
- Encontramos uno.
- Ahh.
294
00:21:21,672 --> 00:21:24,756
No por nada me llaman
Sargento maestro.
295
00:21:25,592 --> 00:21:27,834
Sabes, las cosas no siempre fueron
así de buenas.
296
00:21:27,970 --> 00:21:32,216
Cuando tuve mis primeros galones en Fort Dix,
Lo consideré mi responsabilidad...
297
00:21:32,349 --> 00:21:37,141
...de proveer a los hombres y mujeres
trabajadores con algo de recreación sana.
298
00:21:38,438 --> 00:21:41,688
- Dirigirte las apuestas.
- Correcto, Fender.
299
00:21:41,817 --> 00:21:46,110
Pero estaba este Teniente ahí -
Teniente Colin Thorn.
300
00:21:48,031 --> 00:21:53,191
Un lunático. Quiero decir, muy suave por
fuera, pero por debajo, alambre de púas.
301
00:21:53,328 --> 00:21:55,237
Me montó como un jinete.
302
00:21:55,372 --> 00:21:58,242
Billares, rifas, juegos de cartas -
No pude hacer nada.
303
00:21:58,375 --> 00:22:00,782
Era como estar en el ejército.
304
00:22:01,836 --> 00:22:04,623
Bien, vamos nene. ¡Vámonos!.
305
00:22:07,717 --> 00:22:08,796
Hola.
306
00:22:09,260 --> 00:22:12,843
Finalmente, tuve un respiro. Llevaron las finales
de división de boxeo en nuestro puesto.
307
00:22:12,972 --> 00:22:15,843
No podías detener a la gente de apostarle.
308
00:22:16,434 --> 00:22:19,684
Era un volado.
Ahora, para mi, es sólo sentimental.
309
00:22:19,854 --> 00:22:24,267
Me gusta un evento deportivo en el que sé
el resultado de antemano. Es más organizado.
310
00:22:31,783 --> 00:22:35,199
Fui con uno de los pugilistas y
llegamos a un acuerdo empresarial.
311
00:22:35,328 --> 00:22:37,285
Por una tajada de 50-50 de
nuestras ganancias...
312
00:22:37,413 --> 00:22:40,948
... él acordó dar menos de un esfuerzo
supremo en el círculo cuadrado.
313
00:22:41,083 --> 00:22:44,535
- Le pagaste para echarse un clavado
- Por supuesto.
314
00:22:46,214 --> 00:22:49,131
Tenía a este Cabo trabajando
para mi - Leo Cletz.
315
00:22:59,894 --> 00:23:02,978
La noche de la pelea, le di el dinero
para pagarte a mi peleador.
316
00:23:03,105 --> 00:23:06,854
Leo mal entendió y dió el dinero
al otro peleador.
317
00:23:09,487 --> 00:23:14,314
El peleador se sorprendió, pero pensó "Qué
demonios?. Es un buen precio. Me tiraré"
318
00:23:14,450 --> 00:23:17,783
Mientras, mi peleador pensó
"Bilko quiso decir que recibiré el dinero más tarde."
319
00:23:17,912 --> 00:23:21,612
- "No hay problema. Me tiraré igual."
- ¿Así que ambos pensaron clavarse?.
320
00:23:21,749 --> 00:23:24,287
- Exactamente
- ¿Qué pasó?.
321
00:23:24,418 --> 00:23:25,449
Historia de boxeo.
322
00:23:50,319 --> 00:23:54,399
Por 3 rounds, nadie se pegó.
Era un recital de baile
323
00:24:11,965 --> 00:24:16,793
Finalmente, pienso que por aburrimiento, uno de
los chicos conectó con una derecha.
324
00:24:20,473 --> 00:24:22,596
¿Qué diablos está pasando aquí?.
325
00:24:24,603 --> 00:24:27,390
Teniente Thorn lo tomó como un
insulto personal
326
00:24:27,522 --> 00:24:30,558
- ¿Estás bien?. ¿Dolió?.
- Muy bonito.
327
00:24:39,617 --> 00:24:42,737
Pareció como que Thorn estaba
pagándole al peleador.
328
00:24:43,538 --> 00:24:45,162
Estaba quemado.
329
00:24:45,290 --> 00:24:49,583
No tenían suficiente evidencia para
una corte
marcial, pero lo mandaron a Groenlandia
330
00:24:55,258 --> 00:24:58,259
Juego, set y partido - Bilko.
331
00:24:59,303 --> 00:25:01,711
- Vaya historia, ¿eh?.
- ¿Permiso para hablar libremente?.
332
00:25:01,848 --> 00:25:05,845
- Otra vez, permiso. Está bien.
- Lidió con él muy deshonestamente
333
00:25:06,185 --> 00:25:08,510
Olvida eso.
¿Qué le pasó?. Thorn.
334
00:25:08,855 --> 00:25:12,389
No lo sé. No sé que le pasó.
335
00:25:30,459 --> 00:25:35,536
Coronel John Hall, comandante de guarnición.
Bienvenido a Fort Baxter, Mayor.
336
00:26:00,948 --> 00:26:03,154
¡Doberman!. ¡Despierta!.
337
00:26:38,902 --> 00:26:41,191
¡Vamos, todos!.
¡Arriba y a darle!.
338
00:26:43,782 --> 00:26:47,317
Vamos, chicos, no perdamos un
minuto de este hermoso día.
339
00:26:47,452 --> 00:26:48,946
¡Hey!.
340
00:26:50,205 --> 00:26:53,408
- ¡Larguense de aquí!.
- ¡Traeré al Sarge!.
341
00:26:53,541 --> 00:26:55,783
Es todo. Ahora ustedes chicos
van a estar en aprietos.
342
00:27:04,094 --> 00:27:06,086
- ¡Hey, Sarge!. Levántese.
- ¿Qué pasa?.
343
00:27:06,221 --> 00:27:10,717
¡Cubranse todos!. ¡Reúnan a todos los hombres!.
Man the battle stations and...
344
00:27:12,143 --> 00:27:13,637
¿Qué es esay música?.
345
00:27:26,157 --> 00:27:29,989
Entiendo, Mayor, este sistema de armas
está en etapa experimental.
346
00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:33,654
Pero creo que estaría muy impresionado
con el... ruido que produce.
347
00:27:33,790 --> 00:27:36,625
Es una poderosa pieza de equipo.
348
00:27:36,751 --> 00:27:40,286
Coronel, realmente le urjo a Ud. a no
proceder con esto.
349
00:27:40,421 --> 00:27:43,256
Ah, Mayor Ebersole, Mayor Thorn.
350
00:27:43,382 --> 00:27:46,253
Mayor Ebersole es el cerebro detrás
del tanque flotador.
351
00:27:46,385 --> 00:27:48,592
Él es realmente el responsable.
352
00:27:50,389 --> 00:27:52,714
- Gracias, Señor.
- ¿Podemos continuar con esto?.
353
00:27:52,850 --> 00:27:55,222
Por supuesto. ¿Listo para empezar?.
354
00:27:55,353 --> 00:27:57,725
Está bien. Encendamos está vela.
355
00:28:01,692 --> 00:28:07,446
Ssbe, con todos estos cierres de bases y
reducciones, la gente aquí ha estado inquieta.
356
00:28:07,573 --> 00:28:09,530
Listo, Coronel.
357
00:28:10,034 --> 00:28:12,406
Esto es emocionante.
358
00:28:24,298 --> 00:28:26,587
Está bien, enciendala.
359
00:28:46,403 --> 00:28:48,312
Aún necesita trabajo.
360
00:29:08,049 --> 00:29:09,757
Fuego.
361
00:29:14,764 --> 00:29:16,757
Por supuesto.
362
00:29:18,893 --> 00:29:20,767
¡Salgan!. ¡Cuidado!.
363
00:29:51,092 --> 00:29:54,840
¡Vamos, campistas!. Son las 10 am.
Hora de empezar el día.
364
00:29:57,348 --> 00:29:59,673
- Buenos días, Sarge.
- Es ese tiempo de la década.
365
00:29:59,809 --> 00:30:01,718
- Vas a bañarte.
- ¿Tengo que hacerlo?.
366
00:30:01,853 --> 00:30:05,981
Todos lo sienten fuertemente.
Aquí está la petición.
367
00:30:07,108 --> 00:30:09,184
Oh, Sarge.
368
00:30:11,612 --> 00:30:14,399
¿Por qué estás sentado ahí?.
Estabas lleno de energía a las 6 am.
369
00:30:14,532 --> 00:30:16,405
No creo que les agrade a los muchachos.
370
00:30:16,534 --> 00:30:19,903
- ¿Qué te hace decir eso?.
- Me escribieron una nota.
371
00:30:20,037 --> 00:30:23,122
"Wally, no nos agradas."
Y todos lo firmaron.
372
00:30:25,876 --> 00:30:29,625
- Sí, esa es la "X" de Doberman.
- ¿Por favor puedo tener otro compañero de cuarto?.
373
00:30:29,755 --> 00:30:31,712
- ¿Por qué, qué pasa?.
- Orinó su cama.
374
00:30:31,841 --> 00:30:35,506
- Oh, bueno, de vez en cuando.
- No. Lo hizo por todo el cuarto.
375
00:30:39,056 --> 00:30:41,843
¡Mayor, por favor!. ¿Al menos
se quedará para la comida?.
376
00:30:41,976 --> 00:30:44,431
- ¿Le gusta caserola de pollo?.
- No.
377
00:30:44,561 --> 00:30:47,017
Bueno, Mayor, déjeme ser franco.
378
00:30:47,147 --> 00:30:50,682
Un report negativo de Ud. sería una
sentencia de muerte para Fort Baxter.
379
00:30:50,818 --> 00:30:54,234
- Hemos estado en declive...
- ¿9 años sin una prueba exitosa?.
380
00:30:54,363 --> 00:30:56,569
Ese no es un declive, esa es una tradición.
381
00:30:56,698 --> 00:31:00,743
Pero, Mayor, piense por un minuto
por los hombres, sus carreras.
382
00:31:00,869 --> 00:31:03,574
- Mi carrera.
- Coronel, es lo que hay.
383
00:31:03,705 --> 00:31:06,457
estimo es la carrera que tenía en mente
cuando salí del Colegio Militar.
384
00:31:06,583 --> 00:31:09,288
Puliendo un asiento con mi culo en Washington
DC, visitando puestos culeros.
385
00:31:09,419 --> 00:31:11,910
Pensé que sería un Coronel ya o
quizás un General.
386
00:31:12,047 --> 00:31:16,092
Lo siento. Lo que ví hoy fue una nube de
polvo que costó $70 millones. Buenos días.
387
00:31:16,218 --> 00:31:20,844
¡Espere!. Hay mucho más en Fort Baxter
que sólo Investigación y Desarrollo, Mayor.
388
00:31:20,972 --> 00:31:24,009
- Tenemis una comisaría condecorado.
- Pruebe la caserola.
389
00:31:24,142 --> 00:31:26,467
Y nuestro equipo de softball ganó
el título de división.
390
00:31:26,603 --> 00:31:29,355
Y el pelotón del Sargento Bilko
está en las finales del Club de Coro.
391
00:31:29,481 --> 00:31:31,639
Ciertamente tendré edo en mente.
392
00:31:40,283 --> 00:31:42,157
¿Dijo Bilko?.
393
00:31:43,495 --> 00:31:45,368
Sí.
394
00:31:45,497 --> 00:31:47,738
¿Es ése Ernie Bilko?.
395
00:31:48,875 --> 00:31:51,033
El único y el mismo.
396
00:31:52,003 --> 00:31:54,079
Quizás me quedaré para la comida.
397
00:31:54,380 --> 00:31:57,796
Bueno. ¡Encienda esa cacerola de
pollo, Capitán Moon!.
398
00:31:57,926 --> 00:31:59,799
¡Sí, Señor!.
399
00:32:14,025 --> 00:32:16,432
Ahora, ¿A dónde fue ése?.
400
00:32:30,541 --> 00:32:33,459
- Hey, ¡está 8 sobre par, Sarge!.
- Bueno, arreglelo
401
00:32:33,586 --> 00:32:36,587
- Sarge, ¿lo dejan hacer esto?.
- Nunca lo pedí. Dirían no.
402
00:32:36,714 --> 00:32:38,173
Es un puesto del ejército.
403
00:32:45,890 --> 00:32:48,926
Bien, tengo 5 a 1 a Lover's Knot.
404
00:32:49,143 --> 00:32:52,594
- $20 dicen que puedo darke al estacionamiento.
- Yo no apuesto.
405
00:32:53,355 --> 00:32:55,681
- ¿Qué es lo que haces?.
- Permiso para hablar...
406
00:32:55,816 --> 00:32:57,476
Sí, sí, sí. Adelante.
407
00:32:57,610 --> 00:33:01,310
Me levanto casa mañana y me visto para
proteger el estilo de vida Americano.
408
00:33:01,447 --> 00:33:05,575
¿Podrías decir eso más tarde esta noche para
que no tenga que tomar una píldora para dormir?.
409
00:33:05,701 --> 00:33:07,528
¡Bilko!.
410
00:33:07,661 --> 00:33:09,239
No puede ser.
411
00:33:10,289 --> 00:33:12,531
Teniente Thorn.
412
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:17,294
- De hecho, es Mayor Thorn ahora.
- Bueno, Felicidades.
413
00:33:19,006 --> 00:33:22,956
No sabía que todavía estaba en el servicio.
Lo hubiera buscado hacer mucho.
414
00:33:23,093 --> 00:33:24,007
Lo apostaría.
415
00:33:24,136 --> 00:33:28,180
Dígame, Coronel, ¿él es todavía el
mismo bribón que fue en Fort Dix?.
416
00:33:28,307 --> 00:33:31,177
- Esa es una manera de ponerlo.
- Ud. cambió mi vida.
417
00:33:31,310 --> 00:33:33,883
¿Recuerda ese encuentrito de box?.
418
00:33:34,229 --> 00:33:36,222
Encuentro de box...
419
00:33:36,356 --> 00:33:40,354
Eso me hizo un hombre nuevo. Recuerda
cómo solía ser rígido y tenso?.
420
00:33:40,485 --> 00:33:43,403
Gracias a él, me dí cuenta que no
puedes tratar a las personas así.
421
00:33:43,530 --> 00:33:45,986
Soy un mejor hombre por ello.
Gracias, Ernie.
422
00:33:46,116 --> 00:33:47,694
Seguro.
423
00:33:49,536 --> 00:33:51,279
- ¿Qué fue eso?.
- Galgos, Señor.
424
00:33:51,413 --> 00:33:53,986
- ¿Cuánto tiempo estará entre nosotros, Mayor?.
- No mucho.
425
00:33:54,124 --> 00:33:56,615
Coronel, ¿qué dice si comemos
esa caserola?.
426
00:33:56,751 --> 00:33:59,622
Absolutamente, y unas patatas
asadas también.
427
00:34:03,466 --> 00:34:08,508
Regresemos a las barracas y cancele
todo: bailes, rifas, todo.
428
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:33,319
¡Dios, olvidé que son las finales!.
429
00:34:35,081 --> 00:34:37,654
¡Sarge!. Aquí está el dinero de
la renta de los patines.
430
00:34:37,792 --> 00:34:41,410
¡Alto, alto!. ¡Aleja eso!.
¡Alto, todos!. ¡Alto!.
431
00:34:41,921 --> 00:34:45,456
Paseando en mi automóvil.
432
00:34:45,591 --> 00:34:47,880
Mi nena a un lado de mi al volante.
433
00:34:49,220 --> 00:34:52,055
Robé un beso a la vuelta de una milla.
434
00:34:52,849 --> 00:34:56,134
Es Hall con el Mayor Thorn. Parece
como una inspección sorpresa.
435
00:34:56,269 --> 00:35:00,266
¿Una inspección?. ¿Ahora?.
¡Mira este lugar!.
436
00:35:00,398 --> 00:35:02,770
- Tiempo estimado de llegada, 90 segundos.
- Piensa. Piensa.
437
00:35:03,067 --> 00:35:05,605
Tengo que pensar. ¿Dónde está
la compañía Alfa?.
438
00:35:05,736 --> 00:35:07,729
Ejercicios de campo.
439
00:35:07,863 --> 00:35:09,939
Así que nos estacionamos muy lejos
en el Kokomo
440
00:35:11,701 --> 00:35:14,536
La noche era joven y la luna
era oro.
441
00:35:15,121 --> 00:35:17,659
So we both decided to take a stroll
442
00:35:19,291 --> 00:35:21,367
¿Puede imaginarse la manera
como me sentía?.
443
00:35:22,795 --> 00:35:25,333
No pude desabrochar su
cinturón de seguridad.
444
00:35:26,507 --> 00:35:29,212
Cruisin' and playin' the radio
445
00:35:30,177 --> 00:35:33,048
Sin ningún lugar en particular para ir.
446
00:35:42,856 --> 00:35:46,190
¿Hacia dónde estamos...
447
00:35:46,735 --> 00:35:48,562
... encarando aquí?.
448
00:35:48,695 --> 00:35:53,986
Bueno... tendría que ser este aquí.
449
00:35:54,868 --> 00:35:58,320
Sobre la colina, over dale
hemos dado al camino polvoso.
450
00:35:58,455 --> 00:36:01,954
As those caissons go rolling along
451
00:36:02,084 --> 00:36:05,784
And it's hi, hi, hee in the field artillery
452
00:36:06,129 --> 00:36:08,086
Bilko.
453
00:36:08,548 --> 00:36:10,837
Ten-hut, platoon!.
454
00:36:14,096 --> 00:36:16,966
- El Mayor Thorn quiere ver las barracas.
- ¿Una inspección?.
455
00:36:17,099 --> 00:36:19,768
I wish we had a little more time.
We're not prepared.
456
00:36:19,893 --> 00:36:23,760
It just gives me a thrill to see what a
first-rate top kick can do with a platoon.
457
00:36:23,897 --> 00:36:26,933
- Why don't they stand by their rooms?.
- Certainly. Sergeant?.
458
00:36:27,067 --> 00:36:30,815
Really, sir, if the glee club misses
practice, I won't be responsible...
459
00:36:30,946 --> 00:36:36,450
- I said now!.
- Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut!.
460
00:36:42,624 --> 00:36:44,700
- Is this your room, soldier?.
- Yes, sir.
461
00:36:44,834 --> 00:36:47,372
Follow me.
462
00:36:56,554 --> 00:36:58,511
Who's this?.
463
00:36:59,974 --> 00:37:04,601
It's the cast of my favourite TV show, sir:
The African-American Hour.
464
00:37:04,729 --> 00:37:06,805
Oh?. I've never heard of it.
465
00:37:06,939 --> 00:37:11,518
It's on cable. See, it's funny,
but it also makes you think.
466
00:37:13,321 --> 00:37:14,863
Ah. Hm.
467
00:37:41,265 --> 00:37:43,222
(toy squeaks)
468
00:37:51,817 --> 00:37:53,940
Are these yours?.
469
00:37:54,486 --> 00:37:59,563
It is my understanding that you can
no longer ask me these questions, sir.
470
00:38:00,993 --> 00:38:03,235
It's a new army, Major.
471
00:38:03,370 --> 00:38:05,446
We're all adjusting.
472
00:38:15,382 --> 00:38:17,339
(sniffs)
473
00:38:21,013 --> 00:38:22,637
- Whose bunk is this?.
- Uh, mine, sir.
474
00:38:22,764 --> 00:38:26,714
- That corner is not squared off!.
- What?. I told you to make this bunk!.
475
00:38:26,852 --> 00:38:31,063
Now, I don't want any of your excuses!.
Now, drop and give me 20!. Ha!.
476
00:38:34,067 --> 00:38:35,561
(grunts)
477
00:38:35,694 --> 00:38:38,399
All right. One. We're going for one.
478
00:38:39,322 --> 00:38:41,481
Colonel, you're a very courageous man.
479
00:38:41,616 --> 00:38:44,286
Oh!. I saw a little combat duty in Kor...
480
00:38:44,911 --> 00:38:46,868
Courageous?. What do you mean?.
481
00:38:46,997 --> 00:38:50,531
Thumbing your nose at army regulations.
But I guess your men come first.
482
00:38:50,667 --> 00:38:53,336
- And 20.
- My men?. First?.
483
00:38:54,045 --> 00:38:57,130
- What does he mean, Bilko?.
- This soldier, sir.
484
00:38:57,257 --> 00:39:00,922
I'd say he's about 50 pounds
over his maximum allowable weight.
485
00:39:01,052 --> 00:39:04,836
What are the chances of that being
discovered and your being blamed?.
486
00:39:04,973 --> 00:39:06,716
Blamed?.
487
00:39:06,850 --> 00:39:09,767
Sergeant, I want him
at regulation weight in six weeks.
488
00:39:09,894 --> 00:39:11,389
Yes, sir!.
489
00:39:27,203 --> 00:39:30,287
Adelaide, of course
we'll get married, sooner or later.
490
00:39:30,415 --> 00:39:34,459
Nathan Detroit, after 14 years,
it is already too late to be sooner.
491
00:39:34,961 --> 00:39:39,124
I'm from Rhode Island, where people
do not remain engaged for 14 years.
492
00:39:39,507 --> 00:39:42,876
- They get married.
- Then why is it such a small state?.
493
00:39:44,303 --> 00:39:46,925
Miss Robbins. I don't get it.
494
00:39:47,056 --> 00:39:51,433
Why would Adelaide stick around if he,
like, disses her all the time?.
495
00:39:51,561 --> 00:39:54,230
Doesn't she have any self-esteem?.
496
00:39:54,355 --> 00:39:58,435
Well, that's a very interesting question.
497
00:39:58,567 --> 00:40:02,861
- (Bilko) Certainly is.
- Ernie!. What are you doing here?.
498
00:40:03,114 --> 00:40:05,071
- Did you get the flowers I sent ya?.
- No.
499
00:40:05,199 --> 00:40:08,650
Darn. I'll call FedEx
and have 'em put a trace on it.
500
00:40:08,786 --> 00:40:11,953
That's right, sweetheart.
Nathan's a hustler.
501
00:40:12,081 --> 00:40:14,951
He's irresponsible,
and he's careless with the truth.
502
00:40:15,084 --> 00:40:18,868
But the one thing he never lies about
is how much he cares for Adelaide.
503
00:40:19,088 --> 00:40:21,495
See, that's his core, and she knows it.
504
00:40:21,632 --> 00:40:26,460
OK, let's take a break for ten minutes.
And that was really good.
505
00:40:27,137 --> 00:40:29,095
Wonderful.
506
00:40:33,143 --> 00:40:38,304
Ernie, I've been thinking, and I don't think
we should see each other any more.
507
00:40:38,440 --> 00:40:41,311
Sweetheart, you promised to go
to the Rusty Spur with me.
508
00:40:41,443 --> 00:40:45,607
- You never give up, do you?.
- Come on. Come on, sweetheart...
509
00:40:45,739 --> 00:40:48,775
...go to the Rusty Spur with me.
It'd be like old times.
510
00:40:50,369 --> 00:40:55,031
All right, but you've got 30 days.
If this finger is still naked in 30 days...
511
00:40:55,165 --> 00:40:57,122
...it's adios, Pepe.
512
00:40:58,168 --> 00:41:02,996
I mean it this time.
This is your last chance.
513
00:41:28,365 --> 00:41:30,690
Major. I'm Lieutenant Oster and this is...
514
00:41:30,825 --> 00:41:35,072
Lieutenant Monday. We're here
from the Inspector General's Office, sir.
515
00:41:35,205 --> 00:41:39,665
I asked for the best number crunchers
in the army!. I hope that's what they sent!.
516
00:41:39,793 --> 00:41:42,912
- If there's been any malfeasance...
- Or embezzlement...
517
00:41:43,046 --> 00:41:44,291
We will find it.
518
00:41:44,422 --> 00:41:48,005
This guy we're going after's
been feeding off the khaki tit for years.
519
00:41:48,134 --> 00:41:52,511
He's a master sergeant.
His name is Ernie Bilko. Get him!.
520
00:41:55,850 --> 00:41:58,637
- Forget it, Bilko.
- But, sir, the moment my boys heard...
521
00:41:58,770 --> 00:42:01,474
...about the desert manoeuvre,
they volunteered.
522
00:42:01,606 --> 00:42:04,476
We still haven't got over
being left out of Desert Storm.
523
00:42:04,609 --> 00:42:07,100
How the orders got crisscrossed,
I'll never know.
524
00:42:07,236 --> 00:42:11,104
But if we could go on these manoeuvres,
it would make up, in some small way...
525
00:42:11,240 --> 00:42:13,067
You must think I'm a nincompoop.
526
00:42:13,201 --> 00:42:16,118
A nincompoop?. An NCP?.
On the contrary, sir.
527
00:42:16,245 --> 00:42:18,570
- I think you're one of the finest...
- Las Vegas.
528
00:42:18,706 --> 00:42:21,458
- What, sir?.
- The desert manoeuvre will take place...
529
00:42:21,584 --> 00:42:23,909
...15 miles from Las Vegas, Nevada.
530
00:42:24,045 --> 00:42:26,796
Really?. I had no idea. Won't that be fun?.
531
00:42:26,922 --> 00:42:31,169
- Lake Mead, Hoover Dam.
- Forget it. You've got bigger problems.
532
00:42:31,302 --> 00:42:35,513
Two hatchet men -
excuse me, hatchet persons -
533
00:42:35,639 --> 00:42:39,139
...from the Inspector General's Office
came to audit the motor pool accounts.
534
00:42:39,268 --> 00:42:42,185
- I wonder who tipped them off?.
- Yes, I wonder.
535
00:42:43,856 --> 00:42:46,940
(woman) Fort Baxter. How may I
direct your call?. Motor pool?.
536
00:42:47,067 --> 00:42:51,943
Listen, Bilko, I might tell you this whole
post is skating on thin ice with hot blades.
537
00:42:52,072 --> 00:42:54,065
Don't let them find anything.
538
00:42:54,199 --> 00:42:57,153
- Is the colonel suggesting a cover-up?.
- A cover-up?.
539
00:42:57,286 --> 00:43:00,370
Why, no. Is there... anything to cover up?.
540
00:43:01,290 --> 00:43:03,448
No... sir.
541
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:07,629
Good. Then I'm not suggesting one.
542
00:43:08,088 --> 00:43:12,667
Just do... whatever it is you do
to make these things go away.
543
00:43:14,678 --> 00:43:16,635
I can't help myself
544
00:43:17,681 --> 00:43:19,923
Bad habits
545
00:43:20,892 --> 00:43:22,968
I'm runnin' wild
546
00:43:23,687 --> 00:43:25,644
Lost control
547
00:43:27,065 --> 00:43:29,852
Well, I must confess
548
00:43:30,235 --> 00:43:33,153
Cos I can't repress
549
00:43:33,905 --> 00:43:37,570
In the last two months you
billed the army for 72 windshields?.
550
00:43:37,701 --> 00:43:40,867
That was a mistake.
One of my men, Private Buttersworth...
551
00:43:40,996 --> 00:43:43,202
...had a hairline crack in his glasses.
552
00:43:43,331 --> 00:43:45,123
- A crack?.
- Yes, a hairline crack.
553
00:43:45,250 --> 00:43:48,167
So to him, it looked like
all the windshields were broken.
554
00:43:48,295 --> 00:43:50,999
I transferred him right out.
That's the way I am.
555
00:43:51,131 --> 00:43:55,175
She's crazy about you. Every time
you're not looking, she stares.
556
00:43:59,264 --> 00:44:01,340
You just missed it.
557
00:44:06,938 --> 00:44:11,814
Sergeant, in the past two days we've
found a number of possible irregularities.
558
00:44:11,943 --> 00:44:16,320
- Now, if you can't produce receipts...
- She's staring at you again.
559
00:44:16,447 --> 00:44:18,405
Oh, just missed it!.
560
00:44:18,866 --> 00:44:20,658
There.
561
00:44:20,785 --> 00:44:23,454
... that a boy like me
562
00:44:23,913 --> 00:44:28,290
Has got so many bad habits
563
00:44:29,877 --> 00:44:34,504
I said, all of these bad habits
564
00:44:36,884 --> 00:44:42,305
All of these bad habits
565
00:44:46,310 --> 00:44:48,267
(bells ring)
566
00:44:52,316 --> 00:44:54,060
Nothing?. You found nothing?.
567
00:44:54,193 --> 00:44:56,649
All my training tells me
he's hiding something.
568
00:44:56,779 --> 00:44:59,484
Every time we're about to
find something...
569
00:44:59,615 --> 00:45:03,150
- It dissolves.
- It's like trying to nail Jell-O to the wall.
570
00:45:03,285 --> 00:45:07,117
- No. It's like watching a magician.
- He's got you watching his left hand...
571
00:45:07,248 --> 00:45:10,118
And his right hand keeps pullin' rabbits!.
572
00:45:10,251 --> 00:45:12,576
Well, then, let's tie his hands.
573
00:45:15,256 --> 00:45:17,581
Ernie, will you dance with me tonight?.
574
00:45:17,716 --> 00:45:21,050
That's up to you. Last time,
I accidentally stepped on your knee.
575
00:45:21,178 --> 00:45:23,503
- What if they play our song?.
- We have a song?.
576
00:45:23,639 --> 00:45:25,715
Don't you remember the first time we...?.
577
00:45:25,849 --> 00:45:28,175
Only you
578
00:45:28,310 --> 00:45:31,264
How could I forget our song?.
When they play it tonight...
579
00:45:31,396 --> 00:45:35,690
...you and I will dance the most romantic
dance we've ever danced in our entire life.
580
00:45:35,818 --> 00:45:39,021
- You promise?.
- That's a promise from Ernest G Bilko.
581
00:45:41,490 --> 00:45:43,897
Put some drive in your country
582
00:45:45,160 --> 00:45:48,695
Keep country drivin' on
583
00:45:50,415 --> 00:45:52,989
When the music gets you movin'
584
00:45:54,252 --> 00:45:56,126
You know it can't be long
585
00:45:56,254 --> 00:46:00,086
Baby, this is our night. Just us. Just
you and me. All night long. No soldiers.
586
00:46:00,217 --> 00:46:02,340
- What do you wanna do?.
- Let's shoot some pool.
587
00:46:02,469 --> 00:46:05,221
- Oh, yeah.
- Hey, Sarge. You're late!.
588
00:46:07,140 --> 00:46:11,517
- We want to celebrate the audit with ya.
- Those bean counters didn't have a clue.
589
00:46:12,312 --> 00:46:15,811
I know, I know. Sometimes
I'm so damn good I scare myself.
590
00:46:16,483 --> 00:46:18,689
Just us, huh?.
591
00:46:21,112 --> 00:46:24,695
If you see her out tonight
592
00:46:25,283 --> 00:46:30,325
And she tells you
that it's just the lights
593
00:46:30,455 --> 00:46:32,447
That bring her here
594
00:46:32,582 --> 00:46:37,244
And not her loneliness
595
00:46:39,422 --> 00:46:42,043
That's what she says...
596
00:46:42,175 --> 00:46:44,844
- I'll go get us a couple of drinks.
- OK.
597
00:46:55,104 --> 00:46:57,891
...every word she says
598
00:46:58,024 --> 00:47:00,266
A scorpion and a brandy alexander.
599
00:47:01,527 --> 00:47:03,935
That's what she says...
600
00:47:04,530 --> 00:47:06,938
The future
Mrs "Permission to Speak Freely"?.
601
00:47:07,074 --> 00:47:11,072
Oh, no. I mean, I don't know her.
I never even... I don't know her.
602
00:47:11,203 --> 00:47:13,161
(music ends)
603
00:47:14,624 --> 00:47:18,407
Thank you very much, everybody.
we'll be back in just a couple of minutes.
604
00:47:18,544 --> 00:47:20,418
- I'll introduce ya.
- You know her?.
605
00:47:20,546 --> 00:47:22,835
- No.
- She's with someone.
606
00:47:22,965 --> 00:47:24,922
A detail.
607
00:47:28,429 --> 00:47:31,679
- Ah, you must be in Bravo company.
- No, Charlie company.
608
00:47:31,807 --> 00:47:34,049
- Charlie Company!. Haven't you heard?.
- What?.
609
00:47:34,185 --> 00:47:36,758
You're shipping out -
Operation Vacuum Cleaner.
610
00:47:36,896 --> 00:47:39,054
- Operation...
- Shh!.
611
00:47:39,189 --> 00:47:42,523
I want his name. I want it known
that in this moment of crisis...
612
00:47:42,651 --> 00:47:45,225
...this man chose to sit here
and eat bar nuts.
613
00:47:45,362 --> 00:47:49,526
- I didn't know!.
- Go ye into the night!. Hut, hut, hut, hut!.
614
00:47:51,243 --> 00:47:53,948
All right. Now I'll settle this.
615
00:47:54,997 --> 00:47:56,989
- Hmm.
- Excuse me?.
616
00:47:57,166 --> 00:48:00,866
You were right. Those are
the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen.
617
00:48:01,003 --> 00:48:02,830
- Did he say that?.
- Oh, yeah.
618
00:48:02,963 --> 00:48:06,332
He said your eyes were like diamonds
sparkling on a summer night.
619
00:48:06,466 --> 00:48:11,009
The old sergeant's eyes didn't see what
he saw. Anyway, here's the $20 I bet you.
620
00:48:11,138 --> 00:48:15,847
I think the least you can do is sit down
and buy this young lady some dinner.
621
00:48:15,976 --> 00:48:18,467
Sit down and buy dinner!. Go!. Hey!.
622
00:48:19,021 --> 00:48:20,894
Ah, to be young again.
623
00:48:22,023 --> 00:48:24,775
- That's my sergeant.
- Oh.
624
00:48:31,074 --> 00:48:33,565
Oh!. Major Ebersole, boys.
Welcome to the Spur.
625
00:48:33,702 --> 00:48:38,245
Oh, I've been here before.
Uh... five years ago.
626
00:48:38,373 --> 00:48:41,078
I had... a scotch and soda.
627
00:48:41,209 --> 00:48:43,914
Good. A place like this
depends on repeat business.
628
00:48:44,045 --> 00:48:49,040
They're repainting our club, so we had to
move our weekly poker game down here.
629
00:48:49,175 --> 00:48:53,339
Poker. I've heard wonderful things
about that game. Can I watch?.
630
00:48:53,471 --> 00:48:56,638
- You don't play poker?.
- I'm pretty busy at the motor pool...
631
00:48:56,766 --> 00:49:01,926
...up to my elbows in grease. Maybe
I could join... Oh, no, there's a problem.
632
00:49:02,063 --> 00:49:04,221
I don't have any change.
633
00:49:04,357 --> 00:49:08,224
We can make change. It's OK.
634
00:49:08,444 --> 00:49:10,817
Oh, goody. I get to play cards.
635
00:49:12,073 --> 00:49:15,821
... long way home just to think of an alibi
636
00:49:15,952 --> 00:49:19,118
Well, I couldn't think of a dozen things
637
00:49:19,247 --> 00:49:20,361
That hadn't already...
638
00:49:20,498 --> 00:49:24,543
- Get you somethin'?.
- Scotch, rocks. Good-looking woman.
639
00:49:24,669 --> 00:49:26,626
That's Bilko's girl.
640
00:49:27,421 --> 00:49:29,544
Now she looks even better.
641
00:49:32,134 --> 00:49:34,507
I'm dealing you five cards.
642
00:49:34,637 --> 00:49:37,128
- Five cards. Let me write this down.
- Yeah, OK.
643
00:49:37,265 --> 00:49:40,468
Now, the worst hand that you can have...
644
00:49:40,601 --> 00:49:44,350
...is if you only have one high card
and nothing else that matches.
645
00:49:44,480 --> 00:49:49,723
- But then comes a pair.
- A pair. How exciting. A pair.
646
00:49:50,277 --> 00:49:52,899
(applause)
647
00:49:53,239 --> 00:49:57,486
Only you
648
00:49:58,244 --> 00:50:03,486
Can make this world seem right
649
00:50:04,583 --> 00:50:07,288
Oh, thanks. Have you seen Ernie?.
650
00:50:07,920 --> 00:50:10,292
- No, I haven't.
- Will you hold this a second?.
651
00:50:10,422 --> 00:50:12,462
- Sure.
- Thanks.
652
00:50:15,344 --> 00:50:17,633
Excuse me. Have you guys seen Ernie?.
653
00:50:17,763 --> 00:50:19,720
- No.
- No.
654
00:50:20,724 --> 00:50:22,681
Ernie?.
655
00:50:23,310 --> 00:50:24,473
Ernie!.
656
00:50:24,812 --> 00:50:28,015
I have three jacks and two sixes.
What's that called again?.
657
00:50:28,148 --> 00:50:31,980
- A full house.
- What a cute name. A full house.
658
00:50:32,277 --> 00:50:35,112
- Is that good?.
- Yes, that means you win.
659
00:50:36,865 --> 00:50:40,649
- Again.
- Oh, God, this is almost embarrassing.
660
00:50:40,786 --> 00:50:42,909
What is that?. Five in a row?.
661
00:50:43,288 --> 00:50:46,622
What a lovely watch.
Now, let's see. We'll just shuffle.
662
00:50:46,750 --> 00:50:48,992
Oops. Clumsy me.
663
00:50:50,128 --> 00:50:52,417
- OK. Cut?. Thank you.
- Hey!.
664
00:50:52,547 --> 00:50:55,797
Sorry. All right. OK.
665
00:51:00,013 --> 00:51:03,631
You are my destiny
666
00:51:03,767 --> 00:51:08,014
Oh. You hear that song?.
It means I gotta go.
667
00:51:09,773 --> 00:51:13,355
Gee, I feel bad.
Can't I give some of this back?.
668
00:51:14,778 --> 00:51:17,648
No, that would be wrong, wouldn't it?.
669
00:51:17,781 --> 00:51:21,232
All right, well, I'll just take these IOUs...
670
00:51:21,493 --> 00:51:26,285
...and the pink slip, and you can cash me
out and I'll see you back at the base.
671
00:51:26,414 --> 00:51:28,241
- Ernie!.
- Good evening, sir.
672
00:51:28,374 --> 00:51:30,082
Excuse us, Major.
673
00:51:30,210 --> 00:51:35,286
Listen, I don't know why, but the colonel's
decided to climb all over your sorry butt.
674
00:51:35,423 --> 00:51:37,665
I'm afraid the party's over, Ernie.
675
00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:42,676
Get back to the post. I'd like to see your
men on the parade ground at 0500 hours.
676
00:51:42,805 --> 00:51:45,379
- Yes, sir. Weather permitting.
- What permitting?.
677
00:51:45,516 --> 00:51:47,675
Who said that?.
678
00:51:47,810 --> 00:51:50,562
It's payback time, Bilko.
679
00:51:50,938 --> 00:51:53,892
If it's all the same to you,
I'll tell my girlfriend we're leaving.
680
00:51:54,025 --> 00:52:01,071
It's not all the same to me, Bilko.
Move it!. Hut, hut, hut!. Hut, hut, hut, hut!.
681
00:52:01,449 --> 00:52:05,909
You are my destiny
682
00:52:10,458 --> 00:52:12,581
This solves nothing.
683
00:52:12,918 --> 00:52:15,041
This solves everything.
684
00:52:17,256 --> 00:52:20,459
You haven't seen someone called
Ernie Bilko, have you?.
685
00:52:20,843 --> 00:52:23,215
Oh, yes. He left a few minutes ago.
686
00:52:23,345 --> 00:52:27,425
- Are you sure?.
- Yep, I definitely saw him go, in a hurry.
687
00:52:27,641 --> 00:52:31,805
You see, I happen to know
Major Ebersole offered him a poker game.
688
00:52:32,271 --> 00:52:35,889
You're my dream come true
689
00:52:36,650 --> 00:52:44,231
My one and only you
690
00:52:44,450 --> 00:52:46,738
I can drop you off
on my way back to the post.
691
00:52:46,869 --> 00:52:50,238
- This is very nice of you.
- Not at all.
692
00:52:50,372 --> 00:52:52,329
May I ask you...
693
00:52:53,792 --> 00:52:57,410
...could I call on you sometime?.
- Oh, well, you see, I'm...
694
00:52:57,796 --> 00:53:00,168
I just broke up with someone.
695
00:53:00,299 --> 00:53:05,044
- He must be devastated.
- Oh... he doesn't know yet.
696
00:53:14,438 --> 00:53:16,311
(reveille)
697
00:53:17,732 --> 00:53:23,438
Fall in!. Arrgh!. And gather!.
Gather in... in a square!. All right.
698
00:53:26,241 --> 00:53:28,198
Good!.
699
00:53:28,868 --> 00:53:33,365
All right, you've seen real soldiers before.
Just... do what they do.
700
00:53:38,253 --> 00:53:41,953
All right, let's do the
"grab the rifle by the bottom" thing!.
701
00:53:42,340 --> 00:53:44,297
Arrgh!.
702
00:53:44,926 --> 00:53:48,461
All right!. Now, let's do the,
you know, the shoulder thing!.
703
00:53:48,596 --> 00:53:52,724
Arrgh!. The shoulder thing!.
Ah!. Arrgh!. Arrgh!. Yes.
704
00:53:53,142 --> 00:53:57,639
All right. And now the... the
"showing the rifle for the inspection" bit.
705
00:53:57,772 --> 00:53:59,599
Go!. Arrgh!. Arrgh!.
706
00:53:59,732 --> 00:54:01,974
(gunshot)
707
00:54:09,826 --> 00:54:11,783
(yelling)
708
00:54:16,499 --> 00:54:20,117
Well, my feet can't fail me now
My feet can't fail me now
709
00:54:20,378 --> 00:54:23,248
My feet can't fail me now
My feet can't fail me now
710
00:54:24,215 --> 00:54:27,050
My feet can't fail me now
My feet can't fail me now
711
00:54:29,387 --> 00:54:30,845
Go, go, go, go!.
712
00:54:34,767 --> 00:54:37,305
Dobie, come on!. Come on, buddy.
713
00:54:37,728 --> 00:54:40,563
My feet can't fail me now
My feet can't fail me now
714
00:54:40,856 --> 00:54:44,391
My feet can't fail me now
My feet can't fail me now
715
00:54:44,985 --> 00:54:47,690
My feet can't fail me now
My feet can't fail me now
716
00:54:50,533 --> 00:54:52,858
(yelling)
717
00:54:57,581 --> 00:55:00,784
My feet can't fail me now
My feet can't fail me now
718
00:55:00,918 --> 00:55:04,203
Said feet can't fail me now
My feet can't fail me now
719
00:55:04,588 --> 00:55:07,589
My feet can't fail me now
My feet can't fail me now
720
00:55:07,883 --> 00:55:10,967
My feet can't fail me now
My feet can't fail me now
721
00:55:17,601 --> 00:55:19,558
No. Nope.
722
00:55:28,528 --> 00:55:30,984
I'm just so damn proud.
723
00:55:37,037 --> 00:55:40,322
My feet can't fail me now
My feet can't fail me now
724
00:55:40,457 --> 00:55:43,411
My feet can't fail, fail, fail, fail me now
725
00:55:47,506 --> 00:55:50,079
I can barely move my legs
726
00:55:50,342 --> 00:55:53,011
I can barely move my legs
727
00:55:53,136 --> 00:55:55,888
Do me a favour and kill me now
728
00:55:56,139 --> 00:55:58,808
Do me a favour and kill me now
729
00:55:58,934 --> 00:56:01,970
Something, something rhymes with legs
730
00:56:02,228 --> 00:56:05,146
Something, something rhymes with legs
731
00:56:05,273 --> 00:56:08,309
My life is over anyhow
732
00:56:08,568 --> 00:56:10,525
(Doberman pants)
733
00:56:10,862 --> 00:56:12,938
(Wally sniggers)
734
00:56:13,072 --> 00:56:15,943
- Sarge!.
- Sarge!. He's killing us!.
735
00:56:16,075 --> 00:56:18,863
- I can't do this.
- What's the matter with you people?.
736
00:56:18,995 --> 00:56:20,454
Generation X!.
737
00:56:20,580 --> 00:56:23,332
- He's killin' us!.
- You've all gone soft!.
738
00:56:23,499 --> 00:56:25,575
- Get serious, Sarge!.
- I am serious.
739
00:56:25,710 --> 00:56:28,545
I've been thinking about this.
You're Bilko's platoon!.
740
00:56:28,671 --> 00:56:30,996
Whatever they dish out, we can take.
741
00:56:31,132 --> 00:56:33,338
I want to see you two in my quarters.
742
00:56:40,308 --> 00:56:43,178
- Oh!.
- (both) Sarge.
743
00:56:43,811 --> 00:56:47,394
I'm paralysed.
I have no feeling from the hair down.
744
00:56:47,523 --> 00:56:50,275
Make the bad man stop.
745
00:56:53,279 --> 00:56:56,944
- Who are you calling?.
- Rita. Her voice will make me feel better.
746
00:56:57,074 --> 00:57:00,075
Ow. Ow, ow, ow.
747
00:57:00,703 --> 00:57:03,028
(phone ringing)
748
00:57:05,416 --> 00:57:07,373
(ringing)
749
00:57:14,967 --> 00:57:18,217
If any of this is frightening,
just hold onto me.
750
00:57:19,471 --> 00:57:22,508
They're dancing Raisinets.
751
00:57:23,058 --> 00:57:26,510
And you don't find that frightening?.
752
00:57:31,608 --> 00:57:33,601
Let's work
753
00:57:33,736 --> 00:57:35,479
Be proud
754
00:57:35,612 --> 00:57:37,190
Stand tall
755
00:57:38,532 --> 00:57:42,577
- Sarge?. Sarge.
- What's the matter?.
756
00:57:44,621 --> 00:57:46,863
I put on three pounds.
757
00:57:47,749 --> 00:57:50,916
Funny, it doesn't show.
Luis!. This calls for plan A.
758
00:57:51,128 --> 00:57:56,253
That won't work. He's on his way over.
He says if I can't do ten push-ups...
759
00:57:56,383 --> 00:57:59,218
...he's gonna move me out.
760
00:58:04,182 --> 00:58:06,139
All right!. Plan B.
761
00:58:13,775 --> 00:58:17,274
Major Thorn, you look fantastic, sir!.
Have you lost w...
762
00:58:19,030 --> 00:58:22,565
(grunting)
763
00:58:23,201 --> 00:58:25,277
Good work, Doberman!.
764
00:58:26,621 --> 00:58:29,907
(all grunt)
765
00:58:33,920 --> 00:58:37,704
So, John, if you spoke to the officers
and their wives, it would mean a lot.
766
00:58:37,841 --> 00:58:42,004
They keep hearing rumours
that Fort Baxter will be shut down.
767
00:58:42,137 --> 00:58:47,890
Frankly, sweetheart, after this hovertank
disaster, I don't know what might happen.
768
00:58:48,017 --> 00:58:52,430
Oh, dear. I didn't realise it was that bad.
769
00:58:52,563 --> 00:58:56,513
Well, you will think of something.
I have complete faith in you.
770
00:58:56,651 --> 00:58:58,893
- Thank you.
- (rapping on door)
771
00:58:59,654 --> 00:59:03,023
- Sorry, I didn't realise you had company.
- Quite all right, Bilko.
772
00:59:03,157 --> 00:59:05,992
Colonel, you didn't tell me
there was a movie star here.
773
00:59:06,119 --> 00:59:08,906
Sharon Stone!. The men will be so excited.
774
00:59:09,038 --> 00:59:11,327
- Bilko.
- We've seen all your movies.
775
00:59:11,457 --> 00:59:14,328
- They're a little racy for me.
- Sergeant Bilko...
776
00:59:14,460 --> 00:59:16,120
You know this is Mrs Hall.
777
00:59:16,254 --> 00:59:20,714
Mrs Hall!. Cradle robber. You were
dazzled by an older man, is that it?.
778
00:59:20,841 --> 00:59:22,501
- Bilko!.
- Yes, my colonel?.
779
00:59:22,635 --> 00:59:25,470
John, I will see you later.
780
00:59:25,596 --> 00:59:28,052
Right this way, Miss Stone. Uh... Mrs Hall.
781
00:59:31,102 --> 00:59:33,723
- What is it, Sergeant?.
- Sir, if I could ask you again.
782
00:59:33,854 --> 00:59:35,930
- These desert manoeuvres...
- You can go.
783
00:59:36,065 --> 00:59:39,481
If you'd seen the look on the men's faces
when I said we wouldn't...
784
00:59:39,610 --> 00:59:41,899
- I said I've changed my mind.
- Zimmerman...
785
00:59:42,029 --> 00:59:44,602
...I had to cradle him in my... We can go?.
786
00:59:52,581 --> 00:59:55,867
- Have a safe trip, Sergeant.
- Yes, sir. We'll make you proud, sir.
787
00:59:56,001 --> 00:59:57,958
Oh, sure.
788
00:59:59,630 --> 01:00:02,251
Bright light city gonna set my soul
789
01:00:02,383 --> 01:00:05,170
Gonna set my soul on fire
790
01:00:06,136 --> 01:00:08,461
Viva Las Vegas
791
01:00:09,515 --> 01:00:11,756
Viva Las Vegas
792
01:00:12,267 --> 01:00:15,636
There's blackjack and poker
and the roulette wheel
793
01:00:15,771 --> 01:00:18,890
All you need's a strong heart
and a nerve of steel
794
01:00:19,233 --> 01:00:21,688
Viva Las Vegas
795
01:00:22,569 --> 01:00:25,025
Viva Las Vegas
796
01:00:25,864 --> 01:00:28,272
Viva Las Vegas
797
01:00:29,242 --> 01:00:31,615
Viva Las Vegas with your neon flashing
798
01:00:31,745 --> 01:00:33,987
Sarge, you're crying.
799
01:00:34,122 --> 01:00:36,744
It's just... so beautiful.
800
01:00:37,501 --> 01:00:40,786
Viva, viva, Las Vegas
801
01:00:40,921 --> 01:00:43,756
All right, soldiers. Prepare for manoeuvres!.
802
01:00:45,008 --> 01:00:48,840
I killed an afternoon convincing
Colonel Dunderhead he'd be in trouble...
803
01:00:48,970 --> 01:00:51,212
...if Bilko didn't go on the manoeuvres.
804
01:00:51,348 --> 01:00:54,717
You've got three days
to get into this computer.
805
01:00:54,851 --> 01:00:57,223
Find me everything.
806
01:00:59,022 --> 01:01:02,473
If he stole a match,
I want to know about it.
807
01:01:04,944 --> 01:01:06,818
I'm goin' to party town
808
01:01:06,946 --> 01:01:08,109
Yeah, yeah
809
01:01:08,239 --> 01:01:10,446
I wanna party down
810
01:01:10,575 --> 01:01:11,654
Yeah, yeah
811
01:01:11,784 --> 01:01:15,236
I wanna have some fun
I'm gonna fool around
812
01:01:15,371 --> 01:01:17,163
I'm goin' to party town
813
01:01:18,625 --> 01:01:20,582
Right here in party town
814
01:01:20,710 --> 01:01:21,825
Yeah, yeah
815
01:01:21,961 --> 01:01:24,120
They really party down
816
01:01:24,255 --> 01:01:25,251
Yeah, yeah
817
01:01:25,381 --> 01:01:27,504
Man, it's a party town
818
01:01:27,633 --> 01:01:28,665
Yeah, yeah
819
01:01:32,388 --> 01:01:33,717
- Where we goin'?.
- Craps.
820
01:01:33,848 --> 01:01:36,553
Think of the changes you wanna make
when we own this place.
821
01:01:36,684 --> 01:01:40,053
Hey, Sarge, I was thinkin',
is it safe for us to be off the base?.
822
01:01:40,188 --> 01:01:43,188
- Thorn will be up to somethin'.
- You just thought of that?.
823
01:01:43,316 --> 01:01:47,942
Relax. Before we left, I had Luis encrypt
the files. It'll take 'em years to break in.
824
01:01:48,112 --> 01:01:50,270
We're in.
825
01:01:58,998 --> 01:02:00,243
(Thorn) Good job.
826
01:02:00,416 --> 01:02:02,788
Now, how far back do you want us to go?.
827
01:02:02,918 --> 01:02:05,290
You two kids have just been sensational.
828
01:02:05,421 --> 01:02:08,671
Why don't you knock off
for the rest of the evening?.
829
01:02:09,508 --> 01:02:11,880
And do what?.
830
01:02:12,011 --> 01:02:15,380
- Have fun. Unwind.
- Hm.
831
01:02:15,514 --> 01:02:17,720
- Well, shall I...?.
- No, leave it on for a second.
832
01:02:17,850 --> 01:02:22,595
I'd just like to check on one or two things,
just out of curiosity.
833
01:02:23,605 --> 01:02:26,559
Well, good night.
834
01:02:27,026 --> 01:02:28,354
Good night.
835
01:02:29,778 --> 01:02:33,278
I think it was very exciting,
the way you broke into that computer.
836
01:02:33,407 --> 01:02:35,696
- It was?.
- Yes!.
837
01:02:36,910 --> 01:02:39,662
- (0ster) Can I buy you a drink?.
- Why, yes.
838
01:02:51,633 --> 01:02:53,875
Oh, oh, oh!. There they go!.
839
01:03:01,810 --> 01:03:03,352
Oh, my. All right.
840
01:03:03,478 --> 01:03:07,558
Oh!. Ouch!. They're hot!. They're hot.
Quick, quick, cool 'em off.
841
01:03:09,192 --> 01:03:12,193
Press the six and the eight
and the black ten.
842
01:03:12,320 --> 01:03:15,238
- All right, here we go. Now...
- Oh, he's shakin' 'em off.
843
01:03:15,865 --> 01:03:20,159
Uh-oh, he's comin' with the pitch.
It looks like the high, hard one!.
844
01:03:23,665 --> 01:03:25,954
Ooh, baby!. Oh, good.
845
01:03:26,084 --> 01:03:30,378
Gently. OK, and now, it's just a little...
It's easy, it's easy, it's easy.
846
01:03:30,505 --> 01:03:32,794
It's just... behind the back.
847
01:03:32,924 --> 01:03:35,711
Winner!. We have a winner.
848
01:03:38,763 --> 01:03:41,336
Wait a minute. This chip is scratched.
849
01:03:43,518 --> 01:03:44,597
- Mr Bilko.
- Yes?.
850
01:03:44,727 --> 01:03:47,397
That's quite a run.
Is there anything we can do for you?.
851
01:03:47,522 --> 01:03:51,899
Yes, go to your vault and tell your money
to be patient. We'll be together soon.
852
01:03:53,277 --> 01:03:56,195
You mean he stood you up
before that night at the Rusty Spur?.
853
01:03:56,322 --> 01:03:58,730
Mm-hm. He left me standing at the altar.
854
01:03:59,367 --> 01:04:01,443
There can be no excuse for that.
855
01:04:01,577 --> 01:04:06,405
You'd be surprised. He had a new excuse
every time. They were all pretty amazing.
856
01:04:06,541 --> 01:04:08,996
- He did that more than once?.
- Mm-hm.
857
01:04:09,877 --> 01:04:12,712
Rita, you have a lot of love to give.
858
01:04:13,214 --> 01:04:15,883
And you're smart.
Why put up with a clown like that?.
859
01:04:16,008 --> 01:04:20,884
Because it was exciting. With Ernie,
every day was anything-can-happen day.
860
01:04:21,013 --> 01:04:23,385
Some couples play Scrabble.
861
01:04:23,516 --> 01:04:26,885
This isn't a game we're talking about -
it's your life.
862
01:04:27,019 --> 01:04:30,518
Where I come from, when you tell
a woman you'll marry her, you mean it.
863
01:04:30,648 --> 01:04:35,191
You know something?. I would never
stand you up. I'd never not call you.
864
01:04:36,028 --> 01:04:40,820
But then, I'm an officer with career
prospects. I can handle responsibility.
865
01:04:40,950 --> 01:04:42,693
I guess you can.
866
01:04:42,826 --> 01:04:45,068
Wouldn't you like a man
who's there for you?.
867
01:04:45,204 --> 01:04:48,620
A man who wants to get married,
settle down and have a family.
868
01:04:48,749 --> 01:04:50,706
Yes.
869
01:04:52,044 --> 01:04:53,835
I bought you this.
870
01:04:57,841 --> 01:04:59,252
A ring!.
871
01:04:59,384 --> 01:05:02,006
Two carats of cubic zirconia.
872
01:05:02,554 --> 01:05:04,511
It's beautiful.
873
01:05:10,354 --> 01:05:11,682
Oh...
874
01:05:11,813 --> 01:05:14,565
This is happening... too fast.
875
01:05:15,692 --> 01:05:18,183
I don't want to hurt Ernie.
876
01:05:18,654 --> 01:05:20,148
No.
877
01:05:20,280 --> 01:05:22,771
We really don't want to hurt Ernie.
878
01:05:26,161 --> 01:05:28,616
- That's when Vegas was Vegas.
- Excuse me, Mr Bilko?.
879
01:05:28,747 --> 01:05:31,950
- He said it was an emergency.
- This must be the Pentagon.
880
01:05:32,083 --> 01:05:34,491
Hello?. I can hardly hear you.
881
01:05:34,628 --> 01:05:38,162
Rita Robbins. She's been out
with that guy Thorn every night.
882
01:05:38,506 --> 01:05:40,795
- Thorn?.
- Since before you went on manoeuvres.
883
01:05:40,926 --> 01:05:45,089
Tomorrow night they're going out to
that fancy French restaurant in Roseville.
884
01:05:45,221 --> 01:05:49,385
She's lookin' pretty weak, Ernie,
I gotta tell ya. Like she would do anything.
885
01:05:52,353 --> 01:05:54,844
- Thanks, Sowicki.
- Bye, Ernie.
886
01:05:56,733 --> 01:05:59,354
- Thank you, Stan.
- Hey, thank you!.
887
01:05:59,486 --> 01:06:02,155
For allowing me
to screw with Bilko's head.
888
01:06:02,280 --> 01:06:04,319
Oh, it isn't a game this time, Stan.
889
01:06:04,449 --> 01:06:07,366
I just need to find out
how much he really loves me.
890
01:06:07,493 --> 01:06:09,949
- He loves you plenty.
- More than Las Vegas?.
891
01:06:10,121 --> 01:06:12,030
That's asking a lot.
892
01:06:13,249 --> 01:06:15,206
(rings)
893
01:06:15,752 --> 01:06:20,081
(answer phone) Hi, this is Rita. I'm not in
right now. Please leave a message.
894
01:06:20,214 --> 01:06:23,879
Rita, it's me, Ernie. I'm on my way home.
I hear you're seeing Thorn...
895
01:06:24,010 --> 01:06:28,090
...and I just don't want you to take it too
seriously. He's only with you to annoy me.
896
01:06:29,265 --> 01:06:33,678
I see. He couldn't possibly be interested
in me-that would be ridiculous.
897
01:06:33,811 --> 01:06:36,598
Rita, you're there.
This guy has terrible qualities.
898
01:06:36,731 --> 01:06:41,440
- For one thing, he's very manipulative.
- He seemed nice to me. Goodbye.
899
01:06:42,695 --> 01:06:44,818
Hello?. Hello?.
900
01:06:45,740 --> 01:06:48,776
Rita?. Rita?.
901
01:06:53,289 --> 01:06:55,531
Why do you smell the cork?.
902
01:06:56,208 --> 01:06:58,746
Your eyes are hazel, aren't they?.
903
01:06:58,878 --> 01:06:59,957
Green.
904
01:07:00,087 --> 01:07:02,163
(Bilko) I never have sex on the first date.
905
01:07:02,298 --> 01:07:07,884
Thank God, it's our third. Oh, this is such
a... Oh, can't you just smell that... salad?.
906
01:07:08,012 --> 01:07:09,969
Yes, I have a reservation.
907
01:07:11,140 --> 01:07:16,644
Ah, this must be the table. You know,
what they do very well here is the garlic.
908
01:07:16,770 --> 01:07:19,226
Oh, I touched you.
My temperature is rising.
909
01:07:19,356 --> 01:07:24,896
Waiter, could we have two glasses
of red house, uh... s'il vous please?.
910
01:07:25,028 --> 01:07:26,143
In.
911
01:07:27,614 --> 01:07:29,571
Bilko. What a fool.
912
01:07:29,700 --> 01:07:31,158
Yeah.
913
01:07:31,285 --> 01:07:34,202
How can he afford to eat here
on a sergeant's pay?.
914
01:07:34,329 --> 01:07:38,113
- I'll be a lieutenant colonel very soon.
- No kidding?.
915
01:07:38,750 --> 01:07:41,039
(exaggerated laugh)
916
01:07:41,295 --> 01:07:44,379
- That woman's kind of attractive too.
- You think so?.
917
01:07:44,506 --> 01:07:46,748
Well, not compared to you, of course.
918
01:07:47,342 --> 01:07:50,213
Anyway, I understand
the oysters here are...
919
01:07:50,345 --> 01:07:53,132
...very, uh, very, uh... imported.
920
01:07:54,057 --> 01:07:57,011
- Just get me out of here fast.
- Relax, Paparelli.
921
01:07:57,144 --> 01:07:59,765
If you wanna make Rita jealous,
why not use Barbella?.
922
01:07:59,896 --> 01:08:04,688
She knows Barbella. I needed someone
she can't recognise. Someone alluring.
923
01:08:05,986 --> 01:08:07,943
Thank you.
924
01:08:09,864 --> 01:08:15,653
Ah!. Well, it's Rita Robbins
and Major Thorn!. Ah!. A-ha-ha, aha.
925
01:08:16,204 --> 01:08:18,873
Um, excuse me. One moment.
926
01:08:21,209 --> 01:08:25,159
- (Bilko clears throat)
- She's coming over?. She's coming over?.
927
01:08:27,590 --> 01:08:31,291
Ernie, you made Paparelli
get into drag just to make me jealous?.
928
01:08:31,427 --> 01:08:35,639
Well, actually, he was already in drag.
Paparelli, scram!. Get going.
929
01:08:55,034 --> 01:08:57,442
Rita, you can't marry Thorn.
You don't love him.
930
01:08:57,578 --> 01:09:01,030
Think of the children.
You're a Catholic and he's an asshole!.
931
01:09:01,165 --> 01:09:05,744
How would you raise them?. And he's
already cheating on you with Paparelli.
932
01:09:06,837 --> 01:09:08,795
Hi, soldier boy.
933
01:09:10,925 --> 01:09:12,882
(hisses suggestively)
934
01:09:16,347 --> 01:09:19,716
Sowicki never told you
I was marrying Thorn.
935
01:09:21,310 --> 01:09:25,723
You told Sowicki to call me.
You manipulated me. How could you?.
936
01:09:25,856 --> 01:09:30,233
Why not?. I have a master's in
manipulation from the University of Bilko.
937
01:09:30,361 --> 01:09:32,982
You tricked me. You sucked me in.
938
01:09:34,448 --> 01:09:37,615
This is the most turned on
I've ever been in my life.
939
01:09:38,077 --> 01:09:40,449
Rita, I'm so glad
we're back together again.
940
01:09:40,663 --> 01:09:42,702
Twelve more days.
941
01:09:50,923 --> 01:09:52,962
No wonder the hovertank never worked.
942
01:09:53,091 --> 01:09:57,753
Yes, sir. He's been diverting research
funds into his own private account.
943
01:09:58,347 --> 01:10:03,803
For all the differences I've had with Bilko
over the years, I've always liked him.
944
01:10:03,936 --> 01:10:06,177
The way he kept up the men's morale.
945
01:10:06,313 --> 01:10:10,476
The way he'd pretend to cry when I went
on leave. The way, on my birthday...
946
01:10:10,609 --> 01:10:15,069
...he'd have the men mow my name in
the main lawn with a big heart around it.
947
01:10:16,323 --> 01:10:19,905
- But now there'll be a court martial.
- Yes, sir.
948
01:10:20,035 --> 01:10:22,241
- Unless...
- Unless?.
949
01:10:22,370 --> 01:10:26,238
It's just that I know we'd both
do anything to spare Bilko a court martial.
950
01:10:26,374 --> 01:10:28,948
If he could just be quietly punished.
951
01:10:29,085 --> 01:10:31,327
(sighs) Yeah, sure.
952
01:10:32,464 --> 01:10:34,622
But... but how?.
953
01:10:34,758 --> 01:10:37,046
The CO has certain powers, sir.
954
01:10:38,136 --> 01:10:42,513
- Powers?.
- Can't he, for instance, have a soldier...
955
01:10:44,768 --> 01:10:46,725
...trans...
956
01:10:47,937 --> 01:10:50,393
Trans... atlantic?.
957
01:10:53,443 --> 01:10:55,934
Trans... vestite?.
958
01:10:58,907 --> 01:11:02,026
- Transferred!.
- What a wonderful idea.
959
01:11:02,619 --> 01:11:05,323
Yes, well, the wheels are always spinning.
960
01:11:06,164 --> 01:11:11,668
It'd have to be somewhere where there'd
be no chance of him making trouble again.
961
01:11:15,965 --> 01:11:18,337
Greenland?.
962
01:11:18,551 --> 01:11:22,383
He's been out walking
by himself for, like, four hours.
963
01:11:22,972 --> 01:11:25,545
- What's he doin'?.
- He's thinkin'.
964
01:11:25,766 --> 01:11:30,179
- I thought I heard him crying.
- He even asked for a box of tissues.
965
01:11:33,816 --> 01:11:35,559
I guess you're happy.
966
01:11:35,693 --> 01:11:39,062
Yeah. He hated the sarge.
He was probably helping Thorn to get him.
967
01:11:39,196 --> 01:11:41,770
- I was not!.
- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
968
01:11:41,907 --> 01:11:44,861
This is Bilko we're
talkin' about here. Bilko!.
969
01:11:44,994 --> 01:11:47,282
Nobody gets the best of Bilko. Come on!.
970
01:11:47,413 --> 01:11:50,034
- That's right.
- (Paparelli) He'll think of somethin'.
971
01:11:50,166 --> 01:11:53,831
Remember when I got the letter from
my wife sayin' she wanted to break up?.
972
01:11:53,961 --> 01:11:56,534
- Remember what Bilko did?.
- He got your wife back?.
973
01:11:56,797 --> 01:11:59,205
No, he got me another wife. A better wife!.
974
01:11:59,425 --> 01:12:03,469
- Yeah!.
- He'll come up with his best plan ever.
975
01:12:03,595 --> 01:12:07,130
Listen, I pity Major Thorn.
When Bilko gets done with him...
976
01:12:08,058 --> 01:12:10,728
- (Doberman) Sarge!.
- Ten-hut!.
977
01:12:10,853 --> 01:12:12,679
Hey, Sarge!.
978
01:12:12,813 --> 01:12:15,386
- Sarge!.
- Sarge!. You've come back!.
979
01:12:16,984 --> 01:12:19,985
Ah, Doberman. The son I never wanted.
980
01:12:21,155 --> 01:12:23,443
Fall in and look this way!.
981
01:12:28,036 --> 01:12:29,993
Hello, soldiers.
982
01:12:30,998 --> 01:12:34,663
I'm talking to you.
Because that's what you are really.
983
01:12:34,793 --> 01:12:37,829
Soldiers, every last one of you -
with a couple of exceptions.
984
01:12:37,963 --> 01:12:39,837
- He's got a plan.
- He sure does.
985
01:12:39,965 --> 01:12:43,832
I wanna tell you a little story.
There was once a little boy...
986
01:12:43,969 --> 01:12:47,717
...and that little boy had a dream to run
one of the most sophisticated...
987
01:12:47,848 --> 01:12:51,098
...illegal gaming operations
the US Army has ever seen.
988
01:12:51,226 --> 01:12:52,471
- He's not worried.
- Not a bit.
989
01:12:52,602 --> 01:12:54,927
And that little boy's dream came true.
990
01:12:55,063 --> 01:12:58,646
But now they're trying to
snatch that dream back from him.
991
01:12:58,817 --> 01:13:00,477
- He is worried.
- That's not good.
992
01:13:00,610 --> 01:13:04,062
But what are the last two letters
in the name Bilko?. K-O!.
993
01:13:04,197 --> 01:13:06,984
Of course, the first are B-l-L,
which is meaningless.
994
01:13:07,117 --> 01:13:10,901
But still, am I giving up?. No!. Never!.
Well, kind of, but not really...
995
01:13:11,037 --> 01:13:14,738
...because there is no way
I am going to Greenland.
996
01:13:14,874 --> 01:13:17,579
Well, you're probably wondering
if I have a plan.
997
01:13:17,710 --> 01:13:24,460
Well, of course I have a plan!.
A P-L-A-N. Plan.
998
01:13:25,969 --> 01:13:27,926
But...
999
01:13:28,846 --> 01:13:30,471
- He's got no plan.
- We're screwed.
1000
01:13:30,598 --> 01:13:34,548
- I have a plan, Sarge.
- But maybe a plan is not what I need!.
1001
01:13:34,686 --> 01:13:38,019
What I really need is just a little puppy.
1002
01:13:38,147 --> 01:13:42,441
A little puppy with big, brown eyes
who'll just come to me and lick my face...
1003
01:13:42,568 --> 01:13:47,029
...and just love me so much,
no matter what kind of person I am.
1004
01:13:47,156 --> 01:13:48,271
(Bilko sobs)
1005
01:13:48,407 --> 01:13:50,483
Sarge, I really do have a plan.
1006
01:13:51,369 --> 01:13:55,532
Oh, so now you have a plan.
Well, let's hear your plan, Wally.
1007
01:13:56,165 --> 01:14:00,079
What if the hovertank did work?. That'd
prove you haven't diverted the money.
1008
01:14:00,211 --> 01:14:02,880
Oh!. That is so stup... What?.
1009
01:14:03,047 --> 01:14:07,210
That would prove you hadn't been
diverting the money. Wouldn't it?.
1010
01:14:10,137 --> 01:14:12,509
Are you saying you can get
the hovertank to work?.
1011
01:14:12,640 --> 01:14:18,180
No, of course not. But we don't need to
hold four aces if they think we hold 'em.
1012
01:14:20,940 --> 01:14:23,347
Permission to speak freely?.
1013
01:14:24,068 --> 01:14:27,519
Tell me a bit more about this plan,
because I think that's actually...
1014
01:14:27,655 --> 01:14:30,442
If they come, deny everything.
Just act dumb.
1015
01:14:30,574 --> 01:14:33,112
Fender, I'm putting you in charge of that.
1016
01:14:36,413 --> 01:14:40,031
I love the nightlife, I like to boogie
1017
01:14:40,167 --> 01:14:42,243
I like to rock all night long
1018
01:14:42,377 --> 01:14:44,335
(Bilko) Ahem.
1019
01:14:44,671 --> 01:14:47,459
Oh... it's you, Bilko.
1020
01:14:47,591 --> 01:14:49,999
Sir, if I could talk with you
just for a moment.
1021
01:14:50,135 --> 01:14:53,718
If you've come to talk about Greenland,
you're wasting your time.
1022
01:14:53,847 --> 01:14:56,089
Frankly, Sergeant, I'm disappointed.
1023
01:14:56,224 --> 01:14:59,843
Sir, all I ever wanted was an honest
week's pay for an honest day's work.
1024
01:14:59,978 --> 01:15:02,683
- I didn't steal money, sir.
- Please, Bilko.
1025
01:15:04,024 --> 01:15:06,479
Let's just say goodbye.
1026
01:15:06,610 --> 01:15:08,649
And thank you.
1027
01:15:08,779 --> 01:15:11,614
- For what, sir?.
- Well, for...
1028
01:15:12,115 --> 01:15:15,365
...always making me feel like
I actually ran this place.
1029
01:15:15,494 --> 01:15:17,451
Good old Fort Baxter.
1030
01:15:18,246 --> 01:15:20,998
I guess your garden
is one of the things you'll miss most.
1031
01:15:21,124 --> 01:15:22,951
Ah, yes. I love...
1032
01:15:23,084 --> 01:15:25,540
- Miss?. Why miss?.
- The colonel hasn't heard?.
1033
01:15:25,670 --> 01:15:29,585
- In that case, it must not be true.
- What?. Uh... they're closing Fort Baxter?.
1034
01:15:29,716 --> 01:15:32,005
You didn't hear it from me.
1035
01:15:32,135 --> 01:15:35,219
Take good care of yourself in...
I've said enough.
1036
01:15:35,388 --> 01:15:37,547
Have you heard where they're sending me?.
1037
01:15:37,682 --> 01:15:41,098
- You're stepping on your flowers.
- The hell with them!. Where?.
1038
01:15:41,227 --> 01:15:44,098
- Where are they sending me?.
- It's just rumour, sir.
1039
01:15:44,230 --> 01:15:47,682
Oh, that fair skin
under the burning desert sun...
1040
01:15:48,234 --> 01:15:51,983
Oh, my God. The desert sun.
1041
01:15:52,113 --> 01:15:55,114
Remember, if you get lost, travel by night.
1042
01:15:55,241 --> 01:15:59,784
- How can they do this to me?.
- The hovertank test was the last straw.
1043
01:15:59,912 --> 01:16:02,534
Too bad they didn't schedule it this week.
1044
01:16:02,665 --> 01:16:04,622
Well...
1045
01:16:05,043 --> 01:16:07,000
- Goodbye.
- Wha...?. Wait!.
1046
01:16:07,295 --> 01:16:11,079
- You mean the hovertank is working?.
- Oh, I know what you're thinking, sir:
1047
01:16:11,215 --> 01:16:13,706
..."Arrange a public demonstration ASAP."
1048
01:16:13,843 --> 01:16:16,334
"Call the Pentagon
and the Department of the Army."
1049
01:16:16,470 --> 01:16:19,306
- All right.
- I've already taken that liberty, sir.
1050
01:16:19,432 --> 01:16:21,389
- Thank you.
- Oh, that picture of you...
1051
01:16:21,517 --> 01:16:24,138
...standing triumphant at the test.
1052
01:16:24,270 --> 01:16:27,805
That'll keep me warm
on those lonely nights in Greenland.
1053
01:16:29,108 --> 01:16:31,314
In Greenland, sir.
1054
01:16:31,694 --> 01:16:33,733
Oh. Yes.
1055
01:16:33,863 --> 01:16:36,104
Well, goodbye.
1056
01:16:37,575 --> 01:16:39,117
- Ah, Bi...
- Yes, sir?.
1057
01:16:41,871 --> 01:16:44,788
If the test goes well,
you won't be transferred.
1058
01:16:45,249 --> 01:16:47,787
Well, thank you, sir!. I'm stunned!.
1059
01:16:48,544 --> 01:16:50,786
Just as a formality,
I've put that in writing.
1060
01:16:50,921 --> 01:16:54,504
If you could just sign here
and here, and initial here.
1061
01:16:58,053 --> 01:17:00,176
- Here?.
- Uh, no. Here.
1062
01:17:00,889 --> 01:17:03,559
And I'll just notarise that.
1063
01:17:03,684 --> 01:17:07,219
- And I'll waive the usual ten-dollar fee.
- Oh. Thank you.
1064
01:17:08,897 --> 01:17:11,223
Here you are. Good day.
1065
01:17:12,985 --> 01:17:15,061
No, it'll hover. But as before...
1066
01:17:15,195 --> 01:17:19,407
...it will go completely haywire
if we attempt to fire the cannon.
1067
01:17:19,533 --> 01:17:22,071
We know that. We just need
a couple of hours with it.
1068
01:17:22,202 --> 01:17:26,200
- Let's get started.
- It's a $70-million piece of equipment.
1069
01:17:26,331 --> 01:17:29,581
You think I'm gonna allow
one of your men to fool around with it?.
1070
01:17:29,710 --> 01:17:32,165
- I think not.
- Oh. Mm-hm.
1071
01:17:32,337 --> 01:17:36,287
Oh, boy. Oh, my, is it hot in here or what?.
1072
01:17:36,425 --> 01:17:39,461
What's this?. Oh!.
I almost forgot I had these.
1073
01:17:39,594 --> 01:17:42,132
It's the IOUs from the poker game.
1074
01:17:42,264 --> 01:17:45,348
- Would he like to use my tools?.
- That would be nice.
1075
01:17:50,355 --> 01:17:53,854
- You saw it?.
- Yeah, it blew up the ammunition shed.
1076
01:17:54,067 --> 01:17:57,270
- A perfect hit.
- (louder) The hovertank?.
1077
01:17:57,404 --> 01:18:00,239
- I thought that thing was busted.
- Yeah, it was.
1078
01:18:00,365 --> 01:18:02,239
But the kid, Wally, he fixed it.
1079
01:18:02,367 --> 01:18:04,656
He said the key was the...
1080
01:18:05,370 --> 01:18:07,327
The...?.
1081
01:18:08,248 --> 01:18:11,249
The fire-control
and super-elevator board.
1082
01:18:11,960 --> 01:18:15,909
- Imagine that.
- Yeah, the super-elevator board.
1083
01:18:16,047 --> 01:18:21,172
And the great thing is, if it works
at the demonstration, Bilko gets to stay.
1084
01:18:21,302 --> 01:18:23,259
Great!.
1085
01:18:51,457 --> 01:18:53,414
Yeah.
1086
01:19:14,939 --> 01:19:19,232
- Wonderful to see you again, General.
- You, too, Colonel. Mrs Hall.
1087
01:19:19,693 --> 01:19:23,643
- And, of course, you know Major Thorn.
- Thorn.
1088
01:19:35,417 --> 01:19:37,374
(deep sigh)
1089
01:19:45,218 --> 01:19:48,587
- Tank crew ready, sir.
- Very good, Bilko. General.
1090
01:19:48,722 --> 01:19:51,178
Master Sergeant Bilko.
It's an honour to meet you.
1091
01:19:51,308 --> 01:19:54,759
- You look terrific!. Have you lost weight?.
- Who is this?.
1092
01:19:55,145 --> 01:19:59,771
Members of Congress, General Tennyson,
colleagues from the defence industries...
1093
01:19:59,900 --> 01:20:02,058
...distinguished guests, welcome.
1094
01:20:03,862 --> 01:20:06,353
The weapon system
you are about to see today...
1095
01:20:06,490 --> 01:20:12,362
...can be called the world's first
truly all-terrain assault vehicle...
1096
01:20:12,495 --> 01:20:17,371
...which I'm proud to say was developed
entirely in-house, here at Fort Baxter.
1097
01:20:18,168 --> 01:20:22,711
I give you the armoured attack platform
to lead American defence forces...
1098
01:20:22,839 --> 01:20:28,046
...into the 21st century.
The HTX-1 hovertank.
1099
01:20:38,563 --> 01:20:42,810
Water and rough terrain can stop
an ordinary M1 or APC...
1100
01:20:42,942 --> 01:20:46,394
...but the hovertank can literally rise
above these obstacles.
1101
01:20:46,529 --> 01:20:50,230
And that is the capability
we will show you here today.
1102
01:20:50,533 --> 01:20:52,905
Hovertank, you are looking good.
1103
01:20:54,746 --> 01:20:58,197
Hovertank, fire when ready. Hoo-ah!.
1104
01:20:58,958 --> 01:20:59,954
(groans)
1105
01:21:14,557 --> 01:21:16,514
(applause)
1106
01:21:25,693 --> 01:21:28,398
Ha. This little bird packs a deadly punch.
1107
01:21:59,601 --> 01:22:01,428
Fire in the hole!.
1108
01:22:35,846 --> 01:22:40,591
- You hit the wrong button, Rastahead!.
- It's not my fault!. He wired it wrong!.
1109
01:22:43,395 --> 01:22:44,889
Any questions?.
1110
01:23:07,627 --> 01:23:09,785
Congratulations, honey.
1111
01:23:10,630 --> 01:23:12,539
- Home run, sir!.
- Thank you, Captain.
1112
01:23:12,674 --> 01:23:15,509
- We'll rush this baby into production.
- Thank you.
1113
01:23:15,635 --> 01:23:19,335
Jack, I thank you
on behalf of a grateful nation.
1114
01:23:19,472 --> 01:23:22,805
I just can't wait to see
what you fellas come up with next.
1115
01:23:24,102 --> 01:23:27,056
Wait!. Wait. The demonstration was rigged.
1116
01:23:27,188 --> 01:23:31,055
Ah, do I see politics in your future, sir?.
Perhaps a run at the Oval Office?.
1117
01:23:31,192 --> 01:23:33,398
I've never given that serious consideration.
1118
01:23:33,528 --> 01:23:35,567
Wait!. General!. He faked it!.
1119
01:23:35,696 --> 01:23:39,231
Didn't you see the gun was aimed
at target three, but blew up target four?.
1120
01:23:39,367 --> 01:23:40,777
Yes, I did.
1121
01:23:40,910 --> 01:23:43,780
If you remember
Einstein's theory, space is curved.
1122
01:23:43,913 --> 01:23:46,783
- Yes.
- And these are smart weapons.
1123
01:23:48,000 --> 01:23:51,286
Oh, cut the crap!. He faked it.
It's just one of his scams.
1124
01:23:51,545 --> 01:23:54,665
That's a serious charge.
Colonel, what about this?.
1125
01:23:54,799 --> 01:23:56,921
General, in all my years in the service...
1126
01:23:57,051 --> 01:24:00,384
...I have never, not once,
publicly berated a fellow officer.
1127
01:24:00,513 --> 01:24:04,380
But I realise now that from the moment
Major Thorn set foot on Fort Baxter...
1128
01:24:04,516 --> 01:24:08,182
...he engaged in a personal vendetta
against Master Sergeant Bilko.
1129
01:24:08,312 --> 01:24:12,559
I find his conduct inexcusable, and will
recommend an article 32 investigation.
1130
01:24:12,691 --> 01:24:14,483
- I see.
- (Thorn) You don't understand.
1131
01:24:14,610 --> 01:24:18,987
He doesn't know what's going on. This
sergeant leads him around by the nose!.
1132
01:24:19,156 --> 01:24:22,940
Major!. You are the most
insubordinate officer I have ever met.
1133
01:24:24,328 --> 01:24:28,539
I'm telling you, he's a boob!. He doesn't
get it!. They faked the whole thing!.
1134
01:24:28,665 --> 01:24:33,411
I'd like to see just one piece of evidence
to support these idiotic allegations.
1135
01:24:33,545 --> 01:24:38,919
Idiotic, huh?. How's this for evidence?. The
fire-control and super-elevator board.
1136
01:24:39,051 --> 01:24:42,301
I took it out last night,
so how can it work?.
1137
01:24:50,312 --> 01:24:53,313
So you deliberately
sabotaged this project, Major?.
1138
01:24:53,440 --> 01:24:55,812
I got it all on tape.
1139
01:24:56,151 --> 01:24:57,811
Lucky.
1140
01:24:59,070 --> 01:25:01,028
(wind howling)
1141
01:25:03,992 --> 01:25:06,234
- Whoo!.
- Yeah, celebration time.
1142
01:25:06,369 --> 01:25:08,326
Chin-chin.
1143
01:25:09,664 --> 01:25:13,876
Because I know Pap knew it,
and I... Stand, troops!.
1144
01:25:15,920 --> 01:25:19,788
- You're in the presence of a genius.
- (all) Hoo-ah!.
1145
01:25:19,924 --> 01:25:24,800
You're a total kingpin. You got Thorn
to sabotage something that didn't work!.
1146
01:25:25,096 --> 01:25:29,758
Yeah, well, I couldn't have done it without
our Wally. Where is he, where is the lad?.
1147
01:25:29,893 --> 01:25:32,300
Here, Sarge.
1148
01:25:33,146 --> 01:25:36,645
I was just resetting
the colonel's odometer.
1149
01:25:44,741 --> 01:25:47,777
- I told you Wally was all right.
- OK. Glee club.
1150
01:26:02,967 --> 01:26:04,342
Oh, well.
1151
01:26:04,468 --> 01:26:09,676
Only you, only you, only you
1152
01:26:10,182 --> 01:26:15,224
Can make this change in me
1153
01:26:15,771 --> 01:26:20,729
Only you
1154
01:26:20,860 --> 01:26:24,063
You are my destiny
1155
01:26:24,363 --> 01:26:26,688
Destiny
1156
01:26:26,824 --> 01:26:32,280
When you hold my hand,
I understand the
1157
01:26:32,413 --> 01:26:38,617
Magic that you do,
magic that you do
1158
01:26:39,253 --> 01:26:44,709
Ooh, you're my dream come true
1159
01:26:44,842 --> 01:26:48,590
My one and only
1160
01:26:49,388 --> 01:26:50,301
You
1161
01:26:50,431 --> 01:26:51,426
Hum
1162
01:26:51,807 --> 01:26:53,087
Hum
1163
01:26:53,642 --> 01:26:57,307
It's only you
1164
01:26:58,689 --> 01:27:00,598
Very nice.
1165
01:27:00,732 --> 01:27:02,642
Aw, get up, Bilko.
1166
01:27:03,527 --> 01:27:09,363
Marry me, Rita. I know I'm a long shot,
but sometimes long shots pay off big.
1167
01:27:12,828 --> 01:27:15,116
(soldiers cheer)
1168
01:27:18,834 --> 01:27:21,669
(organ plays
"0nward, Christian Soldiers")
1169
01:27:36,935 --> 01:27:38,892
(music ends)
1170
01:27:43,525 --> 01:27:46,395
(organ resumes)
1171
01:28:01,793 --> 01:28:06,585
Don't even ask. I forgot it was
daylight-savings time. Can you believe it?.
1172
01:28:06,965 --> 01:28:09,502
Well, better late than never.
1173
01:28:15,807 --> 01:28:17,515
- Poker?.
- All right.
1174
01:28:18,267 --> 01:28:19,975
Nickel ante.
1175
01:28:21,562 --> 01:28:25,394
Let's make it interesting.
One hand of showdown.
1176
01:28:25,775 --> 01:28:28,692
If I win, we get married.
1177
01:28:31,781 --> 01:28:33,987
Ernie, I don't think
that's such a good idea.
1178
01:28:34,116 --> 01:28:38,244
I've never known you to chicken out
of a game, whatever the stakes.
1179
01:28:44,710 --> 01:28:46,667
(whispers) You're on.
1180
01:28:48,589 --> 01:28:50,831
Well, well, well, what do you know?.
1181
01:28:50,966 --> 01:28:53,718
- Full house. Jacks over threes.
- You cheated!.
1182
01:28:53,844 --> 01:28:55,718
- No, and we're getting married!.
- When?.
1183
01:28:55,846 --> 01:28:58,681
Now!. (blows whistle)
1184
01:29:05,439 --> 01:29:07,396
Daddy!.
1185
01:29:07,816 --> 01:29:10,272
- Ow!.
- Dearly beloved, we are gathered here...
1186
01:29:10,402 --> 01:29:12,609
...to witness the joining of these
two good people in holy matrimony.
1187
01:29:12,738 --> 01:29:15,941
Rita Robbins, do you take Ernest Bilko
to love, honour and cherish...
1188
01:29:16,074 --> 01:29:18,992
...for richer or poorer...
- Think we're moving too fast?.
1189
01:29:19,119 --> 01:29:20,448
- I do.
- Let's go!.
1190
01:29:20,579 --> 01:29:24,327
- Do you, Ernest Bilko, take Rita...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do.
1191
01:29:24,458 --> 01:29:29,285
By the power vested in me, I pronounce
you husband and wife. You may ki...
1192
01:29:31,173 --> 01:29:33,130
Ah.
1193
01:30:04,748 --> 01:30:07,286
Doo, doo-doo,
doo, doo, doo, doo
1194
01:30:07,417 --> 01:30:10,169
Livin' in the USA
1195
01:30:10,295 --> 01:30:12,964
Doo, doo-doo,
doo, doo, doo, doo
1196
01:30:13,089 --> 01:30:15,758
Livin' in the USA
1197
01:30:15,884 --> 01:30:18,209
Where are you goin' to?.
1198
01:30:18,636 --> 01:30:20,962
What are you gonna do?.
1199
01:30:21,097 --> 01:30:23,968
Do you think that it will be easy?.
1200
01:30:24,100 --> 01:30:29,011
Do you think that it will be pleasin'?.
Hey, hey, what'd you say?.
1201
01:30:29,147 --> 01:30:32,101
I won't pay, I'd rather play
1202
01:30:32,233 --> 01:30:36,860
It's my freedom
Ah, don't worry about me, babe
1203
01:30:37,071 --> 01:30:39,360
I got to be free, babe
1204
01:30:40,032 --> 01:30:42,986
Hey, hey, hey, yeah
1205
01:30:44,162 --> 01:30:46,866
Doo, doo-doo,
doo, doo, doo, doo
1206
01:30:46,998 --> 01:30:49,571
Livin' in the USA
1207
01:30:49,709 --> 01:30:52,378
Doo, doo-doo,
doo, doo doo, doo
1208
01:30:52,503 --> 01:30:55,077
Livin' in the USA
1209
01:30:56,173 --> 01:31:00,634
Hey, we're gonna make it, baby
1210
01:31:01,554 --> 01:31:06,892
Yeah, we got to shake it, baby
1211
01:31:07,643 --> 01:31:13,681
Hey, gonna break it, girl,
yeah, yeah, yeah, girl
1212
01:31:15,276 --> 01:31:17,601
Come on, baby, hey
1213
01:31:17,736 --> 01:31:19,065
Oh, hey
1214
01:31:19,363 --> 01:31:21,237
Oh, hey
1215
01:31:21,365 --> 01:31:24,699
In the USA, baby
1216
01:31:28,956 --> 01:31:31,791
Doo, doo-doo,
doo, doo, doo, doo
1217
01:31:31,917 --> 01:31:33,376
Livin' in the USA
1218
01:31:33,502 --> 01:31:34,830
Don't worry about me, babe
1219
01:31:34,962 --> 01:31:37,334
Doo, doo-doo,
doo, doo, doo, doo
1220
01:31:38,132 --> 01:31:41,298
Livin' in the USA
Livin' in the USA
1221
01:31:41,427 --> 01:31:43,503
Doo, doo-doo,
doo, doo, doo, doo
1222
01:31:44,179 --> 01:31:45,342
Livin' in the USA
1223
01:31:45,472 --> 01:31:47,429
I got to be free
97578
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