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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,795 --> 00:00:06,465 (printer buzzing) 2 00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:21,146 (dramatic violin music) 3 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,383 - [PA Announcer] Dr. Crest, please call the operator. 4 00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:16,470 Dr. Crest, please call the operator. 5 00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:20,140 (dramatic music) 6 00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:56,760 - Who the fuck are you? 7 00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:59,721 (muffled speaking) 8 00:03:02,933 --> 00:03:06,228 I'm sorry, I don't pick up that channel. 9 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,230 Wanna try it again? 10 00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:19,700 - I said, 11 00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:22,577 my name is David Bennett. 12 00:03:25,664 --> 00:03:26,331 I'm your buddy 13 00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:29,334 from the Gay Center. 14 00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:41,972 - Have a seat. 15 00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:46,184 Say, 16 00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:50,480 they really got you dolled up for your grand entrance. 17 00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:56,903 - Well, they said I should wear this to be on the safe side. 18 00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:03,160 Shouldn't I? 19 00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:05,245 - Well, you know what they say. 20 00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:08,999 If they give you lined paper, write the other way. 21 00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:13,336 - Well I did feel sorta silly getting into this. 22 00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:20,802 But I've never done this sorta thing before. 23 00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,430 - You volunteered, didn't you? 24 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:24,806 - [David] Yeah. 25 00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:27,309 - Why? 26 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:30,187 - I don't know, really. 27 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,775 I mean, I'm gay but that's not big thing. 28 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,404 I don't have any friends who have AIDs. 29 00:04:40,906 --> 00:04:41,823 My lover, Steve, 30 00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:45,118 he's had two friends who've-- 31 00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:46,870 - Died. 32 00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:50,999 You can say it. 33 00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:52,959 I won't break up. 34 00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:01,843 - [David] I didn't know what to bring you. 35 00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:05,096 It was just an impulse. 36 00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:07,641 - Oh, wow, I love these. 37 00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:09,851 A great impulse. 38 00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:14,898 Mmmm. 39 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,236 So what did make you volunteer to by my buddy? 40 00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:21,905 Fate? 41 00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:23,031 - No. 42 00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:25,242 I guess it's because of a book. 43 00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:27,661 - Oh God, you're not a gay writer. 44 00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:28,912 - No. 45 00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:30,455 I'm a typesetter. 46 00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:31,331 Freelance. 47 00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,167 - Well, 48 00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:35,877 word processing is where it's at. 49 00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:38,630 - I'm not a word processor. 50 00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:40,340 I'm a typesetter. 51 00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:41,758 It's really quiet different. 52 00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:45,428 See, I'm setting the type for this book 53 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:48,390 called "The AIDS Reader" and it includes articles 54 00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:51,434 on how the HTLV-III virus was discovered, 55 00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,311 the quarantine laws in England, 56 00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:55,397 confidentiality in the blood tests, 57 00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:58,149 life and death statistical projections. 58 00:05:58,483 --> 00:05:59,734 Plus, first person accounts, 59 00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:01,319 like guys getting fired because of AIDS 60 00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:03,989 and getting kicked out of their apartments. 61 00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:06,449 They have this one piece on being a buddy. 62 00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:07,951 Well, I have flexible hours, 63 00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:10,370 so I called the gay group and I volunteered. 64 00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:14,457 (somber music) 65 00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:42,861 (upbeat radio music) 66 00:06:44,696 --> 00:06:46,823 - [Man] So he fell asleep on you, just like that? 67 00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:48,366 - Uh huh. 68 00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:51,286 - [Man] You must've been telling him all about typesetting. 69 00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:52,621 - I was. 70 00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:54,372 But he's on a lot of medication. 71 00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:57,042 I think he was just tired. 72 00:06:58,293 --> 00:06:59,711 - [Man] What's he like? 73 00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:00,712 - He seems okay. 74 00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:02,797 Intelligent. 75 00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:05,800 We're both a little nervous. 76 00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:07,427 Me especially. 77 00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,012 - [Man] Sorry you signed up? 78 00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:15,518 - Well, he's not what I expected. 79 00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:16,436 - [Man] Which was what? 80 00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:19,689 - Which was someone who was gonna need real help. 81 00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:23,443 I don't even know what I'm supposed to do for him. 82 00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:28,573 Guess I imagined an AIDS patient was gonna be more serious. 83 00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:32,327 - [Man] Better he's up than down. 84 00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:33,411 - Yeah, I know. 85 00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:35,372 I guess it's just the first time kinks, huh? 86 00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:38,458 - [Man] I gotta go, I'll see you tonight? 87 00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:39,584 - Okay. 88 00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:43,630 (somber radio music) 89 00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:08,863 - [David Voiceover] I've decided to keep a record 90 00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:10,407 of my visits with Robert. 91 00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:13,410 A record of my real feelings about him 92 00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:15,453 and me being his buddy. 93 00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:17,706 Because I've already started to do 94 00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:19,416 what I always do with Steve, 95 00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:22,293 my friends and myself. 96 00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:26,548 Fixing up what I really think so it sounds acceptable. 97 00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:31,136 I'm gonna try and write the truth in this journal. 98 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:36,474 First, I don't think I even like Robert Willow. 99 00:08:37,809 --> 00:08:39,853 His smug attitude, his smirky, little, 100 00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:41,521 "If they give you lined paper, 101 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,606 "write the other way," bullshit. 102 00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:48,319 Secondly, I think Steve has already heard in my voice 103 00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:51,031 that part of me is sorry for having volunteered. 104 00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,909 I feel sappy about trying to help. 105 00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:58,329 I think I'm doing it to make me feel good. 106 00:09:00,415 --> 00:09:02,000 I don't have the guts to back out, 107 00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:05,086 to explain it to Robert or explain it to Lynn at the center. 108 00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:08,882 So I'm gonna give it a try. 109 00:09:11,843 --> 00:09:14,012 - [Robert] Sorry I fell asleep on you the other day. 110 00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:15,346 - [David] No problem. 111 00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:16,473 How's this taste? 112 00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:20,602 - [Robert] I hate carrots. 113 00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:24,230 - [David] When did they put the IVs in? 114 00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,066 - This morning, early. 115 00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:30,278 But it's just for today, I guess. 116 00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:31,613 A new antibiotic. 117 00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:35,492 It hurts to move my arms with the needles. 118 00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:38,870 I feel weird. 119 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,707 You're feeding me and I don't even know you. 120 00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:45,085 - Well, my name is David Bennett. 121 00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:47,504 I'm 25. 122 00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:49,172 I was born in New York City. 123 00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:50,298 - Not that stuff. 124 00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:52,675 Like, who are you? 125 00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:56,471 - Why don't you ask what you wanna know? 126 00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:01,559 - When did you know you were gay? 127 00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:06,564 Too personal, huh? 128 00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:08,691 - Yeah. 129 00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:12,070 I mean, I never thought about that. 130 00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:15,240 What a weird question to ask. 131 00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:16,699 - I think it's basic. 132 00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,160 A person's real identity. 133 00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:23,289 Sex is the part that makes you in or out, 134 00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:24,958 hot or cold. 135 00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:27,752 You know, where you passion is. 136 00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:31,756 It's not everything but it's a big piece of the puzzle. 137 00:10:32,757 --> 00:10:34,509 - When did you know? 138 00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:35,677 - When I was nine. 139 00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:38,680 I had a crush on this older guy 140 00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:41,933 that used to wash our windows and water our lawn 141 00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:42,934 in San Diego. 142 00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,728 La Jolla, where I was born. 143 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,482 God, he was tall 144 00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,819 and he used to walk around in his shorts 145 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,112 like he owned the world. 146 00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:56,656 That's when I knew. 147 00:10:58,283 --> 00:10:58,908 What about you? 148 00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:00,618 - Well, 149 00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:03,496 I was 16 when I realized that girls 150 00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,582 really weren't gonna do it for me. 151 00:11:06,749 --> 00:11:08,293 I knew inside that I like guys 152 00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:12,755 and then in my senior year I met Craig Cartwright 153 00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:17,302 and he was my own age and from Staten Island 154 00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:18,761 and I knew then for sure 155 00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:21,723 but it was no big thing. 156 00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:24,267 I mean, I told my parents 157 00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:26,978 and they had an inkling about me all along and that was it. 158 00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:31,149 Craig, he went by the boards pretty quickly 159 00:11:31,482 --> 00:11:33,568 but I started dating guys until I met Steve. 160 00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:36,821 - Your parents sound cool. 161 00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:42,660 Mine disowned me when I told them back in 1971. 162 00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:46,831 It was like one of those silent films 163 00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:49,667 where the father throws the kid out into the storm. 164 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,254 Except for with me, it was California sunshine. 165 00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:56,883 I don't want anymore. 166 00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,510 - No, now the nurse said you're supposed to finish this, 167 00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:00,386 I mean all of it. 168 00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:03,348 - Did you bring anymore Reese's? 169 00:12:03,681 --> 00:12:04,766 - No. 170 00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:07,602 Now, come on and try some of this very tasty... 171 00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:12,732 Well, you try it and let me know what it is. 172 00:12:20,657 --> 00:12:22,242 - Shredded hospital rat. 173 00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:31,584 Steve and you tight? 174 00:12:33,044 --> 00:12:34,671 - We've been together for five years. 175 00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:35,922 Since I was 20. 176 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:39,759 - And you love him? 177 00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,719 I mean, you're still in love with him? 178 00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:45,932 Still too personal? 179 00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:50,645 - Steve doesn't even ask me questions like that. 180 00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:54,023 - So? 181 00:12:54,357 --> 00:12:56,109 That's because he knows the answer. 182 00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,027 I retract the question. 183 00:12:58,361 --> 00:13:00,071 - No, no, I mean, it's just that I'm not used 184 00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:01,864 to being asked about my private life. 185 00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:05,743 I love Steve. 186 00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:08,830 He's been there so long 187 00:13:09,163 --> 00:13:10,873 that I don't think about him very consciously. 188 00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:14,085 We're very different. 189 00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:19,132 I am security oriented and he's more outgoing. 190 00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:22,468 But we're still in love. 191 00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:24,929 - How can you tell? 192 00:13:27,598 --> 00:13:30,184 Is it still sexy after five years? 193 00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:31,853 - You've got a one-track mind. 194 00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:37,525 In the beginning, Steve liked to have sex more than I did. 195 00:13:37,859 --> 00:13:38,776 But then I sorta caught up. 196 00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:44,824 I know what you're thinking. 197 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:47,994 - What? 198 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,874 - Except for when we first became lovers, 199 00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:54,042 I've had two affairs. 200 00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:56,878 One with Steve's best friend, 201 00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:59,172 but since that, that's four years ago, 202 00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:00,715 I've been faithful to Steve. 203 00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:04,260 As far as I know, he's been exclusively mine. 204 00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:08,473 What? 205 00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:11,309 - That's what I was gonna ask. 206 00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:13,811 (chuckling) 207 00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:18,566 - [Woman] What do you mean, disowned him? 208 00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:21,027 - Mom, when they found out he was gay that was it. 209 00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:22,195 They cut him off. 210 00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:23,696 - [Mom] But he's sick. 211 00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:24,781 Maybe dying. 212 00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:26,741 What sort of people could-- 213 00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:29,911 - Mom, it's not like everybody has the same values. 214 00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:32,121 - [Mom] A child is your child, no matter what. 215 00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:35,041 Maybe you should get their address and drive them? 216 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:36,959 - Mom, Robert's a grown man. 217 00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:38,503 - [Mom] Well, you're his buddy. 218 00:14:38,836 --> 00:14:39,921 Maybe you should just do it. 219 00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:42,256 Write them a letter, set up a reunion. 220 00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:44,842 - Fly them to New York, orchestra seats 221 00:14:45,176 --> 00:14:47,553 and then off to the hospital for a big reconciliation? 222 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,138 - [Mom] Don't get sarcastic. 223 00:14:49,472 --> 00:14:50,306 You know what I mean. 224 00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:53,810 - Mom, if there were gonna come 225 00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:55,019 they would've done it by now. 226 00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,272 All parents are not like you and Dad. 227 00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:00,983 - [Mom] Does he need anything? 228 00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:02,693 Does he have a lover? 229 00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:04,112 - I don't know. 230 00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:05,988 So far, I've talked more about myself 231 00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:07,698 than he has told me about him. 232 00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:11,869 - [Mom] How bad is it, the AIDS? 233 00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:14,872 - He's had pneumonia two times in the last nine months. 234 00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:16,040 He's pretty weak. 235 00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,419 - [Mom] Well your father and I are very proud of you, David, 236 00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,337 volunteering and all. 237 00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:23,965 If there's anything we can do, let me know. 238 00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:24,924 Give my best to Steve. 239 00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:26,968 - Okay. 240 00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,011 I love you. 241 00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:30,471 - [Mom] I love you too, dear. 242 00:15:30,805 --> 00:15:31,514 - Bye, bye. 243 00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:33,391 - [Mom] Bye. 244 00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:36,144 (dramatic music) 245 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,444 - [David Voiceover] Seeing Robert helpless, 246 00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:47,697 in pain and trying not to show it, made me feel foolish. 247 00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:51,993 I'm glad I decided to stay with this buddy thing. 248 00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:56,289 Suddenly my parents and Steve seem very special. 249 00:15:58,124 --> 00:16:00,084 And Robert, with his service optimism, 250 00:16:00,418 --> 00:16:02,044 has piqued my curiosity. 251 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,465 What's he like when I'm not there? 252 00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:10,303 What was he like before acquired immunodeficiency syndrome? 253 00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:13,764 I hate writing the words 254 00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:17,560 and I wanna know how sick he really is. 255 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,690 At the center they said he is going to die, 256 00:16:23,691 --> 00:16:25,026 that there are no miracles, 257 00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:27,236 that I should encourage him 258 00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:29,489 but not get too emotionally close to him. 259 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,575 That I must keep an objective distance 260 00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:34,869 or else I may not be able to help him. 261 00:16:36,204 --> 00:16:38,873 It's clear that if I'm going to be Robert's buddy, 262 00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:41,250 I'm gonna have to do more than just show up. 263 00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:45,713 I'm gonna have to listen. 264 00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,050 - And my mom, 265 00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:51,177 she couldn't understand your parents kicking you out. 266 00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:54,430 - Looking back, 267 00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:56,682 it was terrible. 268 00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:01,020 But at the time I fell right into the world 269 00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:02,897 of dawning gay liberation, 270 00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:05,107 in Edward's arms. 271 00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:08,736 Edward's the great love of my life. 272 00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:13,491 His two favorite things are getting it on outdoors 273 00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:15,284 and politics. 274 00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:16,994 Gay rights, gay community, 275 00:17:17,328 --> 00:17:18,704 marching, demonstrating. 276 00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:22,833 Edward was so intellectual. 277 00:17:24,335 --> 00:17:25,920 And I was a gardener. 278 00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:27,046 Very laid back. 279 00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:29,173 We were a hot match. 280 00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:33,094 The brainy politico and his humpy sidekick. 281 00:17:35,304 --> 00:17:36,597 We bought a van. 282 00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:38,224 Drove around Yosemite, 283 00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:39,100 Tahoe, 284 00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:42,103 down Highway One. 285 00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:46,190 He was my own professional homosexual. 286 00:17:46,524 --> 00:17:47,483 (chuckling) 287 00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:49,151 He used to lecture at schools, to the cops 288 00:17:49,485 --> 00:17:51,028 and before church groups. 289 00:17:51,362 --> 00:17:53,656 He got a job with a gay newspaper in San Francisco 290 00:17:55,283 --> 00:17:57,118 and I used to help him with the midnight deliveries 291 00:17:57,451 --> 00:17:58,369 and the mailing lists. 292 00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:03,749 It was an open relationship. 293 00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:06,502 We both slept around. 294 00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:08,963 Edward more than me. 295 00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:12,508 I always wanted something that would last. 296 00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:16,095 It's funny how no two lovers 297 00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:20,141 ever love each other the same. 298 00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:26,188 Well, it was good for seven years. 299 00:18:27,857 --> 00:18:31,110 Then the newspaper failed and politics went mainstream 300 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:32,695 and Edward's street methods 301 00:18:34,989 --> 00:18:35,781 just didn't fit in. 302 00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:38,159 Edward moved to Hawaii 303 00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,037 and then to Portland, Oregon. 304 00:18:43,164 --> 00:18:43,914 He was burned out. 305 00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:49,128 As for me, I kept the van 306 00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:52,089 and I drove around like a nomad 307 00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,676 until 1980, when I met Tom, 308 00:18:57,178 --> 00:18:58,679 who was vacationing from New York. 309 00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:03,643 We fell very conventionally in love 310 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,395 and I came East to give it a try. 311 00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:11,359 Tom is a successful executive consultant 312 00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:14,654 and he was a lot of fun until I got AIDS. 313 00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:18,407 I think that our relationship might have gotten 314 00:19:18,741 --> 00:19:20,242 through the usual problems, 315 00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:23,245 but the AIDS hysteria, 316 00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:27,333 the fear that he'd get it from me, 317 00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:31,295 the guilt that maybe I'd gotten it from him, 318 00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:38,260 just killed his love. 319 00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:44,850 So he gave me three thousand dollars in cash. 320 00:19:46,477 --> 00:19:48,979 I rented a room from my friend, Philip, 321 00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:50,314 and I sought treatment. 322 00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:53,984 New York is a hard place for sick people 323 00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:55,277 and if you've got AIDS, 324 00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:57,363 it's the pits. 325 00:19:58,739 --> 00:19:59,407 - He dropped you? 326 00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:05,162 Just like that? 327 00:20:05,496 --> 00:20:06,497 - Tom's not a strong person. 328 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,667 But there's Ellen. 329 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:10,751 She's a good friend. 330 00:20:11,836 --> 00:20:12,503 Neighbor. 331 00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:14,922 She brings me my mail 332 00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:16,882 and the flowers. 333 00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:20,553 I never really took to New York. 334 00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:23,723 And by the time I realized 335 00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,433 I shoulda gone back to California, 336 00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:29,603 I was too sick to pull off the change. 337 00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:31,564 - Edward? 338 00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:36,235 Does he know? 339 00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:45,077 - We wrote a few letters. 340 00:20:49,331 --> 00:20:52,501 He came to visit me six months ago, 341 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,839 when I had the first bout of pneumonia. 342 00:21:00,551 --> 00:21:01,886 But I was really out of it 343 00:21:04,138 --> 00:21:05,222 and I wasn't able to... 344 00:21:07,224 --> 00:21:09,435 To really talk to him. 345 00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:11,645 He came by everyday. 346 00:21:13,647 --> 00:21:17,860 I wished I had had the strength to talk to him then. 347 00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:21,947 He was really broke. 348 00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:28,704 And that trip took all he had on a lot of levels. 349 00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:34,043 I wish 350 00:21:35,002 --> 00:21:38,130 I coulda have bridged that time 351 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:41,175 that we had back then. 352 00:21:47,389 --> 00:21:48,474 But we didn't. 353 00:21:49,475 --> 00:21:51,519 (sobbing) 354 00:21:53,103 --> 00:21:54,271 That was my fault. 355 00:21:59,443 --> 00:22:01,028 - [Nurse] Mr. Bennett, 356 00:22:01,362 --> 00:22:02,238 I'm sorry to interrupt 357 00:22:02,571 --> 00:22:04,323 but it's time for Robert's medication now. 358 00:22:06,826 --> 00:22:08,285 - You don't wanna watch this. 359 00:22:10,621 --> 00:22:11,747 It's pretty grisly. 360 00:22:13,249 --> 00:22:14,166 "The treatment." 361 00:22:15,584 --> 00:22:17,336 - No, I can take it. 362 00:22:19,088 --> 00:22:19,755 - I know. 363 00:22:20,756 --> 00:22:21,549 I was just kidding. 364 00:22:24,468 --> 00:22:25,302 But it's the rules. 365 00:22:27,805 --> 00:22:29,515 - [Nurse] I'm sorry, Mr. Bennett, 366 00:22:29,849 --> 00:22:31,267 but those really are the rules. 367 00:22:33,435 --> 00:22:36,313 (somber beat music) 368 00:22:40,776 --> 00:22:42,820 - [Man] Come on, David, come on, David, yeah. 369 00:22:43,153 --> 00:22:45,614 All right, smooth move, David, that's it. 370 00:22:45,948 --> 00:22:48,367 All right, lose your breath, David. 371 00:22:48,701 --> 00:22:49,660 Go with your breath, come on. 372 00:22:49,994 --> 00:22:51,328 Follow through, all the way through, David. 373 00:22:51,662 --> 00:22:52,371 Yeah, that's it. 374 00:22:52,705 --> 00:22:53,622 Now bring it in. 375 00:22:53,956 --> 00:22:54,915 Don't close your eyes. 376 00:22:55,249 --> 00:22:56,292 Keep them open, come on. 377 00:22:56,625 --> 00:22:58,627 Yeah, just a little longer, good. 378 00:22:58,961 --> 00:22:59,962 All right. 379 00:23:00,296 --> 00:23:01,338 Yeah, keep those elbows in, David. 380 00:23:05,092 --> 00:23:06,844 - [David Voiceover] How can Robert just sit in that bed 381 00:23:07,177 --> 00:23:09,388 and tell me the intimate details of his life? 382 00:23:10,764 --> 00:23:13,267 Like it was some nostalgic trip down memory lane? 383 00:23:14,643 --> 00:23:16,645 No anger, no regret. 384 00:23:18,439 --> 00:23:19,899 All the time and energy wasted 385 00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:22,276 on his gay lib political dreams, 386 00:23:22,610 --> 00:23:23,402 the gay community, 387 00:23:24,695 --> 00:23:25,821 and what did it get him? 388 00:23:27,531 --> 00:23:28,449 Abandoned. 389 00:23:30,659 --> 00:23:32,286 And yet he's so cool and easy with it 390 00:23:32,620 --> 00:23:33,829 like he was telling me a story. 391 00:23:34,955 --> 00:23:38,292 (dramatic music) 392 00:23:38,626 --> 00:23:41,462 Edward, the great love of his life. 393 00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:45,382 It sounds so silly, and yet, when he said it I thought, 394 00:23:47,426 --> 00:23:49,136 "Am I the great love of Steve's life? 395 00:23:51,639 --> 00:23:52,264 "Is he mine?" 396 00:23:55,517 --> 00:23:56,393 - Jim? 397 00:23:57,686 --> 00:23:58,437 Am I a wimp? 398 00:24:00,147 --> 00:24:01,774 - [Jim] David, you're coming along 399 00:24:03,150 --> 00:24:04,485 but the problem is not in your body. 400 00:24:05,694 --> 00:24:07,237 Half the battle's in your mind. 401 00:24:08,572 --> 00:24:12,993 It's in your head. 402 00:24:16,205 --> 00:24:16,997 - [David Voiceover] I'm angry at Tom 403 00:24:17,331 --> 00:24:18,624 for not sticking by Robert 404 00:24:18,958 --> 00:24:21,460 and Edward for drifting out of his life. 405 00:24:21,794 --> 00:24:24,046 But more, I'm deeply angry with Robert himself 406 00:24:24,380 --> 00:24:26,423 for taking it all without a fight. 407 00:24:27,841 --> 00:24:29,843 For accepting the way that these men have treated him. 408 00:24:31,470 --> 00:24:33,681 Although, honestly, I don't know how I would've handled it. 409 00:24:34,848 --> 00:24:36,350 If Steve stopped caring, 410 00:24:38,978 --> 00:24:39,645 what would I do? 411 00:24:44,775 --> 00:24:47,820 (dramatic violin music) 412 00:24:57,246 --> 00:24:59,456 - These are the galley proofs for the AIDS Reader. 413 00:24:59,790 --> 00:25:00,541 See, these are almost finished. 414 00:25:00,874 --> 00:25:02,418 They're close to perfect 415 00:25:02,751 --> 00:25:04,503 and I've figured out a way to lay out this material 416 00:25:04,837 --> 00:25:06,463 so it'll be very simple to read. 417 00:25:07,798 --> 00:25:09,550 - Looks like a book set to go. 418 00:25:09,883 --> 00:25:10,676 - See, that's the difference 419 00:25:11,010 --> 00:25:13,012 between typesetting and word processing. 420 00:25:13,345 --> 00:25:14,513 It's camera ready. 421 00:25:14,847 --> 00:25:16,390 - You're really into this, aren't you? 422 00:25:16,724 --> 00:25:17,850 - Yeah, I like my job. 423 00:25:23,063 --> 00:25:26,066 - "AIDS is perhaps the harsh but real retribution 424 00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:29,695 "of a God too long neglected. 425 00:25:37,703 --> 00:25:41,498 "Nature's revenge on an unnatural minority's 426 00:25:41,832 --> 00:25:44,710 "arrogant disregard of her elemental law." 427 00:25:47,588 --> 00:25:49,006 What's in this book you're doing? 428 00:25:51,759 --> 00:25:54,511 - Well, it has all different points of view in it. 429 00:25:54,845 --> 00:25:57,598 - And this is whose point of view? 430 00:25:57,931 --> 00:26:00,184 - Lots of religious people view ages as a punishment 431 00:26:00,517 --> 00:26:03,979 sent from God to gays. 432 00:26:04,313 --> 00:26:06,023 (coughing) 433 00:26:06,356 --> 00:26:07,107 - Do people... 434 00:26:07,441 --> 00:26:08,942 (coughing) 435 00:26:09,276 --> 00:26:11,153 really think God wants me here? 436 00:26:11,487 --> 00:26:12,404 - [David] Robert, stop. 437 00:26:15,115 --> 00:26:18,702 - Isolates gays from everybody else! 438 00:26:19,036 --> 00:26:20,746 (coughing) 439 00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:22,039 Like we're expendable! 440 00:26:22,372 --> 00:26:24,166 - Robert, take a breath for Christ sakes! 441 00:26:24,500 --> 00:26:25,000 - It's like... 442 00:26:25,334 --> 00:26:26,418 (coughing) 443 00:26:26,752 --> 00:26:27,461 saying God... 444 00:26:27,795 --> 00:26:31,632 created the Nazis to keep the Jews in line. 445 00:26:31,965 --> 00:26:32,549 - Robert, take a breath. 446 00:26:32,883 --> 00:26:33,592 - Or all the black people... 447 00:26:33,926 --> 00:26:35,761 (coughing) 448 00:26:37,096 --> 00:26:38,138 - Robert, you're hurting yourself. 449 00:26:38,472 --> 00:26:40,307 - All the black people starving in Africa 450 00:26:40,641 --> 00:26:41,642 like it's their fault! 451 00:26:41,975 --> 00:26:43,936 - It's just a book, Robert, come on now. 452 00:26:44,269 --> 00:26:45,479 - So God created the virus 453 00:26:45,813 --> 00:26:48,607 to stop gay people from having sex?! 454 00:26:48,941 --> 00:26:49,608 - [David] Robert, just forget about the book. 455 00:26:49,942 --> 00:26:50,651 - To kill them! 456 00:26:50,984 --> 00:26:51,568 - Stop! 457 00:26:51,902 --> 00:26:53,529 - A cruel God is no God at all! 458 00:26:53,862 --> 00:26:54,488 - [David] Robert, lay back. 459 00:26:54,822 --> 00:26:56,156 Relax, relax. 460 00:26:56,490 --> 00:26:56,949 - [Robert] So stupid! 461 00:26:57,282 --> 00:26:58,492 - [David] Tale a breath. 462 00:26:58,826 --> 00:27:00,661 Come on, come on, come on. 463 00:27:00,994 --> 00:27:01,662 Relax. 464 00:27:01,995 --> 00:27:03,580 (Robert gasping) 465 00:27:03,914 --> 00:27:05,541 That's good, yeah. 466 00:27:05,874 --> 00:27:08,544 (Robert gasping) 467 00:27:15,425 --> 00:27:17,427 (thunder rumbling) 468 00:27:17,761 --> 00:27:18,554 - [David Voiceover] Once at a swimming pool, 469 00:27:18,887 --> 00:27:21,223 I saw a little girl almost drown 470 00:27:21,557 --> 00:27:23,517 and last year, at a restaurant, I watched helplessly 471 00:27:23,851 --> 00:27:25,936 as a man nearly chocked to death 472 00:27:26,270 --> 00:27:29,314 till someone struck him on the chest and saves his life. 473 00:27:29,648 --> 00:27:32,192 Both that girl and man wanted to catch their breaths 474 00:27:32,526 --> 00:27:34,194 but something about Robert scares me. 475 00:27:35,529 --> 00:27:37,322 He was more interested in shouting down 476 00:27:37,656 --> 00:27:39,158 that "God is revenge" quotation 477 00:27:39,491 --> 00:27:40,909 than regaining his own composure. 478 00:27:43,287 --> 00:27:46,039 What sort of a man could feel so personally attacked 479 00:27:46,373 --> 00:27:48,750 by the words on those galley sheets? 480 00:27:49,084 --> 00:27:51,628 I have never seen a response so inappropriate 481 00:27:52,921 --> 00:27:53,672 and, yet, so real. 482 00:27:55,632 --> 00:27:58,760 He seemed willing to literally die rather than shut up. 483 00:28:01,805 --> 00:28:03,849 I've never met a person like Robert Willow. 484 00:28:05,684 --> 00:28:08,145 He unnerves me. 485 00:28:08,478 --> 00:28:10,814 (phone ringing) 486 00:28:20,365 --> 00:28:23,160 (thunder rumbling) 487 00:28:26,246 --> 00:28:27,247 - Hello? 488 00:28:27,581 --> 00:28:30,083 - [Robert] David, it's Robert. 489 00:28:30,417 --> 00:28:32,711 I called to thank you for getting the nurse in time. 490 00:28:33,045 --> 00:28:34,796 - I'm sorry I brought the galley sheets in. 491 00:28:35,130 --> 00:28:38,175 If I thought they were going to upset you, I wouldn't have. 492 00:28:38,508 --> 00:28:39,009 - No, 493 00:28:39,968 --> 00:28:40,719 I wanna read them. 494 00:28:42,095 --> 00:28:43,013 It's just my way. 495 00:28:45,015 --> 00:28:47,434 I'm still trying to change things that are beyond me. 496 00:28:49,019 --> 00:28:51,563 I just get so angry thinking that some people 497 00:28:51,897 --> 00:28:53,774 thing God is like them. 498 00:28:55,901 --> 00:28:58,904 Anyway, thanks for not listening but for getting me help. 499 00:28:59,905 --> 00:29:00,864 - I'm glad I was there. 500 00:29:02,157 --> 00:29:03,951 - [Robert] But look, I need a favor. 501 00:29:04,993 --> 00:29:05,911 - What? 502 00:29:06,912 --> 00:29:08,830 - Well, my roommate Philip, 503 00:29:09,164 --> 00:29:11,667 he's been paying my share of the rent now for six months 504 00:29:12,918 --> 00:29:14,336 and he needs to rent my room. 505 00:29:16,755 --> 00:29:19,383 You know how expensive everything is in New York. 506 00:29:19,716 --> 00:29:20,259 - Yeah? 507 00:29:21,301 --> 00:29:22,552 So what do you want me to do? 508 00:29:24,388 --> 00:29:25,973 - Well, I was wondering 509 00:29:26,306 --> 00:29:28,350 if you could come to the hospital and get my keys 510 00:29:28,684 --> 00:29:33,188 and then go to my apartment and pick up my personal things. 511 00:29:34,106 --> 00:29:34,856 There's not a lot. 512 00:29:35,857 --> 00:29:37,484 But Philip needs the room empty. 513 00:29:38,860 --> 00:29:40,654 - Robert, where do you live? 514 00:29:40,988 --> 00:29:42,489 Can't he bring your things over? 515 00:29:43,490 --> 00:29:44,700 - On the Upper West side. 516 00:29:46,076 --> 00:29:47,369 West 76th Street. 517 00:29:49,538 --> 00:29:50,747 Look, David, 518 00:29:51,081 --> 00:29:51,748 Philip would do it 519 00:29:53,041 --> 00:29:55,377 but he's afraid to come to the hospital. 520 00:29:55,711 --> 00:29:57,546 He's probably gonna burn the keys when you leave them 521 00:29:57,879 --> 00:29:59,840 but he's done his best for six months. 522 00:30:00,966 --> 00:30:02,884 - Sure, Robert, I'll come over tomorrow. 523 00:30:03,927 --> 00:30:04,594 - Thanks. 524 00:30:06,013 --> 00:30:07,889 Philip works during the day, 525 00:30:08,223 --> 00:30:09,683 so you won't run into him. 526 00:30:10,017 --> 00:30:11,018 No scenes. 527 00:30:11,351 --> 00:30:12,894 - [David] Sure, Robert, it's really no hustle at all. 528 00:30:15,272 --> 00:30:16,857 - Thanks. 529 00:30:17,190 --> 00:30:18,900 Goodnight. 530 00:30:19,234 --> 00:30:23,989 - Goodnight. 531 00:31:11,078 --> 00:31:13,705 (somber music) 532 00:32:05,132 --> 00:32:06,883 - [Robert Voiceover] "Dear Edward, 533 00:32:07,217 --> 00:32:09,344 "I don't know if I'll even mail this letter to you 534 00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:12,222 "but it seems like I've got AIDS. 535 00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:15,600 "All the tests point to it. 536 00:32:15,934 --> 00:32:18,019 "My funds are evaporating 537 00:32:18,353 --> 00:32:20,439 "and the first signs of this phenolemia have hit. 538 00:32:21,606 --> 00:32:23,024 "Travel seems impossible. 539 00:32:24,151 --> 00:32:27,028 "Tom has gone to pieces with the news 540 00:32:27,362 --> 00:32:30,282 "and I feel cut off an utterly alone accept for Ellen, 541 00:32:30,615 --> 00:32:31,950 "who visits and calls." 542 00:32:33,243 --> 00:32:36,037 (dramatic music) 543 00:32:44,171 --> 00:32:44,838 "Dear Bobby, 544 00:32:46,214 --> 00:32:48,967 "I got the horrible news from Ellen who wrote me a note. 545 00:32:50,343 --> 00:32:53,305 "I've seen a lot of old friends taken ill and now you, 546 00:32:53,638 --> 00:32:54,764 "the sweetest man. 547 00:32:56,183 --> 00:32:57,851 "And I thought I'd run out of tears. 548 00:32:58,185 --> 00:32:58,894 "I haven't. 549 00:33:00,061 --> 00:33:01,354 "I'll try to get to you. 550 00:33:01,688 --> 00:33:02,939 "As always, money is a problem. 551 00:33:04,357 --> 00:33:05,609 "There are people here in Portland 552 00:33:05,942 --> 00:33:07,486 "who are trying megavitamin therapy 553 00:33:07,819 --> 00:33:08,945 "on the holistic approach. 554 00:33:11,239 --> 00:33:13,992 "But Ellen indicated things in New York are scattered. 555 00:33:15,118 --> 00:33:16,995 "I suppose everyone is scurrying around, 556 00:33:17,329 --> 00:33:19,789 "looking for something to make it go away. 557 00:33:20,123 --> 00:33:22,501 "I won't bore you but until the Federal Government 558 00:33:22,834 --> 00:33:24,211 "really allocates to dollars, 559 00:33:24,544 --> 00:33:26,796 "you and the rest will be left to erratically funded 560 00:33:27,130 --> 00:33:29,883 "local scenes and the kindness of friends and strangers. 561 00:33:31,301 --> 00:33:33,970 "A collective effort is needed but I doubt it will happen. 562 00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:36,473 "Love, Edward. 563 00:33:38,266 --> 00:33:39,184 "PS, 564 00:33:40,602 --> 00:33:43,230 "I think my dad will give me some of the cash to visit. 565 00:33:43,563 --> 00:33:45,732 "The AIDS issue finally got through to him." 566 00:33:46,942 --> 00:33:49,402 (phone ringing) 567 00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:00,705 - [Answering Machine] Hi, this is Philip. 568 00:34:01,039 --> 00:34:02,958 If you're calling about the room for rent, 569 00:34:03,291 --> 00:34:05,001 and, yes, it's still open, 570 00:34:05,335 --> 00:34:08,213 please leave your name and number so I can get back to you. 571 00:34:08,547 --> 00:34:10,298 I'll be in after 6 PM 572 00:34:10,632 --> 00:34:12,968 and we can arrange a time for you to see it. 573 00:34:13,301 --> 00:34:14,302 If you're calling for me, 574 00:34:14,636 --> 00:34:16,471 I'll be at my job number till five. 575 00:34:16,805 --> 00:34:17,639 206 576 00:34:17,973 --> 00:34:18,974 0309. 577 00:34:20,058 --> 00:34:21,268 Bye, for now. 578 00:34:21,601 --> 00:34:22,894 Wait for the beep before speaking 579 00:34:23,228 --> 00:34:24,271 and talk as long as you like. 580 00:34:26,147 --> 00:34:28,149 (pleasant violin music) 581 00:34:28,483 --> 00:34:31,361 (film reel clicking) 582 00:34:48,253 --> 00:34:48,962 - Where was this? 583 00:34:50,338 --> 00:34:52,299 - This was in San Francisco at Land's End. 584 00:34:53,758 --> 00:34:55,260 Edward and I were clowning around. 585 00:34:56,303 --> 00:34:58,555 Oh God, what a time. 586 00:35:00,682 --> 00:35:03,310 Edward borrowed one of those Kodak cameras. 587 00:35:03,643 --> 00:35:05,020 You could run it on automatic. 588 00:35:06,354 --> 00:35:08,898 - [David] Was that a nude beach or what? 589 00:35:09,232 --> 00:35:09,774 - Not really. 590 00:35:11,276 --> 00:35:12,277 Some people went nude. 591 00:35:13,653 --> 00:35:16,489 And there was a lot of action in those bushes. 592 00:35:16,823 --> 00:35:19,159 You could sun or fun or both. 593 00:35:24,247 --> 00:35:24,914 - Robert? 594 00:35:26,916 --> 00:35:28,043 Can I ask you something? 595 00:35:30,211 --> 00:35:31,338 If you could be healthy, 596 00:35:33,923 --> 00:35:35,216 I mean completely healthy, 597 00:35:37,385 --> 00:35:38,053 for one day, 598 00:35:41,431 --> 00:35:42,182 what would you do? 599 00:35:43,683 --> 00:35:45,060 - No strings? 600 00:35:45,393 --> 00:35:47,479 Just 24 hours, like magic? 601 00:35:47,812 --> 00:35:48,647 - A day, yeah. 602 00:35:51,107 --> 00:35:51,858 What would you do? 603 00:35:55,445 --> 00:35:56,529 - Well, I'd be with Edward. 604 00:35:58,073 --> 00:36:00,241 Not in the past, like in the movie. 605 00:36:02,202 --> 00:36:04,454 But here, in New York City, 606 00:36:06,706 --> 00:36:07,707 but we'd be lovers 607 00:36:09,417 --> 00:36:11,211 and we'd get it one because there's no one I've ever had 608 00:36:11,544 --> 00:36:12,504 who was as hot as Edward. 609 00:36:15,048 --> 00:36:17,717 This, of course, is a purely personal preference. 610 00:36:18,843 --> 00:36:20,303 But we'd be together. 611 00:36:20,637 --> 00:36:22,389 Breakfast, shower, 612 00:36:23,890 --> 00:36:25,392 then go out for a walk. 613 00:36:25,725 --> 00:36:26,267 Central Park. 614 00:36:29,688 --> 00:36:31,731 Okay but this is a little weird 615 00:36:33,358 --> 00:36:35,568 but at an offbeat time, like at two o'clock, 616 00:36:37,278 --> 00:36:40,949 I'd take the People's Express and I'd fly to Washington D.C. 617 00:36:42,283 --> 00:36:45,203 And I'd have a two by four and a magic marker 618 00:36:45,537 --> 00:36:46,287 and a piece of cardboard 619 00:36:48,415 --> 00:36:51,042 and I'd be a one man picket outside the White House. 620 00:36:52,293 --> 00:36:54,212 Just a jester, you know? 621 00:36:54,546 --> 00:36:55,338 Very Don Quixote. 622 00:36:56,673 --> 00:36:59,300 And I'd write something on the cardboard like, 623 00:36:59,634 --> 00:37:02,595 "America, AIDS is not a gay disease. 624 00:37:03,763 --> 00:37:04,723 "It hurts everybody. 625 00:37:06,182 --> 00:37:09,185 "Release all the money for research and care." 626 00:37:11,146 --> 00:37:12,272 Then I'd go back to New York 627 00:37:13,606 --> 00:37:14,649 and I'd be with Edward. 628 00:37:16,192 --> 00:37:17,360 We'd have a great dinner, 629 00:37:18,445 --> 00:37:21,364 hit a couple of piano bars for a few songs 630 00:37:23,491 --> 00:37:26,911 and then go home and fuck our brains out. 631 00:37:35,545 --> 00:37:37,213 "My Healthy Day" by Robert Willow. 632 00:37:39,966 --> 00:37:44,763 Crazy, huh? 633 00:37:45,096 --> 00:37:45,722 - I just wondered. 634 00:37:47,515 --> 00:37:48,391 - What would you do? 635 00:37:50,185 --> 00:37:50,935 - What do you mean? 636 00:37:52,187 --> 00:37:53,897 - Well, you are healthy 637 00:37:54,230 --> 00:37:55,023 and you've got Steve. 638 00:37:56,357 --> 00:37:58,109 What would you do with the day? 639 00:37:58,443 --> 00:37:59,194 - We live together. 640 00:37:59,527 --> 00:38:00,487 I'm not-- 641 00:38:00,820 --> 00:38:02,322 - Another below the belt question? 642 00:38:02,655 --> 00:38:03,698 - Yeah. 643 00:38:04,032 --> 00:38:06,034 Your questions always seem to come out of left field... 644 00:38:07,327 --> 00:38:07,994 To me. 645 00:38:09,579 --> 00:38:12,791 Steve and I go to the movies and we visit friends. 646 00:38:14,125 --> 00:38:15,668 We entertain at home. 647 00:38:16,002 --> 00:38:17,587 Once and awhile we go out dancing. 648 00:38:22,967 --> 00:38:23,718 We sleep together. 649 00:38:26,471 --> 00:38:27,096 - Is he hot? 650 00:38:28,973 --> 00:38:29,599 - Yes. 651 00:38:31,100 --> 00:38:32,310 To me. 652 00:38:32,644 --> 00:38:35,939 I mean, this of course is a purely personal preference. 653 00:38:36,272 --> 00:38:38,024 - How hot? 654 00:38:38,358 --> 00:38:39,734 What are the juicy details? 655 00:38:40,068 --> 00:38:40,610 - Hot is... 656 00:38:44,864 --> 00:38:46,533 Hot. 657 00:38:46,866 --> 00:38:47,367 - Oh. 658 00:38:48,493 --> 00:38:49,410 I know. 659 00:38:50,453 --> 00:38:52,413 I just wanted to hear you say the words. 660 00:38:52,747 --> 00:38:54,833 (laughing) 661 00:38:56,668 --> 00:38:59,629 (film reel clicking) 662 00:39:02,757 --> 00:39:03,591 - [Man] Good night, David. 663 00:39:03,925 --> 00:39:05,176 - [David] Goodnight. 664 00:39:05,510 --> 00:39:07,428 - [Man] I left those chapter headings right on top of 665 00:39:08,429 --> 00:39:10,223 the consult. 666 00:39:10,557 --> 00:39:10,974 - [David] Right. 667 00:39:11,307 --> 00:39:11,766 - [Man] Okay? 668 00:39:12,100 --> 00:39:12,642 - [David] Okay. 669 00:39:14,018 --> 00:39:15,228 - [David Voiceover] Government projections, 670 00:39:15,562 --> 00:39:17,355 and these are the most conservative figures, 671 00:39:17,689 --> 00:39:19,816 estimate that by 1988 there could be 672 00:39:20,149 --> 00:39:23,695 30 thousand cases of AIDS in the United Sates alone 673 00:39:24,028 --> 00:39:25,905 and if unchecked by a preventative vaccine 674 00:39:26,239 --> 00:39:29,158 and/or antiviral cure, the number by 1990 675 00:39:29,492 --> 00:39:31,411 might reach 100 thousand cases. 676 00:39:31,744 --> 00:39:32,662 Although in America, 677 00:39:32,996 --> 00:39:35,540 AIDS has struck mainly homosexual males. 678 00:39:35,874 --> 00:39:38,042 The thousands of heterosexual couples in Africa 679 00:39:38,376 --> 00:39:40,545 who have the illness may cruelly shortsighted 680 00:39:40,879 --> 00:39:44,132 the initial perception that AIDS is a gay disease. 681 00:39:44,465 --> 00:39:47,010 The growing number of cases among needle drug users, 682 00:39:47,343 --> 00:39:49,262 women, children and the newly born 683 00:39:49,596 --> 00:39:52,432 present the medical and governmental establishment 684 00:39:52,765 --> 00:39:54,267 with the test of their ability to solve 685 00:39:54,601 --> 00:39:57,937 a truly national problem with international ramifications. 686 00:39:59,314 --> 00:40:01,858 The immediate threat to America's blood supply, 687 00:40:02,191 --> 00:40:04,777 the plasma industry and the thousands of hemophiliacs 688 00:40:05,111 --> 00:40:07,780 who depend most immediately on the purity and availability 689 00:40:08,114 --> 00:40:11,618 of transfusions is forebodingly clear. 690 00:40:15,705 --> 00:40:17,790 (sighing) 691 00:40:22,503 --> 00:40:25,340 (computer beeping) 692 00:40:25,673 --> 00:40:28,343 (dramatic music) 693 00:40:46,152 --> 00:40:49,197 (somber violin music) 694 00:41:49,132 --> 00:41:51,175 (huffing) 695 00:41:56,139 --> 00:41:58,182 (moaning) 696 00:42:17,910 --> 00:42:20,121 (groaning) 697 00:42:43,436 --> 00:42:45,521 (somber violin music) 698 00:42:45,855 --> 00:42:46,939 - [Steve] Goodnight, David. 699 00:42:47,273 --> 00:42:52,028 - Goodnight, babe. 700 00:42:52,695 --> 00:42:54,822 (dramatic music) 701 00:43:30,358 --> 00:43:33,653 (pleasant violin music) 702 00:43:59,554 --> 00:44:01,973 (waves crashing) 703 00:44:40,887 --> 00:44:44,765 - Okay, today we're bringing you a special program. 704 00:44:45,099 --> 00:44:45,975 - I hate television. 705 00:44:46,309 --> 00:44:47,727 - There's a lot of good stuff on. 706 00:44:48,060 --> 00:44:50,730 Don't you like TV's bloopers, bleeps and blunders? 707 00:44:51,063 --> 00:44:52,023 (chuckling) 708 00:44:52,356 --> 00:44:53,441 Anyway, this isn't regular television. 709 00:44:53,774 --> 00:44:55,610 It's a special installation. 710 00:44:55,943 --> 00:44:57,486 - Where'd you get the VCR? 711 00:44:57,820 --> 00:44:58,779 - From home. 712 00:44:59,113 --> 00:44:59,822 It's mine and Steve's, we bought it last year. 713 00:45:00,156 --> 00:45:01,407 It's great. 714 00:45:01,741 --> 00:45:03,534 You can watch whatever you want when you want to. 715 00:45:03,868 --> 00:45:04,744 - I've read the ads. 716 00:45:05,828 --> 00:45:06,704 - Okay. 717 00:45:07,038 --> 00:45:07,830 Here you go. 718 00:45:08,831 --> 00:45:10,041 You're in to politics? 719 00:45:16,797 --> 00:45:19,217 Well go for it. 720 00:45:19,550 --> 00:45:22,970 (people chanting on television) 721 00:45:23,304 --> 00:45:23,888 - [Robert] Gay Day? 722 00:45:24,222 --> 00:45:25,139 - [David] Uh huh. 723 00:45:25,473 --> 00:45:25,932 - [Robert] This year? 724 00:45:26,265 --> 00:45:27,308 - [David] Uh huh. 725 00:45:27,642 --> 00:45:28,684 - [Robert] Where'd you get it? 726 00:45:29,018 --> 00:45:30,436 - [David] There's this gay cable show here in Manhattan 727 00:45:30,770 --> 00:45:32,813 and they do like national coverage. 728 00:45:33,147 --> 00:45:34,106 I'd figure you'd like it. 729 00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:36,150 Lesbians and gays coast to coast. 730 00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:38,736 - Did you march? 731 00:45:39,070 --> 00:45:39,695 - No, I'm not into it. 732 00:45:40,947 --> 00:45:42,823 - Haven't you ever been to one? 733 00:45:43,157 --> 00:45:44,825 - A few years ago I went with Steve. 734 00:45:45,159 --> 00:45:45,618 It was tacky. 735 00:45:45,952 --> 00:45:46,744 A freak show. 736 00:45:48,037 --> 00:45:48,955 - But Gay Day is great. 737 00:45:50,122 --> 00:45:52,166 Just look at all those people. 738 00:45:52,500 --> 00:45:55,628 Most of the year passing for straight, then wham, 739 00:45:55,962 --> 00:45:56,963 they're out! 740 00:45:57,296 --> 00:45:59,966 The world has to see them, has to deal with them. 741 00:46:00,299 --> 00:46:01,968 - Why should I want the world to see me? 742 00:46:03,094 --> 00:46:04,220 - Well it beats hiding. 743 00:46:06,055 --> 00:46:07,306 - I don't hide 744 00:46:07,640 --> 00:46:08,891 but I don't have to tell everyone in all the world 745 00:46:09,225 --> 00:46:10,393 everyday that I like guys. 746 00:46:10,726 --> 00:46:11,894 It's my private business. 747 00:46:13,020 --> 00:46:15,648 - I wasn't trying to tell you what to do. 748 00:46:15,982 --> 00:46:18,401 David, I just thought that coming out 749 00:46:18,734 --> 00:46:20,111 was something everyone longed for. 750 00:46:21,404 --> 00:46:22,822 You know, a chance to be yourself 751 00:46:23,155 --> 00:46:25,157 without worrying who's watching or what they're thinking. 752 00:46:25,491 --> 00:46:27,702 - Look, Robert, I don't feel it the way you do. 753 00:46:28,035 --> 00:46:29,662 I'm not against the parade, I'm glad it happens. 754 00:46:29,996 --> 00:46:32,581 It just doesn't have this deep of meaning for me. 755 00:46:32,915 --> 00:46:34,792 - Well, to me it stands for not letting the world 756 00:46:35,126 --> 00:46:35,960 say that I'm not here. 757 00:46:37,586 --> 00:46:39,213 That there's only supposed to be straight people, 758 00:46:39,547 --> 00:46:40,840 straight love, straight pain. 759 00:46:41,173 --> 00:46:42,925 - Yeah, but why cut yourself off with the gay label? 760 00:46:43,259 --> 00:46:45,511 Why separate yourself from everybody else? 761 00:46:46,762 --> 00:46:50,099 - I only feel separated when I have to lie 762 00:46:50,433 --> 00:46:53,811 and say that I'm straight when I'm really gay. 763 00:46:55,521 --> 00:46:58,232 Do you think that if straight senators 764 00:46:58,566 --> 00:47:00,735 and their straight sons had AIDS 765 00:47:01,068 --> 00:47:03,821 that all that money that's being held up in Washington, 766 00:47:04,155 --> 00:47:05,698 and I read this in your... 767 00:47:06,032 --> 00:47:08,117 Those galley sheets you brought in, 768 00:47:08,451 --> 00:47:11,412 that all that money would be taking so long to come down 769 00:47:11,746 --> 00:47:15,750 to research and hospices here in New York City 770 00:47:16,083 --> 00:47:20,129 with the most dead and the most cases and me, 771 00:47:20,463 --> 00:47:23,758 I'm just a number in a pile here in the Big Apple. 772 00:47:24,091 --> 00:47:25,551 There's not even an AIDS clinic. 773 00:47:25,885 --> 00:47:26,802 - Robert, take it easy. 774 00:47:27,136 --> 00:47:29,263 - Here in New York City it's an epidemic 775 00:47:29,597 --> 00:47:31,766 and I was lost 776 00:47:32,099 --> 00:47:34,310 until that gay crisis group took me in. 777 00:47:34,643 --> 00:47:37,313 No money from the state or the city. 778 00:47:37,646 --> 00:47:39,065 No bucks from Washington. 779 00:47:39,398 --> 00:47:40,858 But just some gay people 780 00:47:41,192 --> 00:47:43,319 and their straight friends who volunteer, 781 00:47:48,032 --> 00:47:48,699 like you. 782 00:47:51,035 --> 00:47:55,915 (marching band music on television) 783 00:47:56,707 --> 00:47:57,958 - As a homosexual, 784 00:47:58,292 --> 00:47:59,251 as relating to women, 785 00:48:00,795 --> 00:48:02,838 sex in terms of the clothes they wear in stuff, 786 00:48:03,172 --> 00:48:05,633 there's also a political feminine behind it. 787 00:48:05,966 --> 00:48:07,468 I mean, I feel a victim of sexism 788 00:48:07,802 --> 00:48:12,098 and I think to understand what I victimized about, 789 00:48:12,431 --> 00:48:14,350 I had to understand what sex is all about. 790 00:48:14,683 --> 00:48:18,270 This helps me feel androgynous or hermaphrodite. 791 00:48:18,604 --> 00:48:21,732 I mean, it makes me feel like a whole person 792 00:48:22,066 --> 00:48:24,610 instead of just half a person. 793 00:48:24,944 --> 00:48:26,737 - So, 794 00:48:27,071 --> 00:48:27,863 this parade, 795 00:48:29,532 --> 00:48:31,992 this tacky, once a year freak show, 796 00:48:33,202 --> 00:48:35,955 is my one chance to feel connected 797 00:48:37,081 --> 00:48:38,499 because they're not all just gay people 798 00:48:38,833 --> 00:48:40,251 marching in that crowd. 799 00:48:40,584 --> 00:48:42,628 There's a lot of straight people, 800 00:48:42,962 --> 00:48:45,131 parents and grandparents, 801 00:48:47,133 --> 00:48:48,342 and in that sense, 802 00:48:49,635 --> 00:48:50,344 in that moment, 803 00:48:52,388 --> 00:48:57,268 then we are all just people and the gay label vanishes 804 00:48:58,602 --> 00:49:00,271 because we're together 805 00:49:00,604 --> 00:49:02,731 without having to deny the differences. 806 00:49:04,150 --> 00:49:07,069 That's why the whole damn thing is so important to me. 807 00:49:10,030 --> 00:49:10,906 Besides, 808 00:49:12,366 --> 00:49:15,453 everybody oughta have a chance to make a little noise, 809 00:49:15,786 --> 00:49:17,288 raise a little hell once and awhile. 810 00:49:20,416 --> 00:49:24,211 God, how I hate it in here when it's quiet. 811 00:49:26,255 --> 00:49:27,089 Sometimes I think this is 812 00:49:27,423 --> 00:49:29,300 the quietest place in the whole world. 813 00:49:33,137 --> 00:49:33,929 Some nights, 814 00:49:35,264 --> 00:49:37,099 I lie here in this bed, 815 00:49:40,269 --> 00:49:40,936 all I can hear 816 00:49:42,855 --> 00:49:45,566 is the sound of my own blood 817 00:49:47,776 --> 00:49:50,488 running around inside me. 818 00:49:54,158 --> 00:49:57,745 The other night, 819 00:49:58,078 --> 00:50:00,080 I masterbated. 820 00:50:03,542 --> 00:50:04,418 - Well, that's good. 821 00:50:06,128 --> 00:50:10,049 - It was terrible. 822 00:50:10,382 --> 00:50:13,886 I jerked off. 823 00:50:14,220 --> 00:50:16,597 Well, everything worked out, 824 00:50:16,931 --> 00:50:19,141 I hadn't fallen apart yet. 825 00:50:23,062 --> 00:50:24,688 My cock came 826 00:50:26,857 --> 00:50:27,525 but I didn't. 827 00:50:32,196 --> 00:50:33,280 I didn't feel it. 828 00:50:37,368 --> 00:50:41,038 There's more to sex than an orgasm grabbed in the dark. 829 00:50:45,793 --> 00:50:48,003 I started alone and I finished alone. 830 00:50:52,591 --> 00:50:54,802 - Robert, you're under such stress. 831 00:50:57,263 --> 00:50:57,888 - David, 832 00:50:58,889 --> 00:51:02,017 I don't wanna die. 833 00:51:02,351 --> 00:51:05,479 I wanna live. 834 00:51:05,813 --> 00:51:10,568 But I don't think I'm gonna make it. 835 00:51:11,527 --> 00:51:16,073 I'm never gonna get out of here. 836 00:51:17,157 --> 00:51:22,037 I don't wanna die. 837 00:51:23,289 --> 00:51:26,709 (marching band music on television) 838 00:51:43,350 --> 00:51:46,186 (boat horn blowing) 839 00:51:56,739 --> 00:51:58,073 - [David Voiceover] I started out in the buddy thing 840 00:51:58,407 --> 00:51:59,575 with reservations. 841 00:52:00,659 --> 00:52:02,077 I didn't even like Robert. 842 00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:03,871 I almost quit. 843 00:52:05,289 --> 00:52:07,541 And now I'm hopelessly lost in his world. 844 00:52:09,168 --> 00:52:13,213 That room and all his dreams and hopes and memories. 845 00:52:15,007 --> 00:52:16,175 I've gotten too close to him. 846 00:52:17,843 --> 00:52:20,095 And my big try to be objective and to tell the truth 847 00:52:20,429 --> 00:52:21,930 in this journal is a farce. 848 00:52:24,975 --> 00:52:25,976 I don't know where I stand 849 00:52:26,310 --> 00:52:28,062 on half the things he's been raving about. 850 00:52:29,438 --> 00:52:32,066 I felt superior to him at the start. 851 00:52:32,399 --> 00:52:33,317 All his old, tired ideas. 852 00:52:34,652 --> 00:52:39,406 But some of what he says sounds right. 853 00:52:39,740 --> 00:52:42,076 Where is the help going to come from? 854 00:52:44,203 --> 00:52:44,870 The government? 855 00:52:46,872 --> 00:52:47,790 Charities? 856 00:52:49,833 --> 00:52:50,459 The people? 857 00:52:54,338 --> 00:52:58,634 All I know is that I want Robert to live. 858 00:52:58,967 --> 00:53:02,012 I wanna call some doctor up in France or Japan or Atlanta 859 00:53:02,346 --> 00:53:05,974 and say, "Send some of those drugs you're trying out! 860 00:53:06,308 --> 00:53:06,975 "Save Robert! 861 00:53:08,143 --> 00:53:09,269 "Give him back his life! 862 00:53:10,646 --> 00:53:13,774 "Let him go marching in every Gay Day parade there is. 863 00:53:15,317 --> 00:53:16,485 "Let him be a gardener again. 864 00:53:18,278 --> 00:53:19,905 "Just let him out of that room." 865 00:53:21,281 --> 00:53:23,701 And in a flash I'm swept up in his fear of dying. 866 00:53:25,661 --> 00:53:27,121 I've never thought about dying 867 00:53:27,454 --> 00:53:30,124 and now I'm getting attached to a guy who is going to die. 868 00:53:33,377 --> 00:53:35,129 I hate writing it. 869 00:53:35,462 --> 00:53:37,214 I despise even thinking it. 870 00:53:37,548 --> 00:53:39,842 Like saying it makes it so. 871 00:53:40,175 --> 00:53:42,511 Like spilling out the words that Robert will die 872 00:53:44,722 --> 00:53:46,598 is me writing his death certificate. 873 00:53:52,563 --> 00:53:53,731 - [Steve] Did he like the cable show? 874 00:53:54,064 --> 00:53:55,149 Parade footage? 875 00:53:55,482 --> 00:53:56,942 - We sorta had a fight over it. 876 00:53:58,360 --> 00:53:59,695 - [Steve] You should bring him some of those porno tapes. 877 00:54:00,028 --> 00:54:01,029 Less controversy. 878 00:54:01,363 --> 00:54:02,573 - Actually, that's all I do most of the time 879 00:54:02,906 --> 00:54:03,741 is argue with him. 880 00:54:05,367 --> 00:54:07,202 - [Steve] Well, that's okay, at least it's not dull. 881 00:54:07,536 --> 00:54:08,287 - It's all wrong. 882 00:54:10,038 --> 00:54:11,123 - [Steve] David, it's pretty clear you've gotten 883 00:54:11,457 --> 00:54:12,249 very close to Robert. 884 00:54:15,085 --> 00:54:16,253 You know, David, the only difference between 885 00:54:16,587 --> 00:54:18,881 the guys you fantasize about sometimes when we have sex 886 00:54:19,214 --> 00:54:22,176 and the guy I fantasize about sometimes when we have sex 887 00:54:22,509 --> 00:54:24,428 is that I know the guy that you're thinking about. 888 00:54:28,474 --> 00:54:29,391 - Who? 889 00:54:30,559 --> 00:54:31,602 - Oh, come on. 890 00:54:31,935 --> 00:54:32,561 Robert, of course. 891 00:54:37,816 --> 00:54:39,318 - And what do you fantasize about? 892 00:54:41,528 --> 00:54:45,365 - Well, if you're very good and step into the shower 893 00:54:45,699 --> 00:54:47,242 I may tell you. 894 00:54:47,576 --> 00:54:50,954 (somber beat radio music) 895 00:55:07,054 --> 00:55:09,640 (birds chirping) 896 00:55:09,973 --> 00:55:13,393 (somber music on television) 897 00:55:15,646 --> 00:55:18,148 - I remember when this came out. 898 00:55:18,482 --> 00:55:19,066 It was years ago. 899 00:55:20,484 --> 00:55:21,360 You seen it? 900 00:55:21,693 --> 00:55:23,111 - A few times, at home, with Steve. 901 00:55:24,488 --> 00:55:26,198 - Why'd you pick it? 902 00:55:26,532 --> 00:55:28,408 - Because it's about San Francisco. 903 00:55:28,742 --> 00:55:29,535 I thought you'd enjoy it. 904 00:55:30,911 --> 00:55:32,162 If you want, I could always take it home 905 00:55:32,496 --> 00:55:34,206 and bring back "The Boys of Baltimore." 906 00:55:35,457 --> 00:55:36,041 (laughing) 907 00:55:36,375 --> 00:55:36,917 - This is fine. 908 00:55:39,211 --> 00:55:40,921 Although, it's weird having you here. 909 00:55:43,382 --> 00:55:44,550 - [David] I'll leave if you want. 910 00:55:44,883 --> 00:55:46,677 - No, stay. 911 00:55:47,010 --> 00:55:49,388 You can explain the parts that I don't understand. 912 00:55:50,848 --> 00:55:52,808 - So, you admit there are some things about gay life 913 00:55:53,141 --> 00:55:54,393 that you don't understand. 914 00:55:54,726 --> 00:55:56,436 (laughing) 915 00:55:56,770 --> 00:56:00,357 (pleasant music on television) 916 00:56:58,999 --> 00:57:02,210 (dramatic violin music) 917 00:57:12,137 --> 00:57:14,222 (moaning) 918 00:57:40,916 --> 00:57:43,001 (moaning) 919 00:58:11,780 --> 00:58:15,575 (pleasant music on television) 920 00:58:30,674 --> 00:58:32,509 - [Jim] Yeah, come on Davy, come on. 921 00:58:32,843 --> 00:58:33,427 Yeah. 922 00:58:33,760 --> 00:58:34,928 65. 923 00:58:35,262 --> 00:58:35,721 Good. 924 00:58:36,054 --> 00:58:36,513 66. 925 00:58:36,847 --> 00:58:37,556 - How am I doing? 926 00:58:37,889 --> 00:58:38,682 - Great, 67. 927 00:58:40,058 --> 00:58:40,767 Right, champ. 928 00:58:41,101 --> 00:58:41,560 68. 929 00:58:41,893 --> 00:58:42,728 - Look, wide open. 930 00:58:43,061 --> 00:58:43,687 - Shut up. 931 00:58:44,021 --> 00:58:44,563 69. 932 00:58:45,814 --> 00:58:46,732 Breathe with it, come on. 933 00:58:47,733 --> 00:58:48,859 70, yeah. 934 00:58:49,192 --> 00:58:50,861 - Did anyone ever tell you 935 00:58:51,194 --> 00:58:52,320 that you have beautiful... 936 00:58:53,739 --> 00:58:54,406 eyes. 937 00:58:55,782 --> 00:58:56,992 - Yeah, 71. 938 00:58:57,325 --> 00:58:59,619 Ever since I got muscles when I was 15. 939 00:58:59,953 --> 00:59:00,662 (laughing) 940 00:59:00,996 --> 00:59:01,997 72. 941 00:59:02,330 --> 00:59:03,123 Good. 942 00:59:03,457 --> 00:59:04,416 73. 943 00:59:04,750 --> 00:59:06,710 I also have a lovely personality, you know? 944 00:59:07,044 --> 00:59:07,794 74. 945 00:59:08,128 --> 00:59:10,088 Last one, come on, yeah. 946 00:59:10,422 --> 00:59:10,964 75. 947 00:59:12,674 --> 00:59:13,884 So how is he doing? 948 00:59:14,217 --> 00:59:15,343 You seem in great spirits. 949 00:59:16,970 --> 00:59:18,096 - He's on new pills. 950 00:59:20,932 --> 00:59:21,600 It's crazy. 951 00:59:23,852 --> 00:59:25,729 But I think Robert's over the worst. 952 00:59:27,606 --> 00:59:28,607 He seems a lot better. 953 00:59:29,816 --> 00:59:31,109 I mean, who knows, 954 00:59:32,736 --> 00:59:34,196 but he looks like he could hold his own 955 00:59:34,529 --> 00:59:36,490 and slide through the summer. 956 00:59:36,823 --> 00:59:39,159 (phone ringing) 957 00:59:51,129 --> 00:59:51,838 Hello? 958 00:59:52,172 --> 00:59:53,673 - [Woman] Is this David Bennett? 959 00:59:54,007 --> 00:59:55,008 - Yes. 960 00:59:55,342 --> 00:59:57,052 - [Woman] I'm Silvia Douglas with the Long Island Chronical. 961 00:59:58,095 --> 00:59:59,554 - What can I do for you? 962 00:59:59,888 --> 01:00:01,264 - [Silvia] Well, I wanna do an article about your work. 963 01:00:01,598 --> 01:00:03,475 You know, your experience being a buddy. 964 01:00:05,435 --> 01:00:06,686 - You what? 965 01:00:07,020 --> 01:00:08,522 - [Silvia] Ideally, an interview is what I had in mind 966 01:00:08,855 --> 01:00:10,482 with you about that AIDS problem. 967 01:00:10,816 --> 01:00:12,359 You know, what you do as a buddy, 968 01:00:12,692 --> 01:00:14,569 I wanna know about your clients, stuff like that. 969 01:00:14,903 --> 01:00:16,613 - Listen, how did you get my name and number? 970 01:00:17,989 --> 01:00:19,366 I don't wanna give you an interview. 971 01:00:19,699 --> 01:00:21,118 What I'm doing is private, it's a personal thing, 972 01:00:21,451 --> 01:00:22,494 and I don't wanna help you sell papers 973 01:00:22,828 --> 01:00:24,830 with the pain of a guy who I-- 974 01:00:25,163 --> 01:00:27,749 - [Silvia] Listen, we've been trying to publish 975 01:00:28,083 --> 01:00:31,503 the most accurate information we can about AIDS. 976 01:00:31,837 --> 01:00:33,213 - Look, Miss Douglas, 977 01:00:33,547 --> 01:00:34,548 I don't wanna be abrupt, 978 01:00:35,966 --> 01:00:38,510 but I'm gonna hang up with some civility right now 979 01:00:38,844 --> 01:00:40,720 and I wish you wouldn't call me up again. 980 01:00:41,763 --> 01:00:42,639 Goodbye. 981 01:00:47,269 --> 01:00:49,187 An article in a newspaper. 982 01:00:49,521 --> 01:00:50,438 An interview. 983 01:00:50,772 --> 01:00:52,023 It's ghoulish. 984 01:00:52,357 --> 01:00:53,733 - [Robert] Why? 985 01:00:54,067 --> 01:00:55,944 - Because you're sick and your pain belongs to you. 986 01:00:56,278 --> 01:00:59,072 It's not something to sell newspapers with. 987 01:00:59,406 --> 01:01:01,533 It's like those TEAD reporters at fires asking mothers 988 01:01:01,867 --> 01:01:03,952 what they feel with a burnt kid in their arms. 989 01:01:05,287 --> 01:01:06,580 - I think you should do it. 990 01:01:07,873 --> 01:01:09,166 You can use my name. 991 01:01:09,499 --> 01:01:10,625 - Robert, I don't wanna do it. 992 01:01:11,960 --> 01:01:15,172 - You don't have to use your own name. 993 01:01:15,505 --> 01:01:18,717 Nobody would know. 994 01:01:22,971 --> 01:01:23,638 - Is that it? 995 01:01:24,973 --> 01:01:25,932 You think I'm hiding, 996 01:01:27,517 --> 01:01:30,520 that I'm ashamed to say in public, in print. 997 01:01:30,854 --> 01:01:31,980 - No, David. 998 01:01:34,232 --> 01:01:35,984 I just thought it might help someone. 999 01:01:38,278 --> 01:01:40,447 You never know who reads those things. 1000 01:01:41,781 --> 01:01:43,200 It's like your aids book. 1001 01:01:44,868 --> 01:01:45,744 It'll help. 1002 01:01:46,995 --> 01:01:47,829 It has to. 1003 01:01:50,332 --> 01:01:51,583 - You never stop, do you? 1004 01:01:54,336 --> 01:01:55,086 - Look, David, 1005 01:01:56,880 --> 01:01:58,381 I know I'm losing it. 1006 01:02:00,133 --> 01:02:04,387 I can barely remember half the things I wanna say 1007 01:02:06,473 --> 01:02:08,642 but I'm thinking clearly now 1008 01:02:08,975 --> 01:02:11,603 and I think you oughta do it. 1009 01:02:11,937 --> 01:02:12,729 - For gay lib? 1010 01:02:17,525 --> 01:02:18,193 - No. 1011 01:02:20,904 --> 01:02:21,863 Do it for me. 1012 01:02:25,784 --> 01:02:26,910 - Always below the belt. 1013 01:02:30,580 --> 01:02:32,123 There's never been anyone like you. 1014 01:02:34,834 --> 01:02:36,962 - You can use one of my old pictures. 1015 01:02:40,966 --> 01:02:42,092 The one at the beach. 1016 01:02:43,551 --> 01:02:45,637 - So how's it gonna help? 1017 01:02:45,971 --> 01:02:46,513 Tell me. 1018 01:02:47,931 --> 01:02:49,307 - I don't know exactly. 1019 01:02:51,017 --> 01:02:55,105 Maybe somebody reads it and becomes more careful sexually. 1020 01:02:56,856 --> 01:02:58,900 That knocks down their chances of getting it. 1021 01:03:01,027 --> 01:03:02,320 Or somebody reads it 1022 01:03:03,697 --> 01:03:05,991 and sends money to one of those gay centers. 1023 01:03:08,076 --> 01:03:11,997 Or they get angry and they write a letter to the mayor 1024 01:03:12,330 --> 01:03:14,541 and asks why more isn't being done. 1025 01:03:17,085 --> 01:03:17,836 - You're hopeless. 1026 01:03:19,045 --> 01:03:20,672 You haven't learned a thing. 1027 01:03:21,006 --> 01:03:22,966 You're still back there preaching on your soup box, 1028 01:03:23,300 --> 01:03:25,010 thinking that you can change the world. 1029 01:03:26,511 --> 01:03:28,805 - I can't change anything, David. 1030 01:03:31,433 --> 01:03:33,226 I can barely make it to the toilet. 1031 01:03:35,061 --> 01:03:37,439 - Do you wanna write down what I should say? 1032 01:03:37,772 --> 01:03:38,732 I mean, if I'm gonna do this thing, 1033 01:03:39,065 --> 01:03:41,735 I want it to be absolutely politically correct. 1034 01:03:46,114 --> 01:03:46,781 - No. 1035 01:03:49,075 --> 01:03:51,286 Just be honest. 1036 01:03:53,038 --> 01:03:54,956 Just tell the truth. 1037 01:04:05,008 --> 01:04:06,718 - So you want some more cassettes? 1038 01:04:07,052 --> 01:04:08,970 Steve bought some more cassettes yesterday. 1039 01:04:10,722 --> 01:04:13,183 - Well, an orderly came in yesterday. 1040 01:04:14,559 --> 01:04:17,854 Caught me watching "The Bigger The Better" 1041 01:04:20,857 --> 01:04:22,567 and it looks like my VCR 1042 01:04:23,985 --> 01:04:26,905 and my growing stash of X-rated classics 1043 01:04:27,989 --> 01:04:30,325 has to go. 1044 01:04:30,658 --> 01:04:31,368 - Can they do that? 1045 01:04:33,078 --> 01:04:33,953 - It's already done. 1046 01:04:35,163 --> 01:04:35,747 - Well I'll talk to them. 1047 01:04:36,081 --> 01:04:36,623 - No. 1048 01:04:38,333 --> 01:04:39,000 Don't. 1049 01:04:40,460 --> 01:04:41,127 At this point, 1050 01:04:42,796 --> 01:04:46,508 it's best I appear to be the most cooperative patient. 1051 01:04:48,968 --> 01:04:50,804 I don't wanna wear out my welcome. 1052 01:04:54,974 --> 01:04:55,892 - What? 1053 01:04:57,769 --> 01:04:59,771 - Thanks for agreeing to do the interview. 1054 01:05:01,564 --> 01:05:03,024 - What's a buddy for anyway? 1055 01:05:11,783 --> 01:05:12,992 - [Silvia] I never used to use these 1056 01:05:13,326 --> 01:05:14,953 but frankly it gets everything 1057 01:05:15,286 --> 01:05:16,913 so I don't have to take notes. 1058 01:05:18,206 --> 01:05:20,500 Okay, Dave, just begin at the beginning 1059 01:05:20,834 --> 01:05:23,044 and try to tell me about being a buddy. 1060 01:05:23,378 --> 01:05:25,588 You know, how you got into it. 1061 01:05:25,922 --> 01:05:29,050 Why you got into it, what it's like, what he's like. 1062 01:05:29,384 --> 01:05:31,302 And I guess we could start with his name. 1063 01:05:36,683 --> 01:05:37,350 - His name... 1064 01:05:44,566 --> 01:05:45,358 is Robert Willow. 1065 01:05:51,573 --> 01:05:52,907 He's 32. 1066 01:06:00,707 --> 01:06:01,916 He was born in San Diego. 1067 01:06:13,094 --> 01:06:15,138 I was assigned to him by chance. 1068 01:06:22,061 --> 01:06:22,729 I mean, 1069 01:06:24,022 --> 01:06:24,898 I volunteered 1070 01:06:29,736 --> 01:06:31,988 and we got put in with each other by the center. 1071 01:06:41,623 --> 01:06:43,041 Robert's had AIDS for a year 1072 01:06:49,672 --> 01:06:52,967 and we've been buddies for three months. 1073 01:07:03,770 --> 01:07:06,523 (printer clicking) 1074 01:07:20,161 --> 01:07:22,664 (phone ringing) 1075 01:07:43,685 --> 01:07:45,061 Hello? 1076 01:07:45,395 --> 01:07:47,397 - [Mom] David, I went to the news stand this morning. 1077 01:07:47,730 --> 01:07:50,441 I was the first one there, I bought five copies. 1078 01:07:50,775 --> 01:07:51,943 David, it's beautiful. 1079 01:07:52,277 --> 01:07:53,778 I read it to your dad this morning. 1080 01:07:54,112 --> 01:07:55,071 - Mom, it's seven o'clock. 1081 01:07:55,405 --> 01:07:56,614 - [Mom] I never knew you could say things 1082 01:07:56,948 --> 01:07:58,533 like you did in that article. 1083 01:07:58,866 --> 01:08:00,535 Robert seems like a wonderful man. 1084 01:08:00,868 --> 01:08:01,995 - He is, mom. 1085 01:08:02,328 --> 01:08:03,538 Did they use the picture? 1086 01:08:03,871 --> 01:08:04,622 - [Mom] You haven't seen it? 1087 01:08:04,956 --> 01:08:05,915 - Mom, I just woke up. 1088 01:08:06,249 --> 01:08:06,958 - [Mom] It's a full page 1089 01:08:07,292 --> 01:08:09,419 with a picture of Robert at the beach. 1090 01:08:09,752 --> 01:08:10,795 He is so handsome. 1091 01:08:12,171 --> 01:08:14,173 But it's what you said about people. 1092 01:08:14,507 --> 01:08:16,259 Wait, I have it right here. 1093 01:08:16,593 --> 01:08:18,553 "People have to feel the pain and anguish 1094 01:08:18,886 --> 01:08:20,555 "like it was happening to them 1095 01:08:20,888 --> 01:08:22,682 "so when a person comes down with AIDS 1096 01:08:23,016 --> 01:08:24,767 "we are all taken a little sick. 1097 01:08:25,101 --> 01:08:26,644 "Straight or gay, it doesn't matter." 1098 01:08:28,021 --> 01:08:29,689 And the middle part, that's my favorite. 1099 01:08:30,023 --> 01:08:31,899 Where you said, here it is, here. 1100 01:08:32,233 --> 01:08:34,152 "In the beginning, I thought being a buddy 1101 01:08:34,485 --> 01:08:36,487 "was a way for me to help Robert 1102 01:08:36,821 --> 01:08:39,157 "and now I know that he helps me to feel and grow 1103 01:08:40,408 --> 01:08:41,326 "faith, even death." 1104 01:08:43,411 --> 01:08:44,829 David, I am so proud of you. 1105 01:08:46,748 --> 01:08:49,250 - Ma, do they print the name of the center? 1106 01:08:49,584 --> 01:08:51,544 - [Mom] Yes and a box at the end with the address 1107 01:08:51,878 --> 01:08:52,920 for people to send money. 1108 01:08:54,297 --> 01:08:56,633 There's one part I didn't completely understand. 1109 01:08:56,966 --> 01:08:58,468 - I don't remember what I said. 1110 01:08:58,801 --> 01:09:01,012 - [Mom] You said, "God has not sent AIDS down 1111 01:09:01,346 --> 01:09:04,474 "to punish people gay and straight who are sick 1112 01:09:04,807 --> 01:09:07,185 "because if God did that, then God wouldn't be God." 1113 01:09:08,561 --> 01:09:09,312 What did you mean? 1114 01:09:10,647 --> 01:09:11,397 - It's early, mom, 1115 01:09:12,899 --> 01:09:14,067 I didn't think the interview would print that. 1116 01:09:14,400 --> 01:09:15,693 It something that Robert says. 1117 01:09:17,737 --> 01:09:21,240 That a lot of people imagine that God is just like they are. 1118 01:09:21,574 --> 01:09:23,034 You know, a big copy of themselves. 1119 01:09:24,369 --> 01:09:27,121 Well, Robert says that a cruel God ain’t no God at all. 1120 01:09:28,498 --> 01:09:30,041 - [Mom] Well, philosophy aside, 1121 01:09:30,375 --> 01:09:31,542 it's still a wonderful article 1122 01:09:31,876 --> 01:09:33,503 and you should go out and get copies for Steve 1123 01:09:33,836 --> 01:09:35,213 and take one over to Robert. 1124 01:09:35,546 --> 01:09:36,339 It'll make his day. 1125 01:09:36,673 --> 01:09:37,799 - Okay, mom. 1126 01:09:38,132 --> 01:09:39,133 Thanks for the call. 1127 01:09:39,467 --> 01:09:41,135 - [Mom] You and Steve are coming for dinner next Sunday. 1128 01:09:41,469 --> 01:09:42,178 You sister's gonna be here. 1129 01:09:42,512 --> 01:09:44,847 - Right, Sunday at five, we'll be there. 1130 01:09:45,181 --> 01:09:46,099 Bye, bye. 1131 01:09:46,432 --> 01:09:47,308 - [Mom] Goodbye, dear. 1132 01:09:53,398 --> 01:09:54,691 - [PA Announcer] Dr. Weinstein to ER. 1133 01:09:55,024 --> 01:09:56,401 Dr. Weinstein to ER. 1134 01:09:59,737 --> 01:10:03,741 (distant police sirens alarming) 1135 01:10:18,548 --> 01:10:20,550 EKG to ER. 1136 01:10:20,883 --> 01:10:22,176 EKG to ER. 1137 01:10:31,436 --> 01:10:34,939 Dr. Dilman, please call extension 451. 1138 01:10:35,273 --> 01:10:37,692 Dr. Dilman, extension 451. 1139 01:10:46,826 --> 01:10:48,327 (bed creaking) 1140 01:10:48,661 --> 01:10:51,289 Dr. Dilman, please call extension 451. 1141 01:10:51,622 --> 01:10:53,207 Dr. Dilman, 451. 1142 01:10:57,837 --> 01:10:58,755 - [Nurse] Mr. Bennett, 1143 01:11:00,214 --> 01:11:01,883 I'm sorry you had to find out this way. 1144 01:11:04,051 --> 01:11:07,889 Robert died early this morning in his sleep. 1145 01:11:09,474 --> 01:11:11,309 About 4:30. 1146 01:11:12,435 --> 01:11:13,603 It didn't get on the computer yet 1147 01:11:13,936 --> 01:11:15,271 and there's a new girl on the front desk 1148 01:11:15,605 --> 01:11:16,939 and she didn't recognize you. 1149 01:11:20,610 --> 01:11:22,779 I'll be out at the front desk if you need me. 1150 01:11:23,112 --> 01:11:25,072 Stay as long as you like. 1151 01:11:34,040 --> 01:11:37,251 (dramatic piano music) 1152 01:12:26,425 --> 01:12:29,428 (phone dial tone buzzing) 1153 01:12:29,762 --> 01:12:32,640 (phone dial beeping) 1154 01:12:43,818 --> 01:12:44,861 - [Steve] David? 1155 01:12:45,194 --> 01:12:45,736 - Yeah, Steve. 1156 01:12:47,154 --> 01:12:48,072 - [Steve] I know. 1157 01:12:48,406 --> 01:12:49,949 The center just called. 1158 01:12:50,283 --> 01:12:51,200 - The center? 1159 01:12:51,534 --> 01:12:53,244 - [Steve] Well the hospital called them. 1160 01:12:53,578 --> 01:12:54,579 They called here. 1161 01:12:54,912 --> 01:12:57,582 Everyone's been just missing you. 1162 01:12:57,915 --> 01:12:59,292 Where are you? 1163 01:12:59,625 --> 01:13:01,919 You okay? 1164 01:13:02,253 --> 01:13:05,590 - I'm near the park. 1165 01:13:05,923 --> 01:13:10,678 I'm okay. 1166 01:13:12,138 --> 01:13:13,681 (sniffling) 1167 01:13:14,015 --> 01:13:17,935 No, I'm not okay. 1168 01:13:18,269 --> 01:13:20,605 - [Steve] Come on home. 1169 01:13:20,938 --> 01:13:22,857 - I'll be in later tonight. 1170 01:13:24,692 --> 01:13:25,943 - [Steve] David, you did all you could. 1171 01:13:26,277 --> 01:13:27,361 - I know, Steve. 1172 01:13:31,616 --> 01:13:32,450 It just hurts. 1173 01:13:37,663 --> 01:13:38,456 I love him. 1174 01:13:39,999 --> 01:13:42,335 I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. 1175 01:13:48,507 --> 01:13:49,926 I miss him. 1176 01:13:50,259 --> 01:13:51,302 - [Steve] I know. 1177 01:13:51,636 --> 01:13:52,428 Come on home. 1178 01:13:54,513 --> 01:13:58,351 - I'll be in by seven o'clock tonight, okay? 1179 01:13:58,684 --> 01:13:59,852 - [Steve] Okay, I'll see you then. 1180 01:14:00,186 --> 01:14:01,145 And call the center. 1181 01:14:01,479 --> 01:14:02,521 They sounded pretty set on you calling in. 1182 01:14:02,855 --> 01:14:05,316 - Right. 1183 01:14:05,650 --> 01:14:10,404 - [Steve] Bye. 1184 01:14:14,450 --> 01:14:17,578 (phone dial tone buzzing) 1185 01:14:17,912 --> 01:14:20,748 (phone dial beeping) 1186 01:14:25,252 --> 01:14:26,837 - [Lynn] Lynn Alison speaking. 1187 01:14:27,171 --> 01:14:29,173 - Hi, Lynn, it's David. 1188 01:14:29,507 --> 01:14:31,217 - [Lynn] David, they told me. 1189 01:14:31,550 --> 01:14:33,177 The hospital called. 1190 01:14:33,511 --> 01:14:34,929 What a terrible way to find out. 1191 01:14:35,262 --> 01:14:37,264 Come on over, we should talk. 1192 01:14:37,598 --> 01:14:40,935 - I'll be in by 10 o'clock tomorrow morning, okay? 1193 01:14:41,268 --> 01:14:44,063 - [Lynn] Are you thinking of dropping out of the program? 1194 01:14:44,397 --> 01:14:46,357 - Lynn, don't ask me any questions right now 1195 01:14:46,691 --> 01:14:50,736 about being a buddy or the program. 1196 01:14:51,070 --> 01:14:54,448 I'm just gonna have to handle this. 1197 01:14:54,782 --> 01:14:57,827 There's something that I have to do. 1198 01:14:58,160 --> 01:15:00,538 (dramatic music) 1199 01:15:38,200 --> 01:15:41,495 (dramatic violin music) 1200 01:16:35,674 --> 01:16:38,719 (dramatic violin music) 1201 01:17:25,141 --> 01:17:28,227 (somber piano music) 83655

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