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1
00:00:03,795 --> 00:00:06,465
(printer buzzing)
2
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:21,146
(dramatic violin music)
3
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,383
- [PA Announcer] Dr. Crest,
please call the operator.
4
00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:16,470
Dr. Crest, please call
the operator.
5
00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:20,140
(dramatic music)
6
00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:56,760
- Who the fuck are you?
7
00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:59,721
(muffled speaking)
8
00:03:02,933 --> 00:03:06,228
I'm sorry, I don't pick
up that channel.
9
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,230
Wanna try it again?
10
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:19,700
- I said,
11
00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:22,577
my name is David Bennett.
12
00:03:25,664 --> 00:03:26,331
I'm your buddy
13
00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:29,334
from the Gay Center.
14
00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:41,972
- Have a seat.
15
00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:46,184
Say,
16
00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:50,480
they really got you dolled up for
your grand entrance.
17
00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:56,903
- Well, they said I should wear
this to be on the safe side.
18
00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:03,160
Shouldn't I?
19
00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:05,245
- Well, you know what they say.
20
00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:08,999
If they give you lined paper,
write the other way.
21
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:13,336
- Well I did feel sorta silly
getting into this.
22
00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:20,802
But I've never done this
sorta thing before.
23
00:04:21,136 --> 00:04:23,430
- You volunteered, didn't you?
24
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:24,806
- [David] Yeah.
25
00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:27,309
- Why?
26
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:30,187
- I don't know, really.
27
00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,775
I mean, I'm gay but
that's not big thing.
28
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,404
I don't have any friends
who have AIDs.
29
00:04:40,906 --> 00:04:41,823
My lover, Steve,
30
00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:45,118
he's had two friends who've--
31
00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:46,870
- Died.
32
00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:50,999
You can say it.
33
00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:52,959
I won't break up.
34
00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:01,843
- [David] I didn't know
what to bring you.
35
00:05:03,845 --> 00:05:05,096
It was just an impulse.
36
00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:07,641
- Oh, wow, I love these.
37
00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:09,851
A great impulse.
38
00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:14,898
Mmmm.
39
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,236
So what did make you
volunteer to by my buddy?
40
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:21,905
Fate?
41
00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:23,031
- No.
42
00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:25,242
I guess it's because of a book.
43
00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:27,661
- Oh God, you're not a gay writer.
44
00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:28,912
- No.
45
00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:30,455
I'm a typesetter.
46
00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:31,331
Freelance.
47
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,167
- Well,
48
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:35,877
word processing is where it's at.
49
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:38,630
- I'm not a word processor.
50
00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:40,340
I'm a typesetter.
51
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:41,758
It's really quiet different.
52
00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:45,428
See, I'm setting the
type for this book
53
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:48,390
called "The AIDS Reader" and
it includes articles
54
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:51,434
on how the HTLV-III virus
was discovered,
55
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,311
the quarantine laws in England,
56
00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:55,397
confidentiality in
the blood tests,
57
00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:58,149
life and death
statistical projections.
58
00:05:58,483 --> 00:05:59,734
Plus, first person accounts,
59
00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:01,319
like guys getting fired
because of AIDS
60
00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:03,989
and getting kicked out of
their apartments.
61
00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:06,449
They have this one piece
on being a buddy.
62
00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:07,951
Well, I have flexible hours,
63
00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:10,370
so I called the gay group
and I volunteered.
64
00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:14,457
(somber music)
65
00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:42,861
(upbeat radio music)
66
00:06:44,696 --> 00:06:46,823
- [Man] So he fell asleep on you,
just like that?
67
00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:48,366
- Uh huh.
68
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:51,286
- [Man] You must've been telling
him all about typesetting.
69
00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:52,621
- I was.
70
00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:54,372
But he's on a lot of medication.
71
00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:57,042
I think he was just tired.
72
00:06:58,293 --> 00:06:59,711
- [Man] What's he like?
73
00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:00,712
- He seems okay.
74
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:02,797
Intelligent.
75
00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:05,800
We're both a little nervous.
76
00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:07,427
Me especially.
77
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,012
- [Man] Sorry you signed up?
78
00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:15,518
- Well, he's not what I expected.
79
00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:16,436
- [Man] Which was what?
80
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:19,689
- Which was someone who was
gonna need real help.
81
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:23,443
I don't even know what I'm
supposed to do for him.
82
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:28,573
Guess I imagined an AIDS patient
was gonna be more serious.
83
00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:32,327
- [Man] Better he's up than down.
84
00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:33,411
- Yeah, I know.
85
00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:35,372
I guess it's just the first
time kinks, huh?
86
00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:38,458
- [Man] I gotta go, I'll
see you tonight?
87
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:39,584
- Okay.
88
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:43,630
(somber radio music)
89
00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:08,863
- [David Voiceover] I've
decided to keep a record
90
00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:10,407
of my visits with Robert.
91
00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:13,410
A record of my real
feelings about him
92
00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:15,453
and me being his buddy.
93
00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:17,706
Because I've already started to do
94
00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:19,416
what I always do with Steve,
95
00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:22,293
my friends and myself.
96
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:26,548
Fixing up what I really think so
it sounds acceptable.
97
00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:31,136
I'm gonna try and write the
truth in this journal.
98
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:36,474
First, I don't think I even
like Robert Willow.
99
00:08:37,809 --> 00:08:39,853
His smug attitude, his smirky,
little,
100
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:41,521
"If they give you lined paper,
101
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,606
"write the other way," bullshit.
102
00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:48,319
Secondly, I think Steve has
already heard in my voice
103
00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:51,031
that part of me is sorry for
having volunteered.
104
00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,909
I feel sappy about trying to help.
105
00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:58,329
I think I'm doing it to
make me feel good.
106
00:09:00,415 --> 00:09:02,000
I don't have the guts to back out,
107
00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:05,086
to explain it to Robert or explain
it to Lynn at the center.
108
00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:08,882
So I'm gonna give it a try.
109
00:09:11,843 --> 00:09:14,012
- [Robert] Sorry I fell asleep
on you the other day.
110
00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:15,346
- [David] No problem.
111
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:16,473
How's this taste?
112
00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:20,602
- [Robert] I hate carrots.
113
00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:24,230
- [David] When did they
put the IVs in?
114
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,066
- This morning, early.
115
00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:30,278
But it's just for today, I guess.
116
00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:31,613
A new antibiotic.
117
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:35,492
It hurts to move my arms
with the needles.
118
00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:38,870
I feel weird.
119
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,707
You're feeding me and I
don't even know you.
120
00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:45,085
- Well, my name is David Bennett.
121
00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:47,504
I'm 25.
122
00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:49,172
I was born in New York City.
123
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:50,298
- Not that stuff.
124
00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:52,675
Like, who are you?
125
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:56,471
- Why don't you ask what
you wanna know?
126
00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:01,559
- When did you know you were gay?
127
00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:06,564
Too personal, huh?
128
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:08,691
- Yeah.
129
00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:12,070
I mean, I never
thought about that.
130
00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:15,240
What a weird question to ask.
131
00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:16,699
- I think it's basic.
132
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,160
A person's real identity.
133
00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:23,289
Sex is the part that
makes you in or out,
134
00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:24,958
hot or cold.
135
00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:27,752
You know, where you passion is.
136
00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:31,756
It's not everything but it's a big
piece of the puzzle.
137
00:10:32,757 --> 00:10:34,509
- When did you know?
138
00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:35,677
- When I was nine.
139
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:38,680
I had a crush on this older guy
140
00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:41,933
that used to wash our windows
and water our lawn
141
00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:42,934
in San Diego.
142
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,728
La Jolla, where I was born.
143
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,482
God, he was tall
144
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,819
and he used to walk
around in his shorts
145
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,112
like he owned the world.
146
00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:56,656
That's when I knew.
147
00:10:58,283 --> 00:10:58,908
What about you?
148
00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:00,618
- Well,
149
00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:03,496
I was 16 when I
realized that girls
150
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,582
really weren't gonna do it for me.
151
00:11:06,749 --> 00:11:08,293
I knew inside that I like guys
152
00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:12,755
and then in my senior year I
met Craig Cartwright
153
00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:17,302
and he was my own age and
from Staten Island
154
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:18,761
and I knew then for sure
155
00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:21,723
but it was no big thing.
156
00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:24,267
I mean, I told my parents
157
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:26,978
and they had an inkling about me
all along and that was it.
158
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:31,149
Craig, he went by the
boards pretty quickly
159
00:11:31,482 --> 00:11:33,568
but I started dating guys
until I met Steve.
160
00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:36,821
- Your parents sound cool.
161
00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:42,660
Mine disowned me when I told
them back in 1971.
162
00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:46,831
It was like one of
those silent films
163
00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:49,667
where the father throws the kid
out into the storm.
164
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,254
Except for with me, it was
California sunshine.
165
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:56,883
I don't want anymore.
166
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,510
- No, now the nurse said you're
supposed to finish this,
167
00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:00,386
I mean all of it.
168
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:03,348
- Did you bring anymore Reese's?
169
00:12:03,681 --> 00:12:04,766
- No.
170
00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:07,602
Now, come on and try some of
this very tasty...
171
00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:12,732
Well, you try it and let me
know what it is.
172
00:12:20,657 --> 00:12:22,242
- Shredded hospital rat.
173
00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:31,584
Steve and you tight?
174
00:12:33,044 --> 00:12:34,671
- We've been together
for five years.
175
00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:35,922
Since I was 20.
176
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:39,759
- And you love him?
177
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,719
I mean, you're still in
love with him?
178
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:45,932
Still too personal?
179
00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:50,645
- Steve doesn't even ask me
questions like that.
180
00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:54,023
- So?
181
00:12:54,357 --> 00:12:56,109
That's because he
knows the answer.
182
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,027
I retract the question.
183
00:12:58,361 --> 00:13:00,071
- No, no, I mean, it's just
that I'm not used
184
00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:01,864
to being asked about my
private life.
185
00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:05,743
I love Steve.
186
00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:08,830
He's been there so long
187
00:13:09,163 --> 00:13:10,873
that I don't think about him
very consciously.
188
00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:14,085
We're very different.
189
00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:19,132
I am security oriented and
he's more outgoing.
190
00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:22,468
But we're still in love.
191
00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:24,929
- How can you tell?
192
00:13:27,598 --> 00:13:30,184
Is it still sexy after five years?
193
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:31,853
- You've got a one-track mind.
194
00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:37,525
In the beginning, Steve liked to
have sex more than I did.
195
00:13:37,859 --> 00:13:38,776
But then I sorta caught up.
196
00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:44,824
I know what you're thinking.
197
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:47,994
- What?
198
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,874
- Except for when we
first became lovers,
199
00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:54,042
I've had two affairs.
200
00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:56,878
One with Steve's best friend,
201
00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:59,172
but since that, that's
four years ago,
202
00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:00,715
I've been faithful to Steve.
203
00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:04,260
As far as I know, he's been
exclusively mine.
204
00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:08,473
What?
205
00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:11,309
- That's what I was gonna ask.
206
00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:13,811
(chuckling)
207
00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:18,566
- [Woman] What do you mean,
disowned him?
208
00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:21,027
- Mom, when they found out he
was gay that was it.
209
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:22,195
They cut him off.
210
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:23,696
- [Mom] But he's sick.
211
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:24,781
Maybe dying.
212
00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:26,741
What sort of people could--
213
00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:29,911
- Mom, it's not like everybody
has the same values.
214
00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:32,121
- [Mom] A child is your child,
no matter what.
215
00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:35,041
Maybe you should get their
address and drive them?
216
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:36,959
- Mom, Robert's a grown man.
217
00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:38,503
- [Mom] Well, you're his buddy.
218
00:14:38,836 --> 00:14:39,921
Maybe you should just do it.
219
00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:42,256
Write them a letter,
set up a reunion.
220
00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:44,842
- Fly them to New York,
orchestra seats
221
00:14:45,176 --> 00:14:47,553
and then off to the hospital for a
big reconciliation?
222
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,138
- [Mom] Don't get sarcastic.
223
00:14:49,472 --> 00:14:50,306
You know what I mean.
224
00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:53,810
- Mom, if there were gonna come
225
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:55,019
they would've done it by now.
226
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,272
All parents are not
like you and Dad.
227
00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:00,983
- [Mom] Does he need anything?
228
00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:02,693
Does he have a lover?
229
00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:04,112
- I don't know.
230
00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:05,988
So far, I've talked
more about myself
231
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:07,698
than he has told me about him.
232
00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:11,869
- [Mom] How bad is it, the AIDS?
233
00:15:12,203 --> 00:15:14,872
- He's had pneumonia two times in
the last nine months.
234
00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:16,040
He's pretty weak.
235
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,419
- [Mom] Well your father and I are
very proud of you, David,
236
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,337
volunteering and all.
237
00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:23,965
If there's anything we can do,
let me know.
238
00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:24,924
Give my best to Steve.
239
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:26,968
- Okay.
240
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,011
I love you.
241
00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:30,471
- [Mom] I love you too, dear.
242
00:15:30,805 --> 00:15:31,514
- Bye, bye.
243
00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:33,391
- [Mom] Bye.
244
00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:36,144
(dramatic music)
245
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,444
- [David Voiceover] Seeing
Robert helpless,
246
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:47,697
in pain and trying not to show it,
made me feel foolish.
247
00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:51,993
I'm glad I decided to stay
with this buddy thing.
248
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:56,289
Suddenly my parents and Steve
seem very special.
249
00:15:58,124 --> 00:16:00,084
And Robert, with his
service optimism,
250
00:16:00,418 --> 00:16:02,044
has piqued my curiosity.
251
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,465
What's he like when I'm not there?
252
00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:10,303
What was he like before acquired
immunodeficiency syndrome?
253
00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:13,764
I hate writing the words
254
00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:17,560
and I wanna know how
sick he really is.
255
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,690
At the center they said he
is going to die,
256
00:16:23,691 --> 00:16:25,026
that there are no miracles,
257
00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:27,236
that I should encourage him
258
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:29,489
but not get too
emotionally close to him.
259
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,575
That I must keep an
objective distance
260
00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:34,869
or else I may not be
able to help him.
261
00:16:36,204 --> 00:16:38,873
It's clear that if I'm going to
be Robert's buddy,
262
00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:41,250
I'm gonna have to do more
than just show up.
263
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:45,713
I'm gonna have to listen.
264
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,050
- And my mom,
265
00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:51,177
she couldn't understand your
parents kicking you out.
266
00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:54,430
- Looking back,
267
00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:56,682
it was terrible.
268
00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:01,020
But at the time I fell
right into the world
269
00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:02,897
of dawning gay liberation,
270
00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:05,107
in Edward's arms.
271
00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:08,736
Edward's the great
love of my life.
272
00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:13,491
His two favorite things are
getting it on outdoors
273
00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:15,284
and politics.
274
00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:16,994
Gay rights, gay community,
275
00:17:17,328 --> 00:17:18,704
marching, demonstrating.
276
00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:22,833
Edward was so intellectual.
277
00:17:24,335 --> 00:17:25,920
And I was a gardener.
278
00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:27,046
Very laid back.
279
00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:29,173
We were a hot match.
280
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:33,094
The brainy politico and his
humpy sidekick.
281
00:17:35,304 --> 00:17:36,597
We bought a van.
282
00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:38,224
Drove around Yosemite,
283
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:39,100
Tahoe,
284
00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:42,103
down Highway One.
285
00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:46,190
He was my own
professional homosexual.
286
00:17:46,524 --> 00:17:47,483
(chuckling)
287
00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:49,151
He used to lecture at schools,
to the cops
288
00:17:49,485 --> 00:17:51,028
and before church groups.
289
00:17:51,362 --> 00:17:53,656
He got a job with a gay
newspaper in San Francisco
290
00:17:55,283 --> 00:17:57,118
and I used to help him with the
midnight deliveries
291
00:17:57,451 --> 00:17:58,369
and the mailing lists.
292
00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:03,749
It was an open relationship.
293
00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:06,502
We both slept around.
294
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:08,963
Edward more than me.
295
00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:12,508
I always wanted something
that would last.
296
00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:16,095
It's funny how no two lovers
297
00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:20,141
ever love each other the same.
298
00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:26,188
Well, it was good for seven years.
299
00:18:27,857 --> 00:18:31,110
Then the newspaper failed and
politics went mainstream
300
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:32,695
and Edward's street methods
301
00:18:34,989 --> 00:18:35,781
just didn't fit in.
302
00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:38,159
Edward moved to Hawaii
303
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,037
and then to Portland, Oregon.
304
00:18:43,164 --> 00:18:43,914
He was burned out.
305
00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:49,128
As for me, I kept the van
306
00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:52,089
and I drove around like a nomad
307
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,676
until 1980, when I met Tom,
308
00:18:57,178 --> 00:18:58,679
who was vacationing from New York.
309
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:03,643
We fell very
conventionally in love
310
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,395
and I came East to give it a try.
311
00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:11,359
Tom is a successful
executive consultant
312
00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:14,654
and he was a lot of fun
until I got AIDS.
313
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:18,407
I think that our relationship
might have gotten
314
00:19:18,741 --> 00:19:20,242
through the usual problems,
315
00:19:22,036 --> 00:19:23,245
but the AIDS hysteria,
316
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:27,333
the fear that he'd get it from me,
317
00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:31,295
the guilt that maybe I'd
gotten it from him,
318
00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:38,260
just killed his love.
319
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:44,850
So he gave me three thousand
dollars in cash.
320
00:19:46,477 --> 00:19:48,979
I rented a room from my friend,
Philip,
321
00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:50,314
and I sought treatment.
322
00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:53,984
New York is a hard place
for sick people
323
00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:55,277
and if you've got AIDS,
324
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:57,363
it's the pits.
325
00:19:58,739 --> 00:19:59,407
- He dropped you?
326
00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:05,162
Just like that?
327
00:20:05,496 --> 00:20:06,497
- Tom's not a strong person.
328
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,667
But there's Ellen.
329
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:10,751
She's a good friend.
330
00:20:11,836 --> 00:20:12,503
Neighbor.
331
00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:14,922
She brings me my mail
332
00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:16,882
and the flowers.
333
00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:20,553
I never really took to New York.
334
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:23,723
And by the time I realized
335
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,433
I shoulda gone back to California,
336
00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:29,603
I was too sick to pull
off the change.
337
00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:31,564
- Edward?
338
00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:36,235
Does he know?
339
00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:45,077
- We wrote a few letters.
340
00:20:49,331 --> 00:20:52,501
He came to visit me
six months ago,
341
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,839
when I had the first
bout of pneumonia.
342
00:21:00,551 --> 00:21:01,886
But I was really out of it
343
00:21:04,138 --> 00:21:05,222
and I wasn't able to...
344
00:21:07,224 --> 00:21:09,435
To really talk to him.
345
00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:11,645
He came by everyday.
346
00:21:13,647 --> 00:21:17,860
I wished I had had the strength
to talk to him then.
347
00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:21,947
He was really broke.
348
00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:28,704
And that trip took all he had
on a lot of levels.
349
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:34,043
I wish
350
00:21:35,002 --> 00:21:38,130
I coulda have bridged that time
351
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:41,175
that we had back then.
352
00:21:47,389 --> 00:21:48,474
But we didn't.
353
00:21:49,475 --> 00:21:51,519
(sobbing)
354
00:21:53,103 --> 00:21:54,271
That was my fault.
355
00:21:59,443 --> 00:22:01,028
- [Nurse] Mr. Bennett,
356
00:22:01,362 --> 00:22:02,238
I'm sorry to interrupt
357
00:22:02,571 --> 00:22:04,323
but it's time for Robert's
medication now.
358
00:22:06,826 --> 00:22:08,285
- You don't wanna watch this.
359
00:22:10,621 --> 00:22:11,747
It's pretty grisly.
360
00:22:13,249 --> 00:22:14,166
"The treatment."
361
00:22:15,584 --> 00:22:17,336
- No, I can take it.
362
00:22:19,088 --> 00:22:19,755
- I know.
363
00:22:20,756 --> 00:22:21,549
I was just kidding.
364
00:22:24,468 --> 00:22:25,302
But it's the rules.
365
00:22:27,805 --> 00:22:29,515
- [Nurse] I'm sorry, Mr. Bennett,
366
00:22:29,849 --> 00:22:31,267
but those really are the rules.
367
00:22:33,435 --> 00:22:36,313
(somber beat music)
368
00:22:40,776 --> 00:22:42,820
- [Man] Come on, David, come on,
David, yeah.
369
00:22:43,153 --> 00:22:45,614
All right, smooth move, David,
that's it.
370
00:22:45,948 --> 00:22:48,367
All right, lose your breath,
David.
371
00:22:48,701 --> 00:22:49,660
Go with your breath, come on.
372
00:22:49,994 --> 00:22:51,328
Follow through, all the way
through, David.
373
00:22:51,662 --> 00:22:52,371
Yeah, that's it.
374
00:22:52,705 --> 00:22:53,622
Now bring it in.
375
00:22:53,956 --> 00:22:54,915
Don't close your eyes.
376
00:22:55,249 --> 00:22:56,292
Keep them open, come on.
377
00:22:56,625 --> 00:22:58,627
Yeah, just a little longer, good.
378
00:22:58,961 --> 00:22:59,962
All right.
379
00:23:00,296 --> 00:23:01,338
Yeah, keep those elbows in, David.
380
00:23:05,092 --> 00:23:06,844
- [David Voiceover] How can Robert
just sit in that bed
381
00:23:07,177 --> 00:23:09,388
and tell me the intimate
details of his life?
382
00:23:10,764 --> 00:23:13,267
Like it was some nostalgic
trip down memory lane?
383
00:23:14,643 --> 00:23:16,645
No anger, no regret.
384
00:23:18,439 --> 00:23:19,899
All the time and energy wasted
385
00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:22,276
on his gay lib political dreams,
386
00:23:22,610 --> 00:23:23,402
the gay community,
387
00:23:24,695 --> 00:23:25,821
and what did it get him?
388
00:23:27,531 --> 00:23:28,449
Abandoned.
389
00:23:30,659 --> 00:23:32,286
And yet he's so cool
and easy with it
390
00:23:32,620 --> 00:23:33,829
like he was telling me a story.
391
00:23:34,955 --> 00:23:38,292
(dramatic music)
392
00:23:38,626 --> 00:23:41,462
Edward, the great
love of his life.
393
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:45,382
It sounds so silly, and yet, when
he said it I thought,
394
00:23:47,426 --> 00:23:49,136
"Am I the great love of
Steve's life?
395
00:23:51,639 --> 00:23:52,264
"Is he mine?"
396
00:23:55,517 --> 00:23:56,393
- Jim?
397
00:23:57,686 --> 00:23:58,437
Am I a wimp?
398
00:24:00,147 --> 00:24:01,774
- [Jim] David, you're coming along
399
00:24:03,150 --> 00:24:04,485
but the problem is not
in your body.
400
00:24:05,694 --> 00:24:07,237
Half the battle's in your mind.
401
00:24:08,572 --> 00:24:12,993
It's in your head.
402
00:24:16,205 --> 00:24:16,997
- [David Voiceover]
I'm angry at Tom
403
00:24:17,331 --> 00:24:18,624
for not sticking by Robert
404
00:24:18,958 --> 00:24:21,460
and Edward for drifting
out of his life.
405
00:24:21,794 --> 00:24:24,046
But more, I'm deeply angry
with Robert himself
406
00:24:24,380 --> 00:24:26,423
for taking it all without a fight.
407
00:24:27,841 --> 00:24:29,843
For accepting the way that these
men have treated him.
408
00:24:31,470 --> 00:24:33,681
Although, honestly, I don't know
how I would've handled it.
409
00:24:34,848 --> 00:24:36,350
If Steve stopped caring,
410
00:24:38,978 --> 00:24:39,645
what would I do?
411
00:24:44,775 --> 00:24:47,820
(dramatic violin music)
412
00:24:57,246 --> 00:24:59,456
- These are the galley proofs
for the AIDS Reader.
413
00:24:59,790 --> 00:25:00,541
See, these are almost finished.
414
00:25:00,874 --> 00:25:02,418
They're close to perfect
415
00:25:02,751 --> 00:25:04,503
and I've figured out a way to
lay out this material
416
00:25:04,837 --> 00:25:06,463
so it'll be very simple to read.
417
00:25:07,798 --> 00:25:09,550
- Looks like a book set to go.
418
00:25:09,883 --> 00:25:10,676
- See, that's the difference
419
00:25:11,010 --> 00:25:13,012
between typesetting and
word processing.
420
00:25:13,345 --> 00:25:14,513
It's camera ready.
421
00:25:14,847 --> 00:25:16,390
- You're really into this,
aren't you?
422
00:25:16,724 --> 00:25:17,850
- Yeah, I like my job.
423
00:25:23,063 --> 00:25:26,066
- "AIDS is perhaps the harsh
but real retribution
424
00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:29,695
"of a God too long neglected.
425
00:25:37,703 --> 00:25:41,498
"Nature's revenge on an
unnatural minority's
426
00:25:41,832 --> 00:25:44,710
"arrogant disregard of her
elemental law."
427
00:25:47,588 --> 00:25:49,006
What's in this book you're doing?
428
00:25:51,759 --> 00:25:54,511
- Well, it has all different
points of view in it.
429
00:25:54,845 --> 00:25:57,598
- And this is whose point of view?
430
00:25:57,931 --> 00:26:00,184
- Lots of religious people view
ages as a punishment
431
00:26:00,517 --> 00:26:03,979
sent from God to gays.
432
00:26:04,313 --> 00:26:06,023
(coughing)
433
00:26:06,356 --> 00:26:07,107
- Do people...
434
00:26:07,441 --> 00:26:08,942
(coughing)
435
00:26:09,276 --> 00:26:11,153
really think God wants me here?
436
00:26:11,487 --> 00:26:12,404
- [David] Robert, stop.
437
00:26:15,115 --> 00:26:18,702
- Isolates gays from
everybody else!
438
00:26:19,036 --> 00:26:20,746
(coughing)
439
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:22,039
Like we're expendable!
440
00:26:22,372 --> 00:26:24,166
- Robert, take a breath
for Christ sakes!
441
00:26:24,500 --> 00:26:25,000
- It's like...
442
00:26:25,334 --> 00:26:26,418
(coughing)
443
00:26:26,752 --> 00:26:27,461
saying God...
444
00:26:27,795 --> 00:26:31,632
created the Nazis to keep
the Jews in line.
445
00:26:31,965 --> 00:26:32,549
- Robert, take a breath.
446
00:26:32,883 --> 00:26:33,592
- Or all the black people...
447
00:26:33,926 --> 00:26:35,761
(coughing)
448
00:26:37,096 --> 00:26:38,138
- Robert, you're hurting yourself.
449
00:26:38,472 --> 00:26:40,307
- All the black people
starving in Africa
450
00:26:40,641 --> 00:26:41,642
like it's their fault!
451
00:26:41,975 --> 00:26:43,936
- It's just a book, Robert,
come on now.
452
00:26:44,269 --> 00:26:45,479
- So God created the virus
453
00:26:45,813 --> 00:26:48,607
to stop gay people
from having sex?!
454
00:26:48,941 --> 00:26:49,608
- [David] Robert, just
forget about the book.
455
00:26:49,942 --> 00:26:50,651
- To kill them!
456
00:26:50,984 --> 00:26:51,568
- Stop!
457
00:26:51,902 --> 00:26:53,529
- A cruel God is no God at all!
458
00:26:53,862 --> 00:26:54,488
- [David] Robert, lay back.
459
00:26:54,822 --> 00:26:56,156
Relax, relax.
460
00:26:56,490 --> 00:26:56,949
- [Robert] So stupid!
461
00:26:57,282 --> 00:26:58,492
- [David] Tale a breath.
462
00:26:58,826 --> 00:27:00,661
Come on, come on, come on.
463
00:27:00,994 --> 00:27:01,662
Relax.
464
00:27:01,995 --> 00:27:03,580
(Robert gasping)
465
00:27:03,914 --> 00:27:05,541
That's good, yeah.
466
00:27:05,874 --> 00:27:08,544
(Robert gasping)
467
00:27:15,425 --> 00:27:17,427
(thunder rumbling)
468
00:27:17,761 --> 00:27:18,554
- [David Voiceover] Once at
a swimming pool,
469
00:27:18,887 --> 00:27:21,223
I saw a little girl almost drown
470
00:27:21,557 --> 00:27:23,517
and last year, at a restaurant,
I watched helplessly
471
00:27:23,851 --> 00:27:25,936
as a man nearly chocked to death
472
00:27:26,270 --> 00:27:29,314
till someone struck him on the
chest and saves his life.
473
00:27:29,648 --> 00:27:32,192
Both that girl and man wanted to
catch their breaths
474
00:27:32,526 --> 00:27:34,194
but something about
Robert scares me.
475
00:27:35,529 --> 00:27:37,322
He was more interested
in shouting down
476
00:27:37,656 --> 00:27:39,158
that "God is revenge" quotation
477
00:27:39,491 --> 00:27:40,909
than regaining his own composure.
478
00:27:43,287 --> 00:27:46,039
What sort of a man could feel so
personally attacked
479
00:27:46,373 --> 00:27:48,750
by the words on those
galley sheets?
480
00:27:49,084 --> 00:27:51,628
I have never seen a response
so inappropriate
481
00:27:52,921 --> 00:27:53,672
and, yet, so real.
482
00:27:55,632 --> 00:27:58,760
He seemed willing to literally die
rather than shut up.
483
00:28:01,805 --> 00:28:03,849
I've never met a person
like Robert Willow.
484
00:28:05,684 --> 00:28:08,145
He unnerves me.
485
00:28:08,478 --> 00:28:10,814
(phone ringing)
486
00:28:20,365 --> 00:28:23,160
(thunder rumbling)
487
00:28:26,246 --> 00:28:27,247
- Hello?
488
00:28:27,581 --> 00:28:30,083
- [Robert] David, it's Robert.
489
00:28:30,417 --> 00:28:32,711
I called to thank you for
getting the nurse in time.
490
00:28:33,045 --> 00:28:34,796
- I'm sorry I brought the
galley sheets in.
491
00:28:35,130 --> 00:28:38,175
If I thought they were going to
upset you, I wouldn't have.
492
00:28:38,508 --> 00:28:39,009
- No,
493
00:28:39,968 --> 00:28:40,719
I wanna read them.
494
00:28:42,095 --> 00:28:43,013
It's just my way.
495
00:28:45,015 --> 00:28:47,434
I'm still trying to change things
that are beyond me.
496
00:28:49,019 --> 00:28:51,563
I just get so angry thinking
that some people
497
00:28:51,897 --> 00:28:53,774
thing God is like them.
498
00:28:55,901 --> 00:28:58,904
Anyway, thanks for not listening
but for getting me help.
499
00:28:59,905 --> 00:29:00,864
- I'm glad I was there.
500
00:29:02,157 --> 00:29:03,951
- [Robert] But look, I
need a favor.
501
00:29:04,993 --> 00:29:05,911
- What?
502
00:29:06,912 --> 00:29:08,830
- Well, my roommate Philip,
503
00:29:09,164 --> 00:29:11,667
he's been paying my share of the
rent now for six months
504
00:29:12,918 --> 00:29:14,336
and he needs to rent my room.
505
00:29:16,755 --> 00:29:19,383
You know how expensive
everything is in New York.
506
00:29:19,716 --> 00:29:20,259
- Yeah?
507
00:29:21,301 --> 00:29:22,552
So what do you want me to do?
508
00:29:24,388 --> 00:29:25,973
- Well, I was wondering
509
00:29:26,306 --> 00:29:28,350
if you could come to the
hospital and get my keys
510
00:29:28,684 --> 00:29:33,188
and then go to my apartment and
pick up my personal things.
511
00:29:34,106 --> 00:29:34,856
There's not a lot.
512
00:29:35,857 --> 00:29:37,484
But Philip needs the room empty.
513
00:29:38,860 --> 00:29:40,654
- Robert, where do you live?
514
00:29:40,988 --> 00:29:42,489
Can't he bring your things over?
515
00:29:43,490 --> 00:29:44,700
- On the Upper West side.
516
00:29:46,076 --> 00:29:47,369
West 76th Street.
517
00:29:49,538 --> 00:29:50,747
Look, David,
518
00:29:51,081 --> 00:29:51,748
Philip would do it
519
00:29:53,041 --> 00:29:55,377
but he's afraid to come
to the hospital.
520
00:29:55,711 --> 00:29:57,546
He's probably gonna burn the keys
when you leave them
521
00:29:57,879 --> 00:29:59,840
but he's done his best
for six months.
522
00:30:00,966 --> 00:30:02,884
- Sure, Robert, I'll come
over tomorrow.
523
00:30:03,927 --> 00:30:04,594
- Thanks.
524
00:30:06,013 --> 00:30:07,889
Philip works during the day,
525
00:30:08,223 --> 00:30:09,683
so you won't run into him.
526
00:30:10,017 --> 00:30:11,018
No scenes.
527
00:30:11,351 --> 00:30:12,894
- [David] Sure, Robert, it's
really no hustle at all.
528
00:30:15,272 --> 00:30:16,857
- Thanks.
529
00:30:17,190 --> 00:30:18,900
Goodnight.
530
00:30:19,234 --> 00:30:23,989
- Goodnight.
531
00:31:11,078 --> 00:31:13,705
(somber music)
532
00:32:05,132 --> 00:32:06,883
- [Robert Voiceover] "Dear Edward,
533
00:32:07,217 --> 00:32:09,344
"I don't know if I'll even mail
this letter to you
534
00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:12,222
"but it seems like I've got AIDS.
535
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:15,600
"All the tests point to it.
536
00:32:15,934 --> 00:32:18,019
"My funds are evaporating
537
00:32:18,353 --> 00:32:20,439
"and the first signs of this
phenolemia have hit.
538
00:32:21,606 --> 00:32:23,024
"Travel seems impossible.
539
00:32:24,151 --> 00:32:27,028
"Tom has gone to pieces
with the news
540
00:32:27,362 --> 00:32:30,282
"and I feel cut off an utterly
alone accept for Ellen,
541
00:32:30,615 --> 00:32:31,950
"who visits and calls."
542
00:32:33,243 --> 00:32:36,037
(dramatic music)
543
00:32:44,171 --> 00:32:44,838
"Dear Bobby,
544
00:32:46,214 --> 00:32:48,967
"I got the horrible news from
Ellen who wrote me a note.
545
00:32:50,343 --> 00:32:53,305
"I've seen a lot of old friends
taken ill and now you,
546
00:32:53,638 --> 00:32:54,764
"the sweetest man.
547
00:32:56,183 --> 00:32:57,851
"And I thought I'd run
out of tears.
548
00:32:58,185 --> 00:32:58,894
"I haven't.
549
00:33:00,061 --> 00:33:01,354
"I'll try to get to you.
550
00:33:01,688 --> 00:33:02,939
"As always, money is a problem.
551
00:33:04,357 --> 00:33:05,609
"There are people here in Portland
552
00:33:05,942 --> 00:33:07,486
"who are trying
megavitamin therapy
553
00:33:07,819 --> 00:33:08,945
"on the holistic approach.
554
00:33:11,239 --> 00:33:13,992
"But Ellen indicated things in New
York are scattered.
555
00:33:15,118 --> 00:33:16,995
"I suppose everyone is
scurrying around,
556
00:33:17,329 --> 00:33:19,789
"looking for something to
make it go away.
557
00:33:20,123 --> 00:33:22,501
"I won't bore you but until the
Federal Government
558
00:33:22,834 --> 00:33:24,211
"really allocates to dollars,
559
00:33:24,544 --> 00:33:26,796
"you and the rest will be left
to erratically funded
560
00:33:27,130 --> 00:33:29,883
"local scenes and the kindness of
friends and strangers.
561
00:33:31,301 --> 00:33:33,970
"A collective effort is needed but
I doubt it will happen.
562
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:36,473
"Love, Edward.
563
00:33:38,266 --> 00:33:39,184
"PS,
564
00:33:40,602 --> 00:33:43,230
"I think my dad will give me some
of the cash to visit.
565
00:33:43,563 --> 00:33:45,732
"The AIDS issue finally got
through to him."
566
00:33:46,942 --> 00:33:49,402
(phone ringing)
567
00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:00,705
- [Answering Machine] Hi,
this is Philip.
568
00:34:01,039 --> 00:34:02,958
If you're calling about
the room for rent,
569
00:34:03,291 --> 00:34:05,001
and, yes, it's still open,
570
00:34:05,335 --> 00:34:08,213
please leave your name and number
so I can get back to you.
571
00:34:08,547 --> 00:34:10,298
I'll be in after 6 PM
572
00:34:10,632 --> 00:34:12,968
and we can arrange a time
for you to see it.
573
00:34:13,301 --> 00:34:14,302
If you're calling for me,
574
00:34:14,636 --> 00:34:16,471
I'll be at my job
number till five.
575
00:34:16,805 --> 00:34:17,639
206
576
00:34:17,973 --> 00:34:18,974
0309.
577
00:34:20,058 --> 00:34:21,268
Bye, for now.
578
00:34:21,601 --> 00:34:22,894
Wait for the beep before speaking
579
00:34:23,228 --> 00:34:24,271
and talk as long as you like.
580
00:34:26,147 --> 00:34:28,149
(pleasant violin music)
581
00:34:28,483 --> 00:34:31,361
(film reel clicking)
582
00:34:48,253 --> 00:34:48,962
- Where was this?
583
00:34:50,338 --> 00:34:52,299
- This was in San
Francisco at Land's End.
584
00:34:53,758 --> 00:34:55,260
Edward and I were clowning around.
585
00:34:56,303 --> 00:34:58,555
Oh God, what a time.
586
00:35:00,682 --> 00:35:03,310
Edward borrowed one of
those Kodak cameras.
587
00:35:03,643 --> 00:35:05,020
You could run it on automatic.
588
00:35:06,354 --> 00:35:08,898
- [David] Was that a nude
beach or what?
589
00:35:09,232 --> 00:35:09,774
- Not really.
590
00:35:11,276 --> 00:35:12,277
Some people went nude.
591
00:35:13,653 --> 00:35:16,489
And there was a lot of
action in those bushes.
592
00:35:16,823 --> 00:35:19,159
You could sun or fun or both.
593
00:35:24,247 --> 00:35:24,914
- Robert?
594
00:35:26,916 --> 00:35:28,043
Can I ask you something?
595
00:35:30,211 --> 00:35:31,338
If you could be healthy,
596
00:35:33,923 --> 00:35:35,216
I mean completely healthy,
597
00:35:37,385 --> 00:35:38,053
for one day,
598
00:35:41,431 --> 00:35:42,182
what would you do?
599
00:35:43,683 --> 00:35:45,060
- No strings?
600
00:35:45,393 --> 00:35:47,479
Just 24 hours, like magic?
601
00:35:47,812 --> 00:35:48,647
- A day, yeah.
602
00:35:51,107 --> 00:35:51,858
What would you do?
603
00:35:55,445 --> 00:35:56,529
- Well, I'd be with Edward.
604
00:35:58,073 --> 00:36:00,241
Not in the past, like
in the movie.
605
00:36:02,202 --> 00:36:04,454
But here, in New York City,
606
00:36:06,706 --> 00:36:07,707
but we'd be lovers
607
00:36:09,417 --> 00:36:11,211
and we'd get it one because
there's no one I've ever had
608
00:36:11,544 --> 00:36:12,504
who was as hot as Edward.
609
00:36:15,048 --> 00:36:17,717
This, of course, is a purely
personal preference.
610
00:36:18,843 --> 00:36:20,303
But we'd be together.
611
00:36:20,637 --> 00:36:22,389
Breakfast, shower,
612
00:36:23,890 --> 00:36:25,392
then go out for a walk.
613
00:36:25,725 --> 00:36:26,267
Central Park.
614
00:36:29,688 --> 00:36:31,731
Okay but this is a little weird
615
00:36:33,358 --> 00:36:35,568
but at an offbeat time,
like at two o'clock,
616
00:36:37,278 --> 00:36:40,949
I'd take the People's Express and
I'd fly to Washington D.C.
617
00:36:42,283 --> 00:36:45,203
And I'd have a two by four
and a magic marker
618
00:36:45,537 --> 00:36:46,287
and a piece of cardboard
619
00:36:48,415 --> 00:36:51,042
and I'd be a one man picket
outside the White House.
620
00:36:52,293 --> 00:36:54,212
Just a jester, you know?
621
00:36:54,546 --> 00:36:55,338
Very Don Quixote.
622
00:36:56,673 --> 00:36:59,300
And I'd write something on
the cardboard like,
623
00:36:59,634 --> 00:37:02,595
"America, AIDS is not
a gay disease.
624
00:37:03,763 --> 00:37:04,723
"It hurts everybody.
625
00:37:06,182 --> 00:37:09,185
"Release all the money for
research and care."
626
00:37:11,146 --> 00:37:12,272
Then I'd go back to New York
627
00:37:13,606 --> 00:37:14,649
and I'd be with Edward.
628
00:37:16,192 --> 00:37:17,360
We'd have a great dinner,
629
00:37:18,445 --> 00:37:21,364
hit a couple of piano bars
for a few songs
630
00:37:23,491 --> 00:37:26,911
and then go home and fuck
our brains out.
631
00:37:35,545 --> 00:37:37,213
"My Healthy Day" by Robert Willow.
632
00:37:39,966 --> 00:37:44,763
Crazy, huh?
633
00:37:45,096 --> 00:37:45,722
- I just wondered.
634
00:37:47,515 --> 00:37:48,391
- What would you do?
635
00:37:50,185 --> 00:37:50,935
- What do you mean?
636
00:37:52,187 --> 00:37:53,897
- Well, you are healthy
637
00:37:54,230 --> 00:37:55,023
and you've got Steve.
638
00:37:56,357 --> 00:37:58,109
What would you do with the day?
639
00:37:58,443 --> 00:37:59,194
- We live together.
640
00:37:59,527 --> 00:38:00,487
I'm not--
641
00:38:00,820 --> 00:38:02,322
- Another below the belt question?
642
00:38:02,655 --> 00:38:03,698
- Yeah.
643
00:38:04,032 --> 00:38:06,034
Your questions always seem to come
out of left field...
644
00:38:07,327 --> 00:38:07,994
To me.
645
00:38:09,579 --> 00:38:12,791
Steve and I go to the movies
and we visit friends.
646
00:38:14,125 --> 00:38:15,668
We entertain at home.
647
00:38:16,002 --> 00:38:17,587
Once and awhile we go out dancing.
648
00:38:22,967 --> 00:38:23,718
We sleep together.
649
00:38:26,471 --> 00:38:27,096
- Is he hot?
650
00:38:28,973 --> 00:38:29,599
- Yes.
651
00:38:31,100 --> 00:38:32,310
To me.
652
00:38:32,644 --> 00:38:35,939
I mean, this of course is a purely
personal preference.
653
00:38:36,272 --> 00:38:38,024
- How hot?
654
00:38:38,358 --> 00:38:39,734
What are the juicy details?
655
00:38:40,068 --> 00:38:40,610
- Hot is...
656
00:38:44,864 --> 00:38:46,533
Hot.
657
00:38:46,866 --> 00:38:47,367
- Oh.
658
00:38:48,493 --> 00:38:49,410
I know.
659
00:38:50,453 --> 00:38:52,413
I just wanted to hear you
say the words.
660
00:38:52,747 --> 00:38:54,833
(laughing)
661
00:38:56,668 --> 00:38:59,629
(film reel clicking)
662
00:39:02,757 --> 00:39:03,591
- [Man] Good night, David.
663
00:39:03,925 --> 00:39:05,176
- [David] Goodnight.
664
00:39:05,510 --> 00:39:07,428
- [Man] I left those chapter
headings right on top of
665
00:39:08,429 --> 00:39:10,223
the consult.
666
00:39:10,557 --> 00:39:10,974
- [David] Right.
667
00:39:11,307 --> 00:39:11,766
- [Man] Okay?
668
00:39:12,100 --> 00:39:12,642
- [David] Okay.
669
00:39:14,018 --> 00:39:15,228
- [David Voiceover]
Government projections,
670
00:39:15,562 --> 00:39:17,355
and these are the most
conservative figures,
671
00:39:17,689 --> 00:39:19,816
estimate that by 1988
there could be
672
00:39:20,149 --> 00:39:23,695
30 thousand cases of AIDS in the
United Sates alone
673
00:39:24,028 --> 00:39:25,905
and if unchecked by a
preventative vaccine
674
00:39:26,239 --> 00:39:29,158
and/or antiviral cure,
the number by 1990
675
00:39:29,492 --> 00:39:31,411
might reach 100 thousand cases.
676
00:39:31,744 --> 00:39:32,662
Although in America,
677
00:39:32,996 --> 00:39:35,540
AIDS has struck mainly
homosexual males.
678
00:39:35,874 --> 00:39:38,042
The thousands of heterosexual
couples in Africa
679
00:39:38,376 --> 00:39:40,545
who have the illness may
cruelly shortsighted
680
00:39:40,879 --> 00:39:44,132
the initial perception that
AIDS is a gay disease.
681
00:39:44,465 --> 00:39:47,010
The growing number of cases
among needle drug users,
682
00:39:47,343 --> 00:39:49,262
women, children and the newly born
683
00:39:49,596 --> 00:39:52,432
present the medical and
governmental establishment
684
00:39:52,765 --> 00:39:54,267
with the test of their
ability to solve
685
00:39:54,601 --> 00:39:57,937
a truly national problem with
international ramifications.
686
00:39:59,314 --> 00:40:01,858
The immediate threat to
America's blood supply,
687
00:40:02,191 --> 00:40:04,777
the plasma industry and the
thousands of hemophiliacs
688
00:40:05,111 --> 00:40:07,780
who depend most immediately on the
purity and availability
689
00:40:08,114 --> 00:40:11,618
of transfusions is
forebodingly clear.
690
00:40:15,705 --> 00:40:17,790
(sighing)
691
00:40:22,503 --> 00:40:25,340
(computer beeping)
692
00:40:25,673 --> 00:40:28,343
(dramatic music)
693
00:40:46,152 --> 00:40:49,197
(somber violin music)
694
00:41:49,132 --> 00:41:51,175
(huffing)
695
00:41:56,139 --> 00:41:58,182
(moaning)
696
00:42:17,910 --> 00:42:20,121
(groaning)
697
00:42:43,436 --> 00:42:45,521
(somber violin music)
698
00:42:45,855 --> 00:42:46,939
- [Steve] Goodnight, David.
699
00:42:47,273 --> 00:42:52,028
- Goodnight, babe.
700
00:42:52,695 --> 00:42:54,822
(dramatic music)
701
00:43:30,358 --> 00:43:33,653
(pleasant violin music)
702
00:43:59,554 --> 00:44:01,973
(waves crashing)
703
00:44:40,887 --> 00:44:44,765
- Okay, today we're bringing you
a special program.
704
00:44:45,099 --> 00:44:45,975
- I hate television.
705
00:44:46,309 --> 00:44:47,727
- There's a lot of good stuff on.
706
00:44:48,060 --> 00:44:50,730
Don't you like TV's bloopers,
bleeps and blunders?
707
00:44:51,063 --> 00:44:52,023
(chuckling)
708
00:44:52,356 --> 00:44:53,441
Anyway, this isn't
regular television.
709
00:44:53,774 --> 00:44:55,610
It's a special installation.
710
00:44:55,943 --> 00:44:57,486
- Where'd you get the VCR?
711
00:44:57,820 --> 00:44:58,779
- From home.
712
00:44:59,113 --> 00:44:59,822
It's mine and Steve's, we
bought it last year.
713
00:45:00,156 --> 00:45:01,407
It's great.
714
00:45:01,741 --> 00:45:03,534
You can watch whatever you
want when you want to.
715
00:45:03,868 --> 00:45:04,744
- I've read the ads.
716
00:45:05,828 --> 00:45:06,704
- Okay.
717
00:45:07,038 --> 00:45:07,830
Here you go.
718
00:45:08,831 --> 00:45:10,041
You're in to politics?
719
00:45:16,797 --> 00:45:19,217
Well go for it.
720
00:45:19,550 --> 00:45:22,970
(people chanting on television)
721
00:45:23,304 --> 00:45:23,888
- [Robert] Gay Day?
722
00:45:24,222 --> 00:45:25,139
- [David] Uh huh.
723
00:45:25,473 --> 00:45:25,932
- [Robert] This year?
724
00:45:26,265 --> 00:45:27,308
- [David] Uh huh.
725
00:45:27,642 --> 00:45:28,684
- [Robert] Where'd you get it?
726
00:45:29,018 --> 00:45:30,436
- [David] There's this gay cable
show here in Manhattan
727
00:45:30,770 --> 00:45:32,813
and they do like
national coverage.
728
00:45:33,147 --> 00:45:34,106
I'd figure you'd like it.
729
00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:36,150
Lesbians and gays coast to coast.
730
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:38,736
- Did you march?
731
00:45:39,070 --> 00:45:39,695
- No, I'm not into it.
732
00:45:40,947 --> 00:45:42,823
- Haven't you ever been to one?
733
00:45:43,157 --> 00:45:44,825
- A few years ago I
went with Steve.
734
00:45:45,159 --> 00:45:45,618
It was tacky.
735
00:45:45,952 --> 00:45:46,744
A freak show.
736
00:45:48,037 --> 00:45:48,955
- But Gay Day is great.
737
00:45:50,122 --> 00:45:52,166
Just look at all those people.
738
00:45:52,500 --> 00:45:55,628
Most of the year passing for
straight, then wham,
739
00:45:55,962 --> 00:45:56,963
they're out!
740
00:45:57,296 --> 00:45:59,966
The world has to see them, has
to deal with them.
741
00:46:00,299 --> 00:46:01,968
- Why should I want the
world to see me?
742
00:46:03,094 --> 00:46:04,220
- Well it beats hiding.
743
00:46:06,055 --> 00:46:07,306
- I don't hide
744
00:46:07,640 --> 00:46:08,891
but I don't have to tell
everyone in all the world
745
00:46:09,225 --> 00:46:10,393
everyday that I like guys.
746
00:46:10,726 --> 00:46:11,894
It's my private business.
747
00:46:13,020 --> 00:46:15,648
- I wasn't trying to tell
you what to do.
748
00:46:15,982 --> 00:46:18,401
David, I just thought
that coming out
749
00:46:18,734 --> 00:46:20,111
was something everyone longed for.
750
00:46:21,404 --> 00:46:22,822
You know, a chance to be yourself
751
00:46:23,155 --> 00:46:25,157
without worrying who's watching or
what they're thinking.
752
00:46:25,491 --> 00:46:27,702
- Look, Robert, I don't feel
it the way you do.
753
00:46:28,035 --> 00:46:29,662
I'm not against the parade,
I'm glad it happens.
754
00:46:29,996 --> 00:46:32,581
It just doesn't have this deep
of meaning for me.
755
00:46:32,915 --> 00:46:34,792
- Well, to me it stands for
not letting the world
756
00:46:35,126 --> 00:46:35,960
say that I'm not here.
757
00:46:37,586 --> 00:46:39,213
That there's only supposed to
be straight people,
758
00:46:39,547 --> 00:46:40,840
straight love, straight pain.
759
00:46:41,173 --> 00:46:42,925
- Yeah, but why cut yourself off
with the gay label?
760
00:46:43,259 --> 00:46:45,511
Why separate yourself from
everybody else?
761
00:46:46,762 --> 00:46:50,099
- I only feel separated
when I have to lie
762
00:46:50,433 --> 00:46:53,811
and say that I'm straight
when I'm really gay.
763
00:46:55,521 --> 00:46:58,232
Do you think that if
straight senators
764
00:46:58,566 --> 00:47:00,735
and their straight sons had AIDS
765
00:47:01,068 --> 00:47:03,821
that all that money that's being
held up in Washington,
766
00:47:04,155 --> 00:47:05,698
and I read this in your...
767
00:47:06,032 --> 00:47:08,117
Those galley sheets
you brought in,
768
00:47:08,451 --> 00:47:11,412
that all that money would be
taking so long to come down
769
00:47:11,746 --> 00:47:15,750
to research and hospices
here in New York City
770
00:47:16,083 --> 00:47:20,129
with the most dead and the
most cases and me,
771
00:47:20,463 --> 00:47:23,758
I'm just a number in a pile
here in the Big Apple.
772
00:47:24,091 --> 00:47:25,551
There's not even an AIDS clinic.
773
00:47:25,885 --> 00:47:26,802
- Robert, take it easy.
774
00:47:27,136 --> 00:47:29,263
- Here in New York City
it's an epidemic
775
00:47:29,597 --> 00:47:31,766
and I was lost
776
00:47:32,099 --> 00:47:34,310
until that gay crisis
group took me in.
777
00:47:34,643 --> 00:47:37,313
No money from the
state or the city.
778
00:47:37,646 --> 00:47:39,065
No bucks from Washington.
779
00:47:39,398 --> 00:47:40,858
But just some gay people
780
00:47:41,192 --> 00:47:43,319
and their straight
friends who volunteer,
781
00:47:48,032 --> 00:47:48,699
like you.
782
00:47:51,035 --> 00:47:55,915
(marching band music
on television)
783
00:47:56,707 --> 00:47:57,958
- As a homosexual,
784
00:47:58,292 --> 00:47:59,251
as relating to women,
785
00:48:00,795 --> 00:48:02,838
sex in terms of the clothes
they wear in stuff,
786
00:48:03,172 --> 00:48:05,633
there's also a political
feminine behind it.
787
00:48:05,966 --> 00:48:07,468
I mean, I feel a victim of sexism
788
00:48:07,802 --> 00:48:12,098
and I think to understand what
I victimized about,
789
00:48:12,431 --> 00:48:14,350
I had to understand what
sex is all about.
790
00:48:14,683 --> 00:48:18,270
This helps me feel androgynous
or hermaphrodite.
791
00:48:18,604 --> 00:48:21,732
I mean, it makes me feel
like a whole person
792
00:48:22,066 --> 00:48:24,610
instead of just half a person.
793
00:48:24,944 --> 00:48:26,737
- So,
794
00:48:27,071 --> 00:48:27,863
this parade,
795
00:48:29,532 --> 00:48:31,992
this tacky, once a
year freak show,
796
00:48:33,202 --> 00:48:35,955
is my one chance to feel connected
797
00:48:37,081 --> 00:48:38,499
because they're not all
just gay people
798
00:48:38,833 --> 00:48:40,251
marching in that crowd.
799
00:48:40,584 --> 00:48:42,628
There's a lot of straight people,
800
00:48:42,962 --> 00:48:45,131
parents and grandparents,
801
00:48:47,133 --> 00:48:48,342
and in that sense,
802
00:48:49,635 --> 00:48:50,344
in that moment,
803
00:48:52,388 --> 00:48:57,268
then we are all just people and
the gay label vanishes
804
00:48:58,602 --> 00:49:00,271
because we're together
805
00:49:00,604 --> 00:49:02,731
without having to deny
the differences.
806
00:49:04,150 --> 00:49:07,069
That's why the whole damn thing is
so important to me.
807
00:49:10,030 --> 00:49:10,906
Besides,
808
00:49:12,366 --> 00:49:15,453
everybody oughta have a chance to
make a little noise,
809
00:49:15,786 --> 00:49:17,288
raise a little hell
once and awhile.
810
00:49:20,416 --> 00:49:24,211
God, how I hate it in here
when it's quiet.
811
00:49:26,255 --> 00:49:27,089
Sometimes I think this is
812
00:49:27,423 --> 00:49:29,300
the quietest place in
the whole world.
813
00:49:33,137 --> 00:49:33,929
Some nights,
814
00:49:35,264 --> 00:49:37,099
I lie here in this bed,
815
00:49:40,269 --> 00:49:40,936
all I can hear
816
00:49:42,855 --> 00:49:45,566
is the sound of my own blood
817
00:49:47,776 --> 00:49:50,488
running around inside me.
818
00:49:54,158 --> 00:49:57,745
The other night,
819
00:49:58,078 --> 00:50:00,080
I masterbated.
820
00:50:03,542 --> 00:50:04,418
- Well, that's good.
821
00:50:06,128 --> 00:50:10,049
- It was terrible.
822
00:50:10,382 --> 00:50:13,886
I jerked off.
823
00:50:14,220 --> 00:50:16,597
Well, everything worked out,
824
00:50:16,931 --> 00:50:19,141
I hadn't fallen apart yet.
825
00:50:23,062 --> 00:50:24,688
My cock came
826
00:50:26,857 --> 00:50:27,525
but I didn't.
827
00:50:32,196 --> 00:50:33,280
I didn't feel it.
828
00:50:37,368 --> 00:50:41,038
There's more to sex than an orgasm
grabbed in the dark.
829
00:50:45,793 --> 00:50:48,003
I started alone and I
finished alone.
830
00:50:52,591 --> 00:50:54,802
- Robert, you're
under such stress.
831
00:50:57,263 --> 00:50:57,888
- David,
832
00:50:58,889 --> 00:51:02,017
I don't wanna die.
833
00:51:02,351 --> 00:51:05,479
I wanna live.
834
00:51:05,813 --> 00:51:10,568
But I don't think I'm
gonna make it.
835
00:51:11,527 --> 00:51:16,073
I'm never gonna get out of here.
836
00:51:17,157 --> 00:51:22,037
I don't wanna die.
837
00:51:23,289 --> 00:51:26,709
(marching band music
on television)
838
00:51:43,350 --> 00:51:46,186
(boat horn blowing)
839
00:51:56,739 --> 00:51:58,073
- [David Voiceover] I started
out in the buddy thing
840
00:51:58,407 --> 00:51:59,575
with reservations.
841
00:52:00,659 --> 00:52:02,077
I didn't even like Robert.
842
00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:03,871
I almost quit.
843
00:52:05,289 --> 00:52:07,541
And now I'm hopelessly
lost in his world.
844
00:52:09,168 --> 00:52:13,213
That room and all his dreams and
hopes and memories.
845
00:52:15,007 --> 00:52:16,175
I've gotten too close to him.
846
00:52:17,843 --> 00:52:20,095
And my big try to be objective
and to tell the truth
847
00:52:20,429 --> 00:52:21,930
in this journal is a farce.
848
00:52:24,975 --> 00:52:25,976
I don't know where I stand
849
00:52:26,310 --> 00:52:28,062
on half the things he's
been raving about.
850
00:52:29,438 --> 00:52:32,066
I felt superior to him
at the start.
851
00:52:32,399 --> 00:52:33,317
All his old, tired ideas.
852
00:52:34,652 --> 00:52:39,406
But some of what he
says sounds right.
853
00:52:39,740 --> 00:52:42,076
Where is the help going
to come from?
854
00:52:44,203 --> 00:52:44,870
The government?
855
00:52:46,872 --> 00:52:47,790
Charities?
856
00:52:49,833 --> 00:52:50,459
The people?
857
00:52:54,338 --> 00:52:58,634
All I know is that I want
Robert to live.
858
00:52:58,967 --> 00:53:02,012
I wanna call some doctor up in
France or Japan or Atlanta
859
00:53:02,346 --> 00:53:05,974
and say, "Send some of those
drugs you're trying out!
860
00:53:06,308 --> 00:53:06,975
"Save Robert!
861
00:53:08,143 --> 00:53:09,269
"Give him back his life!
862
00:53:10,646 --> 00:53:13,774
"Let him go marching in every Gay
Day parade there is.
863
00:53:15,317 --> 00:53:16,485
"Let him be a gardener again.
864
00:53:18,278 --> 00:53:19,905
"Just let him out of that room."
865
00:53:21,281 --> 00:53:23,701
And in a flash I'm swept up in
his fear of dying.
866
00:53:25,661 --> 00:53:27,121
I've never thought about dying
867
00:53:27,454 --> 00:53:30,124
and now I'm getting attached to a
guy who is going to die.
868
00:53:33,377 --> 00:53:35,129
I hate writing it.
869
00:53:35,462 --> 00:53:37,214
I despise even thinking it.
870
00:53:37,548 --> 00:53:39,842
Like saying it makes it so.
871
00:53:40,175 --> 00:53:42,511
Like spilling out the words
that Robert will die
872
00:53:44,722 --> 00:53:46,598
is me writing his
death certificate.
873
00:53:52,563 --> 00:53:53,731
- [Steve] Did he like
the cable show?
874
00:53:54,064 --> 00:53:55,149
Parade footage?
875
00:53:55,482 --> 00:53:56,942
- We sorta had a fight over it.
876
00:53:58,360 --> 00:53:59,695
- [Steve] You should bring him
some of those porno tapes.
877
00:54:00,028 --> 00:54:01,029
Less controversy.
878
00:54:01,363 --> 00:54:02,573
- Actually, that's all I do
most of the time
879
00:54:02,906 --> 00:54:03,741
is argue with him.
880
00:54:05,367 --> 00:54:07,202
- [Steve] Well, that's okay, at
least it's not dull.
881
00:54:07,536 --> 00:54:08,287
- It's all wrong.
882
00:54:10,038 --> 00:54:11,123
- [Steve] David, it's pretty
clear you've gotten
883
00:54:11,457 --> 00:54:12,249
very close to Robert.
884
00:54:15,085 --> 00:54:16,253
You know, David, the only
difference between
885
00:54:16,587 --> 00:54:18,881
the guys you fantasize about
sometimes when we have sex
886
00:54:19,214 --> 00:54:22,176
and the guy I fantasize about
sometimes when we have sex
887
00:54:22,509 --> 00:54:24,428
is that I know the guy that
you're thinking about.
888
00:54:28,474 --> 00:54:29,391
- Who?
889
00:54:30,559 --> 00:54:31,602
- Oh, come on.
890
00:54:31,935 --> 00:54:32,561
Robert, of course.
891
00:54:37,816 --> 00:54:39,318
- And what do you fantasize about?
892
00:54:41,528 --> 00:54:45,365
- Well, if you're very good and
step into the shower
893
00:54:45,699 --> 00:54:47,242
I may tell you.
894
00:54:47,576 --> 00:54:50,954
(somber beat radio music)
895
00:55:07,054 --> 00:55:09,640
(birds chirping)
896
00:55:09,973 --> 00:55:13,393
(somber music on television)
897
00:55:15,646 --> 00:55:18,148
- I remember when this came out.
898
00:55:18,482 --> 00:55:19,066
It was years ago.
899
00:55:20,484 --> 00:55:21,360
You seen it?
900
00:55:21,693 --> 00:55:23,111
- A few times, at home,
with Steve.
901
00:55:24,488 --> 00:55:26,198
- Why'd you pick it?
902
00:55:26,532 --> 00:55:28,408
- Because it's about
San Francisco.
903
00:55:28,742 --> 00:55:29,535
I thought you'd enjoy it.
904
00:55:30,911 --> 00:55:32,162
If you want, I could
always take it home
905
00:55:32,496 --> 00:55:34,206
and bring back "The Boys
of Baltimore."
906
00:55:35,457 --> 00:55:36,041
(laughing)
907
00:55:36,375 --> 00:55:36,917
- This is fine.
908
00:55:39,211 --> 00:55:40,921
Although, it's weird
having you here.
909
00:55:43,382 --> 00:55:44,550
- [David] I'll leave if you want.
910
00:55:44,883 --> 00:55:46,677
- No, stay.
911
00:55:47,010 --> 00:55:49,388
You can explain the parts that
I don't understand.
912
00:55:50,848 --> 00:55:52,808
- So, you admit there are some
things about gay life
913
00:55:53,141 --> 00:55:54,393
that you don't understand.
914
00:55:54,726 --> 00:55:56,436
(laughing)
915
00:55:56,770 --> 00:56:00,357
(pleasant music on television)
916
00:56:58,999 --> 00:57:02,210
(dramatic violin music)
917
00:57:12,137 --> 00:57:14,222
(moaning)
918
00:57:40,916 --> 00:57:43,001
(moaning)
919
00:58:11,780 --> 00:58:15,575
(pleasant music on television)
920
00:58:30,674 --> 00:58:32,509
- [Jim] Yeah, come on Davy,
come on.
921
00:58:32,843 --> 00:58:33,427
Yeah.
922
00:58:33,760 --> 00:58:34,928
65.
923
00:58:35,262 --> 00:58:35,721
Good.
924
00:58:36,054 --> 00:58:36,513
66.
925
00:58:36,847 --> 00:58:37,556
- How am I doing?
926
00:58:37,889 --> 00:58:38,682
- Great, 67.
927
00:58:40,058 --> 00:58:40,767
Right, champ.
928
00:58:41,101 --> 00:58:41,560
68.
929
00:58:41,893 --> 00:58:42,728
- Look, wide open.
930
00:58:43,061 --> 00:58:43,687
- Shut up.
931
00:58:44,021 --> 00:58:44,563
69.
932
00:58:45,814 --> 00:58:46,732
Breathe with it, come on.
933
00:58:47,733 --> 00:58:48,859
70, yeah.
934
00:58:49,192 --> 00:58:50,861
- Did anyone ever tell you
935
00:58:51,194 --> 00:58:52,320
that you have beautiful...
936
00:58:53,739 --> 00:58:54,406
eyes.
937
00:58:55,782 --> 00:58:56,992
- Yeah, 71.
938
00:58:57,325 --> 00:58:59,619
Ever since I got muscles
when I was 15.
939
00:58:59,953 --> 00:59:00,662
(laughing)
940
00:59:00,996 --> 00:59:01,997
72.
941
00:59:02,330 --> 00:59:03,123
Good.
942
00:59:03,457 --> 00:59:04,416
73.
943
00:59:04,750 --> 00:59:06,710
I also have a lovely personality,
you know?
944
00:59:07,044 --> 00:59:07,794
74.
945
00:59:08,128 --> 00:59:10,088
Last one, come on, yeah.
946
00:59:10,422 --> 00:59:10,964
75.
947
00:59:12,674 --> 00:59:13,884
So how is he doing?
948
00:59:14,217 --> 00:59:15,343
You seem in great spirits.
949
00:59:16,970 --> 00:59:18,096
- He's on new pills.
950
00:59:20,932 --> 00:59:21,600
It's crazy.
951
00:59:23,852 --> 00:59:25,729
But I think Robert's
over the worst.
952
00:59:27,606 --> 00:59:28,607
He seems a lot better.
953
00:59:29,816 --> 00:59:31,109
I mean, who knows,
954
00:59:32,736 --> 00:59:34,196
but he looks like he
could hold his own
955
00:59:34,529 --> 00:59:36,490
and slide through the summer.
956
00:59:36,823 --> 00:59:39,159
(phone ringing)
957
00:59:51,129 --> 00:59:51,838
Hello?
958
00:59:52,172 --> 00:59:53,673
- [Woman] Is this David Bennett?
959
00:59:54,007 --> 00:59:55,008
- Yes.
960
00:59:55,342 --> 00:59:57,052
- [Woman] I'm Silvia Douglas with
the Long Island Chronical.
961
00:59:58,095 --> 00:59:59,554
- What can I do for you?
962
00:59:59,888 --> 01:00:01,264
- [Silvia] Well, I wanna do an
article about your work.
963
01:00:01,598 --> 01:00:03,475
You know, your experience
being a buddy.
964
01:00:05,435 --> 01:00:06,686
- You what?
965
01:00:07,020 --> 01:00:08,522
- [Silvia] Ideally, an interview
is what I had in mind
966
01:00:08,855 --> 01:00:10,482
with you about that AIDS problem.
967
01:00:10,816 --> 01:00:12,359
You know, what you do as a buddy,
968
01:00:12,692 --> 01:00:14,569
I wanna know about your clients,
stuff like that.
969
01:00:14,903 --> 01:00:16,613
- Listen, how did you get my
name and number?
970
01:00:17,989 --> 01:00:19,366
I don't wanna give you
an interview.
971
01:00:19,699 --> 01:00:21,118
What I'm doing is private,
it's a personal thing,
972
01:00:21,451 --> 01:00:22,494
and I don't wanna help
you sell papers
973
01:00:22,828 --> 01:00:24,830
with the pain of a guy who I--
974
01:00:25,163 --> 01:00:27,749
- [Silvia] Listen, we've been
trying to publish
975
01:00:28,083 --> 01:00:31,503
the most accurate information
we can about AIDS.
976
01:00:31,837 --> 01:00:33,213
- Look, Miss Douglas,
977
01:00:33,547 --> 01:00:34,548
I don't wanna be abrupt,
978
01:00:35,966 --> 01:00:38,510
but I'm gonna hang up with some
civility right now
979
01:00:38,844 --> 01:00:40,720
and I wish you wouldn't
call me up again.
980
01:00:41,763 --> 01:00:42,639
Goodbye.
981
01:00:47,269 --> 01:00:49,187
An article in a newspaper.
982
01:00:49,521 --> 01:00:50,438
An interview.
983
01:00:50,772 --> 01:00:52,023
It's ghoulish.
984
01:00:52,357 --> 01:00:53,733
- [Robert] Why?
985
01:00:54,067 --> 01:00:55,944
- Because you're sick and your
pain belongs to you.
986
01:00:56,278 --> 01:00:59,072
It's not something to sell
newspapers with.
987
01:00:59,406 --> 01:01:01,533
It's like those TEAD reporters at
fires asking mothers
988
01:01:01,867 --> 01:01:03,952
what they feel with a burnt
kid in their arms.
989
01:01:05,287 --> 01:01:06,580
- I think you should do it.
990
01:01:07,873 --> 01:01:09,166
You can use my name.
991
01:01:09,499 --> 01:01:10,625
- Robert, I don't wanna do it.
992
01:01:11,960 --> 01:01:15,172
- You don't have to use
your own name.
993
01:01:15,505 --> 01:01:18,717
Nobody would know.
994
01:01:22,971 --> 01:01:23,638
- Is that it?
995
01:01:24,973 --> 01:01:25,932
You think I'm hiding,
996
01:01:27,517 --> 01:01:30,520
that I'm ashamed to say in public,
in print.
997
01:01:30,854 --> 01:01:31,980
- No, David.
998
01:01:34,232 --> 01:01:35,984
I just thought it might
help someone.
999
01:01:38,278 --> 01:01:40,447
You never know who
reads those things.
1000
01:01:41,781 --> 01:01:43,200
It's like your aids book.
1001
01:01:44,868 --> 01:01:45,744
It'll help.
1002
01:01:46,995 --> 01:01:47,829
It has to.
1003
01:01:50,332 --> 01:01:51,583
- You never stop, do you?
1004
01:01:54,336 --> 01:01:55,086
- Look, David,
1005
01:01:56,880 --> 01:01:58,381
I know I'm losing it.
1006
01:02:00,133 --> 01:02:04,387
I can barely remember half the
things I wanna say
1007
01:02:06,473 --> 01:02:08,642
but I'm thinking clearly now
1008
01:02:08,975 --> 01:02:11,603
and I think you oughta do it.
1009
01:02:11,937 --> 01:02:12,729
- For gay lib?
1010
01:02:17,525 --> 01:02:18,193
- No.
1011
01:02:20,904 --> 01:02:21,863
Do it for me.
1012
01:02:25,784 --> 01:02:26,910
- Always below the belt.
1013
01:02:30,580 --> 01:02:32,123
There's never been
anyone like you.
1014
01:02:34,834 --> 01:02:36,962
- You can use one of my
old pictures.
1015
01:02:40,966 --> 01:02:42,092
The one at the beach.
1016
01:02:43,551 --> 01:02:45,637
- So how's it gonna help?
1017
01:02:45,971 --> 01:02:46,513
Tell me.
1018
01:02:47,931 --> 01:02:49,307
- I don't know exactly.
1019
01:02:51,017 --> 01:02:55,105
Maybe somebody reads it and
becomes more careful sexually.
1020
01:02:56,856 --> 01:02:58,900
That knocks down their
chances of getting it.
1021
01:03:01,027 --> 01:03:02,320
Or somebody reads it
1022
01:03:03,697 --> 01:03:05,991
and sends money to one of
those gay centers.
1023
01:03:08,076 --> 01:03:11,997
Or they get angry and they write a
letter to the mayor
1024
01:03:12,330 --> 01:03:14,541
and asks why more
isn't being done.
1025
01:03:17,085 --> 01:03:17,836
- You're hopeless.
1026
01:03:19,045 --> 01:03:20,672
You haven't learned a thing.
1027
01:03:21,006 --> 01:03:22,966
You're still back there
preaching on your soup box,
1028
01:03:23,300 --> 01:03:25,010
thinking that you can
change the world.
1029
01:03:26,511 --> 01:03:28,805
- I can't change anything, David.
1030
01:03:31,433 --> 01:03:33,226
I can barely make it
to the toilet.
1031
01:03:35,061 --> 01:03:37,439
- Do you wanna write down
what I should say?
1032
01:03:37,772 --> 01:03:38,732
I mean, if I'm gonna
do this thing,
1033
01:03:39,065 --> 01:03:41,735
I want it to be absolutely
politically correct.
1034
01:03:46,114 --> 01:03:46,781
- No.
1035
01:03:49,075 --> 01:03:51,286
Just be honest.
1036
01:03:53,038 --> 01:03:54,956
Just tell the truth.
1037
01:04:05,008 --> 01:04:06,718
- So you want some more cassettes?
1038
01:04:07,052 --> 01:04:08,970
Steve bought some more
cassettes yesterday.
1039
01:04:10,722 --> 01:04:13,183
- Well, an orderly came
in yesterday.
1040
01:04:14,559 --> 01:04:17,854
Caught me watching "The
Bigger The Better"
1041
01:04:20,857 --> 01:04:22,567
and it looks like my VCR
1042
01:04:23,985 --> 01:04:26,905
and my growing stash of
X-rated classics
1043
01:04:27,989 --> 01:04:30,325
has to go.
1044
01:04:30,658 --> 01:04:31,368
- Can they do that?
1045
01:04:33,078 --> 01:04:33,953
- It's already done.
1046
01:04:35,163 --> 01:04:35,747
- Well I'll talk to them.
1047
01:04:36,081 --> 01:04:36,623
- No.
1048
01:04:38,333 --> 01:04:39,000
Don't.
1049
01:04:40,460 --> 01:04:41,127
At this point,
1050
01:04:42,796 --> 01:04:46,508
it's best I appear to be the most
cooperative patient.
1051
01:04:48,968 --> 01:04:50,804
I don't wanna wear out my welcome.
1052
01:04:54,974 --> 01:04:55,892
- What?
1053
01:04:57,769 --> 01:04:59,771
- Thanks for agreeing to
do the interview.
1054
01:05:01,564 --> 01:05:03,024
- What's a buddy for anyway?
1055
01:05:11,783 --> 01:05:12,992
- [Silvia] I never
used to use these
1056
01:05:13,326 --> 01:05:14,953
but frankly it gets everything
1057
01:05:15,286 --> 01:05:16,913
so I don't have to take notes.
1058
01:05:18,206 --> 01:05:20,500
Okay, Dave, just begin
at the beginning
1059
01:05:20,834 --> 01:05:23,044
and try to tell me about
being a buddy.
1060
01:05:23,378 --> 01:05:25,588
You know, how you got into it.
1061
01:05:25,922 --> 01:05:29,050
Why you got into it, what it's
like, what he's like.
1062
01:05:29,384 --> 01:05:31,302
And I guess we could
start with his name.
1063
01:05:36,683 --> 01:05:37,350
- His name...
1064
01:05:44,566 --> 01:05:45,358
is Robert Willow.
1065
01:05:51,573 --> 01:05:52,907
He's 32.
1066
01:06:00,707 --> 01:06:01,916
He was born in San Diego.
1067
01:06:13,094 --> 01:06:15,138
I was assigned to him by chance.
1068
01:06:22,061 --> 01:06:22,729
I mean,
1069
01:06:24,022 --> 01:06:24,898
I volunteered
1070
01:06:29,736 --> 01:06:31,988
and we got put in with each
other by the center.
1071
01:06:41,623 --> 01:06:43,041
Robert's had AIDS for a year
1072
01:06:49,672 --> 01:06:52,967
and we've been buddies
for three months.
1073
01:07:03,770 --> 01:07:06,523
(printer clicking)
1074
01:07:20,161 --> 01:07:22,664
(phone ringing)
1075
01:07:43,685 --> 01:07:45,061
Hello?
1076
01:07:45,395 --> 01:07:47,397
- [Mom] David, I went to the news
stand this morning.
1077
01:07:47,730 --> 01:07:50,441
I was the first one there, I
bought five copies.
1078
01:07:50,775 --> 01:07:51,943
David, it's beautiful.
1079
01:07:52,277 --> 01:07:53,778
I read it to your dad
this morning.
1080
01:07:54,112 --> 01:07:55,071
- Mom, it's seven o'clock.
1081
01:07:55,405 --> 01:07:56,614
- [Mom] I never knew you
could say things
1082
01:07:56,948 --> 01:07:58,533
like you did in that article.
1083
01:07:58,866 --> 01:08:00,535
Robert seems like a wonderful man.
1084
01:08:00,868 --> 01:08:01,995
- He is, mom.
1085
01:08:02,328 --> 01:08:03,538
Did they use the picture?
1086
01:08:03,871 --> 01:08:04,622
- [Mom] You haven't seen it?
1087
01:08:04,956 --> 01:08:05,915
- Mom, I just woke up.
1088
01:08:06,249 --> 01:08:06,958
- [Mom] It's a full page
1089
01:08:07,292 --> 01:08:09,419
with a picture of
Robert at the beach.
1090
01:08:09,752 --> 01:08:10,795
He is so handsome.
1091
01:08:12,171 --> 01:08:14,173
But it's what you said
about people.
1092
01:08:14,507 --> 01:08:16,259
Wait, I have it right here.
1093
01:08:16,593 --> 01:08:18,553
"People have to feel the
pain and anguish
1094
01:08:18,886 --> 01:08:20,555
"like it was happening to them
1095
01:08:20,888 --> 01:08:22,682
"so when a person comes
down with AIDS
1096
01:08:23,016 --> 01:08:24,767
"we are all taken a little sick.
1097
01:08:25,101 --> 01:08:26,644
"Straight or gay, it
doesn't matter."
1098
01:08:28,021 --> 01:08:29,689
And the middle part,
that's my favorite.
1099
01:08:30,023 --> 01:08:31,899
Where you said, here it is, here.
1100
01:08:32,233 --> 01:08:34,152
"In the beginning, I
thought being a buddy
1101
01:08:34,485 --> 01:08:36,487
"was a way for me to help Robert
1102
01:08:36,821 --> 01:08:39,157
"and now I know that he helps
me to feel and grow
1103
01:08:40,408 --> 01:08:41,326
"faith, even death."
1104
01:08:43,411 --> 01:08:44,829
David, I am so proud of you.
1105
01:08:46,748 --> 01:08:49,250
- Ma, do they print the
name of the center?
1106
01:08:49,584 --> 01:08:51,544
- [Mom] Yes and a box at the
end with the address
1107
01:08:51,878 --> 01:08:52,920
for people to send money.
1108
01:08:54,297 --> 01:08:56,633
There's one part I didn't
completely understand.
1109
01:08:56,966 --> 01:08:58,468
- I don't remember what I said.
1110
01:08:58,801 --> 01:09:01,012
- [Mom] You said, "God has
not sent AIDS down
1111
01:09:01,346 --> 01:09:04,474
"to punish people gay and
straight who are sick
1112
01:09:04,807 --> 01:09:07,185
"because if God did that, then
God wouldn't be God."
1113
01:09:08,561 --> 01:09:09,312
What did you mean?
1114
01:09:10,647 --> 01:09:11,397
- It's early, mom,
1115
01:09:12,899 --> 01:09:14,067
I didn't think the interview
would print that.
1116
01:09:14,400 --> 01:09:15,693
It something that Robert says.
1117
01:09:17,737 --> 01:09:21,240
That a lot of people imagine that
God is just like they are.
1118
01:09:21,574 --> 01:09:23,034
You know, a big copy
of themselves.
1119
01:09:24,369 --> 01:09:27,121
Well, Robert says that a cruel God
ain’t no God at all.
1120
01:09:28,498 --> 01:09:30,041
- [Mom] Well, philosophy aside,
1121
01:09:30,375 --> 01:09:31,542
it's still a wonderful article
1122
01:09:31,876 --> 01:09:33,503
and you should go out and
get copies for Steve
1123
01:09:33,836 --> 01:09:35,213
and take one over to Robert.
1124
01:09:35,546 --> 01:09:36,339
It'll make his day.
1125
01:09:36,673 --> 01:09:37,799
- Okay, mom.
1126
01:09:38,132 --> 01:09:39,133
Thanks for the call.
1127
01:09:39,467 --> 01:09:41,135
- [Mom] You and Steve are coming
for dinner next Sunday.
1128
01:09:41,469 --> 01:09:42,178
You sister's gonna be here.
1129
01:09:42,512 --> 01:09:44,847
- Right, Sunday at five,
we'll be there.
1130
01:09:45,181 --> 01:09:46,099
Bye, bye.
1131
01:09:46,432 --> 01:09:47,308
- [Mom] Goodbye, dear.
1132
01:09:53,398 --> 01:09:54,691
- [PA Announcer] Dr.
Weinstein to ER.
1133
01:09:55,024 --> 01:09:56,401
Dr. Weinstein to ER.
1134
01:09:59,737 --> 01:10:03,741
(distant police sirens alarming)
1135
01:10:18,548 --> 01:10:20,550
EKG to ER.
1136
01:10:20,883 --> 01:10:22,176
EKG to ER.
1137
01:10:31,436 --> 01:10:34,939
Dr. Dilman, please call
extension 451.
1138
01:10:35,273 --> 01:10:37,692
Dr. Dilman, extension 451.
1139
01:10:46,826 --> 01:10:48,327
(bed creaking)
1140
01:10:48,661 --> 01:10:51,289
Dr. Dilman, please call
extension 451.
1141
01:10:51,622 --> 01:10:53,207
Dr. Dilman, 451.
1142
01:10:57,837 --> 01:10:58,755
- [Nurse] Mr. Bennett,
1143
01:11:00,214 --> 01:11:01,883
I'm sorry you had to
find out this way.
1144
01:11:04,051 --> 01:11:07,889
Robert died early this
morning in his sleep.
1145
01:11:09,474 --> 01:11:11,309
About 4:30.
1146
01:11:12,435 --> 01:11:13,603
It didn't get on the computer yet
1147
01:11:13,936 --> 01:11:15,271
and there's a new girl on
the front desk
1148
01:11:15,605 --> 01:11:16,939
and she didn't recognize you.
1149
01:11:20,610 --> 01:11:22,779
I'll be out at the front
desk if you need me.
1150
01:11:23,112 --> 01:11:25,072
Stay as long as you like.
1151
01:11:34,040 --> 01:11:37,251
(dramatic piano music)
1152
01:12:26,425 --> 01:12:29,428
(phone dial tone buzzing)
1153
01:12:29,762 --> 01:12:32,640
(phone dial beeping)
1154
01:12:43,818 --> 01:12:44,861
- [Steve] David?
1155
01:12:45,194 --> 01:12:45,736
- Yeah, Steve.
1156
01:12:47,154 --> 01:12:48,072
- [Steve] I know.
1157
01:12:48,406 --> 01:12:49,949
The center just called.
1158
01:12:50,283 --> 01:12:51,200
- The center?
1159
01:12:51,534 --> 01:12:53,244
- [Steve] Well the
hospital called them.
1160
01:12:53,578 --> 01:12:54,579
They called here.
1161
01:12:54,912 --> 01:12:57,582
Everyone's been just missing you.
1162
01:12:57,915 --> 01:12:59,292
Where are you?
1163
01:12:59,625 --> 01:13:01,919
You okay?
1164
01:13:02,253 --> 01:13:05,590
- I'm near the park.
1165
01:13:05,923 --> 01:13:10,678
I'm okay.
1166
01:13:12,138 --> 01:13:13,681
(sniffling)
1167
01:13:14,015 --> 01:13:17,935
No, I'm not okay.
1168
01:13:18,269 --> 01:13:20,605
- [Steve] Come on home.
1169
01:13:20,938 --> 01:13:22,857
- I'll be in later tonight.
1170
01:13:24,692 --> 01:13:25,943
- [Steve] David, you did
all you could.
1171
01:13:26,277 --> 01:13:27,361
- I know, Steve.
1172
01:13:31,616 --> 01:13:32,450
It just hurts.
1173
01:13:37,663 --> 01:13:38,456
I love him.
1174
01:13:39,999 --> 01:13:42,335
I didn't get a chance
to say goodbye.
1175
01:13:48,507 --> 01:13:49,926
I miss him.
1176
01:13:50,259 --> 01:13:51,302
- [Steve] I know.
1177
01:13:51,636 --> 01:13:52,428
Come on home.
1178
01:13:54,513 --> 01:13:58,351
- I'll be in by seven
o'clock tonight, okay?
1179
01:13:58,684 --> 01:13:59,852
- [Steve] Okay, I'll see you then.
1180
01:14:00,186 --> 01:14:01,145
And call the center.
1181
01:14:01,479 --> 01:14:02,521
They sounded pretty set on
you calling in.
1182
01:14:02,855 --> 01:14:05,316
- Right.
1183
01:14:05,650 --> 01:14:10,404
- [Steve] Bye.
1184
01:14:14,450 --> 01:14:17,578
(phone dial tone buzzing)
1185
01:14:17,912 --> 01:14:20,748
(phone dial beeping)
1186
01:14:25,252 --> 01:14:26,837
- [Lynn] Lynn Alison speaking.
1187
01:14:27,171 --> 01:14:29,173
- Hi, Lynn, it's David.
1188
01:14:29,507 --> 01:14:31,217
- [Lynn] David, they told me.
1189
01:14:31,550 --> 01:14:33,177
The hospital called.
1190
01:14:33,511 --> 01:14:34,929
What a terrible way to find out.
1191
01:14:35,262 --> 01:14:37,264
Come on over, we should talk.
1192
01:14:37,598 --> 01:14:40,935
- I'll be in by 10 o'clock
tomorrow morning, okay?
1193
01:14:41,268 --> 01:14:44,063
- [Lynn] Are you thinking of
dropping out of the program?
1194
01:14:44,397 --> 01:14:46,357
- Lynn, don't ask me any
questions right now
1195
01:14:46,691 --> 01:14:50,736
about being a buddy
or the program.
1196
01:14:51,070 --> 01:14:54,448
I'm just gonna have
to handle this.
1197
01:14:54,782 --> 01:14:57,827
There's something that
I have to do.
1198
01:14:58,160 --> 01:15:00,538
(dramatic music)
1199
01:15:38,200 --> 01:15:41,495
(dramatic violin music)
1200
01:16:35,674 --> 01:16:38,719
(dramatic violin music)
1201
01:17:25,141 --> 01:17:28,227
(somber piano music)
83655
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