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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,420 --> 00:00:06,040 More subtitles: https://av-subs.alwaysdata.net/ https://chomikuj.pl/swierszczyk_69 2 00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:10,020 Author: Świerszczyk69 Reviewer: truc1979 3 00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:20,960 DIGITAL PLAYGROUND PRESENTS: 4 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:27,080 == Feedback and corrections == == are welcome! == 5 00:00:28,380 --> 00:00:30,580 ANCHORWOMAN A XXX PARODY 6 00:00:30,740 --> 00:00:33,740 1975, Los Angeles 7 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:37,180 Well, pretty lady... 8 00:00:37,180 --> 00:00:39,180 ...looks like you've got all the... 9 00:00:39,180 --> 00:00:41,960 ...proper qualifications for the job. 10 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:44,920 - So, only one problem. - What's that? 11 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:46,260 You're a woman. 12 00:00:46,260 --> 00:00:47,980 Yeah we've never had a... 13 00:00:47,980 --> 00:00:51,100 ...female anchor here at channel 6 news... 14 00:00:51,460 --> 00:00:54,960 I don't think now is the time to start. 15 00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:57,580 I'm a lot more than a woman, I'm a journalist... 16 00:00:57,580 --> 00:01:00,600 ...and times are changing, Ned, and channel 6 needs to change with them. 17 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:03,400 Look... I'm familiar with what happened down in San Diego. 18 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:05,800 But up here, it's a different market. 19 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:10,520 In our viewers are used to us delivering a solid product. 20 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:12,080 What does that mean? 21 00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:13,380 Look... 22 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:17,040 I'm sorry you know there's nothing I can do for you at this time 23 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:20,060 You know, it's a shame too because, you know... 24 00:01:20,060 --> 00:01:23,060 You're... you're... your beautiful women, you know. 25 00:01:23,060 --> 00:01:27,720 Remind me a lot of an ex-girlfriend of mine in college and... 26 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:28,800 She was a dreamer. 27 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:34,100 I'm not leaving until you give me one good reason as to why i can't deliver the news as well as a man. 28 00:01:34,100 --> 00:01:36,720 I give you two: 29 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:40,520 Those juicy and melons are flying out of your... 30 00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:42,520 ...bra right there. I mean... 31 00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:45,720 God! How is anybody supposed to concentrate... 32 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:49,180 ...watching the news when you got sweet puppies just... 33 00:01:49,180 --> 00:01:50,700 ...in their face. 34 00:01:50,700 --> 00:01:54,220 You mean these titties? 35 00:01:55,220 --> 00:01:58,000 Sweet baby Jesus, those things are nice. 36 00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:06,280 Well, I'm glad you're enjoying the view. 37 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:10,500 A powerful man like yourself, should have the best seat in the house. 38 00:02:12,460 --> 00:02:15,360 Uh... What were we talking about? 39 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:19,160 I think you were saying, how channel 6 news... 40 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:24,800 ...was finally ready to bring on their first female anchor isn't that right? 41 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:29,320 well, I, you know, I mean, we haven't talked about adding 42 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:32,400 ...a little diversity to the station... 43 00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:35,380 But you know, I mean... 44 00:02:35,540 --> 00:02:40,180 I can get a lot of trouble and hot water over it, I mean, searing.... 45 00:02:40,180 --> 00:02:43,640 is there anything else, maybe, you could do to convince me? 46 00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:45,220 Well 47 00:02:45,220 --> 00:02:50,260 How about you put me on for 1 week during prime time? 48 00:02:50,260 --> 00:02:55,780 I'll make your ratings go up and I'll also give you the best fuck of your life 49 00:02:57,060 --> 00:02:58,280 Alright 50 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,860 One week, but... 51 00:03:01,220 --> 00:03:04,120 Don't get all upset when you fail and I have to... 52 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:07,560 fire you and all that stuff, I know how emotional you brat can get 53 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:12,000 You have to promise me... 54 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,000 ...if the ratings go up... 55 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:16,480 you'll keep me on during prime time 56 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:18,480 Allright, it's a deal 57 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:21,120 I mean you literally got me by the balls right now 58 00:03:21,300 --> 00:03:24,700 but, I can get catch hell for this, I mean 59 00:03:24,860 --> 00:03:27,900 The owner as far he's concerned women belong in the kitchen 60 00:03:27,900 --> 00:03:30,620 I was the one responsible for hire all most of the... you know... 61 00:03:30,620 --> 00:03:32,620 female employees here 62 00:03:32,620 --> 00:03:33,780 Well 63 00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:39,300 I promise you, that thinking progressively has its benefits and you won't regret it 64 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:43,440 Oh god 65 00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:52,620 Here's the progressive thinking 66 00:23:10,380 --> 00:23:12,440 - Oh my good, you want me to come? - Yeah I do. 67 00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:16,060 You wanna come on my pretty face? 68 00:24:03,780 --> 00:24:07,220 This just in breaking news so hot 69 00:24:07,220 --> 00:24:10,780 it will literally melt your television set. 70 00:24:11,260 --> 00:24:14,700 so I hope you have two television sets 71 00:24:14,700 --> 00:24:16,620 I'm Don Merlot, 72 00:24:16,620 --> 00:24:19,460 and tonight I'm going to take you 73 00:24:19,460 --> 00:24:22,380 inside to the dragon. 74 00:24:23,620 --> 00:24:26,580 A topic so shrouded in mystery 75 00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:31,120 That I am the only man on this planet, who can tell it properly 76 00:24:32,180 --> 00:24:35,220 Now I know most of my viewers at home 77 00:24:35,220 --> 00:24:39,540 - Who's he talking to? There's someone else? - Quiet, quiet. Professional speaking here. 78 00:24:40,660 --> 00:24:43,360 I know most of my viewers at home 79 00:24:43,360 --> 00:24:45,860 thinking that what they're about to see is going to be 80 00:24:45,860 --> 00:24:48,680 awesome and mind-blowing. And it is. 81 00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:52,780 but let me assure you I'm a professional journalist so it is my duty to warn you 82 00:24:52,780 --> 00:24:54,960 the images that you're about to see 83 00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:57,320 are sexually graphic in nature 84 00:24:57,320 --> 00:24:59,320 and disgusting 85 00:24:59,900 --> 00:25:01,320 and possibly racist 86 00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:02,760 as I'm a 87 00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:05,620 46 year old white man with a young Asian woman 88 00:25:06,220 --> 00:25:07,620 So... 89 00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:09,620 God Bless America 90 00:25:10,740 --> 00:25:12,760 and buy savings bonds. 91 00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:34,400 Well my Lady, 92 00:45:34,740 --> 00:45:37,780 I have to say it was quite fun 93 00:45:37,780 --> 00:45:39,580 but 94 00:45:39,580 --> 00:45:41,060 i have to 95 00:45:41,060 --> 00:45:44,140 - ...go. - Where are you going, Don? 96 00:45:44,140 --> 00:45:47,060 well... 97 00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:49,060 in the real world, 98 00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:51,540 I do something very special: 99 00:45:52,180 --> 00:45:56,020 I deliver the news to millions of people each night. 100 00:45:56,020 --> 00:46:01,760 I am the voice of trust and reason 101 00:46:02,060 --> 00:46:03,760 I am... 102 00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:05,760 ...Don Merlot. 103 00:46:07,820 --> 00:46:11,140 I'm gonna use your jacuzzi to wash, before I leave 104 00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:14,110 so, don't lock up behind you. 105 00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:32,700 Can I just say what an honor it is to work with you on the news tonight. 106 00:46:32,860 --> 00:46:36,080 Hmm don't get used to it, sister 107 00:46:36,080 --> 00:46:40,380 One slip-up and you'll be on that fantastic ass looking for a man. 108 00:46:40,380 --> 00:46:41,780 take care of you. 109 00:46:41,780 --> 00:46:43,780 What did you just say? 110 00:46:43,780 --> 00:46:46,520 Oh you heard me sugar tits, this is a man's job. 111 00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:50,080 You think having a fantastic rack qualifies you to read the news? 112 00:46:51,060 --> 00:46:52,940 Next week you'll be filing unemployment. 113 00:46:53,320 --> 00:46:55,340 It's Channel 6 News 114 00:46:55,440 --> 00:46:58,840 with your beloved, award-winning anchor, Don Merlot. 115 00:46:58,840 --> 00:47:00,840 Good evening, this is 6 o'clock news 116 00:47:00,840 --> 00:47:04,100 - I'm Don Merlot - And I'm Angela Fontana. 117 00:47:05,400 --> 00:47:09,660 and keeping up with the stories are developing tonight in your world 118 00:47:09,660 --> 00:47:13,780 a South Bay Area man is intensive care after being 119 00:47:13,780 --> 00:47:16,680 bumped by two sea lions at a local 120 00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:20,260 taco gym parking lot. On the story as it develops. 121 00:47:20,260 --> 00:47:22,760 Ass, cash or grass? 122 00:47:22,760 --> 00:47:26,780 As Americans are panicking over the most recent gas crisis in America 123 00:47:26,780 --> 00:47:29,600 we give you great alternatives for transportation. 124 00:47:29,600 --> 00:47:34,760 And could the lights in the produce section of your local grocery store be giving you brain cancer? 125 00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:39,000 We'll have the answer at the end of the show, but first let's check in with our men on the field. 126 00:47:39,160 --> 00:47:43,020 I'm Ryan Shasta. Pickup lines, do they work? 127 00:47:43,600 --> 00:47:48,100 Been out here, the most popular jogging spot, after hours trying out new ones, 128 00:47:48,100 --> 00:47:51,140 and I'm fairly certain I've narrowed it down to 10 129 00:47:52,100 --> 00:47:54,360 watch I try them out 130 00:47:54,460 --> 00:47:56,200 It says here you're a cheap. 131 00:47:56,200 --> 00:47:59,840 or a dirty butthole, who likes to handjob in bus station. 132 00:47:59,840 --> 00:48:03,640 Well you smell like dirty balls and red-hot. 133 00:48:04,260 --> 00:48:11,560 That's actually my new cologne is called to 2-1 nights. It's an aphrodisiac. They actually put Spanish fly in it. 134 00:48:11,560 --> 00:48:13,220 Are you feeling it? 135 00:48:13,220 --> 00:48:16,320 Pretty soon, you're gonna be begging to gobble mine up. 136 00:48:16,320 --> 00:48:19,160 You know I can give you a pearl necklace to go through those cheap earrings. 137 00:48:19,160 --> 00:48:25,240 As tempting as that sounds, I would rather blow a homeless man, and put that shriveled-up dick in my mouth. 138 00:48:26,060 --> 00:48:29,660 That's kinky, I would actually pay this. No joke. 139 00:48:31,240 --> 00:48:34,520 This is a disaster. What are you thinking? 140 00:48:34,520 --> 00:48:37,380 You said we need a gimmick to pique your interest. 141 00:48:37,380 --> 00:48:39,480 Besides she's got great tits. I mean, 142 00:48:39,480 --> 00:48:40,620 she's good I can. 143 00:48:40,620 --> 00:48:42,620 What I meant, was like: get somebody 144 00:48:42,620 --> 00:48:44,280 who was like a trained monkey 145 00:48:44,280 --> 00:48:47,580 who could read their headlines. Not put some woman on the news. 146 00:48:47,580 --> 00:48:49,820 How is this any different? 147 00:48:49,820 --> 00:48:52,460 I hope you know what you're doing. 148 00:48:53,500 --> 00:48:57,460 Ok, I gotta go take my heart medicine. My pressure is through the roof. 149 00:48:58,460 --> 00:49:00,300 I anything should go wrong, 150 00:49:00,300 --> 00:49:02,300 you'll be out on your ass. 151 00:49:04,260 --> 00:49:05,480 Hey pretty lady, 152 00:49:05,480 --> 00:49:06,680 what's your favorite number? 153 00:49:06,680 --> 00:49:09,020 Oh wait, might 69, get it? 154 00:49:09,020 --> 00:49:11,020 I love to get back. You know what I mean. 155 00:49:11,020 --> 00:49:13,020 *** 156 00:49:13,020 --> 00:49:15,020 You're funny. What's your name? 157 00:49:15,020 --> 00:49:17,720 My name's Jack Me-Off. I mean, Jack Hawk. 158 00:49:17,720 --> 00:49:18,680 Want to see it? 159 00:49:18,680 --> 00:49:20,280 That's hilarious. 160 00:49:20,370 --> 00:49:22,680 - I think we should go out - Sure 161 00:49:22,680 --> 00:49:27,420 Nailed it. For Channel 6 news, I'm Ryan Shasta. Back to you Don. 162 00:49:28,240 --> 00:49:29,420 Compelling stuff. 163 00:49:29,420 --> 00:49:31,420 Now over to the weather. 164 00:49:31,420 --> 00:49:32,800 Thanks Don. 165 00:49:32,800 --> 00:49:37,060 I'm Rick Stormwatch, with your official local updates. 166 00:49:37,060 --> 00:49:40,160 Prepare to see temperatures in the mid-80s throughout the week, 167 00:49:40,160 --> 00:49:45,800 With some chilly overnight lows dipping down into the low 70s. 71 to be exact. 168 00:49:45,800 --> 00:49:47,340 Back to you guys. 169 00:49:47,340 --> 00:49:50,680 Any suggestions as to what the viewer should wear this week? 170 00:49:50,680 --> 00:49:53,300 Well Angela, if they look anything like you... 171 00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:55,660 ...less is better! 172 00:49:56,980 --> 00:49:57,900 Good one, Rick! 173 00:49:57,900 --> 00:50:02,400 Let's head over to make burgers sports desk and check in with Jack. 174 00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:06,080 What now is the point of having ***? 175 00:50:07,320 --> 00:50:13,060 You take the top teams from the National League, you're playing against the top teams from the American League, and that's it. 176 00:50:14,000 --> 00:50:19,780 But instead you let those damn gay babe greasy pricks into this league, they steal the whole fucking thing. 177 00:50:21,520 --> 00:50:25,340 And I'm the one that gets dejected from the third base, ***. 178 00:50:25,340 --> 00:50:27,620 You son of a bitch, it's not fucking over. 179 00:50:27,720 --> 00:50:30,720 It's not fucking over, you hear me you son of a bitch? 180 00:50:31,060 --> 00:50:32,720 Okay, okay, 181 00:50:33,060 --> 00:50:37,060 another fascinating look at the world of family friendly sports, 182 00:50:37,060 --> 00:50:39,060 with Tiger Jack. 183 00:50:39,540 --> 00:50:40,820 Good work, Jack. 184 00:50:45,460 --> 00:50:46,860 So we are all loaded up? 185 00:50:46,860 --> 00:50:48,080 No. 186 00:50:48,080 --> 00:50:50,480 No, thanks to you Ryan. 187 00:50:50,480 --> 00:50:52,840 You know you could give a hand every once in a while? 188 00:50:52,840 --> 00:50:55,200 Look, I'm the on-air talent. 189 00:50:55,540 --> 00:50:57,660 There's one thing and one thing only: 190 00:50:57,660 --> 00:50:59,660 I don't lift heavy objects. 191 00:50:59,960 --> 00:51:01,660 This is with my unit. 192 00:51:01,660 --> 00:51:03,660 And I prefer if you help me with that. 193 00:51:04,060 --> 00:51:06,220 Where's the jogger you picked up earlier? 194 00:51:06,220 --> 00:51:08,220 I turnt it down for you. 195 00:51:08,220 --> 00:51:11,160 Now what you say? We'll go full round in that van again? 196 00:51:11,160 --> 00:51:12,220 Listen. 197 00:51:12,220 --> 00:51:16,020 I only jerked you off that one time, because you said my tits were giving you blue balls. 198 00:51:16,020 --> 00:51:18,340 Not so we can hook up in the van every time. 199 00:51:18,340 --> 00:51:22,520 Look I already know there's some raw animal magnetism at work. 200 00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:24,520 Alright? Why fight it? 201 00:51:25,700 --> 00:51:28,960 You told me you're going to get me in front of the camera with you, 202 00:51:28,960 --> 00:51:30,540 i did this to become a reporter. 203 00:51:30,540 --> 00:51:33,440 Not so I could be in command of jerking you off all the time Ryan. 204 00:51:33,440 --> 00:51:35,040 Relax, cookie pussy. 205 00:51:35,040 --> 00:51:37,040 Alright? I've already talked to Ned. 206 00:51:37,040 --> 00:51:38,400 You done? 207 00:51:38,400 --> 00:51:39,660 what did you say? 208 00:51:39,660 --> 00:51:41,660 Well, I hate to break it to you but 209 00:51:42,740 --> 00:51:44,620 he said there's no chicks 210 00:51:44,620 --> 00:51:46,040 in the news 211 00:51:46,040 --> 00:51:49,160 Then he said get your head out of your ass and threw a drink at me. 212 00:51:49,380 --> 00:51:50,600 Kind of a rush. 213 00:51:50,600 --> 00:51:53,880 There's a chick doing the news right now. You have to go tell them. 214 00:51:53,880 --> 00:51:55,880 I will, sexy mom, alright. 215 00:51:55,880 --> 00:51:57,880 But I'm gonna need more than a tug 216 00:51:57,880 --> 00:51:59,880 if I'm going to war for you, my secret lover. 217 00:52:00,300 --> 00:52:03,320 Fine. But you tell your friends 218 00:52:03,320 --> 00:52:04,580 I'll deny it. 219 00:52:04,580 --> 00:52:09,140 I can live with that. Now hop in that van. Wait, wait. In a kinkier way. 220 00:52:10,500 --> 00:52:12,320 That's what I'm talking about. 221 00:52:20,750 --> 00:52:21,750 (Fuck) 222 00:52:21,480 --> 00:52:26,460 Technical difficulties. Please remain docile. God Bless America. 223 00:52:30,640 --> 00:52:32,220 Hum, are you sure this is okay? 224 00:52:32,220 --> 00:52:34,220 Oh don't you worry baby. 225 00:52:34,500 --> 00:52:37,140 You just relax, I'm gonna take a look place is alright. 226 00:52:37,140 --> 00:52:38,660 Just sit back. 227 00:52:38,850 --> 00:52:40,660 - Yeah, alright, here we go. - Okay. 228 00:52:40,660 --> 00:52:42,380 Well, what if somebody comes in? 229 00:52:42,380 --> 00:52:44,380 Doesn't matter. Doesnt' matter. 230 00:52:44,700 --> 00:52:47,080 We take you on a journey, alright? 231 00:52:47,280 --> 00:52:48,710 Yeah. 232 00:52:52,700 --> 00:52:54,600 Interns gotta earn extra credit. 233 00:52:54,880 --> 00:52:57,250 - Oh... - That's it. 234 00:53:04,970 --> 00:53:07,400 - Mustache tickles... - A little bit? 235 00:53:10,000 --> 00:53:10,970 It's a flavor saver. 236 00:53:12,840 --> 00:53:13,740 What does that mean? 237 00:53:13,740 --> 00:53:15,440 It means I'm going to take care of business. 238 00:53:15,380 --> 00:53:16,740 - Wow - Oh yeah. 239 00:53:19,100 --> 00:53:20,490 It's business time. 240 00:53:22,060 --> 00:53:24,060 A little dusty in here, but 241 00:53:24,060 --> 00:53:25,660 that's why I brought my "womb-brow" 242 00:53:25,660 --> 00:53:27,660 Oh my... 243 00:53:28,560 --> 00:53:30,980 - Oh, your moustache you mean. - That's it. 244 00:53:30,980 --> 00:53:32,980 I get jokes. 245 00:53:40,820 --> 00:53:42,980 Now that's what you've earned. 246 00:54:23,950 --> 00:54:25,060 - Hey! - What? 247 00:54:25,060 --> 00:54:26,300 You don't touch these hair. 248 00:54:26,880 --> 00:54:28,680 That's a golden rule on this. 249 00:54:28,680 --> 00:54:30,000 Sorry, sorry. 250 00:54:30,500 --> 00:54:32,090 Nobody touches that hair. 251 00:55:43,070 --> 00:55:46,580 Thank you. I feel like a winner. 252 00:56:14,990 --> 00:56:17,810 You have such a strong tongue. 253 00:56:55,090 --> 00:56:58,070 - It's business too. - Oh it's business. 254 00:57:03,950 --> 00:57:06,950 - There we go, let's see what we got here. - What do I have? 255 00:57:55,900 --> 00:57:59,900 - America. - I've been there. 256 00:57:59,900 --> 00:58:02,250 - You're here now. - Cool 257 00:58:04,000 --> 00:58:07,400 I'm a patreon, now here's the flag. 258 00:58:25,500 --> 00:58:27,460 There we go, get that flagpole up. 259 00:59:24,060 --> 00:59:27,240 There we go, that's how you raise it. 260 01:02:00,710 --> 01:02:04,260 - That's kind of romantic - No, there's no romance in this 261 01:02:04,260 --> 01:02:05,740 Okay, well whatever you were. 262 01:09:45,950 --> 01:09:47,930 We almost went to brown town. 263 01:09:48,800 --> 01:09:52,070 You're so funny, you're the funniest. 264 01:13:30,750 --> 01:13:32,731 - You learned that trick? - I don't know. 265 01:13:32,940 --> 01:13:34,700 I used to be a dancer. 266 01:13:36,950 --> 01:13:40,320 I thought you were. I'm gonna go to that strip club. 267 01:13:41,250 --> 01:13:43,580 Oh god, you're funny, you're so funny. 268 01:15:00,600 --> 01:15:02,060 *** 269 01:15:02,060 --> 01:15:03,760 Always *** 270 01:15:03,760 --> 01:15:05,760 Yeah, you're you beautiful but I gotta get back to work. 271 01:15:07,500 --> 01:15:10,760 - Ok, thank you. - Don't flip side. 272 01:15:10,850 --> 01:15:11,700 I'm signing out. 273 01:15:11,820 --> 01:15:15,100 Do you have like a napkin or tissue? 274 01:15:20,820 --> 01:15:22,210 I have great news. 275 01:15:22,420 --> 01:15:25,100 The reports came in and we're beating all the other stations 276 01:15:25,100 --> 01:15:26,670 by a whopping 50%. 277 01:15:27,210 --> 01:15:27,840 What? 278 01:15:27,920 --> 01:15:30,150 Give me that. It must be a fluke. 279 01:15:30,400 --> 01:15:32,231 It's not a fluke everyone loves Angela, 280 01:15:32,231 --> 01:15:33,711 they can't get enough. 281 01:15:34,500 --> 01:15:37,670 what turns out the light in the produce section does not give you cancer. 282 01:15:37,960 --> 01:15:41,120 So don't be afraid to grab a pair of fresh ripe melons. 283 01:15:41,120 --> 01:15:44,120 You catch my drift Angela? 284 01:15:43,060 --> 01:15:44,070 That's right Don, 285 01:15:44,070 --> 01:15:45,680 I've always found the best way to check your melons 286 01:15:45,680 --> 01:15:47,790 is to give them a gentle squeeze. 287 01:15:48,880 --> 01:15:51,020 Well that's all the news we have for you tonight, 288 01:15:51,120 --> 01:15:52,030 Thanks for tuning in, 289 01:15:52,030 --> 01:15:54,740 I'm Don Merlot, reminding you to keep the class. 290 01:15:54,740 --> 01:15:56,390 And good night. 291 01:15:59,530 --> 01:16:02,530 The pleasure as they say is all yours. 292 01:16:03,060 --> 01:16:05,230 You're a heartless bastard, Don Merlot, 293 01:16:05,230 --> 01:16:07,630 and to think I used to look up to you... 294 01:16:07,630 --> 01:16:08,789 You know what your problem is? 295 01:16:08,789 --> 01:16:10,499 I'm going tell you what your problem is. 296 01:16:11,460 --> 01:16:12,461 You're a women. 297 01:16:12,480 --> 01:16:15,111 You have a brain that's roughly the same size as the dinosaur. 298 01:16:15,111 --> 01:16:17,781 And everybody knows we domesticated the dinosaur, so... 299 01:16:18,400 --> 01:16:20,540 And another thing to: you have a vagina. 300 01:16:20,540 --> 01:16:21,750 And it has... 301 01:16:21,750 --> 01:16:24,450 ...hormones running through it that make you unstable and irrational. 302 01:16:24,450 --> 01:16:25,750 Mr Merlot, 303 01:16:25,750 --> 01:16:27,760 I'm a damn good female reporter and 304 01:16:27,760 --> 01:16:29,540 I will be respected, sir. 305 01:16:29,600 --> 01:16:31,011 You're nothing but a cheap hooker 306 01:16:31,011 --> 01:16:33,021 who screwed a way to get into this job, okay? 307 01:16:33,021 --> 01:16:33,851 I'm a professional. 308 01:16:33,851 --> 01:16:37,181 You have any idea the pressures that we face today doing the news? 309 01:16:37,300 --> 01:16:39,260 This is a huge responsibility. 310 01:16:39,600 --> 01:16:41,110 I don't even know why even bother talking to you, 311 01:16:41,110 --> 01:16:42,740 it's like talking to a pet rock. 312 01:16:44,020 --> 01:16:44,780 God. 313 01:16:44,750 --> 01:16:45,230 You know, 314 01:16:45,230 --> 01:16:46,930 I think the novelty will wear off, 315 01:16:46,930 --> 01:16:48,110 and then Ned will come to his senses. 316 01:16:48,110 --> 01:16:49,550 (I wouldn't bet on that, Don.) 317 01:16:49,910 --> 01:16:53,040 Looks like there's a huge spike in ratings because Angela is here. 318 01:16:53,840 --> 01:16:55,110 I think she's here to stay. 319 01:16:55,720 --> 01:16:57,410 Well, super duper, 320 01:16:57,780 --> 01:17:00,770 I guess if anybody needs a award-winning newscast, 321 01:17:00,770 --> 01:17:02,770 We'll be in the bar drinking ***. 322 01:17:05,560 --> 01:17:06,650 Come on, Rick. 323 01:17:07,400 --> 01:17:08,900 Tiger, come on, bring it in! 324 01:17:12,000 --> 01:17:14,570 The nice, uh, rear end you have there, dizzy busy. 325 01:17:16,020 --> 01:17:18,010 Let's pour some gravy all over that. 326 01:17:18,960 --> 01:17:22,219 Just bury my face in between those biscuits and make you "hauuu". 327 01:17:24,160 --> 01:17:25,140 Careful, sailor. 328 01:17:25,240 --> 01:17:26,970 I've been known to bite for less. 329 01:17:28,650 --> 01:17:29,920 See you later, ***. 330 01:17:35,320 --> 01:17:37,480 What a pig. 331 01:17:38,580 --> 01:17:39,820 I don't know... 332 01:17:39,820 --> 01:17:41,070 I think he's kinda cute... 333 01:17:41,070 --> 01:17:42,641 ...in a retarded way. 334 01:17:42,880 --> 01:17:46,840 You see, that's the thinking exactly that's holding us back in our careers. 335 01:17:46,840 --> 01:17:49,860 We need to stop thinking of the men as cute and harmless, 336 01:17:49,860 --> 01:17:52,680 if we want to break through the glass ceiling they have over us. 337 01:17:53,260 --> 01:17:55,710 I don't know... We're still women, right? 338 01:17:56,560 --> 01:17:57,360 I mean, 339 01:17:57,640 --> 01:17:59,800 I saw how you were looking at him when he sat down. 340 01:18:00,340 --> 01:18:02,830 I saw you were fantasizing about him. 341 01:18:03,080 --> 01:18:05,000 You were practically drooling. 342 01:18:05,720 --> 01:18:09,010 I'll admit... I thought he was super dreamy when I first started. 343 01:18:09,340 --> 01:18:11,830 But once I met him and realized what a dick he was, 344 01:18:11,830 --> 01:18:13,130 that completely went away. 345 01:18:13,800 --> 01:18:15,210 That's true... 346 01:18:15,640 --> 01:18:19,270 But if we held that against them, we'd never get laid. 347 01:18:20,180 --> 01:18:21,350 Yeah, you're right. 348 01:18:21,440 --> 01:18:24,140 Ladies, let's just put this all behind us, 349 01:18:24,500 --> 01:18:27,160 and go celebrate these awesome ratings. 350 01:18:28,480 --> 01:18:30,070 First rounds on me, let's go! 351 01:18:30,070 --> 01:18:32,080 Good. I'm ordering a double. 352 01:18:36,240 --> 01:18:37,910 Okay, I'll admit it, 353 01:18:37,910 --> 01:18:40,750 I've had a crush on Don Merlot for a while. 354 01:18:41,000 --> 01:18:43,011 But I didn't realize he was such a dick. 355 01:18:43,000 --> 01:18:44,630 He made quite a first impression. 356 01:18:45,400 --> 01:18:46,660 Don't let him get to you. 357 01:18:46,740 --> 01:18:48,960 That's how they try to *** the station. 358 01:18:49,000 --> 01:18:50,380 So there you go. 359 01:18:50,380 --> 01:18:52,120 You'll get used to it. We all did. 360 01:18:52,620 --> 01:18:54,160 Yeah. When they first hired me, 361 01:18:54,160 --> 01:18:56,910 I thought I was going to be the first female reporter on the field, 362 01:18:57,160 --> 01:18:58,590 but now I'm just Ryan's assistant. 363 01:18:58,740 --> 01:19:00,870 And he harasses me everyday. 364 01:19:02,080 --> 01:19:04,060 Girls, you've got it easy. 365 01:19:04,440 --> 01:19:07,040 Who do you think writes all the sports stats for Tiger? 366 01:19:07,040 --> 01:19:09,520 He's drunk all day long, 367 01:19:09,520 --> 01:19:11,950 and he farts all the fucking time. 368 01:19:13,060 --> 01:19:15,000 Yeah, they let me do the weather once, 369 01:19:15,000 --> 01:19:17,710 and it turns out there wasn't even rolling. 370 01:19:18,020 --> 01:19:19,570 And that's the weekend "wearecast"... 371 01:19:20,020 --> 01:19:22,920 Wait... I think there's a typo on the teleprompter guys. 372 01:19:29,180 --> 01:19:30,790 There was a bunch of Japanese guys, 373 01:19:30,790 --> 01:19:32,680 coming all over my face the background. 374 01:19:33,300 --> 01:19:35,300 And then they threw rubbers at me afterwards. 375 01:19:35,600 --> 01:19:38,590 Who doesn't like a good bukkake ***? 376 01:19:42,800 --> 01:19:45,990 Guys, I think we really showed them today. 377 01:19:46,980 --> 01:19:48,520 Let's drink to no equal rights. 378 01:19:49,000 --> 01:19:49,890 That's always a win. 379 01:19:50,200 --> 01:19:53,180 I had to admit though I think I came down on there a little too hard. 380 01:19:53,180 --> 01:19:55,030 Like a hammer on the back of a gun. 381 01:19:56,340 --> 01:19:58,870 You know it's the only thing that they understand. 382 01:19:58,870 --> 01:19:59,950 You know that, right? 383 01:20:00,560 --> 01:20:02,430 You give an inch, hey think they're in a charge. 384 01:20:04,380 --> 01:20:06,900 I like to give that hot new filly 9 inches, 385 01:20:06,900 --> 01:20:09,160 shove my balls in there too. 386 01:20:09,160 --> 01:20:12,160 You're thinking about this the wrong way. 387 01:20:12,420 --> 01:20:15,720 All ladies needs to be told they have a pretty face, 388 01:20:15,720 --> 01:20:16,970 and tell them they're a slut. 389 01:20:17,200 --> 01:20:18,300 It's been proven. 390 01:20:18,860 --> 01:20:21,251 - I love you man. - I feel safe in your arms. 391 01:20:21,251 --> 01:20:22,460 You should. 392 01:20:22,460 --> 01:20:24,920 I'm very strong for a sports newscaster. 393 01:20:25,920 --> 01:20:27,200 Read me a story. 394 01:20:27,380 --> 01:20:29,571 I've been thinking about what you said earlier, 395 01:20:29,571 --> 01:20:32,151 about men being pigs with only one thing on their mind. 396 01:20:34,340 --> 01:20:37,500 So, *** 397 01:20:37,500 --> 01:20:39,360 Who gives a fuck about the Canadians? 398 01:20:39,720 --> 01:20:41,150 Unless they're hot rods? 399 01:20:41,500 --> 01:20:42,520 Then we're about it. 400 01:20:42,500 --> 01:20:44,900 - And the sport? - Curling is really popular. 401 01:20:45,120 --> 01:20:46,500 - Yeah. - Really? 402 01:20:46,500 --> 01:20:48,721 You know that was invented over on Easter Island. 403 01:20:50,460 --> 01:20:52,210 - During passover. - Oh... 404 01:20:52,560 --> 01:20:54,500 Thank you. 405 01:20:55,640 --> 01:20:56,850 Follow me. 406 01:20:57,400 --> 01:20:58,530 (I think she comes.) 407 01:20:58,640 --> 01:21:00,310 Act like I cured smallpox. 408 01:21:03,700 --> 01:21:05,380 Oh, Jesus... What is this? 409 01:21:06,380 --> 01:21:08,780 Well, somebody decided they knew where the party was. 410 01:21:10,500 --> 01:21:12,460 This round's on me. 411 01:21:12,460 --> 01:21:14,460 As a peace offering. 412 01:21:15,300 --> 01:21:17,160 Are you jealous? 413 01:21:17,160 --> 01:21:18,240 No idea. 414 01:21:18,240 --> 01:21:20,240 Let the game begin, sisters! 415 01:21:21,420 --> 01:21:24,070 It's a peace offering from us. 416 01:21:24,240 --> 01:21:25,670 Piece of ass, I hope. 417 01:21:26,860 --> 01:21:28,870 Are you so funny, Don Merlot? 418 01:21:29,000 --> 01:21:30,660 - I am. - Oh, you are. 419 01:21:30,580 --> 01:21:32,170 That mustache is beautiful. 420 01:21:33,040 --> 01:21:33,620 (You noticed?) 421 01:21:33,620 --> 01:21:36,120 - I think blue is your color. - I think so too. 422 01:21:36,120 --> 01:21:37,430 I prefer it off. 423 01:21:37,840 --> 01:21:40,040 *** 424 01:21:40,500 --> 01:21:41,880 *** move later? 425 01:21:41,880 --> 01:21:43,800 Yeah, I've been working on it. 426 01:21:43,800 --> 01:21:45,480 *** 427 01:21:51,520 --> 01:21:54,400 Do you remember when you thought you were reading the news and uh... 428 01:21:55,160 --> 01:21:57,100 There was nothing but dicks on the screen behind you? 429 01:21:57,190 --> 01:21:58,369 I do. 430 01:21:58,480 --> 01:21:59,940 So hilarious. 431 01:22:03,420 --> 01:22:04,880 This gets me to thinking... 432 01:22:04,880 --> 01:22:06,870 I've always wanted to do it in the newsroom. 433 01:22:07,200 --> 01:22:08,160 Yeah? 434 01:22:08,560 --> 01:22:09,840 Why don't you take your pants off? 435 01:22:09,840 --> 01:22:11,200 I'll go turn on the chroma key. 436 01:22:17,640 --> 01:22:18,900 Tonight's forecast: 437 01:22:18,900 --> 01:22:20,300 Heavy boning! 438 01:22:20,860 --> 01:22:24,370 Followed by some scattered cum showers all over your fucking face and titties. 439 01:22:25,660 --> 01:22:28,169 So nice cock you got there. What are you going to do with it? 440 01:22:28,680 --> 01:22:30,980 Well first I'm going to get this guy nice and hard, 441 01:22:30,980 --> 01:22:33,980 I'm going to fuck you up your ass with it. 442 01:22:32,360 --> 01:22:34,520 Then I want to pull it out and smack you all over your face. 443 01:22:34,920 --> 01:22:37,110 Hmm, I like it when you talk dirty. What else? 444 01:22:37,680 --> 01:22:41,460 Then, I'm gonna do a blizzard of jizz all over your face and titties, 445 01:22:41,460 --> 01:22:43,700 You worthless, cum sucking, whore. 446 01:22:44,100 --> 01:22:45,360 what do you think? 447 01:22:45,860 --> 01:22:48,140 Then let's go fucking until your face falls off. 448 01:22:48,140 --> 01:22:50,850 That sounds perfect, I think your fans will love it. 449 01:22:50,920 --> 01:22:52,200 Now why don't you come over here, 450 01:22:52,200 --> 01:22:53,700 and let me show you 451 01:22:53,700 --> 01:22:55,200 giving away presents for my new guy. 452 01:22:55,660 --> 01:22:57,430 I got a hot throbbing gift for you, baby. 453 01:22:57,430 --> 01:22:59,030 Get over here. 454 01:23:07,360 --> 01:23:09,000 This is so exciting. 455 01:23:10,300 --> 01:23:12,000 Right here in the newsroom? 456 01:23:12,000 --> 01:23:14,610 I know... So naughty. 457 01:23:45,650 --> 01:23:47,060 *** be patient. 458 01:44:32,000 --> 01:44:33,710 Scattered cum shower. 459 01:44:36,500 --> 01:44:38,550 I think your forecast was right. 460 01:44:38,550 --> 01:44:41,450 Yeah, 100 percent accurate. 461 01:44:42,560 --> 01:44:44,960 You see my warrior animal in my eyes? 462 01:44:44,960 --> 01:44:46,000 I do. 463 01:44:46,000 --> 01:44:46,920 What is it? 464 01:44:47,540 --> 01:44:48,950 An elephant. 465 01:44:49,220 --> 01:44:51,120 - Exactly. - I know it. 466 01:44:51,700 --> 01:44:54,280 We say we ditch this popsicle stand. 467 01:44:54,280 --> 01:44:56,280 My apartment's right around the corner. 468 01:44:57,440 --> 01:45:00,120 I want to see what's underneath this polyester blend. 469 01:45:01,660 --> 01:45:03,180 Let me tell you: 470 01:45:03,180 --> 01:45:04,610 After we get done making love, 471 01:45:04,610 --> 01:45:06,930 they're going to add polyester to the periodic table. 472 01:45:07,920 --> 01:45:09,050 Come. Show me. 473 01:45:09,640 --> 01:45:10,860 *** way. 474 01:45:10,860 --> 01:45:12,460 Trigger, don't wait up for me. 475 01:45:12,460 --> 01:45:13,740 I won't. 476 01:45:16,540 --> 01:45:18,920 Where did the bartender go? 477 01:45:19,760 --> 01:45:20,810 I sent him home. 478 01:45:21,780 --> 01:45:23,790 The owner gave me a spare set of keys, 479 01:45:23,790 --> 01:45:26,720 as I usually just kind of collapsed in the basement. 480 01:45:27,300 --> 01:45:28,800 Oh... 481 01:45:28,800 --> 01:45:31,800 That's hot. 482 01:45:31,440 --> 01:45:33,560 I've always wanted to do it in bar. 483 01:45:33,560 --> 01:45:34,281 Oh yeah? 484 01:45:36,780 --> 01:45:38,830 Well, uh, I'm here to you make all of your dreams come true. 485 01:45:39,160 --> 01:45:40,320 Yeah? 486 01:45:41,120 --> 01:45:43,380 Hmm... Sounds good me. 487 02:05:05,120 --> 02:05:07,860 That was way better than I thought it was going to be. 488 02:05:07,860 --> 02:05:09,870 I know it was, you're welcome. 489 02:05:11,280 --> 02:05:14,300 ...And uh... speaking of making dreams come true... 490 02:05:14,980 --> 02:05:16,680 I, uh... 491 02:05:16,680 --> 02:05:18,659 I booked you a red-eye tonight. 492 02:05:19,080 --> 02:05:21,640 You know that umpire that you wanted to beat up? 493 02:05:22,140 --> 02:05:24,840 He's going to be at the game tomorrow in Dallas, and... 494 02:05:24,840 --> 02:05:27,030 I thought you want to give him a little visit. 495 02:05:29,340 --> 02:05:33,120 Dallas hold on to your cowboy hats because vengeance is coming to town. 496 02:05:33,300 --> 02:05:36,340 The streets are going to run red with blood tonight. 497 02:05:36,800 --> 02:05:38,000 Get them baby! 498 02:05:42,380 --> 02:05:44,051 So what do you think? 499 02:05:45,880 --> 02:05:48,320 Sweet Connie Francis... 500 02:05:55,120 --> 02:05:56,960 You know I have to say: 501 02:05:56,960 --> 02:05:59,300 I totally misjudged you. 502 02:05:59,440 --> 02:06:01,830 You're not the she-devil bitch I thought you were. 503 02:06:01,830 --> 02:06:06,340 You're kind of like this horny prancing... 504 02:06:07,400 --> 02:06:08,640 Capricorn. 505 02:06:08,840 --> 02:06:10,860 Horny and lust, I like it. 506 02:06:13,280 --> 02:06:15,020 You have a soul of a poet. 507 02:06:17,480 --> 02:06:19,680 I have the cock of a chilean sea bass. 508 02:06:20,340 --> 02:06:22,170 Not because it swims upstream, 509 02:06:22,540 --> 02:06:25,190 but the smell, and the size. 510 02:06:27,140 --> 02:06:29,120 Take me to orgasm town. 511 02:06:30,980 --> 02:06:34,240 Yes. Girls with big bushes and big butts... 512 02:06:34,240 --> 02:06:35,870 ...so we are going. 513 02:06:35,960 --> 02:06:37,850 We are going! 514 02:06:57,860 --> 02:07:00,110 - You have ***, don't you? 515 02:07:00,110 --> 02:07:01,681 - I do, how did you know? 516 02:07:01,620 --> 02:07:03,140 Oh I can just tell... 517 02:07:03,200 --> 02:07:04,460 It really works your glutes. 518 02:07:06,480 --> 02:07:08,220 It's freaking amazing. 519 02:07:20,450 --> 02:07:21,940 What's that? 520 02:07:24,640 --> 02:07:25,800 Is that my new favourite friend? 521 02:07:30,940 --> 02:07:34,620 Let me smell your armpit... 522 02:07:39,300 --> 02:07:41,680 Your mustache tickles so much... 523 02:07:42,250 --> 02:07:43,600 You know what else tickles? 524 02:07:45,150 --> 02:07:47,920 Don Merlot's tongue on your clit. 525 02:29:17,220 --> 02:29:19,730 Is there anything else you want to try, Angela? 526 02:29:20,060 --> 02:29:23,470 Do you want to try something really kinky? 527 02:29:23,900 --> 02:29:24,620 Kinky? 528 02:29:25,540 --> 02:29:27,120 How kinky? 529 02:29:33,140 --> 02:29:34,900 I'm afraid I got some bad news. 530 02:29:35,580 --> 02:29:36,900 Apparently, 531 02:29:36,900 --> 02:29:39,960 a video of rick threatening to jizz on viewers faces... 532 02:29:39,960 --> 02:29:42,070 was accidentally broadcasted this morning. 533 02:29:42,680 --> 02:29:45,220 we've had calls from churches, 534 02:29:45,220 --> 02:29:48,480 and one creepy fan threatening us. 535 02:29:49,660 --> 02:29:52,000 I'm afraid that I had to let him go. 536 02:29:53,840 --> 02:29:55,000 Harmony, 537 02:29:55,580 --> 02:29:56,770 you're gonna have to take over and 538 02:29:56,770 --> 02:29:58,090 do the weather until we can get another weatherman. 539 02:29:58,340 --> 02:29:59,880 Well, I'd be honored, sir. 540 02:30:00,340 --> 02:30:02,250 Now, where is Don? 541 02:30:02,250 --> 02:30:03,550 It's almost six o'clock. 542 02:30:03,820 --> 02:30:05,170 Tried calling several times. 543 02:30:05,820 --> 02:30:08,220 What "keep calling"? We can't go on without him. 544 02:30:08,300 --> 02:30:10,430 Well we're running out of time, what do you want me to do? 545 02:30:11,060 --> 02:30:11,960 Oh... 546 02:30:13,920 --> 02:30:15,780 I can't believe what I'm about to say, 547 02:30:15,780 --> 02:30:17,800 I mean, I'd rather have my nuts... 548 02:30:17,800 --> 02:30:20,830 slammed in a car door thousand times, 549 02:30:21,120 --> 02:30:22,409 than saying what I'm about to say. 550 02:30:22,720 --> 02:30:23,780 But... 551 02:30:25,200 --> 02:30:27,260 Angela you're gonna have to be the lead anchor for tonight. 552 02:30:28,050 --> 02:30:29,240 Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! 553 02:30:29,460 --> 02:30:31,360 Don't... Don't get... Don't get all... 554 02:30:31,460 --> 02:30:33,500 weird with me. I can change my mind. 555 02:30:33,549 --> 02:30:34,490 Alright? 556 02:30:34,490 --> 02:30:35,630 Just for tonight. 557 02:30:35,820 --> 02:30:36,920 Of course. 558 02:30:36,920 --> 02:30:38,080 Now go! 559 02:30:41,280 --> 02:30:43,590 Alright guys, we're live in... 5... 560 02:30:43,590 --> 02:30:44,911 4... 561 02:30:46,240 --> 02:30:47,680 Thank you and good evening, 562 02:30:47,680 --> 02:30:49,360 Don Merlot has the evening off. 563 02:30:49,360 --> 02:30:52,371 I'm Angela Fontana, and here are tonight's top stories. 564 02:31:03,000 --> 02:31:07,110 *** last night... 565 02:31:11,420 --> 02:31:13,420 Hello? 566 02:31:13,450 --> 02:31:16,000 [A local woman is being called a hero after saving her husband...] 567 02:31:16,020 --> 02:31:17,180 Angela, is it you? 568 02:31:17,180 --> 02:31:21,650 [that he set a flame when he felt asleep smoking a cigarette] 569 02:31:21,680 --> 02:31:22,260 No! 570 02:31:22,260 --> 02:31:25,370 [The man suffered third-degree burns on his face and penis...] 571 02:31:25,370 --> 02:31:27,070 [but is expected to live] 572 02:31:27,600 --> 02:31:31,900 [He is currently on suicide watch at McGregor's General Hospital] 573 02:31:32,840 --> 02:31:36,840 [Plus, angry protesters demand former Channel 6 News weatherman,] 574 02:31:36,840 --> 02:31:39,520 [Rick Stormwatch, issue them a formal apology] 575 02:31:39,520 --> 02:31:40,970 [for threatening to cover them in...] 576 02:31:40,970 --> 02:31:42,640 You whore! 577 02:31:44,880 --> 02:31:46,540 ***! 578 02:31:46,540 --> 02:31:48,720 ...who is doing a special on perverts in the park. 579 02:31:48,900 --> 02:31:50,120 Thanks Angela. 580 02:31:50,120 --> 02:31:51,800 The park services and local police authorities 581 02:31:51,800 --> 02:31:54,540 have recently received a rush of complaints. 582 02:31:54,940 --> 02:31:56,670 about people having sex in a van, 583 02:31:56,670 --> 02:31:58,720 in plain sight of residences. 584 02:31:59,100 --> 02:32:01,340 But by the time the authorities have shown up, 585 02:32:01,340 --> 02:32:03,010 they're no longer to be found. 586 02:32:03,050 --> 02:32:07,820 Which is why today I went undercover to uncover the pervert in the park. 587 02:32:12,820 --> 02:32:14,200 Hey foxy lady, 588 02:32:14,200 --> 02:32:16,200 You ready for another shot of love? 589 02:32:16,200 --> 02:32:17,860 How about you hop on in here? 590 02:32:17,860 --> 02:32:19,110 - And I'll put that 6... - Oh no! 591 02:32:19,760 --> 02:32:21,190 Hey, oh, whoa whoa whoa whoa... 592 02:32:21,860 --> 02:32:23,240 Hey, I'm fucking *** ... 593 02:32:23,240 --> 02:32:24,560 What are you doing? What are you doing? 594 02:32:24,560 --> 02:32:25,530 You can't arrest me! 595 02:32:25,530 --> 02:32:27,280 I'm chilling, just... Dudes! 596 02:32:28,300 --> 02:32:30,440 This has been justice for the people. 597 02:32:30,440 --> 02:32:32,470 I'm Brianna, on Channel 6 News. 598 02:32:32,720 --> 02:32:34,301 Thank you, Angela. 599 02:32:34,720 --> 02:32:37,630 It's good to know another dangerous criminal's behind bars. 600 02:32:37,800 --> 02:32:40,100 Thank You brianna. Stay safe out there. 601 02:32:40,650 --> 02:32:42,560 It's been a hot one here in Southland, 602 02:32:42,560 --> 02:32:44,350 and it's only going to get hotter. 603 02:32:44,380 --> 02:32:46,980 Let's head over to our weather desk to see what's in store. 604 02:32:47,620 --> 02:32:48,840 Thanks Angela. 605 02:32:49,180 --> 02:32:51,560 So we set record highs for today. 606 02:32:51,560 --> 02:32:53,550 With temperature reached as high as the 90s, 607 02:32:53,880 --> 02:32:56,160 and it's only going to get hotter as the weekend goes on. 608 02:32:56,360 --> 02:32:57,729 To keep from overheating, 609 02:32:57,729 --> 02:33:00,019 you have to make sure you get yourself nice and wet. 610 02:33:10,200 --> 02:33:12,870 Thanks Harmony. It's important to stay hydrated. 611 02:33:13,420 --> 02:33:15,791 Now let's head over to McBerger's sports desk, 612 02:33:15,791 --> 02:33:17,261 where Lizzie is filling in. 613 02:33:17,680 --> 02:33:18,980 Thanks Angela. 614 02:33:19,420 --> 02:33:22,880 The Rattlers took on the Buzzards in the big desert Showdown. 615 02:33:23,150 --> 02:33:24,630 covering the spread by 10, 616 02:33:24,920 --> 02:33:27,970 giving everyone a little bit of extra drinking money for the weekend. 617 02:33:28,220 --> 02:33:30,031 Great job guys, way to go. 618 02:33:30,220 --> 02:33:32,090 (In other sports news,) 619 02:33:32,220 --> 02:33:34,079 (Seattle stopped Cleveland,) 620 02:33:34,220 --> 02:33:36,330 (Oakland burnt down Tampa Bay,) 621 02:33:36,740 --> 02:33:39,850 (my uncle Louis made a pile of money on Ohio.) 622 02:33:40,100 --> 02:33:42,040 (His booking pays off pretty good,) 623 02:33:42,320 --> 02:33:44,300 (But if you're late he'll break your finger.) 624 02:33:44,660 --> 02:33:47,210 - *** (- So it's *** even.) 625 02:33:48,860 --> 02:33:50,200 And in other news, 626 02:33:50,200 --> 02:33:53,240 a man who accidentally drove on an airport runway today, 627 02:33:53,800 --> 02:33:55,840 said that he thought he could take a shortcut. 628 02:33:56,020 --> 02:33:57,900 (Donald Ronald told the judge) 629 02:33:57,900 --> 02:33:59,841 (that he'll find *** the shortcut) 630 02:34:00,080 --> 02:34:02,930 (he's currently undergoing psychological testing right now) 631 02:34:05,440 --> 02:34:06,940 And that's why you listen to your wife when... 632 02:34:06,940 --> 02:34:09,080 she tells you to stop and ask for directions. 633 02:34:09,020 --> 02:34:11,020 634 02:34:11,340 --> 02:34:13,360 Well that's all the time we have for tonight. 635 02:34:13,300 --> 02:34:14,620 Thank you for tuning in, 636 02:34:14,620 --> 02:34:15,940 I'm Angela Fontana, 637 02:34:15,940 --> 02:34:18,820 and remember: whatever you're doing, keep it sexy. 638 02:34:21,560 --> 02:34:23,870 Look, I upheld my end of the bargain. 639 02:34:24,440 --> 02:34:27,030 But you know, it's time to go back to the way things were. 640 02:34:27,320 --> 02:34:28,290 Alright? 641 02:34:28,290 --> 02:34:29,880 You had a good run. 642 02:34:30,800 --> 02:34:32,150 I'm sorry but ***. 643 02:34:32,500 --> 02:34:34,580 But Ned, the ratings are way up. 644 02:34:34,700 --> 02:34:37,190 I've shown my breasts on prime time and they loved it. 645 02:34:38,320 --> 02:34:42,230 Look, I can't have a bunch of women running the news station. It's absurd. 646 02:34:42,600 --> 02:34:44,250 Why not? 647 02:34:44,250 --> 02:34:46,840 We did way better than the regular guys. 648 02:34:47,100 --> 02:34:48,270 Calm down princess. 649 02:34:48,270 --> 02:34:51,250 I know how you girls all get when your periods all sync up. 650 02:34:51,560 --> 02:34:53,590 But the owner the station 651 02:34:53,590 --> 02:34:55,200 will never allow it. 652 02:34:55,200 --> 02:34:56,760 I can hear him right now saying it, 653 02:34:56,750 --> 02:34:58,850 over my dead body. 654 02:34:59,960 --> 02:35:02,400 Not so fast Ned. 655 02:35:02,440 --> 02:35:04,550 Hey Sandra, does Gary knows you're here? 656 02:35:04,760 --> 02:35:09,200 You know how upset he gets when his dinners not ready on time. 657 02:35:09,680 --> 02:35:11,370 Gary's dead. 658 02:35:12,680 --> 02:35:15,970 He choked on a hot dog when he's watching Harmony in a wet T-shirt. 659 02:35:16,220 --> 02:35:18,530 See... I hope you're happy... 660 02:35:18,700 --> 02:35:20,430 You killed a man. 661 02:35:20,540 --> 02:35:22,850 Give it a rest. From now on I'm in charge. 662 02:35:23,340 --> 02:35:26,350 These girls are going anywhere. It's time for a change. 663 02:35:27,320 --> 02:35:28,591 Now Sandra, 664 02:35:28,591 --> 02:35:31,541 I know you're upset over the passing of Gary but 665 02:35:32,100 --> 02:35:34,720 how about we just go and let me do my job and now... 666 02:35:35,760 --> 02:35:38,160 go back to the things the way things always are. 667 02:35:38,160 --> 02:35:39,760 I don't know about you ladies, 668 02:35:39,760 --> 02:35:42,789 but, I've had just about enough for one man, in a lifetime. 669 02:35:43,180 --> 02:35:45,200 I think it's time for change around here. 670 02:35:45,180 --> 02:35:46,930 You're fired Ned go, get out. 671 02:35:46,930 --> 02:35:48,450 Get your shit and get out of here. 672 02:35:50,240 --> 02:35:51,940 You know nothing 673 02:35:51,940 --> 02:35:53,400 about running a station. 674 02:35:53,400 --> 02:35:55,720 You know, in fact, by next week, 675 02:35:55,720 --> 02:35:58,120 you're going to be begging to have me back here. 676 02:35:58,100 --> 02:36:00,540 Don't let the door hit you on the way out, jackass. 677 02:36:03,920 --> 02:36:06,640 So what about Don and his news channel 6 team? 678 02:36:06,820 --> 02:36:08,540 I'm getting rid of them as well. 679 02:36:08,820 --> 02:36:10,840 The ratings prove it's time for a change. 680 02:36:11,200 --> 02:36:12,680 From now on, you 681 02:36:12,680 --> 02:36:15,260 and you girls are going to be the new channel 6. 682 02:36:15,260 --> 02:36:16,410 How does that sound? 683 02:36:17,140 --> 02:36:19,790 Like music to my fucking ears. 684 02:36:23,820 --> 02:36:26,300 Oh baby don't you stop. 685 02:36:26,300 --> 02:36:28,490 You're so good, so good. 686 02:36:32,140 --> 02:36:33,820 I have *** before. 687 02:36:40,000 --> 02:36:41,330 Jesus Christ... 688 02:36:45,380 --> 02:36:49,100 Ryan Shasta became the host for a new late night cables series called "sex on wheels". 689 02:36:49,100 --> 02:36:52,100 He was arrested 16 times during his first week. 690 02:37:02,580 --> 02:37:05,800 Tiger Jack went on to work for a regional affiliate on their sports desk. 691 02:37:05,800 --> 02:37:08,240 On the weekends he enjoys exposing himself to joggers and getting his ass beat. 692 02:37:08,240 --> 02:37:09,940 What can I get for you? One? 693 02:37:10,100 --> 02:37:11,640 Alright. 694 02:37:12,820 --> 02:37:16,570 One footlong hot dog. A little shy, but that's ok. 695 02:37:17,160 --> 02:37:18,120 Thank you so much. 696 02:37:18,120 --> 02:37:21,050 That should go nicely with these mild temperatures were having, right? 697 02:37:21,050 --> 02:37:22,160 Remember, 698 02:37:22,840 --> 02:37:24,540 There's a cold front coming in by the end of the week, 699 02:37:24,540 --> 02:37:27,080 so remember to pack your jackets if you plan to go out. 700 02:37:27,300 --> 02:37:28,960 - Okay, thanks. - Thank you! 701 02:37:29,660 --> 02:37:35,000 Rick bought a food cart and now sells low-tier hot dogs outside of sporting events, night clubs, and Bar Mitzyahs. 702 02:37:39,640 --> 02:37:42,470 Nothing refreshes you more than the tall, warm, 703 02:37:42,470 --> 02:37:44,160 glass of Don Merlot. 704 02:37:44,700 --> 02:37:46,610 And we're back with "Boobie Talk", 705 02:37:46,610 --> 02:37:48,560 where we talk about boobs, 706 02:37:49,060 --> 02:37:50,360 more boobs, 707 02:37:50,360 --> 02:37:52,060 all kinds of boobs. 708 02:37:52,360 --> 02:37:54,570 Including, asian boobs, 709 02:37:54,940 --> 02:37:56,940 black boobs, 710 02:37:56,940 --> 02:37:59,430 Viking boobs, and even Martian boobs. 711 02:37:59,800 --> 02:38:02,620 Boobs of all types for all walks of life. 712 02:38:04,060 --> 02:38:12,000 Don started his own show on public access called Boobie Talk, which became an instant hit with frat guys, carnies and men still living at home with their mothers. 713 02:38:12,380 --> 02:38:15,060 And that's what's happening in your part of the world tonight. 714 02:38:15,060 --> 02:38:17,520 Thank you for joining us here at Channel 6 news, 715 02:38:17,520 --> 02:38:19,810 where we know how to give it to you just how you like it. 716 02:38:20,320 --> 02:38:21,230 And remember: 717 02:38:22,140 --> 02:38:23,760 Keep sexy! 718 02:38:41,880 --> 02:38:49,560 Angela and her girls went on to be the number one news team in America, starting a trend that paved the way for other women to fuck their way to the job of their dreams. 719 02:38:56,020 --> 02:38:58,340 CREDITS: 720 02:38:58,340 --> 02:39:08,250 More subtitles: https://av-subs.alwaysdata.net/index.php https://chomikuj.pl/swierszczyk_69 51373

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