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1
00:00:09,609 --> 00:00:13,409
You were playing crib with
your pals the other day...
2
00:00:13,446 --> 00:00:17,446
(Wind gusting)
3
00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:19,287
Fuck it's windy
out there, eh?
4
00:00:24,257 --> 00:00:25,427
Dary?
5
00:00:25,458 --> 00:00:26,888
- Wayne.
- Get involved.
6
00:00:26,926 --> 00:00:29,726
- Got somethin' on my mind.
- Somethin' importants?
7
00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:31,603
It's almost not even
worth thinkin' about.
8
00:00:31,631 --> 00:00:33,071
- Good enough!
- Three-hander then.
9
00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:34,299
I prefers a three-hander.
10
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:35,867
I was actually hoping
Dary wouldn't be here,
11
00:00:35,902 --> 00:00:37,102
so that we could
play a three-hander.
12
00:00:37,137 --> 00:00:38,537
Playing with three
is good for me.
13
00:00:38,571 --> 00:00:40,041
Three-way gives
you leeway.
14
00:00:40,073 --> 00:00:41,543
Can I bend your ear
about something?
15
00:00:41,574 --> 00:00:43,414
Yep. Just go ahead and leave
right after that, though,
16
00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:45,413
since we're playing a three-
hander and I don't appreciate
17
00:00:45,445 --> 00:00:47,305
when you look at my cards
over my shoulder.
18
00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:48,620
Yous know Mother Hutchins?
19
00:00:48,648 --> 00:00:50,778
'Course. Mother of 17.
Great gal.
20
00:00:50,817 --> 00:00:52,117
By the way, can you
grab us some Puppers
21
00:00:52,152 --> 00:00:54,822
out of the fridge
on your way out?
22
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:57,588
17 kids. One less
than a baseball game.
23
00:00:57,624 --> 00:00:59,334
Giving birth
17 times...
24
00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:01,092
the war zone that
must've left behind.
25
00:01:01,127 --> 00:01:03,457
Fuckin' Ma Hutchins
just birthin' 'em.
26
00:01:03,496 --> 00:01:06,066
Anyhoo, Dary,
can you make sure that
the screen door latches?
27
00:01:06,099 --> 00:01:07,569
I don't want it
blowing in the wind.
28
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:10,000
I seen Mother Hutchins today
and she was whistling
29
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,170
when there's no way that she
could've been whistling.
30
00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:16,939
What's that?
31
00:01:16,976 --> 00:01:19,606
I seen Mother
Hutchins uptown
32
00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:21,346
in a beautiful dress.
33
00:01:23,183 --> 00:01:25,153
And then...
34
00:01:25,185 --> 00:01:28,585
a slight gust
of wind came by...
35
00:01:28,621 --> 00:01:31,091
and I heard
a very faint...
36
00:01:32,192 --> 00:01:33,832
(Low whistling)
37
00:01:33,860 --> 00:01:35,800
That's enough.
38
00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:38,869
Why couldn't she's
have been whistling.
39
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:41,272
On account of she was
eating an ice cream cone.
40
00:01:41,301 --> 00:01:44,001
(Katy sighing) There's no
possible way you can whistle
41
00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:45,507
when you're
eating an ice cream cone.
42
00:01:45,538 --> 00:01:47,338
- Pert' near.
- So...
43
00:01:47,373 --> 00:01:50,213
where do you think the whistle
sound was coming from?
44
00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:53,875
It's...
45
00:01:55,715 --> 00:01:57,175
It's almost not
worth thinking about.
46
00:01:57,217 --> 00:01:59,047
Well, I think we're all
thinking the same thing.
47
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:00,449
- But what if we're not?
- What do you mean?
48
00:02:00,487 --> 00:02:02,117
Like, if we aren't all
thinking the same thing
49
00:02:02,155 --> 00:02:04,185
about, like...
like where the...
50
00:02:04,224 --> 00:02:06,494
whistle sound was coming from
on her body...
51
00:02:06,526 --> 00:02:07,686
Mother of 17...
52
00:02:07,727 --> 00:02:09,727
...on a windy day,
53
00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:12,496
if it wasn't coming
from her mouth?
54
00:02:12,532 --> 00:02:14,072
Yeah.
55
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:17,244
What if we are not all in
agreement about what the...
56
00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:20,344
...source of
the whistle is?
57
00:02:20,373 --> 00:02:23,043
Then, you'd have
egg on your face.
58
00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:24,906
There's only
one way to find out.
59
00:02:31,184 --> 00:02:33,224
Okay, Dary.
Dary, okay.
60
00:02:33,253 --> 00:02:37,063
Are you suggesting that wind
went up Ma Hutchins' skirt
61
00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:39,690
and hit her...
vagina...
62
00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:43,164
...and made
a whistle sound?
63
00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:45,727
Is that what you
were thinking, Katy?
64
00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:47,065
Is that what you
were thinking, Dan?
65
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,700
It's quite obvious that's
what Wayne was thinking.
66
00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:51,265
Put me outta my misery here.
Do I have egg on my face
or not?
67
00:02:53,940 --> 00:02:55,340
- No.
- DAN AND KATY: No.
68
00:02:57,243 --> 00:02:59,883
I'm not...
69
00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:01,413
unconvinced...
70
00:03:01,447 --> 00:03:04,947
that wind...
71
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:08,688
hitting the womanhood
of a mother of 17...
72
00:03:08,721 --> 00:03:12,291
at the right
speed and angles
73
00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:17,398
could create
vibrations...
74
00:03:17,430 --> 00:03:19,400
causing sounds.
75
00:03:21,434 --> 00:03:23,544
I'm just not convinced
it would be a whistle.
76
00:03:24,971 --> 00:03:29,541
I think we need to take
into consideration that...
77
00:03:29,576 --> 00:03:31,436
17 melons have passed
78
00:03:31,477 --> 00:03:33,647
through that particular
greengrocer's...
79
00:03:35,648 --> 00:03:37,218
...and that..
80
00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:41,150
the wind
hittin' her...
81
00:03:43,656 --> 00:03:44,956
vagina...
82
00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:48,461
would sounds
more likes a...
83
00:03:49,462 --> 00:03:52,132
balloons leaking air
out of a very thin hole.
84
00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:54,325
How would
that sound, Dan?
85
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:57,800
Be more of a... be more
of a high-pitched whistle.
86
00:03:57,837 --> 00:03:59,607
Uh...
87
00:03:59,639 --> 00:04:02,339
like a...
88
00:04:02,408 --> 00:04:04,838
(Air whistling through
Dan's teeth)
89
00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:06,351
Cool it.
90
00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:10,752
Well, I was there,
and what I heard...
91
00:04:12,018 --> 00:04:16,158
was more of a standard
whistle, like this...
92
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,355
(Whistling lowly)
93
00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:21,926
Uh-uh.
94
00:04:21,961 --> 00:04:23,831
No. What yous aren't
taking into account
95
00:04:23,863 --> 00:04:27,803
are the...
grooming styles
96
00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:31,444
of older women
or lack thereof.
97
00:04:31,471 --> 00:04:33,371
I had not taken
that into account.
98
00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:36,109
As a woman, I...
99
00:04:36,142 --> 00:04:40,112
I do think that the whistle
sound is more plausible.
100
00:04:40,146 --> 00:04:44,676
But I feel like there
would be an addition...
101
00:04:44,717 --> 00:04:48,487
of a... rustling
sound of sorts.
102
00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:53,656
Like a wind rustling
in the bush.
103
00:04:55,161 --> 00:04:59,131
Dary... make
the whistle sound, again.
104
00:05:03,069 --> 00:05:04,969
- (Whistling lowly)
- (Hair rustling)
105
00:05:05,004 --> 00:05:07,414
We respect
our fuckin' elders.
106
00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:10,343
Yeah, it be more what
it sounds like. Yeah.
107
00:05:11,911 --> 00:05:13,751
Look, any of yous
ever been in a cave?
108
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:14,883
You mean a real cave?
109
00:05:14,914 --> 00:05:16,184
- Fuckin' sake, Dary.
- No.
110
00:05:16,215 --> 00:05:17,415
- Nope.
- No.
111
00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:19,653
- You?
- Yeah.
112
00:05:19,686 --> 00:05:21,416
Down Disney.
113
00:05:21,487 --> 00:05:25,387
Now, as the only one here
who's even been in a cave,
114
00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:27,885
and witnessed the dull hum
115
00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:31,657
of wind hittin'
something cavernous...
116
00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:35,228
...like Dary, okay,
the whistle sound
is plausible,
117
00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:37,998
and, Dan, I can picture
the accompaniment
118
00:05:38,037 --> 00:05:41,107
of air being
released balloon,
119
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,344
and, okay, Katy...
120
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:48,608
Katy, okay. I suppose
the grooming styles
121
00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:49,751
of older ladies--
122
00:05:49,782 --> 00:05:51,082
Or lack thereof.
123
00:05:51,117 --> 00:05:54,517
--oughtta be
considered as well.
124
00:05:54,554 --> 00:05:57,594
But what I think we're missing
here from the equation
125
00:05:57,623 --> 00:06:00,933
is the... dull hum.
126
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,200
What would that
sound like?
127
00:06:03,229 --> 00:06:05,699
A bit like an idle
lightsaber, I think.
128
00:06:05,732 --> 00:06:08,972
- Like a Star Wars lightsaber?
- Don't piss me off, Dary.
129
00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:11,595
So, like?
130
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:18,377
(Imitating high-pitch
hum of lightsaber)
131
00:06:18,411 --> 00:06:20,411
- That holds water.
- Most caves do.
132
00:06:20,446 --> 00:06:22,116
However... like,
if we were to combine
133
00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:24,618
all our assumptions
here, and...
134
00:06:24,650 --> 00:06:29,460
well, I think that
just might be the ticket.
135
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:37,160
And a-one, and a-two,
and a one, two three and...
136
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:40,970
(Whistling,
rustling, humming)
137
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,500
Now...
138
00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:46,068
it's almost not
worth thinkin' about.
139
00:06:46,105 --> 00:06:50,275
(Theme music playing)
140
00:06:53,446 --> 00:06:55,976
DAN: Fuckin' piece of shit.
God damn assholes.
141
00:06:56,015 --> 00:06:58,945
(Muttering)
Kids today have got
fuckin' problems!
142
00:06:58,985 --> 00:06:59,985
You're kidding.
143
00:07:00,019 --> 00:07:01,919
Aren't you surly,
Squirrelly.
144
00:07:01,954 --> 00:07:03,324
Some little shits
145
00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:05,256
stole the mailbox from
the end of the laneways.
146
00:07:05,291 --> 00:07:06,831
Yous use to steal mailboxes
147
00:07:06,859 --> 00:07:09,159
at the end of laneways all
the time when you were kids.
148
00:07:09,195 --> 00:07:10,325
DAN, WAYNE:
Allegedly.
149
00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:11,663
That's a federal crime.
150
00:07:11,697 --> 00:07:13,497
The feds are the real
fuckin' criminals!
151
00:07:13,533 --> 00:07:15,943
But that's my
fuckin' mailbox!
152
00:07:15,968 --> 00:07:19,008
DARY: (Muttering)
Motherfucker...
153
00:07:19,038 --> 00:07:20,508
I've had it with kids
with problems!
154
00:07:20,540 --> 00:07:23,180
WAYNE: Sounds like you've
had it with kids then.
155
00:07:23,209 --> 00:07:25,549
- A bit hairy, Dary?
- Some little fuckers
156
00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:27,351
put shit in a bag,
put it on my stoop.
157
00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:28,710
How could
they stoop so low?
158
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:30,451
Yous used to put shit in bags
and leave 'em places
159
00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:32,153
all the time when
you were kids, too.
160
00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:33,345
ALL: Allegedly.
161
00:07:33,386 --> 00:07:34,816
Yous should have
motion sensing cameras
162
00:07:34,854 --> 00:07:37,994
set up around your homes.
It's the new norm.
163
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:39,394
What am I? The FBI?
164
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,859
Yeah, take it
easy there Double-O7.
165
00:07:40,893 --> 00:07:42,233
Yeah. What am I?
The CIAs?
166
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:43,655
WAYNE: Fuckin'
Carmen Sandiego over here.
167
00:07:43,696 --> 00:07:46,026
Cameras are
a bit MI5, cousint'.
168
00:07:46,065 --> 00:07:47,465
Tinker Gailer
soldier spy.
169
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:49,370
Guess that was a bit
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
170
00:07:50,369 --> 00:07:51,999
Oh, here come
the men in black.
171
00:07:52,038 --> 00:07:54,238
Do you know how many kids
have problems in this town?
172
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,037
- All of 'em.
- They all wait for the bus
173
00:07:56,075 --> 00:07:57,475
on the corner
of my yard.
174
00:07:57,510 --> 00:07:59,510
Oh, no. It's your
mother's yard.
175
00:07:59,545 --> 00:08:03,845
Fuck! And they're out
there fighting every day.
176
00:08:03,883 --> 00:08:05,323
And name calling!
177
00:08:05,351 --> 00:08:08,391
Yous used to scrap all
the time when you were kids.
178
00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:10,391
Yous scrap all
the time as adults.
179
00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:12,233
I'm surprised
we're not havin'--
180
00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:13,888
(Clearing throat)
181
00:08:13,926 --> 00:08:16,026
I said I'm surprised we're not
having a scrap right now.
182
00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:17,062
ROSIE:
You sorted?
183
00:08:17,096 --> 00:08:18,556
Wee of frog
in my throat today.
184
00:08:18,598 --> 00:08:20,568
BONNIE:
I'm sorry I'm late.
185
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,500
I hate being late.
I am never late!
186
00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:24,265
Shift doesn't start
for another five.
187
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,367
If you're not ten minutes
early, you're late!
188
00:08:26,405 --> 00:08:27,935
- Why are you--
- Not now, Daryl!
189
00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:29,777
What's the fuss, Bon?
190
00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:31,242
Kids with problems!
191
00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:33,207
I'm glad yous are all
finally catching up here.
192
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:34,846
What did kids
with problems do now?
193
00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:37,621
- Grab assin'!
- ALL: Oh!
194
00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:39,923
Looks I can tolerates
mailbox stealin'.
195
00:08:39,952 --> 00:08:41,352
I'll tolerate
shit throwin'.
196
00:08:41,387 --> 00:08:43,457
- Worse things than fighting.
- Name calling!
197
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:46,263
But grab assin' young womens,
that's where I draws the line!
198
00:08:46,292 --> 00:08:48,792
Something must
be dones!
199
00:08:51,731 --> 00:08:53,031
Dart?
200
00:08:53,065 --> 00:08:55,265
Next time, it could be
my ass that gets grabbed.
201
00:08:55,301 --> 00:08:56,441
Then mine.
202
00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:57,599
Then, with
any luck, mine.
203
00:08:57,637 --> 00:08:59,237
Well, yous better
get it sorted.
204
00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:00,812
You're not gonna help?
205
00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:02,073
- No.
- Why not?
206
00:09:02,108 --> 00:09:04,078
Rosie and I have decided
to take a dance class.
207
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:05,240
BOTH:
Really?
208
00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:06,978
- Fuck no! Get real.
- Ha!
209
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:08,306
But you're going.
210
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:09,721
- Oh yeah?
- Oh yeah.
211
00:09:09,749 --> 00:09:10,719
Okay.
212
00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:12,390
Look, we'll bring
them down here.
213
00:09:12,418 --> 00:09:15,118
You don't even
have to go anywhere.
214
00:09:15,154 --> 00:09:17,224
Can-- Can we
get hammered?
215
00:09:17,256 --> 00:09:19,256
No.
216
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:21,992
We do it once.
We do it right.
217
00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:23,131
Patience.
218
00:09:23,162 --> 00:09:24,802
'Kay.
219
00:09:24,830 --> 00:09:27,400
Booze usually helps these
things along, that's all
I'm sayin'.
220
00:09:27,433 --> 00:09:28,973
(Clearing throat)
221
00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:30,471
- Hey, buddy?
- Bro.
222
00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:31,843
Any part of
you feel like
223
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:33,514
you've done all you're
gonna to do in hockey?
224
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,313
- No.
- I mean, we won a 'ship.
225
00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:38,582
'Coupla 'ships, on the ice
and behind the bench.
226
00:09:38,611 --> 00:09:40,351
So, what
comes next?
227
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,483
I don't know.
Some back checking.
228
00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:45,315
Some learning defensive
responsibilities.
229
00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:47,021
Not skipping leg day.
230
00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:48,816
Oh my God.
See, that's the thing.
231
00:09:48,854 --> 00:09:50,194
I'm sick of back checking.
232
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,526
I'm sick of defensive
responsibilities.
233
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,962
Fuck leg day.
What if I told you
234
00:09:54,994 --> 00:09:57,264
there's a league where you
didn't have to do any of that?
235
00:09:57,296 --> 00:09:59,196
- I'd call you a liar.
- (Snapping)
236
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:00,295
Full on
selfish hockey.
237
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:01,473
That only exists
in dreams.
238
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:02,940
And there's beer.
239
00:10:02,969 --> 00:10:04,139
Are we--
240
00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:05,370
- Are we dreaming?
- Are we dreaming?
241
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:06,868
COACH:
Oh, no.
242
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:11,009
Would you like to join
my beer league hockey team?
243
00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:16,123
(Laughing)
There's beer.
244
00:10:17,316 --> 00:10:19,386
You're gonna love it.
245
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,860
There's hockey... (Laughing)
and there's beer.
246
00:10:23,889 --> 00:10:26,389
(Laughing)
247
00:10:29,328 --> 00:10:31,328
(Sighing)
248
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:33,574
- You in?
- (Whistle blowing)
249
00:10:47,413 --> 00:10:50,223
(Clearing throat)
250
00:10:50,249 --> 00:10:51,979
How are you now?
251
00:10:52,018 --> 00:10:55,388
Guess I'll start by saying,
uh, we appreciate yous
252
00:10:55,421 --> 00:10:57,661
taking the time to come
down here today,
253
00:10:57,690 --> 00:10:59,730
taking time
away from...
254
00:10:59,759 --> 00:11:01,829
well, being little
fuckin' idiots.
255
00:11:01,861 --> 00:11:03,761
Guess, as a sort of
peace offering,
256
00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:05,599
we've arranged a little
surprise for yous.
257
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,325
Now, just
for being here,
258
00:11:07,366 --> 00:11:10,836
yous each get a hot dog,
pop and a bag of chips.
259
00:11:10,870 --> 00:11:13,940
Now, I see you've
already got your pops
and bags of chips.
260
00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:17,176
We'll have the hot dogs
a little wee bit later, so...
261
00:11:19,211 --> 00:11:22,581
Gail, if you wouldn't
mind joining me on
the floor, please.
262
00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:26,587
This is Gail.
263
00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:27,919
Just like to say
a quick thanks to Gail
264
00:11:27,953 --> 00:11:29,593
for providing us
with a venue today,
265
00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:32,962
as the hot dogs,
pops and bags of chips.
266
00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:36,855
(Applauding)
267
00:11:36,896 --> 00:11:39,766
- Thanks very much, Gail.
- 'Kay.
268
00:11:46,972 --> 00:11:48,612
Now, yous are
all down here today
269
00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:50,211
'cause yous've been
mailbox stealin',
270
00:11:50,242 --> 00:11:54,582
shit throwin', fightin',
name callin' and grab assin'.
271
00:11:54,613 --> 00:11:57,153
Well, I think yous have all
had too much sugar cereal.
272
00:11:58,317 --> 00:12:01,117
So, what we've done here
today, is arranged
273
00:12:01,153 --> 00:12:03,623
a panel of local experts
on this sort of thing
274
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:08,326
to see if we can't help yous
sort yourselves out.
275
00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:10,634
So, what's say
we get this rig rollin'?
276
00:12:13,132 --> 00:12:15,802
Like to hand over the floor
to my good friend Dary.
277
00:12:15,835 --> 00:12:17,895
I'd like yous to give
him your full attention
278
00:12:17,937 --> 00:12:19,737
'cause he's
a pretty good guy.
279
00:12:19,772 --> 00:12:22,142
Dary, you have the floor.
280
00:12:22,174 --> 00:12:24,784
(Applauding)
281
00:12:35,454 --> 00:12:38,164
One or more of you
282
00:12:38,190 --> 00:12:42,160
dropped a shit in a bag
and put it on my stoop.
283
00:12:42,194 --> 00:12:44,504
Yous used to
do that, too.
284
00:12:44,530 --> 00:12:47,370
DAN, WAYNE:
Allegedly.
285
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:49,343
I'm thinking the reason
286
00:12:49,368 --> 00:12:50,838
that you guys are acting
up so much
287
00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:52,840
is because you've got too
much time on your hands.
288
00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:55,612
The idle mind
is the devil's playground!
289
00:12:58,711 --> 00:13:01,681
So, if yous have got
time for acting up,
290
00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:04,224
I think you've got time
to learn a skilled trade.
291
00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:06,653
Learning a skilled trade
will help you later on in life
292
00:13:06,685 --> 00:13:08,545
because everybody always
needs a skilled tradesman.
293
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,661
Now, Katy,
would you help me
294
00:13:10,689 --> 00:13:12,529
with the dry-erase
board, please?
295
00:13:12,558 --> 00:13:14,328
You're way closer
to it.
296
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:17,630
If yous can be one thing,
yous should be efficient.
297
00:13:21,567 --> 00:13:24,537
Now, one or maybe
more of you
298
00:13:24,570 --> 00:13:26,040
seem to need a bit
of a reminder
299
00:13:26,071 --> 00:13:29,011
that shit...
goes in the toilet.
300
00:13:30,509 --> 00:13:33,709
Now, who has a toilet?
Well, everybody.
301
00:13:33,746 --> 00:13:35,206
And a question for you:
302
00:13:35,247 --> 00:13:37,217
Who is going to need their
toilet fixer sooner or later?
303
00:13:37,249 --> 00:13:38,319
Answer: everybody.
304
00:13:38,350 --> 00:13:39,720
So, get your
toilet ticket.
305
00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:41,492
That's for plumbers
and pipefitters.
306
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:42,860
Question for you:
307
00:13:42,888 --> 00:13:44,758
What happens
in the summertime?
308
00:13:46,225 --> 00:13:47,985
That's right.
It gets hot.
309
00:13:49,395 --> 00:13:51,895
People are always
gonna need to stay cool,
so get your fridge ticket.
310
00:13:51,931 --> 00:13:53,731
That's for AC,
deep freeze
311
00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:56,166
and other air conditioning
cooling systems.
312
00:13:56,202 --> 00:13:57,542
(Chuckling)
313
00:13:57,570 --> 00:13:59,570
You there, I see you
like the use
314
00:13:59,605 --> 00:14:00,865
of your phone quite a bit.
315
00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:03,206
Is that what you like?
Really nice.
316
00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:06,112
It's my phone
now, okay?
317
00:14:09,215 --> 00:14:10,775
Bet you don't like it
318
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,850
when that phone
runs out of battery, do ya?
319
00:14:12,885 --> 00:14:14,285
No.
320
00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:17,063
Get your
electrician's ticket.
321
00:14:17,089 --> 00:14:19,229
Everybody's always
gonna need power.
322
00:14:19,258 --> 00:14:21,958
And if all else fails,
yous can drive truck.
323
00:14:23,629 --> 00:14:26,429
So, there you see,
to fix essential services
324
00:14:26,465 --> 00:14:28,095
in a person's
home or business,
325
00:14:28,133 --> 00:14:30,103
you need to learn
a skilled trade, that way,
326
00:14:30,135 --> 00:14:32,435
you'll always have work and
you'll always stay busy.
327
00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:33,911
This is so gay.
328
00:14:33,939 --> 00:14:35,609
ALL: Oh! Hey!
(All shouting at once)
329
00:14:35,641 --> 00:14:37,541
You want your mouth
washed out with soap?
330
00:14:37,576 --> 00:14:39,806
You want your mouth
washed out with soap?!
331
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,079
I see you like that pop
and bag a chips pretty good!
332
00:14:42,114 --> 00:14:43,654
I'll take it away
from you just as fast
333
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,276
as I fuckin'
gave it to you--
334
00:14:45,317 --> 00:14:47,147
(All yelling)
335
00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:49,419
Beers before
games, buddy?
336
00:14:49,455 --> 00:14:51,415
Loving beer
league already, bro.
337
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,625
Hey, save some for
the rest of us, Coach.
338
00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:56,600
(Chuckling)
339
00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:58,499
You guys ever
seen the sun
340
00:14:58,564 --> 00:14:59,974
crest over
the Blue Ridge Mountains?
341
00:14:59,999 --> 00:15:01,229
No, Coach.
342
00:15:01,267 --> 00:15:03,337
Fifteen years ago,
me and Barb rented an RV,
343
00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:06,572
and we decided to drive across
the United States...
344
00:15:06,605 --> 00:15:08,105
of America.
345
00:15:08,140 --> 00:15:11,080
Well, we camped outside
the Blue Ridge Mountains.
346
00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:15,350
Just as the sun was cresting
over that majestic scenery,
347
00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:17,954
Barb took some olive oil and
squirted it into her hand
348
00:15:17,983 --> 00:15:22,493
and took my shaft and
started stroking it slowly.
349
00:15:22,521 --> 00:15:24,091
Sorry.
She what?
350
00:15:24,123 --> 00:15:26,163
Then, she popped a couple
of winter fresh mints
351
00:15:26,191 --> 00:15:28,761
and it tingled as
she took me orally.
352
00:15:28,794 --> 00:15:31,634
She was like a Hoover
with perfect suction,
353
00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:34,674
you know, and just,
ooh, latched on there
354
00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:36,770
and took me
for a ride.
355
00:15:36,802 --> 00:15:41,112
Finally, I just
ejaculated all my semen,
356
00:15:41,140 --> 00:15:44,110
just sat back,
so much peace.
357
00:15:44,143 --> 00:15:46,853
Just looked at
the mountains and the sun.
358
00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:49,779
Course, Barb went
and washed her face.
359
00:15:50,983 --> 00:15:52,953
You ready to win us
a beer league hockey game?
360
00:15:52,985 --> 00:15:55,885
Let's, uh,
do this!
361
00:15:58,490 --> 00:15:59,860
(Beers clinking)
362
00:15:59,892 --> 00:16:02,562
And I'll put what's left
of yous in a standard envelope
363
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:05,298
and mail you back
to your goddamn parents!
364
00:16:13,405 --> 00:16:14,865
(Clearing throat)
365
00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:18,177
I'd just like to thank
Surly Dan for his explosive,
366
00:16:18,210 --> 00:16:20,580
yet compelling message
on mailbox stealin'
367
00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:22,376
and how that's
a federal crime.
368
00:16:22,414 --> 00:16:23,684
Feds are
the real criminals!
369
00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:24,976
Yeah, we
heard you, bud.
370
00:16:25,017 --> 00:16:27,047
But that's
my fuckin' mailbox!
371
00:16:27,086 --> 00:16:29,356
Sun's getting real low,
big fella. Come on.
372
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:36,360
WAYNE: Well, it looks like
yous are starting
373
00:16:36,395 --> 00:16:38,695
to settle into this.
That's a pretty good thing,
374
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:41,501
'cause guess what's right up
'round the corner?
375
00:16:41,533 --> 00:16:42,943
Hot dogs.
376
00:16:44,269 --> 00:16:47,009
Like to hand over
the floor to Stewart, Roald,
377
00:16:47,039 --> 00:16:49,339
Tyson and Joint Boy, who are
gonna have a quick chat
378
00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:50,835
with yous about fightin'.
379
00:16:50,876 --> 00:16:53,606
- And name calling!
- Yup fightin' and
name callin'.
380
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:55,879
So, Stewart, Roald, Tyson,
Joint Boy,
381
00:16:55,914 --> 00:16:57,584
yous have the floor.
382
00:16:57,616 --> 00:16:59,946
(Applauding)
383
00:17:02,554 --> 00:17:04,564
Oh, allow me.
384
00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:10,464
Bet he tells them
to self-medicate.
385
00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:13,199
The reason you're all
fighting and mailbox stealing
386
00:17:13,232 --> 00:17:15,702
and shit throwing
and grab assing...
387
00:17:15,734 --> 00:17:17,044
And name calling!
388
00:17:17,069 --> 00:17:19,609
...is because
you have too much energy!
389
00:17:19,638 --> 00:17:21,908
You must expend the energy
390
00:17:21,940 --> 00:17:25,440
that leads to poor choices
and to do that...
391
00:17:25,477 --> 00:17:27,777
you must exercise.
392
00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:29,583
What is happening here?
393
00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:33,450
Our solution
is two-fold.
394
00:17:33,485 --> 00:17:35,785
You seem
to enjoy fighting,
395
00:17:35,821 --> 00:17:39,631
so you will get your
exercise by learning to...
396
00:17:39,658 --> 00:17:41,288
fight.
397
00:17:41,326 --> 00:17:43,456
Fuckin' idiot.
398
00:17:43,495 --> 00:17:45,795
Tyson.
Joint Boy.
399
00:17:45,831 --> 00:17:48,501
(Applause)
400
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:55,165
So, we're gonna
teach you how to box.
401
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,280
Boxing is the
superior discipline
402
00:17:57,309 --> 00:17:59,109
when it comes
to physical combat.
403
00:17:59,144 --> 00:18:01,254
That's why they call it
the sweet science.
404
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:02,580
- Huh?
- What?
405
00:18:02,614 --> 00:18:04,124
Muay Thai is
the superior discipline.
406
00:18:04,149 --> 00:18:05,849
Boxing actually
teaches you
407
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,488
footwork and
self-defence.
408
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:11,320
I'd evade your straight-on
attack and knock you out.
409
00:18:11,356 --> 00:18:13,286
You'd be able to evade
my eight points of attack
410
00:18:13,325 --> 00:18:15,155
and knock me out with your
two points of attack?
411
00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:17,334
You'd be surprised what
I can do with my left
and right hands.
412
00:18:17,362 --> 00:18:19,772
You'd be surprised what
I can do with my left
and right hand,
413
00:18:19,798 --> 00:18:21,998
my left and right elbow,
my left and right knee
414
00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:23,344
and my left and right foot.
415
00:18:23,368 --> 00:18:25,338
Also, too, your boxing stance
exposes your knee.
416
00:18:25,370 --> 00:18:27,510
What are you gonna do
when I break it?
417
00:18:27,539 --> 00:18:29,509
(Chuckling)
Try it.
418
00:18:29,541 --> 00:18:30,611
All right.
419
00:18:36,482 --> 00:18:37,622
Yeah.
420
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,488
JOINT BOY:
Come on!
421
00:18:55,033 --> 00:18:57,003
I smell hot dogs.
422
00:18:57,035 --> 00:19:00,235
Buddy!
This is sick!
423
00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:02,735
Two genos, two apples.
All while you're half cut.
424
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,208
I love beer
league, buddy.
425
00:19:04,243 --> 00:19:05,743
Rockin' a hat trick
and a helper,
426
00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:07,651
all while working
a little day fade.
427
00:19:07,679 --> 00:19:09,849
True dat!
Coach, how you doing?
428
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:12,222
You guys ever been
to the Grand Canyon.
429
00:19:12,251 --> 00:19:14,051
- It's beautiful.
- No, Coach.
430
00:19:14,086 --> 00:19:15,986
No, Coach, but if this is
another one of your stories,
431
00:19:16,021 --> 00:19:17,391
it's all right, you--
432
00:19:17,422 --> 00:19:19,832
Me and Barb parked the RV
right beside that canyon
433
00:19:19,858 --> 00:19:22,488
and we got so
overtaken with its beauty
434
00:19:22,528 --> 00:19:26,168
that I put down the kitchen
table, it turns into a bed,
435
00:19:26,198 --> 00:19:28,228
and I just lowered
her onto it,
436
00:19:28,267 --> 00:19:31,267
took her clothes off
that voluptuous body.
437
00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:34,266
She had the biggest
fuckin' tits.
438
00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:36,069
Guys...
439
00:19:36,108 --> 00:19:39,408
she had one nipple that was
the size of a silver dollar.
440
00:19:39,444 --> 00:19:41,114
The other one didn't
even have a nipple,
441
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,020
so I just
stayed away from there.
442
00:19:43,048 --> 00:19:44,748
Then, I took some
olive oil,
443
00:19:44,783 --> 00:19:46,193
'cause we were
in the kitchen, right?
444
00:19:46,218 --> 00:19:49,018
I just dumped that
all over her, right?
445
00:19:49,054 --> 00:19:51,724
And then,
I took my sword
446
00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:55,087
and I just--
I took Camelot.
447
00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:58,527
Or as we called
it "Cumalot".
448
00:19:58,564 --> 00:20:02,604
Then, I was so tired,
I just fell asleep.
449
00:20:02,634 --> 00:20:04,904
Barb, of course,
went outside
450
00:20:04,937 --> 00:20:06,937
and washed up
with the garden hose.
451
00:20:06,972 --> 00:20:08,112
PLAYER:
Let's go! Come on!
452
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:09,270
BOTH:
Thank God.
453
00:20:09,308 --> 00:20:10,708
- Fuck. Let's wheel.
- Wheel, wheel.
454
00:20:10,742 --> 00:20:12,442
Wheel,
wheel, wheel!
455
00:20:12,477 --> 00:20:13,747
(Whistle blowing)
456
00:20:13,779 --> 00:20:15,279
Did yous all get
a hot dog?
457
00:20:15,314 --> 00:20:17,454
Give 'em all hot dogs?
Pretty good hot dogs?
458
00:20:17,482 --> 00:20:19,752
Boy, I love hot dogs.
459
00:20:22,454 --> 00:20:25,294
Well, here's a scoop
I'm gonna tell ya,
460
00:20:25,324 --> 00:20:27,834
yous have all been
little shits.
461
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:29,233
But the worst
of it all,
462
00:20:29,261 --> 00:20:33,331
like, by far,
is grab assin'.
463
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:36,598
Now, to explain to
yous why that's super bad,
464
00:20:36,635 --> 00:20:39,265
I've enlisted the help
of my sister Katy,
465
00:20:39,304 --> 00:20:41,914
as well as
my sweetie Rosie.
466
00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:44,010
(Clearing throat)
467
00:20:45,344 --> 00:20:48,314
Katy, Rosie,
yous have the floor.
468
00:20:48,347 --> 00:20:49,777
(Applauding)
469
00:20:56,288 --> 00:20:59,958
So, I hear you little boys
like to grab ass, eh?
470
00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:01,532
You like grabbin'
girls by the ass?
471
00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:03,963
- Um...
- Let me tell you
a little something
472
00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:06,156
about little boys
who grab asses.
473
00:21:06,198 --> 00:21:08,268
Grabbin' ass,
otherwise known as assault
474
00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:10,170
and sometimes molestation.
475
00:21:10,202 --> 00:21:12,172
- Guys--
- No, Bonnie. We got this.
476
00:21:12,204 --> 00:21:14,344
- Straight to the slammer.
- The clink.
477
00:21:14,373 --> 00:21:15,813
- The pen.
- The cage.
478
00:21:15,841 --> 00:21:17,341
- The pound.
- Prison.
479
00:21:17,376 --> 00:21:19,276
Wanna know what happens to
little boys in prison?
480
00:21:19,311 --> 00:21:21,311
Let's try to keep
this PGs.
481
00:21:21,346 --> 00:21:23,016
KATY: Well, you wanna
know what happens
482
00:21:23,048 --> 00:21:25,318
to little boys after they've
served time in prison?
483
00:21:25,350 --> 00:21:26,620
Katy...
484
00:21:26,652 --> 00:21:28,652
Bonnie,
we've got this.
485
00:21:28,687 --> 00:21:32,017
KATY: Do you guys know what
the sex offender registry is?
486
00:21:32,057 --> 00:21:33,157
- Yes.
- Stewart!
487
00:21:33,191 --> 00:21:35,061
For the rest
of your life,
488
00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:36,857
wherever you decide
to set up shop,
489
00:21:36,895 --> 00:21:38,625
you'll have
to go door to door
490
00:21:38,664 --> 00:21:41,474
and introduce yourself to
your neighbours and be like,
491
00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:43,540
"Hi, I'm Kyle"
or "I'm Kendrick,"
492
00:21:43,568 --> 00:21:46,538
or "I'm Kenny and
I'm a sex offender."
493
00:21:46,571 --> 00:21:49,471
Yeah. I'm not sure if you
little boys have noticed,
494
00:21:49,508 --> 00:21:51,708
but we've got some big
dudes here in Letterkenny.
495
00:21:51,743 --> 00:21:54,713
Would you like to knock
on this fella's door?
496
00:21:54,746 --> 00:21:57,316
Huh? Huh?
Huh?
497
00:21:57,349 --> 00:22:00,489
A fella who looks
like... this? Huh?
498
00:22:00,519 --> 00:22:03,519
Say "Hey, fella, I'm a sex
offender" and see
what happens.
499
00:22:03,555 --> 00:22:04,915
Rosie...
500
00:22:04,990 --> 00:22:07,760
KATY: No, Bonnie. Bonnie, no.
You've suffered enough.
501
00:22:07,826 --> 00:22:09,486
Let's get to
the bottom of this.
502
00:22:09,528 --> 00:22:12,598
Okay, which one
of you little boys
503
00:22:12,664 --> 00:22:14,774
grabbed Bonnie's ass?
504
00:22:18,670 --> 00:22:20,410
Not so tough
now, eh?
505
00:22:20,439 --> 00:22:23,909
Not so tough, now that you've
been called to the carpet.
506
00:22:23,942 --> 00:22:26,452
Which one of you
little shits did it?
507
00:22:26,511 --> 00:22:28,181
(Gasping)
508
00:22:29,948 --> 00:22:31,578
Why'd you grab
her ass?
509
00:22:31,616 --> 00:22:32,946
It's a great ass.
510
00:22:33,018 --> 00:22:34,518
(All murmuring)
511
00:22:34,553 --> 00:22:36,523
We're not arguing
that it's a great ass.
512
00:22:36,555 --> 00:22:40,055
But she did have one of
those poop bags for dogs
513
00:22:40,092 --> 00:22:41,692
sticking out of
her back pocket.
514
00:22:41,727 --> 00:22:43,427
I just went to grab it
and hand it to her.
515
00:22:43,462 --> 00:22:47,102
Well, you can see
how Ms. McMurray
516
00:22:47,132 --> 00:22:49,432
would, uh...
not have seen it that way.
517
00:22:49,468 --> 00:22:51,538
Then she called
me a skank.
518
00:22:51,570 --> 00:22:53,210
ALL: Oh!
519
00:22:53,238 --> 00:22:54,868
- ROSIE: No! Bonnie!
- (All yelling)
520
00:22:54,906 --> 00:22:57,306
Bonnie, this is
a young girl--
521
00:22:59,144 --> 00:23:01,414
REILLY: Six genos and
six apples, buddy.
522
00:23:01,446 --> 00:23:02,906
Five tucks
and seven helpers, bro.
523
00:23:02,948 --> 00:23:03,948
No back checking.
524
00:23:03,982 --> 00:23:05,952
No defensive
responsibilities.
525
00:23:05,984 --> 00:23:08,124
BOTH:
No leg day!
526
00:23:08,153 --> 00:23:09,923
Fuck, buddy, I could get
use to beer league.
527
00:23:09,955 --> 00:23:11,255
Beer league for life, bro!
528
00:23:11,289 --> 00:23:13,129
You guys ever seen
the Mississippi river?
529
00:23:13,158 --> 00:23:14,488
- No, Coach.
- Please, Coach.
530
00:23:14,559 --> 00:23:16,289
We have so much going
for us right here.
531
00:23:16,328 --> 00:23:18,398
flow of that river
that hot summer night
532
00:23:18,430 --> 00:23:22,630
was only outdone by the flow
of Barb's Bartholin glands.
533
00:23:24,069 --> 00:23:28,269
I undid by button-fly
acid wash jeans...
534
00:23:28,306 --> 00:23:31,236
pulled out my quarter pounder,
I presented it to her.
535
00:23:31,276 --> 00:23:34,606
No pickles, no onions,
special order.
536
00:23:34,646 --> 00:23:36,006
Slid it inside her.
537
00:23:36,081 --> 00:23:37,981
There was some air
caught up in there,
538
00:23:38,016 --> 00:23:39,846
so it was like...
(Blowing raspberry)
539
00:23:39,918 --> 00:23:43,688
(Raspberry continuing)
540
00:23:44,823 --> 00:23:47,163
You gotta get
it all out.
541
00:23:47,192 --> 00:23:50,862
And then, I kept going till
I was ready to water her
542
00:23:50,929 --> 00:23:52,929
like a bed
of Tuscan flowers.
543
00:23:54,433 --> 00:23:56,703
I ejaculated
my semen all over her
544
00:23:56,768 --> 00:24:00,468
like I was hosing down an
elephant at the circus.
545
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:03,680
Then, I couldn't
move after.
546
00:24:03,708 --> 00:24:06,378
I just laid there
and listened to the river.
547
00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:08,505
Of course, Barb
went and got a rag
548
00:24:08,547 --> 00:24:11,617
and some Head and Shoulders
and cleaned herself up.
549
00:24:13,285 --> 00:24:15,485
Well, every program
has its flaws,
550
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:17,190
but if that's all we have
to deal with,
551
00:24:17,222 --> 00:24:19,492
fuck, buddy,
I guess we're beer leaguers.
552
00:24:19,524 --> 00:24:21,234
Beer league
for life, bro!
553
00:24:21,293 --> 00:24:23,403
- 'Ferda.
- 'Ferda.
554
00:24:25,397 --> 00:24:29,697
Guys, you ever
been to Disneyland?
555
00:24:31,803 --> 00:24:34,013
Hey, leave it!
556
00:24:34,039 --> 00:24:35,839
Hey!
leave it!
557
00:24:35,874 --> 00:24:38,244
He said fuckin'
leave it!
558
00:24:44,316 --> 00:24:46,346
Yous mean to tell me
I can't even take a piss
559
00:24:46,384 --> 00:24:48,594
without yous
horsin' around?
560
00:24:48,653 --> 00:24:51,193
Yous are little shits
with your horseplay,
561
00:24:51,223 --> 00:24:53,393
with your roughhouse.
562
00:24:53,425 --> 00:24:56,255
Now, Gail's been back there
microwaving smokies
563
00:24:56,328 --> 00:24:58,398
all afternoon, so yous
could enjoy a hot dog.
564
00:24:58,430 --> 00:25:00,100
I was gonna leave
this as a surprise,
565
00:25:00,165 --> 00:25:02,595
but she's gone to the store
to get more pops and chips.
566
00:25:02,667 --> 00:25:05,597
So, how do you feel now?
Not very good.
567
00:25:06,771 --> 00:25:08,911
Now, what kids need if
they're gonna shape up
568
00:25:08,940 --> 00:25:10,510
is some tough love,
569
00:25:10,542 --> 00:25:13,412
but that's
your parents' jobs's.
570
00:25:13,445 --> 00:25:18,245
As your peer, all I
can offer yous is logic.
571
00:25:18,283 --> 00:25:21,723
So, what we're gonna do...
(Clearing throat)
572
00:25:21,753 --> 00:25:25,893
is sit down here today and
logic these problems to death.
573
00:25:25,924 --> 00:25:27,464
Here we go now.
574
00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:29,356
- Mailbox stealin'.
- Mailbox stealin'.
575
00:25:29,394 --> 00:25:30,764
Look, this is
a small town.
576
00:25:30,795 --> 00:25:32,395
If you get in
trouble with the law,
577
00:25:32,430 --> 00:25:34,130
you're gonna get
written up in the paper.
578
00:25:34,199 --> 00:25:35,469
Either the police briefs
579
00:25:35,534 --> 00:25:37,444
or the court reports,
if you get charged.
580
00:25:37,469 --> 00:25:39,439
So, now, how silly
would you feel,
581
00:25:39,471 --> 00:25:41,771
if you get written up
in the paper for a crime,
582
00:25:41,806 --> 00:25:44,606
and that crime is
mailbox stealin'?
583
00:25:44,643 --> 00:25:46,653
Like, it's about
the squarest crime there is.
584
00:25:46,711 --> 00:25:48,981
And fellas, if you want
to know how hard it is
585
00:25:49,047 --> 00:25:50,447
to get any attention
from girls
586
00:25:50,482 --> 00:25:52,252
after getting written up
for mailbox stealin',
587
00:25:52,284 --> 00:25:53,424
fuckin' ask Dary.
588
00:25:53,451 --> 00:25:55,321
Yeah, and how long
was it, Dary?
589
00:25:55,387 --> 00:25:57,817
Two calendar years
and four fiscal months.
590
00:25:57,889 --> 00:25:58,959
Four fiscal months.
591
00:25:58,990 --> 00:26:00,260
Shit throwin'!
592
00:26:00,292 --> 00:26:01,462
Shit throwin',
this one's easy.
593
00:26:01,493 --> 00:26:02,833
How fuckin'
old are yas?
594
00:26:02,894 --> 00:26:04,764
Sixteen.
595
00:26:04,796 --> 00:26:06,996
What's your name? I think
I know your old man.
596
00:26:07,065 --> 00:26:08,765
- Me?
- Fuckin' never mind.
597
00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:10,470
KID: Everyone else here
is fifteen though.
598
00:26:10,502 --> 00:26:11,972
I was held back first grade
599
00:26:12,003 --> 00:26:14,013
'cause it took me a little
longer to read than most kids.
600
00:26:14,072 --> 00:26:15,642
- Loser.
- Stewart.
601
00:26:15,674 --> 00:26:17,844
WAYNE: Well, look, if yous
are gonna get involved
602
00:26:17,909 --> 00:26:19,179
in petty vandalism, like,
603
00:26:19,244 --> 00:26:21,314
do graffiti or something,
get creative with it.
604
00:26:21,346 --> 00:26:22,976
It's more than a
bit fuckin' primitive
605
00:26:23,014 --> 00:26:24,984
to be shittin' in bags
and throwin' it places.
606
00:26:25,016 --> 00:26:27,586
Well, yous did that, too,
when you were their age.
607
00:26:27,619 --> 00:26:30,189
DAN, WAYNE, DARY:
Allegedly.
608
00:26:30,255 --> 00:26:31,955
(Mouthing word silently)
609
00:26:31,990 --> 00:26:33,290
Fighting!
610
00:26:33,325 --> 00:26:35,155
Well, look, I love a scrap
as much as the next guy,
611
00:26:35,193 --> 00:26:36,863
let's make that
good and clear.
612
00:26:36,928 --> 00:26:38,358
(Clearing throat)
613
00:26:38,430 --> 00:26:40,170
But you kids have your phones
out all the damn time,
614
00:26:40,198 --> 00:26:42,268
taking videos
of everything you see.
615
00:26:42,300 --> 00:26:44,500
So, let's say you
get in a fight
616
00:26:44,536 --> 00:26:46,866
you get beat up or,
even worse, knocked out,
617
00:26:46,938 --> 00:26:48,668
some young nut sack's
got his phone out
618
00:26:48,707 --> 00:26:50,477
and he's taking
a video of it,
619
00:26:50,508 --> 00:26:52,178
going home to put it
on the fuckin' internet.
620
00:26:52,210 --> 00:26:54,450
And there's no helping you
once it's on a few websites.
621
00:26:54,479 --> 00:26:58,279
(Scoffs) And God help you
if it reaches the dark web.
622
00:26:58,316 --> 00:26:59,876
Once it's on there,
it's on there for good
623
00:26:59,951 --> 00:27:02,191
and it could follow you around
for the rest of your lifes.
624
00:27:02,220 --> 00:27:03,820
So, use your
fuckin' heads.
625
00:27:03,855 --> 00:27:04,955
Name calling!
626
00:27:04,990 --> 00:27:06,730
Fuckin'
sticks and stones.
627
00:27:06,791 --> 00:27:07,731
Grab assin'!
628
00:27:07,792 --> 00:27:10,162
Yous wanna go
grab assin' girls?
629
00:27:10,195 --> 00:27:12,155
Okay.
630
00:27:12,197 --> 00:27:15,467
Now, more than likely that
girl's got a big brother,
631
00:27:15,500 --> 00:27:17,370
or a big cousint',
or an old man
632
00:27:17,402 --> 00:27:19,172
who's been tossin' bales
around his whole life
633
00:27:19,204 --> 00:27:20,574
and loves the bottle.
634
00:27:20,639 --> 00:27:22,539
Now, I'm gonna tell ya,
635
00:27:22,574 --> 00:27:24,744
you don't want any of 'em
grabbin' a hold of you.
636
00:27:26,911 --> 00:27:28,211
Don't...
637
00:27:28,246 --> 00:27:29,476
fuck...
638
00:27:29,514 --> 00:27:31,154
with girls.
639
00:27:33,251 --> 00:27:35,221
You know what?
640
00:27:35,253 --> 00:27:36,893
I've always wanted
to be an actor.
641
00:27:36,921 --> 00:27:41,231
I am going to quit messing
around and go do it.
642
00:27:41,259 --> 00:27:43,399
Well, don't fuckin'
do that.
643
00:27:43,428 --> 00:27:44,858
Wait till you're older.
644
00:27:44,896 --> 00:27:46,596
Look how fucked up
child actors get,
645
00:27:46,665 --> 00:27:48,325
with adults pressuring
them to entertain.
646
00:27:48,366 --> 00:27:50,596
You'll have a needle
in your arm by the time
you're drinking age.
647
00:27:50,669 --> 00:27:53,769
I'm going to be a
climate activist just like--
648
00:27:53,838 --> 00:27:55,838
Don't do that!
Well, like,
649
00:27:55,874 --> 00:27:57,684
look at how fucked up
child actors get
650
00:27:57,709 --> 00:27:59,539
with adults pressuring
them to entertain,
651
00:27:59,577 --> 00:28:02,107
like, fucking
imagine how fucked up
652
00:28:02,180 --> 00:28:03,620
child climate activists get
653
00:28:03,682 --> 00:28:05,622
with adults pressuring them
to save the fuckin' world!
654
00:28:05,684 --> 00:28:08,954
- (Chuckling)
- So, what do we do?
655
00:28:09,020 --> 00:28:10,920
Well look, being
a young shithead is
a rite of passage.
656
00:28:10,955 --> 00:28:12,615
You're only a young
shithead once.
657
00:28:12,691 --> 00:28:15,091
So, you might as well
just go out
658
00:28:15,126 --> 00:28:16,796
and be
a young shithead.
659
00:28:16,861 --> 00:28:19,701
Get in trouble,
take risks, make mistakes,
660
00:28:19,731 --> 00:28:22,071
but, you know,
keep it between the lines.
661
00:28:22,100 --> 00:28:25,070
- We all dids.
- Yeah, but except for Dary,
662
00:28:25,103 --> 00:28:27,443
who got written up
in The Banner for
stealin' mailboxes,
663
00:28:27,472 --> 00:28:29,772
and then no girls
would touch him for like...
664
00:28:29,808 --> 00:28:30,938
How long was it?
665
00:28:30,975 --> 00:28:34,205
Two calendar years
and four fiscal months.
666
00:28:34,245 --> 00:28:36,445
Four fiscal months.
667
00:28:36,481 --> 00:28:39,051
So, here's
what I want yous to do,
668
00:28:39,084 --> 00:28:43,094
I want yous to take what
you've learned today...
669
00:28:44,622 --> 00:28:46,592
...and fuck off.
670
00:28:46,624 --> 00:28:47,834
What are
yous gonna do?
671
00:28:47,892 --> 00:28:48,762
Get hammered.
672
00:28:48,793 --> 00:28:50,563
Carve my names
into the bars.
673
00:28:50,595 --> 00:28:52,655
- Make fun of the skids.
- Fight this guy.
674
00:28:52,731 --> 00:28:55,001
Grab a big chunk
of that ass.
675
00:28:57,936 --> 00:28:59,566
Well, sounds like
we're gonna be
676
00:28:59,604 --> 00:29:02,274
young shitheads
for a while yet, too.
677
00:29:02,307 --> 00:29:05,507
♪ (Fast hard-core
punk playing) ♪
678
00:29:06,444 --> 00:29:14,654
♪
679
00:29:14,686 --> 00:29:16,646
♪ Dancing,
by me my love ♪
680
00:29:16,688 --> 00:29:17,818
♪ Changing my love ♪
681
00:29:17,856 --> 00:29:19,686
♪ Followed
for the future ♪
682
00:29:19,758 --> 00:29:21,658
♪ She goes slowly ♪
683
00:29:21,693 --> 00:29:24,203
♪ So securely, lovesick,
lonely... ♪
684
00:29:24,262 --> 00:29:26,202
♪ Needed more than ever ♪
685
00:29:26,264 --> 00:29:28,674
♪ Concrete face below
the surface of the waves ♪
686
00:29:28,700 --> 00:29:30,670
♪ An endless chase,
a straight line ♪
687
00:29:30,702 --> 00:29:32,872
♪ Life is not forever ♪
688
00:29:32,937 --> 00:29:35,667
♪
689
00:29:35,707 --> 00:29:37,337
♪ Sleep tight,
care for no life ♪
690
00:29:37,375 --> 00:29:38,875
♪ Try to hope less ♪
691
00:29:38,943 --> 00:29:41,683
♪ Eyes wild, like the story,
shifting endlessly ♪
692
00:29:41,713 --> 00:29:43,653
♪ So securely, lovesick,
lonely... ♪
693
00:29:43,681 --> 00:29:46,681
♪ Needed more than ever ♪
694
00:29:46,718 --> 00:29:49,688
♪ concrete face below
the surface of the waves ♪
695
00:29:49,721 --> 00:29:51,691
♪ An endless chase,
a straight line ♪
696
00:29:51,723 --> 00:29:53,863
♪ Life is not forever ♪
697
00:29:53,892 --> 00:29:58,732
♪
51350
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