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1
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:27,592
Where's my suitcase?
2
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,763
Who stole the hair dryer?
3
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:33,393
Miss. Young lady!
4
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:35,471
Excuse me. Girls!
5
00:01:36,138 --> 00:01:38,482
Hey, little fella. Hey!
6
00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:41,026
Excuse me, girls. Girls!
7
00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:42,853
Hey. big fella!
8
00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:45,239
Help me make the beds
in the living room.
9
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:46,611
Come on down here!
10
00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:48,780
Hey. son!
11
00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:53,038
Big fella.
Hey, little guy! Little guy!
12
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:57,201
Pete's brother
and his family are here.
13
00:01:57,409 --> 00:01:58,956
Trish is going to Montreal.
14
00:01:59,161 --> 00:02:01,710
Montreal? Oh, her family's there.
15
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,377
- Then we're off.
-When?
16
00:02:03,582 --> 00:02:05,880
- Tomorrow.
-You're not ready, are you?
17
00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:09,004
Uncle Frank won't let me
watch the movie...
18
00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:10,555
...but the big kids can.
19
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:12,049
Why can't I?
20
00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:13,429
I'm on the phone.
21
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:16,512
When do you come back?
Not till then?
22
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,564
It's not even rated R.
He's just being a jerk.
23
00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:23,276
Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no...
24
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:25,104
...then it must be really bad.
25
00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:28,490
No, we put the dog in the kennel--
Hey, get off!
26
00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:29,907
Kevin, out of the room.
27
00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:32,411
Hang up the phone and make me,
why don't you?
28
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:33,616
This kid.
29
00:02:33,779 --> 00:02:36,328
Did you pick up
a voltage adapter thing?
30
00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:38,078
No, I didn't have time.
31
00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:41,036
- Then how do I shave in France?
-Grow a goatee.
32
00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:43,417
Dad, nobody'll let me do anything.
33
00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:47,926
I've got something, pick up those
Micro Machines that are all over.
34
00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:50,087
Aunt Leslie almost broke her neck.
35
00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:52,639
He was playing
with the glue gun again.
36
00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:54,140
We talked about that.
37
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:57,432
Did I burn down the joint?
I don't think so.
38
00:02:57,594 --> 00:02:59,471
I made ornaments out of fish hooks.
39
00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:03,647
- My new fish hooks?
-I can't make them out of old ones...
40
00:03:03,934 --> 00:03:06,232
...with dry worm guts stuck on them.
41
00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:10,199
- Peter.
-Come on, Kevin. Out.
42
00:03:10,565 --> 00:03:12,659
Do you guys have a voltage adapter?
43
00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,327
Here's a voltage adapter!
44
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:18,158
God, you're getting heavy!
Go pack your suitcase.
45
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:22,457
Pack my suitcase?
46
00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:25,081
- Where's the shampoo?
-I don't live here.
47
00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:27,461
This many people here
and no shampoo.
48
00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:29,797
- Are your folks home?
-They don't live here.
49
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,634
- Tracy, did you order the pizza?
-Buzz did.
50
00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:34,840
Excuse me. Are your parents here?
51
00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:36,558
My parents live in Paris.
52
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:37,809
15::
53
00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:39,345
- Are your parents home?
-Yeah.
54
00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:41,434
- Do they live here?
-No.
55
00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:45,317
No. Why should they?
All kids, no parents.
56
00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:46,902
Probably a fancy orphanage.
57
00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:51,073
I don't know how to pack a suitcase.
I've never done it once.
58
00:03:51,273 --> 00:03:53,401
- Tough.
-That's what Megan said.
59
00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:56,111
- What did I say?
-You told him, "Tough."
60
00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:59,664
The dope was whining about a suitcase.
What was I supposed to say?
61
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:01,541
"Congratulations, you're an idiot"?
62
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,289
- I'm not an idiot!
-Really?
63
00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:06,588
You're helpless! We have to do
everything for you.
64
00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:10,008
- She's right, Kev.
-Excuse me, puke-breath. I'm small.
65
00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:11,835
I don't know how to pack.
66
00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:15,388
- I hope you didn't just pack crap.
-Shut up, Linnie.
67
00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:18,551
- Do you know what I should pack?
-Buzz told you, cheek-face.
68
00:04:18,717 --> 00:04:20,515
Toilet paper and water.
69
00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:23,639
What are you so worried about?
70
00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:26,441
You know Mom's gonna
pack your stuff, anyway.
71
00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:29,778
You're what the French call
les incompetents.
72
00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:31,021
What?
73
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,865
Bombs away!
74
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:41,832
P.S. You have to sleep
on the hide-a-bed with Fuller.
75
00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:45,161
If he has something to drink,
he'll wet the bed.
76
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:48,705
This house is so full of people
it makes me sick!
77
00:04:48,914 --> 00:04:51,667
When I grow up and get married,
I'm living alone!
78
00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:54,674
Did you hear me?
I'm living alone!
79
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:57,548
I'm living alone!
80
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,302
Who's gonna feed your spider?
81
00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:06,808
He just ate a load of mice guts.
He'll be good for a couple weeks.
82
00:05:08,558 --> 00:05:11,437
Is it true French babes
don't shave their pits?
83
00:05:12,103 --> 00:05:13,150
Some don't.
84
00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:16,191
But they got nude beaches.
85
00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:17,616
Not in the winter.
86
00:05:23,949 --> 00:05:25,496
Buzz?
87
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,787
Don't you know how to knock,
phlegm-wad?
88
00:05:28,203 --> 00:05:31,423
Can I sleep here?
I don't want to sleep with Fuller.
89
00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:33,466
If he drinks, he'll wet the bed.
90
00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:38,260
I wouldn't let you sleep in my room
if you were growing on my ass.
91
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:43,685
Check it out. Old man Marley.
92
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:48,728
Who's he?
93
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:52,986
You ever heard of
the South Bend Shovel Slayer?
94
00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:55,021
- No.
-That's him.
95
00:05:55,230 --> 00:06:00,111
In '58 he murdered his whole family
and half the people on his block...
96
00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:03,238
...with a snow shovel.
97
00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:06,742
Been hiding out
in this neighborhood ever since.
98
00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:10,500
If he's the shovel slayer,
how come the cops don't arrest him?
99
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,456
Not enough evidence to convict.
100
00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:15,212
They never found the bodies.
101
00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:17,506
Everyone around here knows he did it.
102
00:06:18,128 --> 00:06:19,971
It'll just be a matter of time...
103
00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:22,219
...before he does it again.
104
00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:24,097
What's he doing now?
105
00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:27,229
He walks up and down
the streets every night...
106
00:06:27,429 --> 00:06:29,727
...salting the sidewalks.
107
00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:31,899
Maybe he's just trying to be nice.
108
00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:35,316
No way.
109
00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:38,406
See that garbage can full of salt?
110
00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:41,868
That's where he keeps his victims.
111
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:44,867
The salt turns the bodies...
112
00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:46,907
...into mummies.
113
00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:50,914
Mummies!
114
00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:56,709
Look out!
115
00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:31,997
How you kids doing? Good?
116
00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,792
Lot of action around here today, huh?
117
00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:36,589
Going on vacation?
118
00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:38,341
Where you going?
119
00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:42,011
You hear me, or what?
Going on a trip?
120
00:07:42,504 --> 00:07:44,222
Where you going, kid?
121
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:56,480
Okay, that's $122.50.
122
00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:58,987
Not from me, kid. I don't live here.
123
00:07:59,229 --> 00:08:01,231
You just around for the holidays?
124
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:02,741
You could say that.
125
00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:04,492
- Pizza's here!
-There you go.
126
00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:06,657
That's $122.50.
127
00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:08,905
It's my brother's house. He'll get it.
128
00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:12,250
Hey, listen...
129
00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:14,043
- Hi.
-Hi.
130
00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:16,454
- Are you Mr. McCallister?
-Yeah.
131
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:18,506
The Mr. McCallister who lives here?
132
00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:21,171
Good, because somebody
owes me $122.50.
133
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:24,929
- I'd like a word with you, sir.
-Am I under arrest or something?
134
00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:29,013
No, no, no. There's always
a lot of burglaries around the holidays.
135
00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:33,309
We're checking the neighborhood to see
if the proper precautions are taken.
136
00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:37,560
We have automatic timers
for our lights, locks for our doors.
137
00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:39,769
That's about as well
as anybody can do.
138
00:08:39,978 --> 00:08:42,026
- Did you get some eggnog?
-Come on.
139
00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:43,649
- Let's eat.
-Come on.
140
00:08:43,815 --> 00:08:44,862
- Eggnog?
-Pizza!
141
00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:48,411
- Are you gonna be leaving--?
-Pizza!
142
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:51,369
Grab a napkin
and pour your own drinks.
143
00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:56,295
- Does Santa go through customs?
-What time do we have to go to bed?
144
00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:59,332
Early. We're leaving at 8 a.m.
on the button.
145
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:03,294
I hope you're all drinking milk.
I want to get rid of it.
146
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:08,098
- Pizza boy needs $122.50, plus tip.
-For pizza?
147
00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:10,050
Ten pizzas times 12 bucks.
148
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:12,678
- You've got money.
-Traveler's checks.
149
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,980
Forget it, Frank. We have cash.
150
00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:18,354
You probably got the checks
that don't work in France.
151
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:21,482
Did anyone order me a plain cheese?
152
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,813
Yeah. But if you want any...
153
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:27,318
...somebody's gonna have to barf it up
because it's gone.
154
00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:31,409
Fuller! Go easy on the Pepsi.
155
00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:40,209
Kev! Kev, get a plate.
156
00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:53,017
- Passports!
-Watch it!
157
00:09:56,387 --> 00:09:58,936
No, no. Get these passports
out of here.
158
00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:06,364
Are you okay, honey? Come here.
Are you all right?
159
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:08,282
What is the matter?
160
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:11,236
He started it!
He ate my pizza on purpose.
161
00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:13,492
He knows I hate sausage and olives--
162
00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:16,165
Look what you did, you little jerk!
163
00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:31,096
Get upstairs now.
164
00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:32,303
Why?
165
00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:34,180
You're such a disease.
166
00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:36,769
- Shut up!
-Kevin, upstairs!
167
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:39,143
- Say good night, Kevin.
-"Good night, Kevin."
168
00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:43,977
Why do I get treated like scum?
169
00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:46,779
I'm sorry. This house is just crazy.
170
00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:49,240
We've got all these extra kids
running around.
171
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:52,489
My brother's in from Ohio.
It's nuts.
172
00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:55,238
How come you didn't bring
more cheese pizzas?
173
00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:58,495
- Nice tip. Thanks.
-Thanks.
174
00:10:58,658 --> 00:10:59,910
Having a reunion?
175
00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:04,422
My husband's brother transferred
to Paris. His kids are still here.
176
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:07,292
He missed the family,
so he invited us to Paris...
177
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:08,672
...so we'll be together.
178
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:12,468
- You're taking a trip to Paris?
-Yes, we leave tomorrow morning.
179
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,849
Excellent. Excellent.
180
00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:18,098
If you'll excuse me,
this one's a little out of sorts.
181
00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:21,022
Don't worry about me.
I spoke to your husband.
182
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:26,062
And don't worry about your home.
It's in good hands.
183
00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:32,117
Fifteen people in this house,
and only you have to make trouble.
184
00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:33,694
I'm getting dumped on.
185
00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:36,696
You're the only one acting up.
Now get upstairs.
186
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:39,244
I am upstairs, dummy!
187
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,622
The third floor?
188
00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:43,999
- Go.
-it's scary up there.
189
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,081
Fuller'll be up in a while.
190
00:11:46,289 --> 00:11:49,338
I don't want to sleep with Fuller.
He wets the bed.
191
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:51,761
He'll pee all over me. I know it.
192
00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:53,755
We'll put him somewhere else.
193
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,391
I'm sorry.
194
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,014
It's too late. Get upstairs.
195
00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:04,103
Everyone in this family hates me!
196
00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:06,480
Then ask Santa for a new family.
197
00:12:06,684 --> 00:12:10,154
I don't want a new family.
I don't want any family. Families suck!
198
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:13,484
Stay up there. I don't want
to see you again tonight.
199
00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:16,194
I don't want to see you
for the rest of my life.
200
00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:18,871
I don't want to see
anybody else either.
201
00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:21,081
I hope you don't mean that.
202
00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:25,170
You'd feel pretty sad if you woke up
and didn't have a family.
203
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:27,380
No, I wouldn't.
204
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:30,174
Then say it again. Maybe it'll happen.
205
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:33,595
I hope I never see
any of you jerks again!
206
00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:57,444
I wish they would all just disappear.
207
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:57,679
- Where are they?
-I don't know. She said 8 sharp.
208
00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:07,605
Peter!
209
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,480
- We slept in!
-We slept in!
210
00:14:28,326 --> 00:14:31,205
Hi, I'm Mitch Murphy.
I live across the street.
211
00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:33,210
You guys going out of town?
212
00:14:33,456 --> 00:14:34,799
We're going to Florida.
213
00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:38,629
Well, first we're going to Missouri
to pick up my grandma.
214
00:14:38,836 --> 00:14:41,339
You know the McCallisters
are going to France?
215
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:42,924
Do you know if it's cold?
216
00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:47,729
- Do these vans get good mileage?
-Kid, I don't know. Hit the road!
217
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,644
Do a head count.
Get everyone in the vans.
218
00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:55,068
Where are the passports?
219
00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:57,188
I put them in the microwave to dry.
220
00:14:57,438 --> 00:15:01,193
How fast does this go?
Does it have automatic transmission?
221
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:03,199
Does it have 4-wheel drive?
222
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:07,283
Look, I told you before, kid.
Don't bother me. Now, beat it!
223
00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:20,966
Line up in front of the van.
224
00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:24,891
Line up and shut up!
225
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:27,810
Shut up! I gotta take a head count.
226
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:29,391
One, two, three--
227
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,973
Eleven, 92, 12...
228
00:15:32,682 --> 00:15:34,559
Buzz, don't be a moron.
229
00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:37,688
Six, seven, eight...
230
00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:40,489
...nine,10,11.
231
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:44,528
Okay, half in this van,
half in this one. Let's go.
232
00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:48,494
Have a good trip.
Bring me back something French.
233
00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:55,042
There's no way we'll make this plane.
it leaves in 45 minutes.
234
00:15:55,246 --> 00:15:56,498
Think positive!
235
00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:58,629
You be positive. I'll be realistic.
236
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:02,386
Ma'am. Ma'am.
Excuse me, your power is fixed...
237
00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:06,217
...but the phones are a mess.
It'll take a couple of days to fix.
238
00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:08,805
- Especially around the holidays.
-Thanks.
239
00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,353
Did you count heads?
240
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:12,354
Eleven, including me.
241
00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:17,152
Five boys, six girls, four parents, two
drivers, and a partridge in a pear tree.
242
00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:54,313
Hold the plane!
243
00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:56,437
- Did we miss it?
-You just made it.
244
00:16:58,309 --> 00:17:01,313
Single seats only in coach.
Take whatever's free.
245
00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:04,278
I get a window seat!
246
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:10,906
- Kids are in coach, we're first class.
-Seats Four A and B.
247
00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:13,582
Four A and B. I'll take your coats.
248
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:17,211
- Fasten your seat belts.
-Champagne, please.
249
00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:19,539
- It's free, isn't it?
-Oh, yes.
250
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:21,582
We made it.
251
00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:25,546
Do you believe it?
Hope we didn't forget anything.
252
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:47,551
Mom?
253
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:54,888
Thank you.
254
00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:58,437
- That's real. That's real crystal.
-Yeah, so?
255
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:01,562
- Put them in your purse.
-Frank, I can't do that.
256
00:19:01,766 --> 00:19:04,519
Just-- Put them in your purse!
257
00:19:04,894 --> 00:19:07,397
Yeah. Fill n up. Fill it up.
258
00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:08,948
Fill it up, please.
259
00:19:09,899 --> 00:19:10,900
Thank you.
260
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:14,662
Don't you feel like a heel,
flying first class with the kids in coach?
261
00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:16,247
No. The kids are fine.
262
00:19:16,447 --> 00:19:20,748
The only time I ever flew as a kid was
in the station wagon, not to France.
263
00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:23,914
We had to go to Aunt Laura
and Uncle Arthur's.
264
00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:27,292
Kids are okay. They're having
the time of their lives.
265
00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:30,010
Hello?
266
00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:32,930
Mom?
267
00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:36,767
Dad?
268
00:19:40,471 --> 00:19:43,600
Mom? Dad?
269
00:19:45,476 --> 00:19:47,524
Where are you guys?
270
00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:49,814
Buzz?
271
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,238
Buzz?
272
00:19:56,487 --> 00:19:58,615
Buzz?
273
00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:04,245
Megan?
274
00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:06,122
Hello?
275
00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:08,833
Hello?
276
00:20:08,999 --> 00:20:10,296
Rod?
277
00:20:10,501 --> 00:20:11,969
Uncle Frank?
278
00:20:12,128 --> 00:20:14,847
Uncle Frank, is this a joke?
279
00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:19,560
Megan? Linnie?
280
00:20:21,846 --> 00:20:23,894
Is this a joke?
281
00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:49,290
It's only my imagination.
282
00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:51,500
Only my imagination.
283
00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:12,063
The cars are still here.
They didn't go to the airport!
284
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:33,584
I made my family disappear.
285
00:21:34,877 --> 00:21:36,800
You're completely helpless.
286
00:21:37,046 --> 00:21:41,847
You know, Kevin, you're what
the French call les incompetents.
287
00:21:42,092 --> 00:21:45,062
Kevin, I'm going to feed you
to my tarantula.
288
00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:48,065
Kevin, you are such a disease.
289
00:21:48,265 --> 00:21:53,237
There are 15 people, and you're
the only one who has to make trouble.
290
00:21:53,562 --> 00:21:57,066
Look what you did, you little jerk!
291
00:22:00,611 --> 00:22:04,206
I made my family disappear.
292
00:22:18,254 --> 00:22:20,097
I'm free!
293
00:22:40,192 --> 00:22:43,412
No clothes on anybody. Sickening!
294
00:22:44,446 --> 00:22:47,950
Cool! Firecrackers!
I'll save these for later.
295
00:22:48,409 --> 00:22:51,128
Buzz, I'm going through
all your private stuff.
296
00:22:51,370 --> 00:22:53,919
You better come out and pound me!
297
00:22:57,918 --> 00:23:00,967
Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof!
298
00:23:49,970 --> 00:23:51,347
Who is it?
299
00:23:55,017 --> 00:23:57,896
It's me, Snakes. I got the stuff.
300
00:23:58,187 --> 00:24:00,940
Leave it on the doorstep
and get the hell out.
301
00:24:01,190 --> 00:24:04,285
All right, Johnny,
but what about my money?
302
00:24:04,485 --> 00:24:05,532
What money?
303
00:24:05,736 --> 00:24:07,989
A.C. said you had some dough for me.
304
00:24:08,197 --> 00:24:11,121
Is that a fact?
How much do I owe you?
305
00:24:11,325 --> 00:24:13,248
A.C. said 10 percent.
306
00:24:14,411 --> 00:24:16,880
Too bad A.C. ain't in charge no more.
307
00:24:17,748 --> 00:24:20,046
Guys, I'm eating junk
and watching rubbish!
308
00:24:20,250 --> 00:24:22,799
You better come out and stop me!
309
00:24:23,003 --> 00:24:25,131
He'll call you when he gets out.
310
00:24:26,674 --> 00:24:28,051
HEY-
311
00:24:28,300 --> 00:24:30,302
I'll tell you what I'll give you.
312
00:24:31,929 --> 00:24:34,227
I'm gonna give you
to the count of 10...
313
00:24:34,932 --> 00:24:37,230
...to get your ugly, yellgwm
314
00:24:37,434 --> 00:24:39,607
...no-good keister off my property...
315
00:24:39,812 --> 00:24:41,814
...before I pump your guts
full of lead.
316
00:24:42,022 --> 00:24:44,650
All right, I'm sorry. I'm going.
317
00:24:44,900 --> 00:24:47,119
One, two...10.
318
00:25:02,543 --> 00:25:04,762
Keep the change, you filthy animal.
319
00:25:06,672 --> 00:25:08,015
Mom!
320
00:25:19,309 --> 00:25:20,652
What's the matter?
321
00:25:22,104 --> 00:25:23,276
Honey?
322
00:25:24,648 --> 00:25:28,073
- I have a terrible feeling.
-About what?
323
00:25:29,695 --> 00:25:31,288
That we didn't do something.
324
00:25:32,281 --> 00:25:34,784
You feel that way
because we left in a hurry.
325
00:25:34,950 --> 00:25:38,204
- We took care of everything.
-Did I turn off the coffee?
326
00:25:38,579 --> 00:25:39,796
No.
327
00:25:39,955 --> 00:25:41,081
I did.
328
00:25:41,290 --> 00:25:42,712
Did you lock up?
329
00:25:44,084 --> 00:25:45,301
Yeah.
330
00:25:46,628 --> 00:25:48,005
Did you close the garage?
331
00:25:50,007 --> 00:25:51,099
That's it.
332
00:25:51,300 --> 00:25:53,723
I forgot to close the garage. That's it.
333
00:25:59,475 --> 00:26:01,352
No, that's not it.
334
00:26:03,395 --> 00:26:05,113
What else could we be forgetting?
335
00:26:09,026 --> 00:26:10,073
Kevin!
336
00:26:53,779 --> 00:26:56,953
The captain's doing all he can.
Your phones are out of order.
337
00:26:57,157 --> 00:26:59,626
We'll call when we land.
I'm sure it's okay.
338
00:27:01,578 --> 00:27:03,580
Horrible. Horrible.
339
00:27:03,914 --> 00:27:05,211
Just horrible.
340
00:27:05,624 --> 00:27:08,173
How could we do this? We forgot him.
341
00:27:08,377 --> 00:27:10,675
We didn't forget him,
we just miscounted.
342
00:27:11,755 --> 00:27:14,224
What kind of mother am I?
343
00:27:14,424 --> 00:27:17,894
If it makes you feel any better,
I forgot my reading glasses.
344
00:27:22,599 --> 00:27:25,478
Five families gone
on one block alone.
345
00:27:25,686 --> 00:27:28,656
They all told me
from their own mouths.
346
00:27:28,897 --> 00:27:30,399
It's almost too easy.
347
00:27:30,941 --> 00:27:31,988
Check it out:
348
00:27:32,192 --> 00:27:34,240
All the houses with nobody home...
349
00:27:34,444 --> 00:27:37,288
...have automatic timers
on their lights.
350
00:27:37,656 --> 00:27:40,956
But I got it all figured out.
Watch this.
351
00:27:42,202 --> 00:27:47,129
Number 664 will be going on
right about...
352
00:27:48,458 --> 00:27:49,710
...n0w.
353
00:27:50,711 --> 00:27:52,679
Wait, wait, wait.
354
00:27:53,755 --> 00:27:56,554
Number 672...
355
00:27:57,551 --> 00:28:00,100
...right now.
356
00:28:02,431 --> 00:28:03,523
Wait a minute.
357
00:28:03,807 --> 00:28:06,686
671...
358
00:28:06,852 --> 00:28:07,944
...n0w.
359
00:28:10,439 --> 00:28:13,943
And that's the one, Marvin.
That's the silver tuna.
360
00:28:14,443 --> 00:28:15,660
It's very G.
361
00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:18,743
Very G, huh? It's loaded.
362
00:28:18,947 --> 00:28:21,200
It's got lots of top-flight goods.
363
00:28:21,450 --> 00:28:24,750
- Stereos, VCRs--
-Toys?
364
00:28:24,953 --> 00:28:27,547
Probably looking at
some very fine jewelry.
365
00:28:27,956 --> 00:28:29,333
Possible cash horde.
366
00:28:30,083 --> 00:28:32,586
Odd marketable securities.
367
00:28:33,128 --> 00:28:35,551
Who knows? It's a gem.
368
00:28:36,340 --> 00:28:38,308
Grab your crowbar.
369
00:28:39,301 --> 00:28:40,974
Crowbars up.
370
00:29:40,153 --> 00:29:41,700
Which way?
371
00:29:41,863 --> 00:29:44,207
We'll go around back,
down the basement.
372
00:30:05,053 --> 00:30:07,852
- You said they were gone.
-They were gonna leave today.
373
00:30:08,056 --> 00:30:09,683
Let's get out of here.
374
00:30:46,136 --> 00:30:48,480
We have to use the phone, please.
375
00:30:49,306 --> 00:30:52,025
It's an emergency.
We really have to make a call.
376
00:30:52,225 --> 00:30:54,728
Please! Our brother's home alone.
377
00:30:55,437 --> 00:30:57,235
Give us the phone!
378
00:30:57,522 --> 00:30:58,739
I'm sorry. Thank you.
379
00:30:58,940 --> 00:31:01,659
I'm calling the police.
Book us a flight home.
380
00:31:01,860 --> 00:31:04,739
Get change out of here.
Call everybody you know.
381
00:31:04,946 --> 00:31:09,122
Here's my address book. You and Frank
call everyone on our street.
382
00:31:09,326 --> 00:31:11,124
Maybe somebody can help us.
383
00:31:11,328 --> 00:31:14,707
Hello? Hello?
Oh, she'll have to call you back.
384
00:31:21,129 --> 00:31:24,975
This is ridiculous. Only a wimp
would be hiding under a bed.
385
00:31:25,175 --> 00:31:29,180
And I can't be a wimp.
I'm the man of the house.
386
00:31:36,478 --> 00:31:39,823
Hey, I'm not afraid anymore!
387
00:31:40,857 --> 00:31:44,452
I said, I'm not afraid anymore!
388
00:31:44,986 --> 00:31:48,786
Do you hear me?
I'm not afraid anymore.
389
00:32:19,396 --> 00:32:20,693
Village police department.
390
00:32:20,856 --> 00:32:24,281
I'm calling from Paris.
I have a son who's home alone.
391
00:32:24,484 --> 00:32:29,581
I'd like somebody to go there. Tell him
that we're coming home to get him.
392
00:32:29,823 --> 00:32:31,871
Okay, let me connect you
with Family Crisis Intervention.
393
00:32:32,033 --> 00:32:33,376
No, it's not a family crisis.
394
00:32:33,535 --> 00:32:34,912
Hold on.
395
00:32:36,830 --> 00:32:40,209
Larry, can you pick up?
There's some hyper lady on hold.
396
00:32:40,459 --> 00:32:42,803
- What line, Rose?
-Two.
397
00:32:43,462 --> 00:32:45,840
Family Crisis Intervention,
Sergeant Balzak.
398
00:32:46,089 --> 00:32:48,933
I'm calling from Paris.
I have a son who's home alone.
399
00:32:49,134 --> 00:32:53,810
Has the child been involved in
violence with a drunk family member?
400
00:32:54,014 --> 00:32:55,061
No!
401
00:32:55,348 --> 00:32:57,851
Has he been involved
in a household accident?
402
00:32:58,059 --> 00:33:00,232
I don't know. I hope not.
403
00:33:01,605 --> 00:33:05,610
Has the child ingested any poison
or is an object lodged in his throat?
404
00:33:05,859 --> 00:33:09,329
No, he's home alone! I'd like
somebody to go over to the house...
405
00:33:09,529 --> 00:33:11,327
...and see if he's all right.
406
00:33:12,449 --> 00:33:16,044
You want us to go to your house,
just to check on him.
407
00:33:16,244 --> 00:33:17,336
Yes!
408
00:33:17,996 --> 00:33:19,589
Let me connect you to the police.
409
00:33:19,789 --> 00:33:21,257
They just transferred me.
410
00:33:21,416 --> 00:33:23,589
- Rose! Hyper on 2.
-Hang on.
411
00:33:23,793 --> 00:33:27,423
- Hold on, please.
-No, please don't hang up. Please!
412
00:33:28,256 --> 00:33:29,508
Any luck?
413
00:33:29,674 --> 00:33:31,096
No.
414
00:33:31,259 --> 00:33:33,933
- I couldn't get anybody.
-Leslie?
415
00:33:34,137 --> 00:33:36,435
Nothing but a bunch
of answering machines.
416
00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:41,570
Somebody pick up. Pick up!
417
00:33:41,770 --> 00:33:43,772
Oh, hi, ma'am. It's you again.
418
00:33:43,939 --> 00:33:47,910
I'm calling from Paris.
I have a son who's home alone, and I--
419
00:33:48,109 --> 00:33:51,909
We'll send a policeman over
to your house to check on your son.
420
00:34:22,185 --> 00:34:24,859
There's no one home.
The house looks secure.
421
00:34:25,063 --> 00:34:27,157
Tell them to count their kids again.
422
00:34:28,233 --> 00:34:30,656
You can't bump somebody or ask or--?
423
00:34:30,860 --> 00:34:32,703
There's no way I can do that.
424
00:34:32,904 --> 00:34:34,998
Isn't there a way
if you ask somebody?
425
00:34:35,198 --> 00:34:36,700
If you said it's an emergency--
426
00:34:36,908 --> 00:34:38,160
I cannot ask them.
427
00:34:38,451 --> 00:34:40,704
A policeman's going
over to the house.
428
00:34:40,912 --> 00:34:43,836
Well, that's a relief.
Everything here is booked.
429
00:34:43,999 --> 00:34:45,091
Nothing to Chicago?
430
00:34:45,333 --> 00:34:48,507
There's nothing to Chicago,
New York, Nashville.
431
00:34:49,879 --> 00:34:53,008
- What about a private plane?
-Sorry. We don't do that.
432
00:34:53,258 --> 00:34:56,137
The only thing is a booking
for us on Friday morning.
433
00:34:56,344 --> 00:34:58,847
Friday morn-- That's two days away.
434
00:34:59,055 --> 00:35:02,776
The kids are exhausted and so are you.
There's nothing we can do.
435
00:35:02,976 --> 00:35:07,982
I say we go over to Rob's, and
that way we can call the police again.
436
00:35:08,273 --> 00:35:11,493
I'm not leaving here
unless it's on an airplane.
437
00:35:11,693 --> 00:35:13,787
Madame, we are doing
everything we can.
438
00:35:14,029 --> 00:35:18,000
If you want to stay at the airport,
maybe we can get you on standby.
439
00:35:18,241 --> 00:35:21,120
It is a possibility
that a seat will open up.
440
00:35:21,870 --> 00:35:24,669
- Is that okay?
-Yes. I'll wait.
441
00:35:30,420 --> 00:35:32,639
- Bye. I'll miss you, honey.
-Bye.
442
00:35:36,635 --> 00:35:38,387
Don't you get lost.
443
00:35:39,971 --> 00:35:41,143
Goodbye.
444
00:35:56,905 --> 00:36:00,000
I took a shower, washing every
body part with actual soap.
445
00:36:00,283 --> 00:36:02,126
Including all my major crevices...
446
00:36:02,327 --> 00:36:04,750
...between my toes
and in my belly button...
447
00:36:04,996 --> 00:36:07,419
...which I never did before
but enjoyed.
448
00:36:07,916 --> 00:36:13,013
I washed my hair with adult formula
shampoo and used cream rinse.
449
00:36:14,005 --> 00:36:17,259
I can't find my toothbrush,
so I'll pick one up today.
450
00:36:17,509 --> 00:36:19,603
Other than that, I'm in good shape.
451
00:37:10,228 --> 00:37:13,482
All right! Buzz's life savings.
452
00:37:40,300 --> 00:37:42,928
I thought the Murphys went to Florida.
453
00:37:59,194 --> 00:38:02,243
You're one of the great
cat burglars of the world.
454
00:38:02,447 --> 00:38:05,121
You think you can keep it
down a little in there?
455
00:38:05,784 --> 00:38:09,539
You've reached the Murphys.
Please leave a message after the beep.
456
00:38:10,413 --> 00:38:14,293
This is Peter McCallister again.
We're in Paris at my brother's.
457
00:38:14,542 --> 00:38:17,967
Let me give you the number here.
The country code is 33.
458
00:38:18,171 --> 00:38:23,143
The area code is 14
and the number is 694-876--
459
00:38:23,551 --> 00:38:25,349
- Hey, Harry.
-Yeah?
460
00:38:25,595 --> 00:38:28,439
That house we ran last night,
was that the McCallister's?
461
00:38:28,598 --> 00:38:30,100
Yeah.
462
00:38:30,433 --> 00:38:33,778
- Call me in Paris.
- You're right. They're gone.
463
00:38:37,190 --> 00:38:40,740
- I knew they were.
-Silver tuna tonight.
464
00:38:49,869 --> 00:38:51,212
How may I help you?
465
00:38:51,871 --> 00:38:55,171
Is this toothbrush approved
by the American Dental Association?
466
00:38:55,959 --> 00:38:57,506
Well, I don't know.
467
00:38:58,586 --> 00:39:02,011
- It doesn't say, hon.
-Can you please find out?
468
00:39:05,176 --> 00:39:06,894
- Herb.
-Yeah?
469
00:39:07,095 --> 00:39:10,349
I got a question here
about a toothbrush.
470
00:39:16,938 --> 00:39:21,444
Do you know, is this brush approved
by the American Dental Association?
471
00:39:21,609 --> 00:39:22,781
I don't know.
472
00:39:45,258 --> 00:39:47,681
Oh, hon, you pay for that here.
473
00:39:49,762 --> 00:39:51,639
Wait, you have to pay for that.
474
00:39:52,390 --> 00:39:55,485
Son! Son! Hey!
475
00:39:55,935 --> 00:39:58,404
Jimmy, stop that boy!
476
00:40:02,817 --> 00:40:03,989
Hey!
477
00:40:04,193 --> 00:40:06,070
Hey!
478
00:40:08,323 --> 00:40:09,825
Shoplifter!
479
00:40:13,661 --> 00:40:14,878
Hey! Hey, kid!
480
00:40:21,878 --> 00:40:23,255
Come back here!
481
00:40:24,756 --> 00:40:26,429
Stop it, will you?
482
00:40:26,966 --> 00:40:28,092
Come here.
483
00:41:06,255 --> 00:41:08,132
I'm a criminal.
484
00:41:35,451 --> 00:41:37,169
What's so funny?
485
00:41:37,954 --> 00:41:39,251
What's so funny?
486
00:41:39,747 --> 00:41:40,873
Why are you laughing?
487
00:41:44,168 --> 00:41:45,385
You did it again.
488
00:41:46,796 --> 00:41:48,264
You left the water running.
489
00:41:49,173 --> 00:41:51,596
Why do you do that?
I told you not to do it.
490
00:41:51,801 --> 00:41:54,179
- It's our calling card.
-Calling card.
491
00:41:54,387 --> 00:41:56,515
All the great ones leave their mark.
492
00:41:56,764 --> 00:41:58,357
We're the Wet Bandits.
493
00:41:58,766 --> 00:42:01,315
You're sick, you know?
You're really sick.
494
00:42:02,186 --> 00:42:03,984
- I'm not sick.
-Yes, you are.
495
00:42:04,188 --> 00:42:05,405
It's a sick thing to do.
496
00:42:12,196 --> 00:42:14,039
- We don't need that.
-Don't tell me--
497
00:42:14,282 --> 00:42:16,125
I can do it if I want to.
498
00:42:18,286 --> 00:42:20,505
It's not sick. Hey, watch out!
499
00:42:28,796 --> 00:42:30,139
Hey! Hey!
500
00:42:30,339 --> 00:42:32,307
You gotta watch out for traffic.
501
00:42:32,675 --> 00:42:34,598
- Sorry.
-Damn.
502
00:42:34,802 --> 00:42:37,180
Santy don't visit
the funeral homes, buddy.
503
00:42:38,222 --> 00:42:39,439
Okay. 0K3)'-
504
00:42:40,308 --> 00:42:42,402
Merry Christmas.
505
00:42:52,570 --> 00:42:53,913
What's the matter?
506
00:42:54,322 --> 00:42:56,450
I don't like the way
that kid looked at me.
507
00:42:56,657 --> 00:43:00,252
- Ever seen him before?
-I saw a hundred kids this week.
508
00:43:01,329 --> 00:43:03,127
Let's see what house he goes into.
509
00:43:35,696 --> 00:43:37,039
Why's he going faster?
510
00:43:37,281 --> 00:43:39,375
I told you something's wrong.
511
00:43:39,575 --> 00:43:41,577
He looked at me weird.
Why would he run?
512
00:44:17,738 --> 00:44:19,490
Maybe he went in the church.
513
00:44:19,782 --> 00:44:22,501
- I'm not going in there.
-Me neither.
514
00:44:22,785 --> 00:44:24,628
Let's get out of here.
515
00:44:42,513 --> 00:44:46,143
When those guys come back,
I'll be ready.
516
00:45:10,958 --> 00:45:12,210
Did they come back?
517
00:45:12,668 --> 00:45:14,511
From Paris?
518
00:45:50,122 --> 00:45:52,500
We'll come back tomorrow.
Maybe they'll be gone.
519
00:45:53,251 --> 00:45:56,004
We better go before
somebody sees us.
520
00:46:27,535 --> 00:46:29,378
Look what I found in the kitchen.
521
00:46:29,620 --> 00:46:31,748
Frank, those are for later.
522
00:46:36,544 --> 00:46:38,967
Do you want a little shrimp, huh?
523
00:46:40,089 --> 00:46:41,807
Do you speak English?
524
00:46:45,344 --> 00:46:46,687
Well, is there--?
525
00:46:52,476 --> 00:46:55,696
- Did you get anybody?
-I am looking for my son!
526
00:46:55,896 --> 00:46:57,614
No, I can't find anybody.
527
00:46:57,815 --> 00:47:00,910
They're all shopping.
Nobody's home for the holidays.
528
00:47:01,152 --> 00:47:02,825
Never mind, forget it.
529
00:47:03,696 --> 00:47:06,415
- This is so pointless.
-What?
530
00:47:06,782 --> 00:47:08,876
We're here rotting in this apartment.
531
00:47:09,076 --> 00:47:11,295
Kevin's at home.
Mom's at the airport.
532
00:47:11,662 --> 00:47:14,256
- So?
-You're not worried about Kevin?
533
00:47:14,457 --> 00:47:19,338
Why should I be? He acted like a jerk,
and now he caught it in the butt.
534
00:47:20,588 --> 00:47:23,967
He's so little and helpless.
Don't you think he's flipped out?
535
00:47:24,175 --> 00:47:27,270
The trout can use a couple of days
in the real world.
536
00:47:27,470 --> 00:47:29,689
You're not worried
something might happen?
537
00:47:30,598 --> 00:47:32,475
No. For three reasons:
538
00:47:32,683 --> 00:47:37,359
A, I'm not that lucky.
Two, we have smoke detectors...
539
00:47:37,605 --> 00:47:41,451
...and D, we live in the most boring
street in the United States...
540
00:47:41,650 --> 00:47:46,030
...where nothing even remotely
dangerous will ever happen. Period.
541
00:48:13,140 --> 00:48:14,187
Who is it?
542
00:48:14,350 --> 00:48:16,569
It's Little Nero's. I have your pizza.
543
00:48:17,186 --> 00:48:19,860
Leave it on the doorstep
and get the hell out.
544
00:48:20,815 --> 00:48:22,237
Okay.
545
00:48:23,651 --> 00:48:25,028
What about the money?
546
00:48:26,404 --> 00:48:27,906
What money?
547
00:48:28,697 --> 00:48:31,371
Well, you have to pay
for your pizza, sir.
548
00:48:32,326 --> 00:48:35,705
Is that a fact?
How much do I owe you?
549
00:48:37,206 --> 00:48:39,049
That'll be $11.80, sir.
550
00:48:46,507 --> 00:48:49,101
Keep the change, you filthy animal.
551
00:48:51,011 --> 00:48:52,763
- Cheapskate.
-Hey.
552
00:48:52,972 --> 00:48:55,270
I'm gonna give you
to the count of 10...
553
00:48:55,474 --> 00:48:57,852
...to get your ugly, yellgwm
554
00:48:58,102 --> 00:49:00,196
...no-good keister off my property...
555
00:49:00,396 --> 00:49:02,524
...before I pump your guts full of lead.
556
00:49:02,731 --> 00:49:05,484
One, two...10.
557
00:49:33,471 --> 00:49:36,816
A lovely cheese pizza, just for me.
558
00:49:40,019 --> 00:49:41,612
--To Dallas/Fort Worth.
559
00:49:41,854 --> 00:49:43,652
American Airlines...
560
00:49:45,399 --> 00:49:47,948
So we have the $500,
the pocket translator...
561
00:49:48,152 --> 00:49:50,496
...the two first-class seats,
that's an upgrade--
562
00:49:50,738 --> 00:49:51,864
Is that a real Rolex?
563
00:49:53,616 --> 00:49:55,914
- Do you think it is?
-No.
564
00:49:56,118 --> 00:49:59,338
But who can tell? I also have a ring.
565
00:49:59,580 --> 00:50:01,423
That is beautiful!
566
00:50:01,624 --> 00:50:02,967
They're boarding.
567
00:50:03,584 --> 00:50:06,804
She's offered us two first-class
tickets if we go Friday.
568
00:50:07,004 --> 00:50:11,259
Plus a ring, a watch,
a pocket translator, $500 and--
569
00:50:11,467 --> 00:50:12,764
The earrings.
570
00:50:13,052 --> 00:50:16,807
She's got her own earrings.
A whole shoebox full of them.
571
00:50:17,014 --> 00:50:18,607
- Come on, come on.
-No, but--
572
00:50:20,017 --> 00:50:21,064
I'm desperate.
573
00:50:22,186 --> 00:50:25,941
I'm begging you.
From a mother to a mother. Please!
574
00:50:28,067 --> 00:50:30,786
- Oh, Ed.
-Please!
575
00:50:31,779 --> 00:50:33,452
Oh, all right.
576
00:50:39,203 --> 00:50:41,297
"Dear Santa, I got a sister last year.
577
00:50:41,455 --> 00:50:43,423
This year I'd rather have Clay-Doh."
578
00:50:58,389 --> 00:50:59,436
I didn't mean it.
579
00:50:59,640 --> 00:51:02,814
If you come back, I'll never
be a pain in the butt again.
580
00:51:03,143 --> 00:51:06,317
I promise. Good night.
581
00:52:47,498 --> 00:52:49,421
Are those microwave dinners good?
582
00:52:50,042 --> 00:52:52,795
- I don't know.
-I'll give them a whirl.
583
00:52:58,300 --> 00:52:59,847
For the kids.
584
00:53:02,221 --> 00:53:04,349
Hold on, I got a coupon for that.
585
00:53:05,683 --> 00:53:07,560
It was in the paper this morning.
586
00:53:11,188 --> 00:53:12,235
$19.83.
587
00:53:12,856 --> 00:53:14,108
Okay.
588
00:53:18,195 --> 00:53:19,617
Are you here by yourself?
589
00:53:21,031 --> 00:53:22,704
Ma'am, I'm 8 years old.
590
00:53:22,950 --> 00:53:27,171
You think I'd be here alone?
I don't think so.
591
00:53:27,871 --> 00:53:28,963
Where's your mom?
592
00:53:29,164 --> 00:53:30,757
- In the car.
-Where's your dad?
593
00:53:30,958 --> 00:53:33,882
- He's at work.
-What about brothers and sisters?
594
00:53:34,086 --> 00:53:35,463
I'm an only child.
595
00:53:35,963 --> 00:53:38,057
- Where do you live?
-I can't tell you.
596
00:53:38,257 --> 00:53:41,136
- Why not?
-Because you're a stranger.
597
00:54:19,673 --> 00:54:23,052
Hello, Kevin!
598
00:54:26,513 --> 00:54:27,765
Shut up!
599
00:54:41,320 --> 00:54:42,572
I don't get it.
600
00:54:43,197 --> 00:54:45,370
It looks like there's nobody's home.
601
00:54:46,366 --> 00:54:48,585
Last night the place is jumping.
602
00:54:49,203 --> 00:54:51,080
Something ain't right.
603
00:54:51,830 --> 00:54:52,877
Go check it out.
604
00:55:01,882 --> 00:55:03,054
NOW?
605
00:55:03,467 --> 00:55:06,937
No, tomorrow, egghead!
Now! Go ahead.
606
00:55:09,264 --> 00:55:10,436
U Now?"
607
00:55:27,783 --> 00:55:28,909
Shit!
608
00:55:32,204 --> 00:55:33,797
Get the heH out of here.
609
00:55:33,997 --> 00:55:37,092
All right, Johnny.
But what about my money?
610
00:55:37,251 --> 00:55:38,377
What money?
611
00:55:38,585 --> 00:55:40,804
A.C. said you had
some dough for me.
612
00:55:41,004 --> 00:55:43,883
Is that a fact?
How much do I owe you?
613
00:55:44,091 --> 00:55:45,889
A.C. said 10 percent.
614
00:55:47,135 --> 00:55:49,638
Too bad A.C. ain't in charge no more.
615
00:55:49,847 --> 00:55:51,019
What do you mean?
616
00:55:51,223 --> 00:55:53,726
He's upstairs, taking a bath.
617
00:55:54,643 --> 00:55:56,816
He'll call you when he gets out.
618
00:55:58,272 --> 00:56:02,368
Hey, I tell you what
I'm gonna give you, Snakes.
619
00:56:03,193 --> 00:56:06,288
Snakes'?
-I'll give you to the count of 10...
620
00:56:06,488 --> 00:56:08,707
...to get your ugly,
yellow, no-good...
621
00:56:08,907 --> 00:56:10,875
mkeister off my property...
622
00:56:11,118 --> 00:56:13,120
...before I pump your guts full of lead.
623
00:56:13,370 --> 00:56:15,998
Al! right, Johnny. I'm sorry. I'm going.
624
00:56:16,206 --> 00:56:19,130
One, two...10.
625
00:56:38,353 --> 00:56:41,323
Keep the change, you filthy animal.
626
00:56:46,153 --> 00:56:47,200
What happened?
627
00:56:47,362 --> 00:56:49,911
I don't know who,
but somebody got blown away.
628
00:56:50,157 --> 00:56:52,410
Somebody beat us, they're in there.
629
00:56:52,659 --> 00:56:53,751
Two of them.
630
00:56:53,994 --> 00:56:56,588
There was arguing.
One blew the other one away.
631
00:56:56,788 --> 00:56:58,381
- Who?
-I don't know.
632
00:56:59,207 --> 00:57:04,304
I recognized one of their voices.
I heard that name "Snakes" before.
633
00:57:04,546 --> 00:57:08,221
Snakes? Snakes. Snakes.
I don't know no Snakes.
634
00:57:08,425 --> 00:57:11,679
Snakes. Let's get out of here.
635
00:57:14,056 --> 00:57:15,308
Hold it. Hold it.
636
00:57:15,515 --> 00:57:18,860
Let's wait and see who it is.
We work this neighborhood too.
637
00:57:19,770 --> 00:57:21,693
Suppose the cops finger us for a job...
638
00:57:21,897 --> 00:57:24,867
...and they ask us
about a murder in the area.
639
00:57:25,067 --> 00:57:28,037
Won't it be nice to have
a face to go with it?
640
00:57:30,739 --> 00:57:31,865
That's a good idea.
641
00:57:32,407 --> 00:57:35,456
Of course it's a good idea. Snakes?
642
00:57:35,702 --> 00:57:37,875
He sounded like a snake.
643
00:57:44,461 --> 00:57:45,633
Everything's full.
644
00:57:45,837 --> 00:57:47,339
Everything's full?
645
00:57:47,547 --> 00:57:50,391
I'm very sorry,
but it is Christmas Eve.
646
00:57:51,134 --> 00:57:52,932
What about another airline?
647
00:57:57,599 --> 00:58:00,398
Nothing available.
May I help you get a hotel room?
648
00:58:00,602 --> 00:58:04,152
- Tomorrow we can get you a flight.
-I can't wait that long.
649
00:58:04,773 --> 00:58:08,653
I'm sorry, ma'am, but we're doing
absolutely everything we can.
650
00:58:12,906 --> 00:58:15,876
I'm in your way. I'm sorry.
You've places to go.
651
00:58:16,076 --> 00:58:18,454
Got a ticket there, good. Excuse me.
652
00:58:18,745 --> 00:58:23,501
Look, I have been awake for almost
60 hours. I'm tired and I'm dirty.
653
00:58:24,001 --> 00:58:28,051
I have been from Chicago to Paris,
to Dallas to-- Where am I?
654
00:58:28,672 --> 00:58:30,094
Scranton.
655
00:58:30,382 --> 00:58:32,931
I'm trying to get home
to my 8-year-old son.
656
00:58:33,885 --> 00:58:36,263
Now you're telling me it's hopeless?
657
00:58:36,430 --> 00:58:38,933
- I'm sorry.
-No. No way.
658
00:58:39,182 --> 00:58:42,186
This is Christmas!
The season of perpetual hope.
659
00:58:43,270 --> 00:58:46,023
If I have to get on
your runway and hitchhike...
660
00:58:46,273 --> 00:58:48,275
...if it costs me everything I own...
661
00:58:48,483 --> 00:58:51,327
...if I have to sell my soul
to the devil himself...
662
00:58:51,528 --> 00:58:54,327
...I am going to get home to my son.
663
00:58:55,615 --> 00:58:57,663
Ma'am, if there was anything--
664
00:58:57,868 --> 00:58:59,461
Do it. Do anything.
665
00:58:59,661 --> 00:59:01,584
- I can get you a hotel room.
-What?
666
00:59:01,872 --> 00:59:05,877
Can you excuse us for a sec?
Can I see you for a second, please?
667
00:59:06,084 --> 00:59:07,961
Excuse us.
668
00:59:10,047 --> 00:59:12,470
You got a little bit of a dilemma.
669
00:59:12,674 --> 00:59:15,097
We got a crisis ourselves.
670
00:59:15,677 --> 00:59:17,930
Allow me to introduce myself.
Gus Polinski.
671
00:59:20,348 --> 00:59:22,567
Polka King of the Midwest?
672
00:59:25,812 --> 00:59:27,314
The Kenosha Kickers?
673
00:59:28,607 --> 00:59:29,950
- Hi there.
-Hi.
674
00:59:30,817 --> 00:59:34,196
That's okay. I thought
you might have recognized--
675
00:59:34,446 --> 00:59:37,916
I had a few hits a few years ago.
That's why I just--
676
00:59:38,075 --> 00:59:39,327
"Polka, Polka, Polka"?
677
00:59:41,870 --> 00:59:44,123
No? "Twin Lakes Polka"?
678
00:59:44,331 --> 00:59:49,178
"Yamahoozie Polka," a.k.a.
"Kiss Me Polka"? "Polka Twist"?
679
00:59:49,377 --> 00:59:50,845
These are songs?
680
00:59:51,046 --> 00:59:53,925
Yeah. Yeah, we--
Some fairly big hits for us.
681
00:59:54,174 --> 00:59:55,972
You know, in the early '70s.
682
00:59:56,176 --> 00:59:58,975
Yeah, we sold about
623 copies of that.
683
00:59:59,179 --> 01:00:00,772
- In Chicago?
-No, Sheboygan.
684
01:00:00,972 --> 01:00:02,645
Very big in Sheboygan.
685
01:00:02,849 --> 01:00:04,351
Did you say you could help?
686
01:00:04,518 --> 01:00:08,273
Anyway, I'm rambling on here.
Our flight was canceled...
687
01:00:08,480 --> 01:00:12,860
...so we gotta drive. See the guy
in the yellow jacket over there?
688
01:00:13,068 --> 01:00:16,493
He's gonna rent us a nice big van
to drive to Milwaukee.
689
01:00:16,696 --> 01:00:20,041
Now, I heard you had some problems
getting to Chicago?
690
01:00:20,408 --> 01:00:21,660
To see your kid?
691
01:00:21,910 --> 01:00:25,881
My son. He--
We left, and he's there.
692
01:00:26,039 --> 01:00:29,669
If you have to get to Chicago,
we'll gladly drive you.
693
01:00:29,876 --> 01:00:31,970
It's on the way to Milwaukee.
694
01:00:32,462 --> 01:00:34,885
- You'd give me a ride?
-Sure, why not?
695
01:00:35,090 --> 01:00:36,592
You gotta get home.
696
01:00:36,800 --> 01:00:39,804
- A ride to Chicago?
-Sure, it's Christmastime.
697
01:00:40,428 --> 01:00:42,021
Thank you. Oh, thank you.
698
01:00:42,264 --> 01:00:44,392
You don't mind
going with polka burns?
699
01:00:44,599 --> 01:00:46,397
No, I'd love to.
700
01:01:08,915 --> 01:01:11,418
Hey, Marv. Marv, Marv!
701
01:01:11,626 --> 01:01:13,469
Look at this.
702
01:01:19,426 --> 01:01:23,021
I think we're getting scammed
by a kindergartner.
703
01:01:53,376 --> 01:01:55,629
Dad, can you come here
and help me?
704
01:02:00,383 --> 01:02:02,761
Remember that kid
we saw the other day?
705
01:02:03,720 --> 01:02:05,222
He lives here.
706
01:02:05,555 --> 01:02:08,024
If the kid's here,
the parents got to be.
707
01:02:08,642 --> 01:02:10,019
He's home alone.
708
01:02:18,276 --> 01:02:20,404
What? You want to
come back tonight?
709
01:02:20,612 --> 01:02:21,989
Even with the kid here?
710
01:02:22,239 --> 01:02:24,367
I don't think that's a good idea.
711
01:02:24,574 --> 01:02:27,293
That house is the reason
we worked this block.
712
01:02:27,535 --> 01:02:29,788
Ever since I saw that house,
I wanted it.
713
01:02:30,205 --> 01:02:32,173
Let's take it one step at a time.
714
01:02:32,374 --> 01:02:36,925
We'll unload the van, get a bite
to eat, we'll come back about 9:00.
715
01:02:37,212 --> 01:02:38,429
Nine o'clock.
716
01:02:38,630 --> 01:02:39,927
This way it's dark.
717
01:02:40,507 --> 01:02:43,226
Yeah, kids are scared of the dark.
718
01:02:43,426 --> 01:02:46,100
You're afraid of the dark too.
You know you are.
719
01:02:47,597 --> 01:02:48,940
No, I'm not.
720
01:02:49,140 --> 01:02:51,017
- Yes, you are.
-Not, not, not.
721
01:02:51,226 --> 01:02:52,398
You are so.
722
01:02:52,602 --> 01:02:54,604
Mom, where are you?
723
01:03:09,327 --> 01:03:10,579
Do you play?
724
01:03:11,246 --> 01:03:14,591
Do you want to try?
Go ahead, try it. Try it!
725
01:03:42,319 --> 01:03:44,413
- Excuse me.
-Yeah?
726
01:03:46,072 --> 01:03:47,665
Hey, nice shoes.
727
01:03:48,116 --> 01:03:49,618
Oh, thanks.
728
01:03:49,826 --> 01:03:53,296
Is he still here?
It's really important that I see him.
729
01:03:54,080 --> 01:03:57,459
He's getting in his car.
If you hurry, you can catch him.
730
01:03:58,835 --> 01:04:03,181
How low! Giving Kriss Kringle
a parking ticket on Christmas Eve!
731
01:04:03,381 --> 01:04:05,975
What's next, rabies shots
for the Easter Bunny?
732
01:04:06,176 --> 01:04:07,678
Santa, hold on.
733
01:04:10,013 --> 01:04:13,813
- Can I talk to you?
-Make it quick. Santa's running late.
734
01:04:14,100 --> 01:04:16,444
I know you're not
the real Santa Claus.
735
01:04:16,936 --> 01:04:20,406
What makes you say that?
Just out of curiosity.
736
01:04:20,607 --> 01:04:24,111
- I'm old enough to know how it works.
-All right.
737
01:04:24,277 --> 01:04:26,325
But I also know you work for him.
738
01:04:26,654 --> 01:04:29,498
- I'd like you to give him a message.
-Shoot.
739
01:04:29,949 --> 01:04:34,705
Kevin McCallister, 671 Lincoln Blvd.
Do you need the phone number?
740
01:04:35,038 --> 01:04:36,290
No, that's all right.
741
01:04:36,664 --> 01:04:38,416
This is extremely important.
742
01:04:38,666 --> 01:04:43,672
Please tell him instead of presents,
I just want my family back.
743
01:04:44,214 --> 01:04:48,640
No toys. Nothing but Peter, Kate,
Buzz, Megan, Linnie and Jeff.
744
01:04:48,843 --> 01:04:50,891
And my aunt and my cousins.
745
01:04:51,137 --> 01:04:54,232
And if he has time,
my Uncle Frank. Okay?
746
01:04:55,934 --> 01:04:57,151
Okay.
747
01:04:58,019 --> 01:05:00,317
- I'll see what I can do.
-Thanks.
748
01:05:00,522 --> 01:05:05,073
Wait. My elf took the last of the
candy canes home to her boyfriend.
749
01:05:05,360 --> 01:05:07,158
- That's okay.
-No, don't be silly.
750
01:05:07,362 --> 01:05:10,241
Everybody who sees Santa
has gotta get something.
751
01:05:10,448 --> 01:05:14,578
Here, hold out your little paw there.
There you go.
752
01:05:15,078 --> 01:05:17,422
- Don't spoil your dinner.
-I won't.
753
01:05:17,831 --> 01:05:19,253
Thanks.
754
01:05:30,468 --> 01:05:32,061
Son of a--!
755
01:08:29,439 --> 01:08:30,782
Merry Christmas.
756
01:08:33,359 --> 01:08:34,576
May I sit down?
757
01:08:45,955 --> 01:08:47,298
That's my granddaughter.
758
01:08:47,957 --> 01:08:49,880
The little red-haired girl.
759
01:08:51,878 --> 01:08:54,631
She's about your age. You know her?
760
01:08:54,797 --> 01:08:55,923
No.
761
01:08:56,132 --> 01:08:59,181
- You live next to me, don't you?
-Yeah.
762
01:08:59,385 --> 01:09:02,935
You can say hello when you see me.
You don't have to be afraid.
763
01:09:03,931 --> 01:09:08,903
There's a lot of things going around
about me, but none of it's true. Okay?
764
01:09:09,729 --> 01:09:11,731
- You've been good this year?
-I think so.
765
01:09:12,398 --> 01:09:13,741
You swear to it?
766
01:09:14,108 --> 01:09:15,155
No.
767
01:09:15,401 --> 01:09:19,998
Yeah. Well, this is the place to be
if you're feeling bad about yourself.
768
01:09:20,406 --> 01:09:23,034
- It is?
-I think so.
769
01:09:23,242 --> 01:09:25,836
- Are you feeling bad about yourself?
-No.
770
01:09:30,291 --> 01:09:34,797
I've been kind of a pain lately.
I said some things I shouldn't have.
771
01:09:35,546 --> 01:09:38,220
I really haven't been
too good this year.
772
01:09:38,841 --> 01:09:39,888
Yeah.
773
01:09:40,051 --> 01:09:43,305
I'm kind of upset
because I really like my family.
774
01:09:43,513 --> 01:09:48,440
Even though sometimes I say I don't.
Sometimes I even think I don't.
775
01:09:48,726 --> 01:09:51,479
- Do you get that?
-I think so.
776
01:09:51,938 --> 01:09:54,782
How you feel about your family
is a complicated thing.
777
01:09:55,024 --> 01:09:57,447
Especially with an older brother.
778
01:09:58,194 --> 01:10:00,538
Deep down, you'll always love them.
779
01:10:00,738 --> 01:10:05,039
But you can forget that you love them.
You can hurt them, they can hurt you.
780
01:10:05,243 --> 01:10:07,666
And that's not just
because you're young.
781
01:10:09,372 --> 01:10:12,091
You want to know the real
reason why I'm here?
782
01:10:12,291 --> 01:10:13,543
Sure.
783
01:10:14,001 --> 01:10:17,801
I came to hear my granddaughter sing.
I can't come hear her tonight.
784
01:10:18,381 --> 01:10:19,473
You have plans?
785
01:10:19,882 --> 01:10:21,725
No.
786
01:10:21,884 --> 01:10:23,227
I'm not welcome.
787
01:10:24,011 --> 01:10:25,228
At church?
788
01:10:25,471 --> 01:10:27,565
You're always welcome at church.
789
01:10:27,765 --> 01:10:29,859
I'm not welcome with my son.
790
01:10:31,310 --> 01:10:35,065
Years back, before you and your family
moved on the block...
791
01:10:35,815 --> 01:10:37,488
...I had an argument with my son.
792
01:10:38,276 --> 01:10:39,323
How old is he?
793
01:10:39,652 --> 01:10:41,199
He's grown up.
794
01:10:42,572 --> 01:10:47,248
We lost our tempers, and I said
I didn't care to see him anymore.
795
01:10:47,744 --> 01:10:52,090
He said the same, and we haven't
spoken to each other since.
796
01:10:53,249 --> 01:10:55,502
If you miss him,
why don't you call him?
797
01:10:56,127 --> 01:10:58,255
I'm afraid if I call,
he won't talk to me.
798
01:10:58,504 --> 01:11:00,006
How do you know?
799
01:11:01,007 --> 01:11:03,681
I don't know.
I'm just afraid he won't.
800
01:11:04,510 --> 01:11:07,514
No offense, but aren't you
a little old to be afraid?
801
01:11:08,890 --> 01:11:11,063
You can be old for a lot of things.
802
01:11:11,267 --> 01:11:14,066
- You're never too old to be afraid.
-That's true.
803
01:11:14,270 --> 01:11:16,193
I was afraid of our basement.
804
01:11:16,397 --> 01:11:19,697
It's dark. There's weird stuff
down there, and it smells funny.
805
01:11:19,901 --> 01:11:23,371
That sort of thing.
It's bothered me for years.
806
01:11:23,738 --> 01:11:24,910
Basements are like that.
807
01:11:26,240 --> 01:11:28,618
I made myself go down
to do some laundry...
808
01:11:28,826 --> 01:11:30,954
...and I found out it's not so bad.
809
01:11:31,204 --> 01:11:35,801
I worried about it, but if you
turn on the lights, it's no big deal.
810
01:11:36,083 --> 01:11:37,130
What's your point?
811
01:11:37,585 --> 01:11:40,338
My point is,
you should call your son.
812
01:11:41,297 --> 01:11:44,050
- What if he won't talk to me?
-At least you'll know.
813
01:11:44,258 --> 01:11:48,638
Then you could stop worrying about it.
You won't have to be afraid anymore.
814
01:11:49,305 --> 01:11:54,357
No matter how mad I was, I'd talk to
my dad. Especially around the holidays.
815
01:11:56,103 --> 01:11:57,696
I don't know.
816
01:11:57,897 --> 01:12:00,821
Just give it a shot.
For your granddaughter anyway.
817
01:12:01,067 --> 01:12:04,241
I'm sure she misses you.
And the presents.
818
01:12:04,946 --> 01:12:06,289
I send her a check.
819
01:12:06,989 --> 01:12:10,584
I wish my grandparents did that.
They always send me clothes.
820
01:12:10,785 --> 01:12:13,629
Last year I got a sweater
with a bird knitted on it.
821
01:12:13,871 --> 01:12:14,918
Oh, that's nice.
822
01:12:15,122 --> 01:12:17,250
Not for a guy in the second grade.
823
01:12:17,458 --> 01:12:20,086
You can get beat up
for wearing something like that.
824
01:12:21,462 --> 01:12:23,510
I have a friend who got nailed...
825
01:12:23,714 --> 01:12:26,593
...because there was a rumor
he wore dinosaur pajamas.
826
01:12:27,718 --> 01:12:31,973
You better run home where you belong.
Think about what I said.
827
01:12:32,390 --> 01:12:33,767
- All right?
-Okay.
828
01:12:34,559 --> 01:12:35,731
It's nice talking to you.
829
01:12:36,894 --> 01:12:38,646
Nice talking to you.
830
01:12:44,902 --> 01:12:46,996
- What about you?
-Me?
831
01:12:47,655 --> 01:12:49,157
Yeah. You and your son.
832
01:12:51,117 --> 01:12:52,994
We'll see what happens.
833
01:12:54,287 --> 01:12:55,539
Merry Christmas.
834
01:12:56,747 --> 01:12:58,670
Merry Christmas.
835
01:13:50,551 --> 01:13:54,181
This is my house. I have to defend it.
836
01:15:22,018 --> 01:15:25,272
We'll check it out.
We can come back for the truck.
837
01:15:33,529 --> 01:15:34,655
How do we go in?
838
01:15:35,281 --> 01:15:38,205
We'll go to the back door.
Maybe he'll let us in.
839
01:15:38,409 --> 01:15:41,788
Yeah, he's a kid. Kids are stupid.
840
01:15:43,831 --> 01:15:47,802
Bless this nutritious, microwaveable
macaroni and cheese dinner...
841
01:15:48,002 --> 01:15:50,801
...and the people
who sold it on sale. Amen.
842
01:16:15,863 --> 01:16:18,537
This is it. Don't get scared now.
843
01:16:31,754 --> 01:16:34,428
Merry Christmas, little fella.
844
01:16:35,341 --> 01:16:40,017
We know that you're in there
and that you're all alone.
845
01:16:40,554 --> 01:16:42,852
Yeah, come on, kid. Open up.
846
01:16:43,766 --> 01:16:46,394
It's Santy Claus and his elf.
847
01:16:48,854 --> 01:16:50,071
We won't hurt you.
848
01:16:50,731 --> 01:16:54,156
No, no. Got some nice
presents for you.
849
01:16:54,485 --> 01:16:58,160
Be a good little fella now
and open the door.
850
01:17:02,993 --> 01:17:04,119
What?
851
01:17:05,955 --> 01:17:07,957
What? What?
852
01:17:08,666 --> 01:17:09,713
What?
853
01:17:09,875 --> 01:17:12,378
- What happened?
-Get that little--
854
01:17:23,889 --> 01:17:25,311
Hello.
855
01:17:31,021 --> 01:17:33,399
Yes! Yes!
856
01:17:33,607 --> 01:17:35,109
The little jerk is armed!
857
01:17:35,317 --> 01:17:39,538
That's it! I'm going in the front.
You go down the basement!
858
01:18:41,884 --> 01:18:44,103
That smart aleck!
859
01:20:12,349 --> 01:20:16,900
Oh, boy. That's it, you little--
You little--
860
01:20:17,855 --> 01:20:20,074
No, not this time, you little brat.
861
01:20:23,402 --> 01:20:26,281
You little creep, where are you?
862
01:20:50,220 --> 01:20:51,642
Yes!
863
01:21:25,381 --> 01:21:27,179
--Rip his head off--!
864
01:21:37,059 --> 01:21:38,481
You're dead, kid.
865
01:22:25,983 --> 01:22:28,702
Where are you, you little creep?
866
01:22:44,918 --> 01:22:47,637
Harry, I'm coming in!
867
01:22:52,301 --> 01:22:54,349
Oh, no! I'm really scared.
868
01:22:54,595 --> 01:22:58,395
It's too late for you, kid, we're
in the house. We're gonna get you.
869
01:22:58,640 --> 01:23:00,734
Okay, come and get me!
870
01:23:01,101 --> 01:23:02,227
Why, you--!
871
01:23:08,775 --> 01:23:10,027
Now you're dead!
872
01:23:35,802 --> 01:23:38,305
I'm gonna kill that kid!
873
01:23:53,320 --> 01:23:55,493
- Marv.
-Harry?
874
01:23:55,822 --> 01:23:57,574
Why'd you take your shoes off?
875
01:23:58,116 --> 01:23:59,834
Why are you dressed like a chicken?
876
01:24:01,828 --> 01:24:05,207
I'm up here, you morons.
Come and get me.
877
01:24:08,627 --> 01:24:11,881
You guys give up,
or are you thirsty for more?
878
01:24:21,723 --> 01:24:23,100
Heads up!
879
01:24:26,186 --> 01:24:28,655
Don't worry, Marv.
I'll get him for you.
880
01:24:32,818 --> 01:24:34,491
Yes!
881
01:24:39,032 --> 01:24:41,330
He's only a kid, Harry.
We can take him.
882
01:24:41,493 --> 01:24:44,588
Shut up, will you? What is it?
883
01:24:44,830 --> 01:24:46,958
You're missing some teeth.
884
01:24:47,165 --> 01:24:49,338
Where? It's my gold tooth.
885
01:24:49,543 --> 01:24:52,513
My gold tooth. I'll kill him. I'll kill him!
886
01:24:54,840 --> 01:24:57,059
You bomb me with
one more can, kid...
887
01:24:57,342 --> 01:25:01,518
...and I'll snap off your cojones
and boil them in motor oil!
888
01:25:04,933 --> 01:25:06,059
911 emergency.
889
01:25:06,268 --> 01:25:08,111
Hello, my house is being robbed.
890
01:25:08,353 --> 01:25:13,029
My address is 656 Lincoln Boulevard.
My name is Murphy.
891
01:25:16,528 --> 01:25:17,950
You never know what's there.
892
01:25:19,072 --> 01:25:20,699
There he is!
893
01:25:25,621 --> 01:25:27,294
I got you! I got him, Harry.
894
01:25:29,082 --> 01:25:30,379
I got him.
895
01:25:31,501 --> 01:25:32,798
Harry, give me a hand!
896
01:25:36,173 --> 01:25:38,096
I got him!
897
01:25:38,258 --> 01:25:39,601
Harry. help me. Get up!
898
01:25:41,219 --> 01:25:42,436
I got him.
899
01:26:22,135 --> 01:26:23,432
What are you doing?
900
01:26:24,262 --> 01:26:26,856
Harry, don't move.
901
01:26:27,099 --> 01:26:28,191
Marv?
902
01:26:28,433 --> 01:26:30,777
Don't move.
903
01:26:31,269 --> 01:26:32,816
What are you doing?
904
01:26:37,567 --> 01:26:39,240
Did I get him?
905
01:26:39,695 --> 01:26:41,072
Did I get him?
906
01:26:41,446 --> 01:26:43,540
Where is it? Where is it?
907
01:26:43,740 --> 01:26:47,370
Never mind that. Here!
How do you like it, huh? You jerk!
908
01:26:47,577 --> 01:26:50,456
Get that kid, before I--
Get that kid!
909
01:27:17,107 --> 01:27:18,404
Where'd he go?
910
01:27:19,067 --> 01:27:21,161
Maybe he committed suicide.
911
01:27:21,486 --> 01:27:26,287
Down here, you big horse's ass!
Come get me before I call the police.
912
01:27:26,491 --> 01:27:28,493
- Let's get him!
-Wait, wait.
913
01:27:28,702 --> 01:27:30,579
It's just what he wants us to do:
914
01:27:30,787 --> 01:27:33,882
Go back through his fun house
so we get all tore up.
915
01:27:34,082 --> 01:27:35,629
He's gonna call the cops!
916
01:27:35,834 --> 01:27:37,507
From a tree house?
917
01:27:37,753 --> 01:27:38,879
Come on.
918
01:27:40,130 --> 01:27:41,723
- Out the window?
-Yeah.
919
01:27:41,882 --> 01:27:43,304
I'm not going out the window.
920
01:27:43,508 --> 01:27:47,513
Why, you scared? Are you afraid?
Come on, get out here.
921
01:27:52,350 --> 01:27:53,693
Come on.
922
01:27:59,691 --> 01:28:01,193
Come on!
923
01:28:06,823 --> 01:28:10,077
- Come on. Keep going.
-Let's go back, Harry.
924
01:28:15,707 --> 01:28:16,799
Shut it, Marv.
925
01:28:20,253 --> 01:28:21,300
Hey, guys!
926
01:28:21,880 --> 01:28:23,177
Check this out.
927
01:28:24,257 --> 01:28:25,975
Go back. Go back.
928
01:29:14,474 --> 01:29:15,851
There he is!
929
01:29:16,017 --> 01:29:18,111
Hey, I'm calling the cops!
930
01:29:19,354 --> 01:29:21,857
Wait, wait!
He wants us to follow him.
931
01:29:22,107 --> 01:29:24,030
I got a better idea. Come on.
932
01:29:42,043 --> 01:29:43,260
Hi, pal.
933
01:29:43,670 --> 01:29:46,924
We outsmarted you this time.
Get over here!
934
01:29:53,138 --> 01:29:54,310
What are you gonna do?
935
01:29:54,723 --> 01:29:56,771
I'll do exactly what he did to us.
936
01:29:56,975 --> 01:29:58,818
Burn his head with a blowtorch.
937
01:29:59,019 --> 01:30:01,021
I'll smash his face with an iron.
938
01:30:01,229 --> 01:30:04,073
I'd like to slap him
in the face with a paint can!
939
01:30:04,274 --> 01:30:05,901
Shove a nail through his foot!
940
01:30:06,151 --> 01:30:11,032
I'm gonna bite off every one of
these little fingers, one at a time.
941
01:30:20,332 --> 01:30:22,710
Come on. Let's get you home.
942
01:30:45,690 --> 01:30:48,409
Wow, this is great.
943
01:30:51,738 --> 01:30:54,036
Nice move, leaving the water running.
944
01:30:54,240 --> 01:30:58,086
Now we know each and every house
that you've hit.
945
01:31:01,539 --> 01:31:04,213
We've been looking for you guys
for a long time.
946
01:31:04,459 --> 01:31:07,338
Yeah. Well, remember,
we're the Wet Bandits.
947
01:31:07,712 --> 01:31:11,717
- Wet Bandits, that's W-E-T--
-Shut up! Get in the car!
948
01:31:11,883 --> 01:31:13,510
Hey, come on. Come on.
949
01:31:14,302 --> 01:31:16,805
- Hands off the head, pal!
-Come on.
950
01:32:12,402 --> 01:32:14,325
I'm a bad parent. I'm a bad parent.
951
01:32:14,571 --> 01:32:15,788
No, you're not.
952
01:32:15,947 --> 01:32:18,450
You're beating yourself up there.
This happens.
953
01:32:18,658 --> 01:32:20,376
These things happen.
954
01:32:20,577 --> 01:32:24,457
You want to talk about bad parents?
Look at us.
955
01:32:24,664 --> 01:32:29,420
We're on the road 48, 49 weeks a year.
We hardly see our families.
956
01:32:30,128 --> 01:32:32,381
Joe, over there. Gosh, you know...
957
01:32:32,589 --> 01:32:35,433
...he forgets his kids' names
half the time.
958
01:32:35,633 --> 01:32:38,933
Ziggy over there,
he's never even met his kid.
959
01:32:39,179 --> 01:32:42,934
Eddy... Let's just hope
none of them write a book about him.
960
01:32:44,059 --> 01:32:47,563
Tell me, have you gone on vacation
and left your child home?
961
01:32:50,982 --> 01:32:52,359
No.
962
01:32:53,151 --> 01:32:56,030
But I did leave one
at a funeral parlor once.
963
01:32:56,863 --> 01:33:00,117
Yeah, it was terrible too.
I was all distraught and everything.
964
01:33:00,325 --> 01:33:04,580
The wife and I, we left the little
tyke there in the funeral parlor.
965
01:33:04,829 --> 01:33:08,504
All day. You know, we went
back at night, when we...
966
01:33:08,708 --> 01:33:10,961
...came to our senses, there he was.
967
01:33:11,211 --> 01:33:14,340
Apparently, he was there
all day with a corpse.
968
01:33:15,381 --> 01:33:18,681
He was okay.
You know, after six, seven weeks.
969
01:33:18,885 --> 01:33:21,354
He came around
and started talking again.
970
01:33:22,722 --> 01:33:25,726
They get over it.
Kids are resilient like that.
971
01:33:25,934 --> 01:33:27,652
We shouldn't talk about this.
972
01:33:27,894 --> 01:33:32,024
- I was just trying to cheer you up.
-I'm sorry I did.
973
01:33:58,299 --> 01:33:59,425
Mom?
974
01:34:04,597 --> 01:34:05,894
Mom?
975
01:34:09,936 --> 01:34:11,984
Mom?
976
01:34:58,318 --> 01:34:59,661
Kevin!
977
01:35:01,196 --> 01:35:02,322
Kevin!
978
01:35:33,686 --> 01:35:35,563
Merry Christmas, sweetheart.
979
01:35:44,989 --> 01:35:47,492
Oh, Kevin, I'm so sorry.
980
01:36:07,428 --> 01:36:09,226
Where's everybody else?
981
01:36:09,931 --> 01:36:11,933
Oh, baby, they couldn't come.
982
01:36:12,141 --> 01:36:13,393
They wanted to so much--
983
01:36:13,601 --> 01:36:18,072
I didn't fall asleep in the back
and drool all over you, did I?
984
01:36:18,273 --> 01:36:20,617
- You do drool!
-Shut up!
985
01:36:23,444 --> 01:36:27,074
Kevin, my boy. How are you?
It's good to see you.
986
01:36:27,282 --> 01:36:29,034
You're all right.
987
01:36:29,534 --> 01:36:30,751
I love you. You okay?
988
01:36:32,412 --> 01:36:33,538
Hey, Kev.
989
01:36:35,873 --> 01:36:38,547
It's cool that you didn't
burn the place down.
990
01:36:40,878 --> 01:36:42,346
Thanks, Buzz.
991
01:36:44,048 --> 01:36:46,050
Wait a minute.
How'd you guys get home?
992
01:36:46,259 --> 01:36:48,762
On the morning flight
you didn't want to wait for.
993
01:36:48,970 --> 01:36:52,224
- Oh, no. Thank you.
-Merry Christmas.
994
01:36:52,432 --> 01:36:53,854
Merry Christmas.
995
01:36:54,475 --> 01:36:56,569
Someone has to find an open store.
996
01:36:56,769 --> 01:36:58,396
I went shopping yesterday.
997
01:37:01,065 --> 01:37:02,612
You, shopping?
998
01:37:02,900 --> 01:37:05,619
I got some milk, eggs
and fabric softener.
999
01:37:07,572 --> 01:37:09,449
- What?
-No kidding?
1000
01:37:09,657 --> 01:37:11,375
What a funny guy.
1001
01:37:11,576 --> 01:37:13,704
What else did you do
while we were away?
1002
01:37:14,871 --> 01:37:17,124
Just hung around.
1003
01:37:19,208 --> 01:37:20,676
Bring your stuff upstairs.
1004
01:37:20,877 --> 01:37:25,428
Shopping? He doesn't know how
to tie his shoe. He's going shopping?
1005
01:37:25,965 --> 01:37:28,639
This is not the Kevin I knew.
1006
01:37:52,241 --> 01:37:53,788
Honey, what's this?
1007
01:38:52,260 --> 01:38:55,685
Kevin! What did you do to my room?
1008
01:42:34,857 --> 01:42:36,859
[ENGLISH]
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