Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,520 --> 00:00:06,560
(ENGINE REVS)
2
00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:08,600
(TRAIN WHISTLE)
3
00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:23,840
(BROADCAST IN FRENCH)
4
00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:25,920
(ACCORDION MUSIC)
5
00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:38,280
Hello, and welcome to what is
very obviously the South of France.
6
00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:40,400
Except this isn't
the South of France
7
00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:42,760
where there are carefully
designed topless swimsuits
8
00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:46,720
and Russian billionaires
turn up on super yachts.
9
00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:50,080
This isn't even
in the same hemisphere.
10
00:00:55,360 --> 00:01:00,640
This is 5,700 miles south
of the South of France.
11
00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:09,120
It's a tiny volcanic island in the
Indian Ocean called Réunion.
12
00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:17,880
It is weird, isn't it? Cos this
isn't like a French protectorate.
13
00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:19,440
It's actually France.
14
00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:22,200
- You know the flight from Paris to here?
- Yeah.
15
00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:24,680
The longest internal flight
in the world.
16
00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:26,720
Because it is an internal.
France to France.
17
00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:28,319
And because of
the time difference,
18
00:01:28,320 --> 00:01:32,079
this was the first place in the world
where a euro exchange happened.
19
00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:33,906
Yes, and wasn't it for, like,
a bag of lychees?
20
00:01:33,931 --> 00:01:34,696
It was.
21
00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:36,760
- Ooh, that was a bit good.
- Nice one, mate.
22
00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:39,960
Did you just see that shot?
23
00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:44,240
JEREMY: In order to blend
with the Côte d'Azur vibe,
24
00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:47,960
I've come here with
a V8 Bentley Continental.
25
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,200
(ENGINE REVS)
26
00:01:56,840 --> 00:02:03,040
Now, I'll admit that Bentley forged its
reputation many years ago at Le Mans,
27
00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:05,400
which is in the north of France.
28
00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:07,120
But it's changed since then.
29
00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:12,080
Now it's the most South of
France brand of them all.
30
00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:16,720
The recipe's
still the same, though.
31
00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:21,760
It's a big, heavy suet pudding
of torque and opulence.
32
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:27,440
Yeah. (LAUGHS)
33
00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:31,560
This is the first time ever
on our adventures
34
00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:35,440
when I've had a proper,
functioning, decent car.
35
00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:43,880
Whatever Mr Wilman has in mind,
this'll be... perfect.
36
00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:50,560
RICHARD: Yeah, but this is better.
37
00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:53,320
(LAUGHS)
38
00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:59,360
This is a Ford Focus RS,
the latest version.
39
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:04,760
350 brake horsepower from a
four-cylinder turbo-charged engine.
40
00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:09,040
It's light, 1500 kilos,
and it's clever.
41
00:03:13,253 --> 00:03:14,759
It has torque vectoring.
42
00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:18,519
It can send up to 70% of
the total power to the rear axle.
43
00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:21,960
And it can divert 100%
of that to one wheel.
44
00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:25,520
(CRACKLES AND BANGS)
45
00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,480
I love those crackles
and bangs on the overrun.
46
00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:29,560
(CRACKLES AND BANGS)
47
00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,680
(LAUGHS)
48
00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:36,480
It's just... Yeah, it brings
out the yobbo in me.
49
00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:38,720
(CRACKLES AND BANGS)
50
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,039
Hello, viewers.
51
00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:42,120
And as you would imagine,
I've done this properly.
52
00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:43,520
I've come in this.
53
00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:45,480
This is a Caterham.
54
00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:48,720
It is a 310R, to be precise.
55
00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:52,120
It is a bit of a faff getting in,
admittedly, but once you are in,
56
00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:54,080
the rewards are enormous
57
00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:57,320
because this car
was born in the '50s,
58
00:03:57,400 --> 00:04:03,280
designed by Colin Chapman as a
self-assembly weekend racing car.
59
00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:08,680
This is the sort of thing that
enthusiasts online go on about.
60
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:11,560
You even have to put
the steering wheel on.
61
00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:13,640
(CAR PULLS UP)
62
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:18,800
Then you just close the door,
clip it in place and we'll be on our way.
63
00:04:21,015 --> 00:04:23,815
- It's nice this, mate, innit?
- Bloody fabulous.
64
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:26,020
I wonder why they fitted
the kill switch on the outside?
65
00:04:26,045 --> 00:04:27,230
(ENGINE CUTS OUT)
66
00:04:27,255 --> 00:04:28,160
Oh...
67
00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:29,840
I'll put it there
so you don't lose it.
68
00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:31,320
Right, gotta get on.
69
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,040
- Don't be a cock, Hammond.
- (LAUGHS)
70
00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:35,800
(SIGHS)
71
00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:40,600
(ENGINE REVS)
72
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:44,720
JAMES: Leaving aside the
unfortunate position of the kill switch,
73
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:50,360
I can think of no better car
for these fantastic roads.
74
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:53,040
If you like the sensations
of driving, you know,
75
00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:56,880
like turning the wheel and changing
the gears and pressing the pedals,
76
00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:59,600
you want one of these.
77
00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:01,920
(SQUEAL OF TYRES)
78
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:05,160
Doesn't have traction control,
doesn't have brake assist,
79
00:05:05,280 --> 00:05:06,600
doesn't have adaptive suspension,
80
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:08,440
it doesn't have flappy paddles.
81
00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:11,280
It doesn't even have air bags.
82
00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:15,480
It's just a car.
83
00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:19,360
Absolutely perfect.
84
00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:29,560
JEREMY: Having introduced our cars
to this tropical island, we all met up.
85
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:34,480
It's so nice to be back
in the EU, sun shining.
86
00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:37,080
Beautiful views, great coffee.
87
00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:38,480
Oh, here comes ASBO boy!
88
00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,000
(REVVING AND CRACKLES AND BANGS)
89
00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:41,800
(LAUGHS)
90
00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:44,240
How's your ankle bracelet
in this heat?
91
00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:48,040
Yeah, I just grew one as soon as I
sat down in it. It just formed on my leg.
92
00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:50,720
(CRACKLES AND BANGS)
93
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:56,335
Now this is the coast road around the
north, sort of northwest of the island.
94
00:05:56,360 --> 00:06:00,160
And there are
a lot of rockfalls on it.
95
00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:02,916
They've tried to solve the problem by...
96
00:06:03,424 --> 00:06:06,200
dangling wire mesh
down the side of the cliffs,
97
00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,640
but that hasn't really worked.
98
00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:13,640
So the solution they've come
up with is... pretty radical.
99
00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:21,800
What the French are building
here is a ring road in the sea.
100
00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:26,880
Designed to cope with 30-foot
waves and win votes,
101
00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,280
this engineering masterpiece
102
00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:34,040
cost £112 million per kilometre
103
00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:36,160
and it's 12 kilometres long.
104
00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:42,360
It is, then, the most expensive
piece of Tarmac in the world.
105
00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,920
RICHARD: I was just thinking
this incredibly expensive,
106
00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:53,800
mind-bogglingly complicated
stretch of road
107
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:55,440
could serve a useful purpose.
108
00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:57,200
Mm. Mm.
109
00:06:57,280 --> 00:06:59,240
JEREMY: And so...
110
00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,240
JAMES: I don't really know
how to call this, to be honest.
111
00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:11,720
I've got the least power but
I've got the least weight.
112
00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:15,160
JEREMY: Hammond and I both have
turbo-charging and four-wheel drive
113
00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:18,560
and you don't want either of
those things in a drag race.
114
00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:21,080
He, however,
has got launch control.
115
00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:23,840
Not that he knows how it
works, I should imagine.
116
00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:25,880
RICHARD:
Trip... I don't want trip.
117
00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:27,960
Settings.
118
00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:31,480
Driver assist.
119
00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:33,440
Launch control.
120
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,080
So it's...
Oh, no, it's cut out. Wait.
121
00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:38,320
Jeremy Clarkson's
actually got out of the car.
122
00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:41,320
Driver assist.
123
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:42,760
Launch control.
124
00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:45,160
Hammond's launch control is...
125
00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:47,000
- Really?
- Yes.
126
00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:49,160
Launch control is troublesome.
127
00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:51,240
That's odd,
because he's so useful at...
128
00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:54,120
- What's that do? - Leave it.
- (ENGINE CUTS OUT)
129
00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:56,320
- What is it?
- It's... You know what it is.
130
00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:57,760
- I don't know what it is.
- Stop being an arse.
131
00:07:57,840 --> 00:07:59,880
It's turned the engine... Why is
the ignition key on the outside?
132
00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:01,520
It's in case you have a crash.
133
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:04,040
It's really annoying.
Mustn't lose that.
134
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,120
(LAUGHS)
135
00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:13,080
JEREMY: When James
had reassembled his car
136
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,520
and Richard
had sorted out his tech,
137
00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:17,560
we were ready to go.
138
00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:21,240
This Frenchman
in the yellow vest...
139
00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:24,680
is he going to start the race, do you
think, or throw a petrol bomb at me?
140
00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:27,720
(REVVING)
141
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:29,200
(MORE REVVING)
142
00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:31,440
(REVVING)
143
00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:33,920
Trois, deux, un!
144
00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:37,120
- (SQUEAL OF TYRES)
- Bloody hell.
145
00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:40,400
They got a better start.
146
00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:44,080
Second, I'm rowing it through
as quickly as I can. I am in front.
147
00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:47,800
It's only 152 horsepower.
148
00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:52,040
Now time to deploy
the speed and power...
149
00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:53,520
Bit late on that shift.
150
00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:55,120
Oh, I'm sorry.
151
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,560
Stay... Oh, goddamn it!
152
00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:59,760
(LAUGHS)
153
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:03,000
JAMES: I'm losing. I'm losing.
154
00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:06,040
I'm the first person
to lose on this road.
155
00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:08,200
JEREMY: Oooh!
156
00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:12,080
The inaugural Réunion
coastal road drag race
157
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:16,440
was just ripped into
by the Bentley.
158
00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:20,320
Is it the face? Is it the face?
159
00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:23,320
Yeah, it's the face.
It's the face.
160
00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:28,520
JEREMY: After christening the
ring road with our important drag race,
161
00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:33,000
we received a text from Mr Wilman.
162
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:37,640
And he was telling us to report to a
cemetery in the town of Saint-Paul
163
00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:40,840
where we would
receive further instructions.
164
00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:43,800
- JAMES: Chaps.
- What?
165
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:45,440
I have in my hand
a piece of paper.
166
00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:47,560
- Is it from Neville?
- It is from Neville, actually.
167
00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:52,840
It says, "In 1730 on Réunion,
a man called La Buse..."
168
00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:54,840
That's him in there.
169
00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:57,320
"..was hanged for crimes
of piracy."
170
00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,320
So this is La Buse. He was...
171
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,120
What was he?
He had a pirate fleet.
172
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:04,135
- You know about this man?
- Yes. He was called The Buzzard.
173
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:05,080
Big nose he had as well.
174
00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:06,800
There is more on
Neville's piece of paper
175
00:10:06,824 --> 00:10:08,229
if you could just
keep quiet for a moment.
176
00:10:08,254 --> 00:10:11,654
It says, "On his way to the scaffold he
threw a coded message into the crowd
177
00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:14,359
that explained where
he had buried his treasure.
178
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:17,400
A copy of that message is
included in your pack."
179
00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:18,560
Is that it?
180
00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:20,200
That's it, yes.
181
00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:22,680
- Well, it's just garbage.
- No, but here's the good bit.
182
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:27,280
"It's reckoned that his treasure
included the Fiery Cross of Goa,
183
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:32,040
a 220-pound, seven-foot high
golden crucifix studded with rubies
184
00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:35,800
and that today the haul
would be worth £100 million."
185
00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:37,240
- Wow.
- So?
186
00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:39,800
"So it's your job to crack
the code and find the loot.
187
00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:42,280
Your sincerely, Neville Wilman."
188
00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:44,280
Oh, we are hunting
for pirate treasure?
189
00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:46,680
- Yes, we are.
- Oh, come on.
190
00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:49,080
Do you believe in
all this pirate nonsense?
191
00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:50,440
What do you mean, "believe"?
192
00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:53,040
Yes. Pirates were pirates.
193
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:54,440
Pirates knock
on your door and say,
194
00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:56,800
"I've got this knocked-off copy
of the Avengers: Endgame.
195
00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:59,160
Do you wanna buy it? It's
only five quid." That's a pirate.
196
00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:02,880
Yeah, pirate now. Pirates then,
they had style. This one...
197
00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:04,280
- So we've gotta crack that...
- Yes.
198
00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:06,640
...and that'll tell us where this,
199
00:11:06,664 --> 00:11:08,456
- The Buzzard...
- Yes.
200
00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:10,475
...buried his treasure?
201
00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:11,600
Yes.
202
00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:13,480
Well, how are you
gonna crack that?
203
00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:17,520
This is so up his street.
204
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:19,280
What's happened here
is very straightforward.
205
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:22,600
He loves pirates, you...
what do you like doing?
206
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:25,720
- Cracking codes. Doing Sudoku.
- Crosswords.
207
00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:27,440
What do I do?
208
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,640
Well, you can have your... We'll
be pirates, we'll split the treasure.
209
00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:30,960
I'm not going to be a pirate.
210
00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:32,520
Oh, so we won't
split the treasure?
211
00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:35,640
If you want to share in the £100 million,
and I suggest you do,
212
00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:37,520
you could maybe muck in a bit.
213
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:39,200
You can help digging.
214
00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:40,640
I can't be doing
with pirates. It's all...
215
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:42,920
All right, so you don't want any?
216
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:44,520
Well, I mean,
I'll have it if it's there.
217
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:47,680
Oh, will you?
218
00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:51,440
JAMES: Back at the hotel,
I started on the code...
219
00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:55,280
while Nick and Margaret sat in
the background, being annoying.
220
00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:03,600
Would it help if I built you a machine
made of brass and copper and transistors?
221
00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:07,560
I heard if you drink a glass of
water like that whilst looking at it...
222
00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:10,520
- Have you thought about, A is one...
- That's clever.
223
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:12,360
- B is two...
- Oh, that's clever.
224
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,080
- No, wait, wait.
- What?
225
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:16,240
- I've already had a breakthrough.
- What?
226
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:20,120
Why don't you two go away and
leave me alone to work on it by myself?
227
00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:23,960
It is a bit boring, this.
228
00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:25,200
Not very piratey thus far.
229
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:31,440
JEREMY: So Richard and I
left James Turing to get on with it.
230
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:34,720
So La Buse...
231
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:40,680
(MUTTERS)
232
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:46,160
It's a shame we can't go swimming.
233
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:47,480
Why can't we?
234
00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:48,880
It's against the law.
235
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:50,160
What, swimming's illegal?
236
00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:51,400
No, it really is.
237
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:55,560
Because between 2011 and 2016,
238
00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:59,920
there were 43 fatal shark
attacks around the world.
239
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:03,320
19 were in the waters off Réunion.
240
00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:06,000
- Out there?
- Yeah.
241
00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:07,480
Well, look, it's only shallow.
242
00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:09,440
If a shark comes, we can jump it.
243
00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:13,920
I think we did that in 2013.
244
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:15,560
(CHUCKLING)
245
00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:17,640
(TICKING)
246
00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:46,760
JEREMY: Do you only read
pirate books?
247
00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:49,520
If it's got a pirate ship on it,
you're gonna read it, aren't you?
248
00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:52,320
It's exciting. There was
derring-do and adventuring.
249
00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:54,920
The Lioness of Brittany,
1330 thereabouts.
250
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:58,760
She had a fleet of five or six
black ships called the Black Fleet.
251
00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:01,960
She had them all painted black
with red flags. How cool is that?
252
00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:29,160
JEREMY: On the third day,
we were running out of activities,
253
00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:32,520
so we went to see
how Alan was getting on.
254
00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:37,920
- Have you got anywhere?
- Yes.
255
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,160
Where?
256
00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:42,560
After a two-headed dog...
257
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:44,040
you take some honey.
258
00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:47,760
Three days and that's it?
259
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:49,929
"After a two-headed dog
you take honey"?
260
00:14:49,954 --> 00:14:52,140
Yeah, but I'm starting
with nothing.
261
00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:57,655
- Um, you do know...
- Hmm.
262
00:14:57,680 --> 00:15:00,120
that they hung
La Buse here in Réunion?
263
00:15:00,144 --> 00:15:00,640
Yeah.
264
00:15:00,641 --> 00:15:03,440
But they arrested him
in Madagascar.
265
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:05,000
And he's hardly likely
to have said,
266
00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:07,120
"Mind if I bring this seven-foot
gold cross and all my treasure
267
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:09,480
on your police boat
to the gallows" is he?
268
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:13,640
So it makes sense that the
treasure is buried in Madagascar.
269
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:18,600
How long have you known that?
270
00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:20,240
Since I was ten.
271
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,760
Did you not think it might
have made sense to say that?
272
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:26,000
I had a thought and I've done this
before and made a fool of myself
273
00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:27,840
by rushing in with it
before it's ready,
274
00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:31,360
so I had to let it mature and
develop before I thought,
275
00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:33,880
"Yes, I'll present this
thought to them."
276
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:37,040
I mean, there might be a place called Two
Headed Dog in Madagascar for all I know,
277
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:39,840
but I wasn't looking.
I've been looking at Réunion.
278
00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:42,480
Well, we've got to go
to Madagascar, then.
279
00:15:42,504 --> 00:15:43,376
Yeah.
280
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,400
- It's not far away.
- Is it not?
281
00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:48,120
Yeah, but we can't take
those cars to Madagascar.
282
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:49,440
- Why?
- Might be fun.
283
00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:51,640
Well, no, the roads
are terrible in Madagascar.
284
00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:52,680
How do you know?
285
00:15:52,681 --> 00:15:55,695
Cos I had a friend when I was
much younger called Mary
286
00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:57,920
who went there
doing wildlife conservation
287
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:02,040
and she told me Madagascar was the worst
place she'd ever tried to drive a car.
288
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:03,920
We've been all over the world.
289
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,760
- We've seen a lot of potholes, mate.
- We have.
290
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,960
Yeah, but she went all over the world
as well, all over Africa, South America.
291
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:10,760
She says Madagascar's
got the worst roads.
292
00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:13,600
All she ever talked to me about was
how bad the roads were in Madagascar
293
00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:15,280
- and how often she was stuck.
- Right.
294
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:17,840
For days.
295
00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:21,040
- Better modify our cars, then.
- I've got a Caterham.
296
00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:22,480
We can modify that very easily.
297
00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:24,920
- What, into an airship?
- I don't know.
298
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,960
Use your imagination.
299
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:32,520
JEREMY: So we found a workshop.
300
00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:36,560
And as James began...
301
00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:38,600
Right, to work...
302
00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:42,800
...Richard and I
went to a shop to buy kit.
303
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:46,560
- Bonjour.
- Bonjour.
304
00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:47,800
Bonjour.
305
00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:50,560
Avez-vous...
306
00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:52,880
...jump leads, um...
307
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:55,520
You see? (BARKS LIKE A DOG)
308
00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:59,600
(BARKS)
309
00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:02,040
(PANTING)
310
00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:04,080
(CONTINUES BARKING)
311
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:09,520
Monsieur, avez-vous
batterie connecteur?
312
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:11,600
- Ah, no.
- Oh, merci.
313
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:12,880
What, jump leads
are called battery...?
314
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,760
They're battery connector...
Yes, that's what it is.
315
00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:17,600
- Not... - You don't have any?
- You mimed it in English.
316
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:19,800
Well, I just thought jump
leads, brilliant acting.
317
00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:22,680
If you know the English
for jump leads.
318
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:25,880
JAMES: With the kit bought
and the modifications finished,
319
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:30,520
we set sail for Madagascar,
320
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:39,040
arriving two days later
in the port of Tamatave.
321
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:56,280
Hello again, viewers.
322
00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:59,240
What I've done is this.
323
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:02,480
My car is already very light,
which is ideal for off-roading,
324
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:04,120
so I've put some
bigger wheels on it.
325
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:06,760
That's good for ground
clearance and grip.
326
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:10,040
That's it.
327
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:15,120
Clearly, Jeremy had done
rather more than that.
328
00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:21,520
Let me talk you through what
I've done. There's a fair bit.
329
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:25,080
Got a winch here mounted
on a steel platform
330
00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:27,960
and I have amour-plated steel
running from the front
331
00:18:27,984 --> 00:18:30,319
to the back on the underside.
332
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,880
Headlamps, they're now
from a motorcycle.
333
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:38,000
I needed the space ordinarily taken
up by the lights for these snorkels,
334
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:43,120
which I've fitted so the car can now
wade through about six feet of water.
335
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:46,040
Moving further back,
336
00:18:46,120 --> 00:18:51,360
big chunky tyres but the
wheels are actually smaller.
337
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:54,120
Now, that meant the original brakes
wouldn't fit, had to remove those,
338
00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:56,600
replace them with the brakes
from a Golf GTI.
339
00:18:56,680 --> 00:19:01,880
Then I moved the brake and fuel lines
inboard to give them extra protection
340
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,480
and removed the air suspension,
341
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:06,560
replaced it, in fact,
with long travel shocks and steel coils.
342
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:09,320
- You did all that in two days?
- Well, it was that workshop.
343
00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:11,120
I don't know,
it was just so well-equipped.
344
00:19:11,144 --> 00:19:12,335
It was well-equipped.
345
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:14,440
So I was able to do, I think,
a pretty thorough job.
346
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:17,600
I am genuinely impressed.
347
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:19,680
- I'll tell you what.
- What?
348
00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:25,120
This is what life is like...
outside the EU.
349
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:27,840
We were in the EU on Réunion,
smooth roads.
350
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:31,120
BMWs. "Would you like
a glass of Chablis?"
351
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:32,680
- Here...
- Yeah! Oh, sorry.
352
00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:35,120
Would you like
some food poisoning?
353
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:39,480
JEREMY: As we discussed post-Brexit life,
our colleague arrived.
354
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:47,720
O-K.
355
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:57,000
Ha-ha!
356
00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:00,120
Yep, the flag and...?
357
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,080
And a number of other changes.
358
00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:04,600
OK, I'll talk you through it. I've
painted it black, skull and crossbones.
359
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:06,120
There is a flag, yes.
360
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:09,080
Full external roll cage and
if this isn't strong enough,
361
00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:12,200
I've replaced the front and
rear crumple zones with girders.
362
00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:15,240
I've raised the suspension by 19 inches
363
00:20:15,264 --> 00:20:17,680
to give it 23 and a half inches
ground clearance.
364
00:20:18,053 --> 00:20:23,200
And then if you look
closely... here, the corners.
365
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:26,120
- Oh, yes.
- You know what he's done?
366
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:28,240
It's genius is
what I've done. Look at it.
367
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:32,960
- He's uninvented the wheel.
- You have, you've put triangles on.
368
00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:36,800
JEREMY: Having sorted all that out,
we got back to the main problem.
369
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:39,120
The code.
370
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:42,080
I'm presuming, May, because you
haven't done very much with your car,
371
00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:43,600
you've devoted quite a lot of time
372
00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:45,720
to working out where in
Madagascar this treasure is.
373
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:48,280
- This non-existent treasure is buried.
- Indeed.
374
00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:50,120
- Yes? And where is it?
- No idea.
375
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:51,960
- You still don't know?
- Not a clue.
376
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:55,240
It's still two-headed dogs and
lemons and parrots and things.
377
00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:00,840
You do know they actually
arrested La Buse on Madagascar
378
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:02,520
in an area called Libertalia,
379
00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:04,880
which is like a pirate
commune where they lived
380
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:07,120
and they had rules
of society and everything.
381
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:09,280
So it stands to reason that's
probably where he buried his treasure
382
00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:10,600
when they arrested him.
383
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:13,360
Have you known that
since you were ten as well?
384
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:15,120
Er, yeah, yeah, I have.
385
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:18,000
Is there anything else you've
known since you were ten
386
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:20,840
which would be relevant to us
now that you ought to tell us?
387
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,120
No, that's it.
388
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,800
- So this Libertalia?
- Yeah.
389
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:26,680
- Where is it?
- North of here.
390
00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:29,240
- How far north of here?
- 100 miles.
391
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:30,560
You actually know where it is?
392
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:31,880
Yeah, north of here.
393
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:33,480
100 miles north of here.
394
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:35,680
But you didn't say that
three days ago.
395
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,960
Again, you have to take
your time with a thought,
396
00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:42,040
make sure it's ready,
turn it around, look at it.
397
00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:44,840
Don't wanna make
a fool of myself, rush in.
398
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:50,840
JEREMY: And so, armed with Captain Jack
Hammond's new information, we set off.
399
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:00,520
(LAUGHS)
400
00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:05,520
I've taken one of the finest
performance cars of its time,
401
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:09,360
a scalpel, and turned it
into a chainsaw.
402
00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:11,400
(LAUGHS)
403
00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:14,840
"Oh-arr, oh-arr, Jim lad."
404
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:18,160
I just don't get pirates.
405
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:21,400
You tell Tom Hanks that pirates
are romantic and interesting...
406
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,960
They're not. They're
just... floating burglars.
407
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:31,280
Got a light here telling me that
there's a fault with my air suspension.
408
00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:33,640
I know, I've removed it.
409
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:39,200
But why had I removed it?
410
00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:44,120
Because contrary to what James had said,
the roads were fine.
411
00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:45,720
Yeah.
412
00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:50,920
Not sure I needed to raise my car
much for this very smooth Tarmac.
413
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:53,240
Er, James?
414
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:54,680
Yes, what's your point?
415
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:56,640
Because of you, I've prepared
my car for Armageddon
416
00:22:56,720 --> 00:22:59,440
and you've brought me
to a tea party.
417
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:01,280
JEREMY: All right, look at this.
418
00:23:01,360 --> 00:23:03,040
Big test for the Bentley.
419
00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:04,960
There it is.
420
00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:07,840
Jeez, I feel like
Ranulph Fiennes here.
421
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:12,000
Look at me!
422
00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:13,800
Look at what I've done.
423
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:18,640
Just because he befriended some girl in a
floaty skirt, I've ruined my whole hatch.
424
00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:23,200
We should have known that a friend of
James' wasn't going to be an explorer.
425
00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:25,520
The worst thing that happened
is a daffodil fell out
426
00:23:25,544 --> 00:23:27,136
of her bicycle basket and she pan...
427
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:29,920
"Oh, this is terribly rough.
It's absolutely awful."
428
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:32,000
(SONG PLAYING)
429
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:36,000
RICHARD: As we headed out
into the countryside,
430
00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:38,480
we hoped the roads
would get worse...
431
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:40,560
But no.
432
00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:44,200
Hello. Bonjour.
433
00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:47,360
They're all looking at me and
thinking, "What, is he mad?"
434
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,720
Look at that lovely road.
435
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:51,160
What were we thinking?
436
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:53,920
We took off-roading advice
from Jane Austen.
437
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,200
"Oh, James, I went to Madagascar
438
00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:58,640
and the roads were nothing
like they are in Devon."
439
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:03,280
Bonjour. Please,
stop building roads!
440
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:06,840
- (TOOTS OF HORN)
- No more road surface.
441
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:09,560
Oh, God.
442
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:11,320
We've completely overdone
our cars.
443
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:12,680
They look good.
444
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:15,680
But they're not necessary
and nor is the journey.
445
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:19,520
70% of the Madagascan population
446
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:23,880
exists on
less than a dollar a day.
447
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:27,360
So if there were a
seven-foot golden cross
448
00:24:27,384 --> 00:24:29,975
studded with rubies buried somewhere,
449
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:35,800
I'm fairly confident someone
would have found it by now.
450
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:39,880
Oh, and another thing: buried
treasure... in all of human history,
451
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:44,320
not a single ounce of buried
treasure has ever been found, ever.
452
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:51,840
As I complained about our mission,
the road did suddenly get rougher.
453
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,280
Oh, yeah, that is a pothole.
454
00:24:57,360 --> 00:25:00,080
That is a definitely a pothole
and that's another one... Ooh.
455
00:25:01,360 --> 00:25:03,320
O-K.
456
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:07,120
RICHARD: In the Ford tech...
457
00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:13,600
I thought my mods would shine
in this new rough terrain.
458
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:17,520
Sadly, however...
459
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,360
Ow.
460
00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:21,160
Slight hitch here.
461
00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:24,160
I put my car on tracks,
462
00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:28,680
but what I'm having trouble with
is the little wheels inside the tracks
463
00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:30,800
that keep...
Well, they're coming off
464
00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:33,640
because we're driving on
a hard road
465
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:38,360
and these hard edges of
the potholes smash them off.
466
00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:41,600
The simple fact is, these tracks,
brilliant as they are,
467
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:45,360
are made for use on mud and snow.
468
00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:47,600
Off road. Not Tarmac.
469
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:49,680
(THUD)
470
00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:52,360
RADIO: Hammo,
you've lost another one.
471
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:54,160
Oh, God.
472
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:58,120
JAMES: In the Caterham, it wasn't
just the potholes that were annoying...
473
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:00,440
- (THUDS)
- Oh! Oh!
474
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:06,480
It was so dusty, it felt like I
was driving in a hot Hoover bag.
475
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:10,760
(COUGHS) Ugh, dust and stuff
getting in my eyes is appalling.
476
00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:13,240
I'm gonna have to
find some goggles.
477
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:16,080
JEREMY: Life in the Bentley,
however, was fine.
478
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:21,240
I'm starting to really
like this car.
479
00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:24,320
Now it's got a bit of mud on it,
480
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:29,000
it's starting to look like an MFB and
in case you don't know what MFB is,
481
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:32,640
it's what Samuel L Jackson
would call his Bentley if he had one.
482
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:39,200
Properly pretty villages.
483
00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:41,000
Melon shop.
484
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:44,000
Melons, melons, melons.
485
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:45,400
Numberplate shop.
486
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:48,800
That is a shop where you can
get numberplates made up.
487
00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:50,880
Wasn't expecting that.
488
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:57,400
I also wasn't expecting to
find an agreeable seaside hotel,
489
00:26:57,480 --> 00:27:03,240
where, a bit later, a dusty and grimy
May chose not to join me for lunch.
490
00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:10,720
Great.
491
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:12,920
Now the pool's
got a muddy dog in it.
492
00:27:17,360 --> 00:27:21,920
RICHARD: I, meanwhile, was starting
to worry that in this heat on Tarmac,
493
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:25,200
my little plastic wheels
would be starting to warp.
494
00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:32,840
So when I got to the hotel,
I also didn't join Jeremy for lunch.
495
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:37,360
I need to find a way
of cooling them.
496
00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:41,080
Build a cooling system
out here with nothing.
497
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:44,080
And what I do in situations like this
498
00:27:44,104 --> 00:27:48,400
is think to myself,
"What would Bear Grylls do?"
499
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:57,640
Having scoured the shoreline for
nature's raw materials, I set to work.
500
00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:04,080
Well, fingers crossed.
501
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:05,680
Here's what I've done.
502
00:28:05,760 --> 00:28:08,520
Luckily I've found these completely
full office water cooler bottles
503
00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:10,240
that had been washed up.
504
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:13,800
Along with this nylon rope
that had also been washed up.
505
00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:16,200
And along with them I found
these lengths of clear hose.
506
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:17,800
I've attached them to the car,
507
00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:20,000
some cable ties had washed up.
508
00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:22,160
And down here at the bottom
it can deliver
509
00:28:22,184 --> 00:28:24,184
a life-saving trickle of cooling water.
510
00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:27,600
It may not look pretty
but it'll work.
511
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:29,840
And as Bear Grylls himself says,
512
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:33,120
"Improvise, adapt, survive."
513
00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:38,320
JEREMY: Sadly, Hammond's
modifications had taken so long,
514
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:41,440
it was too late in the day
to move on.
515
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:46,760
And anyway, May was busy
carpet-bombing the code with his OCD.
516
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:50,400
Here's something very
interesting I learned today.
517
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:53,360
I was next to a shop watching
a man count his water melons
518
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:55,120
and we would count one, two,
519
00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:56,680
three, four, five like that.
520
00:28:56,760 --> 00:29:02,560
But he was going one,
two, three, four, five,
521
00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:04,200
which is exactly
what appears on there.
522
00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:07,280
So that might be a letter
but it might be two.
523
00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:11,920
Some of those symbols might be numbers,
they might be compass bearings,
524
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,800
they might be numbers of paces
from a tree, something like that.
525
00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:17,000
Some of the bits that
appear to be gibberish...
526
00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:24,160
JEREMY: The next day, as the
sun rose on this little-known paradise,
527
00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:27,160
we were back on the move.
528
00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:31,560
So, May,
have you cracked the code?
529
00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:34,720
Nope.
530
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:36,320
Predictable.
531
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:39,240
RICHARD: Still, at least my
cooling system was working.
532
00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:42,720
Water delivered, life saved.
533
00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:44,800
Thank you, Bear Grylls.
534
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:50,040
(LIVELY CHATTER)
535
00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:51,560
(LAUGHTER)
536
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:55,800
(LAUGHS) My car is amusing.
537
00:29:55,880 --> 00:30:00,400
Clearly, though, it was the MFB
that was causing more of a stir.
538
00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:05,320
(LAUGHS)
539
00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:10,200
Then we came across something
that wasn't so cheerful.
540
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:13,720
(WOMAN SPEAKS LOCAL LANGUAGE)
541
00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:17,160
JEREMY:
That woman is in the stocks.
542
00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:20,000
She's actually got
wooden handcuffs on.
543
00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:29,000
(HORN TOOTING)
544
00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:32,600
RICHARD: Chaps, this Tarmac
road has finally run out.
545
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:34,760
But it's kind of run out
completely.
546
00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:38,200
- What do you mean?
- There's no road at all.
547
00:30:38,280 --> 00:30:40,120
This looks like a ferry.
548
00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:46,960
Once on board, I noticed Jeremy
had got himself a new number plate.
549
00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:51,600
I just can't work it out, "MFB".
550
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:54,600
Must Fondle Buttocks?
551
00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:56,680
Middle Aged... Hm.
552
00:30:58,160 --> 00:30:59,720
Hang on.
553
00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:06,440
JEREMY: When the ferry
docked on the other bank...
554
00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:12,120
...it was like we'd gone
back 200 years.
555
00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:20,640
I'm going full goggles.
556
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:29,040
JEREMY: Bloody hell!
557
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:31,840
Yeah, this is quite bad now,
I'll admit.
558
00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:41,200
RICHARD: Swim, swim, swim.
559
00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:44,120
JEREMY: Finally,
the modifications we'd made to our cars
560
00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:46,160
were coming into their own.
561
00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:55,200
The MFB is through!
562
00:31:57,440 --> 00:32:00,320
Four-wheel drive rugging
me out of that one.
563
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:04,040
RICHARD:
Now, this is more like it.
564
00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:05,960
This is what I built my car for.
565
00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:09,680
Tracks won't be getting too
hot. I'm cooling them in the water.
566
00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:15,560
JEREMY: How's it going
in the Sherman?
567
00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:19,800
RICHARD: Honestly,
it's a walk in the park. What about you?
568
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:24,160
It's a bit squeaky.
But it keeps going.
569
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:27,520
But what I'd love to know is
what's happening in the Caterham.
570
00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:28,800
(CHUCKLES)
571
00:32:29,880 --> 00:32:31,440
JAMES: Oh, Jesus!
572
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:33,000
Urgh!
573
00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:35,640
That is turds! Jesus!
574
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:42,720
Ohh, the water's like a bath
that someone's had diarrhoea in.
575
00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:45,600
Oh, Jesus!
576
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:49,280
Bollocks!
577
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:51,080
Aargh!
578
00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:53,400
Argh!
579
00:32:56,960 --> 00:32:58,760
Oh, shitty death.
580
00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:01,240
I'll just adjust the
temperature down to...
581
00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:04,600
22 degrees, I think,
would be better.
582
00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:07,480
Adjust the lumbar support
using this button down here.
583
00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:10,400
Meanwhile, in the Ford...
584
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:13,080
Motor's OK, temperature's good.
585
00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:16,920
I can't tell you
how easy this is on my car.
586
00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:19,920
- (HEAVY THUD)
- Ooh!
587
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:24,040
Ohh, that's a big rock
at the bottom of that puddle.
588
00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:29,320
JEREMY: Luckily for Hammond,
we were running alongside a beach.
589
00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:32,400
So I suggested
we use that instead.
590
00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:40,960
Have we finally found a
terrain where those tracks work?
591
00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:42,320
(CHUCKLES)
592
00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:44,440
Yeah, we're looking good here.
593
00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:48,480
It's gonna be brilliant, this car.
594
00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:51,920
These are teething problems.
I'm doing something new here.
595
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:55,240
I'm literally reinventing
the wheel, and, you know...
596
00:33:56,720 --> 00:33:58,680
(HEAVY THUD)
597
00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:00,120
Oh.
598
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:03,120
(HANDBRAKE ON)
599
00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:04,880
Ohh.
600
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:12,000
Argh! (YELLS)
601
00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:17,760
Oh, good. Here comes
a gloating orangutan.
602
00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:20,360
JEREMY: What's happened?
603
00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:23,840
Oh, I know!
604
00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:26,960
Even I, with my limited knowledge,
is able to work out
605
00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:29,080
that's not right.
606
00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:30,720
It's not, is it?
607
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:32,440
JEREMY: To cheer Hammond up,
608
00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:34,600
I decided to give him
a small present.
609
00:34:34,680 --> 00:34:36,640
You've got a number plate as well.
610
00:34:36,720 --> 00:34:39,400
- "Fury" as in Fury?
- As in the tank.
611
00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:41,440
- For my car? That is...
- Yes.
612
00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:44,600
- So you can put "Fury" on it.
- Oh, I say!
613
00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:47,240
It doesn't actually mean
that here, exactly.
614
00:34:47,264 --> 00:34:48,416
What's it mean here?
615
00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:51,640
Well, the Ygrec, the Y,
means "lady parts".
616
00:34:51,720 --> 00:34:54,760
So what that actually says is
"Furry lady parts."
617
00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:57,655
But, for you, it means "fury".
618
00:34:57,680 --> 00:34:59,940
You're Brad Pitt in a tank -
pirate tank.
619
00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:05,560
At that moment,
Giorgio Armani arrived.
620
00:35:08,240 --> 00:35:11,080
Look at the state of you. Have
you had a trouser accident?
621
00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:13,200
I was actually underwater
at one point.
622
00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:16,160
JEREMY: Oh, that's
a disgusting place to sit.
623
00:35:16,240 --> 00:35:18,440
Is that...
Can you not drive like that?
624
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:20,320
No. (CHUCKLES)
625
00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:22,560
JAMES: How did you do that?
626
00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:25,440
It took me a lot of attempts
cos I wanted to do that.
627
00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:32,280
JEREMY: Having wasted an eternity
watching Brad Pitt do his repairs,
628
00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:34,360
we finally got back on the move.
629
00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:43,240
I wonder why Formula 1 teams
don't use tracks, Hammond,
630
00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:45,720
if you can change them
in just three hours?
631
00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:48,120
(LAUGHS)
632
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:50,480
JEREMY: For James,
the misery continued.
633
00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:52,600
How much more of this is there?
634
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:55,440
Oh, Jesus!
635
00:35:57,480 --> 00:36:00,440
JEREMY: Things were so bad,
that at the next ferry crossing,
636
00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:05,160
it looked like he was going to try
and make the far bank without a boat.
637
00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:08,960
(JEREMY LAUGHS)
638
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:11,000
- Wouldn't you?
- Yeah, I would.
639
00:36:11,120 --> 00:36:14,360
If somebody said to me, "Yes,
there are sharks in there,"
640
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:17,120
I'd still say, "I don't care."
641
00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:22,360
It's on!
642
00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:30,560
JEREMY: As we left the ferry,
James was much happier and cleaner.
643
00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:33,960
I'm feeling pretty good now.
644
00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:38,960
(ENGINE REVVING)
645
00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:43,000
- (PEOPLE LAUGHING)
- Give me strength!
646
00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:49,120
(LAUGHS) Look at him!
647
00:36:50,680 --> 00:36:53,720
Oh, it's the little things
in life that I treasure.
648
00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:59,120
We thought at this point the
road couldn't get any worse.
649
00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:01,440
And then... it did.
650
00:37:09,640 --> 00:37:13,440
Right, so this terrain now
is soft sand.
651
00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:14,960
And puddles.
652
00:37:15,080 --> 00:37:17,000
I haven't tried this yet.
653
00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:19,800
Maybe this is where I will shine.
654
00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:23,640
JEREMY: Hammond was optimistic.
655
00:37:23,720 --> 00:37:26,720
But in the three-ton Bentley,
I wasn't.
656
00:37:28,720 --> 00:37:30,680
Jesus, I'm gonna get stuck here.
657
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:33,440
Come on.
658
00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:35,120
(HEAVY THUD)
659
00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:41,920
Right, I'm completely beached.
660
00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:44,960
Your car not up to the job,
is that what you're saying?
661
00:37:45,080 --> 00:37:47,240
JEREMY: Luckily
I could winch myself out,
662
00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:51,000
using Brad and his pirate
tank as a ground anchor.
663
00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:55,240
Why am I feeding out
his winch cable?
664
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:56,440
Why didn't...
665
00:37:57,440 --> 00:37:59,440
- I'll just do your winch.
- Ready.
666
00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:01,080
(WHIRRING)
667
00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:06,560
Have you ever seen the like?
668
00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:08,920
Yeah.
669
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:14,880
RICHARD: What's happening
here is, I'm moving to you.
670
00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:16,680
That's not supposed
to happen, is it?
671
00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:19,800
- RICHARD: You need to put it in drive.
- Oh, sorry.
672
00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:22,680
(WHIRRING)
673
00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:27,280
MFB...
674
00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:29,480
Massive Fat...
675
00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:31,600
(HEAVY THUD)
676
00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:33,640
Can I just say...
my friend Mary...
677
00:38:33,720 --> 00:38:35,680
- Yes?
- ...was right.
678
00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:38,440
Well, this isn't technically
a road, we're on a beach.
679
00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:39,960
The roads were fine.
680
00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:41,880
You said the worst roads
she'd ever seen.
681
00:38:41,960 --> 00:38:43,240
I thought the roads were fine.
682
00:38:43,320 --> 00:38:45,880
What's happened is,
the roads have finished.
683
00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:48,400
Chaps, are you interested
in treasure or not?
684
00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:50,760
£100 million worth,
available this way.
685
00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:53,120
How far is this place?
686
00:38:53,200 --> 00:38:55,960
We don't know. Libertalia -
it doesn't exist, anyway.
687
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:57,960
- It does exist.
- It doesn't exist!
688
00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:00,000
Well, it did. They wrote about it.
689
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:03,360
Well, they wrote about
Narnia. Doesn't mean it existed.
690
00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:08,440
We continued our journey
on what is genuinely
691
00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:11,600
Madagascar's equivalent of the M1.
692
00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:20,400
Oh, Christ!
693
00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:22,440
Can't see a thing.
694
00:39:24,080 --> 00:39:27,440
May can't be doing this with only
two-wheel drive, it's not possible.
695
00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:30,160
JAMES: But thanks
to its lightness,
696
00:39:30,240 --> 00:39:33,160
the plucky little Caterham
was ploughing on.
697
00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:38,360
Mind the grit. There it is.
698
00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:42,120
Bonjour.
699
00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:45,880
It was Hammond, though,
who had the most reason to celebrate.
700
00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:47,960
RICHARD: Finally, we've
found what it's good at.
701
00:39:48,080 --> 00:39:50,120
(CACKLES)
702
00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:54,840
This thing is unstoppable!
703
00:39:57,720 --> 00:39:59,240
(HEAVY THUD)
704
00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:07,760
Oh, my giddy aunt.
705
00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:11,240
It looks like a wheelchair that's
fallen down a flight of stairs.
706
00:40:11,320 --> 00:40:13,800
Yeah, it's bad.
707
00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:15,440
OK.
708
00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:18,200
What would you like me
to do about that?
709
00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:22,960
What are you in a position
to do about that?
710
00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:31,640
JEREMY: Having thought
about it for a long time,
711
00:40:31,720 --> 00:40:34,440
I decided the answer was nothing.
712
00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:36,840
So I left him to it...
713
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:42,120
This is the tensioner assembly
that sits at the back of the track.
714
00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:44,920
...and set off with James
into the night.
715
00:40:46,720 --> 00:40:48,440
JAMES: Oh, it's getting worse.
716
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:50,080
(HEAVY THUD)
717
00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:53,400
Ohh, (BLEEP) me,
that was uncomfortable!
718
00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:57,320
We were only 40 miles
from Libertalia,
719
00:40:57,400 --> 00:41:01,680
this place that only exists in Richard
Hammond's colouring-in books.
720
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:05,440
So we figured we'd just keep
on taking the punishment.
721
00:41:13,600 --> 00:41:16,880
If you've just joined us,
James May is covered in human excrement.
722
00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:19,920
From behind, your hair looks...
723
00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:22,880
It's like Trevor McDonald's hair.
724
00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:27,720
It is actually a single entity.
It's a new type of molecule.
725
00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:29,760
(LAUGHS)
726
00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:32,240
Would you like me
to give you a little push?
727
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:34,360
JAMES: Yeah, try it,
a little nudge.
728
00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:37,960
Here I come. I shall try
to be gentle, James May.
729
00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:41,080
(HEAVY THUD)
730
00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:44,160
- (ENGINE REVVING)
- Oh, thanks!
731
00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:53,720
JAMES: Jeremy and I battled
on for another two brutal hours...
732
00:41:55,080 --> 00:41:56,960
Please make it stop.
733
00:41:58,200 --> 00:41:59,400
Just stop.
734
00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:04,320
...until we arrived at
another ferry crossing.
735
00:42:05,880 --> 00:42:07,840
Sadly, however...
736
00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:10,400
Everything was as bad
as it could possibly be
737
00:42:10,440 --> 00:42:11,960
and now it's worse.
738
00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:14,960
The ferry's engine's broken.
739
00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:18,000
But they have said that James
and I can pull it across.
740
00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:19,760
I mean...
741
00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:23,720
They obviously looked at us and thought,
"Yeah, they're athletes."
742
00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:29,440
- Oh, this is a nice rope.
- (GRUNTS) Isn't it?
743
00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:30,680
God, heave!
744
00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:34,320
Agh. Oh, my back!
745
00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:38,120
(GROANS)
746
00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:42,240
JAMES: As we pulled ourselves along,
I suddenly had a thought about Hammond.
747
00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:45,720
- If we go over there and get off...
- Yeah?
748
00:42:45,800 --> 00:42:48,720
...it's not gonna be on the
right side when he arrives.
749
00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:50,640
Yeah, but that's not our problem.
750
00:42:50,720 --> 00:42:52,480
You're absolutely right it isn't.
751
00:42:54,720 --> 00:42:57,760
RICHARD: Several miles back,
having bodged a repair,
752
00:42:57,840 --> 00:42:59,800
I was now back in the game.
753
00:43:01,440 --> 00:43:03,360
Gingerly does not cover...
754
00:43:04,360 --> 00:43:06,720
...how carefully
I'm driving this thing.
755
00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:09,840
- (THUD)
- Ohh. Rock in there.
756
00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:11,920
(CLATTERING)
757
00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:15,960
It feels like it's tearing
itself to pieces.
758
00:43:19,560 --> 00:43:21,480
JEREMY:
After 16 hours on the move,
759
00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:25,080
James and I still had
a steely determination
760
00:43:25,160 --> 00:43:27,680
to keep going to journey's end.
761
00:43:27,760 --> 00:43:30,360
Our willpower was bulletproof.
762
00:43:30,440 --> 00:43:33,680
We would not be distracted
from the job in hand.
763
00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:37,160
Oh, a hotel. Hotel, look.
764
00:43:37,240 --> 00:43:39,200
JAMES: Does it say "bar"?
765
00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:40,800
"Hotel restaurant open."
766
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:42,280
That'll do.
767
00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:45,360
Oh, my God.
768
00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:50,160
That is deep.
769
00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:54,600
Back in my world,
things were getting worse.
770
00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:58,160
One of the crew cars had
provided a stark reminder
771
00:43:58,240 --> 00:44:02,280
of what could happen if you
strayed even slightly off the track.
772
00:44:03,320 --> 00:44:05,920
- Oh! That's grim.
- (HEAVY THUD)
773
00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:07,440
Oh.
774
00:44:07,520 --> 00:44:12,440
And on top of that,
my car felt like it was disintegrating.
775
00:44:12,520 --> 00:44:14,920
- (RATTLING)
- That rattling noise.
776
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:17,000
Is that the bearing on that side?
777
00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:22,040
Oh! Oh, Lord.
778
00:44:22,120 --> 00:44:26,440
Consequently, my nerves were shot when,
at three in the morning...
779
00:44:26,520 --> 00:44:28,480
I arrived at the river crossing...
780
00:44:31,720 --> 00:44:34,520
...to find the ferry
was on the other bank.
781
00:44:36,200 --> 00:44:38,160
Oh, the (BLEEP) bastards!
782
00:44:40,640 --> 00:44:42,600
- Oh!
- (CLATTERING)
783
00:44:44,560 --> 00:44:48,240
I would therefore have
to row over to get it back.
784
00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:51,920
This is shit!
785
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:53,960
Everything's shit!
786
00:44:54,040 --> 00:44:57,160
And this (BLEEP) canoe
doesn't work!
787
00:44:57,240 --> 00:44:58,760
(GRUNTS)
788
00:45:03,560 --> 00:45:07,200
JEREMY: The next morning,
Richard Hammond was in a bit of a mood.
789
00:45:09,720 --> 00:45:11,120
Was it difficult?
790
00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:16,360
JEREMY: I, on the other hand,
was very happy.
791
00:45:17,158 --> 00:45:19,735
Because, after a refreshing shave,
792
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:22,240
I noticed there was
a marked difference
793
00:45:22,264 --> 00:45:24,760
between my living conditions
in the Bentley...
794
00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:27,480
Showroom fresh.
795
00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:30,180
...and May's in the Caterham.
796
00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:36,480
Your car looks like Teddy
Kennedy's car after Chappaquiddick.
797
00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:39,520
(HAIR TRIMMER BUZZES)
798
00:45:39,600 --> 00:45:43,760
As I went back to my grooming,
the sulky Brummie finally spoke.
799
00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:46,680
I don't particularly want
to talk to either of you.
800
00:45:47,135 --> 00:45:50,935
But here's to explain why there may
be another opportunity to abandon me.
801
00:45:51,057 --> 00:45:52,880
You know I've got problems
at the front end?
802
00:45:52,904 --> 00:45:53,416
Yes.
803
00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:55,560
I have significant problems
at the back.
804
00:45:55,640 --> 00:45:58,775
Both of the rear
trailing arms are snapped.
805
00:45:58,800 --> 00:45:59,840
Snapped?
806
00:45:59,920 --> 00:46:01,200
Gone, broken.
807
00:46:01,280 --> 00:46:03,160
JAMES:
It's well thought out, this.
808
00:46:03,240 --> 00:46:04,880
Which means at any point,
809
00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:07,840
the whole back end of my car
could collapse inward,
810
00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:10,880
possibly firing one of these under
the car and throwing it on its roof.
811
00:46:10,960 --> 00:46:14,040
In fairness, we won't see that
cos we'll be at least 20 miles ahead.
812
00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:15,680
(SNIGGERING)
813
00:46:16,335 --> 00:46:18,199
I'd love to offer you a lift.
814
00:46:18,200 --> 00:46:21,919
I only give lifts to people who haven't
pulled my battery isolator switch out.
815
00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:24,360
I'm very tempted to pull your
battery isolator switch off
816
00:46:24,384 --> 00:46:25,976
your car and swallow it.
817
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:28,959
And then give it back to you
probably in ten minutes' time.
818
00:46:28,960 --> 00:46:31,320
You think I'd notice on that car?
819
00:46:35,520 --> 00:46:39,080
JEREMY: Mercifully,
the road that morning was much smoother.
820
00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:45,120
And we were surrounded
by Madagascar
821
00:46:45,200 --> 00:46:48,840
at its absolute vibrant best.
822
00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:57,240
I'm not really looking where
I'm going cos of that view.
823
00:46:57,320 --> 00:46:58,680
That's green.
824
00:46:58,760 --> 00:47:01,720
We don't have anything that
green in Europe. Look at it.
825
00:47:21,080 --> 00:47:23,600
Soon we arrived
at a much bigger ferry
826
00:47:23,680 --> 00:47:26,760
that would take us on
a short hop up the coast.
827
00:47:28,240 --> 00:47:30,640
JAMES: Slightly more
impressive boat than last night.
828
00:47:30,720 --> 00:47:32,720
This one appears
to have an engine.
829
00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:36,360
- And be here.
- Ooh!
830
00:47:53,840 --> 00:47:57,520
JEREMY: When we reached our destination,
however, there was a problem.
831
00:47:57,600 --> 00:47:59,520
(CLANKING)
832
00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:02,400
Argh.
833
00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:05,960
There was no way of driving
off the beach where we landed
834
00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:08,040
until low tide.
835
00:48:08,120 --> 00:48:12,040
So to kill the time, James
went back to codebreaking.
836
00:48:15,400 --> 00:48:19,960
Hammond and I, meanwhile, realised
that in conditions as harsh as these...
837
00:48:23,280 --> 00:48:25,040
...survival would be tough.
838
00:48:25,120 --> 00:48:26,400
We'd need food.
839
00:48:26,480 --> 00:48:30,800
So he began with a Bear Grylls
hostile environment classic -
840
00:48:30,880 --> 00:48:33,240
the improvised beach oven.
841
00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:35,600
When you've finished
digging your pit,
842
00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:38,400
line it with some of
the rocks, about half.
843
00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:43,040
And I'm gonna light a fire
on top of these rocks.
844
00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:45,880
I could light a fire in any
one of a number of ways -
845
00:48:45,960 --> 00:48:50,240
a piece of broken glass from the sea,
focused light from the sun onto a leaf...
846
00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:52,120
I'm gonna ask the crew
for a lighter.
847
00:48:55,440 --> 00:48:57,160
There. It's working.
848
00:48:57,240 --> 00:48:59,960
As Bear Grylls says,
three words in survival.
849
00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:03,520
First-class travel and five-star
accommodation or I won't do it.
850
00:49:03,600 --> 00:49:07,320
JEREMY: The second basic
principle of survival is hydration.
851
00:49:07,400 --> 00:49:09,840
So I set about finding fluids.
852
00:49:11,720 --> 00:49:13,680
A lot of survivalists
will tell you...
853
00:49:13,760 --> 00:49:16,520
that when you're thirsty, you
should drink your own piss.
854
00:49:16,600 --> 00:49:18,560
But I say no to that. I say...
855
00:49:18,640 --> 00:49:20,600
Go into the jungle and find fruit.
856
00:49:20,680 --> 00:49:22,440
And drink that instead.
857
00:49:22,520 --> 00:49:24,840
It tastes nicer
and it does you more good.
858
00:49:26,280 --> 00:49:27,520
Look.
859
00:49:27,600 --> 00:49:29,200
Coconuts.
860
00:49:30,280 --> 00:49:32,240
This is a rotten one
that's fallen down.
861
00:49:32,320 --> 00:49:35,960
I'm gonna try and get a fresh
one by throwing this at it.
862
00:49:41,400 --> 00:49:43,800
Right, my rocks are hot.
863
00:49:44,840 --> 00:49:46,680
Which means
we're ready to get cooking.
864
00:49:46,760 --> 00:49:48,560
So, take your fish
that you caught earlier -
865
00:49:48,640 --> 00:49:50,760
that bit's not difficult,
that's the sea.
866
00:49:50,840 --> 00:49:53,720
You wrap the fish in leaves.
867
00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:57,480
Tie it off and now transfer
the fish to your beach oven.
868
00:49:58,600 --> 00:50:00,560
(WINCES) Hot, hot!
869
00:50:00,640 --> 00:50:02,600
Bury the fish,
870
00:50:02,680 --> 00:50:06,600
to contain all that heat in
our oven that we built earlier.
871
00:50:07,960 --> 00:50:10,120
Two hours from now,
that is gonna be...
872
00:50:12,720 --> 00:50:14,480
...a cooked fish.
873
00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:18,160
JEREMY: Having finally
hit a coconut...
874
00:50:18,240 --> 00:50:20,600
Yes! Ho-ho-ho! Yes!
875
00:50:20,680 --> 00:50:22,680
...I went in search of bananas.
876
00:50:23,720 --> 00:50:25,400
Oh, yeah. Yes, yes, yes.
877
00:50:30,760 --> 00:50:32,200
Shit!
878
00:50:32,280 --> 00:50:33,440
OK.
879
00:50:34,920 --> 00:50:38,320
And eventually, our survival
rations came together.
880
00:50:39,920 --> 00:50:41,880
- Banana daiquiri.
- Really?
881
00:50:41,960 --> 00:50:45,200
Yeah, banana,
coconut milk and rum.
882
00:50:45,280 --> 00:50:47,720
Fantastic! Where did you
get the rum from?
883
00:50:47,800 --> 00:50:50,280
- Back of the Bentley.
- Oh, clever!
884
00:50:50,360 --> 00:50:51,880
JEREMY: Mm.
885
00:50:51,960 --> 00:50:54,800
You can survive surprisingly
well with a Bentley.
886
00:50:56,040 --> 00:50:58,080
- This is very good, by the way.
- Thank you.
887
00:50:58,160 --> 00:51:01,080
I've said it before. Just
because it's a survival situation,
888
00:51:01,160 --> 00:51:03,080
doesn't mean
we have to eat like animals.
889
00:51:03,160 --> 00:51:04,680
Standards.
890
00:51:04,760 --> 00:51:06,200
That's not bad.
891
00:51:06,280 --> 00:51:10,160
It's very good, well done.
That is survival.
892
00:51:10,240 --> 00:51:12,320
JEREMY: Back on the boat,
there was more joy.
893
00:51:12,400 --> 00:51:15,120
James was actually
getting somewhere.
894
00:51:16,600 --> 00:51:18,000
Where are we?
895
00:51:21,000 --> 00:51:22,280
Yes!
896
00:51:23,360 --> 00:51:24,960
Yes, yes, yes!
897
00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:27,360
Ohh.
898
00:51:27,440 --> 00:51:32,200
What I've found is the name of the
place where the treasure must be buried.
899
00:51:32,280 --> 00:51:34,800
And it's on the map.
Let me tell you how I did it.
900
00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:35,920
It's incredible.
901
00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:38,960
La Buse was a pirate. Two things:
902
00:51:39,040 --> 00:51:43,320
he wouldn't write this and tell you
where the treasure was in the first line.
903
00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:46,440
He's gonna play with your mind
and tell you down here somewhere.
904
00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:48,800
So I started
down in the last four lines,
905
00:51:48,880 --> 00:51:50,960
I thought, "That's
where it's gonna be."
906
00:51:51,040 --> 00:51:54,120
And then I discovered a name
that was as clear as day.
907
00:51:54,200 --> 00:51:57,200
And I thought, "That sounds
like the name of a place."
908
00:51:57,280 --> 00:52:00,000
Seranambe - and there it is.
909
00:52:00,080 --> 00:52:02,640
Look, it's very small.
910
00:52:02,720 --> 00:52:06,200
Can you see it? I've scribbled on
it in my excitement. Seranambe.
911
00:52:06,280 --> 00:52:08,080
That's where it is.
912
00:52:08,160 --> 00:52:12,640
All we have to do now is work
out where in Seranambe to dig.
913
00:52:14,280 --> 00:52:16,480
That's the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
914
00:52:18,040 --> 00:52:20,120
JEREMY: So James
had cracked the code
915
00:52:20,200 --> 00:52:22,960
and Hammond and I had
learned an important lesson
916
00:52:23,040 --> 00:52:28,360
about surviving on nothing but poached
fish and several banana daiquiris.
917
00:52:30,400 --> 00:52:31,960
Remember...
918
00:52:32,040 --> 00:52:33,400
adapt.
919
00:52:34,440 --> 00:52:36,200
- You've forgotten.
- Improvise, yes.
920
00:52:36,280 --> 00:52:38,480
- (LAUGHS)
- Improvise. I've remembered.
921
00:52:40,480 --> 00:52:42,440
- Adopt.
- No.
922
00:52:42,520 --> 00:52:44,120
Adapt.
923
00:52:44,200 --> 00:52:46,200
- Improvise.
- Survive.
924
00:52:46,280 --> 00:52:48,240
That's what we're gonna do.
925
00:52:51,920 --> 00:52:55,280
RICHARD: The next day,
with the daiquiris out of our system,
926
00:52:55,360 --> 00:52:59,360
we drove off the beach to
find we were in Libertalia.
927
00:52:59,440 --> 00:53:03,680
And tantalisingly close to the
village James had identified.
928
00:53:03,760 --> 00:53:05,720
We know where we're going.
929
00:53:05,800 --> 00:53:08,880
And it's 15 miles away.
930
00:53:08,960 --> 00:53:13,240
In 45 minutes, we will be deep in
pirate country, digging for treasure.
931
00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:17,920
We'll get there. You two go and establish
there's no golden crucifix with rubies
932
00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:20,800
and I'll find a dribble of wi-fi
and book some flights home.
933
00:53:20,880 --> 00:53:23,800
If you want to rule yourself
out of mind-blowing wealth, fine.
934
00:53:23,880 --> 00:53:25,880
There won't be any wealth.
935
00:53:27,080 --> 00:53:29,440
You're in for a terrible
disappointment.
936
00:53:29,520 --> 00:53:31,880
I'm in pirate country,
that's what I'm in.
937
00:53:41,960 --> 00:53:43,520
(LAUGHTER)
938
00:53:46,920 --> 00:53:48,880
You're all right.
939
00:53:48,960 --> 00:53:50,960
James, you're not even looking!
940
00:53:55,040 --> 00:53:58,800
JEREMY: I had to admit one
thing about this so-called Libertalia.
941
00:53:58,880 --> 00:54:00,840
It wasn't bad-looking.
942
00:54:02,920 --> 00:54:05,360
If pirates were here,
and it's possible...
943
00:54:05,440 --> 00:54:07,400
They were here.
944
00:54:07,480 --> 00:54:10,000
- I can see why they'd choose it.
- It's gorgeous.
945
00:54:10,080 --> 00:54:12,920
If you sail the world,
pulling in at places like...
946
00:54:13,000 --> 00:54:15,040
JAMES: Southampton.
947
00:54:15,120 --> 00:54:17,120
- Bristol.
- Southampton...
948
00:54:17,200 --> 00:54:18,560
and then you go to Calais,
949
00:54:18,640 --> 00:54:20,640
you'd go, "Do you know..."
950
00:54:20,720 --> 00:54:22,480
Yeah, it's all right, isn't it?
951
00:54:22,560 --> 00:54:24,120
"I'll do some pirating here."
952
00:54:26,880 --> 00:54:30,800
JEREMY: Everything is just
ridiculously perfect.
953
00:54:35,640 --> 00:54:37,760
RICHARD: That was
a blissful interlude, that.
954
00:54:37,840 --> 00:54:39,840
Travelling silently across...
955
00:54:39,920 --> 00:54:41,880
No Ford key. Oh, no.
956
00:54:41,960 --> 00:54:43,320
No, he hasn't?
957
00:54:43,400 --> 00:54:46,200
He bloody has.
958
00:54:46,280 --> 00:54:49,040
James May, have you done
what I think you've done?
959
00:54:49,120 --> 00:54:51,080
He's taken the key.
960
00:54:51,160 --> 00:54:52,880
James!
961
00:54:52,960 --> 00:54:54,680
Damn it!
962
00:54:54,760 --> 00:54:57,240
James! Give me my key fob.
963
00:54:57,320 --> 00:55:00,320
It's like a little magic trick.
You've got to find it in the shop.
964
00:55:00,400 --> 00:55:02,360
- You utter...
- It's in the shop.
965
00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:03,800
Come on! Not another...
966
00:55:03,880 --> 00:55:06,360
(LAUGHS)
967
00:55:06,440 --> 00:55:08,720
Leaving Hammond
to look for his keys...
968
00:55:08,800 --> 00:55:10,920
Why are we playing
parlour games now?
969
00:55:11,000 --> 00:55:15,840
...James and I set off on the short
drive to the imaginary treasure village.
970
00:55:20,080 --> 00:55:22,040
(VILLAGERS CLAMOURING)
971
00:55:23,400 --> 00:55:24,760
(LAUGHTER)
972
00:55:24,840 --> 00:55:26,920
Again, it's the funniest car
in the world.
973
00:55:27,000 --> 00:55:29,000
The road is smooth.
974
00:55:29,080 --> 00:55:31,040
Gonna be there by 11:00.
975
00:55:32,240 --> 00:55:35,440
Sadly, however,
the road had other ideas.
976
00:55:45,040 --> 00:55:47,000
(ENGINE REVVING)
977
00:55:50,400 --> 00:55:53,720
The Madagascans call this the RN5.
978
00:55:53,800 --> 00:55:56,160
JAMES: Christ, this is
proper rock crawl.
979
00:55:57,440 --> 00:55:59,400
JEREMY: But there's a better name.
980
00:56:00,480 --> 00:56:01,720
Hell.
981
00:56:03,720 --> 00:56:05,640
JAMES: Right, what do I do?
982
00:56:05,720 --> 00:56:08,240
I can't decide. I can't
decide. I'm gonna go that way.
983
00:56:08,320 --> 00:56:09,880
- (HEAVY THUD)
- Oww!
984
00:56:09,960 --> 00:56:11,800
Oww! Oww! Oww!
985
00:56:14,000 --> 00:56:15,960
(THUDDING AND CLANKING)
986
00:56:16,040 --> 00:56:19,000
The problem is,
I can't see the road ahead.
987
00:56:19,080 --> 00:56:21,320
The bonnet is just
like a football pitch.
988
00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:23,800
It's like a fat man
trying to look at his penis.
989
00:56:25,360 --> 00:56:28,040
Ohh! Crike all bloody mighty!
990
00:56:31,520 --> 00:56:34,800
RICHARD: Having found my keys,
I was now wishing I hadn't.
991
00:56:36,160 --> 00:56:37,240
Oh, my God.
992
00:56:39,760 --> 00:56:43,120
What I'm gonna try and do is
get it up and out of these ruts.
993
00:56:45,440 --> 00:56:47,920
It might mean
some unusual angles at times.
994
00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:51,040
Come on, little pirate.
Keep pushing.
995
00:56:51,120 --> 00:56:52,840
(CLANKING)
996
00:56:53,920 --> 00:56:55,080
Urgh!
997
00:56:56,360 --> 00:56:57,920
Oh, shit.
998
00:57:00,880 --> 00:57:02,560
I daren't look.
999
00:57:05,680 --> 00:57:07,120
Aargh!
1000
00:57:11,000 --> 00:57:13,440
The track was completely mangled.
1001
00:57:13,520 --> 00:57:14,760
And as a result...
1002
00:57:15,960 --> 00:57:18,520
Votre voiture,
c'est... là-bas, oui?
1003
00:57:18,600 --> 00:57:21,200
...I was now blocking the road.
1004
00:57:23,640 --> 00:57:27,280
I think what's happening here
is people are getting a bit cross.
1005
00:57:27,360 --> 00:57:31,240
I'm holding them all up,
there's obviously a traffic jam building.
1006
00:57:31,320 --> 00:57:33,720
This is the Route Nationale,
it's the main road.
1007
00:57:33,800 --> 00:57:36,040
The mainest of main roads.
1008
00:57:36,120 --> 00:57:40,360
On the plus side, silver lining
and all that, I met an actual pirate.
1009
00:57:40,440 --> 00:57:42,880
However, having chatted
to him for a bit...
1010
00:57:42,960 --> 00:57:46,040
Un petit plus lentement,
s'il vous plaît. Français...
1011
00:57:46,120 --> 00:57:49,960
...I realised I couldn't
have been more wrong.
1012
00:57:51,040 --> 00:57:52,400
I've discovered something.
1013
00:57:53,520 --> 00:57:55,480
This guy's getting married today.
1014
00:57:55,560 --> 00:57:57,920
It's his wedding.
That's what all this is.
1015
00:57:58,000 --> 00:57:59,960
He's not dressed as a pirate.
1016
00:58:00,040 --> 00:58:03,000
He's a groom.
1017
00:58:03,080 --> 00:58:07,600
And I was holding up him
and his entire wedding party.
1018
00:58:16,000 --> 00:58:18,000
Oh, God!
1019
00:58:18,080 --> 00:58:21,000
Meanwhile, up ahead...
1020
00:58:21,080 --> 00:58:23,800
OK, I admit it. This is the
worst road in the world ever.
1021
00:58:23,880 --> 00:58:26,280
Mary was correct.
1022
00:58:26,360 --> 00:58:28,400
Mary will probably
turn out to be a prop forward
1023
00:58:28,480 --> 00:58:31,120
who drives a JCB for fun
at weekends.
1024
00:58:31,200 --> 00:58:33,160
(THUDDING AND CLANKING)
1025
00:58:35,360 --> 00:58:37,800
Gaargh, that is a horrible noise!
1026
00:58:44,160 --> 00:58:46,200
JEREMY:
I think this is impossible.
1027
00:58:46,280 --> 00:58:49,720
I mean, we need some blasting
equipment to get through here.
1028
00:58:49,800 --> 00:58:53,720
If you come round this way,
you can see from down here,
1029
00:58:53,800 --> 00:58:56,640
there's no way in hell you
can get a Bentley up that.
1030
00:58:56,720 --> 00:59:00,400
Sadly, James and I didn't
have any blasting equipment.
1031
00:59:00,480 --> 00:59:02,920
So we had to do something radical.
1032
00:59:03,960 --> 00:59:06,520
Work together.
1033
00:59:06,600 --> 00:59:09,520
Tiny bit of left-hand down.
Now you'll have to go for it.
1034
00:59:14,000 --> 00:59:15,760
Please!
1035
00:59:17,360 --> 00:59:19,320
JAMES: Gently. There you go.
1036
00:59:22,000 --> 00:59:24,280
JEREMY: As we were
struggling with the terrain,
1037
00:59:24,360 --> 00:59:29,160
our colleague was having to deal, in bad
French, with his held-up wedding party.
1038
00:59:30,240 --> 00:59:31,800
Je m'excuse.
1039
00:59:31,880 --> 00:59:34,400
Maintenant, je... aller...
1040
00:59:34,480 --> 00:59:37,120
Je vais... And you can do
the same. Sorry.
1041
00:59:43,960 --> 00:59:47,960
To speed things up,
I decided to ditch the tracks
1042
00:59:48,040 --> 00:59:50,360
and put the focus back on wheels.
1043
00:59:53,000 --> 00:59:56,120
And because they wanted
to get to the church on time,
1044
00:59:56,200 --> 00:59:59,120
the groom and his mates
were more than happy to help.
1045
01:00:02,760 --> 01:00:04,720
More wedding people.
1046
01:00:08,280 --> 01:00:12,160
JEREMY: Up ahead, our cars
were still taking the punishment.
1047
01:00:12,240 --> 01:00:14,440
(REVVING AND CLUNKING)
1048
01:00:18,400 --> 01:00:20,760
JEREMY: How in the bloody
hell is it doing this?
1049
01:00:22,280 --> 01:00:26,120
You are watching a Bentley
Continental coming up here.
1050
01:00:26,200 --> 01:00:28,680
Woo-hoo!
1051
01:00:28,760 --> 01:00:31,400
JAMES: However,
the big surprise of the day
1052
01:00:31,480 --> 01:00:33,960
was the two-wheel-drive Caterham.
1053
01:00:35,560 --> 01:00:37,360
Get up there, car. Come on. Go on.
1054
01:00:39,160 --> 01:00:41,240
Is that wheel up in the air?
1055
01:00:47,400 --> 01:00:49,040
Jesus, it did it.
1056
01:00:49,120 --> 01:00:50,960
Did you see that? It did it.
1057
01:00:54,760 --> 01:00:57,840
This is a track car.
It's a racing car.
1058
01:00:57,920 --> 01:01:02,320
(CLUNK) - Can I
just remind you of that?
1059
01:01:02,400 --> 01:01:07,040
RICHARD: At this point, I'd held
up the wedding party for two hours.
1060
01:01:07,120 --> 01:01:09,760
But, by using calmness
and patience...
1061
01:01:13,920 --> 01:01:15,920
...I'd been able
to get the wheels on...
1062
01:01:17,120 --> 01:01:18,520
Merci.
1063
01:01:18,600 --> 01:01:19,880
Sorry.
1064
01:01:19,960 --> 01:01:21,920
...get out of everyone's way...
1065
01:01:23,280 --> 01:01:25,200
...and then get back on the move.
1066
01:01:27,520 --> 01:01:29,600
Oh!
1067
01:01:31,400 --> 01:01:33,720
My big problem now,
ground clearance. I haven't got any.
1068
01:01:33,800 --> 01:01:35,800
(SCRAPING)
1069
01:01:36,960 --> 01:01:38,920
It's basically
a standard Focus RS.
1070
01:01:39,000 --> 01:01:41,040
(CLUNKING)
1071
01:01:42,200 --> 01:01:44,040
Oh! (BLEEP)
1072
01:01:47,640 --> 01:01:50,800
JEREMY: Up ahead, the road's
surface hadn't changed,
1073
01:01:50,880 --> 01:01:52,880
but it had got narrower.
1074
01:01:52,960 --> 01:01:57,160
So I had to use an ingenious
traffic management solution
1075
01:01:57,240 --> 01:01:58,880
developed by the locals.
1076
01:01:58,960 --> 01:02:02,840
So your job, you run ahead
to stop the cars?
1077
01:02:02,920 --> 01:02:05,320
- Yes. Stop the cars. Yes, that's my job.
- And that's your job.
1078
01:02:05,400 --> 01:02:07,680
(OVER RADIO)
I've just met a young guy
1079
01:02:07,760 --> 01:02:09,320
who's going to run ahead of us
1080
01:02:09,400 --> 01:02:12,000
to stop cars coming the other way.
1081
01:02:12,080 --> 01:02:14,600
What does he do if there are
cars coming the other way?
1082
01:02:14,680 --> 01:02:17,000
He stops them in a place where
we can get past, you mean?
1083
01:02:17,080 --> 01:02:18,200
Exactly.
1084
01:02:18,280 --> 01:02:22,160
He organises cars
to meet at the right place.
1085
01:02:22,240 --> 01:02:25,120
It worked. Running Boy,
as he called himself,
1086
01:02:25,200 --> 01:02:28,640
did a brilliant job
of managing the traffic.
1087
01:02:28,720 --> 01:02:32,640
Yes, what...
This is a service I like.
1088
01:02:32,720 --> 01:02:38,320
I'm going to give him a lot of
money because he's bloody earned it.
1089
01:02:38,400 --> 01:02:40,800
My tight-fisted colleague,
however,
1090
01:02:40,880 --> 01:02:43,720
hadn't bothered to do a deal
with my new friend.
1091
01:02:43,800 --> 01:02:47,000
So he was encountering
oncoming traffic...
1092
01:02:47,080 --> 01:02:48,360
Jeez.
1093
01:02:48,440 --> 01:02:50,280
...in all the wrong places.
1094
01:02:50,360 --> 01:02:52,080
(HORN HONKING)
1095
01:02:52,160 --> 01:02:54,080
I can't go backwards.
1096
01:02:56,680 --> 01:02:58,880
I can't ba... I can't reverse.
1097
01:02:58,960 --> 01:03:02,440
I'd have to reverse
for about four miles.
1098
01:03:02,520 --> 01:03:04,440
JEREMY: James is a stubborn man
1099
01:03:04,520 --> 01:03:06,880
but in the face of
this much opposition,
1100
01:03:06,960 --> 01:03:11,000
he had to resort to
bad English and his winch.
1101
01:03:11,080 --> 01:03:14,880
Strap on the tree.
1102
01:03:14,960 --> 01:03:17,000
This... (WHOOSHES)
1103
01:03:17,080 --> 01:03:19,120
You drive.
1104
01:03:19,200 --> 01:03:20,840
Get out and help me. (WHOOSHES)
1105
01:03:22,280 --> 01:03:25,080
JAMES: Higher. Round the branch.
1106
01:03:28,440 --> 01:03:31,280
With the strap attached,
I winched away.
1107
01:03:31,360 --> 01:03:33,680
(WHIRRING)
1108
01:03:33,760 --> 01:03:35,480
Whoop!
1109
01:03:36,800 --> 01:03:38,280
Good?
1110
01:03:38,360 --> 01:03:40,560
- Good?
- (WHIRRING)
1111
01:03:42,320 --> 01:03:44,280
Can you get through?
1112
01:03:47,360 --> 01:03:49,120
Well done!
1113
01:03:53,200 --> 01:03:54,600
Oi!
1114
01:03:54,680 --> 01:03:56,720
(CLUNKING)
1115
01:03:56,800 --> 01:03:58,600
RICHARD: Several miles back,
1116
01:03:58,680 --> 01:04:01,880
the Ford, incredibly,
was still going.
1117
01:04:01,960 --> 01:04:03,480
Come on.
1118
01:04:06,600 --> 01:04:08,360
Gee! Bloody... (LAUGHS)
1119
01:04:11,800 --> 01:04:14,720
There we go. Good car.
1120
01:04:15,840 --> 01:04:17,640
But I was struggling.
1121
01:04:17,720 --> 01:04:19,960
I'd been on the go for ten hours
1122
01:04:20,040 --> 01:04:23,680
and as I was heading
for another late night,
1123
01:04:23,760 --> 01:04:27,760
I decided to stop
and grab something to eat.
1124
01:04:27,840 --> 01:04:31,120
We've been given these
emergency ration packs.
1125
01:04:32,400 --> 01:04:34,760
So, what I do is,
take the top off there
1126
01:04:34,840 --> 01:04:39,080
and that's the food which is,
I don't know, beans and sausages.
1127
01:04:39,160 --> 01:04:40,560
That goes in there.
1128
01:04:40,640 --> 01:04:44,280
And then I add
a little drop of water.
1129
01:04:45,920 --> 01:04:48,840
I presume this triggers some
sort of chemical reaction
1130
01:04:48,920 --> 01:04:52,520
with whatever it is
in the little bag of stuff.
1131
01:04:54,840 --> 01:04:56,560
I don't think that's working.
1132
01:04:56,640 --> 01:04:59,600
There's no heat. I'd get more
out of a hand warmer.
1133
01:04:59,680 --> 01:05:01,240
Oh, wait a minute, it's inflating.
1134
01:05:01,320 --> 01:05:03,440
Oh! Oh, no! Oh, my God.
1135
01:05:03,520 --> 01:05:05,160
- Oh! No, there's...
- (STEAM HISSING)
1136
01:05:05,240 --> 01:05:06,960
Ahh! Ah!
1137
01:05:07,040 --> 01:05:08,640
Argh!
1138
01:05:08,720 --> 01:05:10,560
It's O... Oh! Oh, that's so hot!
1139
01:05:10,640 --> 01:05:13,240
Ah! Burning my balls! Ow!
1140
01:05:13,320 --> 01:05:15,080
(CLUNKING)
1141
01:05:15,160 --> 01:05:17,560
JAMES: As Hammond
cooked his testicles,
1142
01:05:17,640 --> 01:05:20,120
we were still on the move.
1143
01:05:20,200 --> 01:05:21,760
Just.
1144
01:05:24,240 --> 01:05:27,760
We still have
about nine miles to go.
1145
01:05:27,840 --> 01:05:32,240
I could crawl it faster
than we're going.
1146
01:05:32,320 --> 01:05:34,320
(CLUNKING)
1147
01:05:34,400 --> 01:05:37,760
Yeah. Go...
1148
01:05:37,840 --> 01:05:40,840
Clarkson, stop. There's a man
here with parts of your car.
1149
01:05:42,360 --> 01:05:45,200
- (CLUNKING)
- Whoa.
1150
01:05:45,280 --> 01:05:48,200
Move. Come on, Bentley.
Come on, Bentley!
1151
01:05:53,160 --> 01:05:56,280
It's getting dark.
It's gonna go dark.
1152
01:05:58,160 --> 01:06:02,240
JEREMY: I can't believe it. We're not
going to make this bloody town tonight.
1153
01:06:02,320 --> 01:06:05,720
How can we fail to do
15 miles in a day?
1154
01:06:05,800 --> 01:06:08,160
I can't drive like this.
1155
01:06:08,240 --> 01:06:11,760
There aren't enough lights in
the world to illuminate this horror.
1156
01:06:12,840 --> 01:06:15,320
JAMES: So, we stop to make camp,
1157
01:06:15,400 --> 01:06:19,000
leaving Hammond out there
with nothing but four wheels
1158
01:06:19,080 --> 01:06:21,160
and his scalded balls.
1159
01:06:25,200 --> 01:06:27,400
Go on, keep pushing. Go on.
1160
01:06:29,720 --> 01:06:32,640
RICHARD: Thanks to
the toughness of the Focus,
1161
01:06:32,720 --> 01:06:35,000
and a little help from the locals,
1162
01:06:35,080 --> 01:06:38,160
I was amazingly still in the game.
1163
01:06:39,600 --> 01:06:41,480
Oh, that was quite rugged.
1164
01:06:43,440 --> 01:06:46,640
The going was getting
tougher and tougher.
1165
01:06:46,720 --> 01:06:50,960
But I was determined that the
little Ford and I would make it.
1166
01:06:51,040 --> 01:06:53,160
- (THUD)
- Oh, you (BLEEP).
1167
01:06:54,600 --> 01:06:57,160
(RICHARD GROANS)
1168
01:06:57,240 --> 01:06:59,240
Come on, clear that, go on.
1169
01:06:59,320 --> 01:07:00,440
Yeah.
1170
01:07:00,520 --> 01:07:02,520
But then...
1171
01:07:02,600 --> 01:07:04,640
(CLUNKING)
1172
01:07:06,120 --> 01:07:08,760
- (CLATTERING)
- Oh, shit. Hold on. Hold on.
1173
01:07:11,680 --> 01:07:13,600
Oh, shit.
1174
01:07:13,680 --> 01:07:15,600
My clutch has just gone.
1175
01:07:15,680 --> 01:07:18,680
Yep. I don't have a clutch.
1176
01:07:19,840 --> 01:07:21,680
Pedal's stuck down.
1177
01:07:21,760 --> 01:07:23,760
(EXHALES)
1178
01:07:25,680 --> 01:07:27,640
Fuck.
1179
01:07:30,440 --> 01:07:32,160
(BLEEP)
1180
01:07:33,240 --> 01:07:35,760
I'm done.
1181
01:07:35,840 --> 01:07:40,560
That's it. It's a clutch.
I can't mend the clutch.
1182
01:07:40,640 --> 01:07:43,560
The clutch is a clutch and I
haven't got a spare one.
1183
01:07:43,640 --> 01:07:46,000
It is finished. It ends.
1184
01:07:47,080 --> 01:07:48,800
It's dead.
1185
01:07:56,720 --> 01:07:59,200
This was the first time ever
1186
01:07:59,280 --> 01:08:02,200
we'd lost a car
on one of our adventures.
1187
01:08:06,480 --> 01:08:09,160
But, there was no time to mourn
1188
01:08:09,240 --> 01:08:11,440
because as the sun rose
the next morning,
1189
01:08:11,520 --> 01:08:13,520
we were on the road early,
1190
01:08:13,600 --> 01:08:17,960
eager to cover the last
few miles to James's village.
1191
01:08:23,120 --> 01:08:25,120
I like walking,
but in the Lake District.
1192
01:08:26,160 --> 01:08:28,120
There's proper weather there.
1193
01:08:29,400 --> 01:08:31,240
All right, mate.
1194
01:08:32,800 --> 01:08:35,400
Have you seen how well
my car does this stuff?
1195
01:08:37,720 --> 01:08:41,840
JEREMY: Once again,
Running Boy was out doing his thing.
1196
01:08:41,920 --> 01:08:43,960
- Oh, look at this.
- (HE LAUGHS)
1197
01:08:44,040 --> 01:08:45,840
Thank you so much. Thank you.
1198
01:08:45,920 --> 01:08:47,680
Merci bien. Merci.
1199
01:08:49,120 --> 01:08:52,640
And, once again, Captain
Stubborn hadn't paid him.
1200
01:08:54,320 --> 01:08:56,440
(HORN HONKING)
1201
01:08:56,520 --> 01:08:58,120
Can you back up a bit?
1202
01:08:58,160 --> 01:09:00,720
No, no, no, no.
If you just back up a bit.
1203
01:09:00,800 --> 01:09:02,840
JAMES: Oi!
1204
01:09:03,960 --> 01:09:05,360
Oi!
1205
01:09:06,440 --> 01:09:07,800
- (THUD)
- Oh!
1206
01:09:14,160 --> 01:09:16,800
JEREMY: Then,
as we inched our way along,
1207
01:09:18,440 --> 01:09:21,320
the big bruiser finally stumbled.
1208
01:09:22,680 --> 01:09:26,320
Uh, temperature gauge
is climbing, climbing.
1209
01:09:28,120 --> 01:09:30,440
It's now in the red.
I'm gonna have to stop.
1210
01:09:31,480 --> 01:09:34,680
(HISSING)
1211
01:09:34,760 --> 01:09:37,680
The trouble is,
there are eight radiators in this thing.
1212
01:09:39,400 --> 01:09:41,720
I can't even see.
I can't get at anything.
1213
01:09:43,880 --> 01:09:47,760
JAMES: While my colleague
tried to fix his engine by staring at it,
1214
01:09:49,120 --> 01:09:51,880
I was arriving at our destination,
1215
01:09:51,960 --> 01:09:54,120
the village of Seranambe...
1216
01:09:57,200 --> 01:09:58,880
(CHATTER AND LAUGHTER)
1217
01:09:58,960 --> 01:10:00,800
Hello.
1218
01:10:00,880 --> 01:10:03,840
...where I'd crack
the last part of the code
1219
01:10:03,920 --> 01:10:05,880
and find the treasure.
1220
01:10:06,920 --> 01:10:10,360
In the cryptogram, there is an X.
1221
01:10:10,440 --> 01:10:12,120
It's obviously not
"X marks the spot".
1222
01:10:12,160 --> 01:10:13,760
That would be too obvious.
1223
01:10:13,840 --> 01:10:16,640
And, after it, there are distances,
which I'm gonna assume are paces,
1224
01:10:16,720 --> 01:10:18,760
not miles or kilometres
or anything like that.
1225
01:10:18,840 --> 01:10:20,720
But I don't know what the...
1226
01:10:20,800 --> 01:10:22,480
I don't know what the X means.
1227
01:10:22,560 --> 01:10:25,400
I mean, if he's talking about buildings,
they'll have all gone.
1228
01:10:25,480 --> 01:10:26,880
The trees will all be different.
1229
01:10:26,960 --> 01:10:29,240
Only geographical features
will be the same
1230
01:10:29,360 --> 01:10:32,480
and this is just flat.
1231
01:10:32,560 --> 01:10:36,800
JEREMY: Back at the Bentley,
the news was not good.
1232
01:10:36,880 --> 01:10:40,920
I removed the entire front
of the car and I found this.
1233
01:10:41,000 --> 01:10:42,640
It's a part of the cooling system
1234
01:10:42,720 --> 01:10:45,160
and the end's come off.
1235
01:10:47,320 --> 01:10:49,040
The fact of the matter is this.
1236
01:10:49,120 --> 01:10:51,720
If I can't get that hose repaired,
1237
01:10:53,000 --> 01:10:54,840
it's game over for the MFB.
1238
01:10:56,520 --> 01:10:59,680
JAMES: By contrast, in the village,
things were looking up.
1239
01:11:00,760 --> 01:11:02,000
Wait a minute.
1240
01:11:03,960 --> 01:11:05,600
No, wait a minute.
1241
01:11:05,680 --> 01:11:08,360
It's the church.
1242
01:11:08,440 --> 01:11:11,320
Churches are always built on
the same spot, aren't they?
1243
01:11:11,400 --> 01:11:16,880
So the "X" is actually
a badly-drawn cross.
1244
01:11:16,960 --> 01:11:21,600
So from X, the crucifix,
it turns out, that's there,
1245
01:11:21,680 --> 01:11:26,000
north, that'll be
magnetic north, 120 paces,
1246
01:11:26,080 --> 01:11:27,640
that's where the treasure is.
1247
01:11:28,800 --> 01:11:30,520
After I'd found the spot...
1248
01:11:30,600 --> 01:11:34,800
117, 118, 119, 120. There.
1249
01:11:34,880 --> 01:11:37,520
...Hammond arrived.
1250
01:11:37,600 --> 01:11:41,000
So we broke out the shovels
and he started to dig.
1251
01:11:42,480 --> 01:11:44,360
- So where do you think he is?
- Who?
1252
01:11:44,440 --> 01:11:46,200
Jeremy.
1253
01:11:46,320 --> 01:11:49,000
Well, he was behind me about
two kilometres up the hill
1254
01:11:49,080 --> 01:11:50,720
- outside the town.
- Yeah.
1255
01:11:50,800 --> 01:11:53,360
And then I sort of lost
radio contact with him.
1256
01:11:53,440 --> 01:11:56,160
And I haven't heard
from him since.
1257
01:11:56,240 --> 01:11:58,520
- (RATCHET CLICKING)
- This isn't...
1258
01:11:58,600 --> 01:12:01,400
Oh, this is never gonna work.
1259
01:12:01,480 --> 01:12:04,160
No, the end's come off.
The end's come off that now.
1260
01:12:06,120 --> 01:12:08,840
Why doesn't it...?
Why is everything breaking?
1261
01:12:11,160 --> 01:12:13,480
Oh, God-all-bloody-mighty.
1262
01:12:14,815 --> 01:12:17,000
JAMES: There are two reasons
why we don't need him.
1263
01:12:17,024 --> 01:12:17,456
Yeah?
1264
01:12:17,480 --> 01:12:19,320
One is, he doesn't believe
in buried treasure.
1265
01:12:19,344 --> 01:12:19,705
Yeah.
1266
01:12:19,729 --> 01:12:21,920
And the other is, he's not
gonna do any digging, is he?
1267
01:12:22,000 --> 01:12:25,135
And the other is, treasure
goes a lot further split two ways.
1268
01:12:25,160 --> 01:12:27,320
- Exactly.
- It's 50 million each.
1269
01:12:27,440 --> 01:12:31,120
It's 49 and a half million. We'll
have to leave a bit for the crew.
1270
01:12:32,840 --> 01:12:34,880
JEREMY:
Sadly for James and Richard,
1271
01:12:34,960 --> 01:12:39,240
two hours later, they were
back to a three-way split.
1272
01:12:54,320 --> 01:13:00,040
What in the name of all
that's holy is going on here?
1273
01:13:02,040 --> 01:13:03,880
- It's not here, is it?
- JAMES: How do you know?
1274
01:13:03,960 --> 01:13:06,600
- Because it isn't here.
- It's not here yet.
1275
01:13:06,680 --> 01:13:09,280
We'd have found it by now. They didn't
build the Channel Tunnel, did they?
1276
01:13:09,360 --> 01:13:11,480
- Ahem.
- RICHARD: Oh, hello.
1277
01:13:11,560 --> 01:13:13,680
JAMES: Where the bloody
hell have you been?
1278
01:13:13,760 --> 01:13:16,360
I have been giving myself
dirty fingernails.
1279
01:13:16,480 --> 01:13:17,802
- Oh, dear.
- Why?
1280
01:13:17,827 --> 01:13:22,640
Well, I've been fitting my bonnet with
the Madagascar pack, but never mind that.
1281
01:13:22,720 --> 01:13:25,600
Why have you two dug a hole
1282
01:13:25,680 --> 01:13:28,080
in the middle of this pretty
little town's football pitch?
1283
01:13:29,120 --> 01:13:31,055
Because this is where
the treasure is.
1284
01:13:31,080 --> 01:13:33,160
- Is the treasure buried here?
- No.
1285
01:13:33,240 --> 01:13:35,360
Right, well, on that terrible,
1286
01:13:35,400 --> 01:13:38,199
but entirely predictable disappointment,
it's time to...
1287
01:13:38,200 --> 01:13:39,240
Um, actually...
1288
01:13:39,264 --> 01:13:41,806
It's not time to end, apparently.
Why? What?
1289
01:13:42,120 --> 01:13:44,548
You know that island down
there? We passed it yesterday.
1290
01:13:44,573 --> 01:13:45,480
Yeah?
1291
01:13:45,790 --> 01:13:48,430
Did you know it's actually
called Pirate Island?
1292
01:13:50,360 --> 01:13:53,120
And it makes sense,
if you think about it,
1293
01:13:53,200 --> 01:13:56,840
that he wouldn't have hid the treasure
on Madagascar, where it could be found.
1294
01:13:56,920 --> 01:13:59,400
He'd have hidden it in secret
on Pirate Island.
1295
01:13:59,440 --> 01:14:02,200
So, that's probably where
it is, innit? Think about it.
1296
01:14:04,200 --> 01:14:05,960
How long have you known
1297
01:14:06,040 --> 01:14:08,840
that that island
was called Pirate Island?
1298
01:14:10,000 --> 01:14:11,960
(EXHALES) Always.
1299
01:14:21,240 --> 01:14:25,360
JEREMY: Fearing that the village
football team might be a bit annoyed,
1300
01:14:25,400 --> 01:14:29,360
we decided
to get out of town, fast.
1301
01:14:30,800 --> 01:14:32,400
(REVVING)
1302
01:14:33,520 --> 01:14:35,480
Go on, get that up!
1303
01:14:37,120 --> 01:14:38,360
Come on!
1304
01:14:43,640 --> 01:14:45,720
Come on! Run it up!
1305
01:14:48,640 --> 01:14:53,080
TM-19032, this is James. Your
man is taking beer off the boat.
1306
01:14:53,160 --> 01:14:55,480
The beer is supposed
to go on the boat.
1307
01:14:55,600 --> 01:15:00,480
JEREMY: Whilst Roger the Cabin Boy
and Seaman Staines got ready to sail,
1308
01:15:01,640 --> 01:15:05,360
I paid Running Boy,
gave him some new shoes...
1309
01:15:05,400 --> 01:15:07,040
Yes? Bon?
1310
01:15:09,400 --> 01:15:12,160
...and then rushed
to the boat myself.
1311
01:15:13,280 --> 01:15:15,000
RICHARD: Finally.
1312
01:15:15,080 --> 01:15:18,360
Oh, good, they've ruined the football
pitch and now they've ruined the beach.
1313
01:15:19,680 --> 01:15:22,120
Is this the same boat
we used the other day?
1314
01:15:22,200 --> 01:15:24,280
Yes, I've chartered it, it's ours.
1315
01:15:24,360 --> 01:15:28,720
With the entire crew loaded on board,
and May's booze lorries,
1316
01:15:28,800 --> 01:15:30,480
I decided to give him a present
1317
01:15:30,600 --> 01:15:35,920
appropriate for someone who'd just
ruined the town's only sports venue.
1318
01:15:37,400 --> 01:15:39,800
It's a number plate
and it's magic, OK?
1319
01:15:39,880 --> 01:15:41,880
- JAMES: Is it?
- No, it is, it's magic.
1320
01:15:41,960 --> 01:15:44,640
To the ladies and gentlemen
at home, it's pixilated.
1321
01:15:44,720 --> 01:15:46,360
It's only visible
to the naked eye.
1322
01:15:46,400 --> 01:15:48,240
RICHARD: Ooh, that's
quite a strong message.
1323
01:15:48,320 --> 01:15:51,000
I mean, obviously you can't read it,
because as I say, it's magic.
1324
01:15:51,080 --> 01:15:53,080
We can see exactly
what it says and it...
1325
01:15:53,160 --> 01:15:55,840
That's when it's stationary.
Does it still work if it moves?
1326
01:15:55,920 --> 01:15:58,120
Let's test how good it is
as magic.
1327
01:15:58,200 --> 01:16:00,480
(RICHARD CHUCKLES)
1328
01:16:00,600 --> 01:16:02,840
But the editor of the programme
1329
01:16:02,920 --> 01:16:04,720
says, "Please don't put it
on your car,"
1330
01:16:04,800 --> 01:16:06,280
cos he can't pixelate... (LAUGHS)
1331
01:16:06,360 --> 01:16:08,400
Because we can't afford to
pixilate the rest of the film.
1332
01:16:08,480 --> 01:16:11,040
- Yes, OK. Understood.
- But you can put it on your office desk.
1333
01:16:11,065 --> 01:16:12,880
- Yes.
- Can we get this ramp up, and get...
1334
01:16:12,905 --> 01:16:15,199
- Guys. Can we get the ramp up and go?
- Yes.
1335
01:16:15,200 --> 01:16:17,040
- OK, ramp up, please.
- (BELL RINGS)
1336
01:16:30,480 --> 01:16:32,760
JEREMY: As we'd be
out at sea for a while,
1337
01:16:32,840 --> 01:16:35,800
Richard broke out
his research books.
1338
01:16:35,880 --> 01:16:38,200
And here we are.
1339
01:16:38,280 --> 01:16:41,640
Olivier Levasseur, La Buse.
1340
01:16:41,720 --> 01:16:44,200
There's the cross.
There it actually is.
1341
01:16:44,280 --> 01:16:47,040
A picture of the cross
on his ship.
1342
01:16:49,160 --> 01:16:51,320
JEREMY:
Meanwhile, May and I sat down
1343
01:16:51,400 --> 01:16:54,200
for a look back
at what we'd achieved.
1344
01:16:56,120 --> 01:16:58,160
Have you gone fully Bear Grylls?
1345
01:16:58,240 --> 01:17:00,360
Is that your own urine?
1346
01:17:00,400 --> 01:17:02,600
No, no, no, no. It's Chablis.
1347
01:17:02,680 --> 01:17:04,160
(LAUGHS) Anyway...
1348
01:17:04,240 --> 01:17:05,720
In less than a week,
1349
01:17:05,800 --> 01:17:11,400
we have managed to cover
a staggering 139 miles.
1350
01:17:11,440 --> 01:17:13,040
And our cars...
1351
01:17:13,120 --> 01:17:16,600
Well, two of our cars
are still running.
1352
01:17:16,680 --> 01:17:18,160
Phenomenal achievement, really.
1353
01:17:18,240 --> 01:17:21,840
That isn't even a car, really.
1354
01:17:21,920 --> 01:17:23,520
That is a track-day toy.
1355
01:17:23,640 --> 01:17:25,360
- That's a racing car.
- It is.
1356
01:17:25,400 --> 01:17:28,680
And all I've done
is put some big tyres on it.
1357
01:17:28,760 --> 01:17:30,680
I'll tell you what driving
the Bentley's like off road.
1358
01:17:30,760 --> 01:17:33,440
It's just this sense
of immenseness.
1359
01:17:33,520 --> 01:17:37,480
It's like being at the birth
of a world in there.
1360
01:17:37,600 --> 01:17:40,360
There's a sense of
enormous power going on.
1361
01:17:40,400 --> 01:17:42,160
Of biblical happenings.
1362
01:17:42,240 --> 01:17:45,760
Whereas yours is just this little
insect hopping about. Or a goat.
1363
01:17:45,840 --> 01:17:47,440
No, I'll tell you
what mine is like.
1364
01:17:47,520 --> 01:17:49,040
What it's like
being in the Caterham.
1365
01:17:49,120 --> 01:17:53,720
It's like being invited to
the football World Cup final
1366
01:17:53,800 --> 01:17:56,040
and they've given you
a special seat
1367
01:17:56,120 --> 01:17:58,280
and it's inside the ball.
1368
01:17:58,360 --> 01:18:00,760
(LAUGHS WHEEZILY)
1369
01:18:00,840 --> 01:18:03,080
I'd rather be
at the birth of a world.
1370
01:18:03,160 --> 01:18:05,320
In control of
the birth of a world.
1371
01:18:05,400 --> 01:18:08,720
You are not in control, you're just
inside a football being kicked about.
1372
01:18:08,800 --> 01:18:11,040
Whereas I am in control.
1373
01:18:11,120 --> 01:18:12,680
Right, we're gonna have
a continent here
1374
01:18:12,760 --> 01:18:14,480
and we'll have
some tides on the moon.
1375
01:18:14,600 --> 01:18:16,800
You know, we'll get that going around,
it'll be fantastic.
1376
01:18:16,880 --> 01:18:18,360
And then we'll have
some tectonic plates.
1377
01:18:18,400 --> 01:18:20,520
That's not really what
happens at the birth of a world.
1378
01:18:20,640 --> 01:18:21,960
- Yes, it is.
- No, it isn't.
1379
01:18:22,040 --> 01:18:23,360
Somebody doesn't
sit there planning it.
1380
01:18:23,400 --> 01:18:28,400
But the fact is, your car,
it is disgusting, James.
1381
01:18:28,440 --> 01:18:31,480
I can see germs coming out of it.
1382
01:18:31,600 --> 01:18:35,800
When you drove through a lake of
human effluent, you were covered in it.
1383
01:18:35,880 --> 01:18:38,200
When I drove through
the human effluent,
1384
01:18:38,280 --> 01:18:40,600
my front window
went a bit brown momentarily
1385
01:18:40,680 --> 01:18:42,640
and then that was the end of that.
1386
01:18:42,720 --> 01:18:44,920
I was back to my
air-conditioned splendour.
1387
01:18:45,000 --> 01:18:47,920
- That's why mine's better.
- Your car's not better.
1388
01:18:48,000 --> 01:18:49,920
I've got a spotless shirt on.
1389
01:18:50,000 --> 01:18:51,800
- But that's not the objective.
- Yes, it is.
1390
01:18:51,880 --> 01:18:53,520
The objective
is not to be spotless,
1391
01:18:53,640 --> 01:18:56,080
it is to find treasure
in Madagascar.
1392
01:18:56,160 --> 01:18:58,000
- There isn't any treasure.
- You don't know that.
1393
01:18:58,080 --> 01:19:00,200
- I do know that. OK.
- How do you know that?
1394
01:19:00,280 --> 01:19:02,320
(CONVERSATION FADES)
1395
01:19:04,160 --> 01:19:08,080
I used to do this as a kid,
but that'd be my teacher on the plank.
1396
01:19:08,160 --> 01:19:09,960
Now there's someone even better.
1397
01:19:10,040 --> 01:19:11,960
Arr!
1398
01:19:12,040 --> 01:19:14,440
Arr. (CACKLES LIKE A PIRATE)
1399
01:19:18,280 --> 01:19:21,120
JEREMY: Soon Pirate Island
hoved into view
1400
01:19:21,200 --> 01:19:23,680
and we prepared to disembark.
1401
01:19:25,400 --> 01:19:28,640
Clarkson!
1402
01:19:28,720 --> 01:19:30,440
Where are my shoes?
1403
01:19:40,640 --> 01:19:45,920
JEREMY: Having reached land, James
and I experienced a strange sensation.
1404
01:19:46,000 --> 01:19:50,440
Holy mother of God, it's a road!
1405
01:19:50,520 --> 01:19:54,280
Nice, isn't it? It's like coming back
inside and standing on the carpet.
1406
01:19:54,360 --> 01:19:58,240
Along with the Tarmac,
there was also a mobile phone signal,
1407
01:19:58,320 --> 01:20:02,240
electricity and many shops.
1408
01:20:02,320 --> 01:20:04,040
That is an actual restaurant.
1409
01:20:06,320 --> 01:20:08,280
James and Richard
could go and dig a big hole
1410
01:20:08,360 --> 01:20:10,040
in the kitchen of
the restaurant, perhaps.
1411
01:20:10,120 --> 01:20:12,080
Put him out of business.
1412
01:20:12,160 --> 01:20:14,400
Why would you not do that?
1413
01:20:16,280 --> 01:20:18,200
Roger the Cabin Boy, meanwhile,
1414
01:20:18,280 --> 01:20:20,240
had found some transport.
1415
01:20:20,320 --> 01:20:21,400
(HORN TOOTING)
1416
01:20:21,440 --> 01:20:23,040
Yep, I've ended up in a tuk tuk
1417
01:20:23,120 --> 01:20:25,920
but it's no ordinary tuk tuk.
It's got a pirate on it.
1418
01:20:30,360 --> 01:20:31,720
- (THUDDING)
- Oh, yes.
1419
01:20:31,800 --> 01:20:33,920
It's a great ride as well.
1420
01:20:35,400 --> 01:20:38,680
As Hammond bought
stupid souvenirs...
1421
01:20:38,760 --> 01:20:40,920
It's a bit more "Arr",
a bit more piratey.
1422
01:20:41,000 --> 01:20:43,600
...I found a hotel
1423
01:20:43,680 --> 01:20:46,320
so May could get back
to code cracking.
1424
01:20:54,600 --> 01:20:58,160
And in the morning,
we set off with James still believing
1425
01:20:58,240 --> 01:21:01,000
the locals were
laughing at his car...
1426
01:21:01,080 --> 01:21:02,280
not him.
1427
01:21:02,360 --> 01:21:04,360
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
1428
01:21:07,840 --> 01:21:10,240
Now, I had a bit of a
breakthrough last night, viewers.
1429
01:21:10,320 --> 01:21:12,480
The cryptograph,
La Buse's cryptograph,
1430
01:21:12,600 --> 01:21:15,000
mentions a Turkish dog,
1431
01:21:15,080 --> 01:21:17,400
which doesn't actually mean
a dog from Turkey.
1432
01:21:17,480 --> 01:21:19,760
It means a dog with no hair.
1433
01:21:19,840 --> 01:21:22,840
And when I looked at
the map of the island,
1434
01:21:22,920 --> 01:21:26,200
I realised it looks like
a hairless dog.
1435
01:21:26,280 --> 01:21:30,000
And its ear is a beach.
A very distinct beach.
1436
01:21:30,080 --> 01:21:33,120
That's where we're going. That's
where I think the crucifix is buried.
1437
01:21:33,200 --> 01:21:34,600
I'm absolutely convinced of it.
1438
01:21:37,440 --> 01:21:40,240
JEREMY: Soon we arrived at
the completely deserted beach
1439
01:21:40,320 --> 01:21:43,280
which looked nothing
like a dog's ear,
1440
01:21:43,360 --> 01:21:48,360
and immediately my deluded
colleagues started to talk gibberish.
1441
01:21:48,400 --> 01:21:50,200
- So, is this it?
- Yeah, this is it.
1442
01:21:50,280 --> 01:21:53,240
- This is where it is?
- And it makes perfect sense, actually.
1443
01:21:53,320 --> 01:21:54,800
- If you're in a cartoon.
- No.
1444
01:21:54,880 --> 01:21:56,880
If you're fleeing from
the Royal Navy
1445
01:21:56,960 --> 01:22:00,120
and you unload the treasure and you
quickly bury it before they get to you.
1446
01:22:00,200 --> 01:22:03,040
The obvious place to bury it is
on the beach, cos it's easy to dig.
1447
01:22:03,120 --> 01:22:05,240
So we could right now
be standing on it?
1448
01:22:05,320 --> 01:22:07,360
- You could be.
- It could be under our feet.
1449
01:22:07,400 --> 01:22:09,880
But it could be over there.
This is quite a big crescent,
1450
01:22:09,960 --> 01:22:12,640
so I would suggest
we divide it up into three,
1451
01:22:12,720 --> 01:22:14,280
make sure we don't miss any of it.
1452
01:22:14,360 --> 01:22:16,440
- So, Hammond, you take that third.
- Gladly.
1453
01:22:16,520 --> 01:22:18,920
I'll go in the middle.
You go down the far end.
1454
01:22:19,000 --> 01:22:22,600
Right. Come on, lads. We've come
a long way to do this, let's get to work.
1455
01:22:25,800 --> 01:22:30,440
RICHARD: Since we were
looking for a 220-pound gold cross,
1456
01:22:30,520 --> 01:22:34,640
the best tool for the job
was clearly a metal detector.
1457
01:22:34,720 --> 01:22:37,080
I should check it works.
1458
01:22:37,160 --> 01:22:40,000
See if it can find
my Swiss hill climb knee.
1459
01:22:40,080 --> 01:22:42,040
- (BEEPING AND SQUEALING)
- Oh, yeah. Yeah.
1460
01:22:43,120 --> 01:22:44,520
Wooh.
1461
01:22:44,640 --> 01:22:47,680
Yep, it definitely works.
1462
01:22:47,760 --> 01:22:50,240
It is possible that when
I find it, it'll be grizzly,
1463
01:22:50,320 --> 01:22:52,760
because pirates used to,
1464
01:22:52,840 --> 01:22:54,680
when they buried their treasure,
1465
01:22:54,760 --> 01:22:57,920
bury a prisoner on top of it...
1466
01:22:58,000 --> 01:23:00,720
...so the ghost
would protect the treasure.
1467
01:23:02,280 --> 01:23:04,280
JAMES: Meanwhile,
and as you'd expect,
1468
01:23:04,360 --> 01:23:06,720
I was doing things properly.
1469
01:23:06,800 --> 01:23:09,120
It's gonna take a long time
to do this beach,
1470
01:23:09,200 --> 01:23:11,120
so I'm gonna assemble
four metal detectors
1471
01:23:11,200 --> 01:23:13,840
on this rudimentary trailer
that I've put together,
1472
01:23:13,920 --> 01:23:18,760
and then I can detect four times as much
beach in one pass and I can use the car.
1473
01:23:22,200 --> 01:23:26,600
JEREMY: Given that we'd be conducting
this fools' errand in the blazing heat,
1474
01:23:26,680 --> 01:23:28,960
I decided my time
would be better spent
1475
01:23:29,040 --> 01:23:31,360
building some kind of shelter.
1476
01:23:46,160 --> 01:23:48,600
(WHIRRING)
1477
01:23:49,960 --> 01:23:52,239
Excellent, excellent.
1478
01:23:52,240 --> 01:23:56,120
JAMES: By late morning,
my treasure-detecting solution system
1479
01:23:56,144 --> 01:23:58,144
was finally ready.
1480
01:24:03,120 --> 01:24:04,960
Let's do this in a systematic way.
1481
01:24:05,040 --> 01:24:06,520
The great thing about this,
of course,
1482
01:24:06,640 --> 01:24:09,680
is that my wheel tracks will show
me which bits I've already done.
1483
01:24:10,800 --> 01:24:12,880
It's a bit like ploughing a field.
1484
01:24:21,160 --> 01:24:23,200
Bugger.
1485
01:24:23,280 --> 01:24:26,760
JAMES: Having turned
my treasure-detecting trailer
1486
01:24:26,840 --> 01:24:31,680
into a treasure-detecting
sledge, I set off once more.
1487
01:24:35,120 --> 01:24:36,880
50 mill.
1488
01:24:38,160 --> 01:24:40,200
There's no tax on it, is there?
1489
01:24:42,720 --> 01:24:44,160
JEREMY: By mid-afternoon,
1490
01:24:44,240 --> 01:24:46,800
Roger and Seaman were
getting hot and bothered.
1491
01:24:48,400 --> 01:24:51,160
Just a beep. Come on, a beep.
1492
01:24:51,240 --> 01:24:55,400
But, luckily, my simple
shelter was now finished.
1493
01:24:55,480 --> 01:24:56,960
(TINKLING)
1494
01:25:04,520 --> 01:25:06,720
Couple of banana daiquiris
I've prepared for you.
1495
01:25:07,880 --> 01:25:09,960
RICHARD: What the hell is this?
1496
01:25:10,040 --> 01:25:14,200
I told you I was building
some shelter and I...
1497
01:25:14,280 --> 01:25:16,120
- It's a bar.
- Oh, I'm sorry!
1498
01:25:16,200 --> 01:25:18,200
I'm sorry that
the bar-shaped shelter
1499
01:25:18,280 --> 01:25:20,159
doesn't meet with
your requirements.
1500
01:25:20,160 --> 01:25:22,680
Thank you for the banana daiquiri,
it's excellent.
1501
01:25:22,704 --> 01:25:24,016
Thank you.
1502
01:25:24,040 --> 01:25:27,640
But might you make a bit of effort
to help us achieve our objective?
1503
01:25:27,720 --> 01:25:29,600
Which is to find
the Fiery Cross of Goa,
1504
01:25:29,680 --> 01:25:31,880
a seven-foot high golden
crucifix studded with rubies.
1505
01:25:31,960 --> 01:25:34,400
Shall I tell you exactly
where that is?
1506
01:25:34,480 --> 01:25:36,600
Same as every other piece
of looted treasure.
1507
01:25:36,680 --> 01:25:38,200
It's in the bowels of the Vatican.
1508
01:25:38,280 --> 01:25:40,120
- No, it isn't.
- Hey, no, it isn't.
1509
01:25:40,200 --> 01:25:42,160
And, listen, it was real.
We know that.
1510
01:25:42,240 --> 01:25:45,080
The French government
offered La Buse
1511
01:25:45,160 --> 01:25:46,960
a pardon for his piracy
1512
01:25:47,040 --> 01:25:48,720
if he'd go back to France
1513
01:25:48,800 --> 01:25:50,920
and hand over
the fiery cross, and he...
1514
01:25:51,000 --> 01:25:52,360
Wait a minute. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1515
01:25:52,400 --> 01:25:54,000
The French government did what?
1516
01:25:54,080 --> 01:25:57,640
The French government said, "We'll
give you, La Buse, an amnesty as a pirate
1517
01:25:57,720 --> 01:26:01,240
if you'll bring specifically the
fiery cross back to France."
1518
01:26:01,320 --> 01:26:03,880
And he said, "No,"
and hid it. Fact.
1519
01:26:03,960 --> 01:26:05,520
These aren't things from
Hammond's books.
1520
01:26:05,640 --> 01:26:09,320
These are cross-referenced primary
source pieces of academic research.
1521
01:26:09,400 --> 01:26:12,720
We know it existed and the
evidence says it's on this beach.
1522
01:26:12,800 --> 01:26:15,440
No pirate treasure...
You will agree with this.
1523
01:26:15,520 --> 01:26:18,680
No pirate treasure has ever been found,
buried pirate treasure.
1524
01:26:18,760 --> 01:26:20,600
No, that's because
it's still lost.
1525
01:26:20,680 --> 01:26:23,400
Tutankhamun hadn't been found
for thousands of years.
1526
01:26:23,440 --> 01:26:25,400
- And then it was.
- Exactly.
1527
01:26:25,480 --> 01:26:30,680
There's a chance, then,
if I go down there, I find this cross?
1528
01:26:30,760 --> 01:26:32,400
- There's a chance?
- Yes.
1529
01:26:32,440 --> 01:26:35,000
If I do a quick search, can I
come back to my shelter?
1530
01:26:35,080 --> 01:26:37,120
- Not too quick.
- You got to thorough search.
1531
01:26:37,200 --> 01:26:38,640
We've divided the beach up.
1532
01:26:38,720 --> 01:26:41,400
If I do a thorough search,
can I come back to my... -Yes, yes.
1533
01:26:41,480 --> 01:26:43,800
Of course. If you do a
thorough search and we find it...
1534
01:26:43,880 --> 01:26:45,960
We'll celebrate in your bar.
1535
01:26:46,040 --> 01:26:48,200
Fair enough. Your arguments
have been persuasive.
1536
01:26:48,280 --> 01:26:50,160
We'll meet you back in your bar.
1537
01:26:50,240 --> 01:26:52,400
Yes, in... 20 minutes.
1538
01:26:52,480 --> 01:26:53,960
- Nn...
- No, 20 minutes.
1539
01:26:54,040 --> 01:26:58,320
- It's a big job.
- I can cover that in 20 minutes.
1540
01:26:58,400 --> 01:27:02,400
So, whilst Hammond and May got
back to finishing off their sections,
1541
01:27:02,440 --> 01:27:04,800
I began on mine.
1542
01:27:17,640 --> 01:27:21,440
You do have to be a little bit careful
with this if you're doing this at home,
1543
01:27:21,520 --> 01:27:23,320
trying to find something
in your garden.
1544
01:27:30,600 --> 01:27:33,640
Right, this is the fuse wire.
1545
01:27:33,720 --> 01:27:37,040
Put one end in there, like that,
1546
01:27:37,120 --> 01:27:39,720
and I light the other end,
and then I have, I'm told,
1547
01:27:39,800 --> 01:27:43,840
three minutes to reach minimum
safe distance in the MFB,
1548
01:27:43,920 --> 01:27:45,840
before the explosions begin.
1549
01:27:45,920 --> 01:27:47,760
OK.
1550
01:27:49,240 --> 01:27:51,400
- (FUSE FIZZING)
- Lovely.
1551
01:27:52,480 --> 01:27:54,840
That is not three minutes! Shit.
1552
01:27:54,920 --> 01:27:57,000
Shit. Shit!
1553
01:27:59,240 --> 01:28:00,640
Begin!
1554
01:28:00,720 --> 01:28:02,520
Ah, I've turned it off!
1555
01:28:04,040 --> 01:28:06,440
Ah! Traction control.
1556
01:28:07,960 --> 01:28:11,760
- No, no, no!
- (EXPLOSIONS)
1557
01:28:26,120 --> 01:28:28,400
Oh, Jesus!
1558
01:28:33,800 --> 01:28:35,800
(WIND WHISTLING)
1559
01:28:35,880 --> 01:28:40,280
On the plus side, my work
had been extremely thorough.
1560
01:28:41,400 --> 01:28:43,640
On the minus side, however...
1561
01:28:43,720 --> 01:28:45,680
Find anything?
1562
01:28:45,760 --> 01:28:47,360
Not a thing. You?
1563
01:28:48,520 --> 01:28:51,720
Nothing. He's only got
that little bit to do.
1564
01:28:51,800 --> 01:28:54,440
So there's nothing there.
What about there?
1565
01:28:54,520 --> 01:28:57,000
And that's annoying because,
and I'm not making this up,
1566
01:28:57,080 --> 01:28:59,280
I have just had this email...
1567
01:29:02,320 --> 01:29:03,960
- JAMES: Ohh.
- (JEREMY CHUCKLES)
1568
01:29:04,040 --> 01:29:06,040
- That's cruel.
- (DETECTOR WHINING)
1569
01:29:06,120 --> 01:29:08,480
- RICHARD: Ah, chaps.
- What?
1570
01:29:09,600 --> 01:29:11,440
(DETECTOR WHINING)
1571
01:29:11,520 --> 01:29:13,440
Chaps, there's...
1572
01:29:13,520 --> 01:29:15,360
It's... Listen, it's there!
1573
01:29:16,480 --> 01:29:18,400
Shovel! Shovel!
1574
01:29:24,360 --> 01:29:27,080
- (RICHARD GASPS)
- There's something there.
1575
01:29:27,160 --> 01:29:28,760
There.
1576
01:29:28,840 --> 01:29:30,520
JEREMY: Jesus. What's that?
1577
01:29:33,320 --> 01:29:35,760
What is it?
1578
01:29:35,840 --> 01:29:37,880
(HEAVENLY MUSIC)
1579
01:29:44,000 --> 01:29:46,120
I think it's the Holy Grail.
1580
01:29:47,880 --> 01:29:49,560
JAMES: Oh, cock.
1581
01:29:51,680 --> 01:29:55,360
And on that terrible disappointment,
it is time to end.
1582
01:29:57,000 --> 01:29:59,200
No more memories
from your childhood?
1583
01:29:59,280 --> 01:30:01,960
- No, I got nothing.
- OK, that is it.
1584
01:30:02,040 --> 01:30:03,800
Thank you so much for watching.
1585
01:30:03,880 --> 01:30:05,920
Take care. See you soon.
122622
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.