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1
00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:42,644
Let's go! Move it!
2
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,350
- Bye, Nana!
- What?
3
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:36,907
New year, new chapter.
4
00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:06,436
This is so much better
than the shit you was bringing in.
5
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,313
One month in and you're already bragging?
6
00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:10,440
It's good shit.
7
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:12,442
We could expand our market.
8
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,361
Sell it to Florida
and those Cunt-Blockers.
9
00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:17,906
Whoa there, Chapo.
We're back on Barb's good side.
10
00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:20,575
We can't even keep up with demand
on our side.
11
00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:23,286
You wanna start selling
in enemy territory?
12
00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,539
I don't see enemies, I see customers.
13
00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:30,001
Let's tend our own garden for now. Okay?
14
00:03:30,085 --> 00:03:32,295
- This is gonna work, right?
- Mmm.
15
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,256
No money, no more.
16
00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:37,300
She needs to enter the numbers
and it goes straight onto her card.
17
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:40,429
It's all there. Except the gratuity.
18
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:44,433
- This I'm gonna give you now, in person.
- Mmm.
19
00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:53,483
All right, girls, get your bounce on!
20
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:56,153
Whoo! Get loose! Get your bounce on!
21
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:59,072
Okay, we're gonna do a top rock.
And where we gonna go?
22
00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:00,907
Out, in. Out, in.
23
00:04:00,991 --> 00:04:02,534
And out. In, out.
24
00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:06,997
We're gonna do a hinge.
On hinge, we're gonna go up and down!
25
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,916
Pull yourself up off the ground.
26
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,877
This class ain't handicap accessible.
27
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,755
Oh, yeah!
Kick, kick, switch, kick!
28
00:04:18,717 --> 00:04:20,927
Oh. Come on!
29
00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:24,848
- Badison! Badison! Badison!
- Still can't hear you.
30
00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:29,269
Badison! Badison! Badison! Badison!
31
00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:32,105
Hurry, hurry, hurry! No, wait.
32
00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:36,860
That don't count. Do it again.
33
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,195
No, we're just scrimmaging.
34
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,947
And I'm just calling the moves. Again!
35
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:44,117
You're right.
36
00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:46,870
You wanna get better? I applaud that.
37
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:49,206
Okay, let's go!
38
00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:56,838
Toosh!
39
00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:01,676
Boom!
40
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:03,637
Luschek, we need the ladder again.
41
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,310
Look, I can keep picking up
the phones and shit,
42
00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:15,315
but my dance is my art, okay?
I feel exploited and unappreciated.
43
00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:17,400
Luschek, do you copy?
44
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:18,985
Find someone else.
45
00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:21,655
Yeah, I fucking copy. Shut up.
46
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:27,327
McCullough! Open the door.
47
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:32,666
What's up?
48
00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:34,751
Oh...
49
00:05:38,964 --> 00:05:39,965
Shut up.
50
00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:52,936
What? I'm the ladder bringer,
not the ladder climber.
51
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:55,647
Is this really the only ball
in this entire prison?
52
00:05:56,731 --> 00:06:00,652
Shit. There was, like, six more in the
Rec closet. Why didn't I think of that?
53
00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:03,530
Probably other things on your mind.
54
00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:06,616
This one still needs to come down.
Up you go, Chapman.
55
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:09,202
What? Seriously?
56
00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:12,789
Well, I don't trust her. Or anyone.
57
00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:14,082
Go get 'em, roomie!
58
00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:21,381
Are those like the ones
in Back to the Future?
59
00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:24,259
Damn straight.
Also bought the hoverboard.
60
00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:27,220
Even though
the hoverboard's kind of bullshit,
61
00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:29,556
'cause it doesn't actually hover.
62
00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:32,434
Now I'm saving up for the DeLorean.
63
00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:34,644
How'd you get to be
rich Marty McFly all of a sudden?
64
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,856
Does Rec pay extra?
'Cause if it does, I need in.
65
00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:39,274
Thought you were Lyfting.
66
00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:42,110
Turns out passengers don't like it
when you cry while driving.
67
00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:44,029
Yeah, well, Rec pays shit.
68
00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:58,376
If you wanna make money,
69
00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:00,795
gotta win the pot at the end
of the Fantasy Inmate rainbow.
70
00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:02,922
Fantasy Inmate's over, Luschek.
71
00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:05,967
Nobody scored any points
since the blocks got separate yard times.
72
00:07:06,051 --> 00:07:07,594
Except for Alvarez.
73
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:10,430
He's fuckin' Moneyballing that shit
on minor infractions.
74
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,769
There is a real kickball field out there.
75
00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:17,103
No shit.
76
00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:19,981
We could be skidding on grass
instead of concrete.
77
00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:22,442
Know how much of my uniform
I've had to pick out of my skin?
78
00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:25,362
Ground's frozen.
Probably harder out there than in here.
79
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:28,114
But there is sun and air.
80
00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:31,076
And a glimpse of trees,
way in the distance.
81
00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:33,328
But the field's not properly secured,
all right?
82
00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:36,623
- And there's this gopher problem...
- We could play a real game out there.
83
00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:39,960
C-Block versus D-Block.
It could be very motivational.
84
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:43,588
Look, I'm already doing a lot.
Even by other people's standards.
85
00:07:43,672 --> 00:07:46,257
I can't believe Gapman and I
actually agree on something.
86
00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:50,762
But I gotta say, this is some super smart,
genius-level shit.
87
00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:54,432
Let's fuck some bitches up!
88
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:57,060
She means that in a strictly
non-combative, healthy way.
89
00:07:57,644 --> 00:08:02,774
Yo, ladies, how about we play
those D-bitches and show 'em who's boss?
90
00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:03,942
Yeah!
91
00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:08,738
The answer is me, by the way. I'm boss.
92
00:08:11,074 --> 00:08:15,370
It has been an entire month
with no violent incidents,
93
00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:19,040
- so you've earned it, ladies!
- Yes!
94
00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:21,084
- We're gonna destroy them!
- Yeah!
95
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,211
Yeah, hey!
96
00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:27,549
Are you crazy?
Do you wanna start another riot?
97
00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:30,343
It's not a riot
when they're fighting each other.
98
00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:34,514
Vida.
99
00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:36,224
You wanna get something to eat?
100
00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:37,434
I got takeout.
101
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:38,643
I meant real food.
102
00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:40,895
That shit ain't real.
103
00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:43,982
At least it's halfway warm,
and we could sit at a table and eat.
104
00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:47,110
Come on. We can't live our lives
hiding from these bitches.
105
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:48,862
I'm sick of being in my room all day.
106
00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:50,363
You think I'm not?
107
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:52,157
These bitches push my buttons,
108
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:53,950
they gonna push the one
where I push back.
109
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:56,828
And I can't get beat up again...
110
00:08:57,829 --> 00:08:59,247
'cause I maybe got a baby in here.
111
00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:02,500
Girl, please.
It's all the junk you've been eating.
112
00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:05,962
Yeah, well, we all gotta have
a dream to hold on to.
113
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:09,799
You know, you were much happier
when you had someone to grind.
114
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:13,219
That was good exercise.
Now, I'm stuck on my bunk,
115
00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:15,972
reading old magazines,
doing toe-stretches.
116
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:19,559
Oh, my God, I'm turning into my mother.
117
00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:23,271
Fine. Let's go.
118
00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:25,815
Gracias.
119
00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:36,534
- May we sit here?
- That would be wonderful.
120
00:09:39,204 --> 00:09:42,874
Taken, by my ass. Literally.
121
00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:52,175
Oh, these are taken.
122
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,760
They look pretty empty to me.
123
00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:56,805
This is where my spirit animal sits.
And this is where my...
124
00:09:56,888 --> 00:10:00,141
CO, you see that?
She hit me over the head with a tray.
125
00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:02,102
- Bitch!
- Gloria! Gloria!
126
00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:04,854
That's a shot, Mendoza!
127
00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:08,525
And clean this shit up.
128
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:19,285
I used to do this
back in my waitressing days.
129
00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:23,957
Now, let's see if it still works
with these new bottles.
130
00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:27,877
- Ta-da!
- Oh, my God!
131
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:30,797
It's like St. Joseph of Cupertino,
but with diet soda.
132
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,216
Is this, like, some kind
of a carbonation thing?
133
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:35,885
That's for me to know and you to wonder.
134
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,637
All right, how 'bout this?
135
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:43,143
Watch me pull a coin out of my pocket.
136
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:46,146
It ain't magic, but here.
137
00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:47,814
It's a 30-day sober chip.
138
00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:50,316
I know they take away the real one
after the meeting,
139
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:53,486
so I made you one to keep.
Congratulations.
140
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:59,325
It has been hard as fuck. Thank you.
141
00:11:00,702 --> 00:11:03,246
Hey, Deitland. I'll take my things.
142
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:07,333
And, whatever these girls want to order,
you can put it on my tab.
143
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:10,587
Ah! Barb, you spoil us.
144
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:15,049
What'd I tell you about this joint, huh?
You got, uh, free magic shows, open bar.
145
00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:18,428
Like visiting my Uncle Pete's house,
minus the, you know, bad touching.
146
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:21,264
Well, I knew you'd come around
to the mob life eventually.
147
00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:22,682
I haven't come around to anything.
148
00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:24,976
I'm just helping her stay sober.
That's all.
149
00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:27,729
Hello, Deitland.
Can I please have last week's order?
150
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:29,063
Nichols, Nicky.
151
00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:34,402
And for next week, uh...
three Honey Buns, please.
152
00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:37,363
- And I will take five bags of Cheetos.
- Hmm.
153
00:11:37,447 --> 00:11:39,866
Healthy mama, healthy baby.
154
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:42,368
Well, at least mine has
trace amounts of calcium.
155
00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:43,453
What does yours have?
156
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:47,498
Oh, it has me,
licking the honey out of the buns.
157
00:11:47,582 --> 00:11:51,669
Oh, you know, also I enjoy licking,
uh, honey out of pots.
158
00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:54,964
If you happen to know
any honey pots in the area,
159
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:57,550
I'd love to lick them.
160
00:11:57,634 --> 00:12:00,762
You know what? If you was a man
and you was on the outside,
161
00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:03,097
you'd be having
a real hard time right now.
162
00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:06,559
'Cause I read they're cracking down
on this sexy talk.
163
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:08,895
Like, for real. It's gonna be illegal.
164
00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:12,148
Which I think is a pity
'cause I always found it very flattering.
165
00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:15,318
Oh, yeah, I'm sure it's all meant
in the, uh, spirit of flattery,
166
00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:18,696
and not in the spirit of being
the worst kind of misogynistic pig.
167
00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:22,116
Caramel, karamel.
It's all how you wanna see things.
168
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:25,203
Now, speaking of the worst kind of person,
169
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:28,414
I hear Carol has a new best friend,
170
00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:31,751
and her name is Red.
And they are like this.
171
00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:32,752
Who told you that?
172
00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:35,880
Hey, I also ordered three Noxzemas.
173
00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:39,550
All out. Had a huge C-Block order.
174
00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:45,390
Oh! Motherfucking, titty-sucking,
two-ball bitch!
175
00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:46,683
Whoa, whoa, whoa...
176
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:49,727
Hey, I like the minty sting of Noxzema
as much as the next gal.
177
00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:53,815
I am a child of the '90s after all,
but maybe we're lacking perspective here.
178
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:59,320
It's not the Noxzema. It's Carol.
She bought it all to spite me.
179
00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:04,075
Oh, okay. So, first she tries to kill you,
then she buys up all the Noxzema.
180
00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:05,660
She is really upping the stakes.
181
00:13:05,743 --> 00:13:09,414
Okay, okay. I know it sounds stupid.
I get that.
182
00:13:09,998 --> 00:13:13,501
But these simple luxuries,
they are all we have in here.
183
00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:18,381
She is not gonna quit bullying me
until I'm dead, you know.
184
00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:41,195
So, how'd he take it?
185
00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:43,906
He was devastated, obviously.
186
00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:48,619
God, Carol, I can't believe
I have to leave him. He's the one.
187
00:13:48,703 --> 00:13:50,496
Really? The one?
188
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:52,457
He's my soul mate. He gets me.
189
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:54,459
Okay, no, he gets in your pants.
190
00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:57,587
And as soon as you're gone, he's gonna get
into Pearl Peterman's pants,
191
00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:00,048
where he's gonna shuck her oyster
and suck it raw.
192
00:14:00,131 --> 00:14:01,799
What the fuck, Carol?
193
00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:04,719
Don't be such a precious little
Barbie doll. You know it's true.
194
00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:07,055
You're just pissed
'cause no one here will even miss you.
195
00:14:07,138 --> 00:14:10,099
You don't know shit about my shit,
so don't take it out on me.
196
00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:15,730
It's not my fault we keep moving.
It's that fucking little cunt.
197
00:14:15,813 --> 00:14:19,275
Up next, our own Debbie Denning!
198
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,694
This is Debbie's last meet
here in West Virginia,
199
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:23,321
as she's been accepted to train
200
00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:26,908
at Trudy's Gymnastics Institute
in Plano, Texas.
201
00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:28,534
Go get 'em, Debbie!
202
00:14:34,248 --> 00:14:37,251
I could kill her.
203
00:14:37,335 --> 00:14:39,796
Oh, we could, you know, if we wanted to.
204
00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:41,923
Jesus, Carol.
205
00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:44,425
Oh, you're such a sicko.
206
00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:47,887
And her boobs are not even accurate,
mostly 'cause she doesn't have any.
207
00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:52,016
Okay, well, the body's better on this one.
Look, I even did some perspective.
208
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:56,646
Poison?
209
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,564
Glass shards in her Yoplait.
210
00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:01,025
That's too obvious.
211
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:03,945
It'd have to look more like an accident.
212
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,164
And you'll have to burn that book.
213
00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:25,091
This what you want me to read?
214
00:15:26,676 --> 00:15:32,390
"You don't know me, but I know you.
And I want me a taste inside you."
215
00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:36,394
It's a haiku
for your Missed Connections segment.
216
00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:39,522
Woman, we ain't got
no Missed Connections segment.
217
00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:43,443
And even if we did, it wouldn't be
for no porny haikus that don't rhyme.
218
00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:45,111
It does rhyme.
219
00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:49,574
You just didn't read it right.
And you can find yourself another phone.
220
00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:54,036
All right, all right. All right! Come.
221
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:59,208
I'll read it
once I get back from my hiatus.
222
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:08,676
And I'm just gonna say this.
You cannot rhyme "you" with "you."
223
00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:10,803
It's the same word and that's not a rhyme.
224
00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:17,393
I heard the other blocks are having
a kickball championship.
225
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:19,687
That's a land mine
waitin' to get stepped on.
226
00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:21,814
Some D-Block ladies near the pill line
227
00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:25,651
said there used to be
a legendary player here back in the day.
228
00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:28,321
Had arms that could catch anything.
229
00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:31,741
Even tattooed an octopus on her neck.
230
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:32,909
That ain't me.
231
00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:38,039
And to be clear,
this tattoo predated my incarceration.
232
00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:44,003
Okay. Well, I told them that
I was really proud to be your roomie, so...
233
00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:45,254
Suzanne...
234
00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:49,008
listen to me.
235
00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:53,179
You can't talk to the blues and khakis.
You understand?
236
00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:54,764
They're dangerous.
237
00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:58,976
We've won a valuable spot in here.
238
00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:01,562
Everybody wants to be a Pink Lady...
239
00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:06,859
...and they'll go as far as to kill you
to take your place.
240
00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:09,862
Kill me? Why me?
241
00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:13,824
Because... they pick off
the newest arrivals first.
242
00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:16,118
Well, but you came in after me.
243
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:19,789
And you don't see me
interacting with any of them, do you?
244
00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:23,292
And her?
245
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:25,378
Oh, she's been warned.
246
00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:29,632
If she chooses to ignore it,
I can't save her.
247
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:37,056
Hey, Suzy Cakes.
You finally ready to come on out today?
248
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:40,017
- You shouldn't go out there.
- Oh, yes, I should.
249
00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:41,686
This is about that time where
250
00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:43,980
the walking dead
becomes the shitting dead.
251
00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:46,649
Do you think it has anything
to do with, like,
252
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:49,402
the time they take those fiber chewies?
253
00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:52,280
Whatever it is,
I ain't gonna be here.
254
00:17:52,363 --> 00:17:54,490
Frieda says that it's dangerous.
255
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:57,368
Don't be listening
to that Octopussy scare you.
256
00:17:57,451 --> 00:17:59,412
You know what? That's senior abuse.
257
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:04,375
I think it goes the other way.
Like, adults abusing seniors.
258
00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:06,794
Nuh-uh. Nope. I've seen that shit before.
259
00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:08,629
There was this fat, old Mexican lady
260
00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:10,506
that used to live next door
to our trailer,
261
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,049
and whenever we'd be too loud,
262
00:18:12,133 --> 00:18:15,094
or just, you know,
be knocking each other up or some shit,
263
00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:17,763
she'd come walking over
and she'd sit on me.
264
00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:21,392
She'd bounce and sit
and scream, "Tortilla! Tortilla!"
265
00:18:21,475 --> 00:18:23,311
And I don't like tacos 'cause of her.
266
00:18:23,394 --> 00:18:26,355
Except I do like those Del Taco
crunchy tacos. Those are dope.
267
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:28,899
But I know senior abuse when I see it.
And I just saw it.
268
00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:32,236
No, no, no. It is not like that.
269
00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:36,532
Besides, I promised Mabel that
I would play Rummikub with her later.
270
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:39,869
See... I'm an important member
of this community.
271
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:42,413
Yeah, I once did community service,
272
00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:45,625
and it ended with them
pissing in my yellow drink.
273
00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:01,807
Joe. Joe Caputo here.
274
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:05,311
Hi. Hello, Mr. Caputo.
275
00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:11,400
Ah, yes, hi. Is this Mary
from Get Ahead Head Hunters?
276
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:14,236
This is about Tasha Jefferson.
277
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:15,363
Who is this?
278
00:19:15,446 --> 00:19:16,530
She didn't do it.
279
00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:19,575
Look into the stormtroopers.
280
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:21,077
The hell does that even mean?
281
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:25,623
Come on, man. Look into the assholes
that came into the prison
282
00:19:25,706 --> 00:19:27,667
with the guns
and the Terminator attitudes.
283
00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:29,794
They ain't telling the truth.
284
00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:31,879
How did...
285
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,637
How's the Chocolate Chip Nookie?
286
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,847
I'm not gonna lie. It's a little chalky.
287
00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:44,767
You know not eating causes your brain
to break down its own neurons?
288
00:19:46,894 --> 00:19:49,230
Hey, Luschek, my man!
289
00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:50,898
You guys still doing the shakes?
290
00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:52,733
You know not eating
makes you stupid, right?
291
00:19:55,069 --> 00:19:56,320
I literally just said that.
292
00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:58,781
Yeah, it's all in the delivery.
293
00:19:59,407 --> 00:20:02,410
Well, your commish isn't actually
delivering much of anything.
294
00:20:02,493 --> 00:20:05,371
He hasn't updated the Fantasy Inmate app
in eight days.
295
00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:08,666
Relax. This place is a ghost town.
There's nothing happening.
296
00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:11,293
I clocked a lesbian encounter
two days ago. Every point counts.
297
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:12,586
Oh. Who was it?
298
00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:15,256
It was Daddy and Diaz. Daddy's mine.
299
00:20:15,339 --> 00:20:18,217
I'm bored just spanking it out
to those two anyways.
300
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:20,344
Christ, Stefanovic,
how many times I gotta tell you
301
00:20:20,428 --> 00:20:22,304
to respect my girlfriend's daughter?
302
00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:26,225
Sorry, boss. I keep forgetting.
It's just weird, you know?
303
00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:28,686
You know she killed Humps.
And now you're humping her mother.
304
00:20:28,769 --> 00:20:31,647
It's not weird.
Her mother is crazy smokin' hot.
305
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,649
You guys, this is important.
306
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:37,737
Points are extremely hard to come by
in the current peaceful climate.
307
00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:40,740
So when they are achieved,
they need to be tallied.
308
00:20:40,823 --> 00:20:44,618
Therefore, I've taken the liberty
of updating everyone's current status.
309
00:20:44,702 --> 00:20:49,999
Luschek, all you have to do
is input these numbers into your system.
310
00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:57,798
You're the only one who has any points.
311
00:20:57,882 --> 00:21:00,926
We need to reinstate mixed yard time,
for serious.
312
00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:04,555
Trust me, I would love to,
but Fig gives the orders and I follow.
313
00:21:05,139 --> 00:21:08,142
Well, actually,
I kinda have a loophole for that.
314
00:21:08,225 --> 00:21:10,102
I was gonna tell you guys
at happy hour, but...
315
00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:11,520
What? You guys go to happy hour?
316
00:21:13,481 --> 00:21:15,357
What if we fix the old field
317
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:18,319
and have ourselves
an inter-block kickball championship?
318
00:21:18,402 --> 00:21:20,988
Oh, this could be a disaster.
319
00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:24,116
I know. Yeah.
And I got six girls playing, too.
320
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:27,578
A punch here, a hair-pull there.
Ka-ching!
321
00:21:27,661 --> 00:21:30,039
I love the initiative. Run with it, buddy.
322
00:21:30,873 --> 00:21:34,126
Well, actually, I was kinda hoping
somebody else could do it.
323
00:21:34,835 --> 00:21:37,588
I'm sort of swamped with other Rec stuff.
324
00:21:37,671 --> 00:21:41,342
Why don't you cancel
that stupid dance class, you know?
325
00:21:41,425 --> 00:21:43,177
Buy yourself a little extra time.
326
00:21:44,595 --> 00:21:46,514
Nah. That's fine.
327
00:21:46,597 --> 00:21:48,599
The ladies love that class, so...
328
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:50,768
I can do it.
329
00:21:50,851 --> 00:21:54,146
You all see that?
That is a true humanitarian.
330
00:21:54,772 --> 00:21:55,981
Hey!
331
00:21:57,233 --> 00:21:59,902
Where do you guys go for happy hour?
332
00:22:00,528 --> 00:22:02,571
Hey!
333
00:22:02,655 --> 00:22:05,574
Okay. Badison. All right. Okay.
334
00:22:07,034 --> 00:22:11,539
Hey. So I'm thinking,
why don't we play a round? Have some fun.
335
00:22:11,622 --> 00:22:15,459
This ain't supposed to be fun.
D-Block is coming for us, Gapman.
336
00:22:15,543 --> 00:22:18,254
So you better get back in there
and take a hit.
337
00:22:19,547 --> 00:22:21,590
Ladies, time to pack up.
338
00:22:21,674 --> 00:22:24,051
You're late. D-Block's already waiting.
339
00:22:36,313 --> 00:22:37,690
We the team that is devout!
340
00:22:37,773 --> 00:22:39,441
Exercise those demons out!
341
00:22:39,525 --> 00:22:40,943
God won't pitch what you can't take!
342
00:22:41,026 --> 00:22:43,362
Make those bitches bleed and ache!
One, two.
343
00:22:43,445 --> 00:22:44,572
One, two.
344
00:22:46,699 --> 00:22:49,535
We're gonna need some
performance-enhancing steroids.
345
00:22:49,618 --> 00:22:51,996
- You have any?
- No. You?
346
00:22:52,079 --> 00:22:53,122
What do you think?
347
00:22:54,957 --> 00:22:56,458
I think we're fucked.
348
00:22:59,878 --> 00:23:02,798
Try it.
I was going for a piƱa colada feel.
349
00:23:02,881 --> 00:23:04,174
Hmm.
350
00:23:11,932 --> 00:23:15,561
It smells like coconut,
but it tastes like soap.
351
00:23:15,644 --> 00:23:18,689
You gotta leave
a smidge of shampoo in there for aroma.
352
00:23:18,772 --> 00:23:20,941
Also for the guards, in case they check.
353
00:23:21,025 --> 00:23:24,486
- Well, aren't you full of tricks.
- When you're gonna die in here,
354
00:23:24,570 --> 00:23:26,697
you learn
how to keep yourself entertained.
355
00:23:27,323 --> 00:23:28,324
Life sentence, huh?
356
00:23:29,033 --> 00:23:31,827
Well, it was 25 years at first.
357
00:23:32,786 --> 00:23:35,581
But you can thank your friend, Frieda,
for the extra 30.
358
00:23:35,664 --> 00:23:38,417
That squealing little rat.
359
00:23:40,169 --> 00:23:44,006
No, no. She got bopped
in the beezer again.
360
00:23:44,089 --> 00:23:46,383
It would just be mean.
361
00:23:46,467 --> 00:23:50,220
If you really wanna be mean,
you should pretend to be nice first.
362
00:23:50,304 --> 00:23:54,183
That's what the Barbs of the world do.
Here, watch this.
363
00:23:55,184 --> 00:23:58,228
Hey, Dweebly Dums, you heard the news?
364
00:23:58,312 --> 00:24:00,314
About the kickball championship?
365
00:24:00,397 --> 00:24:02,816
Maybe I shouldn't be
telling you this, but...
366
00:24:04,401 --> 00:24:06,236
I overheard the guards talking.
367
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:09,239
Looks like you're getting out early
for good behavior.
368
00:24:09,823 --> 00:24:14,036
Oh, my God! I have to call Pop-Pop!
369
00:24:16,413 --> 00:24:18,457
Thank you so much!
370
00:24:21,919 --> 00:24:24,797
I'm conflicted
about wanton cruelty, but...
371
00:24:25,756 --> 00:24:28,550
it's strangely reinvigorating.
372
00:24:28,634 --> 00:24:31,762
Told you. Sport mindfucking is exciting.
373
00:24:31,845 --> 00:24:34,556
No, I mean... I feel like me.
374
00:24:35,307 --> 00:24:38,602
The last few years,
whenever I needed to defend myself,
375
00:24:38,686 --> 00:24:41,146
or to take justice into my own hands,
376
00:24:41,230 --> 00:24:43,148
everybody got on my case.
377
00:24:43,232 --> 00:24:45,567
Told me to be nicer, to be better.
378
00:24:45,651 --> 00:24:47,486
Evolve, Red, evolve.
379
00:24:47,569 --> 00:24:50,155
Fuck evolve. What about survive?
380
00:24:50,239 --> 00:24:54,451
That's right. People like us,
we gotta say what we mean.
381
00:24:54,535 --> 00:24:58,372
I don't like you, I'll tell you.
And that is worth something.
382
00:24:58,956 --> 00:25:02,334
Not like Barb, who's always the good girl,
the victim.
383
00:25:02,418 --> 00:25:03,627
That's all bullcrap.
384
00:25:03,711 --> 00:25:06,380
Nice people, they're full of shit.
385
00:25:07,339 --> 00:25:08,924
Like human M&M's.
386
00:25:09,550 --> 00:25:11,635
But their insides are shit, not chocolate.
387
00:25:13,929 --> 00:25:15,848
I have plans. Make Carol do it!
388
00:25:15,931 --> 00:25:17,891
Mom, you already told me
I could go out tonight.
389
00:25:17,975 --> 00:25:20,352
Oh, please. Who are you
gonna go out with, the chess club?
390
00:25:20,436 --> 00:25:22,438
You're not the only person
who has a life here!
391
00:25:22,521 --> 00:25:24,022
- Everybody, shut it.
- I am.
392
00:25:24,106 --> 00:25:26,358
You're both taking care of Debbie tonight.
393
00:25:26,942 --> 00:25:28,944
But you said we would release
my tadpoles tonight.
394
00:25:29,027 --> 00:25:32,740
We have to meet with Coach Emery
to discuss your transitional training.
395
00:25:32,823 --> 00:25:34,867
You do realize that
we're doing this for you, right?
396
00:25:34,950 --> 00:25:38,662
Now, please, practice your pirouettes
and then go straight to bed.
397
00:25:38,746 --> 00:25:42,499
You two, finish packing.
Moving van gets here at 11:00 tomorrow.
398
00:25:42,583 --> 00:25:44,710
Okay. Well, I'm already done, so...
399
00:25:44,793 --> 00:25:47,045
Haven't separated what's going
in the Salvation Army pile.
400
00:25:47,129 --> 00:25:48,922
The three of you will be sharing a closet.
401
00:25:49,006 --> 00:25:49,882
What?
402
00:25:49,965 --> 00:25:52,801
Does that mean I have to share a room
with them? Both of them?
403
00:25:52,885 --> 00:25:54,845
You know how much it's costing us
to relocate?
404
00:25:54,928 --> 00:25:56,305
Be grateful you have a bedroom.
405
00:25:56,388 --> 00:25:57,556
Do we get to have bunk beds?
406
00:25:57,639 --> 00:25:59,224
Oh, just shut up, Debbie!
407
00:25:59,308 --> 00:26:00,434
Language!
408
00:26:00,517 --> 00:26:01,935
Well, I'm not going.
409
00:26:03,228 --> 00:26:04,855
Mrs. Howard said
I could live with them
410
00:26:04,938 --> 00:26:07,608
for the rest of the semester
and graduate with everyone.
411
00:26:08,859 --> 00:26:12,571
Barbara, does this look like
a La Quinta Inn to you?
412
00:26:13,614 --> 00:26:16,617
Do I look like a goddamn bellhop?
413
00:26:16,700 --> 00:26:17,618
That's right.
414
00:26:17,701 --> 00:26:23,123
You don't get to check in and out
of this family whenever you please.
415
00:26:25,292 --> 00:26:27,211
Yep. Debbie, heels up on the turn
416
00:26:27,294 --> 00:26:29,713
and then point, point, point your way
through the pirouette.
417
00:26:32,341 --> 00:26:33,634
We'll be back by 10:00.
418
00:26:39,473 --> 00:26:40,557
They're such dicks.
419
00:26:40,641 --> 00:26:42,643
My tadpoles are gonna die
if we don't release them.
420
00:26:42,726 --> 00:26:44,686
Okay, nobody gives a fuck
about your tadpoles.
421
00:26:44,770 --> 00:26:46,355
Carol, no!
Barb, Barb, do something!
422
00:26:47,689 --> 00:26:51,151
Carol, don't be such a monster.
423
00:26:52,027 --> 00:26:54,238
If she wants
to release her tadpoles tonight,
424
00:26:55,197 --> 00:26:56,615
we should take her.
425
00:27:12,005 --> 00:27:14,591
Hey, babe, can't talk. I'm mid-stakeout.
426
00:27:14,675 --> 00:27:16,176
Okay, please don't use that word.
427
00:27:16,260 --> 00:27:17,553
"Stakeout" or "babe"?
428
00:27:17,636 --> 00:27:20,806
Both. And I said you could
look at the coroner's report, not take it.
429
00:27:20,889 --> 00:27:23,559
I can't make heads or tails of it anyway.
430
00:27:23,642 --> 00:27:26,478
I need to talk to this Herrmann guy.
431
00:27:26,562 --> 00:27:30,148
And then what? Make a citizen's arrest
based on a prank call?
432
00:27:30,232 --> 00:27:33,735
No. I'm gonna try
the dumb and friendly approach.
433
00:27:33,819 --> 00:27:37,781
See if I can bait him
into saying something incriminating.
434
00:27:38,448 --> 00:27:40,075
Oh, that's ridiculous.
435
00:27:40,158 --> 00:27:42,035
Hey, worked for Columbo.
436
00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:46,248
Okay, putting aside the fact
that Columbo was a fictional character...
437
00:27:46,331 --> 00:27:49,126
A well-rounded and delightfully written
fictional character.
438
00:27:49,209 --> 00:27:51,003
Columbo had a theory to prove.
439
00:27:51,086 --> 00:27:53,714
You, on the other hand, got nada.
Shots in the dark.
440
00:27:53,797 --> 00:27:54,798
Exactly.
441
00:27:54,882 --> 00:27:58,552
And this Herrmann guy may know
who shot what in that darkness.
442
00:27:58,635 --> 00:28:01,513
I mean, look at him. He even looks shady.
443
00:28:02,514 --> 00:28:03,807
I bet he thinks 'cause he's a cop
444
00:28:03,891 --> 00:28:06,059
he can get away
without paying for his coffee.
445
00:28:08,437 --> 00:28:10,772
Never mind. He just paid.
446
00:28:10,856 --> 00:28:12,524
And he's leaving a tip.
447
00:28:12,608 --> 00:28:14,401
Whatever. He still looks shady.
448
00:28:14,484 --> 00:28:15,861
I gotta go.
449
00:28:23,410 --> 00:28:25,078
Oh, well...
450
00:28:25,162 --> 00:28:28,832
Hey, man. Or should I say, Herrmann?
451
00:28:28,916 --> 00:28:30,000
Do I know you?
452
00:28:30,751 --> 00:28:34,087
Right, you probably don't recognize me
with actual clothes on.
453
00:28:34,171 --> 00:28:35,547
And I shaved the mustache.
454
00:28:35,631 --> 00:28:39,676
But it's me, Caputo.
Former Litchfield warden?
455
00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:42,095
Oh. Yeah.
456
00:28:42,179 --> 00:28:44,681
You come here often?
I just... I love this place.
457
00:28:46,016 --> 00:28:47,351
The place is shit.
458
00:28:47,434 --> 00:28:50,062
But the chick that works here?
Totally bangable.
459
00:28:52,231 --> 00:28:53,523
She's really bangable.
460
00:28:53,607 --> 00:28:55,859
I mean, hey, I'm not gonna bang her,
461
00:28:57,152 --> 00:28:58,987
but I really hope you get to.
462
00:28:59,947 --> 00:29:02,032
Okay. Well, have a good one.
463
00:29:02,908 --> 00:29:04,201
Uh, wait. Uh...
464
00:29:04,284 --> 00:29:07,996
You know what? It's a relief to see people
465
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:11,500
that went through what we went through,
you know? It's...
466
00:29:13,168 --> 00:29:16,964
It's like we're comrades in arms.
That night was so intense and...
467
00:29:18,131 --> 00:29:19,049
It was violent.
468
00:29:20,842 --> 00:29:23,053
Didn't you spend it sitting
in an air-conditioned RV unit
469
00:29:23,136 --> 00:29:24,888
- with those two chicks?
- True.
470
00:29:24,972 --> 00:29:27,599
But I was with you in spirit, you know?
471
00:29:27,683 --> 00:29:32,479
And plus, I was the one who told you guys
about the pool, remember?
472
00:29:32,562 --> 00:29:34,856
Yeah. Well, thanks.
473
00:29:35,774 --> 00:29:37,317
Hey, listen, um...
474
00:29:41,154 --> 00:29:46,118
When you went in that night,
where did you first see Desi Piscatella?
475
00:29:47,035 --> 00:29:49,663
What are you doing?
You trying to interrogate me or something?
476
00:29:49,746 --> 00:29:50,747
No.
477
00:29:50,831 --> 00:29:51,665
Uh...
478
00:29:52,374 --> 00:29:54,960
I'm just trying to understand
what went on in there.
479
00:29:55,043 --> 00:29:56,837
- I mean, for me, I'm...
- You come near me again
480
00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:58,797
and I'll get a restraining order.
481
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:01,466
Just one more thing...
482
00:30:06,013 --> 00:30:12,436
Eight-three-zero-two-eight.
483
00:30:15,689 --> 00:30:17,733
And how do I link it
to my debit card again?
484
00:30:17,816 --> 00:30:19,443
My God,
I have to explain this every time?
485
00:30:19,526 --> 00:30:22,946
It ain't my fault
this shit's so complicated.
486
00:30:23,030 --> 00:30:25,574
What the hell happened to cash
while I was away?
487
00:30:25,657 --> 00:30:27,534
I don't know,
but you better get used to it.
488
00:30:27,617 --> 00:30:29,494
Orders are flowing.
489
00:30:29,578 --> 00:30:32,372
Matter of fact, we need you to pack more.
490
00:30:32,456 --> 00:30:35,584
- Are you crazy?
- You wanna get caught?
491
00:30:35,667 --> 00:30:39,588
Besides, those lids are packed tighter
than my asshole on Christmas morning.
492
00:30:40,213 --> 00:30:42,174
You stuck something up your butt
on Christmas?
493
00:30:42,257 --> 00:30:45,427
Butt sex was on top
of Cesar's wish list, okay?
494
00:30:45,510 --> 00:30:48,221
We all honor the birth of baby Jesus
in our own way.
495
00:30:48,305 --> 00:30:52,726
Aleida, honey, I'm still waiting
on that tea you offered!
496
00:30:52,809 --> 00:30:55,479
That's because I didn't fucking offer!
497
00:30:55,562 --> 00:30:56,480
Who's that?
498
00:30:56,563 --> 00:30:58,774
Hopper's Nana. But don't worry,
499
00:30:58,857 --> 00:31:01,651
I got that passive-aggressive old bag
taken care of.
500
00:31:03,028 --> 00:31:05,614
Look. Cesar's already acting
like a little bitch
501
00:31:05,697 --> 00:31:07,991
about what he's selling us.
I don't think he'll do more.
502
00:31:08,075 --> 00:31:09,618
What does Cesar care?
503
00:31:12,913 --> 00:31:16,333
He's sitting in prison doing nothing
and he's still getting his cut.
504
00:31:17,167 --> 00:31:18,752
Well, let's just say he ain't too happy
505
00:31:18,835 --> 00:31:21,254
about me smuggling the shit in
through Hopper.
506
00:31:21,338 --> 00:31:22,714
He has no right to be jealous.
507
00:31:23,382 --> 00:31:25,592
He stuck his dick into anything
that jiggled his way.
508
00:31:25,675 --> 00:31:27,552
And don't your jiggly ass know it.
509
00:31:28,136 --> 00:31:29,930
Anyway, now he's all like,
510
00:31:30,013 --> 00:31:33,934
"At least I ain't fucking no guard and
swallowing his little guard swimmers."
511
00:31:34,017 --> 00:31:35,143
And I had to be like,
512
00:31:35,227 --> 00:31:38,355
"Yo, don't you remember, pendejo,
I don't fucking swallow."
513
00:31:38,438 --> 00:31:42,734
Ugh. Just... Please, stop.
You wanna get the kids back or no?
514
00:31:42,818 --> 00:31:46,571
Honey, why won't my door open?
515
00:31:46,655 --> 00:31:48,865
Aleida, honey!
516
00:31:50,117 --> 00:31:51,410
Aleida!
517
00:31:51,493 --> 00:31:53,537
- You know what?
- Open this damn door.
518
00:31:53,620 --> 00:31:55,622
Maybe I could squeeze
a couple more grams in.
519
00:31:55,705 --> 00:31:58,834
Aleida! Aleida, let me out!
520
00:31:58,917 --> 00:32:02,963
I didn't want her to,
but I didn't want her to have my...
521
00:32:03,046 --> 00:32:05,132
Hey, uh, can you give us a sec?
522
00:32:11,847 --> 00:32:13,223
Should I put a sock on the door?
523
00:32:16,476 --> 00:32:17,519
What do you want?
524
00:32:17,602 --> 00:32:19,146
Haven't seen you in class.
525
00:32:19,938 --> 00:32:22,149
Bet you miss
someone doing your job for you.
526
00:32:22,232 --> 00:32:23,525
Come on, Mendoza.
527
00:32:23,608 --> 00:32:25,902
You were a great inmate instructor.
You were having fun.
528
00:32:25,986 --> 00:32:27,237
It's all fun and games
529
00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:29,531
until someone offers
to shiv out your thyroid.
530
00:32:31,032 --> 00:32:32,284
Wait. That happened?
531
00:32:32,367 --> 00:32:34,744
Hmm. No.
You don't get to act surprised.
532
00:32:34,828 --> 00:32:36,746
I told you that
these bitches were out of control
533
00:32:36,830 --> 00:32:38,373
and you didn't do shit.
534
00:32:38,457 --> 00:32:39,499
You're right.
535
00:32:41,168 --> 00:32:43,336
I should've done more. I'm sorry.
536
00:32:44,713 --> 00:32:48,425
But I think I know a way to help you now.
537
00:32:49,426 --> 00:32:51,595
Like, for real this time. Scout's honor.
538
00:32:52,345 --> 00:32:54,055
You and I both know you weren't a Scout.
539
00:32:54,139 --> 00:32:56,183
And if you had been,
all you would have gotten
540
00:32:56,266 --> 00:32:58,351
is a "Pitching a Tent
in Your Pants" badge.
541
00:33:00,645 --> 00:33:02,355
I kinda miss
you making me feel like shit.
542
00:33:04,232 --> 00:33:06,067
Yeah, me too.
543
00:33:13,450 --> 00:33:15,410
- Bye.
- Okay, yeah. Good talk, though.
544
00:33:15,494 --> 00:33:16,369
Mmm-hmm.
545
00:33:17,746 --> 00:33:18,955
Fuck.
546
00:33:24,211 --> 00:33:27,881
I don't know. This doesn't look like
the best place to recruit athletes.
547
00:33:27,964 --> 00:33:29,799
We need to look under every rock.
548
00:33:30,592 --> 00:33:32,928
Even the old and disabled rocks.
549
00:33:37,724 --> 00:33:40,685
Uh, your, uh...
camp friends are waving at you.
550
00:33:40,769 --> 00:33:43,855
Well, friends might be a stretch,
but here goes.
551
00:33:46,566 --> 00:33:47,609
Ladies.
552
00:33:47,692 --> 00:33:48,652
Heya.
553
00:33:48,735 --> 00:33:51,738
Don't talk to her.
She might not come in peace.
554
00:33:51,821 --> 00:33:53,657
Oh, no, but I do.
555
00:33:53,740 --> 00:33:57,077
In fact, I have an offer
for some extra outdoor time
556
00:33:57,160 --> 00:34:01,581
in the form
of a fantastic game of kickball.
557
00:34:02,707 --> 00:34:03,875
Do either of you play?
558
00:34:03,959 --> 00:34:06,711
- Is that like kick the can?
- Not at all.
559
00:34:06,795 --> 00:34:10,715
Whatever. Anything to get out of here.
560
00:34:10,799 --> 00:34:14,553
I swear, every seat I touch
is smeared in menthol or pudding.
561
00:34:16,888 --> 00:34:18,765
At least, I hope it's pudding.
562
00:34:20,392 --> 00:34:21,268
There you go.
563
00:34:22,852 --> 00:34:25,188
Hey, how's Baby Dix?
564
00:34:26,523 --> 00:34:28,608
It's not safe to talk about Baby Dix here.
565
00:34:28,692 --> 00:34:30,277
I meant the bear.
566
00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:31,653
I know what you meant.
567
00:34:31,736 --> 00:34:35,156
Why are you being so weird?
No one even knows, you know.
568
00:34:35,240 --> 00:34:39,119
I know. I just can't help but feeling like
everybody's looking at us.
569
00:34:39,202 --> 00:34:41,580
No one's looking at us.
Trust me.
570
00:34:41,663 --> 00:34:44,791
They haven't gotten their glasses fixed
since, like, 1972.
571
00:34:44,874 --> 00:34:47,085
And that one right there? See her?
572
00:34:47,168 --> 00:34:50,171
She thinks I'm the robot girl
from Small Wonder.
573
00:34:51,172 --> 00:34:52,507
Huh! I could see that.
574
00:34:53,842 --> 00:34:56,970
Hey. I'm proud of you for leaving him.
575
00:34:58,138 --> 00:35:01,182
You did leave him, right?
He's alive somewhere?
576
00:35:01,266 --> 00:35:04,102
Yeah, he's alive. Somewhere.
577
00:35:04,811 --> 00:35:07,939
Sometimes I wish
we could've just kept on going.
578
00:35:09,274 --> 00:35:12,235
Being back here? Not so great.
579
00:35:12,319 --> 00:35:15,905
Yeah. Tell me about it.
580
00:35:16,781 --> 00:35:19,826
I don't do outdoors. Real or fake.
581
00:35:19,909 --> 00:35:21,870
Wait, you don't go out into the yard?
582
00:35:21,953 --> 00:35:24,456
Once was enough for me.
583
00:35:25,582 --> 00:35:30,587
But you used to love that. Remember?
You used to chase me around the track?
584
00:35:30,670 --> 00:35:35,258
Yes. I remember, Dandelion,
but things have changed.
585
00:35:35,342 --> 00:35:38,303
- Oh.
- I know not to trust people anymore.
586
00:35:38,386 --> 00:35:41,848
And even though I still love you,
because I will always love you,
587
00:35:41,931 --> 00:35:46,728
I will not let you kill me
to take my spot.
588
00:35:47,479 --> 00:35:51,983
Suzanne...
I'm not gonna hurt you in any way.
589
00:35:52,984 --> 00:35:54,110
I promise.
590
00:35:56,696 --> 00:36:00,033
And I'm certainly not interested
in taking your place here.
591
00:36:00,825 --> 00:36:03,370
I live next door to Alex now.
592
00:36:06,498 --> 00:36:08,375
This place is so confusing.
593
00:36:09,751 --> 00:36:13,630
Well, first, my friends become
not my friends.
594
00:36:13,713 --> 00:36:18,259
And then I'm given a color
that other colors wanna fight,
595
00:36:18,343 --> 00:36:21,346
and it's not the kind of color-fighting
that has to do with race.
596
00:36:21,429 --> 00:36:24,432
But it's also not the color-fighting
that has to do with washable paints.
597
00:36:24,516 --> 00:36:26,017
So what kind of fighting is it?
598
00:36:26,976 --> 00:36:28,853
You don't have to worry about colors.
599
00:36:30,105 --> 00:36:32,357
Blues and khakis
have beef with each other,
600
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:34,192
but not with any of you.
601
00:36:35,652 --> 00:36:36,986
Pinks are safe out there.
602
00:36:37,070 --> 00:36:39,239
- Really?
- Mmm.
603
00:36:39,322 --> 00:36:40,490
Wait.
604
00:36:42,492 --> 00:36:43,993
Even for new recruits?
605
00:36:44,661 --> 00:36:45,870
You know what I think?
606
00:36:46,496 --> 00:36:51,334
I think that fresh air and exercise
607
00:36:52,877 --> 00:36:54,254
help to clear the mind.
608
00:37:02,429 --> 00:37:04,556
But technically,
he didn't say anything incriminating.
609
00:37:04,639 --> 00:37:08,435
It's not what he said.
It was his attitude.
610
00:37:08,518 --> 00:37:10,019
Well, what would your attitude be
611
00:37:10,103 --> 00:37:12,397
if someone came
to your preferred coffee shop
612
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:14,733
and started asking you questions
about a dead guy?
613
00:37:14,816 --> 00:37:16,943
Oh, I don't know. Helpful?
614
00:37:17,736 --> 00:37:18,820
You are so naive.
615
00:37:18,903 --> 00:37:21,406
No, I am not.
Everybody else is being naive.
616
00:37:21,489 --> 00:37:23,283
There's something fishy here.
617
00:37:23,366 --> 00:37:25,660
- Then tell the investigators.
- I did.
618
00:37:25,744 --> 00:37:27,454
- And?
- They told me to fuck off.
619
00:37:27,537 --> 00:37:30,081
Why are we making the bed
before sleeping in it, anyway?
620
00:37:30,165 --> 00:37:32,584
'Cause you couldn't be bothered
to do it earlier.
621
00:37:32,667 --> 00:37:35,253
Well, I had a busy afternoon, okay?
622
00:37:35,336 --> 00:37:36,838
Had to meet with Taystee's lawyer.
623
00:37:36,921 --> 00:37:38,548
The trial's next week
624
00:37:38,631 --> 00:37:42,260
and they need to find a medical examiner
that can figure out what CERT is hiding.
625
00:37:42,343 --> 00:37:45,221
Stop. I cannot hear any of this.
626
00:37:45,305 --> 00:37:47,182
You know it's a conflict of interest.
627
00:37:47,265 --> 00:37:49,809
I'm asking you
to take off your warden hat for a minute
628
00:37:49,893 --> 00:37:52,228
and put on your girlfriend hat.
629
00:37:53,188 --> 00:37:54,731
Did you just say "girlfriend"?
630
00:37:55,231 --> 00:37:57,275
You're missing the point.
631
00:37:57,358 --> 00:37:59,986
Fine.
What did Taystee's lawyer say?
632
00:38:00,069 --> 00:38:01,988
She told me
to stop tampering with the witnesses.
633
00:38:02,071 --> 00:38:05,200
No kidding. You're gonna Columbo yourself
right into a mistrial.
634
00:38:05,283 --> 00:38:09,496
You have any idea how it's gonna look
if those guys testify against her?
635
00:38:09,579 --> 00:38:13,666
Who's the jury gonna believe?
Look, I know Taystee didn't do it.
636
00:38:14,918 --> 00:38:17,504
And I know you know. Tell me you know.
637
00:38:17,587 --> 00:38:20,131
You wanna make a difference, Joe?
638
00:38:20,215 --> 00:38:24,511
Let the lawyers do their job
and join the PR front instead.
639
00:38:24,594 --> 00:38:28,723
People will listen to the former warden.
Flip the script.
640
00:38:28,807 --> 00:38:31,351
Change the conversation from
whether or not Jefferson's a murderer
641
00:38:31,434 --> 00:38:35,522
to whether or not MCC's negligence
incited the riot to begin with.
642
00:38:37,816 --> 00:38:41,861
Wait. Is the warden really telling me
to shit on her prison?
643
00:38:41,945 --> 00:38:42,904
Interim warden.
644
00:38:42,987 --> 00:38:45,740
And just so we're clear,
I'm not that kind of girlfriend
645
00:38:45,824 --> 00:38:48,159
who's gonna sacrifice her career
for your happiness.
646
00:38:48,243 --> 00:38:50,245
I am just saying all this
to fuck with Linda.
647
00:38:50,328 --> 00:38:52,497
You are my girlfriend.
648
00:38:52,580 --> 00:38:55,333
- You are so my girlfriend.
- Shut up. Shut up.
649
00:38:55,416 --> 00:38:57,627
- Shut up. Shut up.
- You are so my girlfriend!
650
00:38:57,710 --> 00:39:00,004
Hey, thanks for swapping me out.
651
00:39:00,588 --> 00:39:03,800
Don't mention it. Like, seriously.
652
00:39:38,543 --> 00:39:40,503
Nicky, this is a nice surprise.
653
00:39:41,462 --> 00:39:44,299
You look good as a blonde.
What am I supposed to call you now?
654
00:39:44,382 --> 00:39:48,469
Gorgeous. Let me look at you.
Are you wearing eye makeup?
655
00:39:48,553 --> 00:39:52,557
Nah. So, the mauve is more
of a leftover bruise than a shadow.
656
00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:54,893
- What happened?
- I can't talk much.
657
00:39:54,976 --> 00:39:56,728
Don't feel like adding
more mauve to my face.
658
00:39:56,811 --> 00:39:59,564
Is it the women in your block?
Is it the guards?
659
00:39:59,647 --> 00:40:02,275
It's your friend Carol
and her fucking armada.
660
00:40:02,358 --> 00:40:03,484
Don't be ridiculous.
661
00:40:03,568 --> 00:40:04,736
You know what's ridiculous?
662
00:40:04,819 --> 00:40:07,655
Me getting my face slammed in
by a bunch of outdated law books
663
00:40:07,739 --> 00:40:09,699
for helping Eyebrows
get artificially inseminated.
664
00:40:10,283 --> 00:40:12,785
Your mouth is making words
that I can't understand.
665
00:40:12,869 --> 00:40:14,287
But it doesn't matter.
666
00:40:14,370 --> 00:40:15,914
This must be Madison's doing.
667
00:40:15,997 --> 00:40:19,500
Jesus. She's like that idiot, Chevy Chase,
from those Chevy Chase films.
668
00:40:19,584 --> 00:40:21,753
What's so funny
about always fucking everything up?
669
00:40:22,629 --> 00:40:24,672
Sometimes it's like
we're not even related.
670
00:40:24,756 --> 00:40:26,132
Look, Carol's my friend.
671
00:40:26,215 --> 00:40:28,551
I'll make sure her girls
never mess with you again.
672
00:40:28,635 --> 00:40:30,762
Women like Carol aren't looking
to be your friend.
673
00:40:30,845 --> 00:40:32,931
They're looking to use you.
It's how they stay on top.
674
00:40:33,014 --> 00:40:35,850
Don't lecture me about leaders
using their people, Nicky.
675
00:40:35,934 --> 00:40:40,188
I learned that way back when I was a kid
from the Komsomol bosses.
676
00:40:40,271 --> 00:40:41,940
But you know what else I've learned?
677
00:40:42,023 --> 00:40:44,943
To trust people who are real.
And Carol is real.
678
00:40:45,026 --> 00:40:48,404
Okay, so you trust a woman
who tried to kill her own sister?
679
00:40:48,488 --> 00:40:50,156
Jesus! That was decades ago.
680
00:40:50,239 --> 00:40:51,783
Oh. And the other one, last month.
681
00:40:51,866 --> 00:40:54,535
Fake news. And all because
Barb has to play the victim.
682
00:40:54,619 --> 00:40:57,497
She can't own up to the fact
that she's a junkie who did it to herself.
683
00:40:57,580 --> 00:40:59,666
That wasn't an overdose.
Somebody laced her shit.
684
00:40:59,749 --> 00:41:02,085
I was there when they brought Barb
into medical. I saw it.
685
00:41:02,168 --> 00:41:04,921
Trust me, I would've heard about it
if Carol was making a move on Barb.
686
00:41:05,004 --> 00:41:06,547
Listen to you! Jesus!
687
00:41:06,631 --> 00:41:08,383
Is this some kind of Stockholm syndrome
688
00:41:08,466 --> 00:41:10,009
or you're cut from the same cloth?
689
00:41:10,093 --> 00:41:12,595
You're the one defending Barb
like a good little minion.
690
00:41:12,679 --> 00:41:15,640
At least she's trying
to become a better person, Red.
691
00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:22,480
Maybe before you go judging others,
you take a good hard look at yourself.
692
00:41:39,789 --> 00:41:42,709
I'm not in the mood to freeze my nuts off,
so I'm gonna stay here.
693
00:41:43,793 --> 00:41:45,044
Come on, Debbie.
694
00:41:55,054 --> 00:41:59,100
You know, I'm real sorry about the move.
695
00:41:59,183 --> 00:42:02,520
I told Mom I don't want to go either,
but they don't care what I want.
696
00:42:03,646 --> 00:42:04,480
You don't wanna go?
697
00:42:04,564 --> 00:42:06,941
No. I like Coach Emery.
698
00:42:07,025 --> 00:42:09,569
And I heard this girl talking about
how the coaches at Trudy's
699
00:42:09,652 --> 00:42:12,572
give the girls rubdowns after the meets.
Like, everywhere.
700
00:42:13,239 --> 00:42:14,365
Ugh.
701
00:42:24,500 --> 00:42:26,210
Thanks for bringing me, Barb.
702
00:42:26,794 --> 00:42:28,713
You know they're just gonna freeze, right?
703
00:42:28,796 --> 00:42:32,675
No. They're wintering tadpoles,
so they go into hibernation.
704
00:42:33,718 --> 00:42:37,138
You know what? You're not so bad, kid.
705
00:42:39,098 --> 00:42:41,476
Carol! No! Wait!
706
00:42:41,559 --> 00:42:43,978
Get in the car, Debbie!
Hurry! Lock the doors!
707
00:42:44,062 --> 00:42:45,271
Let go!
708
00:42:52,111 --> 00:42:55,198
There's no button. There's no button.
709
00:42:55,281 --> 00:42:56,991
I can't get out.
710
00:43:01,370 --> 00:43:02,705
Let me out!
711
00:43:12,715 --> 00:43:15,843
Barb, what are you doing?
712
00:43:18,221 --> 00:43:20,306
Barb.
713
00:43:21,349 --> 00:43:22,892
Barb, what are you doing?
714
00:43:28,189 --> 00:43:30,274
- Barb, please!
- I don't know what happened, Mommy.
715
00:43:30,358 --> 00:43:32,610
I told Debbie to stay in the car.
716
00:43:32,693 --> 00:43:35,696
Maybe she accidentally
put the car in drive or something?
717
00:43:35,780 --> 00:43:38,324
You know how much she liked
to pretend-drive with Daddy.
718
00:43:38,407 --> 00:43:40,618
Please! Please!
719
00:43:42,912 --> 00:43:44,956
Carol! Please!
720
00:43:45,039 --> 00:43:47,667
You're really gonna
stick the landing this time, kid!
721
00:43:58,970 --> 00:44:02,515
Help me! Please, Barb! No, no, no, no, no!
722
00:44:02,598 --> 00:44:05,434
Please, help me! Please, help, help, help!
723
00:44:20,616 --> 00:44:23,953
- Where are you taking me?
- Hawaii. What do you think?
724
00:44:25,746 --> 00:44:30,918
Sorry. Drinking my meals makes me cranky.
I miss chewing.
725
00:44:31,002 --> 00:44:32,670
You're getting transferred to D-Block.
726
00:44:32,753 --> 00:44:34,755
You're lucky you have a friend
in high places.
727
00:44:34,839 --> 00:44:37,300
And clearly he was high
when he came up with this shit.
728
00:44:38,509 --> 00:44:40,595
Listen, those girls
are gonna eat me alive.
729
00:44:40,678 --> 00:44:42,471
Tell him thanks, but no thanks.
730
00:44:42,555 --> 00:44:47,310
Yeah, I already filled out
all the paperwork. So, no.
731
00:45:02,825 --> 00:45:04,952
You lost your way, little lamb?
732
00:45:05,036 --> 00:45:08,789
I just got transferred here, okay?
I don't want any trouble.
733
00:45:08,873 --> 00:45:10,750
Well, that's convenient.
734
00:45:10,833 --> 00:45:13,794
Well, actually, no.
But you see, those C-Block bitches,
735
00:45:13,878 --> 00:45:15,796
they wanted to kick my ass
back to Puerto Rico,
736
00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:18,633
and there's still
no electricity there, so...
737
00:45:18,716 --> 00:45:21,344
Just think of me as a friendly refugee.
738
00:45:21,427 --> 00:45:22,720
Mmm-mmm.
739
00:45:27,016 --> 00:45:28,893
Oh, my God!
740
00:45:28,976 --> 00:45:30,061
Daya!
741
00:45:30,144 --> 00:45:31,562
Hey, you know her?
742
00:45:31,646 --> 00:45:33,856
You kidding? This is Gloria.
743
00:45:33,940 --> 00:45:36,192
Oh, shit, my bad.
744
00:45:36,275 --> 00:45:38,152
Little lady's been telling me
all about you.
745
00:45:38,235 --> 00:45:39,445
Lucky you.
746
00:45:39,528 --> 00:45:41,864
Now you got your prison mommy
and your prison daddy
747
00:45:41,948 --> 00:45:43,699
all in the same block.
748
00:45:47,119 --> 00:45:48,871
Yo, come sit with me.
749
00:45:54,251 --> 00:45:56,379
You two, get up. This table's taken.
750
00:45:56,462 --> 00:45:58,297
You...
You see how I'm dismissed?
751
00:45:58,381 --> 00:46:02,051
One day, I will once again walk tall
with a machete in my hand
752
00:46:02,134 --> 00:46:04,053
and then I will sit where I please.
753
00:46:07,515 --> 00:46:10,351
Yo, I haven't seen you in forever.
754
00:46:10,434 --> 00:46:14,146
Yeah. It must be forever
'cause shit sure has changed, huh?
755
00:46:15,189 --> 00:46:16,732
So I'm guessing you're top dog now?
756
00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:19,402
It's eat or be eaten. I chose both.
757
00:46:19,485 --> 00:46:21,570
You think this shit is funny?
758
00:46:22,405 --> 00:46:25,533
Oh, no. Don't tell me you're gonna be
all judgy and shit about it.
759
00:46:25,616 --> 00:46:27,243
She's fun.
760
00:46:27,326 --> 00:46:31,038
Oh, no, yeah, she...
She seems like a real treat.
761
00:46:31,622 --> 00:46:33,332
You never heard "gay for the stay"?
762
00:46:35,459 --> 00:46:37,461
'Cause I'm gonna stay in here forever.
763
00:46:38,045 --> 00:46:40,172
I'm not gonna lock up my box
for the rest of my life.
764
00:46:40,256 --> 00:46:42,550
I don't give a shit
who you unlocking your box for.
765
00:46:42,633 --> 00:46:44,176
I'm talking about you being high.
766
00:46:44,260 --> 00:46:47,221
- I'm not high.
- The fuck you're not!
767
00:46:47,304 --> 00:46:49,807
Your pupils are as wide
as fucking frying pans.
768
00:46:49,890 --> 00:46:52,018
Pupils get like this
when you're in withdrawal.
769
00:46:52,101 --> 00:46:54,353
Oh, well, that's good to hear.
770
00:46:54,437 --> 00:46:57,898
So you're doing so many drugs
you actually going through withdrawal?
771
00:46:57,982 --> 00:46:58,983
God.
772
00:46:59,066 --> 00:47:02,153
Fuck. Why?
773
00:47:02,820 --> 00:47:05,072
Shit. Why not?
774
00:47:18,044 --> 00:47:20,337
- Go, go, go!
- Yes! Yes! Yes!
775
00:47:20,421 --> 00:47:21,297
Out!
776
00:47:21,380 --> 00:47:23,799
Dude! Fuckin' hit me in my ass
with the ball!
777
00:47:23,883 --> 00:47:26,677
That's allowed in kickball.
It's in the rules. You're out.
778
00:47:26,761 --> 00:47:28,220
Eat shit, Gimpy.
779
00:47:28,304 --> 00:47:31,348
Nicely done
on the awesome Florida recruits, Gapman.
780
00:47:31,432 --> 00:47:34,351
All right. Okay.
781
00:47:37,521 --> 00:47:42,568
The pitcher must have at least one foot on
or behind the pitching strip at all times.
782
00:47:43,152 --> 00:47:44,487
Wow.
783
00:47:46,072 --> 00:47:46,989
Okay.
784
00:47:54,163 --> 00:47:56,791
Way to go, Suzanne!
785
00:48:01,921 --> 00:48:06,008
All right, switch out!
Switch out, come on.
786
00:48:06,092 --> 00:48:07,468
I wanna pitch.
787
00:48:07,551 --> 00:48:11,305
No. Shruti's pitching.
Oh, and also, you suck.
788
00:48:11,388 --> 00:48:13,766
Once I caught a baby
falling out of a tree.
789
00:48:13,849 --> 00:48:17,019
- Why not give Doggett a shot?
- 'Cause I fucking said so.
790
00:48:17,103 --> 00:48:20,356
Well, last we fuckin' checked,
Chapman was captain.
791
00:48:20,439 --> 00:48:22,525
- She should be.
- Certainly fuckin' acts like it.
792
00:48:22,608 --> 00:48:27,404
Well, it does seem that Chapman has
the skill set and leadership qualities.
793
00:48:27,488 --> 00:48:28,697
Everyone, shut the fuck up!
794
00:48:28,781 --> 00:48:32,910
Nah, nah. Nah, it's cool. It's cool.
I think they're right. Uh, we, uh...
795
00:48:33,661 --> 00:48:35,704
We should vote for who's captain.
796
00:48:36,330 --> 00:48:39,708
Let's see how popular
you really are, Chapman.
797
00:48:40,376 --> 00:48:41,877
You're saying that like it's an insult,
798
00:48:41,961 --> 00:48:44,839
but really, that's just
how you say my name.
799
00:48:46,298 --> 00:48:53,180
Anyone who recognizes Badison
as our one true leader, say aye.
800
00:48:53,764 --> 00:48:54,890
Aye!
801
00:48:55,891 --> 00:48:58,811
Anyone who's not crazy
and actually wants to win,
802
00:48:58,894 --> 00:49:02,815
and recognizes Chapman as our
one true captain and leader, say aye.
803
00:49:02,898 --> 00:49:05,317
Aye!
804
00:49:05,401 --> 00:49:09,405
This is bullshit.
Fuckin' Florida always messes the vote.
805
00:49:09,488 --> 00:49:12,199
All right, Doggett.
Let's see what you got.
806
00:49:17,788 --> 00:49:20,207
You know, I read the ingredients
in that stuff.
807
00:49:20,291 --> 00:49:23,377
It's all just crushed up cartilage
and casein.
808
00:49:23,460 --> 00:49:26,797
Casein is an ancient superfood
in a modern packaging.
809
00:49:27,798 --> 00:49:29,091
We're out, Hopper.
810
00:49:30,009 --> 00:49:32,636
Ginger, you scoop the last scoop,
you throw it out.
811
00:49:32,720 --> 00:49:35,556
Like, if you use the last
of the toilet paper, you change the roll.
812
00:49:35,639 --> 00:49:37,808
It's common courtesy. Civil contract.
813
00:49:37,892 --> 00:49:40,102
Sounds like someone's having
roommate issues.
814
00:49:40,186 --> 00:49:43,647
No. Besides the TP thing
and the abusing Nana thing,
815
00:49:43,731 --> 00:49:46,317
my roommate is searing perfection.
816
00:49:46,400 --> 00:49:50,571
Good on you, Hopper.
I'm glad you finally found someone.
817
00:49:50,654 --> 00:49:54,950
It gets wearisome after a while,
seeing virile young men like yourself
818
00:49:55,034 --> 00:49:58,037
not able to connect with someone
from the opposite sex.
819
00:49:59,038 --> 00:50:01,874
To sustain a successful relationship,
820
00:50:01,957 --> 00:50:05,127
you need to accept each other's faults,
you know?
821
00:50:05,211 --> 00:50:07,630
And love each other anyway.
822
00:50:07,713 --> 00:50:11,217
And to see a stubborn goat like you
823
00:50:11,300 --> 00:50:16,180
break through your inner walls
of self-protection and judgment,
824
00:50:16,263 --> 00:50:19,099
to really create a meaningful connection?
825
00:50:21,518 --> 00:50:23,520
Almost feels like
there's hope for the rest of us.
826
00:50:24,271 --> 00:50:25,856
See you tomorrow, Romeo.
827
00:50:37,993 --> 00:50:39,912
Well, how was it?
828
00:50:43,540 --> 00:50:45,542
That's gonna give you an ear infection.
829
00:50:45,626 --> 00:50:49,755
Just because we live together,
does not mean I have to listen to you.
830
00:50:49,838 --> 00:50:51,465
Ah.
831
00:50:51,548 --> 00:50:55,678
This is how it starts, isn't it?
First, they turn you against...
832
00:50:55,761 --> 00:50:57,137
They?
833
00:50:57,721 --> 00:51:00,349
Funny, I have never met "they."
834
00:51:01,976 --> 00:51:04,937
Though I have met quite an array
of people since being here.
835
00:51:05,020 --> 00:51:09,858
Um, there's the drug-running kind,
the robbering kind, the tax-evading kind.
836
00:51:09,942 --> 00:51:14,738
There is the lying-behind-your-back kind,
the liar-liar-pants-on-fire kind,
837
00:51:14,822 --> 00:51:19,368
the kind that locks the princess
in the tower for no good reason kind.
838
00:51:19,451 --> 00:51:21,954
So many people, but "they"?
839
00:51:23,080 --> 00:51:27,501
Yeah. I still don't know
what kind of people "they" are.
840
00:51:28,544 --> 00:51:29,670
The killing kind.
841
00:51:29,753 --> 00:51:32,423
No one has tried to kill me today.
842
00:51:33,799 --> 00:51:35,301
So...
843
00:51:40,222 --> 00:51:45,227
Look... I'm sorry I tried
to Flowers in The Attic you.
844
00:51:45,311 --> 00:51:49,815
That was wrong, and you're right.
845
00:51:49,898 --> 00:51:53,027
They don't wanna kill you.
It's me they're after.
846
00:51:54,945 --> 00:51:59,575
Guess I was afraid
they'd figure out how to turn you.
847
00:51:59,658 --> 00:52:00,868
Turn?
848
00:52:00,951 --> 00:52:04,955
Me? Against you?
849
00:52:05,039 --> 00:52:08,250
Well... you are my roommate
850
00:52:09,168 --> 00:52:11,462
and you are susceptible.
851
00:52:11,545 --> 00:52:15,341
No, I am not susceptible! I am not!
852
00:52:17,176 --> 00:52:19,011
I am your friend.
853
00:52:22,973 --> 00:52:27,227
Navigating adult female friendships
is so complicated.
854
00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:30,064
I hear you, sister.
855
00:52:41,158 --> 00:52:42,201
Okay...
856
00:52:46,413 --> 00:52:52,336
I promise I will let you know
if someone asks me to murder you.
857
00:52:55,923 --> 00:53:00,094
In fact, I could even be your spy
on the outside.
858
00:53:00,177 --> 00:53:03,013
No, I spy with my little eye...
859
00:53:04,973 --> 00:53:07,351
Who are we looking for again,
and why do they wanna kill you?
860
00:53:09,561 --> 00:53:15,234
You ever heard
of the Little Debbie Murderers?
861
00:53:16,735 --> 00:53:18,946
Carol and Barb?
862
00:53:19,029 --> 00:53:22,991
This was my claim to fame
when I was waitressing at Domingo's.
863
00:53:23,075 --> 00:53:26,036
Here we go. Barbie always has to be
the center of attention.
864
00:53:28,664 --> 00:53:31,291
She puts a round piece of plastic
and sticks it up against the lid.
865
00:53:31,375 --> 00:53:34,253
Carol, you ruin all the fun.
866
00:53:34,920 --> 00:53:35,838
Mmm.
867
00:53:36,338 --> 00:53:39,383
Speaking of Domingo's,
I got a story for ya.
868
00:53:39,466 --> 00:53:42,928
So it's post-game on a Friday, right?
And our high school won
869
00:53:43,011 --> 00:53:46,974
and everyone goes to Domingo's
after the game, especially if you win.
870
00:53:47,057 --> 00:53:50,227
So the place is packed,
everybody's celebrating.
871
00:53:50,310 --> 00:53:53,605
It's the whole fuckin' town,
and in the middle of the chaos,
872
00:53:53,689 --> 00:53:56,650
this guy at one of my tables
asks me for the classifieds.
873
00:53:56,733 --> 00:54:01,071
And I'm like, "Now?"
874
00:54:01,155 --> 00:54:05,242
But I like his mustache,
and he looks like he's a good tipper.
875
00:54:05,325 --> 00:54:09,746
So I go out to the parking lot
and I buy the paper and I bring it to him,
876
00:54:09,830 --> 00:54:11,915
and you know what he says?
877
00:54:11,999 --> 00:54:15,669
He's like, "Miss, why are you bringing me
the classifieds?
878
00:54:15,752 --> 00:54:18,130
I asked for a glass of ice."
879
00:54:22,509 --> 00:54:27,181
Great story, Carol.
Except, uh, that actually happened to me.
880
00:54:27,931 --> 00:54:30,392
- No, it didn't.
- Yeah, it did.
881
00:54:31,393 --> 00:54:34,855
You know, life happens
to other people, too, Barb.
882
00:54:34,938 --> 00:54:36,773
Besides, you weren't waiting tables
that night.
883
00:54:36,857 --> 00:54:39,234
Exactly. 'Cause I was working the bar,
884
00:54:39,318 --> 00:54:41,570
and that's where he was
when he asked for the ice.
885
00:54:41,653 --> 00:54:43,947
Which makes sense,
because you order ice at the bar.
886
00:54:44,031 --> 00:54:46,116
Well, I remember going out
to get the paper
887
00:54:46,200 --> 00:54:47,910
because I had to get change for it.
888
00:54:47,993 --> 00:54:50,996
And it was so fuckin' cold,
I was freezing my fuckin' tits off.
889
00:54:51,079 --> 00:54:53,707
Now I know you're lying
because you never had tits.
890
00:54:55,626 --> 00:54:59,296
Sounded to me like it was Carol's story.
What do you think?
891
00:54:59,379 --> 00:55:02,549
I think we should walk away
before we get caught up in their nonsense.
892
00:55:02,633 --> 00:55:04,384
Why do you always do this?
893
00:55:04,468 --> 00:55:06,887
Do what? Call out your bullcrap?
894
00:55:06,970 --> 00:55:08,096
Bull-true!
895
00:55:08,180 --> 00:55:09,848
What?
896
00:55:09,932 --> 00:55:14,102
Nothing. Just...
You do like to exaggerate. So, you know...
897
00:55:14,186 --> 00:55:15,562
Guess she agrees with me.
898
00:55:16,230 --> 00:55:18,315
- I'll fuckin' kill you!
- Carol, get off!
899
00:55:25,030 --> 00:55:29,660
Got so bad,
they put them in separate blocks.
900
00:55:29,743 --> 00:55:30,577
Hmm.
901
00:55:30,661 --> 00:55:36,166
And from there, those two
started turning us against one another.
902
00:55:36,250 --> 00:55:41,630
They expected us to buy into their fight.
Take sides.
903
00:55:41,713 --> 00:55:45,968
I wasn't gonna die over some stupid story.
904
00:55:46,927 --> 00:55:48,136
Oh, uh...
905
00:55:49,096 --> 00:55:51,223
I swiped this for you
on my C-Block run today.
906
00:55:52,391 --> 00:55:55,227
Yes! That's my girl.
907
00:55:55,310 --> 00:55:58,981
Thank you. Come on. Sit, Nicky.
908
00:56:01,024 --> 00:56:03,193
Nah. Yeah, I should go.
909
00:56:04,903 --> 00:56:06,363
Barb, I think she's right.
910
00:56:06,446 --> 00:56:09,783
Relax, Daddy-O. Nicky's family.
911
00:56:11,493 --> 00:56:12,911
Sit.
912
00:56:15,706 --> 00:56:18,792
Actually, I could use your brain
on this one.
913
00:56:18,875 --> 00:56:19,918
Mmm-hmm.
914
00:56:20,002 --> 00:56:23,964
So, I have finally found a way
to get Carol.
915
00:56:24,047 --> 00:56:28,218
We're gonna do it while she's getting
that bird's nest on her head trimmed.
916
00:56:28,302 --> 00:56:31,888
The problem is, the hair clippers,
they don't go deep enough.
917
00:56:31,972 --> 00:56:33,390
- The scissors are dull...
- Man.
918
00:56:33,473 --> 00:56:35,559
...so we need some options.
919
00:56:35,642 --> 00:56:39,187
Now personally, I prefer a heavy,
blunt object, okay?
920
00:56:39,271 --> 00:56:41,273
But shivs are easier to hide.
921
00:56:41,356 --> 00:56:44,985
And considering all the other girls
that are gonna be in there,
922
00:56:45,068 --> 00:56:49,740
we need a few weapons handy.
What do you think?
923
00:56:49,823 --> 00:56:52,743
I... Look, Barb, you can't do this.
924
00:56:54,911 --> 00:56:56,705
They're gonna throw you in the SHU.
925
00:56:58,874 --> 00:57:00,417
Not if we grease the right palms.
926
00:57:01,209 --> 00:57:04,463
Look, Barb, I'm telling you
that this is too dangerous.
927
00:57:05,255 --> 00:57:09,968
Nicky, honey, I have no choice.
928
00:57:10,052 --> 00:57:13,639
You saw what she did to me.
She will try it again.
929
00:57:13,722 --> 00:57:16,266
There's gotta be another way.
930
00:57:17,684 --> 00:57:21,480
Oh, what? What, you don't approve?
Do you think I'm some kind of monster?
931
00:57:21,563 --> 00:57:24,983
Come on. Of course not.
All right? I just...
932
00:57:25,067 --> 00:57:28,320
I'm concerned, that's all.
933
00:57:28,403 --> 00:57:34,159
You know, in a weird way,
this is all thanks to you, Nicky.
934
00:57:34,242 --> 00:57:36,954
You helped me get sober.
935
00:57:37,037 --> 00:57:38,956
I feel like I've...
936
00:57:39,039 --> 00:57:42,042
I feel like I've woken from a long sleep.
937
00:57:42,125 --> 00:57:45,379
Like the world is flush
with possibilities now.
938
00:57:46,546 --> 00:57:48,715
Ah. You're welcome.
75217
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