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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:19,906 --> 00:00:22,928 Everything starts somewhere... 2 00:00:24,286 --> 00:00:26,855 ...although many physicists disagree. 3 00:00:28,454 --> 00:00:32,518 There is the constant desire to find out where. 4 00:00:33,378 --> 00:00:37,212 Where is the point where it all began? 5 00:00:48,228 --> 00:00:51,743 But much, much later than that, 6 00:00:52,023 --> 00:00:55,140 the Discworld was formed. 7 00:01:05,578 --> 00:01:07,736 Drifting onwards through space 8 00:01:07,856 --> 00:01:11,710 atop four elephants on the shell of a giant turtle, 9 00:01:12,002 --> 00:01:13,993 the great A'Tuin. 10 00:01:37,674 --> 00:01:39,853 It was some time after its creation 11 00:01:39,973 --> 00:01:43,644 when most people forgot that the very oldest stories of the beginning 12 00:01:43,764 --> 00:01:48,313 are, sooner or later, about blood. 13 00:01:50,876 --> 00:01:52,649 At least, that's one theory. 14 00:01:54,126 --> 00:01:58,956 The philosopher Didactylos has suggested an alternative hypothesis. 15 00:02:00,428 --> 00:02:03,181 "Things just happen. What the hell?" 16 00:02:08,477 --> 00:02:11,594 Our story began in Ankh-Morpork, 17 00:02:11,714 --> 00:02:16,909 the twin city of proud Ankh and pestilent Morpork, 18 00:02:17,029 --> 00:02:19,623 the biggest city in Discworld, 19 00:02:19,865 --> 00:02:23,824 a city where magic is just another job 20 00:02:24,343 --> 00:02:29,213 and where the Tower of Art of the Unseen University for Wizards 21 00:02:29,333 --> 00:02:33,485 looms over all the dark, narrow streets below. 22 00:02:35,460 --> 00:02:40,441 Our story continues in the middle of the night before Hogswatch, 23 00:02:40,699 --> 00:02:43,521 a midwinter festival, which, for some reason, 24 00:02:43,641 --> 00:02:47,158 bears a remarkable similarity to your Christmas, 25 00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:52,033 that now takes us to the Tooth Fairy's castle, 26 00:02:53,022 --> 00:02:58,292 where magic has made children's teeth perilously powerful, 27 00:02:58,655 --> 00:03:03,729 so that our story is much sooner rather than later 28 00:03:04,459 --> 00:03:07,086 about blood. 29 00:03:09,374 --> 00:03:10,957 Mr Teatime! 30 00:03:26,576 --> 00:03:28,478 There you are. I've unlocked it. 31 00:03:35,718 --> 00:03:37,236 And Banjo's opened it. 32 00:03:52,947 --> 00:03:57,353 I'm not telling you anything. Who are you, anyway? 33 00:03:58,034 --> 00:04:01,198 I'm glad you asked. I'm your worst nightmare. 34 00:04:02,764 --> 00:04:06,452 Oh. You mean the one with the giant cabbage 35 00:04:06,572 --> 00:04:08,952 and the, kind of, whirling-knife thing? 36 00:04:09,993 --> 00:04:11,594 Sorry, no. Not that one. 37 00:04:13,048 --> 00:04:15,660 I'm the one where this man comes out of nowhere 38 00:04:15,952 --> 00:04:18,440 and kills you, stone dead. 39 00:04:19,934 --> 00:04:22,211 Oh, that one. But that's not... 40 00:04:27,273 --> 00:04:29,914 Rather a charitable act there, I feel. 41 00:04:32,996 --> 00:04:35,951 But it is nearly Hogswatch after all. 42 00:04:47,227 --> 00:04:48,540 Bring me the girl. 43 00:04:56,637 --> 00:04:57,445 Odd. 44 00:04:58,813 --> 00:05:01,125 Oh. It's a scythe job, then. 45 00:05:08,928 --> 00:05:11,758 They took the teeth. All of them. 46 00:05:12,595 --> 00:05:14,418 They just walked in 47 00:05:14,538 --> 00:05:18,912 and they... they... No! Wait! Wait! Wait! 48 00:05:20,423 --> 00:05:24,131 - Where did he come from? - A place I cannot go. 49 00:05:26,726 --> 00:05:28,566 Well, even if you could go there, 50 00:05:28,686 --> 00:05:33,280 we've got our work cut out here keeping the Hogfather's seat warm. 51 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:37,956 If what's happening in the Tooth Fairy's castle isn't stopped, 52 00:05:38,076 --> 00:05:43,229 then, everything we've been doing is a waste of time. 53 00:05:45,955 --> 00:05:48,833 And if they get to the Tooth Fairy, 54 00:05:49,307 --> 00:05:53,152 they will be able to control all human belief. 55 00:05:57,925 --> 00:06:01,658 Unless Susan gets there first. 56 00:06:08,444 --> 00:06:11,862 Yes, well, it's coming along well. Very impressive. Well done. 57 00:06:31,213 --> 00:06:37,126 - I need your help, Mr Ridcully. - You... You're... 58 00:06:37,868 --> 00:06:41,248 Yes. The scythe, the cloak, the white horse, the granddaughter. 59 00:06:44,808 --> 00:06:46,366 I need you to wake him up. 60 00:06:50,862 --> 00:06:52,682 His name's Bilious. 61 00:06:54,571 --> 00:06:57,234 He's the Oh God of Hangovers. 62 00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:04,593 Something nasty's happening tonight. I'm hoping he can tell me what it is 63 00:07:04,713 --> 00:07:07,217 but he's got to be able to think straight first. 64 00:07:07,910 --> 00:07:09,443 And you brought him here? 65 00:07:17,869 --> 00:07:18,840 Why are you doing this? 66 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:21,631 - I mean, I was a bit behind with the teeth, I know... - Is she behind this door? 67 00:07:21,751 --> 00:07:23,484 I don't know. There was nearly $13 68 00:07:23,604 --> 00:07:25,070 - in pillow money owing, I admit. - This her door? 69 00:07:25,190 --> 00:07:26,892 But I signed the form G... 70 00:07:27,012 --> 00:07:29,660 Will you just shut up and answer the question? 71 00:07:30,516 --> 00:07:32,635 I don't know. I've never been here before. 72 00:07:33,582 --> 00:07:36,100 Then your boss probably doesn't realise 73 00:07:36,730 --> 00:07:38,631 how irritating you are. 74 00:07:39,859 --> 00:07:42,532 Come out, come out, wherever you are! 75 00:07:42,901 --> 00:07:45,258 Or Miss Bottler gets it. 76 00:07:45,378 --> 00:07:49,430 It was only a bit of loose change! And I really, I was going to... 77 00:07:50,119 --> 00:07:52,715 10 Scrote... 78 00:07:56,482 --> 00:07:57,737 Have you got the list? 79 00:07:59,989 --> 00:08:03,631 This is really, really stupid. 80 00:08:04,046 --> 00:08:06,434 I think the tradition got started 81 00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:09,382 when everybody had them big chimbleys, master. 82 00:08:11,564 --> 00:08:14,889 Indeed. It's only a mercy it's unlit. 83 00:08:48,973 --> 00:08:50,936 The boy wants a pair of trousers 84 00:08:51,056 --> 00:08:52,972 that he doesn't have to share, 85 00:08:53,669 --> 00:08:55,831 a huge meat pie, 86 00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:58,267 a sugar mouse, 87 00:08:59,548 --> 00:09:01,464 a lot of toys 88 00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:05,474 and a puppy called Scruff. 89 00:09:06,857 --> 00:09:10,401 Aw, how sweet. I shall wipe away a tear. 90 00:09:11,011 --> 00:09:14,963 Cos what he's getting, you see, is this little wooden toy 91 00:09:15,417 --> 00:09:18,600 - and an apple. - But the letter clearly... 92 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:22,380 I know. It's the socioeconomic factors. 93 00:09:23,087 --> 00:09:26,031 I mean, the world would be in a hell of a mess, wouldn't it, 94 00:09:26,151 --> 00:09:28,144 if everybody got what they asked for? 95 00:09:28,264 --> 00:09:30,676 I gave them what they wanted in the store. 96 00:09:30,796 --> 00:09:35,480 Yeah, well, what good is a god that gives you everything that you want, eh? 97 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:37,654 - You have me there. - Ah, yeah. 98 00:09:37,774 --> 00:09:41,156 No, it's the hope that's important. 99 00:09:45,772 --> 00:09:46,744 Oh, yes. 100 00:09:48,548 --> 00:09:51,627 It's a big part of belief, is the hope. 101 00:09:52,305 --> 00:09:55,688 I mean, say you give people jam today 102 00:09:55,808 --> 00:09:57,550 and they'll just sit there and eat it, won't they. 103 00:09:57,670 --> 00:10:01,878 But jam tomorrow? Ah, no. That'll keep 'em going forever. 104 00:10:01,998 --> 00:10:04,722 And you mean that because of this, 105 00:10:05,136 --> 00:10:08,557 the poor get poor things and the rich get rich things? 106 00:10:08,949 --> 00:10:12,857 Well, yeah. That's the meaning of Hogswatch, innit, master? 107 00:10:13,164 --> 00:10:15,764 But I'm the Hogfather! 108 00:10:18,457 --> 00:10:20,716 At the moment, I mean. 109 00:10:20,992 --> 00:10:22,470 Well, it makes no difference. 110 00:10:24,408 --> 00:10:27,884 I remember when I was a nipper. 111 00:10:29,318 --> 00:10:31,452 It was one Hogswatch, it was... 112 00:10:33,081 --> 00:10:35,834 ...and I had my heart set on this... 113 00:10:37,460 --> 00:10:40,650 ...huge model horse in this shop. 114 00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:44,298 It was what I always wanted. 115 00:10:46,142 --> 00:10:50,986 Someone was in there, buying it, and, do you know, just for a second, 116 00:10:51,106 --> 00:10:54,224 I thought it really was going to be for me. 117 00:10:59,734 --> 00:11:01,124 But it wasn't. 118 00:11:01,791 --> 00:11:05,171 I spent hours with me nose pressed up against the window, 119 00:11:06,662 --> 00:11:09,378 till someone heard me calling and unfroze me. 120 00:11:12,657 --> 00:11:17,856 Yes, I would've killed for that horse. But you know what? 121 00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:23,801 I still hung up my stocking on Hogswatch Eve. 122 00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:28,531 And do you know why? Cos I had hope! 123 00:11:29,376 --> 00:11:31,894 Yeah. And the next morning, 124 00:11:32,978 --> 00:11:39,736 our dad had put in my stocking a little wooden horse 125 00:11:40,291 --> 00:11:43,233 that he had carved his very own self. 126 00:11:43,944 --> 00:11:46,025 Ah, and that was worth more 127 00:11:46,145 --> 00:11:49,747 than all the expensive toy horses in the world? 128 00:11:50,746 --> 00:11:53,734 No, cos you're a selfish little bugger when you're only seven. 129 00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:56,713 It's only grown-ups that think like that. 130 00:11:57,962 --> 00:11:59,223 This is wrong. 131 00:12:00,256 --> 00:12:03,089 It is... unfair. 132 00:12:03,812 --> 00:12:06,813 Well, that's life, innit, master, eh? 133 00:12:07,794 --> 00:12:09,408 But I'm not. 134 00:12:11,592 --> 00:12:16,000 This is supposed to be the season to be jolly. 135 00:12:17,399 --> 00:12:23,576 - Hmm. - And other things ending in "olly". 136 00:12:51,870 --> 00:12:52,828 Please. 137 00:12:53,416 --> 00:12:55,578 Just take her out of vocal range. 138 00:13:01,821 --> 00:13:02,842 Mr Brown. 139 00:13:04,005 --> 00:13:05,400 Your big moment. 140 00:13:08,869 --> 00:13:11,428 Break me out the real Tooth Fairy. 141 00:13:20,249 --> 00:13:22,028 Oh, come along, lad. 142 00:13:23,024 --> 00:13:24,970 If you're the Lecturer in Recent Runes, 143 00:13:25,090 --> 00:13:28,226 can't you do something more, well, magical? 144 00:13:28,346 --> 00:13:31,762 Well, Spold's Unstirring Divisor would do it. 145 00:13:32,910 --> 00:13:38,165 You would end up with a large beaker filled with all the nastiness. 146 00:13:38,757 --> 00:13:42,757 It's not difficult at all, if you don't mind the side effects. 147 00:13:43,615 --> 00:13:45,267 Tell me about the side effects. 148 00:13:46,129 --> 00:13:48,642 The main one is that the rest of him 149 00:13:48,762 --> 00:13:52,187 would end up in a somewhat larger beaker. 150 00:13:53,957 --> 00:13:57,033 - Alive? - Well, broadly, yes. 151 00:13:57,570 --> 00:14:02,469 Living tissue, certainly. And definitely sober. 152 00:14:06,206 --> 00:14:10,480 Why don't we just mix up absolutely everything 153 00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:12,057 and see what happens? 154 00:14:16,386 --> 00:14:18,356 It's got to be worth a try. 155 00:14:29,044 --> 00:14:32,723 Ah. Thank you, my dear. A-ha! 156 00:14:32,843 --> 00:14:35,672 Is this going to take much longer? We may not have much time. 157 00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:37,681 Oh, you can't be too careful. 158 00:14:59,132 --> 00:15:02,743 - What's that? - Ssh. Wow-Wow sauce. 159 00:15:03,253 --> 00:15:05,329 The hottest sauce in the universe. 160 00:15:05,702 --> 00:15:07,519 And it'll blow your head clean off. 161 00:15:09,022 --> 00:15:13,688 It's not safe to drink it if the sweat is still condensing on the bottle. 162 00:15:19,099 --> 00:15:24,891 On the other hand, if it is a kill-or-cure remedy, 163 00:15:25,011 --> 00:15:29,565 then, we are, given the possibility that the patient is immortal... 164 00:15:30,935 --> 00:15:32,651 ...probably onto a winner. 165 00:15:49,232 --> 00:15:51,680 I wonder if it's gone critical yet. 166 00:16:15,122 --> 00:16:16,189 I don't know. 167 00:16:17,416 --> 00:16:20,452 I wish you fellas would show some backbone. 168 00:16:48,547 --> 00:16:50,733 Careful, Archchancellor! 169 00:16:51,156 --> 00:16:54,169 What you have there may represent pure sobriety. 170 00:16:57,685 --> 00:16:58,889 I'll try it. 171 00:17:59,756 --> 00:18:02,426 You did say he was immortal, didn't you? 172 00:18:05,470 --> 00:18:09,234 - And you mean... he just appeared? - Yes! 173 00:18:09,507 --> 00:18:13,176 He has no memory of existing before appearing at the Hogfather's castle. 174 00:18:13,296 --> 00:18:15,659 You mean, like this fellow? 175 00:18:16,093 --> 00:18:20,673 Don't be ridiculous. Gods and gnomes don't appear en masse for no reason. 176 00:18:25,992 --> 00:18:27,680 Bring me, let's see, 177 00:18:28,745 --> 00:18:32,220 20 pints of lager, some pepper vodka and bottle of coffee liqueur. 178 00:18:34,595 --> 00:18:37,770 I didn't have you sobered up just so you could go on a binge. 179 00:18:38,457 --> 00:18:42,265 - You don't drink. - I don't? Oh. Yeah. 180 00:18:42,501 --> 00:18:44,819 - I need you to help me. - Oh. 181 00:18:45,053 --> 00:18:47,328 I'm afraid I did it, didn't I? 182 00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:51,452 I, erm, I said something to young Stibbons 183 00:18:51,572 --> 00:18:54,110 about drinking and hangovers, didn't I? 184 00:18:54,230 --> 00:18:56,822 You mean you created it just like that? 185 00:18:56,942 --> 00:18:59,615 Oh, I find that very hard to believe, Mustrum. 186 00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:03,450 Good job nobody mentioned the Hair Loss Fairy, then! 187 00:19:04,764 --> 00:19:07,049 I am not losing my hair. 188 00:19:07,361 --> 00:19:09,960 It is just very finely spaced. 189 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:13,546 Yes, half on your head and half on your hairbrush. 190 00:19:15,043 --> 00:19:17,611 For the last time, I am not... 191 00:19:21,224 --> 00:19:23,310 I wish I knew where that was coming from. 192 00:19:26,064 --> 00:19:28,238 We need a bigger brain for this. 193 00:19:29,683 --> 00:19:32,187 That thinking engine of yours working, Ponder? 194 00:19:32,307 --> 00:19:34,732 Er, Hex is resting, Archchancellor. 195 00:19:37,561 --> 00:19:39,476 Can you hear me in there? 196 00:19:42,791 --> 00:19:45,473 You don't have to shout, Archchancellor. 197 00:19:46,785 --> 00:19:51,540 What is that "ning-ning, ning-ning, ning-ning" noise all about? 198 00:20:19,929 --> 00:20:21,708 It says, "Look at the Dean." 199 00:20:25,618 --> 00:20:27,054 "Look at the... Dean." 200 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:31,793 Is there a problem? 201 00:20:40,508 --> 00:20:43,944 - Are you the Hair Loss Fairy? - Apparently. 202 00:20:44,207 --> 00:20:46,780 What have you been doing with my hair? 203 00:20:48,975 --> 00:20:53,442 Just a minute. Where exactly were you before I found you in the snow? 204 00:20:53,831 --> 00:20:57,197 Anywhere where drink had been consumed in beastly quantities 205 00:20:57,609 --> 00:20:59,476 sometime previously, you could say. 206 00:20:59,596 --> 00:21:00,307 A-ha... 207 00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:04,819 - So you were an imminent vital force, aye? - Oh, sounds great! 208 00:21:05,969 --> 00:21:07,050 What is that? 209 00:21:07,764 --> 00:21:11,003 So, when we joked about the Hair Loss Fairy, 210 00:21:11,123 --> 00:21:13,644 it suddenly focused on the Dean's head. 211 00:21:18,002 --> 00:21:20,641 You're calling things into being. 212 00:21:21,100 --> 00:21:25,161 I personally have always wondered if there was an Eater of Socks. 213 00:21:25,472 --> 00:21:27,358 You know how there's always one missing? 214 00:21:38,061 --> 00:21:40,892 Ah! To the laundry! 215 00:21:44,866 --> 00:21:47,664 Tell me again who these people are. 216 00:21:48,197 --> 00:21:50,221 Some of the cleverest men in the world. 217 00:21:50,875 --> 00:21:52,923 And I'm sober, am I? 218 00:22:04,411 --> 00:22:06,668 What is that ridiculous thing on your head? 219 00:22:06,788 --> 00:22:08,614 I don't know, sir! 220 00:22:13,773 --> 00:22:16,510 What? What is it? It says here... 221 00:22:17,295 --> 00:22:21,708 "If found, please return to the Tooth Fairy's castle." 222 00:22:22,030 --> 00:22:25,500 Well, thank goodness the Tooth Fairy already exists, hey? 223 00:22:25,785 --> 00:22:27,247 Tooth Fairy? 224 00:22:28,476 --> 00:22:31,914 Oh, you see her around a lot these days. Or them, rather. 225 00:22:32,034 --> 00:22:33,655 It's a sort of franchise operation 226 00:22:33,775 --> 00:22:36,488 to collect children's teeth in exchange for money. 227 00:22:36,608 --> 00:22:40,265 And she has a castle. She sounds great. 228 00:22:42,927 --> 00:22:46,625 Actually, I do remember one thing. 229 00:22:47,624 --> 00:22:50,106 When I appeared at the Hogfather's house, 230 00:22:50,226 --> 00:22:54,278 there was this drunken little fellow in a pointy hat. 231 00:22:54,934 --> 00:22:56,989 I thought it was just the drink talking, 232 00:22:57,109 --> 00:23:00,229 but he did mention something about the... 233 00:23:00,349 --> 00:23:04,747 ...permanent end of perpetual servitude for the little helpers 234 00:23:04,867 --> 00:23:08,558 of all fantasy personifications! 235 00:23:09,937 --> 00:23:13,046 Including the Tooth Fairy. 236 00:23:16,367 --> 00:23:19,560 Up, up, up, up, up, up, up. Where did you find this? 237 00:23:37,742 --> 00:23:38,795 Is he alright? 238 00:23:41,723 --> 00:23:42,776 I say, 239 00:23:43,910 --> 00:23:48,458 what is the geographical location of the Tooth Fairy's castle? 240 00:23:48,787 --> 00:23:53,338 - Now I'm feeling normal, can I come with you? - This is not a normal situation. 241 00:23:53,668 --> 00:23:55,470 Look, I think I'd better tell you. 242 00:23:56,260 --> 00:24:00,013 - My grandfather is Death. - Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. 243 00:24:00,420 --> 00:24:04,893 Death. You know, death. The robes, the scythe, the white horse, bones. 244 00:24:05,013 --> 00:24:08,188 Death. But at the moment, he's acting rather strange. 245 00:24:08,308 --> 00:24:10,290 I just want to make sure I've got this clear. 246 00:24:10,410 --> 00:24:14,997 You think your grandfather is Death and you think he's acting strange? 247 00:24:15,466 --> 00:24:19,424 Look, Death adopted my mother. He then took on a human apprentice. 248 00:24:19,544 --> 00:24:21,834 They fell in love and I'm the result. 249 00:24:22,073 --> 00:24:23,426 This is fascinating. 250 00:24:23,546 --> 00:24:27,370 Let's just say I picked up a few strange genetic knacks along the way. 251 00:24:37,907 --> 00:24:41,027 - Now, that looks dangerous. - I hope so. 252 00:24:50,394 --> 00:24:55,884 - Wait! I could help you! - Would you be any good in a fight? 253 00:24:56,828 --> 00:24:59,101 Yes, I could be sick on people. 254 00:25:21,717 --> 00:25:23,260 Shoo! Shoo! 255 00:25:34,314 --> 00:25:35,810 Whoa! 256 00:25:40,244 --> 00:25:43,418 - There he is! Watch yourselves! - We have to sort this out. 257 00:25:44,700 --> 00:25:46,799 We can't have creatures popping into existence 258 00:25:46,919 --> 00:25:48,852 just because people are talking about them. 259 00:25:51,661 --> 00:25:53,229 Unhygienic. 260 00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:04,610 So, what is this implied creation, then? 261 00:26:06,660 --> 00:26:09,249 "Humans have always ascribed 262 00:26:09,518 --> 00:26:14,403 random, seasonal, natural or inexplicable actions 263 00:26:14,523 --> 00:26:16,515 to human-shaped entities." 264 00:26:20,195 --> 00:26:25,031 "Such examples are the Hogfather, the Tooth Fairy and Death." 265 00:26:25,743 --> 00:26:29,119 Well, that's all very well, but I'm damn sure there's never been 266 00:26:29,239 --> 00:26:33,423 an Eater of Socks or an Oh God of Hangovers. 267 00:26:33,543 --> 00:26:35,926 I think it works like this. 268 00:26:36,046 --> 00:26:39,043 What we're getting is the personification of forces, 269 00:26:39,163 --> 00:26:42,296 - just like Hex said. - A bit like the Hogfather? 270 00:26:43,117 --> 00:26:45,659 Wa..wa..wa..wa..when you're a kiddie, it's a 271 00:26:45,779 --> 00:26:49,579 it's as good an explanation as any as where presents come from. 272 00:26:51,546 --> 00:26:53,924 But why is it happening now? 273 00:26:56,847 --> 00:27:00,514 "Beliefs causing new creatures to appear." 274 00:27:01,403 --> 00:27:02,759 You could put it like that. 275 00:27:04,325 --> 00:27:07,902 "There's a finite quantity of belief in the universe." 276 00:27:08,811 --> 00:27:12,259 Well, certainly people can only believe in so many things. 277 00:27:14,103 --> 00:27:19,402 "It follows that if a major focus of belief is removed, 278 00:27:20,528 --> 00:27:22,474 there will be spare belief." 279 00:27:22,594 --> 00:27:24,012 Alright, then.... 280 00:27:25,097 --> 00:27:27,951 What are people not believing in all of a sudden? 281 00:27:32,355 --> 00:27:34,630 "Out of cheese....... error." 282 00:27:34,857 --> 00:27:37,496 "Melon. Melon. Melon." 283 00:27:38,694 --> 00:27:40,794 "Redo from start." 284 00:27:43,530 --> 00:27:49,578 It's Hogswatch. I suppose the Hogfather is around, isn't he? 285 00:27:52,816 --> 00:27:55,245 I like this job. 286 00:27:59,632 --> 00:28:01,461 Dear, oh, dear, oh, dear. 287 00:28:02,891 --> 00:28:04,300 Excuse me. 288 00:28:14,274 --> 00:28:17,396 Yes. This will show them. 289 00:28:25,407 --> 00:28:29,169 But Poor Little Match Girl dying in the snow 290 00:28:29,289 --> 00:28:33,132 is all part of the spirit of Hogswatch, master. 291 00:28:33,252 --> 00:28:35,925 You see, people hear about it and they say, 292 00:28:36,045 --> 00:28:39,388 "We might be as poor as a disabled banana 293 00:28:39,508 --> 00:28:42,580 and only can afford to eat mud and boots, 294 00:28:42,700 --> 00:28:46,419 but see how much better off we are than the Poor Little Match Girl!" 295 00:28:46,539 --> 00:28:50,504 That makes them happy and grateful for what they have got. 296 00:28:51,521 --> 00:28:55,201 I know what the spirit of Hogswatch is, Albert. 297 00:29:15,561 --> 00:29:17,915 You're not allowed to do that. 298 00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:23,914 The Hogfather can. The Hogfather gives presents. 299 00:29:25,090 --> 00:29:28,374 There's no better present than a future. 300 00:29:44,714 --> 00:29:47,731 That's it. I've had enough of this pixie lark. 301 00:29:54,321 --> 00:29:56,524 I'm waiting for the Hogfather. 302 00:29:58,682 --> 00:30:02,182 I'm in the dark, waiting for the Hogfather. 303 00:30:03,629 --> 00:30:06,790 Me. A believer in natural philosophy. 304 00:30:08,100 --> 00:30:10,714 I can find the square root of 27.4 in my head. 305 00:30:16,506 --> 00:30:17,902 I shouldn't be doing this. 306 00:30:19,314 --> 00:30:21,312 It's not as if I've hung a stocking up. 307 00:30:22,898 --> 00:30:24,211 .... be some point if... 308 00:30:57,777 --> 00:31:00,668 Take her somewhere warm and give her a good dinner. 309 00:31:01,531 --> 00:31:05,080 And I may well be checking up later. 310 00:31:08,738 --> 00:31:11,680 Looks like we've been chosen to do a bit of charity. 311 00:31:12,501 --> 00:31:14,890 Well, I don't call it very charitable, 312 00:31:15,010 --> 00:31:18,437 just dumping someone on people like this. 313 00:31:19,092 --> 00:31:23,142 I dunno. Some people wouldn't know the real meaning of Hogswatch 314 00:31:23,262 --> 00:31:25,622 if it jumped up and clocked 'em in the gob. 315 00:31:46,561 --> 00:31:47,423 No! 316 00:32:18,084 --> 00:32:20,049 This is a child's painting. 317 00:32:28,630 --> 00:32:29,986 Twyla paints like that. 318 00:32:36,249 --> 00:32:37,726 I painted like that. 319 00:32:38,588 --> 00:32:40,678 Grandfather saved some of my draw... 320 00:32:46,850 --> 00:32:48,554 Come on. Let's find the house. 321 00:32:50,321 --> 00:32:53,044 - What house? - There's always a house. 322 00:32:57,915 --> 00:33:00,871 I was told you were the best locksmith in the city. 323 00:33:01,994 --> 00:33:04,214 Yes, but locks don't generally alter themselves 324 00:33:04,334 --> 00:33:06,550 while you're working on them, that's what I'm saying. 325 00:33:08,816 --> 00:33:11,621 Are you the best or not? 326 00:33:21,862 --> 00:33:23,668 No! Not the dark! 327 00:33:32,989 --> 00:33:33,797 Banjo. 328 00:33:35,709 --> 00:33:37,200 I'm getting out of here. 329 00:33:37,919 --> 00:33:39,725 There's something wrong with this place. 330 00:33:40,001 --> 00:33:42,392 I made a big pile. 331 00:33:43,676 --> 00:33:45,291 Do you want to come with me? 332 00:33:47,066 --> 00:33:48,544 It's pretty here. 333 00:33:55,979 --> 00:33:57,252 Mr Sideney. 334 00:34:15,150 --> 00:34:20,270 Would he deliver to apes earlier than to humans? 335 00:34:21,282 --> 00:34:23,273 Interesting point, sir. 336 00:34:23,393 --> 00:34:26,143 Possibly you're referring to my theory 337 00:34:26,263 --> 00:34:30,249 that humans may have descended from apes. A bold hypothesis, 338 00:34:30,369 --> 00:34:33,924 which, if the Grants Committee could just see their way clear 339 00:34:34,044 --> 00:34:38,285 to letting me hire a boat and sail around to the islands... 340 00:34:41,845 --> 00:34:46,432 I just thought he might deliver alphabetically. 341 00:35:00,697 --> 00:35:02,847 Let me see, now. 342 00:35:10,624 --> 00:35:12,535 Who the hell are you? 343 00:35:13,158 --> 00:35:15,630 I'm the Hogfather, of course. 344 00:35:15,750 --> 00:35:17,871 Erm... ho, ho, ho. 345 00:35:18,493 --> 00:35:20,605 You look extremely thin in the face. 346 00:35:21,753 --> 00:35:25,837 I... I'm, er... I'm a bit ill. 347 00:35:26,141 --> 00:35:26,832 Oh. 348 00:35:29,930 --> 00:35:32,770 - Terminally, I would say. - Yeah. 349 00:35:33,616 --> 00:35:35,647 A-ha! It's a false beard. 350 00:35:35,767 --> 00:35:39,135 - No, it's not. - It's got hooks for the ears. 351 00:35:40,041 --> 00:35:42,715 That must've given you a spot of trouble there. 352 00:35:47,907 --> 00:35:49,193 A pillow! 353 00:36:08,705 --> 00:36:10,491 I thought there were seven locks. 354 00:36:10,778 --> 00:36:13,911 Yeah, but they're half magic, half real and half not there. 355 00:36:14,368 --> 00:36:16,680 Then there's parts of 'em don't exist half the time. 356 00:36:17,173 --> 00:36:20,149 And I thought you could open any lock anyone ever made. 357 00:36:21,490 --> 00:36:25,416 Made by humans and most dwarves. I dunno what made these. 358 00:36:25,663 --> 00:36:28,153 You never said anything about magic... 359 00:36:30,164 --> 00:36:31,600 That's a shame. 360 00:36:32,293 --> 00:36:35,251 Then, really, I have no more need of your services. 361 00:36:35,505 --> 00:36:38,224 - You may as well go back home. - What about my money? 362 00:36:39,168 --> 00:36:42,740 Of course. You should get what you deserve. 363 00:36:46,132 --> 00:36:48,566 You must think I was born yesterday, Mr Tea Cup. 364 00:36:48,937 --> 00:36:51,756 I'm leaving, right, with what's coming to me and you ain't stopping me. 365 00:36:52,208 --> 00:36:57,069 Banjo certainly ain't. I knew his old ma in the good old days. 366 00:36:57,402 --> 00:37:00,872 You think you're nasty? You think you're mean? 367 00:37:01,157 --> 00:37:04,483 Ma Lilywhite'd tear your ears off and spit 'em in your eyes. 368 00:37:04,845 --> 00:37:06,268 Cocky little devil. 369 00:37:12,544 --> 00:37:15,217 I remember you when you was little, Banjo. 370 00:37:15,537 --> 00:37:18,383 - I used to sit you on my knees. - Banjo... 371 00:37:23,475 --> 00:37:24,559 There you are. 372 00:37:24,796 --> 00:37:26,733 Where's all these shadows coming from? 373 00:37:26,853 --> 00:37:29,243 It's giving me the creeps! And it's all your fault. 374 00:37:29,363 --> 00:37:34,706 Oh, yeah? So it wasn't you who said, "Wow. $10,000. Count me in!" 375 00:37:34,826 --> 00:37:38,765 Yeah, but I didn't know there was gonna be all this creepy stuff! I wanna go home. 376 00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:41,221 It's like dealing with a child! 377 00:38:01,921 --> 00:38:04,098 Poor guy must have slipped. 378 00:38:11,859 --> 00:38:13,871 Yeah. Slipped. 379 00:38:28,311 --> 00:38:30,613 That's the Tooth Fairy's castle? 380 00:39:06,788 --> 00:39:10,736 - It's teeth. - And I should be scared? 381 00:39:11,918 --> 00:39:13,719 There's nothing that scary about teeth. 382 00:39:15,051 --> 00:39:19,282 Did I say I was scared? I must just be hungover again. 383 00:39:28,143 --> 00:39:30,418 - Oh, no. - They're only teeth. 384 00:39:30,833 --> 00:39:31,515 Oi! 385 00:39:34,536 --> 00:39:38,217 - Surely no one would try to... - What is that? 386 00:39:40,115 --> 00:39:43,164 It's such old magic, it isn't even magic any more. 387 00:39:43,994 --> 00:39:48,741 If you've got a piece of someone's hair, nail clipping or tooth, 388 00:39:49,415 --> 00:39:50,973 you can control them. 389 00:39:52,419 --> 00:39:54,200 Don't tell me someone's... 390 00:39:55,696 --> 00:39:58,092 - What's that shadow? - This place is alive. 391 00:40:08,144 --> 00:40:10,214 And it's protecting itself. 392 00:40:14,706 --> 00:40:19,057 So, what happened to the other fellow? 393 00:40:19,989 --> 00:40:21,271 Well... 394 00:40:24,038 --> 00:40:26,364 ...the Hogfather has enemies. 395 00:40:27,877 --> 00:40:29,888 What did he do, miss a chimney? 396 00:40:39,952 --> 00:40:43,524 There's, er, there's people down there, Mr Teatime. 397 00:40:43,931 --> 00:40:46,018 Well, just do away with them. 398 00:40:46,451 --> 00:40:49,952 Well, er, one of them's a girl. 399 00:40:50,580 --> 00:40:54,069 Then, do away with them... politely. 400 00:40:55,752 --> 00:40:57,709 Keep going. Quicker. 401 00:41:48,278 --> 00:41:49,564 It's after me! 402 00:41:51,596 --> 00:41:52,664 Let me out! 403 00:41:53,541 --> 00:41:57,129 - What was that? - It's finding their nightmares. 404 00:42:06,420 --> 00:42:08,565 Let me out! It's after me! 405 00:42:08,685 --> 00:42:10,416 Pull yourself together. 406 00:42:11,314 --> 00:42:14,863 Look around. There's nothing chasing you. 407 00:42:18,815 --> 00:42:22,509 I thought it was the... wardrobe. 408 00:42:25,579 --> 00:42:26,591 What wardrobe? 409 00:42:30,184 --> 00:42:31,443 When I was a kid, 410 00:42:32,038 --> 00:42:35,612 we had this big... wardrobe. 411 00:42:35,882 --> 00:42:38,094 And it had this... this... 412 00:42:39,348 --> 00:42:41,979 On the door, it had this face! 413 00:42:42,324 --> 00:42:43,720 And at night, it... 414 00:42:47,980 --> 00:42:49,416 ...whispered things. 415 00:42:54,838 --> 00:42:56,370 Who's that moving up there? 416 00:42:58,432 --> 00:43:00,375 I think they saw us. And if they're tooth fairies, 417 00:43:00,495 --> 00:43:03,218 there's been a really stupid equal-opportunities policy. 418 00:43:35,777 --> 00:43:38,911 Right. You go that way, I'll go this way. 419 00:43:39,031 --> 00:43:42,863 - Why don't we stay together? - What's got into you? Hmm? 420 00:43:52,895 --> 00:43:55,785 This is a children's place. The rules are what children believe. 421 00:43:55,905 --> 00:43:58,029 - Well, that's a relief. - You think so? 422 00:43:58,645 --> 00:43:59,961 It's impossible to die here. 423 00:44:00,081 --> 00:44:02,339 My grandfather doesn't figure in a child's world. 424 00:44:02,459 --> 00:44:05,527 That man who fell down the stairs looked pretty dead to me. 425 00:44:05,647 --> 00:44:09,370 Oh, you die. But not here. You... Let's see. Yes. 426 00:44:09,578 --> 00:44:11,331 You go somewhere else. Away. 427 00:44:17,715 --> 00:44:19,111 - Aren't you Susan? - Yes. 428 00:44:19,231 --> 00:44:22,130 And when you came for Twyla's last tooth, you were so shocked that I could see you. 429 00:44:22,250 --> 00:44:24,648 - Oh, yes, and I saw... - Look, we may not have a lot of time. 430 00:44:26,046 --> 00:44:29,165 Is this... the Tooth Fairy? 431 00:44:29,625 --> 00:44:31,055 A tooth fairy. 432 00:44:34,544 --> 00:44:37,181 Do you... drink at all? 433 00:44:37,513 --> 00:44:38,717 No, I don't. 434 00:44:41,513 --> 00:44:44,232 Not touch alcohol at all? 435 00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:47,781 Never. My dad's very strict about that sort of thing. 436 00:44:52,850 --> 00:44:54,081 Nice castle. 437 00:44:56,954 --> 00:45:00,717 Can we get on? Good. Who brought you here, Violet? 438 00:45:00,949 --> 00:45:03,463 I don't know... Oh, but he's dressed like an assassin! 439 00:45:03,583 --> 00:45:05,874 OK. You two stay here. I'll go find him. 440 00:45:05,994 --> 00:45:07,960 And I'll look after Violet. 441 00:45:23,258 --> 00:45:25,160 That's the fourth lock open. 442 00:45:26,446 --> 00:45:30,743 I commend your expertise. And the others? 443 00:45:43,217 --> 00:45:48,950 Do you know exactly what's in here, Mr Teh-ah-tim-eh? 444 00:45:49,946 --> 00:45:54,803 Logically, if you're the guardian of children's beliefs 445 00:45:56,092 --> 00:45:57,939 and this is your castle 446 00:45:58,926 --> 00:46:02,805 and I come across as securely locked a door as this... 447 00:46:04,407 --> 00:46:07,021 ...then, not to thoroughly investigate would... 448 00:46:09,782 --> 00:46:11,041 ...lack elegance. 449 00:46:15,235 --> 00:46:16,712 What's that sound? 450 00:46:17,372 --> 00:46:19,766 - What sound? - That sound. 451 00:46:20,228 --> 00:46:23,307 Like old scissors scraping. 452 00:46:26,476 --> 00:46:29,746 Have you ever heard of the Auditors? 453 00:46:32,293 --> 00:46:34,633 Well, I suppose that the Bursar might have done. 454 00:46:35,369 --> 00:46:38,079 Not auditors of money. 455 00:46:38,643 --> 00:46:41,051 Auditors of reality. 456 00:46:41,596 --> 00:46:45,355 They are the civil service of everything. 457 00:46:47,894 --> 00:46:49,878 And they want to get rid of us? 458 00:46:50,924 --> 00:46:55,631 They want humans to be... less creative. 459 00:46:56,672 --> 00:46:59,340 The Hogfather is a symbol of this. 460 00:47:03,583 --> 00:47:05,194 Strange thinking. 461 00:47:07,164 --> 00:47:10,918 They hate the way humans make up stories about the universe. 462 00:47:11,211 --> 00:47:12,621 I can't think why. 463 00:47:14,005 --> 00:47:16,883 And you, why are you doing this job? 464 00:47:17,133 --> 00:47:18,396 Someone must. 465 00:47:19,359 --> 00:47:21,466 It is vitally important. 466 00:47:22,104 --> 00:47:26,731 Before dawn, there must be enough belief in the Hogfather. 467 00:47:29,530 --> 00:47:33,154 - Why? - So that the sun will come up. 468 00:47:35,623 --> 00:47:37,429 I seldom joke. 469 00:47:39,031 --> 00:47:41,386 What sort of godding do you do? 470 00:47:41,617 --> 00:47:45,989 Oh, I'm the, er, I'm the Oh God of Hangovers. 471 00:47:46,109 --> 00:47:49,119 - A god of hangovers? Oh, how awful. - I suppose so. 472 00:47:49,239 --> 00:47:52,100 You're more cut out to be one of those important gods. 473 00:47:52,220 --> 00:47:56,178 - Oh! - What's this, eh? Lovers' Lane? 474 00:47:56,298 --> 00:47:58,532 You leave him alone, you! He's a god! 475 00:48:00,589 --> 00:48:03,517 Dear me! Out of thunderbolts, are we? 476 00:48:04,833 --> 00:48:07,378 Well, you know, I've never killed a g... 477 00:48:23,559 --> 00:48:25,121 What's the matter? 478 00:48:25,241 --> 00:48:27,240 It's just a wardrobe, innit? 479 00:48:45,487 --> 00:48:48,421 I don't want to see! I don't want to see. 480 00:49:04,305 --> 00:49:06,166 Hex was right, Archchancellor. 481 00:49:08,017 --> 00:49:10,652 Hex? Who is Hex? 482 00:49:11,419 --> 00:49:16,564 Erm, he's the biggest thinker in the world. 483 00:49:17,619 --> 00:49:21,027 I would like to meet this Mr Hex. 484 00:49:42,285 --> 00:49:47,359 Quite a large thaumic reading, gentlemen. 485 00:49:48,750 --> 00:49:51,503 I think he got here by magic. 486 00:49:52,746 --> 00:49:54,904 Where did he go? 487 00:49:58,802 --> 00:50:02,681 They say you are the biggest thinker in the world, 488 00:50:03,221 --> 00:50:05,971 but do you also believe? 489 00:50:11,969 --> 00:50:15,130 Extend logically the result of the human race 490 00:50:15,250 --> 00:50:18,264 ceasing to believe in the Hogfather. 491 00:50:19,073 --> 00:50:22,907 Will the sun come up? Answer. 492 00:50:41,012 --> 00:50:45,579 Correct. How may this be prevented? 493 00:50:46,067 --> 00:50:47,066 Answer. 494 00:50:50,405 --> 00:50:54,759 "Regular and consistent belief." 495 00:50:58,149 --> 00:51:03,669 Good. I have a task for you, thinking engine. 496 00:51:04,913 --> 00:51:07,279 Believe in the Hogfather. 497 00:51:11,850 --> 00:51:14,532 Do you believe? Answer. 498 00:51:18,990 --> 00:51:21,398 Do you believe? 499 00:51:22,178 --> 00:51:23,136 Answer! 500 00:51:40,420 --> 00:51:41,214 Good. 501 00:52:02,958 --> 00:52:03,875 Hmm. 502 00:52:08,521 --> 00:52:11,081 Oh, no! 503 00:52:18,997 --> 00:52:20,283 Let me see. 504 00:52:22,528 --> 00:52:24,312 How old are you? 505 00:52:26,994 --> 00:52:30,689 And have you been naughty or nice? 506 00:52:56,836 --> 00:52:57,547 Hello. 507 00:52:58,760 --> 00:53:01,592 Well, well, well. What have we here? 508 00:53:02,496 --> 00:53:07,848 Bone handle. Rather tasteless skull-and-bone decoration. 509 00:53:08,697 --> 00:53:11,789 Death himself's second-favourite weapon. 510 00:53:13,054 --> 00:53:14,231 Am I right? 511 00:53:16,072 --> 00:53:19,328 Oh, my. It must be Hogswatch. 512 00:53:20,272 --> 00:53:23,786 This must mean that you are Susan. 513 00:53:24,711 --> 00:53:26,846 The famous granddaughter. 514 00:53:27,467 --> 00:53:30,823 Nobility. I'd bow, 515 00:53:31,645 --> 00:53:36,056 but I'm afraid you'd do something dreadful. 516 00:53:40,026 --> 00:53:41,777 Yes! Yes! 517 00:53:42,328 --> 00:53:45,379 Left-handed using a wooden pick. It's so simple! 518 00:53:46,509 --> 00:53:51,447 Ah! Mr Teh-ah-tim-eh, I've managed to open the fifth lock. No problem. 519 00:53:51,796 --> 00:53:55,903 They're just based on Woddeley's Occult Sequence. 520 00:53:59,346 --> 00:54:02,177 - How do you know who I am? - Easy. 521 00:54:03,140 --> 00:54:04,718 Twurp's Peerage. 522 00:54:05,115 --> 00:54:08,686 Family motto, non timetis messor. 523 00:54:09,905 --> 00:54:14,284 Your father was well known. Went a long way very fast. 524 00:54:15,877 --> 00:54:19,298 As for your grandfather, honestly, 525 00:54:20,334 --> 00:54:24,030 that motto, "fear not the reaper", 526 00:54:24,922 --> 00:54:26,496 is that good taste? 527 00:54:27,909 --> 00:54:31,462 Course, you don't need to fear him, do you? 528 00:54:33,362 --> 00:54:34,525 Or do you? 529 00:54:36,885 --> 00:54:40,719 I don't know what you're talking about. Who are you, anyway? 530 00:54:43,260 --> 00:54:46,667 I beg your pardon. My name's Teh-ah-tim-eh. 531 00:54:47,071 --> 00:54:50,629 Jonathan Teh-ah-tim-eh at your service. 532 00:54:51,797 --> 00:54:55,548 You mean... like around four o'clock in the afternoon? 533 00:54:56,603 --> 00:54:57,300 No. 534 00:54:57,843 --> 00:55:02,167 I did say... Teh-ah-tim-eh. 535 00:55:03,014 --> 00:55:07,041 Please don't try to break my concentration by annoying me. 536 00:55:09,763 --> 00:55:12,255 - How are you getting on, Mr Sideney? - Oh! Er... 537 00:55:12,375 --> 00:55:14,746 It's just according to Woddeley's Sequence, 538 00:55:14,866 --> 00:55:17,685 number six should be copper and blue-green light. 539 00:55:19,888 --> 00:55:22,686 Do you think your grandfather will try to rescue you? 540 00:55:23,645 --> 00:55:25,233 But now I have his sword. 541 00:55:25,852 --> 00:55:28,572 You see, I wonder... 542 00:55:31,859 --> 00:55:33,943 All fingers and thumbs, Mr Sideney. 543 00:55:34,278 --> 00:55:39,147 Er, I've managed to open the sixth lock, Mr Teh-ah-tim-eh. 544 00:55:40,653 --> 00:55:44,457 Really? But it may not be all-important now. 545 00:55:45,528 --> 00:55:50,284 Thank you, anyway. You've been most helpful. 546 00:55:51,150 --> 00:55:54,860 - Erm... - Yes. You may go. 547 00:55:58,575 --> 00:56:03,098 Is that all you're here for? A robbery, like a petty thief? 548 00:56:04,051 --> 00:56:05,050 A thief? 549 00:56:05,983 --> 00:56:06,791 Me? 550 00:56:07,851 --> 00:56:10,806 I'm not a thief, madam. No. 551 00:56:14,436 --> 00:56:16,246 These gentlemen are thieves. 552 00:56:17,952 --> 00:56:19,417 That's Medium Dave. 553 00:56:20,484 --> 00:56:23,125 And Exhibit B is Banjo. 554 00:56:25,465 --> 00:56:26,464 He can talk. 555 00:56:28,539 --> 00:56:30,551 Oh! Who are you? 556 00:56:31,128 --> 00:56:32,644 I'm incognito. 557 00:56:33,475 --> 00:56:35,856 You look like a wizard to me. 558 00:56:46,063 --> 00:56:48,375 Did you suck your thumb when you were little? 559 00:56:48,774 --> 00:56:49,595 Nope! 560 00:56:52,886 --> 00:56:56,944 - Is that the Scissor Man? - Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up! 561 00:57:00,137 --> 00:57:03,663 Kids believe all kinds of crap, but I'm a grown-up now, so... 562 00:57:09,678 --> 00:57:14,070 No more Hogfather. And that's only the start. 563 00:57:14,998 --> 00:57:18,911 I'll be able to make people believe anything I want. 564 00:57:19,469 --> 00:57:20,549 What's this? 565 00:57:21,621 --> 00:57:24,002 You said, "No more Hogfather." 566 00:57:27,690 --> 00:57:30,922 He does know what we've been doing here, doesn't he? 567 00:57:31,718 --> 00:57:32,963 You did tell him? 568 00:57:33,778 --> 00:57:37,948 There's gotta be a Hogfather. There's always a Hogfather. 569 00:57:40,497 --> 00:57:44,330 - She did it! She killed him. - No, I didn't. He... 570 00:57:44,525 --> 00:57:46,021 - Did! - Didn't. 571 00:57:46,141 --> 00:57:48,789 - Did. - What's this about the Hogfather? 572 00:57:49,077 --> 00:57:52,312 I don't think he's dead, but Teatime has made him very ill. 573 00:57:52,432 --> 00:57:55,341 Who cares? When this is over, Banjo, 574 00:57:55,988 --> 00:57:59,380 you'll have as many presents as you want. Trust me. 575 00:57:59,574 --> 00:58:02,591 There has to be a Hogfather, else there's no Hogswatch. 576 00:58:02,933 --> 00:58:08,215 - It's just another solar festival. - Banjo and me are going. 577 00:58:08,969 --> 00:58:11,788 Banjo, you're coming with me right now. 578 00:58:12,786 --> 00:58:15,981 Grab her, Banjo. It's all her fault. 579 00:58:20,082 --> 00:58:22,275 Our mam said no hitting girls. 580 00:58:22,965 --> 00:58:25,702 No touching them or pulling them hair. 581 00:58:26,413 --> 00:58:29,314 She's not a girl. She's a freak. 582 00:58:32,506 --> 00:58:34,442 I think I know you, Teatime. 583 00:58:34,917 --> 00:58:37,318 You're the mad kid they're all scared of, right? 584 00:58:38,845 --> 00:58:42,870 - Banjo, I said grab her. - Our mam said... 585 00:58:42,990 --> 00:58:44,443 The kid who didn't know the difference 586 00:58:44,563 --> 00:58:47,235 between chucking a stone at a cat and setting it on fire. 587 00:58:47,355 --> 00:58:50,615 I said shut up. Get her, Banjo. 588 00:58:50,735 --> 00:58:54,407 The kind of little boy who looks up dolls' dresses. 589 00:58:55,988 --> 00:58:58,343 - I didn't. - Our mam said... 590 00:58:58,463 --> 00:59:00,929 Ah, to blazes with your mam! 591 00:59:01,383 --> 00:59:03,071 What did you say about our mam? 592 00:59:03,543 --> 00:59:05,483 I bet no one wanted to play with you. 593 00:59:05,603 --> 00:59:10,576 - Not the kid with no friends. - Banjo, you do as I tell you. 594 00:59:10,920 --> 00:59:13,009 Our mam... Our mam... 595 00:59:13,677 --> 00:59:15,100 Our mam said... 596 00:59:19,804 --> 00:59:23,922 Have you been a bad boy, Banjo? 597 00:59:27,501 --> 00:59:30,988 You been letting him get into trouble again, our Davey? 598 00:59:31,275 --> 00:59:33,630 You have, haven't ya? 599 00:59:35,020 --> 00:59:37,127 No, Mam. No, Mam! 600 00:59:38,699 --> 00:59:41,546 You need a good hiding, Banjo. 601 00:59:42,279 --> 00:59:44,323 Sorry! Sorry! Sorry, Mam! 602 00:59:45,353 --> 00:59:49,052 You been playing with girls again? 603 00:59:49,172 --> 00:59:51,565 Sorry! Sorry! Sorry, Mam! 604 00:59:51,685 --> 00:59:53,674 Sorry, Mam! Sorry! 605 00:59:58,590 --> 01:00:00,187 No, Mam. No, Mam! 606 01:00:00,430 --> 01:00:02,298 No!... No! 607 01:00:07,664 --> 01:00:10,250 Oh, no. I don't think so. 608 01:00:10,775 --> 01:00:15,087 This place gets into your head, doesn't it? 609 01:00:16,711 --> 01:00:20,178 It... finds out how to deal with you. 610 01:00:24,805 --> 01:00:27,282 But I'm in touch with my inner child. 611 01:00:30,812 --> 01:00:32,235 It's so much fun. 612 01:00:37,397 --> 01:00:40,867 No pulling girls' hair. That's bad. 613 01:00:47,000 --> 01:00:49,275 I'm gonna have so much fun with this. So light. 614 01:00:49,395 --> 01:00:52,371 You wouldn't dare use it! My grandfather will come after you. 615 01:00:52,491 --> 01:00:55,329 - He comes after everyone. - He's very single-minded. 616 01:00:55,449 --> 01:00:56,772 I'll be ready for him. 617 01:01:10,381 --> 01:01:12,188 It doesn't work here. 618 01:01:14,569 --> 01:01:16,225 There's no death here. 619 01:01:18,136 --> 01:01:20,206 Hi, inner child. 620 01:01:20,831 --> 01:01:22,979 I'm the inner baby-sitter. 621 01:01:42,260 --> 01:01:44,312 Happy Hogswatch! 622 01:02:06,334 --> 01:02:08,905 Is.. is.. he dead? 623 01:02:12,569 --> 01:02:14,287 He's not breathing. 624 01:02:14,719 --> 01:02:16,211 Breathing spell. 625 01:02:16,948 --> 01:02:18,666 Breathing spell. 626 01:02:21,063 --> 01:02:25,684 Spolt's forthright respirator, perhaps. 627 01:02:26,139 --> 01:02:29,382 I think I've got it written down somewhere. 628 01:02:30,085 --> 01:02:32,889 Come on, chaps. Give me some space. 629 01:02:39,528 --> 01:02:43,332 Excuse me... excuse me, but this is vitally important 630 01:02:43,452 --> 01:02:45,599 for the advancement of natural philosophy. 631 01:02:45,719 --> 01:02:48,940 Did you see any bright lights? Was there a shining tunnel? 632 01:02:49,060 --> 01:02:53,135 What is all this, Mr Stibbons? Put the damn quill away. 633 01:02:53,655 --> 01:02:56,501 This must be the Unseen University. 634 01:03:00,118 --> 01:03:03,349 And you're all... wizards. 635 01:03:05,123 --> 01:03:06,307 There was a sword. 636 01:03:07,237 --> 01:03:11,146 Oh, yes. It's, er, fallen on the floor. 637 01:03:20,402 --> 01:03:21,729 Did I do that? 638 01:03:24,946 --> 01:03:26,478 I really must be off. 639 01:03:28,550 --> 01:03:32,157 Well, he won't get far. The main doors are locked, 640 01:03:32,277 --> 01:03:35,155 in accordance with Archchancellor Spold's rules. 641 01:03:35,628 --> 01:03:37,653 - Won't get far? - No! 642 01:03:38,241 --> 01:03:42,996 While holding a sword which appears to be able to cut through anything? 643 01:04:02,517 --> 01:04:05,390 You can get into trouble, hitting girls. 644 01:04:06,341 --> 01:04:08,407 No playing with girls. 645 01:04:16,670 --> 01:04:18,463 What am I gonna do now? 646 01:05:40,371 --> 01:05:42,465 Hello, my dear. 647 01:05:44,711 --> 01:05:45,724 No. 648 01:05:47,722 --> 01:05:49,131 Sorry, dear? 649 01:05:51,589 --> 01:05:53,944 You're not the Tooth Fairy. 650 01:05:56,301 --> 01:05:58,476 Oh, I am, dear. 651 01:05:59,138 --> 01:06:01,879 Oh, Grandma, what big teeth you have. 652 01:06:02,601 --> 01:06:04,557 You've even got a shawl. 653 01:06:05,291 --> 01:06:06,591 Oh, dear. 654 01:06:08,977 --> 01:06:11,865 I don't understand, lovey. 655 01:06:13,522 --> 01:06:15,301 You forgot the rocking chair. 656 01:06:16,288 --> 01:06:18,710 I always thought there'd be a rocking chair. 657 01:06:24,156 --> 01:06:25,716 I don't think you're real. 658 01:06:27,251 --> 01:06:30,800 It's not a little old woman in a shawl running this place. 659 01:06:34,220 --> 01:06:38,731 You're out of my head. That's how you defend yourself. 660 01:06:38,851 --> 01:06:42,574 You poke around in people's heads and find the things that work... 661 01:06:43,387 --> 01:06:46,730 No. It's horrible, but it doesn't frighten me. 662 01:06:50,192 --> 01:06:51,396 I like spiders. 663 01:06:52,736 --> 01:06:54,294 Dogs? No. 664 01:06:57,902 --> 01:07:00,100 I like rats. Rats are fine. 665 01:07:02,516 --> 01:07:04,815 Sorry, is anyone frightened of that? 666 01:07:08,363 --> 01:07:10,781 I... I... 667 01:07:11,005 --> 01:07:13,599 You're a bogeyman, aren't you? 668 01:07:14,117 --> 01:07:16,949 Not a. The! 669 01:07:20,556 --> 01:07:21,946 The first bogeyman. 670 01:07:25,103 --> 01:07:28,459 - You look terrible. - Thank you very much. 671 01:07:28,579 --> 01:07:29,799 I mean ill. 672 01:07:31,959 --> 01:07:36,434 I used to jump out on them and say, "Boo!" Yeah. 673 01:07:37,033 --> 01:07:38,927 But then I got to like 'em. 674 01:07:40,191 --> 01:07:43,283 Only children were frightened of me. 675 01:07:44,187 --> 01:07:47,033 I mean, what's to be scared of? 676 01:07:47,512 --> 01:07:50,864 Horns, bony arms. 677 01:07:52,584 --> 01:07:57,414 But then I discovered that there were much worse things than me 678 01:07:58,335 --> 01:08:01,387 and I wanted to protect the children, 679 01:08:01,739 --> 01:08:06,665 keep them safe from all the really bad things. 680 01:08:08,126 --> 01:08:12,202 So I built all this 681 01:08:12,322 --> 01:08:14,591 to be a safe place. 682 01:08:16,027 --> 01:08:17,177 And the teeth? 683 01:08:18,022 --> 01:08:21,249 If you leave all those teeth around, 684 01:08:21,369 --> 01:08:24,995 - anything could happen. - Anything nearly did. 685 01:08:28,072 --> 01:08:31,575 So, you are the Tooth Fairy, then? 686 01:08:32,748 --> 01:08:33,802 Yes! 687 01:08:34,923 --> 01:08:36,975 I... ah.. 688 01:08:37,751 --> 01:08:38,490 Oh... 689 01:08:39,079 --> 01:08:41,815 Then.. they came, 690 01:08:42,517 --> 01:08:44,077 stealing. 691 01:08:46,154 --> 01:08:51,713 I'm too weak to look after them any more. 692 01:08:56,407 --> 01:08:59,365 You don't die here. 693 01:09:01,201 --> 01:09:03,000 Just get old. 694 01:09:04,825 --> 01:09:08,054 Listening to the laughter. 695 01:09:14,718 --> 01:09:16,393 Don't worry about the teeth. 696 01:09:17,251 --> 01:09:19,424 I'll make them safe again. 697 01:10:01,141 --> 01:10:03,774 I think it would be a good idea 698 01:10:04,333 --> 01:10:06,870 if you did the Tooth Fairy's job, Banjo. 699 01:10:08,600 --> 01:10:13,245 Do... Do you think that'd be alright? Won't the Tooth Fairy mind? 700 01:10:13,571 --> 01:10:18,008 You... do it until she comes back. 701 01:10:19,498 --> 01:10:22,056 So.... who's gonna tell me what to do? 702 01:10:23,452 --> 01:10:26,722 No one's ever going to tell you what to do again, Banjo. 703 01:10:28,648 --> 01:10:33,177 Thanks, miss. I'll keep the teeth safe. 704 01:10:39,317 --> 01:10:42,624 - Er, miss? - Yes, Banjo? 705 01:10:44,955 --> 01:10:46,556 Can I have a puppy? 706 01:10:47,300 --> 01:10:51,869 I had a kitten, but our mam drownded it cos it was dirty. 707 01:10:53,821 --> 01:10:56,893 I think it'll turn up quite soon, Banjo. 708 01:10:57,431 --> 01:10:58,403 Thanks, miss. 709 01:11:03,707 --> 01:11:04,477 Billy! 710 01:11:06,139 --> 01:11:09,304 Violet's talked about it and we thought we ought to come back and help. 711 01:11:09,424 --> 01:11:12,260 - It's OK. They're all gone. - Oh. 712 01:11:14,368 --> 01:11:16,667 And Banjo needed a new job. 713 01:11:19,592 --> 01:11:22,629 That's funny. So does Billy. 714 01:11:23,394 --> 01:11:26,181 Look, why don't you two make yourselves useful 715 01:11:26,301 --> 01:11:28,394 and help Banjo clear up this mess? 716 01:11:28,873 --> 01:11:32,320 He's pretty much running the place now. 717 01:11:33,353 --> 01:11:36,109 - Oh, but he's... - He's in charge. 718 01:11:39,244 --> 01:11:42,242 We'd love to help, Banjo. Together. 719 01:11:44,030 --> 01:11:48,627 Good. Have fun. Now I'm going home. 720 01:11:49,994 --> 01:11:52,320 This is a hell of a way to spend Hogswatch. 721 01:12:07,160 --> 01:12:11,835 Grandfather! What are you doing here? 722 01:12:14,177 --> 01:12:17,530 It is not over. 723 01:12:17,650 --> 01:12:21,982 You must bring the Hogfather home. 724 01:12:24,415 --> 01:12:27,407 These look like the mountains where the Castle of Bones was. 725 01:12:27,527 --> 01:12:28,699 They are. 726 01:12:36,516 --> 01:12:38,856 - It's a pig! - A boar. 727 01:12:40,470 --> 01:12:42,660 This boar is the? 728 01:12:42,961 --> 01:12:47,584 Yes. The Hogfather as he began. 729 01:12:48,282 --> 01:12:53,412 - And the dogs. - These are not real dogs. 730 01:12:53,532 --> 01:12:56,810 If they catch him, he won't just die. 731 01:12:56,930 --> 01:13:00,351 He will... never be. 732 01:13:01,246 --> 01:13:02,595 Well, stop them. 733 01:13:03,248 --> 01:13:06,464 This is a human thing. 734 01:13:09,121 --> 01:13:11,368 The Auditors are desperate now. 735 01:13:11,488 --> 01:13:15,305 They're determined to destroy the Hogfather at whatever cost. 736 01:13:20,738 --> 01:13:23,790 You must save him. 737 01:14:41,045 --> 01:14:42,833 Come on. Jump. 738 01:14:43,061 --> 01:14:44,780 Just you try it. 739 01:14:53,307 --> 01:14:56,572 Yes! Who wants some? Anyone else? 740 01:15:22,179 --> 01:15:24,177 Ho, ho, ho. 741 01:15:25,819 --> 01:15:28,938 You couldn't resist it in the end. 742 01:15:33,359 --> 01:15:35,152 A mistake, I fancy. 743 01:15:37,974 --> 01:15:41,368 It gets under your skin, life. 744 01:15:42,414 --> 01:15:45,087 Speaking metaphorically, of course. 745 01:15:46,565 --> 01:15:50,052 And, you see, the more you struggle for every moment, 746 01:15:50,172 --> 01:15:52,435 the more alive you stay. 747 01:15:53,588 --> 01:15:57,707 Which is where I come in, as a matter of fact. 748 01:15:58,522 --> 01:16:01,056 You can't do this. There are rules. 749 01:16:01,176 --> 01:16:04,660 Yes, there are rules. 750 01:16:05,077 --> 01:16:07,143 But you broke them. 751 01:16:07,653 --> 01:16:11,733 How dare you. How dare you! 752 01:16:12,603 --> 01:16:18,745 And now there remains only one final question. 753 01:16:21,526 --> 01:16:26,629 Have you been naughty or nice? 754 01:16:30,517 --> 01:16:33,836 Ho, ho, ho. 755 01:17:20,950 --> 01:17:22,702 We saved you. 756 01:17:25,396 --> 01:17:28,354 Dying's not how it's supposed to go! 757 01:19:15,355 --> 01:19:17,290 Er... Er, sorry. 758 01:19:26,800 --> 01:19:27,580 Hyah! 759 01:19:41,277 --> 01:19:42,193 Well... 760 01:19:45,744 --> 01:19:47,988 ...that about wraps it up for this dress. 761 01:19:50,036 --> 01:19:53,826 I'd just like to ask, purely out of academic interest, 762 01:19:54,770 --> 01:19:57,575 you were sure I was going to survive, were you? 763 01:19:58,067 --> 01:19:59,983 I was quite confident. 764 01:20:02,044 --> 01:20:05,277 Good. Now, tell me... 765 01:20:05,397 --> 01:20:07,774 What would've happened if you hadn't saved him? 766 01:20:08,198 --> 01:20:11,962 - Yes. - The sun would not have risen. 767 01:20:13,232 --> 01:20:14,514 Then what would've happened? 768 01:20:15,092 --> 01:20:19,548 A mere ball of flaming gas would have illuminated the world. 769 01:20:20,136 --> 01:20:21,587 Alright, I'm not stupid. 770 01:20:21,888 --> 01:20:26,281 You're saying that humans need fantasies to make life bearable. 771 01:20:26,401 --> 01:20:27,332 No. 772 01:20:28,351 --> 01:20:32,771 Humans need fantasy to be human. 773 01:20:33,615 --> 01:20:38,582 To be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape. 774 01:20:39,625 --> 01:20:42,808 With tooth fairies, Hogfathers... 775 01:20:43,122 --> 01:20:43,724 Yes. 776 01:20:44,422 --> 01:20:48,966 As practice, you have to start out learning to believe the little lies. 777 01:20:49,540 --> 01:20:52,553 - So we can believe the big ones? - Yes. 778 01:20:52,822 --> 01:20:56,451 Justice, mercy, duty, that sort of thing. 779 01:20:57,306 --> 01:21:00,275 - They're not the same at all. - You think so? 780 01:21:01,351 --> 01:21:05,468 Then, take the universe and grind it down to the finest powder 781 01:21:05,793 --> 01:21:08,307 and sieve it through the finest sieve, 782 01:21:08,690 --> 01:21:14,602 and then show me one atom of justice, one molecule of mercy. 783 01:21:14,837 --> 01:21:22,001 And yet, you try to act as if there is some ideal order in the world, 784 01:21:22,358 --> 01:21:26,509 as if there is some... some rightness in the universe 785 01:21:26,629 --> 01:21:28,788 by which it may be judged. 786 01:21:29,572 --> 01:21:33,636 But people have got to believe that, or what's the point? 787 01:21:34,990 --> 01:21:39,063 You need to believe in things that aren't true. 788 01:21:39,974 --> 01:21:42,697 How else can they become? 789 01:22:11,584 --> 01:22:15,913 Er, would you like to visit for Hogswatch dinner? 790 01:22:16,242 --> 01:22:18,226 Albert is frying a pudding. 791 01:22:19,158 --> 01:22:24,722 I, er... Well, they're really expecting me here. 792 01:22:28,102 --> 01:22:30,511 Would you like a drink before you go? 793 01:22:31,058 --> 01:22:35,413 A cup of cocoa would be appropriate in the circumstances. 794 01:22:40,783 --> 01:22:44,563 Right. There are biscuits in the tin on the mantelpiece. 795 01:23:08,534 --> 01:23:13,360 - Susan's got a poker, you know. - My goodness me. 796 01:23:13,480 --> 01:23:15,872 I thought all of you knew that by now. 797 01:23:16,096 --> 01:23:17,165 Indeed. 798 01:23:17,285 --> 01:23:19,867 Last week, she picked a bogey up by its nose. 799 01:23:21,461 --> 01:23:24,919 I'll give Gawain his stocking, then I'll come and watch. 800 01:23:25,189 --> 01:23:26,383 Susan... 801 01:23:43,620 --> 01:23:48,546 Well, well. Now, this is... unexpected. 802 01:23:50,378 --> 01:23:51,698 A family affair. 803 01:23:56,796 --> 01:23:57,933 I wonder... 804 01:23:58,918 --> 01:24:01,873 Is it possible to kill... death? 805 01:24:03,550 --> 01:24:04,411 Hmm! 806 01:24:04,876 --> 01:24:07,148 This must be a very special sword. 807 01:24:11,337 --> 01:24:13,239 And it certainly works here. 808 01:24:17,147 --> 01:24:21,402 And, of course, it might well not be regarded as murder. 809 01:24:22,916 --> 01:24:25,735 Possibly it is... a civic act. 810 01:24:27,460 --> 01:24:29,519 It would be, as they say... 811 01:24:32,509 --> 01:24:33,825 ...the big one. 812 01:24:35,343 --> 01:24:38,816 You may have some personal knowledge about your vulnerability, 813 01:24:40,048 --> 01:24:42,015 but I'm pretty certain 814 01:24:42,937 --> 01:24:46,088 that Susan here will quite definitely die. 815 01:24:47,982 --> 01:24:52,498 So I'd rather you didn't try any last-minute stuff. 816 01:24:54,889 --> 01:24:58,518 I am last-minute stuff. 817 01:25:04,702 --> 01:25:08,073 I don't remember them asking for anything that made a noise. 818 01:25:08,713 --> 01:25:13,207 Oh, there has to be something in the stocking that makes a noise. 819 01:25:13,448 --> 01:25:16,896 Otherwise, what is 4:30am for? 820 01:25:18,572 --> 01:25:19,735 There are children? 821 01:25:20,775 --> 01:25:24,166 Oh, yes. Of course. 822 01:25:25,499 --> 01:25:29,400 - Call them. - Certainly not. 823 01:25:30,062 --> 01:25:33,606 It'll be instructive. Educational. 824 01:25:34,215 --> 01:25:36,076 And when your adversary is Death, 825 01:25:36,869 --> 01:25:40,039 you can't help but be the good guy. 826 01:25:41,549 --> 01:25:42,602 Call them. 827 01:25:54,526 --> 01:25:57,385 Gawain. Twyla. 828 01:26:02,321 --> 01:26:04,733 Come in. Come in! 829 01:26:05,895 --> 01:26:08,413 Curly haired tots! 830 01:26:11,039 --> 01:26:14,071 I caught this bogeyman. 831 01:26:16,986 --> 01:26:19,041 What shall we do with him, huh? 832 01:26:19,161 --> 01:26:21,408 It's only a skeleton! 833 01:26:25,934 --> 01:26:26,632 Yes. 834 01:26:28,085 --> 01:26:33,413 A nasty, creepy, horrible skeleton. 835 01:26:34,604 --> 01:26:35,929 Scary, huh? 836 01:26:37,008 --> 01:26:38,380 He's eating a biscuit. 837 01:26:39,222 --> 01:26:43,389 A creepy, bony man in a black robe. 838 01:26:44,217 --> 01:26:46,995 You're fidgeting with that kettle, 839 01:26:47,401 --> 01:26:50,895 so I expect you're thinking of doing something creative. 840 01:26:51,568 --> 01:26:53,972 Put it down. Please. 841 01:26:56,827 --> 01:26:58,685 - Slowly. - Huh! 842 01:26:58,945 --> 01:27:02,397 That's not very creepy. It's just bones. 843 01:27:02,666 --> 01:27:06,898 It's just standing there. It's not even making "whoo-whoo" noises. 844 01:27:07,212 --> 01:27:11,524 And, anyway, you're creepy. Your eye's weird. 845 01:27:16,019 --> 01:27:16,999 Really? 846 01:27:19,559 --> 01:27:23,711 Well, let's see how creepy I can be. 847 01:27:51,383 --> 01:27:56,252 Oh, no! Couldn't have gone through you. 848 01:27:57,255 --> 01:28:01,346 There's so many ribs... and things. 849 01:28:06,350 --> 01:28:08,115 It only kills monsters. 850 01:28:09,202 --> 01:28:10,557 Stop time now. 851 01:28:14,338 --> 01:28:15,679 You winked at me. 852 01:28:16,157 --> 01:28:17,868 I thought you had a plan. 853 01:28:18,558 --> 01:28:20,088 Indeed. Oh, yes. 854 01:28:20,716 --> 01:28:23,767 - I planned to see what you would do. - What? 855 01:28:25,655 --> 01:28:29,296 I did add the sparkly stars and the noise, though. 856 01:28:30,013 --> 01:28:31,850 I thought they would be appropriate. 857 01:28:31,970 --> 01:28:33,571 And if I hadn't done anything? 858 01:28:34,178 --> 01:28:37,212 I dare say I would have thought of something 859 01:28:37,883 --> 01:28:41,746 - at the last minute. - That was the last minute. 860 01:28:42,698 --> 01:28:46,228 There is always time for another last minute. 861 01:28:51,580 --> 01:28:56,820 Stop playing dead, Mr Teh-ah-tim-eh. 862 01:29:03,641 --> 01:29:05,584 You got it right. 863 01:29:06,254 --> 01:29:07,267 Of course. 864 01:29:13,136 --> 01:29:17,414 I'll take care of the body. That will prevent inconvenient questions. 865 01:29:18,767 --> 01:29:24,125 Erm, you did know the poker would go through me? 866 01:29:26,125 --> 01:29:28,013 I was quite confident. 867 01:29:32,424 --> 01:29:33,106 Ah. 868 01:29:35,576 --> 01:29:37,055 I have made this for you. 869 01:29:38,630 --> 01:29:41,101 Oh! Thank you. 870 01:29:42,947 --> 01:29:44,017 What is it? 871 01:29:44,983 --> 01:29:48,390 Albert said there ought to be snow on it, 872 01:29:49,336 --> 01:29:51,699 but it appears to have melted. 873 01:29:52,883 --> 01:29:55,360 It is, of course, a Hogswatch card. 874 01:29:56,903 --> 01:29:57,601 Oh. 875 01:29:58,944 --> 01:30:01,421 There should have been a robin on it as well, 876 01:30:02,146 --> 01:30:06,139 but I had considerable difficulty in getting it to stay on. 877 01:30:06,441 --> 01:30:07,110 Ah. 878 01:30:08,254 --> 01:30:12,359 - It was not at all cooperative. - Really? 879 01:30:12,805 --> 01:30:16,357 It did not seem to get into the Hogswatch spirit at all. 880 01:30:18,329 --> 01:30:20,718 Oh. Thank you. 881 01:30:23,324 --> 01:30:26,280 - Granddad? - Yes? 882 01:30:28,700 --> 01:30:34,127 Why? I mean, why did you do all this? 883 01:30:36,681 --> 01:30:40,594 Human beings make life so interesting. 884 01:30:42,368 --> 01:30:47,512 Do you know that in a universe so full of wonders, 885 01:30:47,859 --> 01:30:51,852 they have managed to invent boredom? 886 01:30:53,762 --> 01:30:57,388 - Quite astonishing. - Oh. 887 01:30:59,365 --> 01:31:03,869 Well, then, er... Happy Hogswatch. 888 01:31:06,880 --> 01:31:07,621 Yes. 889 01:31:09,477 --> 01:31:10,476 Granddad. 890 01:31:14,289 --> 01:31:15,807 Happy Hogswatch. 891 01:31:31,610 --> 01:31:34,952 A Happy Hogswatch 892 01:31:35,216 --> 01:31:38,164 and good night, children, 893 01:31:38,895 --> 01:31:40,988 everywhere. 894 01:32:24,508 --> 01:32:27,847 Ooh! Hello! Hello! 895 01:32:29,551 --> 01:32:33,396 Oh, you're cute. Yeah, come on. 896 01:32:33,997 --> 01:32:36,538 Come on, let's play. Yeah. 897 01:32:56,696 --> 01:33:00,188 You have a big, wooden rocking horse in the window. 898 01:33:00,308 --> 01:33:07,408 Er... yes. That's a special order I made for... Lord Rodney. 899 01:33:07,646 --> 01:33:10,717 How much would this lordship have paid you? 900 01:33:11,658 --> 01:33:14,881 - $12. - I will give you 50. 901 01:33:15,001 --> 01:33:17,171 Would you like me to wrap it, sir? 902 01:33:17,291 --> 01:33:20,940 No. I will take it as it is. 903 01:33:21,228 --> 01:33:22,514 Thank you. 904 01:33:24,081 --> 01:33:28,127 Incidentally, there is a small boy out there 905 01:33:28,247 --> 01:33:31,539 with his nose frozen to the window. 906 01:33:32,705 --> 01:33:35,832 Some warm water should do the trick. 907 01:33:36,244 --> 01:33:38,221 Happy Hogswatch, sir. 68387

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