All language subtitles for El Camino Christmas (2017) 1080p NF.en SDH

["Silent Night" playing]

- [man] Don't shoot!
- [gun firing]

[glass shattering]

[woman] Vicente!

- [gunfire]
- [man 2] Hold your fire!

Hold your fire, damn it!

[indistinct radio chatter]

[panting and grunting]

[sirens wailing]

["¿Dónde Está Santa Claus?" playing]

♪ Mamacita ♪

♪ ¿Dónde está Santa Claus? ♪

♪ ¿Dónde está Santa Claus? ♪

♪ And the toys that he will leave? ♪

♪ Mamacita ♪

♪ Oh, where is Santa Claus? ♪

♪ I look for him because ♪

- [alarm beeping]
- [man] Shut up.

♪ I know that I should be sleeping ♪

♪ But maybe he's not far away ♪

[sighs]

♪ So out of the window, I'm peeping ♪

♪ Hoping to see him in his sleigh ♪

♪ I hope he won't forget
To crack his castanets ♪

♪ And to his reindeer say ♪

♪ Oh, Pancho! Oh, Vixen!
Oh, Pedro! Oh, Blitzen! ♪

♪ Olé, olé, olé, olé, olé! Santa Claus! ♪

♪ Mamacita ♪

Once again, no snow here, folks.

That's 40 consecutive years
without a white Christmas for El Camino.

- Mm-mmm.
- [Stan] Boo-hoo, I say.

- There were three?
- They were damn terrorists.

It was so dark, I barely had time
to get to my flashlight.

♪ But maybe he's not far away ♪

♪ So out of the window, I'm peeping ♪

♪ Hoping to see him in his sleigh ♪

- ♪ I hope he won't forget ♪
- [phone rings]

♪To crack his castanets ♪

♪ And to his reindeer say ♪

♪ Oh, Pancho! Oh, Vixen!
Oh, Pedro! Oh, Blitzen! ♪

♪ Olé, olé, olé, olé, olé! Santa Claus! ♪

♪ Mamacita ♪

I'll make sure we do a better job
for you.

♪ Oh, where is Santa Claus? ♪

♪ It's Christmas Eve ♪

♪ All right, Mamacita, I'll go sleep now ♪

[man] Fran, where the hell's Carl?

[Fran] Right where he always is.

[groans] Yeah?

Where were you last night, Carl?

I was out on patrol, as always I am.

That right?

Talbert kid,
cookin' meth in his old man's barn.

Lit himself up.

Yeah?
Well, that kid's always been trouble.

You didn't take any calls last night,
Carl.

Your cruiser's parked
as crooked as it was when I left here.

- Maybe I park crooked.
- Maybe you don't give a shit anymore.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

I've been serving in this uniform
for 25 years.

Yeah, well, you haven't booked
a narcotics offense in over a year.

In fact, all you have done
is push your weight around.

False arrests, unwarranted searches.

God knows what else!

My situation is being taken care of
by the legal system, and you know that.

There's only one thing I know for sure,
and that's what's in that goddamn cup.

Worse goes on in this town

than some junkie burning down
his daddy's barn.

[coughs, sniffles, spits]

Afternoon.

Uh, do y'all have any rooms for tonight?

That depends.
How many are you looking for?

Uh, just one.

Just one?

'Cause you said "rooms," plural.

- Yeah, it's just me, so just one room.
- Oh.

One singular room.

We take cash and credit card,

personalized checks
with a validated and unexpired license.

I'll do card.

Well, goddamn.

That's a fancy card.

Where you in from?

Mind if I just get the room, man?
It's been a long drive.

Yeah. Tuckered out?

[beeps]

- [beeps]
- [grunts]

- Declined. This card is no good.
- [beeps]

Oh. Telling me to call, whatnot.

Oh, that's all right. I'll pay cash.

Yeah, I still gotta call.

No, it's all right. Here. I'll do it.
You don't wanna sit on hold forever.

- All right. You got a point there.
- [Carl singing "Ballerina"]

♪ Down by the Wrangler jeans ♪

Whose car is that out there?

This fella's. It's nice, right?

- [young man] Yeah, it's mine.
- [man] I need your license.

Here you go.

Eric Norris.
You're a long way from Missouri, huh?

[Carl] Hmm. What year is that car?

[Eric] Uh, it's a '70-something.

- ♪ Things like trampolines ♪
- [man] I'm gonna put you in three.

[continues singing]

Just past two.
If you get to four, you've gone too far.

- All right?
- All right.

I'll hold on to the 100 for incidentals.
Enjoy your stay.

- ♪ Yes, I'm a ballerina ♪
- Thank you.

♪ A ballet dancer on her tippy-toes ♪

♪ I said
A ballet dancer on her tippy-toes ♪

♪ We got married in a Walmart ♪

♪ Down by the franks and beans ♪

♪ Killed a guy in Texas
Stole my grandma's Hyundai ♪

♪ Now my face is on a magazine ♪

♪ Makin' love and then just makin' bacon ♪

♪ Wiping down the Foreman grill ♪

♪ Lookee there, over yonder ♪

What are you doing?

Did you make this?

Look at you.

- [seat belt clicks]
- Good?

[sighs]

Children can develop cases of autism
that are not visibly recognized.

They can seem perfectly normal
with only minor anomalies.

You know what I think?

I think he'll talk
when he's damn well ready.

That's not how it works.

In my professional opinion,

your son has developmental issues
on the spectrum.

Everybody's different, doc.

I don't need a test
to know he's perfectly fine.

[sighs]

We all set?

[water running]

[grumbles]

[woman] How low am I on the totem pole

to be covering a handicapped librarian
directing a passion play?

That's nice.

It's like a human interest story,
you know?

School raises $5,000
to help for medical expenses.

It's, like, super sweet.

Yeah, it's sweet.

Always sweet...

for Beth Flowers.

It's definitely my name.

I gotta change my name.

No. Beth Flowers is, like,
a super catchy news name.

It's like Dallas Raines, you know?
That weatherman in L.A.?

He's not even from Dallas.

No. Small market.

Why can't I cover something
with national appeal?

Like, I don't know...

a cult, or...

a government sex scandal?

Yeah.

- Let's hope something like that happens.
- Oh, God. I gotta pee.

[groans]

- [grunts]
- Okay.

[sighs]

Have you decided
what you're gonna name that thing?

Is Heather still in the running?

Uh, Heather's too vixen.

Liza or Megan. I don't know.

Suzy's cute. I like Suzy with a Z.

Love Suzy. I knew a stripper
in Cincinnati named Suzy, right?

She did this move, right?

Where she gripped the pole
with both legs.

She was twerking at the top of the pole
and she just dropped down.

We thought she had to go to the hospital,
but she was fine.

- That's what she does every night.
- Don't look!

I'm not looking. I'm talking to you.

[server] You all save room for cake?

No. No, thank you. Not today.

Dessert's a treat, babe.

[server] All right. Take your time.

You know, Momma can't afford dessert
at every meal.

- And you don't need any more sugar.
- [giggles]

- Everything good?
- Yes, ma'am. Very good.

You don't have to lie. [Chuckles]

Is there a grocery store close
or anywhere I can buy a couple things?

Next door's got about everything.

How much is this cake here?

$3.95. Worth every penny.

- Can you send a piece to the little man?
- Aw!

No, we said we weren't going to get
any cake.

It's that gentleman right there.

He bought it for you.

There he is, right there.

Look at that.

Got a gallon of Drano right there.

That's a main ingredient in meth.

He's paying cash.
He's got fraudulent credit cards.

Knows dick about his car. Look, Billy,
this ain't brain science here.

It's probable cause.

And that's probably
'cause he's likely up to no good.

Oh, that's for certain.

[car engine starts]

- [phone chimes]
- Mm!

[indistinct chatter on TV]

Oh, look at that.

Oh.

Dental hygienist.

[woman] We're home.

Yes, you are.

[chuckling] Unless you're my date
and didn't knock.

Where are you? Come here!

What are you so happy about today?
[gasps]

Look at that.

You finished it.

- ♪ The itsy-bitsy spider... ♪
- Are you going out again tonight?

[clears throat] Well,
I can't find a man sitting in here.

Tried that already. It only worked once.

You didn't like that cable guy, did ya?
[laughs]

[woman] "He sprang to his sleigh,

to his team gave a whistle,

and away they all flew
like the down on a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim,
ere he drove out of sight,

'Happy Christmas to all,
and to all a good night.'"

No, buddy, it's your turn.

You wanna be a big boy,
you gotta read it all by yourself.

[chuckles]

[sighs]

I have to work a couple hours,
so I'll be back by eight.

Dental hygienist is taking me bowling!

He's anxious to meet the Jewels.

Come on, Ma. I don't ask for much.

Seth's reading. He's not gonna bug you.

Oh, my God, this is short. [Sighs]

Well, I guess we can just hang out here.

Forget it. I'll be back in time
for you to go out.

You got a sexy bowling shirt or something?

- They don't make sexy bowling shirts.
- Well, they should.

Need to spice up that sport.

[clears throat]

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

- Excuse me.
- [gasps] God!

- You scared the crap outta me!
- Sorry. I didn't mean to...

Well, you did.
The hell are you standing over me for?

- I was trying to get something to drink...
- You hover over people?

Scare the shit outta them?

Take it easy, all right? I'm sorry.

- [exhales]
- I'm sorry.

What do you want?

I'll take the tequila there.

Please.

It's $26.50.

- [sighs]
- What were you reading?

I'm studying.

Oh, what for?

What, are you a cop?

- Do I look like one?
- [scoffs]

I go to college in Baxter twice a week.

At night, for your information.

Hmm. What are you studying?

Developmental biology.
Do you want to know my sign, too?

Thanks for the cake.

Yeah. You're welcome.

Why'd you do that?

I was just trying to be nice.

Yeah? For what?

I just think a kid should have
a piece of cake.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

[sighs]

[sighs]

[inhales deeply]

[exhales]

[knocking]

[man] Yeah, what?

[Eric] I'm looking for a Mr. Roth?

- A Mr. Michael Roth?
- [man] No Michael fucker here now.

Get the hell away from my door.

Do you know of a Michael Roth?

What the fuck is the matter with you?

He used to live here. I was wondering
if you had any information about him,

- or knew anyone who did, or anything...
- No, no, and no.

Now, fuck off.

- Hold on a second...
- You wanna break those fingers?

- I can do that.
- I found this letter. It's 15 years old,

but that's the return address.

[stammers] What are you, stupid?

Nobody lives in this shit factory
for 15 years.

All right. I'm sorry to disturb you.

Eh. You took a shot, you know?
You can cross it off your list.

[door opens]

Hey, man. Listen.

There was a guy in here before me.
A veteran type.

I'll tell you all about him
if you buy me a drink.

[scoffs]

Come on! Tell you what,

if it wasn't him, we got nothing
to talk about, it cost you a beer.

- I'm good, man.
- It's Christmas.

Ho, ho, ho. Who's gonna know?

Hey. You mind?

- Help yourself.
- All right.

Praise the Lord. He always provides.

[grunts]

Hey, nice ride. What is it, a '71?

That's the year I found
our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ,

and the honorable Jack Daniels.

Jack's still with me.

So, what's your name?

Bukowski. My friends call me Charles.

- Original.
- That's me, one of a kind.

[grunts]

Since we're getting friendly,
what do they call you?

Eric.

Where are we going?

While I get my bearings,
you drive, I'll point.

[coughs]

Hey, uh, Tammy.

Two Pabst.

Actually, I'll take a Heineken.

The Pabst are for me.

You order whatever you want.
You're paying.

Uh, Heineken, please.

- [Tammy] You got it, darling.
- Oh, man.

Um... you got any quarters?

- For what?
- The jukebox.

Look, I don't have time for this.
Are we gonna talk?

It's about ambiance.

It's a fucking holiday.
Show a little class.

[scoffs]

Ah.

[Tammy] Here you go.

- Gracias.
- Por nada.

- And gracias. Ah.
- [Tammy] Enjoy.

Oh, man. All righty.

["Up on the Housetop" playing on jukebox]

[Charles sings along]
♪ Up on the rooftop, reindeer pause ♪

♪ And out comes good old Santa Claus ♪
Huh?

- ♪ Down ♪...
- [yells]

[man] Watch where you're going,
you drunk fucker!

[Charles] Drunk fucker?

- Shit.
- [man 2] Watch it!

- [clamoring]
- Hey! Settle down!

- Get off me!
- Take it easy. He's drunk.

I got an eye on him.
Everybody settle down.

Ho, ho, ho! Ho! Oh!

- Stop. Sit down.
- [panting]

What is wrong with you?

Shit.

I feel like, in all that kerfuckle...

I seem to have misplaced my beverages.

Do you mind?

- You sure that's a good idea?
- Not all ideas are good ones,

but they are ideas nevertheless.

Tammy, could you get me another beer?

And maybe get the one
off the jukebox for me?

[Tammy] You got it, babe.

So...

Michael Roth?

- Yeah?
- You said you knew him?

I said I knew a guy
that said he was Michael Roth.

What does that mean?

What does what mean?

The guy who lived in your apartment
before you.

The guy, the guy, um...

When I moved in there,

to that shithole, about six years ago,

literally, that guy was gone
before he moved out.

He was a Vietnam vet.

Oh, yeah? What did he look like?

It was six years ago.
How the fuck would I remember?

- I can't remember what I said to you.
- You have to remember.

- Eric, right?
- You had a conversation with him.

He had hair that grew
out of the top of his head, right?

He was this big, but if I was standing up,
then my hand would be higher.

- [mutters]
- No, really.

He had a mid skin tone.
The guy spoke English.

- Run with that.
- I'm glad this is a joke to you.

- Am I scaring you off?
- [Eric] Enjoy the beer.

Hey, Merry Christmas to you.

[exhales heavily]

- [Eric] What the hell?
- [Carl] Can we ask you some questions?

[Eric] About what?

[Billy] Hot damn! You were right, Carl.

Looks like we got something here.

[Eric] What's going on here?

Ah, looks like illegal herb.

Wait, that's not mine.

- No?
- No.

- Well, you're in some shit now.
- What?

- This is an interrogation.
- Explain this.

My toilet overflowed.

Oh. Why didn't you call the front desk?

That's what a normal person does
when their shitter overflows.

- I was gonna fix it.
- Oh, you're a plumber.

[horn honks]

- [Carl] Cook crystal? See this?
- What?

- This here. This is indisputable.
- No. That ain't mine.

[laughing] Ain't mine!
Never heard that before.

I gave someone a ride.

- They left it in my car.
- Oh, yeah?

Okay, and who's "they"?
Do you remember his name?

- [Eric] Charles.
- [Carl] Charles what?

- [Eric] Am I being charged?
- You're fixing to be.

This is bullshit.
I want to speak to a lawyer.

Ain't a lawyer within 50 miles of here.

Plus, it's Christmas.

Ah! Oh, shit, it is Christmas.
Merry Christmas, Carl.

Shut up.

What the fuck you talking about?

- Hey, tough guy.
- [groans]

- Let me ask you something.
- Yeah?

You running meth?

- [Eric] No.
- Be honest.

- Ow! No!
- Be honest!

Don't know what you're talking about.

[man] Drunk bastard. Stay down!

[Charles] Get off me, man!

[groans]

Oh, you think you come in this town,
peddling shit, huh?

Getting our kids all strung out?
You are sorely mistaken.

- [groans]
- Ease up on him.

- Ease up!
- [Carl] Shut up, Billy!

- [man] Come on!
- He's running meth, and he knows it.

- I'm not.
- [Carl] You know you are.

- You son of a bitch!
- [Billy] Shit!

Fuck, Carl!

Why'd you do that?

[moaning]

[man] Merry Christmas, you drunk fucker!

[grunting]

[Charles] Fucking kids.

[keys jangle]

[sighs]

Merry Christmas, mi reina.
I'm missing you a lot today.

Don't worry about that Pabst girl.
She's a little too rigid for me.

Oh, this damn cooler, man.

¡Cabrón!

[panting] Shit.

[gasps] No, no, señor.

[phone ringing]

[scoffs]

Cooler's out again?

I tried that trick that you do.
I almost killed myself.

- Well, you need a lady's touch.
- [man] Thank you, Katie.

- Okay, I'll be there in an hour.
- An hour?

My beer will be piss in an hour.

[sighs] Okay, okay. I'll be there soon.

Oh, you should ask for a raise, baby.

You want something in life,
you gotta growl for it.

Or do something more illicit. [Chuckles]

I am waiting for the day
you tell me I'm adopted.

Well, you keep on waiting, sweetie.

Uh-uh!

That's for Dennis, honey.
You got your cereal.

That's his name?

Dennis McClarty.
All right, you can have one piece.

[scoffs] Dennis the dental hygienist, wow.

Yeah.

I hope he's better at cleaning teeth
than he is at the hokey-pokey.

- I thought I smelled bacon.
- [Jewels] Good morning.

[both chuckle] Mm!

- Ooh, you brushed your teeth this morning.
- [Jewels] Oh, well...

Your little talk scared the snot outta me.

I'm gonna floss like I'm getting paid
for it.

You be true to your teeth,
they'll never be false to you.

Hi, Dennis McClarty.

- Kate.
- Kate, that's a nice name.

Who's this little guy, huh?

Oh, he's the silent type, this one.

Oh, well, silence is golden.

Okay, I'll be back in a couple hours.

Couple hours?

- Well, Dennis and I were gonna go bowling.
- [Dennis] Yeah.

But you did that last night.

- Oh, we didn't make it.
- Make it. [Chuckles]

- We can take the little guy.
- [Jewels] Sure.

- You like to bowl?
- We'll take Seth bowling.

- Right?
- [Jewels] Oh, come on.

Why you shaking your head?

Mother of a bitch! Oh! [Groaning]

Baby Jesus.

[grunting]

Shit.

[muttering]

Jesus.

[indistinct radio chatter]

Hey. Hey!

Get up. Come on, get up.

Hey, put your arm down.
I'm not gonna hurt you. Sit up.

Listen...

you had a bag of pot.

Okay? That's a fact.

And you had some booze.

And a bad credit card.

As an officer of the law,
there's a lot to go on there.

Now, in your defense,
my partner got pretty rough,

and I'm sorry about that. Okay?

That's not how we do things here.

We're all in hot water now,
so here's what's gonna happen.

I'm gonna go into the restroom,
over yonder.

See that?

I'm gonna put these keys,
your car keys, right there.

And this is open. This is gonna be open.

And I'm gonna be in the restroom.

We clear?

Hey, I'm gonna be in there
for quite a while.

[man] When do you get off duty?

Been on duty my whole life.

Every waking hour.

[sighs] It's been a long-ass night.

You drinking that now?

- Ain't it early?
- That's what I was thinking. It is...

No, I mean a little early
for stupid questions.

You been listening?
It's been a long night.

I been listening. I just been thinking,
you shouldn't drink on the job, amigo.

Maybe you should mind your own shit life.

And I'll mind mine.

That's all I got.

I'll catch you later.

Yes, sir.

Glad to help
law enforcement get through the day.

Yeah, yeah. Feliz Navidad.
Ain't that what you people say?

Sí, señor.

[Carl singing]
♪ O, little town of Bethlehem ♪

- [door opens]
- ♪ How still we see thee lie ♪

What'd he want?

What he always wants.

Vicente, you can't let him run
all over you like that.

[Vicente] He won't be around much longer.
His demons are catching up to him.

How's my man doing?

Santa Claus came
to Vicente's early this year.

[Kate and Seth gasp]

Go on. Open it.

Oh, what is it?

Oh...

I got some batteries in the back.
Go get 'em, huh? Come on.

[brakes screeching]

The fuck?

[engine revs]

[siren wailing]

[tires squeal]

[Bhi Bhiman's "Ballerina" playing]

♪ We got married in a Walmart ♪

♪ Down by the Wrangler jeans ♪

Shit.

- [radio beeps]
- Billy, Billy come in.

[Carl over radio] Billy, where are you?

♪ Got a lot of things
Down at the Walmart ♪

♪ Things like trampolines ♪

Get over, get over!

Get over, now!

[horn blares]

Shit!

♪ Yes, I'm a ballerina ♪

♪ A ballerina ♪

Shit!

What the fuck?

- [gunfire]
- [tires squealing]

♪ A ballerina on the lam ♪

♪ We got married in a Walmart ♪

♪ Down by the franks and beans ♪

♪ Killed a guy in Texas ♪

[moos]

- [pops, hisses]
- [yells]

♪ Makin' love
And then we're makin' bacon ♪

♪ Just wipe down the Foreman grill ♪

♪ Lookee there, Bocephus, over yonder ♪

♪ That's where your pappy was killed ♪

♪ Yes, I'm a ballerina, a ballerina ♪

♪ Ballerina on the lam
Ballerina, ballerina ♪

[cow moos]

♪ Ballerina, ballerina ♪

[grunts]

[Carl panting] Damn you.

- [radio beeps]
- Billy, God damn you, Billy.

Billy, I swear to God, I'll kill you.

One day, you're gonna die,
and I ain't gonna give a shit.

[Carl over radio] I swear on your mother.
[muttering]

Clue me in how that little son of a bitch
got outta jail. Clue me in!

[gasps]

- Merry Christmas, Larry.
- Yeah, spare me.

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

[Kate] Beer's not cold.

Well, I am used to struggle.

[motor sputtering]

Ah, shit.

[groans] Shit.

How about the Jack, the Seven, and give me
that last Wild Turkey you have,

and give me a half dozen
of your daily scratchers.

[engine hissing]

Why don't you find yourself a good lady?
You wouldn't need all this liquor, Larry.

This is how it works.
I give you money, you give me booze.

It's just simple capitalism.

- Why don't you grab a six-pack, on me?
- No shit?

Trying to spread some cheer, bro.

Look at that.
It's a Merry Christmas after all.

[panting]

[gun fires]

- [radio beeps]
- Shots fired!

[Carl over radio] Shots fired
at Vicente's Liquor Mart!

Billy, get your ass over here!

I can't get it to work.

- [gun fires]
- [glass shattering]

[Larry] Get down! Get down!

- Seth!
- Keep your head down!

Ah, shit!

Goddamn! What did you do that for?

It's military, asshole.

You fire a gun at me, I'm gonna fire back.

I wasn't shooting at you!

- We got a fugitive right there.
- No, no, no, no.

Your partner let me go.

[groans] Yeah, you tell that to the judge.

And you... you, hey! Hey! You're going
to jail for attempted murder.

I aimed at your goddamn leg,
I hit you in the goddamn leg.

That's what it looks like
when someone's not trying to kill you.

- Hey, put that away.
- No, no, no, no!

I ain't putting it down! Shut the fuck up!

- Put it away!
- No!

You listen, you're in deep shit.

You got that?

Now, you let everyone go,

- and I promise you due process of law.
- I'm not holding anybody.

Yeah, this is some fucked-up shit.
Look, I'm done.

I'm out of this. I'm out of this.

[Carl] Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, we don't want
a hostage situation here.

God damn...

you.

Listen, I've got backup coming.

[stammers] You calm down
and we will talk this out.

- [siren wailing]
- Oh, shit.

[laughs]

- [Billy] Sheriff's Department!
- Fuck.

[Billy] What's going on?

- Put that shit down and crawl outta here.
- I ain't putting it down!

- Put it down and get out! Now!
- How the hell am I supposed to get out?

God damn it! How am I supposed to move?

[siren wailing]

- Shit. Shit.
- [Larry] Damn, damn. Listen.

[sheriff] Hell's going on?

Shut these blinds before RoboCop
out there fires another warning shot.

- Close the blinds!
- [Larry] Now! Go!

- What's Carl doing all over the radio?
- It was shots fired, Sheriff!

I know that, Billy!

- Who the hell's firing?
- Get him away from the door.

Okay. But I'm not an accessory, man.

Carl was after a suspect.
Could be this kid we picked up.

[sheriff] Who'd you pick up? Are you two
playing cops and robbers again?

[screaming]

Billy.

- [Kate] You're holding us here?
- Everyone shut up!

Just... just shut up and sit down.

- I just need a minute to think.
- [Kate] It's okay, honey.

Now, do we know exactly who's in there?

[stammers] Not exactly, sir.

- I believe there's Carl.
- [Carl yells]

[Eric] Hey, stop it.

Come here. God damn it!

Probably likely Vicente.

And then, I'm guessing,
the kid we picked up. I think.

Or not.

- What's the plan?
- I'm gonna go in back.

Okay, okay.

Okay, okay.

I got you.

Criminal punk bastard.

- Will you just shut the fuck up?
- You shut the fuck up!

- Stop pointing that.
- Where are your handcuffs?

- Go to hell! God! Shit!
- [grunts]

Get 'em out. Get 'em out!

[Billy] Everybody be cool!

Put your handcuffs on!

- Is there a back way out?
- A window, but you won't fit through it.

[Eric] Nobody moves, okay? Okay?

[Carl] God damn it!

[Billy] Come out with your hands up!
You're... mostly surrounded!

[lock rattling]

- Freeze!
- [gun fires]

- [Eric] Shit!
- [Billy] Shots fired! Shots fired!

- [gunfire]
- [sheriff grunts]

[Larry] Oh, shit!

- God damn it.
- [grunts]

- [gun fires]
- [yells]

Taking fire, Sheriff! Taking fire!

Returning fire!

- [gunfire]
- [grunts]

- [screams]
- [Eric] Damn it.

Sheriff taking fire.

- [gunfire continues]
- [groans]

- Everyone all right?
- It's okay.

I got you. Just hold me.

Quite a police force you got.

Yeah. They're shooting at each other.

Returning fire!

- Sheriff return...
- [gunfire]

Wait... wait a minute.

Stop firing.

[Billy] Yes, returning fire!

Stand down.

Man down?

No, not "man down"!
Stand down! Stand down!

- Stop firing. You a fucking idiot?
- Oh, okay. Stand down. [Pants]

[grunts]

[Kate] Whatever your name is,
please just...

His name is Eric Norris.

Been running drugs out of Missouri.

Picked him up last night. He's a fugitive.

Now he can add kidnapping,
hit-and-run, and attempted murder!

That's bullshit.

Him and his partner arrested me
for no reason.

That ain't true. He had weed
and crystal meth paraphernalia.

I had Drano. And the weed was his.

They beat the shit out of me
for trying to unclog a toilet.

- You think I did this to myself?
- You're such a dick, Carl.

What? You're gonna listen to him?

Look at him.

Then look at me.

[whines]

Sheriff, Sheriff!

Sheriff!

What are we gonna do?

[sighs]

We're gonna get a time machine, Billy.

And I'm gonna go back in time

to when my cousin was dating your mother.

And then I'm gonna yank his pecker off,

right before he has the chance
to create an idiot.

[phone ringing]

My guess is, that's for you.

[ringing continues]

- [phone beeps]
- Hello?

Well, looks like we got a situation here.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'd say we do.

You're shooting up the place,
and there's innocent people here.

Who am I talking to here?

- This the suspect?
- No.

The suspect's your guy
in here on the floor.

Hey.

You talking about Carl Hooker?

Yeah, that's him.

- Why the hell are you shooting at us?
- I'll tell you what.

Why don't you come out,
and we'll talk about it?

I promise you that you'll be safe.

[Eric] Yeah, I trust you.

Every cop in this fucking town's insane.

[phone beeps]

Now, when Jesus was born
in Bethlehem of Judea,

wise men from the East came to Jerusalem,

saying, "Where is he that is born
king of the Jews?

For we have seen a star in the east,
and have come to worship him."

[whispers] Elias, say your line.

Fear not, baby God.

[girl] Lo, the star, which they saw
in the east, went before them.

Until it came and stood over
where the young child was.

When they saw the star, they rejoiced
with exceeding great joy.

When they came into the house,

they saw a young child
with Mary, his mother.

- [sirens wailing]
- [groans]

[tires squealing]

[grunts]

[sheriff over radio]
...law enforcement officers yesterday.

Damn it, we have a situation.

- [static]
- ...inside Vicente's Liquor Mart.

- Come on!
- Let's go.

[sheriff] This is the situation.

Now, Carl, he radioed in
before he entered the place.

But he never said who he was chasing,
or for what reason.

We have no idea
where all these hostages are located.

They could be
back by the liquor cabinet.

They could be
there by the ice machine,

they could be back there
in the crapper, or in Vicente's office.

Hell, we don't even know who are
the hostages and who's the hostage-taker.

Now, you said that you thought maybe
that this kid you arrested,

- that he could be the gunman?
- Yes. Yes.

I mean, I'm fairly certain.

Although, I...
I do believe I saw two white males,

twenties, duck behind the counter.

[chuckling] And... I mean, this one's...
This is crazy,

but I... I thought I saw a little kid.

Jesus, Billy.

Are you sure?

I can't be positively positive for sure.

But I... I'll tell you this.

There's definitely four or five folks
in there, maybe.

Well, this is a clusterfuck. [Mutters]

All right, Billy...
you're the second-in-command.

I want you to find out all you can.

And make sure
that you secure this entire area.

You got that?

Absolutely, boss.

Second-in-command, let's do this.

Is he okay?

You got yourself in a real mess here.

- What's your game plan?
- [siren wailing]

I'm just trying not to get anybody killed.

Then put your gun down, your hands up,
and walk outside.

No, no, that would be a bad idea.

Whoever walks out that door
becomes a target.

I've seen this before.

Doesn't end well.

You think you're right.
He thinks you're wrong.

You lose.

Then let me state the obvious.

You, sir, have shot
a law enforcement officer.

And you, you think you're not a criminal?

I've never heard of good people
that hold hostages.

And you shooting at my car,
trying to kill me. What's that?

That is my word against yours.

You see how this works now?

[Billy sighs, clears throat]

Okay.

Okay! [Smacks lips]

Here's what we know for certain.

Vicente Santos is the owner
of Vicente's Liquor Mart,

and as such, he's probably on the scene.

I think maybe Kate Daniels
is working the counter today.

I called her house
and didn't get an answer, so...

I'd deduce she's inside as well.

Which led me to further deduce...

that the little boy inside,
if in fact there is a little boy,

probably her son, Seth.

Okay.

Run the plates on all these vehicles here.

Already did that.

First, we got Vicente's pickup truck,
the blue Dodge.

You got that little shitbox import,
that's Kate Daniels' car.

Carl's patrol vehicle's down the road,

and it appears to have been
in some kind of altercation.

And then we have the Chevelle.

That's Eric Norris'.

Now that's the suspect
that Carl and I tangled with last night.

He may or may not be the hostage-taker.

- Did you hit your head or something?
- No.

You're starting to act
like a damn police officer.

[both chuckle]

Thank you, sir. Thank you.

You want me to re-establish contact
with the inside?

No. I just want to sit here
and think for a minute.

All right, 'cause I could function
as a negotiator,

establish a rapport maybe.

It's not a damn movie, Billy.

You're not Samuel fucking Jackson.

[Beth] Wow. Look at that.

[cameraman] This is cool.

Man, looks bad.

Yeah.

[Eric] It's a security camera.

[Carl] Yeah, everything's on tape.

You with my gun, and you shooting at me.

- [Larry] You're on it too, asshole.
- Hey, where are the controls?

My office in the back.

- I'll show you where they are.
- I'll show him.

Fine.

Holy shit, they're everywhere.

Yeah, is that a surprise?

[sighs] Oh, God.

Look, you want my advice?

If you didn't do anything,
just turn yourself in.

Turn myself in? To the same cops
that are shooting at us for no reason?

Yeah. You're holding two old men
and my child hostage.

At least let them go.

I will. I'm gonna let you all go. I swear.

What are you doing here anyway?

What'd you come here for?

To find someone.

- Yeah? Who?
- A man.

- What man?
- Does it really matter?

Yeah, it does matter.

My father used to live here.

Or he still does.

I don't know, so I came here
to try and find him.

What, and you've never met him?

No, I've never met him.

Thought it might be a good time,
being Christmas and all, but,

in hindsight,
that wasn't such a good idea.

[sighs]

Oh, goody, goody, TV.

We can watch Die Hard.
That's a great Christmas movie.

[phone ringing]

Vicente's Hostage Mart. Merry Christmas!

- I'm not talking to them.
- [Larry] Mm...

- Hey, what are you doing?
- [phone beeps]

Talk to me.

You got 30 minutes
to release all hostages.

If you don't release them,
we are gonna gas this place.

I advise that you surrender any women
and children forthwith.

You done yakking? Now listen up!

[sheriff] Okay, and who is this?

- The guy you're talking to.
- Don't say anything stupid.

Are you a hostage?

We want money, lots of money.

Do-re-mi. Big bills.

Christmastime, we didn't get any packages,
we're all pissed off in here.

Unmarked
and none of that blue dye or anything.

- Bye.
- [phone beeps]

Seriously?

What the fuck is wrong with you?

- I have always wanted to do that.
- You're out of your goddamn mind.

- You better call them back.
- They're at 911.

- They're gonna think you're part of this.
- They're not.

It's a bunch of dumb shits out there.

Well, that was an older man.

That wasn't that kid I spoke to earlier.

You saying it was an older man?

That's what I just said.

- Okay.
- So, who the hell is who in there?

Well, here's what we know.

Vicente Santos is the owner
of Santos Liquor Mart, and as such...

Damn it, I know what you got written
in your little notebook there, Sherlock.

That wasn't Vicente,
and it sure as hell wasn't Carl.

Well, I don't have a vehicle
for an old-timer.

- I got Vicente's blue pickup...
- Did you talk to that reporter yet?

- No.
- What the hell you waiting for?

Okay.

I'm hungry.

I think we should eat.

The peanuts just aren't doing it.

Come on. What do you say?

We are live, outside
of Vicente's Liquor Mart in El Camino,

in the midst of what appears
to be a hostage situation

on Christmas Eve.

Authorities cannot confirm the identities
of the hostages.

- However, Action 19 News has learned...
- Oh, my grace.

...that Deputy Carl Hooker,
of El Camino's sheriff's department,

is trapped inside the mart.

So, Carl, why don't you tell us
what really happened last night?

You'll find out in court,
or at his funeral.

He don't know the truth at this point.

[Larry] Come on.

Give us the truth.

- We're all friends here.
- What good is the truth?

The truth will set you free.

Set us free.

I mean, you're a drunk, we all know that.

- It's a small town.
- You're a drunk.

Yeah, but I don't hide behind a badge.

I don't drink and drive.

You ran a red light.

- He had narcotics in his system.
- [Kate] Yeah?

- What'd you have in your system?
- Had a little blonde girl in my system.

How about that? Ha!

- That's disgusting.
- Tell you what, Carl.

Tell everybody here
what really happened last night,

and I'll walk outside
and surrender right now.

[Beth] Is there anything else
you can tell us

about the people in the store
when you were shopping?

Not really.

Hello, ma'am.

I'm with the sheriff's department.
Oh, my! They hide that well on TV.

- Beth Flowers.
- Oh, I know.

Billy Calhoun.

Deputy Billy Calhoun.

Second-in-command here on the scene.

May I ask you a few questions?

- Yes, ma'am. That's why I'm here.
- Fantastic.

Deputy Calhoun, do you have any idea
who the gunman is?

Do you have a name? A suspect?

Uh, well, me and my partner and I,

Deputy Carl Hooker, H-O-O-K-E-R,

- arrested a young man last night.
- [Beth] And what was he arrested for?

He was drug running.

Methamphetamine, we imagine.

We had the suspect, Mr. Eric Norris,

under surveillance
because he fit a profile

- with a gold credit card.
- Eric Norris...

- Drano.
- ...you said?

Well, it's just a feeling you get

when you've been doing this
as long as we have.

It's like a sixth sense.

- Off the record.
- Right.

Right.

So, the suspect posts bail
and was released?

Not exactly. No, ma'am.

He escaped.

- [Beth] Escaped from?
- [Billy] From our facilities.

County jail?

Yes, ma'am.

How does that happen, exactly?

You know, we just...

We want to get everyone
outta here safely,

and reunited with their loved ones
before this very special holiday.

All right. This is Beth Flowers
reporting from...

If you have any further questions,
I will be on scene.

Just look for...

Okay.

This is Beth Flowers, reporting live
from Vicente's Liquor Mart.

[sighs]

I'm gonna need some medical attention.

Start talking.

Oh, you're gonna have a dead cop
on your hands,

you don't get me out of here soon.

That's... that's life in prison.

He's right.

Dead pig...

no es bueno.

I just want my life back.

I wanna rewind before I ever came here.
You can do that.

I'm just gonna tell them what happened.

You know?

Everybody's got their own truth.

- You know?
- [Kate] Yeah.

Only one of them's right.

Only God knows.

He probably knows you don't know shit.

The fuck you know, Vicente.

Remember when your alarm went off?

I was the first one to arrive here.

You were home...

taking care of your sick wife.

Remember?

Huh? I saved your business.

And you, blondie.

Who'd you come running to...

when your boyfriend
was slapping you around?

Hmm?

- [sniffles]
- I ran that ingrate outta town.

[scoffs]

And you, you fucking drunk,

with your goddamn Vietnam sob story.

I been cleaning all your messes.

All y'all's.

See, that's my truth.

You, son, are a bad seed.

I'm just doing my job.

What's your truth?

My mom passed away.

I found a letter from my father.

I never met the guy.

So, I came here to try to close a loop.

And that's when you came along.

[scoffs]

[sighs]

[clattering]

[fridge buzzing]

Well, damn. It's a Christmas miracle,
right here on County Road 191.

Folks, who wants a beer?

You got any of that Bud Lemon?

Bud Light Lemon, that's my favorite.

Got it.

Got it, buddy.

Ooh, ooh.

Stood up too fast.

All right!

It's Christmas. Yum!

♪ Joy to the world ♪

♪ The Lord has come ♪

♪ And Earth receives her king ♪

♪ And everyone prepares his room ♪

♪ And heaven and nature sing ♪

♪ And heaven and nature sing ♪

♪ And heaven and nature sing ♪

Come on.

[yelps]
♪ Joy to the world, the Lord has come ♪

[Larry and Carl sing]
♪ And Earth receives her king ♪

Come on.

♪ And everyone, prepare his room ♪

♪ And heaven and nature sing ♪

- [continue singing]
- [sheriff] Billy.

[Billy] Yeah?

Call the State Patrol.

State troopers?

This fruitcake is dancing in there.

Now, sing it big.

♪ Joy! To the world ♪

♪ The Lord... ♪

[groaning]

[indistinct radio chatter]

[chuckles]

Sheriff Fuller, what can you tell us
about Eric Norris?

You see that barricade over there?

The one that you just walked over?

How would you like to spend Christmas
on a four-by concrete pad?

Sheriff, we're going national.

This is a live feed.

So, you either cooperate
and answer the questions,

or we report it as we see it.

It's up to you.

All right.

I'll give you one comment.

Sheriff, at exactly what time
did Eric Norris escape your custody?

We can't comment on that at this time.

We also have not released
any statement indicating

that one Eric Norris is responsible
for this situation.

What exactly are you sure of, Sheriff?

I'll tell you what we know here.

There is a criminal in that liquor mart.

And he's holed up in there
with numerous hostages.

Exactly how many hostages,
we can't be certain at this time.

Now, you get your ass
behind that barricade.

Yes, sir. Thank you so much, sir.

I really appreciate it.

[exhales deeply]
This is gonna get us live.

[Kate] Seth needs to go to the bathroom.

[Eric] All right. Fine.

Anybody else?

I'm good.

Piss on you.

[Eric] Come on. Keep close.
Keep your heads down.

In there.

[sighs]

[siren chirps]

Why'd you wait so long
to come looking for him?

Uh... I didn't know anything about him.
My mom never talked about him.

I found all these letters
that he wrote to her.

Must have been a hundred of 'em.

And I just couldn't get him
out of my head.

Yeah, I didn't know my dad much either.

He bolted right after I was born.

So, it's been a revolving door
of step-men ever since.

[snoring]

[Carl] Psst.

[whispers] Hey. Psst! Psst!

Hey.

- Psst!
- The fuck's wrong with you, Carl?

[groans]

Hey, man. Go on.

[mouthing]

[scoffs, pants]

I got a .22 in the small of my back.

What the fuck?

- Get that for me.
- I hate to tell you, I'm tired, huh.

Huh? Hey, listen to me.

Listen! You think
we're gonna get out of here alive?

That boy, if he's a good person,

he'd have let us go a long time ago.

Now, I ain't gonna hurt no one.

Look at me.

Look at me, bro.

I'll give you my word.

Look, look, I'll give you my word.

You're crazy if you don't think you need
some kind of protection.

You're crazier if you think

that your shop ain't gonna get
fucked up beyond repair

when this thing blows up.

So, come on, hey, hey. [Coughs]

[groans] Oh, god damn it.

Come on, get it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Get it, get it, get it.

You need some help with that?

Let me see it.

I used to love these things.

Ah, yeah, see?

You see this little thing right here?

Pull that out a little bit...

and your batteries won't pop out
every time you run into something.

All right, try it now.

I think I'm gonna let everybody
outta here.

It's the only good thing left to do.

Now, listen to me, boys.

The truth of the matter is,
we can't negotiate with a crazy person.

So, when this goes down,

you are just gonna have to keep your cool.

Son of a bitch.
Just give me that goddamn thing.

Frank, you're going
through the front with me.

Billy, you and Garret,
you cover that back window.

Now, listen to me.
He can't get out that window,

but that don't mean
he can't shoot your ass from there,

- so you watch it.
- Roger that.

Now, we are gonna resolve this thing

before those damn Feds show up,
swinging their dicks around.

This is our town.

And we're gonna settle it.

[indistinct chatter]

[cell phone ringing]

[Eric] Whose is that?

Oh, sounds like my boss.

Now, go ahead and answer it.
Tell him we're all coming out.

Yeah?

Take my handcuffs off.

I'll bite your head off.

I'll bite your head right off.

- [exhales sharply]
- Do the right thing, Carl.

Let's see here.

[phone beeps]

Yello.

Carl, what you got in there?

[Carl] I got six people.

One's a kid.

[sheriff] All right, listen up.

You try to get everybody
down on the floor, Carl.

'Cause in exactly two minutes...

we're coming in.

- Asshole's trying something funny.
- What are you doing?

- Oh, he's going crazy now.
- [Eric] You son of a bitch.

- Help me, help me, help me!
- Give me that.

Ah, fuck.

We have a tragic story developing
in the town of El Camino, Nevada.

A group of Christmas shoppers,

caught in a liquor mart,
have been taken hostage.

Our regional correspondent, Beth Flowers,
is live on the scene for us.

Beth, can you tell us more about
the events that are unfolding down there?

Yes, Soledad.

Christmas Eve has turned into a nightmare

for a group of people being held hostage
in the liquor mart behind me.

El Camino County Sheriff's Patrol
responded to a distress call

by one of their own.

We believe Vicente Santos and Kate Daniels

are also being held captive.

I'm here with Jewels Daniels.

Ms. Daniels, you believe
your daughter is inside the mart.

Is that true?

Yes. Yes, I do.

[sniffling]
She has my grandson with her.

He's only five.

[man] Do it! Do it!

Hey, you guys, get away
from the window. Get in the aisle, now.

[Kate] Stay down.
- What's happening, Carl?

Shut up, Vicente.

You gave me your word, man.

[Larry] Get down! Cover that kid's head!

[cell phone ringing]

Shit.

- He's doing something. Eric!
- No!

- [Vicente] He's got a gun!
- [Kate] Eric!

[Larry] Hell no! Hey, hey, hey! Hey!

- ["Silent Night" playing]
- [Kate] No!

[grunts]

- [man] Shots fired!
- [indistinct chatter]

- [man] Drop your weapon!
- No, no, no!

[man] He's got a gun!

- [Vicente] No, don't shoot!
- [Kate] Vicente!

Don't shoot!

[Kate screams]

[man] Man down!

Hold your fire!

- Hold your fire, damn it!
- [Kate] Vicente!

Vicente!

[gasps]

[panting and grunting]

[clamoring]

Hey, you're bleeding, man.

Oh, shit! Oh!

[Larry] Hey.

- [Eric groans]
- Oh, listen.

I think it's just...
You're gonna be all right.

[cameraman] Beth!

[moans]

Are you okay?

Just sit up, if you can.

All right?

- [groans]
- There you go.

[sirens wailing]

[tires squealing]

[sighs]

This is some mess
you've gotten yourself into, Sheriff.

Whole country's been watching
this stupidity unfold.

Why don't you wait behind the barricade?

It's like a fucking war zone in here, man.

Yeah, friendly fire.

Hell on earth.

This is gonna hurt a little bit.

- All right. Ready?
- Yeah.

- Ready? Here.
- [inhales sharply]

Come on, put some pressure on it.

[coughs, groans]

[exhales]

Hmm.

Christmas, 1960... 69, Vietnam.

The Valley of Death.

I called the coordinates.

One-five-four-seven north,

one-zero-eight-three-six east.

Just, there was a village,
nothing there...

but farmers and families.

So, I aborted the artillery strike.

And then artillery started raining down
on us.

Twenty-two soldiers dead, 78 civilians,

and they blamed it all on you.

I read your letters.

Twenty-two of the bravest men
I've ever met,

just doing what they were told,
what I told them to do.

[inhales deeply, sighs]

I spent a great deal of my life
trying to make it up to those...

those guys.

Find some sort of truth in all this.

I lost it at every turn. And I was...

I got court-martialed over it.

I lost my house and my money
and my self-respect.

Your wife.

Your mother deserved more than that.

[voice breaking] Yeah, she did.

So did you.

Yeah.

[sighs]

- [sniffling]
- Ah, it was a good Christmas, though.

Tell you what...

this was a close second.

[cell phone ringing]

Here...

answer it.

You guys should get outta here.

[phone beeps]

Hello?

This is Special Agent Patterson.
Who is this?

Kate Daniels, I work here.

My son, Seth, is here,
and we're going to be coming out.

So, please don't shoot.

Okay, you got my word, Kate.
You and Seth are safe to come out.

Now, Kate, the gunman, is he alone?

Has he been shot?

Yeah. No. I don't know.

You and Seth come on out.

We'll handle it from there.

Okay, he's sending out two hostages.

The girl and her son!

Lower your firearms!

Here's to Eric and Kate.

You guys look good on each other.

[scoffs]

What is it?

[Eric grunts]

Here you go, little man.

Thank you.

[chuckles]

You're welcome.

Hey, those were...

Those were really great words.

Really great.

Be careful.

Okay. Okay. Look at me, okay?

- Look at me.
- [Larry] Love and turmoil.

Best combination known to man.

You should probably go, too.

Nah, are you kidding?

I'm gonna stick around.
This is the most fun I've had in years.

- [both chuckle]
- Hmm...

[indistinct chatter]

[Beth] Kate Daniels
and her son are exiting the liquor mart,

and they are safely
in the hands of authorities.

Oh...

You all right?

No!

[groaning]

Apparently,
we're having some technical issues

- in El Camino.
- [cameraman] Settle down.

We'll get Beth Flowers back
as soon as we can.

Well, they'll be coming in now.

I'm sure they've done the math, right?

Six minus four equals two.

So, either you're the bad guy,
or it's me.

I'm the only one that hasn't been shot.

I'm just gonna tell the truth.

The truth is a tricky son of a bitch.

What do you want for Christmas?

[sighs] To get out of here, for one.

[exhales, clicks tongue]

Well, no ask is too big
for the spirit of the holidays.

That's what I say.

You know what?

Christmas is over too quick.

It's all the buildup...

and then, bam.

Tree's all dried out.

Family leaves.

And there's shit everywhere.

[clears throat]

You know, Eric Norris...

[sighs]

...you're a good man.

Maybe I did something right.

What are you doing?

Well, it's not often a guy gets a chance
to right so many wrongs.

[grunts]

[sighs]

Don't go out there holding the gun.
[groans]

Merry Christmas, Eric Norris.

Sure was nice to meet you.

Too bad we didn't meet earlier.

Oh, the things we could have done.

Larry.

- [man] He's coming out!
- [Eric] Don't go out there!

[Patterson] Sir! This is the FBI.

Step forward! Get on the ground!

[bottle breaks ]

On the ground, now!

Hey, take care of yourself.

[Patterson] Put the gun down!

Put it down, Larry!

Listen, I've left one person in there
that needs medical help.

[Patterson] It's okay, we'll take care
of him. Put the gun down!

Larry, put it down!

[inhales deeply] The life of man...

solitary, poor...

nasty, brutish...

[sighs]

...and short.

- [gunfire]
- [glass shattering]

No, no!

[man] Hold your fire!

- [Patterson] Hold your fire!
- [Eric] No!

[mutters]

It better be better up there, amigo.

That's all I'm saying.

That's... that's all...
that's all I'm saying.

That's all... that's all I'm saying.

Oh...

[indistinct radio chatter]

Oh my God, baby, what happened?
What happened in there?

Okay, honey. He's not...

- Ms. Flowers.
- [groaning]

[moaning] Get us out!
It hurts so bad!

[sirens wailing]

[Bill Harvey's "All For You" playing]

[chimes]

[woman] I don't want to smoke anymore.

It's not who I am.

I don't want to smoke anymore.

It's not who I am.

I have the willpower to choose my life.

I have the willpower to change my life.

Choose, choose.

Choose, choose.

Senator Allen, just today,
admitted his relationship

with the pharmaceutical giant
was financially beneficial

to both his campaign
and his campaign staff.

I'm Beth Flowers, reporting live
from Austin, Texas.

Back to you, Soledad.

Oh, my goodness!

Do it again! Do it again.

Looks like tomorrow's gonna be hotter
than two rats fucking in a wool sock.

- So, powder up your balls and stay inside.
- [laughing]

Powder up your balls!

'Cause they get sweaty.

- So, you say they're back, are they?
- I believe so.

When you shine your light on them,
they run off?

- They sure did.
- Not surprised.

I'm gonna call animal control for you.

Uh, raccoons are not really
a police matter.

Listen, I sure appreciate you putting this
on your property.

I'm gonna clean up El Camino.
That's my promise.

Safety's my middle name... and my last.

♪ All for you ♪

♪ I did my best for you ♪

[Vicente] It's a miracle
that I'm still alive.

Four gunshot wounds.

Thirty-two million dollars.

I'm not a mathematician,
but that's $8 million per gunshot.

You're something like a superhero.

Maybe I'm just a super lucky guy.

Maybe you're both.

I'm Vicente.

I'm Rosa.

Nice to meet you.

Pleasure's mine.

Have one more bite, okay?

One more bite.

- Of that?
- Um, we didn't order that.

[server] I know.
That gentleman just sent it over.

[Seth] Eric!

Hey, buddy.

Hi.

Pancakes.

Yeah, I see that.

You wanna join us?

Yeah.

♪ Said I missed you ♪

♪ But I long for you ♪

♪ And I'd do it all over again ♪

[Carl singing
"The Twelve Days of Christmas"]

♪ The first day of Christmas
My true love sent to me ♪

♪ A partridge in a pear tree ♪

♪ The second day of Christmas
My true love sent to me ♪

♪ Two turtle doves ♪

♪ And a partridge in a pear tree ♪

♪ The third day of Christmas
My true love sent to me ♪

♪ Three french hens ♪

♪ Two turtle doves ♪

♪ And a partridge in a pear tree ♪

♪ The fourth day of Christmas
My true love sent to me ♪

♪ Four calling birds ♪

♪ Three french hens ♪

♪ Two turtle doves ♪

♪ And a partridge in a pear tree ♪

♪ The fifth day of Christmas
My true love sent to me ♪

♪ Five gold rings ♪

♪ Four calling birds ♪

♪ Three french hens ♪

♪ Two turtle doves ♪

♪ And a partridge in a pear tree ♪

♪ The sixth day of Christmas
My true love sent to me ♪

♪ Six geese a-laying ♪

♪ Five gold rings ♪

♪ Four calling birds ♪

♪ Three french hens ♪

♪ Two turtle doves ♪

♪ And a partridge in a pear tree ♪

♪ Whoo! The seventh day of Christmas
My true love sent to me ♪

♪ Seven swans a-swimming ♪

♪ Six geese a-laying ♪

♪ Five gold rings ♪

♪ Four calling birds ♪

♪ Three french hens ♪

♪ Two turtle doves ♪

♪ And a partridge in a pear tree ♪

♪ Whoo! The eighth day of Christmas
My true love sent to me ♪

♪ Eight maids a-milking ♪

♪ Seven swans a-swimming ♪

♪ Six geese a-laying ♪

♪ Five gold rings ♪

♪ Four calling birds ♪

♪ Three french hens ♪

♪ Two turtle doves ♪

♪ And a partridge in a pear tree ♪

♪ The ninth day of Christmas
My true love sent to me ♪

♪ Nine drummers drumming ♪

♪ Eight maids a-milking ♪

♪ Seven swans a-swimming ♪

♪ Six geese a-laying ♪

♪ Five gold rings ♪

♪ Four calling birds ♪

♪ Three french hens ♪

♪ Two turtle doves ♪

♪ And a partridge in a pear tree ♪

♪ Whoo! The tenth day of Christmas
My true love sent to me ♪

♪ Ten pipers piping ♪

♪ Nine drummers drumming ♪

♪ Eight maids a-milking ♪

♪ Seven swans a-swimming ♪

♪ Six geese a-laying ♪

♪ Five gold rings ♪

♪ Four calling birds ♪

♪ Three french hens ♪

♪ Two turtle doves ♪

♪ And a partridge in a pear tree ♪

♪ Whoo! The eleventh day of Christmas
My true love sent to me ♪

♪ Eleven ladies dancing ♪

♪ Ten pipers piping ♪

♪ Nine drummers drumming ♪

♪ Eight maids a-milking ♪

♪ Seven swans a-swimming ♪

♪ Six geese a-laying ♪

♪ Five gold rings ♪

♪ Four calling birds ♪

♪ Three french hens ♪

♪ Two turtle doves ♪

♪ And a partridge in a pear tree ♪

♪ The twelfth day of Christmas
My true love sent to me ♪

♪ Twelve lords a-leaping ♪

♪ Eleven ladies dancing ♪

♪ Ten pipers piping ♪

♪ Nine drummers drumming ♪

♪ Eight maids a-milking ♪

♪ Seven swans a-swimming ♪

♪ Six geese a-laying ♪

♪ Five gold rings ♪

♪ Four calling birds ♪

♪ Three french hens ♪

♪ Two turtle doves ♪

♪ And a partridge in a pear tree ♪

♪ Yes, sir! Whoo! ♪