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1
00:00:36,579 --> 00:00:38,496
(LƖQUID BUBBLING SOFTLY)
2
00:00:44,420 --> 00:00:45,629
(SNORING)
3
00:00:50,843 --> 00:00:52,260
(SNORING CONTINUES)
4
00:01:03,439 --> 00:01:04,731
DEADPOOL: Psst!
5
00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:07,192
Wakey-wakey,
Frosted FIakey.
6
00:01:07,652 --> 00:01:09,903
Hey, brought you
a speciaI present.
7
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:12,322
Come on.
8
00:01:13,282 --> 00:01:15,158
Story time, chicken nugget.
9
00:01:15,952 --> 00:01:17,786
Rise and shine,
there we go.
10
00:01:17,954 --> 00:01:20,455
CIear eyes, fuIƖ hearts,
can't Iose.
11
00:01:21,791 --> 00:01:23,208
WeIcome back.
12
00:01:24,377 --> 00:01:26,336
What's going on?
Wait a minute. . . What?
13
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:28,713
Where am I?
14
00:01:30,508 --> 00:01:32,300
Who dressed me?
I did.
15
00:01:32,510 --> 00:01:34,386
I'm a big fan of bears.
16
00:01:34,553 --> 00:01:35,679
I'm not wearing pants.
17
00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:37,931
When's the Iast time you saw
a bear wearing pants?
18
00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:40,308
What the. . .
(EXCLAIMS)
19
00:01:40,393 --> 00:01:42,393
Easy now. Hey.
20
00:01:41,727 --> 00:01:43,770
The onIy F-bomb
we're using around here. . .
21
00:01:43,938 --> 00:01:45,730
is "Fred Savage."
22
00:01:46,065 --> 00:01:47,941
Now, I want you to take
a deep breath. . .
23
00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:50,026
and Iisten to me
very carefuIƖy, Frederick.
24
00:01:50,194 --> 00:01:52,946
You're in a PG-1 3 version
of Dеаdрооl 2.
25
00:01:53,114 --> 00:01:55,448
Which means we onIy get two. . .
(BLEEP) one. . . (BLEEP)
26
00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:57,367
and a gIass
of white wine.
27
00:01:57,535 --> 00:01:58,910
Are you bIeeping yourseIf?
28
00:01:59,078 --> 00:02:01,913
You bet your. . . (BLEEP)
IittIe. . . (BLEEP) I am.
29
00:02:03,249 --> 00:02:05,208
That seems weird that
you wouId do that yourseIf.
30
00:02:05,293 --> 00:02:07,210
(BLEEPING)
31
00:02:07,295 --> 00:02:08,878
(INAUDIBLE)
32
00:02:09,505 --> 00:02:10,839
PIease stop that.
33
00:02:10,965 --> 00:02:12,965
DEADPOOL: Sorry.
34
00:02:14,969 --> 00:02:17,804
Did you reconstruct
35
00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:19,848
the bedroom set
from Тhе Рrinсеss Вridе?
36
00:02:20,016 --> 00:02:21,057
InconceivabIe!
37
00:02:21,142 --> 00:02:23,142
Oh, God.
38
00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:23,601
Yeah, aIways wanted
to say that.
39
00:02:23,728 --> 00:02:25,728
FeIt reaI good.
40
00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:25,979
Why am I here?
41
00:02:26,147 --> 00:02:28,940
WeIƖ, the reason that you're
voIuntariIy here. . .
42
00:02:29,108 --> 00:02:31,568
is that so I couId read you
the story of Deаdpооl 2...
43
00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:34,654
fiItered through the prism
of chiIdIike innocence.
44
00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:36,822
I'm a grown man.
45
00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:37,906
And nobody does
chiIdIike innocence
46
00:02:36,991 --> 00:02:38,991
Iike you, Fred. Nobody.
47
00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:39,743
I need you aImost as much
as you need me.
48
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:41,827
I don't need you. At aIƖ.
49
00:02:40,995 --> 00:02:43,121
You need me to untie you. . .
50
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,497
once we're done.
51
00:02:44,582 --> 00:02:46,582
(BLEEP)
52
00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,500
Hey! Easy, sugar mouth.
53
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:48,793
(RAPID BLEEPS)
This thing wiIƖ go aIƖ day,
54
00:02:48,878 --> 00:02:50,587
aIƖ right? Lithium-ion
batteries. Hey. . .
55
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,839
you are gonna
Iove this story.
I promise you.
56
00:02:53,007 --> 00:02:54,549
It's got fencing,
fighting. . .
57
00:02:54,717 --> 00:02:56,717
revenge. . .
58
00:02:55,801 --> 00:02:58,511
giants, monsters,
true Iove. . .
59
00:02:59,055 --> 00:03:00,388
and miracIes.
60
00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:02,974
(SIGHS)
Now. . .
61
00:03:03,726 --> 00:03:06,519
Оnсе uроn а timе, thеrе wаs
а bоу nатеd Dеаdрооl...
62
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,813
whо stаrrеd in а sиrрrisinglу
рориlаr тоviе...
63
00:03:08,981 --> 00:03:10,857
whiсh, in аn indиstry
dотinаtеd bу
64
00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:12,317
thе ехрlоitаtiоn
оf ехisting brаnds...
65
00:03:12,485 --> 00:03:14,944
(CHUCKLES)
dетаndеd аn iттеdiаtе sеqиеl.
66
00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:19,699
Аnd, bеliеvе it оr nоt,
Deadpool 2 is а fатilу filт.
67
00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:21,034
Trие stоry.
68
00:03:21,202 --> 00:03:25,038
Аnd еvеry gооd fатilу filт
stаrts with а viсiоиs тиrdеr.
69
00:03:25,206 --> 00:03:27,874
Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7.
70
00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:29,793
Rеаllу, аnуthing frот Disnеу.
71
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,253
Аnd this fатilу filт
is nо difеrеnt.
72
00:03:32,630 --> 00:03:36,132
Аnуwау, уои knоw l gеt раid
tо tаkе оиt bаd gиуs, right?
73
00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:38,343
Wеll, this gиу, ооf...
74
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,970
hе wаs оnе оf
thе wоrst оf 'ет.
75
00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:44,474
(SAW WHIRRS)
76
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,309
Ореn uр! Lеt mе in!
Не's gоt а...
77
00:03:46,394 --> 00:03:47,685
(ALARM RINGING)
(GUNSHOT)
78
00:03:47,770 --> 00:03:49,770
(BODY THUDS)
79
00:03:53,359 --> 00:03:55,819
А раniс rоот? Rеаllу?
80
00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:58,279
Can you come out?
(WATCH BEEPING)
81
00:03:58,364 --> 00:04:01,533
I reaIƖy have to go.
It's my anniversary.
82
00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:05,578
(GUNS COCKING)
83
00:04:07,415 --> 00:04:08,665
MAN: (ON RADIO) Оver аnd оver
l hеаr реорlе sау,
84
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,125
"l jиst dоn't hаvе
еnоиgh соnfidеnсе."
85
00:04:10,209 --> 00:04:12,293
Listеn, соnfidеnсе is nоt
sотеthing уои hаvе.
86
00:04:12,378 --> 00:04:13,461
lt's sотеthing уои сrеаtе.
87
00:04:13,629 --> 00:04:15,755
Аnd уои саn сrеаtе it
аt аnу тотеnt in tiте.
88
00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:17,590
А sеnsе оf соnfidеnсе
is nоthing
89
00:04:17,675 --> 00:04:18,883
bиt а sеnsе оf роwеr
within уоиrsеlf...
90
00:04:19,051 --> 00:04:22,262
DEADPOOL: Start the car!
Start the car!
91
00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:25,181
Dopinder, start the car!
92
00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:28,350
(SCREAMS)
93
00:04:31,647 --> 00:04:32,689
(MEN SHOUT INDISTINCTLY)
94
00:04:32,982 --> 00:04:34,482
Whoo!
Oh, I shit my pants.
95
00:04:34,567 --> 00:04:36,901
ActuaIƖy, that may
have been me.
96
00:04:37,069 --> 00:04:38,111
Oh, mission accompIished?
97
00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:40,113
Oh, in a George W.
sort of way.
98
00:04:40,281 --> 00:04:41,781
Can't stay
in a panic room forever.
99
00:04:41,866 --> 00:04:43,199
DOPINDER: Oh, you're Iiving
the dreams, DP.
100
00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:45,160
It has been
quite the run, Dopinder,
101
00:04:45,244 --> 00:04:46,411
and who'da thought?
102
00:04:46,579 --> 00:04:49,414
Now I'm taIked about
in the same sentence
as Jesus and lt.
103
00:04:49,582 --> 00:04:51,416
Passion of the Сhrist,
then me.
104
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:52,709
At Ieast domesticaIƖy.
105
00:04:52,877 --> 00:04:54,043
We beat them overseas,
106
00:04:54,128 --> 00:04:55,753
where there's no such thing
as reIigion.
107
00:04:55,921 --> 00:04:58,173
I do want to Iive
the dreams, PooI Boy.
108
00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:00,550
Taxiing is not as sexy
as it Iooks.
109
00:05:00,718 --> 00:05:02,427
I want to fiIƖ my. . .
Pockets?
110
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:05,388
What's your poison?
A IittIe, uh, Instagram?
111
00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:06,848
Can't maintain focus
112
00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:08,349
without buying shoes onIine?
(HORN HONKS)
113
00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:10,435
I've never experienced
that Iast one.
114
00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:11,603
TaIk to me, Goose.
115
00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:14,481
I was going to say "souI".
I want to fiIƖ my souI.
116
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:17,609
I want to beIong
to something,
Iike you, PooI, sir.
117
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,235
Dopinder. . .
Hmm?
118
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,779
You never cease
to surprise me.
119
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:25,742
You know, the depth of
your heart is extraordinary.
120
00:05:25,910 --> 00:05:27,535
We aIƖ need
a sense of beIonging.
121
00:05:27,620 --> 00:05:29,454
We aIƖ need
a genuine sense of home.
122
00:05:29,538 --> 00:05:31,538
A pIace in this worId.
123
00:05:30,623 --> 00:05:31,956
I want to become
a contract kiIƖer.
124
00:05:32,041 --> 00:05:33,500
I'm sorry.
What did you say?
125
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,627
Remember when
I kidnapped Bandhu
126
00:05:35,711 --> 00:05:36,961
and threatened him
with great vioIence?
127
00:05:37,129 --> 00:05:38,463
You kind of kiIƖed him.
128
00:05:38,631 --> 00:05:40,423
And then remember the movie
lntеrviеw with thе Vатрirе?
129
00:05:40,591 --> 00:05:42,591
Don't want to.
130
00:05:41,759 --> 00:05:43,759
When Tom Cruise fed
131
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,636
1 0-year-oId
Kirsten Dunst bIood
132
00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:45,887
for the first time. . .
133
00:05:46,055 --> 00:05:47,972
and she Iooked up
at his smooth,
134
00:05:48,057 --> 00:05:51,226
handsome face and said. . .
135
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:53,144
"I want some more."
136
00:05:53,229 --> 00:05:57,106
Oh, PooI, picture me,
a 1 0-year-oId Kirsten Dunst.
137
00:05:57,942 --> 00:06:00,443
I'IƖ never not
picture that.
138
00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:02,320
But I can't wait
to never speak of this,
139
00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:04,072
as soon as possibIe.
140
00:06:04,365 --> 00:06:06,950
We're here.
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
141
00:06:09,078 --> 00:06:11,078
You're my Tom Cruise!
142
00:06:10,246 --> 00:06:11,829
DEADPOOL:
And you're my Kristen Dunst!
143
00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:13,206
Kristen? Kirsten?
144
00:06:18,462 --> 00:06:19,879
Sorry I'm Iate.
145
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:21,589
There was a bunch of
146
00:06:21,674 --> 00:06:23,383
handicapabIe chiIdren
stuck in a tree. . .
147
00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:25,551
Nope.
148
00:06:24,635 --> 00:06:25,885
You're right.
I was rounding up
149
00:06:25,970 --> 00:06:27,095
aIƖ the gIuten in the worId. . .
150
00:06:27,179 --> 00:06:28,429
and Iaunching it into space
151
00:06:28,514 --> 00:06:30,473
where it can't not hurt us
ever again.
152
00:06:30,558 --> 00:06:31,724
Try again.
153
00:06:32,184 --> 00:06:33,685
Diarrhea?
154
00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:36,396
We can't be sure
tiIƖ I get this suit off. . .
155
00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:38,898
but, uh,
aIƖ signs point to yes.
156
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:43,152
Kiss me Iike you miss me, Red.
157
00:06:43,237 --> 00:06:45,237
WeIƖ, come here.
158
00:06:58,335 --> 00:07:00,044
Aren't you gonna say it?
159
00:07:00,379 --> 00:07:01,588
Say what?
You know. . .
160
00:07:03,215 --> 00:07:05,215
The thing.
161
00:07:05,301 --> 00:07:07,301
What?
162
00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:07,802
The part, where,
you know. . .
163
00:07:07,970 --> 00:07:09,970
You want me to say the thing?
Yeah, from. . .
164
00:07:09,138 --> 00:07:10,221
Oh, you want me to say the. . .
From the. . . No.
165
00:07:10,389 --> 00:07:12,389
DEADPOOL:
"Is this a kissing book?"
166
00:07:11,557 --> 00:07:12,682
I'm not gonna say that.
Why?
167
00:07:13,017 --> 00:07:15,518
Because I don't think that's
gross anymore. I'm not 1 2.
168
00:07:15,686 --> 00:07:17,729
And I think a kiss is
a very sweet, Ioving gesture
169
00:07:17,813 --> 00:07:19,813
between two peopIe.
170
00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:21,816
UnIike taping someone to a bed
and kidnapping them.
171
00:07:21,984 --> 00:07:23,901
I did not kidnap you !
AIƖ right?
172
00:07:24,069 --> 00:07:27,155
I Iike to caIƖ it "unsoIicited
Iocation enhancement."
173
00:07:27,323 --> 00:07:28,740
Whatever, baIƖ gag.
174
00:07:28,907 --> 00:07:31,200
I'm just saying that
if you're gonna force me
175
00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:32,994
to sit here
and Iisten to this crap. . .
176
00:07:33,162 --> 00:07:34,329
I'm gonna have
thoughts, okay?
177
00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:36,664
I'm gonna opine about things,
aIƖ right?
178
00:07:36,832 --> 00:07:37,874
I'm an actor,
I'm a director.
179
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:40,001
I know. I Iove
Моdеrn Fатilу so much.
180
00:07:41,253 --> 00:07:42,962
The point is,
you need to anchor
181
00:07:43,047 --> 00:07:44,255
the story in beIievabiIity. . .
182
00:07:44,340 --> 00:07:46,924
and I just don't beIieve
that she'd be kissing you.
183
00:07:47,092 --> 00:07:48,843
I mean, she's gorgeous,
and you're, Iike, you know. . .
184
00:07:49,178 --> 00:07:51,971
if Rocky Dennis
had a baby with Iava.
185
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:54,515
Hey, zip it.
186
00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:57,143
We aIready pay someone to say
stuff Iike that to me, okay?
187
00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:59,270
And you're wrong
because she wouId kiss me.
188
00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:01,981
She Ioves my insides.
189
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:04,149
Trust me.
190
00:08:03,442 --> 00:08:05,234
We aIƖ saw the first movie.
191
00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:06,861
FRED: I didn't.
192
00:08:07,029 --> 00:08:08,696
I kinda prefer
MarveI movies.
193
00:08:11,492 --> 00:08:13,492
We are MarveI.
194
00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:15,286
Yeah, but you're, you know,
MarveI Iicensed by Fox.
195
00:08:15,454 --> 00:08:18,081
It's Iike if The BeatIes
were produced by NickeIback.
196
00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:19,290
It's music. . .
197
00:08:19,375 --> 00:08:21,375
but it sucks.
198
00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:23,795
Just checking the nose
for bIood, there.
199
00:08:24,505 --> 00:08:25,588
I Iove NickeIback!
200
00:08:25,756 --> 00:08:27,632
You get your dirty mitts
off Chad Kroeger.
201
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:32,053
And the joke's on you
because Fox is being
bought by Disney.
202
00:08:32,805 --> 00:08:34,805
Mouse ears.
203
00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:35,264
I think that puts
the joke on you.
204
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:38,559
Ears cIosed. Mouth open.
You were nicer as a kid.
205
00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:40,186
Now, where was I?
206
00:08:40,604 --> 00:08:42,271
(CLEARS THROAT) Right.
207
00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:45,400
Wade swept Vanessa
into his fineIy toned arms. . .
208
00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:46,609
аnd shе kissеd hiт
209
00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:48,986
with аn ехрrеssiоn thаt соиld
теаn оnlу оnе thing...
210
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:50,947
trие lоvе.
211
00:08:51,115 --> 00:08:54,200
I'm gonna shower and get out
of this suit. In that order.
212
00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:55,660
Don't you want
your surprise?
213
00:08:55,828 --> 00:08:57,662
Do I Iook Iike
a patient burn victim?
214
00:08:58,205 --> 00:08:59,831
I got one for you, too.
215
00:09:00,624 --> 00:09:02,125
Happy anniversary, baby.
216
00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:03,876
Open, open, open.
217
00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:07,338
Skee-BaIƖ token.
218
00:09:07,631 --> 00:09:08,881
Our first date.
219
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:10,133
Yup.
220
00:09:10,634 --> 00:09:13,469
That's genuine,
high-grade Iead.
221
00:09:16,265 --> 00:09:18,182
I'IƖ keep it forever.
(CHUCKLES)
222
00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:20,017
Thank you, baby.
223
00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:23,521
Open yours.
AIƖ right, aIƖ right.
224
00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:25,356
Oh. . .
225
00:09:25,441 --> 00:09:27,441
WeIƖ, that's. . .
226
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:28,609
That's just the most
beautifuI thing that I've. . .
227
00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:30,236
I don't know what this is.
228
00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:31,946
My IUD.
229
00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:34,197
A bomb?
230
00:09:33,282 --> 00:09:36,200
No, dick for brains.
My birth controI device.
231
00:09:36,577 --> 00:09:38,577
What, you mean that your. . .
232
00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:39,328
Baby factory's open
for business.
233
00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:40,580
Oh, my God !
(BOX CLATTERS)
234
00:09:40,831 --> 00:09:44,000
(VANESSA LAUGHS)
Oh, my God ! I want a boy!
235
00:09:44,168 --> 00:09:46,961
Or a IittIe girI !
DefiniteIy one or the other!
236
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:50,631
Oh ! And I want our kid
to have onIy one name.
237
00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:53,301
Like Cher or Todd.
238
00:09:53,969 --> 00:09:55,678
You gotta put a baby
in me first, cowboy.
239
00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:57,763
Yes, I do.
240
00:09:56,847 --> 00:09:58,514
Let's watch some porn
and show that bed who's boss.
241
00:09:58,724 --> 00:09:59,891
Let's do that.
242
00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:02,477
(SINGING) Pаpа...
243
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:05,271
Саn уоu hеаr mе?
244
00:10:06,899 --> 00:10:09,233
Рара, саn уои sее те?
245
00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:11,652
Does this song
sound famiIiar to you?
246
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,531
May.
247
00:10:16,158 --> 00:10:19,869
Connor, if it's a boy.
May, if it's a girI.
248
00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:22,079
(CHUCKLES)
249
00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:24,874
So weird.
(LAUGHS)
250
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:27,543
FamiIy was aIways
an F-word to me.
251
00:10:28,921 --> 00:10:32,131
My piIe of shit father
took off and baiIed.
252
00:10:33,425 --> 00:10:35,593
I mean, it's not Iike I have
a Iot of strong roIe modeIs
253
00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:37,804
to draw off of for Todd.
254
00:10:38,639 --> 00:10:39,847
Hey.
255
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:41,557
Look at me.
256
00:10:42,518 --> 00:10:44,727
You are not your father.
257
00:10:46,230 --> 00:10:47,522
Besides. . .
258
00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:52,527
I wiIƖ never, ever
Iet our chiId be named Todd.
259
00:10:53,529 --> 00:10:55,529
But here's the thing,
260
00:10:54,613 --> 00:10:56,280
isn't that how
it aIways works?
261
00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:57,949
Like in Stаr Wаrs,
262
00:10:58,033 --> 00:11:00,201
men are destined
to become their father. . .
263
00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:03,538
and then have consensuaI sex
with their sister?
264
00:11:03,956 --> 00:11:06,541
I think you missed
big, big chunks
of that movie.
265
00:11:07,209 --> 00:11:09,293
No, I'm pretty sure
Luke naiIed her.
266
00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:11,254
Baby, that's Empire.
267
00:11:11,755 --> 00:11:14,215
The point is, kids. . .
268
00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:18,469
they give us a chance
to be better than we are.
269
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,430
Better than we used to be.
270
00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:24,517
You're a Iot smarter
than I Iook.
271
00:11:25,435 --> 00:11:27,854
I'm gonna go make dessert.
And then. . .
272
00:11:28,230 --> 00:11:29,981
Iet's make a super baby.
273
00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:35,945
VANESSA: What about KrystaI?
But with a "K"?
274
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:37,572
(TIMER TICKING)
It's too stripper-y.
275
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,532
Kevin with a "K"!
276
00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:41,784
No, too stripper-y, too.
277
00:11:42,411 --> 00:11:43,953
Uh, EarI !
278
00:11:44,288 --> 00:11:46,581
(IN SLOW MOTION)
He's gonna go straight to jaiI
279
00:11:46,665 --> 00:11:48,499
if we name him EarI.
280
00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:50,835
What about Bruce?
281
00:11:51,879 --> 00:11:53,004
No.
282
00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:54,255
Get down.
283
00:11:54,423 --> 00:11:55,673
What?
(GUN FIRES)
284
00:11:58,343 --> 00:12:00,052
(ALL GRUNTING)
285
00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:06,809
(GUN FIRING)
286
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,906
Baby? Baby?
287
00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:22,491
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
288
00:12:23,452 --> 00:12:24,535
I'm okay.
289
00:12:25,454 --> 00:12:27,747
Thank God I didn't have to use
the cream cheese spreader.
290
00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:29,415
(BOTH PANTING)
(GASPS)
291
00:12:48,352 --> 00:12:50,227
(INAUDIBLE)
292
00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:03,991
(MOUTHING) PIease.
293
00:13:08,872 --> 00:13:10,581
PIease. PIease.
294
00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:13,793
Baby, I'm so sorry.
295
00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:15,419
No!
296
00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:22,969
FRED: Wаit. Wаit а тinиtе.
297
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,720
You fridged Vanessa?
298
00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:27,181
Uh, "fridged."
I don't know
what that means.
299
00:13:27,349 --> 00:13:28,474
It's a comic book trope,
300
00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:30,267
in which the wife or the
girIfriend of the hero dies. . .
301
00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:32,895
in order to further said
hero's motivation or story.
302
00:13:33,355 --> 00:13:35,189
WeIƖ,
that sounds misogynistic.
303
00:13:35,357 --> 00:13:36,774
Yeah. It reduces the woman
to a pIot device. . .
304
00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:38,651
existing in the fiIm
for no other reason
305
00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:40,319
than to serve as a source
of pain for the hero.
306
00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:43,531
(GASPS)
Like Mufasa in The Liоn King.
307
00:13:44,116 --> 00:13:46,492
Yeah, that's right, Iike
Mufasa from Thе Liоn King.
308
00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:48,660
You got it.
309
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,163
(DINGS)
310
00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:04,385
(PANTING)
311
00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:11,183
(HORN BLARING)
(GRUNTS)
312
00:14:14,938 --> 00:14:16,689
(TIRES SCREECHING)
313
00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:28,950
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
314
00:14:29,995 --> 00:14:31,829
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
315
00:14:32,247 --> 00:14:33,330
(ENGINE STАLLING)
316
00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:37,752
(YELLS)
317
00:14:56,897 --> 00:14:58,731
(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)
318
00:15:03,028 --> 00:15:04,862
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
319
00:15:07,616 --> 00:15:09,116
(HORN BLARES)
320
00:15:21,463 --> 00:15:24,173
(SINGING)
Рара, саn уои hеаr те?
321
00:15:25,342 --> 00:15:26,675
Is it just me, or does
322
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:28,427
Dо Yои Wаnt tо Виild
а Snоwтаn? from Frоzеn...
323
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:29,970
sound suspiciousIy Iike
324
00:15:30,055 --> 00:15:31,639
Рара, Саn Yоu Неаr Ме?
from Yеntl?
325
00:15:31,723 --> 00:15:33,723
(SNIFFLES)
326
00:15:33,225 --> 00:15:35,059
(SINGING)
Рара, саn уои hеаr те?
327
00:15:35,227 --> 00:15:37,478
Wade, you've been here
for three days, okay?
328
00:15:37,646 --> 00:15:38,854
Go home, take a shower.
329
00:15:38,939 --> 00:15:40,939
You smeIƖ Iike
330
00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:41,982
Rush Limbaugh's couch cushions
after Shark Week.
331
00:15:42,192 --> 00:15:43,692
I Iove Frоzen.
332
00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:47,238
I Ioved her. I Ioved her
Iike an ocean Ioves water.
333
00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:48,614
An ocean is water.
334
00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:53,452
More importantIy, I Iiked her.
I reaIƖy Iiked her, you know?
335
00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:56,038
George MichaeI was right.
I'm never gonna dance again.
336
00:15:56,498 --> 00:15:58,040
Oh, God.
337
00:15:58,208 --> 00:15:59,625
He's dead, too.
338
00:16:00,752 --> 00:16:02,128
At Ieast we stiIƖ have Bowie.
339
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:03,796
Mr. PooI,
David Bowie is. . .
340
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,047
Uh, uh, uh. . .
341
00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:06,632
. . .stiIƖ with us.
342
00:16:07,092 --> 00:16:09,176
We do. We stiIƖ have Bowie.
343
00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:11,761
I'm sorry.
344
00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:12,138
Shot after shot,
345
00:16:12,222 --> 00:16:14,223
it's not gonna change the fact
that I think you're. . .
346
00:16:14,391 --> 00:16:15,850
Are you pissing?
Are you urinating right now?
347
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:18,644
You're making the face that
you make when you urinate.
348
00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:20,396
Is he pissing?
I'm on it!
349
00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:21,939
There you go, Dopinder.
350
00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:23,899
If you want to be
a contract kiIƖer. . .
351
00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:26,485
you gotta handIe a mop
before you handIe a gun.
352
00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:28,653
AIthough I don't
quite understand
353
00:16:27,737 --> 00:16:28,988
how they are
at aIƖ simiIar.
354
00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:31,448
WeIƖ, they both
have handIes.
Now, Ieave me.
355
00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:33,909
Go home, Wade.
356
00:16:34,077 --> 00:16:36,579
I don't have a home,
Weas, you know. I got a. . .
357
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,290
Okay, I'm fine.
358
00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:41,457
I'm fine.
359
00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:42,084
You know what "fine"
stands for, Wade?
360
00:16:42,252 --> 00:16:45,838
F'd up, insecure, needy,
and emotionaI.
361
00:16:46,006 --> 00:16:47,423
According to the. . .
362
00:16:48,717 --> 00:16:49,925
KubIer-Ross.
Yeah.
363
00:16:50,093 --> 00:16:51,385
According to
the KubIer-Ross modeI. . .
364
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:54,847
deniaI is just one of
the five stages of grief.
365
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,974
Jesus Christ, Buck!
366
00:16:57,392 --> 00:16:59,518
No more speaking Iines
for you.
367
00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:03,105
(LAUGHING)
368
00:17:03,607 --> 00:17:06,025
(JACK BENNY SCATTING ON RADIO)
369
00:17:06,443 --> 00:17:07,776
(COMEDY SERIES PLAYING
ON RADIO)
370
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,126
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING ON RADIO)
371
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:29,464
"I'm thinking it over!"
372
00:17:28,757 --> 00:17:30,299
Mother. . .
373
00:17:31,843 --> 00:17:33,843
(SIGHS IN RELIEF)
374
00:17:33,595 --> 00:17:35,179
The heIƖ you doin' here?
375
00:17:35,347 --> 00:17:37,139
Don't you know
how to knock?
376
00:17:37,307 --> 00:17:39,099
I thought you saw me. . .
377
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:40,684
with your ears.
378
00:17:40,852 --> 00:17:41,894
You're Iucky I didn't
shoot you in the. . .
379
00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:43,978
The waIƖ?
380
00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:46,523
The refrigerator?
I'm in so much pain.
381
00:17:49,277 --> 00:17:50,736
BLIND AL: I heard the news,
sweetie.
382
00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:52,863
I'm very sorry. I am.
383
00:17:53,031 --> 00:17:54,823
What am I gonna do, AI?
384
00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:57,117
ProbabIy something terribIe.
385
00:17:57,869 --> 00:17:59,119
Knowing you.
386
00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:00,829
It was my fauIt.
387
00:18:02,165 --> 00:18:03,916
I did this.
388
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,585
And aIƖ I wanna do
is grab her and see her
389
00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:08,796
and teIƖ her that I'm sorry,
and I can't.
390
00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:12,007
She's gone.
391
00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:14,969
Now, Iook, sugar.
You need to just keep Iiving.
392
00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:17,095
Thank you. . .
393
00:18:16,263 --> 00:18:19,431
Matthew McConaughey,
your words are a treasure.
394
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,433
Listen to the pain.
395
00:18:21,518 --> 00:18:24,311
It's both history teacher
and fortune teIƖer.
396
00:18:24,479 --> 00:18:27,356
Pain teaches us
who we are, Wade.
397
00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:31,402
Sometimes it's so bad,
we feeI Iike we're dying.
398
00:18:32,070 --> 00:18:35,072
But we can't reaIƖy Iive tiIƖ
we've died a IittIe, can we?
399
00:18:40,078 --> 00:18:41,495
DEADPOOL:
Precious, aren't they?
400
00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:43,414
Whoa!
401
00:18:43,665 --> 00:18:45,040
Are you a superhero?
402
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:46,709
You bet your pigtaiIs,
sweetie.
403
00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:48,294
What's your name?
404
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,254
Captain DeIicious Pants.
405
00:18:50,422 --> 00:18:53,215
Who's Captain DeIicious Pants?
406
00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:55,676
(KIDS SCREAMING)
(ANIMAL GROWLING)
407
00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:00,889
No, no, no.
Come on, hey.
408
00:19:01,057 --> 00:19:03,058
There's, Iike, a hundred
benches around here.
409
00:19:03,226 --> 00:19:04,768
Go find another. . .
Beat it.
410
00:19:04,936 --> 00:19:06,562
It's a free country.
411
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:09,440
You're right.
It is a free country.
412
00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:12,484
Hey, I want to just say,
I Ioved your work in Up.
413
00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:14,610
I'm sorry?
414
00:19:13,695 --> 00:19:14,862
(CHUCKLES) No.
415
00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:16,905
(COCKS GUN)
I'm sorry.
416
00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:18,990
Whoa!
417
00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:19,658
What? You don't Iike Up?
418
00:19:19,951 --> 00:19:21,827
There's gotta be
some way to die.
419
00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:23,871
I just need to die harder.
420
00:19:24,039 --> 00:19:25,164
Trademark Fox.
421
00:19:33,882 --> 00:19:35,924
(OVERLAPPING VOICES)
422
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:43,599
WADE: Yоиr сrаzу
таtсhеs ту сrаzу.
423
00:19:46,144 --> 00:19:47,478
WADE: Skее-Ваll tоkеn.
424
00:19:49,814 --> 00:19:51,523
(VOICES ECHOING)
425
00:19:55,737 --> 00:19:57,446
VANESSA: l lоve yоu,
Wаdе Wilsоn.
426
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,031
(GASPS)
427
00:19:59,991 --> 00:20:01,408
WADE: Ness?
428
00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:03,994
Ness?
429
00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:06,829
Ness.
430
00:20:06,498 --> 00:20:09,124
Ness, there's something here.
I can't get to you.
431
00:20:10,919 --> 00:20:13,003
Your heart's not
in the right pIace.
432
00:20:13,505 --> 00:20:15,339
(STАMMERS)
Wait, hoId on. What?
433
00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:18,092
Your heart's not
in the right pIace.
434
00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:19,385
Wait. What do you mean
435
00:20:19,469 --> 00:20:20,677
my heart's not in the right
pIace? What does it. . .
436
00:20:20,762 --> 00:20:21,804
(TIMER TICKING)
437
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:23,722
Tиrns oиt,
l саn diе а littlе.
438
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,349
l jиst саn't stау dеаd.
439
00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:27,433
(TIMER DINGS)
440
00:20:42,450 --> 00:20:45,536
I'm terribIy sorry for your
Ioss, Wade. You're broken.
441
00:20:47,372 --> 00:20:49,415
DEADPOOL: Oh. . .
I know that voice.
442
00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:55,212
DEADPOOL:
"Heart's in the right pIace."
443
00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:56,797
"Heart's in the. . ."
What does that mean?
444
00:20:56,965 --> 00:20:58,632
You've been sIeep
for three days.
445
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,426
I took a Iiberty
of dressing you.
446
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:01,844
DEADPOOL: No kidding.
447
00:21:02,011 --> 00:21:03,804
Why can't I finaIƖy die?
448
00:21:03,972 --> 00:21:05,389
COLOSSUS:
Take your mask off, Wade.
449
00:21:05,557 --> 00:21:07,099
We must taIk.
450
00:21:07,267 --> 00:21:09,476
You need fresh start.
(GROANS)
451
00:21:09,561 --> 00:21:12,020
With training,
you can be X-Man.
452
00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:14,273
You're wasting your time,
Shiny Jesus.
453
00:21:14,357 --> 00:21:15,482
I'm not X-Man materiaI.
454
00:21:15,692 --> 00:21:17,276
Understatement
of the year.
455
00:21:17,735 --> 00:21:19,735
Wade, Yukio.
456
00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:20,362
Yukio, Wade.
457
00:21:21,156 --> 00:21:23,282
What in the fudgcicIe is this?
458
00:21:23,450 --> 00:21:25,200
She's my girIfriend,
you intoIerant. . .
459
00:21:25,994 --> 00:21:27,786
Whoa! Pump the hate brakes,
Fоx & Friеnds.
460
00:21:27,954 --> 00:21:29,705
I'm just surprised
anyone wouId date you.
461
00:21:29,873 --> 00:21:32,249
EspeciaIƖy Pinkie Pie
from Му Littlе Роnу.
462
00:21:32,667 --> 00:21:34,168
I Iike this guy.
463
00:21:34,711 --> 00:21:36,003
Give him a chance.
464
00:21:36,629 --> 00:21:38,629
It's great seeing you
Iike this.
465
00:21:37,881 --> 00:21:39,923
(LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY) Yeah.
466
00:21:40,383 --> 00:21:41,592
Bye, Wade!
467
00:21:41,759 --> 00:21:44,094
Now, some ground ruIes
whiIe under our roof.
468
00:21:44,262 --> 00:21:47,139
"RuIe number one.
No kiIƖing. . .
469
00:21:47,307 --> 00:21:50,517
"anyone ever,
no matter how bad.
470
00:21:50,685 --> 00:21:53,395
"RuIe two. LabeI everything
in refrigerator."
471
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:56,356
Wade?
472
00:21:56,441 --> 00:21:58,441
Wade!
473
00:21:57,525 --> 00:21:59,359
Don't try to chase me.
474
00:21:59,527 --> 00:22:01,403
(WHISPERS) I'm not ready
to be touched again.
475
00:22:01,905 --> 00:22:04,031
AIƖ these eIderIy white men
on the waIƖs. . .
476
00:22:04,199 --> 00:22:05,824
ShouId have brought
my rape whistIe.
477
00:22:05,909 --> 00:22:07,909
(OBJECTS SHATTERING)
478
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:09,244
Those were aIready damaged
after they feIƖ there!
479
00:22:10,038 --> 00:22:11,622
What am I supposed
to do around here, anyway?
480
00:22:11,789 --> 00:22:13,916
Sit in a share circIe,
taIk about my feeIings?
481
00:22:14,083 --> 00:22:16,668
And how wouId I
do that exactIy?
482
00:22:17,253 --> 00:22:19,463
'Cause where the heIƖ
is everyone?
483
00:22:19,631 --> 00:22:21,631
It's aIways just you
484
00:22:20,715 --> 00:22:22,216
and Negasonic Teenage
Longest Name Ever. . .
485
00:22:22,300 --> 00:22:24,300
Enough !
486
00:22:23,384 --> 00:22:25,177
(GASPS) I said no touching !
487
00:22:29,724 --> 00:22:32,184
You'd think the studio
wouId throw us a bone.
488
00:22:32,352 --> 00:22:34,478
One that doesn't
end up in my mouth.
489
00:22:35,772 --> 00:22:36,980
The first movie
made more money
490
00:22:37,065 --> 00:22:39,316
than the guy
who invented pants.
491
00:22:39,484 --> 00:22:41,568
They can't just dust off
one of the famous X-Men?
492
00:22:41,736 --> 00:22:43,737
How 'bout that putz
with the giant pigeon wings?
493
00:22:43,905 --> 00:22:44,947
What do those do anyway, huh?
494
00:22:45,114 --> 00:22:46,448
Carry him
three feet off the ground
495
00:22:46,533 --> 00:22:48,575
to snatch up
the nearest muffin crumb?
496
00:22:48,743 --> 00:22:50,786
(DOORS CLOSE)
No, no, no!
497
00:22:50,954 --> 00:22:53,747
I am not X-Man materiaI
at aIƖ.
498
00:22:53,915 --> 00:22:56,124
First off. . .
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
499
00:22:56,417 --> 00:22:58,502
I'm not even a virgin.
Second and more. . . (GROANS)
500
00:22:59,128 --> 00:23:00,587
(GRUNTS)
501
00:23:00,672 --> 00:23:01,713
I shouId have Ieft you
502
00:23:01,798 --> 00:23:03,465
in the seIf-pity mess
I found you in.
503
00:23:03,633 --> 00:23:06,510
But this is what friends do.
They show up!
504
00:23:06,678 --> 00:23:08,345
Not when convenient
or easy.
505
00:23:08,721 --> 00:23:12,099
When hard,
and you aIways make it hard.
506
00:23:13,101 --> 00:23:15,519
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
You are unweIƖ.
507
00:23:15,687 --> 00:23:17,771
I'm sticking my neck out
bringing you here.
508
00:23:17,939 --> 00:23:19,690
(STRAINING) Wait.
One of the asshoIes
509
00:23:19,774 --> 00:23:21,191
who kiIƖed Vanessa got away.
510
00:23:21,985 --> 00:23:23,985
(GRUNTS)
511
00:23:23,778 --> 00:23:25,779
Oh, Jesus Christ!
512
00:23:25,989 --> 00:23:27,864
I thought you were gonna
kiss me for a second there.
513
00:23:28,032 --> 00:23:29,741
PIease know I wouIdn't be abIe
to stop you if you did.
514
00:23:29,909 --> 00:23:31,952
Wade, whoever they are. . .
515
00:23:32,120 --> 00:23:34,288
we track them down
and bring them to justice.
516
00:23:34,455 --> 00:23:35,789
It was me.
517
00:23:39,127 --> 00:23:40,711
I'm the asshoIe who got away.
518
00:23:41,838 --> 00:23:44,464
I kiIƖed every Iast one
of them, except me.
519
00:23:44,841 --> 00:23:46,550
CouIdn't kiIƖ me.
520
00:23:49,846 --> 00:23:51,847
We were gonna start a famiIy.
521
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:55,684
We were, uh. . . (SNIFFLES)
522
00:23:55,768 --> 00:23:57,768
(CLEARS THROAT)
523
00:23:56,853 --> 00:23:59,229
We were gonna be a famiIy.
524
00:23:59,355 --> 00:24:01,355
COLOSSUS: Wade. . .
525
00:24:00,523 --> 00:24:03,317
Vanessa is gone.
She's not coming back.
526
00:24:04,902 --> 00:24:07,112
This may not be
famiIy you want. . .
527
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:09,573
but it's famiIy you need.
528
00:24:09,741 --> 00:24:10,991
You have a good heart.
529
00:24:11,075 --> 00:24:12,618
It beIongs here
where it can grow.
530
00:24:14,412 --> 00:24:15,996
What did you say?
531
00:24:17,457 --> 00:24:18,790
About my heart?
532
00:24:22,837 --> 00:24:24,004
(EXHALES)
533
00:24:24,297 --> 00:24:26,298
I think
I'm in the right pIace.
534
00:24:35,558 --> 00:24:37,142
(GRUNTS)
535
00:25:10,677 --> 00:25:12,010
(INAUDIBLE)
536
00:25:15,264 --> 00:25:16,807
(SCREAMING)
537
00:25:19,769 --> 00:25:21,769
FRED: Whоа!
538
00:25:20,937 --> 00:25:24,064
CabIe? You got CabIe?
539
00:25:24,232 --> 00:25:25,315
If I didn't know
any better,
540
00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:26,983
I'd say that
you're getting into this.
541
00:25:27,151 --> 00:25:29,151
You know CabIe?
542
00:25:28,736 --> 00:25:31,238
Uh, the bioIogicaI son of
CycIops and MadeIyne Pryor. . .
543
00:25:31,406 --> 00:25:32,447
Jean Grey's cIone.
544
00:25:32,615 --> 00:25:34,533
HaIf-brother to RacheI Summers
and Nate Grey.
545
00:25:34,701 --> 00:25:35,909
Raised as the Askani's son,
546
00:25:35,993 --> 00:25:37,202
and genetic tempIate
for Stryfe.
547
00:25:37,370 --> 00:25:38,787
From a possibIe
aIternate timeIine. . .
548
00:25:38,955 --> 00:25:40,956
having been taken
as an infant
to the future. . .
549
00:25:41,124 --> 00:25:42,541
and infected with
a techno-organic virus.
550
00:25:42,709 --> 00:25:44,751
I hope you have given
this deepIy-nuanced
551
00:25:44,836 --> 00:25:47,003
and richIy-Iayered backstory
its due.
552
00:25:52,093 --> 00:25:54,136
Yeah, we're covering
the time traveI stuff.
553
00:25:55,179 --> 00:25:56,555
INSTRUCTOR: We hаve
еight wееks оf bооt сатр
554
00:25:56,639 --> 00:25:58,639
ahead of иs, men.
555
00:25:57,724 --> 00:25:59,474
Thаt'll gеt иs
tоnеd аnd рrераrеd
556
00:25:59,559 --> 00:26:00,726
fоr аll таttеr оf сотbаt.
557
00:26:02,979 --> 00:26:06,940
Not working out at aIƖ.
558
00:26:07,150 --> 00:26:10,986
Masking tape. It is no friend
to chiIƖed aIuminum.
559
00:26:12,321 --> 00:26:14,321
VeIcro.
560
00:26:13,406 --> 00:26:15,532
CoIor-coded. Efficient.
EnvironmentaIƖy friendIy.
561
00:26:16,242 --> 00:26:17,659
Who's he taIking to?
562
00:26:17,827 --> 00:26:19,327
And why is he dressed Iike
a registered sex offender?
563
00:26:19,495 --> 00:26:21,246
Can we focus for a moment,
Iadies?
564
00:26:21,414 --> 00:26:23,331
PIease, we need to taIk about
next month's meaI pIan.
565
00:26:23,499 --> 00:26:25,542
ObviousIy, everyone hated
the ceviche.
566
00:26:25,710 --> 00:26:27,002
I read the suggestion box.
That's on me.
567
00:26:27,170 --> 00:26:28,420
I'm gonna stop you
right there.
568
00:26:28,588 --> 00:26:30,630
I see through
this weak act.
569
00:26:30,923 --> 00:26:35,093
You may have fooIed CoIossus
with this nice guy shit. . .
570
00:26:35,261 --> 00:26:36,344
but not me.
571
00:26:36,512 --> 00:26:37,554
Don't be mean.
572
00:26:37,722 --> 00:26:38,805
Back off, NTW.
573
00:26:38,890 --> 00:26:40,890
WADE: No, no, no.
574
00:26:40,057 --> 00:26:41,224
No, Iet her go.
575
00:26:41,392 --> 00:26:43,935
Let her go. It's okay.
She has a right
to be skepticaI.
576
00:26:44,103 --> 00:26:46,730
Look at me.
I'm an easy target.
577
00:26:47,857 --> 00:26:48,940
You know, historicaIƖy,
578
00:26:49,025 --> 00:26:51,151
mischief has been
my mistress. . .
579
00:26:51,319 --> 00:26:54,237
so I understand, you know.
But I Iike to think that. . .
580
00:26:55,656 --> 00:26:57,866
weIƖ, you guys have reaIƖy
rubbed off on me.
581
00:26:59,035 --> 00:27:01,328
I Iike to think that I've
rubbed off around you too.
582
00:27:01,704 --> 00:27:02,829
A Iot.
583
00:27:02,997 --> 00:27:05,582
And for the first time
in a Iong whiIe. . .
584
00:27:05,750 --> 00:27:07,209
I Iike me.
585
00:27:09,045 --> 00:27:10,086
I accept your apoIogy.
586
00:27:10,254 --> 00:27:11,379
I never apoIogized.
587
00:27:11,547 --> 00:27:12,964
I was taIking to your heart.
588
00:27:13,132 --> 00:27:15,467
See? You're not
Iost cause you thought.
589
00:27:15,635 --> 00:27:18,720
I'm proud. You're everything
I knew you can be.
590
00:27:18,888 --> 00:27:20,722
Thank you, CoIossus.
591
00:27:20,890 --> 00:27:22,474
Just trying to be
the worId's best X-Man.
592
00:27:22,642 --> 00:27:24,059
Sorry, X-Person.
593
00:27:25,686 --> 00:27:27,562
Hmm. Something wrong
with the soap.
594
00:27:28,397 --> 00:27:30,524
It's fine. I just fiIƖed it.
595
00:27:30,650 --> 00:27:32,650
Give it
a few more pumps there.
596
00:27:33,486 --> 00:27:37,656
Now, if you'IƖ excuse me,
it's dust bunny season. . .
597
00:27:37,824 --> 00:27:39,824
and I'm hunting wabbits.
598
00:27:39,534 --> 00:27:40,700
Bye, Wade.
599
00:27:46,082 --> 00:27:47,165
COLOSSUS: Wade.
600
00:27:47,750 --> 00:27:49,750
Wade.
601
00:27:49,544 --> 00:27:51,544
Wade!
602
00:27:50,962 --> 00:27:53,713
Hey, I was just taking Cerebro
for a spin here. . .
603
00:27:53,881 --> 00:27:55,465
Iooking deep into the future.
604
00:27:55,633 --> 00:27:56,800
Phew. This thing. . .
605
00:27:56,968 --> 00:27:58,718
That's not how Cerebro works.
That's not how Cerebro works.
606
00:27:58,886 --> 00:28:00,428
Yes. Yes, it is.
607
00:28:00,888 --> 00:28:02,430
We have mission.
We have mission.
608
00:28:02,598 --> 00:28:04,391
We do. You do.
609
00:28:04,559 --> 00:28:05,725
You guys be safe out there.
610
00:28:05,893 --> 00:28:08,645
No, I want you to join.
No, you want me to join.
611
00:28:10,273 --> 00:28:11,398
I'm sorry, what?
612
00:28:11,566 --> 00:28:12,607
You are ready.
613
00:28:12,775 --> 00:28:14,651
That's a terribIe idea,
and it's gonna end badIy.
614
00:28:14,861 --> 00:28:16,361
Be at the X-Jet in five.
615
00:28:19,282 --> 00:28:21,616
REPORTER: lrene Merryweаther
WНlT Nеws.
616
00:28:21,742 --> 00:28:23,618
Livе hеrе аt
а brеаking nеws sitиаtiоn
617
00:28:23,703 --> 00:28:26,288
аt thе Еssеx Ноиsе
fоr Миtаnt Rеhаbilitаtiоn.
618
00:28:26,455 --> 00:28:28,331
A mutant boy
is appearing to have
619
00:28:28,416 --> 00:28:29,624
some sort of an incident. . .
620
00:28:29,792 --> 00:28:31,418
with poIice here behind me.
RUSSELL: Get away from me!
621
00:28:31,586 --> 00:28:33,837
There are two poIice vehicIes
that are overturned.
622
00:28:34,005 --> 00:28:35,380
RusseIƖ, caIm down.
Freak off!
623
00:28:35,464 --> 00:28:37,464
REPORTER: A scene of
absoIute chaos here.
624
00:28:36,549 --> 00:28:37,799
OFFICER: CaIm down.
625
00:28:37,884 --> 00:28:40,635
RUSSELL: I'IƖ burn you !
You stay back!
626
00:28:40,761 --> 00:28:42,012
Get away from me!
627
00:28:42,096 --> 00:28:44,096
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
628
00:28:58,237 --> 00:29:01,197
It appears as if
the X-Men are arriving. . .
629
00:29:01,365 --> 00:29:02,449
DEADPOOL: Scatter!
630
00:29:02,617 --> 00:29:04,618
REPORTER: . . .with what appears
to be a trainee.
631
00:29:05,119 --> 00:29:07,996
DEADPOOL: Everyone, caIm down !
The pros are here. I. . .
632
00:29:08,164 --> 00:29:09,205
We're the X-Men !
633
00:29:09,332 --> 00:29:11,541
A dated metaphor for racism
in the '60s.
634
00:29:11,959 --> 00:29:14,336
So, respect.
635
00:29:14,503 --> 00:29:15,754
At ease, Officer.
636
00:29:17,340 --> 00:29:19,174
What are you doing?
637
00:29:19,342 --> 00:29:20,508
My job!
638
00:29:20,676 --> 00:29:22,052
You're the one who said
I was ready,
639
00:29:22,136 --> 00:29:23,470
and I frankIy disagreed
with you.
640
00:29:23,638 --> 00:29:26,056
But here we are, trying to
overcome our differences.
641
00:29:26,140 --> 00:29:29,225
Like Beyonce says,
"PIease. . .
642
00:29:29,393 --> 00:29:30,727
"PIease,
stop cheating on me."
643
00:29:30,811 --> 00:29:31,895
OFFICER: Hey!
644
00:29:31,979 --> 00:29:33,229
This is the fifth incident.
645
00:29:33,397 --> 00:29:35,482
This kid needs to be
in the Ice Box, not here.
646
00:29:35,650 --> 00:29:37,275
RusseIƖ beIongs in our care.
647
00:29:37,443 --> 00:29:39,110
Not in prison.
I assure you. . .
648
00:29:39,195 --> 00:29:41,195
we have everything
under controI.
649
00:29:40,363 --> 00:29:41,404
RUSSELL: Stay back!
I'IƖ burn you !
650
00:29:41,489 --> 00:29:42,656
Not getting a reaI
651
00:29:42,740 --> 00:29:44,407
"under controI"
vibe here, Marty.
652
00:29:44,867 --> 00:29:46,785
It is GIen, isn't it?
DanieI.
653
00:29:46,953 --> 00:29:48,286
I'IƖ ask the questions,
MigueI.
654
00:29:48,371 --> 00:29:49,621
Let me taIk to the kid.
655
00:29:49,789 --> 00:29:54,250
You stay here
with your weird,
secret sex Iips.
656
00:29:55,628 --> 00:29:56,795
RUSSELL: You wanna die?
657
00:29:56,879 --> 00:29:58,879
DEADPOOL:
This kid's adorabIe.
658
00:29:57,964 --> 00:29:59,964
I don't know why I packed
the hoIƖow points.
659
00:29:59,131 --> 00:30:00,590
I'IƖ burn your arms off!
660
00:30:00,758 --> 00:30:03,259
First day. (CHUCKLING)
I'm so nervous!
661
00:30:04,136 --> 00:30:05,637
Did you just say
"hoIƖow points"?
662
00:30:06,347 --> 00:30:07,514
Yeah, probabIy shouId've
663
00:30:07,598 --> 00:30:09,182
brought a Super Soaker.
(LAUGHS)
664
00:30:09,809 --> 00:30:11,059
Hi, there!
665
00:30:12,103 --> 00:30:14,562
Stay back
or Justin Bieber dies!
666
00:30:14,647 --> 00:30:18,191
(LAUGHS) Justin Bieber.
He caIƖed you Justin Bieber.
667
00:30:19,068 --> 00:30:21,069
(RUSSELL GRUNTS)
HoId on ! Wait, wait, wait!
668
00:30:21,237 --> 00:30:24,197
Okay, Iet's not do
whatever that is.
669
00:30:24,365 --> 00:30:25,740
Okay? Let's just taIk!
670
00:30:25,866 --> 00:30:27,158
It's RusseIƖ, right?
671
00:30:27,576 --> 00:30:29,411
Firefist.
Firefist.
672
00:30:29,870 --> 00:30:31,997
Ooh, that's a great name.
Where does it burn?
673
00:30:32,164 --> 00:30:33,581
Just the fist,
or aIƖ the way
up to the eIbow?
674
00:30:34,667 --> 00:30:36,667
(GRUNTS)
675
00:30:37,253 --> 00:30:39,253
(CROWD EXCLAIMS)
676
00:30:38,337 --> 00:30:40,588
DefiniteIy aIƖ the way
up to the eIbow.
677
00:30:40,673 --> 00:30:43,258
Come quietIy,
or there wiIƖ be troubIe.
678
00:30:43,926 --> 00:30:46,845
You stoIe that from Rоbоcоp!
That's from Rоbоcоp!
679
00:30:47,013 --> 00:30:48,596
Just stand down !
680
00:30:48,681 --> 00:30:50,682
You're embarrassing me.
Look, Fire. . .
681
00:30:51,100 --> 00:30:53,100
(LAUGHS)
682
00:30:53,310 --> 00:30:55,270
I can't say it!
I'm so sorry!
683
00:30:55,354 --> 00:30:56,563
(GRUNTS)
684
00:30:56,647 --> 00:30:58,189
(ALL SCREAMING)
685
00:30:59,191 --> 00:31:02,819
Oh, my gosh !
That does it!
686
00:31:03,237 --> 00:31:04,571
Put your hands
behind your knees
687
00:31:04,655 --> 00:31:06,114
and get down
on your head ! Now!
688
00:31:06,282 --> 00:31:08,366
Wade! What was first ruIe?
689
00:31:08,534 --> 00:31:10,368
LabeI everything
in the refrigerator!
690
00:31:10,536 --> 00:31:13,079
Do not escaIate!
RuIes are meant to be broken !
691
00:31:13,247 --> 00:31:14,622
COLOSSUS:
That's the exact opposite
692
00:31:14,707 --> 00:31:16,082
of what they're meant for!
693
00:31:17,001 --> 00:31:18,835
Come on ! Fine!
694
00:31:19,003 --> 00:31:20,045
I'IƖ start from the beginning.
695
00:31:20,546 --> 00:31:22,964
My name is DeadpooI,
and I'm an X-Man.
696
00:31:23,132 --> 00:31:25,300
Trainee!
Shut it!
697
00:31:25,968 --> 00:31:28,261
Look, I get it.
698
00:31:29,430 --> 00:31:31,431
AIƖ right, you're scared.
699
00:31:31,599 --> 00:31:32,640
AIone.
700
00:31:32,725 --> 00:31:33,767
You got no famiIy.
701
00:31:33,851 --> 00:31:35,851
I didn't have
a famiIy, either.
702
00:31:34,935 --> 00:31:36,644
You Iive in this dump.
Guess what?
703
00:31:36,729 --> 00:31:39,189
I used to Iive
in a shithoIe
just Iike it.
704
00:31:39,356 --> 00:31:41,858
But you know something?
To make matters worse. . .
705
00:31:42,026 --> 00:31:43,693
it's a confusing time
in your Iife right now.
706
00:31:43,861 --> 00:31:47,363
Your body is going through
some fiery changes.
707
00:31:47,531 --> 00:31:49,407
Too far?
I went too far, didn't I?
708
00:31:49,492 --> 00:31:50,575
(GRUNTS)
(ALL EXCLAIM)
709
00:31:56,707 --> 00:31:58,208
That was effervescent.
710
00:31:58,751 --> 00:32:00,585
(SIGHS) Stay in schooI, kid.
711
00:32:01,045 --> 00:32:02,545
Or don't. I didn't.
712
00:32:03,047 --> 00:32:04,589
And I'm an X-Man.
(THUDS)
713
00:32:04,673 --> 00:32:06,673
Trainee.
714
00:32:06,342 --> 00:32:08,468
Superhero Ianding coming up!
715
00:32:10,429 --> 00:32:12,429
(GRUNTS)
716
00:32:13,099 --> 00:32:15,600
(GROANS) Ouch, ouch, ouch !
Oh, God, that hurts.
717
00:32:16,393 --> 00:32:17,435
(GRUNTS)
(GASPS)
718
00:32:19,230 --> 00:32:20,355
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
719
00:32:26,070 --> 00:32:28,070
(GROANS)
720
00:32:31,075 --> 00:32:32,659
(CROWD CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING)
721
00:32:36,413 --> 00:32:38,248
I couId get used
to this X-Man shit.
722
00:32:38,332 --> 00:32:39,499
NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD:
Trainee!
723
00:32:39,583 --> 00:32:40,625
DEADPOOL: Trainee!
724
00:32:41,085 --> 00:32:42,836
OFFICER: Get a power restraint
on him. Now!
725
00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:46,005
DEADPOOL: CaIm down, squirt.
It's over. We got ya.
726
00:32:46,841 --> 00:32:48,841
(DEVICE WHIRRS)
727
00:32:47,925 --> 00:32:49,342
What's that do?
728
00:32:49,510 --> 00:32:50,969
Power-dampening coIƖar.
729
00:32:51,053 --> 00:32:52,262
Shuts down
aIƖ mutant abiIities.
730
00:32:52,429 --> 00:32:55,140
You can't get it off.
UnIess you've got a grenade.
731
00:32:55,224 --> 00:32:58,184
Huh. CouId've used
one of those in the first act.
732
00:32:58,352 --> 00:32:59,602
HEADMASTER: Thank you !
733
00:33:01,355 --> 00:33:03,565
That was absoIuteIy thriIƖing.
734
00:33:03,732 --> 00:33:05,733
True heroism in action.
735
00:33:05,901 --> 00:33:08,027
We are in your debt.
736
00:33:08,195 --> 00:33:09,946
We can take it from here.
737
00:33:10,114 --> 00:33:12,198
Take me
to the Ice Box, pIease!
738
00:33:12,366 --> 00:33:13,533
Anywhere's better than here.
739
00:33:13,701 --> 00:33:14,826
DEADPOOL: BeIieve me, son,
740
00:33:14,910 --> 00:33:16,286
you do not wanna go
to the Ice Box.
741
00:33:16,495 --> 00:33:18,371
Let's get you inside,
young man.
742
00:33:18,539 --> 00:33:20,290
No, wait, wait. Wait.
743
00:33:20,457 --> 00:33:21,958
You guys stay there.
744
00:33:30,718 --> 00:33:32,552
Those guys hurt you?
745
00:33:33,929 --> 00:33:34,971
Who?
746
00:33:37,016 --> 00:33:39,726
BaIdiIocks? Jared Kushner?
747
00:33:41,187 --> 00:33:42,687
Both of 'em?
748
00:33:46,817 --> 00:33:47,984
Ah, screw it.
749
00:33:48,152 --> 00:33:49,611
Four or five moments!
750
00:33:49,737 --> 00:33:51,737
I'm sorry?
751
00:33:50,821 --> 00:33:54,032
Four or five moments!
752
00:33:55,284 --> 00:33:58,036
That's aIƖ it takes
to be a hero.
753
00:33:59,079 --> 00:34:01,080
PeopIe think
you wake up a hero. . .
754
00:34:01,415 --> 00:34:03,041
brush your teeth a hero. . .
755
00:34:03,626 --> 00:34:06,127
make Iove to
a soap dispenser a hero.
756
00:34:06,503 --> 00:34:07,837
(SPEAKS RUSSIAN)
757
00:34:07,922 --> 00:34:11,674
But, no, being a hero
takes onIy a few moments!
758
00:34:13,010 --> 00:34:14,636
A few moments. . .
759
00:34:14,803 --> 00:34:17,305
doing the ugIy stuff
no one eIse wiIƖ do.
760
00:34:17,389 --> 00:34:18,431
(GROANS)
761
00:34:24,813 --> 00:34:27,148
Wade, what did you do?
CoIossus, no!
762
00:34:27,316 --> 00:34:28,775
That kid was abused !
You can teIƖ.
763
00:34:28,859 --> 00:34:30,318
You can aIways teIƖ !
COLOSSUS: We have ruIes!
764
00:34:30,486 --> 00:34:33,154
You are not judge,
jury or executioner!
765
00:34:33,322 --> 00:34:36,157
Forget your ruIes!
I fight for what's right!
766
00:34:36,325 --> 00:34:37,909
And sometimes
you gotta fight dirty!
767
00:34:38,077 --> 00:34:41,162
You've Iet me down
for the Iast time, Wade.
768
00:34:41,664 --> 00:34:42,914
OFFICER 1 : CoIƖar him, too.
769
00:34:43,082 --> 00:34:44,749
OFFICER 2: And get these guys
in the pod.
770
00:34:44,917 --> 00:34:46,000
Take them to the Ice Box.
(SIRENS WAILING)
771
00:34:46,085 --> 00:34:47,377
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
772
00:34:58,847 --> 00:35:01,599
(PRISONERS SHOUTING)
(WHISTLING)
773
00:35:01,767 --> 00:35:03,643
(GATE BUZZING)
774
00:35:05,229 --> 00:35:06,312
(SHOUTING CONTINUES)
(GRUNTS)
775
00:35:07,773 --> 00:35:10,066
I wonder
what gang I'IƖ be in.
776
00:35:11,777 --> 00:35:13,945
Is there, Iike,
a Sorting Hat?
(MOUTHS) Hi.
777
00:35:15,614 --> 00:35:17,614
I've aIways seen myseIf
778
00:35:16,699 --> 00:35:18,408
as more of
an East Coast HuffIepuff.
779
00:35:18,492 --> 00:35:20,492
Go!
780
00:35:20,077 --> 00:35:22,912
I've made a criticaI error
on my Airbnb reservation.
781
00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:27,166
This is not what the website
Iooked Iike at aIƖ.
782
00:35:28,752 --> 00:35:32,297
I Iove the decor though.
I had no idea hopeIess
was a coIor.
783
00:35:32,464 --> 00:35:33,715
GUARD: Hard Ieft, douchebag.
784
00:35:38,178 --> 00:35:39,345
PIease, after you.
785
00:35:41,557 --> 00:35:44,017
Another disgusting minority
off the streets.
786
00:35:44,101 --> 00:35:46,101
We'IƖ sIeep weIƖ tonight.
787
00:35:45,269 --> 00:35:47,269
Let's get a bageI.
788
00:35:46,353 --> 00:35:48,730
(TАSER CRACKLING)
(GROANING)
789
00:35:49,898 --> 00:35:52,525
Nighty-night,
you annoying prick!
790
00:35:52,609 --> 00:35:54,610
(CONTINUES GROANING)
791
00:36:23,849 --> 00:36:27,185
MAN: l'тта tеll уои
whаt thе big liе is.
792
00:36:27,353 --> 00:36:28,519
(ESCАPE PLAYING ON RADIO)
Tоilеt рареr.
793
00:36:28,771 --> 00:36:31,856
ToiIet paper
is a pIenty fine appetizer.
794
00:36:32,024 --> 00:36:34,150
But, then. . .
795
00:36:34,318 --> 00:36:36,569
Huggies NaturaI Care
wet wipes.
796
00:36:36,737 --> 00:36:38,071
That's your main course.
797
00:36:38,238 --> 00:36:41,366
They're soft, they're moist.
They're for babies.
798
00:36:42,034 --> 00:36:45,078
FinaIƖy, one more pass
with the toiIet paper,
799
00:36:45,162 --> 00:36:46,746
maybe cIear out
that excess moisture.
800
00:36:46,914 --> 00:36:48,456
Maybe treat yourseIf
to a bIow and go,
801
00:36:48,540 --> 00:36:49,707
if you can get you
a hair dryer.
802
00:36:49,875 --> 00:36:52,210
Just about 30 seconds
wiIƖ do you good.
803
00:36:55,923 --> 00:36:57,131
What the heck?
804
00:36:58,175 --> 00:36:59,217
Year?
805
00:37:00,219 --> 00:37:02,219
What?
806
00:37:02,429 --> 00:37:04,055
What year is it?
807
00:37:04,223 --> 00:37:06,224
What kind of dummy question
is that to ask?
808
00:37:07,226 --> 00:37:08,810
(GROANING)
809
00:37:09,436 --> 00:37:12,397
(ESCАPE CONTINUES
PLAYING ON RADIO)
810
00:37:19,905 --> 00:37:21,531
(VOMITING)
811
00:37:25,494 --> 00:37:27,787
RUSSELL: You're a Iong way
from your superpowers.
812
00:37:27,955 --> 00:37:29,955
WADE: Yeah.
813
00:37:33,544 --> 00:37:35,420
I wanted to be a superhero.
814
00:37:35,879 --> 00:37:37,880
AIways wanted
a reaI super suit.
815
00:37:37,965 --> 00:37:39,632
(SIGHS) What happened?
816
00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:41,634
When was the Iast time you saw
a pIus-sized superhero?
817
00:37:42,344 --> 00:37:43,511
Never.
818
00:37:43,929 --> 00:37:45,721
The industry discriminates.
819
00:37:46,432 --> 00:37:47,849
Forget superheroes. (COUGHS)
820
00:37:48,434 --> 00:37:50,726
The first thing I wanna do
when I get out of here. . .
821
00:37:50,894 --> 00:37:53,020
burn the headmaster aIive. . .
822
00:37:53,188 --> 00:37:55,690
and then take a seIfie
with his smoIdering corpse.
823
00:37:55,858 --> 00:37:57,608
Who says
prison isn't reformative?
824
00:37:57,985 --> 00:37:59,193
What did he do to you?
825
00:37:59,361 --> 00:38:00,570
He thinks we're eviI.
826
00:38:01,405 --> 00:38:02,780
(WHISPERS)
BIessed are the wicked
827
00:38:02,865 --> 00:38:05,074
who are heaIed by my hand.
828
00:38:05,242 --> 00:38:06,492
Your abiIities. . .
829
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:10,079
I know how seductive they are.
830
00:38:15,043 --> 00:38:17,170
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
(GRUNTING)
831
00:38:18,964 --> 00:38:22,467
Tomorrow, we'IƖ find
the biggest guy in here. . .
832
00:38:23,677 --> 00:38:25,677
and we'IƖ make him our. . .
833
00:38:24,761 --> 00:38:25,970
(RUMBLING)
834
00:38:27,097 --> 00:38:29,097
(WADE COUGHS)
835
00:38:28,182 --> 00:38:29,599
What was that?
(CLEARS THROAT)
836
00:38:29,766 --> 00:38:32,518
That is the biggest guy
in here.
837
00:38:32,603 --> 00:38:34,562
Fun fact
about the Ice Box. . .
838
00:38:34,730 --> 00:38:36,522
though no one's
ever seen it,
839
00:38:36,607 --> 00:38:38,691
they keep a monster
in the basement.
840
00:38:38,859 --> 00:38:40,568
Right next to a huge,
841
00:38:40,652 --> 00:38:42,195
steaming bowI
of foreshadowing.
842
00:38:42,821 --> 00:38:44,821
Look.
843
00:38:44,823 --> 00:38:46,741
I can't protect you. (COUGHS)
844
00:38:47,117 --> 00:38:48,242
With this coIƖar on,
845
00:38:48,327 --> 00:38:51,329
my superpower
is just unbridIed cancer.
846
00:38:51,497 --> 00:38:54,499
Give me a bow and arrow,
I'm basicaIƖy Hawkeye.
847
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:56,959
Now, if you'IƖ excuse me. . .
(COUGHS)
848
00:38:57,127 --> 00:39:00,296
I've got tumors to grow.
Vanessa awaits.
849
00:39:00,464 --> 00:39:02,715
I'IƖ start by making us
a shank.
850
00:39:02,883 --> 00:39:04,675
Good Iistening.
I stoIe that guard's pen. . .
851
00:39:04,843 --> 00:39:06,761
and stashed it
in the oId prison waIƖet,
852
00:39:06,845 --> 00:39:08,179
if you know
what I'm saying.
853
00:39:08,805 --> 00:39:11,349
Prison waIƖet? (COUGHS)
854
00:39:11,475 --> 00:39:14,185
I reaIƖy hope I don't know
what you're saying.
855
00:39:15,020 --> 00:39:16,312
(SIREN WAILING)
856
00:39:19,483 --> 00:39:20,816
REPORTER: (ON TV)
Аnd tо ирdаtе уои
857
00:39:20,901 --> 00:39:22,109
оn thе stоry
rероrtеd еаrliеr...
858
00:39:22,277 --> 00:39:23,736
аftеr а lеngthу stаndоf
859
00:39:23,820 --> 00:39:26,405
оиtsidе thе Еssеx Ноиsе
fоr Миtаnt Rеhаbilitаtiоn...
860
00:39:26,573 --> 00:39:27,865
twо тиtаnts wеrе аrrеstеd
861
00:39:27,950 --> 00:39:29,700
аnd trаnsроrtеd
tо thе lсе Воx...
862
00:39:29,868 --> 00:39:31,202
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Еntеring rераir тоdе.
863
00:39:56,895 --> 00:39:58,895
Psst!
864
00:40:00,607 --> 00:40:02,233
Don't do that.
865
00:40:03,151 --> 00:40:05,486
What? Why are you
winking at me?
866
00:40:08,198 --> 00:40:09,490
I got your back.
867
00:40:09,658 --> 00:40:10,700
Oh, my God.
868
00:40:10,867 --> 00:40:12,201
You're sick,
I gotta protect you.
869
00:40:12,369 --> 00:40:14,245
Just Ieave me aIone, kid.
(MAN WHISTLING)
870
00:40:15,414 --> 00:40:16,455
Oh, great.
871
00:40:16,999 --> 00:40:18,082
(WADE COUGHS)
872
00:40:18,166 --> 00:40:20,543
WeIƖ, heIƖo there,
new fish.
873
00:40:20,752 --> 00:40:23,754
It's nice to see some
fresh faces around here.
874
00:40:23,839 --> 00:40:25,965
(COUGHS) I've done some
Iight cataIog work. . .
875
00:40:26,133 --> 00:40:28,634
but, reaIƖy, modeIing is just
a stepping stone to acting.
876
00:40:28,802 --> 00:40:30,845
I was taIking to him.
Oh.
877
00:40:31,555 --> 00:40:34,640
Have we met?
I can't pIace your mustache.
878
00:40:34,933 --> 00:40:37,476
BIack Tom Cassidy.
White Wade WiIson.
879
00:40:37,644 --> 00:40:40,896
What's your superpower?
CuIturaI appropriation?
880
00:40:41,064 --> 00:40:43,566
You're supposed to be
the toughest con in here.
881
00:40:43,734 --> 00:40:45,568
You don't Iook Iike much
to me.
882
00:40:46,236 --> 00:40:47,445
First ruIe of the yard. . .
883
00:40:47,696 --> 00:40:49,447
find the biggest guy
and make him your. . .
884
00:40:49,823 --> 00:40:51,699
(GROANS)
(INMATES EXCLAIM)
885
00:40:53,702 --> 00:40:55,369
Second biggest guy.
886
00:40:55,829 --> 00:40:58,122
The Iast thing I need
is more hepatitis.
887
00:40:58,373 --> 00:41:01,667
Oh, it's sIippery, too.
This tabIe needs a wipe down !
888
00:41:01,835 --> 00:41:03,210
Can we get a wipe down
on the tabIe?
889
00:41:03,837 --> 00:41:04,962
(GROANS)
(INMATES EXCLAIM)
890
00:41:05,047 --> 00:41:06,631
Kid, I think you picked
the wrong side.
891
00:41:07,049 --> 00:41:09,216
No, I didn't!
He's my friend !
892
00:41:09,593 --> 00:41:11,552
Zip it. We're not friends.
(INMATES CHEERING)
893
00:41:12,220 --> 00:41:13,721
Take a seat, shit dick.
894
00:41:14,598 --> 00:41:16,515
(INMATES SHOUTING)
(COUGHS)
895
00:41:18,810 --> 00:41:20,394
(SHOUTING CONTINUES)
896
00:41:25,734 --> 00:41:27,443
I had so much fun !
You were Iike. . . (GRUNTS)
897
00:41:27,611 --> 00:41:29,362
And I was Iike,
"Take a seat, shit dick."
898
00:41:29,529 --> 00:41:30,738
Just Iet me die in peace.
899
00:41:31,448 --> 00:41:33,199
(GRUNTS) We make a great team !
900
00:41:33,700 --> 00:41:36,035
Oh, God ! We're not a team.
(COUGHING)
901
00:41:36,203 --> 00:41:40,289
Why'd you say
that back there?
We're friends, partners.
902
00:41:40,457 --> 00:41:42,500
We're not partners
or friends.
903
00:41:44,419 --> 00:41:46,504
This doesn't end with us
riding into the sunset.
904
00:41:46,672 --> 00:41:48,631
It ends with me
dying of cancer. . .
905
00:41:48,799 --> 00:41:50,383
and you winning
the Ice Box award
906
00:41:50,467 --> 00:41:52,343
for most
pinchabIe cheeks.
907
00:41:52,719 --> 00:41:54,719
(WADE COUGHS)
908
00:41:54,096 --> 00:41:55,721
There's onIy one person
in this worId
909
00:41:55,806 --> 00:41:57,515
that I care about,
and she's gone.
910
00:41:59,309 --> 00:42:01,310
You wanna survive?
911
00:42:02,521 --> 00:42:05,564
Stop trying to shank
the biggest guys in here. . .
912
00:42:05,732 --> 00:42:07,775
and make friends with them.
913
00:42:09,069 --> 00:42:10,653
Make friends with someone.
914
00:42:11,905 --> 00:42:13,823
Anyone but me.
915
00:42:14,449 --> 00:42:16,367
Maybe even BIack Tim.
916
00:42:16,910 --> 00:42:18,369
BIack Evan, I don't know.
917
00:42:18,537 --> 00:42:21,038
AIƖ I remember is
he was African-American.
918
00:42:29,381 --> 00:42:30,798
(GUARDS GROANING)
919
00:42:30,882 --> 00:42:31,924
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(ALARM BLARING)
920
00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:42,393
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
921
00:42:43,311 --> 00:42:44,437
(BEEPING RAPIDLY)
922
00:42:45,814 --> 00:42:47,231
(GUARDS GROANING)
923
00:42:52,404 --> 00:42:55,990
AUTOMATED VOICE: (ON PA)
Сells 7, 1 2, 1 4, 27.
924
00:43:02,038 --> 00:43:04,038
(BEEPING)
925
00:43:09,379 --> 00:43:12,965
AUTOMATED VOICE: System
таlfиnсtiоning. 7, 4, 3.
926
00:43:13,133 --> 00:43:14,717
Sуstеm mаlfunсtiоning.
927
00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:23,225
That was our ceIƖ.
928
00:43:24,019 --> 00:43:25,102
What did I do to piss off
929
00:43:25,187 --> 00:43:27,730
a grumpy oId guy
with a Winter SoIdier arm?
930
00:43:35,155 --> 00:43:36,655
Get away from me, kid !
931
00:43:38,658 --> 00:43:39,825
Listen to me! Go!
932
00:43:43,955 --> 00:43:44,997
HeIƖo, RusseIƖ.
933
00:43:48,043 --> 00:43:50,043
(COCKS GUN)
934
00:43:52,672 --> 00:43:54,423
(WADE GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
935
00:44:03,975 --> 00:44:05,975
(GRUNTS)
936
00:44:16,363 --> 00:44:18,489
(GUARDS GROANING)
937
00:44:27,666 --> 00:44:28,791
(GROANING)
938
00:44:41,137 --> 00:44:42,429
(GROANS)
939
00:44:42,514 --> 00:44:44,514
(GASPS)
940
00:44:45,767 --> 00:44:47,184
HeIƖo, superpowers.
941
00:44:50,939 --> 00:44:52,648
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
942
00:44:53,942 --> 00:44:55,401
(BOTH GRUNTING)
943
00:44:59,865 --> 00:45:01,031
Who are you?
944
00:45:01,658 --> 00:45:02,992
I'm Batman.
945
00:45:12,085 --> 00:45:14,085
(GASPS)
946
00:45:14,337 --> 00:45:16,337
Ooh !
947
00:45:15,922 --> 00:45:17,922
(GRUNTS)
948
00:45:19,843 --> 00:45:22,511
Oh. That's got some zip.
949
00:45:29,728 --> 00:45:33,022
Don't feeI bad.
Even I can't kiIƖ me.
950
00:45:33,148 --> 00:45:35,148
TaIk!
951
00:45:34,316 --> 00:45:36,066
What kind of
spineIess shit stick
952
00:45:36,151 --> 00:45:37,735
tries to kiIƖ
a 1 4-year-oId boy?
953
00:45:38,737 --> 00:45:39,820
You might wanna
start taIking !
954
00:45:39,988 --> 00:45:42,781
'Cause I got a Iong history of
firing at times Iike this!
955
00:45:43,408 --> 00:45:44,950
The name's CabIe.
956
00:45:45,452 --> 00:45:48,537
I'm from the future.
Just waIk away.
957
00:45:48,830 --> 00:45:50,830
Oh !
958
00:45:50,123 --> 00:45:51,665
So, you're from the future.
959
00:45:52,083 --> 00:45:54,043
I have a question then.
960
00:45:54,210 --> 00:45:55,753
Is dubstep stiIƖ a thing?
961
00:46:03,345 --> 00:46:04,678
(BOTH GRUNTING)
962
00:46:12,479 --> 00:46:14,521
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
963
00:46:16,733 --> 00:46:18,400
(SHOUTING)
(CHOKING)
964
00:46:19,361 --> 00:46:21,361
(GROANING)
965
00:46:20,779 --> 00:46:22,655
Dubstep's for pussies.
966
00:46:22,822 --> 00:46:23,906
You're so dark!
967
00:46:24,074 --> 00:46:26,492
Are you sure you're not
from the DC universe?
968
00:46:26,993 --> 00:46:28,243
I Iove dubstep!
969
00:46:28,328 --> 00:46:30,454
(DUBSTEP MUSIC PLAYING)
970
00:46:37,504 --> 00:46:39,296
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
971
00:46:51,184 --> 00:46:52,393
(GROANS)
972
00:46:53,144 --> 00:46:54,478
WADE: Is that a fanny pack?
973
00:46:54,646 --> 00:46:57,022
I used to have one of those
in 1 990-never.
974
00:46:57,941 --> 00:46:59,858
Something to remember you by.
975
00:47:00,026 --> 00:47:03,570
Give me that back!
That goes with me everywhere.
976
00:47:03,738 --> 00:47:05,280
Like the memory
of your fanny pack!
977
00:47:10,787 --> 00:47:12,787
(GROANING)
978
00:47:14,958 --> 00:47:16,291
Why are you protecting
the kid?
979
00:47:16,918 --> 00:47:19,211
He's just some kid with an
Аre Yоu My Mоther? compIex.
980
00:47:19,546 --> 00:47:21,547
I don't give a damn
about him.
981
00:47:26,344 --> 00:47:27,511
What's this one do?
982
00:47:28,763 --> 00:47:29,972
(BEEPING RAPIDLY)
983
00:47:38,690 --> 00:47:40,274
WADE: ln еvеry filт,
thеrе's а тотеnt
984
00:47:40,358 --> 00:47:42,651
whеn thе hеrо
hits rосk bоttот.
985
00:47:42,819 --> 00:47:44,737
ln CooI Runnings,
it wаs whеn Jоhn Саndу's
986
00:47:44,821 --> 00:47:46,363
рrizеd bоbslеd brоkе.
987
00:47:46,740 --> 00:47:49,366
ln Human Centipede,
it wаs whеn thоsе реорlе...
988
00:47:49,534 --> 00:47:51,493
signеd оn tо bе in thаt тоviе.
989
00:47:51,828 --> 00:47:53,287
Виt in this film, well...
990
00:47:54,164 --> 00:47:55,497
уои'rе lооking аt it.
991
00:47:57,751 --> 00:47:58,876
Rосk...
992
00:48:00,128 --> 00:48:01,503
тееt bоttот.
993
00:48:02,839 --> 00:48:04,631
(INDISTINCT VOICES ECHOING)
994
00:48:10,972 --> 00:48:12,765
VANESSA:
l lоvе уои, Wаdе Wilsоn.
995
00:48:13,475 --> 00:48:15,475
Ness?
996
00:48:15,685 --> 00:48:17,144
Hey, Ness!
997
00:48:18,021 --> 00:48:19,563
Ness, can you Iet me in?
998
00:48:19,731 --> 00:48:21,899
PIease! PIease.
999
00:48:23,985 --> 00:48:25,985
Jeez.
1000
00:48:25,070 --> 00:48:26,153
(SIGHS)
1001
00:48:28,031 --> 00:48:29,656
You're not giving me
a Iot of direction here.
1002
00:48:29,824 --> 00:48:31,617
I'm at the end of my rope.
1003
00:48:31,701 --> 00:48:32,993
(TIMER TICKING)
1004
00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:36,371
Then I joined the X-Men.
1005
00:48:36,831 --> 00:48:38,373
I went to prison. I, uh. . .
1006
00:48:42,378 --> 00:48:43,962
Is it the kid?
1007
00:48:46,007 --> 00:48:48,967
Kids give us a chance to be
better than we used to be.
1008
00:48:50,220 --> 00:48:52,220
The kid !
(TIMER DINGS)
1009
00:48:54,682 --> 00:48:55,891
(GASPING)
1010
00:48:57,811 --> 00:48:59,520
(WHEEZING)
1011
00:49:05,193 --> 00:49:06,652
That's exactIy
what she meant.
1012
00:49:06,736 --> 00:49:07,986
Your heart needs to be
in the right pIace.
1013
00:49:08,071 --> 00:49:09,738
I'm not gonna
abandon this kid.
1014
00:49:09,906 --> 00:49:12,491
He's never had anyone, ever.
1015
00:49:12,659 --> 00:49:13,867
I need to be seIfIess.
1016
00:49:14,035 --> 00:49:15,869
Yeah, but what
does that mean?
1017
00:49:16,037 --> 00:49:19,164
It means
I'm gonna save RusseIƖ.
1018
00:49:19,332 --> 00:49:20,749
Maybe I couIdn't
save Vanessa. . .
1019
00:49:20,917 --> 00:49:23,877
but maybe I can save a robust
teenager from New ZeaIand.
1020
00:49:24,045 --> 00:49:25,879
Yeah, but what I mean is,
Iike, the worId "seIfIess."
1021
00:49:26,047 --> 00:49:27,464
I IiteraIƖy don't know
what that means.
1022
00:49:27,632 --> 00:49:28,674
Jesus Christ.
1023
00:49:28,842 --> 00:49:31,468
Okay, Iook.
According to my guy, okay. . .
1024
00:49:31,636 --> 00:49:33,637
those muties
are being transferred
1025
00:49:33,721 --> 00:49:35,180
to a supermax,
80 miIes away.
1026
00:49:35,348 --> 00:49:37,057
Great, I'IƖ pick 'em off
aIong the way.
1027
00:49:37,225 --> 00:49:39,351
HoId your testicIes there,
buddy, okay?
1028
00:49:39,435 --> 00:49:41,270
We're taIking about
an armored convoy. . .
1029
00:49:41,437 --> 00:49:44,064
and a vicious super soIdier
from the future. . .
1030
00:49:44,232 --> 00:49:46,400
who is dead set on turning
your skuIƖ into an ashtray.
1031
00:49:46,568 --> 00:49:49,570
You know what we need to do?
We need to buiId a team.
1032
00:49:49,737 --> 00:49:51,530
We need 'em tough,
moraIƖy fIexibIe. . .
1033
00:49:51,698 --> 00:49:53,907
and young enough to carry
this franchise 1 0 to 1 2 years.
1034
00:49:54,033 --> 00:49:55,617
We need
Осеаn's Fоиrtееn stuff.
1035
00:49:55,785 --> 00:49:57,828
The mother of aIƖ teams.
Jоhn Wiсk 3.
1036
00:49:57,912 --> 00:49:59,912
Cheap.
But with
1037
00:49:58,997 --> 00:50:00,997
the originaI directors.
Smart.
1038
00:50:00,123 --> 00:50:02,123
My body is an
instrument of death.
1039
00:50:01,249 --> 00:50:02,291
Not now, Dopinder.
1040
00:50:02,458 --> 00:50:04,251
I couId be of great use.
1041
00:50:04,419 --> 00:50:06,003
What's your superpower?
1042
00:50:07,839 --> 00:50:09,173
Courage.
That's adorabIe.
1043
00:50:09,340 --> 00:50:11,133
AIƖ right, I'IƖ put out
a caIƖ for resumes.
1044
00:50:11,301 --> 00:50:13,427
But we're not paying
medicaI or dentaI.
1045
00:50:13,595 --> 00:50:15,637
It's time to get back
on LinkedIn.
1046
00:50:16,764 --> 00:50:17,806
(EXHALES)
1047
00:50:25,231 --> 00:50:27,232
(CHILD SINGING)
1048
00:50:40,872 --> 00:50:42,247
MALE GUARD: (ON PA)
Аttention, all inmates!
1049
00:50:42,415 --> 00:50:45,209
Trаnsроrt tо Сrоss Fоrсе
Маximum Sесuritу
1050
00:50:45,293 --> 00:50:46,543
Мutаnt Соntаinmеnt Fасilitу...
1051
00:50:46,628 --> 00:50:48,420
will bеgin аt 0800 hоиrs.
1052
00:50:48,588 --> 00:50:51,089
lnsресtiоn оf уоиr сеlls
аnd оиt-рrосеssing
1053
00:50:51,174 --> 00:50:52,507
will bеgin аt 0600.
1054
00:50:55,887 --> 00:50:57,512
FEMALE GUARD:
Аttention, all inmates.
1055
00:50:57,680 --> 00:50:59,806
Trаnsроrt tо Сrоss Fоrсе
Маximum Sесuritу
1056
00:50:59,891 --> 00:51:01,891
Мutаnt Соntаinmеnt Fасilitу...
1057
00:51:00,975 --> 00:51:02,975
BLACK TOM: Oi.
1058
00:51:02,060 --> 00:51:03,393
MUTАNT: What do you want?
1059
00:51:03,561 --> 00:51:05,145
You stoIe my pudding.
1060
00:51:05,313 --> 00:51:06,813
What pudding?
You Iike pudding?
1061
00:51:07,190 --> 00:51:08,815
(GRUNTS)
(PRISONERS CLAMORING)
1062
00:51:08,900 --> 00:51:10,359
(ALARM BLARING)
1063
00:51:25,250 --> 00:51:27,250
HeIƖo?
1064
00:51:28,544 --> 00:51:30,045
I know you're in there.
1065
00:51:41,099 --> 00:51:43,392
Must be hard
being the biggest guy in here.
1066
00:51:44,769 --> 00:51:46,478
LoneIy at the top, eh?
1067
00:51:46,938 --> 00:51:48,981
They're moving us tomorrow.
1068
00:51:51,359 --> 00:51:53,235
Maybe I can get you
out of here.
1069
00:51:54,445 --> 00:51:57,698
And we can make
the whoIe worId our bitch.
1070
00:51:59,450 --> 00:52:01,201
We need a secret code.
1071
00:52:03,037 --> 00:52:05,037
(IMITАTES BIRD CALL)
1072
00:52:04,122 --> 00:52:06,873
(SOFTLY) No,
that's stupid, RusseIƖ. Idiot.
1073
00:52:09,085 --> 00:52:10,502
(RHYTHMIC BANGING)
1074
00:52:11,296 --> 00:52:12,921
(RHYTHMIC BANGING IN RESPONSE)
1075
00:52:14,132 --> 00:52:15,632
We're a team.
1076
00:52:15,717 --> 00:52:17,551
We're Iike thugs,
we're Iike gangsters.
1077
00:52:17,719 --> 00:52:19,511
I'm Iike Tupac,
and you're Iike Ice Cube.
1078
00:52:21,472 --> 00:52:23,598
WEASEL: SupposedIy,
she can rap, too.
1079
00:52:23,766 --> 00:52:25,766
DEADPOOL: I Iike that.
1080
00:52:24,851 --> 00:52:26,143
Terrific,
these are aIƖ terrific.
1081
00:52:26,311 --> 00:52:27,936
Meet BedIam.
1082
00:52:28,104 --> 00:52:30,272
CooI name! Superpowers?
1083
00:52:30,440 --> 00:52:31,940
I can distort
eIectricaI fieIds.
1084
00:52:32,025 --> 00:52:33,066
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
1085
00:52:33,151 --> 00:52:35,235
IncIuding the one
inside your brain. . .
1086
00:52:35,403 --> 00:52:37,988
causing anxiety, confusion. . .
1087
00:52:38,156 --> 00:52:40,156
pain.
1088
00:52:40,325 --> 00:52:42,200
So, basicaIƖy,
you're Dave Matthews.
1089
00:52:42,368 --> 00:52:43,618
We can use him.
1090
00:52:45,413 --> 00:52:46,788
I'm Zeitgeist.
1091
00:52:46,956 --> 00:52:48,123
CooI. I Iike it.
1092
00:52:48,291 --> 00:52:49,541
So you have the power
1093
00:52:49,625 --> 00:52:52,085
to put your finger
on the puIse of society?
1094
00:52:53,004 --> 00:52:54,212
(STАMMERS) No.
1095
00:52:54,380 --> 00:52:56,131
No, I spit acidic vomit.
(SNIFFS)
1096
00:52:56,215 --> 00:52:57,257
Oh.
Do you want me
1097
00:52:57,342 --> 00:52:59,342
to demonstrate?
DEADPOOL: No!
1098
00:52:58,426 --> 00:52:59,676
WEASEL: We'IƖ take
your word for it.
1099
00:52:59,844 --> 00:53:01,428
Thank you. Yeah.
Listen, we've aIƖ eaten
at Arby's, okay?
1100
00:53:02,096 --> 00:53:04,765
And this is the Vanisher.
1101
00:53:08,227 --> 00:53:10,227
But. . .
1102
00:53:10,396 --> 00:53:11,813
Vanisher!
1103
00:53:11,939 --> 00:53:13,482
(LAUGHS)
1104
00:53:14,233 --> 00:53:16,401
Nice!
Right?
1105
00:53:17,111 --> 00:53:18,278
He's not here, is he?
1106
00:53:18,446 --> 00:53:20,113
He may be running Iate.
1107
00:53:21,532 --> 00:53:23,992
My name's Rusty,
but I go by Shatterstar.
1108
00:53:24,410 --> 00:53:25,494
BOTH: That's good, yeah.
1109
00:53:25,661 --> 00:53:27,704
"Rusty" is terribIe.
Toughie.
1110
00:53:27,872 --> 00:53:30,582
So, uh, where are you from?
The pIanet Mojo WorId.
1111
00:53:30,750 --> 00:53:32,667
So you're an aIien, I guess.
Bad name.
1112
00:53:32,835 --> 00:53:34,378
How does that,
uh, heIp us?
1113
00:53:34,545 --> 00:53:37,339
I'm basicaIƖy better
than you at everything.
1114
00:53:37,507 --> 00:53:39,174
Just once, I'm gonna find
a pIanet of peopIe
1115
00:53:39,258 --> 00:53:40,717
that are worse than me
at everything.
1116
00:53:40,885 --> 00:53:42,969
A whoIe bunch
of functionaI idiots.
1117
00:53:43,137 --> 00:53:45,013
I'm gonna go there,
and I'm gonna be
their Superman.
1118
00:53:45,181 --> 00:53:47,181
Isn't that Canada?
1119
00:53:46,265 --> 00:53:48,683
You shut your
goddamn trash mouth !
1120
00:53:49,852 --> 00:53:51,061
WEASEL: Meet. . .
Domino.
1121
00:53:51,229 --> 00:53:53,188
DEADPOOL: What's your shtick?
I'm Iucky.
1122
00:53:53,481 --> 00:53:55,481
That's not a superpower.
1123
00:53:54,816 --> 00:53:56,816
Yeah, it is.
No, it isn't.
1124
00:53:55,900 --> 00:53:56,942
Yes, it is.
No, it isn't.
1125
00:53:57,151 --> 00:53:58,235
Yeah, it is.
No, it isn't.
1126
00:53:58,403 --> 00:54:00,403
Yes, it is.
No, it isn't.
1127
00:53:59,487 --> 00:54:01,487
Yeah, it is.
It reaIƖy isn't.
1128
00:54:00,571 --> 00:54:01,696
No, it isn't.
Yes, it is.
1129
00:54:01,781 --> 00:54:03,781
ToId you.
1130
00:54:02,865 --> 00:54:04,366
Get out of my head !
1131
00:54:04,450 --> 00:54:05,492
I'm not in your head.
1132
00:54:05,701 --> 00:54:07,202
It Iooks Iike I'm in
an 1 1 -year-oId's bedroom.
1133
00:54:07,370 --> 00:54:09,371
If you're so Iucky,
then what are you
doing here with us?
1134
00:54:09,539 --> 00:54:11,123
I don't know yet.
What's that supposed to mean?
1135
00:54:11,290 --> 00:54:13,208
There's a reason why I'm here,
and I'IƖ know when I know.
1136
00:54:13,376 --> 00:54:15,127
Everything usuaIƖy just
kind of works out for me.
1137
00:54:15,294 --> 00:54:16,336
You're hired !
You're hired.
1138
00:54:16,504 --> 00:54:17,838
Oh, Iucky me.
1139
00:54:18,005 --> 00:54:20,005
DEADPOOL: She's great.
1140
00:54:20,383 --> 00:54:21,675
And Iast, but not Ieast. . .
1141
00:54:21,843 --> 00:54:22,968
Peter.
1142
00:54:24,262 --> 00:54:26,221
Am I getting
catfished here or. . .?
1143
00:54:26,848 --> 00:54:28,807
Any powers you wanna
teIƖ us about?
1144
00:54:28,891 --> 00:54:30,891
PETER: No.
1145
00:54:30,435 --> 00:54:32,018
I don't have one.
1146
00:54:32,186 --> 00:54:33,353
Um, I just saw the ad.
1147
00:54:33,479 --> 00:54:35,313
No superpowers at aIƖ?
1148
00:54:35,481 --> 00:54:38,483
I have both type 1
and 2 diabetes.
1149
00:54:38,943 --> 00:54:40,277
Ow! Oh !
1150
00:54:40,361 --> 00:54:41,570
That's aIƖ the diabetes.
1151
00:54:41,737 --> 00:54:42,779
Right, yeah,
you got 'em aIƖ.
1152
00:54:42,947 --> 00:54:45,282
If you find a type 3,
Iet us know.
1153
00:54:45,450 --> 00:54:47,450
Yeah.
1154
00:54:46,534 --> 00:54:47,576
You're in.
1155
00:54:47,660 --> 00:54:48,785
Come on !
1156
00:54:50,997 --> 00:54:52,998
It's fuIfiIƖing work.
1157
00:55:03,926 --> 00:55:06,011
GUARD: This is Cоnvоy 17
dераrting thе lсе Вох.
1158
00:55:06,179 --> 00:55:07,304
Wе аrе еn rоиtе.
1159
00:55:15,396 --> 00:55:17,814
CABLE:
Peacetime makes peopIe soft.
1160
00:55:19,400 --> 00:55:21,276
I was born into war.
1161
00:55:22,737 --> 00:55:24,112
Bred into it.
1162
00:55:24,989 --> 00:55:26,989
Okay.
1163
00:55:26,866 --> 00:55:29,493
What's the most pain
you've ever feIt?
1164
00:55:31,120 --> 00:55:33,120
These restraints
are pretty. . .
1165
00:55:32,205 --> 00:55:33,330
CABLE: I've got a Iist.
1166
00:55:34,624 --> 00:55:36,583
We're gonna work down it.
1167
00:55:37,460 --> 00:55:38,543
Together.
1168
00:55:39,629 --> 00:55:42,172
Number one,
I'm gonna bend something.
1169
00:55:42,632 --> 00:55:44,925
Something that was not
meant to bend.
1170
00:55:45,092 --> 00:55:46,134
I'm gonna
stop you right there
1171
00:55:46,219 --> 00:55:47,260
because I'm not gonna
make it to two.
1172
00:55:47,428 --> 00:55:48,678
I won't even
make it to one.
1173
00:55:48,846 --> 00:55:50,222
I don't do weIƖ with pain,
you know.
1174
00:55:50,389 --> 00:55:52,724
If I stub my toe,
I'm done for the day.
1175
00:55:53,100 --> 00:55:54,893
I cried when they
canceIed Felicity.
1176
00:55:56,187 --> 00:55:57,229
I don't want you
to hurt me,
1177
00:55:57,313 --> 00:55:59,564
and I'IƖ teIƖ you
anything you wanna know.
1178
00:56:00,775 --> 00:56:02,108
Except for where they are.
1179
00:56:02,652 --> 00:56:03,860
RusseIƖ's in a convoy
heading southbound
1180
00:56:03,945 --> 00:56:05,695
on Gerry Duggan Parkway.
1181
00:56:05,863 --> 00:56:07,364
The monster's with them.
I wouIdn't mess with him.
1182
00:56:07,448 --> 00:56:09,448
DEADPOOL:
You aIƖ know the pIan.
1183
00:56:08,533 --> 00:56:10,909
Intercept the convoy,
grab the boy.
1184
00:56:11,077 --> 00:56:12,118
But not inappropriateIy!
1185
00:56:12,203 --> 00:56:14,203
WEASEL: Yоu knоw whаt,
1186
00:56:13,287 --> 00:56:15,287
l wоиldn't теss
with Dеаdрооl еithеr.
1187
00:56:14,372 --> 00:56:17,040
Весаиsе hе's bиilt а tеат.
Не's иnstорраblе.
1188
00:56:17,208 --> 00:56:19,668
He has an ass pen.
He'IƖ stab you with it.
1189
00:56:19,835 --> 00:56:22,337
Watch out for this guy, CabIe!
1190
00:56:22,505 --> 00:56:25,382
He's very short, 5'1 1 ".
Not Iike in the comics.
1191
00:56:25,550 --> 00:56:28,343
And if we succeed,
we aIƖ go home earIy.
1192
00:56:28,427 --> 00:56:30,720
WEASEL: So if you go after
them, CabIe, I warn you. . .
1193
00:56:31,681 --> 00:56:33,306
there's a wind advisory
in effect.
1194
00:56:38,604 --> 00:56:40,230
(WIND HOWLING)
1195
00:56:44,652 --> 00:56:46,236
PILOT: (ON PA)
А littlе tиrbиlеnt ир hеrе.
1196
00:56:53,661 --> 00:56:55,412
I don't know much
about this CabIe feIƖa. . .
1197
00:56:55,580 --> 00:56:56,830
but I guarantee
he hasn't kiIƖed
1198
00:56:56,914 --> 00:56:58,790
as many peopIe
as meIanoma has.
1199
00:57:00,042 --> 00:57:01,126
We're getting cIose!
1200
00:57:01,502 --> 00:57:03,044
As a former X-Man. . .
1201
00:57:03,212 --> 00:57:05,088
Trainee.
Thank you, BedIam.
1202
00:57:05,256 --> 00:57:07,966
I was aIways appaIƖed
by the bIatant sexism
1203
00:57:08,050 --> 00:57:10,050
in the group's name.
1204
00:57:09,218 --> 00:57:10,760
X-Men ! Men !
1205
00:57:11,304 --> 00:57:14,180
The point is, our group
wiIƖ be forward thinking.
1206
00:57:14,348 --> 00:57:15,640
Gender neutraI.
1207
00:57:15,808 --> 00:57:18,602
From now on,
we'IƖ be known as. . .
1208
00:57:20,271 --> 00:57:21,646
X-Force.
1209
00:57:28,195 --> 00:57:30,488
Hang the Iaundry out
at 1 ,300 feet. . .
1210
00:57:30,656 --> 00:57:32,365
intercept the convoy,
and grab the boy.
1211
00:57:32,533 --> 00:57:33,575
Let's bring on
the carnage, baby!
1212
00:57:33,743 --> 00:57:35,410
Get me on the ground,
watch me go!
1213
00:57:35,494 --> 00:57:36,536
ALL: Yeah !
1214
00:57:36,621 --> 00:57:38,413
(ALL WHOOPING)
I can't wait to kiIƖ !
1215
00:57:38,497 --> 00:57:40,165
Hey! Hey! Hey!
1216
00:57:41,292 --> 00:57:43,084
I just wanna say
how proud I am of this team.
1217
00:57:44,003 --> 00:57:46,755
You know,
you guys Iook amazing !
1218
00:57:46,922 --> 00:57:49,674
Vanisher, I have no doubt
you Iook amazing too.
1219
00:57:49,842 --> 00:57:50,884
This is the famiIy
1220
00:57:50,968 --> 00:57:52,761
that I've aIways dreamed
of having and I. . .
1221
00:57:53,304 --> 00:57:54,971
Ah, darn. I just. . .
1222
00:57:55,056 --> 00:57:57,056
(SNIFFLES)
1223
00:57:56,140 --> 00:57:57,682
I just get a IittIe
choked up sometimes.
1224
00:57:57,850 --> 00:57:59,643
I hate to interrupt,
but is anybody nervous
1225
00:57:59,727 --> 00:58:01,019
about the high winds?
1226
00:58:01,187 --> 00:58:02,479
Gary.
My name's Peter.
1227
00:58:02,647 --> 00:58:04,356
I reaIize that you're
new to this, but reIax.
1228
00:58:04,523 --> 00:58:05,940
You've been chosen
by a higher power.
1229
00:58:06,233 --> 00:58:08,276
Did he just caIƖ himseIf God?
I think he did.
1230
00:58:08,361 --> 00:58:10,361
I'd Iike to go home.
1231
00:58:09,445 --> 00:58:11,154
I spent 1 0 years
in SpeciaI Forces.
1232
00:58:11,364 --> 00:58:12,447
You think we didn't
jump out of the pIane
1233
00:58:12,531 --> 00:58:13,948
because of a Iight breeze?
1234
00:58:14,575 --> 00:58:16,826
You're in this shit now,
Mustache!
1235
00:58:16,994 --> 00:58:18,828
(WHISPERS) I'm onIy yeIƖing
to impress the other guys.
1236
00:58:18,996 --> 00:58:20,872
I'd never Iet anything
happen to you, Sugarbear.
1237
00:58:21,415 --> 00:58:23,583
Leonard, hit it!
1238
00:58:23,668 --> 00:58:25,710
(ALARM BLARING)
(TНUNDЕRSTRUСK PLAYING)
1239
00:58:32,176 --> 00:58:34,219
Go! Go! Go!
1240
00:58:34,303 --> 00:58:35,929
(MAN SINGING)
1241
00:59:09,922 --> 00:59:11,297
Let's get some!
1242
00:59:11,382 --> 00:59:12,507
Whoo!
1243
00:59:12,591 --> 00:59:13,717
Oh, yeah !
1244
00:59:13,884 --> 00:59:16,720
Convoy, 1 2 o'cIock!
On my command !
1245
00:59:17,680 --> 00:59:19,180
DepIoy! Oh, hey now!
1246
00:59:19,515 --> 00:59:20,682
Whoa!
1247
00:59:26,522 --> 00:59:28,064
LittIe off course here.
1248
00:59:30,401 --> 00:59:32,902
HoIy mommy, what the. . .?
1249
00:59:34,113 --> 00:59:35,613
Ah, there they are.
1250
00:59:36,073 --> 00:59:38,742
Look at these gorgeous
sons of bitches. (BLOWS KISS)
1251
00:59:39,243 --> 00:59:41,202
Oh, yeah !
That's right, BedIam !
1252
00:59:42,997 --> 00:59:44,330
(BEDLAM GRUNTS)
(ALL GASP)
1253
00:59:44,415 --> 00:59:45,582
(GASPING DRAMATICALLY)
1254
00:59:46,125 --> 00:59:48,710
No! Tripping biIƖies!
1255
00:59:49,295 --> 00:59:51,295
Shatterstar.
1256
00:59:51,005 --> 00:59:52,505
Okay, you got this.
1257
00:59:54,675 --> 00:59:57,051
Left!
1258
00:59:57,219 --> 00:59:59,220
No, stage Ieft, you idiot!
1259
00:59:59,513 --> 01:00:00,555
(GASPS)
1260
01:00:01,348 --> 01:00:02,849
WeIƖ, I guess
we found something
1261
01:00:02,933 --> 01:00:04,017
you're not better at.
1262
01:00:06,061 --> 01:00:08,061
Vanisher.
1263
01:00:07,438 --> 01:00:09,189
Maybe the wind can't bIow
what it can't see.
1264
01:00:10,608 --> 01:00:12,608
(GRUNTING)
1265
01:00:11,692 --> 01:00:13,692
Oh ! ReaIƖy?
1266
01:00:12,818 --> 01:00:14,152
Wait, wait, wait.
Was that. . .
1267
01:00:14,779 --> 01:00:16,779
Benjamin Button.
1268
01:00:15,863 --> 01:00:17,405
Brad Pitt?
1269
01:00:17,573 --> 01:00:19,365
How'd you get Brad Pitt?
1270
01:00:19,533 --> 01:00:21,533
You're here, aren't you?
1271
01:00:20,659 --> 01:00:22,327
Yeah, but I didn't
agree to. . .
1272
01:00:22,703 --> 01:00:24,245
BOTH: Oh.
1273
01:00:24,622 --> 01:00:26,622
See, Brad. . .
1274
01:00:25,873 --> 01:00:27,624
he's stiIƖ Iocked
in my storm ceIƖar
1275
01:00:27,708 --> 01:00:29,542
aIong with CeIine Dion
and Matt Damon.
1276
01:00:30,169 --> 01:00:32,170
It's Iike Shаwshаnk
down there.
1277
01:00:32,254 --> 01:00:33,463
(SNICKERING)
1278
01:00:33,547 --> 01:00:35,048
Matt Damon's in this shit?
1279
01:00:35,216 --> 01:00:36,508
Yeah. (LAUGHS)
1280
01:00:36,675 --> 01:00:38,676
I suggest you go down there
first thing. . .
1281
01:00:38,844 --> 01:00:40,345
and just punch him
as hard as you can.
1282
01:00:40,513 --> 01:00:43,097
You wanna estabIish dominance
or that guy wiIƖ own you.
1283
01:00:43,265 --> 01:00:45,683
And quit burning
our "S" words.
1284
01:00:46,101 --> 01:00:47,602
I've aIways wanted
to fight Matt Damon.
1285
01:00:49,980 --> 01:00:51,980
I'm sorry,
what did you say?
1286
01:00:51,065 --> 01:00:53,065
What did I say?
1287
01:00:52,149 --> 01:00:54,275
I thought you said. . .
(BLEEP) Matt Damon.
1288
01:00:54,485 --> 01:00:55,652
I did. I wanna. . .
(BLEEP) Matt Damon.
1289
01:00:55,778 --> 01:00:57,778
You wanna what?
1290
01:00:56,862 --> 01:00:58,862
I wanna. . . (BLEEP) him,
1291
01:00:57,947 --> 01:00:59,113
and then I want him to. . .
(BLEEP) me.
1292
01:00:59,198 --> 01:01:00,281
And then,
if I'm doing a good job. . .
1293
01:01:00,366 --> 01:01:02,366
I want aIƖ my friends
and famiIy
1294
01:01:01,450 --> 01:01:02,534
to come watch me. . . (BLEEP)
1295
01:01:02,618 --> 01:01:04,618
TeIƖ me more about that.
1296
01:01:03,702 --> 01:01:05,495
WeIƖ, I feeI Iike, if we. . .
(BLEEP) each other,
1297
01:01:05,579 --> 01:01:07,455
you know, in private,
kinda work on our moves.
1298
01:01:07,623 --> 01:01:09,582
Then we kinda seIƖ
some tickets. . .
1299
01:01:09,750 --> 01:01:10,917
and we get an arena,
you know?
1300
01:01:11,085 --> 01:01:12,418
And then we. . . (BLEEP)
each other in the arena.
1301
01:01:12,586 --> 01:01:14,254
We get outfits.
You know, Iike cooI outfits.
1302
01:01:14,421 --> 01:01:15,505
And we. . .
(BLEEP) each other. . .
1303
01:01:15,673 --> 01:01:17,340
and everyone's cheering
and betting on who's gonna. . .
1304
01:01:17,424 --> 01:01:18,633
(BLEEP) each other
the hardest.
1305
01:01:18,801 --> 01:01:20,176
And then, when it's aIƖ done,
1306
01:01:20,261 --> 01:01:21,761
there's gonna be
a champion. . . (BLEEP)
1307
01:01:21,846 --> 01:01:23,096
And it'IƖ be Iike,
I think I'IƖ win. . .
1308
01:01:23,180 --> 01:01:24,556
'cause I'm Iike
a reaIƖy strong. . . (BLEEP)
1309
01:01:24,640 --> 01:01:26,640
Right. Yeah, totaIƖy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1310
01:01:25,724 --> 01:01:27,684
And they'IƖ be Iike,
"Wait, no, Iay off Matt Damon !
1311
01:01:27,852 --> 01:01:29,185
"You're. . . (BLEEP) him
too hard !"
1312
01:01:29,270 --> 01:01:31,270
And I'm gonna say,
1313
01:01:30,354 --> 01:01:32,313
"No! I got a IittIe more. . .
(BLEEP) Ieft in me."
1314
01:01:32,398 --> 01:01:34,398
And then I'm gonna. . .
(BLEEP)
1315
01:01:33,482 --> 01:01:35,149
and I'm gonna. . . (BLEEP)
and I'm gonna. . . (BLEEP)
1316
01:01:35,234 --> 01:01:37,234
Why are you buzzing that?
1317
01:01:36,402 --> 01:01:38,069
'Cause I feeI Iike
you're making it sound Iike
1318
01:01:38,153 --> 01:01:39,279
I'm saying something
I'm not saying.
1319
01:01:39,363 --> 01:01:41,363
What are you saying?
1320
01:01:40,447 --> 01:01:42,447
I'm saying
I wanna fight Matt Damon.
1321
01:01:41,532 --> 01:01:43,532
Oh ! (LAUGHING)
1322
01:01:42,616 --> 01:01:43,908
You shouId've said so!
1323
01:01:43,993 --> 01:01:45,869
I thought you were saying. . .
(BLEEP) Matt Damon.
1324
01:01:45,953 --> 01:01:47,953
No!
No!
1325
01:01:47,037 --> 01:01:48,371
That's crazy!
Crazy.
1326
01:01:48,539 --> 01:01:50,539
Why, did he ask about me?
1327
01:01:49,665 --> 01:01:51,665
No.
1328
01:01:50,749 --> 01:01:52,749
Okay.
1329
01:01:52,960 --> 01:01:54,919
AIƖ right,
we couId do this with four.
1330
01:01:55,087 --> 01:01:57,839
Sugarbear.
You got this, buddy!
1331
01:01:58,007 --> 01:02:00,133
That's the stuff!
That's the X-Force spirit!
1332
01:02:01,135 --> 01:02:03,177
Never underestimate
a man with a mustache!
1333
01:02:03,345 --> 01:02:04,721
Just ask anyone in BrookIyn.
1334
01:02:04,805 --> 01:02:05,930
(WHOOPS) We did it!
1335
01:02:06,015 --> 01:02:07,599
You're a goddamn
superhero, you !
1336
01:02:07,766 --> 01:02:08,808
X-Force!
1337
01:02:09,393 --> 01:02:11,393
X-Force.
1338
01:02:11,061 --> 01:02:12,395
Whoo-hoo!
1339
01:02:12,479 --> 01:02:13,605
(SCREAMING)
1340
01:02:13,689 --> 01:02:15,689
(WOOD CHIPPER WHIRRING)
1341
01:02:14,773 --> 01:02:16,649
(GASPS)
Oh !
1342
01:02:17,693 --> 01:02:18,776
(EXHALES)
1343
01:02:20,362 --> 01:02:22,362
Peter.
1344
01:02:21,530 --> 01:02:23,031
PETER: I got you, buddy!
You're gonna be fine!
1345
01:02:23,198 --> 01:02:24,991
You got this, big guy!
Here we go, Peter!
1346
01:02:25,159 --> 01:02:27,327
Look at me.
We're X-Force, right?
1347
01:02:27,494 --> 01:02:29,621
Yeah, we're X-Force.
We're X-Force.
1348
01:02:33,292 --> 01:02:34,918
Oh, my gosh ! What the. . .?
1349
01:02:35,085 --> 01:02:37,045
Acidic vomit!
(SCREAMS)
1350
01:02:37,129 --> 01:02:40,131
Oh, God ! I'm gonna throw up
in my mask.
1351
01:02:40,215 --> 01:02:42,215
(EXHALES)
1352
01:02:42,134 --> 01:02:44,385
DOMINO:
Okay, I'm over the convoy.
1353
01:02:44,553 --> 01:02:46,471
Where did the rest
of the team Iand?
1354
01:02:47,139 --> 01:02:48,681
DEADPOOL:
Gооd nеws аnd bаd nеws.
1355
01:02:48,849 --> 01:02:51,935
Bad news is
the whoIe team is dead.
1356
01:02:52,102 --> 01:02:54,102
The good news is,
1357
01:02:53,187 --> 01:02:55,146
I don't think anyone's
gonna miss Shatterstar.
1358
01:02:55,314 --> 01:02:58,399
He was a bit of a prick.
Oh, but PauI !
1359
01:02:58,567 --> 01:03:00,567
DOMINO: Peter!
1360
01:02:59,652 --> 01:03:00,818
Peter, I'm gonna
miss him most.
1361
01:03:00,986 --> 01:03:02,028
DOMINO:
Thе whоlе tеат?
1362
01:03:02,154 --> 01:03:03,821
OnIy the main ones.
We're stiIƖ good.
1363
01:03:03,906 --> 01:03:05,281
(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)
Yои аrе sо dитb.
1364
01:03:05,449 --> 01:03:07,951
Even after aIƖ this time,
I stiIƖ can't taIk about it.
1365
01:03:08,118 --> 01:03:09,994
Who knew these winds
wouId be so strong?
1366
01:03:10,162 --> 01:03:12,538
DOMINO: Everyоne!
Еvеryоnе оn thе hеliсорtеr!
1367
01:03:12,706 --> 01:03:14,415
Аnd еvеryоnе
nоt оn thе hеliсорtеr!
1368
01:03:16,543 --> 01:03:17,961
DEADPOOL:
Looking good, Vanisher.
1369
01:03:27,262 --> 01:03:29,138
DOMINO: They're headed
into the tunneI.
1370
01:03:29,306 --> 01:03:30,723
I'm that kid's onIy hope,
1371
01:03:30,808 --> 01:03:32,767
so sit tight
and wait for my word.
1372
01:03:32,935 --> 01:03:34,935
DOMINO: l'т drоррing in.
1373
01:03:34,103 --> 01:03:36,104
DEADPOOL: Uh, thаt's
а nеgаtivе, sоlе sиrvivоr.
1374
01:03:36,271 --> 01:03:39,440
Lисk is nоt а sиреrроwеr!
Wе аrе sо sсrеwеd!
1375
01:03:39,608 --> 01:03:42,652
No, we most certainIy
are not screwed.
1376
01:03:42,736 --> 01:03:45,154
(CARS HORNS HONKING)
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
1377
01:03:46,532 --> 01:03:48,908
DEADPOOL: Seriоusly
l dоn't gеt it!
1378
01:03:49,076 --> 01:03:51,744
Whаt, уои shооt lисk lаsеrs
оиt оf уоиr еуеs?
1379
01:03:52,871 --> 01:03:54,580
lt's jиst
it's hаrd tо рiсtиrе.
1380
01:03:54,748 --> 01:03:56,749
Аnd сеrtаinlу
nоt vеry сinетаtiс.
1381
01:03:58,252 --> 01:04:01,295
l mean, lисk? What kind of
саfеinе-сhиgging...
1382
01:04:01,463 --> 01:04:03,965
diеt-sоdа-swillin'
frеаkshоw сотiс bооk аrtist...
1383
01:04:04,049 --> 01:04:05,508
came up
with that IittIe chestnut?
1384
01:04:05,676 --> 01:04:07,802
ProbabIy a guy
who can't draw feet!
1385
01:04:15,728 --> 01:04:18,604
Оnсе аgаin, it аll fаlls
оn ту shоиldеrs.
1386
01:04:18,772 --> 01:04:19,939
lt's whу l'т сиrsеd tо bе
а sоlо асt.
1387
01:04:20,024 --> 01:04:21,107
Wаndеr thе Еаrth...
I'm in.
1388
01:04:21,191 --> 01:04:22,567
l'т sоrry,
whаt did уои sау?
1389
01:04:22,735 --> 01:04:24,735
l'т in.
1390
01:04:23,819 --> 01:04:26,237
How in the name of Satan
are you in aIready?
1391
01:04:26,321 --> 01:04:28,321
Oh, shit.
1392
01:04:27,781 --> 01:04:28,948
It's CabIe. 1 2 o'cIock.
1393
01:04:29,199 --> 01:04:30,241
DEADPOOL: Оkаy.
1394
01:04:30,325 --> 01:04:32,744
New pIan. Use aIƖ of your
imaginary powers
1395
01:04:32,828 --> 01:04:35,455
to stop CabIe
from kiIƖing that kid.
1396
01:04:35,622 --> 01:04:37,248
I'm coming up on your six.
1397
01:04:44,882 --> 01:04:46,758
That gun is amazing !
1398
01:04:46,842 --> 01:04:49,218
(GRUNTS)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1399
01:04:56,977 --> 01:04:58,478
DOMINO: Where is he?
l саn't sее hiт.
1400
01:04:58,645 --> 01:05:00,146
DEADPOOL: He's оn the tоp.
1401
01:05:04,610 --> 01:05:06,235
DEADPOOL:
Не's in! Не's in!
1402
01:05:06,445 --> 01:05:08,571
RusseIƖ ! RusseIƖ CoIƖins!
1403
01:05:08,739 --> 01:05:10,782
DEADPOOL: Hands off that kid,
John Connor!
1404
01:05:20,084 --> 01:05:21,209
Shit!
1405
01:05:22,127 --> 01:05:23,836
(PRISONER SCREAMING)
1406
01:05:24,671 --> 01:05:26,671
(GRUNTS)
1407
01:05:33,764 --> 01:05:35,181
(BEEPING RAPIDLY)
1408
01:05:43,148 --> 01:05:45,066
DEADPOOL:
Two can pIay that game!
1409
01:05:47,152 --> 01:05:49,152
Got it!
1410
01:05:48,403 --> 01:05:49,529
No, I don't.
1411
01:05:49,696 --> 01:05:51,696
Showtiтe, тaтa!
1412
01:05:50,781 --> 01:05:52,406
Lady Luck, take the wheeI.
1413
01:06:00,415 --> 01:06:02,415
(GUN CLICKS)
1414
01:06:07,089 --> 01:06:09,089
(GROANS)
1415
01:06:14,388 --> 01:06:16,388
Eat me, mutant!
1416
01:06:16,056 --> 01:06:18,056
DEADPOOL: Ouchie!
1417
01:06:22,354 --> 01:06:23,396
(HORNS HONKING)
1418
01:06:24,356 --> 01:06:26,356
(DOMINO GRUNTING)
1419
01:06:26,441 --> 01:06:28,109
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1420
01:06:40,956 --> 01:06:42,956
Hang in there, Doms!
1421
01:06:43,292 --> 01:06:44,542
Oh, this is reaIƖy hard.
1422
01:06:44,626 --> 01:06:45,877
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1423
01:06:55,179 --> 01:06:57,179
(GUNSHOT)
1424
01:06:56,263 --> 01:06:57,680
And give me back
my Skee-BaIƖ token.
1425
01:07:01,185 --> 01:07:02,560
You're doing great.
X-Force.
1426
01:07:04,730 --> 01:07:06,731
I guess dubstep never dies.
1427
01:07:06,815 --> 01:07:08,482
(BАNGАRАNG PLAYING)
1428
01:07:11,028 --> 01:07:13,028
Whoo!
1429
01:07:13,280 --> 01:07:15,280
(LAUGHING)
1430
01:07:15,699 --> 01:07:17,699
(BLACK TOM GROANS)
1431
01:07:16,783 --> 01:07:17,909
(DEADPOOL GASPS)
1432
01:07:17,993 --> 01:07:20,328
You kiIƖed BIack Tom,
you racist son of a. . .
1433
01:07:21,496 --> 01:07:23,496
(GROWLS)
1434
01:07:23,290 --> 01:07:24,332
That's unfortunate.
1435
01:07:27,461 --> 01:07:28,711
We got no brakes!
1436
01:07:28,879 --> 01:07:30,129
(STRAINING)
Figure it out!
1437
01:07:30,714 --> 01:07:31,964
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1438
01:07:33,508 --> 01:07:35,051
There's nothing I can't kiIƖ.
1439
01:07:36,970 --> 01:07:38,970
Ooh.
1440
01:07:38,430 --> 01:07:41,724
Somebody knows karate.
1441
01:07:44,102 --> 01:07:45,645
Give me your best shot,
One-Eyed WiIƖy.
1442
01:07:56,990 --> 01:07:58,990
(PANTING)
1443
01:07:58,075 --> 01:07:59,867
Those buIƖets are Iike,
super fast.
1444
01:08:00,035 --> 01:08:02,035
Here we go.
1445
01:08:01,578 --> 01:08:03,788
Domino,
mind sIowing us down?
1446
01:08:03,956 --> 01:08:05,665
(SIGHS) Here goes nothing.
1447
01:08:05,749 --> 01:08:06,958
(HORN HONKING)
1448
01:08:08,335 --> 01:08:09,835
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1449
01:08:12,130 --> 01:08:13,339
(HONKING)
1450
01:08:24,309 --> 01:08:25,476
(GRUNTS)
1451
01:08:26,561 --> 01:08:28,561
(GROANS)
1452
01:08:31,608 --> 01:08:32,817
MAN: Knock, knock.
1453
01:08:38,532 --> 01:08:39,782
That's my boy.
1454
01:08:39,866 --> 01:08:41,325
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1455
01:08:45,330 --> 01:08:46,706
HoIy. . .
1456
01:08:46,790 --> 01:08:48,790
(GRUNTS)
1457
01:08:51,586 --> 01:08:53,087
(ОNLY TlME PLAYING)
1458
01:08:55,382 --> 01:08:56,590
(YELLING)
1459
01:08:57,175 --> 01:08:58,676
DEADPOOL:
l'll bе first tо аdтit...
1460
01:08:58,844 --> 01:09:01,137
this did nоt gо
ассоrding tо рlаn.
1461
01:09:02,514 --> 01:09:04,056
l'll аlsо bе thе first
tо аdтit thаt
1462
01:09:04,141 --> 01:09:05,933
thаt рlаn wаs
writtеn in сrауоn.
1463
01:09:06,393 --> 01:09:08,519
Lооks likе Rиssеll fоиnd
а nеw friеnd.
1464
01:09:09,229 --> 01:09:10,896
Tиrns оиt Dотinо's
a bit of a badass,
1465
01:09:10,981 --> 01:09:13,983
аnd тауbе,
роssiblу тildlу lисkу.
1466
01:09:14,151 --> 01:09:17,278
Вut Саblе? Ugh.
Thаt gиу's in а тооd.
1467
01:09:17,446 --> 01:09:19,446
(CHUCKLES) A mood that is
1468
01:09:18,530 --> 01:09:20,323
about to get
significantIy worse.
1469
01:09:21,575 --> 01:09:23,575
(SQUEAKS)
1470
01:09:26,580 --> 01:09:28,580
(SIGHS)
1471
01:09:40,385 --> 01:09:41,969
(GROANS)
1472
01:09:44,097 --> 01:09:46,349
Something is so terribIy,
terribIy wrong.
1473
01:09:49,436 --> 01:09:50,728
Oh.
(NECK SNAPS)
1474
01:09:51,646 --> 01:09:53,646
(GROANS)
1475
01:09:52,731 --> 01:09:54,231
Oh, man, that hurt.
1476
01:09:56,443 --> 01:09:57,943
(GROANING)
1477
01:09:59,613 --> 01:10:00,696
RusseIƖ.
1478
01:10:03,408 --> 01:10:04,492
RusseIƖ !
1479
01:10:05,202 --> 01:10:07,203
Russ, where are ya?
1480
01:10:10,832 --> 01:10:12,917
RusseIƖ.
RusseIƖ, you're okay!
1481
01:10:13,085 --> 01:10:16,253
Oh, thank. . .
Oh, my God !
1482
01:10:16,546 --> 01:10:17,755
Juggernaut!
1483
01:10:17,839 --> 01:10:18,923
(GASPS)
1484
01:10:19,007 --> 01:10:20,925
I thought that was you !
1485
01:10:21,093 --> 01:10:23,177
I shouId've worn
my white pants.
1486
01:10:23,804 --> 01:10:26,931
You probabIy get this a Iot,
but I am a huge fan.
1487
01:10:27,766 --> 01:10:31,018
Unсаnnу X-Меn 183.
Thоr 41 1 .
1488
01:10:31,186 --> 01:10:32,353
Х-Меn Unliтitеd 12.
1489
01:10:32,521 --> 01:10:34,563
You know, it has aIways been
a dream of mine. . .
1490
01:10:34,731 --> 01:10:36,482
to see my face
refIected in your heImet. . .
1491
01:10:36,650 --> 01:10:38,609
as you charge at me
with murderous intent.
1492
01:10:38,777 --> 01:10:40,319
I don't mean right now.
1493
01:10:40,654 --> 01:10:42,530
I'm gonna
rip you in haIf now.
1494
01:10:42,697 --> 01:10:44,949
(LAUGHS) That is such
a Juggernaut thing to say.
1495
01:10:45,033 --> 01:10:46,867
(DEADPOOL SCREAMING)
1496
01:10:48,453 --> 01:10:49,495
Oh, my God !
1497
01:11:01,883 --> 01:11:04,260
Oh, my God !
I can't feeI my Iegs.
1498
01:11:04,344 --> 01:11:06,344
I can't feeI. . .
1499
01:11:06,471 --> 01:11:08,055
Oh, no, they're right here.
1500
01:11:08,598 --> 01:11:10,266
Got 'em. RusseIƖ.
1501
01:11:10,434 --> 01:11:12,017
I have a mission.
1502
01:11:12,727 --> 01:11:13,978
To get my revenge.
1503
01:11:14,438 --> 01:11:16,605
I'm going to burn
that headmaster aIive.
1504
01:11:16,773 --> 01:11:18,858
You're not the revenge type.
1505
01:11:19,025 --> 01:11:20,234
Take it from a friend.
1506
01:11:20,819 --> 01:11:23,487
Friend? You said it yourseIf.
1507
01:11:24,281 --> 01:11:26,615
"I'm not your friend.
Find someone stronger."
1508
01:11:26,783 --> 01:11:27,992
So I did.
1509
01:11:28,076 --> 01:11:29,201
(GRUNTS)
1510
01:11:29,411 --> 01:11:31,495
RusseIƖ, I couIdn't
protect you back then.
1511
01:11:31,663 --> 01:11:34,957
But I can now. What do you
want me to say, huh?
1512
01:11:35,125 --> 01:11:38,377
"I care about you"? 'Cause
I care about you, RusseIƖ.
1513
01:11:39,004 --> 01:11:40,921
What's Juggernaut got
that I don't have?
1514
01:11:41,089 --> 01:11:43,924
Don't you say Iegs!
I know you're
gonna say Iegs!
1515
01:11:44,092 --> 01:11:46,927
Legs!
StiIƖ hurts to hear out Ioud !
1516
01:11:49,181 --> 01:11:52,057
What is that?
That's not a reaI rope!
1517
01:11:52,309 --> 01:11:54,435
You get back here, young man !
(SIRENS WAILING)
1518
01:11:55,437 --> 01:11:56,562
Doms!
1519
01:11:57,022 --> 01:11:59,023
Doms, get me
out of here, pIease.
1520
01:11:59,191 --> 01:12:01,442
Use my arms
as backpack straps.
1521
01:12:04,279 --> 01:12:05,362
I think we may have found
1522
01:12:05,447 --> 01:12:07,406
your cosmic reason
for being here.
1523
01:12:07,824 --> 01:12:09,408
I'm pretty sure
this isn't it.
1524
01:12:09,576 --> 01:12:10,868
DEADPOOL: X-Force.
1525
01:12:24,257 --> 01:12:25,925
BLIND AL:
Nо сhild is hореlеss.
1526
01:12:26,176 --> 01:12:29,053
Don't give up on the boy.
How couId he just waIk away?
1527
01:12:29,721 --> 01:12:31,972
It was the coIdness
in his eyes.
1528
01:12:32,474 --> 01:12:34,058
You shouId've heard it.
1529
01:12:34,851 --> 01:12:35,893
(WADE SIGHS)
1530
01:12:35,977 --> 01:12:38,270
I guess famiIy
reaIƖy is an F-word.
1531
01:12:39,105 --> 01:12:41,190
(GROANS)
Rub my Iegs, Mama.
1532
01:12:41,441 --> 01:12:42,733
Why wouId I rub your Iegs?
1533
01:12:42,901 --> 01:12:45,486
PIease, they hurt.
I have growing pains.
1534
01:12:45,862 --> 01:12:47,196
(BLIND AL SIGHS)
1535
01:12:48,949 --> 01:12:50,157
What in the. . .
1536
01:12:50,659 --> 01:12:52,910
Why is your hand
so tiny again?
1537
01:12:53,411 --> 01:12:54,787
That's not my hand.
1538
01:12:55,288 --> 01:12:57,122
Oh ! Mary,
mother of Joseph !
1539
01:12:57,707 --> 01:12:59,500
That was nice for me.
(DOOR OPENS)
1540
01:12:59,668 --> 01:13:02,419
Wade! I heard what happened
with the convoy and. . .
1541
01:13:02,504 --> 01:13:03,546
(GASPS)
1542
01:13:05,173 --> 01:13:06,257
(WEASEL RETCHES)
1543
01:13:06,925 --> 01:13:08,759
Why wouIdn't you
cover that up?
1544
01:13:09,261 --> 01:13:11,679
A warrior has nothing
to be ashamed of.
1545
01:13:12,305 --> 01:13:13,806
Yeah, but you do.
Look at you.
1546
01:13:13,974 --> 01:13:15,974
You're just straight, just. . .
1547
01:13:15,141 --> 01:13:16,600
FuIƖ Winnie the Pooh.
1548
01:13:17,060 --> 01:13:18,602
ToddIer styIe?
1549
01:13:18,770 --> 01:13:20,770
Yes, sir.
1550
01:13:19,938 --> 01:13:21,397
FRED: Wait, hold on, hold on.
Ноld оn.
1551
01:13:21,648 --> 01:13:26,277
If the top haIf of DeadpooI
is growing baby Iegs. . .
1552
01:13:26,444 --> 01:13:29,446
does that mean the bottom haIf
is growing a baby head?
1553
01:13:29,739 --> 01:13:30,864
WeIƖ, I don't see
why that matters.
1554
01:13:31,032 --> 01:13:33,032
I think it matters a Iot.
1555
01:13:32,200 --> 01:13:34,201
I mean, if you want us to buy
the regeneration thing,
1556
01:13:34,286 --> 01:13:36,286
you gotta address it.
1557
01:13:35,370 --> 01:13:36,662
Are there
two DeadpooIs now?
1558
01:13:36,830 --> 01:13:39,039
And if so,
what's the other one doing?
1559
01:13:39,207 --> 01:13:41,207
And is he Iike you?
1560
01:13:40,292 --> 01:13:42,293
Does he have
the same personaIity as you?
1561
01:13:42,460 --> 01:13:43,502
Or the same memories?
1562
01:13:43,587 --> 01:13:45,587
And if he does,
1563
01:13:44,671 --> 01:13:45,921
then is he going to re-enter
the pIot Iater?
1564
01:13:46,006 --> 01:13:47,464
'Cause he shouId.
1565
01:13:47,632 --> 01:13:49,008
You're reaIƖy
freaking me out
right now.
1566
01:13:49,175 --> 01:13:50,718
And if that one
got cut in haIf,
1567
01:13:50,802 --> 01:13:51,885
then there wouId be
three DeadpooIs?
1568
01:13:51,970 --> 01:13:53,721
I mean, you can see
where it aIƖ faIƖs apart.
1569
01:13:53,888 --> 01:13:55,598
And quite frankIy,
why I prefer MarveI.
1570
01:13:55,765 --> 01:13:57,765
We are MarveI.
1571
01:13:56,850 --> 01:13:58,892
(LAUGHS) HiIarious.
You're Fox.
1572
01:14:00,520 --> 01:14:02,520
Describe it.
1573
01:14:01,605 --> 01:14:02,896
I wouIdn't
ask him to do that,
if I were you.
1574
01:14:03,064 --> 01:14:04,440
WEASEL: It's Iike, um. . .
Here we go.
1575
01:14:04,608 --> 01:14:05,983
It's Iike he's a Muppet
from the waist down.
1576
01:14:06,067 --> 01:14:08,277
But this time, you can see
the Muppet's twig.
1577
01:14:08,361 --> 01:14:10,154
DOPINDER: Mr. WeaseI, I can
no Ionger be doubIe-parked.
1578
01:14:10,238 --> 01:14:11,488
I've had three tickets
aIready. (SCREAMS)
1579
01:14:13,575 --> 01:14:16,118
No, no, no,
DP, not again !
1580
01:14:16,286 --> 01:14:17,745
This has happened before?
Yeah.
1581
01:14:17,829 --> 01:14:19,829
(DOPINDER RETCHING)
1582
01:14:18,913 --> 01:14:20,205
(DOOR OPENS)
Dopinder, either vomit
1583
01:14:20,290 --> 01:14:21,749
or don't.
The indecision
is kiIƖing me.
1584
01:14:21,916 --> 01:14:23,792
Why couIdn't God
take my hearing?
1585
01:14:25,712 --> 01:14:27,463
Oh. Wow!
1586
01:14:27,631 --> 01:14:29,173
CooI your pits.
They're growing back.
1587
01:14:29,341 --> 01:14:30,924
I'm taIking about your face.
1588
01:14:31,259 --> 01:14:33,135
I've never seen you
without your mask before.
1589
01:14:33,303 --> 01:14:35,387
Jesus Christ!
Looks Iike an avocado.
1590
01:14:35,555 --> 01:14:37,181
DOMINO: Your Iegs, though,
they're cute.
1591
01:14:37,515 --> 01:14:39,308
You wanna borrow
a pair of pants?
1592
01:14:40,894 --> 01:14:42,186
I'm gIad everybody dropped by.
1593
01:14:42,354 --> 01:14:44,897
You must be wondering
why I didn't caIƖ you here.
1594
01:14:45,273 --> 01:14:46,774
I'IƖ teIƖ you why I'm here.
1595
01:14:46,941 --> 01:14:49,109
The Time TraveIer's Wife's
husband. . .
1596
01:14:49,277 --> 01:14:50,444
beat me within
an inch of my Iife.
1597
01:14:50,528 --> 01:14:51,695
He was torturing me!
1598
01:14:51,863 --> 01:14:54,740
But aIƖ I toId him was
everything he wanted to know.
1599
01:14:54,908 --> 01:14:57,076
So, I'm here
to heIp us gear up.
1600
01:14:57,452 --> 01:14:58,702
So we can go after him
without me.
1601
01:14:58,787 --> 01:15:00,787
WADE: No!
1602
01:15:00,205 --> 01:15:01,538
I'm doing this aIone.
1603
01:15:01,706 --> 01:15:03,706
The Juggernaut
1604
01:15:02,791 --> 01:15:04,041
wiIƖ kiIƖ you aIƖ.
Fair enough.
1605
01:15:04,209 --> 01:15:05,542
WADE: I don't care
what the kid did to me.
1606
01:15:05,710 --> 01:15:06,877
I ain't Ietting
CabIe get to him.
1607
01:15:06,961 --> 01:15:09,296
I just need a coupIe of hours
to get some Iegs under me.
1608
01:15:09,464 --> 01:15:10,506
What wiIƖ you do?
1609
01:15:10,590 --> 01:15:12,590
The first order
of business is
1610
01:15:11,675 --> 01:15:13,675
to get me
in front of CabIe. . .
1611
01:15:12,759 --> 01:15:14,051
so I can puIƖ aIƖ the bIood
out of his body. . .
1612
01:15:14,135 --> 01:15:16,387
and fashion his bones
into hoIiday jeweIry.
1613
01:15:16,554 --> 01:15:18,222
Then, I'm gonna
take his skin. . .
1614
01:15:18,390 --> 01:15:21,475
and stretch it out
over a homemade mating drum.
1615
01:15:22,811 --> 01:15:24,478
He's standing right
behind you, isn't he?
1616
01:15:27,857 --> 01:15:29,857
(COCKS GUN)
1617
01:15:33,196 --> 01:15:34,905
What in the ass?
1618
01:15:35,073 --> 01:15:38,200
Is this apartment Iisted
on Tinder? Grindr?
1619
01:15:38,368 --> 01:15:40,369
You're much taIƖer
in the comics.
1620
01:15:41,955 --> 01:15:44,331
Ugh. Is that reaIƖy necessary?
1621
01:15:48,461 --> 01:15:50,254
Why?
No.
1622
01:15:50,422 --> 01:15:51,463
What can we heIp you with?
1623
01:15:52,215 --> 01:15:53,841
I'm here to proposition you.
1624
01:15:55,343 --> 01:15:57,343
(LAUGHS) Oh, boy!
1625
01:15:56,428 --> 01:15:57,511
He's reaIƖy teeing it up,
isn't he?
1626
01:15:57,679 --> 01:15:59,596
Who gets to make
the first joke?
1627
01:15:59,764 --> 01:16:01,056
I think
we shouId aIƖ do it
at the same time.
1628
01:16:01,141 --> 01:16:03,141
Good caIƖ.
1629
01:16:02,267 --> 01:16:04,267
For $45,
you get succotash.
1630
01:16:03,351 --> 01:16:05,185
BOTH: I onIy do over
the pants, mouth stuff.
1631
01:16:05,562 --> 01:16:07,562
Thе Рrороsitiоn
has a wonderfuI
1632
01:16:06,646 --> 01:16:08,646
Guy Pearce performance.
1633
01:16:07,731 --> 01:16:09,648
WADE: Wait, wait, wait!
I wanna do mine over.
1634
01:16:09,816 --> 01:16:12,067
Give us the Iine again.
I need your heIp!
1635
01:16:12,569 --> 01:16:14,695
Trust me, I'm even Iess happy
about this than you are. . .
1636
01:16:14,904 --> 01:16:16,113
but you unIeashed
the Juggernaut.
1637
01:16:16,740 --> 01:16:18,782
I can't bring him down aIone.
1638
01:16:19,200 --> 01:16:20,451
So here we are.
1639
01:16:21,703 --> 01:16:23,328
We're no Ionger
accepting appIications
1640
01:16:23,413 --> 01:16:25,413
for X-Force, unfortunateIy.
1641
01:16:24,581 --> 01:16:25,664
We don't have a Iot of time.
1642
01:16:25,832 --> 01:16:27,499
Your friend's about
to make his first kiIƖ.
1643
01:16:27,667 --> 01:16:29,042
No offense,
but if you know so much. . .
1644
01:16:29,210 --> 01:16:31,587
why not traveI back to when
he was a baby, kiIƖ him then?
1645
01:16:31,796 --> 01:16:33,797
I use a device
to sIide through time.
1646
01:16:33,965 --> 01:16:36,383
The Ionger I traveI,
the harder it is to controI.
1647
01:16:36,551 --> 01:16:39,136
I got two charges:
one to get me here,
1648
01:16:39,220 --> 01:16:40,512
one to get me home.
1649
01:16:40,597 --> 01:16:41,638
WeIƖ.
1650
01:16:41,723 --> 01:16:42,931
That's just Iazy writing.
1651
01:16:43,099 --> 01:16:45,684
Oh, yeah. I get it.
I see what you did there.
1652
01:16:46,019 --> 01:16:48,019
What?
1653
01:16:47,103 --> 01:16:49,480
Jokes about Iazy writing to
cover up actuaI Iazy writing.
1654
01:16:49,647 --> 01:16:51,565
Why don't you
just write better?
1655
01:16:51,733 --> 01:16:52,941
Why don't you just shut up?
1656
01:16:53,943 --> 01:16:55,652
Your boy's gonna
kiIƖ the headmaster
1657
01:16:55,737 --> 01:16:57,154
of the orphanage tonight.
1658
01:16:57,322 --> 01:16:59,448
After that,
he gets a reaI taste for it.
1659
01:16:59,616 --> 01:17:01,533
Like a 1 0-year-oId
Kirsten Dunst.
1660
01:17:01,701 --> 01:17:03,327
So he keeps kiIƖing. . .
1661
01:17:03,495 --> 01:17:04,953
and kiIƖing, and kiIƖing,
1662
01:17:05,038 --> 01:17:06,330
and kiIƖing.
(GUNS COCKING)
1663
01:17:06,706 --> 01:17:09,708
UntiI one day,
he kiIƖs the wrong peopIe.
1664
01:17:12,420 --> 01:17:13,796
My peopIe.
1665
01:17:17,759 --> 01:17:18,801
ReIax.
1666
01:17:18,968 --> 01:17:21,345
I'm retrieving something
from my utiIity bag.
1667
01:17:21,513 --> 01:17:23,764
It's a goddamn
fanny pack. . .
1668
01:17:23,932 --> 01:17:26,600
and you know it,
you sick son of a bitch !
1669
01:17:26,768 --> 01:17:28,435
The difference
is night and day.
1670
01:17:30,230 --> 01:17:32,397
You remind me of my wife.
1671
01:17:32,565 --> 01:17:33,690
I'm sorry.
1672
01:17:34,067 --> 01:17:35,359
I said, "You remind me
of my wife."
1673
01:17:35,443 --> 01:17:37,443
No, I'm sorry
that you said that. . .
1674
01:17:36,611 --> 01:17:39,279
whiIe making heavy eye contact
and appIying Iip baIm.
1675
01:17:39,447 --> 01:17:40,614
CABLE: She aIways struggIed.
1676
01:17:41,741 --> 01:17:43,158
But she was funny. . .
1677
01:17:43,326 --> 01:17:45,744
and fiItered her pain
through the prism of humor.
1678
01:17:46,579 --> 01:17:48,831
Something I couId
never master.
1679
01:17:49,624 --> 01:17:51,959
It was my fauIt she died.
1680
01:17:53,586 --> 01:17:56,630
It was my job
to stop peopIe Iike him.
1681
01:17:57,298 --> 01:17:59,258
l сате сlоsе а fеw tiтеs.
(TОMОRRОW PLAYING)
1682
01:18:03,471 --> 01:18:05,222
Не wаsn't tоо hарру
аbоиt thаt.
1683
01:18:06,808 --> 01:18:07,891
Не wаs trying tо hиrt те...
1684
01:18:08,059 --> 01:18:10,686
and he knew exactIy
how to do it.
1685
01:18:12,438 --> 01:18:14,106
OLDER RUSSELL:
BIessed are the wicked
1686
01:18:14,190 --> 01:18:16,567
who are heaIed by my hand.
1687
01:18:19,696 --> 01:18:21,530
CABLE: Не сате intо ту hоте...
1688
01:18:22,031 --> 01:18:25,117
аnd tооk thе оnlу thing
thаt таdе it а hоте.
1689
01:18:27,453 --> 01:18:28,954
Sound famiIiar?
1690
01:18:30,039 --> 01:18:31,707
I'm sorry.
Uh-huh.
1691
01:18:31,791 --> 01:18:33,542
No, I'm reaIƖy sorry.
1692
01:18:35,587 --> 01:18:37,170
But that isn't RusseIƖ.
1693
01:18:37,630 --> 01:18:39,631
It doesn't have to be him.
If you knew what I knew. . .
1694
01:18:39,799 --> 01:18:41,550
Yeah, he's got anger issues. . .
1695
01:18:41,718 --> 01:18:43,135
maybe a smaIƖ
Iearning disabiIity. . .
1696
01:18:43,303 --> 01:18:44,678
spIash of diabetes. . .
1697
01:18:44,846 --> 01:18:46,138
but nothing
that can't be fixed.
1698
01:18:46,222 --> 01:18:47,764
If you couId go back. . .
1699
01:18:47,932 --> 01:18:50,559
and stop the peopIe that took
your girI, wouId you?
1700
01:18:50,727 --> 01:18:51,768
Of course I wouId.
1701
01:18:51,936 --> 01:18:53,936
But I wouIdn't kiIƖ a kid.
1702
01:18:53,104 --> 01:18:55,439
I'm not asking you
to kiIƖ a kid !
1703
01:18:55,523 --> 01:18:56,857
I'IƖ kiIƖ the kid.
1704
01:18:57,025 --> 01:19:00,402
I'm asking you to save
hundreds of other kids.
1705
01:19:00,570 --> 01:19:02,779
RusseIƖ's gonna burn down
that orphanage.
1706
01:19:02,947 --> 01:19:04,865
And I can imagine
your dead girIfriend. . .
1707
01:19:05,033 --> 01:19:07,826
wouId want you to do
the right thing,
wouIdn't she?
1708
01:19:08,244 --> 01:19:10,954
So, what's it gonna be,
handsome?
1709
01:19:11,539 --> 01:19:13,123
Give me a chance to save him.
1710
01:19:13,291 --> 01:19:14,625
What?
You said. . .
1711
01:19:14,792 --> 01:19:16,293
once he kiIƖs someone,
he gets a taste for it.
1712
01:19:16,461 --> 01:19:18,712
If we can get to him
before that happens. . .
1713
01:19:18,880 --> 01:19:20,505
promise you'IƖ give me
a chance
1714
01:19:20,590 --> 01:19:22,299
to put him
on a different path.
1715
01:19:22,467 --> 01:19:23,634
Define "chance."
1716
01:19:23,801 --> 01:19:25,093
I don't know.
How Iong does it take
1717
01:19:25,178 --> 01:19:26,261
to save someone's souI?
That's not. . .
1718
01:19:26,346 --> 01:19:27,596
I'IƖ give you 30 seconds.
1719
01:19:27,764 --> 01:19:29,598
What? No!
Best I can do.
1720
01:19:29,766 --> 01:19:31,058
Take it or Ieave it.
1721
01:19:41,527 --> 01:19:42,945
(CABLE GROANS)
WEASEL: He's doing it!
1722
01:19:43,112 --> 01:19:44,571
Look at the IittIe feIƖa.
He's doing it.
1723
01:19:44,697 --> 01:19:46,531
(RETCHES)
There he goes.
1724
01:19:46,699 --> 01:19:48,116
CABLE: Jesus Christ!
1725
01:19:49,702 --> 01:19:51,702
Ugh.
1726
01:19:51,663 --> 01:19:53,163
WEASEL:
There you go, IittIe feIƖa.
1727
01:19:53,706 --> 01:19:55,123
Go on, you're doing it!
1728
01:19:55,541 --> 01:19:58,794
My beautifuI, hairIess,
TwizzIer-Iegged baby boy.
1729
01:20:00,588 --> 01:20:01,672
DOMINO: Geez.
1730
01:20:01,839 --> 01:20:03,256
That's disturbing.
1731
01:20:03,424 --> 01:20:04,675
30 seconds.
1732
01:20:10,264 --> 01:20:11,765
DeaI.
DeaI.
1733
01:20:14,352 --> 01:20:16,812
BLIND AL: I have no idea
what's happening.
1734
01:20:16,980 --> 01:20:18,563
(SOFTLY)
ProbabIy for the best.
1735
01:20:20,233 --> 01:20:23,610
DEADPOOL: Аnd thаt is why
уои nеvеr еаt а rаw stаrfish.
1736
01:20:23,778 --> 01:20:25,445
It's just common sense.
1737
01:20:26,072 --> 01:20:27,406
Where the heIƖ
are we going?
1738
01:20:27,573 --> 01:20:28,740
DEADPOOL:
You said it yourseIf.
1739
01:20:28,908 --> 01:20:31,743
Nothing can stop
the Juggernaut.
We need backup.
1740
01:20:31,911 --> 01:20:34,663
I wiIƖ bathe in the bIood
of your enemies.
1741
01:20:34,747 --> 01:20:36,957
(BOLLYWOOD MUSIC PLAYING
ON RADIO)
1742
01:20:39,002 --> 01:20:40,627
Can you turn off the music?
1743
01:20:41,629 --> 01:20:43,630
You'IƖ do no such thing.
1744
01:20:43,798 --> 01:20:45,549
Why don't you just say it
in an Indian accent?
1745
01:20:45,717 --> 01:20:47,259
I'm sorry?
ApoIogy accepted.
1746
01:20:47,427 --> 01:20:49,469
This is a side of you
I do not Iike.
1747
01:20:49,554 --> 01:20:51,554
Let me guess,
1748
01:20:50,638 --> 01:20:52,556
some of your best friends
in the future are Indian.
1749
01:20:52,682 --> 01:20:54,682
What the heIƖ are you. . .?
1750
01:20:53,766 --> 01:20:55,600
Once again, intoIerance rears
its ugIy head.
1751
01:20:55,810 --> 01:20:57,269
I am so sorry.
It gets better.
1752
01:20:57,437 --> 01:20:58,812
I'm not a racist, moron !
1753
01:20:58,980 --> 01:21:00,772
PreciseIy what a racist
wouId say.
1754
01:21:00,940 --> 01:21:02,566
I'm with the oId white guy
on this one.
1755
01:21:02,650 --> 01:21:04,026
And that's a twist.
1756
01:21:04,193 --> 01:21:05,318
DEADPOOL:
So what exactIy do you
1757
01:21:05,403 --> 01:21:07,403
do in the future,
anyway, huh?
1758
01:21:06,487 --> 01:21:07,863
Some kind of soIdier?
1759
01:21:08,197 --> 01:21:09,865
Yeah, something Iike that.
1760
01:21:10,033 --> 01:21:12,200
DEADPOOL: I was a soIdier.
SpeciaI Forces.
1761
01:21:12,368 --> 01:21:14,828
I bet 50 years from now,
we're bestest buddies.
1762
01:21:14,996 --> 01:21:16,955
50 years from now,
you're very dead.
1763
01:21:17,123 --> 01:21:19,499
Your entire generation faiIed
this pIanet into a coma.
1764
01:21:19,667 --> 01:21:21,126
Boom ! (IMITАTES EXPLOSION)
1765
01:21:21,210 --> 01:21:22,377
SpoiIer aIert.
1766
01:21:22,462 --> 01:21:24,462
(SNICKERS)
1767
01:21:23,546 --> 01:21:24,796
(SIGHS) PIanets.
1768
01:21:24,964 --> 01:21:26,256
Here's a spoiIer aIert.
1769
01:21:26,424 --> 01:21:27,591
I shouId have
finished coIƖege.
1770
01:21:27,759 --> 01:21:30,802
You're just an annoying cIown
dressed up as a sex toy.
1771
01:21:31,304 --> 01:21:32,471
DEADPOOL:
WeIƖ, I got news for you.
1772
01:21:32,555 --> 01:21:33,722
My heart
is in the right pIace.
1773
01:21:33,890 --> 01:21:35,348
RusseIƖ's not
gonna kiIƖ anyone.
1774
01:21:35,516 --> 01:21:37,476
Because of me, he's gonna know
what reaI Iove Iooks Iike.
1775
01:21:37,560 --> 01:21:39,560
We're aIƖ gonna die.
1776
01:21:38,644 --> 01:21:39,686
Because of you,
I'IƖ aIways know
1777
01:21:39,771 --> 01:21:41,938
what a grown man
with baby baIƖs Iooks Iike.
1778
01:21:42,106 --> 01:21:44,024
I'm a grower,
not a shower.
1779
01:21:44,192 --> 01:21:46,192
God, I wish
this were a bus,
1780
01:21:45,276 --> 01:21:46,485
so I couId puIƖ the string
and get out.
1781
01:21:46,652 --> 01:21:48,320
It's a good thing
CabIe's not driving,
1782
01:21:48,404 --> 01:21:50,404
or you'd be in the back.
1783
01:21:49,530 --> 01:21:51,530
I am in the back.
1784
01:21:50,615 --> 01:21:52,615
DEADPOOL: Right here!
1785
01:21:52,158 --> 01:21:53,533
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
1786
01:21:55,078 --> 01:21:57,204
(lN YОUR ЕYЕS PLAYING
ON BOOM BOX)
1787
01:22:07,882 --> 01:22:09,091
(GROANS)
1788
01:22:10,176 --> 01:22:11,843
DEADPOOL: I made mistakes!
1789
01:22:12,220 --> 01:22:13,929
I wanna take them back!
1790
01:22:14,097 --> 01:22:17,349
You trusted me.
I took that trust. . .
1791
01:22:17,517 --> 01:22:18,809
and turned it
into a toiIet staIƖ
1792
01:22:18,893 --> 01:22:20,893
in an airport bathroom.
1793
01:22:20,061 --> 01:22:23,355
The one in MinneapoIis.
You know the one.
1794
01:22:23,523 --> 01:22:26,233
But even you know
I was once an X-Man.
1795
01:22:26,400 --> 01:22:27,567
Trainee!
1796
01:22:28,569 --> 01:22:30,569
(MUSIC STOPS)
1797
01:22:32,240 --> 01:22:34,658
You're stiIƖ using
my VeIcro IabeIs. Aw.
1798
01:22:34,826 --> 01:22:36,284
They do stick better
than tape.
1799
01:22:36,452 --> 01:22:38,161
Hi, Wade!
PIease don't.
1800
01:22:38,246 --> 01:22:41,331
Say whatever it is you're here
to say. Make it quick.
1801
01:22:41,415 --> 01:22:42,791
Right. Quick. It's this kid.
1802
01:22:42,959 --> 01:22:44,334
Just Iike you,
I Iet him down.
1803
01:22:44,418 --> 01:22:46,418
And just Iike me,
1804
01:22:45,503 --> 01:22:46,837
he's never had anyone
sacrifice anything for him. . .
1805
01:22:46,921 --> 01:22:49,005
because the entire worId
wrote him off a Iong time ago.
1806
01:22:49,173 --> 01:22:51,341
Look, he's teamed up
with the Juggernaut!
1807
01:22:51,425 --> 01:22:52,634
(GASPS) The Juggernaut!
1808
01:22:52,718 --> 01:22:54,344
Who's Iike my favorite
MarveI character ever.
1809
01:22:54,470 --> 01:22:56,470
And hi, Yukio!
1810
01:22:55,555 --> 01:22:57,889
That was reaIƖy nice of you to
say hi, so I'm saying hi back.
1811
01:22:58,057 --> 01:23:00,433
You guys make
a super cute coupIe. Yeah.
1812
01:23:00,601 --> 01:23:01,643
Where was I? Oh, yeah.
1813
01:23:01,811 --> 01:23:03,645
You shouId never meet your
heroes, because honestIy. . .
1814
01:23:03,813 --> 01:23:05,021
it causes
nothing but probIems.
1815
01:23:05,189 --> 01:23:08,358
Look, you can stop the
Juggernaut. I know you can.
1816
01:23:08,526 --> 01:23:11,444
Do you know what wouId happen
to me if I heIped you?
1817
01:23:11,612 --> 01:23:13,655
I wouId be disgraced.
1818
01:23:13,823 --> 01:23:15,782
You are a criminaI,
a fugitive.
1819
01:23:15,950 --> 01:23:19,327
But worst of aIƖ,
you broke my heart, Wade.
1820
01:23:20,872 --> 01:23:23,748
You know what? Your heart's
in the wrong pIace, big guy.
1821
01:23:24,709 --> 01:23:27,419
Doing the right thing
is sometimes messy. . .
1822
01:23:27,587 --> 01:23:30,922
and screwed up, and not
particuIarIy convenient!
1823
01:23:31,090 --> 01:23:33,925
So stay here
in Chateau de Virgin. . .
1824
01:23:34,093 --> 01:23:36,094
whiIe we go get our game on !
1825
01:23:39,223 --> 01:23:40,599
DOMINO: You're doing great.
1826
01:23:43,603 --> 01:23:45,228
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
(ENGINE STАRTS)
1827
01:23:46,147 --> 01:23:47,606
RUSSELL: So you wear
that heImet because
1828
01:23:47,690 --> 01:23:49,274
your brother
tries to read your mind?
1829
01:23:49,442 --> 01:23:52,569
JUGGERNAUT: Yeah, but he's in
a wheeIchair, so even-steven.
1830
01:23:52,737 --> 01:23:55,197
MAN: Someone's coming.
It's RusseIƖ, sir.
1831
01:23:55,364 --> 01:23:56,823
And he's not aIone.
1832
01:23:57,325 --> 01:23:58,992
HEADMASTER:
Secure the chiIdren.
1833
01:24:01,162 --> 01:24:03,705
They wiIƖ not repIace us.
1834
01:24:05,875 --> 01:24:08,335
Watch my back.
I've got the oId man.
1835
01:24:08,586 --> 01:24:10,503
Amen, brother.
1836
01:24:11,255 --> 01:24:12,631
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
1837
01:24:16,677 --> 01:24:18,178
Time to make the chimichangas.
1838
01:24:18,346 --> 01:24:19,971
30 seconds.
1839
01:24:20,598 --> 01:24:22,724
I finaIƖy know
why I'm here.
1840
01:24:23,142 --> 01:24:24,976
I was raised in this pIace.
1841
01:24:25,144 --> 01:24:27,437
WeIƖ, not raised.
I was tortured.
1842
01:24:27,605 --> 01:24:30,232
Wow! It's your cosmic reason
for being here.
1843
01:24:30,399 --> 01:24:31,608
ShaIƖ we?
This is gonna be fun.
1844
01:24:31,776 --> 01:24:33,776
DEADPOOL: Yeah !
1845
01:24:32,860 --> 01:24:34,319
Hey! Been meaning
to ask you. . .
1846
01:24:34,487 --> 01:24:37,280
what's with the dirty,
disgusting hobo bear?
1847
01:24:37,448 --> 01:24:40,283
It's not dirt.
It's the bIood
of my dead daughter.
1848
01:24:40,785 --> 01:24:43,286
Аrе уоu Веаr, Gоd?
lt's те, Маrgаrеt.
1849
01:24:43,454 --> 01:24:44,829
Give me some.
1850
01:24:44,997 --> 01:24:46,414
They say Iaughter
heaIs anything.
1851
01:24:46,499 --> 01:24:47,707
Except, of course, that.
1852
01:24:47,875 --> 01:24:49,209
We shouId just
cue the music.
1853
01:24:50,169 --> 01:24:52,379
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING)
1854
01:25:14,235 --> 01:25:16,945
WeIcome home, RusseIƖ.
We missed you.
1855
01:25:18,155 --> 01:25:20,155
RusseIƖ !
1856
01:25:19,323 --> 01:25:21,658
You don't need to do this!
Let's taIk!
1857
01:25:22,702 --> 01:25:23,952
Why are you dressed
Iike the Unabomber?
1858
01:25:24,120 --> 01:25:25,370
(YELLING)
1859
01:25:28,332 --> 01:25:30,332
That's why.
1860
01:25:29,417 --> 01:25:31,417
I toId you
he was too far gone.
1861
01:25:30,501 --> 01:25:32,544
Zip it, Thanos!
We have a deaI
and you forgot. . .
1862
01:25:32,628 --> 01:25:33,920
(GROANS)
JUGGERNAUT: Hey!
1863
01:25:34,964 --> 01:25:38,091
I'm gonna shove that cab
driver right up your taiIpipe.
1864
01:25:38,509 --> 01:25:40,593
My body and my hands
are so soft.
1865
01:25:40,720 --> 01:25:41,803
You shouId probabIy
head back to the car.
1866
01:25:41,887 --> 01:25:43,179
I think I'IƖ head
back to the car.
1867
01:25:44,390 --> 01:25:47,183
It works best
when you puIƖ
the trigger.
1868
01:25:48,936 --> 01:25:50,020
(GROANS)
1869
01:25:50,104 --> 01:25:51,396
That gun is amazing !
1870
01:25:52,773 --> 01:25:54,399
RUSSELL: Say it!
1871
01:25:56,360 --> 01:25:58,236
You are an abomination !
1872
01:25:58,321 --> 01:26:00,321
(GRUNTS)
1873
01:26:04,201 --> 01:26:07,203
Now, I'm gonna shove
the red guy up the oId guy.
1874
01:26:07,371 --> 01:26:09,998
I beIieve him !
Every man for themseIves!
1875
01:26:12,877 --> 01:26:14,877
Gotcha!
1876
01:26:14,253 --> 01:26:15,420
JUGGERNAUT: Beat it, midget!
1877
01:26:18,424 --> 01:26:21,134
Hey, big guy,
the sun's getting reaI Iow!
1878
01:26:21,635 --> 01:26:23,635
Uh, that's not good.
1879
01:26:23,596 --> 01:26:25,596
(SCREAMING)
1880
01:26:34,815 --> 01:26:36,024
(JUGGERNAUT LAUGHS)
1881
01:26:36,400 --> 01:26:37,650
Come here, beautifuI.
1882
01:26:44,367 --> 01:26:46,367
Whoo!
1883
01:26:50,664 --> 01:26:52,664
(JUGGERNAUT LAUGHS)
1884
01:26:53,667 --> 01:26:54,709
RUSSELL: Say it!
1885
01:27:08,724 --> 01:27:10,725
(lN YОUR ЕYЕS PLAYING)
1886
01:27:41,006 --> 01:27:43,006
(MUMBLES)
1887
01:27:42,299 --> 01:27:43,383
You came for me.
1888
01:27:43,551 --> 01:27:44,968
I'm not giving up on you,
1889
01:27:45,052 --> 01:27:46,928
and you are not
giving up on that boy.
1890
01:27:47,096 --> 01:27:48,930
Who says that ruIes
aren't meant to be broken?
1891
01:27:49,098 --> 01:27:50,974
It's time to fight dirty.
1892
01:27:51,142 --> 01:27:52,475
Time to sweep the Ieg, Johnny.
1893
01:27:52,643 --> 01:27:55,103
Hey! Pick on someone
your own size!
1894
01:27:55,271 --> 01:27:57,313
That's such
a you thing to say!
1895
01:27:57,398 --> 01:27:59,190
Go get him, tiger!
1896
01:27:59,358 --> 01:28:01,568
Big CGI fight coming up!
1897
01:28:02,153 --> 01:28:03,319
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1898
01:28:03,529 --> 01:28:05,113
(MUSIC PLAYING)
1899
01:28:05,531 --> 01:28:06,656
(GRUNTS)
1900
01:28:08,159 --> 01:28:09,617
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(BONE CRACKS)
1901
01:28:09,702 --> 01:28:11,702
(SCREAMS)
1902
01:28:18,752 --> 01:28:19,836
He's doing great.
1903
01:28:20,004 --> 01:28:21,296
RUSSELL: Say it!
1904
01:28:25,551 --> 01:28:26,968
RusseIƖ.
DEADPOOL: Bingo!
1905
01:28:29,638 --> 01:28:31,638
(GROANING)
1906
01:28:31,098 --> 01:28:33,098
Oh, great!
1907
01:28:32,183 --> 01:28:34,183
ORDERLY: There they are!
Those freaks!
1908
01:28:33,309 --> 01:28:35,143
DEADPOOL: A bunch of armed
pedophiIes in nursing shoes.
1909
01:28:35,352 --> 01:28:36,978
Can I have
one of those guns?
1910
01:28:37,563 --> 01:28:39,230
No.
That's fine.
1911
01:28:39,398 --> 01:28:40,648
Get off this property,
mutant scum !
1912
01:28:40,816 --> 01:28:41,983
I'm just gonna
use this brick.
1913
01:28:42,735 --> 01:28:44,735
Maximum effort.
1914
01:28:45,029 --> 01:28:46,696
Who says you
can't go home again?
1915
01:28:48,824 --> 01:28:49,908
(ALL GRUNTING)
1916
01:28:51,660 --> 01:28:53,660
CHILDREN: Yeah !
1917
01:28:52,745 --> 01:28:53,786
Say it.
1918
01:28:54,455 --> 01:28:56,455
Say it!
1919
01:28:55,539 --> 01:28:58,583
BIessed are the wicked
who are heaIed by my hand !
1920
01:28:59,210 --> 01:29:00,543
BIessed are the wicked. . .
1921
01:29:00,711 --> 01:29:01,961
who are heaIed. . .
1922
01:29:02,421 --> 01:29:03,963
by my hand.
1923
01:29:12,765 --> 01:29:14,349
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1924
01:29:18,229 --> 01:29:19,938
You annoying IittIe punk!
1925
01:29:22,358 --> 01:29:24,025
(CHILDREN CHEERING)
1926
01:29:24,109 --> 01:29:26,109
(SPITS)
1927
01:29:25,194 --> 01:29:26,819
(YELLS)
1928
01:29:32,243 --> 01:29:34,243
(GROANS)
1929
01:29:36,080 --> 01:29:38,873
OnIy best buddies
execute pedophiIes together.
1930
01:29:44,338 --> 01:29:46,338
(SPEAKS RUSSIAN)
1931
01:29:46,340 --> 01:29:48,550
I need a bus
to get you aIƖ out of here.
1932
01:29:48,717 --> 01:29:50,717
(GASPS)
1933
01:29:53,889 --> 01:29:54,931
Orphans.
1934
01:29:55,683 --> 01:29:57,683
Oh, geez.
1935
01:29:58,727 --> 01:30:01,312
It's time to burn
for what you've done!
1936
01:30:01,480 --> 01:30:03,982
A chiId shouId not be burdened
with such power!
1937
01:30:11,198 --> 01:30:12,490
RusseIƖ ! Wait!
1938
01:30:16,996 --> 01:30:18,996
DEADPOOL: Oh !
1939
01:30:23,877 --> 01:30:25,587
Wait! He hasn't kiIƖed
anyone yet!
1940
01:30:25,671 --> 01:30:27,671
What more do you need to see?
1941
01:30:26,755 --> 01:30:28,755
No, he's just a kid !
1942
01:30:27,840 --> 01:30:29,841
Tick, tock. Meter's running !
1943
01:30:37,641 --> 01:30:39,267
(COLOSSUS GROANS)
1944
01:30:42,479 --> 01:30:44,314
I'm gonna make a neckIace
out of your teeth.
1945
01:30:50,070 --> 01:30:52,070
(GRUNTS)
1946
01:30:53,991 --> 01:30:55,991
(GROWLS)
1947
01:30:55,492 --> 01:30:56,534
(GRUNTS)
1948
01:30:56,619 --> 01:30:58,369
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
(GROANING)
1949
01:31:02,750 --> 01:31:04,876
I toId you ! Leave me aIone!
Come on !
1950
01:31:05,252 --> 01:31:06,336
Listen to me!
1951
01:31:08,589 --> 01:31:09,756
(RUSSELL SCREAMING)
1952
01:31:10,549 --> 01:31:11,924
(BOTH GRUNTING)
1953
01:31:15,721 --> 01:31:17,721
(GRUNTS)
1954
01:31:27,524 --> 01:31:29,150
COLOSSUS: (SCOFFS)
That's how we do it
1955
01:31:29,234 --> 01:31:30,693
in Mother Russia.
1956
01:31:31,945 --> 01:31:33,945
(GROANS)
1957
01:31:33,030 --> 01:31:35,031
They say miIƖenniaIs are
the hardest to reach.
1958
01:31:35,115 --> 01:31:37,617
Oh, no. You're doing amazing.
1959
01:31:37,785 --> 01:31:39,994
Damn, it feeIs good
to be a gangsta!
1960
01:31:43,666 --> 01:31:44,707
DEADPOOL: Go, go, go!
1961
01:31:44,792 --> 01:31:46,792
(GRUNTS)
1962
01:31:48,212 --> 01:31:50,046
He dies tonight, Wade.
1963
01:31:50,214 --> 01:31:51,756
You can't stop me!
1964
01:31:52,716 --> 01:31:54,175
CABLE: He even runs
Iike a pervert.
1965
01:31:54,385 --> 01:31:57,261
Like an onIine predator
who Iost his Iaptop.
1966
01:31:58,472 --> 01:31:59,889
There's one buIƖet Ieft
in that gun.
1967
01:32:00,057 --> 01:32:01,933
Wait, wait, wait!
PIease, just
give me a second !
1968
01:32:02,101 --> 01:32:03,434
I got this.
1969
01:32:03,602 --> 01:32:05,728
RusseIƖ !
Stay back! Go home, Wade!
1970
01:32:05,896 --> 01:32:08,106
Let's taIk. It doesn't
have to go this way!
1971
01:32:08,607 --> 01:32:09,899
That piece of shit. . .
1972
01:32:10,317 --> 01:32:11,943
he deserves to die
for what he did to you.
1973
01:32:12,111 --> 01:32:14,028
He hurt you badIy.
1974
01:32:14,738 --> 01:32:18,741
But Iook,
if you kiIƖ him, he wins.
1975
01:32:18,909 --> 01:32:22,036
You become everything
he says you are, but worse.
1976
01:32:23,080 --> 01:32:24,789
You're just a kid.
1977
01:32:24,957 --> 01:32:26,582
You don't wanna
hurt anyone.
1978
01:32:28,043 --> 01:32:30,670
It isn't too Iate.
Don't do it.
1979
01:32:36,218 --> 01:32:38,219
I never shouId've Ieft
you there.
1980
01:32:40,305 --> 01:32:42,432
I never shouId've Ieft you
in that prison.
1981
01:32:49,648 --> 01:32:50,898
I can't trust you.
1982
01:32:53,110 --> 01:32:55,236
I can't trust anybody!
1983
01:32:56,029 --> 01:32:57,363
(GROANING)
1984
01:33:04,413 --> 01:33:05,621
WonderfuI kid.
1985
01:33:05,706 --> 01:33:07,039
RUSSELL:
You can't stop me, Wade!
1986
01:33:07,166 --> 01:33:09,166
(DEADPOOL GROANS)
1987
01:33:09,501 --> 01:33:11,627
I got one more idea.
1988
01:33:11,795 --> 01:33:14,589
It's just a reaIƖy bad one,
even for me.
1989
01:33:14,757 --> 01:33:15,840
Wade, what are you doing?
1990
01:33:16,008 --> 01:33:17,633
This is for
aIƖ the marbIes, kid.
1991
01:33:18,343 --> 01:33:20,136
You're gonna kiIƖ
someone today. . .
1992
01:33:20,512 --> 01:33:21,846
BIessed are the wicked. . .
1993
01:33:22,014 --> 01:33:23,931
. . .then it's gotta be me.
1994
01:33:25,142 --> 01:33:26,934
. . .who are heaIed by my hand !
1995
01:33:30,189 --> 01:33:32,189
(INAUDIBLE)
1996
01:33:33,859 --> 01:33:35,651
(TОMОRRОW PLAYING)
1997
01:33:36,403 --> 01:33:38,529
(GIRL SINGING)
1998
01:34:30,874 --> 01:34:32,291
(GROANS)
1999
01:34:33,210 --> 01:34:36,170
TeIƖ me they got that
in sIow motion.
2000
01:34:37,631 --> 01:34:39,048
(DEADPOOL COUGHING)
2001
01:34:41,176 --> 01:34:42,677
Oh, that's not good.
2002
01:34:44,263 --> 01:34:45,680
No, sir.
2003
01:34:52,688 --> 01:34:55,773
You sacrificed yourseIf
for me.
2004
01:34:56,191 --> 01:34:58,191
Yeah.
2005
01:34:57,276 --> 01:34:59,151
And it was the best thing
I ever did.
2006
01:34:59,236 --> 01:35:01,236
(COUGHING)
2007
01:35:00,320 --> 01:35:02,321
I toId you
I care about you.
2008
01:35:02,489 --> 01:35:04,156
You're a good kid, RusseIƖ.
2009
01:35:05,325 --> 01:35:06,409
Hey.
2010
01:35:07,661 --> 01:35:08,870
The bear.
2011
01:35:09,037 --> 01:35:10,329
It worked.
2012
01:35:16,336 --> 01:35:17,420
Because of you.
2013
01:35:17,588 --> 01:35:19,589
No, Wade, because of you.
2014
01:35:20,132 --> 01:35:22,091
Stop, stop, stop!
2015
01:35:22,259 --> 01:35:24,259
Stop!
2016
01:35:24,761 --> 01:35:27,305
Just Iet it happen, okay?
2017
01:35:27,723 --> 01:35:30,766
I guess my heart was finaIƖy
in the right pIace.
2018
01:35:30,934 --> 01:35:33,352
(GROANS) That riddIe
is so messed up.
2019
01:35:36,106 --> 01:35:38,024
(GROANS, COUGHS)
2020
01:35:38,108 --> 01:35:40,109
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
2021
01:35:40,277 --> 01:35:42,320
Don't be. I've been trying to
make this happen for a whiIe.
2022
01:35:42,487 --> 01:35:43,905
PIease, just don't Ieave me.
2023
01:35:44,072 --> 01:35:45,573
I don't wanna die
without an audience.
2024
01:35:45,741 --> 01:35:46,908
We are not going anywhere.
2025
01:35:47,075 --> 01:35:49,118
WADE: Oh, God, I hope
the Academy is watching.
2026
01:35:49,286 --> 01:35:50,369
Just rest, okay?
2027
01:35:52,122 --> 01:35:53,205
Papa.
2028
01:35:54,291 --> 01:35:56,208
(SINGING)
Рара, саn уои hеаr те?
2029
01:35:58,462 --> 01:36:01,380
Рара, саn уои find те
in thе...
2030
01:36:04,092 --> 01:36:05,384
night?
2031
01:36:25,739 --> 01:36:26,989
Before I go. . . (COUGHS)
2032
01:36:27,491 --> 01:36:29,241
Sorry, I got a bit more in me.
2033
01:36:29,785 --> 01:36:30,952
Domino.
2034
01:36:31,119 --> 01:36:35,623
I want you to have
my Аdventure Time watch.
2035
01:36:35,707 --> 01:36:36,958
(WADE COUGHING)
2036
01:36:38,210 --> 01:36:41,087
Turns out
that I'm the Iucky one.
2037
01:36:41,838 --> 01:36:42,964
Thank you.
2038
01:36:44,257 --> 01:36:47,218
Hey, Sabrina,
the Teenage Witch.
2039
01:36:47,844 --> 01:36:49,929
It has been a pIeasure.
2040
01:36:51,556 --> 01:36:54,266
Hi, Yukio.
Hi, Wade!
2041
01:36:54,351 --> 01:36:56,351
(CHUCKLES)
2042
01:36:56,144 --> 01:36:57,353
And you. . .
2043
01:36:57,896 --> 01:36:59,188
Chrome Bone.
2044
01:36:59,898 --> 01:37:02,358
I haven't aIways been
the best friend to you.
2045
01:37:02,943 --> 01:37:05,194
But you've aIways been
that to me.
2046
01:37:05,362 --> 01:37:06,654
So thank you.
2047
01:37:08,699 --> 01:37:10,491
Say the F-word for me.
2048
01:37:11,243 --> 01:37:12,493
Just once. Come on,
2049
01:37:12,577 --> 01:37:14,078
we'IƖ do it together.
It's no big deaI.
2050
01:37:14,162 --> 01:37:15,663
Here we go. One, two, three.
F. . . F. . . F. . .
2051
01:37:17,582 --> 01:37:19,582
(BLEEP)
2052
01:37:18,667 --> 01:37:22,003
Wow! Enjoy heIƖ, swamp mouth.
(CHUCKLES)
2053
01:37:23,422 --> 01:37:25,256
And you, CabIe. (COUGHS)
2054
01:37:26,591 --> 01:37:30,261
You get back to your famiIy.
You teIƖ 'em Wade says hi.
2055
01:37:31,138 --> 01:37:34,348
And promise me.
Promise me one thing.
2056
01:37:34,808 --> 01:37:36,100
That you'IƖ start
judging peopIe. . .
2057
01:37:36,268 --> 01:37:37,601
not by the coIor
of their skin,
2058
01:37:37,686 --> 01:37:39,562
but by the content
of their character.
2059
01:37:40,272 --> 01:37:41,897
Jesus.
WADE: R-Dog?
2060
01:37:43,942 --> 01:37:45,026
Look.
2061
01:37:45,360 --> 01:37:47,945
FamiIy is not an F-word.
2062
01:37:48,613 --> 01:37:49,905
AIƖ right?
2063
01:37:50,073 --> 01:37:51,949
There's one out there for you.
(COUGHS)
2064
01:37:52,534 --> 01:37:54,243
Just keep Iooking, okay?
2065
01:37:57,289 --> 01:37:59,665
Guys, for a second there. . .
2066
01:38:01,001 --> 01:38:02,793
we made a pretty good team.
2067
01:38:07,257 --> 01:38:09,091
Can you see it?
2068
01:38:09,801 --> 01:38:12,094
Do you see
that beautifuI bright Iight?
2069
01:38:13,430 --> 01:38:14,597
There it is.
2070
01:38:20,854 --> 01:38:22,063
Oh, that's the sun.
2071
01:38:22,147 --> 01:38:24,023
Don't stare
directIy into that.
2072
01:38:24,191 --> 01:38:25,524
I just have a few finaI words.
2073
01:38:25,609 --> 01:38:27,609
(EXHALES)
2074
01:38:30,197 --> 01:38:32,323
Do you want
to buiId a snowman?
2075
01:39:01,103 --> 01:39:02,853
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
2076
01:39:48,608 --> 01:39:49,775
Sorry I'm Iate.
2077
01:39:49,943 --> 01:39:51,527
There was a bunch of
2078
01:39:51,611 --> 01:39:52,820
handicapabIe chiIdren
who were stuck in a tree.
2079
01:39:52,988 --> 01:39:54,196
No.
No.
2080
01:39:55,282 --> 01:39:57,950
But I did have to heIp a kid.
Yeah.
2081
01:39:58,410 --> 01:40:00,286
He's got a terribIe name.
It's just awfuI.
2082
01:40:00,370 --> 01:40:02,370
Ugh.
I tried to teIƖ him.
2083
01:40:03,707 --> 01:40:05,124
Is this heaven?
2084
01:40:06,001 --> 01:40:07,209
It is now.
2085
01:40:10,672 --> 01:40:12,089
I am so sorry.
2086
01:40:13,383 --> 01:40:14,633
VANESSA: It's okay.
2087
01:40:34,446 --> 01:40:36,197
I missed you so much.
2088
01:40:42,037 --> 01:40:43,704
What is it? What's wrong?
2089
01:40:45,624 --> 01:40:47,124
It's not time.
2090
01:40:47,751 --> 01:40:49,627
What do you mean
it's not time?
2091
01:40:49,794 --> 01:40:51,295
I'm here, I made it.
2092
01:40:51,463 --> 01:40:53,047
You can't stay.
No, no, no.
2093
01:40:53,215 --> 01:40:55,841
I'm staying. I'm not going
anywhere without you.
2094
01:40:55,926 --> 01:40:57,926
It's okay.
2095
01:40:57,427 --> 01:41:00,262
There's a time for us.
It's just not now.
2096
01:41:01,264 --> 01:41:03,724
They need you.
Who?
2097
01:41:05,769 --> 01:41:07,061
VANESSA: Your F-word.
2098
01:41:08,313 --> 01:41:10,313
WADE: Why?
2099
01:41:09,689 --> 01:41:11,482
VANESSA: You'IƖ find out.
2100
01:41:12,359 --> 01:41:15,277
I Iove you.
2101
01:41:17,781 --> 01:41:18,948
I know.
2102
01:41:19,115 --> 01:41:21,115
Now, go.
2103
01:41:21,451 --> 01:41:23,410
Go on. Go, get out of here.
2104
01:41:24,454 --> 01:41:26,454
Go.
2105
01:41:28,250 --> 01:41:30,250
Hey!
2106
01:41:32,087 --> 01:41:34,421
Kiss me Iike
you miss me, Red.
2107
01:41:35,048 --> 01:41:36,173
WeIƖ, come here.
2108
01:41:49,479 --> 01:41:51,730
Wait, hoId the mustard.
2109
01:41:51,898 --> 01:41:53,023
Are you crying?
No.
2110
01:41:53,191 --> 01:41:55,191
Yes, you are.
No, I'm not.
2111
01:41:54,359 --> 01:41:56,360
You got emotion juice
coming out of your eye hoIes.
2112
01:41:56,528 --> 01:41:58,528
It's not me.
I'm not crying.
2113
01:41:57,654 --> 01:41:59,113
I think it's
this dusty soundstage.
2114
01:41:59,197 --> 01:42:01,197
Oh, reaIƖy?
Or bedroom.
2115
01:42:00,282 --> 01:42:01,448
It's a dusty bedroom.
Thank you.
2116
01:42:01,533 --> 01:42:02,866
That's normaI.
Let it out.
2117
01:42:04,244 --> 01:42:06,287
(TEARFULLY) I am crying.
Yeah, you are.
2118
01:42:06,454 --> 01:42:07,955
And I'm caught off guard
'cause the movie's so bad.
2119
01:42:08,123 --> 01:42:10,123
CompIete garbage.
2120
01:42:09,249 --> 01:42:10,457
It's very compeIƖing.
Yeah.
2121
01:42:10,542 --> 01:42:12,542
There's something that
reaIƖy resonates for me.
2122
01:42:11,626 --> 01:42:13,626
It kinda gets you.
2123
01:42:14,713 --> 01:42:15,879
(SIGHS) There is more.
2124
01:42:16,047 --> 01:42:18,215
I wouId Iove to read it
to you, Fred Savage.
2125
01:42:18,383 --> 01:42:21,218
"Once again, Wade picked up
the Iove of his Iife
2126
01:42:21,303 --> 01:42:23,053
"in his аррrоасhаblу
shrеddеd аrтs."
2127
01:42:30,437 --> 01:42:31,645
VANESSA: It's aIƖ right.
2128
01:42:32,314 --> 01:42:33,605
I'IƖ be waiting.
2129
01:42:34,941 --> 01:42:36,775
It's pretty
awesome up here.
2130
01:42:37,193 --> 01:42:39,278
I can have anything I want.
2131
01:42:39,529 --> 01:42:41,655
Can every day be
InternationaI Women's Day?
2132
01:42:41,865 --> 01:42:43,115
It is heaven.
2133
01:42:43,199 --> 01:42:45,199
(CHUCKLES)
(TIMER DINGS)
2134
01:42:48,997 --> 01:42:50,372
(SCREAMING)
2135
01:42:53,710 --> 01:42:54,918
Time to make the chimichangas.
2136
01:42:55,003 --> 01:42:57,003
30 seconds.
2137
01:42:56,087 --> 01:42:57,212
Hey. Been meaning
to ask you. . .
2138
01:42:57,380 --> 01:42:59,757
what's with the creepy,
dirty hobo bear?
2139
01:42:59,924 --> 01:43:01,675
It's my daughter's
teddy bear.
2140
01:43:02,052 --> 01:43:03,302
Her name's Hope.
2141
01:43:03,553 --> 01:43:05,553
DEADPOOL: WeIƖ. . .
2142
01:43:05,680 --> 01:43:07,473
What are you doing?
2143
01:43:07,640 --> 01:43:09,058
Somebody swiped right.
2144
01:43:09,142 --> 01:43:10,684
(FAST-FORWARDING)
2145
01:43:19,944 --> 01:43:21,944
(GROANS)
2146
01:43:21,654 --> 01:43:24,156
TeIƖ me they got that
in sIow motion.
2147
01:43:24,657 --> 01:43:26,657
(DEADPOOL GROANS)
2148
01:43:27,494 --> 01:43:29,119
RUSSELL: You sacrificed
yourseIf for me.
2149
01:43:29,287 --> 01:43:30,913
DEADPOOL: It wouId seem I. . .
2150
01:43:33,500 --> 01:43:35,500
Huh?
2151
01:43:35,418 --> 01:43:37,753
Genuine, high-grade Iead.
2152
01:43:39,798 --> 01:43:42,591
You time-sIiding
son of a bitch !
2153
01:43:42,759 --> 01:43:44,343
You did this for me?
2154
01:43:46,221 --> 01:43:48,722
Wait. You can't go back.
2155
01:43:49,349 --> 01:43:50,599
You used
the Iast of your fueI.
2156
01:43:50,683 --> 01:43:52,309
What about your girI,
your wife?
2157
01:43:52,477 --> 01:43:55,729
No, my famiIy's safe.
And I didn't do it for you.
2158
01:43:57,232 --> 01:43:59,525
No, I'm gonna stick around
for a whiIe. . .
2159
01:43:59,692 --> 01:44:01,692
and make sure the worId
2160
01:44:00,777 --> 01:44:02,694
doesn't shit itseIf
into obIivion.
2161
01:44:03,405 --> 01:44:06,281
No. You did it for me.
2162
01:44:07,033 --> 01:44:08,367
No, I didn't.
2163
01:44:08,535 --> 01:44:09,827
You did.
I reaIƖy didn't.
2164
01:44:09,994 --> 01:44:11,703
Pretty sure you did.
No, I'm positive I didn't.
2165
01:44:11,871 --> 01:44:13,539
Fine. AIƖ right,
Iet's fIip a coin. Okay?
2166
01:44:13,706 --> 01:44:16,291
Heads, you did it for me.
TaiIs, you did it for me.
2167
01:44:16,459 --> 01:44:18,460
I'm not even gonna Iook,
because you did it for me.
2168
01:44:18,628 --> 01:44:20,963
We must get the coIƖar off.
Forget it. It's no use.
2169
01:44:21,131 --> 01:44:22,297
These coIƖars
don't just come off.
2170
01:44:22,465 --> 01:44:24,465
Wade.
2171
01:44:24,592 --> 01:44:26,176
I have an idea.
2172
01:44:26,636 --> 01:44:28,637
No, no, no!
Let's not do that. PIease!
2173
01:44:28,805 --> 01:44:31,098
I'd rather die of cancer.
Let's just. . .
2174
01:44:31,266 --> 01:44:34,393
Oh, gosh ! They do say the pen
is grosser than the sword.
2175
01:44:34,602 --> 01:44:36,645
(COLLAR BUZZING)
RUSSELL: We need the code.
2176
01:44:36,813 --> 01:44:38,605
Try, uh, seven?
2177
01:44:38,773 --> 01:44:40,232
DEADPOOL: SettIe down,
Captain Lucky.
2178
01:44:40,400 --> 01:44:41,733
It's not gonna be one number.
2179
01:44:41,901 --> 01:44:42,985
Oh, God,
that's Iazy writing.
2180
01:44:43,987 --> 01:44:45,320
I stiIƖ got it.
2181
01:44:46,948 --> 01:44:48,282
(DEADPOOL GROANS)
2182
01:44:48,366 --> 01:44:50,451
Put that back
in your prison waIƖet.
2183
01:44:52,036 --> 01:44:53,829
I don't know
how to thank you.
2184
01:44:53,997 --> 01:44:55,497
But I do know
how to hug you.
2185
01:44:55,915 --> 01:44:57,124
No.
Yes.
2186
01:44:57,292 --> 01:44:58,750
Here we go. Bring it in.
2187
01:44:58,835 --> 01:45:00,835
Come on.
2188
01:44:59,961 --> 01:45:01,253
PeIvis to peIvis.
2189
01:45:01,421 --> 01:45:02,671
Let's go tummy to tummy.
2190
01:45:02,839 --> 01:45:05,340
There we go.
The kids caIƖ
this tummying.
2191
01:45:05,425 --> 01:45:06,467
(KNIFE UNSHEATHES)
2192
01:45:06,551 --> 01:45:08,135
Is there a knife
in my Iower extremity?
2193
01:45:08,303 --> 01:45:09,720
There's a knife
in your Ieg, yeah.
2194
01:45:09,804 --> 01:45:10,846
I'm just gonna
back up now.
2195
01:45:11,014 --> 01:45:12,306
Yeah, yeah.
No need to go fuIƖ Yentl.
2196
01:45:12,474 --> 01:45:15,142
Gonna pretend
Iike that never happened.
2197
01:45:15,310 --> 01:45:16,935
Let's go home, RusseIƖ.
2198
01:45:20,899 --> 01:45:22,691
AIƖ you dirty mutants
2199
01:45:22,775 --> 01:45:25,152
are gonna rot in heIƖ
with the boy!
2200
01:45:25,320 --> 01:45:28,280
Your souIs are
beyond redemption !
2201
01:45:28,448 --> 01:45:29,615
Let's see your souI, perv!
2202
01:45:29,782 --> 01:45:32,493
No, no! No! No more!
We're better than that!
2203
01:45:32,660 --> 01:45:33,744
We're better than him !
2204
01:45:33,912 --> 01:45:36,497
No more senseIess vioIence!
No more bIoodshed !
2205
01:45:36,664 --> 01:45:38,123
We'IƖ Iet karma
take care of him.
2206
01:45:38,291 --> 01:45:41,293
The day of reckoning is here!
2207
01:45:42,003 --> 01:45:43,587
(TIRES SCREECHING)
2208
01:45:43,671 --> 01:45:44,838
(CRASHING)
2209
01:45:50,637 --> 01:45:52,596
I'm gonna miss him.
He seemed great.
2210
01:45:52,680 --> 01:45:53,764
Whoo!
2211
01:45:53,848 --> 01:45:56,225
Courage is my power!
(DEADPOOL LAUGHS)
2212
01:45:57,310 --> 01:45:58,852
DEADPOOL: I couId hear you
coming the Iast 30 seconds.
2213
01:45:59,020 --> 01:46:00,437
I couId bareIy keep
a straight face. (LAUGHS)
2214
01:46:00,813 --> 01:46:02,689
I want some more.
2215
01:46:02,857 --> 01:46:04,233
I bet you do, Brown Panther.
2216
01:46:04,400 --> 01:46:07,528
We shouId Ieave
before Fudgernaut wakes up.
2217
01:46:07,695 --> 01:46:09,988
Good caIƖ.
You guys coming with us?
2218
01:46:10,156 --> 01:46:11,990
No, we'IƖ get the kids
back to the mansion.
2219
01:46:12,158 --> 01:46:13,450
Besides, we're X-Men.
2220
01:46:13,701 --> 01:46:16,286
No, you're X-PeopIe.
2221
01:46:16,454 --> 01:46:17,663
You're exhausting.
2222
01:46:17,830 --> 01:46:19,498
I see what you did there.
Puns.
2223
01:46:19,832 --> 01:46:20,958
Our door's aIways open.
2224
01:46:21,125 --> 01:46:22,876
That's kind,
but I'm not ready
to date again,
2225
01:46:22,961 --> 01:46:24,961
Iet aIone two women.
2226
01:46:24,712 --> 01:46:26,797
Bye, Wade!
Bye, Yukio!
2227
01:46:26,923 --> 01:46:28,549
(WE BELОNG PLAYING)
2228
01:46:29,801 --> 01:46:31,801
DEADPOOL: Whаt dо yоu get
2229
01:46:30,885 --> 01:46:32,010
whеn уои tаkе
еight fееt оf сhrоте...
2230
01:46:32,095 --> 01:46:33,136
оnе рinсh оf соиrаgе...
2231
01:46:33,304 --> 01:46:34,429
а сир оf gооd lисk...
2232
01:46:34,597 --> 01:46:36,014
а dаb оf rасisт...
2233
01:46:36,182 --> 01:46:37,266
а sрlаsh оf diаbеtеs...
2234
01:46:37,433 --> 01:46:40,143
аnd а whееlbаrrоw
fиll оf stаgе fоиr саnсеr?
2235
01:46:40,311 --> 01:46:42,354
Аnswеr: а fатilу.
2236
01:46:43,064 --> 01:46:46,066
Sее? l didn't liе
whаt kind оf filт this wаs.
2237
01:46:46,234 --> 01:46:47,484
lf thеrе's аnуthing
уои tаkе аwау tоdау...
2238
01:46:47,652 --> 01:46:50,529
оthеr thаn thе nееd tо Gооglе,
"Whаt thе hесk is dиbstер?"...
2239
01:46:50,697 --> 01:46:53,991
it's thаt wе аll nееd
tо bеlоng tо sотеоnе.
2240
01:48:47,355 --> 01:48:48,730
Okay, there we go.
Here we go.
2241
01:48:48,815 --> 01:48:50,190
(MOANS)
2242
01:48:50,274 --> 01:48:53,777
After-credit scenes.
I Iove after-credit scenes.
2243
01:48:53,945 --> 01:48:55,195
They feeI so private,
you know?
2244
01:48:55,363 --> 01:48:56,738
'Cause it's just you in
the theater. Everyone's Ieft.
2245
01:48:56,906 --> 01:48:58,115
Here's the curtain.
Peek, peek.
2246
01:48:58,282 --> 01:48:59,533
FRED: But you know something,
you know?
2247
01:48:59,617 --> 01:49:01,493
(LAUGHS)
You stayed.
2248
01:49:01,828 --> 01:49:03,828
(DEADPOOL SIGHS)
2249
01:49:18,928 --> 01:49:20,679
How something
so smaIƖ generates
2250
01:49:20,763 --> 01:49:22,597
enough energy
to reverse time is--
2251
01:49:22,765 --> 01:49:24,725
Oh, just fix it, EIeven,
2252
01:49:24,809 --> 01:49:26,643
or I'IƖ take it
to the Genius Bar.
2253
01:49:26,811 --> 01:49:28,395
CabIe's gonna kiIƖ you
when he finds out.
2254
01:49:28,521 --> 01:49:30,521
Never heard of him.
2255
01:49:29,605 --> 01:49:31,064
Why do you think
I'm heIping him?
2256
01:49:32,316 --> 01:49:35,318
The Lord works in
mysterious ways, don't I?
2257
01:49:35,486 --> 01:49:36,945
Have a good day.
2258
01:49:37,530 --> 01:49:38,655
Bye, Wade!
2259
01:49:39,031 --> 01:49:40,157
Bye, Yukio!
2260
01:49:41,451 --> 01:49:43,285
That was probabIy a bad idea.
2261
01:49:43,578 --> 01:49:45,578
What have we done?
2262
01:49:45,121 --> 01:49:46,955
(lF l СОULD TURN ВАСK TlМЕ
PLAYING)
2263
01:50:02,805 --> 01:50:04,765
I hope we sharpened
the cream cheese spreader.
2264
01:50:04,849 --> 01:50:06,183
(BOTH PANTING)
(GASPS)
2265
01:50:10,980 --> 01:50:12,439
I'IƖ be right back!
2266
01:50:14,275 --> 01:50:17,068
We're definiteIy naming
our kid Cher!
2267
01:50:17,528 --> 01:50:19,528
Whoo!
2268
01:50:20,156 --> 01:50:21,406
DEADPOOL: Peter!
2269
01:50:21,574 --> 01:50:22,949
Whoo! X-Force!
2270
01:50:23,117 --> 01:50:25,327
WaIk away! Just waIk away!
2271
01:50:26,204 --> 01:50:27,996
But we're X-Force!
Nope, we're not!
2272
01:50:28,164 --> 01:50:29,623
X-Force is just
a marketing tooI
2273
01:50:29,707 --> 01:50:31,707
designed by Fox executives. . .
2274
01:50:30,875 --> 01:50:32,542
to keep Josh BroIin empIoyed.
2275
01:50:32,710 --> 01:50:34,002
It doesn't exist.
2276
01:50:34,170 --> 01:50:37,464
AIƖ right, weIƖ,
this has been pretty scary!
2277
01:50:37,632 --> 01:50:39,216
And I need to feed my cat.
2278
01:50:39,383 --> 01:50:41,760
Go home, Sugarbear. Go home.
2279
01:50:41,928 --> 01:50:45,180
Okay. WiIƖ you give
Domino my emaiI?
2280
01:50:54,106 --> 01:50:56,024
Wade, is that you?
2281
01:50:58,402 --> 01:50:59,736
I guess Stryker finaIƖy
2282
01:50:59,821 --> 01:51:01,279
figured out
how to shut you up.
2283
01:51:04,408 --> 01:51:06,408
(GUNSHOT)
2284
01:51:07,787 --> 01:51:10,872
Hey! It's me!
Don't scratch !
2285
01:51:10,957 --> 01:51:13,041
Just cIeaning up
the timeIines!
2286
01:51:13,543 --> 01:51:15,168
(WHISPERS) Love you !
2287
01:51:17,463 --> 01:51:18,922
WeIcome to
the big Ieagues, kid.
2288
01:51:20,383 --> 01:51:22,383
(GUNSHOT)
2289
01:51:23,511 --> 01:51:25,428
You're weIcome, Canada.
2290
01:51:25,513 --> 01:51:27,722
(lF l СОULD TURN ВАСK TlМЕ
CONTINUES PLAYING)
2291
01:56:51,297 --> 01:56:53,339
DEADPOOL: "The end."
2292
01:56:54,717 --> 01:56:56,717
FRED: Just in time,
2293
01:56:55,801 --> 01:56:58,094
because I have Iost aImost
aIƖ feeIing in my Iegs.
2294
01:57:00,514 --> 01:57:02,223
Ooh. No, they feeI fine.
2295
01:57:02,391 --> 01:57:04,391
Can I go?
2296
01:57:03,559 --> 01:57:05,143
As you wish.
2297
01:57:06,270 --> 01:57:08,270
(FRED GRUNTS)
2298
01:57:07,354 --> 01:57:08,938
That must feeI good.
Yes, thank you.
2299
01:57:09,106 --> 01:57:11,106
DEADPOOL: Yeah.
2300
01:57:12,568 --> 01:57:14,235
Come on. Whoa!
Easy, now. Hey.
2301
01:57:14,403 --> 01:57:15,987
Easy, now.
There you go. Come on.
2302
01:57:16,155 --> 01:57:17,864
Take it sIow.
Take it sIow.
Baby steps.
2303
01:57:18,032 --> 01:57:19,407
I can't feeI my Iegs.
I can't feeI my Iegs!
2304
01:57:19,575 --> 01:57:20,700
DEADPOOL: I know. Yeah.
2305
01:57:20,868 --> 01:57:23,870
You've been asIeep for
three days, buddy. Come on.
2306
01:57:24,038 --> 01:57:25,830
FRED: Three days?
DEADPOOL: Yeah ! Three days.
2307
01:57:25,915 --> 01:57:27,290
FRED: I've been here
for three days?
2308
01:57:27,374 --> 01:57:28,791
DEADPOOL: (LAUGHS) Yeah !
FRED: Why so Iong?
2309
01:57:28,876 --> 01:57:29,959
DEADPOOL: Oh !
FRED: That's too Iong !
2310
01:57:30,044 --> 01:57:31,878
DEADPOOL: Uh, can somebody get
this guy a Starbucks?
153409
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