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1
00:00:03,703 --> 00:00:09,335
[coughing] We'd like to welcome you
back to Men's Cooking Week.
2
00:00:09,409 --> 00:00:13,573
And apologize for the hasty end
to our flamb� demonstration.
3
00:00:15,482 --> 00:00:18,849
Never soak your peaches in jet fuel.
4
00:00:20,286 --> 00:00:23,847
- Who would have thought?
- Obviously not you.
5
00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:27,084
Everyone knows the most
important words in the kitchen
6
00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:29,822
for a real man are ''can opener.''
7
00:00:29,896 --> 00:00:34,458
On the contrary, l often enjoy cooking
an elaborate home-cooked meal.
8
00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:37,867
lt's no surprise to find out
the real man does just the opposite.
9
00:00:41,508 --> 00:00:44,238
lt might be a surprise
to find out there's innovative chefs
10
00:00:44,310 --> 00:00:47,245
in Michigan coming up with
very creative combinations of food.
11
00:00:47,313 --> 00:00:50,771
Right. For example, this taste-tempting
beverage is a combination
12
00:00:50,850 --> 00:00:54,684
of two well-known ingredients.
lt's called ''Broccoloupe.''
13
00:00:56,990 --> 00:01:00,551
All right, let me guess.
Broccoli and antelope.
14
00:01:01,995 --> 00:01:04,862
This can actually graze on itself,
which is interesting.
15
00:01:05,965 --> 00:01:09,696
This is broccoli and cantaloupe.
And it's mm-mm good.
16
00:01:09,769 --> 00:01:12,863
Hmm. While this is working
its way through Al's system,
17
00:01:12,939 --> 00:01:15,100
let me tell you
about the company that makes
18
00:01:15,208 --> 00:01:18,109
this drink that combines
fruit and vegetables called Vruit.
19
00:01:18,178 --> 00:01:20,408
They get my ''vrote.''
20
00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:25,714
Now we'd like you to meet one of the
innovators in Michigan food industry.
21
00:01:25,785 --> 00:01:30,552
He's been combining unusual foods for
years. Give a warm welcome to Ray Pleva.
22
00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:32,682
[applause]
23
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,126
- Ray, welcome aboard.
- Tim.
24
00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:41,131
OK, well, we're gonna see
what's the latest invention
25
00:01:41,201 --> 00:01:44,261
- from the Ray Pleva kitchen.
- Something really unique.
26
00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:45,304
[gasps]
27
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,471
lt's a hamburger, Ray.
28
00:01:49,542 --> 00:01:52,636
What else did you invent down there?
Rock and roll? Shoes? Clouds?
29
00:01:52,712 --> 00:01:54,771
No. Just this.
30
00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:57,373
Well, actually, Tim,
this isn't a regular hamburger.
31
00:01:57,450 --> 00:02:00,783
Ray has mixed his beef with one
of Michigan's finest resources.
32
00:02:00,854 --> 00:02:03,015
Motor oil?
33
00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:05,448
No, cherries.
34
00:02:05,525 --> 00:02:09,689
Cherries and beef. You know, l have a
lot of creative cooking ideas myself.
35
00:02:09,762 --> 00:02:12,925
l bet l could combine some
unusual foods into a tasty treat.
36
00:02:12,999 --> 00:02:16,162
Hmm. l bet you l could
come up with kookier combinations.
37
00:02:16,269 --> 00:02:19,898
Well, it might be kookier,
but it wouldn't be edible.
38
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:22,703
Yeah? What do you say we
hone our recipes over a week
39
00:02:22,775 --> 00:02:25,209
and have a showdown
right here on Tool Time?
40
00:02:25,278 --> 00:02:28,805
- How does that sound to everybody?
- [applause]
41
00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:36,155
Well, l... l have to remind you, Tim,
that l am a classically trained chef.
42
00:02:36,222 --> 00:02:37,655
You don't need to be trained.
43
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:40,591
lt's putting ingredients together.
Any idiot could do that.
44
00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:43,026
Thanks a lot!
45
00:02:43,596 --> 00:02:45,928
Well, l wasn't talking
about your hamburgers.
46
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,899
We haven't taken a bite.
Let's try it out.
47
00:02:47,967 --> 00:02:49,491
Yeah. Dig in.
48
00:02:50,803 --> 00:02:53,897
- Mm.
- Mm!
49
00:02:53,973 --> 00:02:56,999
Fruity, yet beefy.
50
00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:00,710
Just like Al.
51
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:08,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.SubtitleDB.org today
52
00:03:50,029 --> 00:03:54,056
- [doorbell ringing]
- [Wilson] Coming.
53
00:03:55,268 --> 00:03:58,237
- Hi.
- Well, hidy-ho, neighborette. Come in.
54
00:03:58,338 --> 00:04:00,636
To what do l owe this delightful visit?
55
00:04:00,707 --> 00:04:04,473
l'm an idiot. l forgot to buy salt.
l need to borrow some for my chicken.
56
00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:06,943
Oh, and Tim needs some squid.
57
00:04:08,548 --> 00:04:11,073
Oh, it's for his
cooking contest... thing.
58
00:04:11,150 --> 00:04:13,641
Oh, oh, oh.
Well, l never keep salt in the house.
59
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:16,086
But l got squid coming out my ears.
60
00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:22,187
Wilson, l don't mean to get personal or
anything, but why are you wearing that?
61
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,321
Well, l know it's a tad unusual, Jill.
62
00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:27,127
But l just love the feel
of a nice terry cloth.
63
00:04:30,403 --> 00:04:32,963
- Oh! The helmet!
- Yeah.
64
00:04:33,039 --> 00:04:38,409
This is a prop l'll be using for my
upcoming show at Wayne State University.
65
00:04:38,478 --> 00:04:40,503
Really? You're performing?
66
00:04:40,580 --> 00:04:44,209
Yes, l am, for the annual
arts festival this Friday.
67
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:47,151
l'll be performing
at the campus coffeehouse.
68
00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:49,654
l'm gonna be doing
a monologue on my life.
69
00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:54,057
This is so perfect. l mean,
your life has been so interesting.
70
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,152
Now everybody else
gets to hear about it.
71
00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:59,960
Well, it's a little bit scary,
but l'm gonna bare my soul.
72
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:03,127
l'm gonna start off with my tale
of a jousting injury in Scotland.
73
00:05:03,202 --> 00:05:06,467
l'm gonna segueway into the summer
l spent observing the mating habits
74
00:05:06,539 --> 00:05:07,801
of the mountain gorillas.
75
00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:11,169
- Cocoa and Herman.
- Mm-hm.
76
00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:14,805
Yeah. Nine-and-a-half weeks
of monkey love.
77
00:05:16,516 --> 00:05:18,677
Jill, would you
and your family like to attend?
78
00:05:18,751 --> 00:05:21,276
The most talented artists
in Detroit are gonna be there.
79
00:05:21,354 --> 00:05:23,117
Well, of course. We'd love to come.
80
00:05:23,222 --> 00:05:27,181
Oh, you gotta remember to tell them
about when you played craps with Gandhi.
81
00:05:27,293 --> 00:05:31,787
Oh, what a night.
The Mahatma lost his shirt.
82
00:05:32,865 --> 00:05:34,992
Well, here's your squid.
83
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:38,595
Tell Tim if he wants really fresh ones,
l got them upstairs in the tub.
84
00:05:40,873 --> 00:05:42,841
[jazz playing]
85
00:05:42,909 --> 00:05:44,740
Watch your wallets.
86
00:05:46,245 --> 00:05:47,803
Do you have reservations?
87
00:05:47,914 --> 00:05:50,678
Lots of them.
But my wife made me come anyway.
88
00:05:52,051 --> 00:05:53,518
lt's under Taylor.
89
00:05:54,954 --> 00:05:57,889
- Oh.
- Come on, guys. Excuse me. Excuse me.
90
00:05:57,957 --> 00:06:00,790
Mom, these people look kind of weird.
91
00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:03,420
Well, they may look a little odd,
but deep down,
92
00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:06,056
- they're no different than you and me.
- Excuse me.
93
00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:10,228
Are you interested in helping to
overthrow regimes in the Third World?
94
00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:13,064
l'm eleven.
95
00:06:13,773 --> 00:06:17,334
Attention, everyone. The Campus Cafe
Arts Festival will now begin
96
00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:19,468
with our hostess, Elzina Harris,
97
00:06:19,545 --> 00:06:23,845
who will inspire us
with her life-affirming poetry.
98
00:06:29,355 --> 00:06:32,916
Die. Die!
99
00:06:33,025 --> 00:06:34,788
Die!
100
00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:37,055
Go on, die!
101
00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:39,388
You first.
102
00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:48,635
And now the country folk stylings
of Rambling Andy Koplowitz.
103
00:06:56,115 --> 00:07:00,449
# When it's
peach-picking time in Georgia
104
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,785
# It's apple-picking time
in Tennessee
105
00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:09,021
# It's cotton-picking time
in Mississippi
106
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:14,123
# And everybody picks on me #
107
00:07:16,702 --> 00:07:19,034
Why do you suppose that is, Andy?
108
00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:23,870
[yodeling]
109
00:07:38,891 --> 00:07:41,826
Sounds like Dad
when he gets hit in the groin.
110
00:07:44,764 --> 00:07:46,994
[music plays]
111
00:07:53,506 --> 00:07:55,997
What are they doing?
112
00:07:56,075 --> 00:07:59,101
lt's supposed to symbolize trying
to get out of the womb.
113
00:08:05,918 --> 00:08:08,284
You back off
or l'll break your water!
114
00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:14,352
And now an insightful monologue
from an exciting newcomer.
115
00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:17,555
l met him here when l took his class
on Celtic mythology.
116
00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:19,928
Give it up for... Wilson.
117
00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:22,126
[applause]
118
00:08:28,274 --> 00:08:32,108
Good evening. My name is Wilson.
119
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:35,238
And l've been told
l've led an unusual life.
120
00:08:35,314 --> 00:08:38,010
Tonight l'd like to share my journey.
121
00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:39,847
So, come along, won't you?
122
00:08:39,952 --> 00:08:41,283
[bagpipes play]
123
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:50,291
The year is 1 962.
124
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:54,697
The place,
the misty moors of Scotland.
125
00:08:54,767 --> 00:08:57,133
This is good. Now, he is just a natural.
126
00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:59,933
Yeah. Well,
anything beats a dancing bag.
127
00:09:07,146 --> 00:09:11,082
l had been living with
the Mara Masai tribe for six months.
128
00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:15,712
But l had been unable to engage
their aged chief in conversation.
129
00:09:15,788 --> 00:09:17,653
l had all but given up hope,
130
00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:21,056
until suddenly l was summoned
to his death bed,
131
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:24,995
where he whispered in my ear
the words l'll never forget.
132
00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:27,532
[speaks foreign language]
133
00:09:29,602 --> 00:09:33,561
Which, roughly translated,
meant ''Hidy-ho, neighbor.''
134
00:09:36,208 --> 00:09:37,971
So that's where he got it.
135
00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:41,604
And then we did the dance of death
136
00:09:41,681 --> 00:09:45,447
because the chief had died.
137
00:09:45,551 --> 00:09:47,212
[chanting in foreign language]
138
00:10:02,501 --> 00:10:04,969
l think we know what killed him.
139
00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:14,609
Oh, yuck! lt stinks.
140
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:17,240
What disgusting concoction
have you come up with now?
141
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:20,251
l reheated the pancakes
you made yesterday.
142
00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:25,046
They smell because
you've had them in the fridge
143
00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:27,456
next to weird foods
you're making for the contest.
144
00:10:27,526 --> 00:10:30,290
Oh, my God! What is that?
145
00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:33,025
lt's chicken with banana drumsticks.
146
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:38,233
Hi, guys. The paper came
and they reviewed last night's show.
147
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,033
Oh, good. Let me see it.
148
00:10:40,106 --> 00:10:43,564
''The Performing Arts Festival
opens at the Campus Cafe.
149
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:47,807
Who couldn't help but love Elzina
Harris's poem, Die, Die, Die?''
150
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:50,747
l! l!
151
00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:52,545
l!
152
00:10:54,553 --> 00:10:56,111
l can't believe he liked that.
153
00:10:56,222 --> 00:10:59,885
Oh, wait till you hear what he says
about the bag dancers.
154
00:10:59,959 --> 00:11:03,656
''The best fabric choreography
l've seen anywhere, bar none.
155
00:11:05,731 --> 00:11:09,098
The only low point of the evening
was the meaningless meandering
156
00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:11,864
of a pompous performance artist
named Wilson.''
157
00:11:11,937 --> 00:11:13,097
What?
158
00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:17,336
''These were obviously the words of a man
completely out of touch with reality.
159
00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:20,708
One wonders if Wilson has ever
stepped off his mountain top
160
00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:23,408
to go to a movie, a convenience store
or a sporting event.
161
00:11:23,482 --> 00:11:25,746
lf he wants to illuminate
the human experience,
162
00:11:25,818 --> 00:11:29,845
he should try living it like the rest
of us.'' He's gonna be devastated.
163
00:11:29,922 --> 00:11:31,446
Let me see that.
164
00:11:34,794 --> 00:11:37,763
This critic doesn't know anything.
This guy panned Tool Time.
165
00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:39,730
He said l was juvenile.
166
00:11:44,770 --> 00:11:47,671
Boy, smells good! What are you cooking?
167
00:11:47,740 --> 00:11:50,504
Bison sausage? Yakwurst?
168
00:11:50,609 --> 00:11:55,342
No, no, no, Tim. Just good old American
sausage. My strange food days are over.
169
00:11:55,414 --> 00:11:58,076
And mine have just begun.
170
00:11:58,150 --> 00:12:00,516
You've had practice living
the human experience.
171
00:12:00,619 --> 00:12:04,180
Me, l've gotta get down off my
mountain top and join the real world.
172
00:12:04,256 --> 00:12:06,781
You read that stupid review, didn't you?
173
00:12:06,859 --> 00:12:08,326
No, Tim. The critic was right.
174
00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:11,761
l've lost all touch
with what normal people do.
175
00:12:11,831 --> 00:12:14,732
See, Tim, l've gotta go
to monster truck rallies,
176
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:17,166
buy fast food from the clown.
177
00:12:17,269 --> 00:12:20,796
Tim, l want to learn how
to crush a beer can on my head.
178
00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:25,440
That's not stuff you want to do.
That sounds like stuff l want to do.
179
00:12:25,511 --> 00:12:30,471
Well, l've decided that being a little
bit more like you wouldn't hurt.
180
00:12:30,549 --> 00:12:32,312
[grunts]
181
00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:36,052
- How do you feel now?
- l hurt.
182
00:12:44,196 --> 00:12:46,255
Hi, honey. How was your day?
183
00:12:46,332 --> 00:12:49,563
How was my day?
You want to know how my day was?
184
00:12:49,635 --> 00:12:51,398
Not now.
185
00:12:52,805 --> 00:12:55,433
l couldn't get any work done
because Wilson came over.
186
00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:58,477
He said that he wants
to be like everybody else.
187
00:12:58,544 --> 00:13:01,513
So he spent the whole day
glued to our TV set.
188
00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:03,104
Did he watch Tool Time?
189
00:13:03,182 --> 00:13:06,049
No, l said he wants
to be like everyone else.
190
00:13:10,055 --> 00:13:13,218
He's just like
a completely different person.
191
00:13:13,325 --> 00:13:16,453
Don't worry about it. He's spent
his life studying other cultures.
192
00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:18,394
Now he's just taking time to study ours.
193
00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:20,557
Well, l hate him like this.
194
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:24,399
l mean, Wilson used
to be so evolved and sensitive.
195
00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:27,997
Now he's just turning into... you.
196
00:13:30,442 --> 00:13:35,709
Oh, my God! That's the biggest
bag of pork rinds l ever saw.
197
00:13:35,781 --> 00:13:37,715
l love pork rinds.
198
00:13:40,452 --> 00:13:42,613
Hey, guys!
What are you doing with that stuff?
199
00:13:42,688 --> 00:13:45,452
[Wilson] Attention, Value Club shoppers.
200
00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:48,652
l have just discovered
the joy of buying in bulk.
201
00:13:48,727 --> 00:13:51,389
Wilson practically
bought out the entire store.
202
00:13:51,463 --> 00:13:53,795
He bought a gross of toilet paper.
203
00:13:53,866 --> 00:13:55,766
[Wilson] Ah! And l brought you some.
204
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:59,999
Oh, that's three-ply.
We couldn't possibly accept that.
205
00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:03,470
Well, l insist.
206
00:14:03,542 --> 00:14:07,444
l never realized how much easier it is
to buy toilet paper than make it.
207
00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:13,347
But you love making toilet paper.
208
00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:17,287
But who has the time
when there's so much TV to watch?
209
00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:20,257
- Wilson just bought a Montesushi 700.
- That's right.
210
00:14:20,326 --> 00:14:24,660
With cone filter, PlP,
surround sound and splendovision.
211
00:14:24,730 --> 00:14:27,290
[grunting] Oh, l love splendovision!
212
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:31,567
Yeah, l'm gonna go set it up right now.
Thanks for hangin' with me, boys.
213
00:14:31,637 --> 00:14:34,606
Oh, speaking of which, Tim,
214
00:14:34,673 --> 00:14:37,574
would you like to come over
to my house tomorrow night and hang?
215
00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:40,134
l'm having the guys over
to watch a basketball game.
216
00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:42,271
What guys? You got guys?
217
00:14:42,348 --> 00:14:44,509
Well, actually, they're your guys.
218
00:14:45,684 --> 00:14:49,051
Benny and Harry, 8:00.
Be there or be square.
219
00:14:50,990 --> 00:14:53,754
Well, Tim, l think we've
lost the old Wilson forever.
220
00:14:53,859 --> 00:14:55,918
We might have lost the old.
But the new Wilson
221
00:14:55,995 --> 00:14:58,964
gave me enough toilet paper to last
for the rest of the afternoon.
222
00:15:01,533 --> 00:15:04,969
- Does everybody know what time it is?
- Tool Time!
223
00:15:05,037 --> 00:15:09,770
Right. Binford Tools is proud to present
Tim ''The Tool Man'' Taylor! Woo-hoo!
224
00:15:09,842 --> 00:15:11,776
[applause]
225
00:15:17,783 --> 00:15:20,343
Thank you, everybody.
What a nice crowd you are.
226
00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:22,887
Welcome to Tool Time.
l'm Tim ''The Tool Man'' Taylor.
227
00:15:22,955 --> 00:15:26,083
And, of course, you all know
my side dish, Al Borland.
228
00:15:26,158 --> 00:15:28,524
- [applause]
- Thank you.
229
00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:33,889
Well, we are happy as a bunch of clams,
230
00:15:33,966 --> 00:15:37,629
pleased as punch to welcome you to
Tool Time's first Creative Cook-off.
231
00:15:37,703 --> 00:15:42,140
Let's have a warm welcome
to our impartial judge, Benny Baroni.
232
00:15:42,207 --> 00:15:45,142
- [cheering]
- [theme music plays]
233
00:15:49,048 --> 00:15:52,279
Well, are you ready
to judge our creative concoctions?
234
00:15:52,351 --> 00:15:56,583
Yes, Al. l just cleansed
my palate with a light sherbet.
235
00:15:56,655 --> 00:15:59,818
OK. Well, the scoring
will range from one to ten,
236
00:15:59,925 --> 00:16:01,790
ten being a great dish.
237
00:16:01,860 --> 00:16:04,761
And one for anything
that requires a stomach pump.
238
00:16:04,830 --> 00:16:07,321
l'm familiar with the rules.
239
00:16:07,399 --> 00:16:10,300
All right. Well,
why don't you start with my entr�e?
240
00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:12,030
My pleasure.
241
00:16:12,838 --> 00:16:14,601
[Benny] Mmm.
242
00:16:17,609 --> 00:16:20,976
Savory, tangy...
243
00:16:21,046 --> 00:16:23,708
...a carbonated delight.
244
00:16:23,782 --> 00:16:25,010
l give it an eight.
245
00:16:25,084 --> 00:16:27,245
Well, thank you.
246
00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:29,184
Thank you.
247
00:16:30,189 --> 00:16:33,249
An eight? An eight!
248
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:36,294
Try mine, huh?
Stick your fork into this.
249
00:16:49,641 --> 00:16:53,771
Ugh! Lumpy, noxious...
250
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:56,337
...an insult to my colon.
251
00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,614
- l give it a minus two.
- Minus two?
252
00:17:01,653 --> 00:17:04,520
Hm-hm-hm-hm-hm.
253
00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:09,550
Well, Tim, unless your drink gets
a ten out of ten, l think l've won.
254
00:17:09,661 --> 00:17:11,891
l have a lot of faith
in my lima bean smoothie.
255
00:17:11,964 --> 00:17:14,831
You're not supposed
to give away the ingredients.
256
00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:17,994
Oh, you know what
a sucker l am for lima beans.
257
00:17:18,070 --> 00:17:22,564
l've already cooked my lima beans.
Add a soup�on of secret ingredients.
258
00:17:22,641 --> 00:17:24,472
A little bit of cultured buttermilk.
259
00:17:24,543 --> 00:17:29,173
Ah, yeah.
And some baking powder just for froth.
260
00:17:29,248 --> 00:17:30,738
Tim, you want to be careful.
261
00:17:30,816 --> 00:17:33,785
Buttermilk and baking powder
can be a volatile mixture.
262
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:37,549
Al, back off. l know what l'm doing. All
right. Now, just press ''frapp�'' for me.
263
00:17:46,298 --> 00:17:48,562
Hey, the Pistons just tied it up.
264
00:17:48,634 --> 00:17:51,398
Great. l've got 50 bucks
riding on this game.
265
00:17:51,503 --> 00:17:52,470
What's the spread?
266
00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:56,530
The spread
is a delightful aerosol cheddar.
267
00:17:56,608 --> 00:18:02,444
And the sample lady said it
had a shelf life of 45 years.
268
00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:06,580
The spread refers to the odds
in the final score of the game.
269
00:18:06,685 --> 00:18:09,813
Many times spectators would
have to give their clothes to the...
270
00:18:09,888 --> 00:18:11,515
- [cheering on TV]
- What happened?
271
00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:14,559
[on TV] That was the most
incredible play I have seen all season!
272
00:18:14,626 --> 00:18:17,925
Of course,
we didn't get to see it because
273
00:18:17,996 --> 00:18:21,363
somebody's blocking the TV... again.
274
00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:23,924
- [Wilson] Oh! Oh!
- How are those little pizzas doing?
275
00:18:24,002 --> 00:18:26,937
Coming right up.
Don't do the wave without me.
276
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:33,209
ls it my imagination
or is Wilson more annoying than me?
277
00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:35,007
lt's close.
278
00:18:36,482 --> 00:18:39,849
Be patient, OK? He's just trying
to be one of the guys, all right?
279
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:41,510
Well, if he doesn't stop yapping,
280
00:18:41,587 --> 00:18:44,852
the guys are gonna go over
to my house and watch the game.
281
00:18:44,923 --> 00:18:46,686
Listen to you.
282
00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:49,454
Rather than drink beer here
and burp up nachos,
283
00:18:49,528 --> 00:18:51,496
you want to be home with your wife?
284
00:18:52,598 --> 00:18:55,089
Well, if l said that, l didn't mean it.
285
00:18:58,437 --> 00:19:02,373
[Wilson] Ah, you know, Germany
has a distant cousin to basketball
286
00:19:02,441 --> 00:19:04,705
which is known as korfball.
287
00:19:04,776 --> 00:19:08,007
lt originated in the village
of Braunschweig which is in northern...
288
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:12,642
Wilson, we can't hear you
and the announcer at the same time.
289
00:19:12,751 --> 00:19:15,117
[Wilson] Oh, l'm sorry.
290
00:19:15,187 --> 00:19:16,620
[turns off TV]
291
00:19:16,688 --> 00:19:20,215
Anyway, in the seventeenth century
in Germany, it was quite a...
292
00:19:20,292 --> 00:19:22,783
That's it! l'm out of here!
293
00:19:22,861 --> 00:19:25,022
- Me too!
- Guys...
294
00:19:25,097 --> 00:19:27,065
[Wilson] But what about the mini pizzas?
295
00:19:30,369 --> 00:19:32,929
Hey, Benny, Harry! Come on, guys!
296
00:19:33,038 --> 00:19:35,529
[Wilson] Oh, no. Let's face it.
297
00:19:35,607 --> 00:19:40,237
[sighs] l'm never
gonna be one of the guys.
298
00:19:40,312 --> 00:19:43,475
l'm just gonna be hopelessly pompous
and out of touch with reality.
299
00:19:43,582 --> 00:19:46,016
lt's about that review again, isn't it?
300
00:19:46,084 --> 00:19:48,416
He didn't know
what he was talking about.
301
00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:51,786
- A lot of people liked your show.
- But Tim, you don't understand.
302
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:56,521
He didn't just criticize my show,
he criticized my life, who l am.
303
00:19:56,595 --> 00:19:59,462
Aw, come on, Wilson!
l've known you what, 1 5 years?
304
00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:01,362
You're a little different, you know.
305
00:20:01,433 --> 00:20:04,459
But you've always been really
comfortable with who you are. Huh?
306
00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:06,367
Well, just up until that review,
307
00:20:06,438 --> 00:20:08,531
l thought my idiosyncrasies
had some value.
308
00:20:08,607 --> 00:20:10,165
Well, they do have value.
309
00:20:10,242 --> 00:20:13,268
You know, what happened here
is you went out on a limb.
310
00:20:13,345 --> 00:20:16,246
You put your life on the line,
the battle zone. You're onstage.
311
00:20:16,315 --> 00:20:19,978
You gave it your all. And, you know,
so what? You got hammered.
312
00:20:21,186 --> 00:20:22,813
Ever been hammered on Tool Time?
313
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:27,018
Well, this once l got
too close to some shellac and...
314
00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:32,829
No, no, no. l mean, have you
ever been hammered by a reviewer?
315
00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:34,991
Oh, yeah! Yeah!
316
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:37,968
Well, how can you
not take it personally?
317
00:20:38,036 --> 00:20:40,004
Hmm.
318
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:43,200
l'm reminded of one of the
greatest entertainers of all time:
319
00:20:43,275 --> 00:20:45,641
Sammy Davis, Jr.
320
00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:49,271
He said, ''l gotta be me.''
321
00:20:52,284 --> 00:20:56,380
To think l've spent my entire life
studying the Greek philosophers
322
00:20:56,455 --> 00:20:59,015
and it all comes down to Sammy.
323
00:21:00,792 --> 00:21:04,489
When it comes to wisdom,
there's nobody like the Candy Man.
324
00:21:05,731 --> 00:21:08,461
Tim, l want to thank you
for not bailing out on me.
325
00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:11,834
[imitating Sammy Davis, Jr.]
Oh, man! Don't change, baby.
326
00:21:11,903 --> 00:21:14,064
l love you the way you are, man.
327
00:21:14,172 --> 00:21:16,732
l dig you, cat.
328
00:21:16,842 --> 00:21:19,003
l mean, cat,
329
00:21:19,077 --> 00:21:21,841
can you feel the love in this room?
330
00:21:21,913 --> 00:21:23,778
lt's thicker than clam chowder, baby.
331
00:21:29,721 --> 00:21:34,158
The problem l see is how to get rid
of a metric ton of pork rinds.
332
00:21:34,226 --> 00:21:37,354
Well, l hope the Value Club
lets me return some of this stuff.
333
00:21:37,429 --> 00:21:40,057
Although, l must say
l have become quite fond
334
00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:43,067
of some of these high-tech appliances.
335
00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:45,035
l think l'm gonna keep that stapler.
336
00:21:47,739 --> 00:21:49,764
Always living on the edge.
337
00:21:50,809 --> 00:21:54,370
What l do want to unload, though,
is this answering machine device here.
338
00:21:54,479 --> 00:21:56,640
You know, that thing
has been blinking all day.
339
00:21:59,584 --> 00:22:01,814
That means you have a message.
340
00:22:01,887 --> 00:22:04,151
[on machine]
This is Stuart from the Campus Cafe.
341
00:22:04,222 --> 00:22:06,383
Your show has gotten
a lot of good response.
342
00:22:06,458 --> 00:22:09,621
If you're not already booked,
we'd like you to come back on Friday.
343
00:22:09,728 --> 00:22:11,992
- [beeps]
- All right!
344
00:22:12,931 --> 00:22:15,263
Thank you, Stuart. l'd love to.
345
00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:23,365
He can't hear you.
346
00:22:24,609 --> 00:22:28,238
[yelling] Thank you, Stuart!
l'd love to!
347
00:22:29,305 --> 00:22:35,803
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