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1
00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:10,720
From Coney Island to the Sunset Strip
2
00:00:10,970 --> 00:00:14,306
Somebody's gonna make a happy trip tonight
3
00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:18,269
While the moon is bright
4
00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:23,232
He's gonna have a bag of crazy toys
5
00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:25,860
To give the gonest of the girls and boys
6
00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:27,278
So dig
7
00:00:28,154 --> 00:00:31,032
Santa comes on big
8
00:00:32,908 --> 00:00:35,578
He'll come a-callin'
when the snow's the most
9
00:00:35,995 --> 00:00:38,456
When all you cats
are sleepin' warm as toast
10
00:00:38,622 --> 00:00:41,667
Bet you're gonna flip when old St. Nick
11
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:45,212
Plays a lick on a peppermint stick
12
00:00:45,421 --> 00:00:48,090
He'll come a-flyin' from a higher place
13
00:00:48,299 --> 00:00:51,010
And fill the stockings by the fireplace
14
00:00:51,177 --> 00:00:53,012
So you'll
15
00:00:53,345 --> 00:00:56,932
Have a yule that's cool
16
00:01:53,739 --> 00:01:57,368
Yeah, he's gonna have a bag of crazy toys
17
00:01:57,618 --> 00:02:00,079
To give the gonest of the girls and boys
18
00:02:00,246 --> 00:02:01,705
So dig
19
00:02:02,373 --> 00:02:05,459
Santa comes on big
20
00:02:07,002 --> 00:02:09,922
He'll come a-callin'
when the snow's the most
21
00:02:10,089 --> 00:02:12,716
When all the cats
are sleepin' warm as toast
22
00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:16,053
And you're gonna flip when old St. Nick
23
00:02:16,512 --> 00:02:19,473
Plays a lick on a peppermint stick
24
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:22,476
He'll come a-flyin' from a higher place
25
00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:25,062
And fill the stockings by the fireplace
26
00:02:25,229 --> 00:02:26,981
So you'll
27
00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:30,317
Have a yule that's cool
28
00:02:32,111 --> 00:02:34,280
Have a yule that's cool
29
00:02:41,704 --> 00:02:42,705
Hey.
30
00:02:42,872 --> 00:02:45,207
- Hey, Jake.
- Hi. Guys.
31
00:02:45,708 --> 00:02:47,668
12-32-14!
32
00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:50,045
12-32-14!
33
00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:53,090
- Hut-hut, hike!
- Jake, thank God. Let me out.
34
00:02:53,257 --> 00:02:54,717
Did you get my mail?
35
00:02:56,051 --> 00:02:57,094
Math test?
36
00:02:59,638 --> 00:03:03,058
A-minus? All right,
you made it look just good enough.
37
00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:06,729
You score me those backstage passes
to Dave Matthews at the Coliseum?
38
00:03:07,897 --> 00:03:09,398
Oh, that's my man.
39
00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:12,776
All right, uh, 12... 32...
40
00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:14,695
What was that last number again, Ian?
41
00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:17,489
- One hundred sixty-eight?
- Fourteen, Jake. Fourteen.
42
00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:20,117
All right, calm down, I got you.
43
00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:23,579
- Oh, thanks, Jake.
- You're welcome.
44
00:03:23,746 --> 00:03:27,374
Now, Ian, what is the deal with you
being sardined into your locker again?
45
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,710
It was Eddie Taffet
and his troglodyte trio.
46
00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:31,712
They're bugged about
the phony I.D.s we sold them.
47
00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:34,298
All right, I'll take care of them later.
Right now, I need you
48
00:03:34,465 --> 00:03:37,176
to get on the net, change
that ticket my dad got me to New York
49
00:03:37,343 --> 00:03:39,386
- into two seats to Cabo San Lucas.
- Okay.
50
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:42,139
- Will you be taking Allie?
- Working on that now.
51
00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:47,519
- Good morning, ladies.
- Hi, Jake.
52
00:03:47,811 --> 00:03:50,147
- Do those things really work?
- Yeah, want to see?
53
00:03:50,314 --> 00:03:51,690
No, no, no, it's okay.
54
00:03:57,363 --> 00:03:58,364
Hi.
55
00:04:02,534 --> 00:04:04,870
Ah, zone defense, huh?
56
00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:07,665
Guess I'm not gonna
be able to get in unless...
57
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,918
- What's this?
- Cherry crunch?
58
00:04:11,502 --> 00:04:13,170
Would I bring you anything else?
59
00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:21,512
Sierra, I'm sure that tastes good here,
60
00:04:21,679 --> 00:04:24,181
but I bet it would taste
even better someplace else.
61
00:04:24,348 --> 00:04:25,432
Shoo-shoo.
62
00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:48,038
- Hey.
- Oh, hi.
63
00:04:48,497 --> 00:04:49,873
What are you doing here?
64
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:53,460
You always said you wanted to see what
it would be like to wake up next to me.
65
00:04:53,711 --> 00:04:57,715
Ooh, good line.
Premeditated or spontaneous?
66
00:04:58,048 --> 00:04:59,550
Oh, totally off-the-cuff.
67
00:04:59,717 --> 00:05:02,261
I was inspired by the lovely sight
of you drooling...
68
00:05:02,428 --> 00:05:05,556
- on your French book.
- I wasn't drooling. I was sleeping.
69
00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:10,227
Sleeping.
I-I can't sleep! I've got to study.
70
00:05:10,394 --> 00:05:12,813
You were studying,
uh, subliminally, in your sleep.
71
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:14,982
You were absorbing it
off the page through osmosis.
72
00:05:15,149 --> 00:05:16,525
Not funny. Give me that.
73
00:05:16,692 --> 00:05:20,612
Look, Jake, my final is in three hours,
and you're here just distracting me.
74
00:05:20,779 --> 00:05:23,741
- So would you, please, get out of here?
- Okay, okay. Suit yourself.
75
00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:26,452
I just wanted to let you know
there's a freak storm outside.
76
00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:28,871
- Looks like it's snowing.
- Snowing?
77
00:05:29,163 --> 00:05:32,124
We're in the middle
of Southern California. It's not sno...
78
00:05:32,875 --> 00:05:36,879
My God. It's snowing.
79
00:05:39,965 --> 00:05:43,010
Jake, you lunatic.
Where did you get a snow machine?
80
00:05:45,054 --> 00:05:48,223
- Oh. Hey, Ian.
- Hi, Allie.
81
00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:53,604
It's a white Christmas, just like home.
82
00:05:53,771 --> 00:05:55,773
And here's a little Christmas cheer.
83
00:05:56,732 --> 00:05:59,568
Eggnog? My mother makes this from scratch.
84
00:05:59,777 --> 00:06:01,195
And one more thing.
85
00:06:02,071 --> 00:06:05,449
More? Do I detect an overage
of niceness going on here?
86
00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:06,825
Just read it.
87
00:06:07,451 --> 00:06:10,954
Two tickets to Cabo San Lucas.
Christmas on the beach.
88
00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:14,500
- Amazing.
- Well, I knew you'd be...
89
00:06:15,376 --> 00:06:16,377
pissed.
90
00:06:18,087 --> 00:06:20,130
This is the most inconsiderate thing
I've ever heard.
91
00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:22,049
I have plans that are
important to me, Jake.
92
00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:24,635
Allie, it's not like
I'm asking you to sleep in a Port-O-Potty.
93
00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:27,054
This is a three-bedroom condo
overlooking the ocean.
94
00:06:27,221 --> 00:06:30,015
Forget it, Jake. You know I'm driving
home with Sierra to visit my family.
95
00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:31,767
So, tell them what
I told my dad last year:
96
00:06:31,934 --> 00:06:34,561
You're gonna be stuck in the gym eight
hours a day for the next two weeks
97
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:37,564
in preparation for your appearance
in the "Ultimate Fighting" Championship.
98
00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:40,401
- That's what you told him?
- Well, sure.
99
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,653
Then when he found out I really
wanted to stay here and surf,
100
00:06:42,820 --> 00:06:45,948
- he was so relieved he didn't argue.
- But I want to go home.
101
00:06:46,115 --> 00:06:48,325
I want a traditional Christmas with snow
102
00:06:48,492 --> 00:06:50,869
and stockings and eggnog and carolers.
103
00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:53,622
I just thought we could
have some fun this Christmas.
104
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:56,333
No, you just thought that
you could have some fun.
105
00:06:56,834 --> 00:06:58,293
But what about everybody else?
106
00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:01,046
My mom and dad would be crushed
if I didn't come home.
107
00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:03,924
And what about your dad,
and your sister and Carolyn?
108
00:07:04,842 --> 00:07:08,387
You know, bringing up my dad's new wife
just drains me of all my Christmas spirit.
109
00:07:08,971 --> 00:07:12,057
Look, all I'm saying is don't you think
it's about time you went home?
110
00:07:14,852 --> 00:07:16,937
Hey, there. Looking good today.
111
00:07:17,229 --> 00:07:19,481
Thanks, Eddie.
You're looking nice today too.
112
00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:22,317
I'm not talking to you, Wilkinson.
113
00:07:22,818 --> 00:07:24,945
Hey, Allie, what kind of perfume
are you wearing today?
114
00:07:25,404 --> 00:07:26,405
Excuse me?
115
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:29,825
'Cause I got three words
- new car smell.
116
00:07:29,992 --> 00:07:31,493
It would smell so good on you.
117
00:07:31,660 --> 00:07:33,787
Why don't you come in here
and check it out, baby?
118
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:37,124
Eddie, I got one word for you: Beemer.
119
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:41,086
Stand away from the vehicle.
120
00:07:41,253 --> 00:07:42,671
You've gotta be kidding me!
121
00:07:42,838 --> 00:07:46,258
You are too close to
the vehicle. Stand away from the vehicle.
122
00:07:46,884 --> 00:07:49,303
You are too close to the vehicle.
123
00:07:49,887 --> 00:07:51,513
Stand away from the vehicle.
124
00:07:52,556 --> 00:07:55,184
So it's Disco Inferno night
at the Viper Room, right?
125
00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:59,188
And it's me and the Murph-Man
and the Ed-Man and the Ken-Man, right?
126
00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:01,815
We've been waiting in line for,
like, half the night, right?
127
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:04,026
And the bouncer,
he finally gives us the nod.
128
00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:07,613
So we go over there and debut
our brand-new I.D.s...
129
00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:09,239
and the dude goes...
130
00:08:09,698 --> 00:08:12,117
- "Bye-bye."
- And no one,
131
00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:15,662
no one says "Bye-bye" to the Brandt-Man.
132
00:08:15,913 --> 00:08:18,415
Fellas, fellas, fellas, what can I say?
133
00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:22,294
My subcontractor's been slacking off,
but I want to make this up to you.
134
00:08:22,628 --> 00:08:26,465
I have a foolproof method that will
guarantee you ace your History final.
135
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:30,636
But if you'd rather see your grades
crash and burn, it's up to you.
136
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:35,474
No cost, right?
137
00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:39,228
Of course there's no cost for the
answers. I couldn't do that to you guys.
138
00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:40,646
You guys are my buds.
139
00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:44,274
However, there is a nominal fee
for the beeper rental.
140
00:08:51,615 --> 00:08:55,702
Wilkinson residence. Oh, I'm sorry.
He can't come to the phone right now.
141
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,412
He's busy accessorizing.
142
00:08:58,372 --> 00:09:01,500
Oh, okay. Jake, it's your dad.
143
00:09:03,669 --> 00:09:04,753
See ya.
144
00:09:11,260 --> 00:09:13,595
Dad, hey. How are things at the office?
145
00:09:13,971 --> 00:09:15,722
Fine. We're all off for the holidays.
146
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,724
I sent everybody home at noon today.
147
00:09:17,933 --> 00:09:20,269
Great. Getting ready for ski season?
148
00:09:20,519 --> 00:09:22,271
Yeah, I just got my bindings fixed.
149
00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:24,189
Look, Jake, I'm calling
to find out about you.
150
00:09:24,356 --> 00:09:27,609
Are you, uh, still planning on
coming home for Christmas?
151
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,486
Gosh, you know, I'd like to,
152
00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:32,739
but I gotta stick around campus and finish
up that extra credit lab work in...
153
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:35,284
Because I got a call from my travel agent.
154
00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:37,244
He says that the ticket I sent you
155
00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:39,705
was cashed in
for two tickets to Cabo San Lucas.
156
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:42,874
He says somebody sabotaged
his computer file.
157
00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:45,544
What kind of a world are we living in?
158
00:09:45,711 --> 00:09:48,880
Is the convenience of technology
worth the loss of our privacy?
159
00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:51,300
Who would do such a thing?
Where will it end, Dad?
160
00:09:51,842 --> 00:09:55,137
Look, I agreed to let you go off
to school in California,
161
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:58,390
but you haven't been home
for the holidays since Mom died.
162
00:09:58,599 --> 00:10:01,351
I think it's time that
we become a family again.
163
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:04,396
Dad, Dad, Dad, if you were 18 years old,
164
00:10:04,563 --> 00:10:06,523
where would you rather be for Christmas:
165
00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:10,611
at home with your family, or in Cabo
on the beach with a beautiful girl?
166
00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:13,530
Allie's parents say she's
coming home just like always.
167
00:10:15,991 --> 00:10:17,784
I just really want you home, son.
168
00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:19,953
- Me too.
- As does Carolyn.
169
00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:23,540
- No! No!
- And Tracey. We all want you home.
170
00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:27,377
Well, I just don't think I can get there.
171
00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:33,133
Not even if I, uh... give you the Porsche?
172
00:10:33,592 --> 00:10:34,593
Excuse me?
173
00:10:36,219 --> 00:10:37,262
The Porsche?
174
00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:40,474
The 1957 Porsche?
175
00:10:40,641 --> 00:10:43,018
The same 1957 Porsche that
we rebuilt by hand together
176
00:10:43,185 --> 00:10:45,437
with the kid glove interiors
and the original paint?
177
00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:47,022
The 1957 Porsche?
178
00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:49,441
I'll tell you what. If you're home
179
00:10:49,608 --> 00:10:54,821
by the time we sit down to dinner,
6:00 Christmas Eve, the car is yours.
180
00:10:55,030 --> 00:10:57,157
6:00. Not one minute past. You understand?
181
00:10:57,658 --> 00:10:59,785
- Yes, sir.
- We'll see you then.
182
00:11:00,035 --> 00:11:02,245
Great. Bye.
183
00:11:03,955 --> 00:11:07,125
You are mine, all mine.
184
00:11:09,044 --> 00:11:10,545
Okay, uh,
185
00:11:10,796 --> 00:11:15,092
he cashes in the tickets
and you offer him a bribe?
186
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,177
Do you see anything wrong
with this picture?
187
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:18,762
Yeah, yeah, I do.
188
00:11:18,929 --> 00:11:20,514
- But...
- But what?
189
00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:23,475
Jake's coming home for Christmas.
190
00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:31,942
Okay, I gotta go pack you guys.
I'll see you in an hour.
191
00:11:32,109 --> 00:11:33,318
Okay. Bye.
192
00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:38,824
Nice try, but no chance.
193
00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:40,701
Hmm, must be defective.
194
00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:44,996
You know, I estimated it would be another
five hours till you tried to make up.
195
00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:46,832
Huh, that's funny...
196
00:11:46,998 --> 00:11:50,669
because I estimate that it takes five
hours to fly to Larchmont, New York.
197
00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:53,213
I thought you cashed
your ticket in for Cabo.
198
00:11:53,672 --> 00:11:56,341
I cashed it back in
for two tickets to New York.
199
00:11:56,717 --> 00:11:58,385
Will you please accept my apology
200
00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:00,137
and come home with me for Christmas?
201
00:12:02,848 --> 00:12:05,183
You're unbelievable.
202
00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:07,811
Tell me about it.
Ripley's doing a special on me.
203
00:12:07,978 --> 00:12:10,480
So, why the sudden change of heart?
204
00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:14,443
Well, I guess you kind of got to me
with all that sentimental family stuff.
205
00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:16,445
Oh, well, I'm glad to see
you're coming around.
206
00:12:16,611 --> 00:12:19,364
Hey, if you don't have family,
what do you have, right?
207
00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:22,826
So, you want to come over
and help me pack?
208
00:12:24,703 --> 00:12:28,165
No, I can't.
I gotta go tutor some jocks.
209
00:12:28,373 --> 00:12:30,125
Oh, you're such a compassionate man.
210
00:12:30,292 --> 00:12:31,418
I am a giver.
211
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:34,546
- Pick you up tomorrow morning, 8:00.
- Okay.
212
00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:42,929
This better work.
213
00:12:47,058 --> 00:12:48,059
Run.
214
00:12:56,902 --> 00:12:58,528
- Look out. Look out.
- Hey.
215
00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:06,203
What's taking him so long?
216
00:13:10,916 --> 00:13:13,960
- Sorry, Miss Peterson.
- Coach likes to stay in touch.
217
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:04,469
And when you're driving a Porsche,
it's like you have a relationship with it.
218
00:14:04,636 --> 00:14:07,472
Like it knows you,
and it's listening and just responding.
219
00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:10,267
- That is so true.
- And downshifting? You don't know
220
00:14:10,433 --> 00:14:13,270
what downshifting can do till
you've downshifted in a Porsche.
221
00:14:13,436 --> 00:14:16,690
- You are a lucky man, Wilkinson.
- That is so true.
222
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,068
So, uh, Jake, are you feeling lucky?
223
00:14:20,235 --> 00:14:22,988
- Immensely.
- Well, I think that's all about to change.
224
00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:28,660
Something wrong, fellas?
225
00:14:28,827 --> 00:14:30,829
You think you're some kind
of wise guy, right?
226
00:14:30,996 --> 00:14:33,498
You think it's real funny
to make us look like morons, right?
227
00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:36,710
- What are you talking about?
- The beepers, dipstick.
228
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:38,753
Ian. Where's Ian?
229
00:14:39,254 --> 00:14:42,465
12-32-14!
230
00:14:42,841 --> 00:14:44,926
Oh, man.
231
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:48,179
I'm sure there's some explanation.
Let me make a couple phone calls.
232
00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:50,390
Nah-ah-ah-ah.
I think we're done explaining.
233
00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:53,727
Boys.
234
00:14:53,894 --> 00:14:56,771
Aw, come on, guys. Fellas, fellas.
235
00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:04,195
- Good-bye.
- See you guys later. Have a good break.
236
00:15:04,362 --> 00:15:05,572
- Okay.
- Miss you.
237
00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:10,744
All right, Jake. Where are you?
238
00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:23,340
I-I-I-I'm dreaming
239
00:15:23,506 --> 00:15:27,969
Of a white Christmas
240
00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:32,182
With every Christmas card I write
241
00:15:35,185 --> 00:15:37,103
May those days
May your days
242
00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:41,524
May your days be merry and bright
243
00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:47,697
Oh, God, I wish I were dead.
244
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,452
I said I wished I were dead.
245
00:15:58,291 --> 00:15:59,292
What the...
246
00:16:05,090 --> 00:16:08,927
"Let's see you sweet talk your way
out of this one. Eddie & the boys."
247
00:16:09,219 --> 00:16:12,555
That's the last time
I do business with those guys.
248
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:15,809
Go on, get out of here.
249
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:19,145
Ow!
250
00:16:20,772 --> 00:16:23,149
You glued it on, didn't you, you jerks.
251
00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:26,987
The hat too?
252
00:16:27,779 --> 00:16:30,031
This is not acceptable!
253
00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:44,212
Sit. Roll over.
254
00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:46,381
Die.
255
00:16:52,971 --> 00:16:55,390
Hey, it's Jake. You found me.
256
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,308
Idiot!
257
00:16:57,934 --> 00:17:00,228
- Who's an idiot?
- I am.
258
00:17:00,729 --> 00:17:03,982
Jake flaked, huh? What a surprise.
259
00:17:04,149 --> 00:17:06,484
Well, lucky for you,
the Ed-Man's here to the rescue.
260
00:17:06,651 --> 00:17:08,653
So what do you say
we blow this Popsicle stand?
261
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:10,321
'Cause I got butt warmers in the seats.
262
00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:14,951
- You're loving this, aren't you?
- Pretty much, yeah.
263
00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:18,663
- Okay, let's go.
- All right.
264
00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:22,292
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Allow me. I got it, I got it.
265
00:17:23,835 --> 00:17:26,337
The ultimate in irony.
Seventeen academy kids...
266
00:17:26,504 --> 00:17:28,006
are driving back east this winter,
267
00:17:28,173 --> 00:17:29,924
and I get a ride with you.
268
00:17:30,175 --> 00:17:34,012
Just the two of us,
riding the crest of destiny's rainbow.
269
00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:38,391
Sharing, caring. A pair for the ages.
270
00:17:38,850 --> 00:17:42,187
Okay, hold on. First, the ground rules.
271
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:45,356
If you say too many stupid things
like that, I'll have to slug you.
272
00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:48,401
If you say anything nasty about Jake,
I'll have to slug you.
273
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:51,279
If you try to feel me up,
I'll have to slug you.
274
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:53,740
If you make me listen to any sexist,
275
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:57,494
racist or homophobic jokes,
I'm gonna have to slug you.
276
00:17:57,911 --> 00:18:00,663
And, finally, I might just have
to slug you from time to time
277
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:03,917
simply because I find the prospect of
driving across the country with you
278
00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:05,376
incredibly stressful!
279
00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:08,546
All right. Sounds like a party to me.
280
00:18:11,508 --> 00:18:14,469
So, what should we listen to?
Jewel? Sarah? Fiona?
281
00:18:14,803 --> 00:18:16,471
I'm in a sensitive mood, aren't you?
282
00:18:17,013 --> 00:18:19,015
Cut the crap, Eddie.
I'm already in the car.
283
00:18:19,808 --> 00:18:22,310
All right. Let's burn this baby.
New York, yeah!
284
00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:34,155
They'll be singin'
285
00:18:34,572 --> 00:18:39,202
Gonna be singin' Christmas carols
286
00:18:39,410 --> 00:18:41,579
By the old corral
287
00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:44,999
Celebratin'
288
00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:47,502
Congregatin'
289
00:18:47,752 --> 00:18:52,340
And exchangin' greetings by the old corral
290
00:18:53,216 --> 00:18:55,677
There'll be lots of little children
291
00:18:55,844 --> 00:18:58,346
And how big their eyes will be
292
00:18:58,513 --> 00:18:59,514
See you, lovebirds.
293
00:18:59,681 --> 00:19:03,309
When they see what
Santa left around the tree
294
00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:05,895
They'll be merry
295
00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:11,025
Singin' those merry Christmas carols
296
00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:13,695
By the old corral
297
00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:17,157
Hey, it's Allie.
298
00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:19,284
You got the machine. You know the...
299
00:19:19,450 --> 00:19:22,203
Allie, it's me. Listen, I am so sor...
300
00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:30,170
Hey, it's Al...
301
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:33,131
Desert, Santa, buzzard, tumbleweed!
302
00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:36,676
This totally sucks.
303
00:19:37,302 --> 00:19:39,554
You got a mean disposition for a Santa.
304
00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:42,015
I need to make another phone call.
305
00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:43,641
Long distance?
306
00:19:44,225 --> 00:19:47,854
What, from here, is not long distance?
307
00:19:58,031 --> 00:19:59,324
Hello?
308
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:03,036
- Tracey, it's Jake.
- Oh, hi. Where are you?
309
00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:05,788
I'm in the middle of nowhere,
dressed like Santa Claus,
310
00:20:05,955 --> 00:20:07,582
being attacked by a killer tumbleweed.
311
00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:09,667
- Cool.
- Get me Dad.
312
00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:13,129
- When did I become your slave?
- The day you were born.
313
00:20:14,005 --> 00:20:15,381
Oh, right.
314
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,342
Oh, Dad.
315
00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:19,594
It's the prodigal son.
316
00:20:21,763 --> 00:20:24,807
- Hello?
- Hello, Father... Dad.
317
00:20:25,099 --> 00:20:27,685
Jake, you sound funny.
Are you at the airport?
318
00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:30,271
Well, I've had some setbacks,
319
00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:33,191
but if you wire me some money,
I'll make it home for Christmas.
320
00:20:33,358 --> 00:20:35,360
Just what kind of a bind are you in, Jake?
321
00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:37,820
He's in the middle of nowhere,
dressed as Santa Claus,
322
00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:39,697
being attacked by a killer bumblebee.
323
00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:43,117
That's tumbleweed.
Otherwise, it's just like she said.
324
00:20:43,368 --> 00:20:45,078
That is the worst alibi
325
00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:47,372
in a long line of bad alibis, Jake.
326
00:20:47,622 --> 00:20:50,291
- But it's all true.
- That's what you always say.
327
00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:53,753
I know, but I really need your help
if I'm gonna make it home on time.
328
00:20:54,045 --> 00:20:55,546
Now, look, we had a deal.
329
00:20:55,713 --> 00:20:57,715
It is up to you to get yourself
home on Christmas Eve
330
00:20:57,882 --> 00:20:59,884
or you can forget about the Porsche.
331
00:21:00,051 --> 00:21:01,427
Dad?
332
00:21:04,555 --> 00:21:06,057
E-Excuse me.
333
00:21:06,557 --> 00:21:08,434
I couldn't help overhearing.
334
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:12,480
You're trying to get home for Christmas,
and your father won't help you?
335
00:21:12,855 --> 00:21:15,108
Ah, it's not that, it's just...
336
00:21:19,028 --> 00:21:21,614
He's so worried about the operation.
337
00:21:22,115 --> 00:21:25,660
- He's not thinking clearly.
- "Operation"?
338
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:28,579
Yeah. The whole family chipped in
339
00:21:28,746 --> 00:21:31,207
and got him a triple bypass for Christmas.
340
00:21:32,125 --> 00:21:36,004
I sent home every last dollar I earned
working as a shopping mall Santa.
341
00:21:37,213 --> 00:21:39,257
The operation's on Christmas Eve.
342
00:21:39,549 --> 00:21:42,927
And now I won't be home until
after the anesthesia wears off.
343
00:21:44,679 --> 00:21:46,139
Oh, dear.
344
00:21:47,515 --> 00:21:51,269
You know, me and the girls
are driving to Vegas
345
00:21:51,436 --> 00:21:52,729
to see Tom Jones.
346
00:21:53,146 --> 00:21:56,566
We're Tom Tom Girls.
You want to ride with us?
347
00:21:57,567 --> 00:21:59,610
Do you have "What's New, Pussycat?"
348
00:21:59,861 --> 00:22:03,031
Do we have "What's New, Pussycat?"
349
00:22:03,364 --> 00:22:06,826
What's new, pussycat, whoa-oh-oh-oh
350
00:22:07,035 --> 00:22:08,453
What's new, pussycat
351
00:22:08,619 --> 00:22:11,831
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
352
00:22:13,958 --> 00:22:16,210
Could, uh... Could we crack open a window?
353
00:22:16,377 --> 00:22:20,506
You think it's funny how easily
old people can catch pneumonia?
354
00:22:20,673 --> 00:22:22,842
Do you think that's a joke? Ha-ha-ha?
355
00:22:23,009 --> 00:22:26,929
No. It's just I had a hard night,
and I'm not feeling so well.
356
00:22:27,597 --> 00:22:29,474
Hey, get out of there!
357
00:22:29,891 --> 00:22:32,226
Darlene!
358
00:22:32,727 --> 00:22:35,229
Mama's teeth have fallen
out of her mouth again.
359
00:22:35,813 --> 00:22:37,982
Well, just wedge 'em back in, dear.
360
00:22:38,149 --> 00:22:39,859
Okay, Santa Claus.
361
00:22:40,026 --> 00:22:43,488
Make yourself useful and just
put those right back in her mouth.
362
00:22:43,905 --> 00:22:46,699
Uh, gherkins, anyone? Oh.
363
00:22:46,866 --> 00:22:48,534
Oh, for Pete's sake!
364
00:22:49,327 --> 00:22:52,497
Oh, well, that's lovely.
365
00:22:52,663 --> 00:22:56,918
- What happened?
- Santa just yammied in your handbag.
366
00:22:57,085 --> 00:22:59,212
There he goes again.
367
00:22:59,379 --> 00:23:02,924
- Well, stop him!
- Okay. Here, Santa!
368
00:23:03,132 --> 00:23:06,302
- Santa, get up!
- Ow! Ow!
369
00:23:06,511 --> 00:23:10,723
Did I hurt you, Santa? Good.
370
00:23:11,182 --> 00:23:14,185
All right, buster, out you get.
371
00:23:14,519 --> 00:23:17,605
Out you get! Out! Get outta here!
372
00:23:17,897 --> 00:23:22,110
Get outta here, you,
and take your beard with you!
373
00:23:22,276 --> 00:23:24,112
I never heard of such a thing!
374
00:23:24,362 --> 00:23:27,365
Imagine, yammying in my sister's handbag!
375
00:23:36,541 --> 00:23:38,459
- Here you go. There's a five.
- Thank you.
376
00:23:39,794 --> 00:23:41,963
"Desert, Santa, buzzard, tumbleweed."
377
00:23:42,839 --> 00:23:45,174
"Desert, Santa, buzzard, tumbleweed"?
378
00:23:45,341 --> 00:23:48,094
Oh, I love this game.
Pick which word is not like the others.
379
00:23:48,261 --> 00:23:51,055
- Uh, Santa.
- No, idiot.
380
00:23:51,222 --> 00:23:53,433
It's a message Jake left on my machine.
381
00:23:54,392 --> 00:23:57,770
- Wow. Bizarre, huh?
- Yeah.
382
00:24:01,107 --> 00:24:02,108
Thanks.
383
00:24:11,367 --> 00:24:12,368
Allie?
384
00:24:15,288 --> 00:24:16,289
Eddie?
385
00:24:17,498 --> 00:24:18,499
Eddie.
386
00:24:27,341 --> 00:24:28,593
Oh, my God.
387
00:24:30,094 --> 00:24:32,889
- Allie!
- What's wrong with you?
388
00:24:33,055 --> 00:24:35,683
Uh, we gotta go.
We're just way behind schedule.
389
00:24:35,850 --> 00:24:38,352
Allie, wait!
390
00:24:39,770 --> 00:24:42,356
Allie! Stop!
391
00:24:43,941 --> 00:24:44,984
Wait!
392
00:24:53,784 --> 00:24:57,788
I'll have a blue
393
00:24:58,206 --> 00:24:59,874
Christmas
394
00:25:00,583 --> 00:25:03,211
Without you
395
00:25:04,253 --> 00:25:07,381
I'll be so blue
396
00:25:08,549 --> 00:25:10,009
Just thinking
397
00:25:10,968 --> 00:25:13,095
About you
398
00:25:16,182 --> 00:25:18,226
Decorations
399
00:25:18,809 --> 00:25:20,686
Of red
400
00:25:21,270 --> 00:25:25,399
On a green Christmas tree
401
00:25:26,442 --> 00:25:30,613
It won't mean a thing
402
00:25:31,197 --> 00:25:35,326
If you're not here with me
403
00:25:35,952 --> 00:25:40,831
- When those blue snowflakes
- This is the worst day of my life.
404
00:25:40,998 --> 00:25:43,084
- And it just got worse.
- Start falling
405
00:25:45,461 --> 00:25:49,006
That's when those blue
406
00:25:50,007 --> 00:25:51,842
Memories
407
00:25:52,009 --> 00:25:53,970
Start calling
408
00:25:56,681 --> 00:26:02,061
You'll be doing all right
409
00:26:02,395 --> 00:26:07,233
With your Christmas all white
410
00:26:07,608 --> 00:26:09,485
- But I'll have
- Whoa.
411
00:26:10,027 --> 00:26:11,529
A blue
412
00:26:11,988 --> 00:26:14,574
Blue, blue Christmas
413
00:26:22,415 --> 00:26:24,166
But I'll have
414
00:26:25,167 --> 00:26:27,003
Hey, a blue
415
00:26:27,169 --> 00:26:30,006
Blue, blue Christmas
416
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:34,260
Ho-ho-ho, tubby.
417
00:26:34,885 --> 00:26:37,305
Secret fat man handshake. All right.
418
00:26:38,848 --> 00:26:41,767
You know, confidentially speaking,
just between us Santas,
419
00:26:41,976 --> 00:26:43,936
don't you ever get tired
of wearing this suit?
420
00:26:44,103 --> 00:26:47,231
I mean, every year it's the same suit.
Red, red, red, red, red.
421
00:26:47,398 --> 00:26:49,734
I mean, does any guy
really look good in red?
422
00:26:49,900 --> 00:26:51,277
I don't think so.
423
00:26:53,613 --> 00:26:55,072
Got room in the sled for two?
424
00:26:55,948 --> 00:26:58,826
Thanks. I really appreciate it.
425
00:26:59,243 --> 00:27:00,369
You're a pal.
426
00:27:31,859 --> 00:27:33,569
Whoa!
427
00:27:33,736 --> 00:27:35,237
You're not so cute in the morning.
428
00:27:35,404 --> 00:27:36,906
I'm kind of glad nothing happened.
429
00:27:37,615 --> 00:27:40,034
Ow! Y-You just slugged me.
430
00:27:40,242 --> 00:27:41,744
As per our agreement.
431
00:27:46,957 --> 00:27:49,835
Wake up, chief. Time to feed the reindeer.
432
00:27:53,172 --> 00:27:56,300
All right, I'm going. I'm going.
433
00:28:04,558 --> 00:28:06,727
Here comes Santa Claus
434
00:28:06,894 --> 00:28:10,231
Here comes Santa Claus
Right down Santa Claus Lane
435
00:28:11,232 --> 00:28:14,318
Vixen and Blitzen and all his reindeer
436
00:28:14,527 --> 00:28:16,487
Pullin' on the reins
437
00:28:17,321 --> 00:28:19,907
Bells are ringin'
Children singin'
438
00:28:20,116 --> 00:28:22,368
All is merry and bright
439
00:28:23,202 --> 00:28:25,579
Hang your stockings and say your prayers
440
00:28:25,955 --> 00:28:28,332
- 'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight
- Hi, there!
441
00:28:28,624 --> 00:28:31,252
- Yeah, merry Christmas to you too.
- Here comes Santa Claus
442
00:28:31,419 --> 00:28:34,463
Here comes Santa Claus
Right down Santa Claus Lane
443
00:28:35,381 --> 00:28:37,883
He's got a bag that's filled with toys
444
00:28:38,050 --> 00:28:41,262
- For boys and girls again
- Here comes Santa Claus
445
00:28:41,470 --> 00:28:44,265
Hear those sleigh bells jingle jangle
446
00:28:44,765 --> 00:28:47,017
What a beautiful sight
447
00:28:47,518 --> 00:28:50,271
- Jump in bed and cover your head
- Oh, where's the tomato?
448
00:28:50,438 --> 00:28:52,898
'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight
449
00:28:53,482 --> 00:28:55,901
Here comes Santa Claus
Here comes Santa Claus
450
00:28:56,068 --> 00:28:58,279
Right down Santa Claus Lane
451
00:28:59,113 --> 00:29:02,116
He'll come around when the chimes ring out
452
00:29:02,366 --> 00:29:04,452
It's Christmas morn again
453
00:29:05,494 --> 00:29:08,247
Peace on Earth will come to all
454
00:29:08,414 --> 00:29:10,833
If we just follow the light
455
00:29:11,625 --> 00:29:14,044
Let's give thanks to the Lord above
456
00:29:14,503 --> 00:29:16,922
'Cause Santa Claus comes tonight
457
00:29:17,131 --> 00:29:21,635
Santa Claus comes tonight
458
00:29:24,847 --> 00:29:26,265
Oh, man.
459
00:29:27,057 --> 00:29:28,976
I went and killed Santa.
460
00:29:32,188 --> 00:29:35,065
Oh, no.
461
00:29:35,983 --> 00:29:37,109
Santa?
462
00:29:39,195 --> 00:29:40,196
Santa?
463
00:29:47,036 --> 00:29:49,079
Thank God.
464
00:29:52,291 --> 00:29:53,959
Hang on, Santa. I'm coming.
465
00:29:55,961 --> 00:29:57,671
I'm coming, I'm coming. I'm coming.
466
00:29:57,838 --> 00:30:02,051
Hold on, hold on. Oh.
467
00:30:02,259 --> 00:30:05,262
Ow, ow, ow. Am I alive?
468
00:30:05,846 --> 00:30:09,475
Sir, I have never been happier
to answer that question in my life.
469
00:30:09,725 --> 00:30:13,896
- Yes, you are alive!
- You've been asked that question before?
470
00:30:14,396 --> 00:30:17,441
Oh, maybe... ten, twelve times.
471
00:30:19,902 --> 00:30:21,570
Wake up now
Wake up now
472
00:30:21,737 --> 00:30:24,657
- Dr. Jones, Dr. Jones
- Calling Dr. Jones
473
00:30:24,907 --> 00:30:28,077
Dr. Jones, Dr. Jones, wake up now
474
00:30:28,744 --> 00:30:31,914
A-yippee-yi-oh
A-yippee-yi-ay
475
00:30:32,081 --> 00:30:34,375
A-yippee-yi-oh Uh-huh
476
00:30:34,625 --> 00:30:37,211
Uh, Allie, can I ask you something?
477
00:30:37,378 --> 00:30:40,548
- Shoot.
- Look, I'm a millennial type of guy.
478
00:30:40,714 --> 00:30:43,759
You know, I dig world music.
I think freon should be banned.
479
00:30:43,926 --> 00:30:46,428
You know, I'm all about yoga
and macrobiotic food.
480
00:30:46,595 --> 00:30:48,848
I mean, I'm in touch with
my inner child, for God's sake.
481
00:30:49,098 --> 00:30:50,891
Is the question coming before Ohio?
482
00:30:51,225 --> 00:30:53,561
Yeah, well, what I'm getting at is...
483
00:30:54,436 --> 00:30:56,438
what does Jake have that I haven't got?
484
00:30:58,774 --> 00:31:00,484
It's the stuff he comes up with.
485
00:31:01,277 --> 00:31:02,403
Funny things.
486
00:31:02,987 --> 00:31:06,699
Amazing things.
Things that just give me the chills.
487
00:31:07,116 --> 00:31:09,910
Yeah. G-Give me an example
of one of these chills things.
488
00:31:10,369 --> 00:31:11,370
Okay.
489
00:31:13,038 --> 00:31:15,541
Okay, there was this one time
I was feeling really bad.
490
00:31:15,708 --> 00:31:18,043
It was... It was just
a really down day and...
491
00:31:19,211 --> 00:31:22,673
Jake took my hand in his
and being really sweet he said,
492
00:31:23,382 --> 00:31:26,427
"Not even the rain has such small hands."
493
00:31:27,136 --> 00:31:29,680
"Not even the rain has such small hands"?
494
00:31:31,265 --> 00:31:33,976
- What a nerd.
- It's e.e. cummings.
495
00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:37,021
- Huh?
- Poetry, Eddie.
496
00:31:37,771 --> 00:31:40,065
And that gave you chills?
497
00:31:40,482 --> 00:31:42,610
You wouldn't understand.
498
00:31:45,446 --> 00:31:46,447
Allie?
499
00:31:46,906 --> 00:31:48,908
What?
500
00:31:49,450 --> 00:31:51,368
Not even the corn had such big ears.
501
00:31:52,369 --> 00:31:55,497
That's beautiful.
I'm really moved, Eddie.
502
00:31:55,706 --> 00:31:58,834
Look, if it's poetry
you want, I got it, baby.
503
00:31:59,001 --> 00:32:02,546
- There once was a man from Nantucket...
- Just drive the car, Eddie.
504
00:32:02,755 --> 00:32:04,632
Wake up now
Wake up now
505
00:32:08,969 --> 00:32:12,181
Man, oh, man, I was sure you were a goner.
506
00:32:12,514 --> 00:32:16,268
Nolan, it's been two hours. I can't
have this conversation with you anymore.
507
00:32:16,810 --> 00:32:17,937
What conversation?
508
00:32:18,228 --> 00:32:20,397
The one where you go
you were sure I was a goner,
509
00:32:20,564 --> 00:32:22,274
and I go, "Yeah, that was
really a close one."
510
00:32:22,483 --> 00:32:24,276
Oh. Okay.
511
00:32:28,113 --> 00:32:30,240
Hey, that's a Pathfinder.
Catch up with them.
512
00:32:30,824 --> 00:32:32,660
- Who's that?
- My girlfriend.
513
00:32:32,826 --> 00:32:35,245
No, kidding? All the way out here?
514
00:32:36,288 --> 00:32:41,126
Wait a minute. A-Are you saying that's
Mrs. Claus in that car with another guy?
515
00:32:41,710 --> 00:32:43,545
Mrs. Claus steppin' out on Santa?
516
00:32:43,712 --> 00:32:45,381
Letting some other guy
down the chimney?
517
00:32:46,423 --> 00:32:48,133
Why, that two-timing ho!
518
00:32:48,717 --> 00:32:50,552
Uh, Nolan, reality check.
519
00:32:51,136 --> 00:32:53,305
You say no more, Santa. I'm after them.
520
00:33:01,271 --> 00:33:03,899
Nolan, I said catch them.
521
00:33:04,066 --> 00:33:06,026
- Try not to kill us.
- All right. All right.
522
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:11,323
Nolan, there's a cop behind us
with his lights on. Slow down.
523
00:33:11,573 --> 00:33:14,702
Oh, man. Cops make me nervous.
524
00:33:14,868 --> 00:33:16,996
- I'm gonna make a run for it.
- What? Are you nuts?
525
00:33:17,329 --> 00:33:20,791
Look, my daddy always said, "It's better
to go out in a blaze of glory
526
00:33:21,041 --> 00:33:23,293
than to rot in a state
correctional facility."
527
00:33:24,545 --> 00:33:26,130
Let me guess.
528
00:33:26,296 --> 00:33:28,757
You're about to tell me the stuff
in the back is stolen, right?
529
00:33:30,718 --> 00:33:32,553
I won't if you don't want me to.
530
00:33:33,303 --> 00:33:34,722
Stop the car, Nolan.
531
00:33:35,389 --> 00:33:37,391
- Stop the...
- Stop the car.
532
00:33:43,522 --> 00:33:46,066
All right, come on, Jake.
Think, think, think, think, think!
533
00:33:46,567 --> 00:33:48,819
I know. Put this on, act like my elf.
534
00:33:49,361 --> 00:33:53,532
- Uh, all right. How do elves act?
- I don't know.
535
00:33:54,033 --> 00:33:55,451
- Happy.
- Happy.
536
00:34:06,795 --> 00:34:09,298
Merry Christmas, Officer. Problem?
537
00:34:09,631 --> 00:34:11,216
In a bit of a hurry, aren't you?
538
00:34:12,134 --> 00:34:14,845
Well, that's my fault.
It's a busy time of year for me.
539
00:34:15,012 --> 00:34:17,473
- Ho-ho-ho.
- I'm an elf.
540
00:34:17,973 --> 00:34:19,308
So it seems.
541
00:34:19,558 --> 00:34:23,437
Do you realize you were going 79
in a 65-mile-per-hour zone?
542
00:34:23,812 --> 00:34:26,440
You should try catching me
in my sleigh. Ho-ho-ho.
543
00:34:28,567 --> 00:34:31,153
You see, Officer,
my elf Snow Puff and I are heading
544
00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:33,489
to the children's hospital
in the next town.
545
00:34:33,906 --> 00:34:36,533
- You mean Red Cliff?
- Yeah, Red Cliff. Exactly.
546
00:34:36,825 --> 00:34:38,786
To distribute toys to the youngsters.
547
00:34:38,994 --> 00:34:41,580
You know, I'm sorry if
in my haste I sped up a bit,
548
00:34:41,747 --> 00:34:44,583
but every second counts
to a bedridden child.
549
00:34:46,418 --> 00:34:48,253
All right. I'll tell you what.
550
00:34:48,670 --> 00:34:50,881
No more speeding, okay, Santa?
551
00:34:51,215 --> 00:34:52,716
Sixty-five, stay alive.
552
00:34:53,258 --> 00:34:54,760
Merry Christmas.
553
00:34:54,927 --> 00:34:56,136
Thank you, Officer.
554
00:34:57,346 --> 00:34:59,765
And that... is how the big boys do it.
555
00:35:00,557 --> 00:35:01,600
You know what?
556
00:35:02,392 --> 00:35:03,727
My shift ends in a few minutes.
557
00:35:03,894 --> 00:35:06,146
Why don't you follow me?
I'll get you there in no time.
558
00:35:08,690 --> 00:35:11,026
So that's how the big boys do it?
559
00:35:11,944 --> 00:35:15,114
Shut up, Nolan.
560
00:35:21,703 --> 00:35:23,831
So close...
561
00:35:24,540 --> 00:35:26,041
and yet so far.
562
00:35:33,590 --> 00:35:37,427
Please stay in the car. Please stay in
the car. Please stay in the... Oh, man.
563
00:35:38,178 --> 00:35:39,763
I guess he couldn't hear you.
564
00:35:45,978 --> 00:35:47,187
Hey, thank you, Officer.
565
00:35:47,354 --> 00:35:49,356
Say, do y'all mind
if I go in there with you?
566
00:35:49,857 --> 00:35:53,026
I'd kind of like to see the kids' faces
when you give them their gifts.
567
00:35:54,153 --> 00:35:55,821
The more the merrier.
568
00:35:57,990 --> 00:36:01,660
And I want a pony and a Barbie Dream
House and a Lite-Brite Deluxe and...
569
00:36:01,827 --> 00:36:05,164
Now, that's all great stuff, but Santa's
gonna give you something even better.
570
00:36:05,581 --> 00:36:08,625
A KitchenAid Classic Plus toaster
571
00:36:08,792 --> 00:36:10,669
with exclusive accu-toast sensor
572
00:36:10,836 --> 00:36:12,880
for consistent toasting time after time.
573
00:36:13,255 --> 00:36:15,507
Now, sweetie, this toaster is extra wide
574
00:36:15,674 --> 00:36:18,719
so you can get four bagels in there
instead of the usual two.
575
00:36:19,052 --> 00:36:21,138
- Okay. Thank you, Santa.
- You're welcome.
576
00:36:21,305 --> 00:36:25,350
But, Santa, this toaster was already
promised to a little cowpoke named Nolan.
577
00:36:28,937 --> 00:36:30,939
Hand it over to the kid, Snow Puff.
578
00:36:35,527 --> 00:36:38,155
All right, let's get this line moving.
Who's next?
579
00:36:38,780 --> 00:36:41,450
All righty.
And what do you want for Christmas?
580
00:36:42,993 --> 00:36:44,369
And finally.
581
00:36:45,037 --> 00:36:48,081
Ho-ho-ho. Merry Christmas.
582
00:36:48,749 --> 00:36:51,210
- What's your name, little boy?
- Esteban.
583
00:36:51,418 --> 00:36:54,504
Esteban. All right,
let's see what we have here today
584
00:36:54,671 --> 00:36:55,756
for Esteban.
585
00:36:57,758 --> 00:36:59,801
Look at this.
586
00:37:00,302 --> 00:37:02,846
A Eureka Boss cordless
rechargeable vacuum cleaner.
587
00:37:03,013 --> 00:37:04,264
No, thank you.
588
00:37:07,142 --> 00:37:10,812
Well, uh, I don't know what else
I have here for you, buddy.
589
00:37:11,396 --> 00:37:14,775
- What do you want for Christmas?
- To go home.
590
00:37:18,612 --> 00:37:22,115
I want to be with mi mama, mi papa,
591
00:37:22,324 --> 00:37:25,327
mi hermana Maribelle, mi hermano Mario,
592
00:37:25,994 --> 00:37:28,413
Tio Carlos, y mi Tio Ramon,
593
00:37:28,830 --> 00:37:31,750
Tia Christina, Tia Maria,
594
00:37:32,042 --> 00:37:34,211
grandmothers and grandfathers
595
00:37:34,628 --> 00:37:36,171
and my dog, Zorrito.
596
00:37:36,755 --> 00:37:39,716
And have Christmas tree and lights
597
00:37:40,092 --> 00:37:42,344
and angels and Christmas cookies...
598
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:45,389
With little red
and green sprinkles on top
599
00:37:45,639 --> 00:37:48,350
and plum pudding...
and Christmas carols and...
600
00:37:48,934 --> 00:37:51,228
Oh, Sugardoll, I miss you so much!
601
00:37:51,478 --> 00:37:53,772
I don't want to fence
stolen goods no more. I just want...
602
00:37:53,939 --> 00:37:56,024
I just want to beg you
to come home for Christmas.
603
00:37:56,191 --> 00:37:58,735
Please, Marjorie.
You know I didn't mean to hurt you.
604
00:37:58,902 --> 00:38:01,113
I don't know how I'm gonna get
through the holidays without you.
605
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:03,573
I just need to talk to my dad or Tracey.
606
00:38:04,116 --> 00:38:05,534
Are either of them there?
607
00:38:06,118 --> 00:38:10,455
Ah, gee, your dad and Tracey
went to the mall. It's just me
608
00:38:10,622 --> 00:38:12,624
- holding down the fort.
- Uh-huh.
609
00:38:13,333 --> 00:38:16,003
We are all so excited you're coming home.
610
00:38:16,169 --> 00:38:19,047
We've got the tree all set up.
It looks great.
611
00:38:19,423 --> 00:38:22,592
I've just been shopping and cooking
and cooking and shopping.
612
00:38:23,427 --> 00:38:26,013
Speaking of which, your sweater size...
613
00:38:27,139 --> 00:38:29,266
Are you, uh... You're a 38, right?
614
00:38:29,808 --> 00:38:30,976
Yeah, I guess.
615
00:38:31,935 --> 00:38:34,271
Where are you now?
Are you on your way home?
616
00:38:34,813 --> 00:38:36,023
Yeah. Look, I gotta run.
617
00:38:36,565 --> 00:38:38,233
So, uh, you take care now.
618
00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:39,943
- Okay?
- Okay.
619
00:38:40,694 --> 00:38:42,446
- Bye.
- Bye.
620
00:38:54,624 --> 00:38:56,543
I gotta tell you, Santa, sir.
621
00:38:56,710 --> 00:38:59,338
Although I've only been
your elf for a very short time,
622
00:38:59,504 --> 00:39:01,173
I feel like a new man, changed.
623
00:39:01,340 --> 00:39:03,800
D-Do I look changed to you?
624
00:39:05,969 --> 00:39:09,056
Well, maybe you've changed
on the inside where it counts.
625
00:39:09,222 --> 00:39:11,558
Yeah, that's it.
I've changed on the inside,
626
00:39:11,725 --> 00:39:14,144
and I'm going home for Christmas.
627
00:39:14,770 --> 00:39:16,897
Home? I thought you were going east!
628
00:39:17,064 --> 00:39:18,857
- Nope, back the other way.
- But...
629
00:39:19,066 --> 00:39:21,193
Nolan, I saved your butt
back there on the road.
630
00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:23,070
Don't you think you owe me something?
631
00:39:23,570 --> 00:39:25,280
Uh, yes, I do.
632
00:39:28,158 --> 00:39:29,785
Didn't mean to leave you hanging, buddy.
633
00:39:30,410 --> 00:39:33,955
- Well...
- Merry Christmas.
634
00:39:36,208 --> 00:39:38,043
- What?
- Can I have a word with you?
635
00:39:38,210 --> 00:39:41,004
- What is it?
- Well, it's my wife, Marjorie.
636
00:39:41,213 --> 00:39:43,715
She left me last month and,
well, if I could just get her
637
00:39:43,882 --> 00:39:46,468
back home for Christmas,
I know we could start again.
638
00:39:46,968 --> 00:39:49,471
- Why are you telling me this?
- She won't listen to me,
639
00:39:49,763 --> 00:39:51,723
but I got a hunch
she might listen to Santa.
640
00:39:51,890 --> 00:39:53,100
See, if you walked into
641
00:39:53,266 --> 00:39:55,435
the restaurant where she works
and asked her to forgive me,
642
00:39:55,602 --> 00:39:58,271
- I know she'd come home.
- She left you, right?
643
00:39:58,772 --> 00:40:00,816
- Yeah.
- So where's your dignity?
644
00:40:01,066 --> 00:40:03,985
Don't go crawling back to her.
Let her come groveling back to you.
645
00:40:04,486 --> 00:40:05,654
Yeah, maybe you're right.
646
00:40:05,821 --> 00:40:08,615
Why drive all the way to Nebraska
just to get slammed again?
647
00:40:10,117 --> 00:40:11,993
Wait. Nebraska? As in east of here?
648
00:40:12,411 --> 00:40:15,580
- It's about a six-hour trip.
- What's the matter with you, man?
649
00:40:15,747 --> 00:40:18,625
You love her enough to marry her,
but you won't take a little drive?
650
00:40:20,085 --> 00:40:22,921
So, Max, what did you do
that made your wife so mad
651
00:40:23,088 --> 00:40:25,048
she'd take a job 300 miles away?
652
00:40:25,340 --> 00:40:28,051
I stayed out at Smitty's
till 3:00 one morning.
653
00:40:28,301 --> 00:40:31,012
- Doesn't seem so bad.
- With an old girlfriend.
654
00:40:33,265 --> 00:40:34,516
All right, here's the deal.
655
00:40:34,724 --> 00:40:36,435
If I get Marjorie
to come home for Christmas,
656
00:40:36,601 --> 00:40:38,562
you buy me a bus ticket to New York.
657
00:40:39,062 --> 00:40:41,189
If you can get Marjorie
to come home for Christmas,
658
00:40:41,565 --> 00:40:43,483
I'll buy you a bus ticket to the moon.
659
00:40:43,817 --> 00:40:45,318
All right.
660
00:40:47,988 --> 00:40:49,531
- Hey.
- Hey.
661
00:40:49,698 --> 00:40:51,032
- Looking good.
- Oh.
662
00:40:51,324 --> 00:40:54,244
I got kind of a weird call
from Jake while you were out.
663
00:40:54,453 --> 00:40:58,498
He didn't say where he was calling from,
but I'm pretty sure he's on the road.
664
00:40:58,832 --> 00:41:01,543
- I hope he's gonna make it okay.
- There is not an obstacle
665
00:41:01,710 --> 00:41:04,629
in this world that will
keep my son from this car.
666
00:41:05,213 --> 00:41:08,091
- Oh, my God! There's a scratch!
- Where? Where?
667
00:41:08,675 --> 00:41:13,388
Get a life, Dad.
668
00:41:13,930 --> 00:41:15,765
- See ya.
- See ya.
669
00:41:18,101 --> 00:41:20,729
Well...
670
00:41:22,355 --> 00:41:23,773
she's ready for you, son.
671
00:41:25,734 --> 00:41:26,860
Wherever you are.
672
00:41:35,368 --> 00:41:37,496
There she is, right there.
673
00:41:37,704 --> 00:41:40,707
Isn't she the most beautiful
thing you've ever seen?
674
00:41:41,166 --> 00:41:43,502
Yeah, no doubt.
So, what do you want me to tell her?
675
00:41:43,668 --> 00:41:47,589
That if she doesn't come home, I'll die.
676
00:41:47,881 --> 00:41:50,258
- Good. Die.
- Now, don't you think...
677
00:41:50,425 --> 00:41:52,093
you're being a little bit harsh, Marjorie?
678
00:41:52,260 --> 00:41:55,639
"Harsh"? After he kissed that tramp
in front of everybody at Smitty's?
679
00:41:56,973 --> 00:42:00,477
Well, I'm sure it was a friendly kiss,
right? Like brother-sister.
680
00:42:00,644 --> 00:42:02,854
- There was tongue.
- There was not!
681
00:42:04,523 --> 00:42:06,107
There was too, you big pig!
682
00:42:06,274 --> 00:42:09,861
- Everybody saw it!
- Marjorie, it wasn't me kissing her.
683
00:42:10,195 --> 00:42:11,613
It was the Jagermeister.
684
00:42:12,197 --> 00:42:14,074
We made a commitment, Max,
685
00:42:14,241 --> 00:42:16,576
to honor and obey for better or for worse.
686
00:42:16,910 --> 00:42:18,328
Okay, this is "worse."
687
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:21,373
He really burns my biscuits.
688
00:42:21,623 --> 00:42:23,625
Let me handle this one. Okay, Max?
689
00:42:25,585 --> 00:42:27,671
Don't you think you should
give Max another chance?
690
00:42:27,837 --> 00:42:29,965
Maybe this is all just a misunderstanding.
691
00:42:30,131 --> 00:42:32,425
He kissed her!
How do you misunderstand that?
692
00:42:32,717 --> 00:42:34,678
Well, I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you.
693
00:42:34,928 --> 00:42:37,222
It's just like this other couple I know,
who are all
694
00:42:37,430 --> 00:42:40,183
- upset about a misunderstanding.
- Yeah? What's wrong with them?
695
00:42:40,350 --> 00:42:42,185
They had a trip planned to go back east,
696
00:42:42,352 --> 00:42:44,563
and he canceled last minute
because he wanted to take her
697
00:42:44,729 --> 00:42:46,565
to Cabo San Lucas for Christmas instead.
698
00:42:46,731 --> 00:42:49,818
But she thought he was being selfish,
which was a misunderstanding.
699
00:42:49,985 --> 00:42:52,571
- No, it wasn't. He sounds like a jerk.
- No, he's not.
700
00:42:52,821 --> 00:42:55,115
I mean, if she had understood,
she would have realized that
701
00:42:55,282 --> 00:42:57,576
the guy's got a stepmother
that he doesn't like very much.
702
00:42:57,784 --> 00:43:00,453
- Well, what's wrong with the stepmother?
- Well, the dad married her
703
00:43:00,620 --> 00:43:02,080
only ten months after his wife died.
704
00:43:02,289 --> 00:43:04,541
She must be a babe.
705
00:43:04,708 --> 00:43:07,085
Why is this guy mad at the stepmother?
It's not her fault.
706
00:43:07,294 --> 00:43:08,962
Don't you think ten months
is a little soon?
707
00:43:09,296 --> 00:43:11,214
Not if she's a babe.
708
00:43:11,464 --> 00:43:15,176
Look... what does any of this
have to do with me and Max?
709
00:43:15,677 --> 00:43:18,805
Misunderstandings can be overcome
if both people just try.
710
00:43:20,265 --> 00:43:23,518
Look, right now, Max is
sitting out there with a broken heart.
711
00:43:23,685 --> 00:43:26,229
All he's asking for is a second chance.
712
00:43:27,063 --> 00:43:28,481
Just give him another shot.
713
00:43:30,525 --> 00:43:33,570
Hey, Marge. How's about
a topper on this coffee?
714
00:43:35,572 --> 00:43:37,699
You know what? I've got a job to do.
715
00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:47,000
- H-H-How'd it go?
- Well, you know what a swirlee is?
716
00:43:47,167 --> 00:43:49,711
You mean when somebody jams your head
in a toilet bowl and flushes it?
717
00:43:50,128 --> 00:43:52,672
- Yeah, it was pretty much like that.
- Oh, man!
718
00:43:52,839 --> 00:43:54,758
Now, get in there, say something romantic.
719
00:43:55,133 --> 00:43:56,134
Huh?
720
00:43:56,468 --> 00:43:59,179
Something apologetic?
721
00:43:59,721 --> 00:44:01,056
Something in English!
722
00:44:01,431 --> 00:44:02,891
Excuse us.
723
00:44:03,058 --> 00:44:05,477
All right, already! Come here.
724
00:44:16,196 --> 00:44:18,823
I got an idea.
725
00:44:28,917 --> 00:44:32,921
O, Marjorie
O, Marjorie
726
00:44:34,172 --> 00:44:38,593
I need to have you home
727
00:44:41,221 --> 00:44:45,809
O, Marjorie
O, Marjorie
728
00:44:46,601 --> 00:44:51,690
I need to have you home
729
00:44:53,358 --> 00:44:56,236
I'm sorry I
730
00:44:56,611 --> 00:45:00,573
Was such an insensitive jerk that night
731
00:45:01,199 --> 00:45:05,036
I hope that singing this song
732
00:45:05,203 --> 00:45:09,249
Will make everything all right
733
00:45:09,582 --> 00:45:11,084
You're not the only one.
734
00:45:11,418 --> 00:45:15,588
O, Marjorie
735
00:45:15,755 --> 00:45:18,216
O, baby
736
00:45:18,508 --> 00:45:22,137
O, baby, O, baby
737
00:45:22,929 --> 00:45:26,766
I'll make it up to you
738
00:45:26,933 --> 00:45:31,604
On the velvet skirt of the Christmas tree
739
00:45:35,817 --> 00:45:39,446
See, you're my wife
740
00:45:39,612 --> 00:45:42,907
I'd give my life
741
00:45:46,286 --> 00:45:49,539
If you just
742
00:45:49,706 --> 00:45:52,751
Come
743
00:45:53,001 --> 00:45:57,297
Home
744
00:45:57,589 --> 00:45:59,299
Now on your knees.
745
00:45:59,674 --> 00:46:02,969
- Now on your knees
- Do it, don't sing it.
746
00:46:08,099 --> 00:46:11,060
Marjorie, I'm so sorry, baby.
747
00:46:11,519 --> 00:46:14,105
Won't you, please...
748
00:46:29,454 --> 00:46:32,499
Here's your ticket.
Your bus will be here in ten minutes.
749
00:46:33,041 --> 00:46:34,626
- Thanks.
- Thank you.
750
00:46:40,632 --> 00:46:42,008
Well, see ya.
751
00:46:43,051 --> 00:46:44,677
- Hey, Santa.
- Yeah?
752
00:46:45,094 --> 00:46:47,514
I, uh... I hope that other couple you know
753
00:46:47,680 --> 00:46:49,891
works through their misunderstandings.
754
00:46:51,309 --> 00:46:52,310
Me too.
755
00:46:55,855 --> 00:46:56,981
What other couple?
756
00:46:57,857 --> 00:46:59,484
Oh, it doesn't matter. It's...
757
00:46:59,901 --> 00:47:02,403
It's just you and me, baby.
758
00:47:09,035 --> 00:47:11,579
- You know what I've always wondered?
- What?
759
00:47:13,039 --> 00:47:15,041
Out of all the planets in the universe,
760
00:47:15,208 --> 00:47:18,545
how is it that this is the only one
that spawned intelligent life?
761
00:47:20,421 --> 00:47:21,464
Yeah.
762
00:47:22,131 --> 00:47:24,801
- You know what I always wonder about?
- What's that?
763
00:47:25,176 --> 00:47:28,346
How come more breakfast joints don't
serve your food right in the skillet?
764
00:47:28,930 --> 00:47:30,598
Like Denny's. Think about it.
765
00:47:30,765 --> 00:47:34,435
They give you your meat, your eggs, your
spuds right in the pan. Man, that rocks!
766
00:47:34,602 --> 00:47:37,355
Or like when a homeless guy comes up
to you and says he's the Messiah.
767
00:47:37,522 --> 00:47:40,316
And then he asks you for money,
and you just want to walk away,
768
00:47:40,483 --> 00:47:43,695
but then you think to yourself,
"What happens if he is the Messiah,
769
00:47:43,987 --> 00:47:45,738
and I'm just blowing the dude off?"
770
00:47:47,198 --> 00:47:48,366
Think about it.
771
00:47:49,701 --> 00:47:52,328
I take back what I said
about intelligent life on Earth.
772
00:47:56,040 --> 00:47:57,333
Hey, look at that!
773
00:47:58,209 --> 00:48:01,796
Velveeta. Come on now.
774
00:48:02,255 --> 00:48:04,048
That's why we have to stay there.
775
00:48:04,674 --> 00:48:06,426
Come on, where would you rather go:
776
00:48:06,593 --> 00:48:10,597
another dumpy motel or a fake Bavarian
village in the middle of nowhere?
777
00:48:11,890 --> 00:48:13,266
I don't think it's very Eddie.
778
00:48:13,850 --> 00:48:15,435
Well, I think it's totally Eddie.
779
00:48:15,602 --> 00:48:18,062
It's completely cheesy
and trying to be cool.
780
00:48:19,522 --> 00:48:21,983
When are you gonna stop
being mean to the Ed-Man, huh?
781
00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:24,861
When you stop referring
to yourself in the third person.
782
00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:30,491
Passenger Davies,
return to the ticket counter.
783
00:48:30,658 --> 00:48:32,452
You left your ticket up here.
784
00:48:39,250 --> 00:48:41,044
Maybe I should just go with it.
785
00:48:50,803 --> 00:48:52,472
- Hey.
- Hey.
786
00:48:53,514 --> 00:48:55,141
Check this out. Tell me what's better.
787
00:48:56,392 --> 00:48:58,269
Ho-ho-ho, merry Christmas.
788
00:48:59,228 --> 00:49:01,898
Ho-ho-ho, merry Christmas!
789
00:49:02,774 --> 00:49:05,026
Ho-ho-ho, merry Christmas!
790
00:49:06,611 --> 00:49:09,447
Well, the first one's good
for really little kids,
791
00:49:09,614 --> 00:49:11,532
like my sister who's three.
792
00:49:12,158 --> 00:49:15,370
And the second one's good
for big kids like my friends and me.
793
00:49:15,954 --> 00:49:18,206
And the third one's good
if you want to scare people
794
00:49:18,706 --> 00:49:20,583
and watch them run away screaming.
795
00:49:21,918 --> 00:49:24,629
- Okay. Cool. Thanks.
- Whatever.
796
00:49:53,116 --> 00:49:55,243
Well, look at that.
797
00:49:55,576 --> 00:49:58,079
The clock man is
sexually harassing the clock lady.
798
00:49:58,371 --> 00:50:00,123
How typical.
799
00:50:00,289 --> 00:50:02,250
Don't witness it.
You might have to testify.
800
00:50:04,377 --> 00:50:06,629
Wow, Eddie. That was actually clever.
801
00:50:07,088 --> 00:50:08,464
Hey, I'm a witty guy.
802
00:50:09,090 --> 00:50:12,885
Do you think this astonishing physique
is all the Ed-Man has to offer?
803
00:50:13,511 --> 00:50:16,139
Well, take this, Ed-Man.
804
00:50:16,639 --> 00:50:18,850
Oh, my God, you're dead. You're so dead.
805
00:50:19,017 --> 00:50:21,644
You're gonna get it so bad. Oh, my God.
806
00:50:25,398 --> 00:50:28,109
This is Wendy Richards
reporting live from Edelbruck, Iowa,
807
00:50:28,276 --> 00:50:31,195
site of the Strudelstrausse Inn
and world-famous human clock.
808
00:50:31,696 --> 00:50:34,490
Now, the temperature outside
stands at 31 degrees,
809
00:50:34,824 --> 00:50:37,160
but, of course, the temperature's
always a little bit warmer
810
00:50:37,326 --> 00:50:38,911
underneath the mistletoe arch.
811
00:50:39,078 --> 00:50:42,165
Here's a couple now. I hope you kids
know where you're standing.
812
00:50:48,379 --> 00:50:50,673
- I'll kill him.
- Your attention, please.
813
00:50:50,840 --> 00:50:52,717
Bus 33 to New York is boarding.
814
00:50:52,884 --> 00:50:55,261
All passengers with tickets
please proceed to the curb.
815
00:51:00,016 --> 00:51:02,185
I think you just stopped being mean to me.
816
00:51:17,366 --> 00:51:19,911
- Excuse me. Conway?
- Get behind the yellow line.
817
00:51:20,078 --> 00:51:23,122
- Just a second. I need to ask you a favor.
- Just get behind the yellow line.
818
00:51:23,331 --> 00:51:25,917
I realize you're on a schedule,
but, it being the holidays,
819
00:51:26,125 --> 00:51:28,586
I wonder if you wouldn't mind
taking a small detour to Edelbruck.
820
00:51:28,753 --> 00:51:31,756
- I think everyone would really enjoy it.
- But I wouldn't.
821
00:51:32,632 --> 00:51:34,592
- What if we... How about we...
- No. No.
822
00:51:34,759 --> 00:51:36,594
But... No. Got it.
823
00:51:41,641 --> 00:51:43,017
That is very good.
824
00:51:43,684 --> 00:51:45,061
Look at that.
825
00:51:45,561 --> 00:51:47,772
Here. Why don't you try
using the yellow one?
826
00:52:02,703 --> 00:52:05,790
Sorry we only had one room left tonight,
it being Christmas and all,
827
00:52:05,998 --> 00:52:08,793
but I think you'll find
that it's very special.
828
00:52:12,338 --> 00:52:14,423
Willkommen to your honeymoon suite.
829
00:52:35,820 --> 00:52:37,280
Is this yours?
830
00:52:37,488 --> 00:52:39,448
Hmm? No.
831
00:52:39,824 --> 00:52:40,867
Not yours either?
832
00:52:41,617 --> 00:52:42,743
Whose is it?
833
00:52:44,954 --> 00:52:46,289
"Human Liver"?
834
00:52:46,622 --> 00:52:49,250
"Organ Donation"? Oh, my God!
835
00:52:49,500 --> 00:52:51,335
We've got a live liver here!
836
00:52:51,502 --> 00:52:54,338
It says deliver to Allie Henderson
in Edelbruck A.S.A.P..
837
00:52:54,505 --> 00:52:56,090
- Think it's real?
- Let's take a look.
838
00:52:57,717 --> 00:53:00,553
- It moved!
- We need to get to Edelbruck!
839
00:53:00,928 --> 00:53:02,763
Okay, everybody, sit down!
840
00:53:04,098 --> 00:53:05,683
What the hell is wrong with you?
841
00:53:05,850 --> 00:53:07,143
Get behind the yellow line!
842
00:53:07,310 --> 00:53:10,021
Don't give me your lip!
I don't believe you, man.
843
00:53:10,438 --> 00:53:13,566
There's a little girl in Edelbruck
that needs a liver transplant.
844
00:53:13,900 --> 00:53:15,193
We got a schedule to keep.
845
00:53:15,359 --> 00:53:17,320
- Schedule, schmedule.
- Shame on you.
846
00:53:17,570 --> 00:53:21,157
This isn't about schedules, man.
It's the gift of life,
847
00:53:21,324 --> 00:53:23,201
the greatest Christmas gift ever,
848
00:53:23,367 --> 00:53:25,494
and we've even got Santa
to bring it to her.
849
00:53:25,661 --> 00:53:29,040
- This is a nonstop bus to New York.
- This is happening for a reason.
850
00:53:29,207 --> 00:53:32,543
We were put on this bus to take
this organ to Edelbruck!
851
00:53:32,710 --> 00:53:36,214
Edelbruck! Edelbruck!
852
00:53:36,380 --> 00:53:38,466
Okay, okay, okay!
853
00:53:38,716 --> 00:53:41,969
You think I don't care about
that little girl? Well, you're wrong.
854
00:53:42,220 --> 00:53:44,472
We're going to Edelbruck,
but because I say we are.
855
00:53:46,015 --> 00:53:47,934
Hey, hey, hey, now!
856
00:53:48,100 --> 00:53:51,562
Everybody behind the yellow line
and sit down!
857
00:53:57,151 --> 00:53:58,277
It's funny, Eddie.
858
00:53:58,819 --> 00:54:01,239
I never thought I'd end up sleeping
in the same bed with you,
859
00:54:01,405 --> 00:54:04,367
and yet somehow,
with you here, I feel safe.
860
00:54:05,910 --> 00:54:07,745
You want me to put on any more clothes?
861
00:54:08,079 --> 00:54:09,413
Nah, that should be fine.
862
00:54:10,081 --> 00:54:11,874
- Good night, Eddie.
- Good night.
863
00:54:23,261 --> 00:54:24,720
I'm giving you ten minutes!
864
00:54:25,221 --> 00:54:27,181
- You find that girl, Santa!
865
00:54:27,348 --> 00:54:28,391
- Go, Santa, go!
- Go, Santa!
866
00:54:28,766 --> 00:54:32,353
- Go, Santa, go!
- Everybody, sit down!
867
00:54:45,199 --> 00:54:47,159
Hi.
868
00:54:47,326 --> 00:54:49,203
Can you tell me if there's
an Allie Henderson
869
00:54:49,370 --> 00:54:51,580
- or an Eddie Taffet checked in here?
- I'm sorry, Santa.
870
00:54:51,789 --> 00:54:54,125
I'm not allowed to give out
information on our guests.
871
00:54:54,417 --> 00:54:56,627
Listen, Ma'am, I have a full plate
of activities tonight,
872
00:54:56,794 --> 00:54:58,838
not to mention a pesky grinch
who has kidnapped Mrs. Claus
873
00:54:59,005 --> 00:55:00,673
in an attempt to make my life miserable!
874
00:55:01,007 --> 00:55:03,259
I'm sorry, Santa, but that's policy.
875
00:55:03,843 --> 00:55:07,471
"Policy"? Policy does not
apply to me! I override policy!
876
00:55:07,930 --> 00:55:09,890
I want to know where my girlfriend is.
877
00:55:56,562 --> 00:55:57,897
Maintenance.
878
00:56:02,276 --> 00:56:04,570
- Where is he?
- Jake?
879
00:56:05,071 --> 00:56:08,741
What are you doing here and...
why are you dressed like Santa Claus?
880
00:56:08,908 --> 00:56:10,326
I had to hijack a bus.
881
00:56:10,493 --> 00:56:13,204
Eddie and his buddies left me
in the desert like this the other night.
882
00:56:13,537 --> 00:56:16,582
Desert, Santa, buzzard, tumbleweed.
883
00:56:16,957 --> 00:56:19,418
So what gives with you kissing
that slimy moron?
884
00:56:19,752 --> 00:56:21,587
- It's not what you think.
- Jake.
885
00:56:21,754 --> 00:56:24,006
What are you doing here, bud?
This love nest is full.
886
00:56:24,173 --> 00:56:25,841
Calm down, Jake. Nothing happened.
887
00:56:26,050 --> 00:56:27,843
Whoa, whoa. Where's the trust, man?
888
00:56:28,010 --> 00:56:30,388
I saw you kissing her on TV, you dirtbag!
889
00:56:30,638 --> 00:56:33,557
He got me under the mistletoe
for two seconds. Big deal.
890
00:56:33,849 --> 00:56:37,353
It was more like five seconds,
and they were good.
891
00:56:40,189 --> 00:56:43,401
Foul! Fighting foul!
892
00:56:45,027 --> 00:56:47,321
How could you let
that idiot give you a ride?
893
00:56:47,530 --> 00:56:51,450
I thought you left me high and dry. What
was I supposed to do, beam myself home?
894
00:56:51,784 --> 00:56:54,286
Allie, I was stuck in the desert.
I couldn't get to you.
895
00:56:54,620 --> 00:56:55,996
I had no choice.
896
00:56:58,874 --> 00:57:00,292
Okay, I forgive you.
897
00:57:07,091 --> 00:57:09,510
So... you still mad at me?
898
00:57:10,344 --> 00:57:12,972
Yo, if anyone should be mad here,
it's me, okay?
899
00:57:13,139 --> 00:57:16,267
I've had to listen to nonstop
Natalie Merchant and e.z. cummings.
900
00:57:16,475 --> 00:57:17,476
It's e.e. cummings.
901
00:57:17,643 --> 00:57:20,020
I have been stuck
in a Santa suit for two days
902
00:57:20,229 --> 00:57:23,399
fighting off buzzards,
dentures and thugs in lederhosen.
903
00:57:23,566 --> 00:57:25,443
I'm tired, I'm hungry, I stink
904
00:57:25,609 --> 00:57:28,320
and, because of you, I'm not
gonna be home by 6:00 tonight.
905
00:57:29,655 --> 00:57:31,490
Why do you have to be home by 6:00?
906
00:57:32,324 --> 00:57:33,492
What's that?
907
00:57:33,826 --> 00:57:36,912
You heard the question.
"Why do you have to be home by 6:00?"
908
00:57:38,747 --> 00:57:40,958
Because that's when dinner will be ready?
909
00:57:41,542 --> 00:57:42,835
Ow!
910
00:57:43,085 --> 00:57:45,296
If you have even one decent
chromosome in your D.N.A.,
911
00:57:45,463 --> 00:57:47,256
you will not lie to me right now, Jake.
912
00:57:47,923 --> 00:57:49,133
All right.
913
00:57:51,552 --> 00:57:54,013
It's just that... if I get home by then...
914
00:57:55,055 --> 00:57:56,724
my dad's gonna give me the Porsche.
915
00:57:58,893 --> 00:58:00,227
- The Porsche.
- Allie, let me...
916
00:58:00,394 --> 00:58:04,315
Wait. So you didn't trade Cabo for me,
you traded it for a car.
917
00:58:04,648 --> 00:58:06,817
- It's not like that.
- You two deserve each other.
918
00:58:11,697 --> 00:58:14,783
Allie, wait.
Will you just stop and listen to me?
919
00:58:15,075 --> 00:58:18,996
Look, if I had to do it all over again, I
probably wouldn't mention the stupid car.
920
00:58:20,664 --> 00:58:22,166
What? I was kidding.
921
00:58:22,333 --> 00:58:24,126
You don't care about anybody but yourself.
922
00:58:24,418 --> 00:58:27,004
- You're a manipulator and a liar.
- I am not a liar.
923
00:58:27,588 --> 00:58:30,674
Hey, wait a minute. You're the girl
who needs the transplant?
924
00:58:31,091 --> 00:58:33,802
- Is that what Santa told you?
- Uh-huh.
925
00:58:35,304 --> 00:58:37,848
Right. I'm taking his place on the bus.
926
00:58:38,057 --> 00:58:41,060
- No, wait, Allie. Give me another chance.
- Why?
927
00:58:41,685 --> 00:58:44,688
Because I care about you.
You gotta believe me.
928
00:58:45,105 --> 00:58:47,024
Santa, if you showed up on my doorstep
929
00:58:47,191 --> 00:58:49,443
in a one-horse open sleigh,
I wouldn't believe you.
930
00:58:50,069 --> 00:58:51,820
Allie, I'm sorry.
931
00:58:52,321 --> 00:58:56,408
You know, I can't take fake remorse
from a fake Santa making fake apologies.
932
00:58:56,867 --> 00:59:00,996
You might be a fake boyfriend, Jake,
but you're a genuine butthole!
933
00:59:05,626 --> 00:59:06,627
Bye, Santa.
934
00:59:27,064 --> 00:59:30,234
I got rolled, the one I love is gone
935
00:59:30,401 --> 00:59:32,903
I got rolled
936
00:59:34,405 --> 00:59:37,408
Oh, man, I've seen guys
get dumped before, but that was nuclear.
937
00:59:37,575 --> 00:59:41,078
I mean, she wasn't even aiming at me, and
I'm gonna be walking funny for a week.
938
00:59:41,245 --> 00:59:43,247
- How do girls do that?
- I don't know.
939
00:59:43,414 --> 00:59:46,458
It's like that whole chick verbal skills
thing. It's... It's deadly.
940
00:59:47,126 --> 00:59:49,253
Oh, man, you know what?
I gotta tell you, bro.
941
00:59:49,420 --> 00:59:51,839
I would have never thought
I'd ever help you out.
942
00:59:52,006 --> 00:59:54,925
But after that massacre...
Man, I just wouldn't be human.
943
00:59:55,259 --> 00:59:57,428
I never thought I'd be
driving home with you either.
944
00:59:57,595 --> 00:59:59,471
- It's pretty wild.
- It sure is.
945
00:59:59,847 --> 01:00:01,765
Now, I get home in time
to get the Porsche,
946
01:00:01,932 --> 01:00:03,517
drive it back to school in January,
947
01:00:03,851 --> 01:00:06,687
figure out how to get Allie back,
everything's gonna be great.
948
01:00:07,187 --> 01:00:08,230
Thanks, Ed-Man.
949
01:00:09,732 --> 01:00:10,733
Sure.
950
01:00:16,488 --> 01:00:18,198
- Get out.
- What?
951
01:00:18,866 --> 01:00:21,619
All that stuff you just said.
I-I'm sorry, man.
952
01:00:21,785 --> 01:00:25,331
I just can't do that much good stuff
for another person, you know?
953
01:00:25,539 --> 01:00:27,166
It would be way bad for my rep.
954
01:00:27,333 --> 01:00:28,667
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you talking about?
955
01:00:28,834 --> 01:00:31,003
What about that stuff
you just said about being human,
956
01:00:31,170 --> 01:00:34,381
- helping out another guy in need?
- Dude, I just took you to Wisconsin.
957
01:00:34,882 --> 01:00:37,176
Besides, what am I doing helping you out
958
01:00:37,343 --> 01:00:39,637
so you can get a Porsche
and be cooler than me?
959
01:00:39,970 --> 01:00:43,390
I mean, it's not very smart.
Not very Eddie.
960
01:00:48,812 --> 01:00:51,148
Uh, you're gonna have
to take that off first.
961
01:00:51,523 --> 01:00:52,858
I know that. Thank you.
962
01:01:04,745 --> 01:01:07,373
Father Christmas, just tell me
what you want from me.
963
01:01:20,552 --> 01:01:21,720
You better hurry.
964
01:01:49,998 --> 01:01:53,585
It's called carbo loading. Best thing
you can do before a race like this.
965
01:01:55,087 --> 01:01:57,423
- Hi, I'd like a number, please.
- Okay.
966
01:01:57,589 --> 01:01:59,425
That will be a $10 entrance fee.
967
01:01:59,842 --> 01:02:03,595
- You know, I mailed that in.
- Okay, so we sent you a receipt.
968
01:02:04,513 --> 01:02:07,641
Yes. Yes, you did,
but, you see, here's the dilly.
969
01:02:07,808 --> 01:02:10,352
There was a house fire
and everything got torched:
970
01:02:10,519 --> 01:02:12,688
- personal papers, family photos,
- Excuse me.
971
01:02:12,855 --> 01:02:15,858
That little clay handprint ashtray
I made when I was three.
972
01:02:16,024 --> 01:02:19,236
Tragic tale. I'll cover the kid.
973
01:02:20,237 --> 01:02:22,948
- Hey, thanks. Jake Wilkinson.
- Jeff Wilson.
974
01:02:24,283 --> 01:02:25,743
Here's your hat and beard.
975
01:02:25,951 --> 01:02:27,995
You've gotta have them on
when you cross the finish line
976
01:02:28,203 --> 01:02:30,539
- or you'll be disqualified.
- Here we go again.
977
01:02:34,543 --> 01:02:36,462
Can anyone in this race actually run?
978
01:02:36,879 --> 01:02:39,923
Sparky Fantaloni won
the state marathon ten years ago.
979
01:02:40,215 --> 01:02:43,385
That was before the two-pack-a-day habit
and subsequent lung removal.
980
01:02:45,471 --> 01:02:47,514
This guy will give us a run for our money.
981
01:02:48,682 --> 01:02:50,684
- Kenyan?
- Yes.
982
01:02:50,851 --> 01:02:53,270
All Santas to the starting line.
983
01:02:54,062 --> 01:02:56,023
All Santas to the starting line.
984
01:02:58,025 --> 01:03:00,235
- See you at the finish line.
- All right.
985
01:03:00,527 --> 01:03:02,529
Go, Santas, go!
986
01:03:02,905 --> 01:03:05,949
Go, Santas!
987
01:03:07,159 --> 01:03:09,411
Santas, to your marks.
988
01:03:12,539 --> 01:03:13,665
On your mark...
989
01:03:15,918 --> 01:03:16,919
get set...
990
01:03:29,014 --> 01:03:32,976
Well, out of all the reindeer
You know you're the mastermind
991
01:03:34,895 --> 01:03:38,816
Run, run, Rudolph
Randolph ain't too far behind
992
01:03:41,235 --> 01:03:45,113
Run, run, Rudolph
Santa's gotta make it to town
993
01:03:47,157 --> 01:03:51,328
I said, Santa, make him hurry
Tell him he can take the freeway down
994
01:03:53,747 --> 01:03:56,750
Run, run, Rudolph, 'cause
I'm reeling like a merry-go-round
995
01:03:56,917 --> 01:04:00,671
Hey, jingle balls.
996
01:04:01,004 --> 01:04:02,756
Move your candy canes.
997
01:04:06,301 --> 01:04:10,055
All I want for Christmas
is a rock-and-roll electric guitar
998
01:04:11,306 --> 01:04:12,766
Go, Santas, go!
999
01:04:12,933 --> 01:04:16,645
Run, run, Rudolph
Whizzin' like a shooting star
1000
01:04:17,104 --> 01:04:19,773
Run, run, Rudolph
1001
01:04:19,940 --> 01:04:22,442
- Come on, guys! Keep going!
- Santa's gotta make it to town
1002
01:04:22,609 --> 01:04:24,820
Want a cookie? Want one?
1003
01:04:25,112 --> 01:04:28,615
Santa, make him hurry
Tell him he can take the freeway down
1004
01:04:31,285 --> 01:04:35,122
Run, run, Rudolph, 'cause
I'm reeling like a merry-go-round
1005
01:04:56,059 --> 01:04:57,561
Well, that's the end of that.
1006
01:05:02,065 --> 01:05:03,275
Or not.
1007
01:05:04,151 --> 01:05:05,986
- There you go. Easy does it.
- You'll be okay.
1008
01:05:06,695 --> 01:05:08,405
Looks like it's just you and me now.
1009
01:05:08,572 --> 01:05:11,658
- Ready to make a run for it?
- I was born ready.
1010
01:05:13,118 --> 01:05:15,662
Santa Claus is coming to town
1011
01:05:16,413 --> 01:05:18,957
Santa Claus is coming to town
1012
01:05:19,875 --> 01:05:23,295
Santa Claus is coming to town
1013
01:05:23,462 --> 01:05:26,590
Santa Claus is coming to town
1014
01:05:26,757 --> 01:05:29,051
- Hey, you forgot your hat!
- Santa Claus is coming to town
1015
01:05:29,217 --> 01:05:31,470
- You can't finish without your hat!
- Go, go!
1016
01:05:31,637 --> 01:05:34,640
- Santa Claus is coming to town
- Go! Go!
1017
01:05:34,806 --> 01:05:36,683
Santa Claus is coming to town
1018
01:05:37,017 --> 01:05:40,187
Santa Claus is coming to town
1019
01:05:40,687 --> 01:05:43,607
Santa Claus is coming to town
1020
01:05:43,899 --> 01:05:46,151
Santa Claus is coming to town
1021
01:05:47,194 --> 01:05:50,155
Santa Claus is coming to town
1022
01:06:07,381 --> 01:06:09,174
Thanks. Thanks a lot.
1023
01:06:09,675 --> 01:06:11,760
Congratulations.
1024
01:06:12,177 --> 01:06:13,178
Thanks.
1025
01:06:15,263 --> 01:06:17,557
Thank you very much.
Merry Christmas.
1026
01:06:18,058 --> 01:06:19,309
Merry Christmas.
1027
01:06:26,233 --> 01:06:28,944
Jake! Jake, thank God, dude!
1028
01:06:29,111 --> 01:06:31,989
They're gonna try to arrest me!
Come down and meet me at the station!
1029
01:06:32,322 --> 01:06:33,991
Please, man! I'm begging you!
1030
01:06:34,741 --> 01:06:36,827
Taxi!
1031
01:06:38,036 --> 01:06:40,205
Santa says, "Take me to the airport."
1032
01:06:48,630 --> 01:06:52,050
One one hundred. Two one hundred.
Three one hundred.
1033
01:06:56,263 --> 01:06:57,472
Hey, there. All right.
1034
01:06:58,181 --> 01:07:01,351
Hey, you're the kid who beat
Mayor Wilson in the Santa 5K.
1035
01:07:01,685 --> 01:07:02,853
Yep, that's me.
1036
01:07:03,645 --> 01:07:06,064
- Wait a minute. Mayor Wilson?
- Oh, you didn't know?
1037
01:07:06,231 --> 01:07:09,568
Well, he wins every year. A lot
of us folks wish he'd won this year too.
1038
01:07:09,735 --> 01:07:12,279
Yeah, he seemed like a good guy.
Keeps the potholes filled, huh?
1039
01:07:12,529 --> 01:07:14,448
Yeah, he keeps the potholes filled.
1040
01:07:14,614 --> 01:07:16,867
He also donates his entire
winnings every year
1041
01:07:17,075 --> 01:07:19,119
to buy turkeys for people
who can't afford them.
1042
01:07:22,748 --> 01:07:24,583
He had to be the mayor.
1043
01:07:25,083 --> 01:07:27,502
Ow.
1044
01:07:28,420 --> 01:07:29,963
Can you turn around, please?
1045
01:07:37,971 --> 01:07:39,139
I'll be right back.
1046
01:08:01,536 --> 01:08:02,537
Hey.
1047
01:08:04,706 --> 01:08:06,625
When did Santa start using the mailbox?
1048
01:08:06,875 --> 01:08:09,544
Oh, didn't you hear about
the new work exchange program?
1049
01:08:09,711 --> 01:08:12,422
The postman should be coming
down your chimney a little later.
1050
01:08:13,131 --> 01:08:14,549
You got someplace to go?
1051
01:08:14,883 --> 01:08:17,719
Yeah. It's Christmas Eve. Who doesn't?
1052
01:08:20,138 --> 01:08:21,223
Could set a place for you.
1053
01:08:23,391 --> 01:08:25,519
No. Thanks. I'll be fine.
1054
01:08:27,562 --> 01:08:30,315
Jake, merry Christmas.
1055
01:08:31,525 --> 01:08:32,526
You too.
1056
01:08:51,545 --> 01:08:53,922
Yes, operator. It's collect from Jake.
1057
01:08:55,257 --> 01:08:57,259
Tracey, accept the... Thank you.
1058
01:08:57,717 --> 01:09:00,804
My, my, dear brother,
you are sounding slightly stressed.
1059
01:09:01,054 --> 01:09:02,514
Is it the bumblebees again?
1060
01:09:02,722 --> 01:09:06,059
Look, Tracey, I'm not gonna make it
home, and I want you to tell Dad, okay?
1061
01:09:06,309 --> 01:09:09,646
What do you mean, you're not gonna
make it home? Is this about Carolyn?
1062
01:09:09,896 --> 01:09:13,024
No, it's about being stuck out here
in the middle of nowhere
1063
01:09:13,191 --> 01:09:14,609
with absolutely no money.
1064
01:09:14,776 --> 01:09:16,945
At the rate I'm going,
I'll show up sometime in January.
1065
01:09:17,112 --> 01:09:19,698
So merry Christmas, happy new year,
and I'll see you around.
1066
01:09:19,865 --> 01:09:21,575
Wait. What about the Porsche?
1067
01:09:22,742 --> 01:09:23,827
What about it?
1068
01:09:24,536 --> 01:09:26,705
Wow, you really must be in trouble.
1069
01:09:27,455 --> 01:09:29,583
Would you fly home right now if you could?
1070
01:09:29,958 --> 01:09:31,418
Uh, like, yeah.
1071
01:09:31,710 --> 01:09:33,461
I've got at least four years
of birthday money
1072
01:09:33,628 --> 01:09:35,422
stashed upstairs in my ballerina bag.
1073
01:09:35,589 --> 01:09:38,633
If I went to a ticket agent right now
and bought you a plane ticket home,
1074
01:09:38,925 --> 01:09:40,802
you'd make it in time
for Christmas, right?
1075
01:09:41,428 --> 01:09:45,265
- You'd do that for me?
- No, I'd do it for Dad.
1076
01:09:45,765 --> 01:09:47,934
Plus, think of the incredible
pleasure I'll have
1077
01:09:48,101 --> 01:09:50,520
holding this over your head
for the rest of our lives.
1078
01:09:50,896 --> 01:09:53,773
Okay, fine. Whatever you want.
I'm near Madison, Wisconsin.
1079
01:09:53,940 --> 01:09:56,276
I'll hitch a ride to the airport.
I'll see you soon.
1080
01:09:56,443 --> 01:09:59,154
Wait. I don't have any I.D..
How am I gonna pick up the ticket?
1081
01:09:59,779 --> 01:10:02,157
Hmm. I know.
I'll make up a secret password
1082
01:10:02,324 --> 01:10:04,576
to go with your reservation
that only you would know.
1083
01:10:04,951 --> 01:10:06,286
Great. What's it gonna be?
1084
01:10:06,661 --> 01:10:08,955
I am a smelly and revolting jerk
who doesn't deserve to live,
1085
01:10:09,122 --> 01:10:11,208
and my sister is a mad, cool goddess.
1086
01:10:11,541 --> 01:10:14,127
Bingo. Wilkinson, Jake.
1087
01:10:14,628 --> 01:10:16,963
- It's an unusual password.
- Unusual everything.
1088
01:10:17,130 --> 01:10:19,799
- So what time does the flight leave?
- In 20 minutes.
1089
01:10:19,966 --> 01:10:22,928
- I'll need to see a picture I.D..
- I just gave you my password.
1090
01:10:23,261 --> 01:10:26,556
That's right, sir, but I can't let you on
the plane without proper identification.
1091
01:10:26,765 --> 01:10:28,558
Then what was the point of my password?
1092
01:10:28,892 --> 01:10:32,229
- I don't make the rules, sir. It's just...
- Policy. I know.
1093
01:10:32,395 --> 01:10:33,438
Thank you.
1094
01:10:35,398 --> 01:10:36,441
Next.
1095
01:10:42,906 --> 01:10:43,990
Hi.
1096
01:10:46,993 --> 01:10:48,620
Coming through. Coming through.
1097
01:11:03,510 --> 01:11:04,761
Good, Ringo.
1098
01:11:04,928 --> 01:11:07,097
Merry Christmas to you too, Ringo.
1099
01:11:07,264 --> 01:11:09,766
Good, Ringo.
1100
01:11:10,267 --> 01:11:12,936
Bad, Ringo. Bad, Ringo.
1101
01:11:21,611 --> 01:11:23,947
Hey! Hey, Billy! The dog! Get him!
1102
01:11:24,114 --> 01:11:26,866
- Hey!
- Come here, pooch! Come here!
1103
01:11:27,117 --> 01:11:28,868
Here, boy! Come back here!
1104
01:11:49,848 --> 01:11:51,641
Excuse me. Coming through.
1105
01:11:52,225 --> 01:11:53,518
Excuse me.
1106
01:12:01,318 --> 01:12:03,695
Merry Christmas, Santa. Got a ticket?
1107
01:12:04,362 --> 01:12:05,363
No.
1108
01:12:08,491 --> 01:12:11,244
- This station
- New Rochelle.
1109
01:12:11,411 --> 01:12:13,413
Followed by Larchmont. Larchmont.
1110
01:12:23,256 --> 01:12:25,008
Even a bribe couldn't get him home.
1111
01:12:27,594 --> 01:12:29,304
He still has 15 minutes.
1112
01:12:34,476 --> 01:12:36,644
Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
1113
01:12:38,897 --> 01:12:41,358
Hey, lady, give me a ride? Please?
1114
01:12:44,402 --> 01:12:46,071
Hey, give Santa a ride?
1115
01:12:48,281 --> 01:12:50,700
Will anybody take me to Larchmont?
1116
01:13:03,254 --> 01:13:04,964
Whoa!
1117
01:13:08,593 --> 01:13:10,387
Hi, Santa Claus.
1118
01:13:20,939 --> 01:13:24,109
Wait! Wait, wait! No, no, no!
Don't turn left! Don't turn left!
1119
01:13:24,275 --> 01:13:25,735
- Shh.
- What are you doing?
1120
01:13:25,902 --> 01:13:27,904
Don't turn! Go straight! Hey!
1121
01:13:56,891 --> 01:14:00,437
Package people,
do not unwrap yourselves.
1122
01:14:00,603 --> 01:14:02,856
Do not unwrap yourselves.
1123
01:14:03,314 --> 01:14:05,733
You unwrap yourself,
you are out of my parade.
1124
01:14:06,109 --> 01:14:07,819
Do I make myself clear?
1125
01:14:15,410 --> 01:14:17,287
Hey. Hey.
1126
01:14:17,662 --> 01:14:19,581
- All right.
- What do you think you're doing?
1127
01:14:19,747 --> 01:14:21,791
Hey... buddy.
1128
01:14:27,255 --> 01:14:29,632
I could have swore I parked
that sleigh right here.
1129
01:14:30,049 --> 01:14:33,219
Silent night
1130
01:14:33,720 --> 01:14:37,599
Holy night
1131
01:14:38,558 --> 01:14:42,103
All is calm
1132
01:14:42,562 --> 01:14:46,065
All is bright
1133
01:14:46,232 --> 01:14:50,236
Round yon Virgin
1134
01:14:50,403 --> 01:14:52,572
Mother and child
1135
01:14:55,658 --> 01:14:56,868
Sorry!
1136
01:15:04,792 --> 01:15:07,003
Come on, Jake. You can make it.
1137
01:15:12,717 --> 01:15:15,595
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
1138
01:15:48,169 --> 01:15:49,337
Nice ride.
1139
01:15:49,754 --> 01:15:52,507
Thanks. Just got him back from the shop.
1140
01:15:53,216 --> 01:15:56,219
Elves upgraded his shoes
to the new Firestone radials.
1141
01:15:58,096 --> 01:16:01,599
Not bad. Maybe you should
have thought about snow tires.
1142
01:16:04,894 --> 01:16:07,397
You know, you said even
if Santa showed up on your doorstep
1143
01:16:07,564 --> 01:16:09,357
in a one-horse open sleigh,
1144
01:16:09,524 --> 01:16:11,901
you still wouldn't believe
that I cared about you.
1145
01:16:13,194 --> 01:16:15,363
So I don't expect this to work,
1146
01:16:16,864 --> 01:16:18,449
but I gotta give it a shot.
1147
01:16:18,908 --> 01:16:21,077
I mean, you know I'm not
the real Santa and...
1148
01:16:21,411 --> 01:16:24,706
contrary to all appearances,
this is not a real sleigh.
1149
01:16:28,084 --> 01:16:31,337
But, Allie, for all the times
I've been a genuine jerk,
1150
01:16:33,798 --> 01:16:35,133
this is a real apology,
1151
01:16:36,718 --> 01:16:37,927
if you'll accept it.
1152
01:16:40,805 --> 01:16:41,806
I might.
1153
01:16:45,935 --> 01:16:47,186
And this...
1154
01:16:48,605 --> 01:16:49,897
is a real kiss.
1155
01:17:09,417 --> 01:17:12,378
Come with me to my house.
I have to be there in two minutes.
1156
01:17:12,545 --> 01:17:14,672
- Is this still about the Porsche?
- Just come with me.
1157
01:17:14,922 --> 01:17:17,258
- But I don't want...
- Just trust me.
1158
01:17:18,134 --> 01:17:21,554
Shepherds quake
1159
01:17:21,888 --> 01:17:23,806
- At the...
- Coming through!
1160
01:17:37,779 --> 01:17:40,031
Okay. Let's eat.
1161
01:17:54,212 --> 01:17:55,338
What time is it?
1162
01:17:57,256 --> 01:17:59,550
It's 5:59. You made it.
1163
01:18:00,968 --> 01:18:02,220
Yeah, I guess I did.
1164
01:18:03,596 --> 01:18:05,348
Tell me when it's after 6:00, okay?
1165
01:18:06,265 --> 01:18:07,892
What do you mean? Aren't you going in?
1166
01:18:08,851 --> 01:18:10,395
No. Not yet.
1167
01:18:11,104 --> 01:18:12,980
- But I thought...
- Shh, shh, shh.
1168
01:18:13,564 --> 01:18:16,484
- Just watch.
- Watch what?
1169
01:18:18,403 --> 01:18:19,487
My family.
1170
01:18:41,259 --> 01:18:44,721
Well... guess it's about time
I went home for Christmas.
1171
01:18:46,013 --> 01:18:47,265
Care to join me?
1172
01:18:47,974 --> 01:18:48,975
You bet.
1173
01:18:50,268 --> 01:18:51,269
All right.
1174
01:18:58,526 --> 01:19:00,737
Hey, everybody! Merry Christmas!
1175
01:19:01,612 --> 01:19:03,656
He made it.
1176
01:19:06,826 --> 01:19:08,911
Hey, hey, hey! You made it!
1177
01:19:10,496 --> 01:19:12,290
- I'm glad you're here.
- Me too.
1178
01:19:12,707 --> 01:19:15,168
- Did you have a hard time getting here?
- Piece of cake.
1179
01:19:16,127 --> 01:19:17,628
What's, uh...
1180
01:19:17,795 --> 01:19:20,214
- What's with the Santa suit?
- Long story, Dad.
1181
01:19:20,423 --> 01:19:21,424
- Hey.
1182
01:19:21,591 --> 01:19:22,592
- Hey, Allie.
- Hi.
1183
01:19:22,759 --> 01:19:24,469
Oh, you stink!
1184
01:19:25,136 --> 01:19:27,680
Farting dog, cargo hold. Longer story.
1185
01:19:28,055 --> 01:19:31,350
Well, son... she's yours.
1186
01:19:31,976 --> 01:19:34,562
- But, Dad, I didn't make it home on time.
- Don't be silly.
1187
01:19:34,729 --> 01:19:37,231
- You were just a few seconds late. Here.
- No, a deal's a deal.
1188
01:19:37,982 --> 01:19:40,735
- Besides, she isn't ready yet.
- What do you mean?
1189
01:19:41,611 --> 01:19:44,197
Well, we're not really finished
fixing her up yet, are we?
1190
01:19:44,447 --> 01:19:46,824
I'm sure it's gonna take us
a bunch more Christmases together
1191
01:19:46,991 --> 01:19:48,117
to get all the work done.
1192
01:19:49,368 --> 01:19:50,536
Don't you think?
1193
01:19:51,329 --> 01:19:53,539
Yeah. Thirty or forty, at least.
1194
01:19:56,042 --> 01:19:57,084
Thirty-six.
1195
01:19:58,377 --> 01:19:59,378
Excuse me?
1196
01:19:59,587 --> 01:20:03,090
My sweater size.
I'm a 36 or a medium. Either will work.
1197
01:20:05,092 --> 01:20:08,262
- What's yours?
- Mine?
1198
01:20:09,055 --> 01:20:11,307
Yeah. You know, for future information.
1199
01:20:13,935 --> 01:20:17,313
Eight. Eight.
1200
01:20:18,231 --> 01:20:20,399
I'll remember that.
1201
01:20:21,025 --> 01:20:22,985
What the heck is that?
1202
01:20:23,319 --> 01:20:25,488
- That would be my parade.
- Excuse me?
1203
01:20:25,655 --> 01:20:27,156
- Excuse me?
- Excuse me?
1204
01:20:36,749 --> 01:20:38,668
Hey! Wait a minute!
1205
01:20:39,085 --> 01:20:42,839
That's our sleigh! That's the guy.
1206
01:20:43,548 --> 01:20:46,843
Come on!
1207
01:20:49,011 --> 01:20:51,180
Hey, buddy, you stole our sleigh.
1208
01:20:52,473 --> 01:20:54,433
You're so lucky you're wearing that suit.
1209
01:20:56,227 --> 01:20:58,771
A few days ago I might not
have agreed with you.
1210
01:20:59,105 --> 01:21:01,858
- Nice wings.
- Thanks.
1211
01:21:02,817 --> 01:21:05,403
- Took a sewing class.
- It shows.
1212
01:21:05,778 --> 01:21:07,488
- Peace.
- Okay.
1213
01:21:08,614 --> 01:21:10,575
Come on, Santa. Give me a ride home.
1214
01:21:10,741 --> 01:21:12,410
Let's all go for a ride. Come on.
1215
01:21:12,994 --> 01:21:15,246
Oh, I love it. I've never
been in a sleigh before.
1216
01:21:15,413 --> 01:21:17,164
You better be careful. It's a rental.
1217
01:21:17,331 --> 01:21:18,416
Whoo!
1218
01:21:18,583 --> 01:21:20,167
- Oh, this is great.
- Whoo!
1219
01:21:21,377 --> 01:21:23,713
Let this buggy rip, bro.
1220
01:21:46,068 --> 01:21:50,239
Mmm, merry Christmas
1221
01:21:50,406 --> 01:21:53,075
Happy holidays
1222
01:21:53,242 --> 01:21:55,411
- Merry Christmas
- Yeah
1223
01:21:55,578 --> 01:21:57,914
- Oh, merry Christmas
- Merry Christmas
1224
01:21:58,080 --> 01:22:02,501
- Merry Christmas
- Happy holidays
1225
01:22:04,921 --> 01:22:06,756
Ooh, yeah
1226
01:22:06,923 --> 01:22:12,428
We've been waiting all year for this night
1227
01:22:12,595 --> 01:22:15,932
When the snow is glistening
on the trees outside
1228
01:22:16,098 --> 01:22:21,187
And all the stockings
are hung by the fireside
1229
01:22:22,438 --> 01:22:25,524
Waiting for Santa to arrive
1230
01:22:26,609 --> 01:22:29,195
And all the love will show
1231
01:22:29,362 --> 01:22:31,364
'Cause everybody knows
1232
01:22:31,530 --> 01:22:33,366
It's Christmastime
1233
01:22:33,532 --> 01:22:36,035
And all the kids will see
1234
01:22:36,202 --> 01:22:38,037
The gifts under the tree
1235
01:22:38,204 --> 01:22:40,039
It's the best time of the year
1236
01:22:40,206 --> 01:22:42,541
For the family
1237
01:22:42,708 --> 01:22:44,877
- It's a wonderful feeling
- Hey, hey
1238
01:22:45,044 --> 01:22:48,214
When the love fills the room
from the floor to the ceiling
1239
01:22:48,381 --> 01:22:50,716
It's that time of year
1240
01:22:50,883 --> 01:22:53,052
Christmastime is here
1241
01:22:53,219 --> 01:22:55,221
And with the message from above
1242
01:22:55,388 --> 01:22:57,390
God sends you His love
1243
01:22:57,556 --> 01:22:59,558
And everything's okay
1244
01:22:59,725 --> 01:23:02,561
Merry Christmas, happy holidays
1245
01:23:02,728 --> 01:23:05,231
- Oh, yeah
- Merry Christmas
1246
01:23:05,398 --> 01:23:07,900
- Mmm
- Merry Christmas
1247
01:23:08,067 --> 01:23:11,362
Happy holidays
1248
01:23:12,405 --> 01:23:14,240
Oh, yeah
1249
01:23:14,407 --> 01:23:16,909
Oh, bells are ringing
1250
01:23:17,076 --> 01:23:21,580
- It's time to scream and shout
- Scream and shout
1251
01:23:21,747 --> 01:23:24,583
And everybody's playing
'cause school's out
1252
01:23:24,750 --> 01:23:26,585
Celebrating
1253
01:23:26,752 --> 01:23:30,548
The special times we share
1254
01:23:30,715 --> 01:23:35,219
Happiness 'cause love is in the air
1255
01:23:35,386 --> 01:23:37,722
And all the love will show
1256
01:23:37,888 --> 01:23:39,724
'Cause everybody knows
1257
01:23:39,890 --> 01:23:41,726
It's Christmastime
1258
01:23:41,892 --> 01:23:44,228
And all the kids will see
1259
01:23:44,395 --> 01:23:46,397
- Will see
- Gifts under the tree
1260
01:23:46,564 --> 01:23:48,399
- The tree
- It's the best time of the year
1261
01:23:48,566 --> 01:23:51,569
For the family
1262
01:23:51,736 --> 01:23:53,738
- It's a wonderful feeling
- Wonderful feeling
1263
01:23:53,904 --> 01:23:56,073
When the love fills the room
from the floor to the ceiling
1264
01:23:56,240 --> 01:23:58,242
- Oh, yeah
- It's that time of year
1265
01:23:58,409 --> 01:24:01,078
- That time of year
- Christmastime is here
1266
01:24:01,245 --> 01:24:03,748
- Ooh, yeah
- The message from above
1267
01:24:03,914 --> 01:24:06,083
God sends you His love
1268
01:24:06,250 --> 01:24:08,252
And everything's okay
1269
01:24:08,419 --> 01:24:11,505
Merry Christmas, happy holidays
1270
01:24:12,923 --> 01:24:14,925
- Merry Christmas
- Merry Christmas
1271
01:24:15,092 --> 01:24:16,927
Merry Christmas
1272
01:24:17,094 --> 01:24:20,431
And happy holidays
1273
01:24:20,598 --> 01:24:23,267
- Ooh
- Merry Christmas
1274
01:24:23,434 --> 01:24:25,603
- Oh, yeah
- Merry Christmas
1275
01:24:25,770 --> 01:24:29,190
And happy holidays
1276
01:24:29,356 --> 01:24:32,359
No matter what your holiday
1277
01:24:32,526 --> 01:24:36,864
It's a time to celebrate
1278
01:24:37,031 --> 01:24:39,533
- Put your worries aside
- Worries aside
1279
01:24:39,700 --> 01:24:41,535
- And open up your mind
- Open up your mind
1280
01:24:41,702 --> 01:24:45,206
See the world right by your side
1281
01:24:45,372 --> 01:24:49,043
- It's Christmastime
- Merry Christmas
1282
01:24:49,210 --> 01:24:51,378
- Merry Christmas
- Ooh, yeah, merry Christmas
1283
01:24:51,545 --> 01:24:54,715
- Merry Christmas
- Happy holidays
1284
01:24:54,882 --> 01:24:57,051
- Sing it everybody
- Merry Christmas
1285
01:24:57,218 --> 01:24:59,386
- Come on now
- Merry Christmas
1286
01:24:59,553 --> 01:25:02,056
- Let me hear you, hey
- Merry Christmas
1287
01:25:02,223 --> 01:25:04,725
- And happy holidays
- Happy holidays
1288
01:25:04,892 --> 01:25:06,727
It's a wonderful feeling
1289
01:25:06,894 --> 01:25:08,729
When the love fills the room
from the floor to the ceiling
1290
01:25:08,896 --> 01:25:11,398
- Oh, yeah
- It's that time of year
1291
01:25:11,565 --> 01:25:14,068
- That time of year
- Christmastime is here
1292
01:25:14,235 --> 01:25:17,071
- Ooh, yeah, oh
- The message from above
1293
01:25:17,238 --> 01:25:19,240
- God sends you His love
- Oh, yeah
1294
01:25:19,406 --> 01:25:21,742
- And everything's okay
- Yeah, yeah, yeah
1295
01:25:21,909 --> 01:25:24,411
Merry Christmas, happy holidays
1296
01:25:24,578 --> 01:25:26,747
- Come on now
- Merry Christmas
1297
01:25:26,914 --> 01:25:29,542
- Let me hear you
- Merry Christmas
1298
01:25:29,708 --> 01:25:32,545
And happy holidays
1299
01:25:32,711 --> 01:25:35,047
- Merry Christmas
- Merry Christmas
1300
01:25:35,214 --> 01:25:37,216
- Merry Christmas
- Oh, yeah
1301
01:25:37,383 --> 01:25:39,218
- Merry Christmas
- Yeah, yeah
1302
01:25:39,385 --> 01:25:41,720
And happy holidays
1303
01:25:41,887 --> 01:25:44,056
Merry Christmas
1304
01:25:44,223 --> 01:25:46,225
- Merry Christmas
- Come on now
1305
01:25:46,392 --> 01:25:52,064
- Merry Christmas, happy holidays
- Happy holidays
102582
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