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1
00:02:09,264 --> 00:02:11,824
Roddy! School.
2
00:02:16,944 --> 00:02:17,775
Morning.
3
00:03:00,742 --> 00:03:01,692
Get that would you?
4
00:03:02,982 --> 00:03:06,132
If you're not giving me a lift
I'll have to get another minicab.
5
00:03:09,261 --> 00:03:10,217
Tristesse Books.
6
00:03:12,261 --> 00:03:17,256
I've got 'Wuthering Heights'
with my Year Tens. Hello. Yes?
7
00:03:17,701 --> 00:03:20,660
Tristesse Books? Tom Duval?
8
00:03:21,221 --> 00:03:23,736
Oh, yes, come in. Just down the hall..
9
00:03:52,940 --> 00:03:58,939
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah,
10
00:04:00,819 --> 00:04:06,736
he's a wonderful writer.
Very unremittingly bleak. No,
11
00:04:06,779 --> 00:04:08,896
Tristesse doesn't publish him any more.
12
00:04:08,939 --> 00:04:11,739
Do you know what? He had a
little disagreement with Tom..
13
00:04:16,298 --> 00:04:18,733
Yeah, she's one of
my favourites. Yeah.
14
00:04:19,658 --> 00:04:23,811
Yea, she was long-listed for the Booker,
you know? Right after she was sectioned.
15
00:04:30,458 --> 00:04:33,576
No. She... she left too. Jane Lockhart.
16
00:04:37,338 --> 00:04:38,288
What are you doing?
17
00:04:41,937 --> 00:04:44,336
I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to...
18
00:04:44,337 --> 00:04:46,010
I was just touching it.
19
00:04:47,617 --> 00:04:51,816
Not like 'touching' it, that's like
molesting. Like I'm some kind of pervert.
20
00:04:54,857 --> 00:04:55,847
Which I'm not.
21
00:04:57,257 --> 00:05:02,332
So, Young European Publisher of the
Year, Runner Up? That's really impressive.
22
00:05:03,656 --> 00:05:05,156
I have a swimming certificate.
23
00:05:08,336 --> 00:05:09,406
Who the hell are you?
24
00:05:10,336 --> 00:05:11,133
Jane Lockhart.
25
00:05:12,976 --> 00:05:15,126
I wrote 'The Endless Anguish of My Father'.
26
00:05:16,256 --> 00:05:19,613
Ah. Yes.
27
00:05:20,696 --> 00:05:21,493
Follow me.
28
00:05:28,215 --> 00:05:31,094
I'm busy, so I'll keep this
brief. I read your novel.
29
00:05:31,095 --> 00:05:33,246
I'm afraid it needs work. A lot of work.
30
00:05:33,895 --> 00:05:35,045
Please. Sit down.
31
00:05:35,895 --> 00:05:38,694
But it has potential,
so I'm going to publish it.
32
00:05:40,375 --> 00:05:43,734
I'm offering you a two-book deal.
It's going mean a lot of rewriting...
33
00:05:43,735 --> 00:05:46,694
...definitely a new title
- and neither of us will get rich...
34
00:05:46,695 --> 00:05:50,013
...but I think you have it in you
to be a writer and, unfashionable...
35
00:05:50,014 --> 00:05:53,514
...as it may seem, that's what I
came here to find. I believe you are..
36
00:05:59,134 --> 00:05:59,965
...crying.
37
00:06:00,054 --> 00:06:00,851
Sorry.
38
00:06:02,054 --> 00:06:04,444
I didn't mean to start...
39
00:06:05,214 --> 00:06:11,214
It's just, it's been so long. So
many rejections and I have a board...
40
00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:12,250
You have a board?
41
00:06:12,293 --> 00:06:15,650
Of rejection letters.
I call it my Board of Pain.
42
00:06:16,893 --> 00:06:18,393
Well that's completely normal.
43
00:06:18,773 --> 00:06:19,650
It is?
44
00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:23,412
I'm sorry. He was like this at university.
Everywhere he went crying women.
45
00:06:23,413 --> 00:06:26,133
You lot are supposed to be
charming. Charmant, n'est-ce pas?
46
00:06:26,173 --> 00:06:30,273
- I told you, never speak in French to me.
- Don't you dare. - No, no, no really...
47
00:06:31,053 --> 00:06:36,446
I've never been so happy in all my life.
48
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:14,083
Jane. There is no need to be nervous.
49
00:07:14,531 --> 00:07:20,531
Nervous? Me? No. No. No. I'm not nervous.
Not me. Okay, a little bit nervous.
50
00:07:22,570 --> 00:07:23,447
You'll be fine.
51
00:07:24,290 --> 00:07:27,689
Sorry it's just usually I need
a run-up before I start editing.
52
00:07:27,690 --> 00:07:29,807
Like tea. A walk. Regret in the shower.
53
00:07:30,090 --> 00:07:31,240
Or we could just begin.
54
00:07:33,290 --> 00:07:36,567
Okay. Okay, yes.
So where do you want to begin?
55
00:07:36,770 --> 00:07:39,570
Well, call me crazy,
but we could start at the beginning.
56
00:07:40,090 --> 00:07:44,527
Yeah. Okay, yeah. Crazy Frenchman.
57
00:07:44,689 --> 00:07:45,520
What?
58
00:07:47,089 --> 00:07:48,125
I don't know. Great.
59
00:07:49,609 --> 00:07:50,440
So you're in a good mood.
60
00:07:50,649 --> 00:07:51,844
I'm always in a good mood.
61
00:07:51,889 --> 00:07:53,039
- No you're not.
- Yes I am.
62
00:07:53,089 --> 00:07:54,489
- Are you?
- Yes.
63
00:07:54,609 --> 00:07:55,440
Oh.
64
00:09:33,525 --> 00:09:36,165
Well, actually I'm
reading it right now...
65
00:09:37,525 --> 00:09:41,625
"I shut my eyes and sank into the water
letting it caress over my face and hair..."
66
00:09:43,844 --> 00:09:45,883
I was just, you know, passing,
and thought it might...
67
00:09:45,884 --> 00:09:48,784
...have come back from the
printer's and it actually has...
68
00:09:54,964 --> 00:09:57,718
"Beneath my feet I felt crumbled pages.."
69
00:10:01,084 --> 00:10:02,134
I don't believe this.
70
00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:03,753
I'll call you back.
71
00:10:04,123 --> 00:10:06,002
'Happy Ending'? 'Happy Ending'!?
72
00:10:06,003 --> 00:10:09,122
What happened to 'The
Endless Anguish of My Father'?
73
00:10:09,123 --> 00:10:14,039
What happened? You know how important this
stuff is. You changed my title! To that?
74
00:10:14,203 --> 00:10:17,594
I told you. The very first
time we met. I said it must go.
75
00:10:17,643 --> 00:10:18,997
Yes but we never discussed it.
76
00:10:19,083 --> 00:10:20,683
I knew how you'd react, darling.
77
00:10:22,843 --> 00:10:25,835
Oi, careful. That's my
Young Publisher of the Year award.
78
00:10:26,442 --> 00:10:27,273
Runner-up!
79
00:10:31,002 --> 00:10:32,118
What's wrong with you?
80
00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:33,713
Who are you?
81
00:10:34,562 --> 00:10:35,439
What?
82
00:10:35,522 --> 00:10:38,372
All that time we spent
together working on the manuscript.
83
00:10:40,082 --> 00:10:42,551
No-one's ever got me the way you...
84
00:10:51,281 --> 00:10:52,158
I don't know you.
85
00:10:57,081 --> 00:11:01,280
Look, it was a terrible
title and I changed it.
86
00:11:01,281 --> 00:11:04,399
What's done is done. Let's move on.
87
00:11:05,121 --> 00:11:06,396
How can it be so easy for you?
88
00:11:06,521 --> 00:11:10,200
Perhaps because I am not a
moderately talented writer whose...
89
00:11:10,201 --> 00:11:14,558
...loser dad left her with an inability
to stop worshipping her own pain.
90
00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:17,989
Come, sit down. Let's
talk about the launch.
91
00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:20,477
You know what?
92
00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:24,630
Our deal is one more book.
And then what's done is done.
93
00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:27,150
Let's move on.
94
00:11:43,759 --> 00:11:46,513
'Most childhood summers
are long and blue.
95
00:11:47,879 --> 00:11:51,479
Mine wasn't like that. And certainly
not the summer when mam got sick...'
96
00:12:06,478 --> 00:12:08,757
She'd taken me to Woolworths
to choose my birthday present...
97
00:12:08,758 --> 00:12:11,077
...and it wouldn't be like last
year when dad just slipped the...
98
00:12:11,078 --> 00:12:14,478
...Barbie under his coat and walked
right out of the door with it...'
99
00:12:25,797 --> 00:12:27,097
Thank you for coming down.
100
00:12:27,757 --> 00:12:29,749
One more. There you are.
101
00:12:33,077 --> 00:12:35,273
And this is to...?
102
00:13:16,555 --> 00:13:21,194
It's great to be here to
present this award for...
103
00:13:21,195 --> 00:13:27,195
...Best New Writer to an outstanding
debut. 'Happy Ending'. Jane Lockhart.
104
00:13:40,754 --> 00:13:41,710
Congratulations.
105
00:13:41,914 --> 00:13:42,791
Thank you.
106
00:13:45,514 --> 00:13:49,303
What we have here, is a real writer.
107
00:13:50,314 --> 00:13:55,104
Someone who can go to some pretty
dark places. But I get it, Jane.
108
00:13:55,153 --> 00:13:59,952
Writers. We both understand what
it is to face El Toro Blanco...
109
00:13:59,953 --> 00:14:03,912
...the terror of the
white bull, the blank page.
110
00:14:03,913 --> 00:14:07,873
And every day we face
it. Together. Right, Jane?
111
00:14:09,673 --> 00:14:12,711
Ladies and Gentlemen, Jane Lockhart.
112
00:14:22,792 --> 00:14:23,589
Thank you.
113
00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:36,866
Yeah?
114
00:15:37,109 --> 00:15:38,228
I'm starting the final chapter.
115
00:15:38,229 --> 00:15:40,061
You'll have the manuscript
by the end of the week.
116
00:15:40,349 --> 00:15:41,465
About bloody time.
117
00:15:41,509 --> 00:15:43,868
Ah Tom, as ever my
little ray of sunshine.
118
00:15:43,869 --> 00:15:46,464
Well, moan all you like,
I've never been this-
119
00:15:47,029 --> 00:15:47,860
Annoying?
120
00:15:48,069 --> 00:15:51,266
Happy. You bastard. Happy.
121
00:15:51,308 --> 00:15:54,460
So, one more chapter...
122
00:15:54,668 --> 00:15:57,168
- Yes.
- And we never have to see each other again.
123
00:15:58,108 --> 00:15:58,939
Yes.
124
00:15:59,188 --> 00:16:02,864
Better get writing then. A bientot, Jane.
125
00:16:03,188 --> 00:16:04,258
Au revoir, Tom.
126
00:17:07,225 --> 00:17:09,376
Willie. I'm off out for a bit.
127
00:17:09,785 --> 00:17:10,582
Sure.
128
00:17:16,745 --> 00:17:18,099
Just look at the chapter..
129
00:17:20,425 --> 00:17:22,783
Listen, I don't care what you think.
130
00:17:22,784 --> 00:17:27,222
I'm telling you, this is not an
opening chapter. It's an Ice Age.
131
00:17:29,264 --> 00:17:31,183
You can't talk to me like that.
132
00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:35,781
I was voted one of Scotland's foremost
novelists under the age of thirty.
133
00:17:40,904 --> 00:17:44,342
And that's why I won't
allow this piece of crap...
134
00:17:44,343 --> 00:17:47,142
...to be published with your name on it.
135
00:17:49,143 --> 00:17:50,782
You have my notes. Fix it.
136
00:17:56,823 --> 00:17:58,773
Bye then Nicola. See you at the launch.
137
00:18:00,823 --> 00:18:04,897
If you try to make me cry,
I'll inform Inland Revenue about your yacht.
138
00:18:21,102 --> 00:18:21,899
Hi.
139
00:18:22,782 --> 00:18:23,659
Hi.
140
00:18:33,301 --> 00:18:37,001
If we have to talk figures, can you do
that thing where you use vegetables?
141
00:18:37,101 --> 00:18:38,694
Imagine this tomato is my cashflow.
142
00:18:38,741 --> 00:18:40,733
How many new writers have you
thrown money at this year?
143
00:18:41,181 --> 00:18:45,778
I only throw money at good writers.
Good Scottish writers. I'm very patriotic.
144
00:18:46,021 --> 00:18:47,221
And what does it matter?
145
00:18:47,621 --> 00:18:50,971
One hit pays for all the rest. And
I have a bestseller in the wings.
146
00:18:50,981 --> 00:18:53,859
Jane Lockhart. Yes.
So how's the new book shaping up?
147
00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:55,254
I have no idea.
148
00:18:55,780 --> 00:18:58,180
She won't let me read a
word until it's finished.
149
00:18:59,420 --> 00:19:02,094
Relax. It'll be just like the first one.
150
00:19:02,780 --> 00:19:04,630
I read that she was moving publisher.
151
00:19:05,340 --> 00:19:07,536
Klinsch & McLeish - with the
red and white covers? That's big time.
152
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:11,019
Klinsch & McLeish. You know
what they're called in the trade?
153
00:19:11,020 --> 00:19:13,899
Clench and Release. They're
not right for my Jane.
154
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:18,499
- For Jane.
- So talk to her. Persuade her to stay.
155
00:19:18,539 --> 00:19:20,258
But I don't want her to stay.
156
00:19:21,339 --> 00:19:23,979
After she delivers her new
novel, I want her to go. Far away.
157
00:19:24,019 --> 00:19:28,172
Oh for God's sake, Tom, Tristesse Books
is on the verge of compulsory liquidation.
158
00:19:29,579 --> 00:19:31,616
And, I've had an offer.
159
00:19:31,859 --> 00:19:33,259
Well you're a very attractive...
160
00:19:33,299 --> 00:19:34,096
Shut up.
161
00:19:36,139 --> 00:19:37,489
They want to invest in you.
162
00:19:42,018 --> 00:19:43,617
I don't need Pandemic Media.
163
00:19:43,618 --> 00:19:47,134
I have Jane Lockhart and this
time she's going all the way.
164
00:19:47,178 --> 00:19:50,057
Are you sure? Because
if she doesn't deliver...
165
00:19:51,058 --> 00:19:52,808
...your tomatoes look like ketchup.
166
00:19:53,298 --> 00:19:56,297
She'll deliver. She may be a
miserable pain in the arse...
167
00:19:56,298 --> 00:19:59,177
...but when she's writing,
she's like a guided missile.
168
00:20:08,537 --> 00:20:09,368
Tea-spoon?
169
00:20:16,897 --> 00:20:19,207
Willie? Willie, will you get that?
170
00:20:21,217 --> 00:20:22,014
Willie.
171
00:20:33,976 --> 00:20:34,807
Hello?
172
00:20:34,856 --> 00:20:36,756
Thursday or Friday for the manuscript?
173
00:20:37,376 --> 00:20:38,571
Grease-proof paper.
174
00:20:43,336 --> 00:20:44,215
I just want to check.
175
00:20:44,216 --> 00:20:46,416
You're certain it will
be finished next week?
176
00:20:46,656 --> 00:20:48,206
I told you, one more chapter...
177
00:20:49,255 --> 00:20:50,205
What are you doing?
178
00:20:52,175 --> 00:20:53,006
Nothing.
179
00:20:53,095 --> 00:20:53,892
Are you baking?
180
00:21:10,335 --> 00:21:16,334
Oh my God, she's baking.
She only bakes when she's blocked.
181
00:21:21,654 --> 00:21:23,486
Largest planet in the solar system?
182
00:21:23,974 --> 00:21:24,851
Jupiter.
183
00:21:25,094 --> 00:21:26,453
Who did Ali beat to become...
184
00:21:26,454 --> 00:21:28,854
...World Heavyweight
Champion for the first time?
185
00:21:29,334 --> 00:21:33,248
Sonny Liston. Come on, the quiz is gonna
be harder than this. Get serious.
186
00:21:34,094 --> 00:21:36,289
Who was Shakespeare's wife?
187
00:21:38,773 --> 00:21:39,650
Hi dad.
188
00:21:40,173 --> 00:21:41,209
Darling.
189
00:21:44,693 --> 00:21:46,043
Who was Shakespeare's wife?
190
00:21:46,493 --> 00:21:47,529
Anne Hathaway.
191
00:21:47,773 --> 00:21:51,212
And at the end of the third round,
the leaders are Benny Lockhart...
192
00:21:51,213 --> 00:21:55,366
...and his Jets with twenty-two points.
Join us for the second half in ten minutes.
193
00:22:01,012 --> 00:22:01,809
Monsieur L.
194
00:22:01,892 --> 00:22:02,723
Ah Tom.
195
00:22:04,332 --> 00:22:05,322
Good to see you again.
196
00:22:05,372 --> 00:22:06,522
- Good to see you.
- How are you?
197
00:22:06,572 --> 00:22:07,801
Aye, good. Where you been hiding?
198
00:22:08,012 --> 00:22:09,207
From your daughter mostly.
199
00:22:09,252 --> 00:22:12,011
Oh I understand that. Never
talked to me for years...
200
00:22:12,012 --> 00:22:14,368
...but for good reason.
Hey, what you having?
201
00:22:14,412 --> 00:22:16,449
Nothing. He's not staying.
202
00:22:17,052 --> 00:22:17,929
Come on Jane.
203
00:22:19,052 --> 00:22:20,168
What are you doing here?
204
00:22:20,252 --> 00:22:22,330
My favourite author is being adapted...
205
00:22:22,331 --> 00:22:25,449
...by Scotland's most talented
screenwriter. Will Scott.
206
00:22:26,411 --> 00:22:29,609
Huge fan. Naturally I want
to know how he's getting on.
207
00:22:30,691 --> 00:22:33,610
Well, I mean I may not be
the most talented but...
208
00:22:33,611 --> 00:22:35,603
...who else are you going to pick?
209
00:22:41,611 --> 00:22:42,511
Where is my novel?
210
00:22:42,531 --> 00:22:43,410
I'm working on it.
211
00:22:43,411 --> 00:22:45,481
So you're not suffering
from El Torro Blanco?
212
00:22:45,610 --> 00:22:46,487
The what?
213
00:22:46,570 --> 00:22:48,527
- So you're not b-I-o-c-k-e-d?
- Why are you spelling it?
214
00:22:48,570 --> 00:22:51,802
It's nothing to be ashamed of and there
are plenty of strategies to overcome it.
215
00:22:51,850 --> 00:22:52,650
I'm not blocked.
216
00:22:52,730 --> 00:22:54,608
- For instance, stimulants and narcotics.
- I'm not blocked.
217
00:22:54,650 --> 00:22:57,085
For a while there, Hunter
S Thompson was permanently unblocked.
218
00:22:57,130 --> 00:22:57,961
I'm not blocked.
219
00:22:58,010 --> 00:23:01,809
Until you deliver that manuscript
you're still under contract to me.
220
00:23:01,810 --> 00:23:05,804
So, whatever's going on, snap out
of it and get writing. 'Bye, Jane.
221
00:23:08,369 --> 00:23:09,166
'Bye Jane.
222
00:23:10,009 --> 00:23:11,409
Oh, he's not gone, has he?
223
00:23:12,929 --> 00:23:14,283
We never got the chance to
talk about my screenplay.
224
00:23:15,289 --> 00:23:16,086
Hi.
225
00:23:16,169 --> 00:23:21,244
The French really appreciate my work,
you know. Connoisseurs de Cinema. Oh aye.
226
00:23:21,929 --> 00:23:25,001
We should have him
over for dinner. Your wine.
227
00:23:25,449 --> 00:23:26,326
Bathroom.
228
00:23:33,008 --> 00:23:36,399
I know you, don't I? Where was it we met?
229
00:23:38,048 --> 00:23:40,207
Chapter Two. I'm in the
opening chapter of course...
230
00:23:40,208 --> 00:23:43,458
...but I'd say you only really
get to know me from Chapter Two on.
231
00:23:47,728 --> 00:23:48,605
Darsie?
232
00:23:50,848 --> 00:23:51,748
What do you think?
233
00:23:51,768 --> 00:23:53,088
I think I'm talking to my protagonist.
234
00:23:53,128 --> 00:23:54,004
I prefer heroine.
235
00:23:55,367 --> 00:23:56,567
What are you doing here?
236
00:23:57,567 --> 00:23:59,206
It's a very intense narrative.
237
00:23:59,207 --> 00:24:03,520
I personally have suffered a broken
engagement and two bereavements, so far.
238
00:24:03,567 --> 00:24:04,967
Yes, I know. Sorry.
239
00:24:05,127 --> 00:24:06,726
Oh no, please don't apologise.
240
00:24:06,727 --> 00:24:09,959
I think it's going to make me
a stronger person in the end.
241
00:24:10,367 --> 00:24:14,566
The end? Yes, so you're
going to go back and finish it?
242
00:24:16,686 --> 00:24:19,805
I can't do that, not without you.
243
00:24:19,806 --> 00:24:25,120
Why can't you finish it,
Jane? What are you afraid of?
244
00:24:43,445 --> 00:24:45,095
Get a hold of yourself, will you.
245
00:24:47,085 --> 00:24:49,805
Gets me every time. Three times now.
246
00:24:52,445 --> 00:24:53,515
It's that ending...
247
00:24:54,125 --> 00:24:56,725
Don't talk to me about damn
endings. Do your marking.
248
00:24:56,845 --> 00:24:59,405
Okay. It's silly.
249
00:25:03,084 --> 00:25:04,404
Oh, Jane says hi.
250
00:25:07,484 --> 00:25:08,520
That poor lassie.
251
00:25:10,324 --> 00:25:12,316
She must have lead such a
shocking life to write like that.
252
00:25:12,564 --> 00:25:13,564
What are you saying?
253
00:25:13,764 --> 00:25:19,203
Ah well, the lonely page,
the endless introspection...
254
00:25:19,284 --> 00:25:22,523
...the mind plagued by funky thoughts.
255
00:25:22,524 --> 00:25:27,279
It's how writers tick, isn't
it? No misery, no poetry.
256
00:25:39,323 --> 00:25:40,200
Yeah?
257
00:25:40,243 --> 00:25:41,359
Did you speak to Jane Lockhart?
258
00:25:41,563 --> 00:25:45,796
Yes, she's happy. Very happy. Happier
than she's ever been, apparently.
259
00:25:46,603 --> 00:25:47,514
And the novel?
260
00:25:52,482 --> 00:25:55,316
Tom? Hello? You still there?
261
00:25:58,922 --> 00:25:59,753
Tom?
262
00:26:08,402 --> 00:26:12,032
I have a problem I believe may
be suited to your particular talents.
263
00:26:12,561 --> 00:26:14,757
Let's say...
264
00:26:16,161 --> 00:26:17,361
...a miserable writer...
265
00:26:17,841 --> 00:26:21,720
...through the supreme efforts of her
publisher and her own meagre talent...
266
00:26:21,721 --> 00:26:24,316
...becomes successful and
happy. Are you listening?
267
00:26:25,041 --> 00:26:25,872
Hello, sir.
268
00:26:26,361 --> 00:26:27,795
Amber. Roxanne.
269
00:26:27,841 --> 00:26:29,355
Out on a school night, sir?
270
00:26:29,761 --> 00:26:31,011
This your boyfriend, sir?
271
00:26:34,561 --> 00:26:37,120
Say nothing, just keep very still.
You don't want to antagonise them.
272
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:38,660
Can we get back to my problem?
273
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:42,469
Okay. Yeah, miserable writer becomes
successful and happy. I get it. And?
274
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:47,638
And being happy she is unable to
finish her latest miserable novel.
275
00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:52,639
So, in order to help her, the selfless
publisher embarks on a course of action...
276
00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:54,919
...to return her to the
fragile mental state...
277
00:26:54,920 --> 00:26:57,370
...in which she wrote her
highly profitable debut.
278
00:26:59,039 --> 00:27:03,039
You want to make Jane Lockhart's life a
misery so she'll finish writing her book?
279
00:27:03,399 --> 00:27:06,039
That is seriously messed up. Do
they teach you this stuff in France?
280
00:27:06,079 --> 00:27:07,479
We study a broad curriculum.
281
00:27:07,799 --> 00:27:11,679
So, how do we make someone
completely totally miserable?
282
00:27:12,559 --> 00:27:13,834
Why are you asking me?
283
00:27:14,839 --> 00:27:17,638
I've dedicated the last ten years
to encouraging young minds...
284
00:27:17,639 --> 00:27:19,238
...planting hope and aspiration...
285
00:27:19,239 --> 00:27:22,839
Benson, put it away! Stand in the
corner! Face to the wall! Little shite.
286
00:27:25,718 --> 00:27:28,168
Okay, maybe I have some
experience in the field...
287
00:27:28,598 --> 00:27:33,070
The trick is not simply to upset her.
You have to get her in the right mood.
288
00:27:33,358 --> 00:27:36,477
It's a special kind of
misery you want. Melancholy.
289
00:27:36,478 --> 00:27:40,397
That dull sense of dissociation
and alienation that's the source...
290
00:27:40,398 --> 00:27:44,676
...of every artist's creativity. It's
like drain unblocker for novelists.
291
00:27:46,957 --> 00:27:51,356
Keats. John Keats. You're
plan involves actually poetry?
292
00:27:51,357 --> 00:27:55,112
I think by definition
that makes it a shit plan.
293
00:27:59,597 --> 00:28:05,070
Alright, settle down you lot,
settle down. William Wordsworth.
294
00:28:06,717 --> 00:28:11,836
Wordsworth was, of course, the first
of the Romantics to use a MacBook Pro...
295
00:28:43,275 --> 00:28:45,392
Careful. You're going to kill that thing.
296
00:28:55,594 --> 00:28:57,944
You know, it was a birthday
present from my dad.
297
00:28:59,914 --> 00:29:01,633
He showed up out of the
blue with a card and...
298
00:29:01,874 --> 00:29:06,505
...a baby money plant and
he said, "I owe you darlin'.
299
00:29:07,794 --> 00:29:09,387
I owe you the world."
300
00:29:11,394 --> 00:29:12,305
And then...
301
00:29:13,794 --> 00:29:14,894
...and then he left...
302
00:29:16,194 --> 00:29:18,344
...and I didn't see
him again for six years.
303
00:29:20,833 --> 00:29:22,745
How many 'p's in 'deprivation'?
304
00:29:28,073 --> 00:29:28,904
Just one.
305
00:29:29,793 --> 00:29:30,624
One.
306
00:29:36,393 --> 00:29:40,306
Coffee cake. That was your mum's favourite.
307
00:29:40,592 --> 00:29:41,469
I know.
308
00:29:42,992 --> 00:29:45,666
Your mum was a big fan of cake in general.
309
00:29:47,432 --> 00:29:49,382
She always made a cake for my birthday.
310
00:29:49,712 --> 00:29:50,509
Aye.
311
00:29:53,512 --> 00:29:55,162
D'you remember when you were six?
312
00:29:56,192 --> 00:30:01,111
Your mum and I took you to Edinburgh zoo
and the monkeys threw rotten fruit at us.
313
00:30:01,112 --> 00:30:04,390
I slipped on a bit. Fractured
my foot in three places.
314
00:30:04,391 --> 00:30:07,463
Those monkeys were laughing
at us. Do you remember?
315
00:30:07,511 --> 00:30:09,104
Yeah. I remember.
316
00:30:13,591 --> 00:30:17,028
That's in your book, isn't it?
'Happy Thing'.
317
00:30:18,231 --> 00:30:20,270
'Ending'. It's called 'Happy Ending'.
318
00:30:20,271 --> 00:30:23,710
And, yes, the main character
does go to the zoo with her dad...
319
00:30:23,711 --> 00:30:27,101
...but he's not you, and they're
not monkeys, they're penguins.
320
00:30:29,230 --> 00:30:30,869
Do penguins throw fruit?
321
00:30:32,830 --> 00:30:36,580
It's different. It's a story, not real life.
You know, they're not the same.
322
00:30:38,230 --> 00:30:41,462
Whatever you say. Damn monkeys.
323
00:30:45,270 --> 00:30:46,260
How's the new book doing?
324
00:30:46,470 --> 00:30:47,301
Oh it's cooking.
325
00:30:48,870 --> 00:30:49,746
And Tommy?
326
00:30:50,549 --> 00:30:53,988
Don't call him Tommy. His name is
Thomas Duval. He's from Saint-Tropez.
327
00:30:53,989 --> 00:30:55,748
A place they named a fake tan after.
328
00:30:55,749 --> 00:30:58,628
You call him Tommy you make
him sound like he's from here.
329
00:30:58,629 --> 00:31:01,828
Like he's... normal. With his
'ouiii' and his stupid stubbly face.
330
00:31:01,829 --> 00:31:03,729
See a lot of Thomas Duvals round here?
331
00:31:03,989 --> 00:31:06,889
There was a Jean-Claude Darcheville,
he played for Rangers.
332
00:31:07,509 --> 00:31:11,548
Anyway, forget about Tom. I'm about to
sign with a new publisher. Klinsch & McLeish
333
00:31:11,549 --> 00:31:13,399
y'know with the red and white covers?
334
00:31:14,348 --> 00:31:15,941
I liked him. I liked Tom.
335
00:31:16,188 --> 00:31:16,985
Dad.
336
00:31:17,068 --> 00:31:21,168
I mean, nobody else wanted your wee book,
did they? I mean, he showed faith in you.
337
00:31:21,668 --> 00:31:24,900
No, he showed faith in my book.
You know he changed my original title?
338
00:31:25,108 --> 00:31:26,098
- Did he?
- Yes.
339
00:31:26,148 --> 00:31:28,299
Was it a good title?
That's not the point.
340
00:31:28,348 --> 00:31:30,348
What was it?
What was the original title?
341
00:31:30,628 --> 00:31:32,699
Uh.. nothing. Nothing. It doesn't matter.
342
00:31:33,188 --> 00:31:35,866
Oh tell me. I mean I
like that kind of stuff.
343
00:31:35,867 --> 00:31:40,225
You know, stuff that other people
don't know. Makes me feel closer to you.
344
00:31:41,587 --> 00:31:46,901
Okay. But.. okay. I was going to call it...
'The Endless Anguish of My Father'.
345
00:31:50,907 --> 00:31:55,706
For fuck's sake! 'The
Endless Anguish of My Father'.
346
00:31:55,707 --> 00:31:58,858
I knew it was about me, I knew it.
347
00:31:59,666 --> 00:32:02,166
No, it's not about you.
It's a character I made up.
348
00:32:02,226 --> 00:32:04,985
People at work looked at me
differently when it came out.
349
00:32:04,986 --> 00:32:06,886
I knew it. I'm away back to the depot.
350
00:32:07,026 --> 00:32:09,785
No, you never read it.
You're not allowed to be...
351
00:32:09,786 --> 00:32:12,545
...hurt until you've
actually read the damn thing!
352
00:32:12,546 --> 00:32:15,903
D'you not think I'm hurt my
own dad hasn't read my novel?
353
00:32:18,106 --> 00:32:22,463
I will read it. I'll read just as soon
as I get over my 'anguish'.
354
00:32:26,265 --> 00:32:27,062
Dad?
355
00:32:41,625 --> 00:32:43,105
Target acquired. Over.
356
00:32:43,785 --> 00:32:47,623
It's a pot plant, Roddy.
Not a North Korean reactor.
357
00:32:47,624 --> 00:32:50,776
Just warn me if either
of them comes back.
358
00:32:50,944 --> 00:32:52,844
Roger that. Understood loud and clear.
359
00:32:53,864 --> 00:32:55,378
That is a solid copy.
360
00:33:03,984 --> 00:33:07,421
Right. Time for some low-level unhappiness.
361
00:33:19,703 --> 00:33:20,693
'Twilight Sad'.
362
00:33:29,063 --> 00:33:30,313
Hey Roddy, are you there?
363
00:33:49,702 --> 00:33:54,139
Maverick to Iceman, we are Oscar Mike.
364
00:33:57,181 --> 00:33:58,979
Five klicks from extraction point.
365
00:34:01,621 --> 00:34:03,977
We have a clean visual... bollocks.
366
00:34:04,021 --> 00:34:05,899
Err, Tom? Tom? She's back.
367
00:34:07,341 --> 00:34:08,138
What?
368
00:34:08,221 --> 00:34:09,571
She's coming up the stairs.
369
00:34:09,821 --> 00:34:10,618
Shit.
370
00:34:11,621 --> 00:34:14,534
Damn it, man. Get out of there.
Abort! Abort!
371
00:35:08,298 --> 00:35:11,448
Oh that's horrible. She's really upset.
I'm not looking at that.
372
00:35:15,178 --> 00:35:17,773
Yes. Ow. What was that for?
373
00:35:19,658 --> 00:35:21,158
You're enjoying this too much.
374
00:35:21,578 --> 00:35:23,331
It's for her own good.
375
00:35:25,698 --> 00:35:27,998
And it's not as if I
actually killed her plant.
376
00:36:23,175 --> 00:36:25,531
- So what do you think?
- I think this is the end of Les Miserables.
377
00:36:25,575 --> 00:36:27,625
Yes. You should write
something like that.
378
00:36:27,655 --> 00:36:29,694
Oh, yes, thank you. Great suggestion.
379
00:36:29,695 --> 00:36:32,734
Bit French? People dying
of consumption and all that?
380
00:36:32,735 --> 00:36:36,614
I'm a bit more Urban Scotland.
Primal Scream. Unhappy 90's childhood.
381
00:36:36,654 --> 00:36:38,454
- Sorry?
- She wasn't talking to you.
382
00:36:40,174 --> 00:36:41,374
I wasn't talking to you.
383
00:36:49,054 --> 00:36:50,454
- Willie?
- Hmm?
384
00:36:52,294 --> 00:36:55,492
Do your characters ever... talk to you?
385
00:36:56,534 --> 00:37:01,767
Sure. All the time. That's why I've
got this. Drowns out the bastards.
386
00:37:02,453 --> 00:37:06,083
See, when I'm writing, I like
to hear the one voice. Mine.
387
00:37:06,413 --> 00:37:08,564
Charming. Quite the hero.
388
00:37:10,253 --> 00:37:11,209
You still blocked?
389
00:37:32,972 --> 00:37:34,850
101 Ways to Beat Writer's Block?
390
00:37:38,172 --> 00:37:39,472
Beat Your Block To A Pulp?
391
00:37:44,332 --> 00:37:46,243
What Would Jesus Write? Seriously?
392
00:37:47,491 --> 00:37:48,810
Okay. Okay, so what's the deal?
393
00:37:48,811 --> 00:37:51,121
Are you going to stalk me
until you finish my novel?
394
00:37:51,331 --> 00:37:54,483
Yes, I believe that's how it works.
Now, can we talk about the last chapter?
395
00:37:54,771 --> 00:37:55,602
What about it?
396
00:37:56,051 --> 00:37:58,751
I'm a romantic heroine.
I don't want to end up unhappy.
397
00:37:58,851 --> 00:38:01,250
It's not that easy. You don't
really get to choose your ending.
398
00:38:01,251 --> 00:38:03,686
It has to follow from what came
before, or it doesn't feel true.
399
00:38:03,971 --> 00:38:09,970
Please. I want it all to turn out okay.
Jane, don't let us down, darling...
400
00:38:10,090 --> 00:38:10,887
Jane Lockhart?
401
00:38:12,210 --> 00:38:15,969
I thought it was you. Shona
Heywood, proprietor of Mocha Books.
402
00:38:15,970 --> 00:38:21,204
Can I just say it's such a pleasure to meet
the woman who helped pay for my new kitchen.
403
00:38:23,570 --> 00:38:25,050
It is, it's her. It's her.
404
00:38:26,130 --> 00:38:30,920
I just loved 'Happy Ending'. It's so sad.
405
00:38:30,969 --> 00:38:32,369
I can't wait for your next one.
406
00:38:32,409 --> 00:38:33,559
- What's it called?
- Is it finished yet?
407
00:38:34,049 --> 00:38:35,403
Well, it's going to be, err...
408
00:38:35,489 --> 00:38:38,288
It must be difficult. I
mean, so much to live up to.
409
00:38:38,289 --> 00:38:42,124
How do you come back after the
extraordinary success of 'Happy Ending'?
410
00:38:45,169 --> 00:38:46,848
We are interrupting the muse.
411
00:38:46,849 --> 00:38:49,608
I'm sure you're eager
to get back to the page.
412
00:38:49,609 --> 00:38:50,440
Oh yes.
413
00:38:50,529 --> 00:38:52,529
And I have my eye on
a gorgeous bathroom.
414
00:38:54,688 --> 00:38:56,447
Please, take that, with my compliments.
415
00:38:56,448 --> 00:38:58,898
- I just need to run that through the till..
- No!
416
00:39:00,808 --> 00:39:01,685
Blocked?
417
00:39:29,607 --> 00:39:30,484
Dad.
418
00:39:31,567 --> 00:39:32,444
Come in.
419
00:39:32,847 --> 00:39:34,147
I was just making strudel.
420
00:39:35,127 --> 00:39:37,278
I can't stay anyway. Err...
421
00:39:39,087 --> 00:39:40,237
I just wanted to say...
422
00:39:43,486 --> 00:39:47,446
I had it in my head,
what I was going to say.
423
00:39:48,966 --> 00:39:51,116
I don't suppose you're
ever stuck for words.
424
00:39:53,606 --> 00:39:57,839
Listen. We don't really know each other.
425
00:39:58,606 --> 00:40:01,565
And I would like to get to know you.
426
00:40:01,566 --> 00:40:04,364
And I'm making a mess of it again.
427
00:40:05,325 --> 00:40:07,237
The other day, in the cemetery...
428
00:40:09,205 --> 00:40:13,404
I was out of order. I was and I'm sorry.
429
00:40:13,405 --> 00:40:18,116
I'm really sorry
darlin'. Right, that's it.
430
00:40:18,165 --> 00:40:21,164
I've said it and, err,
I'm going to go and meet...
431
00:40:21,165 --> 00:40:24,397
...the boys for quiz practice.
I'm off, okay. I'm off.
432
00:40:25,445 --> 00:40:26,275
Dad?
433
00:40:32,164 --> 00:40:38,164
It's okay. Look, I know how
complicated all of this is and, err...
434
00:40:39,764 --> 00:40:41,114
Can I be on your quiz team?
435
00:40:48,604 --> 00:40:52,643
I think maybe you're a bit
busy for a daft quiz team.
436
00:40:55,643 --> 00:41:00,923
Please. I'd like to. Get to know you.
437
00:41:03,163 --> 00:41:04,040
Really?
438
00:41:04,523 --> 00:41:05,354
Really.
439
00:41:08,523 --> 00:41:13,119
Great. Great. We need you.
440
00:41:14,522 --> 00:41:18,198
Rory's showing signs of early
dementia. That would be great.
441
00:41:35,721 --> 00:41:37,360
Welcome to the family.
442
00:41:37,401 --> 00:41:38,994
Thanks. Thanks so much.
443
00:41:39,561 --> 00:41:42,240
Please excuse Doctor
Klinsch, she does have...
444
00:41:42,241 --> 00:41:45,552
...a tendency to pee her pants
when we sign a new author.
445
00:41:45,601 --> 00:41:46,955
That was just the one time.
446
00:41:47,361 --> 00:41:50,200
Okay. Klinsch & McLeish.
I can't quite believe it.
447
00:41:50,201 --> 00:41:54,200
I'm going to be published in one of
those classic red and white covers.
448
00:41:54,201 --> 00:41:58,080
It's obviously it's not just about
the covers but they're so pretty.
449
00:41:58,081 --> 00:42:01,391
Your list is amazing too.
I mean, you publish Glen Buchan.
450
00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:03,394
Ah Glen. Fabulous writer.
451
00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:05,740
And you know that you
have something in common.
452
00:42:05,800 --> 00:42:11,592
Really? No. What? You think so? God,
he's up there with Rushdie and McEwan.
453
00:42:13,480 --> 00:42:15,799
Quite possibly. No, what
I meant was that you...
454
00:42:15,800 --> 00:42:18,200
...were both discovered
by your former publisher.
455
00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:19,271
Tom?
456
00:42:19,320 --> 00:42:22,158
Yes, it didn't last. They
went their separate ways...
457
00:42:22,159 --> 00:42:24,674
...before the first novel
was published. By us.
458
00:42:25,719 --> 00:42:27,233
Well, yeah. Sounds like Tom.
459
00:42:27,559 --> 00:42:30,552
Anyway, enough of the past.
Here's to the future.
460
00:42:40,439 --> 00:42:41,236
It's exciting.
461
00:42:51,478 --> 00:42:53,117
Blocked in this too, eh?
462
00:43:02,358 --> 00:43:06,408
I'm so sorry. Would you just excuse us, me,
for one second? Where's your bathroom?
463
00:43:09,757 --> 00:43:10,873
Okay, what are you doing here?
464
00:43:10,957 --> 00:43:12,907
Well, I've figured out what's going on.
465
00:43:14,437 --> 00:43:16,756
You can't write the ending
because once it's finished...
466
00:43:16,757 --> 00:43:19,057
...you'll have no reason
to see Tom ever again.
467
00:43:21,477 --> 00:43:24,276
Oh that is such a load of rubbish.
468
00:43:25,157 --> 00:43:27,911
Jane dear? Is everything alright?
469
00:43:27,957 --> 00:43:30,357
Err yes. Yes, fine.
I'll just be out in a minute.
470
00:43:34,236 --> 00:43:38,555
In case you haven't noticed, I'm about to
leave Tom and sign with a new publisher.
471
00:43:38,556 --> 00:43:40,195
Oh, and one more minor detail...
472
00:43:40,196 --> 00:43:43,473
I'm not writing my ending. I'm
writing yours. And I'm not you.
473
00:43:43,676 --> 00:43:45,835
No, of course not. And your
first novel wasn't a barely...
474
00:43:45,836 --> 00:43:48,146
...fictionalised account of your
relationship with your father.
475
00:43:48,876 --> 00:43:52,028
Oh, and remind me, what's your
middle name again? Jane Darsie Lockhart.
476
00:43:52,156 --> 00:43:53,555
Well that means nothing. And anyway...
477
00:43:53,556 --> 00:43:56,156
...I was thinking of changing
your name, so you can..
478
00:44:00,555 --> 00:44:01,386
Still here.
479
00:44:06,355 --> 00:44:07,471
Sorry. I'm so sorry.
480
00:44:08,635 --> 00:44:12,265
Now then young lady.
Ready to go with a real publisher?
481
00:44:24,154 --> 00:44:27,104
Let me get this straight.
You only take on writers you love?
482
00:44:27,194 --> 00:44:28,787
Writing I love.
483
00:44:29,434 --> 00:44:30,629
How interesting.
484
00:44:31,194 --> 00:44:35,507
No, no it isn't. Can we get
back to making Jane miserable?
485
00:44:36,834 --> 00:44:38,507
Fine. If that's what you really want.
486
00:44:38,554 --> 00:44:41,254
Have you thought about what
will happen if you succeed?
487
00:44:43,233 --> 00:44:46,271
Yes. I win.
488
00:44:46,993 --> 00:44:48,950
Yes. But you'll lose her.
489
00:44:50,073 --> 00:44:52,952
Who cares? It's not as if she wants to stay.
490
00:44:59,153 --> 00:45:03,431
Motivation. The heart of
self-improvement. A. Achieve your dreams.
491
00:45:03,432 --> 00:45:06,111
Avoid negative people,
things and places.
492
00:45:06,112 --> 00:45:11,790
B. Believe in yourself. What you can do. C.
Consider things on every angle and aspect...
493
00:45:13,152 --> 00:45:15,064
One of us really needs to get laid.
494
00:45:15,712 --> 00:45:16,987
Oh God yes.
495
00:45:19,272 --> 00:45:22,504
We should, next week.
There's a girl at the chippy.
496
00:45:24,872 --> 00:45:28,190
Q. Quitters never win.
And winners never quit.
497
00:45:28,191 --> 00:45:33,107
So choose your fate. Are you going
to be a quitter or a winner? R...
498
00:45:33,871 --> 00:45:36,989
Okay. Here's a thought.
We could kill her dog.
499
00:45:37,191 --> 00:45:38,181
I didn't know she had a dog.
500
00:45:38,231 --> 00:45:41,190
She doesn't.
We could buy her one and then kill it.
501
00:45:42,831 --> 00:45:44,345
It wouldn't be a cute dog.
502
00:45:44,591 --> 00:45:47,743
And you don't think that's a little bit,
how can I put this, psychotic?
503
00:45:48,071 --> 00:45:50,630
Yeah, you're right. She hasn't got a dog.
504
00:45:53,470 --> 00:45:55,462
But she has got a screenwriter.
505
00:45:56,070 --> 00:46:00,064
I'm not helping you
kill Willie Scott, am I? Tom?
506
00:46:18,749 --> 00:46:20,945
Damn it. She's still baking.
507
00:46:22,829 --> 00:46:24,627
Back, you cupcakes of Satan.
508
00:46:26,069 --> 00:46:27,583
Okay. Here goes.
509
00:46:40,748 --> 00:46:41,943
I hate these things.
510
00:46:43,548 --> 00:46:46,248
Yeah, I prefer the Routemaster
Two Six Seven Oh myself.
511
00:46:50,188 --> 00:46:52,100
It's a bus joke. Sorry.
512
00:46:55,828 --> 00:46:59,706
No, no. I get it. It's
just I've never really...
513
00:46:59,707 --> 00:47:03,462
...met anyone else who
made a bus joke before.
514
00:47:10,787 --> 00:47:11,664
Hello Jane.
515
00:47:12,667 --> 00:47:13,867
Hello. What do you want?
516
00:47:14,467 --> 00:47:20,065
I'll tell you what I don't want.
I don't want a cupcake.
517
00:47:20,467 --> 00:47:23,185
So. Two writers living
under the same roof...
518
00:47:23,186 --> 00:47:26,345
...how's that working out?
I imagine it's fantastic:
519
00:47:26,346 --> 00:47:31,296
...Sharing ideas, the ebb and flow of
discussion. Willie must be a great boon.
520
00:47:31,346 --> 00:47:32,496
Oh yes. Yes, he is.
521
00:47:32,786 --> 00:47:35,086
So what does the
Big Man make of the new novel?
522
00:47:37,306 --> 00:47:40,106
You're right. It's not fair
to ask you. I should ask him.
523
00:47:40,386 --> 00:47:44,221
No, no, no. He loves it. He just loves it.
Naturally he has notes...
524
00:47:44,466 --> 00:47:45,342
Naturally.
525
00:47:49,065 --> 00:47:52,422
Willie has not asked to
read one single page, has he?
526
00:47:52,665 --> 00:47:54,497
He's very busy with his screenplay.
527
00:47:54,625 --> 00:47:57,015
Ah yes, the adaptation. How's that going?
528
00:47:57,065 --> 00:47:59,455
Terrific. Oh it's going terrific... Iy.
529
00:48:01,985 --> 00:48:07,219
You don't know, do you?
He doesn't discuss it with you.
530
00:48:08,624 --> 00:48:09,421
What's your point?
531
00:48:09,464 --> 00:48:10,341
He's using you.
532
00:48:11,584 --> 00:48:13,034
That's rich, coming from you.
533
00:48:13,824 --> 00:48:16,423
Come on, it's common
knowledge he wouldn't be...
534
00:48:16,424 --> 00:48:19,183
...adapting 'Happy Ending'
if you hadn't insisted.
535
00:48:19,184 --> 00:48:22,423
Willie Scott's writing career
peaked sometime around 1998.
536
00:48:22,424 --> 00:48:23,863
He's a talentless hack...
537
00:48:23,864 --> 00:48:25,743
...without a brain or a conscious...
538
00:48:25,744 --> 00:48:28,543
...who doesn't give a damn
about your or your novel!
539
00:48:31,503 --> 00:48:32,698
- Yeah.
- Behind you.
540
00:48:37,303 --> 00:48:38,180
Hey.
541
00:48:38,823 --> 00:48:39,700
Willie!
542
00:49:03,822 --> 00:49:04,772
Is that fruit cake?
543
00:49:04,902 --> 00:49:09,977
Oh, yes. It's frozen. I brought
a couple of spares. It's for your nose.
544
00:49:11,702 --> 00:49:14,661
Look, I'm sorry about Willie.
He shouldn't have hit you.
545
00:49:14,662 --> 00:49:16,301
Even though you did deserve it.
546
00:49:18,741 --> 00:49:20,300
He caught me off guard.
547
00:49:20,301 --> 00:49:23,499
Usually I don't go down
after the first punch.
548
00:49:24,021 --> 00:49:26,741
Usually it's about the third or fourth.
549
00:49:28,741 --> 00:49:29,691
How did I get here?
550
00:49:30,541 --> 00:49:31,741
I made Willie carry you.
551
00:49:33,461 --> 00:49:34,577
No you didn't.
552
00:49:34,941 --> 00:49:35,818
What's wrong now?
553
00:49:35,901 --> 00:49:39,815
It's not very manly, being carried
upstairs by another bloke.
554
00:49:41,980 --> 00:49:43,330
He's not still here, is he?
555
00:49:43,460 --> 00:49:45,260
No, I sent him outside to calm down.
556
00:49:53,420 --> 00:49:57,334
Look, Jane. There's
something I need to tell you.
557
00:49:58,900 --> 00:50:00,550
Something I've never said before.
558
00:50:04,699 --> 00:50:06,656
What's the capital of Ethiopia?
559
00:50:19,699 --> 00:50:21,850
We're in the finals, actually.
560
00:50:23,979 --> 00:50:24,856
So that was it.
561
00:50:27,098 --> 00:50:28,598
That's what you needed to say?
562
00:50:30,418 --> 00:50:34,412
No. No, no.
563
00:50:41,098 --> 00:50:42,930
I... What I meant to say is...
564
00:50:44,178 --> 00:50:45,009
'Happy Ending'.
565
00:50:47,338 --> 00:50:52,093
At the end, when things became...
you know... with us.
566
00:50:56,697 --> 00:50:57,497
And the title...
567
00:51:02,457 --> 00:51:06,417
I never told you... the book.
568
00:51:10,297 --> 00:51:11,128
It's good.
569
00:51:14,936 --> 00:51:17,136
It's like the saddest music I've ever heard.
570
00:51:23,736 --> 00:51:26,615
What the hell was that? What are you up to?
571
00:51:26,856 --> 00:51:27,653
I'm not up to anything.
572
00:51:27,696 --> 00:51:30,655
Yes you are. All this 'sad music'
crap, and filling my head...
573
00:51:30,656 --> 00:51:33,906
...with doubts about Willie. Why
would you do that, why? Unless...
574
00:51:35,655 --> 00:51:39,365
Unless... Oh, I know why.
575
00:51:40,495 --> 00:51:43,055
You want me to sign a
new book deal with you.
576
00:51:43,255 --> 00:51:47,134
Well, if you can hear me through the
obvious concussion, pay attention.
577
00:51:47,135 --> 00:51:48,888
It is. Never. Going. To. Happen.
578
00:51:49,095 --> 00:51:50,095
I have a concussion?
579
00:51:50,255 --> 00:51:51,814
Oh get off. Get off this bus.
580
00:51:55,735 --> 00:51:56,612
You know what?
581
00:51:58,095 --> 00:52:02,850
You really think I'd want you back?
Why? Why would I do that to myself?
582
00:52:05,534 --> 00:52:07,053
You're distant at the best of times.
583
00:52:07,054 --> 00:52:10,654
And when you're writing your characters
were more real to you than I was.
584
00:52:18,614 --> 00:52:24,613
So, no, Jane. I do not want you back.
I do not want you back.
585
00:52:35,893 --> 00:52:38,362
So, how's the screenplay coming along?
586
00:52:39,253 --> 00:52:40,084
Hmm?
587
00:52:40,333 --> 00:52:45,411
Your screenplay? I was just thinking
we haven't really discussed it much...
588
00:52:45,412 --> 00:52:50,491
...at all... and since, well, I wrote
the novel, maybe I could, you know...
589
00:52:50,492 --> 00:52:53,803
What I mean is, we should
have more ebb and flow.
590
00:52:54,732 --> 00:52:55,832
That's not a bad idea.
591
00:52:56,572 --> 00:52:58,531
You know the scene in the
book where her father...
592
00:52:58,532 --> 00:53:01,047
...goes on a bender and doesn't
turn up for the mother's funeral?
593
00:53:01,492 --> 00:53:04,371
Yes. I remember.
594
00:53:04,812 --> 00:53:05,712
Would you miss it?
595
00:53:08,651 --> 00:53:10,768
What? What? You can't...
596
00:53:12,731 --> 00:53:14,962
Willie, I think we need
to talk this through.
597
00:53:15,011 --> 00:53:15,967
I know what this is about, Janey.
598
00:53:16,491 --> 00:53:19,086
You haven't written a word in two weeks.
599
00:53:19,531 --> 00:53:23,047
So you want to talk, instead
of dealing with your blockage.
600
00:53:23,331 --> 00:53:24,811
How many times? I am not blocked.
601
00:53:24,851 --> 00:53:29,930
There was this writer I knew, got stuck
on a 'Long Lost Sibling' story arc.
602
00:53:29,931 --> 00:53:34,049
Thought it was going to end his
career but... but he beat it.
603
00:53:35,050 --> 00:53:35,927
Do you know how?
604
00:53:36,530 --> 00:53:37,361
How?
605
00:53:40,650 --> 00:53:42,050
He wrote naked.
606
00:53:43,890 --> 00:53:45,722
Yeah. Yeah, right.
607
00:53:45,930 --> 00:53:46,886
Seriously.
608
00:53:47,530 --> 00:53:50,329
The idea is you release
yourself from the restrictions...
609
00:53:50,330 --> 00:53:54,209
...of the everyday so that you can express
your ideas in an uninhibited fashion.
610
00:53:54,249 --> 00:53:57,208
Oh, okay. I think you just
want to be able to sit there...
611
00:53:57,209 --> 00:53:59,246
...and write while you stare at my tits.
612
00:54:00,729 --> 00:54:02,163
They are great tits.
613
00:54:20,968 --> 00:54:22,243
It's not a weapon, Jade.
614
00:54:25,368 --> 00:54:27,018
There's some blood on this stick.
615
00:54:41,847 --> 00:54:42,644
Tom.
616
00:54:49,207 --> 00:54:51,157
I've got some business to take care of.
617
00:55:07,326 --> 00:55:09,165
I want it on record that
this is going too far, okay?
618
00:55:09,166 --> 00:55:11,442
She's only just started rebuilding
her relationship with her dad.
619
00:55:11,526 --> 00:55:14,445
I'm just trying to help
her finish her book.
620
00:55:14,446 --> 00:55:17,085
And she'll thank me in the end.
621
00:55:17,086 --> 00:55:19,806
First we get rid of Willie,
then we work on papa.
622
00:55:20,286 --> 00:55:25,525
So Mr Scott, Willie, our senior development
executive has been looking for a...
623
00:55:25,526 --> 00:55:29,164
...a very special screenwriter
with a distinctive voice...
624
00:55:29,165 --> 00:55:32,442
...for a project which she
has slated for next year.
625
00:55:33,925 --> 00:55:34,802
Yeah?
626
00:55:35,325 --> 00:55:38,644
When she heard you were
adapting Jane Lockhart's
627
00:55:38,645 --> 00:55:42,275
'Happy Ending', she was
excited. We were all excited.
628
00:55:43,525 --> 00:55:47,405
What company is this again?
I mean have you spoken to my agent or...?
629
00:55:47,645 --> 00:55:49,875
Yeah. Thank you Priscilla.
You too. Ciao, ciao, ciao.
630
00:55:50,244 --> 00:55:52,520
Sure. She put us right on to you.
631
00:55:54,444 --> 00:55:57,198
But if you're too busy right now,
perhaps we should just leave it?
632
00:55:57,284 --> 00:56:00,038
Oh no, no no. No.
633
00:56:00,644 --> 00:56:02,442
No, no, I'm excited. It's...
634
00:56:03,644 --> 00:56:07,718
...You know it's not just adaptations
that I do. I have my own material you know.
635
00:56:07,764 --> 00:56:09,960
Terrific. Well...
636
00:56:10,524 --> 00:56:16,523
...you can share all that
with our senior VP Bob...
637
00:56:16,683 --> 00:56:20,882
...and our head of deputy
acquisitions Vonda who...
638
00:56:20,923 --> 00:56:24,373
They're going to be over there next
Friday. You live in London, right?
639
00:56:24,763 --> 00:56:29,280
Well, err.. mainly. But you know I've got
my place upcountry too you know, obviously.
640
00:56:29,883 --> 00:56:34,202
Well apologies, but it may involve
dragging you out to the middle of nowhere...
641
00:56:34,203 --> 00:56:36,433
...but we're scouting Steven's next pic.
642
00:56:37,122 --> 00:56:39,034
Steven? Segal?
643
00:56:39,682 --> 00:56:43,039
Soderbergh. He'll probably
drop by to say hi if that's okay?
644
00:56:43,682 --> 00:56:45,594
Aye, that would be fine.
645
00:56:51,922 --> 00:56:52,719
Taxi's here.
646
00:56:53,202 --> 00:56:54,102
Where's my ticket?
647
00:56:54,642 --> 00:56:56,395
It's in your bag where
you put it two minutes ago.
648
00:56:56,882 --> 00:56:58,840
Jane, this is an important trip for me.
649
00:56:58,841 --> 00:57:01,000
These people are
working with Soderbergh.
650
00:57:01,001 --> 00:57:03,232
They called me and
that just never happens.
651
00:57:04,281 --> 00:57:06,318
You're right. It doesn't.
652
00:57:07,801 --> 00:57:09,201
And it's all because of you.
653
00:57:10,401 --> 00:57:14,600
The truth is, they would never have asked to
see me if I hadn't been adapting your novel.
654
00:57:14,641 --> 00:57:17,041
Oh, that is rubbish.
Look, you're a great writer.
655
00:57:18,201 --> 00:57:19,681
Yeah, you're right.
656
00:57:20,681 --> 00:57:21,671
Where's my treatments?
Did you tidy them?
657
00:57:21,761 --> 00:57:23,114
Willie. Breathe.
658
00:57:29,880 --> 00:57:30,680
How you feeling?
659
00:57:31,040 --> 00:57:31,837
Good.
660
00:57:32,680 --> 00:57:33,559
Sharp?
661
00:57:33,560 --> 00:57:34,357
Sharp, aye.
662
00:57:35,400 --> 00:57:36,231
Gordon?
663
00:57:36,640 --> 00:57:39,559
I'm prime., yeah. Mind you,
I'm a bit worried because...
664
00:57:39,560 --> 00:57:41,836
...we don't know what
he's going to ask us.
665
00:57:43,320 --> 00:57:44,959
It's a quiz. It's a quiz Gordon.
666
00:57:45,039 --> 00:57:45,916
Oh right.
667
00:57:47,879 --> 00:57:48,756
Mr L?
668
00:57:49,679 --> 00:57:51,830
Tom. Good to see you mate.
669
00:57:53,679 --> 00:57:54,556
Big night, eh?
670
00:57:55,319 --> 00:57:57,598
Big night. Big night,
aye. This is the final.
671
00:57:57,599 --> 00:58:01,036
The winner gets a holiday in America.
And two tickets to Disneyland.
672
00:58:01,319 --> 00:58:03,470
Wow, that's wonderful. Good luck with that.
673
00:58:03,879 --> 00:58:08,957
Thanks Tom. Thanks. Listen, I know that Jane
and you haven't always seen eye-to-eye...
674
00:58:08,958 --> 00:58:12,269
...but I'm sure she'll be
really happy to see you again.
675
00:58:13,438 --> 00:58:14,235
Where is she?
676
00:58:14,278 --> 00:58:17,228
Oh she's not here yet.
But the quiz doesn't start til eight.
677
00:58:17,918 --> 00:58:20,717
Oh, well, plenty of time then.
678
00:58:20,878 --> 00:58:21,928
Oh, plenty of time...
679
00:58:31,397 --> 00:58:35,073
That was quick. I wasn't expecting
you for another ten minutes.
680
00:58:35,317 --> 00:58:38,116
Oh I was just around the corner.
Where you going?
681
00:58:38,797 --> 00:58:40,497
East End please. The Walter Scott.
682
00:58:40,637 --> 00:58:41,468
No problem.
683
00:58:47,797 --> 00:58:48,697
What do you think?
684
00:58:48,957 --> 00:58:49,754
Lovely.
685
00:58:50,597 --> 00:58:52,047
Me and the lads discussed it.
686
00:58:52,517 --> 00:58:54,117
We're going to make her captain.
687
00:58:54,316 --> 00:59:00,316
When she was a little girl, every penny her
mother gave her she put in the piggy bank.
688
00:59:00,556 --> 00:59:06,115
Saving up, you know, to go to Disneyland.
Every birthday it was Mickey Mouse...
689
00:59:06,116 --> 00:59:10,875
...Mickey Mouse, Disneyland, Mickey
Mouse, you know. Every birthday.
690
00:59:10,876 --> 00:59:13,471
Well... until the seventh birthday.
691
00:59:19,515 --> 00:59:24,351
Her mother took her to Woolworths
for her present, a gift.
692
00:59:24,555 --> 00:59:27,548
And, well they were late getting back.
693
00:59:28,995 --> 00:59:33,512
I lost it, Tom, you know. I was...
'I want my dinner on the table' and...
694
00:59:38,355 --> 00:59:42,428
That was the night I walked out on them.
695
00:59:45,394 --> 00:59:47,844
If only that was the worst
thing I did that night.
696
00:59:51,794 --> 00:59:53,294
Excuse me. Where are we going?
697
00:59:54,874 --> 00:59:55,724
The Rabbie Burns.
698
00:59:56,034 --> 00:59:57,234
I said The Walter Scott.
699
00:59:58,714 --> 00:59:59,591
You sure?
700
00:59:59,754 --> 01:00:01,029
Of course I'm sure.
701
01:00:01,194 --> 01:00:02,787
Hey. There's no need for that.
702
01:00:02,834 --> 01:00:06,992
They're both iconic pillars of our
national literature, arguably responsible...
703
01:00:06,993 --> 01:00:09,752
...for the over-romanticisation
of Scottish history...
704
01:00:09,753 --> 01:00:12,313
...that persists to this
day. Easy mistake to make.
705
01:00:12,513 --> 01:00:15,426
Alright, please. Just please hurry. Please.
706
01:00:18,993 --> 01:00:20,792
Hello it's Benny Lockhart here.
707
01:00:20,793 --> 01:00:24,992
If you leave a message then I'll get
back to you soon. Okey-dokes. Bye.
708
01:00:29,792 --> 01:00:31,592
Do you know why they were late back?
709
01:00:34,592 --> 01:00:35,423
Yeah.
710
01:00:36,072 --> 01:00:38,872
Yeah of course you do
because it's in the book, isn't it?
711
01:00:42,552 --> 01:00:44,623
Her mother dropped dead in Woolworths.
712
01:00:47,232 --> 01:00:51,590
Her mother was lying dead in
the Pick And Mix aisle and her...
713
01:00:51,591 --> 01:00:55,426
...daddy was spending her
Mickey Mouse money on booze.
714
01:01:00,831 --> 01:01:04,620
I swore I would never touch
another drop after that. Not a drop.
715
01:01:12,031 --> 01:01:13,831
You look familiar. You on the telly?
716
01:01:14,910 --> 01:01:17,345
Err no. I've done a few interviews but...
717
01:01:17,630 --> 01:01:21,306
You're that writer, Jane something.
My wife read your book.
718
01:01:21,630 --> 01:01:22,427
Oh yeah?
719
01:01:22,470 --> 01:01:23,347
Aye, what's it called again?
720
01:01:23,630 --> 01:01:24,469
'Happy Ending'.
721
01:01:24,470 --> 01:01:27,029
'Happy Ending', aye. She was
greeting her eyes out by the end.
722
01:01:27,030 --> 01:01:28,680
And you wrote it? That's amazing.
723
01:01:30,110 --> 01:01:32,010
God you must be a right miserable cow.
724
01:01:34,710 --> 01:01:35,760
Do I know you from...
725
01:01:39,269 --> 01:01:40,069
I'm out of fags.
726
01:01:41,589 --> 01:01:44,309
What? Hey, no. Come back!
We need to get to the...
727
01:01:45,749 --> 01:01:46,546
Pub.
728
01:01:51,909 --> 01:01:52,706
Hey!
729
01:01:59,388 --> 01:02:00,538
Years later...
730
01:02:02,308 --> 01:02:07,178
...I discovered that the police brought
her back. Two minutes after I'd left home.
731
01:02:09,588 --> 01:02:10,465
Two minutes, Tom.
732
01:02:12,308 --> 01:02:17,667
You know, I realise that I can
never make it up to that little girl.
733
01:02:17,708 --> 01:02:20,701
That seven year-old Jane.
734
01:02:22,907 --> 01:02:27,140
Can't do it. But if we win tonight, Tom...
735
01:02:29,467 --> 01:02:33,546
If we win tonight, I'm going
to take her to Disneyland.
736
01:02:33,547 --> 01:02:39,066
Aye, I don't mean the shite one in
Paris. The real Disneyland. No offence.
737
01:02:40,747 --> 01:02:41,578
None taken.
738
01:02:43,107 --> 01:02:47,703
Gentlemen, ladies, can you please
take your places for the quiz final.
739
01:02:50,066 --> 01:02:51,616
She'll be here. She'll be here.
740
01:02:53,106 --> 01:02:55,306
Nothing's going to happen.
Not again. No. No.
741
01:02:59,266 --> 01:03:00,382
Help! Help!
742
01:03:10,505 --> 01:03:12,622
You know what? I'll see you in a second.
743
01:03:18,345 --> 01:03:19,144
Tom.
744
01:03:19,145 --> 01:03:22,377
Roddy. Call it off. Call it off.
Bring her here immediately.
745
01:03:22,985 --> 01:03:26,661
She's gone. We've lost her.
746
01:03:28,585 --> 01:03:29,416
In Cambuslang.
747
01:03:55,023 --> 01:03:55,820
Sorry!
748
01:04:08,023 --> 01:04:13,542
Captains, last call. Can you please bring
your team lists to the adjudicator's table.
749
01:04:18,822 --> 01:04:19,653
Benny...
750
01:04:20,142 --> 01:04:22,418
If I don't get your list
you'll forfeit your place.
751
01:04:22,502 --> 01:04:23,379
Benny, come on.
752
01:04:23,622 --> 01:04:24,817
Come on Benny.
753
01:04:25,022 --> 01:04:26,172
Two more minutes, lads.
754
01:04:42,221 --> 01:04:46,056
Benny... I'm.. I'm sorry.
755
01:04:46,381 --> 01:04:49,340
It's okay, son. It's not your fault.
756
01:04:49,501 --> 01:04:50,491
Well, actually...
757
01:04:50,581 --> 01:04:53,176
Right, okay. That's enough.
Let's get on with this.
758
01:04:54,181 --> 01:04:56,776
Welcome, ladies and
gentlemen to the grand final...
759
01:05:03,700 --> 01:05:04,577
Dad.
760
01:05:06,020 --> 01:05:06,817
Dad.
761
01:05:10,820 --> 01:05:16,498
Question one...
Who was William Shakespeare's wife?
762
01:05:19,420 --> 01:05:23,414
The indisputable winners...
Benny and his Jets!
763
01:05:31,739 --> 01:05:33,412
Whooah!
764
01:05:58,498 --> 01:06:00,171
Fact is...
765
01:06:01,618 --> 01:06:06,693
...we're not dog-killers. What's
the worst thing we actually achieved?
766
01:06:07,738 --> 01:06:12,971
Kidnapping a pot plant.
767
01:06:13,017 --> 01:06:19,017
There's our fatal flaw.
At heart, we're nice guys.
768
01:06:25,457 --> 01:06:27,107
I'm going to tell her everything.
769
01:06:37,816 --> 01:06:40,566
I will not do nudity unless
it is essential to the plot.
770
01:06:53,776 --> 01:06:55,005
Oh, you must be joking.
771
01:06:55,696 --> 01:06:56,527
Jane?
772
01:06:59,575 --> 01:07:00,452
Just go away.
773
01:07:00,855 --> 01:07:03,415
I've got to talk to you.
Please open the door.
774
01:07:06,895 --> 01:07:07,745
Hold on a minute.
775
01:07:10,415 --> 01:07:11,292
Willie?
776
01:07:11,335 --> 01:07:13,614
You need to hear about our
great deal on home insurance.
777
01:07:13,615 --> 01:07:15,374
- Have you ever thought about what would...
- Jane? Your meringues, Jane.
778
01:07:15,375 --> 01:07:17,571
...happen if your house caught fire?
779
01:07:17,815 --> 01:07:18,646
Shit.
780
01:07:20,175 --> 01:07:21,211
Jane! You okay?
781
01:07:25,214 --> 01:07:26,204
Shit. Shit. Shit.
782
01:07:26,974 --> 01:07:27,805
Shit!
783
01:07:32,134 --> 01:07:32,931
Shit.
784
01:07:39,734 --> 01:07:40,531
I...
785
01:07:40,894 --> 01:07:41,725
Stop looking!
786
01:07:48,173 --> 01:07:50,223
What the hell are you doing here, anyway?
787
01:07:50,613 --> 01:07:52,684
I came to apolo... Whoah.
788
01:07:55,893 --> 01:07:56,743
Is that my novel?
789
01:08:00,373 --> 01:08:02,763
No, no, no. Give that back. Give it back!
790
01:08:04,413 --> 01:08:06,813
I paid good money for this.
I'm going to read it.
791
01:08:06,853 --> 01:08:09,353
You don't get to read
anything until it's finished.
792
01:08:12,012 --> 01:08:12,843
Okay.
793
01:08:15,212 --> 01:08:16,089
Here.
794
01:08:18,012 --> 01:08:19,241
Thank you.
795
01:08:20,012 --> 01:08:22,004
Good to know you can behave
like a grown-up once in a...
796
01:08:22,292 --> 01:08:23,772
Where's the rest of it?
797
01:08:25,012 --> 01:08:30,212
Hey, come out of there!
You thieving bastard! Give me back my novel!
798
01:08:42,251 --> 01:08:47,007
How could you do that?
I can't believe you. Even you.
799
01:08:50,091 --> 01:08:51,191
So what did you think?
800
01:08:52,211 --> 01:08:55,282
It's merely the first couple
of chapters so who can say?
801
01:08:56,650 --> 01:08:57,800
However...
802
01:08:58,770 --> 01:09:01,649
...putting to one side
that you're a whining...
803
01:09:01,650 --> 01:09:05,200
...overpaid author who clearly
got lucky with her debut...
804
01:09:07,050 --> 01:09:08,928
...I'd say this is a very good start.
805
01:09:10,570 --> 01:09:11,890
Well...
806
01:09:12,970 --> 01:09:16,920
...coming from a never-even-has-been
owner of a third-rate publishing company...
807
01:09:17,969 --> 01:09:19,419
...I'd have to say thank you.
808
01:09:21,609 --> 01:09:23,202
Naturally...
809
01:09:24,769 --> 01:09:26,044
...I have a few notes.
810
01:09:27,209 --> 01:09:28,040
Naturally.
811
01:09:33,449 --> 01:09:34,326
For instance...
812
01:09:40,608 --> 01:09:41,564
The first page...
813
01:09:41,768 --> 01:09:42,645
I don't get it.
814
01:10:35,326 --> 01:10:36,926
I'm just going to get the phone.
815
01:10:39,326 --> 01:10:40,965
- Willie?
- Hi Janey.
816
01:10:41,046 --> 01:10:43,845
Hi. How's the trip going?
Did you meet Soderbergh?
817
01:10:44,966 --> 01:10:46,016
There was no meeting.
818
01:10:46,326 --> 01:10:49,444
I've been stuck in the
arse end of nowhere...
819
01:10:49,486 --> 01:10:52,644
...couldn't get a cab, I've been walking
for nine hours in the rain, my phone died...
820
01:10:52,645 --> 01:10:54,445
...I've only just now found a phone.
821
01:10:54,565 --> 01:10:55,396
Oh Willie.
822
01:10:55,565 --> 01:10:57,955
I'm cold and wet and feeling so...
823
01:10:59,085 --> 01:11:00,360
...so miserable.
824
01:11:00,685 --> 01:11:04,838
You know, the funny things is, even
though the trip turned out so badly...
825
01:11:06,285 --> 01:11:12,285
You know, it made me realise a
few things. I miss you, Janey.
826
01:11:14,764 --> 01:11:16,714
You're the best thing in my life and...
827
01:11:20,084 --> 01:11:20,915
I love you.
828
01:11:22,564 --> 01:11:24,840
Janey, let's get married.
829
01:12:11,002 --> 01:12:11,799
There we go.
830
01:12:19,522 --> 01:12:20,399
He's sick.
831
01:12:20,442 --> 01:12:22,492
Oh come on, he's just
taking the piss now.
832
01:12:23,841 --> 01:12:26,515
He said he loves me. You heard him.
833
01:12:27,521 --> 01:12:30,371
Actually I didn't. Maybe it
was in your vivid imagination.
834
01:12:31,281 --> 01:12:34,877
And I love Willie too. He makes me... happy.
835
01:12:35,961 --> 01:12:37,998
Any chance of that cup of tea, doll?
836
01:12:41,281 --> 01:12:42,351
He's a sweetheart.
837
01:13:05,480 --> 01:13:08,870
Priscilla? Listen, sweetheart...
838
01:13:08,919 --> 01:13:10,069
...get out the big pen.
839
01:13:10,839 --> 01:13:16,073
Time to bill the bastards for my first
draft. I just finished the script.
840
01:13:23,759 --> 01:13:25,830
A lifetime with Willie Scott.
841
01:13:27,839 --> 01:13:30,798
If that doesn't make her
miserable, nothing will.
842
01:13:31,319 --> 01:13:34,516
Look, I know things haven't worked
out for the two of you but...
843
01:13:35,638 --> 01:13:40,952
Surely you don't really actually totally
completely want her to be unhappy?
844
01:13:40,998 --> 01:13:43,317
Of course I don't. I mean...
845
01:13:43,318 --> 01:13:47,028
...Oh tu comprends
pas.. It's tricky, okay?
846
01:13:47,278 --> 01:13:48,109
Whatever.
847
01:14:05,437 --> 01:14:11,274
...which is why Shakespeare
never left New York again.
848
01:14:13,197 --> 01:14:18,396
Okay, chapter twenty-one. Read it or...
849
01:14:19,396 --> 01:14:21,513
...be punished. Yo.
850
01:14:21,636 --> 01:14:23,548
He's only gone and changed the ending.
851
01:14:23,996 --> 01:14:28,146
Wow. All you did was to change the title
and she thought you were a complete wanker.
852
01:14:28,156 --> 01:14:31,035
That's Juan Kerr.
853
01:14:31,396 --> 01:14:34,196
He was a nineteenth century
South American revolutionary.
854
01:14:35,116 --> 01:14:36,766
This is going to break her heart.
855
01:14:36,956 --> 01:14:37,833
Yeah well great.
856
01:14:39,036 --> 01:14:42,636
Now all you've got to do is make sure
she reads it. Mission accomplished.
857
01:14:42,955 --> 01:14:43,786
Yeah.
858
01:14:46,435 --> 01:14:47,985
You've given it a happy ending.
859
01:14:49,835 --> 01:14:50,632
And your point?
860
01:14:50,715 --> 01:14:52,965
The point is Jane's
novel doesn't end happily.
861
01:14:53,035 --> 01:14:56,073
Well who the hell wants to walk
out of a movie feeling miserable?
862
01:14:56,155 --> 01:14:57,271
You have to change it back.
863
01:14:57,315 --> 01:14:59,794
Oh I don't think so. That
script says more about...
864
01:14:59,795 --> 01:15:02,345
...my love for her than I
could ever put into words.
865
01:15:02,435 --> 01:15:03,985
She doesn't know yet, does she?
866
01:15:06,834 --> 01:15:09,084
Do you have any idea
what this will do to her?
867
01:15:09,674 --> 01:15:10,471
To both of you?
868
01:15:11,474 --> 01:15:14,433
I made a mistake and
I can't take it back.
869
01:15:14,434 --> 01:15:16,949
But Willie, if you truly love her...
870
01:15:17,874 --> 01:15:18,671
Change it.
871
01:15:19,554 --> 01:15:20,604
What's going on here?
872
01:15:21,074 --> 01:15:22,394
You just don't get her, do you?
873
01:15:22,434 --> 01:15:23,948
Oh I get her all right.
874
01:15:25,114 --> 01:15:29,824
Every night I get her. Any way up I fancy.
875
01:15:34,473 --> 01:15:36,271
Hit a sick man, would you?
876
01:15:37,953 --> 01:15:38,784
Watch this.
877
01:15:48,873 --> 01:15:51,223
Remind me, does the bridge
explode in the novel?
878
01:15:54,432 --> 01:15:56,185
Hi Janey, I'm home.
879
01:15:57,432 --> 01:15:59,230
Any chance of a wee cup of tea?
880
01:16:02,312 --> 01:16:03,632
Willie!
881
01:16:04,112 --> 01:16:07,212
I just don't understand how you
can do this over a dumb ending.
882
01:16:07,432 --> 01:16:08,661
No. No, you don't.
883
01:16:08,712 --> 01:16:10,988
Well if it's any consolation Janey...
884
01:16:11,032 --> 01:16:12,466
...I don't think you and me
would have worked out anyway.
885
01:16:13,551 --> 01:16:17,591
I just don't get all that
worshipping your pain stuff.
886
01:16:22,111 --> 01:16:23,067
Daddy issues.
887
01:18:06,307 --> 01:18:09,707
Tom, if she hasn't delivered you have
to take Pandemic Media's offer.
888
01:18:09,986 --> 01:18:12,626
Mark my words, never going to happen.
889
01:18:13,506 --> 01:18:17,256
Well I'll have no option but to declare
you bankrupt and call in a Receiver.
890
01:18:25,466 --> 01:18:27,503
You're my Relationship Manager, right?
891
01:18:27,786 --> 01:18:28,776
Yes. So?
892
01:18:29,746 --> 01:18:31,846
So what should I do about my relationship?
893
01:18:31,945 --> 01:18:33,664
Oh for God's sake.
894
01:18:36,905 --> 01:18:37,782
Do you love her?
895
01:18:38,745 --> 01:18:39,576
Tom?
896
01:18:55,144 --> 01:18:55,941
Jane.
897
01:18:56,024 --> 01:18:56,855
Hi.
898
01:18:57,144 --> 01:18:58,021
Tom's not here.
899
01:18:58,544 --> 01:19:00,820
He should be back any
minute of you want to wait?
900
01:19:00,864 --> 01:19:02,617
No, I don't think so.
901
01:19:02,664 --> 01:19:04,514
I'm heading off for a bit of a break.
902
01:19:06,104 --> 01:19:09,541
I just came to drop this off.
It's my new novel. I finished it.
903
01:19:11,064 --> 01:19:13,181
That's a relief. Between
you and me your book's...
904
01:19:13,264 --> 01:19:15,814
...the only thing stopping
this place going tits up.
905
01:19:21,303 --> 01:19:22,603
So where shall I leave it?
906
01:19:24,863 --> 01:19:26,063
Just put it on his desk.
907
01:19:26,543 --> 01:19:27,420
Okay.
908
01:19:27,903 --> 01:19:28,700
Bye.
909
01:19:52,422 --> 01:19:53,253
Hold it.
910
01:19:53,662 --> 01:19:54,493
Jane.
911
01:19:55,902 --> 01:19:56,779
Jane!
912
01:19:58,782 --> 01:19:59,579
Bastard!
913
01:20:33,940 --> 01:20:37,411
Oh. Should I still be
seeing you? I finished it.
914
01:21:01,219 --> 01:21:04,451
Leave me alone. All I want is to be alone!
915
01:21:55,097 --> 01:21:55,894
Jane.
916
01:21:57,017 --> 01:21:57,894
Jane!
917
01:22:04,336 --> 01:22:06,134
Listen, I know you're in there.
918
01:22:07,616 --> 01:22:10,166
And I know it sounds crazy
but I was trying to help.
919
01:22:12,576 --> 01:22:16,729
Jane. Your dad's worried
about you and so am I.
920
01:22:17,816 --> 01:22:19,266
He told me where to find you.
921
01:22:21,616 --> 01:22:24,847
All you care about is what my
book can do for your damn company.
922
01:22:24,895 --> 01:22:26,395
Well, you got what you wanted.
923
01:22:53,214 --> 01:22:54,614
Jane, please, open the door.
924
01:22:58,654 --> 01:23:02,125
Jane, I'm not good at
this countryside stuff. Alright?
925
01:23:05,454 --> 01:23:06,504
I think I saw a bear.
926
01:23:08,653 --> 01:23:09,530
Jane?
927
01:23:17,333 --> 01:23:18,164
I'm sorry.
928
01:23:42,132 --> 01:23:43,009
Thanks a lot.
929
01:23:48,732 --> 01:23:51,088
I deserve that. I'll just go, shall I?
930
01:23:53,372 --> 01:23:54,169
I'll go.
931
01:25:44,207 --> 01:25:47,405
It's eight miles to the nearest village.
932
01:25:47,687 --> 01:25:51,760
I don't expect to see you
when I wake up. Goodnight.
933
01:26:00,646 --> 01:26:01,762
What the hell were you thinking?!
934
01:26:01,926 --> 01:26:02,757
About the plant?
935
01:26:02,846 --> 01:26:04,326
About me, you idiot!
936
01:26:07,086 --> 01:26:08,042
Here's the thing.
937
01:26:09,006 --> 01:26:11,056
You go to some dark
places when you write.
938
01:26:12,766 --> 01:26:14,836
You bring out stuff most
people prefer to keep locked up.
939
01:26:14,925 --> 01:26:16,439
So I thought that if
I made you miserable...
940
01:26:16,485 --> 01:26:18,185
...I'd be able to finish my novel.
941
01:26:18,205 --> 01:26:19,639
Well that's genius.
942
01:26:19,685 --> 01:26:20,482
Yeah well I was wrong.
943
01:26:20,525 --> 01:26:21,402
Of course you were wrong.
944
01:26:21,485 --> 01:26:24,985
You don't have to be miserable to
write. You do it because you have to.
945
01:26:25,005 --> 01:26:28,055
Because it gnaws away at your
insides if you try to ignore it.
946
01:26:28,805 --> 01:26:31,655
Because if you don't write
then you might as well be dead.
947
01:26:32,805 --> 01:26:35,955
What do you mean, you were wrong?
You got the novel, didn't you?
948
01:26:36,005 --> 01:26:37,836
In Tom and Roddy-world the
plan was a roaring success.
949
01:26:37,924 --> 01:26:38,755
Not exactly.
950
01:26:40,324 --> 01:26:42,122
The last chapter. It doesn't work.
951
01:26:43,364 --> 01:26:44,434
It needs a rewrite.
952
01:26:47,324 --> 01:26:48,155
How much of it?
953
01:26:48,604 --> 01:26:49,401
All of it.
954
01:26:55,924 --> 01:26:56,755
You all right?
955
01:26:58,404 --> 01:27:01,202
No. I'm bloody not all right
and I want my chocolate.
956
01:27:05,923 --> 01:27:09,633
Maybe it would help if we talked it through.
957
01:27:11,923 --> 01:27:12,873
What have I missed?
958
01:27:18,803 --> 01:27:23,081
I think the problem might be that you
don't really get to choose your ending.
959
01:27:23,162 --> 01:27:27,236
It has to follow naturally from what
comes before, or it doesn't feel true.
960
01:27:27,322 --> 01:27:28,233
Oh he's so insightful.
961
01:27:28,402 --> 01:27:29,802
I want to start with Darsie.
962
01:27:30,082 --> 01:27:30,913
Goody.
963
01:27:31,002 --> 01:27:31,799
I don't understand her.
964
01:27:31,922 --> 01:27:32,719
No kidding.
965
01:27:32,762 --> 01:27:36,915
I mean, why's she in love with a man
who betrays her so utterly?
966
01:27:37,562 --> 01:27:38,862
He's emotionally crippled,
967
01:27:39,042 --> 01:27:41,602
has an uncomfortable
tendency for mean-spiritedness...
968
01:27:41,682 --> 01:27:44,356
He has nice... hair.
969
01:27:50,881 --> 01:27:54,477
Okay, so yes, maybe there
is an element of autobiography.
970
01:27:55,481 --> 01:27:56,801
Which means you're
the reason I can't write.
971
01:27:56,841 --> 01:27:57,672
Me?
972
01:27:57,761 --> 01:28:00,861
At some point during the last
few weeks it dawned on me that...
973
01:28:01,561 --> 01:28:03,473
...when I finished this
novel, we were finished too.
974
01:28:03,921 --> 01:28:07,278
And some insane part of me
doesn't want that to happen.
975
01:28:10,040 --> 01:28:11,235
You're my block, Tom.
976
01:28:11,280 --> 01:28:12,794
But I want you to finish it.
977
01:28:13,000 --> 01:28:15,993
Yeah of course you want me to finish it,
but for what? So you can turn a profit.
978
01:28:16,080 --> 01:28:16,991
I've sold it.
979
01:28:19,280 --> 01:28:20,111
What?
980
01:28:21,160 --> 01:28:22,355
I've sold the business.
981
01:28:22,920 --> 01:28:27,073
No, you can't have sold it.
That stupid company is you.
982
01:28:29,400 --> 01:28:31,357
Get it back. You can't do this to me.
983
01:28:31,720 --> 01:28:34,770
I'm on the moral high ground
here and I'm not getting off now.
984
01:28:38,359 --> 01:28:39,156
You sold it?
985
01:28:39,359 --> 01:28:40,270
Yeah.
986
01:28:47,079 --> 01:28:48,638
And you can take all
the time you need...
987
01:28:48,759 --> 01:28:51,309
...for the last chapter.
I made it part of the deal.
988
01:28:53,199 --> 01:28:56,987
Tom. I didn't sign.
989
01:28:58,958 --> 01:29:00,870
With Klinsch and McLeish. I couldn't do it.
990
01:29:01,038 --> 01:29:02,995
Jane, I've spoken to my
Relationship Manager...
991
01:29:03,078 --> 01:29:06,428
If I hear the words 'sad', 'beautiful'
or 'music' you're a dead man.
992
01:29:07,038 --> 01:29:07,835
Apparently...
993
01:29:09,958 --> 01:29:10,755
I block you.
994
01:29:11,718 --> 01:29:12,834
And I block you too.
995
01:29:20,637 --> 01:29:22,993
What? What could possibly be more important?
996
01:29:24,317 --> 01:29:27,071
I know how it ends.
I'm just going to get my laptop.
997
01:29:28,957 --> 01:29:29,834
I don't care.
998
01:29:38,997 --> 01:29:40,829
You are on fire.
999
01:29:41,076 --> 01:29:42,726
You're pretty hot yourself, baby.
1000
01:29:47,396 --> 01:29:52,994
Err, Tom? Tom, what are
you doing? Tom? Oh my God. Tom!
1001
01:29:59,356 --> 01:30:00,233
Tom?
1002
01:30:01,556 --> 01:30:02,353
Tom!
1003
01:30:08,515 --> 01:30:12,304
Why is it that the saddest
endings always seem the truest?
1004
01:30:12,955 --> 01:30:16,073
In the stories I told myself
I was always the heroine...
1005
01:30:16,155 --> 01:30:18,226
...always reaching for my happy ending.
1006
01:30:22,315 --> 01:30:23,715
It didn't turn out that way.
1007
01:30:25,115 --> 01:30:27,565
I won't get to spend
the rest of my life with him.
1008
01:30:29,114 --> 01:30:33,154
But I was loved. And that's enough.
1009
01:30:45,754 --> 01:30:46,949
Ladies and gentlemen...
1010
01:30:47,834 --> 01:30:51,509
Jane Lockhart will now be signing
copies of her chart-topping new novel...
1011
01:30:52,513 --> 01:30:53,813
'You'll Catch Your Death'.
1012
01:31:08,233 --> 01:31:10,350
Well, Darsie. Back where you belong.
1013
01:31:10,513 --> 01:31:12,413
Are you actually talking to your book?
1014
01:31:14,112 --> 01:31:15,341
You don't think it's all a bit tacky?
1015
01:31:15,672 --> 01:31:17,106
Tacky? We have canapes.
1016
01:31:17,872 --> 01:31:18,783
Now get signing.
1017
01:31:24,552 --> 01:31:29,149
Right, you ready? Go on, just do it.
Okay, pay attention class, pay attention!
1018
01:31:33,312 --> 01:31:35,668
Jane Lockhart, of course...
1019
01:31:36,312 --> 01:31:40,146
...follows Charlotte Bronte
as only the second writer...
1020
01:31:40,231 --> 01:31:43,747
...in English to design and
build her own hovercraft.
1021
01:31:43,831 --> 01:31:45,151
Hovercraft.
1022
01:31:45,511 --> 01:31:48,470
H.O.V.E.R.C.R.A.F.T.
1023
01:31:49,311 --> 01:31:52,031
See? They'll believe
anything you tell them.
1024
01:31:55,271 --> 01:32:00,470
So, I thought you said Pandemic
Media people were coming today.
1025
01:32:01,710 --> 01:32:02,587
Where are they?
1026
01:32:02,990 --> 01:32:03,787
You're looking at them.
1027
01:32:04,030 --> 01:32:04,880
What do you mean?
1028
01:32:05,630 --> 01:32:07,462
They want someone in
the company who won't...
1029
01:32:07,590 --> 01:32:09,990
...let you get away with
your usual extravagance.
1030
01:32:10,110 --> 01:32:11,624
Someone hard-line.
1031
01:32:11,750 --> 01:32:13,503
Someone disciplined.
1032
01:32:15,870 --> 01:32:18,783
Ah, brilliant.
1033
01:32:20,310 --> 01:32:21,210
Cheers, thank you.
1034
01:32:25,149 --> 01:32:25,946
You read it.
1035
01:32:26,349 --> 01:32:29,945
Yeah. Her father was really bad to her.
1036
01:32:30,509 --> 01:32:31,609
A nasty piece of work.
1037
01:32:31,629 --> 01:32:33,529
- No. No, no, he wasn't nas...
- But...
1038
01:32:34,909 --> 01:32:36,309
She forgives him in the end.
1039
01:32:43,309 --> 01:32:46,460
Mr L. Oh...
1040
01:32:46,508 --> 01:32:47,828
...if you think that was bad...
1041
01:32:47,908 --> 01:32:50,858
...wait til you see what she's
done with you in the new one.
1042
01:32:55,388 --> 01:32:56,583
Yeah. Errm...
1043
01:32:58,028 --> 01:33:01,146
Mr Lockhart, Benny, would
you give us a second?
1044
01:33:03,828 --> 01:33:04,659
Yeah, yeah sure.
1045
01:33:05,068 --> 01:33:05,899
Thanks.
1046
01:33:21,467 --> 01:33:22,617
- So...
- Uh-huh?
1047
01:33:24,867 --> 01:33:25,857
- Look...
- Yes?
1048
01:33:26,027 --> 01:33:29,737
You are, frankly, about the most
infuriating person I've ever met.
1049
01:33:30,187 --> 01:33:33,657
Which considering I work in Scottish
publishing, is saying something.
1050
01:33:36,866 --> 01:33:39,266
But we couldn't have got
here without each other.
1051
01:33:42,106 --> 01:33:43,606
So Jane, what I'm saying is...
1052
01:33:45,066 --> 01:33:45,863
Will you...
1053
01:33:48,426 --> 01:33:49,257
Could you...
1054
01:33:50,186 --> 01:33:51,136
Is that a contract?
1055
01:33:51,186 --> 01:33:53,186
Two more books and
an option for a third.
1056
01:33:53,786 --> 01:33:54,583
Exclusive?
1057
01:33:54,666 --> 01:33:57,134
Naturally we'd have to work
very, very, very closely.
1058
01:33:57,265 --> 01:33:58,585
With lots of notes?
1059
01:33:58,665 --> 01:34:00,179
An excessive amount of notes.
1060
01:34:00,225 --> 01:34:01,056
Okay, I do.
1061
01:34:03,185 --> 01:34:04,938
I mean.. I mean I will.
1062
01:34:05,945 --> 01:34:06,845
I will, I meant...
1063
01:34:08,665 --> 01:34:09,865
Okay, just give it here.
1064
01:36:55,258 --> 01:36:57,932
This is really pathetic.
1065
01:36:58,378 --> 01:37:01,051
Who is this? Jimmy Miller.
1066
01:37:01,737 --> 01:37:03,091
Should I know him?
1067
01:37:05,097 --> 01:37:07,851
One hundred pages of the
bullshit. One hundred pages.
1068
01:37:09,097 --> 01:37:10,647
I'm not even going to read his.
1069
01:37:11,137 --> 01:37:15,290
Caitlin doesn't turn up most of the time.
Hasn't even put his name on the front cover.
1070
01:37:15,337 --> 01:37:16,537
Who is this meant to be?
1071
01:37:16,657 --> 01:37:18,967
Well I can tell by his
handwriting it's Paul's.
1072
01:37:19,057 --> 01:37:22,653
If Paul thinks he can just draw pictures
and I'll know what he's trying to say,
1073
01:37:22,776 --> 01:37:26,776
he's got another thing coming. They're
all the same, aren't they? Shona Westwood.
1074
01:37:27,296 --> 01:37:31,688
What does she want? There's nothing in this,
is there? Hasn't even bothered to do it.83506
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