All language subtitles for home_improvement_S01E19

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- Here you go. Good as new.
- Oh, come on, Tim.

You can't tell me that actually works.

- Just like it was.
- Impressed.

- Doesn't take a genius to fix a hair dyer.
- And that's why we asked you.

- Good one, Jill.
- Thank you so much.

I just love it when we girls get together
and do our little estrogen humor.

I'm going to the park
to ride my new bike.

Randy, why are you wearing
all those pads?

- Cos they look cool.
- And you gotta look cool,

cos you're not riding
that kiddy bike any more.

You'll be riding the new
KX-80 man-sized speed demon.

Hey, have fun but ride slowly, OK?

Jill, ride slowly? A man's got to make
challenges for himself.

Try to visualize you're at
the Bonneville Salt flats.

Right out of the chute.
200 miles an hour… 300, 400, 500…

Fur ball, Tim?

I'll be going to the park now.

"I would…" Oh, a chain letter.

- Oh, no, is it addressed to me?
- No, it's to me.

Let me see, let me see.

"Within 24 hours of receiving this chain
letter, it must be sent to ten people."

"If you break the chain,
you will have bad luck."

Oh, I'm shaking in my shorts.
Look at this. Watch this.

Shake all you want, but listen to this.

"A naval officer in Borneo
disregarded this letter

and three days later,
he was decapitated."

"Naval officer gets his head cut off."
You read it wrong.

It says, "A head waiter
got his navel cut off."

Don't do that.
Why take chances? You don't know.

This naval officer might have had
his head cut off.

Honey, honey, don't worry.
If you get your head cut off,

I'll staple gun it back on.

Tim, that letter's addressed to you. You're
the one who's gonna have the bad luck.

God, you're right, Karen.
Something horrible could happen to me.

I'll see you guys. Bye-bye.

I need a head, I need a head. You gotta…

- Tim?
- Huh?

Where have you been? You were
supposed to be here half an hour ago.

Oh, boy. My battery went dead,
so I had to charge it up.

I get to work,
somebody was parked in my spot.

Oh, gee, that's too bad. But I have a feeling
your luck will be changing soon.

You sound like Jill.
She got all upset this morning

cos some idiot sent me
a stupid chain letter.

Well, he wasn't necessarily an idiot, Tim.

Well, I don't care what he was.
I threw it out.

Well, you… You shouldn't have done that.

- You know, something bad could happen.
- Like what?

I don't know. You…
you could be decapitated.

You sent me that letter, didn't you?

I didn't say I sent it. The chain letter
says you're not supposed to say.

- What chain letter?
- The one I'm not saying I sent you.

I should've figured it was you.
I'm the only person you know.

I'm just saying
that all day I've had good luck.

- Really?
- I found $20 on the sidewalk.

And this morning,
I won a shovel on a radio contest.

Ooh, a shovel? You must have been
listening to "Grave Digging With Gus".

Tim, Tim, did you see this message?
Someone named George Foreman called

and he said, "I'd be happy to do it."

Yes. Thank you, Lisa.

- George Foreman the boxer?
- No, this is George Foreman the hypnotist.

- Yes, George Foreman the boxer.
- Well, that's great.

Is he gonna come on the show
and build something?

No, I suggest he come on
and spar with you for a couple of hours.

He has a charity,
a George Foreman youth home,

and I did a little banquet for him
and he said, "How can I repay you?"

I said, "How about coming on Tool Time?"
He said, "Yes."

So, Mr Negativity,
maybe I've got some luck after all.

I'm just saying that if you send that
chain letter, you'll have better luck.

Al, listen. Having George Foreman
on the show, that is good luck.

Winning a shovel, that's not good luck.
You do not have good luck.

Al, Al. I almost forgot.
The heat's broken in my apartment.

Can I stay at your place tonight?

- Sure, Lisa.
- Thank you.

I can't believe you tried that stupid jump
on your new bike.

You're going to be grounded
till you're dead.

We have to think of a lie fast.

We could say lightning hit it.

Yeah, right. I just wish there was some way
we could blame this on Mark.

Yeah, he believes everything we say.
We could tell him he did it.

That's even dumber than the lightning.

Come on, let's hide this in the bushes
before Mom sees us.

Honey, if you want to blow bubbles,
you have to flatten the gum out first.

- Like that.
- You mean like this?

- Well, sort of.
- Yeah, well, that's one way.

Now, put it on the tip of your tongue
and blow.

I think you need
to practice that some more.

Hello. Oh, hi, Al.

No, he's not here yet.

What? He should do what with his hands?
What's wrong with his hands?

Is he all right?

Yeah, yeah, sure.
I'll tell him. Thanks.

- Bye.
- What happened?

Al and Tim were working
with some dye on the show,

and Tim accidentally
dyed his hands green.

- Oh, hi, Tim.
- Hi, Karen. How are you doing?

Good, and you?

- Great.
- Great.

- Hi, honey.
- Hi, dear.

- How was work?
- It was good.

- No bad luck today, Tim?
- No, it's a great day. Thanks. Wonderful.

- Good.
- Well, come here. Give me a hug.

Tim, come here a minute.
I wanna talk to you.

- I…
- Just a second.

Look, I've been feeling really bad about
all the nasty things I've been saying to you.

- Don't… Hey, hey…
- No, no. I'd feel a lot better.

- Let's just start over.
- Good.

Shake?

I don't want to.

Oh, look at this.
The boys left their basketball here again.

Tim, would you get rid of this for me?
Catch.

- Al called. Told us about your hands.
- Why didn't you say something?

Cos this is more fun.

This has nothing to do
with throwing out that chain letter.

- I didn't say that. Did you say that?
- Not that.

I had good luck today.

- Guess who decided to be on Tool Time?
- Who?

- George Foreman.
- George Foreman.

- Yeah.
- Is he an athlete?

- Yes, Jill.
- I know who he is.

- I know you do.
- The quarterback for the Detroit Tigers.

- No, no, no.
- No, no, that's Arnold Palmer.

- No, no, he's a race car driver.
- Ladies, ladies…

- No, he's… Look…
- Yeah, he won the Super Bowl.

George Foreman happens to be the
former heavy weight champion of the world.

Oh, wow. In what sport?

Boxing. He's a boxer, Jill. Boxing.

Boxing's not a sport.

What do you call a great sport?
Synchronized swimming?

I'm not kidding.
They call boxing "the sweet science".

Oh, really? How scientific is it for mo men
to stand in a ring and pound each other?

I'll show you how it is. Put up your dukes.
Ty to hit me in the face. Come on.

- Tim, I am not gonna fight you.
- Come on.

You're not gonna fight me. I'm just gonna
show you how much skill it takes

- to hit a moving target.
- I don't wanna hit you.

I didn't say you were gonna hit me. I said
you're gonna try to hit me. Ding, ding.

- Stop that.
- Nail him.

- Come on.
- All right.

Good.

Hey, come on. Hit me.
What's the problem?

- Honey?
- I'm going to get you.

Oh, I'm so scared, I'm shaking in my boots.
Come on, come on.

See? It's a science. I'm outthinking you.

I blew a bubble.

God.

- Ooh. It's really getting swollen.
- Yeah.

And red. Maybe we should dye it green
to match your hands.

Well, I'm sorry, honey,
but you made me hit you.

Tim, did she hit you
with a jab or an uppercut?

- It was a lucky punch is what it was.
- Not so lucky for you.

Don't start this. This has nothing to do
with me throwing out that chain letter.

I told you not to throw it away.

You didn't pull it out of the trash
and save it did you?

- No, why? Are you sorry I didn't?
- No, it belongs in the trash.

- Guys, I'm leaving.
- Hey, my luck is changing already.

- Bye, champ.
- Bye.

I was talking to Jill.

Now, if he challenges you to a rematch,
I want you to call me.

Well, I better let his eye heal first.

Where would she put
that darn chain letter?

What are you doing out here?

Nothing. Nothing. I was just out here
getting a little air on that eye.

You were not.
You were looking for that chain letter.

- Was not.
- Was too.

And you're not gonna find it either,
cos the trash was picked up this morning.

Hi-ho, neighbors.

- Oh, hi, Wilson.
- Hey, Wilson.

Tim, I found this kind of
wedged under my fence.

It wouldn't belong to anybody over there,
would it?

- Randy?
- It's Randy's.

- Where's Randy?
- Upstairs.

- Is he all right?
- Yeah.

Randy.

- Just a second.
- Nice hands, Dad.

Thanks.
Do you know anything about this?

It looks like it was hit by lightning.

Yeah, right. Lightning?

- Yeah, Mom?
- What happened to the bike?

- Well, it was hit by…
- Don't say "lightning".

Wind.

A strong wind.

- Leave.
- OK.

Not you. Come back here.

- What happened to the bike?
- Dad, your hands are green.

They were hit by lightning.

- What happened to your bike?
- OK.

Stevie Randall double dared me
to jump the ramp down at the park.

What ramp at the park?

We built this five-foot ramp at the bottom
of the hill to see how far we could jump.

- five feet?
- five feet? Wow.

You must have been
shooting off that thing.

- Man is not supposed to fly.
- You could really have hurt yourself.

Well, I would've made the landing
except the bike broke.

I think you should take it back, Dad.
It has a defect.

I think you should go upstairs
while your father and I discuss this.

Come on.

- Dad?
- Yes?

I know you always say
a man should take care of his machine.

And I'm sorry.

But I did beat the record.

- By how much?
- Six feet.

- Yes.
- Tim.

Go on upstairs. You heard me.
Go on, now.

Oh, those crazy kids, honey. You know,
the defect is probably in the bike.

It doesn't matter about the defect.
He did a stupid thing.

- Well, he had to make the jump.
- Why?

Honey, they double dared him.

o .

So, our son was challenged.

He met the challenge
and he's earned their respect.

Oh, I see. So if these kids tell him that he
should jump off a cliff he should do that?

You'd need a bigger bike for that.

This is a pretty common thing for kids.

Oh, when I was young, ten years old,
they're dredging Quarton Lake,

my buddies challenged me to jump off of
a dock into three feet of mud naked.

And I did it. To this day,
do you know what they call me?

The village idiot?

Thank you, everybody.

Thank you, and welcome to Tool Time.

Ho-ho-ho, yourselves. Welcome to the
show. I'm Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.

And I'm Al "The Lucky Man" Borland.

You know, we've got a big show this week.

We've got a special guest.
A very special guest.

The former and maybe future heavy weight
champion of the world.

Let's bring him out here, Mr "More Power"
himself, George Foreman. Yeah.

You know, this is a building show. We
build things. What would you like to build?

How about a sandwich?

Well, actually,
we're gonna build a staircase.

I never ate a staircase.

Well, don't start now.
We only have one of them, you know?

Before we get going, I'd like you to sit down
and ask you a few questions, if I could.

A little conversation about challenges.
You're a renowned heavy weight.

You've met a lot of challenges
in your life.

Has there ever been a challenge
you've been unable to meet?

There was this seafood buffet once.

- I wanted to eat 16 plates of fried shrimp.
- Yeah.

But when I got to the 13th plate,
I had trouble. I started to stagger.

- What about the 14th plate?
- TKO.

- Ah. That TKO thing. Yeah.
- Totally keeled over.

Well, I guess we can safely say
you're the heavy champion of the world.

Well… you know… I meant…
Just a little joke, George.

- That dinner taught me something, Tim.
- What's that?

- A man's got to know his limitations.
- Yeah.

That's some good advice
from the champ.

Hey, Tim, is there something wrong
with your eye?

No, no. I hit it on something.

His wife's fist.

Thanks, Al.

You need to put
a thick steak on that eye.

I thought you were supposed
to put ice on a black eye.

Oh, when you're done with ice,
you can't barbecue it.

Why don't we get right on that project?
What do you say? Lisa?

Bring out that staircase.

- OK.
- Here you go, fellas.

Thank you, Lisa. Well, Al's already set up
our staircase, and we're ready to proceed.

Al, what's the next stage
in the staircase assembly?

Well, as you can see, we're about ready
to nail in our risers and tread.

You think that's funny, huh?

Well…

Since you're the guest here,
why don't you hit that first nail, George?

There you go.

George, what are you doing?

Well, if I'm going to hit that nail, Tim,
I've got to get angry with it.

Huh?

So I'm going to close my eyes
and imagine it's Evander Holyfield.

- You going to hold that nail for me?
- Al, hold that nail.

I don't think so, Tim.

- George, hold your own nail.
- I don't think so, Tim.

Lisa?

I don't think so, Tim.

Hey, I got an idea.
Why don't I just start the nail for you?

Hey, yeah.

I didn't go to college for nothing, George.

OK, George. Take a wing at that.

We'll get ready with the measurements…

Give way, people.

Good gracious.

One, mo, three, four…
You're out of there.

- Wilson, you over there?
- As far as I know, Tim.

- Are you a superstitious man, Wilson?
- No, I'm not, Tim.

Knock wood.

I'm not superstitious either,
but I know this guy that, in one day,

got a black eye, flattened his finger,
and dyed his hands an odd color.

- Green?
- Yeah.

It's me. I've been having this string
of bad luck lately.

I wonder if it's because I threw out
this cheesy chain letter.

Well, personally, Tim,
I place no credence in chain letters.

Of course, I did have a friend once
who didn't return a chain letter,

and he disappeared mysteriously.

He was a naval officer in Borneo.

- He was decapitated.
- No.

Oh, yeah.

- Well, I'll have to send the family a card.
- What do I do about this chain letter?

Well, Tim, the problem may not be
the chain letter.

Someone's planted the concept
of bad luck in your mind,

and therefore your subconscious
is expecting bad luck.

Ergo, bad luck happens.

There you go.

Bad luck. Bad luck.

What if someone
wasn't as enlightened as me?

How would they
get rid of that curse?

Well, some people think it can be broken
by carrying garlic and wolfsbane.

- Wolfsbane?
- Genus Aconitum Vulpana.

- Yeah, sure.
- Also called monkshood.

It's a herb indigenous
to the Eurasian plain. It's very, very rare.

- Almost impossible to find.
- Where would I go get some?

Right here, Tim.

- Do you have any garlic?
- Be my guest.

Ty to bring that back, Tim.
I'm making pizza.

You know, Dad, jumping off that ramp
really was stupid.

It sure was.
You could have been hurt real bad.

A man's gotta know his limitations.
That's what it is.

- Yeah, I guess you're right.
- But I think I know why you did it.

When I was young, I knew this kid,
this real bright, good-looking kid,

that everybody
used to taunt, you know?

They challenged him
and he met their challenge

by diving off a dock
into three feet of mud, naked.

Man, that was stupid.

It wasn't as stupid as what you did.
I think it's kind of brave.

Brave?

Yeah, big shot.
You had pads, I was naked.

Tim, look at this.

Hey, Mom, did you know Dad
jumped into three feet of mud naked?

Again?

And I get busted for ramp jumping.

Yeah, yeah, you just go get ready for bed.
Honey, I was just making this list,

and, you know, I don't think that all this bad
luck is just because of that chain letter.

- You don't, do you?
- No. Listen to this.

In the last month,
you have done the following.

Backed a pickup truck
into a house,

almost electrocuted
yourself three times,

nailed your shoe into the floor,
and glued your head to a table.

What's your point?

Well, the point is, it's not the chain letter
that's bringing you bad luck.

It's you. You're a klutz.
Isn't that great?

Honey, I'm thrilled.

No. Really. You don't have to worry
about being superstitious.

I'm not superstitious.
This is your fault.

- Mine.
- Yes.

You were the one that planted the idea
of bad luck in my mind

and let the ergo
out of my subconscious.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- I did what?

Don't deny this.

You and I are a lot different because
I don't buy into that hocus-pocus jazz.

- What?
- Is that garlic I smell?

- That's a cologne.
- Why is this in your pocket?

- I… I was holding it for Wilson.
- And what is this?

- Huh?
- This. What is this?

Wolfsbane.

Wouldn't be trying to ward off
any evil spirits, would you, Tim?

Wilson said that if
I put those in my pockets,

it would turn bad luck
into good luck.

Really?
How does it do that?

I'll show you. OK.

- Garlic goes here.
- Yeah?

Wolfsbane goes here.

Then you're supposed to take your wife,
give her three kisses. One. Two.

And the third one's really long.

- You know what?
- What?

- Wilson was right.
- About what?

You're about to get real lucky.

- So, is this what we're supposed to do?
- No, here.

- OK. Like that and like that.
- All right.

- All right.
- Now, a lucky punch,

you can't rely on those.
Distractions.

You can always have a distraction
and get a good punch in.

- But what if I hit you again?
- You ain't gonna hit me again.

Mark, come on,
put the bubble gum away.

- Why do you always…
- Dink.

All right.
Let's fight fair, all right?

- This glove is really loose.
- I tightened the glove my…

Dink.

- I'm not falling for this again.
- I can't get my hair out of my mouth.

- You put the earring on there…
- Dink.

- When I say "ready", we start. OK?
- OK.

- All right.
- Dink.

- Is this really that funny to you?
- Yes.

- All right.
- All right.

- Don't hit me in the face again this time.
- OK.

- Don't hit me in the face again this time.
- OK.

- I'm gonna go get George.
- Oh, God.

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