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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,510 --> 00:00:08,642 [ Ulysses Voiceover ] I've always had a simultaneous fear of, 2 00:00:08,773 --> 00:00:10,949 and attraction toward, the unknown. 3 00:00:12,777 --> 00:00:15,258 And in these fucking dark and scary times, 4 00:00:15,388 --> 00:00:19,479 it's easy to adopt a "What difference does it make?" attitude. 5 00:00:19,610 --> 00:00:22,569 So I often find myself in these situations 6 00:00:22,700 --> 00:00:27,574 where my heart's pounding so fast I can barely breathe. 7 00:00:27,705 --> 00:00:29,533 And I can't tell if it's excitement or terror or both. 8 00:00:29,663 --> 00:00:31,535 [ man groans ] 9 00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:33,493 -No! -It's not like I'm brave 10 00:00:33,624 --> 00:00:38,324 or anything, it's more reckless stupidity, 11 00:00:39,847 --> 00:00:42,285 an adrenaline fix, 12 00:00:42,415 --> 00:00:45,766 throwing myself into the void to see what happens. 13 00:00:52,208 --> 00:00:54,645 No! 14 00:00:54,775 --> 00:00:55,820 Help me! 15 00:00:56,995 --> 00:00:59,084 [ man groans ] 16 00:01:00,477 --> 00:01:03,088 [ screams ] 17 00:01:03,219 --> 00:01:04,263 [ Ulysses grunting ] 18 00:01:04,394 --> 00:01:07,310 Harder! Harder! 19 00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:08,267 -[ door thuds ] -Dave? 20 00:01:08,398 --> 00:01:09,399 Oh, shit! 21 00:01:09,529 --> 00:01:10,356 My husband's home! 22 00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:12,576 Oh, shit. 23 00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:14,099 [ stammers ] What should I do? 24 00:01:16,667 --> 00:01:18,103 DAVE'S HUSBAND: Dave, where are you?! 25 00:01:18,234 --> 00:01:21,106 DAVE: In here, babe. 26 00:01:21,237 --> 00:01:22,629 -[ Ulysses yelps ] -[ loud thud ] 27 00:01:34,685 --> 00:01:36,339 [ Ulysses Voiceover ] So yeah, I realized that one day 28 00:01:36,469 --> 00:01:38,341 these crazy adventures will probably get me 29 00:01:38,471 --> 00:01:40,821 into some gigantic trouble I can't get out of. 30 00:01:43,607 --> 00:01:45,696 But it's almost like I can't help myself. 31 00:01:45,826 --> 00:01:47,872 [ "Star Roving" by Slowdive ] 32 00:01:50,092 --> 00:01:53,095 I do shit sometimes and I really don't know why. 33 00:01:56,054 --> 00:01:57,534 To avoid boredom, I guess. 34 00:01:59,405 --> 00:02:00,363 To feel alive. 35 00:02:02,452 --> 00:02:04,671 Just for the fucking fuck of it. 36 00:02:19,338 --> 00:02:23,560 ♪ Give it away now, girl 37 00:02:23,690 --> 00:02:28,347 ♪ Can't hold down tonight 38 00:02:45,451 --> 00:02:48,193 [ panting ] 39 00:02:48,324 --> 00:02:49,281 Ah. 40 00:02:52,284 --> 00:02:53,242 Sorry, dude. 41 00:02:54,373 --> 00:02:55,505 Whatever. 42 00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:59,204 Hey, Severine. 43 00:02:59,335 --> 00:03:01,467 I thought you were sleeping out tonight. 44 00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:03,165 Yeah, uh, I'm not. 45 00:03:06,255 --> 00:03:08,909 Anyhoo, please, continue. 46 00:03:10,259 --> 00:03:11,390 Goodnight, Ulysses. 47 00:03:11,521 --> 00:03:13,175 Goodnight. 48 00:03:13,305 --> 00:03:16,308 Night, dude. 49 00:03:16,439 --> 00:03:20,095 ULYSSES: So, Ford and I have a sort of strange relationship. 50 00:03:20,443 --> 00:03:24,099 We've been roommates since college 51 00:03:24,229 --> 00:03:27,232 and we kind of drunk messed around once freshman year. 52 00:03:27,363 --> 00:03:29,974 I love him unconditionally 53 00:03:30,105 --> 00:03:33,673 and if he had even one sexually ambiguous molecule 54 00:03:33,804 --> 00:03:35,414 in his body, we'd probably be married, 55 00:03:35,545 --> 00:03:39,462 but Ford's that truly rare Kinsey zero 56 00:03:39,592 --> 00:03:42,334 in contrast to my ever oscillating four, 57 00:03:42,465 --> 00:03:44,554 which means I'm not so totally queer 58 00:03:44,684 --> 00:03:48,253 that I haven't rubbed out a few fantasizing about Severine. 59 00:03:48,384 --> 00:03:51,517 Everything in my life right now is a question mark, 60 00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:54,868 which pretty much explains what this thing is about. 61 00:03:54,999 --> 00:03:56,914 It's definitely not a vlog. 62 00:03:57,044 --> 00:04:00,352 It's more of a place to download the random shit 63 00:04:00,483 --> 00:04:03,747 that's in my head to keep it from like [ lips pop ] exploding. 64 00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:08,012 Back in school, I thought I wanted to be an actor, 65 00:04:08,143 --> 00:04:10,754 but once I got to LA, I quickly discovered 66 00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:13,104 that's probably the lamest, most soul-crushing thing 67 00:04:13,235 --> 00:04:14,888 I could do with my life. 68 00:04:15,019 --> 00:04:17,108 And Ford is that sad LA cliché, 69 00:04:17,239 --> 00:04:19,415 an aspiring screenwriter. 70 00:04:19,545 --> 00:04:22,418 But movies are even more irrelevant now than books. 71 00:04:22,548 --> 00:04:26,378 It's all stupid superheroes and YA bullshit. 72 00:04:26,509 --> 00:04:28,728 And thanks to Instagram, art and photography, 73 00:04:28,859 --> 00:04:30,817 all of that's pretty much obsolete now too, 74 00:04:30,948 --> 00:04:32,645 so lacking a better outlet, 75 00:04:32,776 --> 00:04:37,389 here I am talking to myself in the dark. 76 00:04:45,528 --> 00:04:50,010 But also, there's something weird going on 77 00:04:50,141 --> 00:04:54,189 that I feel I need to document. 78 00:04:58,105 --> 00:04:59,716 I've been having this nightmare, 79 00:04:59,846 --> 00:05:01,979 the same one over and over, 80 00:05:02,109 --> 00:05:03,937 two or three times a week for the past month. 81 00:05:04,068 --> 00:05:05,722 MAN: No! 82 00:05:05,852 --> 00:05:07,202 [ Ulysses Voiceover ] And it's so vivid and freakishly real 83 00:05:07,332 --> 00:05:11,075 that when I wake up, it's still there hovering over me like 84 00:05:11,206 --> 00:05:13,033 it's not just a dream, 85 00:05:13,164 --> 00:05:16,254 like it's trying to tell me something. 86 00:05:16,385 --> 00:05:19,257 Maybe smoke a smidge less pot before bedtime? 87 00:05:19,388 --> 00:05:21,216 Carly, I'm being serious. 88 00:05:21,346 --> 00:05:23,435 Don't you ever get bizarre premonitions? 89 00:05:23,566 --> 00:05:27,265 -No. -Well, I do and I'm a double Scorpio. 90 00:05:27,396 --> 00:05:29,354 It's the most psychic of all the signs. 91 00:05:29,485 --> 00:05:32,401 And I've had premonitions before, but this is different. 92 00:05:32,531 --> 00:05:35,578 It's like we're teetering on the brink of total annihilation. 93 00:05:35,708 --> 00:05:38,842 CARLY: Okay, well, that's every fucking day now 94 00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:41,540 in this tragic shit show era we're living in. 95 00:05:41,671 --> 00:05:44,456 But anyway, are you still cyber-stalking that guy? 96 00:05:44,587 --> 00:05:47,242 -Gabriel. -Mm. 97 00:05:47,372 --> 00:05:49,548 Yeah. We were supposed to hang out last night, but-- 98 00:05:49,679 --> 00:05:54,031 Oh, let me guess, he flaked. 99 00:05:54,161 --> 00:05:58,383 Hey, look, this guy's a gnarly 300-pound catfish. 100 00:05:58,514 --> 00:06:00,820 That's why I've been pushing to meet in real life. 101 00:06:00,951 --> 00:06:02,431 Look, check it out. 102 00:06:02,561 --> 00:06:05,303 -Oh. He is pretty. -Right? 103 00:06:05,434 --> 00:06:08,045 I know it sounds hokey, but I just get this vibe that we're destined to be. 104 00:06:08,175 --> 00:06:10,221 Okay, double Scorpio. 105 00:06:10,352 --> 00:06:13,485 Honestly, just looking at him makes me dizzy and hard. 106 00:06:13,616 --> 00:06:15,182 You know, when I first met Jethro, 107 00:06:15,313 --> 00:06:17,750 seeing him sneeze would make me cum, 108 00:06:17,881 --> 00:06:20,623 but now, like uh, last night, in the middle of fucking, 109 00:06:20,753 --> 00:06:25,323 Jethro leans in and for some ungodly reason, whispers-- 110 00:06:26,411 --> 00:06:28,631 Mm, teach me, baby, teach me. 111 00:06:28,761 --> 00:06:29,588 -What? -[ Jethro moans ] 112 00:06:29,719 --> 00:06:30,850 Teach me! 113 00:06:30,981 --> 00:06:32,983 Is that something you got from a bad porno? 114 00:06:33,113 --> 00:06:34,332 Oh, come on, baby! 115 00:06:34,463 --> 00:06:36,116 Yeah, teach me how to drive you wild! 116 00:06:36,247 --> 00:06:37,727 Yes, baby! 117 00:06:37,857 --> 00:06:39,076 Make me a student! 118 00:06:39,206 --> 00:06:41,078 I'm a vessel for your pleasure! 119 00:06:41,208 --> 00:06:42,166 -[ groans ] -Yeah! 120 00:06:42,297 --> 00:06:44,037 Ah, teach me, baby! 121 00:06:44,168 --> 00:06:44,995 -Come on, yeah! -Can you just slow down 122 00:06:45,125 --> 00:06:46,475 a little bit, please?! 123 00:06:46,605 --> 00:06:47,998 Teach me, baby! Teach me! 124 00:06:48,128 --> 00:06:50,130 -Oh, shit. -And it gets worse. 125 00:06:50,261 --> 00:06:53,351 He wants me to go to his fucking meditation class tonight. 126 00:06:53,482 --> 00:06:55,048 But meditating gives you anxiety. 127 00:06:55,179 --> 00:06:57,224 Yeah, I know. 128 00:06:57,355 --> 00:06:59,314 It's so easy for him. His brain, his natural resting state, 129 00:06:59,444 --> 00:07:02,708 is just a blank void of nothingness. 130 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:05,058 -[ phone buzzes ] -[ Carly sighs ] 131 00:07:05,189 --> 00:07:06,843 Is it the catfish? 132 00:07:06,973 --> 00:07:08,671 Oh, shit, really? What'd he say? 133 00:07:08,801 --> 00:07:10,542 That he wants to meet tonight. 134 00:07:10,673 --> 00:07:14,154 Okay, well, my advice, set the bar low. 135 00:07:14,285 --> 00:07:16,635 Very low. 136 00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:23,163 ♪ Sanctify the love that you crave, crave ♪ 137 00:07:23,294 --> 00:07:28,081 ♪ Oh, and I won't, and I won't, and I won't be ashamed ♪ 138 00:07:28,212 --> 00:07:30,780 ♪ Sanctify my sins when I pray ♪ 139 00:07:30,910 --> 00:07:34,436 ♪ Oh, oh, oh 140 00:07:34,566 --> 00:07:39,092 -♪ When I pray -♪ Oh, oh, oh 141 00:07:40,050 --> 00:07:42,444 ♪ You'll find redemption 142 00:07:42,574 --> 00:07:43,575 Hey. 143 00:07:45,055 --> 00:07:47,144 How's the script coming? 144 00:07:47,274 --> 00:07:48,972 I've seen you here before. 145 00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:50,016 Oh. 146 00:07:51,191 --> 00:07:52,758 It's going great. 147 00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:53,890 You a writer too? 148 00:07:54,020 --> 00:07:55,108 No. 149 00:07:55,413 --> 00:07:56,849 Actually, I'm a producer. 150 00:07:56,980 --> 00:08:00,375 Oh, no shit. Cool. 151 00:08:00,505 --> 00:08:02,551 You should send me one of your scripts. 152 00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:07,077 -For real? -Yes. 153 00:08:07,207 --> 00:08:10,123 You look like a ambitious, hardworking young man. 154 00:08:11,864 --> 00:08:13,692 Email me. 155 00:08:13,823 --> 00:08:15,477 Oh, wow. 156 00:08:15,607 --> 00:08:18,001 Okay, Mr. Powers. 157 00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:21,004 Please. Barnabas. 158 00:08:24,311 --> 00:08:26,618 Ford. Ford Halstead. 159 00:08:26,749 --> 00:08:29,578 Great to meet you, Ford. 160 00:08:29,708 --> 00:08:32,058 Well, I'll let you get back to work. 161 00:08:32,189 --> 00:08:34,017 Cool! I'll email you. 162 00:08:35,018 --> 00:08:36,498 Looking forward to it. 163 00:08:44,767 --> 00:08:47,247 [ phone chiming ] 164 00:08:53,515 --> 00:08:56,169 MAN: They keep fucking me. 165 00:08:57,780 --> 00:08:58,911 I tell them no, 166 00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:02,001 but they keep fucking me. 167 00:09:02,132 --> 00:09:03,525 They keep fucking me! 168 00:09:03,655 --> 00:09:05,222 Fucking me! 169 00:09:05,352 --> 00:09:06,919 And they won't stop. 170 00:09:11,228 --> 00:09:14,840 Please, make them stop. 171 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:17,452 Make them stop. 172 00:09:39,169 --> 00:09:41,040 Severine Bordeaux. 173 00:09:41,171 --> 00:09:42,520 [ scanner beeps ] 174 00:10:02,714 --> 00:10:04,237 Hello, Severine. 175 00:10:05,891 --> 00:10:07,502 Lars. Klaus. 176 00:10:09,329 --> 00:10:11,201 Looks like I didn't miss anything. 177 00:10:11,331 --> 00:10:13,682 Yes, the man is running late as usual. 178 00:10:13,812 --> 00:10:16,902 I think they keep us waiting on purpose, to build anticipation. 179 00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:19,992 And to make our work seem even more highly classified than it is. 180 00:10:20,123 --> 00:10:22,212 Actually, I heard this new assignment 181 00:10:22,342 --> 00:10:24,344 is a genuine priority level one. 182 00:10:25,389 --> 00:10:26,738 Really? 183 00:10:26,869 --> 00:10:27,913 Who told you this? 184 00:10:28,914 --> 00:10:29,959 [ Severine sighs ] 185 00:10:30,089 --> 00:10:32,701 If I revealed my sources, I'd have to kill you. 186 00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:36,879 [ groans ] 187 00:10:40,578 --> 00:10:41,492 I don't know, Uly. 188 00:10:41,623 --> 00:10:44,669 Sometimes a dream is just a dream. 189 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:49,456 Yeah, but then, but then sometimes, sometimes it's more. 190 00:10:50,980 --> 00:10:54,026 Dude, do you remember that time you were so convinced an earthquake was coming? 191 00:10:54,157 --> 00:10:55,550 You went out, you bought a bunch of soup 192 00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:57,639 and water and batteries? 193 00:10:57,769 --> 00:10:58,988 [ laughs ] 194 00:10:59,118 --> 00:11:00,163 This is different than that. 195 00:11:01,164 --> 00:11:03,079 Is it? 196 00:11:03,209 --> 00:11:05,908 Anyway, huh, isn't it awesome what happened today? 197 00:11:06,038 --> 00:11:07,213 What? 198 00:11:07,344 --> 00:11:09,085 That producer gave me his business card. 199 00:11:10,173 --> 00:11:11,217 Oh, right. 200 00:11:11,348 --> 00:11:12,784 So is he- is he for real? 201 00:11:12,915 --> 00:11:14,438 What do you mean? 202 00:11:14,569 --> 00:11:16,353 As in does he have credits? 203 00:11:16,483 --> 00:11:17,572 That, that aren't porn. 204 00:11:17,702 --> 00:11:20,226 Yeah. I already checked. 205 00:11:20,357 --> 00:11:22,838 Just be careful, okay? 'Cause he could be a serial killer or-- 206 00:11:22,968 --> 00:11:24,361 Okay, paranoid. 207 00:11:24,491 --> 00:11:28,495 ♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do 208 00:11:28,626 --> 00:11:31,934 Hey, so, um, I'm gonna be a, a little bit behind 209 00:11:32,064 --> 00:11:33,370 on, on the rent again, this month. 210 00:11:33,500 --> 00:11:36,329 Ah, no big. I got it. 211 00:11:36,460 --> 00:11:38,593 I know, I just, I don't wanna be a scab. 212 00:11:38,723 --> 00:11:40,638 Hey, I said don't worry about it. 213 00:11:40,769 --> 00:11:42,901 It was my idea to move to Cali in the first place. 214 00:11:43,032 --> 00:11:45,164 Plus, I'm the one with the rich parents, so whatevs. 215 00:11:45,295 --> 00:11:46,992 [ Ford chuckles ] 216 00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:49,604 Seriously, bro, man, I'm just so glad 217 00:11:49,734 --> 00:11:51,301 we're out here together. 218 00:11:51,431 --> 00:11:54,173 You and me, man, living the dream! 219 00:11:56,001 --> 00:11:57,699 [ laughs ] 220 00:11:57,829 --> 00:11:58,743 [ sighs ] 221 00:12:00,571 --> 00:12:02,051 You know what I mean? 222 00:12:02,181 --> 00:12:04,793 [ ethereal music ] 223 00:12:14,063 --> 00:12:15,325 Know what? 224 00:12:15,455 --> 00:12:17,936 Why don't we cut the bullshit 225 00:12:18,067 --> 00:12:20,112 and go over into those bushes over there and fuck? 226 00:12:23,072 --> 00:12:24,029 [ snapping ] 227 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,074 You all right? Yeah. 228 00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:27,337 Yup. 229 00:12:27,467 --> 00:12:28,817 You stoned or something? 230 00:12:28,947 --> 00:12:31,428 [ chuckles ] 231 00:12:31,558 --> 00:12:33,212 -You ready to head back down? -Yeah, yeah. 232 00:12:33,343 --> 00:12:34,561 -All right. -Mm-hm. 233 00:12:34,692 --> 00:12:35,737 I'll race you to the bottom. 234 00:12:35,867 --> 00:12:38,783 Mm-hm. Mm-hm. 235 00:12:38,914 --> 00:12:41,873 [ "Gosh" by Jamie xx ] 236 00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:48,488 You home already? I thought you had a coffee date. 237 00:12:50,273 --> 00:12:51,666 [ Amber sighs ] 238 00:12:51,796 --> 00:12:56,018 I did. I barely sat down and the guy asked me if I would rim him. 239 00:12:58,107 --> 00:13:00,979 -Oh. -Hmm. 240 00:13:01,110 --> 00:13:03,112 What are you doing? 241 00:13:03,242 --> 00:13:07,464 Just memorizing my lines for acting class tomorrow. 242 00:13:07,594 --> 00:13:10,597 I feel like guys on Tinder are so used to getting sex 243 00:13:10,728 --> 00:13:12,556 that they don't even make an effort anymore. 244 00:13:12,687 --> 00:13:15,080 Like, this one guy, he sent me the martini emoji, 245 00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:18,388 then the eggplant, then just expected me to fuck him. 246 00:13:18,518 --> 00:13:20,520 Maybe he was foreign? 247 00:13:20,651 --> 00:13:23,785 I've just encountered a lot of assholes on there. 248 00:13:23,915 --> 00:13:25,569 It's a numbers game. 249 00:13:25,700 --> 00:13:27,397 I mean, you have a lot of asshole dick, 250 00:13:27,527 --> 00:13:30,313 but you also have dick of every other kind too. 251 00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:34,534 Yeah, I know, which is like dicks flying at me 24/7. 252 00:13:34,665 --> 00:13:36,711 Exactly. 253 00:13:36,841 --> 00:13:38,800 I don't know, I might delete it. 254 00:13:38,930 --> 00:13:42,542 Maybe it's true, you can't find romance through a screen. 255 00:13:42,673 --> 00:13:44,588 That is something that old people say 256 00:13:44,719 --> 00:13:47,112 because they resent the fact that we don't have to go 257 00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:49,898 and troll gross bars for sex like they did. 258 00:13:50,028 --> 00:13:51,595 Let me see your profile. 259 00:13:51,726 --> 00:13:53,292 Come here. 260 00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:03,085 You look like you're hosting a reality show 261 00:14:03,215 --> 00:14:06,784 called Extreme Brunch, or something. 262 00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:13,269 Do you have like, any photos of you wearing less clothing? 263 00:14:13,399 --> 00:14:16,751 Like, like showing less personality? 264 00:14:19,884 --> 00:14:23,235 Pretty cool that producer coming up to me today, huh? 265 00:14:23,366 --> 00:14:25,455 Yeah, incredible. 266 00:14:25,585 --> 00:14:27,239 Yeah, it's like I've only been out here six months 267 00:14:27,370 --> 00:14:30,242 and things are already starting to happen for me. 268 00:14:30,373 --> 00:14:32,027 [ sighs ] So, Sev. 269 00:14:32,157 --> 00:14:34,072 Mm-hmm? 270 00:14:34,203 --> 00:14:35,900 We've been seeing each other a while now 271 00:14:36,031 --> 00:14:40,122 and I was wondering if... 272 00:14:41,993 --> 00:14:44,126 it was cool that I called you my girlfriend. 273 00:14:44,256 --> 00:14:45,997 You can call me whatever you want. 274 00:14:46,128 --> 00:14:48,086 I'm not precious about the terminology. 275 00:14:48,217 --> 00:14:52,395 Okay, so uh, we're like, exclusive, then? 276 00:14:53,439 --> 00:14:55,137 Ford, we've discussed this. 277 00:14:55,267 --> 00:14:57,095 You know I believe that monogamy 278 00:14:57,226 --> 00:14:58,793 is a form of social control, 279 00:14:58,923 --> 00:15:01,317 which is contrary to our nature. 280 00:15:01,447 --> 00:15:03,362 What? 281 00:15:03,493 --> 00:15:05,277 For centuries, humans migrated in egalitarian 282 00:15:05,408 --> 00:15:08,019 hunter-gatherer groups and shared everything, 283 00:15:08,150 --> 00:15:11,501 food, childcare, sexual partners. 284 00:15:11,631 --> 00:15:13,285 They were very promiscuous 285 00:15:13,416 --> 00:15:15,505 and it strengthened their relationships, 286 00:15:15,635 --> 00:15:17,246 but then agriculture came along 287 00:15:17,376 --> 00:15:19,030 and people became obsessed 288 00:15:19,161 --> 00:15:21,076 with ownership and private property. 289 00:15:22,381 --> 00:15:23,469 Oh, when was that? 290 00:15:24,819 --> 00:15:27,212 About 10,000 years ago. 291 00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:28,648 Oh. 292 00:15:29,519 --> 00:15:30,912 Is this uh... 293 00:15:31,956 --> 00:15:34,872 Is this about me not being smart enough for you? 294 00:15:35,003 --> 00:15:37,614 I know you're a rocket scientist and-- 295 00:15:37,744 --> 00:15:39,485 Astrobiological theorist. 296 00:15:39,616 --> 00:15:41,226 And no, Ford, 297 00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:43,881 I actually think you're extraordinary. 298 00:15:44,012 --> 00:15:47,972 Plus, you have the world's most magnificent cock. 299 00:15:50,148 --> 00:15:51,541 Thanks. 300 00:15:51,671 --> 00:15:53,499 It's so magnificent, in fact, 301 00:15:53,630 --> 00:15:55,850 I'd feel guilty keeping it all to myself. 302 00:15:55,980 --> 00:15:58,243 Modern relationships don't last 303 00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:01,203 because we expect too much of our partners. 304 00:16:01,333 --> 00:16:03,335 They need to fulfill us emotionally, 305 00:16:03,466 --> 00:16:05,729 satisfy us sexually. 306 00:16:05,860 --> 00:16:09,037 That's a lot to ask of one person. 307 00:16:09,167 --> 00:16:13,519 Besides, future holds so much chaos and uncertainty. 308 00:16:14,738 --> 00:16:16,305 We must relish our freedom while it lasts. 309 00:16:17,872 --> 00:16:20,875 -Uh, what? -Nothing. 310 00:16:24,139 --> 00:16:28,447 If you're saying what I think it is you're saying, 311 00:16:28,578 --> 00:16:31,973 if you, you know, um, if you want to give 312 00:16:32,103 --> 00:16:35,933 the open relationship thing a try, 313 00:16:36,064 --> 00:16:37,195 I'm down. 314 00:16:41,199 --> 00:16:42,374 Really? 315 00:16:43,723 --> 00:16:45,116 You're not just saying that to make me happy? 316 00:16:45,247 --> 00:16:48,032 You know I have difficulties reading social cues. 317 00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:51,557 I mean it. 318 00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:58,390 Okay, now pretend like you're laughing 319 00:16:58,521 --> 00:17:01,089 at a cute guy over there being funny. 320 00:17:01,219 --> 00:17:03,482 But why am I wearing a bikini in the living room? 321 00:17:03,613 --> 00:17:05,528 No one is thinking about that, Amber. 322 00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:08,531 This is literally just about assessing your genetics. 323 00:17:10,794 --> 00:17:12,143 -[ laughs ] -Oh, my God, okay, 324 00:17:12,274 --> 00:17:13,449 he's not, he's not like, that funny. 325 00:17:13,579 --> 00:17:16,626 -He's amusing. -Okay. 326 00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:18,454 [ chuckles ] 327 00:17:18,584 --> 00:17:20,847 He's mildly amusing. 328 00:17:22,980 --> 00:17:24,068 -[ camera snaps ] -Perfect. 329 00:17:28,333 --> 00:17:29,900 I look mean. 330 00:17:30,031 --> 00:17:31,728 No, you look confused. 331 00:17:31,858 --> 00:17:33,077 You look hot and confused. 332 00:17:33,208 --> 00:17:34,949 That's the ideal combination. 333 00:17:35,079 --> 00:17:36,080 -What? -[ phone rings ] 334 00:17:36,211 --> 00:17:39,823 Oh, sorry. Hey. 335 00:17:39,954 --> 00:17:41,477 Oh, my God, are you watching it? 336 00:17:41,607 --> 00:17:43,435 -Watching what? -Murderous Minds. 337 00:17:43,566 --> 00:17:45,394 I told you, my episode's on tonight. 338 00:17:45,524 --> 00:17:46,786 Oh, uh, shit! 339 00:17:46,917 --> 00:17:48,092 Oh, my God, that's right, babe! 340 00:17:48,223 --> 00:17:49,833 I totally forgot! 341 00:17:49,964 --> 00:17:51,356 That's so exciting! 342 00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:53,445 Fuck, Carly! 343 00:17:53,576 --> 00:17:54,881 Hope you didn't miss me. 344 00:17:55,012 --> 00:17:56,100 I've gotta set the DVR. 345 00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:00,148 -What's happening now? -What do you mean? 346 00:18:00,278 --> 00:18:02,889 JETHRO: On the show, Jesus! 347 00:18:03,020 --> 00:18:05,805 Um, it, it looks like two cops 348 00:18:05,936 --> 00:18:08,373 are investigating like, a crime scene. 349 00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:10,680 Okay, shit, you're just in time. It's my scene. 350 00:18:14,118 --> 00:18:15,772 What's happening now? 351 00:18:15,902 --> 00:18:17,426 They just zipped some guy into a body bag. 352 00:18:17,556 --> 00:18:18,470 Yes! 353 00:18:18,601 --> 00:18:19,906 [ grunts ] 354 00:18:22,257 --> 00:18:23,998 Was that you? 355 00:18:24,128 --> 00:18:25,390 Uh yeah, what, couldn't you tell? 356 00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:28,741 No, you were amazing. 357 00:18:28,872 --> 00:18:30,047 Ah, I'm sure. 358 00:18:31,657 --> 00:18:32,615 Was I? 359 00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:34,138 Mm-hm. 360 00:18:34,269 --> 00:18:36,184 Yeah, you, you were great, Jethro. 361 00:18:36,314 --> 00:18:38,664 Oh, hey, Amber's there! Amber! 362 00:18:38,795 --> 00:18:41,972 -She uh, she see me too? - Yup, she did. 363 00:18:42,103 --> 00:18:46,803 And uh, she thought you were uh, very believable. 364 00:18:47,499 --> 00:18:50,807 14 fucking million people watch that show. 365 00:18:50,937 --> 00:18:53,070 It's like I'm always telling you, Carly, 366 00:18:53,201 --> 00:18:54,506 it's about connecting the dots 367 00:18:54,637 --> 00:18:58,206 and maintaining a positive attitude. 368 00:18:58,336 --> 00:18:59,337 Which is why I really wish you'd come with me 369 00:18:59,468 --> 00:19:01,035 to meditation class tonight. 370 00:19:01,165 --> 00:19:02,949 Yeah, I know, babe, but I told you, 371 00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:05,213 I need to work on my scene for class tomorrow. 372 00:19:05,343 --> 00:19:09,086 Yeah, well, Car, the road to failure is paved with excuses. 373 00:19:09,217 --> 00:19:10,870 [ phone beeping ] 374 00:19:11,001 --> 00:19:12,829 Hey, babe, can we continue this later? 375 00:19:12,959 --> 00:19:15,571 Uly's on the other line, probably having a crisis. 376 00:19:15,701 --> 00:19:18,835 I'm almost to work anyway. Just wanted to share my moment of glory with ya. 377 00:19:18,965 --> 00:19:21,011 You were awesome, babe. 378 00:19:21,142 --> 00:19:23,361 Thanks, I'll swing by after work for another lesson. 379 00:19:23,492 --> 00:19:26,408 Great. Okay, see ya. 380 00:19:26,538 --> 00:19:29,672 -Hey. -Gabriel is 43 fucking minutes late. 381 00:19:29,802 --> 00:19:32,283 Like I said, low bar. 382 00:19:32,414 --> 00:19:34,981 What should I do now? Should I leave? 383 00:19:35,112 --> 00:19:38,115 [ chuckles ] Are you kidding? You lost all your dignity like, 28 minutes ago. 384 00:19:38,246 --> 00:19:40,552 I know. Am I tragic? 385 00:19:40,683 --> 00:19:42,076 Don't, don't answer that. 386 00:19:42,206 --> 00:19:43,816 I was really hoping to, you know, 387 00:19:43,947 --> 00:19:45,340 finally solve the mystery of, oh, shit. 388 00:19:45,470 --> 00:19:47,124 -CARLY: What? Is he there? -Yeah. 389 00:19:47,255 --> 00:19:49,083 -I'll call you back. -Okay, bye! 390 00:19:51,563 --> 00:19:54,914 Ulysses. Oh, man, I am so sorry. 391 00:19:55,045 --> 00:19:57,003 You must think that I'm the hugest flake ever, 392 00:19:57,134 --> 00:19:59,528 but class got out late, Waze sent me to the wrong address, 393 00:19:59,658 --> 00:20:01,965 -and, and my phone died-- -It's, it's okay, it's okay-- 394 00:20:02,096 --> 00:20:03,836 Don't worry about it. 395 00:20:03,967 --> 00:20:05,751 Seriously though, I'm big on first impressions 396 00:20:05,882 --> 00:20:09,015 and I feel so fucking bad. 397 00:20:09,146 --> 00:20:11,627 Well, you're here now, right? 398 00:20:11,757 --> 00:20:13,150 That's, that's all that matters. 399 00:20:13,281 --> 00:20:14,195 Yeah. 400 00:20:14,325 --> 00:20:16,762 [ upbeat music ] 401 00:20:20,157 --> 00:20:23,943 [ "Diamond Veins" by French 79 ] 402 00:20:42,484 --> 00:20:47,184 ♪ Blood felt, joy of life 403 00:20:49,491 --> 00:20:50,709 Whoa. 404 00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:52,233 Holy crap, baby. 405 00:20:52,363 --> 00:20:53,625 [ Carly chuckles ] 406 00:20:53,756 --> 00:20:56,019 Hey, Smokey. You miss me? 407 00:20:56,150 --> 00:20:57,890 Sure did. 408 00:20:58,021 --> 00:20:59,718 I want to drink you up like a piña colada. 409 00:20:59,849 --> 00:21:04,593 Good, because I've been a really bad girl. 410 00:21:04,723 --> 00:21:06,812 -[ loud slap ] -[ gasps ] Ooh! 411 00:21:06,943 --> 00:21:08,901 -[ loud slap ] -Ah! 412 00:21:09,032 --> 00:21:10,338 -[ loud slap ] -[ moans ] 413 00:21:10,468 --> 00:21:12,905 NERD: I really want to get to know you, the real you. 414 00:21:13,036 --> 00:21:14,951 Are you sure you just don't want me to like, 415 00:21:15,081 --> 00:21:16,822 finger myself or something? 416 00:21:16,953 --> 00:21:19,173 Could we just talk first? 417 00:21:19,303 --> 00:21:22,480 Like, what do you like most about being a cam girl? 418 00:21:22,611 --> 00:21:27,137 Well, I uh, I have always wanted a job I could do lying down. 419 00:21:28,007 --> 00:21:29,052 Hm. 420 00:21:30,184 --> 00:21:31,707 Show me! 421 00:21:31,837 --> 00:21:33,709 Show me, you deviant little whore. 422 00:21:33,839 --> 00:21:36,146 You're so pitiful and weak! 423 00:21:36,277 --> 00:21:38,104 Just looking at you makes me sick. 424 00:21:38,235 --> 00:21:40,194 Get on your knees! 425 00:21:40,324 --> 00:21:44,415 Damn. I so wish I hadn't scheduled band practice for tonight. 426 00:21:44,546 --> 00:21:46,896 Ah, it, it's cool. 427 00:21:47,026 --> 00:21:48,550 It's just that a couple of weeks ago, 428 00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:51,117 I, I declared this embargo on hookups. 429 00:21:51,248 --> 00:21:53,076 I mean, you know they're fun, obviously, 430 00:21:53,207 --> 00:21:57,950 but I always just feel, well, gross and pagan after. 431 00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:00,605 Yeah, no, uh, I know what you mean. 432 00:22:02,172 --> 00:22:03,869 So I, I made sure to make plans 433 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:06,959 so that no matter how hot you were, 434 00:22:07,090 --> 00:22:10,572 I, you know, would have to restrain myself. 435 00:22:12,661 --> 00:22:14,576 No, it's, it's okay, I totally get it. 436 00:22:17,579 --> 00:22:19,885 We can hang out soon again, though, right? 437 00:22:20,016 --> 00:22:21,713 Definitely. 438 00:22:21,844 --> 00:22:23,976 -Oh, shit! -What? What? 439 00:22:24,107 --> 00:22:27,023 I fucking forgot to charge my phone! 440 00:22:27,153 --> 00:22:30,635 I got so distracted, I can't even text my band mates now. 441 00:22:31,767 --> 00:22:32,898 That sucks. 442 00:22:34,335 --> 00:22:37,294 I guess we'll jus- we'll just have to hang out 443 00:22:40,297 --> 00:22:42,995 again soon-- 444 00:22:43,126 --> 00:22:47,739 -[ car horn honking ] -[ men shouting ] 445 00:22:50,568 --> 00:22:51,743 Come on. 446 00:22:51,874 --> 00:22:54,572 [ gentle music ] 447 00:23:00,099 --> 00:23:01,579 No, wait. 448 00:23:01,710 --> 00:23:04,103 -What? -[ sighs ] 449 00:23:04,234 --> 00:23:05,801 I'm not blowing this, am I? 450 00:23:06,802 --> 00:23:08,804 What do you, What do you mean? 451 00:23:08,934 --> 00:23:10,893 Well, I'm gonna see you again, right? 452 00:23:11,023 --> 00:23:12,503 I mean, I'm not fucking this up doing this? 453 00:23:12,634 --> 00:23:15,550 No, no, no, you're not fucking this up. 454 00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:18,161 Good, 'cause I seriously cannot control myself right now. 455 00:23:21,991 --> 00:23:23,775 Handjobs only, though? 456 00:23:23,906 --> 00:23:24,863 What? 457 00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:27,083 For tonight, just handjobs? 458 00:23:28,214 --> 00:23:29,520 And save the rest for later? 459 00:23:30,521 --> 00:23:32,175 Yeah. Yeah. 460 00:23:32,306 --> 00:23:33,829 Okay, we need to hurry, though, 461 00:23:33,959 --> 00:23:35,352 'cause I literally only have like, two minutes, okay? 462 00:23:39,617 --> 00:23:41,140 Oh, yeah, you like that, Worm? 463 00:23:41,271 --> 00:23:44,274 WORM: Mm-hm. Can you wiggle them? 464 00:23:44,405 --> 00:23:45,884 Like this, you mean? 465 00:23:46,015 --> 00:23:48,974 Yeah, keep wiggling. Keep wiggling. 466 00:23:49,105 --> 00:23:50,236 Worm, you know you need to ask me 467 00:23:50,367 --> 00:23:52,543 more respectfully than that. 468 00:23:52,674 --> 00:23:54,937 Please. Please wiggle your toes for me. 469 00:23:55,067 --> 00:23:56,765 CARLY: Much better. 470 00:23:56,895 --> 00:23:58,462 Hell yeah. 471 00:23:59,724 --> 00:24:00,638 Keep wiggling. 472 00:24:00,769 --> 00:24:02,640 More, more wiggle. 473 00:24:03,554 --> 00:24:05,077 Oh, God. [ moans ] 474 00:24:05,208 --> 00:24:08,211 [ both moaning ] 475 00:24:09,430 --> 00:24:10,648 -Oh! -God! 476 00:24:10,779 --> 00:24:13,434 Oh, oh, oh fuck! 477 00:24:13,564 --> 00:24:15,523 [ groaning ] 478 00:24:15,653 --> 00:24:17,786 -Oh! -Fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck! 479 00:24:17,916 --> 00:24:20,354 [ both groan ] 480 00:24:20,484 --> 00:24:23,182 [ all groaning ] 481 00:24:32,627 --> 00:24:35,064 [ both panting ] 482 00:24:35,543 --> 00:24:36,457 Fuck. 483 00:24:41,070 --> 00:24:42,854 MAGENTA: What can I do for you, Mistress? 484 00:24:42,985 --> 00:24:44,116 I'm here to please you. 485 00:24:44,247 --> 00:24:45,640 I'll do anything you want. 486 00:24:47,729 --> 00:24:51,210 How about you do 30 naked pushups? 487 00:24:51,341 --> 00:24:53,125 Would that make Mistress happy? 488 00:24:53,256 --> 00:24:54,692 To be honest, no. 489 00:24:54,823 --> 00:24:56,781 I just- I don't really care. 490 00:24:56,912 --> 00:24:58,566 Well, what would make you truly happy? 491 00:24:58,696 --> 00:25:00,132 I'm here to serve you. 492 00:25:02,221 --> 00:25:03,179 Really? 493 00:25:05,529 --> 00:25:08,967 Do you want to run lines with me for my acting class 494 00:25:09,098 --> 00:25:11,100 'cause I have to memorize all these by tomorrow. 495 00:25:11,230 --> 00:25:13,407 Yeah, I'm gonna pass on that one. 496 00:25:13,537 --> 00:25:15,191 But you said you would do anything. 497 00:25:15,321 --> 00:25:16,845 Well, I know, but-- 498 00:25:16,975 --> 00:25:18,324 Well, okay, well, what if I like, 499 00:25:18,455 --> 00:25:19,543 take my top off while I do it? 500 00:25:19,674 --> 00:25:20,588 Okay, sure. 501 00:25:20,718 --> 00:25:22,459 Cool. Great. 502 00:25:22,590 --> 00:25:23,591 Okay. 503 00:25:23,721 --> 00:25:28,030 So, you're Anne, 504 00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:29,901 and I'm Mary, okay? 505 00:25:31,425 --> 00:25:32,600 Okay. 506 00:25:34,558 --> 00:25:38,606 Do you feel as awful as you look? 507 00:25:38,736 --> 00:25:41,826 Why would you come here if all you wanted to do was torment me? 508 00:25:41,957 --> 00:25:43,306 Hey, you're good. 509 00:25:43,437 --> 00:25:44,873 Hey! 510 00:25:45,003 --> 00:25:46,135 -[ snaps ] -Stay in character! 511 00:25:46,265 --> 00:25:47,179 Next line. 512 00:25:47,310 --> 00:25:48,180 ULYSSES: Wow. 513 00:25:52,271 --> 00:25:54,143 That was kind of intense. 514 00:25:54,273 --> 00:25:55,187 Yeah. 515 00:25:55,971 --> 00:25:58,147 [ panting ] 516 00:26:03,239 --> 00:26:05,241 Seriously, I mean what was that? 517 00:26:05,371 --> 00:26:07,243 Was it, was it just me or did, did it feel like 518 00:26:07,373 --> 00:26:09,898 the universe collapsed in on itself for a second there? 519 00:26:10,028 --> 00:26:10,942 No, I felt it too. 520 00:26:13,597 --> 00:26:14,859 I'm almost afraid to see what happens 521 00:26:14,990 --> 00:26:15,991 when we actually have sex. 522 00:26:18,123 --> 00:26:21,649 Look, I, I realize that we just met 523 00:26:21,779 --> 00:26:25,740 and I, I don't want to sound too psycho stalkery or anything, 524 00:26:25,870 --> 00:26:30,527 but something strange seems to be going on here. 525 00:26:32,964 --> 00:26:34,705 Yeah. 526 00:26:34,836 --> 00:26:36,925 Yeah, I mean, it sort of- it sort of feels like 527 00:26:38,753 --> 00:26:39,841 -fate. -Fate. 528 00:26:45,586 --> 00:26:47,370 But I- got to go, my band mates are gonna kill me. 529 00:26:47,501 --> 00:26:49,241 Right, yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay. 530 00:26:49,372 --> 00:26:52,810 So uh, so when do I get to see you next? 531 00:26:52,941 --> 00:26:54,508 Well, whenever. I mean, whenever you-- 532 00:26:54,638 --> 00:26:57,423 -How about tomorrow? -Tomorrow's great. 533 00:26:58,424 --> 00:26:59,338 Cool. 534 00:27:00,557 --> 00:27:01,558 Oh, fuck. 535 00:27:06,302 --> 00:27:08,478 Okay, shit. 536 00:27:08,609 --> 00:27:09,784 Now I really got to go. 537 00:27:09,914 --> 00:27:11,873 Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right. 538 00:27:13,091 --> 00:27:15,703 [ gentle music ] 539 00:27:32,110 --> 00:27:33,634 Holy fucking shit! 540 00:27:36,201 --> 00:27:37,115 -[ loud crash ] -[ yelps ] 541 00:27:37,246 --> 00:27:38,377 [ loud thud ] 542 00:27:42,381 --> 00:27:43,557 Ow! 543 00:28:13,021 --> 00:28:15,937 [ ethereal music ] 544 00:28:16,067 --> 00:28:17,547 Help me! 545 00:28:19,288 --> 00:28:20,855 Please! 546 00:28:27,992 --> 00:28:29,037 Please, help me! 547 00:28:31,126 --> 00:28:32,083 No! 548 00:28:34,042 --> 00:28:35,609 Oh, God! 549 00:28:35,739 --> 00:28:38,046 No! No! 550 00:28:44,835 --> 00:28:46,794 [ groaning ] 551 00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:51,233 Oh, God, no! 552 00:28:52,930 --> 00:28:53,931 No! 553 00:29:00,938 --> 00:29:02,070 No! 554 00:29:03,114 --> 00:29:04,246 Help me! 555 00:29:05,682 --> 00:29:06,901 Please! 556 00:29:07,031 --> 00:29:07,945 Help me! 557 00:29:08,076 --> 00:29:08,946 [ hisses loudly ] 558 00:29:09,077 --> 00:29:10,992 [ screams ] 559 00:29:12,776 --> 00:29:16,214 [ "Star Roving" by Slowdive ] 560 00:29:26,964 --> 00:29:30,794 ♪ Give it away now, girl 561 00:29:30,925 --> 00:29:33,971 ♪ Can't hold 39223

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