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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:16,910 --> 00:00:19,660 (dramatic music) 2 00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:59,829 ♪ I get a chill down my spine ♪ 3 00:00:59,830 --> 00:01:03,489 ♪ In the night they come to take my life ♪ 4 00:01:03,490 --> 00:01:07,259 ♪ And I know I won't see the morning light ♪ 5 00:01:07,260 --> 00:01:11,889 ♪ In the dawn, baby I'll be gone ♪ 6 00:01:11,890 --> 00:01:15,689 ♪ And they're gonna eat my brains, drive me insane ♪ 7 00:01:15,690 --> 00:01:18,969 ♪ Be one of their own ♪ 8 00:01:18,970 --> 00:01:19,800 ♪ You know they got me ♪ 9 00:01:19,801 --> 00:01:22,509 ♪ These fucking zombies ♪ 10 00:01:22,510 --> 00:01:26,289 ♪ Gonna be one of them tonight, one of them tonight ♪ 11 00:01:26,290 --> 00:01:27,979 ♪ You know they got me ♪ 12 00:01:27,980 --> 00:01:29,989 ♪ These fucking zombies ♪ 13 00:01:29,990 --> 00:01:32,439 ♪ Gonna be one of them tonight ♪ 14 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:35,779 ♪ One of them tonight ♪ 15 00:01:35,780 --> 00:01:38,530 (dramatic music) 16 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:43,699 ♪ And now I'm coming after you ♪ 17 00:01:43,700 --> 00:01:47,559 ♪ Into your room, we're gonna have some fun ♪ 18 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:50,699 ♪ And I chase after you ♪ 19 00:01:50,700 --> 00:01:55,579 ♪ Don't have a clue to what I've become ♪ 20 00:01:55,580 --> 00:01:59,729 ♪ And now I'm gonna eat your brain, drive me insane ♪ 21 00:01:59,730 --> 00:02:02,949 ♪ Be one of our own ♪ 22 00:02:02,950 --> 00:02:04,539 ♪ You know they got me ♪ 23 00:02:04,540 --> 00:02:06,659 ♪ These fucking zombies ♪ 24 00:02:06,660 --> 00:02:09,159 ♪ Gonna be one of them tonight ♪ 25 00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:10,239 ♪ One of them tonight ♪ 26 00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:11,899 ♪ You know they got me ♪ 27 00:02:11,900 --> 00:02:12,959 ♪ These fucking zombies ♪ 28 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,710 (dramatic music) 29 00:03:30,910 --> 00:03:35,910 (shower splashing) (nails tapping) 30 00:03:37,850 --> 00:03:40,569 - Would you hurry up in there, you're taking too long. 31 00:03:40,570 --> 00:03:42,259 - I'm going to be on the rag any minute. 32 00:03:42,260 --> 00:03:44,639 I don't want a repeat of the movie Carrie in here. 33 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,009 - Okay, I get it. 34 00:03:46,010 --> 00:03:48,039 Have I ever told you girls how it is 35 00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:50,479 that I got into this mess in the first place? 36 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:52,919 - Only about 400 times. 37 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:54,639 - Well, I'm going to tell you again, 38 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:56,609 because I'm pre-menstrual and I damn well 39 00:03:56,610 --> 00:03:58,510 need to get this off my fucking chest. 40 00:04:02,660 --> 00:04:07,660 - Okay Eliza, I'm going to ask you some questions now, okay? 41 00:04:08,070 --> 00:04:09,249 - Okay. 42 00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:10,719 - The passenger that was taken to the hospital 43 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:14,039 after the flight, did you accidentally 44 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:15,409 put something in his drink? 45 00:04:15,410 --> 00:04:16,410 - No. 46 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:18,819 - [Man] Is it true that you showed up 47 00:04:18,820 --> 00:04:21,249 for work under the influence of alcohol? 48 00:04:21,250 --> 00:04:22,519 - No. 49 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:25,399 - [Man] Is it true you propositioned a customer to go 50 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:28,809 into the bathroom and perform oral sex for money? 51 00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:29,810 - No. 52 00:04:31,310 --> 00:04:32,510 - You know what I think? 53 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:35,550 I think you're nothing but damaged goods. 54 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,789 Is that what you want people to think of you? 55 00:04:38,790 --> 00:04:39,890 As a degenerate? 56 00:04:41,510 --> 00:04:42,510 As a delinquent? 57 00:04:44,210 --> 00:04:45,680 I can promise you this. 58 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,689 When I find out that you're lying, 59 00:04:48,690 --> 00:04:52,769 and we prove that you're lying, you are going to jail. 60 00:04:52,770 --> 00:04:55,029 (dramatic chord) 61 00:04:55,030 --> 00:04:57,029 - Wow, you think that's bad. 62 00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:59,059 Did I ever tell you girls about 63 00:04:59,060 --> 00:05:01,090 the time I did my nursing residency. 64 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:04,519 It all started a very long time 65 00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:07,110 ago when I was a very young girl. 66 00:05:09,750 --> 00:05:12,500 (dramatic music) 67 00:05:20,830 --> 00:05:24,089 - A barking dog howls in the frosty moonlight. 68 00:05:24,090 --> 00:05:29,090 (pills rattling) (dramatic music) 69 00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:33,909 (nurse knocks) 70 00:05:33,910 --> 00:05:36,659 - Mr. Hoover, it's time for your enema. 71 00:05:36,660 --> 00:05:38,739 - [Hoover] But I'm just here to get my tonsils out. 72 00:05:38,740 --> 00:05:41,529 - Sir, if you do not cooperate, 73 00:05:41,530 --> 00:05:44,190 I'm going to have to sedate you. 74 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:48,849 (Hoover cries out) 75 00:05:48,850 --> 00:05:50,229 - You guys think that that's bad? 76 00:05:50,230 --> 00:05:52,309 You should hear my story. 77 00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:55,209 It all started when I was working at the Wrecker's Car Wash, 78 00:05:55,210 --> 00:05:58,909 earning money so I can go to massage therapy school. 79 00:05:58,910 --> 00:06:01,660 (dramatic music) 80 00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:46,120 - How about a little full service? 81 00:06:59,030 --> 00:07:01,299 - So you want the full package? 82 00:07:01,300 --> 00:07:02,300 - Yeah. 83 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:09,339 This is what I call full service. 84 00:07:09,340 --> 00:07:10,789 (distant sirens) 85 00:07:10,790 --> 00:07:12,059 Shit. 86 00:07:12,060 --> 00:07:16,980 (nearing sirens) (moaning) 87 00:07:27,170 --> 00:07:29,549 (raspberries) 88 00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:33,419 - [Announcer] 10, nine, eight, seven, 89 00:07:33,420 --> 00:07:36,170 six, five, four, three, two, one. 90 00:07:38,930 --> 00:07:42,020 (audience cheering) 91 00:07:46,570 --> 00:07:49,489 - Oh you've got a very productive day to day Wendy. 92 00:07:49,490 --> 00:07:51,379 Lots of money has been raised 93 00:07:51,380 --> 00:07:53,730 to help all them babies in Sri Lanka. 94 00:07:54,690 --> 00:07:55,480 - Thank you, sir. 95 00:07:55,530 --> 00:07:56,530 Here you go. 96 00:07:57,310 --> 00:08:00,419 Boy, I'm just glad I can help these orphans. 97 00:08:00,420 --> 00:08:01,479 (sirens blaring) 98 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:02,320 Uh-oh. 99 00:08:02,321 --> 00:08:07,320 (dramatic music) (sirens blaring) 100 00:08:07,860 --> 00:08:09,459 - Wow, if you think that's bad, 101 00:08:09,460 --> 00:08:10,859 you should hear about my antics 102 00:08:10,860 --> 00:08:13,809 when I was a cheerleader at South Jersey State, 103 00:08:13,810 --> 00:08:15,259 I blackmailed all three of my professors 104 00:08:15,260 --> 00:08:18,269 into giving me a thousand dollars a week allowance. 105 00:08:18,270 --> 00:08:19,809 (dramatic chord) 106 00:08:19,810 --> 00:08:22,560 (dramatic music) 107 00:08:41,170 --> 00:08:43,479 - Your antics are famous all over the internet. 108 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:44,939 We don't need to hear about them again. 109 00:08:44,940 --> 00:08:46,699 We're all familiar. 110 00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:48,899 - Goddammit Eliza, you little bitch. 111 00:08:48,900 --> 00:08:51,119 You think you fucking own this place. 112 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:52,689 You let all the other little piss ants 113 00:08:52,690 --> 00:08:53,989 tell their little stories 114 00:08:53,990 --> 00:08:56,289 and then you butt in when it's my turn. 115 00:08:56,290 --> 00:08:57,869 Well, I'll tell you something. 116 00:08:57,870 --> 00:09:00,099 You're not top bitch in this fucking place. 117 00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:02,299 I am, you little cunt. 118 00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:07,300 (dramatic music) (crying out) 119 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:17,700 - How do you like that, bitch? 120 00:09:19,310 --> 00:09:20,220 Fucker. 121 00:09:20,221 --> 00:09:25,220 (dramatic music) (crying out) 122 00:09:26,690 --> 00:09:29,969 - All right, I'll show you who's top dog in this place. 123 00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:30,979 Line up. 124 00:09:30,980 --> 00:09:32,759 All of you line up. 125 00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:36,089 That's right, everybody behaves and no one gets tased. 126 00:09:36,090 --> 00:09:39,109 - Mrs. Bush, she started it, she really did. 127 00:09:39,110 --> 00:09:41,159 - I don't care who started it, God damn it. 128 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:43,060 I'm sure as Hell going to finish this. 129 00:09:44,460 --> 00:09:46,799 Girls have got to learn to respect authority. 130 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:48,009 Got to learn to respect the whip, 131 00:09:48,010 --> 00:09:50,249 then maybe you'll respect authority. 132 00:09:50,250 --> 00:09:51,499 The whip is family. 133 00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:56,500 (dramatic music) (whip cracking) 134 00:10:15,450 --> 00:10:18,200 (dramatic music) 135 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:29,200 (dramatic music) (pole snapping) 136 00:10:43,470 --> 00:10:44,410 - No, no. 137 00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:47,569 Patsy, we're not making Godard come here. 138 00:10:47,570 --> 00:10:49,219 Get these two greased up 139 00:10:49,220 --> 00:10:51,270 and then we'll move on to the anal beads. 140 00:10:56,050 --> 00:10:58,059 (whip cracking) 141 00:10:58,060 --> 00:11:00,399 (phone rings) 142 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:01,949 - You cunts are lucky. 143 00:11:01,950 --> 00:11:03,089 Lucky I say. 144 00:11:03,090 --> 00:11:06,379 I was just getting warmed up. 145 00:11:06,380 --> 00:11:08,669 (phone rings) 146 00:11:08,670 --> 00:11:09,769 Wormwood New Jersey Women's 147 00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:12,579 Correctional Facilities, this is Warden Bush speaking. 148 00:11:12,580 --> 00:11:14,479 - And for Christ's sakes, Patsy, 149 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:16,609 show us some rose bud this time. 150 00:11:16,610 --> 00:11:19,039 Cassandra, lovely to hear your voice. 151 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:20,319 How's the little one? 152 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:21,969 Hasn't come out yet? 153 00:11:21,970 --> 00:11:24,099 Going to let him cook a little bit longer than aye? 154 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,999 - Claw, you have the absolute most shit timing. 155 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,239 But I still love your brother. 156 00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:32,209 I was just teaching a lesson to my little girls. 157 00:11:32,210 --> 00:11:33,210 Them cunts. 158 00:11:34,150 --> 00:11:35,070 That fucker's still in there, 159 00:11:35,071 --> 00:11:36,379 I haven't gotten rid of it yet. 160 00:11:36,380 --> 00:11:38,029 - Good, good. 161 00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:41,149 Well, there is a reason for my call, sister. 162 00:11:41,150 --> 00:11:42,030 It's not just to give you 163 00:11:42,031 --> 00:11:44,389 a hard time about being knocked up. 164 00:11:44,390 --> 00:11:45,719 I have a favor to ask of you. 165 00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:46,840 - A favor? 166 00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:49,639 Well, you are a big help to me 167 00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:51,049 when I was under investigation 168 00:11:51,050 --> 00:11:52,399 by the Better Business Bureau 169 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:55,019 and you did a lot for me when I was trying 170 00:11:55,020 --> 00:11:58,689 to open up that Dress Barn in Atlantic City, go on. 171 00:11:58,690 --> 00:12:01,889 - No, Patsy, I need you to get my glory hole. 172 00:12:01,890 --> 00:12:04,649 Get Jordan lube all over, you queen. 173 00:12:04,650 --> 00:12:07,209 Move this light just a cut hair to the left. 174 00:12:07,210 --> 00:12:08,609 Just a cut hair. 175 00:12:08,610 --> 00:12:10,899 - Claw, if you're going to direct your little smut movies, 176 00:12:10,900 --> 00:12:11,730 why don't you do it when 177 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,719 you aren't on the phone with your sister? 178 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:16,359 I do have some cunts to attend to in the other room. 179 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:17,439 - Where was I? 180 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:19,159 Oh, Oh yes. 181 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:21,269 I'm going to need your help, sister. 182 00:12:21,270 --> 00:12:23,609 And maybe the help of your little prison sluts. 183 00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:24,749 - Reform school girls. 184 00:12:24,750 --> 00:12:26,319 - Yeah, whatever. 185 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:28,699 I have a plan to make us both rich. 186 00:12:28,700 --> 00:12:30,119 With the money I've been paying 187 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:32,109 these twink rocker boys, you 188 00:12:32,110 --> 00:12:34,949 and I could've opened up at least 10 Dress Barns by now. 189 00:12:34,950 --> 00:12:37,319 - What in God's name are you rambling on about? 190 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:40,339 - I'll tell you what I'm rambling about, money. 191 00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:43,799 I have a plan to turn all of these pretty little, 192 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:47,849 indie, rock, guitar toting, emo, math, 193 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:50,179 rock, loving boys in this neighborhood 194 00:12:50,180 --> 00:12:53,889 into my own personal lobotomized sex slaves. 195 00:12:53,890 --> 00:12:57,689 Vis-a-vis a new serum I have created in my laboratory. 196 00:12:57,690 --> 00:12:58,789 Yes. 197 00:12:58,790 --> 00:13:02,480 Oh yes, yes, yes. 198 00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:05,170 - Yes, yes, yes. 199 00:13:06,420 --> 00:13:08,559 - Patsy, I am doing business. 200 00:13:08,560 --> 00:13:10,219 I am on the phone. 201 00:13:10,220 --> 00:13:13,149 I am doing business and I am on the phone. 202 00:13:13,150 --> 00:13:15,560 Get in your cage, do your paperwork. 203 00:13:17,060 --> 00:13:19,430 Boys, would you like to take a douche break? 204 00:13:23,820 --> 00:13:26,619 As I was saying, I have finally developed 205 00:13:26,620 --> 00:13:30,139 the perfect serum and now all I need 206 00:13:30,140 --> 00:13:32,039 is a way to distribute it to all 207 00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:34,649 the twink rocker boys in the world. 208 00:13:34,650 --> 00:13:38,579 And then they'll do my smut films for free 209 00:13:38,580 --> 00:13:40,939 and you and I can keep the profits 210 00:13:40,940 --> 00:13:42,930 and open up even more Dress Barns. 211 00:13:45,790 --> 00:13:46,790 Patsy! 212 00:13:47,850 --> 00:13:50,049 - I still don't see how I come into this. 213 00:13:50,050 --> 00:13:53,349 - I'll tell you where you come in to this, sis. 214 00:13:53,350 --> 00:13:55,769 I must, of course, have a way to transmit 215 00:13:55,770 --> 00:13:58,209 the serum to these lovely boys. 216 00:13:58,210 --> 00:14:00,240 Oh yes, yes I do. 217 00:14:01,260 --> 00:14:04,049 I have your prison sluts to do it for me. 218 00:14:04,050 --> 00:14:05,619 - Reform school girls. 219 00:14:05,620 --> 00:14:08,819 Hmm, you know, I have been trying to think 220 00:14:08,820 --> 00:14:11,439 of a way to get out of this lousy business. 221 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:14,509 Our father, God, rest his soul, turnover 222 00:14:14,510 --> 00:14:17,739 in his grave to see the sorry state of this institution. 223 00:14:17,740 --> 00:14:19,799 I can never raise the money to renovate it. 224 00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:22,019 If only there was some way I can just walk 225 00:14:22,020 --> 00:14:23,979 away from this business and just make money 226 00:14:23,980 --> 00:14:25,909 off of unstylish women. 227 00:14:25,910 --> 00:14:27,409 Be a dream come true. 228 00:14:27,410 --> 00:14:28,639 (door bangs) 229 00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:29,770 - Just a minute. 230 00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:31,670 Masters. 231 00:14:32,420 --> 00:14:35,039 Hey sis, do you still have ties 232 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,079 with that Ghoul Scout program? 233 00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:39,639 You know, one where girls earn badges 234 00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:43,179 for things like penmanship, or river kayaking, 235 00:14:43,180 --> 00:14:45,539 or being the first to stain their damn underpants 236 00:14:45,540 --> 00:14:47,459 after reading a Judy Bloom book? 237 00:14:47,460 --> 00:14:48,519 - Yes, sir. 238 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:52,489 - Well, perhaps these sluts, they can sell some cookies. 239 00:14:52,490 --> 00:14:56,329 You know, door-to-door to the homes of the rocker boys. 240 00:14:56,330 --> 00:15:00,649 Have them sell some samosas, thin clits, some tag-a-dongs. 241 00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:02,109 - Only if they'd be buying a one way ticket 242 00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:04,790 to the world of human traffic sex slavery. 243 00:15:05,950 --> 00:15:08,209 - Precisely. 244 00:15:08,210 --> 00:15:10,449 - Well, this is a plan so evil, only you 245 00:15:10,450 --> 00:15:12,529 and I could have thought of it together, brother. 246 00:15:12,530 --> 00:15:13,689 - You can do it. 247 00:15:13,690 --> 00:15:14,620 We can help. 248 00:15:14,621 --> 00:15:15,719 - [Both] You can do it. 249 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:16,500 We can help. 250 00:15:16,550 --> 00:15:17,330 You can do it. 251 00:15:17,380 --> 00:15:18,300 We can help. 252 00:15:18,301 --> 00:15:19,930 Fashion at a fraction. 253 00:15:20,990 --> 00:15:24,649 (dramatic music) 254 00:15:24,650 --> 00:15:27,659 ♪ Well I'm love with a fire girl oh yeah ♪ 255 00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:30,019 ♪ She broke my heart, oh yeah ♪ 256 00:15:30,020 --> 00:15:33,469 ♪ And there's a werewolf outside, it's waiting for me ♪ 257 00:15:33,470 --> 00:15:36,890 ♪ Oh yeah, oh baby, yeah ♪ 258 00:15:42,390 --> 00:15:44,869 - All right, it's almost time for our satanic, 259 00:15:44,870 --> 00:15:47,529 Cthulhu leaning D&D break. 260 00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:49,630 Bust out the 20 sided dice, Nikki. 261 00:15:50,660 --> 00:15:53,019 - The game has already started and since it has started, 262 00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:55,449 I will not respond to the name, Nikki. 263 00:15:55,450 --> 00:15:59,479 My name is Lord Stera Kimushen the most feared. 264 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:03,049 And as of last Tuesday, I'm a level eight wizard. 265 00:16:03,050 --> 00:16:04,050 - Sounds good. 266 00:16:04,850 --> 00:16:07,669 Listen, there's some I've been meaning to talk to you about, 267 00:16:07,670 --> 00:16:10,679 you really need to get some girls around here. 268 00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:12,099 - Well, I don't know, man. 269 00:16:12,100 --> 00:16:13,569 - Look, man, here's the deal. 270 00:16:13,570 --> 00:16:16,539 I haven't had sexual intercourse with 271 00:16:16,540 --> 00:16:21,540 a woman in say nine months, give or take. 272 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:26,269 So why don't me and you hit up the ACE hardware, 273 00:16:26,270 --> 00:16:27,979 scope out some hot chicks, 274 00:16:27,980 --> 00:16:32,129 and bring them back here for fucking purposes. 275 00:16:32,130 --> 00:16:33,159 - I don't know, man. 276 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:36,179 I've been asking Beelzebub and fish gods 277 00:16:36,180 --> 00:16:38,209 for girls every time I light a candle, 278 00:16:38,210 --> 00:16:41,709 but so far all I've gotten is some Vampire Hunter D 279 00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:44,939 action figures and a copy of deep throat. 280 00:16:44,940 --> 00:16:48,679 - Man, I mean like actually leave the house. 281 00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:52,529 Like meet girls out in the real world, man. 282 00:16:52,530 --> 00:16:53,310 - Whoa. 283 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:54,320 You mean like not in the world 284 00:16:54,321 --> 00:16:58,430 of satanic Cthulhu D&D but like on second life? 285 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:00,560 - What? 286 00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:02,059 No, you idiot. 287 00:17:02,060 --> 00:17:04,559 Not in a song, not in a game, 288 00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:07,530 not in a movie, but in real life. 289 00:17:08,490 --> 00:17:10,079 Wow. 290 00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:12,169 I had an experience like that once. 291 00:17:12,170 --> 00:17:13,170 - Here we go. 292 00:17:14,190 --> 00:17:17,580 - So there I was on this airplane. 293 00:17:18,780 --> 00:17:22,669 I was with my parents going to the new zoological exhibit 294 00:17:22,670 --> 00:17:27,250 at the Walt Disney World Animal Kingdom when I saw her. 295 00:17:28,510 --> 00:17:30,729 Her hair shone like the radiant sunshine 296 00:17:30,730 --> 00:17:32,760 of the dark gods themselves. 297 00:17:33,670 --> 00:17:38,510 Like the original fish gods, like Cthulhu or something. 298 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:43,160 And her skin, it was like fish skin. 299 00:17:44,930 --> 00:17:48,539 I mean not scaly or anything just nice, 300 00:17:48,540 --> 00:17:51,600 cool, and exuberant, fleshy. 301 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:56,820 If I could just've reach out, touched it. 302 00:17:59,530 --> 00:18:03,349 Her hair flowed down her shoulders like the parting 303 00:18:03,350 --> 00:18:06,069 of the Red Sea, or the changing of the tides. 304 00:18:06,070 --> 00:18:08,289 And her body. 305 00:18:08,290 --> 00:18:11,030 It was incredible. 306 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:13,299 She looked like a goddess 307 00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:15,869 in her little flight attendant uniform. 308 00:18:15,870 --> 00:18:20,870 Maybe like Christie in Hellraiser or that girl in Nosferatu. 309 00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:23,729 The original Nosferatu, not the 1979 version, 310 00:18:23,730 --> 00:18:25,569 although she was hot too. 311 00:18:25,570 --> 00:18:29,800 And when I asked for that low sodium tomato juice, 312 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:34,229 it was like asking for her hand in marriage. 313 00:18:34,230 --> 00:18:35,060 - All right. 314 00:18:35,061 --> 00:18:36,119 That's enough. 315 00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:39,289 I've heard just about as much as I could stomach. 316 00:18:39,290 --> 00:18:43,319 I am not talking about girls that you see in your dreams. 317 00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:47,269 I'm talking about real girls, who come here, 318 00:18:47,270 --> 00:18:48,930 and have sex with us. 319 00:18:50,970 --> 00:18:52,009 Sluts. 320 00:18:52,010 --> 00:18:53,420 You know, like sluts. 321 00:18:54,750 --> 00:18:56,469 Girls with no morals. 322 00:18:56,470 --> 00:18:59,179 Girls with low moral fiber. 323 00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:00,180 Sluts. 324 00:19:02,090 --> 00:19:04,019 Like the girls that Anton LaVay writes 325 00:19:04,020 --> 00:19:07,570 about that attend those orgiastic black mass events. 326 00:19:08,850 --> 00:19:09,850 Sex parties. 327 00:19:10,690 --> 00:19:11,799 The preacher's daughter type. 328 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:12,979 You guys know what I'm talking about 329 00:19:12,980 --> 00:19:14,129 with the preacher's daughter type. 330 00:19:14,130 --> 00:19:16,289 I'm talking about sluts. 331 00:19:16,290 --> 00:19:20,729 The girls you see me on late night Cinamax, those girls. 332 00:19:20,730 --> 00:19:22,150 But in real life. 333 00:19:23,060 --> 00:19:24,279 Sluts. 334 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:26,279 But it real life. 335 00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:27,369 To bring back here. 336 00:19:27,370 --> 00:19:30,399 And when I say here, I mean our apartment, 337 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:32,429 and when I say here, I mean our rehearsal space, 338 00:19:32,430 --> 00:19:34,569 anything but your parents' house. 339 00:19:34,570 --> 00:19:37,819 And have sex with all of us. 340 00:19:37,820 --> 00:19:42,820 Or at least one of us, so he can tell the others about it. 341 00:19:44,220 --> 00:19:47,659 - I'm telling you, I met this girl in real life. 342 00:19:47,660 --> 00:19:49,399 It was real life. 343 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,649 And we had a connection right there and then. 344 00:19:51,650 --> 00:19:55,859 We were like James Woods and Blondie in Videodrome. 345 00:19:55,860 --> 00:19:57,859 And it was like a real connection. 346 00:19:57,860 --> 00:20:01,839 Not just some video, creepy SNM thing or whatever that was. 347 00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:03,609 And if you don't believe it, 348 00:20:03,610 --> 00:20:05,849 then that is just like your problem. 349 00:20:05,850 --> 00:20:08,809 Because I believe in this serendipity stuff 350 00:20:08,810 --> 00:20:10,949 and those fish people. 351 00:20:10,950 --> 00:20:13,369 - What you believe, and don't bring 352 00:20:13,370 --> 00:20:15,619 Cthulhu into this, is crap. 353 00:20:15,620 --> 00:20:18,029 And I'm not going to bring this negative energy 354 00:20:18,030 --> 00:20:20,090 into our D&D sessions. 355 00:20:28,030 --> 00:20:30,780 (dramatic music) 356 00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:51,989 (knocking) 357 00:20:51,990 --> 00:20:52,990 - Liza? 358 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:55,850 Oh, Warden Bush. 359 00:20:57,930 --> 00:20:59,679 - Warden Bush is off duty. 360 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:01,119 Call me Cassandra. 361 00:21:01,120 --> 00:21:03,870 (dramatic music) 362 00:23:10,490 --> 00:23:13,069 - Who's a good little puppy? 363 00:23:13,070 --> 00:23:14,990 That's right, Patsy is. 364 00:23:16,630 --> 00:23:19,539 Does Patsy want the ball? 365 00:23:19,540 --> 00:23:20,370 Go fetch! 366 00:23:20,371 --> 00:23:21,669 (laughs) 367 00:23:21,670 --> 00:23:22,670 Bad dog. 368 00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:24,360 Bad dog. 369 00:23:25,810 --> 00:23:26,810 Go fetch. 370 00:23:29,260 --> 00:23:30,610 Bring back the ball, Patsy. 371 00:23:32,020 --> 00:23:32,910 Too slow! 372 00:23:32,911 --> 00:23:35,819 (electric fizzing) (Patsy crying out) 373 00:23:35,820 --> 00:23:38,369 Is Patsy a good doggie? 374 00:23:38,370 --> 00:23:39,409 Go fetch. 375 00:23:39,410 --> 00:23:42,160 (dramatic music) 376 00:23:54,110 --> 00:23:56,530 (chattering) 377 00:24:08,700 --> 00:24:10,639 - Where were you last night, Linda? 378 00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:13,209 I waited around for you to play dress up. 379 00:24:13,210 --> 00:24:15,399 - You know where she was. 380 00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:19,200 She was treating herself to Warden Bush's choco taco. 381 00:24:20,350 --> 00:24:24,260 Little SS Cassandra cuddle fish pie. 382 00:24:25,630 --> 00:24:28,359 Yeah, she was down there licking the baby. 383 00:24:28,360 --> 00:24:33,169 - Well, yeah, she was gobbling up my gash. 384 00:24:33,170 --> 00:24:37,330 She was eating up my cream filled custard pie, 385 00:24:38,460 --> 00:24:40,430 siphoning out the strawberry filling. 386 00:24:42,490 --> 00:24:45,839 - But you were, weren't you? 387 00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:48,329 I mean, something was going on. 388 00:24:48,330 --> 00:24:49,420 You didn't show up. 389 00:24:50,580 --> 00:24:54,029 - Well maybe I didn't want to play dress up with you, Liza. 390 00:24:54,030 --> 00:24:56,089 Maybe some of us are more grown up than others. 391 00:24:56,090 --> 00:24:59,259 Maybe some of us live in the real world. 392 00:24:59,260 --> 00:25:00,260 Grow up. 393 00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:06,939 - Speaking of moon pies, here comes 394 00:25:06,940 --> 00:25:08,709 the sausage in a corset now. 395 00:25:08,710 --> 00:25:10,029 (chuckles) 396 00:25:10,030 --> 00:25:11,849 - All right, listen up cunts. 397 00:25:11,850 --> 00:25:13,649 I've got some excellent news for you. 398 00:25:13,650 --> 00:25:15,219 Might be the luckiest cunty cunts 399 00:25:15,220 --> 00:25:16,829 ever to have walk the Earth. 400 00:25:16,830 --> 00:25:18,619 (whip bangs) 401 00:25:18,620 --> 00:25:20,169 - You just stirred my Vegemite. 402 00:25:20,170 --> 00:25:21,379 - Nevermind that. 403 00:25:21,380 --> 00:25:22,669 So look, here's how it is. 404 00:25:22,670 --> 00:25:24,420 Who wants to get out of here early? 405 00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:29,299 I only have room for four little cunts. 406 00:25:29,300 --> 00:25:31,039 I don't know why I'm going to choose you four, 407 00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:32,639 but I might just be the sweetest 408 00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:34,710 warden there was in this reform school. 409 00:25:35,710 --> 00:25:37,089 But you are not to make any trouble for me 410 00:25:37,090 --> 00:25:40,319 and you're to do exactly as you're told, understood? 411 00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:42,489 - [All] Whatever you say, Mrs. Bush. 412 00:25:42,490 --> 00:25:43,620 - Choco taco. 413 00:25:47,170 --> 00:25:48,499 - Now here's the deal, you're all going 414 00:25:48,500 --> 00:25:51,429 to be selling cookies for my niece's Ghoul scout troop. 415 00:25:51,430 --> 00:25:53,039 But first we have to reeducate you 416 00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:54,839 and make you suitable to join the natural world. 417 00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:58,170 Without bring with you any of your bad girl tendencies. 418 00:25:59,030 --> 00:25:59,920 You're all going to undergo 419 00:25:59,921 --> 00:26:03,189 a strict reeducation process under my supervision 420 00:26:03,190 --> 00:26:05,249 and Linda, I'm going to need you 421 00:26:05,250 --> 00:26:08,349 to help me keep these bad girls in line. 422 00:26:08,350 --> 00:26:09,350 - Yes ma'am. 423 00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:12,020 I mean, Mrs. Bush. 424 00:26:16,060 --> 00:26:17,209 - Excuse me. 425 00:26:17,210 --> 00:26:18,779 Is this going to be like that time that 426 00:26:18,780 --> 00:26:22,039 you had us lead the focus group for the Dress Barn? 427 00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:23,509 - No, nothing like that. 428 00:26:23,510 --> 00:26:26,369 So after you've all undergone your reeducation 429 00:26:26,370 --> 00:26:28,289 and served your time selling cookies, 430 00:26:28,290 --> 00:26:30,379 you'll be free to leave these four walls 431 00:26:30,380 --> 00:26:32,269 and rejoined the natural world. 432 00:26:32,270 --> 00:26:34,159 (whip bangs) 433 00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:37,920 See, you cunty cunts at 7:00 a.m. sharp in the infirmary. 434 00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:42,720 - Niece's Ghoul scout troop? 435 00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:47,129 This sounds like another one of SS Cassandra's schemes, 436 00:26:47,130 --> 00:26:50,249 like that S pyramid thing she had us do 437 00:26:50,250 --> 00:26:53,649 or the Cutco covert operation 438 00:26:53,650 --> 00:26:57,629 or the ShamWow demonstration or that Tupperware party 439 00:26:57,630 --> 00:26:58,799 at the men state prison. 440 00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:00,529 - I say, we do what she says. 441 00:27:00,530 --> 00:27:01,829 It's our only ticket out of here. 442 00:27:01,830 --> 00:27:03,209 Do we have a choice? 443 00:27:03,210 --> 00:27:05,549 - You would see that miss Etheridge. 444 00:27:05,550 --> 00:27:06,759 - Shut up, Liza. 445 00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:08,909 - Wait, Ms. Kiss ass has a point. 446 00:27:08,910 --> 00:27:10,609 We should maybe ride this thing out. 447 00:27:10,610 --> 00:27:13,149 It may very well get us out of this fucking hell hole. 448 00:27:13,150 --> 00:27:15,229 Even if it is only for a few hours. 449 00:27:15,230 --> 00:27:16,230 - That's true. 450 00:27:21,350 --> 00:27:26,350 (film clicking) (dramatic music) 451 00:28:15,390 --> 00:28:18,729 - I will up hold the highest ethics, 452 00:28:18,730 --> 00:28:21,519 no matter what the situation. 453 00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:23,839 I will hold the tradition of 454 00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:27,369 my sisterhood in the highest regards. 455 00:28:27,370 --> 00:28:31,159 I will never succumb to evil deeds. 456 00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:36,049 I will follow the strictest discipline from my mentors, 457 00:28:36,050 --> 00:28:38,669 and I will never eat the merchandise 458 00:28:38,670 --> 00:28:40,670 under any circumstances. 459 00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:44,400 (dramatic music) 460 00:29:07,780 --> 00:29:10,370 (match flares) 461 00:29:11,530 --> 00:29:14,280 (dramatic music) 462 00:29:15,730 --> 00:29:20,730 ♪ May the light of this flickering candle illuminate ♪ 463 00:29:23,470 --> 00:29:27,290 The night the way your mind illuminates my soul 464 00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:42,079 ♪ Doctor, can you hear me ♪ 465 00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:46,679 ♪ Doctor, can you see me ♪ 466 00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:51,680 ♪ Cocks to the left of me, cocks to the right of me. ♪ 467 00:29:58,770 --> 00:30:02,610 - Why is this damaged fawn left to suffer? 468 00:30:04,140 --> 00:30:09,140 ♪ Doctor, do you love me? ♪ 469 00:30:10,710 --> 00:30:14,460 ♪ Doctor, don't you love me? ♪ 470 00:30:17,390 --> 00:30:21,520 - I sit alone in darkness, cursed, but why? 471 00:30:23,380 --> 00:30:28,380 ♪ Nubile, twink, hipster boys are his fancy ♪ 472 00:30:28,620 --> 00:30:33,620 ♪ When all his destiny needs is Patsy ♪ 473 00:30:37,030 --> 00:30:42,030 ♪ Doctor, do you see me ♪ 474 00:30:42,070 --> 00:30:46,709 ♪ Doctor, can you see me ♪ 475 00:30:46,710 --> 00:30:50,630 ♪ Doctor, don't you wonder why ♪ 476 00:30:59,350 --> 00:31:02,260 - Cast aside for boys with assholes 477 00:31:03,730 --> 00:31:07,150 Willing to accept the shaft of my beloved 478 00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:13,510 ♪ While I exist in a cave that has no door ♪ 479 00:31:18,710 --> 00:31:19,960 - Why, God, why 480 00:31:22,130 --> 00:31:23,070 Why 481 00:31:23,071 --> 00:31:24,320 Why, God, why? 482 00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:33,460 (phone ringing) 483 00:31:43,970 --> 00:31:45,560 - Pick up, pick up. 484 00:31:53,940 --> 00:31:56,190 Pick up, pick up, pick up. 485 00:32:03,420 --> 00:32:06,089 - Wormwood New Jersey Women's Correctional Facility, 486 00:32:06,090 --> 00:32:08,379 this is Warden Bush speaking. 487 00:32:08,380 --> 00:32:10,179 - No time for formalities. 488 00:32:10,180 --> 00:32:11,659 I have it all mapped out for you. 489 00:32:11,660 --> 00:32:13,719 I have a schedule for you, 490 00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:16,619 and I have a way for us to keep in touch via video 491 00:32:16,620 --> 00:32:20,449 transmission from you to me and text messages. 492 00:32:20,450 --> 00:32:22,099 - Not to sound like a broken record, brother, 493 00:32:22,100 --> 00:32:24,199 but what in God's name are you blabbering about? 494 00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:26,969 - Sister, the twink rocker boys will soon 495 00:32:26,970 --> 00:32:29,329 be my lobotomized sex slaves, 496 00:32:29,330 --> 00:32:32,679 to induct into my moneymaking boy porn twink 497 00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:37,069 empire to sell overseas in Uzbekistan 498 00:32:37,070 --> 00:32:40,489 and other elite foreign Islamic markets. 499 00:32:40,490 --> 00:32:42,799 I have been observing the lushest 500 00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:45,199 hipster rock and roll boys. 501 00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:47,819 I have addresses, I have maps, 502 00:32:47,820 --> 00:32:50,390 and I am fully prepared to take over the world. 503 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:56,299 By the way, how is your reeducation process coming along? 504 00:32:56,300 --> 00:32:58,449 - I'm up all night, training those little cunts. 505 00:32:58,450 --> 00:33:00,320 My whip arm is tired. 506 00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:04,519 I hope to God those cunts do their job well. 507 00:33:04,520 --> 00:33:06,839 The last time, they ruined my prepaid legal party. 508 00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:09,809 - Never mind that, you must come over right away before 509 00:33:09,810 --> 00:33:11,929 you head out with those prison sluts. 510 00:33:11,930 --> 00:33:14,639 I have to get you equipped with your lapel camera 511 00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:17,199 and special satellite SMS device. 512 00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:18,699 - You can do it, we can help. 513 00:33:18,700 --> 00:33:20,359 - [Both] You can do it, we can help. 514 00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:22,409 You can do it, we can help. 515 00:33:22,410 --> 00:33:24,489 Fashion at a fraction. 516 00:33:24,490 --> 00:33:27,269 - Together, we are like the most evilest duo 517 00:33:27,270 --> 00:33:29,440 since Jimmy Bakker and Jessica Hahn. 518 00:33:30,750 --> 00:33:32,939 (phones bang) 519 00:33:32,940 --> 00:33:35,690 (dramatic music) 520 00:34:07,650 --> 00:34:09,729 (doorbell rings) 521 00:34:09,730 --> 00:34:14,730 (knocking) (dramatic music) 522 00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:35,360 (game beeping) 523 00:34:35,361 --> 00:34:40,360 (chattering) (game beeping) 524 00:34:41,670 --> 00:34:44,420 (doorbell rings) 525 00:34:51,100 --> 00:34:52,010 - Hello? 526 00:34:52,011 --> 00:34:54,939 - Hi, my compatriots and I are selling 527 00:34:54,940 --> 00:34:57,389 these Ghoul Scout cookies to support 528 00:34:57,390 --> 00:34:59,339 our troops and to help raise money, 529 00:34:59,340 --> 00:35:03,009 to fight diseases like AIDS and tuberculosis and cholera. 530 00:35:03,010 --> 00:35:04,030 - That's beautiful. 531 00:35:05,190 --> 00:35:06,779 I'm a chickenpox survivor myself, 532 00:35:06,780 --> 00:35:09,830 but please do come in, come in, go ahead. 533 00:35:12,430 --> 00:35:13,949 Ladies. 534 00:35:13,950 --> 00:35:15,290 Ladies, welcome. 535 00:35:16,140 --> 00:35:17,140 Welcome. 536 00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:21,390 - Hi. 537 00:35:26,350 --> 00:35:28,750 - So are you guys, like, religious or something? 538 00:35:29,660 --> 00:35:32,969 I live with my mom and my stepfather. 539 00:35:32,970 --> 00:35:36,449 My band members and I are in this really cool, 540 00:35:36,450 --> 00:35:41,450 mathy, garage, emo, food-oriented prog rock metal punk band. 541 00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:46,429 We write songs about dark forces and fish gods. 542 00:35:46,430 --> 00:35:47,729 - I like music. 543 00:35:47,730 --> 00:35:48,570 - All right, all right, 544 00:35:48,571 --> 00:35:50,699 so what are you guys selling, exactly? 545 00:35:50,700 --> 00:35:53,369 - Oh, you see, in order to raise money 546 00:35:53,370 --> 00:35:55,099 for children with severe burns, 547 00:35:55,100 --> 00:35:58,269 we have been selling these Dolidos, Samosas, 548 00:35:58,270 --> 00:36:00,739 Thin Clits and Tagadongs. 549 00:36:00,740 --> 00:36:02,639 - Oh, Sherry, darling, we must not eat 550 00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:05,219 the merchandise under any circumstances. 551 00:36:05,220 --> 00:36:07,799 This is part of our oath as Ghoul Scouts. 552 00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:10,899 Do we not remember our Ghoul Scouts code of conduct? 553 00:36:10,900 --> 00:36:13,829 - [Girls] I will uphold the highest ethics 554 00:36:13,830 --> 00:36:16,499 no matter what the situation, 555 00:36:16,500 --> 00:36:20,489 I will hold the tradition of my sisterhood 556 00:36:20,490 --> 00:36:25,490 in highest regard, I will never succumb to evil deeds, 557 00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:30,430 - I will never do something with something else. 558 00:36:32,060 --> 00:36:34,249 - [Girls] And I will never eat 559 00:36:34,250 --> 00:36:38,639 the merchandise under any circumstances. 560 00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:40,769 - Ever, never. 561 00:36:40,770 --> 00:36:43,500 - Wow, that was creepy. 562 00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:47,369 It also gave me kind of a stiffy. 563 00:36:47,370 --> 00:36:49,539 So, what's your name? 564 00:36:49,540 --> 00:36:51,469 - My name is Liza Wonder, what's yours? 565 00:36:51,470 --> 00:36:54,079 - Hi, I'm Linda Lovelocks. 566 00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:55,419 - I'm Mickey Mayhem. 567 00:36:55,420 --> 00:36:57,669 My band is called the Vampire Godzillas. 568 00:36:57,670 --> 00:37:00,819 We have our first show tonight at the VFW of Wormwood, 569 00:37:00,820 --> 00:37:02,519 would you girls like to come? 570 00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:04,379 - Would we? 571 00:37:04,380 --> 00:37:07,189 - I'm sorry, my girls are far too busy selling cookies 572 00:37:07,190 --> 00:37:08,839 to help the lepers in Indonesia to come 573 00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:10,649 to your little rock opera, or whatever you. 574 00:37:10,650 --> 00:37:12,119 (phone rings) 575 00:37:12,120 --> 00:37:13,120 Excuse me a minute. 576 00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:19,339 On the other hand, it might be a good opportunity 577 00:37:19,340 --> 00:37:22,649 for my Ghoul Scouts to practice their social graces, 578 00:37:22,650 --> 00:37:24,829 earn their charm school badges. 579 00:37:24,830 --> 00:37:28,249 - [All] Thank you, Miss Bush. 580 00:37:28,250 --> 00:37:29,210 - Well, it's settled. 581 00:37:29,211 --> 00:37:31,929 Boys, wouldn't you like to taste these delicious cookies? 582 00:37:31,930 --> 00:37:34,199 - I'll take 20 boxes. 583 00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:35,040 - 20 boxes? 584 00:37:35,041 --> 00:37:37,279 Now there's a gentleman and a scholar. 585 00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:40,909 - Oh, thanks, but I have a dairy allergy 586 00:37:40,910 --> 00:37:42,829 and it just makes me break out in hives 587 00:37:42,830 --> 00:37:44,499 and my throat closes up 588 00:37:44,500 --> 00:37:47,279 and my lips blow out and I can't play the flute. 589 00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:50,589 - Oh, hey, I'll take one of those mint Clits? 590 00:37:50,590 --> 00:37:53,100 - Yes, the Thin Clits, a very good choice. 591 00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:56,020 - These Tagadongs look really good. 592 00:37:57,950 --> 00:38:02,229 - No, actually, thank you, but I'm an octo-lacto-vegan. 593 00:38:02,230 --> 00:38:04,709 For a month there, I was fruititarian, 594 00:38:04,710 --> 00:38:06,350 and it gave me this nasty anal discharge. 595 00:38:10,720 --> 00:38:13,139 So maybe you girls, after the show, 596 00:38:13,140 --> 00:38:14,689 maybe you'd like to come over 597 00:38:14,690 --> 00:38:18,749 and we'll play some World of Warcraft? 598 00:38:18,750 --> 00:38:20,299 - I wouldn't push it, kid. 599 00:38:20,300 --> 00:38:22,269 Come now, girls, we've got about 50 houses 600 00:38:22,270 --> 00:38:24,089 to hit before Bass Masters comes on, 601 00:38:24,090 --> 00:38:26,089 and my TiVo has been full for a month. 602 00:38:26,090 --> 00:38:27,090 Let's go. 603 00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:36,219 - See you at the show tonight, Liza. 604 00:38:36,220 --> 00:38:37,340 I mean, girls. 605 00:38:39,100 --> 00:38:40,800 - Come again, boys, thank you. 606 00:38:42,820 --> 00:38:44,609 - Your mom's house? 607 00:38:44,610 --> 00:38:46,899 - Well what about you, anal discharge? 608 00:38:46,900 --> 00:38:48,129 We're done. 609 00:38:48,130 --> 00:38:50,309 - Rematch, all right, rematch. 610 00:38:50,310 --> 00:38:52,540 - We got to get this toll, still, yeah. 611 00:38:54,050 --> 00:38:55,479 - This Tagadong's not too bad. 612 00:38:55,480 --> 00:38:56,730 - Nah, I guess. 613 00:38:59,110 --> 00:39:00,389 - Go left, go left. 614 00:39:00,390 --> 00:39:02,640 - Don't tell me what to do. 615 00:39:04,510 --> 00:39:07,090 (upbeat music) 616 00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:47,630 (dramatic music) 617 00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:57,109 ♪ I was stuck in Texas ♪ 618 00:39:57,110 --> 00:40:02,110 ♪ Baby, trying to get back home ♪ 619 00:40:02,780 --> 00:40:06,269 ♪ I'm stuck at Texas ♪ 620 00:40:06,270 --> 00:40:10,270 ♪ Baby, trying to get back home ♪ 621 00:40:15,940 --> 00:40:17,450 - So what war were you in? 622 00:40:18,860 --> 00:40:20,820 You're not a member of this club. 623 00:40:21,660 --> 00:40:23,409 You're the hottest thing to walk 624 00:40:23,410 --> 00:40:26,450 in here since the rummage sale. 625 00:40:28,180 --> 00:40:32,669 How about you and me going out in the back? 626 00:40:32,670 --> 00:40:34,749 A little hanky panky. 627 00:40:34,750 --> 00:40:36,649 You want to have sex with me? 628 00:40:36,650 --> 00:40:38,629 I can still get it up. 629 00:40:38,630 --> 00:40:41,709 Listen, I got Viagra, and I got Cialis, 630 00:40:41,710 --> 00:40:43,849 you know, so we go in the back room. 631 00:40:43,850 --> 00:40:47,350 I think sex is on my Medicare card. 632 00:40:48,340 --> 00:40:49,989 - Get me a gin and tonic, please. 633 00:40:49,990 --> 00:40:51,789 (Cassandra clears throat) 634 00:40:51,790 --> 00:40:53,770 I mean, make it a Shirley Temple. 635 00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:06,029 - We've got to start playing boat shows, 636 00:41:06,030 --> 00:41:08,749 because rich chicks like boat shows, 637 00:41:08,750 --> 00:41:11,059 and rich chicks are hot. 638 00:41:11,060 --> 00:41:13,329 - [Mikey] Yeah, but I can't swim. 639 00:41:13,330 --> 00:41:15,489 - Wow, Liza, drool much? 640 00:41:15,490 --> 00:41:16,739 - What are you talking about, 641 00:41:16,740 --> 00:41:18,979 Miss I want everything that everyone else has. 642 00:41:18,980 --> 00:41:21,859 You've been drooling over him since you saw him as well. 643 00:41:21,860 --> 00:41:24,429 - Well, what makes you so sure that he wants you? 644 00:41:24,430 --> 00:41:25,939 Maybe he wants me. 645 00:41:25,940 --> 00:41:28,249 I am a ravenous blonde bombshell, after all. 646 00:41:28,250 --> 00:41:31,069 - Linda, you stay the fuck away from him. 647 00:41:31,070 --> 00:41:32,259 You only want him because you know 648 00:41:32,260 --> 00:41:34,119 I like him, you little bitch. 649 00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:36,709 - You can't handle a little competition. 650 00:41:36,710 --> 00:41:38,209 I can get any guy I want 651 00:41:38,210 --> 00:41:40,309 and it makes you venomously jealous. 652 00:41:40,310 --> 00:41:41,689 - You're just a little whore 653 00:41:41,690 --> 00:41:44,699 who sells her body off to the highest bidder. 654 00:41:44,700 --> 00:41:46,469 Mickey would never go for you. 655 00:41:46,470 --> 00:41:48,519 He could see right through your act. 656 00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:51,170 - Yeah, well, we'll see about that, you little bitch. 657 00:41:52,460 --> 00:41:57,460 (dramatic music) (screaming) 658 00:41:59,040 --> 00:42:01,879 - Girls, girls, are you fucking kidding me? 659 00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:05,409 Men are so not worth fighting over. 660 00:42:05,410 --> 00:42:07,839 I learned that lesson when I was a nurse. 661 00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:09,599 Women were always fighting over 662 00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:12,519 the wealthiest or the best looking doctor. 663 00:42:12,520 --> 00:42:15,999 Bitches were like wolves coming in for the kill. 664 00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:18,319 Makes you sick to your stomach. 665 00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:20,720 - I'm starting to feel sick to my stomach. 666 00:42:22,260 --> 00:42:24,399 - Look, the band's going to play. 667 00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:26,529 - Yay. 668 00:42:26,530 --> 00:42:28,449 - The band's going to play. 669 00:42:28,450 --> 00:42:30,620 I've got to announce them. 670 00:42:34,370 --> 00:42:37,120 (dramatic music) 671 00:42:41,780 --> 00:42:45,070 - Come on, guys, we've got to be out in five. 672 00:42:46,370 --> 00:42:47,200 You like that? 673 00:42:47,201 --> 00:42:48,689 That's show for five minutes. 674 00:42:48,690 --> 00:42:50,999 - Sorry, man, I'm just not buying it again. 675 00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:51,830 - What the hell? 676 00:42:51,831 --> 00:42:54,149 Both of you guys aren't feeling well at the same time? 677 00:42:54,150 --> 00:42:56,429 - I think it was Nicky's mom's tuna casserole. 678 00:42:56,430 --> 00:42:57,469 - No, you know what I think it was? 679 00:42:57,470 --> 00:42:59,319 You guys were retarded, and snorted 680 00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:01,310 Anbesol and drank Jack Daniel's. 681 00:43:02,390 --> 00:43:03,220 Okay? 682 00:43:03,221 --> 00:43:05,019 Yeah, totally. 683 00:43:05,020 --> 00:43:06,179 That's your fault only, come on, let's go. 684 00:43:06,180 --> 00:43:07,269 Get five, five. 685 00:43:07,270 --> 00:43:09,020 - Let's get on stage. 686 00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:16,009 - Ladies and gentlemen, and those who haven't decided 687 00:43:16,010 --> 00:43:18,769 on their gender yet, the Jonas Brothers 688 00:43:18,770 --> 00:43:23,069 at the senior citizens center, Miley Cyrus 689 00:43:23,070 --> 00:43:26,579 used to open for them but her mother made her stop. 690 00:43:26,580 --> 00:43:30,599 Grunge rock, punk rock, no, they have their own subgenre. 691 00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:32,669 It's called garbage rock. 692 00:43:32,670 --> 00:43:35,009 They used to be known as The Dumpsters. 693 00:43:35,010 --> 00:43:36,829 (audience laughing) 694 00:43:36,830 --> 00:43:38,089 Their acne was so bad, 695 00:43:38,090 --> 00:43:41,430 the only groupies they could get had a thing for lepers. 696 00:43:42,380 --> 00:43:45,989 Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, 697 00:43:45,990 --> 00:43:48,740 let me present Vampire Godzillas. 698 00:43:50,490 --> 00:43:55,490 (audience cheering) (audience applauding) 699 00:44:07,380 --> 00:44:08,460 - What, what! 700 00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:11,509 (audience cheering) 701 00:44:11,510 --> 00:44:15,139 Johnny Severed Goat's mother fucking Head! 702 00:44:15,140 --> 00:44:18,379 (audience cheering) (plays chords) 703 00:44:18,380 --> 00:44:19,550 Chainsaw Mike! 704 00:44:20,910 --> 00:44:24,609 (audience cheering) 705 00:44:24,610 --> 00:44:27,479 All right, we're bringing it to the afterlife. 706 00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:29,369 (audience cheering) 707 00:44:29,370 --> 00:44:32,120 (dramatic music) 708 00:44:33,660 --> 00:44:36,599 Cthulhu in the house tonight. 709 00:44:36,600 --> 00:44:40,520 Giving us that fish power, and that fish smell. 710 00:44:43,940 --> 00:44:46,440 (metal music) 711 00:45:28,700 --> 00:45:31,450 (dramatic music) 712 00:46:12,440 --> 00:46:14,489 - These things happen. 713 00:46:14,490 --> 00:46:16,869 I mean, before long, I'm going to be rid 714 00:46:16,870 --> 00:46:19,969 of all this extra weight, I'm actually quite 715 00:46:19,970 --> 00:46:22,629 a youthful woman under all of this. 716 00:46:22,630 --> 00:46:24,050 I'm a real tiger. 717 00:46:25,130 --> 00:46:27,409 - I have nothing against kids. 718 00:46:27,410 --> 00:46:29,330 I actually prefer them. 719 00:46:30,690 --> 00:46:33,440 (dramatic music) 720 00:46:46,620 --> 00:46:49,389 - You remind me of my father. 721 00:46:49,390 --> 00:46:52,009 - Nah, that's okay, 722 00:46:52,010 --> 00:46:57,010 because vice is nice, but incest is best. 723 00:46:58,800 --> 00:47:01,550 (dramatic music) 724 00:47:10,540 --> 00:47:13,540 (audience cheering) 725 00:47:18,520 --> 00:47:21,440 - We're coming to you from beyond the grave. 726 00:47:22,860 --> 00:47:25,280 And, boy, are our arms tired. 727 00:47:26,120 --> 00:47:27,120 All right. 728 00:47:29,250 --> 00:47:31,750 (metal music) 729 00:48:03,380 --> 00:48:06,380 (audience cheering) 730 00:48:11,300 --> 00:48:13,550 (groaning) 731 00:48:28,380 --> 00:48:33,380 (dramatic music) (screaming) 732 00:48:44,810 --> 00:48:47,419 - Oh, my God, this shit is real. 733 00:48:47,420 --> 00:48:52,420 (dramatic music) (screaming) 734 00:49:02,280 --> 00:49:05,039 ♪ I get a chill in my spine ♪ 735 00:49:05,040 --> 00:49:08,419 ♪ In the night they come to take my life ♪ 736 00:49:08,420 --> 00:49:11,499 (bones crack) 737 00:49:11,500 --> 00:49:16,500 (whacking) (dramatic music) 738 00:49:26,780 --> 00:49:27,780 - Shit. 739 00:49:30,140 --> 00:49:31,819 - Mickey, where's the exit? 740 00:49:31,820 --> 00:49:33,219 - Yeah, this way. 741 00:49:33,220 --> 00:49:36,310 - Wait, don't forget my crooked past. 742 00:49:37,370 --> 00:49:39,530 (screams) 743 00:49:50,280 --> 00:49:54,280 - Barricade the door, barricade the door, hurry. 744 00:49:55,600 --> 00:49:57,489 - Take the board. 745 00:49:57,490 --> 00:50:02,320 (chattering) (clattering) 746 00:50:08,430 --> 00:50:11,260 - [Mikey] We gotta get outta here. 747 00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:17,579 - I think I wet myself. 748 00:50:17,580 --> 00:50:18,410 - Baby. 749 00:50:18,411 --> 00:50:20,819 (cries) 750 00:50:20,820 --> 00:50:22,199 - What happened to Chainsaw Mike 751 00:50:22,200 --> 00:50:23,699 and Johnny Severed Goat's Head? 752 00:50:23,700 --> 00:50:25,169 What happened to everybody? 753 00:50:25,170 --> 00:50:26,769 - Everything's going to be okay, mickey. 754 00:50:26,770 --> 00:50:28,169 We just have to go somewhere safe 755 00:50:28,170 --> 00:50:29,499 where we can hole up for a while 756 00:50:29,500 --> 00:50:31,029 and watch the news and find out 757 00:50:31,030 --> 00:50:32,719 exactly what we're up against. 758 00:50:32,720 --> 00:50:34,709 - Yeah, well, we certainly can't stay 759 00:50:34,710 --> 00:50:36,039 here very long because that door will 760 00:50:36,040 --> 00:50:38,339 never take the weight of those, whatever they are. 761 00:50:38,340 --> 00:50:42,449 - Whoa, this is just like The Zombies Ate My Neighbors. 762 00:50:42,450 --> 00:50:43,710 It's a video game I play. 763 00:50:44,780 --> 00:50:45,610 - [Liza] Okay. 764 00:50:45,611 --> 00:50:47,829 - Wait, you guys, the zombie Holocaust survival guide. 765 00:50:47,830 --> 00:50:48,969 - [Linda] There's a guide? 766 00:50:48,970 --> 00:50:50,199 - You have it? 767 00:50:50,200 --> 00:50:50,990 - Yeah, it's a guide. 768 00:50:51,040 --> 00:50:51,870 - Oh, Jesus Christ. 769 00:50:51,871 --> 00:50:53,929 - Okay, all right, let's see what it says. 770 00:50:53,930 --> 00:50:58,930 Okay, stay in a fortified place like a basement, 771 00:50:59,180 --> 00:51:03,270 lie low, watch the television and radio broadcasts, 772 00:51:04,520 --> 00:51:06,270 board up the windows and the doors, 773 00:51:07,240 --> 00:51:09,849 under no circumstances go to any shopping malls, 774 00:51:09,850 --> 00:51:13,289 and just sit tight and wait for the helicopters to arrive. 775 00:51:13,290 --> 00:51:14,299 - Well, that sounds like that would work 776 00:51:14,300 --> 00:51:16,769 in the movies, but this is real life. 777 00:51:16,770 --> 00:51:18,940 (screams) 778 00:51:19,840 --> 00:51:21,310 - What choice do we have? 779 00:51:23,990 --> 00:51:25,569 - Oh, God, please hurry, let me in. 780 00:51:25,570 --> 00:51:28,320 Please, please, please let me in. 781 00:51:29,170 --> 00:51:31,340 (screams) 782 00:51:34,730 --> 00:51:36,659 Please, I have a child, for God's sake, 783 00:51:36,660 --> 00:51:37,490 you wouldn't let your friend 784 00:51:37,491 --> 00:51:40,269 get eaten by a zombie, would you? 785 00:51:40,270 --> 00:51:42,349 (screams) 786 00:51:42,350 --> 00:51:44,289 - Wait, it's not the zombies, it's Cassandra. 787 00:51:44,290 --> 00:51:46,189 - Leave this bitch out there, 788 00:51:46,190 --> 00:51:48,489 she deserves to be eaten by those. 789 00:51:48,490 --> 00:51:50,689 - Let her die a horrible death, she deserves it. 790 00:51:50,690 --> 00:51:52,139 - [Liza] I'm letting her in. 791 00:51:52,140 --> 00:51:53,829 - Liza, no. 792 00:51:53,830 --> 00:51:54,920 - Get off me. 793 00:51:57,850 --> 00:51:59,699 Come on, help me, help me. 794 00:51:59,700 --> 00:52:04,700 (dramatic music) (clattering) 795 00:52:06,140 --> 00:52:11,140 (crying out) (dramatic music) 796 00:52:22,770 --> 00:52:24,190 - Oh, disgusting. 797 00:52:28,540 --> 00:52:30,769 - Thank you, you'll be glad you let me in. 798 00:52:30,770 --> 00:52:32,229 I know a safe place where we can go. 799 00:52:32,230 --> 00:52:34,310 - How do we know that we can trust you? 800 00:52:35,210 --> 00:52:36,140 - My brother, he's a doctor. 801 00:52:36,141 --> 00:52:37,849 He lives really close to here. 802 00:52:37,850 --> 00:52:38,959 If the streets aren't plagued with 803 00:52:38,960 --> 00:52:41,139 these things yet, we can make it. 804 00:52:41,140 --> 00:52:42,979 - I don't trust doctors. 805 00:52:42,980 --> 00:52:44,569 They're all womanizing, married men 806 00:52:44,570 --> 00:52:46,549 who have 14 gold-digging mistresses. 807 00:52:46,550 --> 00:52:48,079 - My brother's gay. 808 00:52:48,080 --> 00:52:48,910 - Doctors help people. 809 00:52:48,911 --> 00:52:51,459 - Well, what choice do we have? 810 00:52:51,460 --> 00:52:54,559 (zombies growling) (banging) 811 00:52:54,560 --> 00:52:56,159 - Come on, let's go up these stairs, 812 00:52:56,160 --> 00:52:59,079 there might be a way out up there. 813 00:52:59,080 --> 00:52:59,920 Come on, let's go. 814 00:52:59,921 --> 00:53:03,689 (dramatic music) (zombies growling) 815 00:53:03,690 --> 00:53:05,279 - There's my car, come on, we can all fit. 816 00:53:05,280 --> 00:53:06,399 - Come on, Liza. 817 00:53:06,400 --> 00:53:09,269 I'll protect you from the zombie predator, 818 00:53:09,270 --> 00:53:10,969 let's get to the car. 819 00:53:10,970 --> 00:53:13,720 (dramatic music) 820 00:53:18,130 --> 00:53:23,130 (screaming) (dramatic music) 821 00:53:26,770 --> 00:53:29,520 (dramatic music) 822 00:53:38,290 --> 00:53:39,290 - Brains. 823 00:53:42,660 --> 00:53:44,990 (screaming) 824 00:53:57,090 --> 00:53:57,920 (doorbell rings) 825 00:53:57,921 --> 00:54:00,670 (dramatic music) 826 00:54:04,300 --> 00:54:05,849 - Oh, my God, sister. 827 00:54:05,850 --> 00:54:07,829 You look worse than that time you caught 828 00:54:07,830 --> 00:54:09,949 that vaginal staph infection from getting 829 00:54:09,950 --> 00:54:13,459 double fisted by a guy with filthy hands. 830 00:54:13,460 --> 00:54:14,450 - Brother, haven't you heard? 831 00:54:14,451 --> 00:54:16,139 There are brain-hungry, bloodthirsty 832 00:54:16,140 --> 00:54:17,419 zombies all over Wormwood. 833 00:54:17,420 --> 00:54:19,159 I barely escaped with my life. 834 00:54:19,160 --> 00:54:21,679 - Oh, and I see you had to bring these trainees with you? 835 00:54:21,680 --> 00:54:22,789 - They're former schoolgirls. 836 00:54:22,790 --> 00:54:24,289 I mean, Ghoul Scouts. 837 00:54:24,290 --> 00:54:27,839 Anyway, I've also got the notorious Vampire Godzillas, 838 00:54:27,840 --> 00:54:29,189 the surviving members, anyway. 839 00:54:29,190 --> 00:54:31,219 We're hoping to stay safe from further zombie attacks 840 00:54:31,220 --> 00:54:32,050 in your fortified layout. 841 00:54:32,051 --> 00:54:33,400 - Of course, please come in. 842 00:54:45,210 --> 00:54:47,169 Patsy, Patsy, get down here. 843 00:54:47,170 --> 00:54:49,649 There are guests to be attended to. 844 00:54:49,650 --> 00:54:53,869 - This is Liza, Doctor, Linda, Doctor. 845 00:54:53,870 --> 00:54:55,689 Wendy, Doctor, Sherry, Doctor, 846 00:54:55,690 --> 00:54:58,960 and this is Billy, Doctor, and Mickey, Doctor. 847 00:55:00,450 --> 00:55:02,700 (slurping) 848 00:55:03,590 --> 00:55:04,590 - Nice to meet you. 849 00:55:06,340 --> 00:55:11,340 This, you see right here, this is Patsy, my man servant. 850 00:55:11,630 --> 00:55:14,699 He should be taking care of all of your needs. 851 00:55:14,700 --> 00:55:16,659 Let me know if he looks you in the eyes. 852 00:55:16,660 --> 00:55:18,919 He knows he's not supposed to do that. 853 00:55:18,920 --> 00:55:19,920 Right, Patsy? 854 00:55:20,740 --> 00:55:21,899 Patsy? 855 00:55:21,900 --> 00:55:23,259 I need you to go get some boards 856 00:55:23,260 --> 00:55:25,849 and some nails from the workshop. 857 00:55:25,850 --> 00:55:28,439 Start boarding up these windows, huh? 858 00:55:28,440 --> 00:55:31,319 And then go fetch us some cocktails from the wet bar. 859 00:55:31,320 --> 00:55:32,270 Chop, chop. 860 00:55:32,271 --> 00:55:33,789 - Yes, yes, Doctor. 861 00:55:33,790 --> 00:55:35,009 - Chop, chop. 862 00:55:35,010 --> 00:55:36,639 - Right away. 863 00:55:36,640 --> 00:55:39,730 - Patsy, you're taking entirely too long, as usual. 864 00:55:43,170 --> 00:55:44,110 Ah. 865 00:55:44,160 --> 00:55:44,990 (tray clatters) 866 00:55:44,991 --> 00:55:46,489 These drinks are way too dry. 867 00:55:46,490 --> 00:55:49,159 Don't be such a goddamn lady with the vermouth. 868 00:55:49,160 --> 00:55:53,309 Listen, I want you to go and put ribbons 869 00:55:53,310 --> 00:55:54,839 on the necks of all the baby bunnies 870 00:55:54,840 --> 00:55:58,949 in the Zac Efron room, and shave their little ears again, 871 00:55:58,950 --> 00:56:00,900 and then report back to me immediately. 872 00:56:03,740 --> 00:56:04,570 Sorry. 873 00:56:04,571 --> 00:56:05,729 I have to apologize to you for 874 00:56:05,730 --> 00:56:07,829 the behavior of that man servant, Patsy. 875 00:56:07,830 --> 00:56:09,959 One of my more charitable acts 876 00:56:09,960 --> 00:56:11,560 is to hire the fucking retarded. 877 00:56:12,810 --> 00:56:13,909 I mean, mentally challenged. 878 00:56:13,910 --> 00:56:15,880 We get a little bit of a break 879 00:56:16,830 --> 00:56:19,059 with our partnership with Walmart. 880 00:56:19,060 --> 00:56:20,629 But please drink up. 881 00:56:20,630 --> 00:56:23,169 Come in, make yourselves comfortable. 882 00:56:23,170 --> 00:56:26,029 Anything you need, you let me know. 883 00:56:26,030 --> 00:56:28,180 Throw something at Patsy, keep us in touch. 884 00:56:29,470 --> 00:56:31,179 You know you're sitting here 885 00:56:31,180 --> 00:56:33,229 in the world famous jungle room. 886 00:56:33,230 --> 00:56:34,819 You know this very room has been featured 887 00:56:34,820 --> 00:56:39,209 in Harper's Bazaar, Conde Nast, Italian Vogue, 888 00:56:39,210 --> 00:56:42,160 International Leatherman's Quarterly, as you probably know. 889 00:56:43,400 --> 00:56:45,129 And we have Patsy's dungeon. 890 00:56:45,130 --> 00:56:48,379 It's where most of the little paperwork things get done. 891 00:56:48,380 --> 00:56:50,819 Upstairs, we have the David Bowie room, 892 00:56:50,820 --> 00:56:54,129 the Freddie Mercury room, the Marc Bolan room. 893 00:56:54,130 --> 00:56:56,229 Down the hall over here and to the left 894 00:56:56,230 --> 00:56:59,109 is the Keanu Reeves room, the Zac Efron room, 895 00:56:59,110 --> 00:57:03,439 and the Justin Bieber room, you know the party rooms. 896 00:57:03,440 --> 00:57:06,010 - So what's like downstairs? 897 00:57:08,600 --> 00:57:11,949 - Downstairs is my laboratory where I'm coming up 898 00:57:11,950 --> 00:57:15,899 with a couple of cures to horrible diseases, 899 00:57:15,900 --> 00:57:18,999 just Crohn's disease, Lou Gehrig's disease, 900 00:57:19,000 --> 00:57:23,260 restless legs syndrome, several nasty strains of hepatitis, 901 00:57:24,390 --> 00:57:28,760 unnecessary amounts of anal discharge, jock itch. 902 00:57:31,080 --> 00:57:34,179 Oh, and I'm also being applauded for my work 903 00:57:34,180 --> 00:57:36,999 helping the poor lepers of Uzbekistan. 904 00:57:37,000 --> 00:57:39,529 - Wow, you are quite a humanitarian. 905 00:57:39,530 --> 00:57:42,169 - How about coming up with a cure for this crazy zombie 906 00:57:42,170 --> 00:57:44,879 mess before it spreads throughout the world? 907 00:57:44,880 --> 00:57:47,689 - That's an excellent idea young man. 908 00:57:47,690 --> 00:57:48,899 You know autoimmune disease 909 00:57:48,900 --> 00:57:52,919 are my specialty as are brain disorders. 910 00:57:52,920 --> 00:57:55,629 And flesh eating bacterias of New Guinea. 911 00:57:55,630 --> 00:57:58,839 - Oh, doctor, it says in my zombie holocaust 912 00:57:58,840 --> 00:58:01,129 survival guide that zombieism 913 00:58:01,130 --> 00:58:04,849 is a result of several possible scenarios, 914 00:58:04,850 --> 00:58:07,839 industrial waste exposure, radiation from satellites, 915 00:58:07,840 --> 00:58:12,840 exposure to toxic waste, the end of the world, doomsday. 916 00:58:14,550 --> 00:58:16,039 - What are zombies? 917 00:58:16,040 --> 00:58:17,429 - Well, I'm sure there's a very 918 00:58:17,430 --> 00:58:19,529 scientific explanation for all of it. 919 00:58:19,530 --> 00:58:22,579 My sister and I, we're going to get to the bottom of it. 920 00:58:22,580 --> 00:58:24,549 So if you just make yourselves comfortable. 921 00:58:24,550 --> 00:58:26,159 You'll excuse me. 922 00:58:26,160 --> 00:58:26,990 - Of course. 923 00:58:26,991 --> 00:58:28,859 Thank you, doctor. 924 00:58:28,860 --> 00:58:29,860 - Stay. 925 00:58:31,500 --> 00:58:32,500 Cunts. 926 00:58:35,860 --> 00:58:38,610 (hammer banging) 927 00:58:41,000 --> 00:58:43,469 - I think this is our chance to get out of here. 928 00:58:43,470 --> 00:58:45,709 If we stay here, we're just sitting ducks. 929 00:58:45,710 --> 00:58:47,589 Cassandra went upstairs, we can get out of here for good. 930 00:58:47,590 --> 00:58:48,669 No one will even notice. 931 00:58:48,670 --> 00:58:49,839 - Linda, are you crazy? 932 00:58:49,840 --> 00:58:51,629 Patsy's boarding everything up. 933 00:58:51,630 --> 00:58:54,949 This is the safest place we can stay for the night. 934 00:58:54,950 --> 00:58:57,049 In the morning we'll reassess. 935 00:58:57,050 --> 00:58:59,369 - Liza, you've never lived in the real world. 936 00:58:59,370 --> 00:59:02,329 These two, Cassandra and her doctor brother, 937 00:59:02,330 --> 00:59:04,179 they're up to no good, I can feel it. 938 00:59:04,180 --> 00:59:05,779 Now's our chance to jump ship. 939 00:59:05,780 --> 00:59:08,619 We can go to somewhere else and just wait it out there. 940 00:59:08,620 --> 00:59:09,919 Here we don't stand a chance. 941 00:59:09,920 --> 00:59:11,229 - I kind of agree with Linda. 942 00:59:11,230 --> 00:59:12,709 I don't trust this Claw character 943 00:59:12,710 --> 00:59:14,799 any further than I can throw him. 944 00:59:14,800 --> 00:59:16,459 In fact, I wouldn't be surprised 945 00:59:16,460 --> 00:59:18,859 if he's listening to our conversation right now. 946 00:59:18,860 --> 00:59:21,059 - Okay, paranoid people. 947 00:59:21,060 --> 00:59:24,039 Tell me, where are we going to run to then? 948 00:59:24,040 --> 00:59:27,489 - We can go somewhere safe and fortified, like a basement. 949 00:59:27,490 --> 00:59:28,370 - Or a shopping mall. 950 00:59:28,371 --> 00:59:29,429 - Or a bar. 951 00:59:29,430 --> 00:59:30,889 - We can go to the basement of the bar 952 00:59:30,890 --> 00:59:34,059 in the mall, like the one that Ruby Tuesday's. 953 00:59:34,060 --> 00:59:36,479 That's where I used to watch Lost. 954 00:59:36,480 --> 00:59:37,519 - Great idea, Wendy. 955 00:59:37,520 --> 00:59:39,649 - You know, the zombie survival guide doesn't 956 00:59:39,650 --> 00:59:43,229 say anything about the basement of shopping mall bars. 957 00:59:43,230 --> 00:59:44,319 Oh, but dude, there's is that 958 00:59:44,320 --> 00:59:47,230 sweet ass role playing store nearby. 959 00:59:48,870 --> 00:59:51,139 - You guys are all getting ahead of yourselves. 960 00:59:51,140 --> 00:59:53,179 Bill, what does the book say to do 961 00:59:53,180 --> 00:59:56,679 when you're already in a fortified lair? 962 00:59:56,680 --> 00:59:59,159 - Fortified lair, fortified lair, fortified lair. 963 00:59:59,160 --> 01:00:01,229 - That book doesn't know anything. 964 01:00:01,230 --> 01:00:02,429 Now who's with me? 965 01:00:02,430 --> 01:00:04,179 I say we leave before they come back downstairs. 966 01:00:04,180 --> 01:00:05,819 - Well I can kind of see where she has a point. 967 01:00:05,820 --> 01:00:08,509 - For God sakes, Linda, you're always trying to sabotage me. 968 01:00:08,510 --> 01:00:10,049 You're always trying to control every 969 01:00:10,050 --> 01:00:11,649 situation and I'm sick of it. 970 01:00:11,650 --> 01:00:15,739 - Who's trying to control what, you a little bitch. 971 01:00:15,740 --> 01:00:16,749 - I got it, I got it. 972 01:00:16,750 --> 01:00:18,000 - Girls, girls. 973 01:00:19,570 --> 01:00:20,699 Bill is trying to say something. 974 01:00:20,700 --> 01:00:21,779 - Fortified lair. 975 01:00:21,780 --> 01:00:24,249 Fortified lair, stay in a fortified lair 976 01:00:24,250 --> 01:00:27,109 for as long as you can, turn on the television 977 01:00:27,110 --> 01:00:29,670 and do everything that news anchors tell you to do. 978 01:00:34,970 --> 01:00:37,249 - For those of you just tuning in, 979 01:00:37,250 --> 01:00:41,249 the government has not released any official explanation 980 01:00:41,250 --> 01:00:44,649 for the phenomenon which started in Bergen County, 981 01:00:44,650 --> 01:00:49,650 New Jersey of the dead walking around eating the living. 982 01:00:50,400 --> 01:00:55,400 We strongly advise you to stay put and not leave your house, 983 01:00:55,560 --> 01:00:59,679 to lock windows and doors, and to stay put. 984 01:00:59,680 --> 01:01:02,619 Stay tuned for further updates. 985 01:01:02,620 --> 01:01:06,019 - See, I told you we should stay here. 986 01:01:06,020 --> 01:01:07,179 - What do the news people know anyway, 987 01:01:07,180 --> 01:01:10,179 I still think it's safer in the basement of Friday's. 988 01:01:10,180 --> 01:01:11,849 - Ruby Tuesday's. 989 01:01:11,850 --> 01:01:13,009 - Whatever. 990 01:01:13,010 --> 01:01:15,109 - Is this new disease in any way 991 01:01:15,110 --> 01:01:17,259 related to mad cow's disease? 992 01:01:17,260 --> 01:01:21,629 And if so, do you think that your burgers are responsible? 993 01:01:21,630 --> 01:01:23,119 - Well, absolutely not. 994 01:01:23,120 --> 01:01:25,049 First of all, there is no evidence 995 01:01:25,050 --> 01:01:27,139 that this phenomenon is a disease. 996 01:01:27,140 --> 01:01:29,959 And second of all, well, there's no scientific link 997 01:01:29,960 --> 01:01:32,909 between mad cow disease and this phenomenon. 998 01:01:32,910 --> 01:01:35,829 - People have been seen leaving your institution, 999 01:01:35,830 --> 01:01:39,659 having ordered a seventh eight pound Mc-flesh burger, 1000 01:01:39,660 --> 01:01:42,389 an order of fries, and a Coca-Cola, 1001 01:01:42,390 --> 01:01:45,620 and shortly thereafter have become the living dead. 1002 01:01:46,990 --> 01:01:48,530 - Well, that's preposterous. 1003 01:01:50,140 --> 01:01:51,559 - Look at what happened to Chainsaw Mike 1004 01:01:51,560 --> 01:01:53,250 and Johnny Severed Goat's Head. 1005 01:01:58,560 --> 01:01:59,769 They were infected by this, 1006 01:01:59,770 --> 01:02:02,020 whatever it is, before they were even bitten. 1007 01:02:03,340 --> 01:02:04,369 I don't get it. 1008 01:02:04,370 --> 01:02:05,509 We're with them all day 1009 01:02:05,510 --> 01:02:08,049 and because we already had the Boba Fett action figures 1010 01:02:08,050 --> 01:02:09,769 we didn't even go to McDonald's. 1011 01:02:09,770 --> 01:02:11,940 - I'm telling you that TV doesn't know anything. 1012 01:02:12,870 --> 01:02:15,319 I still think that basement is a good alternative. 1013 01:02:15,320 --> 01:02:17,169 How do we know that Les Bush 1014 01:02:17,170 --> 01:02:20,209 and her doctor brother aren't the ones responsible for this? 1015 01:02:20,210 --> 01:02:22,729 - He's a humanitarian. 1016 01:02:22,730 --> 01:02:24,070 Does he at least eat fish? 1017 01:02:25,430 --> 01:02:26,849 - I'm here at the residence 1018 01:02:26,850 --> 01:02:30,089 of renowned neurologist, Dr. Ned Beatty. 1019 01:02:30,090 --> 01:02:32,319 Doctor, wait, is your name 1020 01:02:32,320 --> 01:02:34,589 really Ned Beatty, like the actor? 1021 01:02:34,590 --> 01:02:36,889 - My findings indicate that the disease 1022 01:02:36,890 --> 01:02:40,299 is intricately related to the central nervous system. 1023 01:02:40,300 --> 01:02:42,009 - You didn't answer my question. 1024 01:02:42,010 --> 01:02:43,639 - It is important to recognize that 1025 01:02:43,640 --> 01:02:46,659 the phenomena is spread by the bitten victim. 1026 01:02:46,660 --> 01:02:49,179 The bite is how the infection is spread. 1027 01:02:49,180 --> 01:02:51,569 This is important in this phenomenon to realize 1028 01:02:51,570 --> 01:02:54,549 that it's either an infection or a disease. 1029 01:02:54,550 --> 01:02:57,089 Also to kill the living dead, you need a gunshot 1030 01:02:57,090 --> 01:03:00,569 to the head, to the head or their brains 1031 01:03:00,570 --> 01:03:02,520 must be destroyed in some other manner. 1032 01:03:05,850 --> 01:03:07,899 - You were bitten weren't you Liza? 1033 01:03:07,900 --> 01:03:09,919 Where did all the blood that you had on you come from? 1034 01:03:09,920 --> 01:03:11,389 - How do we know you weren't the one bitten? 1035 01:03:11,390 --> 01:03:13,539 There you go, blaming others. 1036 01:03:13,540 --> 01:03:14,979 - Go on, examine me, bitch. 1037 01:03:14,980 --> 01:03:16,629 - Okay, none of us were bit. 1038 01:03:16,630 --> 01:03:18,389 And even if we were, what would we do about it? 1039 01:03:18,390 --> 01:03:20,159 Shoot each other in the head? 1040 01:03:20,160 --> 01:03:22,689 We've got to stick together. 1041 01:03:22,690 --> 01:03:24,690 We've got to stop alienating each other. 1042 01:03:29,900 --> 01:03:34,139 - This bulletin just in, police and officials 1043 01:03:34,140 --> 01:03:36,920 have released descriptions of the undead. 1044 01:03:37,820 --> 01:03:40,319 It seems there are an overwhelming number 1045 01:03:40,320 --> 01:03:43,779 of white males in their early twenties with messy hair, 1046 01:03:43,780 --> 01:03:47,739 tattoos, body piercings, wearing tight blue jeans, 1047 01:03:47,740 --> 01:03:49,659 T-shirts, and hooded sweatshirts. 1048 01:03:49,660 --> 01:03:51,759 - Yes, it seems that establishments 1049 01:03:51,760 --> 01:03:54,379 such as American Apparel, the Apple store, 1050 01:03:54,380 --> 01:03:56,949 vegan restaurants, and vintage and thrift shops 1051 01:03:56,950 --> 01:03:59,139 are being overrun by the returning dead. 1052 01:03:59,140 --> 01:04:01,319 It's like they're going back to the places 1053 01:04:01,320 --> 01:04:03,479 they used to frequent when they were alive. 1054 01:04:03,480 --> 01:04:06,339 We're here at Academy Records where 1055 01:04:06,340 --> 01:04:07,749 the living that are showing up in hundreds, 1056 01:04:07,750 --> 01:04:10,600 and apparently they only sell albums on vinyl. 1057 01:04:11,760 --> 01:04:14,059 I'm here with Jim Hoosier, and Jim, 1058 01:04:14,060 --> 01:04:15,670 do you have any comment on that? 1059 01:04:17,490 --> 01:04:19,809 - It's kind of like before, 1060 01:04:19,810 --> 01:04:22,810 but I get to shoot them in the head. 1061 01:04:24,020 --> 01:04:26,049 It's not very good for business. 1062 01:04:26,050 --> 01:04:29,369 - Sorry, what about that guy right there? 1063 01:04:29,370 --> 01:04:31,460 (groans) 1064 01:04:35,650 --> 01:04:36,540 - He's a nice guy. 1065 01:04:36,541 --> 01:04:37,669 He's a nice guy. 1066 01:04:37,670 --> 01:04:39,459 - And then there's this report. 1067 01:04:39,460 --> 01:04:40,799 Take it Scotty. 1068 01:04:40,800 --> 01:04:42,970 (yelling) 1069 01:04:48,910 --> 01:04:50,579 - All over the New York and New Jersey area, 1070 01:04:50,580 --> 01:04:52,089 local residents are banding together 1071 01:04:52,090 --> 01:04:55,099 (static) help on zombies. 1072 01:04:55,100 --> 01:04:55,930 I'm here with. 1073 01:04:55,931 --> 01:04:57,069 - Oh shit! 1074 01:04:57,070 --> 01:04:59,659 (yelling) 1075 01:04:59,660 --> 01:05:01,080 Come on, get him. 1076 01:05:03,300 --> 01:05:08,220 (screaming) (eerie music) 1077 01:05:29,270 --> 01:05:33,429 - Come one, the news has become so sensational. 1078 01:05:33,430 --> 01:05:34,459 There's got to be something else 1079 01:05:34,460 --> 01:05:38,509 on like the Spice channel or something. 1080 01:05:38,510 --> 01:05:41,999 - Hey, the doors and the windows are all boarded up. 1081 01:05:42,000 --> 01:05:43,470 I think we're perfectly safe. 1082 01:05:44,920 --> 01:05:47,880 I don't see why we can't enjoy ourselves a little. 1083 01:05:48,790 --> 01:05:50,629 - Well, you have a point. 1084 01:05:50,630 --> 01:05:51,909 We're definitely in for the night 1085 01:05:51,910 --> 01:05:54,629 and there's nothing left to do until morning. 1086 01:05:54,630 --> 01:05:57,210 (upbeat music) 1087 01:06:11,190 --> 01:06:12,130 - Okay, you know what? 1088 01:06:12,131 --> 01:06:13,649 Clearly this bottle is possessed 1089 01:06:13,650 --> 01:06:17,320 because I am so tired of French kissing my best friend. 1090 01:06:18,330 --> 01:06:19,940 Thank God for CinnaMints. 1091 01:06:21,670 --> 01:06:22,779 Let's try truth or dare. 1092 01:06:22,780 --> 01:06:24,169 Who wants to go first? 1093 01:06:24,170 --> 01:06:25,279 - [Linda] I will. 1094 01:06:25,280 --> 01:06:28,020 - Okay, let's see what you're made of. 1095 01:06:28,930 --> 01:06:30,770 - Liza, truth or dare. 1096 01:06:34,850 --> 01:06:35,850 - Truth. 1097 01:06:37,990 --> 01:06:41,749 - Have you ever been fired from an airline stewardess job? 1098 01:06:41,750 --> 01:06:43,279 - Linda, don't, don't you dare. 1099 01:06:43,280 --> 01:06:44,959 - For being an incompetent drunk, 1100 01:06:44,960 --> 01:06:47,760 stealing vodka, and vomiting in your uniform. 1101 01:06:48,910 --> 01:06:49,910 - Fuck you. 1102 01:06:50,810 --> 01:06:53,560 (dramatic music) 1103 01:06:56,660 --> 01:06:57,879 - Liza, it's okay. 1104 01:06:57,880 --> 01:07:00,989 I've been in love with you ever since my family's trip 1105 01:07:00,990 --> 01:07:03,869 to Disneyland, which was tragically cut short when 1106 01:07:03,870 --> 01:07:05,219 my father fell into a coma 1107 01:07:05,220 --> 01:07:06,919 after being served the wrong drink. 1108 01:07:06,920 --> 01:07:11,920 But that doesn't matter because he was a bastard anyway. 1109 01:07:12,410 --> 01:07:13,679 - I love you too. 1110 01:07:13,680 --> 01:07:16,430 (dramatic music) 1111 01:07:29,770 --> 01:07:31,039 - Oh my God, oh my God. 1112 01:07:31,040 --> 01:07:32,199 Oh my God, stop. 1113 01:07:32,200 --> 01:07:33,659 Stop. 1114 01:07:33,660 --> 01:07:35,929 Stop, okay. 1115 01:07:35,930 --> 01:07:39,159 You guys are ruining my life. 1116 01:07:39,160 --> 01:07:40,669 And by that, I mean this game 1117 01:07:40,670 --> 01:07:44,999 with your how to lose a guy in 10 days crap. 1118 01:07:45,000 --> 01:07:45,990 All right. 1119 01:07:45,991 --> 01:07:50,619 If I am ever to feel the welcoming embrace 1120 01:07:50,620 --> 01:07:54,429 of a glistening vulva, any time in my life, 1121 01:07:54,430 --> 01:07:56,649 I'm going to have to take serious 1122 01:07:56,650 --> 01:07:59,619 control of this situation, okay? 1123 01:07:59,620 --> 01:08:04,280 So Sherrie, truth or dare. 1124 01:08:06,800 --> 01:08:07,800 - Truth. 1125 01:08:09,370 --> 01:08:10,490 Kidding, dare. 1126 01:08:11,620 --> 01:08:16,570 - I dare you to kiss me on the mouth with tongue. 1127 01:08:18,660 --> 01:08:20,600 - Wow, is that it? 1128 01:08:21,760 --> 01:08:25,199 I thought you were going to amp this up. 1129 01:08:25,200 --> 01:08:28,069 Have me put a cock ring on a rubber chicken 1130 01:08:28,070 --> 01:08:30,889 or 10 minutes with me in the closet 1131 01:08:30,890 --> 01:08:33,599 so I can prove I'm blowjob queen of the East coast. 1132 01:08:33,600 --> 01:08:37,429 Or who knows, maybe even tie a cherry stem with my lips. 1133 01:08:37,430 --> 01:08:40,539 Do you want to be blindfolded? 1134 01:08:40,540 --> 01:08:41,370 - Yeah. 1135 01:08:41,371 --> 01:08:46,370 ♪ Baby trying to get back home ♪ 1136 01:08:49,010 --> 01:08:52,849 ♪ I went back in Louisiana ♪ 1137 01:08:52,850 --> 01:08:56,770 ♪ Whatever good bar aint going ♪ 1138 01:09:03,590 --> 01:09:08,029 ♪ I tried to tell you ♪ 1139 01:09:08,030 --> 01:09:11,449 ♪ Austen aint my home ♪ 1140 01:09:11,450 --> 01:09:15,040 - Okay, that's enough for you birthday boy. 1141 01:09:23,630 --> 01:09:26,230 Wendy, truth or dare? 1142 01:09:27,610 --> 01:09:28,810 - Which one is the dare? 1143 01:09:29,710 --> 01:09:30,710 - Dare. 1144 01:09:31,850 --> 01:09:34,319 - Okay, dare. 1145 01:09:34,320 --> 01:09:38,599 - I dare you go downstairs and see what doctor do-good 1146 01:09:38,600 --> 01:09:40,559 and miss preggers are really up to 1147 01:09:40,560 --> 01:09:43,579 in their top secret laboratory. 1148 01:09:43,580 --> 01:09:45,109 - Actually, that's a good idea. 1149 01:09:45,110 --> 01:09:47,189 I've been wondering what those guys been up to. 1150 01:09:47,190 --> 01:09:48,190 - Okay. 1151 01:09:51,330 --> 01:09:52,609 - [Liza] Wendy, be careful. 1152 01:09:52,610 --> 01:09:53,390 - I'll be fine. 1153 01:09:53,440 --> 01:09:54,270 I used to play lots of this game 1154 01:09:54,271 --> 01:09:55,519 with the high school football team 1155 01:09:55,520 --> 01:09:57,359 when I was in middle school. 1156 01:09:57,360 --> 01:09:58,749 Go bear tigers. 1157 01:09:58,750 --> 01:10:01,239 (trumpeting) 1158 01:10:01,240 --> 01:10:03,990 (dramatic music) 1159 01:10:15,980 --> 01:10:18,859 - Now you know sister that I'm evil. 1160 01:10:18,860 --> 01:10:21,539 In fact, I'm one of the most evil doctors 1161 01:10:21,540 --> 01:10:23,679 the world has ever known. 1162 01:10:23,680 --> 01:10:27,040 But the zombie epidemic, it's not my evil doing. 1163 01:10:27,960 --> 01:10:29,629 The serum I created would have turned 1164 01:10:29,630 --> 01:10:32,299 red blooded American hipster boys into 1165 01:10:32,300 --> 01:10:37,300 my own personal lobotomized sex slaves, not these. 1166 01:10:37,680 --> 01:10:40,920 These gnarl toothed dick eaters. 1167 01:10:42,880 --> 01:10:44,220 I shutter to think. 1168 01:10:45,740 --> 01:10:48,389 This Mickey and Bill you have brought me, 1169 01:10:48,390 --> 01:10:49,800 if I could perfect my serum, 1170 01:10:50,730 --> 01:10:54,529 I can use the two of them as my human Guinea pigs. 1171 01:10:54,530 --> 01:10:57,369 - Well we've got to something about that plague of zombies. 1172 01:10:57,370 --> 01:11:00,429 Isn't there some kind of antiserum you can come up with. 1173 01:11:00,430 --> 01:11:02,119 - Perhaps. 1174 01:11:02,120 --> 01:11:04,929 Well, all I'd have to do is take 1175 01:11:04,930 --> 01:11:07,649 some stem cells from the umbilical cord 1176 01:11:07,650 --> 01:11:11,229 of that unborn baby, run it through my opisometer 1177 01:11:11,230 --> 01:11:14,329 and there might very well be a way out of this mess. 1178 01:11:14,330 --> 01:11:18,149 And I could perfect the serum, and then rule the world. 1179 01:11:18,150 --> 01:11:20,590 My power will be strong and elite. 1180 01:11:22,030 --> 01:11:25,079 - And then we can open up a whole legion of Dress Barns, 1181 01:11:25,080 --> 01:11:28,229 then maybe a Fashion Bug, maybe even a Mervyn's. 1182 01:11:28,230 --> 01:11:30,519 - Let's not get ahead of ourselves. 1183 01:11:30,520 --> 01:11:33,739 We still have those tranny sluts to get out of the way. 1184 01:11:33,740 --> 01:11:36,339 - Reform school girls, I mean Ghoul Scouts. 1185 01:11:36,340 --> 01:11:38,239 - Yeah, yeah, and then Mickey 1186 01:11:38,240 --> 01:11:40,740 and Bill will forever be in my control. 1187 01:11:41,690 --> 01:11:43,909 By morning I should have the antidote, 1188 01:11:43,910 --> 01:11:47,250 and then I can have the serum perfected. 1189 01:11:49,000 --> 01:11:51,859 I still don't understand what it is I did wrong, 1190 01:11:51,860 --> 01:11:56,019 but by the morning, everything will be perfect. 1191 01:11:56,020 --> 01:11:59,209 In the meantime, we still have to get rid of these sluts. 1192 01:11:59,210 --> 01:12:01,939 - Sorry about that troublemaker, Liza, 1193 01:12:01,940 --> 01:12:04,439 perhaps we can feed her to your tied up zombies over here. 1194 01:12:04,440 --> 01:12:06,329 - I like your thinking sis, 1195 01:12:06,330 --> 01:12:08,690 and I know father would be proud too. 1196 01:12:11,270 --> 01:12:12,319 - You can do it. 1197 01:12:12,320 --> 01:12:13,170 - We can help. 1198 01:12:13,220 --> 01:12:14,000 - You can do it. 1199 01:12:14,050 --> 01:12:14,890 - We can help. 1200 01:12:14,891 --> 01:12:16,139 - [Both] You can do it. 1201 01:12:16,140 --> 01:12:16,970 We can help. 1202 01:12:16,971 --> 01:12:18,399 Fashion at a fraction. 1203 01:12:18,400 --> 01:12:20,900 (Claw laughs) 1204 01:12:26,360 --> 01:12:28,409 (Wendy screams) 1205 01:12:28,410 --> 01:12:29,709 - What was that? 1206 01:12:29,710 --> 01:12:32,710 (suspenseful music) 1207 01:12:45,920 --> 01:12:49,199 (Wendy screams) 1208 01:12:49,200 --> 01:12:50,909 - Wendy, is that you? 1209 01:12:50,910 --> 01:12:53,580 (Wendy screams) 1210 01:12:54,730 --> 01:12:57,629 - Oh my God, the doctor's killing her. 1211 01:12:57,630 --> 01:12:59,129 - What? 1212 01:12:59,130 --> 01:13:01,809 - You guys, arm yourselves with the hors d'oeuvre cutlery. 1213 01:13:01,810 --> 01:13:03,419 Let's go, come on. 1214 01:13:03,420 --> 01:13:06,170 (dramatic music) 1215 01:13:21,780 --> 01:13:23,709 - Take this Kyle, fuck you. 1216 01:13:23,710 --> 01:13:24,550 Take that. 1217 01:13:24,551 --> 01:13:29,550 (zombie grunting) (whacking) 1218 01:13:29,670 --> 01:13:31,159 Fiend, take this cock. 1219 01:13:31,160 --> 01:13:32,389 - What are you doing? 1220 01:13:32,390 --> 01:13:34,859 - Flee, I'm the one saving the day, 1221 01:13:34,860 --> 01:13:36,299 in case you haven't noticed. 1222 01:13:36,300 --> 01:13:38,699 What don't you put my coq au vin to good use. 1223 01:13:38,700 --> 01:13:41,899 Now since you've ruined it with your girl fingers. 1224 01:13:41,900 --> 01:13:44,729 (dramatic music) 1225 01:13:44,730 --> 01:13:47,509 ♪ I get a chill down my spine ♪ 1226 01:13:47,510 --> 01:13:51,039 ♪ In the night they come to take my life ♪ 1227 01:13:51,040 --> 01:13:54,879 ♪ And I know I won't see morning light ♪ 1228 01:13:54,880 --> 01:13:59,339 ♪ In the dawn babe, I'll be gone ♪ 1229 01:13:59,340 --> 01:14:01,689 ♪ And they're going to eat my brains ♪ 1230 01:14:01,690 --> 01:14:06,529 ♪ Drive me insane, be one of their own ♪ 1231 01:14:06,530 --> 01:14:10,279 ♪ You know they got me these fucking zombies ♪ 1232 01:14:10,280 --> 01:14:13,909 ♪ I'm gonna be one of them tonight, one of them tonight ♪ 1233 01:14:13,910 --> 01:14:18,319 ♪ You know they got me, these fucking zombies ♪ 1234 01:14:18,320 --> 01:14:20,739 - Oh my God, she's been bitten, badly. 1235 01:14:20,740 --> 01:14:22,189 She's going to turn into one of them. 1236 01:14:22,190 --> 01:14:23,030 - Please. 1237 01:14:23,031 --> 01:14:25,949 - You guys, zombie holocaust survivor guide, chapter one, 1238 01:14:25,950 --> 01:14:27,599 if someone is bitten by a zombie 1239 01:14:27,600 --> 01:14:30,459 you have to kill them or they'll turn into a zombie. 1240 01:14:30,460 --> 01:14:31,680 - It's all my fault. 1241 01:14:32,790 --> 01:14:34,790 - Cassandra, mint clits. 1242 01:14:36,070 --> 01:14:36,910 - Let me do it. 1243 01:14:36,911 --> 01:14:38,189 - No, it's nobody's fault. 1244 01:14:38,190 --> 01:14:42,309 It's just a terrible, terrible accident. 1245 01:14:42,310 --> 01:14:43,140 And I'll do it. 1246 01:14:43,141 --> 01:14:44,839 - Let me do this. 1247 01:14:44,840 --> 01:14:46,349 (dramatic music) 1248 01:14:46,350 --> 01:14:47,529 (Wendy growls) 1249 01:14:47,530 --> 01:14:48,919 - No, I can. 1250 01:14:48,920 --> 01:14:49,900 (screams) 1251 01:14:49,901 --> 01:14:51,119 (gun fires) 1252 01:14:51,120 --> 01:14:52,980 - Jesus Christ. 1253 01:14:54,000 --> 01:14:57,949 - Patsy, what are you doing out of your cage? 1254 01:14:57,950 --> 01:15:00,679 Get back in that dungeon and finish your paperwork. 1255 01:15:00,680 --> 01:15:02,889 No one asked you to be here. 1256 01:15:02,890 --> 01:15:04,179 March! 1257 01:15:04,180 --> 01:15:05,180 - Yes master. 1258 01:15:07,570 --> 01:15:10,539 - Why is he so mean to that retarded guy? 1259 01:15:10,540 --> 01:15:11,480 He saved our lives. 1260 01:15:11,481 --> 01:15:14,329 - I'm going to retire back to my laboratory. 1261 01:15:14,330 --> 01:15:15,429 Someone has to continue 1262 01:15:15,430 --> 01:15:18,109 this tireless search to find the anecdote. 1263 01:15:18,110 --> 01:15:19,110 If anyone needs me. 1264 01:15:21,410 --> 01:15:22,889 - All right, listen up, cunts. 1265 01:15:22,890 --> 01:15:24,519 Your friend damn near just got us killed. 1266 01:15:24,520 --> 01:15:26,089 Fun time's over. 1267 01:15:26,090 --> 01:15:27,569 If you're going to call this place your home, 1268 01:15:27,570 --> 01:15:29,799 you're going to have to continue by my rules. 1269 01:15:29,800 --> 01:15:32,269 We've got to initiate zombie watch, sleeping shifts. 1270 01:15:32,270 --> 01:15:33,160 - Told you we should have went 1271 01:15:33,161 --> 01:15:34,779 to the basement of the bar at the mall. 1272 01:15:34,780 --> 01:15:36,049 - Friday's. 1273 01:15:36,050 --> 01:15:37,749 - No, it was Tuesdays. 1274 01:15:37,750 --> 01:15:41,590 It was Ruby Tuesday's near the role playing game store. 1275 01:15:42,750 --> 01:15:45,159 That's where she would go to watch Lost. 1276 01:15:45,160 --> 01:15:47,910 (dramatic music) 1277 01:15:49,600 --> 01:15:51,829 - We should all draw straws to see the order 1278 01:15:51,830 --> 01:15:54,359 in which we should do the zombie watch. 1279 01:15:54,360 --> 01:15:56,779 Each of us can take a four hour shift. 1280 01:15:56,780 --> 01:15:58,469 - [Mickey] Great idea, babe. 1281 01:15:58,470 --> 01:16:00,220 - Yeah, you're right. 1282 01:16:01,440 --> 01:16:02,610 - Wow, thanks. 1283 01:16:03,530 --> 01:16:04,500 - Thanks. 1284 01:16:04,501 --> 01:16:05,701 - [Mikey] Looking good, Patsy. 1285 01:16:07,880 --> 01:16:10,540 - Oh, I'm always getting the short end of the straw. 1286 01:16:14,000 --> 01:16:15,250 I'll see you at four a.m. 1287 01:16:23,020 --> 01:16:25,680 (ominous music) 1288 01:16:33,860 --> 01:16:36,119 - So how many bedrooms are there? 1289 01:16:36,120 --> 01:16:39,089 - Well it looks like there's two here 1290 01:16:39,090 --> 01:16:41,349 and there's another one down the hall. 1291 01:16:41,350 --> 01:16:43,869 So me and Liza can share because we're in love 1292 01:16:43,870 --> 01:16:47,410 and stuff, and you guys can have separate rooms. 1293 01:16:52,610 --> 01:16:55,279 - Where are you going blindfold boy? 1294 01:16:55,280 --> 01:16:56,949 You didn't think we'd be the only ones 1295 01:16:56,950 --> 01:16:59,979 in this house not getting any did you? 1296 01:16:59,980 --> 01:17:01,479 Huh, well did you? 1297 01:17:01,480 --> 01:17:02,689 - No. 1298 01:17:02,690 --> 01:17:06,239 - You bet your sweet ass. 1299 01:17:06,240 --> 01:17:08,830 (gentle music) 1300 01:17:10,780 --> 01:17:12,779 - Whoa, Freddie lives. 1301 01:17:12,780 --> 01:17:15,360 (gentle music) 1302 01:17:23,980 --> 01:17:25,099 From the moment I first saw you 1303 01:17:25,100 --> 01:17:27,459 in your flight attendant uniform, 1304 01:17:27,460 --> 01:17:30,719 serving ginger ale to sun burnt tourists, 1305 01:17:30,720 --> 01:17:34,119 I knew you were meant to be my D&D fantasy girl. 1306 01:17:34,120 --> 01:17:37,399 The Joanie to my Chachi, the pawn to knight seven 1307 01:17:37,400 --> 01:17:41,529 takes queen to rook four, my princess in another castle. 1308 01:17:41,530 --> 01:17:44,269 My April the reporter with red hair, 1309 01:17:44,270 --> 01:17:46,789 you're like the cheerleader in Revenge of the Nerds, 1310 01:17:46,790 --> 01:17:49,799 although I didn't need a Darth Vader mask to take you home. 1311 01:17:49,800 --> 01:17:53,649 - Nicky, I love you, but we've only got four hours 1312 01:17:53,650 --> 01:17:55,199 and you are on your way 1313 01:17:55,200 --> 01:17:57,440 to taking up three and a half of them. 1314 01:18:06,420 --> 01:18:08,479 - Yes, give me more, more squeals. 1315 01:18:08,480 --> 01:18:11,339 Squeals, come on little piggy. 1316 01:18:11,340 --> 01:18:16,090 (gentle music) (moaning) 1317 01:18:21,160 --> 01:18:22,160 Louder. 1318 01:18:24,010 --> 01:18:25,260 - Motherfucker. 1319 01:18:26,460 --> 01:18:28,429 - Naughty, naughty piggy. 1320 01:18:28,430 --> 01:18:33,350 (dramatic music) (moaning) 1321 01:18:35,000 --> 01:18:36,339 - Oh, is that too much milk? 1322 01:18:36,340 --> 01:18:37,750 Oh a little more. 1323 01:18:39,610 --> 01:18:41,950 (screaming) 1324 01:18:42,840 --> 01:18:43,840 Piggy. 1325 01:18:45,470 --> 01:18:48,299 Come on, say you're sorry, say you're sorry. 1326 01:18:48,300 --> 01:18:49,729 - [Billy] I'm sorry. 1327 01:18:49,730 --> 01:18:51,039 - Come on squeal, piggy. 1328 01:18:51,040 --> 01:18:52,870 Piggy, squeal, squeal. 1329 01:18:53,740 --> 01:18:54,829 Faster, faster. 1330 01:18:54,830 --> 01:18:55,999 - Okay, yes, ma'am. 1331 01:18:56,000 --> 01:18:56,910 - Oh, that's right. 1332 01:18:56,911 --> 01:18:59,119 Yes, who? 1333 01:18:59,120 --> 01:19:00,210 Oh that's it. 1334 01:19:01,270 --> 01:19:03,850 (gentle music) 1335 01:19:09,510 --> 01:19:12,260 (dramatic music) 1336 01:19:17,400 --> 01:19:19,980 (gentle music) 1337 01:19:33,810 --> 01:19:36,389 (Sherrie pukes) 1338 01:19:36,390 --> 01:19:38,229 Take that, motherfucker. 1339 01:19:38,230 --> 01:19:39,570 - Oh, yes ma'am. 1340 01:19:44,610 --> 01:19:46,440 - No, I love you most. 1341 01:19:51,120 --> 01:19:52,120 I love you. 1342 01:19:54,470 --> 01:19:55,789 - I love you. 1343 01:19:55,790 --> 01:19:57,210 - No, I love you. 1344 01:19:58,610 --> 01:20:01,280 (gentle music) 1345 01:20:09,910 --> 01:20:11,380 - How's my little jailbird? 1346 01:20:12,440 --> 01:20:15,439 I didn't want you to have to be down here all alone. 1347 01:20:15,440 --> 01:20:17,360 - I don't feel so well. 1348 01:20:20,700 --> 01:20:21,530 - [Cassandra] I know something 1349 01:20:21,531 --> 01:20:23,529 that will make you feel better. 1350 01:20:23,530 --> 01:20:26,220 - No, seriously, I feel like total shit. 1351 01:20:27,320 --> 01:20:30,119 - [Cassandra] You know, you were always my favorite Linda. 1352 01:20:30,120 --> 01:20:31,349 After all this is over, I'm going 1353 01:20:31,350 --> 01:20:34,399 to let you manage all my chain stores. 1354 01:20:34,400 --> 01:20:36,399 - That's really nice of you Cassandra, 1355 01:20:36,400 --> 01:20:39,739 but I just need to be left alone. 1356 01:20:39,740 --> 01:20:42,479 - I can't leave you alone right now, Linda, 1357 01:20:42,480 --> 01:20:45,029 not with you not feeling good and all. 1358 01:20:45,030 --> 01:20:47,109 Let me just rub your shoulders. 1359 01:20:47,110 --> 01:20:48,609 You'll feel much better. 1360 01:20:48,610 --> 01:20:51,280 (gentle music) 1361 01:21:35,910 --> 01:21:37,719 You were such a hot little cheerleader 1362 01:21:37,720 --> 01:21:40,039 when you came to our school. 1363 01:21:40,040 --> 01:21:41,919 I always held out the most hope for you. 1364 01:21:41,920 --> 01:21:44,670 (dramatic music) 1365 01:22:16,270 --> 01:22:18,509 (Linda growls) 1366 01:22:18,510 --> 01:22:21,399 Baby, you're a feisty little one. 1367 01:22:21,400 --> 01:22:23,949 I thought you weren't feeling well. 1368 01:22:23,950 --> 01:22:26,239 ♪ What's your favorite song ♪ 1369 01:22:26,240 --> 01:22:27,889 - Oh shit. 1370 01:22:27,890 --> 01:22:29,140 Jesus, God, no. 1371 01:22:29,980 --> 01:22:34,980 (Cassandra screaming) (gentle music) 1372 01:22:56,730 --> 01:23:01,640 (whacking) (gentle music) 1373 01:23:04,390 --> 01:23:09,390 ♪ But I found out that was real ♪ 1374 01:23:10,070 --> 01:23:13,849 ♪ You're standing at my door ♪ 1375 01:23:13,850 --> 01:23:18,850 ♪ You're everything I want and more ♪ 1376 01:23:19,880 --> 01:23:22,609 ♪ Cause love is all you need ♪ 1377 01:23:22,610 --> 01:23:24,159 ♪ At the end of the day ♪ 1378 01:23:24,160 --> 01:23:27,410 (Cassandra whimpering) 1379 01:23:39,080 --> 01:23:41,399 ♪ Say you won't be mad ♪ 1380 01:23:41,400 --> 01:23:42,929 ♪ Oh baby ♪ 1381 01:23:42,930 --> 01:23:45,099 ♪ I just quit my job ♪ 1382 01:23:45,100 --> 01:23:46,659 ♪ You're crazy ♪ 1383 01:23:46,660 --> 01:23:50,179 (Cassandra whimpering) 1384 01:23:50,180 --> 01:23:54,509 ♪ That place never was your style ♪ 1385 01:23:54,510 --> 01:23:57,760 (Cassandra crying out) 1386 01:24:08,510 --> 01:24:12,649 ♪ A romance is easy to find ♪ 1387 01:24:12,650 --> 01:24:15,900 (Cassandra crying out) 1388 01:24:16,940 --> 01:24:20,699 - Mickey, you're not like other men. 1389 01:24:20,700 --> 01:24:22,539 Do you know that? 1390 01:24:22,540 --> 01:24:23,540 - Yeah. 1391 01:24:24,870 --> 01:24:27,790 - Am I like other women you've had? 1392 01:24:29,520 --> 01:24:32,360 - No, you're not like any of them. 1393 01:24:34,640 --> 01:24:35,720 - I love you. 1394 01:24:37,210 --> 01:24:38,689 - I love you too. 1395 01:24:38,690 --> 01:24:41,360 (baby growling) 1396 01:24:53,140 --> 01:24:58,140 (Cassandra growling) (baby growling) 1397 01:25:04,170 --> 01:25:06,670 (eerie music) 1398 01:25:12,940 --> 01:25:16,299 - They're coming to get you, Barbara. 1399 01:25:16,300 --> 01:25:18,659 - Stop it, you're ignorant. 1400 01:25:18,660 --> 01:25:21,519 - They're coming for you, Barbara. 1401 01:25:21,520 --> 01:25:22,350 - Stop it. 1402 01:25:22,351 --> 01:25:24,309 You're acting like a child. 1403 01:25:24,310 --> 01:25:26,509 - They're coming for you. 1404 01:25:26,510 --> 01:25:27,340 Look. 1405 01:25:27,341 --> 01:25:28,819 There comes one of them now. 1406 01:25:28,820 --> 01:25:30,069 - You should get some sleep 1407 01:25:30,070 --> 01:25:33,199 before I have to go replace Linda. 1408 01:25:33,200 --> 01:25:35,379 - Yeah, okay babe. 1409 01:25:35,380 --> 01:25:37,970 - Good night. 1410 01:25:39,590 --> 01:25:41,010 - [Sherrie] Yeah. 1411 01:25:42,220 --> 01:25:44,129 - Fuck me, Sherri. 1412 01:25:44,130 --> 01:25:45,589 - Oh Billy. 1413 01:25:45,590 --> 01:25:46,840 Oh yes, oh yes. 1414 01:25:57,180 --> 01:25:58,529 - What the fuck? 1415 01:25:58,530 --> 01:26:01,280 (Sherri screams) 1416 01:26:10,170 --> 01:26:11,670 Oh my fucking God! 1417 01:26:19,430 --> 01:26:20,430 Fuck! 1418 01:26:21,480 --> 01:26:24,150 (baby growling) 1419 01:26:26,340 --> 01:26:27,949 Oh my fucking God! 1420 01:26:27,950 --> 01:26:30,700 (dramatic music) 1421 01:26:34,040 --> 01:26:35,200 Mother fucker. 1422 01:26:39,740 --> 01:26:42,570 (Billy screaming) 1423 01:26:44,010 --> 01:26:46,680 (alarm ringing) 1424 01:26:48,350 --> 01:26:51,479 - It's time for me to replace Linda. 1425 01:26:51,480 --> 01:26:52,340 - Okay, babe. 1426 01:26:52,341 --> 01:26:54,370 I'll go with you, I don't want you to be alone. 1427 01:26:55,520 --> 01:26:56,869 - Are you sure? 1428 01:26:56,870 --> 01:26:58,359 - Yeah. 1429 01:26:58,360 --> 01:27:01,690 I don't want to have you alone in there. 1430 01:27:07,400 --> 01:27:10,320 (zombies growling) 1431 01:27:17,460 --> 01:27:18,460 Holy shit! 1432 01:27:20,640 --> 01:27:22,039 (zombies growling) 1433 01:27:22,040 --> 01:27:25,329 (zombies growling) (Liza screaming) 1434 01:27:25,330 --> 01:27:30,330 (head whacking) (liza screaming) 1435 01:27:39,040 --> 01:27:39,830 What is that? 1436 01:27:39,880 --> 01:27:40,710 Oh my God! 1437 01:27:40,711 --> 01:27:43,349 - Oh my God! 1438 01:27:43,350 --> 01:27:45,399 (baby splats) 1439 01:27:45,400 --> 01:27:46,569 (liza chomps) 1440 01:27:46,570 --> 01:27:48,529 (dramatic music) 1441 01:27:48,530 --> 01:27:51,780 I'll take the bitch, you take the baby. 1442 01:27:54,640 --> 01:27:55,490 - What should I do with it? 1443 01:27:55,540 --> 01:27:56,370 - I don't know! 1444 01:27:56,371 --> 01:27:59,460 Throw it out the window or something. 1445 01:28:01,990 --> 01:28:04,820 (bottle shatters) 1446 01:28:08,640 --> 01:28:10,390 Die, die, die, bitch! 1447 01:28:16,380 --> 01:28:19,050 (Patsy snoring) 1448 01:28:23,410 --> 01:28:26,629 - Damn it Patsy, I'm at my wit's end. 1449 01:28:26,630 --> 01:28:27,649 I've been up all night 1450 01:28:27,650 --> 01:28:30,239 trying to create this blessed antidote. 1451 01:28:30,240 --> 01:28:31,329 I just don't understand 1452 01:28:31,330 --> 01:28:33,599 what it is I could have possibly done wrong. 1453 01:28:33,600 --> 01:28:36,620 - Oh, Doctor, that's terrible. 1454 01:28:38,650 --> 01:28:39,950 I'm so sorry. 1455 01:28:41,020 --> 01:28:44,009 Come put your head on Patsy's shoulder. 1456 01:28:44,010 --> 01:28:45,849 - Oh, Patsy. 1457 01:28:45,850 --> 01:28:48,350 You've always been there for me when I needed you. 1458 01:28:49,590 --> 01:28:51,960 Patsy, I've treated you terrible. 1459 01:28:53,280 --> 01:28:54,860 I've taken advantage of you. 1460 01:28:56,210 --> 01:28:57,210 You're so special. 1461 01:29:01,070 --> 01:29:03,619 - No, Doctor, no you haven't. 1462 01:29:03,620 --> 01:29:05,639 - Oh, but I have. 1463 01:29:05,640 --> 01:29:09,780 What's more, Patsy, I love you. 1464 01:29:11,670 --> 01:29:13,939 I've been looking for love in all 1465 01:29:13,940 --> 01:29:17,569 these tight-pantsed indie rock hipster boys, 1466 01:29:17,570 --> 01:29:18,759 and I never stopped to see 1467 01:29:18,760 --> 01:29:20,720 what was right in front of my own face. 1468 01:29:21,820 --> 01:29:23,859 Now I've created a mess that even 1469 01:29:23,860 --> 01:29:26,850 my genius mind can't figure a way out of. 1470 01:29:27,740 --> 01:29:28,740 - Oh Doctor. 1471 01:29:30,030 --> 01:29:30,910 Oh Doctor. 1472 01:29:30,911 --> 01:29:33,189 - Patsy, there's no need to speak. 1473 01:29:33,190 --> 01:29:34,659 I can tell by the look in your eyes 1474 01:29:34,660 --> 01:29:36,010 that you feel the same way. 1475 01:29:37,410 --> 01:29:39,280 Even though your asshole is small, 1476 01:29:40,160 --> 01:29:43,370 your heart is as big as the oceans combined. 1477 01:29:46,090 --> 01:29:47,090 I'll pack our bags. 1478 01:29:47,950 --> 01:29:49,819 You go tell Cassandra that we're leaving. 1479 01:29:49,820 --> 01:29:51,670 Leaving, and we're never coming back. 1480 01:29:52,630 --> 01:29:55,930 I have a boat, and I know of an island we can escape to. 1481 01:29:57,760 --> 01:29:59,900 - Okay Doctor, but also. 1482 01:30:01,080 --> 01:30:03,939 - Patsy, whatever it is, Patsy, it's going to have to wait. 1483 01:30:03,940 --> 01:30:05,669 Those boards and nails, 1484 01:30:05,670 --> 01:30:08,479 they're not going to hold the zombies out for much longer. 1485 01:30:08,480 --> 01:30:10,720 - Okay Doctor, right away. 1486 01:30:14,740 --> 01:30:15,740 - Mr. Puggles? 1487 01:30:16,450 --> 01:30:18,179 - [Patsy] Yes? 1488 01:30:18,180 --> 01:30:19,180 - I love you. 1489 01:30:24,300 --> 01:30:25,300 - Why God? 1490 01:30:26,320 --> 01:30:28,670 Why? 1491 01:30:29,640 --> 01:30:30,640 Why? 1492 01:30:31,700 --> 01:30:34,370 (thunder rolls) 1493 01:30:35,350 --> 01:30:38,100 (dramatic music) 1494 01:30:40,380 --> 01:30:44,270 You will all respect the bringer of the truth. 1495 01:30:45,110 --> 01:30:47,849 The lover of light and life. 1496 01:30:47,850 --> 01:30:50,180 The true hipster apocalypse. 1497 01:30:53,280 --> 01:30:56,459 The world no longer welcomes boys 1498 01:30:56,460 --> 01:31:00,439 with tight pants and trust funds. 1499 01:31:00,440 --> 01:31:04,190 You will all suffer the wrath of Patsy. 1500 01:31:07,100 --> 01:31:10,589 (dramatic music) 1501 01:31:10,590 --> 01:31:13,199 (vial clatters) 1502 01:31:13,200 --> 01:31:15,950 (dramatic music) 1503 01:31:19,130 --> 01:31:22,199 (gentle chords) 1504 01:31:22,200 --> 01:31:24,870 (thunder rolls) 1505 01:31:30,100 --> 01:31:31,050 - Zombies are getting in. 1506 01:31:31,051 --> 01:31:32,349 We've got to get out of here. 1507 01:31:32,350 --> 01:31:33,180 - Okay, babe. 1508 01:31:33,181 --> 01:31:35,600 - Let's see where this leads. 1509 01:31:43,360 --> 01:31:45,690 - Look, they're in here too. 1510 01:31:46,880 --> 01:31:47,959 - It's all right. 1511 01:31:47,960 --> 01:31:49,540 They're chained up. 1512 01:31:52,060 --> 01:31:53,489 Is he keeping them as pets? 1513 01:31:53,490 --> 01:31:54,709 - Maybe he caught some of these things 1514 01:31:54,710 --> 01:31:57,349 and he's using them to work on the antidote. 1515 01:31:57,350 --> 01:32:00,520 - That doesn't explain their wardrobe. 1516 01:32:06,620 --> 01:32:10,870 - I think this is Dr. Claw's top secret laboratory. 1517 01:32:13,620 --> 01:32:14,450 - You're going to have to 1518 01:32:14,451 --> 01:32:16,789 come over here and take a look at this. 1519 01:32:16,790 --> 01:32:17,870 - What is it? 1520 01:32:19,580 --> 01:32:20,580 - Hey. 1521 01:32:21,340 --> 01:32:23,079 I know that guy. 1522 01:32:23,080 --> 01:32:26,459 He's in that all naked cover band, Nudist Priest. 1523 01:32:26,460 --> 01:32:28,459 And that's the guy in the lispy Black Flag 1524 01:32:28,460 --> 01:32:31,409 cover band, Black Fag. 1525 01:32:31,410 --> 01:32:33,229 That's Johnny Severed Goat's Head. 1526 01:32:33,230 --> 01:32:34,960 And that's Chainsaw Mike. 1527 01:32:36,310 --> 01:32:37,150 But that means. 1528 01:32:37,151 --> 01:32:38,549 - Oh my God. 1529 01:32:38,550 --> 01:32:39,440 Mickey. 1530 01:32:39,441 --> 01:32:41,499 I will hold to the highest ethics 1531 01:32:41,500 --> 01:32:43,679 no matter what the situation. 1532 01:32:43,680 --> 01:32:47,539 I will never eat the merchandise under any circumstances. 1533 01:32:47,540 --> 01:32:48,540 Bullshit! 1534 01:32:49,270 --> 01:32:52,039 That means Bush had us selling Tagadongs 1535 01:32:52,040 --> 01:32:54,659 and Thin Clits that turned people into zombies. 1536 01:32:54,660 --> 01:32:55,709 - Why would she do that? 1537 01:32:55,710 --> 01:32:57,549 Did she have some kind of death wish? 1538 01:32:57,550 --> 01:32:59,879 - It must have been the doctor. 1539 01:32:59,880 --> 01:33:00,710 He's responsible. 1540 01:33:00,711 --> 01:33:02,959 Look, it's all here in black and white. 1541 01:33:02,960 --> 01:33:04,819 It makes perfect sense. 1542 01:33:04,820 --> 01:33:07,779 You and Bill didn't eat any of the cookies. 1543 01:33:07,780 --> 01:33:09,810 - Then my dairy allergy saved my life. 1544 01:33:10,740 --> 01:33:12,809 But Johnny Severed Goat's Head and Chainsaw Mike 1545 01:33:12,810 --> 01:33:15,519 were my best friends, and it's this guy who's responsible. 1546 01:33:15,520 --> 01:33:16,350 - Right. 1547 01:33:16,351 --> 01:33:17,459 This doctor is pure evil, 1548 01:33:17,460 --> 01:33:19,550 and I sensed it the moment I saw him. 1549 01:33:20,740 --> 01:33:22,329 - I'm not pure evil. 1550 01:33:22,330 --> 01:33:26,009 I'm just a sad little man who likes boys 1551 01:33:26,010 --> 01:33:29,579 in tight jeans and ironic band t-shirts. 1552 01:33:29,580 --> 01:33:31,499 I never wanted any of this. 1553 01:33:31,500 --> 01:33:33,279 I just wanted some beautiful boys 1554 01:33:33,280 --> 01:33:37,169 for my legitimate adult entertainment business. 1555 01:33:37,170 --> 01:33:39,919 - You killed Johnny Severed Goat's Head. 1556 01:33:39,920 --> 01:33:41,749 And you killed Chainsaw Mike. 1557 01:33:41,750 --> 01:33:44,609 And you turned my best friend Bill Firewire 1558 01:33:44,610 --> 01:33:47,289 into a half-eaten zombie torso. 1559 01:33:47,290 --> 01:33:50,739 You're a pathetic, sick little worm of a man, Doctor. 1560 01:33:50,740 --> 01:33:54,440 And you deserve nothing less than to be. 1561 01:33:55,370 --> 01:33:59,639 - Bill Firewire's severed torso is not my doing. 1562 01:33:59,640 --> 01:34:00,839 Don't you understand? 1563 01:34:00,840 --> 01:34:05,589 I wanted these boys sucking cock, not eating flesh. 1564 01:34:05,590 --> 01:34:09,149 Besides, I'm the only one who can come up with the antidote. 1565 01:34:09,150 --> 01:34:10,110 - He might be right, Mickey. 1566 01:34:10,111 --> 01:34:11,139 Hold on. 1567 01:34:11,140 --> 01:34:12,269 - I'm going to cut this worm 1568 01:34:12,270 --> 01:34:15,040 in two like we cut his bitch sister. 1569 01:34:15,880 --> 01:34:18,429 I'm going to decapitate him so you won't come back. 1570 01:34:18,430 --> 01:34:19,880 - You killed Cassandra? 1571 01:34:20,850 --> 01:34:23,169 Stop. 1572 01:34:23,170 --> 01:34:24,260 - You like these hipsters? 1573 01:34:27,240 --> 01:34:29,619 They look like they want to fuck you, all right. 1574 01:34:29,620 --> 01:34:32,739 Turn around and fuck these hipsters 1575 01:34:32,740 --> 01:34:35,039 before I fucking cut you in two. 1576 01:34:35,040 --> 01:34:36,479 - Mickey! 1577 01:34:36,480 --> 01:34:37,829 - You're going to push me into these. 1578 01:34:37,830 --> 01:34:39,589 - - Fuck these hipsters before 1579 01:34:39,590 --> 01:34:41,760 I fucking slit your throat. 1580 01:34:43,390 --> 01:34:48,390 (Claw screaming) (heart beating) 1581 01:34:58,390 --> 01:35:01,269 When there's no more room on earth, 1582 01:35:01,270 --> 01:35:05,430 the evil doctors will join their dead sisters in hell. 1583 01:35:09,390 --> 01:35:12,140 (dramatic music) 1584 01:35:31,090 --> 01:35:33,299 - What do you think he meant by that? 1585 01:35:33,300 --> 01:35:34,879 Maybe we shouldn't have let him die. 1586 01:35:34,880 --> 01:35:36,669 He was working on an antidote. 1587 01:35:36,670 --> 01:35:39,719 - After he was done with this? 1588 01:35:39,720 --> 01:35:42,739 He was a sick worm and a pervert, 1589 01:35:42,740 --> 01:35:45,399 and this world is better off without him. 1590 01:35:45,400 --> 01:35:47,949 - I'm scared when you're angry. 1591 01:35:47,950 --> 01:35:49,269 It's actually really sexy. 1592 01:35:49,270 --> 01:35:51,320 I've never seen that side of you. 1593 01:35:55,300 --> 01:35:57,489 These keys must belong to something. 1594 01:35:57,490 --> 01:35:59,429 We can look for the car and go to the marina. 1595 01:35:59,430 --> 01:36:00,919 I know how to hot-wire boats. 1596 01:36:00,920 --> 01:36:01,920 - Great idea, babe. 1597 01:36:07,340 --> 01:36:08,779 - Patsy, we're getting the hell 1598 01:36:08,780 --> 01:36:10,380 out of here if you want to come. 1599 01:36:11,770 --> 01:36:12,770 - Where's Doctor? 1600 01:36:13,760 --> 01:36:15,329 - Oh, about the doctor. 1601 01:36:15,330 --> 01:36:17,129 - We tried to save him, but it was too late. 1602 01:36:17,130 --> 01:36:18,720 The zombies downstairs got him. 1603 01:36:20,950 --> 01:36:24,220 - No, no, Doctor! 1604 01:36:27,340 --> 01:36:28,719 - Hurry up and get your stuff, 1605 01:36:28,720 --> 01:36:31,459 we're running out of here quick. 1606 01:36:31,460 --> 01:36:32,570 I'm really sorry. 1607 01:36:33,980 --> 01:36:35,529 - Why did you invite him? 1608 01:36:35,530 --> 01:36:37,269 That's that worm's sidekick. 1609 01:36:37,270 --> 01:36:40,119 - Mickey, that man or whatever he is, 1610 01:36:40,120 --> 01:36:41,509 he didn't know what he was doing. 1611 01:36:41,510 --> 01:36:43,009 He was a victim just as much as us. 1612 01:36:43,010 --> 01:36:44,809 Can't you see that? 1613 01:36:44,810 --> 01:36:48,479 He was just a small pawn in Dr. Claw's evil game. 1614 01:36:48,480 --> 01:36:49,809 If we don't take him with us, 1615 01:36:49,810 --> 01:36:52,959 it's like leaving a helpless dog here to die. 1616 01:36:52,960 --> 01:36:54,169 - I don't know, Liza. 1617 01:36:54,170 --> 01:36:55,559 - Trust me. 1618 01:36:55,560 --> 01:36:57,110 Have I ever led you astray? 1619 01:36:58,370 --> 01:36:59,150 - No, babe. 1620 01:36:59,200 --> 01:36:59,980 - Come on. 1621 01:37:00,030 --> 01:37:01,030 Let's go. 1622 01:37:05,490 --> 01:37:08,240 (dramatic music) 1623 01:37:12,610 --> 01:37:14,069 - They're no good? 1624 01:37:14,070 --> 01:37:15,030 - Maybe the van. 1625 01:37:15,031 --> 01:37:16,129 - Yes good idea. 1626 01:37:16,130 --> 01:37:18,880 (dramatic music) 1627 01:37:25,950 --> 01:37:29,119 That worm's retarded henchman, we should just leave him. 1628 01:37:29,120 --> 01:37:30,959 He's probably gotten himself dead by now. 1629 01:37:30,960 --> 01:37:32,719 Why should we risk our lives? 1630 01:37:32,720 --> 01:37:33,789 - Trust me, baby. 1631 01:37:33,790 --> 01:37:35,870 We give him five minutes. 1632 01:37:37,600 --> 01:37:38,520 - Dr. Claw! 1633 01:37:38,521 --> 01:37:41,270 (dramatic music) 1634 01:37:45,520 --> 01:37:46,520 My love. 1635 01:37:52,520 --> 01:37:53,770 No, Doctor, no! 1636 01:38:03,840 --> 01:38:06,920 I didn't mean for it to be like this. 1637 01:38:11,470 --> 01:38:14,470 We're supposed to run away together. 1638 01:38:25,870 --> 01:38:27,210 Doctor, my love. 1639 01:38:29,400 --> 01:38:30,900 No, it's not fair! 1640 01:38:46,830 --> 01:38:49,580 (dramatic chord) 1641 01:38:58,970 --> 01:38:59,970 Foul play! 1642 01:39:01,560 --> 01:39:04,810 That dirty twink and his tranny friend. 1643 01:39:09,080 --> 01:39:12,880 Doctor, I will avenge your death, I will! 1644 01:39:20,600 --> 01:39:22,100 Where's the serum? 1645 01:39:23,410 --> 01:39:24,830 You have my word. 1646 01:39:36,650 --> 01:39:39,570 (zombies growling) 1647 01:39:54,160 --> 01:39:55,830 - Patsy, be careful! 1648 01:40:08,010 --> 01:40:09,879 - They didn't bite you, did they? 1649 01:40:09,880 --> 01:40:11,540 - No, master Mickey. 1650 01:40:12,490 --> 01:40:14,469 - Patsy, we aren't your masters. 1651 01:40:14,470 --> 01:40:15,910 We're your friends. 1652 01:40:18,290 --> 01:40:20,830 - Yes, Miss Liza, friends. 1653 01:40:33,690 --> 01:40:36,440 (dramatic music) 1654 01:40:40,300 --> 01:40:41,779 - [Mickey] Liza, darling. 1655 01:40:41,780 --> 01:40:44,619 I was thinking about getting in a late tea time. 1656 01:40:44,620 --> 01:40:46,559 Do you want to grab some oysters afterward? 1657 01:40:46,560 --> 01:40:49,509 - Sweety, Patsy's making dinner tonight. 1658 01:40:49,510 --> 01:40:51,079 He's been talking about it all week. 1659 01:40:51,080 --> 01:40:52,170 How could you forget? 1660 01:40:53,240 --> 01:40:55,269 - Do you really think he can cook? 1661 01:40:55,270 --> 01:40:57,069 - Apparently when he was in that cage, 1662 01:40:57,070 --> 01:41:00,189 he watched nothing but Emeril and Rachael Ray. 1663 01:41:00,190 --> 01:41:00,970 - Great. 1664 01:41:01,020 --> 01:41:02,020 Let's check it out. 1665 01:41:02,960 --> 01:41:05,549 - [Radio] It's been exactly a year since the Wormwood, 1666 01:41:05,550 --> 01:41:08,459 New Jersey outbreak of the living dead. 1667 01:41:08,460 --> 01:41:10,849 Experts are still befuddled as to 1668 01:41:10,850 --> 01:41:13,059 the cause of this great disaster 1669 01:41:13,060 --> 01:41:14,929 which had spread as far as Brooklyn, 1670 01:41:14,930 --> 01:41:16,880 - [Patsy] Master is very nice to Patsy. 1671 01:41:19,440 --> 01:41:21,769 - [Radio] Residents banding together. 1672 01:41:21,770 --> 01:41:25,009 Here we have Grover Oregon, one of the heroes 1673 01:41:25,010 --> 01:41:28,229 of the massacre of the Bushlick Food Coop. 1674 01:41:28,230 --> 01:41:31,859 - [Man] You know, it was really easy to get support. 1675 01:41:31,860 --> 01:41:34,909 My cousin Victor, who put down twelve of those (beeps) 1676 01:41:34,910 --> 01:41:37,660 in the produce aisle, still calls 1677 01:41:38,720 --> 01:41:39,620 it the happiest day of his life. 1678 01:41:39,621 --> 01:41:43,040 - Master's are taking good care of Patsy. 1679 01:41:47,590 --> 01:41:49,909 - [Liza] Thank you. 1680 01:41:49,910 --> 01:41:51,160 - [Patsy] Okay. 1681 01:41:52,430 --> 01:41:53,290 Food for you, Master. 1682 01:41:53,340 --> 01:41:54,130 - Patsy. 1683 01:41:54,180 --> 01:41:55,010 - Thank you. 1684 01:41:55,011 --> 01:41:56,569 - I had no idea. 1685 01:41:56,570 --> 01:41:57,410 - [Patsy] Enjoy. 1686 01:41:57,411 --> 01:41:58,669 - I just don't know where to start. 1687 01:41:58,670 --> 01:41:59,840 Thanks, Patsy. 1688 01:42:04,110 --> 01:42:05,110 - My God. 1689 01:42:11,650 --> 01:42:14,320 (glasses clink) 1690 01:42:17,000 --> 01:42:19,750 (food crunching) 1691 01:42:21,230 --> 01:42:24,060 - This is for your memory, Doctor! 1692 01:42:27,150 --> 01:42:29,820 (opera singing) 1693 01:42:44,200 --> 01:42:46,059 - That was the greatest meal of my life. 1694 01:42:46,060 --> 01:42:47,310 - I can't wait. 1695 01:42:49,680 --> 01:42:53,939 - Master, you haven't even had your dessert. 1696 01:42:53,940 --> 01:42:55,560 - Oh, I wish I could. 1697 01:42:56,500 --> 01:42:59,210 - Don't worry, it's dairy free. 1698 01:43:01,670 --> 01:43:05,380 - In that case, how could I resist? 1699 01:43:07,590 --> 01:43:08,959 Oh my God. 1700 01:43:08,960 --> 01:43:09,960 Oh my God, it's so good. 1701 01:43:10,950 --> 01:43:12,369 Bravo, Patsy. 1702 01:43:12,370 --> 01:43:13,370 Bravo. 1703 01:43:15,360 --> 01:43:17,990 - Patsy, what's that interesting flavor? 1704 01:43:19,040 --> 01:43:21,429 - It's just ease time, it's just got 1705 01:43:21,430 --> 01:43:23,979 that strange aftertaste, but you'll get used to it. 1706 01:43:23,980 --> 01:43:26,650 (opera singing) 1707 01:43:31,980 --> 01:43:33,999 (plates shatter) 1708 01:43:34,000 --> 01:43:36,670 (opera singing) 1709 01:43:46,760 --> 01:43:49,600 (engine rumbling) 1710 01:43:54,050 --> 01:43:55,249 - Yeah, oh yeah. 1711 01:43:55,250 --> 01:43:57,489 - Mommy, do you want some soup? 1712 01:43:57,490 --> 01:43:58,579 Salt or pepper? 1713 01:43:58,580 --> 01:43:59,410 Salt? 1714 01:43:59,411 --> 01:44:02,379 - Okay, salt, salt, sweetie. 1715 01:44:02,380 --> 01:44:05,130 (dramatic music) 1716 01:44:08,610 --> 01:44:10,299 Mommy, mommy look! 1717 01:44:10,300 --> 01:44:11,080 Momma! 1718 01:44:11,130 --> 01:44:12,000 Momma, look! 1719 01:44:12,001 --> 01:44:13,199 Mommy! 1720 01:44:13,200 --> 01:44:15,099 (woman screams) 1721 01:44:15,100 --> 01:44:20,100 (dramatic music) (zombies growling) 1722 01:45:20,340 --> 01:45:23,090 (dramatic music) 1723 01:45:30,370 --> 01:45:35,370 ♪ Gonna tell you women, bout a suave monsier ♪ 1724 01:45:35,380 --> 01:45:40,380 ♪ He's a mean operator, comes from gay Paree ♪ 1725 01:45:41,020 --> 01:45:43,379 ♪ Trés debonair with a bad-ass style ♪ 1726 01:45:43,380 --> 01:45:45,779 ♪ Oh don't you know he drives the mademoiselles wild ♪ 1727 01:45:45,780 --> 01:45:50,200 ♪ Sexy sexy french motherfucker yeah ♪ 1728 01:46:00,200 --> 01:46:04,989 ♪ Got his pick of women, never mind the beaux ♪ 1729 01:46:04,990 --> 01:46:09,990 ♪ Gotta a way of winning, lotta losers know ♪ 1730 01:46:10,740 --> 01:46:12,949 ♪ Trés debonair with a bad-ass style ♪ 1731 01:46:12,950 --> 01:46:15,459 ♪ Oh don't you know he drives the mademoiselles wild ♪ 1732 01:46:15,460 --> 01:46:20,309 ♪ Sexy sexy french motherfucker yeah ♪ 1733 01:46:20,310 --> 01:46:22,649 ♪ Ooh la la, mon cheri ♪ 1734 01:46:22,650 --> 01:46:25,119 ♪ Sexy French fucker's got something on me ♪ 1735 01:46:25,120 --> 01:46:27,459 ♪ Looking á gauche, looking á droite, ♪ 1736 01:46:27,460 --> 01:46:32,460 ♪ Looking so bad he's got a rendezvous tonight ♪ 1737 01:46:51,950 --> 01:46:53,979 ♪ Ooh la la, mon cheri ♪ 1738 01:46:53,980 --> 01:46:56,369 ♪ Sexy French fucker's got something on me ♪ 1739 01:46:56,370 --> 01:46:58,689 ♪ Looking á gauche, looking á droite ♪ 1740 01:46:58,690 --> 01:47:03,690 ♪ Looking so bad he's got a rendezvous tonight ♪ 1741 01:47:10,500 --> 01:47:15,249 ♪ Gotta an eye on Marie, gotta an eye on Claire ♪ 1742 01:47:15,250 --> 01:47:20,250 ♪ Gotta a bad reputation, so you'd best beware ♪ 1743 01:47:20,860 --> 01:47:23,229 ♪ Trés debonair with a bad-ass style ♪ 1744 01:47:23,230 --> 01:47:25,679 ♪ Oh don't you know he drives the mademoiselles wild ♪ 1745 01:47:25,680 --> 01:47:30,679 ♪ Sexy sexy french motherfucker yeah ♪ 1746 01:47:30,680 --> 01:47:32,979 ♪ Trés debonair with a bad-ass style ♪ 1747 01:47:32,980 --> 01:47:35,409 ♪ Oh don't you know he drives the mademoiselles wild ♪ 1748 01:47:35,410 --> 01:47:36,779 ♪ Sexy sexy french motherfucker yeah ♪ 1749 01:47:36,780 --> 01:47:37,610 - [Crew] And mark it. 1750 01:47:37,611 --> 01:47:38,839 - [Crew] Okay. 1751 01:47:38,840 --> 01:47:40,510 - [Crew] And action. 1752 01:47:43,520 --> 01:47:45,549 - Oh my God, Sister. 1753 01:47:45,550 --> 01:47:46,679 You look worse than that third time 1754 01:47:46,680 --> 01:47:49,000 you lost the all ages bukkake competition. 1755 01:47:52,920 --> 01:47:55,169 Oh my God, Sister, you look awful. 1756 01:47:55,170 --> 01:47:59,209 Have you gone on another meth-fueled anal to mouth binge? 1757 01:47:59,210 --> 01:48:00,879 Oh my God, Sister, you look worse 1758 01:48:00,880 --> 01:48:02,409 than the time you got toxic shock 1759 01:48:02,410 --> 01:48:04,989 from that whiskey and Xanax enema. 1760 01:48:04,990 --> 01:48:07,159 Oh my God, Sister, you look worse 1761 01:48:07,160 --> 01:48:08,539 than the time you got finger banged 1762 01:48:08,540 --> 01:48:11,469 by those homeless mole people underneath the A train. 1763 01:48:11,470 --> 01:48:13,969 Oh my God, Sister, you look worse 1764 01:48:13,970 --> 01:48:15,259 than that time we ran out of cups 1765 01:48:15,260 --> 01:48:18,189 and you used your vagina to play beer pong. 1766 01:48:18,190 --> 01:48:20,479 Oh my God, Sister, you look worse 1767 01:48:20,480 --> 01:48:21,569 than the time you were the bottom 1768 01:48:21,570 --> 01:48:24,209 at that Wiccan raccoon menstruation ritual. 1769 01:48:24,210 --> 01:48:25,519 Of course, please. 1770 01:48:25,520 --> 01:48:26,350 Come in. 1771 01:48:26,351 --> 01:48:27,520 Come right in. 1772 01:48:35,120 --> 01:48:36,519 - [Crew] Cut. 1773 01:48:36,520 --> 01:48:38,940 (punk music) 1774 01:48:45,610 --> 01:48:48,770 (punk French singing) 120555

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