subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for The Hot Chick (2002)

Afrikaans

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bengali

Bosnian

Bulgarian

Catalan

Cebuano

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian

Czech

Danish

Dutch

English

Esperanto

Estonian

Filipino

Finnish

French

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Irish

Italian

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Khmer Download

Korean

Kurdish (Kurmanji)

Kyrgyz

Lao

Latin

Latvian

Lithuanian

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam Download

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Nepali

Norwegian

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese

Punjabi

Romanian

Russian

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Sesotho

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhala

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Telugu

Thai

Turkish

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Odia (Oriya)

Kinyarwanda

Turkmen

Tatar

Uyghur

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:01:09,714 --> 00:01:11,214 Where is my bride? 3 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:30,400 My wedding dress. Quickly, put it on. 4 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:38,280 Soon you'll live your life in jewels and not chains. 5 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:56,280 Come, child. 6 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:58,400 Your groom awaits you. 7 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:16,200 Honeybees, all right, all right! 8 00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:17,920 Honeybees, all right! 9 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:19,960 Whoo! Honeybees, all right, all right! 10 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:22,360 Honeybees, all right! Whoo! 11 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:24,000 Go... 12 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:25,640 Honeybees! 13 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:29,960 You ready, Hildenburg? 14 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:30,960 Yes. 15 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,000 Great. 16 00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:33,840 I have one question. 17 00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:36,240 Why am I dressed like one of the Fenmore Foxes? 18 00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:38,240 Aren't they our hated crosstown rivals? 19 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:39,880 Yes... but... 20 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,480 this year's theme is unity... for "all" cheerleaders. 21 00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:44,200 Oh. 22 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:46,480 Have fun. 23 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:55,400 Wipe out the Foxes! 24 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:02,160 Ugh! 25 00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:07,680 Boys are cheats and liars. 26 00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:09,840 They're such a big disgrace. 27 00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:13,200 They will tell you anything to get to second... 28 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:16,360 Baseball, baseball, he thinks he's gonna score. 29 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:19,120 If you let him go all the way, then you are a... 30 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,880 Hor... ticulture studies flowers... 31 00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:26,760 Oh, no, she didn't. 32 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,400 Oh, yes, she did. 33 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:31,160 Girlfriend's booty be "all" wrapped up in licious. 34 00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:32,360 "All" wrapped up. 35 00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:35,160 You're pretty dope and phat yourselves. 36 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:39,400 Ling-Ling! You forgot lunch, baby pie! 37 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:43,840 Chicken with fried vegetable, bulgogi, and Kimchi. 38 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:45,000 Thanks, Mom. 39 00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:48,880 Okay. You all learn real good now. 40 00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:49,920 - Ling-Ling? - Ling-Ling? 41 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:51,600 Can somebody answer the phone? 42 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:53,320 Oh, dang, that's messed up. 43 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:56,920 Out of all the Korean liquor stores, 44 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,040 why did my dad have to walk into that one? 45 00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:02,240 I'm returning your papers on the Salem Witch Trials. 46 00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:06,920 I'm sad to report that Eden, here, got the only "A." 47 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:08,440 Well, that's not fair. 48 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:11,960 I mean, she was the only one who was actually there. 49 00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:25,840 Vice-Principal Bernard. 50 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:28,680 Oh, Miss Spencer, wonderful job this morning. 51 00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:31,400 You certainly know how to whip up a crowd. 52 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:34,400 As pretty as you are, I bet you really whipped them up 53 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:37,000 back when "you" were cheerleading captain, hmm? 54 00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:38,200 Me? Oh, no, no, no. 55 00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:41,280 I was much more of a band chick, actually... tuba... 56 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,800 lead tuba... honor band. 57 00:04:43,840 --> 00:04:46,840 Well, then you wouldn't mind writing us some passes 58 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:48,840 so we could, uh, practice some new moves? 59 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:51,680 Oh, Jessica, I-I-I don't know about that. 60 00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:54,640 You know, that trophy is gonna look "so" good 61 00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:55,760 in your office. 62 00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:56,840 Oh... 63 00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,560 All right. 64 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:24,000 Whoo! 65 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:31,880 Ohh! Ugh! Oh! 66 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,640 Mmm! That's really good. 67 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:42,600 Um... how much do I owe you? 68 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,520 It's okay. It's on the house. 69 00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:48,840 Really?! 70 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:51,200 Thanks. 71 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:01,240 Who's gonna pay for that, asshole? 72 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:06,880 You are not gonna make it in this business. 73 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:10,360 You total binger! 74 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:13,880 April, this is gonna go straight to your ass. 75 00:06:16,280 --> 00:06:17,720 "Itchbay" alert. 76 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:19,960 Bianca. 77 00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:28,000 Jessica, you look great! 78 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:29,720 Are you doing something different 79 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:31,920 or just hanging out with skankier friends? 80 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,880 Wow, Bianca, you look really good, too. 81 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:40,080 Um... are you eating less or just barfing more? 82 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:43,680 Barfing more. 83 00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:48,280 Good luck at the cheer competition. 84 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:49,360 Yeah. 85 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:51,360 You too. 86 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:57,160 Hmm... 87 00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:03,640 Bye-bye. 88 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:06,120 Agh! 89 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:08,760 Oh! 90 00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:11,160 Let's go, Winona. 91 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:23,360 Jess, what are you doing? 92 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:24,920 Hang on a sec. 93 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,760 Whoa. 94 00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:41,440 This is kind of cool. 95 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:43,920 Can I help you ladies? 96 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:45,360 Oh, yeah. What is this? 97 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:47,280 Oh, yeah, I like that, too. 98 00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:51,840 It's actually a Senegalese lute carved from deerwood, 99 00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:55,040 used for fertility rituals and... 100 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:56,800 - Sure. Yeah. - Cool. 101 00:07:56,880 --> 00:08:00,040 Oh, and you can put your weed in there. 102 00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:03,320 Oh. 103 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:04,520 Check this out. 104 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:06,640 Oh, yeah. That's beautiful. 105 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:10,240 It's actually a model of the prison on Robben Island 106 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:13,360 where Nelson Mandela was held 27 years. 107 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:14,520 - Oh. - Oh. 108 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:17,240 And before the collapse of apartheid, of course. 109 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:19,720 Yeah, he came out pretty hate-free, though, 110 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,680 you know, ready to heal... 111 00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:24,400 went on to become the president of South Africa 112 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:27,280 after that... after they freed him, of course, sure. 113 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:28,360 - Wow. - Yeah. 114 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:30,240 A lot of people don't realize this, 115 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:33,160 but you can put your weed in there. 116 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:34,320 - Oh. 117 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,680 This is great. Sure. 118 00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:39,160 Well, if you have any more questions, 119 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:41,560 I'll be in the back sleeping, so... 120 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:42,880 Great. 121 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:45,600 Okay. Thanks. 122 00:08:45,680 --> 00:08:48,240 Oh, actually, this is the back. Sorry. 123 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:50,240 - Oh. - Oh. 124 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:53,880 This stuff makes me feel so proud to be African-American. 125 00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:57,600 Ling-Ling! 126 00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:01,160 You walk right by Crazy Nail, no say "hi" me. 127 00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:02,920 Hi, Mom. 128 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,360 Bye, girls! 129 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:09,280 Fake pearls! 130 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:34,160 Stop banging those drums! 131 00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:36,400 I'm sorry. 132 00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:38,560 I didn't even know you could hear that. 133 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:44,000 Oh, my God. Look at those earrings. 134 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:46,400 I'd be the envy of every girl at prom. 135 00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:50,400 Not like that was in jeopardy or anything. 136 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:54,640 Um, excuse me. How much are these? 137 00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:57,840 Not for sale. That's a genuine artifact. 138 00:09:57,880 --> 00:09:59,760 Oh. 139 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:07,440 No! 140 00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:09,160 No! 141 00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:24,960 Okay, I'm all set. 142 00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:34,120 Is that all you got... $ 18?! 143 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:35,680 It's a gas station. 144 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,120 Everybody pays with credit cards nowadays. 145 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:39,960 Help yourself to some nachos. 146 00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:01,760 Hey, that's for Doug Flutie's kids! 147 00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:08,920 - Aah! 148 00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:12,920 - Aah! - Aah! 149 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:23,000 - I'm in here! 150 00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:24,000 - Help! 151 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:25,360 Whoo! 152 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:33,960 Agh! 153 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:35,440 Agh! 154 00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:45,600 You look really good. 155 00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:47,760 Really good. 156 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:52,120 Um, excuse me... 157 00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:56,520 The gas cap's on "that" side. 158 00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:02,880 Mm-hmm. Oh, I'm sorry. 159 00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:11,440 Uh, hello... 160 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:13,280 full service. 161 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:15,720 And, um, could you, like, check the oil 162 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:18,200 and all that other junk under the hood? 163 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:27,040 Like his job is that hard. 164 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:32,120 Minimum wage for a maximum loser. 165 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:33,920 Oh, good one. 166 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,040 Hey... check this out. 167 00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:39,280 Ow! 168 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,400 Sorry. Accident. 169 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:47,440 You're so bad! 170 00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:49,360 - I'm okay. 171 00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:51,800 It's okay. I'm okay. 172 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:54,360 Hey, how much you bet I can get him again? 173 00:12:58,040 --> 00:13:00,160 Oh. Uhh. 174 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:05,680 - Ow! Oh! 175 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:08,600 Oops. 176 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:13,840 - Whoo! 177 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,080 I'm so pretty. 178 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:55,480 Booger. 179 00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,120 Booger! 180 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:01,480 I told you not to go through my stuff. 181 00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:03,400 What are you doing wearing my bra?! 182 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:05,360 I'm not "wearing" your bra. 183 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:08,040 I was simply holding it against myself. 184 00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:10,040 Get out of my room, you little turd! 185 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:12,360 Wait a minute. 186 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,360 What happened to you? 187 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:15,600 Nothing. 188 00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:21,520 Did that Cavanaugh kid do this to you? 189 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:28,480 All right. Come here. 190 00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:30,520 He is such a punk. 191 00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:34,440 You know, one of these days, he's gonna get it. 192 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:35,680 There you go. 193 00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:37,360 Better. 194 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:41,160 Is that my lipstick?! 195 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:48,880 Ohhhhh! 196 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:28,960 Hey. 197 00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:30,480 Hi. 198 00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:43,960 Oh, Jess, when you do that... 199 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:46,960 my whole leg tingles and shakes. 200 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,320 Really? 201 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:51,640 Well, what happens if I kiss you... 202 00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:53,000 there? 203 00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:59,840 You have to come snowboarding with me this weekend. 204 00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:02,120 Oh, silly Billy nilly, 205 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:05,240 I told you I'm not having sex with you. 206 00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:06,440 No. 207 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:07,680 We could sip hot chocolate 208 00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:09,680 and play Scrabble with my little brother. 209 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,920 You call it whatever you want. 210 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,480 I'm still not having sex with you. 211 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:17,640 Billy... 212 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:20,080 look... 213 00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:22,600 you know how important this is to me. 214 00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:25,040 And when that special moment happens, 215 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:28,880 I just... I want it to be perfect. 216 00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:32,800 I would never dream of rushing you. 217 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:36,680 Thank you, Billy. 218 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:38,480 Oh... 219 00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:41,920 If you change your mind, we could drive up together. 220 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,880 I'll wait behind for you. 221 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,960 Front... behind... 222 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:47,640 I'm still not doing it. 223 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:52,800 Good night, Billy. 224 00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:19,360 Oh, your life is like a fairytale. 225 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:22,040 You and Billy are, like, totally Disney. 226 00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:24,000 You know, it's scary sometimes. 227 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:27,120 I just... I don't know what I'd do 228 00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:30,360 if things weren't so... perfect. 229 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:34,400 I'm so glad you're my best friend. 230 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,520 I'll see you tomorrow. 231 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,400 Okay. Good night. 232 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:49,080 Bye. 233 00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:46,000 Aaaaaaah! 234 00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:54,640 Aaaaaaaah! 235 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,280 Aah! 236 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:06,560 Aah! Aah! 237 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:08,560 - Aah! 238 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:10,840 Jessica, honey, is everything all right? 239 00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:12,400 Yes, Mother. 240 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:14,360 It's just a spider. 241 00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:19,040 A really big, disgusting spider. 242 00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:28,880 Hi. It's April. Leave me a message. 243 00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:31,720 This isn't happening. This isn't happening! 244 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,720 Oh, it's sick! 245 00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:38,440 Sick! 246 00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:40,360 Oh! Oh! 247 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:45,880 Oh! 248 00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:56,240 Ow! Oh! 249 00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:57,880 Ow! Ow! Ooh! 250 00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:26,880 Hey, Dad! Can I have this cake for breakfast? 251 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:30,440 Uh, yeah. Whatever. Go for it. 252 00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:35,360 Booger, what the hell are you doing 253 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:38,000 eating my boss's cake? 254 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:43,360 I-I thought you just said I could eat it. 255 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:56,360 Ooh-ah. 256 00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:58,000 God... 257 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:03,640 Where's my...?! 258 00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:10,680 Hello? 259 00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:12,840 April, it's me... Jessica. 260 00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:15,360 I need you to meet me right after class out by the track. 261 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,600 Is this really Jessica? 262 00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:18,680 Yes! 263 00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:20,960 Oh, my God, are you getting a cold? 264 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:23,240 The competition's only a week away. 265 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:25,600 We may have bigger problems. 266 00:21:34,767 --> 00:21:36,887 April... 267 00:21:40,447 --> 00:21:42,647 April... 268 00:21:42,687 --> 00:21:45,087 April! 269 00:21:45,127 --> 00:21:47,207 Agh! 270 00:21:47,287 --> 00:21:48,567 Ah! 271 00:21:48,647 --> 00:21:50,167 Whoa! 272 00:21:51,607 --> 00:21:52,687 Ugh! 273 00:21:52,767 --> 00:21:54,247 You stay away from me! 274 00:21:54,327 --> 00:21:56,927 I have pepper spray on my key chain! 275 00:22:00,047 --> 00:22:04,367 April, I need you so bad right now. 276 00:22:04,407 --> 00:22:05,807 You have no idea. 277 00:22:05,887 --> 00:22:07,647 How do you know my name? 278 00:22:09,927 --> 00:22:12,967 It's me... 279 00:22:13,047 --> 00:22:15,007 Jessica! 280 00:22:18,567 --> 00:22:21,007 I'm in here. 281 00:22:23,767 --> 00:22:25,527 What did you do with her? 282 00:22:26,807 --> 00:22:29,487 I don't know what happened. 283 00:22:31,087 --> 00:22:32,687 I woke up this morning... 284 00:22:32,767 --> 00:22:35,487 like this. 285 00:22:35,567 --> 00:22:36,687 Aah! 286 00:22:38,367 --> 00:22:41,127 And what did I tell you about these things?! 287 00:22:41,207 --> 00:22:43,327 They go straight to your ass! 288 00:22:43,407 --> 00:22:44,703 People are gonna be looking for me! 289 00:22:44,727 --> 00:22:47,047 - You gotta believe me! - I'm warning you! 290 00:22:47,127 --> 00:22:49,327 - Please, I'm Jessica! - Aah! 291 00:22:49,407 --> 00:22:51,647 - Aah! Aaah! - Aaaaaaah! 292 00:22:51,687 --> 00:22:54,167 Agh! Agh! Ohh! 293 00:22:54,247 --> 00:22:56,647 Aaah! Oh! Oh! Oh! 294 00:22:56,727 --> 00:22:59,287 Ugh! Ohh! 295 00:23:10,807 --> 00:23:12,607 Aah! Ohh! 296 00:23:12,647 --> 00:23:15,407 Ugh! Oh! Aah! 297 00:23:15,487 --> 00:23:17,767 Aah! Agh! Oh! Ugh! 298 00:23:17,847 --> 00:23:19,407 Agh! Ohh! 299 00:23:28,847 --> 00:23:30,847 Oh, my God! 300 00:23:33,407 --> 00:23:35,727 I think I broke a rib! 301 00:23:35,767 --> 00:23:39,287 My eyes burn! 302 00:23:39,367 --> 00:23:43,087 I can't breathe! 303 00:23:44,487 --> 00:23:48,807 This morning, I woke up a man! 304 00:23:48,847 --> 00:23:53,927 This is by far the worst day of my life! 305 00:23:56,287 --> 00:23:59,847 April! 306 00:23:59,927 --> 00:24:03,287 Do you remember in second grade 307 00:24:03,327 --> 00:24:06,727 when you moved here from Arkansas? 308 00:24:06,807 --> 00:24:10,687 Everybody threw rocks at you... 309 00:24:10,767 --> 00:24:12,927 because you talked funny 310 00:24:13,007 --> 00:24:16,247 and your front two teeth were brown! 311 00:24:22,687 --> 00:24:26,247 I was your only friend. 312 00:24:31,327 --> 00:24:34,967 I gave you that locket around your neck 313 00:24:35,047 --> 00:24:38,087 when your grandmother was sick. 314 00:24:38,167 --> 00:24:41,127 And you said... 315 00:24:41,207 --> 00:24:43,127 you said... 316 00:24:46,647 --> 00:24:49,647 We'd be bestest friends forever. 317 00:25:02,807 --> 00:25:05,127 Boys are cheats and liars. 318 00:25:05,207 --> 00:25:07,967 They're such a big disgrace. 319 00:25:08,047 --> 00:25:11,807 They will tell you anything to get to second... 320 00:25:11,887 --> 00:25:16,767 Baseball, baseball, he thinks he's gonna score. 321 00:25:16,847 --> 00:25:21,007 If you let him go all the way, then you are a... 322 00:25:21,087 --> 00:25:23,207 Hor... ticulture studies flowers. 323 00:25:23,287 --> 00:25:25,447 Geologist studies rocks. 324 00:25:25,527 --> 00:25:27,527 The only thing a guy wants from you 325 00:25:27,607 --> 00:25:28,807 is place to put his... 326 00:25:28,847 --> 00:25:30,447 Cock... roaches, beetles, 327 00:25:30,527 --> 00:25:32,207 butterflies, and bugs. 328 00:25:32,287 --> 00:25:34,847 Nothing makes him happier than a giant pair of... 329 00:25:34,887 --> 00:25:38,047 Jug... glers and acrobats, a dancing bear named Chuck. 330 00:25:38,127 --> 00:25:42,327 All guys really want to do is... forget it, no such luck. 331 00:25:46,807 --> 00:25:48,407 Oh, my God! 332 00:25:48,487 --> 00:25:51,207 Oh, my God! 333 00:25:55,567 --> 00:25:57,247 How did this happen? 334 00:25:59,007 --> 00:26:01,087 I don't know what to do. 335 00:26:01,167 --> 00:26:02,647 Okay, okay. 336 00:26:06,047 --> 00:26:07,247 Here. 337 00:26:07,327 --> 00:26:09,287 Go to my house and wait for me in my room. 338 00:26:09,367 --> 00:26:13,327 Don't worry. We're gonna figure this thing out. 339 00:26:13,407 --> 00:26:15,047 Here. 340 00:26:21,327 --> 00:26:25,127 You are my bestest, bestest friend. 341 00:26:26,767 --> 00:26:27,967 Ow! Ow! 342 00:26:28,007 --> 00:26:29,127 Ow. 343 00:26:29,207 --> 00:26:31,407 Watch the beard. 344 00:26:31,487 --> 00:26:33,407 Sorry. 345 00:26:38,367 --> 00:26:39,927 Oh! 346 00:26:52,247 --> 00:26:53,567 Hi. 347 00:26:55,127 --> 00:26:57,207 Okay, so, listen, she bought it. 348 00:26:57,287 --> 00:26:59,847 I told your mom you're going on that ski trip, 349 00:26:59,927 --> 00:27:02,207 and that'll at least buy us the weekend. 350 00:27:02,287 --> 00:27:04,967 You think I'll be stuck like this all weekend?! 351 00:27:17,687 --> 00:27:18,687 Ow! 352 00:27:18,727 --> 00:27:21,447 Aah! 353 00:27:24,527 --> 00:27:25,527 Oh! 354 00:27:25,567 --> 00:27:26,607 Gross. 355 00:27:28,087 --> 00:27:30,247 Agh! 356 00:27:30,327 --> 00:27:32,327 I've got hair everywhere... 357 00:27:32,407 --> 00:27:35,927 in my nose, in my ears, on my chin. 358 00:27:36,007 --> 00:27:37,927 I'm afraid to look anywhere else. 359 00:27:39,407 --> 00:27:41,167 It's like I'm an ad for hair. 360 00:27:41,247 --> 00:27:44,487 Okay, well, listen, maybe this will help. 361 00:27:44,567 --> 00:27:47,447 Okay. 362 00:27:47,567 --> 00:27:50,647 Ahh... 363 00:27:50,687 --> 00:27:52,567 Yeah. 364 00:27:52,647 --> 00:27:54,927 Okay. Against the grain. 365 00:27:55,007 --> 00:27:56,207 - Okay, ready? - Mm-hmm. 366 00:27:56,287 --> 00:27:57,887 Hold still. 367 00:27:57,927 --> 00:27:59,047 - Aaah! 368 00:27:59,127 --> 00:28:02,567 Grrrah! Agh! 369 00:28:04,727 --> 00:28:06,047 Ow. 370 00:28:06,127 --> 00:28:08,287 Uh... 371 00:28:08,367 --> 00:28:10,447 Ow. 372 00:28:10,527 --> 00:28:12,207 So... 373 00:28:15,807 --> 00:28:18,647 So, uh... 374 00:28:20,887 --> 00:28:22,047 What? 375 00:28:22,127 --> 00:28:25,247 Do you really have a penis? 376 00:28:26,967 --> 00:28:28,327 April! 377 00:28:28,407 --> 00:28:30,487 Can I see it? 378 00:28:30,527 --> 00:28:32,527 What is the matter with you?! 379 00:28:32,567 --> 00:28:35,927 I don't think you get the gravity of the situation here. 380 00:28:35,967 --> 00:28:39,047 You're right. You're right. I'm sorry. 381 00:28:39,127 --> 00:28:40,407 I'm sorry. 382 00:28:41,607 --> 00:28:42,687 Can I see it? 383 00:28:42,767 --> 00:28:45,207 W... what is your problem? 384 00:28:45,287 --> 00:28:46,527 What? 385 00:28:46,607 --> 00:28:49,207 It's not every day that your best friend grows a penis. 386 00:28:50,247 --> 00:28:51,567 Do you want to see it? 387 00:28:53,167 --> 00:28:55,167 Okay, fine... 388 00:28:55,247 --> 00:28:57,847 if it'll shut you up. 389 00:29:09,407 --> 00:29:11,167 Nice. 390 00:29:11,247 --> 00:29:13,927 Nice. 391 00:29:15,407 --> 00:29:17,567 I mean, you know... 392 00:29:17,647 --> 00:29:21,407 I've only seen a couple, but that's definitely top 5. 393 00:29:21,447 --> 00:29:23,567 How many have you seen? 394 00:29:23,647 --> 00:29:24,927 Five. 395 00:29:25,007 --> 00:29:26,927 Not including my little brother's. 396 00:29:28,047 --> 00:29:30,567 You little tramp! 397 00:29:30,647 --> 00:29:31,407 Aah! 398 00:29:31,487 --> 00:29:33,367 Aah! Aah! 399 00:29:33,447 --> 00:29:34,967 Aah! 400 00:29:35,887 --> 00:29:36,887 Aaah! 401 00:29:36,967 --> 00:29:38,447 Aah! Aah! 402 00:29:38,527 --> 00:29:39,727 Oh! Oh! Oh! 403 00:29:39,767 --> 00:29:43,727 Oh, motherfuck! Oh! 404 00:29:45,567 --> 00:29:46,967 Stan... 405 00:29:47,047 --> 00:29:49,247 I am beginning to worry about April. 406 00:29:49,327 --> 00:29:51,487 She has been acting rather strange. 407 00:29:51,567 --> 00:29:53,607 - Is it drugs? - No, no. 408 00:29:53,687 --> 00:29:57,127 I... I think it's her hormonal development. 409 00:29:57,207 --> 00:30:00,447 She just ate six peanut-butter- and-jelly sandwiches 410 00:30:00,527 --> 00:30:03,007 and an entire carton of ice cream. 411 00:30:05,527 --> 00:30:07,687 And what do you make of this, hmm? 412 00:30:07,727 --> 00:30:09,447 It's April's soap. 413 00:30:09,527 --> 00:30:11,167 Well? 414 00:30:11,247 --> 00:30:12,767 What do you think? 415 00:30:12,847 --> 00:30:16,567 I think you need more things to fill out your day. 416 00:30:18,927 --> 00:30:20,567 Okay? 417 00:30:20,607 --> 00:30:21,967 Are we done? 418 00:30:31,687 --> 00:30:32,767 Hello? 419 00:30:35,247 --> 00:30:37,007 All right, who is this? 420 00:30:38,687 --> 00:30:42,207 I should have made love to you when I had the chance. 421 00:30:42,287 --> 00:30:43,767 Ohhh... 422 00:30:45,807 --> 00:30:47,807 Father Mulcahy? 423 00:30:59,647 --> 00:31:02,047 Tell me I'm beautiful. 424 00:31:03,647 --> 00:31:06,207 On the inside. 425 00:31:08,967 --> 00:31:10,647 Look, uh... 426 00:31:10,687 --> 00:31:13,087 Jessica has a problem. 427 00:31:13,127 --> 00:31:15,407 She's only gonna make us wait an hour this time? 428 00:31:15,487 --> 00:31:17,447 What about the class trip to Six Flags? 429 00:31:17,527 --> 00:31:20,327 She took so long in the bathroom, we all missed the bus. 430 00:31:20,407 --> 00:31:23,247 Our parents had to drive three hours to pick us up. 431 00:31:23,327 --> 00:31:26,567 I had my period, okay?! 432 00:31:40,007 --> 00:31:41,887 Okay, now that everybody's up to speed, 433 00:31:41,967 --> 00:31:44,687 can we start thinking about how I can get my life back? 434 00:31:44,767 --> 00:31:47,847 Um, that's definitely gonna cost you a few votes for prom queen. 435 00:31:47,927 --> 00:31:48,927 Yeah. 436 00:31:51,567 --> 00:31:52,847 Okay. 437 00:31:52,927 --> 00:31:55,367 Come on, you guys, let's get serious. Stop dicking around. 438 00:31:57,247 --> 00:31:59,407 Guys! 439 00:31:59,487 --> 00:32:02,727 I've got cheerleading competition, the prom. 440 00:32:02,807 --> 00:32:05,647 None of my clothes fit. I think I'm going bald. 441 00:32:05,727 --> 00:32:07,767 And how am I gonna go to school? 442 00:32:07,847 --> 00:32:09,567 She's right. 443 00:32:09,647 --> 00:32:10,807 Okay... 444 00:32:10,887 --> 00:32:12,567 let's think. 445 00:32:12,647 --> 00:32:15,287 What could have caused this? 446 00:32:20,927 --> 00:32:23,927 Maybe it wasn't an accident. 447 00:32:26,447 --> 00:32:28,823 It's gotta be one of the people who hates Jessica that did this. 448 00:32:28,847 --> 00:32:29,767 Yeah. 449 00:32:29,847 --> 00:32:31,047 What are you talking about? 450 00:32:32,007 --> 00:32:33,607 People don't hate me. 451 00:32:39,247 --> 00:32:41,167 You see, Jess... 452 00:32:41,247 --> 00:32:44,567 because you are so beautiful and perfect... 453 00:32:44,647 --> 00:32:46,047 Uh-huh? 454 00:32:46,127 --> 00:32:48,087 Certain people might misconstrue 455 00:32:48,127 --> 00:32:51,487 some of the mean and hurtful things you say and do to them. 456 00:32:51,567 --> 00:32:54,487 Although the things you say are funny... 457 00:32:55,727 --> 00:32:57,807 people tend to focus more 458 00:32:57,887 --> 00:33:00,807 on their own public humiliation and shame. 459 00:33:00,887 --> 00:33:03,127 So you're saying... 460 00:33:03,207 --> 00:33:05,087 people think... 461 00:33:05,167 --> 00:33:06,327 I'm perfect? 462 00:33:08,047 --> 00:33:10,767 Let's make a list of all the people who hate Jessica. 463 00:33:10,807 --> 00:33:13,087 You know what would be a shorter list? 464 00:33:13,167 --> 00:33:15,807 All the people who "don't" hate Jessica. 465 00:33:16,767 --> 00:33:17,927 You bitch! 466 00:33:30,647 --> 00:33:33,607 Easy on the coffee. 467 00:33:37,207 --> 00:33:38,607 Ha ha ha ha! 468 00:33:38,687 --> 00:33:39,887 Ho ho ho! 469 00:33:40,687 --> 00:33:42,447 - Ugh! - Ohh! 470 00:33:44,207 --> 00:33:45,207 Ugh! 471 00:33:46,047 --> 00:33:47,487 - Ugh! - Aah! 472 00:33:47,567 --> 00:33:48,647 Ha ha ha! 473 00:33:49,087 --> 00:33:50,527 Aah! 474 00:33:50,607 --> 00:33:51,847 Ha ha ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! 475 00:33:54,087 --> 00:33:56,487 - Ugh! - Agh! 476 00:34:22,447 --> 00:34:24,087 Huh? 477 00:34:24,167 --> 00:34:25,447 Oh, hi. 478 00:34:25,487 --> 00:34:26,927 Good morning. 479 00:34:28,247 --> 00:34:30,087 Did you sleep well? 480 00:34:30,167 --> 00:34:33,247 Mmm. Surprisingly, yes. 481 00:34:35,367 --> 00:34:37,447 You have any... 482 00:34:37,527 --> 00:34:39,567 special dreams? 483 00:34:40,807 --> 00:34:42,567 Not particularly. 484 00:34:42,647 --> 00:34:44,127 Hmm. 485 00:34:44,207 --> 00:34:45,287 You sure? 486 00:34:45,367 --> 00:34:47,967 Why? 487 00:34:52,887 --> 00:34:54,847 Oh, my God, my first boner! 488 00:35:05,727 --> 00:35:07,207 There you are! - Ah! 489 00:35:07,287 --> 00:35:09,007 You're the gardener from the service, right? 490 00:35:10,407 --> 00:35:11,887 "Si." 491 00:35:11,927 --> 00:35:13,887 Damn lawn's a mess. 492 00:35:13,967 --> 00:35:16,407 It's my daughter's responsibility to look after it, 493 00:35:16,487 --> 00:35:17,567 but you know teenage girls. 494 00:35:17,647 --> 00:35:19,007 Si, si. 495 00:35:19,087 --> 00:35:20,967 "Teenageros." 496 00:35:21,007 --> 00:35:23,567 Sorry. Richie Spencer. 497 00:35:23,607 --> 00:35:27,287 Ah, um... 498 00:35:27,367 --> 00:35:28,607 Taquito. 499 00:35:28,687 --> 00:35:30,487 Oh, Taquito. 500 00:35:30,567 --> 00:35:32,207 There's the mower. 501 00:35:32,287 --> 00:35:34,567 There's your bag of fertilizer. 502 00:35:34,647 --> 00:35:36,567 - Oh, ho! - I'll let you get to it. 503 00:35:52,727 --> 00:35:56,367 Damn, I love the smell of fresh-cut grass. 504 00:36:01,167 --> 00:36:04,447 "Gracias," but... I'm not sure I'm old enough, "senior." 505 00:36:04,527 --> 00:36:05,847 Yeah, right. 506 00:36:05,927 --> 00:36:08,847 What is the drinking age in Mexico... 40? 507 00:36:08,887 --> 00:36:11,687 Come on, take a load off. You can finish in a minute. 508 00:36:15,447 --> 00:36:17,247 Hope you don't mind the light beer. 509 00:36:17,327 --> 00:36:19,247 I had to cut back on account of the bloating. 510 00:36:19,327 --> 00:36:20,447 Know what I mean? 511 00:36:20,527 --> 00:36:23,127 I also had to give up the spicy food on account of my asshole. 512 00:36:24,167 --> 00:36:25,367 Ah! 513 00:36:25,447 --> 00:36:27,967 We're amongst men, aren't we? 514 00:36:30,014 --> 00:36:32,134 "Stinko de mayo." 515 00:36:32,174 --> 00:36:33,174 You like that car? 516 00:36:33,214 --> 00:36:34,654 That's my daughter's. 517 00:36:34,734 --> 00:36:35,934 Pretty nice, huh? 518 00:36:36,014 --> 00:36:37,814 It would have looked even better in red. 519 00:36:37,854 --> 00:36:40,534 That's what my daughter said. 520 00:36:42,054 --> 00:36:44,534 We used to go out back on Sundays and toss a few baskets, 521 00:36:44,614 --> 00:36:46,054 shoot the shit. 522 00:36:46,094 --> 00:36:48,094 But she's got her own stuff going on now. 523 00:36:48,134 --> 00:36:50,494 Who could blame her? Whole family's falling apart. 524 00:36:50,534 --> 00:36:52,654 What? 525 00:36:52,734 --> 00:36:55,174 Things with the wife... forget about it. 526 00:36:55,254 --> 00:36:57,334 I mean, we sleep in the same bed. 527 00:36:57,414 --> 00:36:59,654 Might as well be separate countries. 528 00:36:59,734 --> 00:37:03,334 That is, like, so sad. 529 00:37:04,534 --> 00:37:06,334 Ay-yi-yi! 530 00:37:06,414 --> 00:37:08,494 Ay-yi... yi. 531 00:37:08,574 --> 00:37:11,574 I tried everything. Nothing worked. 532 00:37:11,654 --> 00:37:14,134 I even got out the razor and gave myself a porn-star trim. 533 00:37:14,214 --> 00:37:16,294 Wanna see? Check it out. 534 00:37:16,374 --> 00:37:17,694 Aah! 535 00:37:18,974 --> 00:37:21,294 Boy, she used to be wild. 536 00:37:21,374 --> 00:37:23,134 The sex was great. 537 00:37:23,214 --> 00:37:25,254 We'd be going at it, and she could still find a way 538 00:37:25,334 --> 00:37:27,054 to twist around and kiss me on the mouth. 539 00:37:27,134 --> 00:37:30,294 "Senior," information too "mucho." 540 00:37:30,374 --> 00:37:33,054 Emotional "scarro"... disgusting. 541 00:37:33,134 --> 00:37:34,654 It's good talking to you, Taquito. 542 00:37:34,734 --> 00:37:36,374 Oh! 543 00:38:07,614 --> 00:38:09,974 Hey, Jessica! Jessica! 544 00:38:10,014 --> 00:38:11,294 Come here! 545 00:38:12,774 --> 00:38:14,934 We've got a suspect. 546 00:38:15,014 --> 00:38:16,574 Oh, yes! 547 00:38:16,614 --> 00:38:18,294 Come on. 548 00:38:20,774 --> 00:38:23,294 Something smells like dog pooh. 549 00:38:23,374 --> 00:38:25,854 I think I'm sitting next to it. 550 00:38:25,934 --> 00:38:28,734 - Ew! 551 00:38:28,814 --> 00:38:31,294 Come on, Hildenburg, don't play dumb. 552 00:38:31,374 --> 00:38:34,294 You hate Jessica, you're good at this science crap. 553 00:38:34,334 --> 00:38:36,614 Now, just confess and give us the antidote. 554 00:38:36,694 --> 00:38:38,454 April, it's physically impossible 555 00:38:38,534 --> 00:38:40,814 for a woman to transform into a man overnight. 556 00:38:40,894 --> 00:38:44,214 So you're saying that you had nothing to do with this. 557 00:38:44,294 --> 00:38:45,974 Look... 558 00:38:46,054 --> 00:38:49,094 let's just pretend this was an alternate universe 559 00:38:49,174 --> 00:38:51,734 where I actually believed you. 560 00:38:51,814 --> 00:38:54,974 Why would I want to help Jessica out, anyway? 561 00:38:58,054 --> 00:38:59,334 Jessica! 562 00:39:05,694 --> 00:39:07,334 Hildenburg... 563 00:39:09,334 --> 00:39:11,854 I'm sorry that I humiliated you 564 00:39:11,934 --> 00:39:14,454 in front of the entire school... 565 00:39:14,534 --> 00:39:16,974 and the visiting 8th-graders. 566 00:39:18,894 --> 00:39:24,094 But you have no idea what it's like 567 00:39:24,174 --> 00:39:29,254 to wake up every morning and have to shave your chin. 568 00:39:37,134 --> 00:39:39,134 Yes, I do. 569 00:39:46,854 --> 00:39:49,014 Who's next on the list? 570 00:39:49,094 --> 00:39:50,654 Whoa. 571 00:39:50,734 --> 00:39:53,854 Well, it "is" cold in here. 572 00:39:55,414 --> 00:39:56,694 So you never put a hex on me? 573 00:39:56,774 --> 00:39:58,854 Oh, I put plenty of hexes on you... 574 00:39:58,934 --> 00:40:01,974 to give you dandruff, make your hair fall out, 575 00:40:02,054 --> 00:40:04,614 make one of your boobs bigger than the other. 576 00:40:04,694 --> 00:40:07,014 Oh, I think you got "me" with that one. 577 00:40:07,094 --> 00:40:09,454 Heh hee hee! Ah hee hee! 578 00:40:13,294 --> 00:40:17,494 There's some powerful cult magic at work here... 579 00:40:17,534 --> 00:40:19,374 like an ancient spell... 580 00:40:19,454 --> 00:40:20,974 or voodoo... 581 00:40:21,054 --> 00:40:23,414 or Santeria. 582 00:40:23,494 --> 00:40:25,414 What's Santeria? 583 00:40:25,494 --> 00:40:28,014 It's a Latin-based form of witchcraft. 584 00:40:28,094 --> 00:40:29,574 It originated in Africa 585 00:40:29,654 --> 00:40:33,014 and then eventually made its way to Cuba and Brazil. 586 00:40:33,054 --> 00:40:34,574 Bianca! 587 00:40:34,654 --> 00:40:35,934 I knew it. 588 00:40:36,014 --> 00:40:37,310 Most of its rituals involve a chicken. 589 00:40:37,334 --> 00:40:39,774 That sounds delicious. 590 00:40:41,094 --> 00:40:43,054 I mean, interesting. 591 00:40:43,134 --> 00:40:44,574 There's a way to tell. 592 00:40:44,654 --> 00:40:46,894 A true practitioner of Santeria 593 00:40:46,974 --> 00:40:50,614 bears the mark of the scorpion tattooed on their back. 594 00:40:50,694 --> 00:40:52,294 Bianca's always hanging out 595 00:40:52,374 --> 00:40:54,534 at that dance club... Instant Tang. 596 00:40:54,614 --> 00:40:57,294 Yeah, tonight's ladies' night, and we all get in for free! 597 00:41:03,214 --> 00:41:05,734 Well, most of us. 598 00:41:05,814 --> 00:41:05,854 Trust me... 599 00:41:05,855 --> 00:41:07,574 Trust me... 600 00:41:07,654 --> 00:41:10,454 you'll never get Bianca to dance with you looking like this. 601 00:41:32,814 --> 00:41:35,214 Ugh! What is that? 602 00:41:37,854 --> 00:41:39,774 No... 603 00:42:01,334 --> 00:42:02,614 What? 604 00:42:02,694 --> 00:42:05,414 Nothing. 605 00:42:05,494 --> 00:42:07,174 You just look good. 606 00:42:08,694 --> 00:42:09,694 Really? 607 00:42:09,734 --> 00:42:11,294 Yeah. 608 00:42:12,934 --> 00:42:14,934 Okay. Thanks. 609 00:42:16,894 --> 00:42:18,014 No, she's not gonna... 610 00:42:18,054 --> 00:42:19,814 No, he... she's not gonna do it. 611 00:42:22,294 --> 00:42:23,454 Yes, she is. 612 00:42:23,534 --> 00:42:25,294 Mmm... 613 00:42:25,334 --> 00:42:27,094 Mmm, mmm... 614 00:42:28,414 --> 00:42:29,614 Mmm... 615 00:42:31,574 --> 00:42:32,854 Wow! 616 00:42:32,934 --> 00:42:35,054 That is so good. 617 00:42:36,054 --> 00:42:37,734 T-That's $8.95. 618 00:42:40,414 --> 00:42:41,414 What? 619 00:42:42,854 --> 00:42:45,174 Aren't you just gonna take it out of your tip jar? 620 00:42:45,254 --> 00:42:46,494 Aah! 621 00:42:46,574 --> 00:42:48,734 - $8.95? - Yeah. 622 00:42:48,814 --> 00:42:50,254 I got that. 623 00:43:27,854 --> 00:43:30,294 I'll take two banana daiquiris, 624 00:43:30,334 --> 00:43:34,094 one mango, a sloe-gin fizz, one slippery nipple, 625 00:43:34,174 --> 00:43:35,654 and for me, 626 00:43:35,734 --> 00:43:38,694 a screaming orgasm on the beach with extra sugar on the rim. 627 00:43:38,774 --> 00:43:40,534 Yum! 628 00:43:49,014 --> 00:43:52,294 Uh... better make that last one a brewski. 629 00:43:55,654 --> 00:43:57,054 Double brewski. 630 00:44:04,694 --> 00:44:06,814 They didn't even card me. 631 00:44:06,894 --> 00:44:08,694 It's just like Cabo. 632 00:44:16,054 --> 00:44:18,894 How does a butt plug like that get all those hot chicks? 633 00:44:18,974 --> 00:44:20,534 I got dibs on the dots. 634 00:44:22,054 --> 00:44:24,294 God damn! 635 00:44:24,374 --> 00:44:26,454 Ooh, he's cute. 636 00:44:26,534 --> 00:44:29,294 Check out the sweet buns on that guy. 637 00:44:29,374 --> 00:44:32,294 I'd like to get my hands on those and... 638 00:44:32,374 --> 00:44:35,054 wish they were women's breasts 639 00:44:35,094 --> 00:44:38,094 and... squeeze the hell out of 'em. 640 00:44:38,134 --> 00:44:40,854 Maybe put a steak on 'em... 641 00:44:40,934 --> 00:44:43,254 'cause I'm a guy. 642 00:44:43,334 --> 00:44:45,934 That's what guys like me like to do. 643 00:44:46,014 --> 00:44:49,134 But I don't need to tell "you" that. 644 00:44:54,894 --> 00:44:56,814 Bianca. 645 00:44:59,934 --> 00:45:01,254 I'll show her. 646 00:45:01,334 --> 00:45:02,814 This is "my" song. 647 00:45:04,534 --> 00:45:08,014 Remember, the scorpion on her back. 648 00:45:08,094 --> 00:45:09,494 I'll find it. 649 00:45:27,054 --> 00:45:28,534 Ah! 650 00:45:31,414 --> 00:45:33,054 Ew! 651 00:45:36,974 --> 00:45:38,614 The tattoo! 652 00:45:38,694 --> 00:45:40,054 I don't see it! 653 00:45:47,734 --> 00:45:49,054 Right hand, red. 654 00:45:49,134 --> 00:45:50,694 Ooh... left hand, blue. 655 00:45:54,334 --> 00:45:55,334 Ooh! 656 00:45:57,894 --> 00:45:59,094 Huh! Ha! 657 00:46:00,814 --> 00:46:01,814 Aaaaaah! 658 00:46:37,981 --> 00:46:39,421 It's definitely not her. 659 00:46:39,501 --> 00:46:41,741 Don't worry. We'll figure this out. 660 00:46:41,821 --> 00:46:43,301 You're a great dancer. 661 00:46:43,381 --> 00:46:45,381 You're just noticing that now? 662 00:46:46,941 --> 00:46:49,101 I gotta hit the little girls' room 663 00:46:49,181 --> 00:46:50,661 before I soak my panties. 664 00:46:53,661 --> 00:46:56,261 Um... 665 00:46:56,301 --> 00:46:58,021 By that, I mean... 666 00:46:58,101 --> 00:47:01,061 my girlfriend's panties... 667 00:47:01,141 --> 00:47:02,941 which I carry with me... 668 00:47:03,021 --> 00:47:04,621 to pee in... 669 00:47:04,701 --> 00:47:06,381 if I don't make it in time... 670 00:47:06,461 --> 00:47:08,381 to the bathroom. 671 00:47:08,461 --> 00:47:09,861 What? 672 00:47:09,941 --> 00:47:12,261 You don't pee in your girlfriend's panties? 673 00:47:12,341 --> 00:47:14,541 What kind of gay club is this? 674 00:47:14,621 --> 00:47:18,621 Hey, everybody, check out this guy... 675 00:47:18,701 --> 00:47:22,621 not peeing in his chick's panties. 676 00:47:34,741 --> 00:47:36,581 Excuse me... 677 00:47:36,661 --> 00:47:39,141 do you have to be in here for this? 678 00:47:39,221 --> 00:47:41,261 Well, it's part of my job description, 679 00:47:41,341 --> 00:47:43,581 but if you're one of those shy guys, 680 00:47:43,661 --> 00:47:45,461 you try that stall there. 681 00:47:48,541 --> 00:47:51,501 Uh... there's someone in there. 682 00:47:51,581 --> 00:47:53,821 And they're gonna be in there for a long time, too. 683 00:47:53,901 --> 00:47:55,941 I told him to stay away from the calamari. 684 00:47:58,821 --> 00:48:02,181 Some folks think they can eat anything that crawls. 685 00:48:11,901 --> 00:48:13,341 Would you mind? 686 00:48:31,061 --> 00:48:32,181 Ooh! Ah! 687 00:48:32,261 --> 00:48:33,501 Ooh, hoo! 688 00:48:37,701 --> 00:48:40,781 Excuse me? 689 00:48:40,861 --> 00:48:42,741 Why is there ice in there? 690 00:48:42,781 --> 00:48:45,141 Ooh! I wouldn't have done that. 691 00:48:49,581 --> 00:48:50,821 Oh! 692 00:48:58,941 --> 00:49:01,301 You're good at that. 693 00:49:01,381 --> 00:49:04,261 You make it look so easy. 694 00:49:13,941 --> 00:49:15,381 Why don't you just take a picture? 695 00:49:20,381 --> 00:49:22,661 All right. 696 00:49:22,741 --> 00:49:24,061 Here goes. 697 00:49:24,141 --> 00:49:28,821 Disgusting! Wrinkly! Gross! 698 00:49:28,901 --> 00:49:30,141 Ew! 699 00:49:30,221 --> 00:49:31,781 - Oh! 700 00:49:31,861 --> 00:49:35,101 Oh! I've never done this before. 701 00:49:35,181 --> 00:49:36,421 It's going all over. 702 00:49:36,461 --> 00:49:38,821 It's always good to aim at something, 703 00:49:38,901 --> 00:49:41,621 like that cigarette there... or the big mint. 704 00:49:41,701 --> 00:49:43,221 It's going everywhere! 705 00:49:43,301 --> 00:49:45,341 You got to hold on to it. 706 00:49:45,421 --> 00:49:48,901 Not too tight, but enough to let it know you're the boss. 707 00:49:51,501 --> 00:49:52,421 Oh! 708 00:49:52,501 --> 00:49:54,221 See that fly? 709 00:49:54,301 --> 00:49:55,941 Aim for it. 710 00:49:56,021 --> 00:49:58,141 That's... that's helping. 711 00:49:58,181 --> 00:49:59,541 That's it. 712 00:50:01,181 --> 00:50:03,621 Remember, if you shake it more than twice, 713 00:50:03,661 --> 00:50:04,981 you're playing with it. 714 00:50:17,901 --> 00:50:20,381 I don't know how I could ever thank you. 715 00:50:30,981 --> 00:50:31,021 Hi! 716 00:50:31,022 --> 00:50:32,381 Hi! 717 00:50:32,421 --> 00:50:33,901 "That" was an experience. 718 00:50:33,981 --> 00:50:34,981 Here's your drink. 719 00:50:35,021 --> 00:50:36,541 Is there any ice in here? 720 00:50:36,621 --> 00:50:37,541 No. 721 00:50:37,621 --> 00:50:38,821 Thank God! 722 00:50:38,901 --> 00:50:40,981 Hey... aren't you that chick 723 00:50:41,061 --> 00:50:43,821 who's having sex with that college guy? 724 00:50:43,861 --> 00:50:44,941 No! 725 00:50:45,021 --> 00:50:46,021 Wanna be? 726 00:50:52,421 --> 00:50:54,981 She's not interested, okay? 727 00:50:55,061 --> 00:50:57,301 So why don't you just back off? 728 00:50:58,381 --> 00:50:59,581 Okay, Grandpa. 729 00:50:59,661 --> 00:51:02,981 What are you, their pimp, and these are your skank hoes? 730 00:51:10,901 --> 00:51:14,421 You and me, right now... let's go. 731 00:51:15,901 --> 00:51:17,141 Where we going? 732 00:51:18,221 --> 00:51:19,701 - Aah! - No! 733 00:51:27,741 --> 00:51:29,501 Jess! 734 00:51:31,581 --> 00:51:33,821 - Come on, Jess. Come on! - You can do it. 735 00:51:33,901 --> 00:51:35,621 What do you got, geezer? Come on! 736 00:51:38,101 --> 00:51:39,181 You can do it! Come on! 737 00:51:39,261 --> 00:51:40,581 Show me what you got! 738 00:51:40,621 --> 00:51:42,301 Come on! 739 00:51:46,221 --> 00:51:47,661 What the... 740 00:51:47,741 --> 00:51:48,781 What's he doing? 741 00:51:48,861 --> 00:51:50,421 Some kind of Tae-Queer-Do. 742 00:51:51,701 --> 00:51:52,381 That's it! 743 00:51:52,461 --> 00:51:53,541 Oh! 744 00:51:53,621 --> 00:51:55,661 No! Aaah! 745 00:51:55,741 --> 00:51:57,661 Ohh! 746 00:51:57,701 --> 00:51:58,861 Ohh! 747 00:51:58,901 --> 00:51:59,981 Ohh! 748 00:52:00,061 --> 00:52:01,701 Ohh! 749 00:52:04,101 --> 00:52:05,741 Aah! 750 00:52:06,821 --> 00:52:08,381 Ohh! 751 00:52:08,461 --> 00:52:09,741 Ha ha! 752 00:52:09,781 --> 00:52:11,021 Yeah! 753 00:52:12,781 --> 00:52:14,181 Yeah! 754 00:52:14,261 --> 00:52:15,621 Jess! 755 00:52:15,661 --> 00:52:16,701 Oh! 756 00:52:16,781 --> 00:52:18,221 - Ooh, yeah! - Yeah! 757 00:52:20,421 --> 00:52:23,821 That really "does" hurt. 758 00:52:23,861 --> 00:52:26,821 Thanks for sticking up for me. 759 00:52:26,901 --> 00:52:29,341 Now go kick some ass. 760 00:52:34,621 --> 00:52:36,301 Aah! Oh! 761 00:52:38,541 --> 00:52:39,861 Ohhh! 762 00:52:39,941 --> 00:52:41,301 Ohhh! 763 00:52:42,381 --> 00:52:43,541 Aah! 764 00:52:45,541 --> 00:52:47,301 Oh! 765 00:52:47,381 --> 00:52:50,541 You think you're so cool 'cause you can pee with your penis. 766 00:52:50,621 --> 00:52:52,101 Get a new conditioner. 767 00:52:52,181 --> 00:52:54,101 Your ends are totally split. 768 00:53:00,741 --> 00:53:02,381 You rock! 769 00:53:04,901 --> 00:53:06,141 April, I don't know. 770 00:53:06,221 --> 00:53:09,141 Oh, come on. This is the only way you can be in school. 771 00:53:09,181 --> 00:53:12,021 Here comes Jake. 772 00:53:12,101 --> 00:53:13,501 - Hi! - Hey, baby. 773 00:53:14,661 --> 00:53:15,981 So, skiing sucked. 774 00:53:16,061 --> 00:53:18,741 I mean, you didn't miss a thing. It was all mushed out. 775 00:53:18,821 --> 00:53:19,821 Oh... 776 00:53:20,861 --> 00:53:22,581 What's with the scarf? 777 00:53:22,661 --> 00:53:24,221 It's kinda chilly in here. 778 00:53:33,181 --> 00:53:35,301 Ski rash. 779 00:53:37,181 --> 00:53:38,861 So, I'm gonna... 780 00:53:38,901 --> 00:53:41,981 I better... I'm gonna go to class, so... all right. 781 00:53:45,421 --> 00:53:47,501 April, I am so sorry. 782 00:53:47,581 --> 00:53:50,301 He didn't even ask me to the prom. 783 00:53:52,181 --> 00:53:54,141 Jake and I are "so" over. 784 00:53:55,701 --> 00:53:57,781 Okay... 785 00:53:57,821 --> 00:54:00,261 Now, you get in there. 786 00:54:01,501 --> 00:54:03,821 And remember... your name is Spence. 787 00:54:03,861 --> 00:54:07,421 I must tell you... Spence, uh, there "are" applicants 788 00:54:07,501 --> 00:54:10,661 who actually have prior janitorial experience. 789 00:54:10,701 --> 00:54:11,861 Your hair... 790 00:54:11,941 --> 00:54:14,341 it has such bounce. 791 00:54:14,381 --> 00:54:16,341 Oh, it's this new cream ri... 792 00:54:16,421 --> 00:54:18,181 Um, anyway, a-as I was saying, 793 00:54:18,261 --> 00:54:20,381 you haven't really provided me with... 794 00:54:20,461 --> 00:54:24,901 Look, uh... 795 00:54:24,981 --> 00:54:27,341 Uh, I'll be honest with you. 796 00:54:27,421 --> 00:54:29,181 I'm a struggling musician. 797 00:54:29,221 --> 00:54:31,461 Ever since my days playing the tuba 798 00:54:31,541 --> 00:54:33,181 in the high-school marching band... 799 00:54:33,261 --> 00:54:36,181 Y-You... you... you play the tuba? 800 00:54:36,261 --> 00:54:37,541 Yes... 801 00:54:37,621 --> 00:54:39,381 in the honor band. 802 00:54:39,461 --> 00:54:40,901 Oh! 803 00:54:43,621 --> 00:54:47,061 Well, Spence, I'd be going out on a limb here, but... 804 00:54:47,141 --> 00:54:48,661 You won't regret it, I promise. 805 00:54:48,741 --> 00:54:50,421 Thank you, Miss Bernard. Thank you. 806 00:54:50,501 --> 00:54:52,821 Please, call me Marjorie. 807 00:54:52,901 --> 00:54:54,141 Marjorie. 808 00:54:54,221 --> 00:54:57,581 Now, if you'll just fill out the security portion here 809 00:54:57,621 --> 00:54:58,901 of the form... 810 00:54:58,981 --> 00:55:00,101 All right. 811 00:55:09,381 --> 00:55:10,381 Billy... 812 00:55:10,461 --> 00:55:11,861 Aah! 813 00:55:11,901 --> 00:55:13,421 We need to talk. 814 00:55:13,501 --> 00:55:14,901 About what?! 815 00:55:18,341 --> 00:55:19,901 I called you on your ski trip to... 816 00:55:19,981 --> 00:55:21,301 That was you?! 817 00:55:21,341 --> 00:55:22,861 Yeah. 818 00:55:22,941 --> 00:55:24,181 Oh, God! 819 00:55:25,261 --> 00:55:27,261 I can explain. 820 00:55:27,341 --> 00:55:29,421 - Billy, wait! 821 00:55:39,061 --> 00:55:41,141 I gotta do what? 822 00:55:47,901 --> 00:55:50,061 Hi, there. I miss you. 823 00:55:50,101 --> 00:55:51,221 Hi, Sam. 824 00:55:54,381 --> 00:55:56,341 Hey, Taquito, think fast. 825 00:55:56,381 --> 00:55:57,381 Oh! 826 00:55:59,381 --> 00:56:00,941 You got me, "senior." 827 00:56:01,021 --> 00:56:02,341 Taquito, pick up that ball. 828 00:56:02,381 --> 00:56:03,861 You and me are gonna shoot some hoops. 829 00:56:07,061 --> 00:56:08,461 Gotcha! 830 00:56:08,541 --> 00:56:10,141 Back to Tijuana! 831 00:56:20,581 --> 00:56:21,501 Oh! 832 00:56:21,581 --> 00:56:23,181 Oh! 833 00:56:26,421 --> 00:56:29,101 Let me make you feel a little bit more at home. 834 00:56:30,341 --> 00:56:36,261 Go-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-al! 835 00:56:38,701 --> 00:56:40,781 How are things with the missus, "senior?" 836 00:56:40,861 --> 00:56:42,701 Eh, still not getting any. 837 00:56:46,021 --> 00:56:48,261 When was the last time you kissed her? 838 00:56:48,341 --> 00:56:51,101 You mean, kiss her, or "kiss her" kiss her? 839 00:56:53,741 --> 00:56:55,341 Eugggh! 840 00:56:55,421 --> 00:56:58,541 "Senior," sometimes when a woman is ignoring you, 841 00:56:58,621 --> 00:57:00,541 that's when she wants you the most. 842 00:57:00,621 --> 00:57:03,541 She's only waiting for you to open up her passion, 843 00:57:03,621 --> 00:57:09,181 which is like a waterfall waiting to explode. 844 00:57:10,901 --> 00:57:13,781 You must get a lot of enchilada, Taquito. 845 00:57:13,821 --> 00:57:15,221 Come on, bring it! 846 00:57:20,861 --> 00:57:22,301 "Tres" points, "senior." 847 00:57:22,381 --> 00:57:23,701 Lucky shot. 848 00:57:25,541 --> 00:57:26,541 Ah! 849 00:57:29,301 --> 00:57:30,581 My outs again, "senior." 850 00:57:39,581 --> 00:57:40,741 Oh! 851 00:57:42,421 --> 00:57:44,141 Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. 852 00:57:44,181 --> 00:57:47,901 How did you know I don't move so well to my right? 853 00:57:54,461 --> 00:57:55,621 Booger? 854 00:57:56,861 --> 00:57:58,221 Oh, have you seen your sister? 855 00:57:58,261 --> 00:58:00,221 I feel like I haven't talked to her in days. 856 00:58:02,701 --> 00:58:04,741 She was here a minute ago. You just missed her. 857 00:58:04,821 --> 00:58:06,061 Oh. 858 00:58:10,468 --> 00:58:11,988 Good game. 859 00:58:18,788 --> 00:58:20,028 "Senior" Richie? 860 00:58:21,348 --> 00:58:23,948 I need to tell you something... 861 00:58:24,028 --> 00:58:25,948 but I can't. 862 00:58:25,988 --> 00:58:27,788 What do you got going on, Taquito? 863 00:58:31,468 --> 00:58:34,228 I'm not really a gardener. 864 00:58:35,628 --> 00:58:38,708 I agree with that. The roses look like shit. 865 00:58:40,548 --> 00:58:42,268 I'm sorry. 866 00:58:42,308 --> 00:58:44,268 Come on, now, easy there, big fella. 867 00:58:44,308 --> 00:58:46,588 They're just roses. 868 00:58:46,668 --> 00:58:49,668 I want to tell you... 869 00:58:49,748 --> 00:58:54,628 I think you're the greatest dad in the world. 870 00:58:54,708 --> 00:58:58,628 Any kid would be lucky to have you as their father. 871 00:59:01,548 --> 00:59:02,948 Thanks, Taquito. 872 00:59:04,668 --> 00:59:06,788 I'd hate to see you after you "lose" a game. 873 00:59:18,548 --> 00:59:20,788 Okay, did you eat any wolfsbane? 874 00:59:20,868 --> 00:59:23,628 Uh, no. 875 00:59:23,708 --> 00:59:26,268 Any sex with a leprechaun? 876 00:59:26,348 --> 00:59:27,788 Not recently. 877 00:59:33,388 --> 00:59:34,828 Oh, my God. 878 00:59:38,028 --> 00:59:40,348 You know, they should come with a warning... 879 00:59:40,428 --> 00:59:42,308 "earrings may come with penis." 880 00:59:44,268 --> 00:59:46,668 This be some serious shit. 881 00:59:46,748 --> 00:59:50,108 Those belonged to Princess Nawa. 882 00:59:50,148 --> 00:59:51,668 There's a myth 883 00:59:51,748 --> 00:59:55,988 of her using the earrings to escape a bad marriage. 884 00:59:58,068 --> 00:59:59,708 But she didn't know 885 00:59:59,788 --> 01:00:02,988 that she had to bring the earrings back together, 886 01:00:03,068 --> 01:00:07,508 and she lived out her life as a slave girl. 887 01:00:07,588 --> 01:00:10,628 Now, it appears that this myth is anything but. 888 01:00:13,228 --> 01:00:15,028 Would you stop with the damn drumming? 889 01:00:18,108 --> 01:00:19,468 Oh, I'm sorry. 890 01:00:19,548 --> 01:00:23,308 I... just was really getting into your story. 891 01:00:25,748 --> 01:00:28,908 You've got to find that other earring 892 01:00:28,988 --> 01:00:32,468 and unite them before the full moon end. 893 01:00:47,868 --> 01:00:50,028 I got you, babe. Don't worry about it. 894 01:00:53,708 --> 01:00:55,348 - Hey, Ling-Ling! 895 01:00:55,428 --> 01:00:57,228 Ling-Ling! 896 01:00:57,308 --> 01:00:59,548 Ling-Ling, look! 897 01:00:59,628 --> 01:01:02,428 Look, I help! I help you! 898 01:01:17,468 --> 01:01:18,588 Hey, Billy. 899 01:01:20,748 --> 01:01:21,748 Oh! 900 01:01:21,788 --> 01:01:22,628 Yeah! 901 01:01:22,668 --> 01:01:24,388 Is he okay? 902 01:01:24,468 --> 01:01:26,108 Whoo! 903 01:01:30,748 --> 01:01:32,708 What's the matter, man? 904 01:01:32,748 --> 01:01:34,668 You afraid the janitor's gonna see your dingdong? 905 01:01:40,188 --> 01:01:42,188 So, what's up with you and the prom queen? 906 01:01:42,268 --> 01:01:44,828 I don't know. 907 01:01:44,908 --> 01:01:47,948 I thought everything was fine, but I guess I was wrong. 908 01:01:48,028 --> 01:01:50,388 See, that's why you gotta have a spare, man. 909 01:01:50,428 --> 01:01:52,468 That's what April is. She's my spare. 910 01:01:52,548 --> 01:01:53,468 Spare? 911 01:01:53,548 --> 01:01:54,908 Yeah, she's my backup. 912 01:01:54,988 --> 01:01:57,148 I mean, she was a fun ride... no doubt about this... 913 01:01:57,228 --> 01:01:58,868 but she is a previously owned vehicle. 914 01:01:58,948 --> 01:02:00,748 I'm into that new-car smell. 915 01:02:00,828 --> 01:02:02,588 You asshole! 916 01:02:05,108 --> 01:02:07,548 W-Whoever left these towels over here... 917 01:02:07,628 --> 01:02:09,308 is an asshole. 918 01:02:13,708 --> 01:02:17,068 Now, this new chick I got... 919 01:02:17,148 --> 01:02:19,228 dude, she is gonna be the hottest chick at the prom. 920 01:02:19,308 --> 01:02:20,828 I bet one of her little hottie friends 921 01:02:20,908 --> 01:02:22,588 would love to go out with the quarterback. 922 01:02:22,628 --> 01:02:25,308 - Oh, I don't know, man. - Come on, man. 923 01:02:25,388 --> 01:02:27,644 Maybe this one will put out, unlike that cold fish, Jessica. 924 01:02:27,668 --> 01:02:30,228 You go to hell! 925 01:02:32,548 --> 01:02:36,748 Whoever left these showers on... 926 01:02:36,828 --> 01:02:38,468 go to... hell. 927 01:02:40,028 --> 01:02:42,428 Hey... 928 01:02:42,508 --> 01:02:46,348 Jessica's anything but a cold fish, all right? 929 01:02:48,428 --> 01:02:51,788 She's the most amazing girl in the whole world. 930 01:02:51,868 --> 01:02:56,108 Dude, you've never even been out of California. 931 01:02:56,188 --> 01:02:58,188 I don't care. 932 01:02:58,228 --> 01:03:00,028 I love her. 933 01:03:00,068 --> 01:03:01,428 I mean, I know she thinks 934 01:03:01,508 --> 01:03:03,468 I only want to have sex with her, 935 01:03:03,508 --> 01:03:05,388 but that's not what it's about. 936 01:03:05,468 --> 01:03:09,348 I mean, when that moment comes... 937 01:03:09,428 --> 01:03:11,628 I want it to be perfect. 938 01:03:14,348 --> 01:03:15,748 Wow. 939 01:03:15,788 --> 01:03:18,148 That is the gayest thing I have ever heard. 940 01:03:22,148 --> 01:03:24,508 She's the only girl that makes my heart 941 01:03:24,588 --> 01:03:27,028 beat faster and slower at the same time. 942 01:03:29,788 --> 01:03:32,148 When I'm not with her... 943 01:03:32,228 --> 01:03:33,868 I'm not living. 944 01:03:36,268 --> 01:03:40,668 I'm only existing until I can hold her in my arms again. 945 01:03:43,628 --> 01:03:46,068 Gay, gay, gay, gay. 946 01:03:53,988 --> 01:03:57,588 Somebody shit in the locker. 947 01:04:13,748 --> 01:04:16,388 Can I help you find something? 948 01:04:16,468 --> 01:04:19,908 I-I was looking for my... 949 01:04:19,948 --> 01:04:21,068 earring. 950 01:04:21,148 --> 01:04:23,588 It, uh, accidentally fell... 951 01:04:23,668 --> 01:04:25,708 into the lawn mower... 952 01:04:25,788 --> 01:04:29,348 and, uh... ricocheted into the window. 953 01:04:33,028 --> 01:04:35,308 I've always liked earrings on men. 954 01:04:35,388 --> 01:04:37,228 Would you like some lemonade? 955 01:04:39,828 --> 01:04:41,108 Here you go, Taquito. 956 01:04:41,188 --> 01:04:43,308 It's got a Mexican flavor to it. 957 01:04:53,108 --> 01:04:54,668 What the hell is that?! 958 01:04:54,748 --> 01:04:57,708 Quesadilla and spicy menudo with jalapenios... 959 01:04:57,788 --> 01:04:59,108 your national dish. 960 01:05:01,908 --> 01:05:04,508 I'm sorry. 961 01:05:06,188 --> 01:05:09,628 It's been so long since I heard you laugh. 962 01:05:11,308 --> 01:05:12,908 I mean... 963 01:05:12,988 --> 01:05:15,468 since I started working here. 964 01:05:16,868 --> 01:05:18,148 - Oh! Oh! 965 01:05:19,428 --> 01:05:20,428 Back! 966 01:05:23,428 --> 01:05:25,868 Oh, I... I am so sorry. 967 01:05:25,908 --> 01:05:27,828 - No "problemo." 968 01:05:30,828 --> 01:05:33,668 No "problemo." 969 01:05:33,748 --> 01:05:34,788 Oh! 970 01:05:34,868 --> 01:05:37,348 Aah! Carol! Carol! Please! 971 01:05:37,428 --> 01:05:39,548 This would be very unnatural for me 972 01:05:39,628 --> 01:05:41,628 in at least five different ways! 973 01:05:41,708 --> 01:05:42,708 Ah! Oh! 974 01:05:45,548 --> 01:05:49,108 So... you like men? 975 01:05:49,188 --> 01:05:50,748 Of course I do. 976 01:05:50,828 --> 01:05:52,628 What do you think? 977 01:05:52,708 --> 01:05:55,548 Oh... 978 01:05:56,908 --> 01:05:58,148 Oh... 979 01:06:00,188 --> 01:06:01,668 Oh... 980 01:06:07,468 --> 01:06:09,868 Carol... 981 01:06:14,468 --> 01:06:18,828 You are a beautiful and very desirable woman. 982 01:06:20,268 --> 01:06:23,668 And you have a husband who's "dying" to be with you. 983 01:06:23,748 --> 01:06:25,348 H-He said that? 984 01:06:25,428 --> 01:06:26,828 Yes. 985 01:06:28,108 --> 01:06:31,508 I cleaned up the language a bit, but... yes. 986 01:06:35,148 --> 01:06:36,708 I know! 987 01:06:38,948 --> 01:06:42,028 Let's go paint your toenails. 988 01:06:43,508 --> 01:06:45,908 Then we'll wash your hair! 989 01:06:47,188 --> 01:06:49,508 My daughter, Jessie, used to do those things for me. 990 01:06:49,588 --> 01:06:53,268 I'll make up for that right now. 991 01:06:53,348 --> 01:06:54,548 Come on... 992 01:06:54,628 --> 01:06:57,508 let's show that man of yours what he's been missing. 993 01:06:57,588 --> 01:06:59,068 - Come on! 994 01:06:59,108 --> 01:07:01,188 Okay! 995 01:07:07,948 --> 01:07:09,548 Uh-huh, uh-huh. 996 01:07:09,628 --> 01:07:12,388 "Si," yeah, "si, si." 997 01:07:12,468 --> 01:07:13,748 Uh-huh. Okay. 998 01:07:13,828 --> 01:07:15,308 "Si," uh-huh, "si, si." 999 01:07:15,388 --> 01:07:17,068 - "Si, si." 1000 01:07:17,148 --> 01:07:19,388 To the left... ooh, right, right, right, right! 1001 01:07:19,468 --> 01:07:21,228 Oh, yes! Oh! 1002 01:07:21,308 --> 01:07:22,708 - "Si." - I love that. Oh, yes! 1003 01:07:22,788 --> 01:07:25,068 - Carol! 1004 01:07:25,148 --> 01:07:27,628 How could you?! In my own house?! 1005 01:07:27,708 --> 01:07:29,148 "Senior"... 1006 01:07:29,228 --> 01:07:32,228 And you, Taquito... we were supposed to be amigos! 1007 01:07:32,308 --> 01:07:34,828 - The loofah for the scrubbing. - Get out! 1008 01:07:34,908 --> 01:07:36,828 "Senior," is for the... the bath. I was... 1009 01:07:36,908 --> 01:07:38,868 - Shut up-o. - I was scrubbing. 1010 01:07:38,908 --> 01:07:40,508 - Out! - "Senior..." 1011 01:07:40,588 --> 01:07:41,988 Richie, Richie... 1012 01:07:42,068 --> 01:07:44,668 Really, I-it's... it's not what you think. 1013 01:07:46,308 --> 01:07:48,068 It's my own fault. 1014 01:07:53,588 --> 01:07:55,988 Oh, Daddy! 1015 01:07:56,028 --> 01:07:57,188 Mmm! Oh! 1016 01:07:57,228 --> 01:08:00,068 - Oh! Oh, Daddy! 1017 01:08:04,988 --> 01:08:07,028 Look at all these earrings. 1018 01:08:07,108 --> 01:08:08,268 It's hopeless. 1019 01:08:08,348 --> 01:08:09,468 I'm sorry. 1020 01:08:11,108 --> 01:08:12,788 The prom's in three days. 1021 01:08:12,868 --> 01:08:15,508 Forget about the cheer competition. 1022 01:08:20,028 --> 01:08:21,588 I had it all. 1023 01:08:23,548 --> 01:08:26,188 And I never really appreciated it. 1024 01:08:26,268 --> 01:08:28,708 I took everybody for granted. 1025 01:08:29,908 --> 01:08:34,188 Oh, and today, my dad walked in on me and my mom in the tub. 1026 01:08:35,188 --> 01:08:38,548 I think I may have lost my job as gardener. 1027 01:08:39,948 --> 01:08:42,668 You know, I'm kinda sorry to say this, 1028 01:08:42,748 --> 01:08:45,868 but... this has been really fun. 1029 01:08:48,988 --> 01:08:50,468 Yeah, right. 1030 01:08:52,468 --> 01:08:54,668 Hey, babe, it's Jake. 1031 01:08:54,748 --> 01:08:57,148 Listen, I got a half-hour after wrestling. 1032 01:08:57,188 --> 01:09:00,068 I can either take a shower or I can come on over. 1033 01:09:06,468 --> 01:09:08,388 Too late, dude. 1034 01:09:08,468 --> 01:09:10,348 She's with me right now. 1035 01:09:10,428 --> 01:09:13,468 She says that my peepee's way bigger than yours. 1036 01:09:14,988 --> 01:09:17,188 And that's if I fold it in half. 1037 01:09:18,388 --> 01:09:19,868 Wha... 1038 01:09:20,908 --> 01:09:22,988 - No way! 1039 01:09:23,068 --> 01:09:25,708 Oh, my God, that was awesome, Spence. 1040 01:09:25,748 --> 01:09:27,028 Anytime. 1041 01:09:32,268 --> 01:09:35,988 You know, I really thought I was in love. 1042 01:09:37,788 --> 01:09:39,908 How do you know for sure, anyway? 1043 01:09:41,308 --> 01:09:43,788 I think it's when you find someone 1044 01:09:43,868 --> 01:09:46,908 that you can really be yourself with... 1045 01:09:46,988 --> 01:09:49,668 share anything... you know? 1046 01:09:49,748 --> 01:09:51,748 You mean like best friends? 1047 01:09:51,828 --> 01:09:53,068 Yeah. 1048 01:09:55,748 --> 01:09:58,148 Love's when you can't even imagine 1049 01:09:58,188 --> 01:10:01,388 what your life would be like without that other person, 1050 01:10:01,468 --> 01:10:05,628 when words don't come close to how your heart really feels. 1051 01:10:05,708 --> 01:10:09,068 And even though it doesn't make sense to other people, 1052 01:10:09,148 --> 01:10:11,268 you "know" you're meant to be together. 1053 01:10:11,348 --> 01:10:12,348 Yeah. 1054 01:10:12,428 --> 01:10:14,908 And you spend all night thinking about him. 1055 01:10:14,988 --> 01:10:17,828 And in the morning, you've never felt more rested. 1056 01:10:17,868 --> 01:10:20,028 Oh, it's like you have to grab on to something, 1057 01:10:20,068 --> 01:10:22,708 'cause it seems like your whole body's about to float away. 1058 01:10:25,388 --> 01:10:26,828 Okay... 1059 01:10:26,908 --> 01:10:28,788 - What? 1060 01:10:28,868 --> 01:10:29,948 I have an idea. 1061 01:10:30,028 --> 01:10:31,148 What? What, what? 1062 01:10:31,228 --> 01:10:33,428 - Tell... - It might sound kind of crazy. 1063 01:10:33,508 --> 01:10:34,988 Tell me. Tell me. What? 1064 01:10:35,028 --> 01:10:38,908 Why don't you and I go to the prom together? 1065 01:10:41,228 --> 01:10:42,748 That would be awesome! 1066 01:10:42,828 --> 01:10:44,788 - Yeah! - Yeah! 1067 01:10:44,868 --> 01:10:46,668 - So cool! 1068 01:10:46,748 --> 01:10:47,788 Aaah! 1069 01:10:47,868 --> 01:10:48,948 Yeah! 1070 01:10:49,028 --> 01:10:51,108 We'd make Jake so jealous. 1071 01:10:51,188 --> 01:10:53,828 Yeah. 1072 01:10:53,908 --> 01:10:55,188 Ahhhh. 1073 01:10:56,428 --> 01:10:58,188 I got to pee. Ooh, I got to pee. 1074 01:10:58,268 --> 01:10:59,308 Ooh. 1075 01:11:00,668 --> 01:11:02,628 Hmm-hoo! 1076 01:11:05,348 --> 01:11:07,148 - Oh. 1077 01:11:08,868 --> 01:11:11,268 - Oh! 1078 01:11:11,348 --> 01:11:13,308 - Oh, jeez! 1079 01:11:13,388 --> 01:11:14,628 Sorry, I'll get that. 1080 01:11:14,708 --> 01:11:15,908 Are you okay? 1081 01:11:15,988 --> 01:11:17,188 I'll get it. 1082 01:11:17,228 --> 01:11:19,468 Sorry. 1083 01:11:28,908 --> 01:11:30,108 Jessica? 1084 01:11:31,748 --> 01:11:33,148 Jessica?! 1085 01:11:38,148 --> 01:11:39,668 Jessica! 1086 01:11:39,748 --> 01:11:41,508 Oh, Jessica. 1087 01:11:41,588 --> 01:11:44,548 Oh. Oh, thank God. 1088 01:11:44,588 --> 01:11:46,468 I love you, baby. 1089 01:11:47,628 --> 01:11:49,548 I would do anything for you. 1090 01:11:49,628 --> 01:11:50,868 Yeah? 1091 01:11:53,668 --> 01:11:56,068 Uh... how much money you got? 1092 01:11:56,108 --> 01:11:57,428 What? 1093 01:11:57,468 --> 01:11:58,828 How much money you got? 1094 01:11:58,868 --> 01:12:00,348 Um... 1095 01:12:00,428 --> 01:12:02,028 Uh... 1096 01:12:02,108 --> 01:12:03,188 About $40. 1097 01:12:05,188 --> 01:12:06,628 That your car? 1098 01:12:09,028 --> 01:12:10,628 It's my dad's. 1099 01:12:10,708 --> 01:12:12,268 You know that. 1100 01:12:12,348 --> 01:12:14,948 Oh, yeah. Cool. 1101 01:12:15,028 --> 01:12:16,508 Give me the keys. 1102 01:12:20,028 --> 01:12:21,308 Oh. Thanks. 1103 01:12:22,708 --> 01:12:25,948 Hey, uh, so, uh, w-what'd you say your name was? 1104 01:12:27,028 --> 01:12:28,028 Billy. 1105 01:12:28,068 --> 01:12:29,868 Oh, yeah. Ooh. 1106 01:12:32,428 --> 01:12:34,868 Take it easy, Bobby. 1107 01:12:35,948 --> 01:12:37,668 - It's "Billy." 1108 01:12:52,348 --> 01:12:53,628 Aaah! 1109 01:13:12,708 --> 01:13:14,108 Yeah. 1110 01:13:27,868 --> 01:13:29,268 Where's Jessica? 1111 01:13:29,348 --> 01:13:32,388 Don't worry, Miss Bernard. 1112 01:13:32,468 --> 01:13:33,828 She'll be here. 1113 01:13:48,708 --> 01:13:50,308 Hey. 1114 01:13:50,388 --> 01:13:53,348 I really hope this works, Jessica. 1115 01:13:53,388 --> 01:13:55,668 Come on, let's go kick some ass. 1116 01:13:55,748 --> 01:13:57,508 Okay. 1117 01:13:57,588 --> 01:13:59,028 Aah. Oh! 1118 01:13:59,108 --> 01:14:01,268 Dude, there's Jessica. 1119 01:14:01,348 --> 01:14:02,788 Whatever. 1120 01:14:02,828 --> 01:14:04,588 Dude! 1121 01:14:06,668 --> 01:14:08,028 Number one! 1122 01:14:22,108 --> 01:14:24,148 She "does" love me. 1123 01:14:50,828 --> 01:14:52,588 Whoo-hoo! 1124 01:15:01,988 --> 01:15:04,148 The Bees are coming! The Bees are coming! 1125 01:15:04,228 --> 01:15:05,148 Sting this! 1126 01:15:05,188 --> 01:15:07,188 That's you! That's you! I see you! 1127 01:15:09,348 --> 01:15:10,588 Yeah! 1128 01:15:17,188 --> 01:15:19,068 - Whoa! Oh! Aaah! 1129 01:15:20,708 --> 01:15:21,708 Aaah! 1130 01:15:27,028 --> 01:15:28,468 - Oh! Je... 1131 01:15:29,748 --> 01:15:31,308 Oh, come on, man. 1132 01:15:41,708 --> 01:15:43,028 Ladies and gentlemen, 1133 01:15:43,108 --> 01:15:45,988 it appears the older gentleman in the bee outfit 1134 01:15:46,028 --> 01:15:49,028 with the fake boobs is the school janitor. 1135 01:15:49,108 --> 01:15:52,988 As per Section 31 C of the rule book, 1136 01:15:53,068 --> 01:15:56,028 school employees are allowed to be mascots. 1137 01:15:56,108 --> 01:15:58,588 Say hello to your new champions... 1138 01:15:58,668 --> 01:16:00,708 the Bridgetown Honeys! 1139 01:16:00,788 --> 01:16:02,708 Aaah! 1140 01:16:05,028 --> 01:16:06,468 Aaah! 1141 01:16:06,548 --> 01:16:07,468 Yeah! 1142 01:16:07,548 --> 01:16:08,828 Yeah! 1143 01:16:08,908 --> 01:16:10,988 Aaah! 1144 01:16:15,828 --> 01:16:17,508 - Whoo-hoo! - Oh! 1145 01:16:19,028 --> 01:16:20,468 Ugh! 1146 01:16:41,868 --> 01:16:43,308 Here's a bizarre story for you... 1147 01:16:43,388 --> 01:16:46,148 police are now searching for the hot chick bandit... 1148 01:16:46,188 --> 01:16:49,868 a beautiful young woman who lures men into dark alleyways, 1149 01:16:49,948 --> 01:16:52,948 beats them senseless, and takes their wallets. 1150 01:16:53,028 --> 01:16:55,148 Well, we thought maybe she needed some help. 1151 01:16:55,228 --> 01:16:56,628 Yeah, we're helpful guys. 1152 01:16:56,668 --> 01:16:59,468 So we went into the alley, and then she starts wailing on me. 1153 01:16:59,548 --> 01:17:01,908 And let me tell you... she didn't hit like a girl. 1154 01:17:01,988 --> 01:17:04,468 Luckily, Fitzy, the good guy that he is... 1155 01:17:04,548 --> 01:17:07,588 he was hiding behind a dumpster with a video camera. 1156 01:17:07,668 --> 01:17:09,748 Looks like she worked you over pretty good. 1157 01:17:09,828 --> 01:17:11,908 Yeah, well, don't get me wrong... 1158 01:17:11,988 --> 01:17:14,468 I got some shots in. 1159 01:17:14,548 --> 01:17:15,708 Ow! 1160 01:17:15,788 --> 01:17:17,108 - Ow! Ow! Ow! 1161 01:17:18,428 --> 01:17:20,428 Ow! 1162 01:17:20,508 --> 01:17:21,628 Ow! 1163 01:17:21,708 --> 01:17:22,868 - Owww! 1164 01:17:23,948 --> 01:17:25,188 Owww! 1165 01:17:25,228 --> 01:17:27,268 Why? Oh, God. 1166 01:17:27,348 --> 01:17:29,668 Oh, God, that hurt. 1167 01:17:29,748 --> 01:17:31,228 Owww! 1168 01:17:34,348 --> 01:17:36,708 - Why?! 1169 01:17:39,788 --> 01:17:41,828 Hi, it's April. Leave me a message. 1170 01:17:41,908 --> 01:17:43,748 - April, it's Hildenburg. 1171 01:17:43,828 --> 01:17:46,308 I think I found Jessica's body. It's in an alley outside a bar. 1172 01:17:46,348 --> 01:17:48,908 But we got to move fast, because the police are looking for it. 1173 01:17:48,988 --> 01:17:50,228 - Call me back. - Ohh! Oh! 1174 01:17:50,308 --> 01:17:51,628 Aaaahhh! 1175 01:18:23,508 --> 01:18:24,748 Jessica? 1176 01:18:31,628 --> 01:18:34,868 Not now, Booger. 1177 01:18:34,948 --> 01:18:36,428 I knew it! 1178 01:18:36,508 --> 01:18:38,588 Jessie, it "is" you! 1179 01:18:42,188 --> 01:18:44,148 How come you didn't snitch on me? 1180 01:18:44,228 --> 01:18:45,708 'Cause you're my sister, 1181 01:18:45,748 --> 01:18:47,948 and I accept you for who you are. 1182 01:18:49,868 --> 01:18:52,508 Come here. 1183 01:18:55,628 --> 01:18:57,788 You are such a little weirdo. 1184 01:19:19,715 --> 01:19:20,995 Ooh... 1185 01:19:21,075 --> 01:19:23,555 Sweet as cand-y! 1186 01:19:23,635 --> 01:19:25,115 Ling-Ling! 1187 01:19:26,475 --> 01:19:30,435 "L" to the "I" to the "N" to the "G." 1188 01:19:31,835 --> 01:19:34,835 Ling-Ling, you forgot your bling-bling. 1189 01:19:34,915 --> 01:19:38,355 Mom... you're ruining my life! 1190 01:19:39,635 --> 01:19:41,835 I just want to meet you halfway. 1191 01:19:43,395 --> 01:19:45,635 Nigga, "prease"! 1192 01:19:55,515 --> 01:19:58,275 I wish my mama got "me" some bling-bling. 1193 01:19:58,315 --> 01:20:00,435 Honey, if you don't want her as your mama, 1194 01:20:00,515 --> 01:20:01,435 "I'll" take her. 1195 01:20:01,515 --> 01:20:03,435 - Girl, please. - Girl, please. 1196 01:20:32,875 --> 01:20:34,955 You still think I have a chance at prom queen? 1197 01:20:35,035 --> 01:20:36,475 No. 1198 01:20:36,555 --> 01:20:37,955 Okay. 1199 01:20:42,715 --> 01:20:43,875 Mom! 1200 01:20:45,395 --> 01:20:46,955 I'm sorry. 1201 01:20:47,035 --> 01:20:49,235 But why do you have to keep embarrassing me 1202 01:20:49,315 --> 01:20:50,515 in front of my friends? 1203 01:20:52,875 --> 01:20:55,115 You're not ashamed of me. 1204 01:20:56,875 --> 01:20:59,675 You're really ashamed of yourself. 1205 01:21:01,995 --> 01:21:03,195 Tell Lulu... 1206 01:21:03,275 --> 01:21:05,475 easy on the chronic. 1207 01:21:21,475 --> 01:21:23,595 Ohhh! Oh! Oh! 1208 01:21:28,355 --> 01:21:31,035 Oh, h-h-hi, Carol. 1209 01:21:33,195 --> 01:21:35,195 Jessica didn't get ready here. 1210 01:21:37,195 --> 01:21:40,675 No. No, she hasn't been here all week. 1211 01:21:44,355 --> 01:21:46,435 Oh! I knew it! 1212 01:21:46,515 --> 01:21:48,955 Something is going on with Jessica and April. 1213 01:21:48,995 --> 01:21:51,635 Oh... oh, I'm gonna get to the bottom of it. 1214 01:21:51,715 --> 01:21:55,275 If you ruin April's night, I will have you put away. 1215 01:21:55,355 --> 01:21:56,835 Wh... 1216 01:21:56,875 --> 01:21:59,635 I-if you're not gonna help me, I-I'm gonna do it myself. 1217 01:22:24,195 --> 01:22:25,515 I think this is a good spot. 1218 01:22:26,995 --> 01:22:28,795 Jake's got to come right by here. 1219 01:22:28,875 --> 01:22:31,235 I don't really care about Jake anymore. 1220 01:22:31,315 --> 01:22:34,035 You shouldn't. He's a jerk. 1221 01:22:34,075 --> 01:22:36,195 There's no one I'd rather be with here tonight. 1222 01:22:37,875 --> 01:22:39,075 Me either. 1223 01:22:41,955 --> 01:22:45,355 April, you look so beautiful tonight. 1224 01:22:45,435 --> 01:22:47,915 No one has ever been there for me like you have. 1225 01:22:47,995 --> 01:22:49,955 You've always been there for me. 1226 01:22:49,995 --> 01:22:53,995 Any guy would be so lucky to have you as their girlfriend. 1227 01:22:54,075 --> 01:22:56,275 And I should know. 1228 01:22:56,355 --> 01:22:58,595 I've been a guy for almost a week now. 1229 01:22:58,675 --> 01:23:02,035 And in that time, you have been such a good friend to me. 1230 01:23:02,115 --> 01:23:04,795 I don't know how I could ever thank you. 1231 01:23:04,875 --> 01:23:07,595 Ehhhh... 1232 01:23:10,675 --> 01:23:11,795 Here he comes. 1233 01:23:16,315 --> 01:23:18,355 That dress looks great. 1234 01:23:18,435 --> 01:23:20,915 Is it easy to get out of? 1235 01:23:31,595 --> 01:23:32,235 God. 1236 01:23:32,315 --> 01:23:33,795 Aaah! 1237 01:23:33,835 --> 01:23:35,915 Oh... 1238 01:23:39,875 --> 01:23:42,675 I am "so" lesbian right now. 1239 01:23:46,355 --> 01:23:49,115 We totally nailed him. 1240 01:23:49,195 --> 01:23:51,115 Jake is so jealous. 1241 01:23:51,195 --> 01:23:53,475 He spilled his drink all over his date. 1242 01:23:53,555 --> 01:23:56,035 You should've seen it. 1243 01:23:59,675 --> 01:24:02,755 We already got him, honey. He can't see us anym... 1244 01:24:08,155 --> 01:24:09,715 Spence, I love you. 1245 01:24:09,795 --> 01:24:12,395 I love you, too, April. 1246 01:24:12,435 --> 01:24:15,595 If you weren't holding on to me right now... 1247 01:24:15,675 --> 01:24:17,115 I'd float away. 1248 01:24:18,475 --> 01:24:21,075 You're my best friend, and now you're a guy. 1249 01:24:21,155 --> 01:24:23,875 It's meant to be. 1250 01:24:29,355 --> 01:24:31,435 April... 1251 01:24:31,515 --> 01:24:33,955 you don't need me or any guy 1252 01:24:33,995 --> 01:24:36,755 to make you feel beautiful and special... 1253 01:24:36,835 --> 01:24:39,195 because you are. 1254 01:24:39,275 --> 01:24:43,075 You are the greatest girl in the whole world. 1255 01:24:44,675 --> 01:24:47,195 You are all you need. 1256 01:24:47,275 --> 01:24:51,275 I know it's crazy, but I can't help it. 1257 01:24:51,355 --> 01:24:53,355 I'm in love with you, Spence. 1258 01:25:22,835 --> 01:25:24,115 April... 1259 01:25:26,315 --> 01:25:27,995 You gonna be okay? 1260 01:25:28,075 --> 01:25:29,915 I'm sorry. 1261 01:25:29,995 --> 01:25:31,675 Don't be. 1262 01:25:35,195 --> 01:25:37,435 We're not gonna let a little thing like... 1263 01:25:37,515 --> 01:25:40,235 me turning into a man and you wanting to be with me 1264 01:25:40,315 --> 01:25:42,475 get in the way of our friendship, are we? 1265 01:25:51,075 --> 01:25:53,515 I'm in love with Billy. 1266 01:25:55,515 --> 01:25:57,555 And if I'm gonna be stuck like this forever, 1267 01:25:57,635 --> 01:26:02,075 he's just gonna have to accept me as I am... 1268 01:26:02,115 --> 01:26:04,555 a man. 1269 01:26:08,635 --> 01:26:11,115 That's my man. 1270 01:26:13,795 --> 01:26:16,075 I think I know who's in Jessica's body. 1271 01:26:17,315 --> 01:26:19,275 And I know where we can find him. 1272 01:26:19,355 --> 01:26:21,595 Let's find Jessica and get out of here. 1273 01:26:21,635 --> 01:26:25,235 Hildenburg, you know what to do. 1274 01:26:25,315 --> 01:26:26,675 Come on. 1275 01:26:35,755 --> 01:26:36,835 Aah! 1276 01:26:41,995 --> 01:26:43,515 Come on. 1277 01:26:43,595 --> 01:26:45,595 That's a huge bitch. 1278 01:26:45,675 --> 01:26:47,595 I didn't see it coming. 1279 01:26:47,675 --> 01:26:50,275 No way, man. 1280 01:26:50,355 --> 01:26:52,355 Scoot. He's mine. 1281 01:26:52,395 --> 01:26:53,995 Mmm, boy, I don't think so. 1282 01:26:54,075 --> 01:26:55,275 Aah! 1283 01:26:56,795 --> 01:26:59,115 Get away! 1284 01:26:59,195 --> 01:27:00,555 Billy... 1285 01:27:00,635 --> 01:27:02,875 It's me... Jessica. 1286 01:27:05,275 --> 01:27:07,235 It's "always" been me. 1287 01:27:07,315 --> 01:27:08,715 Mister... 1288 01:27:08,795 --> 01:27:10,395 you're freaking me out. 1289 01:27:10,475 --> 01:27:12,915 You know how when I touch you there, 1290 01:27:12,995 --> 01:27:15,115 it makes your whole leg tingle? 1291 01:27:15,195 --> 01:27:17,235 And when I touch you here... 1292 01:27:21,315 --> 01:27:23,955 No. No. No, it can't be. 1293 01:27:24,035 --> 01:27:26,555 Do you remember after the homecoming game... 1294 01:27:26,635 --> 01:27:29,995 after you threw the winning pass to beat Carlmont, 1295 01:27:30,035 --> 01:27:32,435 you and I went behind the scoreboard and... 1296 01:27:49,875 --> 01:27:52,675 You got to believe me. 1297 01:27:54,835 --> 01:27:59,195 Silly... Billy... nilly. 1298 01:28:00,795 --> 01:28:02,475 Just close your eyes. 1299 01:28:02,555 --> 01:28:05,675 You'll know it's me. 1300 01:28:25,595 --> 01:28:26,715 Oh! 1301 01:28:26,795 --> 01:28:28,875 Oh, I can't! I can't do it! 1302 01:28:28,955 --> 01:28:30,835 You always said you'd love me no matter what. 1303 01:28:30,915 --> 01:28:34,355 Bu... I... you're a 30-year-old dude! 1304 01:28:34,435 --> 01:28:35,795 Just on the outside! 1305 01:28:37,435 --> 01:28:39,075 Billy! 1306 01:28:39,155 --> 01:28:40,595 - Bil... 1307 01:28:40,675 --> 01:28:42,075 We found your body. 1308 01:28:46,035 --> 01:28:47,411 - It'll be fine. - Are you sure she's all right? 1309 01:28:47,435 --> 01:28:48,691 I'm sure everything's gonna be fine. 1310 01:28:48,715 --> 01:28:50,475 Booger, hurry up! 1311 01:28:50,555 --> 01:28:52,035 Come on, buddy! 1312 01:28:52,115 --> 01:28:54,915 You got to learn to run in those heels if you're gonna wear them. 1313 01:29:14,475 --> 01:29:16,115 Oh, shit! 1314 01:29:22,155 --> 01:29:24,875 I knew it was gonna be a good night. 1315 01:29:24,915 --> 01:29:26,675 Ow! God. 1316 01:29:26,715 --> 01:29:28,395 Thanks, Hildenburg. 1317 01:29:28,475 --> 01:29:30,715 I want my body back right now! 1318 01:29:30,755 --> 01:29:34,275 Well, finders keepers, sweetheart. 1319 01:29:37,635 --> 01:29:40,435 How dare you?! Do you know what this could do to my lungs?! 1320 01:29:41,995 --> 01:29:43,835 You give me that earring! Give me that earring! 1321 01:29:43,875 --> 01:29:45,035 You give me that earring. 1322 01:29:45,115 --> 01:29:47,515 Give it to me. Give it. Give it to me. 1323 01:29:47,595 --> 01:29:48,795 Okay. Okay, okay, okay. 1324 01:29:48,875 --> 01:29:51,435 Sit down. Calm down. Calm down. 1325 01:29:51,515 --> 01:29:53,235 I'll make you a deal, okay? 1326 01:29:53,275 --> 01:29:55,355 Now... 1327 01:29:55,435 --> 01:29:58,315 just let me make another 500 bucks tonight, okay? 1328 01:29:58,355 --> 01:30:01,115 And then I'll give you your body back 1329 01:30:01,155 --> 01:30:03,275 'cause it's so important to you. 1330 01:30:03,355 --> 01:30:05,755 "I'm crying about my body." 1331 01:30:05,795 --> 01:30:07,795 And then... 1332 01:30:07,835 --> 01:30:09,955 you can just loan it to me every other weekend 1333 01:30:09,995 --> 01:30:12,435 and... so I can pay off some gambling debts. 1334 01:30:12,515 --> 01:30:15,075 Weekends... loan you my body. 1335 01:30:16,635 --> 01:30:18,155 I want my body back! 1336 01:30:18,235 --> 01:30:20,555 Give me my body back! 1337 01:30:20,635 --> 01:30:21,675 - Give... 1338 01:30:22,675 --> 01:30:23,835 Hey... 1339 01:30:23,875 --> 01:30:25,995 Look at me. 1340 01:30:26,075 --> 01:30:27,955 I'm only gonna tell you this once... 1341 01:30:28,035 --> 01:30:31,635 no strangling the dancers or you are out of here! 1342 01:30:31,715 --> 01:30:33,675 Now, can't you read? 1343 01:30:41,875 --> 01:30:43,515 Now, "this" is more like it. 1344 01:30:45,715 --> 01:30:47,795 I got to hit the head. 1345 01:30:53,235 --> 01:30:54,955 Hey, don't worry. 1346 01:30:55,035 --> 01:30:56,835 We're gonna get him. 1347 01:31:02,995 --> 01:31:04,195 Hey, babe. 1348 01:31:04,275 --> 01:31:05,755 Sweetheart. 1349 01:31:05,835 --> 01:31:07,475 Hey... 1350 01:31:08,515 --> 01:31:10,155 No way! 1351 01:31:10,235 --> 01:31:12,755 Jessica?! This is where you've been? 1352 01:31:13,995 --> 01:31:15,995 I want a dance from "you!" 1353 01:31:16,035 --> 01:31:17,315 Ye-e-e-ah! 1354 01:31:17,395 --> 01:31:18,315 Mar... 1355 01:31:18,395 --> 01:31:19,475 Oh. 1356 01:31:20,195 --> 01:31:21,355 Ugh! Oh! 1357 01:31:23,555 --> 01:31:27,795 So, dancing naked must be fun, huh? 1358 01:31:27,875 --> 01:31:29,955 Yeah, sure... 1359 01:31:30,035 --> 01:31:31,555 why wouldn't it be? 1360 01:31:31,635 --> 01:31:33,675 Where do you keep your weed, though? 1361 01:31:37,875 --> 01:31:40,115 Ohhhh. 1362 01:31:40,155 --> 01:31:42,795 That's good. 1363 01:31:42,875 --> 01:31:45,795 I don't have one of those. 1364 01:31:45,875 --> 01:31:47,755 Sure. 1365 01:32:02,675 --> 01:32:04,435 Bye, Spence. 1366 01:32:06,675 --> 01:32:09,355 You'll always be my best friend. 1367 01:32:09,435 --> 01:32:11,035 Forever. 1368 01:32:26,195 --> 01:32:27,595 Billy? 1369 01:32:27,675 --> 01:32:29,195 Hi, Mrs. Spencer. 1370 01:32:30,355 --> 01:32:32,395 Mr. Spencer. 1371 01:32:32,435 --> 01:32:34,275 How's it going, Booger? 1372 01:32:37,475 --> 01:32:39,875 This isn't the prom. 1373 01:32:39,915 --> 01:32:41,395 Oh, my God. 1374 01:32:45,195 --> 01:32:46,355 Anything yet? 1375 01:32:46,435 --> 01:32:48,235 No. 1376 01:32:48,315 --> 01:32:50,035 Oh. 1377 01:32:51,355 --> 01:32:53,155 There you go! Come on, shake it! 1378 01:32:53,195 --> 01:32:54,715 Whoo! You naughty little Honeybee. 1379 01:32:54,755 --> 01:32:55,795 Yes, you are! 1380 01:32:56,715 --> 01:32:58,995 Oh! Ho! Whoo! 1381 01:33:00,835 --> 01:33:02,155 Anything yet? 1382 01:33:02,235 --> 01:33:03,115 No. 1383 01:33:03,195 --> 01:33:05,795 I'm all right. I'm o... 1384 01:33:16,155 --> 01:33:17,995 Oh! Oh! Oh! 1385 01:33:18,075 --> 01:33:20,915 Uh-huh. 1386 01:33:24,555 --> 01:33:26,715 Hey, buddy? How about a lap dance? 1387 01:33:39,035 --> 01:33:41,675 Hey! Can't you read?! 1388 01:33:41,755 --> 01:33:43,675 Monday night's gay night. 1389 01:33:50,115 --> 01:33:51,115 What? 1390 01:33:51,195 --> 01:33:53,635 Oh. 1391 01:33:54,955 --> 01:33:56,355 It's me? 1392 01:33:58,155 --> 01:33:59,315 Really? 1393 01:34:00,995 --> 01:34:02,315 Oh! 1394 01:34:02,395 --> 01:34:03,755 Oh! 1395 01:34:03,795 --> 01:34:05,195 It is! 1396 01:34:05,275 --> 01:34:06,475 It really is! 1397 01:34:06,555 --> 01:34:08,475 Oh. 1398 01:34:16,475 --> 01:34:17,675 Aaah! 1399 01:34:29,915 --> 01:34:31,355 Taquito? 1400 01:34:36,395 --> 01:34:37,715 It's really you. 1401 01:34:45,835 --> 01:34:47,955 Billy. 1402 01:34:48,035 --> 01:34:49,915 Mmm... 1403 01:34:52,155 --> 01:34:54,635 Listen, I... I'm so so... 1404 01:34:54,675 --> 01:34:56,155 Doesn't matter. 1405 01:34:56,235 --> 01:34:57,595 Nothing matters. 1406 01:34:57,675 --> 01:34:59,995 I don't care about the other girl I took to the prom. 1407 01:35:00,075 --> 01:35:01,515 I don't care what Jake thinks. 1408 01:35:01,555 --> 01:35:03,515 I don't care that you took my money, 1409 01:35:03,555 --> 01:35:05,235 stole my dad's car, 1410 01:35:05,315 --> 01:35:07,235 and... tried to run me down with it. 1411 01:35:07,315 --> 01:35:08,235 No, I... 1412 01:35:08,315 --> 01:35:09,955 None of that matters. 1413 01:35:13,155 --> 01:35:14,755 I'll even try to find a way 1414 01:35:14,835 --> 01:35:18,395 to get over your new job as an exotic dancer. 1415 01:35:24,155 --> 01:35:25,435 Billy... 1416 01:35:25,475 --> 01:35:26,995 do you feel that? 1417 01:35:29,155 --> 01:35:31,635 You are the only boy who makes my heart 1418 01:35:31,715 --> 01:35:34,955 beat faster and slower at the same time. 1419 01:35:56,675 --> 01:35:59,075 I'm not pressing charges. 1420 01:36:12,755 --> 01:36:15,635 Hey, you better get back onstage, little lady. 1421 01:36:15,715 --> 01:36:18,275 The only place this little lady is going 1422 01:36:18,355 --> 01:36:20,955 is home with me and my wife. 1423 01:36:20,995 --> 01:36:24,155 Hey, what kind of a place do you think I'm running here, pal?! 1424 01:36:24,235 --> 01:36:26,115 Class valedictorian... 1425 01:36:26,195 --> 01:36:28,675 Keecia "Ling-Ling" Jackson. 1426 01:36:30,875 --> 01:36:32,595 First of all, 1427 01:36:32,675 --> 01:36:36,195 I'd like to say I'm very proud to be half Korean. 1428 01:36:36,275 --> 01:36:38,595 Thank you, honey! 1429 01:36:38,675 --> 01:36:43,115 But don't forget... you're also one-quarter Jewish! 1430 01:36:43,155 --> 01:36:45,275 "Mazel tov," baby! 1431 01:36:45,355 --> 01:36:46,755 Shalom! 1432 01:36:54,195 --> 01:36:55,995 Wait! Wait! 1433 01:37:03,275 --> 01:37:05,035 Hey, how's it going? 1434 01:37:05,115 --> 01:37:06,755 Hey, thanks for helping me out, man. 1435 01:37:06,835 --> 01:37:08,555 You're a good man. You're a good guy. 1436 01:37:21,635 --> 01:37:22,915 Aaaahhh! 1437 01:39:26,415 --> 01:39:27,655 Action! 1438 01:39:27,735 --> 01:39:30,335 Okay, let's think. 1439 01:39:30,415 --> 01:39:33,575 What could have caused this? 1440 01:39:37,735 --> 01:39:39,695 No clue. 1441 01:39:39,735 --> 01:39:42,695 I mean, my house "is" built on an old Indian burial ground... 1442 01:39:42,735 --> 01:39:45,495 Sorry. Let's try again. 1443 01:39:45,575 --> 01:39:47,535 Okay, let's think. 1444 01:39:47,575 --> 01:39:50,215 What could have caused this? 1445 01:39:57,255 --> 01:39:58,735 Sorry. 1446 01:39:59,775 --> 01:40:02,015 Okay, let's think. 1447 01:40:02,095 --> 01:40:04,375 What could have caused this? 1448 01:40:04,455 --> 01:40:06,935 No clue. 1449 01:40:11,095 --> 01:40:13,055 One more time. 1450 01:40:13,095 --> 01:40:15,455 What could have caused this? 1451 01:40:26,135 --> 01:40:28,055 Okay, one more time. 1452 01:40:29,135 --> 01:40:30,735 Okay, let's think. 1453 01:40:30,815 --> 01:40:32,895 What could have caused this? 1454 01:40:37,295 --> 01:40:38,575 Okay. 1455 01:40:38,655 --> 01:40:40,375 Okay, one more time. I'm ready. 1456 01:40:54,495 --> 01:40:56,255 Okay, I'll get it. 1457 01:40:56,335 --> 01:40:58,135 I'm used to it. 1458 01:41:05,255 --> 01:41:07,695 I've got cheerleading practice, the prom. 1459 01:41:12,255 --> 01:41:14,255 Oh h-hang on. 1460 01:41:14,295 --> 01:41:15,655 Action! 1461 01:41:16,675 --> 01:41:19,155 No clue. 1462 01:41:23,275 --> 01:41:24,355 Cut! 1463 01:41:25,435 --> 01:41:26,955 Action! 1464 01:41:27,035 --> 01:41:29,635 No clue. 1465 01:41:29,675 --> 01:41:32,955 I mean, my house "is" built on an old Indian burial ground. 1466 01:41:37,235 --> 01:41:38,475 Sorr... 1467 01:41:38,515 --> 01:41:41,075 Aha! Here we go. 1468 01:41:41,155 --> 01:41:42,275 Sorry. 1469 01:41:43,715 --> 01:41:44,955 Action! 1470 01:41:45,035 --> 01:41:46,795 No clue. 1471 01:41:49,555 --> 01:41:51,155 I mean... 1472 01:41:51,195 --> 01:41:53,155 Sorry. I'll get through it. 1473 01:41:53,195 --> 01:41:55,635 Aaah! Here we go. I'm sorry. Give me that. 1474 01:41:55,715 --> 01:41:57,515 Aaah! 1475 01:41:57,595 --> 01:42:01,235 Are you saying... 1476 01:42:01,315 --> 01:42:03,635 people think I'm perfect? 1477 01:42:09,155 --> 01:42:12,275 Are you saying... 1478 01:42:12,315 --> 01:42:14,315 people think I'm perfect? 1479 01:42:20,355 --> 01:42:21,355 Sorry. 1480 01:42:22,995 --> 01:42:26,275 Are you saying... 1481 01:42:26,355 --> 01:42:28,675 people think I'm perfect? 1482 01:42:35,355 --> 01:42:37,555 Okay. Okay. 1483 01:42:37,635 --> 01:42:39,115 Then we got it? 1484 01:42:39,195 --> 01:42:40,795 - I think we got it. - All right. 1485 01:42:41,305 --> 01:43:41,593 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 95225